The Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, tacky singletrack or mon-
CAST: Addyson Santese, Ann Marie Swan, Stephen Sellers, Ari Levaux, Lainie Maxson, Jesse Anderson, Rob Brezsny & Clint Reid
MAIL ADDRESS: P.O. Box
On the cover
Skiers at Purg had a front-row seat for the almost-full moon rising over the Twilights on Dec. 13. Known as the “cold moon” – which was officially full Dec. 15 – was notable, because it rose and set at the most northerly and southerly positions on the horizon. The phenomenon is known as a lunar standstill and only occurs every 18.6 years. (You’re welcome.)/ Photo by Missy Votel
Ear to the ground:
“I’ve been farting nonstop since Thanksgiving.”
– Hang on, dry January is almost here
See ya next year
Just a friendly reminder that the Telegraph is taking its annual leave of absence for not one but two weeks, Dec. 26 and Jan. 2, due to printing and sanity reasons. We are sorry if this puts a dent in your fire-starter supply, but rest assured, we will be back in action Jan. 9, 2025. Meantime, throw on an extra layer of fleece and pop a few more rum balls.
Buyer’s remorse
Finally, an answer to the pressing question on most everyone’s minds since Elon Musk became BFFs with Donald Trump. What do Tesla owners – who, shall we say, tend to be a climate change accepting lot –think of the father of non-gas guzzling electric vehicles jumping into bed with the man who thinks climate change is a hoax?
Well, for a referendum on the new bromance, look no further than their bumpers.
Bumper stickers including “I bought this before we knew Elon was crazy,” “Anti Elon Tesla Club” and “Shut up, Elon” have been flying off the shelves of online marketplaces like Matt Hiller’s “Mad Puffer Stickers.”
Hiller, who lives in Hawaii, told the New York Times he had been thinking about buying a Tesla, but in early 2023, after Musk took over Twitter, Hiller found himself, like many, alienated by what he characterized as misinformation on the site.
“I’m like, there’s no way I’m buying a Tesla: I don’t want to give this guy a penny,” Hiller told the Times. “I started thinking, there’s got to be so many people who are just embarrassed, who have a Tesla already, and they’re like, ‘I don’t want to endorse anything this guy stands for.’”
Initially, Hiller sold 5-10 stickers a day. But as Musk became increasingly cozy as Trump’s sidekick, orders started flying in. Hiller said he’s sold about 18,000 stickers so far.
ster powder days. We are wholly independently owned and operated by the Durango Telegraph LLC and dis-
tributed in the finest and most discerning
Apparently, conservative Tesla owners (we know, we didn’t think they existed, either) are fighting back with pro-Elon messages. “I bought this after I knew Elon was awesome,” reads one sported by Sean Ziese, of Oklahoma. “I’ve always been against E.V.s.,” Ziese told the Times. “I told my wife, ‘If Elon is going to start supporting conservatives and free speech, I’m going to start supporting Elon.’” So he bought a Cybertruck and added the “awesome” sticker. It has become his favorite car … if you can call it that.
LaVidaLocal
Trump’s cabinet suggestions
• Bart Simpson, Secretary of State - The seniormost position in the President’s Cabinet should be reserved for one who can match the diplomatic acuity of the commander-in-chief himself, meaning a bratty, misbehaving child is perfect for the job. Conveniently, 10-year-old Bart already espouses Trump’s goal of mass deportation: “Hey immigrants, beat it! Country’s full!”
• Mr. Monopoly, Secretary of Treasury - If anyone knows a thing or two about anticompetitive conduct and Get Out of Jail Free cards, it’s Mr. Monopoly. After all, he’s been hoarding property, jacking up rents and driving opponents into bankruptcy since 1940. The real estate tycoon will protect the interest of America’s billionaires by making sure the 1 percenters never have to pay taxes again.
• Cap’n Crunch, Secretary of Defense - A decorated maritime war hero, Cap’n Crunch is a true patriot who has never dodged a draft. This famed adventurer and breakfast connoisseur will protect our great nation against all enemies including mildly soggy cereals.
• Tony the Tiger, Secretary of Health and Human Services - He’s sexy. That’s the entire justification. This jacked Italian-American tiger can bench 535 lbs and steal your girl, which is exactly what Health and Human Services needs in its rebranding era. Who cares about Medicaid, welfare or Social Security when you’ve got the physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger covered in fur? Make America hot again!
• She-Hulk, Attorney General - With 45 years of experience as a criminal defense attorney, She-Hulk is already more experienced than Matt Gaetz for the President’s main legal advisor. She may be 6’7” and green, but she’s never been accused of sex trafficking, drug use or getting plastic surgery to trick teenage girls into thinking she’s a viable dating option.
• Elmer Fudd, Secretary of Interior - An avid yet inept hunter, Elmer Fudd plans to work closely with the NRA to legalize hunting throughout our beautiful country’s national parks and forests. Under Fudd, all citizens will be issued a double-barrel shotgun and a box of shells upon entry to public lands, assuming they accidentally left their gun behind at the nearest elementary school.
• Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber, Secretaries of Agriculture - When it comes to the safety and regulation of food production for the American people, there’s no better option than a sentient, God-fearing tomato and cucumber. Much like the joint appointment of Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy for the Department of Government Efficiency, both Bob and Larry are needed to do the job of one person.
Thumbin’It
The City of Durango this week inked a long-term deal with Durango Mesa Park, paving the way for future developments, including more trails, an event space, campgrounds, a disc golf course and a dog park, among other amenities.
CU Buff’s badass offensive/defensive player Travis Hunter won the Heisman Trophy this year. Alas, he has announced he’s leaving the Buffs to go pro next year (along with QB Shedeur Sanders). But we’ll always remember the Alamo Bowl.
Hundreds of people showing up last week to the public lands celebration at Chicken Creek, in a united show that it’s going to take a little more than some barbed wire and trumped up claims to keep them from enjoying their public lands.
