Durango Telegraph - February 7, 2019

More action than Tom Brady

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Feb. 7, 2019 Vol. XVIII, No. 6 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Wide open spaces

In the books

Not all bad

Support for public lands comes to life in new legislation p8

Memory fuzzy? We’ve got your Snowdown recap here p12-13

Meat gets a bad rap, but not all is created equal p16

2 n Feb. 7, 2019

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lineup

boilerplate

4 La Vida Local

Wide open spaces Westerners’ love of the land and what’s being done to protect it

4 Thumbin’ It

by Tracy Chamberlin

5 Word on the Street

12-13

6 ReTooned

They came, they saw, they partied: A look at the Snowdown that was

10 Quick’n’Dirty

6-7 Soapbox

Comic gone photos by Jennaye Derge

11 Mountain Exchange

14

Glass half empty

16 Flash in the Pan 17 Top Shelf

by Willie Krischke

15

18-20 On the Town

Meat gets a bad rap, but not all flesh is created equal

21 Free Will Astrology

20 Ask Rachel

Meat in the middle

by Ari LeVaux

22 Classifieds

17

23 Haiku Movie Review

Poetry in motion

On the cover: Graffiti on an abandoned general store in Counselor, N.M., near the turnoff to Chaco Canyon./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Stillhouse Junkies release “Hillbilly Poetry” and Superbowl duds & suds

by Chris Aaland

ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph

An uphill battle

If you’re still getting over the arrival of the e-bike, you may want to hang onto your beanie. Just when you thought it was safe to head into the mountains for some peaceful recreation, there’s a new gravity-defying power apparatus buzzing onto the scene: the Skizee Woodsrunner.

As its name would suggest, the Skizee is meant to bring “the thrill of downhill skiing to flat ground” by offering skiers their own personal propulsion device. The contraption is the brilliance of Canadian inventor Jim Maidment, who swears he is an avid skier and came up with the idea after suffering one-too-many broken-down T-bars on his home ski hill as a child.

12-13 Day in the Life

M. Night Shyamalan’s latest leaves much to be desired

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com)

Ear to the ground:

“I’ve watched better football in a tampon commercial.”

– Frustrated sports fan’s half-time assessment of Sunday’s snooze bowl

thepole

8

RegularOccurrences

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Jesse Anderson, Jeffrey Mannix, Willie Krischke, Luke Mehall, Jennaye Derge and Shan Wells

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302

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LLC and distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwa, booze and flattery.

PHONE: 970.259.0133

telegraph

“‘If only I could go all the way to the top of the mountain and anywhere I wanted on skis,’” he recalled thinking.

Resembling a mutant backwards lawnmower, the Skizee is the result of this dream (and quite possibly your worst nightmare). It employs a four-stroke gas engine and handheld throttles to help skiers reach speeds of up to 25 mph (going down, the unit is meant to “coast” behind you.)

And not to worry – there is an emergency stop wristband in the event of an unfortunate tomahawk or yard sale. The Skizee is equipped with a one-gallon tank and, depending on weather and terrain, can travel up to 30 miles between fill ups.

Maidment sees it as the birth not just of his brainchild but a whole new form of outdoor recreation, something he calls “power skiing.”

“Power skiing is the ultimate crossover between power and human sport with its own unique space in the winter snow sports sector, it is definitely a trail breaker,” he told Sledworthy magazine last November. “Power sport enthusiasts and skiers alike now have the freedom to enjoy access to back country and off-trail skiing in ways not possible until now.”

He is currently scheming ways to market his device to a wider audience via demo events at ski areas, where folks, presumably, would be allowed to zoom around the base area like Segway drivers, but on skis.

What could possibly go wrong?

But before you hole up in a cave and await the end times, know that the Skizee, for which orders are currently being taken at Skizee.ca, retails for $4,990 CAD (about $3,800 U.S.) Or, roughly the price of six seasons of riding the good, old-fashioned chairlift.

Better yet, fuel up your own tank, throw on some skins and just ski hard.

Feb. 7, 2019 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal La Vida Mexico I would never lie to you, dear reader, but I might try some satire now and again. That’s exactly what I was doing for my column last month when I wrote about smoking cannabis with our former Gov. John Hickenlooper.

For anyone who is out there wondering if I did in fact blaze up with Hick, no, I didn’t actually do it. I made it up, and did my best to leave clues that what I was writing was satire.

