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The West Mesa Murders Who is Albuquerqueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most famous serial killer?

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DGOMAG.COM Editor: Angelica Leicht – aleicht@bcimedia.com Staff WritEr: Nick Gonzales – ngonzales@bcimedia.com SalES: Chandler Sommerfeldt – csommerfeldt@bcimedia.com

DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 5 Number 25 Thursday, December 3, 2020

Editor

Check out these Dadirri Tiger’s Blood Sunrocks

Angelica Leicht aleicht@bcimedia.com 375-4551 Staff writer Nick Gonzales ngonzales@durangoherald.com

So fancy we smoked them with our pinkies up like the spoiled potheads we truly are.

Sales Chandler Sommerfeldt csommerfeldt@bcimedia.com 375-4553 Contributors

From the blog

Eat & drink

El Moro cocktails on the run 5

Primi to-go

Megan Bianco Amanda Push Laraina Hailey Reader Services 375-4570

5 We got Almost Famous at El Moro ... and then drove home

17 Say hello to the Aloha Limone strain

Socially-responsible alcohol enthusiasts that we are, we didn’t order out frequently enough to hit every bar offering cocktails to-go during the spring COVID-19 shutdowns. We’re on a mission to make up for that now, though, starting with El Moro

We were excited to see that we were reviewing Aloha Limone this week from The Green House in Durango. The batch we got our hands on contained just 22.2% THC, so we figured it would be an easy, mellow buzz. We were so very wrong.

DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

Reviews

16-18

19 Columns

Douglas Bennett

DGO is a free biweekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Get outta town 10 Civil War (statue) no more 11

16 Weed

DGO Pufnstuf for DGO Mag

Chief Executive Officer

Jamie Opalenik

Art shopping for the holidays 7 ND/NF Fest 8 You are what you meat 9

10 Travel

Erin Brandt

V.P. of Advertising

7 Art

Pasta la vista at Primi One of the razor-thin silver linings to the coronavirus cloud shutting down restaurants for dine-in service is that you no longer have to pick where you want to eat — only where you want to pick it up from.

Tell us what you think! Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know? Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

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Parler’s MO 19 Second dates 22

23 Puzzles/ horoscopes

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ON THE COVER The mysteries of the West Mesa bone collector Nick Gonzales for DGO Mag

Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 3

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From the blog

News from our site on the interwebs you may have missed Last Call for films

Patagonia is partnering with the State of Colorado to start growing hemp in the San Luis Valley, according to Westword. The partnership is a result of Governor Jared Polis’s goal to make Colorado a leader in the hemp industry.

Movies getting shelved and unreleased for long periods of time are fascinating since there usually isn’t an officially reported reason for the indefinite delay; although it’s mostly assumed the studio doesn’t have much faith in the film’s potential. Biopics, which aren’t foolproof with critics and audiences, are also perplexing because you would think it would be hard to mess up such a traditional screen formula with a publicly aware subject matter. Fortunately, in the case of Steven Bernstein’s “Last Call,” I can say that the new biopic is generally a good feature, although cursed with an unfortunate production history.

budgeted film when it reportedly ran out of money near the end of shooting in 2015 and allegations of crew memShot in both color and B&W, “Last bers not getting paid later surfaced, Call” portrays the final days of legendary which caused the film to miss out on the romantic poet Dylan Thomas (played by Cannes Film Festival in 2016. It’s too bad Rhys Ifans) as he is tortured by both his the back-story on the making of “Last craft and alcoholism in Greenwich VilCall” is supposedly a mess, and I only lage, NY in 1953. Throughout the film we hope everything that occurred behind see Dylan leave his wife Caitlin (Romola the scenes has been resolved by now, Garai) and their children in Wales to tour because this is one of the more unique his poems and other works on American historical dramas to come out recently. college campuses and at arts centers. —— Megan Bianco Dylan’s fellow writer and friend “Let Him Go” is one of the John Brinnin (Tony Hale) is constantly nicer cinematic surprises of reminding the Welsh writer to edit a 2020 book Brinnin is writing. On top of this, Dylan’s New York doctor, Dr. Felton The first movie to hit audiences at the (John Malkovich), is regularly on his case tail end of the US presidential election trying to convince him that his drinking has nothing to do with politics, but is in is going to kill him, and a young co-ed actuality an eerie period drama with actnamed Penny (Zosia Mamet) has become ing vets Diane Lane and Kevin Costner. too attached to the poet. Thomas Bezucha’s “Let Him Go,” There’s a lot to appreciate with “Last based on a 2013 novel of the same Call,” formerly titled “Dominion” (an obtitle by Larry Watson, is only a little bit vious reference to one of Thomas’ most misleading based on the marketing and famous pieces), which is how quite a few the slightly awkward title. But what read sources online still refer to the film. The on paper like it had potential to be along whole cast is exceptionally memorable the lines of a soapy, basic cable movie, is and impressive, especially Ifans as the executed rather well and dodges being lead and Rodrigo Santoro as his token unintentionally campy, which is what the bartender, who comes off like a devil on original trailer made me worry about. his shoulder. Set in the early 1960s between I wouldn’t say the period character Montana and North Dakota, Margaret piece is style over substance, but the (Lane) and George Blackledge (Costner) quality of the movie does depend most are hesitant to accept the widow of their on the performances and Bernstein’s prematurely deceased son, Lorna (Kayli artistic direction. The cinematograCarter) is marrying into an intimidatpher-turned-director’s choice to have ing local family with a bad reputation. the Wales sequences be in color while all Margaret, in particular, is attached to of the NYC scenes are in B&W is clever, her 3-year-old grandson, Jimmy (Bram and the fantasy elements and non-linear and Otto Hornung), and is instantly structure between Dylan’s home life, concerned when she spots Lorna and poetry tours, and car visits are fitting. Jimmy being casually slapped around by new stepfather, Donnie Weboy (Will Controversy plagued the modestly 4 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

Hemp isn’t new to Patagonia’s brand. They’ve been sourcing hemp from China for their workwear line for a decade. But since the U.S. legalized hemp in 2018, they’re ready to bring their business closer to home.

Brittain), in town. The grandparents quickly decide to save the young boy from possible abuse from Donnie and his family, including dangerous Uncle Bill (Jeffrey Donovan) and family matriarch Blanche Weboy (Lesley Manville). If you can get beyond ‘Weboy’ being a rather goofy name, “Let Him Go” is quite intriguing and well-made. By far the best qualities of the family piece are Bezucha’s direction and Guy Godfree’s cinematography. Both effectively create a tone and atmosphere that is almost surreal and feels similar to how it feels when you’re experiencing a bad dream and can’t escape, no matter how hard you try. The story itself feels like something out of a Clint Eastwood film from the 1990s, or for a more recent comparison, a Kelly Reichardt feature with a slightly bigger budget. Lane and Costner remind us that they still have it as movie leads, and Manville is effortlessly the scene-stealer of her five scenes, in a refreshing change of pass from her usual English dramas. What’s even more interesting about Lane’s Margaret is that she is clearly a grandmother — though a young one in her mid-50s — and still portrayed as desirable.

“It’s a marquee brand, Patagonia. It’s a very good, professional operation. In the San Luis Valley, they’re excited about hemp and crops that bring an interesting and sustainable value,” Polis said. “(It) really is great. It brings together our strong outdoor-industry presence, international trade, and our growing hemp industry.” Wright-Oaks Farms, a family-run hemp farm located in the San Luis Valley, will grow and manage the crops for Patagonia. Patagonia’s Chinese hemp textile producer will ship the seeds and offer guidance on the process. “Pretty much all of the hemp textiles to date have come from China. They’ve been doing it for 1,000 years, so they’re the experts on how to grow it, turn it into a fiber and, ultimately, a textile fabric,” said Ed Auman, Patagonia’s Work Wear director. “Our supplier in China provided the hemp seeds — because that was the big crux, being able to get hemp seeds specific to industrial hemp — so we had to import and ship them to the San Luis Valley.” Both Patagonia and state officials hope to see Colorado become leaders in the hemp industry. Polis’s goal is to grow the state’s hemp expanse by 2,000 acres by 2021.

