Durango Telegraph - January 10, 2018

We Y Stew

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Jan. 10, 2019 Vol. XVIII, No. 2 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Try, try again

Not just for Tums

Going to the dogs

Council leans toward second tax attempt on April ballot p8

The phantasmagorical world of cave sculpture p12-13

Auction of bedazzled boards to benefit Humane Society p14

lineup

boilerplate

4 La Vida Local

Taxing questions

City Council considers returning to voters for round two in April

4 Thumbin’ It

Saying goodbye

by Tracy Chamberlin

5 Word on the Street

11

6 ReTooned 6-7 Soapbox

Under the sea “Aquaman” lacks depth and meaning, but that doesn’t spoil the fun

10 Mountain Town News

by Willie Krischke

11 Cinemascope

12-13

12-13 Day in the Life

Caving in

16 Flash in the Pan

A look at some of Mother Nature’s finest architectural wonders

17 Top Shelf

photos by Stephen Eginoire

18-20 On the Town

14

20 Ask Rachel

Going to the dogs

21-22 Free Will Astrology

Powder Hounds auction to benefit La Plata County Humane Society

by Zach Hively

22 Classifieds

16

23 Haiku Movie Review On the cover: Icicles create a prism through which to view the freeze-thaw world of Durango after a series of storms hit the area./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Ready Eddie ’Bama blowout, Supersuckers turn the big 3-0 and Magic Beans

by Chris Aaland

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph

Ear to the ground:

“You had coffee in your hot tub this morning? How did you come to work?”

– Incredulous exchange between local office workers over the motivation-sapping effects of a good soak

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Tracy Chamberlin, Jesse Anderson, Zach Hively, Luke Mehall, Willie Krischke and Shan Wells

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwa, booze and flattery.

PHONE: 970.259.0133

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8

RegularOccurrences

The inbox seems a little quieter and the pages a little emptier at Telegraph HQ this week as we say goodbye to longtime contributor Stew Mosberg. Mosberg, whose 77 years belied his trademark fedora, strong handshake and straight-shooting charisma, died the evening of Mon., Jan. 7, in hospice care after only recently being diagnosed with kidney cancer.

Practically since the Telegraph’s inception, Mosberg has been a mainstay of our fare, churning out hundreds of stories on Durango’s arts scene, as well as going out on a limb to expose the more progressive and experimental artists in town. Often, the ink was barely dry on one story before he was off covering the next.

“The loss of Stew leaves a huge crater in the local arts community,” Studio & owner Tim Kapustka said. “He was a voice not just for the arts community but the artists themselves. And that’s a huge difference.”

Kapustka recalled how, when he was starting his contemporary art studio on Main Avenue eight years ago, he was met with skepticism. “A lot of people just said, ‘OK, well good luck,’” he recalled. But not MosStew Mosberg berg. “Stew flat out asked, ‘You think this is gonna work?’ I said ‘Let’s try,’ and he said ‘OK, good enough for me.’”

Of course, eight years later, Studio & is thriving as Durango’s hub of cutting-edge, thoughtprovoking, quirky, homegrown art.

But more than being a champion of artists, Mosberg had the ability to pick up on bigger and more experimental ideas of artistic expression that infiltrated our otherwise small town arts scene. Kapustka speculates this aptitude came from Mosberg’s Brooklyn, N.Y., roots.

“Stew’s from New York City; he was worldly,” said Kapustka. “He made sure a spotlight was shined on those things.”

Kapustka points to Mosberg’s coverage of such things as Durango’s 20Moons dance company.

“That’s big city stuff. Stew got that,” he said. “He helped us all not only be better, but bigger.”

Before coming to Durango, he ran an alternative arts newspaper in Summit County. He moved West to ski before being recently sidelined with hip issues, although he often talked of getting back on the slopes.

Mosberg, who lived in Bayfield, is survived by his daughter, Jen Ortado, son-in-law Victor Ortado and granddaughter, Sydney Ortado – all of Bend, Ore. He is also survived by his girlfriend (and childhood sweetheart), Sharon Krinsky, who moved to Bayfield from New York a few years ago.

A fundraiser to help cover Mosberg’s hospice expenses will be held Jan. 28 at the Durango Arts Center. A celebration of his life is planned for the spring. (More info on this in upcoming issues of the Telegraph.)

In the meantime, favorite memories and Stewisms can be posted to his page at www.caring bridge.org.

Jan. 10, 2019 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal Drinking the Kool-Aid In my last “La Vida” I wrote about how I was going to start writing less about politics. Then I thought about it some more – I don’t want to write less about politics. I just want to write about things in a critical way, and not just appease one side or another. You know, I want to be a real human being and not a political pundit.

Two years ago, after we elected Trump, I found myself soul searching. I wanted to become more engaged in civics but where would I be the most useful?

I searched far and wide. I sat down with a senator, spoke on the phone with the directors of environmental organizations and sought out the most important people in the media that I know. I sat on the top of a mountain and meditated. I went to church and prayed. I sweated out my sins in a hot yoga class. I checked out books from the local Church of Scientology.

Still, I got no clear answers. Until, the day I met Colorado’s outgoing governor, John Hickenlooper. If you’ve been reading my columns, you know that I think Hickenlooper is a bit of a clown. I think this for two main reasons: first his drinking water from the Animas River after the 2015 Gold King Mine Spill; second his response after the 416 Fire last year, when our air quality was at a hazardous level he basically told the tourists to keep coming, disregard your health and go to Durango, no matter the cost! It seems like the guy is always downplaying serious events and bowing down to the almighty tourist dollar. And I get it – we need tourism, but is it really more important than the health of the people who live and visit here?

Most of all, though, I wanted to meet with “Hick” because I thought he might tell me who started the 416 Fire, since we don’t know. It’s one of the biggest mysteries, right up there with the aliens in Roswell and if Trump really did give Putin a hand job in that Russian hotel.

One of my favorite parts of being a writer is feeling special. Sometimes at events, I’ll get a media pass or score some free drinks. The best part is getting to interview famous people. I’ve gotten to speak with some of my favorite rappers, authors and notables in the outdoor industry.

So I definitely felt special when Hickenlooper’s team agreed that I could meet him. It wouldn’t be for a formal interview, more of a meet and greet over beers in the evening. Perfect, I thought. I like beer.

I caught him out of the corner of my eye right when I walked in. There he was, “Hick” – jean jacket and all. This guy is my parents’ age, and he

looks pretty damned good, I thought to myself. Must be all that clean living and microbrews.

Luke, keep focused. You must ask him about the 416. Don’t back down.

You’re a reporter dammit. The public deserves to know how that fire was started. If an individual had started that fire, you better believe that they’d be forced to pay for it for the rest of their lives. Get to the bottom of this.

So I sat down and started with some pleasantries. I had a couple Cheetos and an IPA. I told him I was a climber, and I’ve been in love with Colorado for 20 years. I expressed concerns about issues like Bears Ears National Monument, and we even realized we had a couple mutual friends. Hick told me how we got busted growing pot in his closet in high school, and about his days in the oil and gas industry. It was going pretty well. I like Hick, I started to realize. Keep focused, the angel on my shoulder seemed to say.

“So, Hick, can I call you Hick?” I asked.

“Sure,” he responded.

“You know you have a history of downplaying environmental events in this area, and I’ve criticized that in my writing,” I explained, as he nodded his head. “What I’m the most curious about is the 416 incident. Did you really direct the Forest Service to not announce what started that fire?”

“Good question, Luke,” he looked serious.

Just then, out of nowhere, a joint floated across the room into Hick’s hands, and surprisingly he took a big hit. And, then he passed it to me. Now I had quit the day before, but what was I to do?

The governor of Colorado was handing me a joint.

I took a couple puffs and passed it to the left.

Suddenly I was high AF. I looked back at Hick and all of a sudden, the room started to spin. I couldn’t get my wits about me.

I felt that fine line between being high and panicking. Just act normal, ask Hick another question.

“Hick, I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” I asked.

“It’s OK Luke, we were talking about sports,” he said. “Yeah, the Broncos aren’t doing so well, are they?”

We talked about how Broncos until I started to get the spins.

Hick whispered in my ear, “I had a good run, didn’t I?”

– Luke Mehall

Luke Mehall is the publisher of The Climbing Zine and the author of five books, including The Desert, which is due out this spring.

Thumbin’It The swearing in of Gov. Jared Polis, helping to change Colorado’s oncetarnished reputation as the “hate state” to one of acceptance, inclusivity and forward thinking Predictions this week that Colorado will experience more of a “soft landing” from the economic recovery, with expansion expected to continue through 2019 despite global and national trends The recent string of storms helping to boost the San Juan, Animas, San Miguel and Dolores basin’s snowpack to 78 percent of average

4 n Jan. 10, 2019

This Week’s Sign of the Downfall: Visitation at Lake Nighthorse falling short of expectations last summer, which resulted in an $85,000 loss in revenues for the City An unusually temperamental and unstable snowpack even for the San Juans leading to the state’s first avalanche fatality of the season last weekend during what was supposed to be an avalanche safety course Donald Trump’s fallacy-laden, fearmongering, sensationalistic plea to the American people this week, which set a new, pathetic low for presidential “theatre” from the Oval Office

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Over the Top

Just in case America wasn’t overly-macho enough for you, we’ve invented a new professional sport that combines arm wrestling and kickboxing: XARM. Opponents strap their wrestling arms together and then try to knock each other out with their free hand. they’re also allowed to kick with either foot. The person who pins their opponent’s hand first wins.

And yes, there’s an XARM video game coming out soon.

WordontheStreet

Q

With the triumphant return of winter to Southwest Colorado, the Telegraph asked, “What have you missed most about winter?”

Angel Romero

“Seeing snow for the first time ever.”

Linda Morris

“Taking walks in the snow and observing all the beautiful hoar frost.”

Trevor Lovato

“Great ski days at Purg.”

Ashley Lovato

“Snowdown.”