I do hope Hick read the piece, as I did tag him on social media. I saw on the New York Times website that he’s most likely running for president, and from his tweets he’s touting his record as a successful governor in a “purple state,” back when we were actually a purple state. From the looks of the most recent election, we’ve gone blue. Let’s hope it stays that way.

There’s no hope for the future of our country with the current Republican Party. Hope for the future will come in the form of equality, renewable energy, public lands and access for all to health care, amongst a million other things that need to happen to save the soul of America.

As a writer in a democracy, I believe it is my duty to criticize from time to time. I focus most of my writing efforts in prose and poetry, but I have to dabble in political writing. And these days using satire seems like it’s the most effective way. I hope Hick knows we remember how he governed, and if you’re reading Hick, give me a shout, maybe we can actually sit down and talk politics over a beer sometime. (I’m pretty sure Hick doesn’t partake in the herb, and if he did, he seems like the kind of guy who would say he didn’t inhale like ol’ Big Pimpin Bill Clinton.)

I’m writing this La Vida from a small town in Mexico, outside the famous El Potrero Chico climbing area.

Twelve years ago, I made a trip down here with my buddy Mark, it was his first time in Mexico and he didn’t speak a word of Spanish. Flash forward a few years, and Mark became a guide here and fell in love with Norma, a woman from the nearby city of Monterrey. Today, they are married and have an adorable 5-year-old daughter named Isabella. He’s now fluent in Spanish, and he’s my guide for navigating Mexico these days.

This trip was supposed to be a climbing trip, but on day one I tweaked my wrist and also got a rash I think is poison ivy, so it’s turned into more of a taco-eating trip. I had a moment of despair – not climbing on a climbing trip is heartbreaking – but everything in Mexico is an adventure, so at least I’m not bored.

Currently as I write, I’m sitting on Mark’s couch in his little concrete house in Hidalgo that he pays $75 a month rent for, while listening to the

audio of Mexico: mariachi music, roosters a roostin,’ and birds a chirpin.’

Mark’s out working, guiding a client up the jungle-like limestone walls of Potrero Chico, while here I sit pecking away at my keyboard. Last night as we were going to bed, I felt the house vibrate for a half an hour as a neighbor blasted his music from his car stereo as loud as could be, and I longed for the quietness of home. Sometimes I feel as if I’m always longing for home, or longing for here, or somewhere else. I guess the desert is my true home, the land of red rocks. Or maybe it’s just nature that is the true home.

This is my eighth trip to Mexico, and I’ve yet to learn Spanish. I yearn to, but I’ve never taken the time. I know I would need to live in a Spanishspeaking country for a long period of time and just get thrown into it; I’m a slow learner. As the years go by, I wonder if I ever will learn it and wish I would have done it when I was younger.

Stability and home become more and more important as the years go by, and I’m 40 now.

“It’s like the 1920s here for a woman,” my friend Pato tells me. She’s an architect and tells me it’s difficult for men to take her seriously.

They question why she is in meetings. It’s very much a macho culture, she tells me.

I see that reflected when some of my Mexican friends talk about women. There are other things too, like the use of the words “gay” and “pussy” in a negative tone; words that we are not using anymore because it is disrespectful. America has to continue to lead the way in equality, because if we do not, who will? We are leaders.

There are positive things here, too. New friends politely introduce themselves and make us feel like we are absolutely welcome in their home country. No one holds against us what our racist president is doing on the border. Climbers are climbers, though, and we have a unity that only knows mountains and cliffs, not borders.

We share food and drink and cheers often. Even if we only see each other every few years, or just once in a lifetime, there is a certain bond, a connection.

Here in Mexico, there is a heaviness of a country essentially controlled by cartels, but there is a levity that nature, humanity and beauty provide.

Durango has a heaviness as well, with our own problems and tragedies, and our own lightness, our own unique juxtaposition of mountains and desert that at times feels heavenly. All of these moments are a gift, and our only job is to live in these moments, for as long as we can.