“Colorado is a very globally connected place. You have great global companies like Patagonia who are piloting projects “Let Him Go” is one of the nicer here. This is another opportunity to surprises to come out of Hollywood in work with an international market and 2020, and hopefully won’t get lost in an international supply chain. We’re the shuffle of everything else going on located right in the middle of the counpresently. try, so we’re easy to access,” Polis said. —— Megan Bianco “We’re really excited to be working to help build that processing capacity. A lot The Patagonia hemp farm in of it is about getting to that critical mass Colorado of production. … The state looks forward As Patagonia is the outdoor hipster very much to the economic development of clothing labels, is it any surprise that that hemp can bring.” they’re going to start growing hemp in Colorado for their materials? —— Amanda Push

[eat/drink]

As COVID-19 returns in force, we get El Moro cocktails to go We recommend the Almost Famous, a scotch and coffee liqueur concoction

Nick Gonzales/DGO

»» Three to-go drinks from El Moro. From left: Strawberry Cream Soda, Almost Famous, Symmetry’s liquid ingredients, rocks for Symmetry assembly.

Socially-responsible alcohol enthusiasts that we are, we didn’t order out frequently enough to hit every bar offering cocktails to-go during the spring COVID-19 shutdowns. So when the fates decided to roll out Coronavirus Closures 2: Electric Boogaloo in November, we figured we’d try out the to-go options at some places we missed.

other and curdle. This is a desirable display of chemistry in action if you’re making cheese, less so when you’re sipping a mocktail.

When it came time for an actual cocktail, we started with Symmetry, a (relatively simple, especially for El Moro) house cocktail featuring Honey House Hex Vodka, Leopold Brothers Blackberry First up: El Moro Spirits and Tavern, Liqueur, lemon juice, and simple syrup. a place that sits easily in our top five of At its most basic, it’s a boozy lemonplaces to drink in Durango. ade. The honey aspect of the vodka, if detectable at all, is on the very edge of That said, we started off with a mocktail: The Strawberry Cream Soda — perception — it’s the only spirit from strawberry, citric acid vanilla syrup, soda Honeyville in which the honey ingredient is added pre-distillation, meaning that water, and vanilla cream. (Don’t judge us, we’d never had any of their mocktails particular sweetness is consumed by the before, and we were curious.) When they process. Similarly, the blackberry liqueur doesn’t distract too much from the lemmention citric acid in the ingredients, ony flavor. they aren’t kidding. It’s pretty tart for a cream soda. But once you get past the And finally, we cracked open the one initial surprise, it’s a lovely beverage. In we were looking forward to the most: terms of fruity sodas, it matches up with the Almost Famous. Made with cofits namesake to an astonishing degree; fee- and vanilla-infused Famous Grouse it’s exactly like drinking a strawberry scotch, Colorado Honey Cold Brew Lidipped in cream. Speaking of which, the queur, Bitter Truth E.X.R. liqueur, Golden presence of real cream is notable and Moon Ex Gratia Genepy, tobacco bitters, lends a significant bit of authenticity. and a chocolate cigarette, we can’t Don’t dilly-dally, though. Eventually, the citric acid and cream react to each

Nick Gonzales/DGO

»» The Porter Pounder from El Moro. With fries.

imagine anyone in the movie “Almost Famous” actually drinking it. Maybe Zooey

Deschanel’s very-off-to-the-side side character, who is quoted on El Moro’s menu. This isn’t to say it’s not good — it’s actually quite tasty. It just doesn’t strike us as very rock and roll. Of its spirits, the one that comes across most prominently is the coffee liqueur distilled at Honeyville, which is made using Durango Joes coffee. The prominence of the coffee flavor is no doubt aided by the infusions to the scotch and the chocolate cigarette. Together, they assemble to form a sort of mocha flavor that just barely obscures the scotch, which picks up steam after a second or two on the palate. The remaining ingredients then settle in with an herbal, earthy quality that closes the experience. It’s worth noting that you can’t order alcoholic beverages from El Moro without also ordering food, so we did. The Porter Pounder — a ¼ pound Sunnyside burger, aged white cheddar, porter-braised onions, prohibition pickle, secret sauce, and house bacon on a black sesame pillow bun — sounded as good as anything. And it was. The burger itself was fantastic. The wonderful thing about getting dine-in

restaurant burgers to go is that you can choose its level of doneness, potentially preserving the flavor of the meat. But the two ingredients that really stood out were the porter-braised onions and prohibition pickle. The beer the onions are braised in comes across quite clearly, and there’s definitely something ever so slightly boozy about the pickles. The two vegetables end up slightly sweeter than normal, which may also match the secret sauce. And the bun tasted great and maintained its integrity through both transportation and consumption. The fries were notable not just for the seasoning, which El Moro always seems to nail, but also for how well they held up. Many restaurant fries, if not overcooked in the first place, have a tendency to degrade and get soggy if you don’t eat them in the same amount of time you would if you were dining in. These, though, survived the trip to their destination intact and crunchy — without being burnt — if slightly cooler than we’d normally eat them. —— Nick Gonzales

Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 5

[eat/drink]

PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar updated its menu so we bored into some boar Also, why Mexican Coke isn’t the same as American Coke One of the razor-thin silver linings to the coronavirus cloud shutting down restaurants for dine-in service is that you no longer have to pick where you want to eat. You only have to pick where you want to pick it up from. We heard that after closing for a couple weeks in early November for non-COVID reasons, PRIMI Pasta & Bar had updated its menu for the winter season, so we decided to drop by there for the briefest of seconds to pick up some pasta and run.

by the sage.

(It totally had nothing to do with the fact that the restaurant is half a block away from DGO’s downtown Durango office.)

one of the former. (We weren’t

We don’t have much to say about PRIMI’s foccacia bread, except that it has just the right amount of salt and is absorbent enough to help mop up whatever sauces remain behind after the pasta. While ordering, we noticed the restaurant has Mexican Cokes and Sprites, so we got quite feeling like wine at the time.) The main difference

We started the meal with a Toscana salad, featuring local baby kale from Mountain Roots Nick Gonzales/DGO Produce, pear slices, pistachio » » Cinghiale — cider braised wild boar, local hubbard squash, garlic and browned butter, tossed with sage papvinaigrette, truffle oil, shaved pardelle and shaved pecorino — at PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar in Durango. pecorino, and toasted pistachios. As appetizers go, it was light and far from overpowering from a flavor standpoint. Pistachio, which between the toasted ones and the dressing was easily the central taste of the salad, is just about as neutral a flavor as you can get. The kale did its job as a leafy green, and the pears added just a hint of sweetness and juiciness into the bites they found their way into. For a sheep-milk cheese, the pecorino only lightly accented the food it was sprinkled over. For an entrée we ordered the cinghiale — cider-braised wild boar, local hubbard squash, garlic and browned butter, tossed with sage pappardelle and shaved pecorino. If you’ve never had boar, it’s basically pork, but with a few differences. The meat is leaner and redder, and tastes slightly sweeter and nuttier than that of a domesticated pig. That was certainly true of the bits of boar we ate, though the cider braising »» A Toscana salad at PRIMI. probably aided that — not to mention the garlic and butter flavors and texture as much as people omnipresent throughout the dish. with other palates seem to. But even we We have to admit we’ve never been enjoyed the pumpkin-esque variety on huge fans of squash. We don’t hate it, we just don’t appreciate the vegetable’s display here (though we’re also inclined 6 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

between Mexican and American Coke, aside from the fact that Mexicoke comes in the classic glass bottle, is that the cola coming from south of the border is sweetened with cane sugar rather than high-fructose corn syrup. The taste of Mexicoke is ever so slightly less chemically, though contrary to what hipsters will tell you, they’re equally unhealthy (gram for gram, they supply the same amount of calories). On the other hand, you can think of yourself as sticking it to the man (while simultaneously drinking a product of an $80 billion company). The U.S. and Mexico have been engaged in a trade war in which Mexico has tried to inhibit the importation of American high-fructose corn

Nick Gonzales/DGO

syrup as a way of protecting its own sugar industry.

to like pretty much anything covered in

So, uh ... think about that

enough butter and garlic. The pappar-

next time you drink a soda at an Italian

delle was also quite tasty, especially with

restaurant, we guess.

the slight earthy herbalness granted to it

—— Nick Gonzales

[art]

Buying local art as holiday gifts supports the community during COVID-19 Studio & wants to connect shoppers with local artists

Courtesy of Studio & Courtesy of Studio &

»» Studio & Gallery usually hosts the Bizarre Bazaar around this time of year, but this year it’s

canceled for COVID-19. Nevertheless, the gallery is selling art by its artists and putting people in »» This art, by local artist Annie Brooks, available on Studio &’s online shop. touch with others.