Todd Glase

“Boating in the springtime.” telegraph

Jan. 10, 2019 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

The Women’s Wave rally is Jan. 19 To the editor, Two years ago, the day after Mr. Trump’s inauguration, women and men from across the U.S. turned out in record numbers for the largest single-day protest ever, speaking with one voice against misogyny, racism and petty cruelty. Indivisible Durango staged one of the 700 worldwide marches right here. Last year, we did it again, inspiring ourselves and our community to make a real difference in 2018. Hundreds turned out. And, as you know, La Plata County had a 62 percent turnout for the November election – an unheard of participation rate! As a result, we helped elect men and women who share our concerns for the environment and for our children, for affordable health care and meaningful investments in our country, and for competency in government.

If you are one of the people who smiled, or even teared up, to see so many new women join Congress just a few days ago, to hear so many people of different colors and religions and ethnicities recite their Constitutional oaths, then you will want to join us Sat., Jan. 19, to celebrate “Women’s Wave – Building Power” march. Join us, and your sisters and brothers across the country, as we gather inspiration and determination to support and care for each other, our children and our planet. The march starts at 10:30 a.m. at the train station and goes to Buckley Park, where there will be a rally with music, signs, energy and inspirational speakers. See you there!

– Anne Markward, Indivisible Durango

Build picket fences, not walls To the editor, Nancy Pelosi has joked about “The $1 Wall” she’d support or 2,000 miles of a hippy-beaded wall. Kidding aside, security costs for our government will increase substan-

tially, even with a $100 billion steel wall, if the Democrats “scream Uncle.”

Why not have our government give parcels along the border to U.S. military coming home from overseas,

homeless vets – sky’s the limit – on which to build their homes with red, white and blue picket fences? Anyone from Mexico would think twice about scaling a picket fence, uninvited, where gun-trained homeowners live.4

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6 n Jan. 10, 2019

telegraph

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Better yet, why not have picnic areas every few miles on the border for everyone, including children. The U.S. and Mexican folks could share in pot lucks and save mucho bucks in security!

– Sally Florence, Durango

Hemp a growing opportunity To the editor, In 2013, I received a call from Majority Leader Mitch McConnell asking me, as a member of the Senate Agriculture Committee, to support a pilot program to allow farmers to grow hemp. Knowing Colorado farmers’ interest in the crop, I jumped at the chance and pushed to include the program in the 2014 Farm Bill.

Over the next four years, Colorado’s hemp industry boomed. From 2014-18, our hemp cultivation increased six-fold. As the industry grew, I visited hemp businesses and farms across our state, including stops at State Sen. Don Coram’s operation in Montrose and at Colorado Cultivars in Eaton. Each visit underscored the crop’s versatility and potential. Coloradans were turning hemp into clothing, food and animal feed. They were making plastics and CBD oils for pain and inflammation. In short, they were turning this new crop, which is well suited for our arid climate, into a welcome source of income.

But as Colorado’s hemp businesses have continued to grow, they have run into obstacles from Washington. Our farmers are worried about maintaining access to their water. They are unable to buy crop insurance or transport seeds. Some have encountered red tape opening a bank account or applying for federal grants.

In response, Coloradans have taken action. When the state passed a law to protect water access for hemp growers, our office followed the lead and introduced similar legislation in Congress. We pressed the Obama administration to make federal resources available to hemp growers. More recently, we pushed the Trump administration to help them access banking services. Last

spring, we introduced a bill to legalize hemp as an agricultural commodity.

We had a breakthrough this year when the Senate Agriculture Committee adopted our language to legalize hemp in the 2018 Farm Bill. Now that we’ve passed the Farm Bill, and the President has signed it into law, hemp cultivation is fully legal for the first time in 50 years. That means less uncertainty and more opportunity for hemp farmers, small businesses and manufacturers.

In the years since McConnell’s call, I’ve learned more about hemp than I ever expected. More than anything, it’s given me the opportunity to see more of our state’s boundless creativity, determination and entrepreneurship. In the face of barriers and uncertainty, Coloradans have led the country in demonstrating hemp’s potential.

If we continue to curb Washington’s influence, there’s no limit to what our state can achieve.

– Sen. Michael Bennet, D-Colo.

Trump’s great American lies To the editor, We are now in a government shutdown, and Trump said, “Good, I’m having my New Year’s party in Florida, and you taxpayers are paying for my tents at a cost of $54,000. Thanks so much. But what a party it will be.”

I would like to mention that the POTUS has stated he is proud to be American and wants to make America great again … whatever that means. America has always been great. Just ask our migrants who have come to our shores.

Trump in his mind has made America great again by doing the following: • Hanging around criminals starting with his lawyer, Cohen; Flynn; Manafort and others. Chumming up to dictators and leaders from Russia, Turkey, Syria, China, North Korea, Phillipines while insulting NATO and putting strains on Canada, Great Britain, Germany, Italy, France and all in NATO; • Using his foundation to pay for his own oil painting

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to hang in his own property from moneys given to him

by GOP supporters. Are you one? The state of New York is checking on this as a crime run by his daughter and family with no board meetings for 19 years.

• Trump has lied to the American people over 5,000 times and just lately to the military on their pay raise stating they received only one in the last 10 years. A big, big lie. He has proven he knows more than the generals – five have left in two years.

• The emolument clause means nothing to him. All staff stay at Mar-a-Lago. You pay for their rooms, the money goes in his pocket.

• Trump said Mexcio is going to pay for the wall.

America is great, that’s why you don’t leave. I hope you have a great 2019, but read the paper and not fake news.

– Bob Battani, Durango

Homeless commentary hits home

To the editor, I just wanted to thank Sarah Rankin for her lovely piece on the homeless (“La Vida Local,” Jan. 3). It was a beautifully written and thoughtful commentary, and should be required reading for every citizen of Durango.

Her son sounds like a great little guy, too.

– Jane Dunn, Durango

“We’ll print damned-near anything”

The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to the public to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only three requests: limit letters to 750 words, letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your insights by Tuesday at noon to: PO Box 332, Durango, 81302 or e-mail your profundities to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com. Let the games begin ...

Jan. 10, 2019 n 7

TopStory

While talking to voters about the recent defeat of Question 2A – a November ballot measure meant to raise taxes to pay for needed infrastructure and a new police station – the Durango City Council floated the idea of redirecting funds from parks, trails and open spaces. But, an outcry from residents quickly squashed the idea./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Try, try again?

City Council leans toward second attempt at tax increase on April ballot

by Tracy Chamberlin

A

fter suffering a devastating loss in the November elections, the Durango City Council appears to be looking at a second attempt this April.

Councilors discussed the possibility at a meeting Tuesday afternoon of returning to voters in the spring to ask for a tax increase meant to boost city coffers. This time, however, the talk was focused on a simple sales tax increase limited in scope and length.

Swing and a miss

Last November, City Council asked residents for a combination of sales and property tax increases to help pay for street maintenance, infrastructure, additional police officers and a new police station. But, the measure – Question 2A – was voted down 61 percent to 39 percent.

Immediately following the defeat, city staff and council organized resident “Listening Sessions,” which were meant to find out not only why the measure failed but why it failed by such a large margin.

Mayor Pro Tem Melissa Youssef said she felt the respondents generally fell into two camps: those who thought the ballot measure was too broad and the increase was too high; and those who felt the city already had enough fund-

8 n Jan. 10, 2019

JusttheFacts

What: City Council Study Session on possible April tax ballot measure When: 4 p.m., Tues., Jan. 15 Where: City Hall, 949 E. 2nd Ave. For info.: www.durangogov.org ing, it just needed to reconsider its priorities.

By trimming the original request – shortening the length of the tax, making it only a smaller sales tax, limiting its use to streets and with backing from a community-driven committee – it could be something that would change the minds of voters in the first camp, Youssef explained.

Instead of asking for a combination of property and sales taxes, the council focused discussions Tuesday on a simple sales tax – specifically a ¼ percent. Members also did not bring up a new police station or the need to hire more officers. It was all about streets.

In addition, they considered the length of the tax and even talked about a limit of six years, which would coincide with the expiration of a ¼-cent sales tax dedicated

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to open space and trails.

“If we could simplify it, make it shorter term and make it a very specific ask for a specific reason … maybe there’s a possibility that would help us get to our mutual goal of general fund sustainability,” Youssef said.

City Councilor Dean Brookie said there was no question the additional funds are needed and this is the time to make it happen. But, after such a resounding defeat in November, he said he did not want to move forward if the community wasn’t on board.

Councilors floated the idea of a community-driven committee being the force behind another ballot measure. “I think that’s key,” Brookie said.

Youssef backed the notion, adding that any new ballot measure cannot be just Council-driven. “I’m willing to continue discussions and see who steps forward to support this,” she said.

Parks and Rec funds a no-go

During the Listening Sessions, some residents began to question spending on parks and recreation. It was even suggested funds could be rerouted from two sales taxes dedicated to parks, open space and trails away from their intended purpose and toward needed infrastructure projects. 4

Currently, almost a third of the city’s sales tax collections goes directly to parks and recreation.

Every receipt in Durango includes a 7.9 percent sales tax, 3 percent of which goes to the City. Of that, 2 percent goes into the city’s general fund while the remaining 1 percent is split, with a ½ cent going to parks and recreation, a ¼ cent for open space and trails, and another ¼ cent to pay the debt on past Florida Road improvements and library construction.

Durango Mayor Sweetie Marbury said she was seriously considering the idea of redirecting those funds, something that would require voter approval. However, following the most recent Listening Session – held Jan. 3 in conjunction with the Parks and Recreation, Natural Land Preservation, and Multimodal advisory boards – she’s no longer on board.

Not only were all three boards against the idea, residents came out in force to oppose it.

When the ½-cent and ¼-cent taxes were approved by voters in 2015 and 2005, respectively, it was with the caveat that those funds be used specifically for parks, open space and trails. Many residents and board members said they were concerned that asking the voters to redirect those funds toward other things – even investing in needed infrastructure or to hire police – would break the community’s trust.

All council members Tuesday said they heard the public and were not interested in pursuing the idea of redirecting those funds.