• Bob the Builder, Secretary of Labor - Despite his on-screen can-do attitude, Bob is known in political spheres for his strong anti-union track record. In this position, the general contractor would seek to eradicate not only foreign day laborers but also humans, voting in favor of a workforce comprised entirely of anthropomorphized construction vehicles to increase efficiency and reduce labor costs.
• Scrooge McDuck, Secretary of Commerce - McDuck has been pro-tariff and anti-international trade since he left Scotland and found his first gold bar in the Klondike in 1902. This adventure capitalist waterfowl is so financially successful, he has a gold-filled vault the size of a swimming pool, and you can bet he didn’t amass that wealth through fair trade.
• Princess Tiana, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - In the eyes of the Trump administration, “urban” and “Black” are basically synonymous, plus we were told we needed to nominate at least two women for the Cabinet. Ugh. Anyway, if lower-income Americans want affordable housing, they should just follow Tiana’s lead and marry rich.
• Barney, Secretary of Energy - As a 68-million-year-old dinosaur, Barney the Tyrannosaurus rex knows that green energy is a hoax created by the libs just like climate change. Solar, wind and hydropower all pale in comparison to the dominance of fossil fuels in his opinion, and he’ll do everything in his power to keep this country reliant on obsolete energy sources until the sixth extinction.
• Popeye the Sailor, Secretary of Veterans Affairs -The only thing bigger than Popeye’s arms are his plans to gut veterans’ benefits and health care. Thanks to Popeye and RFK Jr., the brave men and women who have served our country can look forward to adult-onset polio along with a new, nationwide substitution for medical care: canned spinach.
– Addyson Santese
SignoftheDownfall:
According to the latest science, the arctic is a mess with thawing tundra releasing greenhouse gas emissions, sea ice levels near historic lows, fires and temperatures near record highs. Oh, and, the polar bears are in trouble. Still. (Sorry to be a downer, but you knew getting into this.)
Environmental data was falsified at hundreds of oil and gas wells in Weld County on behalf of the state’s largest operators. Investigators say no clear motive has been found, but you probably don’t have to be an investigator to know.
The CDC confirmed the first severe case of bird flu in a human in the U.S. The illness came from a strain of the H5N1 virus circulating in wild birds and poultry – different from what's spreading in dairy cattle. Which makes us feel better ... and worse.
Diaper Bash
Liquid Death got famous by selling cans of water with skulls on them, so it's obvious that their next business move would be to release the "Pit Diaper," which is a pleather diaper festooned with metal spikes and a keychain. It was listed for $75, and it sold out within 24 hours, but the good news is that it came with 52 Depend Guards for Men, so the lucky few who bagged one will be able to pee in multiple mosh pits before needing to restock on diaper inserts. And, as a bonus, stuffing in two inserts makes your junk look bigger, but you're still leaving the concert alone, because that's what happens to men who wear diapers.
by Betsy Marston
WOf bears and Bears Ears
A rundown of what Westerners cared about in 2024
riters on the Range sent out close to 50 weekly opinion columns this year. They were provided free of charge to about 150 publications large and small.
Writers on the Range has a simple, two-part mission. One is to engage Westerners in talking about issues important to the region. The other is to entice readers to look forward to these fact-based opinions, with the hope they’ll keep local journalism alive and flourishing.
Our opinions this year covered a wide range: avalanche deaths that might have been prevented; a profile of Diane K. Boyd, whose career studying wolves in the wild covered four decades; and how dead pool is a strong possibility for Lake Powell. We’re happy to report that Megan Schrader of the Denver Post said the latter two were among the paper’s most-viewed columns.
But it was what happened to wildlife in the state of Wyoming, that garnered the most response from readers, who wrote letters of outrage or made our opinion go viral on social media. Wendy Keefover of the Humane Society of the USA was involved in both.
In her first column, in April, Keefover revealed that in Wyoming coyotes can be legally killed – though in this case, the animal run over by a snowmobiler was a wolf.
We know a wolf suffered this assault because the snowmobiler showed off the dazed and muzzled animal at a bar, where it was photographed splayed out on the floor. Many readers were appalled, especially as the penalty for what amounted to torture was a minor fine.
The second column by Keefover was written with Kristin Combs, of Wyoming Wildlife Advocates, and it covered the sudden death of grizzly bear 399, Wyoming’s most famous bruin.
Starting in 2004, this prolific mother bear raised 18 cubs amidst the millions of visitors and residents of Jackson Hole and Grand Teton National Park. Her death, after colliding with a car, resulted in an out-
pouring of grief. The writers’ opinion, calling for greater protection for grizzlies, was shared on social media by more than 20,000 readers.
We’re also pleased to report that a Writers on the Range column helped quash the state of Utah’s plan to allow a 460-foot telecommunications tower in the heart of Bears Ears National Monument. In his opinion, Mark Maryboy, former delegate to the Navajo Nation Council, blasted the proposed tower as “a spear in
the heart of the monument.” The Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance told us that Maryboy’s column was a “major component” in the tower’s defeat.
A more recent column, by Jennifer Rokala, head of the Center for Western Priorities, was shared by many. Rokala insisted that no matter what exploitation the Trump administration plans for public lands, conservationists will fight back. As a reader put it in a letter to the Aspen Daily News: “You’re providing factual and great journalism that inspires and gives hope.”
We were inspired by several columns about Westerners trying to change the world, including Katie Klingsporn’s profile of a Wyoming principal, Katie Law, who never gives up on students at Arapaho Charter High School. Law was rewarded by seeing 14 students graduate this year, the largest class in the school’s history.
There were other columns about extraordinary people or the novel ways writers understand the West, including Dave Marston’s piece about Amory Lovins, who insists that the energy gap can be closed, and others by Rebecca Clarren, Shaun Ketchum Jr., Rick Knight, Jacob Richards and Laura Pritchett. Marston, the publisher of Writers on the Range, also revealed his struggle with bipolar mental illness.