For the last eight years, Durango’s Studio & Gallery has put on the Bizarre Bazaar, an event in which the gallery hosts more than a dozen local artists and their works so you can go buy them as holiday gifts. But naturally, that same thing that canceled everything else this year and turned 2020 into the ultimate suckfest effectively canceled it this year. But COVID-19 can’t kill the spirit of the bazaar, said Tim Kapustka, co-owner of the gallery. “Even before we did, the Bizarre Bazaar, we always made it our mission during the holidays to try to leverage a little of that societal need — so many people feel like they have to give things, and we could go off on a tangent where that begets a whole lot of waste and ridiculousness — but early on at Studio & we came up with trying to leverage that into giving the gift of local art,” he said. That sentiment evolved into the Bazaar, which would have happened over the weekend of Dec. 11 to 13 if, you know, microbes weren’t lying in wait to kill us all. Instead, the studio is uploading all of the art it has for sale onto its website. Currently, it has around 200 items representing the 11 artists featured in

the gallery. Studio & is also interested in directing shoppers to the artists’ websites to find more items or to put them in touch with the right artists from which to commission art. And, if Studio &’s artists have not created what you have in mind, the gallery will put you in touch with other artists in the community.

where works 5 by 7 inches or smaller are

“We’re kind of advocating and connecting all working artists in Durango. That isn’t as easy, just because we don’t have such an immediate conduit to all those artists. But we always encourage people, if you don’t see something you like or if you’ve got the perfect idea of a piece of art for your brother or your nephew or something, get in touch with us,” Kapustka said. “We know a lot a lot of the artists in this community and we would love to kind of matchmake in that way.”

the art in the studio in its online shop.

If you’re dead set on visiting the gallery, check their hours online first. The gallery closed for the week of Thanksgiving, and is deciding whether or not to open after that based on local health advisories. Studio has canceled all of its recent exhibitions with the exception of its Recess Gallery. The Recess Gallery is an 8-cubic foot section of wall at the back of the studio

featured and cost $100 apiece. For the month of December, the works of Carmen Tafoya, who creates embroidered art, are featured. The Recess Gallery works can be found alongside the rest of

Whatever you do, as you struggle to think of gifts to give your friends and family, remember that like buying from local restaurants and stores, supporting local artists supports the community in a time when many are struggling to get by. “The artists are out there,” Kapustka said. “Getting in touch with artists via Studio & is one way (to find them), but artists are out there, so search for them however you can. We certainly would love to help people find other artists and can be used as a resource but, like, they’re out there. This town is just disproportionately rich with artistic talent.” —— Nick Gonzales Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 7

[art]

New Directors/New Films festival brings engaging new movies to your couch Fest is famous for finding soon-to-be big name directors

Courtesy of Concordia Studio

»» “Boys State,” directed by Amanda McBaine and Jesse Moss. If there’s any part of the arts and entertainment world that the coronavirus pandemic has given us a renewed appreciation for, it’s film festivals. While some of the largest ones were flat-out canceled, many others pivoted into the digital world, not only giving their regular viewers something to look forward to

Courtesy of Valentyn Vasyanovych

»» Valentyn Vasyanovych’s “Atlantis.”

watching, but also reaching new audiences unencumbered by geography. What’s also nifty is that you can almost always find a film fest coming up regardless of where you are in the year. In the immediate future, we’re looking forward to the New Directors/New Films festival, which is organized by the

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The Alternative Resource 8 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

Courtesy of Zheng Lu Xinyuan

»» Zheng Lu Xinyuan’s “The Cloud in Her Room.”

Museum of Modern Art and Film Society of Lincoln Center and usually takes place in New York City in March. This year it has been delayed until Dec 9 through Dec. 20. The online festival is made up of 24 features and 10 shorts, scheduled over the 12 day period. The festival, now in its 49th year, always includes films from the U.S. and around the world and is famous for highlighting emerging filmmakers who go on to become big names in moviemaking. These include Spike Lee, Pedro Almodóvar, Guillermo del Toro, Christopher Nolan, and some guy named Steven Spielberg. Virtual tickets to the festival’s films are $12, but there is also an all-access bundle for the price of $10. This year, we’re most intrigued by “Boys State,” co-directed by Amanda McBaine and Jesse Moss that won the Grand Jury Prize in the U.S. Documentary Competition at the Sundance Film Festival. It puts on display Texas’ 2018 Boys State, an educational program for politically-minded teenage boys in which the attendees spend a week creating their own model government, dividing into parties, forming platforms, and running for office. Allegedly, the whole thing ends up being charming and hopeful. Everyone in the film world was talking about the movie back in August, but let’s just say we weren’t looking to add extra politics to our lives in the months leading up to the election. There was also some criticism that the documentary sidesteps any criticism of the anti-LGBTQ American Legion, the event’s sponsor, which historically segregated the event by race

in some states. (It’s still notable that they have two separate events based on gender.) But we’re willing to give it a shot. We also want to check out “Atlantis,” a Ukrainian film directed by Valentyn Vasyanovych. It won the Orizzonti Prize at the 2019 Venice Film festival and follows a retired soldier as he struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder and navigates a post-apocalyptic dystopia. It’s supposed to be pretty Orwellian but also carries a message of hope for the future. At least that’s what the reviews say. “Kala Azar,” on the other hand, by Greek director Janis Rafa, seeks to make sense of death and loss. The movie is named after a parasitic disease that attacked the country’s animal population in the 1990s and follows a couple who collects and cremates pets and returns the ashes to their owners. It sounds like a film that might stick with its viewers, especially right now when a far greater than average number of people are thinking about the frailty of human life. Coming from China, Zheng Lu Xinyuan’s “The Cloud in Her Room” tells the tale of a woman in her 20s who returns to her hometown of Hangzhou after being away and finds herself drifting through her memories of the town and family she left behind. It’s black and white and arthouse, which doesn’t always mean entertaining, but it also won the Tiger Award at the International Film Festival Rotterdam. Between those movies and the other 21 programs, there might be something worth watching. —— Nick Gonzales

[art]

Meal kit design brings a whole new meaning to “you are what you eat” Art piece might have you ruminating on the nature of cannibalism The way things have been going this year, would it surprise anyone if we all woke up in a David Cronenburg body-horror film? While it’s not quite something out of “Scanners” or “Videodrome,” the one of the nominees of this year’s Beazley Designs of Year at the Design Museum of London is still quite unsettling. Several scientists got together to create the Ouroboros Steak, a would-be kit that grows bite-sized pieces of meat using material harvested from the inside of the user’s own cheek. In other words, the miniature steaks you grow are, well ... you (at least genetically speaking). The meat would take about three months to grow in a warm environment. The project was commissioned for the Designs for Different Futures exhibition at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It is meant as a critique of the lab-grown meat industry, which it turns out is not as black-and-white as you’d think when it comes to animal-friendliness.

Courtesy of the Design Museum

»» The Ouroboros Steak was designed by Andrew Pelling, Orkan Telhan and Grace Knight.

The market, however, is estimated at Growing meat in a lab has been touted being worth $206 million and is expected to more than double by 2025. as a cruelty-free alternative to factory “As the lab-grown meat industry is farming, but the process relies on fetal developing rapidly, it is important to bovine serum — a protein-rich growth develop designs that expose some of its supplement derived from the blood of underlying constraints in order to see calf fetuses harvested when pregnant beyond the hype,” Pelling said. cows are slaughtered by the meat and dairy industries. Assuming you got your hand on an Andrew Pelling, one of the scientists involved in the Ouroboros Steak project told Dezeen magazine, “Although some lab-grown meat companies are claiming to have solved this problem, to our knowledge no independent, peer-reviewed, scientific studies have validated these claims.” As per the website for the imagined product, “Growing yourself ensures that you and your loved ones always know the origin of your food, how it has been raised and that its cells were acquired ethically and consensually.” The meat on display at London’s Design Museum was made using human cell cultures, which one can buy for research purposes from the American Tissue Culture Collection. They were fed a serum derived from expired blood donations that would otherwise have been incinerated. Ouroboros Steak kits are not actually for sale — in fact, no lab-grown meat has been deemed fit for human consumption.