Tick tock, tick tock

Although City Councilor Chris Bettin was a part of the discussions via teleconference, councilors delayed any official decisions until all five members could discuss a possible April ballot measure face-to-face. Therefore, a special study session was scheduled this coming Tues., Jan. 15, at 4 p.m.

The meeting was quickly added to the calendar because the clock is ticking. The deadline to submit a measure for the April ballot is Feb. 1, and not all council members are

La Plata County came to voters to ask for a property tax increase to pay for specific road maintenance projects in 2015 and 2016, but the measure failed to get voter approval. It turns out, though, city residents did approve the tax increase (both times); it was county voters who overwhelmingly defeated the measures. This is a fact city staff were quick to point out during Tuesday’s City Council meeting./ File photo on board with going back to voters.

“At this time, I’m still skeptical on the timing,” Bettin said at the meeting Tuesday.

He was concerned with returning to the voters so soon, particularly after what he called a “severe defeat” in November. Other council members, however, said April is their best chance at passage.

“The November ballots are toxic,” City Councilor Dick White said. “If (the voters) turn us down, that’s their will.

But I think we have to make the most prudent ask we can.”

According to City Manager Ron LeBlanc, the city has

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consistently had better results on the April ballot. La Plata County, the Durango 9-R School District and the state can only come to voters in November, so it’s an opportunity for the city to go solo.

Another reason for the push to come to voters this spring is that April elections are only held in odd-numbered years. Therefore, there wouldn’t be another chance like this until 2021.

“I appreciate (the) view about maybe waiting, but April’s looking like an opportunity,” Marbury said. “If it gets turned down, it gets turned down.” n

Jan. 10, 2019 n

9

MountainTownNews Where have all the skiers gone?

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It’s a different time for the ski industry than when Grand Targhee opened in late 1969. Baby boomers were coming of age, and America was increasingly prosperous. Innovations had made skiing accessible to the merely athletic and not the truly adventurous. And, not least, wide-bodied jets had made long-distance travel possible.

Skiing was booming. Grand Targhee, on the western side of the Tetons near Driggs, Idaho, was one of 97 ski areas in the United States founded during the 1960s, according to the International Skiing History Association. Others included Breckenridge, Keystone, Park City, Crested Butte, Ski Apache and Purgatory. Plus Jackson Hole, in Wyoming.

The pace slowed to 23 new ski areas in the 1980s and just eight in the 1990s. There were still significant acreage expansions at ski areas. Vail basically doubled in size during the late 1980s and 1990s, for example. But the best mountains had been taken.

Skier days began flattening. In 1978-79, national skier days were at 50.2 million (not counting Pacific coastal states). The highest they’ve reached since was 60.5 million. Last year, a drought year in Colorado and other states, they fell back to 53.3 million.

Participation, however, has not kept up with population. For more than 15 years, the ski industry has been pondering how to pick up the pace. That dilemma was discussed recently when Mike Kaplan, chief executive of Aspen Skiing Co., met with local elected officials.

Kaplan described a “flat skier-visit environment.” The four ski areas in the Aspen area did about 500,000 skier days in 1967-78, the year Snowmass opened. By 1993 it was doing 1.4 million skier days.

Since then, that number has changed little except for a dip during the recession a decade ago.

The critical problem identified at a meeting covered by The Aspen Times is that ski areas remain heavily dependent upon the same folks who produced the big gains in the 1960s and 1970s, baby boomers who, by the way, are overwhelmingly white guys.

Baby boomers have been aging out. They were responsible for 31.1 percent of skier visits nationwide in 2005-06, notes the Times.

That had dipped to 14.8 percent last season, despite discounted tickets for older skiers.

Older skiers are valuable to the ski industry because they tend to have the time and money to spend more time on the slopes: 9.1 days for those 65 years of age and older. That’s the highest of any age cohort other than those 17 and younger.

Too, there’s more competition, as was observed by Kaplan and others, including cruises, beach getaways, and trips to Las Vegas.

But, a youth movement is occurring, Adrienne Saia Isaac, marketing and communications director for the National Ski Areas Association, told the Times. Generation Z, ages 21 and younger, comprised 34 percent of skier visits last season, making them the largest age group. Gen Xers (aged 38-53) and millennials (ages 2237) have been “holding steady” in skier visits, she said. However, they ski and ride less than prior generations.

For at least 15 years, the ski industry has been confounded by the rapid drop-out rate of beginners. Only 19 percent continue on to become proficient and long-term customers. “There have been a number of successful innovations that would make a difference if more widely adopted,” Rick Kahl, editor of Ski Area Management, an industry publication, said. Too often, though, ski schools reject those changes and marketing departments resist spending the necessary money.

Most rental cars not equipped for snow BRECKENRIDGE – The Summit Daily News recently set out to find out what visitors coming from Denver International Airport would find in rental vehicles for a trip to mountain resorts.

The results? Something less than comforting. Of the six carrental firms, only one said it could guarantee a four-wheel or allwheel drive vehicle. True, the vast majority of their SUVs and pickup trucks come equipped with all-wheel or four-wheel-drive capability. But no guarantees. And snow tires? Forget about it.

In other words, many of the vehicles driven by out-of-state visitors to Colorado mountain resorts do not meet the state’s requirements for driving in inclement weather.

It used to be called the chain-law. But most rental car companies prohibit use of chains. One company told the Summit Daily this rule stems from fear that chains could damage the vehicles or because

10 n Jan. 10, 2019

telegraph

many people don’t know how to properly install them.

Of course, how many ski town residents know how to use chains anymore? In the good old days, say the 1970s and 1980s, they used to be part of the essential tool kit.

Utah’s alcohol threshold lowered PARK CITY – To be on the safe side when visiting Park City, one drink of alcohol should do it with dinner for a 150-pound man.

Under Utah’s new blood-alcohol threshold of 0.05 for drivers, two drinks in an hour will push him over the limit.

For a 120-pound woman, even one drink in an hour might be too much, according to figures from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. The new limit is the lowest in the state. Utah was among the first states to adopt the now standard 0.08. Prior to that, it was mostly at 1.0.

BuzzFeed points out that the federal agency has long advocated for a 0.05 percent limit for all states. Each day, an average of about 29 people die in the United States in alcohol-related deaths.

The Park Record reports that DUI arrests have dropped more than 50 percent over the past seven years, despite a booming population.

What will be the effect on tourism? The Park Record talked with David Corsun, who directs a hospitality management school at the Daniels College of Business. “If you really want to ski Utah, you’re going to ski Utah,” he said. “You’re just going to figure it out.”

Utah has long had among the most restrictive laws governing alcohol in the United States, owing to its domination by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Mormons, as members are commonly known, do not believe in alcohol consumption.

Until 2017, state law required bartenders mixing drinks to do so behind partitions, commonly called Zion curtains.

Holy Cross takes step toward renewables GLENWOOD SPRINGS – Just like that, Holy Cross Energy had taken a giant step toward its pledge to achieve 70 percent carbonfree electricity to members in the Vail and Aspen areas.

The Glenwood Springs-based cooperative announced a two-way power purchase agreement that will enable development of a new 100-megawatt wind farm.

This new wind power will allow Holy Cross to hit its goal of 70 percent renewable energy by 2021. That is nine years earlier than was promised in the pledge announced in September.

Holy Cross’s new partner is Denver-based Guzman Energy, a wholesale power provider. Guzman two years ago partnered with Kit Carson Electric with the goal of developing solar resources to push that co-operative based in Taos, toward 100 percent renewables.

However, the new agreement also sees coal playing a role in the power mix for the foreseeable future. Holy Cross has partial ownership in a coal-fired power plant at Pueblo, and Guzman will use output from that power to supply both its New Mexico and Colorado customers.

Emma joins ranks of digital know-it-alls WHISTLER, B.C. – You’ve probably heard Apple’s know-it-all Siri or Amazon’s Alexa. Now comes Emma, the not-quite-know-it-all from Vail Resorts.

Vail Resorts launched the new digital assistance service at Keystone earlier this season and, it now has added Vail, Beaver Creek, Breckenridge, Park City, Whistler Blackcomb, Heavenly, Northstar and Tahoe.

The system, explains Whistler’s Pique, uses artificial intelligence and natural language processing to answer questions. To pose one, users are asked to send a text message. They will get a response or be directed to a “live agent” via text.

“Right now, Emma’s just a baby, and these are baby steps,” Marc Riddell, communications director for Whistler Blackcomb, explained. “But eventually… it’s going to be able to answer guest questions about the resort, about their vacation, about lifts, things to purchase – all that sort of stuff.”

Others questions Emma will be equipped to answer, says Pique, is how long the wait is at the gondola. And where can you smoke a joint at Whistler?

– Allen Best

CinemaScope

The Little Mermaid on steroids ‘Aquaman’ plays to 13-year-old mindset – and what’s so wrong with that?

by Willie Krischke

M

aybe DC will be able to right the ship after all.

“Aquaman,” which was directed by James Wan, who made his name on horror films like “Saw” and “Insidious,” is a clear step away from the dour tone of previous movies in the DC Universe (“Wonder Woman” excluded.) Zack Snyder has been either promoted or demoted to executive producer, and I much prefer Wan’s style to Snyder’s. The gloom and darkness is gone, as are the fight scenes punctuated by crunching bones. “Aquaman” is bright and energetic, full of exciting visual panoramas, and a lot of fun.

Jason Momoa plays the titular character, and watching him reminds me of watching pro wrestling bouts. There’s that sense of goofy violence, that smirk and showmanship in his performance. He’s charismatic, covered in Polynesian style tattoos, and he doesn’t take himself, or the movie, too seriously. There’s not a lot of humor in “Aquaman,” but when it pops up, it’s provided by Momoa, whose timing is great. Watch out, Dwayne Johnson; Momoa’s vying for your place in the sun.