And we suggest never skipping a column by Grand Canyon educator Marjorie “Slim” Woodruff, who can’t help noting the many foibles of tourists. For example, whenever a hiker asks her on the trail: “Was the hike worth it?” Woodruff confesses she’d love to answer: “No, turn around now!”
Our writers – who are paid – are eager to start a conversation, because they care about the West and, in particular, the public land that makes this region unique.
Betsy Marston is the editor of Writers on the Range, writersontherange.org, the independent nonprofit opinion service that seeks to spur lively conversations about the West. She lives in Paonia. ■
SoapBox D-Tooned/
Wave the empathy flag
The outrage over Black Lives Matter and LGBTQIA+ flags in classrooms seems a bit misplaced. Neither of these flags, nor the issues they highlight, is inherently political. There is no Black Lives Matter candidate in any local, state or federal elections. Similarly, there is no LGBTQIA+ primary where a member from the queer community is elected to run for office. Rather, these issues have been hijacked by politicians to distract from the fact that they have no intention of effecting meaningful change.
What these flags do represent is a human element that is often ignored, if not outright disparaged, simply because people who don’t identify with the flags are made to feel uncomfortable by them. I would urge those people to imagine a scenario where their child was bullied or harassed for who they were. Wouldn’t you want your child to know there was a place they could seek refuge from that harassment, a place to help get through a rough day? Maybe your child has a hobby that invites ridicule from others; maybe they have a physical variation that opens them up to verbal
abuse. A temporary safe space from that type of torment can be the difference between getting through or giving up.
As one parent astutely pointed out, those who don’t identify with the aforementioned flags are sure to find solidarity in classrooms that display things they do identify with: pictures of heterosexual relationships, crosses or other displays of religious ideology, etc. Allowing students who are frequently bullied for not aligning with those things to feel equally as accepted is the epitome of inclusivity. Hopefully we can all get past the perceived divisiveness of the issue and instead embrace the humanity contained within it, whether it speaks to us directly or not.
– Jeff Dunn, Durango
A clean energy future
Colorado currently ranks 12th in the nation for installed solar capacity and seventh for solar jobs. The value of the statewide solar market is $8.1 billion, with more than 4,200 megawatts of installed solar – enough to power 852,000 homes! The price of solar has declined by 37% over the last 10 years, making it
by Rob Pudim
one of the cheapest sources of power in the state.
In 2019, Colorado’s General Assembly committed to a goal of 100% renewable electricity generation by 2040. Southwest Colorado has the opportunity to play an important role in this
clean energy transition. To achieve this goal, it is estimated we will need to quintuple the amount of solar across the state within the next 10 years. This will require a mix of rooftop, commercial and utility-scale solar projects along with battery energy storage systems.
Rural communities will play a key role in the energy transition, as the land needed to build solar, wind and other green energy projects largely exists in non-urban areas. Already, rural America is home to 83% of clean energy projects – and Colorado is no different. Nearly 90% of power generated by renewable sources comes from rural areas. It is estimated that only one-tenth of 1% of land in the state is needed to accommodate future solar installations to meet the state’s renewable energy goal. For comparison, it is projected that low-density exurban sprawl will use 500,000 acres – more than 500 times as much land as solar development – over the same time period.
Southwest Colorado is already emerging as a leader in renewable energy, as the City of Durango and Durango School District 9-R have installed a combined 11 solar systems in recent years.
The Sunnyside Community Solar Garden – which came online summer 2024 – is providing power to La Plata County, the city, 9-R, income-qualified households, as well as LPEA members.
The incorporation of utility-scale solar and battery storage into our region’s mix of energy can enhance the reliability and stability of the power grid while bolstering local economies. Util-
Airing of grievances too much?
Let Tina find you a home that’s not so close to family.
ity-scale solar can protect family farms and ranches by providing a valuable new source of income. This means more farmers can stay on their land instead of selling to developers. Furthermore, new solar will help diversify the electric grid, making sure the power stays on if other sources fail. Additionally, utility-scale solar means benefits for local communities through property taxes, lease payments and other direct benefits.
Appropriately siting and mitigating the impacts of utility-scale solar are critical for success. Land disturbances and impacts to wildlife habitat and agriculture are among the top concerns. However, the impacts on solar sites are far less than those from housing or commercial development, which can create permanent and irreparable harm. At the end of a solar project’s lifecycle, the panels can be removed and recycled and the land restored. Further, incorporating agrivoltaics into a project can blend agricultural with energy production, aiding both the landowner and community.
Collaborative communication, innovative best practices and solutionoriented discussions will be critical as we transition to a clean energy future. The opportunity for Southwest Colorado to play an important role in the energy transition is upon us, and the
Horsin’Around: An estimated 250 people, including this father and son, showed up Sun., Dec. 15, for the “Celebration of Public Lands” at Chicken Creek, north of Mancos. The event, which was sponsored by a number of organizations, was meant to call attention to the recent unlawful fencing threatening the area while “renewing our connection and appreciation for the amazing landscape that we share,” according to organizers./ Photo by Alex Krebs
more informed that residents are with factual information and a solid understanding of the positive impacts from
renewable energy development, the better for everyone.
–
Adrienne Dorsey, Durango
A way forward
Reproductive health care gets a local spin with planned clinic
by Ann Marie Swan
Former 18-year Planned Parenthood nurse Ginny Laidler has temporarily set aside her scrubs for business casual wear. It’s a new uniform of sorts, as she made her way in front of a crowd on a recent Saturday at the Durango Public Library. She was there to share progress in landing a local, independent reproductive health clinic here, unaffiliated with PP.
Health care was just one breakout group at this event, hosted by Indivisible Durango. More and more chairs pulled into Laidler’s circle, reshaping it into a dented oval of 28 community members, squeezed in tight to hear plans and actions so far.