Ouroboros meal kit, would consuming the resulting meat constitute cannibalism? Technically, maybe ... not? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “cannibalism” as either “the usually ritualistic eating of human flesh by a human being” or “the eating of the flesh of an animal by another animal of the same kind.” Assuming you eat it with the same amount of passion you’d scarf down a chicken tender and don’t make a ceremony out of it, you can probably wiggle past the first definition. And the second definition doesn’t apply because it specifies that two animals have to be involved, and that isn’t the case here — there’s only one animal (you) involved. That said, if you eat an Ouroboros Steak and it brings the curse of the wendigo down upon you, that’s your own damned fault. The steaks certainly seem like an item you should be able to find at the University of Colorado’s cannibal-named Alferd Packer Grill. —— Nick Gonzales

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[travel]

Get Outta Town: Have a yabba-dabba-doo time in Northern Arizona Bedrock City faithfully recreates dwellings of a modern stone-age family

Courtesy of Jared/flickr

»» Bedrock City in Valle, Arizona, recreates elements of classic cartoon series “The Flintstones.” Northern Arizona is full of ancient ruins left behind by bygone civilizations. Few, however, are as easily recognizable as the dwellings to be found in Valle, Arizona, northwest of Flagstaff.

The site is remarkably well preserved, especially given that it dates back to a period of the paleolithic era when humans lived alongside dinosaurs, mammoths, and saber-toothed tigers.

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Courtesy of Jared/flickr

»» The Flintstones’ foot-powered cars may have seemed funny at the time, but have you seen how little carbon they emit?

Paleontologists say such a period never existed, with 65 million years separating humans and dinos, but the evidence speaks for itself. Petrified flora and fauna stand outside the ruins alongside foot-powered vehicles from the period. Within, stone age appliances — such as TVs and lamps — stand where they would have when the inhabitants were alive. In effect, the site serves as a page right out of history.

doo” for your Instagram followers or whatever. We can’t confirm whether Fred’s Diner, which once sold Bronto Burgers, is still operating.

The park is not quite what it used to be, and not just because it’s over 45 years old. It went up for sale in 2015, when the longtime owner wanted to retire, and was eventually purchased in 2019 by some falconers who have We’re referring to Bedrock City, a transformed the property into Raptor very small amusement park and campRanch. It’s now a place where people ground themed after 1960s primetime cartoon and children’s vitamin and cereal can go and learn about birds of prey, but they’ve maintained much of the Flintspokespeople, “The Flintstones.” stones stuff from before. We suppose Bedrock City was built in 1973 raptors are cool, but would it kill the because, apparently, there weren’t enough tourist attractions in the area at trainers to teach one of them to turn to the audience and say, “It’s a living,” as it that time. It’s not like the most famous canyon in the world is a 35-minute drive does some sort of menial task? north of there. If you’re looking for reading material for your drive over to Valle, we recomWe suppose its real purpose was as a mend the limited comic series of “The more-entertaining-than-average place to park your RV. But it also has a number Flintstones” that ran for 12 issues in of fun things in addition to the statues 2016 and 2017. The series, written by of Flintstones characters and structures Mark Russell and drawn by Steve Pugh, conforming to the animated aesthetic. updates the franchise for modern times, There’s a gift shop, a small theater that transforming it into a darkly-comedic shows “Flintstones” cartoons, and a existentialist meditation on gross conbrontosaurus slide. A sign on the slide sumerism, war, and obsolescence. The says that you can’t climb around on the comics, which have been collected into parts that aren’t part of the slide itself two graphic novels, are some of the most (like the head) and you can’t go down thought-provoking we’ve read in a while two at a time. But it says nothing about — something that surprised us, given sliding on your feet — which we’re that they’re, well ... “The Flintstones.” pretty sure means you can go down Fred —— Nick Gonzales Flinstone-style, yelling “yabba dabba

[art]

Civil War statue at CO state capitol to be switched out for sculpture honoring Native Americans One of the memorable of Colorado’s Black Lives Matter movement was the toppling of the state capitol’s statue of a Civil War soldier honoring Union soldiers. Now, Colorado officials are replacing the fallen statue with one of a Native American woman.

Toole.

The new sculpture will memorialize the Sand Creek Massacre which took place 156 years ago, according to CPR News.

for years to come. His ancestors es-

The statue is especially meaningful to Pratt as his great-grandparents were survivors of the Sand Creek Massacre, which increased animosity between Native American tribes and the U.S. Army caped the massacre by running barefoot through snow and ice.

“They were wiped out,” Otto Braided Hair, of the Northern Cheyenne and a descendant of Sand Creek survivors, told the Capitol Building Advisory Committee, according to CPR News. “Their voicThe new statue will depict a Native es are no longer heard. Their wishes and woman grieving over the massacre. In a concerns were no longer heard. Those proposed clay model, she holds an empty are the people we speak for.” cradleboard in one hand while her other During the Sand Creek Massacre of hand is outstretched. 1864, 230 Cheyenne and Arapaho tribe “It’s really about the women. The members — mostly women, children, women carry the men in the tribes and elderly — were killed by the 1st and on their backs. I wanted to depict a 3rd Colorado Cavalry regiments during woman, ” said Harvey Pratt, who was an ambush. In fact, the former capitol commissioned by One Earth Future to statue was even designed by a member of the 1st Cavalry, Capt. Jack Howland. design and create the statue. “She’s in

C E L E B R AT I N G

Growing up, Pratt was told to always keep a pair of shoes next to his bed, “in case something like that happened again, mourning and she’s kneeling, just sitting down. She’s lost her baby and maybe her grandparents. She’s got cuts on her legs and she’s cut her finger off.” Pratt is an artist, Vietnam War veteran, and is a retired police forensic artist for the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation (OSBI). Among the cases he’s worked on includes Gary Ridgeway — the Green River Killer, Dennis Rader — BTK, and Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis

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Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 11

Murders on the Mesa Theories differ on the identity of the West Mesa Bone Collector, or if such a person even exists »» Doreen Marquez By Nick Gonzales

Bones on the Mesa

DGO STAFF WRITER

In 2005, Albuquerque police detective Ida Lopez compiled a list of missing women after noticing that an inordinate number of women with ties to drugs and prostitution had vanished off of the city’s streets. Four years later, ten of them — Jamie Barela, 15; Monica Candelaria, 22; Victoria Chavez, 26; Virginia Cloven, 24; Cinnamon Elks, 32; Doreen Marquez, 24; Julie Nieto, 24; Veronica Romero, 28; Evelyn Salazar, 27; and Michelle Valdez, 22, who was four months pregnant when she was killed — were found buried on the mesa. The other one, Syllania Edwards, was 15 and had run away from her foster home in Lawton, Oklahoma.

Content warning: This article includes descriptions of murder and sexual assault.

On Feb. 2, 2009, Christine Ross was walking her dog Ruca in a suburban housing development on Albuquerque’s West Mesa when they found a bone. Realizing it was a human femur, Ross contacted the police. As they investigated the area where the body was buried, authorities uncovered the remains of 11 women and one unborn child. The women had gone missing between 2001 and 2005 and were similar — most of them were sex workers, most of them were Hispanic, and all of them were murdered. Authorities believe that a serial killer was responsible for the deaths, but in the almost 12 years since the crime became known, no suspects have ever been named.

The area where the bodies were found had been barren, empty land before housing developments began to encroach on it in 2006. The 2008 Housing Bubble collapse, however, halted that development before it reached the burial site. Before it ceased, the development had covered an existing arroyo, and complaints of flooding from nearby residents led the developer, KB Homes, to build a retaining wall to channel rainwater into a retention pond. This construction inadvertently uncovered the bone found on Feb 2.

The Albuquerque Police Department considers the West Mesa murders an active investigation, but as time goes on, it seems less and less likely that the city will ever learn who killed the women — or whether they are the only bodies buried on the mesa.

The resulting criminal investigation, which uncovered the bodies of the 11 women over a two month period, was the largest in the history of New Mexico. It took almost a year to identify all of the victims, and the bones did not reveal how they were killed, though authorities have said they suspect strangulation. The fact that the bodies were found in a group led investigators to believe

12 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

»» Julie Nieto

»» Veronica Romero

»» Evelyn Salazar

»» Michelle Valdez

»» Jamie Barela

»» Victoria Chavez

»» Syllannia Edwards

»» Monica Candelaria

»» Virginia Cloven

»» Cinnamon Elks

“We know that some of these women definitely would have known each other just by virtue of where they were,” said Tierna Unruh-Enos, an Albuquerque-based journalist who started “The Mesa,” a podcast delving into details of the murders, this year. “Albuquerque is not that big of a city. There have definitely been some more interesting connections that have come out in terms of like family members somehow »» Lorenzo Montoya knowing each other randomly, children of the women being in dance classes together, even though that wasn’t necessarily a factor either.” Very little, if any, evidence was uncovered pointing toward the identity of the person who killed the women. As a result, the police have never named anyone as a suspect in the case, which remains active. They have, however, mentioned two individuals as persons

Courtesy of Albuquerque Police Department

»» Police guard a crime scene after Lorenzo Montoya was shot and killed while allegedly disposing of Shericka Hill’s body at his mobile home park on Dec. 17, 2006. His mobile home is second from the right. Montoya was later considered a person of interest in the West Mesa Murders.

of interest. (The distinction is important: A “suspect” is someone the police believe committed a crime; a “person of interest” may or may not be involved or have information about a crime.) Lorenzo Montoya On Dec. 19, 2006, 19-year-old Shericka Hill met Lorenzo Montoya, 39, in a chat room and agreed to meet in person. During the meeting, police told the Albuquerque Journal, Hill and Montoya arranged for Hill to come to his mobile home — a few miles away from where the West Mesa victims would be found three years later — to perform a dance for him.