Thumbin’It

4 n Feb. 7, 2019

This Week’s Sign of the Downfall:

Gigantuary continuing into Phat February, with more than two feet of snow expected for the San Juans this week

Furloughed Mesa Verde employees failing to receive paychecks nearly two weeks after the government shut down was lifted

A rare show of bipartisan cooperation, with the state Legislature working together across the aisle to help lower prescription drug prices

Third-party volunteers creating confusion around the already chaotic county land use planning process by holding meetings and misrepresenting themselves as La Plata County staff

An increase in graduation rates for Durango and Animas high schools, which both fared better than the state average

– Luke Mehall

Yet another example of the fox guarding the hen house, with Trump naming former oil lobbyist David Bernhardt to replace Ryan Zinke as Secretary of the Interior

telegraph

Please Dill Don’t

If you’re not familiar with healing crystal dildos (aka “4”), they’re dildos made from mystical crystals that supposedly heal your vagina. However, a gynecological spokeswoman recently warned against using items such as these “yandi wands” because they’re porous (which can lead to an infection), and these “shakti sticks” are bad for the environment because the crystal needs to be mined. But the good news is that competition in the crystal dildo market has caused the average price to drop from $300 to $30.

Q

WordontheStreet With this week’s State of the Union address, the Telegraph asked, “What message would you like to send the country?”

Isaiah Yazzie

“Don’t build a wall.”

Janet Madden

“Everybody should stop bullying and start listening to what everybody has to say.”

Krista M.

“Hurry up and run.”

Sareth Grunet

Augustine

“Get rid of Donald.”

“We should stop the heinous child leading this country.” telegraph

Feb. 7, 2019 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

The shutdown aftermath To the editor, I met a woman from Durango last week whose story said a lot about how the federal shutdown affected the people in District 59.

She was serving hors d’oeuvres at a party. A federal employee with a doctorate degree, she works to support her three boys and disabled husband. This gig, she hoped, would help keep her family together. She was grateful to find someone who would take a chance on hiring her for one day. Or six months. Not many did.

It had been a while since she had a paycheck and, like many others, she was using her savings to stay afloat by simply not shopping. The small businesses she used to frequent in town were hurting, but she needed to keep her purchases minimal. Her boys complained, though they were learning to do without.

She wasn’t alone – her friends from work faced the same dilemma. Even though they had good jobs and some savings, 35 days without pay was taking a toll.

They spoke of depression and anxiety. Not knowing when the longest shutdown in history would be over made things worse.

Leaders in Washington re-opened the government Jan. 25, but just until Feb. 15, when it could get shut down again.

Federal employees should receive their well-earned back pay, but federal contractors and the small business owners will not. They all rely on each other. Ironically, because of the shutdown, federal numbers on the effect are not available; most data is anecdotal.

Colorado’s economy lost about $201 million during the shutdown, according to a report. More than 1,000 federal employees applied for unemployment assistance.4

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6 n Feb. 7, 2019

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Some people told me their government paperwork for requisitions just stopped. The orders and printing necessary to make life after the shutdown flow smoothly won’t happen for a long time. They missed filings for grants and making important deadlines. They are sifting through a backlog of hundreds of emails and phone calls, hoping they don’t miss important messages. The IRS reported 5 million pieces of mail remained unopened; the refunds so many depend on will no doubt be delayed. And who knows for how long?

Gunnison County Commissioner Jonathan Houck said several hundred local employees were furloughed.

The Gunnison Times reported an increase in the number of SNAP, or food stamp, recipients as people struggled to feed their families. Food banks in several towns reported serving more and more people every day.

Responsible businesses like Alpine Bank allocated $5 million to lend, interest free, to laid-off federal workers.

They almost ran out.

Another federal government employee I spoke with works in forest management. The worst part of the long 35 days, she said, was being unsure of how our prized public lands were being treated without protection; many national parks were vandalized and trash piled up during the shutdown.

“I was watching my money start to disappear,” she said. “It was such a weird feeling that through no fault of your own, you were out of a job.”

That’s no way to treat a hardworking person – let alone the 53,000 federal employees who call Colorado home.

“And now,” she said, “all of a sudden people are using my job as a pawn on the board. And I didn’t even have it the worst. People I know were running out of insulin. I couldn’t even imagine what that would feel like.”

No one she works with, she said, has any faith that federal employees won’t be out of work again next week. Everyone in her office returned, but she doesn’t believe they can handle it again.

The governmental tug-of-war at the federal level had no winners, but plenty of losers: the people. The people who work every day to feed their families and pay their mortgages. The people who are protecting our public lands or, as National Guardsmen, protecting our country. The people who provide airport and border security.