“Aquaman,” or Arthur, is the progeny of a lighthouse keeper and the queen of the sea (Nicole Kidman,) who returned to her oceanic realm when he was young in order to protect him. She submitted to an arranged marriage, bore a son to the evil king, and now that son (Patrick Wilson) is Evil King 2.0, unfortunately named Orm (no wonder he’s mad all the time.) Casting Patrick Wilson in this role was a mistake; Wilson excels at playing men who look the part – tall, square jaw, muscular – but are crippled by self-doubt and fear. He made a lot more sense as Nite Owl in “Watchmen.” Here, he’s limited to a glower and a lot of expositional dialogue.

Orm wants to unite the various underwater kingdoms and launch a war against the landlubbers because of all the garbage they’ve thrown into the ocean over the years.

Wan decides not to lean into this environmental angle, unfortunately. There’s supposedly a garbage patch twice the size of Texas floating in the ocean that would’ve made for a great setting for a superhero battle. He instead delivers scene after scene that look like they’re from the live-action remake of “The Little Mermaid.” Not that I’m complaining. This is a movie to see in 3D, or IMax if you can – there’s a lot to look at.

While Orm attempts to unite the underwater kingdoms, Arthur, who doesn’t really give a damn about anything but beer and motorcycles, is sought out and

convinced by the king’s advisor, Vulko (Willem Dafoe, looking even weirder than usual with a man-bun) and Mera (Amber Heard), a beautiful redheaded mermaid, to try and stop the underwater king’s vendetta. Vulko is an old friend of Arthur’s, he’s the one who trained him in the ancient tradition of trident-fighting. It’s not clear why they care about the surface world, or how they convince Arthur to care. Up until that point, he seems like the kind of guy perfectly content to let the world burn around him. But this isn’t the kind of movie that’s going to invest a lot of time and energy into character motivations.

Another underdeveloped theme in “Aquaman” is the subject of Arthur’s biracial identity. While he feels conflicted, like he belongs in neither world fully, Mera and Vulko are convinced this is a gift; he can bridge the two worlds and bring peace. It feels like DC is checking off a list of politically relevant themes here without really digging into them, which is too bad; a slightly different movie might have commented on the themes of racial purity that are present in both “Wonder Woman” and especially “Black Panther,” adding an important nuance to the conversation about racial identity we seem to be having these days via superhero movies.

But maybe we’re all just really tired of our fantasies being invaded by political and cultural realities and complex questions. Cinema is supposed to be a place for escapism, right? The action sequences in “Aquaman” are kinetic and exciting, largely because there’s hardly any cutting from one scene to another. Wan has diagrammed everything out so that he can switch between parts of a battle without switching camera angles. Physical stunts employ clever editing to disguise the limits of frail humans doing really dangerous things. Wan recognizes that if everything is being done on a computer, those camera tricks aren’t necessary any more, and action scenes can be edited entirely differently. That level of thought and care pays off. If I’m going to watch CGI creations battle other CGI creations this is the way I want to watch it.

In order to stop Orm, Arthur must go on a quest to recover a long lost golden trident, which, like a certain sword in a certain stone, will only be granted to the true king. Once he finds it, we get the supremely weird sensation of hearing Julie Andrews, a week after deeply feeling her absence in “Mary Poppins Returns,” as a gigantic, telepathic sea monster.

“Aquaman” is without a doubt a movie designed to thrill and entertain 13-year-old boys, and to sell merchandise. DC continues to fail to give a more mature audience anything more interesting or nuanced to notice or enjoy, the way that Marvel often does. At this point, I’m wondering if that’s intentional. I don’t hold it against them. Based on DC’s box office performance, a lot of us enjoy movies that make us feel, for a moment or two, like a 13-year-old boy, and for me, “Aquaman” succeeds at that. It’s forgettable, empty of meaning, a bit of fluff and stuff that will be gone before we even notice. I’m fine with that. It’s a film about a superhero who can breathe underwater, after all. But at least it’s not all dark and tortured and gloomy. n

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Get a taste of the Telegraph Dining Guide Listings in the Dining Guide include a 50-word description & your full-color logo for the screaming deal of just $20/week.

Email: lainie@durangotelegraph.com

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Below the surfac

by Stephen Eginoire

I

was going to do another photo-filled essay about mou snow and exciting winter recreation, but given the recent a of shoveling, snow-blowing and terrifying avalanche con in the backcountry, I thought I’d give our readers a break from and go ahead and feature something completely different: C That’s right, calcium carbonate! What could be more excitin one of the most common chemical compounds found in the In the subterranean realm that exists beneath our feet are vas where this otherwise boring substance takes on an unimagina of its own. Slowly depositing drip by drip, mineral-laden water ing through layers of limestone bedrock build incredible form that are eons in the making. Here in the Southwest, we hav of the most scientifically relevant (and beautiful) caves kno exist in the world. Here’s a look at a few CaCO3 specimens t sure to peg your imagination:

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Flowstone towers called stalagmites grow in technicolor patterns toward dripping with water.

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untains, amount nditions all that CaCO3. ng than world? st caves able life rs seepmations ve some own to that are

New Mexico has some of the finest caves in the world. In rooms like this, calcium carbonate is deposited in ways that defy explanation.

a ceiling

graph

“Mammilaries” (technical term) are formations that occur under water. The striking line seen above indicates a former water level in a pool basin.

“Cave pearls” occur when trace amounts of water deposit calcium carbonate on small rocks and pebbles.

Jan. 10, 2019 n 13

thesecondsection Moneypenny makes an appearance on “You’re IT” by Rachel Bishop, seen here at the La Plata County Humane Society. Fifteen local artists donated their work on second-hand snowboards, which will be sold to benefit the animals./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Boards like s’no other Humane Society enlists local creatives for first Powder Hounds Art Auction

by Zach Hively

T

he old joke in Durango (and probably in other mountain towns) is that you can’t call yourself a local until you have a Subaru and a dog. Arguably, you also need the right gear for your winter sports of choice. Snowboarding may be the most controversial of the options, but now’s the best chance to pick up a new board without earning any muffled scoffs from ski purists. The La Plata County Humane Society is holding its first-ever Powder Hounds Art Auction, featuring 16 repurposed snowboards decked out by 15 local artists.

“The Powder Hounds Art Auction is a month-long, ongoing silent auction of snowboard art, created by local artists who donated their time and their skill to us,” Humane Society Marketing and Development Coordinator Emily Phillips said. They are on exhibit in 11 locations around Durango, and folks can bid on them online through Feb. 3. Proceeds will benefit the Humane Society.

The concept is the brainchild of local artists Wendy Niziol and Ray Phillips (no known relation to Emily).

Rather than holding the art auction in a single place on a single night, or packaging it with another event, the couple conceived the format as a way to showcase local artists and, ideally, raise awareness (and funds) for the

14 n Jan. 10, 2019

JusttheFacts

What: Powder Hounds Art Auction When: Through Sun., Feb. 3 Where: See and bid online at www.powderhounds art.com or www.lpchumanesociety.org; or see the boards individually on display at: La Plata County Humane Society; Riverview Animal Hospital; Ska Brewing; Rusty Shovel Saloon, Harley Davidson; Durango Coffee Roasters; Ski Barn; Purgatory Sports; D&SNGRR depot; Pet Haus; and Upper East Side Liquors.

Humane Society.

After all, the animals are what the art auction is really all about. Niziol and Ray Phillips were unable to contribute to this story due to snow – perhaps they have yet to invest in the right Subaru – but Emily recounted the auction’s origin story.

A little while back, Wendy and Ray came down to donate at the Thrift Store and saw the shelter dogs in the play yard next door. They decided to head over to say “hi,” and next thing you know, they were getting a tour from the adoption counselor. “Once they left, they said, ‘What can we do to help?’” Emily recalled.

The couple schemed ideas on the drive home. Both are prolifically creative – Wendy works in architecture and photography, Ray in graphic design and mixed

telegraph

media – and so it was only natural they would turn to art as a way of helping the animals. They had seen similar fund-raising concepts in the past with skateboards and wanted to try the idea with snowboards, so they reached out to Emily and Humane Society Director Chris Nelson.

“We were just blown away by this really cool idea,” Emily said. “We have to give a big shout out to Wendy and Ray. They really steamrolled this into where it is now.”

And where it is now is that 15 local artists have put their artistic flourish on snowboards to be auctioned off. The boards – which are for display only and not intended for the slopes – are all repurposed, either collected from the Humane Society Thrift Store or donated by friends of the shelter. Ray removed all the bindings and primed the boards before handing them out to the participating artists, who were given free rein to create on these nontraditional canvases as they saw fit.

Some designs are animal-oriented. Others are character-driven, feature landscapes or are completely abstract. “They each have their own beauty, their own style,” Emily said. And in every case, it’s somehow poetic that a snowboard’s second life will go to support animals, many of whom are themselves looking for their second chances.

Aside from Wendy and Ray (who designed two4

boards), the other participating artists are Carol Balke, Lauren Bell, Peter Ladd Berriman, Rachel Bishop, Federico L. Carbone, Chad Colby, Katsola (who goes by one name), Karen Littfin, Donny Phillips, Susie Cheney Ralston, Sandy Rusinko, Kent Wacasey, and one anonymous artist.

Three of these artists, Emily noted, are also employees at the Humane Society. “They all were just excited and happy to do this and to donate their time and their really creative skill that I do not have,” she said, laughing. “That’s what I love about our town.

Everyone’s so supportive of the different nonprofits.

It’s a great way to get the artists out there to show their work, too … It’s a really great collaboration.”

The Powder Hounds concept is something different for the Humane Society fundraising slate. The nonprofit has its other annual fundraisers and awareness events, such as the Bark and Wine gala, Bow Wow Film Fest, and Adoptathon. Emily said this is the first time the Humane Society has done an art auction, and it’s an avenue she was excited to explore.

One of the benefits of this format is that bidders are not limited to the Durango area. In fact, the Humane Society is encouraging locals to share the auction with friends outside the city and state. Not only will more competition bring in more funding for the animals, but promoting the event also has the side effect of raising awareness for all that the Humane Society (and other no-kill shelters across the country) does for the community.