Hill’s boyfriend, Frederick Williams, drove her to Montoya’s house and remained in the car while Hill went inside. After waiting an hour, Williams grew concerned and went to check on Hill, bringing his gun with him. He encountered Montoya outside the home and Montoya brandished a gun. Feeling threatened, Williams shot him dead. Williams found Hill dead inside the residence, bound with duct tape and strangled. It appeared that Montoya was transporting her body to his car. “You don’t see this type of violent act committed the way it was,” Albuquerque Police

Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 13

»» Doreen Marquez

»» Julie Nieto

»» Veronica Romero

»» Evelyn Salazar

»» Michelle Valdez

they were killed by one person — a serial killer who has come to be known as the West Mesa Bone Collector. The investigation, at least publicly, was unable to establish any major connections between the women. “We know that some of these women definitely would have known each other just by virtue of where they were,” said Tierna Unruh-Enos, an Albuquerque-based journalist who started “The Mesa,” a podcast delving into details of the murders, this year. “Albuquerque is not that big of a city. There have definitely been some more interesting connections that have come out in terms of like family members somehow »» Lorenzo Montoya knowing each other randomly, children of the women being in dance classes together, even though that wasn’t necessarily a factor either.” Very little, if any, evidence was uncovered pointing toward the identity of the person who killed the women. As a result, the police have never named anyone as a suspect in the case, which remains active. They have, however, mentioned two individuals as persons

Courtesy of Albuquerque Police Department

Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 13

Chief Ray Schultz said at the time. “It seemed like he knew what he was doing. It was very well planned and orchestrated, and that is what is worrisome about this.” According to court records, Montoya had previously been arrested in 1999 under suspicion of sexually assaulting a 23-year-old prostitute, who told police Montoya had put his hands around her throat and choked her before he was caught by detectives. The case was later dismissed in metropolitan Court and never refiled. Montoya had also been arrested on suspicion of patronizing prostitutes in 1998 and 2005. As Unruh-Enos points out, the fact that he killed one sex worker and may have tried to strangle another does not necessarily mean he killed others. No evidence connects him to the West Mesa killings. But notably, all of the West Mesa victims were killed before Montoya’s death. Joseph Blea Within a week of the discovery of the first bone on the West Mesa, April Gillen contacted the police and suggested that they look into her ex-husband Joseph Blea. The man already had a significant history with the APD. According to a search warrant affidavit, between 1990 and 2009, police had run across him over 130 times, usually in the area the West Mesa victims were said to have frequented — the East Central corridor. He was charged with the rape of a 14-year-old he knew, but that case was dropped. And his DNA was found on a prostitute left dead on the side of a street in 1985, though he was never charged for that crime. After the discovery of the West Mesa Murders, police tailed Blea’s car for four days as he drove back and forth along Central Avenue. Police wrote that he appeared to be stalking prostitutes but never approached them. When police searched his home in late 2009, they found women’s jewelry and underwear. His wife, Cheryl Blea, told police that she and her daughter had found articles of both that didn’t belong to them around their home.

»» Joseph Blea

Years later, Robert Cloven, the father of West Mesa victim Virginia Cloven, told the Journal that families of the victims had noticed that the women’s jewelry was missing.

The only piece of evidence that the APD says may connect to him the murders, however, is a plant tag for a Spearmint juniper that was found near Virginia Cloven’s buried remains. The tag was traced to a nursery in California that provided plants for others in Albuquerque. Blea’s business records as a landscaper showed that he bought plants from those nurseries. The case for charging Blea as the West Mesa Bone Collector never materialized, but evidence of other crimes did. A rape kit collected in 1988 after a 13-year-old eighth-grader was assaulted near McKinley Middle 14 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

Courtesy of Clinton Steeds/Wikimedia Commons

»» Albuquerque’s West Mesa looking eastward toward the city, as it appeared in 2004 when several of the West Mesa Murder victims went missing.

School was tested in 2010 and led investigators to Blea. He was convicted for the crime in 2015. He then pled no contest when charged with the rapes of two women and another child that occurred between 1990 and 1993. Blea, who is now 63, is currently serving a 90-year prison sentence. He has repeatedly denied any involvement in the West Mesa Murders, and he has never been charged with killing anyone. Other theories It’s far from the most popular theory, but some believe that there is no individual West Mesa Bone Collector. Thomas Grover is currently a lawyer in Albuquerque, but from January 2004 through December 2011, he was an officer with the APD, with the rank of sergeant when he resigned. These days he spends a lot of time representing officers throughout New Mexico in administrative matters and bringing whistle-blower actions against law enforcement agencies. To him, the inability of the Albuquerque Police Department to find a suspect in the killings is emblematic of the disorder within the department. “The best way to describe it is like a giant family domestic relations dispute where you’ve got some alliances working together, you’ve got antagonisms between others,” he said. “Ranks within the department personnel, cliques within the department, even units or divisions, have this acrimony, and from that, you don’t

get the best application to whatever issues are going on that the community needs addressed, whether it’s large scale crimes, criminal events, ongoing patterns of criminal activity — criminal rapes for instance.” He describes a department in which many of the best officers have departed over recent years, and supervisors with little experience and a relatively weak knowledge base are running the show. As a result, the APD has gotten increasingly less efficient and effective. Grover said that when he left the department, he thought it was going off the rails by not recognizing the concerns of citizens about the use of force and the escalating number of officer-involved shootings. That trend eventually brought the Department of Justice in to investigate the APD, which he said further reduced the police department’s efficiency. As for why he doubts a West Mesa serial killer exists, he points to the fact that there was not a search for one prior to when the victims were found. Though Grover was never involved in the investigations, he knew people who were and confirms that there was a perception that prostitutes were disappearing — something that officers like Ida Lopez were concerned about at the time. But patterns of behavior surrounding the disappearances never suggested that they were directly related or that one person was behind them. Grover compares this to the efforts to capture a serial robber who stole from Albuquerque businesses in the early 2000s by disassembling safes after hours. He said that even beyond the burglary unit, there was

Why were the West Mesa victims all found in the same general area? That’s just where bodies ended up in Albuquerque, regardless of the crime. That’s sort of the history of the West Side and the unincorporated abandoned area,” Grover said. “Detritus would just get left out there.” Ongoing investigations The West Mesa Murders have never been designated a cold case by the Albuquerque Police Department, allegedly because the team investigating them, the 118th Street Task Force, consistently gets new tips about the killings. This also has the obfuscating effect of the department sharing few details about the investigation with the media and public, citing that doing so would interfere with the case. This is part of the reason Tierna Unruh-Enos started her podcast. Now the managing editor and associate publisher of The Paper, Albuquerque’s new alternative weekly news publication, she was a journalist at local ABC affiliate KOAT when the bodies were found. She said the media covered the investigation extensively for about a year as it got national and international attention. But then interest died off and now it only really gets dusted off about once a year for anniversary stories.

Skarz/Wikimedia Commons

ing a serial offender when they thought one existed — something that was never done in relation to the vanishing sex workers.

»» Felipa Gonzales

»» Darlene Trujillo

»» Nina Herron

»» Anna Vigil

a massive effort among street-level officers to know what to look for that might indicate a robbery was being committed by this individual rather than a common thief. The burglar was never caught, but the search nevertheless illustrates to Grover that even a department in chaos was able to devote resources to catch-

“Whenever there was a notion that there was an adversarial type entity out there, whether it was the burglar, or some sort of gangs, or something »» Leah Peebles that really attracted a lot of attention among folks in the department ... just sort of the notion that there was a true bad guy out there — this is why a lot of people become cops,” he said. “You don’t necessarily want to go after the guys that are just committing crimes to fund drug habits. I mean, we’re talking about someone who’s a »» Shawntell Waites true antisocial adversary. And when those types of investigations were going on, everyone would sort of hear about it. And even if — and I don’t think this would be the case — but even if you’re talking about someone who preyed on the most vulnerable or lowest spectrum of society, sex workers, I don’t think that would take away from anyone’s interest.”