The people who live paycheck to paycheck.

“I can’t express how angry I am,” the forester said, “how sad I am.” It’s wrong “to be using employees’ livelihoods as chess pieces for political gain.”

The shutdown may be temporarily over, but the scars will remain for a long time.

– Rep. Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango

Marching to a female drummer To the editor, The reason why people have hateful feelings, in my opinion, has to do with upbringing. Children and adults exposed to terrible experiences carry the weight of hating anyone responsible for their misery. Resentful feelings tend to stay put for way too long, unfortunately.

After attending the recent womens march in Durango, I realized my need to forgive for misery experienced after hearing women with inspiring messages. Hopefully, sooner than later, more of us will forgive and leave bad memories behind.

One answer, allow more enlightened women control of Mother Earth for positive changes.

– Sally Florence, Durango

Trump is national security threat To the editor, As a former Navy enlisted man and an officer, I am

concerned with the threat to national security posed by President Trump. His attacks on our intelligence agencies and cozy relationship with Vladimir Putin are unAmerican.

Recently, Trump dismissed the input of his intelligence chiefs about the threats posed by Russia, China, North Korea, Iran and ISIS. Trump continues to question the assessment of our intelligence agencies that Russia meddled in the 2016 election. Trump is in an ongoing trade war with China, which is adversely impacting the global and U.S. economies. He erroneously believes North Korea is not a nuclear threat to the U.S. And he is pulling our military out of Syria, which will allow ISIS to reconstitute itself and allow Turkey to attack our allies, the Kurds.

According to Rex Tillerson, former Secretary of State, Trump doesn’t like to read. According to John Kelly, former Chief of Staff, Trump shows impulsive decision making. According to White House sources it is difficult for Trump to comprehend and process complex information, e.g. intelligence reports, military scenarios. He does not concentrate well on matters. He is a threat to our national security and should be voted out of office.

– Donald Moskowitz, Londonderry, N.H., via email

“We’ll print damned-near anything” The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to the public to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only three requests: limit letters to 750 words, letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your insights by Tuesday at noon to: PO Box 332, Durango, 81302 or e-mail your profundities to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com. Let the games begin ...

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Feb. 7, 2019 n 7

TopStory

The Continental Divide Trail, pictured above just east of Silverton, is one of thousands of trails Coloradans trek every day. According to a recent poll, 73 percent of Colorado residents said they consider themselves outdoor recreation enthusiasts, with 74 percent adding that being near public lands was one of the reasons they chose to live here./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Going public Support for public lands, voiced in new poll, comes to life in legislation

by Tracy Chamberlin

P

arks. Trails. Open space. Wilderness. All of these natural wonders across the West are key to outdoor recreation driving much of the economy and lifestyle of Coloradans.

In a recent poll, 73 percent of Colorado residents said they consider themselves outdoor recreation enthusiasts with 74 percent adding that being near public lands was one of the reasons they chose to live here. In addition, 90 percent believe the outdoor recreation economy is key to the future of the West.

These are the results from the ninth annual “Conservation in the West Poll” from Colorado College’s State of the Rockies Project, which surveyed 400 registered voters from each of eight states in the West – Colorado, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, Utah, Arizona and New Mexico – for a total of 3,200 respondents.

The interviewers asked questions about water, energy, climate change, outdoor recreation and public lands in an effort to gauge the importance of conservation issues in the minds of Rocky Mountain residents.

And, it wasn’t all about an affinity for outdoor activities or positive attitudes toward public lands. Many of the

8 n Feb. 7, 2019

Down to the core of it The CORE Act, or Colorado Outdoor Recreation & Economy Act, would create: • 31,725 acres of new wilderness areas around Telluride, Norwood, Ouray and Ridgway and convert 8,884 acres of wilderness study area into new wilderness in San Miguel County • 22,455 acres of special management areas near Telluride, Ophir and Silverton, including the protection of Ice Lakes Basin • 6,590 acres of mineral withdrawal near Norwood, prohibiting future mineral development in Naturita Canyon respondents were concerned about losing the things that make the West so special.

Sixty-nine percent of respondents said climate change is a serious problem, and 76 percent are worried about a lack of resources to take care of parks, forests and other public lands.

Seventy-seven percent said they’re concerned with water supplies and low water levels, which ranked as the

telegraph

No. 1 concern for voters.