Her news was warmly received. But it took some explaining. Laidler’s efforts might seem to destabilize a social order in reproductive care. Although Durango’s PP clinic closed in September, the national nonprofit has earned a distinguished track record as a high-quality, affordable provider of nonjudgmental care since 1916.
Planned Parenthood has always been an inspiration. So letting go of the belief that PP can successfully return to Durango – and uniquely serve patients – is not to be taken lightly. And it’s no slight.
It’s just that changes have shifted the effectiveness of PP’s urban business model in rural areas. PP is sizable and substantial in ways that require focused attention in other arenas, including legislation, legal matters and administration on a large scale.
Conversely, with an independent clinic, a collective of local professionals can concentrate on what’s best, in particular, for patients in the Four Corners. Creating their own workplace culture matters, too.
“It’s absolutely a homegrown effort, coming from us – reproductive health care providers – seeing the need,” Laidler said. “It came from Durango.”
Within PP’s urban model was control coming from Denver, from hiring to daily scheduling, rather than locally. Some say our local PP clinic lacked agency. Staff
burnout and high turnover came in the fallout.
Of course, in rural areas, telehealth and medication abortions are vital, and advocates are bracing for these resources to be on chopping blocks in the upcoming Trump administration. But some patients require in-person procedural abortions because of, for example, miscarriage or nonviable pregnancies. After 10 weeks of pregnancy, a procedural abortion is required rather than a medication abortion.
PP has made clear it is “eager” to reopen in Durango. But, now, local providers backing the new clinic counts for a lot.
About that new clinic. The nonprofit Wellspring Health Access is launching a capital campaign in what it calls our “critically important region.” The Wellspring clinic system, rooted in bodily autonomy and expanded access to essential services, was founded by Colorado resident Julie Burkhart.
The first fundraising goal, ideally, is $750,000 by Jan. 31, 2025, to secure real estate. The total goal is $3.5 million and will fund everything, including clinicians’ salaries, supplies, an administrative team and more.
Like Wellspring’s first clinic in Casper, Wyo., the fullspectrum Durango clinic will have a no-turn-away policy and welcome patients who can’t pay.
The new clinic would also meet the needs of travelers from states with limited or restricted abortion access. In September 2023, Adrienne Mansanares, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains, told Colorado Public Radio, “About two out of every five of our abortion care patients don’t live in Colorado.”
That’s quite a lot of people coming to Colorado for abortions. And more are expected in 2025.
As a nurse at PP, Laidler has done everything from performing ultrasounds and assisting in procedures to managing the clinic and holding hands of patients. Add to her skillset, organizing people who want to help in roles not yet defined. For now, donations are most beneficial.
“We need everyone on board in our communities, in all of our grassroots efforts, to provide and care for each other,” she said.
For more information on the local clinic effort, go to: wellspringaccess.org or email hello@wellspringaccess .org. Donations can be sent to: P.O. Box 236, Durango, 81302.
Ann Marie Swan is a former opinion editor at The Durango Herald and The Journal in Cortez. She has worked in newsrooms at the Rocky Mountain News, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, and Pacific Stars and Stripes in Tokyo. ■
Former Planned Parenthood nurse Ginny Laidler is helping to start a local, independent reproductive health clinic. The independent clinic would provide care separate from national nonprofit Planned Parenthood./ Photo by Ann Marie Swan
Bassist Zach Carr on Desert Child’s musical alchemy BetweentheBeats
by Stephen Sellers
HDark magic
appy New Year, dear readers. Wishing you a warm holiday season with lots of snow and somewhere dry and safe to sleep if you live outside. For this week’s “Between the Beats,” I spoke with the bass player beneath Desert Child’s wings, local ecotherapist Zachary Carr. Setting aside those renegade desert raves you hear chapped lips whisper about, if Durango’s wilderness therapy WhatsApp masses had a musical rallying call, it almost certainly would be played by Zach and his bandmates. Forming out of the ashes of Durango Tire Fire in 2022, Desert Child has quickly grown to be one of the town’s top acts, with countless sold-out shows and a slew of wildly successful pop-up festivals under Carr’s production company, Southwest Fest. I recently sat down with Zach to get the scoop on Desert Child’s New Year’s Eve operation, the tension between public and private gigs, and what’s on the horizon for Durango’s beloved Desert Child. As always, see you on the dance floor!
SS: Desert Child was a local cult favorite well before your first public show in 2022. What dark magic is this?
ZC: A lot of us were field guides at Open Sky. Open Sky was just such a beautiful community of field guides and friends of field guides, so we kind of had this really supportive community. The most successful and meaningful music is the soundtrack for a time, place and community. The Beatles were in London in the ’60s, right? And there is a Durango scene. There is a vibe here, and it is about connection to place, connection with nature and connection with each other in this new movement of being more vulnerable, more in our hearts and jettisoning some of the destructive or toxic culture we grew up with.
SS: What are the lessons or ideas you all have taken as field guides and therapists into a creative act?
ZC: In any group, there’s always conflict. You just can’t get around that. Our time at Open Sky gave us a lot of communication skills to work with each other. It’s not that we’re free from conflict, but we have an edge.
SS: Tell us about the tension of performing original music as well as booking private events, weddings
and playing covers to help make a living.
ZC: It’s a major tension, and I think … tension is good. Tension is where creativity comes from. So much has changed in the music industry, particularly with Spotify and streaming services. It’s changing so fast, day to day. So, there’s a different octave to the art, which is not the art of music but the art of music business. The weddings and the art are almost two separate entities, two rooms in the same house, and they’re being held in tandem. It’s a perpetual balancing act. It’s OK to receive a livelihood from art. If (2000s rapper) Soulja Boy can be a millionaire, then I can own a home in Durango.