“Watching this whole thing for the past 11 years, I just thought, there is a different way to tell the story,” she said. “I don’t want to just keep rehashing the same details over and over and over again that just don’t really take anyone anywhere. I want to talk to the families — a lot of these women had children, and those children are now adults or teenagers. And, you know, let’s talk to them and further the story than what was really being done with it.” She is also seeking to humanize the victims. “They were not just women who were on the street. They were not just women who were possibly a victim of their lifestyle — although that still hasn’t been proven. They were mothers, they were daughters. And this is a legacy that their children now have to deal with. And I think there’s a lot of people out there who don’t really have a lot of sympathy and kind of just want to move on and put in the past,” she said. The majority of the women on Ida Lopez’s list of missing sex workers were identified as victims in the West Mesa Murders. But six were not. Felipa Gonzales, Nina Herron, Leah Peebles, Darlene Trujillo, Anna Vigil, and Shawntell Waites were all in their 20s when they disappeared between 2001 and 2005. They would all now be in their 30s or early 40s. Since 2009, the West Mesa, which was previously open space, has exploded in development. A memorial park was built over the acre where the bodies were found, but the other 95 acres of that lot have gone undeveloped. Unruh-Enos believes it’s only a matter of time, though, before KB Homes finally develops that area as well. Perhaps at that time, more bodies will be found — assuming they’re not already under existing houses. According to the city of Albuquerque’s website, a reward of up to $100,000 is still being offered for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for the murders. The 118th Street Task Force can be reached at 1 (877) 765-8273 or (505) 768-2450. Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 15

[weed]

Walk — no, run! — to Prohibition and grab some Dadirri Sunrocks

They’ll change your damn life (or at least your mood, which is good enough right now) I am so behind on all of the new cannabis products that are hitting shelves. Not only has 2020 been the equivalent of licking a dirty foot, but it’s also making me feel like I’m completely out of the loop on everything — cannabis included. I didn’t even realize I was that far behind until I got an email from Prohibition Herb asking me to review a product from Dadirri and I realized I’d never even freaking heard of them. Everyone in the dispensary had, though. I thought I’d have to explain what the hell I was talking about when I finally dragged my ass into the dispensary to pick up the products for review, but nope. The budtenders were all up to date on their cannabis product info. I was the only one who was behind on the news. I guess some of us aren’t taking this COVID pandemic personally and pouting our way through. The fine folks at the pot shops are still fully functioning adults. And those fully functioning adults did me a solid with that Dadirri rec-

16 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

ommendation because let me tell you, these products are freaking badass. Apparently, Dadirri is known for top of the line products which aim to provide consumers with a cleaner, tastier, and superior cannabis experience. That was clear once I’d gotten my sticky, lazy mitts on some of it, but we’ll get to that. Back to the pot shop. So, Dadirri has a few different products on the shelves to choose from, like infused pre-rolls, and all of them are made with the highest quality ingredients. We’re talking craft batches, premium strains — the whole shebang. Prohibition is carrying the Dadirri pre-rolls and something called sunrocks, which I hadn’t tried before. I’ve conquered moonrocks a few times, but never the sunny version of the stuff. I passed up the pre-rolls in lieu of some Tiger’s Blood Sunrocks, which is a top-shelf bud that’s soaked in distillate and coated in bubble hash. The container of Sunrocks I picked up has about 57.27% THC in it — but I figured it would

be an insane amount after the budtender schooled me on the product. I found out very quickly, though, that higher THC does not always equal outof-control pot reviewer. It can in some instances, but not in this one. And that’s a good thing. I wanted to be functional so I could read my notes afterward. These sunrocks not only left me functional but also in a state of bliss like I’d never experienced. I knew I was in for something special by the way the budtender talked them up, and then when I popped open the lid on the container, it was confirmed. Sitting inside that little white jar were three or four nugs of bud, tucked neatly beside one another. It was almost too pretty to touch. I did touch it, of course, because that’s my job, but I felt bad doing it. The nugs looked like a work of art or like fine Details chocolate or something. They ground up Where to find Dadirri Sunlike fine art, too — a couple of twists of rocks: Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino the Chromium Crusher, and they were del Rio, prohibitionherb.com rendered into tiny green bits of bud find words, I’ll take a few good ideas over that were perfect for the dry herb vape. none. There was no sticky mess with these sunrocks. That was NOT the case with And, oddly enough, the feeling of the last batch of moonrocks I reviewed. contentedness and bliss, along with Those gummed up my grinder something that creative streak, remained the most fierce. So I would recommend these on noticeable effect up until I passed out. that factor alone. I don’t remember feeling starved or It’s not just the packaging and the easy thirsty. All I remember is happiness. grinding that sold me, though. These If I could compare this jar of sunrocks sunrocks also heated into the most to anything, it would be a meal with beautiful vapor. It was heavy but not friends. I got from it the same happy and thick — and tasted green and clean, not at-ease feeling I get when I’m hanging chemically or bitter. out with people I love and trust. I was satiated in every way. Once I’d gotten past the beauty of the vapor, the high kicked in. It was a I’m back to being a miserable prick smooth, mellow ride — one that plasnow, mind you, but that’s only cause I tered a smile across my face like it was slept off the sunrocks. If I could infuse painted on. I was bordering on giddy, my food or the air around me with this despite being a miserable prick who’s stuff, I would. It’s that good. starting to glow from a lack of vitamin D Listen. Don’t let the 50% THC scare and the computer screen. I hate COVID. you off. You’ll love these sunrocks. DadirI love this stuff, though. And that ri got every single factor right with them, smooth, blissful ride continued for what and I’ll be loading up before this review felt like hours. There was no ebbing and publishes so I can make sure to have flowing to the feeling. It just settled over enough on hand for the near future. I me like warm sand. I was content and don’t need y’all killing my vibe by buying happy, but also found myself being super it all out. creative, too. That hasn’t been the case Once I’m stocked up, you all really for a while — the pandemic has really need to get your hands on some. They’ll caused some writer’s block the last change your life. Or it will at least month or so, but this got those creative change your mood, anyway, which feels juices going. My notebook is now full of life-changing in these dire, gross times. ideas. Some are shit, but a few are good. For someone who’s been struggling to —— DGO Pufnstuf

[weed]

Suffering from the eff-everything COVID blues? Aloha Limone could be the antidote for your misery. nothing to do, nowhere to go and my house is starting to resemble the Durango version of a drug den because I can’t find the energy to clean it. To illustrate: there are cracker crumbs all over the carpet right now thanks to my gross, massive dog, who can reach the countertops when I’m on important work calls, and my laundry is starting to pile up to the roof of the laundry room because I don’t effing care. Call it the COVID strike or the COVID blues or just general apathy. It’s whatever, really.

Details Where to find Aloha Limone: The Green House, 730 S. Camino del Rio, thegreenhousecolorado.com There was a point in time when 22.2% THC would have seemed insane to me. That time was probably high school, when weed had like 5% THC in it and it came from some shady source out behind the gym (and by that I mean my friend Baldo, who also once hit the snack machine on campus so hard that he shattered the glass). These days, though, 22.2% THC seems average to me, or maybe even a bit low.

THE MF’ING TOILETS, TOO. Bam. I was a cleaning banshee. And I did it all while happy as a clam. Seriously. It was like this cuddly blanket of euphoria hit all my bitchy nerves and turned them upside down. Like a Christmas miracle or something. I don’t know. It was great. It was also super productive until the feeling wore off, which luckily wasn’t for a while after I’d smoked. And once I was back to my normal, morose Eeyore level of temperament, my house was freaking clean, which kept me in a great mood, too.