“One of our main things is behavioral and medical rehabilitation,” Emily explained. “Every animal that comes in gets assessed, gets an exam, gets vaccines.

They get spayed and neutered, and they get microchipped. If an animal has some behaviors that need worked on, we have a trainer and she works with those behaviors to make sure these animals are their best selves when they leave the shelter.”

The Humane Society also provides low-cost spay and neuter clinics and vaccinations to the public. In addition, it provides courtesy holds for displaced animals of community members during whatever difficult times they may be going through. (For instance, the shelter housed more than 130 animals affected by last summer’s 416 Fire.) The shelter also offers a “Senior for Seniors” program that pairs pets older than age seven with people over age 60, and a “Pets for Vets” program for veterans. All this is on top of the regular ol’ adoption services that find homes for dogs, cats and other animals.

All the proceeds from the Powder Hounds Art Auction will go straight back to the Humane Society to support such services, just as Wendy and Ray first envisioned.

Such fundraisers are vital to the Humane Society’s survival, Emily said. “We are a nonprofit. We rely heavily on donations. So we really do look for the community to join us and support our mission, and to know their funds are staying right here locally and are helping the animals, providing the best treatment for them.”

Bidding is live now – and it’s the perfect excuse to spruce up your home with one-of-a-kind local art.

And if it all goes well, this style of auction could become an annual event for the Humane Society. Who knows? Maybe next year, artists will paint some Subarus. n

8 This snowboard, “Painted Veil,” designed by

Lauren Bell, is on display at the Humane Society Thrift Store. Other snowboards are on display at various locations throughout town (see breakout box on opposite page) or online at www.powderhoundsart.com. Bidding ends Feb. 3./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

c i ture p a y . u ..

B

it lasts longer.

Some of the amazing photos you see in the Telegraph are now available to purchase online, in digital or print. (*for personal enjoyment and use only.)

To find out more, go to durangotelegraph.com and click on “buy photos.”

telegraph

Jan. 10, 2019 n 15

FlashinthePan

Aquafaba-lous

by Ari LeVaux

O

f all the things to feel bad for vegetarians over, bone broth is up there with bacon. Making a proper broth without assistance from the animal kingdom is nearly impossible. Vegetables can impart an array of subtle aromas. Mushrooms will fill a pot with mysterious and meaty umami, and herbs might add complexity, but those are merely flavors in your mouth. Broth needs to be felt in your body. Your bones, as it were. For that, it needs a foundation of protein.

Luckily for plant eaters, beans can do the job. They make a surprisingly good broth.

You’ve probably noticed the otherworldly satisfaction that a bowl of miso soup delivers. Miso is fermented paste of a soy bean. Soy sauce, known for its rich meaty flavor, is fermented as well. Based on what miso and soy sauce bring to the table, it’s no huge surprise that broth made from other types of beans can get the job done, too. Compared to fermenting, bringing a pot of water and beans to a boil is a quick and easy way to unlock the power of the fabacea, also known as the legume family.

The purest form of bean broth is called “aquafaba,” a newly minted French word that refers to the leftover water from cooking beans (it literally means “bean water” in Latin.)

Aquafaba has become a star in the vegan community, especially when made from garbanzo beans, thanks to a unique set of properties. For starters, when whipped, it will stiffen, just like an egg white. In addition to being a popular egg replacer, it’s used to make vegan meringue, pudding and mayonnaise.

I couldn’t get garbanzo bean aquafaba to whip, but the flavor had a musky, fungal intensity that I could see might interest the meat-deprived. Tasting the plain bean water gives insight into how a broth made from those beans would taste, so I went ahead and made some fava aquafaba, which is buttery and mild. Black bean aquafaba is too dark and astringent. Lentil aquafaba is rich and starchy. These aquafaba tests confirmed that my favorite bean to make broth from is the pinto bean, which has a soulful aroma, a creamy feel and just the right amount of bean flavor.

The difference between aquafaba and broth are the

other flavorings that get added – the vegetables, seasonings and fat that turn a subtle stock into a delicious broth.

Broth is a team player, unselfishly raising the level of the food around it, without hogging the spotlight. It’s the secret behind untold soups and sauces, a perfect liquid for deglazing a pan when re-heating leftovers, or just a liquid to sip pleasantly on a cold day.

Here’s a recipe for pinto bean broth, followed by two

recipes that, having made bean broth, you would then be in a position to follow, as they use bean broth as a raw ingredient.

In the first recipe, the beans are cooked twice, once by themselves and once with vegetables and seasonings. I use a pressure cooker for the first cooking, to speed it up, then switch to the stovetop.

Pinto Bean Broth Makes two quarts 1 cup dried pinto beans (the fresher, the better) 2 celery stalks, cut in half 2 carrots, whole 1 cup chopped tomatoes 1 onion, cut in half, unpeeled 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon soy sauce Optional: 5 curry leaves, or other soup spices (see below); bacon or some other kind of fatty pork (because pork goes with beans, it will, I’m sorry to say, make the bean broth better); 1 tablespoon butter, because butter Pour beans into the pressure cooker and rinse with cold water. Dump the water and add 3 quarts cold water.

Pressure cook for an hour, or cook for two or more hours on the stove, until completely soft.

Place beans in a pot, along with the water they were cooked in, on the stove if not already there. Add the rest of the ingredients and heat to a simmer. After about an hour, turn it down to the “lazy bubble” temperature range. Leave it there, staying barely warm until it’s needed. Add water to replace what evaporates, and what you lose as you season, taste, season, taste. Keep it simple, but make it taste good.

When the carrots start to lose their flavor, it’s done. Let it cool to room temperature. Strain the beans and veggies and set them in a cool place.

The remaining liquid is bean broth.

If you want to purify it a bit more, let it sit for a few hours or overnight in the fridge, and then decant the non-cloudy portion.

Perhaps my favorite use for pinto broth is as a water replacement when making a pot of rice. Add a few stray beans for extra color and fun. But most of the flavor and nutritional value is in that bean-based liquid.

Or, fry an egg atop a shallow puddle of boiling buttered bean broth; it cooks on the steam as the broth evaporates and thickens into a delectable sauce that is lovely with the egg.

The beans and veggies you filtered out can be fried in oil, with a little garlic, like refried beans. Mash as you fry.

Add bean stock as necessary to rehydrate these chunks with flavor.

Or, instead of adding stock to the refried beans, you can add the beans back to the broth. Don’t re-add the veggies you strained out, but you can cut up some new ones. You don’t have to add all of the beans, either. It all depends on how beany you want this chunky broth. Add those curry leaves, or some other herb, and some kind of fat. Lemongrass, coconut and tamarind is a great combination in lentil broth. And of course, when in doubt, add butter or mayo. n

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telegraph

TopShelf

‘Bama-boozled, Supersuckers and Magic Beans

by Chris Aaland

songs and old hits. Doors open at 8, with an opening set by the Hangmen at 9. ou might think a diehard Alabama fan like me would have I’ve had the pleasure of seeing the Supersuckers a handful of cried in his beer or smashed shit when No. 2 Clemson times. One epic show at the ACT, back when it was still the routed the top-ranked Crimson Tide 44-16 Monday night Abbey Theatre, began with an acoustic, solo Eddie Spaghetti set in the College Football Playoff Championship Game. Think (where he ended every song with “Cha Cha Cha”). It featured a again. spirited country jam thrown by Denver’s the Railbenders (Eddie I adopted the Tide several years ago for a variety of reasons. joined them for duet vocals on Hank Williams Jr.’s “O.D.’d in First and foremost, my father-in-law is an obnoxious Ohio State Denver”) and ended with a cowpunk rave-up. The boys moshed, loyalist who despises all things SEC. Since he lived in Birmingindeed. Not long afterward, they headlined one of the Ska anham for a few decades, he niversary parties at the particularly loathed ’Bama.

World Headquarters … one Score one for the champs.

I miraculously made it to Then, after 22 years in the end of. Mark my words: the employment of my if you are a fan of punk, altalma mater, I was fired in country or good old-fashthe same meeting as my ioned rock & roll, you’d be wife in April 2013. For 22 a fool to miss this one. years, I’d shed blood, sweat The ACT spreads the jam and tears in intercollegiate thick at 9 p.m. Sunday athletics – I was back at when Denver’s Magic work the day after my inBeans comes to town. fant son’s death and a week Their latest album, “Casino after having an artificial Cabaret,” takes its name valve placed into my heart. from a vintage sign that Four months later, Shelly hangs above one of the and I were let go – in my Mile High City’s legendary case, with no explanation venues, Cervantes Masterother than I was an “atpiece Ballroom. It’s a place The Supersuckers celebrate 30 years with a show at the ACT Friday. will” employee. During (albeit one that went by difthose 22 years, I watched mens soccer win three national titles ferent names through the years, much like the ACT) where jazz, and most of our other sports advance to the NCAA Division II soul and funk masters plied their craft for decades. The Bozeman playoffs. One team, though, struggled: football. The alma mater bluegrass band, the Kitchen Dwellers, opens. ranked fourth worst in NCAA history in winning percentage. I Yeah, I watched “Friends” back in the ’90s. I wasn’t going to was rooting for loveable losers all those years. Once I became a hook up with Rachel, so I figured I might as well root for Ross. free agent, I hitched my pony to Nick Saban.

The winter portion of the Community Concert Hall season gets But one thing I always loved the most was a good rivalry: Avs under way at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday when “FRIENDS! The Muvs. Red Wings, Celtics vs. Lakers, Red Sox vs. Yankees, and Duke sical Parody” sends up the hit sitcom. Like the TV show, six vs. North Carolina were all Must-See TV in the man cave. Super twentysomethings navigate the pitfalls of work, life and love in Joe had Stevie Y. Bird had Magic. Coach K had Dean Smith. the big city in the 1990s. But leave the kids at home – this verToday, Saban needs Dabo. Three things stood out Monday night. sion is uncensored and fast-paced.

First, Saban knew he was outmatched.