SS: Soulja Boy, tell ’em! What’s up for the band on New Year’s Eve?
ZC: We’re hosting the Legends of Rock! Desert Child will cover the Beatles, and Desiderata will cover Fleetwood Mac, all at Stillwater Music’s Lightbox. It’s one of the best spots to experience music in Durango. We’re going to have Esoterra Cider there as well. People can find information for tickets in Desert Child’s Instagram bio.
SS: 2024 saw the departure of beloved bandmate and the centerpiece of Desert Child, Dan Hayden. Amidst the grief, what’s on the horizon?
ZC: There’s some open territory for us to explore. In 2024, we parted with Dan, who contributed so much to our sound and songwriting process. So, now there’s a lot of space that’s opened up. It’s been daunting and intimidating. How are we going to fill the void that this huge powerhouse brought? On the artistic front, there’s a new sound we’re cultivating and exploring. There’s that feeling you get as a musician when you’ve written something and you’re over the moon about it. At a certain point, it doesn’t even really matter what other people think about it. We’re on to something, and we’re having fun. ■
Desert Child, from left: Brian Ross, Alec Mayes, Clarke Reid, Ari Newman, Zach Carr. / Courtesy photo
Zach Carr
Eating more fruit
And other small victories in a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad year
by Jesse Anderson
My wife asked for a divorce via email shortly before the New Year last year, so it ended up being my first Eve alone in more than two decades. As such, I set the bar super low per resolutions, because 2024 wasn’t looking good, and hard resolutions are difficult to keep, so I went with “eat more fruit.”
It was an obvious choice, because my youngest daughter had latched onto the “buy two, get one free” deal on sliced fruit at the grocery store, and since the fridge in my new place was full of it, I ended up eating some cold cantaloupe stoned. It was delightful, so, I figured eating more fruit would be easy. But next, I lost my job in February right when fruit started getting more expensive, which cast a little shade on my resolution. Yet I kept buying two and taking home three, because even after a divorce and layoff, my goal seemed doable.
And then a sheriff’s deputy in California called to tell me he had found my oldest daughter. His tone was conversational and upbeat, but in retrospect, he sounded that way, because he was out of breath. I took his words to mean that my daughter was in trouble and he had saved her. But then he clarified by saying she was “unresponsive,” and “sir, she’s deceased. Is your daughter Catelynn Anderson? Does she have lots of tattoos?”
The pain was insane and almost ineffable. Every parent fears this moment and tries to imagine what it would feel like, but even my most dire approximation was way off. The unimagined version is physically crippling and perversely extreme. The world looked washed-out. I didn’t blink, my breath was shallow, and I felt transported, if that makes sense. The deputy’s voice sounded tiny through the phone, but right after his words translated, that “shock” they tell you about thunderstruck me. Everything halted, and I felt stuck between reality and pretend.
snot on the floor. We didn’t find any answers, because there weren’t any, so she left. That night, the only thing in my fridge that sounded palatable, and I’m not making this up, was fruit.
This was June, and in July, my dog Yoda also died. My youngest daughter was at camp – working her first real job, not just camping – and she took the news like she has been taking everything lately: in stride. Yoda “belonged” to her, but he was up my butt since day one. He came to work with me, and then I stayed home with him. You may remember Yoda, because that little black Pug was part of Durango for a while as well.
But when it happened, Yoda’s death straightup sucker-punched me. I broke down in my new Portland apartment because bad things aren’t supposed to “come in fours.” I was loud, and I knew it, so I went on the terrace, and then down to the street to breathe. It was drizzling and dark, it really was.
When I got back, there was a note taped to my door that said, “Please be quiet, you’re scaring my cat.” And the girl who had left it had drawn a little heart in lieu of a period. I’ll tell you, if not for that little heart, I might’ve burned the apartment complex to the ground. Coming back to a note like that after a year like this was a straw heavy enough to break any back.
Instead, the truly pathetic part is that I started to worry about her cat and felt bad. I went inside. I got drunk stealthily, and then even after losing my wife, job, daughter and dog in true country song fashion, I ended up “eating more fruit.” It was a little win in a sea of loss.
I put that note in my desk drawer just in case I’d need it later to start a small, albeit growing fire, and then I called an old friend to gripe. It helped when I didn’t think it could. Another friend laughed heartedly at my ludicrous circumstances, and then suggested I sacrifice a goat to appease the random god I’d angered. It’s as good advice as any, when you think about it.
Then the deputy said to “hold on,” because he was getting another call, and when he came back, he said someone with a Colorado area code was on the other line. Then he asked, “Would you like to be the one to tell the mother? I think this is her.”
No. No, I would not “like” to be the one to tell my ex-wife that her daughter has taken her own life. But there’s no better way to phrase what he had asked me, and he was doing me a favor by calling – usually, the duty is left to an agency that takes forever – so I didn’t take it personally.
I said “yes,” and then I called my ex. I said “Hello,” and she said “What?” because something in her knew. I said, “She’s gone,” Terra, my ex, screamed “No!” and then hung up. She rang my doorbell 12 minutes later, and we cried forever while trying to figure it out. I got
See? If it had been a difficult resolution, like “not drinking” or “not making bad decisions,” that nonsense would’ve gone out the window. So, after my ex left, I got high and ate watermelon – please know my daughter would’ve approved.
Durango, you should also know that Catelynn was cradled by you. Stillwater taught her music; she went to one of your middle schools and two of your high schools; she worked at a few of your restaurants and one of your hotels; she snowboarded your mountains. For a period, if there was something fun going on downtown, Catelynn was there. Then she moved to Oregon with a wonderful gentleman named Malik, and we all followed a year later. After Catelynn passed, Malik posted an album to his Spotify featuring all the songs Catelynn had created, and doing so gave her digital immortality. Her work is on literal canvases in our homes, her tattoos are inked permanently on our skin, and on lucky strangers. That’s what’s left.