Eighty-two percent felt the loss of wildlife habitat is an issue, and 83 percent want the U.S. Congress to reauthorize the Land and Water Conservation Fund – a key funding mechanism for local outdoor projects across the nation that’s been in limbo since last fall.

With all these numbers coming out of the State of the Rockies polling, it may not come as a surprise that many of Colorado’s elected leaders are pushing legislation intended to protect those assets – the parks, trails, open spaces and wilderness areas that make people want to call this state home.

The CORE Act

Introduced last week by U.S. Sen. Michael Bennet, DColo., the Colorado Outdoor Recreation & Economy Act – or CORE Act – is described as improving and encompassing four previous bills: the San Juan Mountains Wilderness Act; the Continental Divide Recreation, Wilderness and Camp Hale Legacy Act; the Thompson Divide Withdrawal and Protection Act; and, the Curecanti National Recreation Area Boundary Establishment Act. It includes protections for around 400,000 acres of public land in the state. Some of these lands would become wilderness areas, some conservation areas to 4

allow for existing uses, and others would be shielded from future oil and gas development. “(The CORE Act) unites a number of bills from across the state,” Jimbo Buickerood, public lands coordinator for the San Juan Citizens Alliance, explained. “It has a pretty good chance of moving forward because it has such a broad base of support.”

Official supporters of the bill include San Juan County Commissioner Pete McKay, Ouray County Commissioner Ben Tisdel, Colorado Trout Unlimited executive director David Nickum, as well as leaders from Conservation Colorado, The Wilderness Society, Telluride Ski & Golf, and many more.

U.S. Sen. Cory Gardner, R-Colo., has yet to come out in support of the CORE Act, only saying his office is going over the text of the legislation.

On Bennet’s website, he has a long list of supporters, text for the bill, maps of the protected areas and more.

The bill has been referred to the Committee on Energy and Natural Resources for review, but has many hurdles to overcome before making it to the Senate floor.

“The name of the bill says it all: We don’t have to choose between protecting public lands and boosting the economy,” Bennet said in a press release. “We believe protecting the places we love drives economic growth.”

Did you know?

National impacts of the Land and Water Conservation Fund • $3.9 billion in state grants awarded • More than 40,000 state projects funded • 2.37 million acres protected (Source: U.S. Department of the Interior)

Local investments over the years with LWCF funding: • $53,375 on Schneider Park (West Side Park), 1967 • $7,260 on Needham Elementary School park, 1971 • $137,322 on Hillcrest Golf Course addition, 1978 • $211,703 on Animas River Trail from 29th to 32nd streets, 2011 • $121,680 on Animas River Trail at Schneider Park, 2004

The Land and Water Conservation Fund

The Land and Water Conservation Fund is a federal program created in 1965 to protect public lands and waters, and help conserve private land. Investments in this program have secured public access to parks, trails, forests, national parks and more.

In addition, funds have improved recreational opportunities for countless cities and towns across the country including Durango. Many communities likely have parks, trails and other spaces supported by the LWCF and don’t even know it.

“It’s a pretty amazing invention,” Buickerood said.

The LWCF is moving its way through the Senate as both a standalone bill and as part of a larger public lands

(Source: City of Durango)

Photo by Stephen Eginoire

package. The package is a holdover from the previous congressional session, and it made it over one of the Senate’s hurdles on Tuesday with bipartisan support. The standalone, which was introduced in late January as a way to permanently reauthorize and fund the LWCF, has bipartisan support as well.

The program officially expired last Sept. 30, 2018, with Congress unable to come together on any of the bills put forward to keep the program alive, in spite of the overwhelming support voters have shown for it.

The La Plata County Board of Commissioners sent let-

ters of support for the LWCF to Colorado senators Gardner and Bennet last year.

The Mountain Pact, a group that works with elected officials from mountain towns with outdoor recreationbased economies, has also joined the chorus of support.

The City of Durango is part of the Mountain Pact, along with Moab, Breckenridge, Telluride, Ophir, Ridgway and more.