One of music’s legendary debates gets waged at 7:30 p.m. SatThat’s why he kept going for it on fourth down, even when urday at the Farmington Civic Center when the ultimate mythithe game was still close. Second, Clemson dominated the line of cal battle of the bands pits the Beatles vs. the Stones. In one scrimmage on both sides of the ball. A hefty lad like me always corner, representing the Fab Four is Abbey Road, one of the appreciates when the big’uns in the trenches slap one another country’s top Beatles’ tribute bands. Featuring brilliant musicianaround. Finally, Clemson had two of the best freshmen I’d ever ship and authentic costumes and gear, they play songs that span seen, in quarterback Trevor Lawrence and wide receiver Justyn the entire career of Liverpool’s favorite sons. In the other corner Ross. Lawrence showed the poise of NFL legends like Joe Monis Satisfaction – the International Rolling Stones Show. They’ll tana or Brett Favre, with the physical attributes of John Elway. recreate the magic and music of Mick, Keith and the bad boys of And Ross? He’s a cross between Lynn Swann, Jerry Rice and Odell the British Invasion.

Beckham Jr. Barring injury, those two should be making headGet your opera on when The Met: Live in HD continues lines for decades. with a new production of Cilea’s “Adriana Lecouvreur” at 10:55 Without Clemson, there’s no mystery left in college football.

Saturday morning in the Vallecito Room of the FLC Student Dynasties like Alabama’s are boring. Rivalries breed passion.

Union. Run time is three hours, 16 minutes with a pair of interSo I raise my cup to Dabo Swinney and his charges. See you in a missions. Lecouvreur unfolds in Paris in 1730, and its setting reyear! flects a nostalgia for the Rococo era that swept over Europe and The Supersuckers return to the Animas City Theatre this the Americas around the turn of the last century.

Fri., Jan. 11, on their 30th anniversary tour. If anything, these Elsewhere: La La Bones returns to the Ska World Headquarguys are survivors. They survived punk, grunge and metal. Lead ters from 5-7 p.m. tonight (Thurs., Jan. 10) to soak in the suds singer and bassist Eddie Spaghetti survived throat cancer. Aland bathe their fans in bluegrass; and Kirk James plays solo though the lineup has changed, the bombast remains the same. blues at 6 p.m. Saturday at the Seven Rivers Steakhouse at the This time around, they open with a 45-minute country set, folSky Ute Casino Resort in Ignacio. lowed by performances of their first two records in their entirety: “Smoke of Hell” and “La Mano Cornuda.” They’ll close with new Fresh out of minimum wage? Email me at chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

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Jan. 10, 2019 n 17

onthetown

Thursday10

STEAM Lab: Snowflake Art, for ages 5-12, 3:304:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Give Hockey a Try for Free Day, 4-5 p.m., Chapman Hill. Angelabrown81301@yahoo.com for detials

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 3:30-5:30 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Apres Ski Social, part of the Purgatory Classic Alpine Race presented by McDonald’s, 4-6:30 p.m., Hoody’s at Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryskiteam.org.

Baby Meetup, 9:30-11:30 a.m., Columbine House at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 419 San Juan Dr.

Chapman Hill Dual Slalom, part of the Purgatory Classic Alpine Race presented by McDonald’s, 5-9 p.m., Chapman Ski Hill. www.purgatoryskiteam.org.

Kirk James performs, 6 p.m., Seven Rivers Steakhouse at Sky Ute Casino in Ignacio.

“Boy Erased,” feature film, 12:45, 3, 5:15 and 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre.

Open Mic 5:30-8 p.m., sign up from 3-5 p.m.; Smiley Cafe, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Sign up at 335-8929.

“Doc Swords,” PTSD Social Club for Veterans, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

Stillhouse Junkies perform, 6-8 p.m., Durango Craft Spirits Tasting Room, 1120 Main Ave., Suite 2.

La La Bones perform, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

“The Rookie” screening, 7 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

Live music and dancing with DJ Hakan, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

La Plata Quilters Guild, 6 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds. 799-1632.

Supersuckers 30th Anniversary Tour with the Hangmen, 9 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Office Hour with Councilor Dick White, 9-10 a.m., downstairs at The Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. Baby Meetup with Durango Café au Play, 9:30-11:30 a.m., 2307 Columbine. durangocafeauplay.org.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Powerhouse Pub Trivia, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.powsci.org.

Saturday12 Purgatory Classic Alpine Race presented by McDonald’s, Giant Slalom races, all day, Upper Hades, Purgatory Resort. www.rockymountainfreestyle.com or www.purgatoryskiteam.org.

Open Mic & Stand-Up, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2 Ave.

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Friday11 Silverton Mountain Women’s International Snow Day Celebration, events all weekend, Jan. 11-13, www.silvertonmountain.com.

Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

Purgatory Classic Alpine Race presented by McDonald’s, Super G races all day, Upper Hades, Purgatory Resort. www.rockymountainfreestyle.com or www.purga toryskiteam.org.

BID Coffee & Conversation, featuring talk on retail strategies, 8:30-9:30 a.m., TBK Bank, 250 W. 9th St.

Flying Dog Sled and Skijor Races, events all weekend, races begin, 9:30 a.m., Jan. 12-13, Molas Pass.

Coke Series Nordic Race Series, for skiers, snowshoers and fat bikers, 10 a.m., Durango Nordic Center. www.durangonordic.org.

Rocky Mountain Qualifier mogul competition, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., event also runs Jan. 13, Upper Hades, Purgatory Resort. www.rockymountainfreestyle.com.

VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. 247-0384.

Sensory Storytime, interactive storytime with therapeutic activities to stimulate senses, 10:30-11:30 a.m., Durango Public Library. 375-3385.

Free yoga, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Lively Boutique, 809 Main Ave.

The Met: Live in HD, featuring Cilea’s “Adriana Lecouvreur,” 10:55 a.m., Student Union at FLC. www.du rangoconcerts.com.

Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Children’s Author Visit with Brooke Smith, author of The Mango Tree, 1 p.m., Mancos Public Library.

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Lakshmiva Kirtan, featuring chanting, songs and stories, 6:30-8 p.m., YogaDurango, 1485 Florida Rd. Beatles vs. Stones: A Musical Showdown, 7:30 p.m., Farmington Civic Center. www.fmtn.org/civiccenter.

Comedy Cocktail open mic stand up, 8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave. Comedy Showcase with Tyrell Woodard, 8 p.m., live music and dancing with Prestone and Icite, 9 p.m.close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Sunday13 Traditional Irish Music Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. Bolshoi Ballet: Don Quixote, presented by WorldClass Ballet in Cinemas, 12:55 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 7 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. The Magic Beans and Kitchen Dwellers perform, 8:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Monday14 Morning Meditation, 8 a.m., Groove & Grow, 10:30 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Yoga Storytime, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Smiley Building Studio 10, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Watch Your Step class, 10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Monday Music, 10:30 a.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Mystery Book Club, 11:30 a.m., Ignacio Community Library.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m.-close,4

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Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday15

LPEA Scholarship Information Open House, 5:30-7 p.m., LPEA Headquarters, 45 Stewart St. www.lpea.coop or 382-3505.

Rotary Club of Durango, presentation from Fort Lewis College President Tom Stritikus, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel. 3857899.

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave.

“Oxeye Daisy and Pollinators,” presented by Colorado Native Plant Society, 6:30-8 p.m., Southwest Studies Lyceum Room at Fort Lewis College.

The Trivia Factory, hosted by Ben Bernstein, 6:30-8:30 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Drive.

Latin Social Nights, 8-11 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 375-2568.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday16

Free Trauma Conscious Yoga for Veterans and Families, noon-1 p.m., Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Thank the Veterans potluck, Peter Neds and Glenn Keefe perform, 5:30-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 8287777.

McDonald’s Twilight Nights Races, for skiers, fat bikers and snowshoers, 6 p.m., event also runs Jan. 23 and 30, Purgatory Resort. www.durangonordic.org.

“Friends! The Musical Parody,” 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangocon certs.com.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Ongoing

Winter Art Show, supporting Local First, thru Jan. 31, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

After-school program for first-fifth grade, 4:15-5:15 p.m. Wednesdays, Mancos Library.

Free Morning Yoga with YogaDurango, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Saturdays and Sundays, Durango Mountain Institute at Purgatory.

Live music, nightly, Diamond Belle & The Office, 699 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8th Ave.

Upcoming “Locate,” drawings by Karina Noel Hean, opening reception, 4:30-6 p.m., Jan. 17, exhibit runs thru Feb. 15, Art & Design Gallery at Fort Lewis College. 247-7167.

“Durango Rocks,” annual Chamber of Commerce awards, 5:30 p.m., Jan. 17, Community Concert Hall. www.durangocon certs.com.

“Cave Photography: Illuminating Space in the Absence of Light,” Durango Photography Club presentation featuring Stephen Eginoire, social gathering, 6:40 p.m.; meeting, 7-9 p.m., Jan. 17, TBK Bank community room, 259 W. 9th St. www.durangophotography club.com.

“The Art of Conducting” with San Juan Symphony music director Thomas Heuser, part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., Jan. 17, Roshong Auditorium, Fort Lewis College.

Russ Liquid performs with FunkStatik, 9 p.m., Jan. 17, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Big hair and big dreams ‘FRIENDS!’ comes to the Concert Hall What: “FRIENDS! The Musical Parody” When: 7:30 p.m., Wed., Jan. 16 Where: Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College Tickets: $29/$39 at www.durangoconcerts.com, 970.247.7657 or at the Durango Welcome Center, 8th St. and Main Ave. In need of a ’90s fix? The Community Concert Hall is there for you.

Next Wed., Jan. 16, the entertainment folks on the hill present “FRIENDS! The Musical Parody” to kick off the hall’s winter-spring performance season. The curtain goes up on Rachel, Monica, Ross and the gang at 7:30 p.m.

In case you haven’t guessed, “FRIENDS!” is a comedic musical that lovingly lampoons the television show “Friends” – celebrating the misadventures of everyone’s favorite group of twentysomethings as they

Full Moon Howler, featuring bonfire, s’mores, refreshments and presentation by Durango Nature Studies, 5:30 p.m., Jan. 18, Durango Nordic Center. www.durangonordic.org.