Today, I’m just doing my best, because it’s all I’ve got. Catelynn put a few of her first tattoos on her mom and me, so she left her marks on us indelibly. That feels good. Her sister is doing well, which feels better. And even though it’s a bit early, I’ll announce my resolution for 2025 now: “use lotion sometimes.”
Dry skin is annoying, and the “sometimes” will set me up for success.
***
Catelynn, I’ve been messaging you via Facebook. I’m not sure what else to do with the jokes only you would understand. Thank you for calling Kinley and saying what you did, thank you for the candid videos and talks in the days before, and thank you for making me a father. Thank you for your forgiveness. I really do feel like I have you with me still, so everything is OK. We have your art, and you have our love. Nobody who knew you will forget you.
Jesse Anderson is the Telegraph’s former “40 -year-old intern” and lead apocalyptic writer. He lives in Portland, Ore.
FlashinthePan Burn, baby, burn
Saying so long to ’24 with flaming crème brûlée
by Ari LeVaux
The dark days of winter have a way of making humans hunger for light. But sometimes pretty lights might not do it, especially if we are bidding farewell to a dumpster fire of a year. Sometimes we gotta just straight-up light stuff en fuego.
This is for all the people who don’t have one of those silly crème brûlée torches. If you’ve been melting your crèmes brûlée under the broiler, like a sensible person, you get a star. And if it never occurred to you to simply ignite a bunch of sugar and booze atop a bowl of solid eggnog, you’re excused.
The bourbon and sugar bonfire atop this custard burns not to destroy but with a clear purpose: to form a penetrating sauce that will soak into the custard and stiffen into a topping that’s firm yet soft, quite distinct from the rock-hard exo-
skeleton of a typical crème brûlée. In our case, the bourbon prevents the melted sugar from recrystallizing into a glassy sheet.
As it burns, we’ll toss a pinch of cinnamon in, which will sparkle like miniature fireworks. A fitting grand finale, as we show the door to 2024.
The flavors of orange juice, nutmeg and bourbon balance each other, while adding excitement to this otherwise mild-mannered custard.
Orange Eggnog Crème Brûlée Flambé Fills four small ramekins
Custard:
2 cups cream
4 egg yolks
¼ cup sugar
2 t. freshly ground nutmeg
¼ cup fresh orange juice + 1 T. OJ concentrate
1 T. vanilla extract
¼ t. salt
4 buttered ramekins
Optional: thin-sliced orange peel for the garnish
Preheat oven to 325. Place an edged cookie sheet on the top rack. Pour two cups of water into the sheet (to create steam for the custard). Heat the cream slowly in a heavy-bottomed pan. Meanwhile, combine the yolks, sugar, nutmeg, orange juice, vanilla and salt in a mixing bowl. When the cream starts to simmer, add it slowly to the mix, stirring in a little at a time to temper the yolks. (“Temper” means combining the yolks with the hot cream in a smooth, controlled way that doesn’t cook and curdle the eggs.)
Add the warm batter to your buttered vessels, place them on the cookie sheet in the steaming water, and bake for an hour, until bubbling evenly and the entire surface shrinks and hardens into a darker yellow.
Remove from oven. If serving right away, prepare to light your fire. If serving later, allow to cool to room temperature. Keep chilled until ready to serve.
Flaming Bourbon Sugar Sauce:
2 T. white or turbinado sugar
2 T. brown sugar
4 T. bourbon
Cinnamon for the flame
Mix the sugars and pour a tablespoon
of whiskey into each ramekin. Garnish with orange peel. Light with a longnecked BBQ lighter and let burn for about 30 seconds while you toss three or so pinches of cinnamon into the flames. Finally, add a tablespoon of sugar mix to each flaming ramekin, and allow the flaming whiskey to dissolve the sugar. When the fire dies, it’s ready to serve. Happy New Year. ■
Thursday19
Snowdown Beer Release with live music by Rob Webster, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.
Irish Jam Session, 12:30-3 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.
“Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol” presented by Merely Players, 2 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr.
Board Game Sundays, 2 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.
Weekly Peace Vigil & Rally for Gaza & Palestine, every Sunday, 4 p.m., Buckley Park
Blue Moon Ramblers play, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.
Charlie Henry plays, 6-9 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.
Santa & Mrs. Claus Visit the Mountain, 1:30-3 p.m., Purgatory Resort Ski Beach
Monday23
Free Strength and Balance Yoga for cancer survivors, 9:30-10:20 a.m., Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Register www.cancersupportswco.org/calendar
Happy Hour Yoga, 5:30 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.
Leah Orlikowski plays, 5:30-10 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.
Joel Racheff plays, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.
Comedy Open Mic, 7 p.m., The Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.
Swing & Brewskies dance lessons, 7-9:30 p.m., Durango Beer and Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.
Tuesday24
Christmas Eve at Stillwater Music, 4 p.m. and 5:30 p.m., Stillwater Music, 1316 Main Ave., Suite C
3rd Avenue Luminaria Display, 5-10:30 p.m., Boulevard Neighborhood Association (BNA) along E. 3rd Avenue
Terry Rickard plays, 6 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.
Donny Johnson plays, 6-9 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.
Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.
Wednesday25
Christmas Day
Ongoing
SJMA Christmas Trees for Conservation Lot, thru Dec. 21, 12-6 p.m., D&SNG parking lot
“Interconnected Net.of.Light” by Heidi Chowen, thru December, The Recess Gallery at Studio &, 1027 Main Ave.
Christmas Tree Drop Off, thru Jan. 31, Santa Rita Park, 149 S Camino del Rio
Happy Holidays!
from 11th Street Station
• Check out our NYE Party, Tues., Dec. 31
See our website for tickets and info.