It’s gotten so bad that there are days I don’t want to go pick up weed. Like, I, your friendly neighborhood pot smoker There’s really nothing quite like a who does this for a living, did not want to get off my ass and go pick up anything. clean house or a buzzy head high, and I It’s like all the life has been zapped out of had both. I had it all. me or something. I don’t still have it all, cause I’m currently sober, morose, and the laundry And nothing was out of the new is starting to pile up again, but I had it. ordinary the day I smoked this strain, either. I was planning a productive Even for a brief instant, it was glorious. weekend of laying around on the couch I don’t know what it was about this and binge-watching documentaries I’ve already seen. Everything sucks. I decided to kick that plan off by smoking a bowl of the Aloha Limone for this review, though — mostly out of some half-assed attempt at feeling productive while laying around. It’s for work, you know?

strain that gave me a jolt of motivation, but I’m not looking this weed horse in the mouth. Nope. I’m just going to be grateful for it instead. I’m also going to smoke another bowl or six after work today, too. I need to tackle that laundry before it gets in my way on my trek from the couch to the bed, and the only way I’ll do that is with this strain. If you’re also struggling with the COVID foul-mood flu, you really should grab some of this stuff. Aloha Limone will knock you right out of it — at least temporarily — and at least long enough to tackle the stuff you don’t want to do. It’s a great tool in the weapon against apathy, one I will be using for a long time to come. Can’t wait to WANT to vacuum up these crackers. It’s going to rule. —— DGO Pufnstuf

I got right to that, too. I tossed a few of the fluffy Aloha Limone buds in the grinder, but not before taking a few seconds to marvel at how fluffy they were and how good they smelled. If you’re Not that I’m knocking it, mind you. I lucky enough to snag this strain off the welcome any and all THC, especially in shelf, be sure to inhale deeply. It smells flower form — and I don’t mind the lower like a citrusy bouquet of flowers. THC bud. It makes for a great, low-key Once I’d gotten my fill of those wellhigh. I don’t have to worry about being cured fluffballs, I tossed a couple in and so high I can’t function, which is not the ground them up. That went into the vape case with some of the other higher THC and I fired it up, expecting it to knock the products. misery out of me for a bit. For that reason alone, I was excited And, to be fair, it did — but it also took to see that we were reviewing Aloha that 22.2% THC and injected me with Limone this week from The Green House freaking LIFE, man. I was not only hapin Durango. The batch I got my hands on pier after one bowl, I was also a changed contains, you guessed it, just 22.2% THC, person — one who wanted to wash and so I figured it would be an easy, mellow fold my stupid laundry. I also wanted to buzz. do all the damn dishes, which is only one Yeah, not so much. Turns out 22% is still enough to get me high as a fricking kite. But not high in the way you might expect. Here’s what happened. So, let me start off by saying that I’m pretty freaking lazy these days. There’s

step above the laundry. I hate laundry. But I did it. I did it while stoned, you guys. I did it with 22.2% THC. I also cleaned out the fridge, wiped down the damn baseboards, washed the windows, cleaned the mirrors, and SCRUBBED Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 17

[weed]

Northern Standard Telluride tiramisu is a candy bar edible win in our books Y’all. The quarantine 15 is real and edibles like Northern Standard Telluride tiramisu aren’t helping. In fact, judging by how much COVID-19 is rising, soon enough it’ll be the quarantine 115.

up any day, any time. Thanks to COVID-19, there’s really not many activities to do around here other than stare at screens. I’m running a pretty tight ship around my home so most of my activities revolve around staring at a small screen, then a medium-sized screen, then a large screen.

In any case, you’re not here to listen to me bemoan the inhumane amount of munchies I’ve been shoving down my pie hole. You’re here for Northern Standard chocolate edibles, which I highly recommend. I came across these chocolates in a local dispensary and being as I am a chocolate (and tiramisu) fiend, I knew I had to have it as soon as I laid eyes on it. Northern Standard is a cannabis extracts company based in Alma, a town nestled between the Pike, San Isabelle, and White River national forests. Their brand shelves range from live resin and CO2 distillate to gummies and chocolates. The company is even a second-place THC Championship winner for their campfire s’mores chocolate bar (which I’m definitely trying next). Telluride tiramisu is about as close as you’re going to get to real tiramisu via

chocolate bar edible. It’s an effing delicious concoction of white chocolate and coffee. Each bar comes with 10 pieces containing 10 mg of THC each. Sign me

sober, so imagine an already subpar gamer experiencing a “Pink Elephants” level of high trying to solve a puzzle or getting scared out of their mind by a creepy monster I’m STILL convinced lives in my house somewhere. Let me tell you — my controller was chucked across the room. Not because I was rage quitting, mind you, but mostly out of sheer terror. As I’m sure you know, dear readers, everything is significantly more terrifying and confusing when you’re stoned. It wasn’t long, however, before the munchies settled in. Like I said, there’s really no mystery as to why I’ve gained the quarantine 15. My stomach turned into an actual black hole in which no amount of food could quench its hunger. Cannabis is both my friend and my enemy.

Instead of doing my normal high routine of staring at the TV screen watching the Belcher family run a restaurant on “Bob’s Burgers,” I decided to Northern Standard Telluride tiramisu play video games to is another chocolate candy bar edible the best of my stoned win in my book. It’s delicious, unique, and abilities (which are not hits the stoner spot. Your scale might not great). thank you, but your brain sure will. I’m not a fantastic video game player —— Sir Blaze Ridcully

New CO In-N-Out burger locations inspire 14-hour waits and pantsless fights Sounds like our type of COVID party ... minus all of it What would you do for a Klondike bar, er, In-N-Out burger?

however. Not long after the restaurant opened, someone posted a video to Twit-

For some Coloradans, they would be willing to wait 14 hours for the California-based chain fast food. For other Coloradans, they would be willing to wait 14 hours AND get into a pantsless fight. Who are we to judge?

ter of two men getting into a smackdown while waiting in line. In the process, one man’s pants slipped down to his ankles, though this didn’t deter him. It took several other people’s in-

But let’s back up a bit. On November 20, In-N-Out opened the state’s first new burger joints at 10 a.m. in Aurora and Colorado Springs. In-N-Out only offered pick up, no indoor seating. Coloradans, it seemed, could not get it fast enough. The fast-food chain expected to sell about 60,000 burgers that weekend, according to the Denver Post. The Denver Post reported wait times of up to 14 hours at the Aurora location. By 4 p.m., the car line was two miles long and wrapped around a nearby mall not once, but twice. The Aurora Police Department even went as far as to warn people away from the eatery, and, for the love of fried food, 18 | Thursday, December 3, 2020

volvement to break up the fight, but not before the entire ordeal was caught on camera and was viewed more than 51,000 times on social media. “This man pulled up to the In-n-Out to get in line and get knocked out of his sweatpants,” the Twitter user captioned the video. “Day 1 and the city don’t know please wait to eat In-N-Out another day. “It’s official, traffic is double-double animal style right now all around the mall. We are on hand helping manage the massive traffic response. Be patient

and be kind. Maybe support another local eatery today and In-n-Out another day if traffic is too hectic for you,” the department tweeted that day. Not everyone heeded this warning,

how to act.” Imagine what they would do for a Whataburger. —— Amanda Push

[column]

Denver grads hope that hate really does sell with the social media platform Parler

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You’ve probably heard of Parler, the social media platform that describes itself as a place where users can “Speak freely and express yourself openly, without fear of being “deplatformed” for your views.” That ambiguous statement could also be read as follows: Discriminate freely and express your hate openly, without fear of being held accountable for the consequences of your actions. “Parler’s viewpoint-neutral policies foster a community of individuals who tolerate the expression of all non-violent ideas,” according to Parler’s website. Apparently, “non-violent ideas” include fostering communities that attack equality for women, that legitimize the fight for white supremacy, that perpetuate oppressive stereotypes, and that support unproven conspiracy theories. All of which spread hatred. And hatred spreads violence. So, why is Parler trending everywhere now? Parler has an estimated 10 million accounts, about half of which were created in the past month, according to Market Watch. Prior to the 2020 election, Parler was a relatively unknown social media app

that was slowly taking hold with those who had been kicked off mainstream platforms for continuously violating social norms — you know, those rules designed to promote equal and civil treatment of everyone that social media has an impact upon. November’s election results shocked the world, not so much for the accusations of widespread voter fraud, but for exposing the massive number of U.S. voters — upward of 47% — who were willing to openly support and rationalize overt hatred and its gut-wrenching consequences. With cancel and hashtag culture gaining strength over the past few years, most social media sites have been forced to assume some responsibility for their role in allowing hatred to become a pandemic. Removing accounts that repeatedly violated anti-hate and anti-violence guidelines seemed to be an effective way to vaccinate social media against the disease that is hatred. And more recently, during the election runup and its aftermath, social media platforms began tagging certain posts as false or with disclaimers about Continued on page 20

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From page 19

But bad ideas aren’t “shut down” on any social media platform without the intervention of the platforms themselves. Matze knows this, but hate sells. It matters not that Parler’s echo chamber is infested with hate. What matters, rather, is that the company moves towards monetization.

credibility. The result has been an increased migration of banned users who are searching for a platform to spread their disease. If you build it they will come Seeing an opportunity for the future monetization of displaced social media users, Parler was founded in 2018 by John Matze Jr. and Jared Thomson, both of whom studied computer science at the University of Denver. Matze is the CEO of Parler and describes himself as both averse to authority and conservative-minded. An investment from the billionaire Republican donor Rebekah Mercer helped to launch Parlor. The platform quickly developed a cult-like following with a conservative user base that includes many prominent Republicans and supporters that include the Trump clan, Rudy Giuliani, senators Rand Paul and Ted Cruz, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, and the NRA, just to name a few. Before the election, Parler had a few million accounts. While it is still a small platform compared to Twitter or Facebook, Parlor now has over 10 million accounts. That’s 10 million hate vectors.