Papadosio performs, Cycles opens, 9:30 p.m., Jan. 18-

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navigate the pitfalls of work, life and love in 1990s Manhattan.

Twice extended in New York since its opening in October 2017 and called “a delightfully naughty confection,” the musical plucks the best moments from the show’s 10 years and recreates them through an uncensored, fast-paced romp. It opens during a seemingly typical day at New York’s Central Perk, until an unexpected runaway bride with beautiful hair enters the picture and kicks the gang into comedic action.

“FRIENDS!” is guaranteed to keep audiences laughing as well as tug at the heart strings recalling regular themes: Will Rachel and Ross get together? Will Monica ever find love?

Will Joey have an acting career?

Check out the behind-the-scenes preview of the show on “New York Live TV” on Youtube.

19, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Teen Game Night, 7-10 p.m., Jan. 18, Mancos Library.

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Jan. 10, 2019 n 19

AskRachel Interesting fact: The Wikipedia page on answering machines refers to “modern answering machines,” and I’m still laughing at that.

Dear Rachel, Alright. Here’s the obligatory question about the government shutdown: Why can’t we just shut the whole thing down? It makes so little sense why we just shut down part of the government. If there’s no money for park rangers and air traffic controllers, then there’s no money for Homeland Security or the presidential cheeseburger fetcher either. All or nothing, I say. And all shut down sounds better than all up-and-running at this point.

- Anne Arky Dear Fur Load, Hell yeah! Shut it all down! Just think what Patrick Henry would have to say about this wishy-washiness.

“Give me liberty, or give me a semi-functioning bureaucratic system that actually encouraged its furloughed employees to barter for their rent!” Boy, that would make a really lengthy tattoo. And I’m not even sure that tea partiers can even remember so many words at once.

Maybe we’d be better off with “Don’t tread on me until you stop dicking me over.”

– Yay, Rachel Dear Rachel, So I still have (and use) an answering machine. Not voicemail. The actual box with an actual cassette tape inside that I rewind when I get

OntheTown from p. 19 Women’s March Durango, gather at 10:30 a.m., march begins 11 a.m., Jan. 19, meet at Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad station, march moves along Main Avenue to Buckley Park.

Kirtan, 6-8 p.m., Jan. 19, Studio 10, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., Jan. 20, Elks Club, 901 E. 2nd Ave. 946-4831.

Writers’ Workshop, 2 p.m., Jan. 20, Ignacio Library.

Nappy Roots with special guest Alex Blocker, 8 p.m., Jan. 20, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

The story of the Coal Bank Pass Avalanche shared

by Jeremy Bird and Mark Helmich, hosted by Friends of the San Juans, 6-8 p.m., Jan. 22, Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.thesanjuans.org.

“Les Ballets Trocadero de Monte Carlo,” 7:30 p.m., Jan. 22, Community Concert Hall t Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

“Ode to Muir” screening, hosted by Friends of the San Juans, 7 p.m., Jan. 23, Sunflower Theatre in Cortez; film also shows 7 p.m., Jan. 25 Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.sunflowertheatre.org or www.durangoarts.org.

20 n Jan. 10, 2019

home to listen to actual messages from actual telemarketers. I got a call back from customer service the other day, and the woman was audibly distressed that she had to wait for an actual mechanical beep to leave me her message. So I’m oldfashioned. Is that such a crime? I think I’m noble to keep our traditions alive!

– Analog Lifestyle

Dear Tape Decked, But … but … but how do you hook your smartphone up to this box? I can’t even plug headphones into my newest phone anymore.

And then what? Do you carry this box around with you, hooked to your belt like my grandpa wears his flip phone? Also, can you still ignore calls and send people to your answering maEmail Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com chine? Or are you forced to listen to all 30 secI doing these hoarders (and let’s be honest, myonds of phone ringing before your boom box beeps? I’m self) a favor? so confused.

– Junk Junkied – After the tone, Rachel Dear Scrap Heaped, You don’t *ask* about making things disappear. You Dear Rachel, just *do* it. Now there’s a paper trail – thousands of My neighbors are the junkiest people on the paper trails, distributed in and around Durango and the planet. And it’s sitting right up against my surrounding areas. Do you think mobsters *ask* about property line. The unfenced portion, mind you. disappearing troublemakers? Do you think the govern(You don’t even want to see the fenced porment *asks* about disappearing democracy? No! They tion.) You name it, it’s in this pile. And I’m sure just do it. They’re like the Nike of making problems go it includes rats and black widows and bobcats. away. So you just screwed yourself, big time. Enjoy the This snow seems like the perfect opportunity pile of junk until this trail goes cold. to make some things just… disappear. Is that – Hasta la vista, baby, unethical, because the crap is not mine? Or am Rachel

The Green performs with special guests Eli-Mac and FIA, doors open, 7 p.m., show begins, 7:30 p.m., Jan. 23, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheare.com

per, author of Staying Alive in Avalanche Terrain, 6:30-8 p.m., Jan. 29, Backcountry Experience, 1205 Camino del Rio. www.bcexp.com.

“The Second City” comedy troupe, 7:30 p.m., Jan. 24, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.duran goconcerts.com.

Snowdown 2019, Get Your ComicOn, Jan. 30-Feb. 3. www.snowdown.org.

Rebecca Ray and Lisa Campi Walters perform on oboe and piano, part of the 2018-19 Recital Series, 7 p.m., Jan. 25, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 419 San Juan Drive.

Head for the Hills with special guests the Sweet Lillies, 9 p.m., Jan. 25-26, The Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

National Theatre Live Productions presents “Antony & Cleopatra,” 11 a.m., Jan. 26, also shows 1 p.m., Feb. 24, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

“The Middle East: Regional Disorder” with Katherine Burgess, part of the Great Decisions International Affairs Discussion Program, 11:45 a.m.-1:45 p.m., Jan. 26, Durango Public Library. www.fpa.org.

Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds performs 9:30 p.m., Jan. 26, Animas City theatre. www.animascitytheare.com National Theatre Live Productions presents screening of “The Madness of George III,” 1 p.m., Jan. 27, also shows 11 a.m., Feb. 9, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Meet the Author and Presentation by Bruce Trem-

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Blue Lotus Feet Kirtan, 7:30-9:30 p.m., Feb. 1, YogaDurango, Florida Road.

An Evening with Chris Robinson Brotherhood, doors open, 8:30 p.m., show begins, 9:30 p.m., Feb. 3, The Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Ave. www.animasci tytheatre.com.

“Renewable Energy with Tierra Vida Farm” with Daniel and Hana Fullmer, luncheon hosted by The Club: La Plata Dems on the Move, noon-1 p.m., Feb. 5, Double Tree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio. Register at theclubdems@gmail.com.

“The Pump and Dump Show: Parentally Incorrect,” 7:30 p.m., Feb. 6, Community Concert Hall.

Deadline for “On the Town” submissions is Monday at noon.

To submit an item, email: calendar@durango telegraph.com

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Computer-generated special effects used in the 1993 film “Jurassic Park” may seem modest to us now. But at the time they were revolutionary. Inspired by the new possibilities revealed, filmmakers like Stanley Kubrick, George Lucas and Peter Jackson launched new projects they had previously thought to be beyond their ability to create. In 2019, I urge you to go in quest of your personal equivalent of “Jurassic Park’s” pioneering breakthroughs. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you may be able to find help and resources that enable you to get more serious about seemingly unfeasible or impractical dreams.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I’m a big proponent of authenticity. I almost always advise you to be yourself with bold candor and unapologetic panache. Speak the truth about your deepest values and clearest perceptions. Be an expert about what really moves you, and devote yourself passionately to your relationships with what really moves you. But there is one exception to this approach.

Sometimes it’s wise to employ the “fake it until you make it” strategy: to pretend you are what you want to be with such conviction that you ultimately become what you want to be. I suspect now is one of those times for you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The students’ dining hall at Michigan State University serves gobs of mayonnaise. But in late 2016, a problem arose when 1,250 gallons of the stuff became rancid. Rather than simply throw it away, the school’s Sustainability Officer came up with a brilliant solution: load it into a machine called an anaerobic digester, which turns biodegradable waste into energy.

Problem solved! The transformed rot provided electricity for parts of the campus. I recommend you regard this story as a metaphor for your own use. Is there anything in your life that has begun to decay or lose its usefulness? If so, can you convert it into a source of power?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you grow vegetables, fruits and grains on an acre of land, you can feed 12 people. If you use that acre to raise meatproducing animals, you’ll feed at most four people. But to produce the meat, you’ll need at least four times more water and 20 times more electric power than you would if you grew the plants. I offer this as a useful metaphor for you to consider in the coming months. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you should prioritize efficiency and value. What will provide you with the most bang for your bucks? What’s the wisest use of your resources?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Modern kids don’t spend much time playing outside.

They have fun in natural environments only half as often as their parents did while growing up. In fact, the average child spends less time in the open air than prison inmates. And today’s unjailed adults get even less exposure to the elements. But I hope you will avoid that fate in 2019. According to my astrological estimates, you need to allocate more than the usual amount of time to feeling the sun and wind and sky. Not just because it’s key to your physical health, but also because many of your best ideas and decisions are likely to emerge while you’re outdoors.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): NASA landed its robotic explorer Opportunity on Mars in January of 2004. The craft’s mission, which was supposed to last for 92 days, began by taking photos and collecting soil samples. More than 14 years later, the hardy machine was still in operation, continuing to send data back to Earth. It far outlived its designed lifespan.