• Warm up with our our heated outdoor seating Open daily at 11 a.m. • 11thstreetstation.com
AskRachel At a loss, vive la résistance and key party
Interesting fact: An eggcorn is a word or phrase misheard and altered in a plausible way. This was supposed to be a fact about potlucks, but an eggcorn sounds tastier than my last potluck contribution, so here we are.
Dear Rachel,
I was at a potluck recently. On the way out, I realized I lost my keys. Six or seven people stayed to tear apart the house. They texted people who left to see if anyone had the keys. A half hour later, I found them. In my own purse. I was so embarrassed, I called an Uber and asked him to circle the block a few times then drop me back off at my car. I think no one is the wiser. But I want to thank everyone who helped. What’s a good way to show my appreciation?
– Potluck Unlocked
Dear Lock With No Key,
You owe everyone dinner. And not another stinkin’ potluck, where someone brings their grandma’s secret casserole and someone else brings a 60-piece McNugget as if that’s the same. You owe everyone a freaking meal, or at least a round of coffee, next time you get together. Presuming they’re willing to invite you.
– Jimmied wide open, Rachel
Cowboy Tuesdays, every other Tuesday, thru April 15, 12 noon-3 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.
“Given Time: Sensory Aesthetics of Reclamation,” exhibit exploring Indigenous relationships to land, FLC Center of Southwest Studies. Show runs thru April 24, 2025.
Upcoming
Tom Ward’s Downfall Celtic music with guests Bangers and Blunders, Sat., Dec. 28, doors 6:30 p.m., The Subterrain, 900 Main Ave.
New Year’s family friendly celebration, Tues., Dec. 31, 9:30 a.m.-12 noon, The Powerhouse, 1333 Camino Del Rio
Jason Thies and Jeff Haspel play, Tues., Dec. 31, 5:30 p.m., The Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.
New Year’s Eve Torchlight Parade and Fireworks, Tues., Dec. 31, 6-6:30 p.m., Purgatory Resort
Elder Grown New Year’s Eve with Yope, Tues., Dec. 31, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.
Dear Rachel,
We’re barely a month post-election, and I’m already exhausted by the news cycle. I know it’s designed to wear us down. To make the ludicrous seem normal so we start to accept it. I need some little rebellions to keep myself sane. What are your ideas?
– Rebel Rouser
Dear Small Acts,
I hate to sound like a Hallmark card, but remember to take care of yourself: go for a walk, eat good food. Talk with friends. Dig out your basement for whoever needs to hide there as part of the next underground railroad. Undermine authoritarianism by continuing to live as if you’re free. Get sleep. And always, live by the golden rule, not whatever it’s being replaced with.
– Doing unto others, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
The person who normally plans the small office holiday party is having a medical procedure and the task has fallen on me. We’re a tiny crew but spanning I think, best guess, five decades (from 20s to 60s). The party is during the work day so booze is minimal, but we’re supposed to be entertained and
New Year’s Eve White Party with live dance performances and DJ Vanny Vance, Tues., Dec. 31, doors 8 p.m., American Legion, 878 E. 2nd Ave.
Glitter & Glam New Year’s Eve Party with 100 Year Flood, Tues., Dec. 31, 9 p.m., The Subterrain, 900 Main Ave., Ste. F
Blues Night with Ed Squared Blues Band, Thurs., Jan. 2, 5:30-7:30 p.m., Mancos Brewing, 484 Hwy 160 E., Mancos
Mountainfilm on Tour, Sat., Jan. 11, 6:30 p.m., Kendall Mountain Community Center, Silverton
Snowdown 2025: Board Game Edition, Jan. 22-Feb. 2, 2025.
Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.
Please include:
• Date and time of event
• Location of event E-mail your stuff to: calendar@durango telegraph.com
Email Rachel at
“cutting loose” for three hours or so. How do I keep everyone happy and having fun?
– Pressed into Service
Dear Party Planner,
Make it a key party! No, no, not THAT kind of key party. Rather, think Christmas party meets Easter egg hunt. At the start, collect everyone’s keys in a hat. Then, everyone draws a set and gets to hide them wherever they please. Then, you spend the party looking for your keys. Last one to find theirs has to clean up.
– Keyless functionality, Rachel
FreeWillAstrology
by Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you worked eight hours per day, seven days a week, it would take you 300 years to count to the number one billion. I don’t recommend you try that. I also discourage you from pursuing any other trivial tasks that have zero power to advance your long-term dreams. I will ask you to phase out minor longings that distract you from your major longings. I also beg you to shed frivolous obsessions that waste energy you should instead devote to passionate fascinations. The counsel I’m offering here is always applicable, of course, but you especially need to heed it in the coming months.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 1951, author Norman Vincent Peale was working on a new book. As he wrote, he would regularly read passages to his wife, Ruth. She liked it a lot, but he was far less confident in its worth. After a while, he got so discouraged he threw the manuscript in the trash. Unbeknownst to him, Ruth retrieved it and stealthily showed it to her husband’s publisher, who loved it. The book went on to sell 5 million copies. Its title? “The Power of Positive Thinking.” I hope in 2025 you will benefit from at least one equivalent to Ruth in your life. Two or three would be better. You need big boosters and fervent supporters. If you don’t have any, go round them up.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I love how colorfully the creek next to my house expresses itself. As high tide approaches, it flows south. When low tide is on its way, it flows north. The variety of its colors is infinite, with every shade and blend of green, grey, blue and brown. It’s never the same shape. Its curves and width are constantly shifting. Among the birds that enhance its beauty are mallards, sandpipers, herons, grebes, egrets and cormorants. This magnificent body of water has been a fascinating and delightful teacher for me. One of my wishes for you in 2025 is that you will commune regularly with equally inspiring phenomena. Extra beauty should be on your agenda!