Is Parler just a trend? Parler isn’t the first to try and monetize hate. Gab, who also tried this in 2017, is infamous as the safe-harbor for Robert Gregory Bowers, the gunman responsible for the mass shooting at a Pittsburgh synagogue in October 2018. Although Gab saw an extensive amount of media coverage following the attack, it eventually failed to demonstrate an ability to convert hate into monetary profit. Why create an incubator for hatred? Hate sells, and the primary goal of most developers is to monetize their product. In this climate, the fastest way to gain the critical mass of users necessary for monetization is to build a space for those looking to amplify their hate in an echo-chamber. The big selling point for Parler is its

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[column]

How to handle the awkward, total fun-suck of second dates A successful first date can be a great ego boost but, how do you move from the first date to the second date? Where do you “go” for that second date? When do you call or text after the first date? And how the fuck do you manage all of this in the middle of a pandemic? There is a misconception that a game must be played before reaching out to someone you are interested in — waiting a certain amount of time or acting nonchalant when you are well and truly interested. Skip the game-play and focus on communicating your interest for a second date. COVID not only screws up the logistics of dating it also makes what could have been a more chill process seem urgent. No time to mess around with quarantine or serious illness a possibility at any moment. Call/text/carrier pigeon a message as soon as you can. Let them know that the first date was [ insert adjective here ] and you can’t wait to see them again soon.

dating to build intimacy and there is no better way than speaking to each other and spending time together—even if that time is on a Zoom date. What makes a great second date? Hopefully, you will have picked up on some shared interests during the conversations on your first date. Maybe a shared love of seafood or everyone is a champion mini-golfer. Maybe there is a new art installation you both want to see or now you have someone to go hiking/ skiing/skydiving with. Whatever activity or activities you choose for the second date, use the opportunity to build on connections made in the first and share new pieces of yourselves.

Second dates are traditionally longer than a first date and are likely used to spend time doing something you share in common. You know I’m not big on tradition so definitely, try something new, fun, out-of-the-box. Some people will need a second date to be an extension In this day and age, texting is a popular of the first date so they can get to know the person better. Others will feel like way of communicating but I am going to encourage you to call the person you are the second date is more like the fourth or fifth and will use the time to make interested in and make the connection with your voice. Personalizing communi- a deeper connection. Whether you go cation is important in the initial stages of back to the first date coffee house or you

spend 2 hours on Zoom talking about life, goals, work, or family—you both benefit in communicating about how you want to spend the time. The first date was awesome. You felt really connected and spent the whole time talking about yourselves. A second date is excitedly scheduled and anxiously awaited. You meet up and silence ensues. It seems as though the first date sucked all the fun out of the second date. Or, horror-of-horrors, the second date includes an activity neither of you ends up liking, e.g. whale watching that includes a discovery of seasickness, no whales, and the worst weather imaginable. How do you move forward on a second date when doubts or mishaps abound? One of my favorite movies, “Three to Tango,” includes a really bad food poisoning scene that by the end of the film the characters have bonded over. Mishaps during a date can actually bring you closer together if you can move past the bad parts and laugh about it. If you are dealing with silence or awkwardness, humor can lighten the mood.

Joke about how strange it is that the first date was so great and now you all seem stuck. Making fun of a situation helps to make it seem less serious or less like a failing moment. The great part about dating is that you really have nothing to lose. The people you are seeing are not yet a big part of your life and the world will not end if it doesn’t work out. Each date goes from great to awesome or you laugh at disasters and decide you want to try again. The key to moving from one date to the next is to talk to each other, honestly, about how you think things are going. Either of you may decide that you have more fun as friends and that any initial attraction was fleeting. Or you may end up with hot and heavy sex after every date. It is important to be clear from the beginning how you are feeling so that you do not reach a point where date number twenty includes someone having strong feelings while others feel like you are friends. By communicating honestly from the get-go, you can enjoy the situation with a clear head and establish a precedent in the relationship for honesty about Continued on page 23

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Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19)

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)

You feel adventurous, which is why you want to travel or learn something new. You want to explore, pioneer and discover new things!

Enjoy playful times with others. Social outings, playful activities with kids, board games, mysteries, movies, winter picnics — you name it. You want some fun!

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)

You’re never casual about money because you are the financial wizard of the zodiac. Right now you want to know more about someone else’s assets and anything that affects shared property.

Home, family and your private life continue to be your focus. This is why you are involved in family discussions as well as home repairs. LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)

table? Aren’t we supposed to evolve as human beings? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) With the Sun in your sign along with Mercury, people are attracted to you. They want to hear what you have to say. This is a powerful time for you, so make the most of it. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)

a boss. PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) Now is the time to go after what you want because people in authority are impressed with you. They admire you even if you don’t do anything special. Bonus! BORN THESE TWO WEEKS You are loyal to others. Even though you value security, you’re not afraid to do your

Remember to get more sleep this week. Conversations with those who are close to you are important right now.

Right now, you have a busy pace! Increased reading, writing and studying, plus appointments and conversations with many people. (Gasp!)

Set aside some time to do some serious thinking about your goals for next year. This has been a hellish year for you. Next year will be different, and better. Count on this.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

will appreciate the everyday joys and beauty

For different reasons, many of you are more popular now. Enjoy schmoozing with others, especially younger people. In fact, some of you might strike up a flirtation with

around you. This year is the time for an

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)

You’re keen to be productive. But even Lately you’ve been thinking more more than that, you want to feel that you about your values. What really matters are working efficiently and effectively. in life? Isn’t there more than keeping a roof over your head and food on the It’s a matter of pride in what you do.

own thing. You have strong opinions. Lucky you! You have a fun-loving year ahead! Expect increased popularity and warm friendships. Gratitude will be a theme because you

feelings. A third date or any future dates are perfect opportunities to share with each other interests you may not have in common. I talked a lot about making connections through shared interests but you will not share everything, which is valuable in a relationship. You do not want to date people exactly like yourself, so celebrate any differences. If you are trying out something that is new to you because it is something loved by your date, do what my partner and I do—have a no-thank-you bite by trying it and knowing it is OK to say, “No thanks!” if you don’t like it. For example, if you are doing something physical together make sure you put a cap on the amount of time; so a thirty-minute hike instead of four hours. This way if the activity isn’t going well you aren’t deep in the backcountry wishing you weren’t stuck on this terrible date. Instead, you can move onto the next activity or end the date then. There are so many options for things to do together, but first, you have to make the phone call that will set up another date! With the pandemic, use your creative side to connect without being in the same room. Here are a few suggestions:

Bizarro

From page 22

— Zoom (or other video call software) while sharing a meal — Write snail mail letters for the first month — Set a challenge to record yourselves doing one or two activities you love and then share the videos Try something new or stick with something comfortable. Don’t forget to be honest about your feelings and remember to laugh! Dating is a free pass to fully be yourself because you will attract friends, lovers, and partners who appreciate the truest version of you — you have nothing to lose. Erin Brandt (she/her/hers) has been a sexologist for 15 years. When she’s not spreading sexual knowledge, Erin can be found learning from her child, hiking with her partner, cuddling with her pitbull, knitting with her cat, dancing with friends, and searching for the nearest hammock and ocean breeze. Want more? Visit www.positivesexed.com Thursday, December 3, 2020 | 23

The folks at DGO miss leaving our homes for concerts, drinks and dinners out. We don’t like cooking or cleaning the kitchen — and we certainly don’t like mixing our own drinks, all things we’ve had to do since the start of this pandemic. PLEASE wear your masks and practice social distancing so we can get back to our regularly scheduled (fun) programming.

PLEASE WEAR A MASK! [correctly!]