I foresee you being able to generate a comparable marvel in 2019, Virgo: a stalwart resource or influence or situation that will have more staying power than you could imagine. What could it be?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 1557, Welsh mathematician Robert Recorde invented the equals sign: =. Historical records don’t tell us when he was born, so we don’t know his astrological sign. But I’m guessing he was a Libra. Is there any tribe more skillful at finding correlations, establishing equivalencies and creating reciprocity? In all the zodiac, who is best at crafting righteous proportions and uniting apparent opposites? Who is the genius of balance? In the coming months, my friend, I suspect you will be even more adept at these fine arts than you usually are.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): There’s a modest, onestory office building at 1209 North Orange St. in Wilmington, Del. More than 285,000 businesses from all over the U.S. claim it as their address. Why? Because the state of Delaware has advantageous tax laws that enable those businesses to save massive amounts of money. Other buildings in Delaware house thousands of additional corporations. It’s all legal. No one gets in trouble for it. I bring this to your attention in the hope of inspiring you to hunt for comparable situations: ethical loopholes and workarounds that will provide you with extra benefits and advantages.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): People in the Solomon Islands buy many goods and services with regular currency but also use

other symbols of worth to pay for important cultural events like staging weddings and settling disputes and expressing apologies. These alternate forms of currency include the teeth of flying foxes, which are the local species of bat. In that spirit, and in accordance with current astrological omens, I’d love to see you expand your sense of what constitutes your wealth. In addition to material possessions and funds in the bank, what else makes you valuable? In what other ways do you measure your potency, your vitality, your merit? It’s a favorable time to take inventory.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In 1984, singer-songwriter John Fogerty released a new album whose lead single was “The Old Man Down the Road.” It sold well. But trouble arose soon afterward when Fogerty’s former record company sued him in court, claiming he stole the idea for “The Old Man Down the Road” from “Run Through the Jungle.”

That was a tune Fogerty himself had written and recorded in 1970 while playing with the band Creedence Clearwater Revival. The legal process took a while, but he was ultimately vindicated. No, the courts declared, he didn’t plagiarize himself, even though there were some similarities between the two songs. In this spirit, I authorize you to borrow from a good thing you did in the past as you create a new good thing in the future. There’ll be no hell to pay if you engage in a bit of self-plagiarism.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book is a collection of fables that take place in India. Three movies have been made based on it. All of them portray the giant talking snake named Kaa as an adversary to the hero Mowgli. But in Kipling’s original stories, Kaa is a benevolent ally and teacher. I bring this to your attention to provide context for a certain situation in your life. Is there an influence with a metaphorical resemblance to Kaa: misinterpreted by some people, but actually quite supportive and nourishing to you? If so, I suggest you intensify your appreciation for it.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Virginia Woolf thought that her Piscean lover Vita Sackville-West was a decent writer but a bit too fluid and effortless. Self-expression was so natural to Sackville-West that she didn’t work hard enough to hone her craft and discipline her flow. In a letter, Woolf wrote, “I think there are odder, deeper, more angular thoughts in your mind than you have yet let come out.” I invite you to meditate on the possibility that Woolf’s advice might be useful in 2019. Is there anything in your skill set that comes so easily that you haven’t fully ripened it? If so, develop it with more focused intention.

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Jan. 10, 2019 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

including beginners. Sat Jan 19th 9:3011:30 Smiley Studio 10. Pre-register. Minimum donation $35. More info Dr Keneen Hope DC 970-305-3239 www.hopechi royoga.com

Ski Poles Found on Florida Road on New Year’s Day. Call to identify 799-4923.

Large Dog Wheels Wanted My name is Otis, I’m 12 and 110 lbs.

My legs aren’t working as well as they used to so I’m looking for some wheels. If you have a big dog, wheel rig that you no longer need, please call my mom @ 970903-0005. Thank you.

Announcements

HelpWanted

Lost/Found

Live Old Time Music Dance Party Free Six Dollar String Band dance party and concert features a square dance fashion show (models needed) refreshments and easy square dance lesson with Caller Carla Roberts and the Wild West Squares.

Be exuberant for the New Year! Call 970903-6478 for more info on this event and new classes in January.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Wanted Turn Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. Into Cash! at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

22 n Jan. 10, 2019

Bookseller!

Avid reader wanted to share great books with our customers. Permanent, part to full time position w/ fun, hardworking team. Must enjoy some evening & weekend shifts & chocolate. Excellent customer service & computer skills required. Management opportunities available. Applications available at Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave., and online at mariasbookshop.com deadline: Noon on Monday, 01/14/2019.

6th Street Liquors Hiring 6th Street Liquors at 273 E. College Dr. is hiring. Part time & full time evening shifts avail. Shifts are from 5pm-12am.

Come in for an interview between 9:30am-4:00pm Mon-Fri with resume or drop off resume. Please, no calls.

Classes/Workshops New Year Chakra Tuning Workshop Sat., Jan. 12, 1:30-4 pm, w/experienced teacher Lynn Wickersham. Learn yogic practices to balance the energy centers in the body and create space for you and your goals for 2019! Visit https://yogadurango.com/workshops/ for details and to register.

Hope Yoga Studio Offers: Benefit for Women’s Resource Center, reduce stress and rejuvenate with gentle, restorative yoga for all ages and abilities,

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Yoga for Chronic Pain 6-Week Series Tuesdays, 4-5:15 pm at Yogadurango (Jan. 15-Feb. 19). Learn yogic practices to help recover movement in the face of persistent pain. No prior yoga experience required. Seen https://yogadurango.com/workshops/ for details.

Contact Lynn with questions: 970-7995829.

Body Rolling for Digestion Yamuna Body Rolling Workshop focusing on digestion & weight loss January 13th. www.durangobodyrolling.com Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

Services House Keeper Professional, detailed, reliable, local references Barbara 516-480-8343.

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Organic Spray Tans!

Glow for the New Year! Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

BodyWork New Year Massages!

30, 60 & 90 min. Meg Bush, LMT 970759-0199.

DurangoMobileMassage.com 20 years of Experience. Therapeutic, Rehab & Recovery, deep tissue, sports, or just relaxation. 970-799-8950. Nat’l Certified.

Massage by Cindi Sheridan!

I am very perceptive/receptive to each client’s specific needs & will schedule on wknds & early eves. Post holiday special!

Phone 769-2048! massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2018.

Couples, sauna, outdoor shower, cupping.

Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForSale Reruns – Two Stores to Choose From The New Year is here! Beautiful new arrivals – Three matched tile-topped tables, console tables & desks. Lots of new cool stuff and daily markdowns. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

CommunityService LPEA offers College Scholarships Scholarships available through LPEA. Deadline to apply is March 4. For further info and to download applications, visit www.lpea.coop or contact Jeannie Bennett at 382-3505 or jbennett@lpea.coop.

LPEA is also hosting an Open House to assist students and their parents with the application process on Tues., Jan. 15, from 5:30-7 p.m. at LPEA’s Bodo Park headquarters, 45 Stewart St.

Alternative Horizons supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence. We are in the process of recruiting advocate volunteers for our 24-Hour Crisis Line. Bilingual Spanish speaking advocates are needed in addition to English speakers. If you’d like to make a difference in the lives of others, join us Feb. 27-28 for a free, comprehensive training.

For more info call 247-4374. If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence please call our free and confidential 24-hour hotline 247- 9619.

Christmas Tree Recycling Christmas trees can be recycled at Santa Rita Park thru Jan. 30. There is no curbside pick-up of Christmas trees. Residents may drop off their natural trees, free of ornaments and tinsel, at the drop-off site near the large playground area in Santa Rita Park. The trees will be recycled into mulch.

For additional info, contact the Parks and Recreation Department at (970) 375-7321 or by email at rec@durangogov.org Applications Being Accepted for Advanced Standing MSW Program Students with a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work are eligible for a one-year Masters of Social Work program. The University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work is accepting applications for the Advanced Standing MSW program starting summer 2019. Classes are taught in Durango, in The Commons building. Stipends in child welfare, integrated behavioral health care are available. Native American tuition support

to also available. Email wanda.ellingson@ du.edu or call 247-9773 for more info.

Drinking&DiningGuide

A Call to Artists The Durango Rec Center invites artists of all mediums to display their artwork for a one-month period in the community wing hallway. Applications and info are available at durangogov.org/index.aspx?NID=532 or at the Rec Center. For questions, contact John Robinette at 375-7323 or via email at john.robinette@durangogov.org

Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956 www.himkitchen.com Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free.

Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. - Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m. Closed 2:30 to 5 daily $$

Nonprofit Looking for Community Reps to Join International Team ASSE International Student Exchange Programs is seeking individuals to serve as representatives in their local communities. ASSE provides academic year and semester exchange programs in the U.S. for high school students from around the world. Students are 15 to 18 years of age, have passed a series of academic and character requirements, and are awaiting an opportunity to embark on their American Adventure. 1-800-733-2773 or email us at asseusawest@asse.com. Check out the website at host.asse.com.

HaikuMovieReview ‘The Little Hours’ Perhaps these jokes were a lot funnier in the fourteenth century – Lainie Maxson

Crossroads Coffee 1099 Main Ave., 970-903-9051 Crossroads coffee proudly serves locally roasted Fahrenheit coffee and delicious baked goods. Menu includes gluten-free items along with bullet-proof coffee, or bullet-proof chai! Come in for friendly service and the perfect buzz!

Hours: Mon.- Fri., 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. $ BREW Pub & Kitchen 117 W. College Drive, 970-259-5959 www.brewpubkitchen.com Experience Durango’s award-winning brewery & restaurant featuring unique, hand-crafted beers, delicious food made from scratch, and wonderful wines & cocktails.

Happy Hour, Tues.- Fri. 4-6 pm & all day Sunday with $1 off beers, wines & wells & enjoy select appetizers at 20% off. Watch the sunset behind Smelter Mountain as the train goes by.

Hours: Wed.-Sun., Noon - 9p.m., Tues. 4p.m. - 9 p.m. Closed on Mon. $$

Jonesing?

When words don’t do justice.

Add a color photo to your Telegraph classified ad for just $20/week.

(Just like Craigslist ... but a lot less creepy.)

For more info, email:classifieds@durangotelegraph.com or call 970-259-0133

Issue 6 is now out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email steve@gulchmag.com

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Jan. 10, 2019 n 23

24 n Jan. 10, 2019

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