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Just 81 billionaires have commandeered half of the world’s wealth. Those hoarders are usually taxed the least. How is it even possible that such a travesty has come to pass? I wonder if many of us non-billionaires have milder versions of these proclivities. Are there a few parts of me that get most of the goodies that my life provides, while other parts of me get scant attention? The answer is yes. For example, the part of me that loves to be creative re-
ceives much of my enthusiasm, while the part of me that enjoys socializing gets little juice. I suggest you explore this theme in coming months. Take steps to achieve greater parity between the parts of you that get all they need and the parts that don’t.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Anthropologist Robin Dunbar theorizes that most of us have limits to our social connections. Typically, our closest circle includes five loved ones. We may also have 15 good friends, 50 fond allies, 150 meaningful contacts and 1,500 people we know. If you are interested in expanding any of these spheres, the coming months will be an excellent time to do so. In addition, you might also choose to focus on deepening the relationships you have with existing companions and confederates.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” was the best-selling novel of the 19th century. It was written by a Virgo, Harriet Beecher Stowe. Her story about the enslavement of African Americans in the U.S. was not only popular. It awakened many people to the intimate horrors of the calamity – and ultimately played a key role in energizing the abolitionist movement. I believe you are potentially capable of achieving your own version of that dual success in coming months. You could generate accomplishments that are personally gratifying even as they perform a good service for the world.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be teased with an abundance of invitations to grow in 2025. You will be encouraged to add to your current skills and expertise. You will be nudged to expand your understanding of what exactly you are doing here on planet Earth. That’s not all! You will be pushed to dissolve shrunken expectations, transcend limitations and learn many new lessons. Here’s my question: Will you respond with full heart and open mind to all these possibilities? Or will you neglect and avoid them? I dare you to embrace every challenge that interests you.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpioborn Rudolf Karel was a 20th-century composer who created 17 major works, including symphonies and operas. His work was interrupted when Nazi Germany invaded and occupied his homeland. He joined the Czech resistance but was eventually arrested and confined to Pankrác Prison. There he managed to compose a fairy-tale opera, “Three Hairs of the Wise Old Man.” No musical instruments were available in jail, of
course, so he worked entirely in his imagination and wrote down the score using toilet paper and charcoal. I firmly believe you will not be incarcerated like Karel in the coming months. But you may have to be extra resourceful and resilient as you find ways to carry out your best work. I have faith you can do it!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): What is the perfect gift I could offer you this holiday season? I have decided on a large square black box with nothing inside. There would be a gold ribbon around it bearing the words, “The Fruitful Treasure of Pregnant Emptiness.” With this mysterious blessing, I would fondly urge you to purge your soul of expectations and assumptions as you cruise into 2025. I would give you the message, “May you nurture a freewheeling voracity for novel adventures and fresh experiences.”
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): One of my paramount wishes for you in 2025 is this: You will deepen your devotion to taking care of yourself. You will study and learn more about the sweet secrets to keeping yourself in prime mental and physical health. I’m not suggesting you have been remiss. But I am saying this will be a favorable time to boost your knowledge to new heights. The creative repertoire of self-care that you cultivate in the coming months will serve you well for the rest of your long life.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): To fulfill your life mission, to do what you came to earth to do, you must carry out many tasks. One of the most important is to offer your love with hearty ingenuity. What are the best ways to do that? Where should you direct your generous care and compassion? And which recipients of your blessings are likely to reciprocate in ways that are meaningful? While Jupiter is cruising through Gemini until June 2025, life will send you rich and useful answers to these questions. Be alert!
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Mysteries of the past will be extra responsive to your investigations in 2025. Persistent riddles from your life’s earlier years may be solvable. I encourage you to be aggressive in collecting previously inaccessible legacies. Track down missing heirlooms and family secrets. Just assume that ancestors and dead relatives have more to offer than ever before. If you have been curious about your genealogy, the coming months will be a good time to explore it. I wish you happy hunting as you search for the blessings of yesteryear – and figure out how to use them in the present.
Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.
Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum.
Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check. (Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)
Ads can be submitted via: n durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133
Lost/found
My Cat Cid is Missing Long hair, white with black spots, green eyes. Last seen near 18th St. and E. 2nd Ave., by St. Columba. Reward. Call 970-403-6192
Announcements
Cheap, Cheap!
Discounted Early Bird Tickets to 2025 Durango Wine Experience on sale December 1-31. Get your tickets before prices go up @ durangowine.com
MeetMarket
Very Kind and Understanding straight white male, 40s, nonsmoker, in shape!! New to Durango area, hoping to find single woman who have the time to make the trip to Purgatory for ''snow tubing.'' Email: Awsomejim3000@gmail .com or call 719-985-1935
ForSale
Seasoned Firewood
Cedar, piñon, oak – delivery and stack available. Text 9707596900 for pricing.
Reruns Home Furnishings
Lots of new furniture/cool furnishings for home, office or dorm. Nightstands, coffee tables, kitchenwares, rugs and more. Also looking to consign smaller furniture pieces. 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.
ForRent
Professional Offices Downtown near Main Ave, sunlit patio with Buckley Park views. Lease terms negotiable. 970.247.1233
Wanted
Female Seeking Home Share Excellent references. 970-759-9287.
Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970259-3494.
Books Wanted at White Rabbit Donate/trade/sell (970) 259-2213
Services
Boiler Service - Water Heater
Serving Durango over 30 years. Brad, 970-759-2869. Master Plbg Lic #179917
Need Help With Yard Work? and raking leaves or shoveling snow? Call Chris 970-317-5397. Hourly rate plus a flat rate if I haul debris off to the dump
Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.
BodyWork
Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.
No Telegraph Dec. 26 & Jan. 2
Don’t take it out on the moose – we warned you.
Due to Christmas and New Year’s falling on our regular press day (Wednesday), the Telegraph will be closing up shop Dec. 26-Jan. 2. But don’t worry, we will be back in action for the Jan. 9, 2025, issue.
‘Yule Log 2’ Festive feeding of the Hallmark holiday film to the wood chipper – Lainie Maxson