“Every week people are engaging in the landscapes and amenities that are supported by LWCF funds,” Buickerood said. “It’s just incredible.” n

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Feb. 7, 2019 n

9

Quick’n’Dirty EV Summit rolls into Fairgrounds The Four Corners Office for Resource Efficiency wants locals to get on the bus – the electric bus, that is. Next month, 4CORE, along with help from LPEA and La Plata County, will be hosting the area’s first ever Electric Vehicle and Clean Transportation Summit. The summit takes place from 1:30 – 4:30 p.m. Wed., March 13, at the La Plata County Fairgrounds. It is free and open to all interested community members, but especially geared toward fleet managers, businesses, governments and agencies.

The summit will cover the latest in transportation developments in Colorado, infrastructure, EVs and funding opportunities for fleet conversion. It will also include vehicle demos and presentations from experts in the field, including Matt Frommer, of SWEEP, the Southwest Energy Efficiency Project, which focuses on electric vehicle policy and EV-grid integration.

In addition, the event will feature a visit from Proterra’s zero-emission bus. Founded in 2004 in Golden, Proterra has developed an all-electric passenger bus capable of transporting up to 40 passengers. The bus is the most lightweight and fuel- and cost-efficient bus on the market with the potential to revolutionize mass transit.

Summit attendees will also be able to test drive and kick the tires of today’s latest EVs. In conjunction with the summit, the San Juan Citizens Alliance's Green Business Roundtable on March 13 will also feature Frommer as guest speaker. The roundtable takes place at noon at the at the Strater Hotel.

For more information, visit www.fourcore.org.

Diversity Dialogue returns Feb. 23 We’ve all heard about deep thinking, but what about deep listening? The 10th annual Diversity Dialogue aims

Proterra, a Golden-based company, has developed an all-electric zero-emissions passenger bus capable of transporting 40 people. The bus is lighter weight and more fuel- and cost-efficient than other busses, including hybrid, diesel or CNG. The bus is making a pit stop in Durango next month for 4CORE’s EV summit./Courtesy photo to tackle just that in an effort to help bridge the political and cultural divide that is gripping the country, seemingly now more than ever.

The theme for this year’s dialogue is “I Hear You – Uniting Across Cultures and the Political Divide,” and the free event takes place from 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. Sat., Feb. 23, in the Fort Lewis College Student Union Ballroom. Appropriate for those ages 12 and older, the event will include sessions on nonviolent communication, deep listening and enhancing connection with those who hold differing views.

Free parking will be available on campus, and attendees are asked to bring a nonperishable food donation for the

La Plata Family Center’s food pantry. Registration starts at 8:45 a.m., and the event will be capped at the first 100 participants to register. Those who register by Feb. 15 will also receive a free lunch. To register, email lauren.evaluation @gmail.com.

Support for the dialogue comes from the City of Durango’s Community Relations Commission and the Embracing Diversity Initiative in partnership with the Prejudice Elimination Action Team at Durango High School, Fort Lewis College’s El Centro de Muchos Colores and the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Durango.

– Missy Votel

Free Tenants’ Rights Clinic Presented by Colorado Legal Services

Tues., Feb. 19, 5:30 - 7 p.m. • Durango Public Library Topics include best rental practices, evictions, security deposits, etc.

For more info, call (970) 247-0266.

10 n Feb. 7, 2019

telegraph

MountainTownNews Protect Our Winters advised to vote DENVER – Protect Our Winters, the climate advocacy group formed in 2007 by snowboarding pioneer Jeremy Jones, had a party in downtown Denver last week in conjunction with the Outdoor Retailer Show.

There were tables of merchandise including a T-shirt with the message “Eat Fish Vote.” Also, a hat with the message “Eat Ride Vote.” But a half-hour before Colorado’s new governor, Jared Polis, was scheduled to speak, just a handful of people had gathered.

Then the room began filling. One individual fumed. He had no use for Polis, he said, because Polis, a Democrat, had opposed a proposal called Proposition 112 that would have sharply limited oil and gas in Colorado. Drilling companies charged it would have put the entire state off limits. State voters, though, rejected the proposal in November.

But environmental advocates were pleased by Polis’ pledge to push toward 100 percent renewables by 2040. He’s also advancing on transportation. His first executive order as governor pushed several levers intended to accelerate adoption of electric vehicles.

“Ultimately, elections matter,” Polis told the crowd, which eventually swelled to 2,000. The announcement by Xcel Energy, Colorado’s largest utility, to more rapidly embrace renewable energy was, he suggested, a result of his election.

Converting to cleaner energy, he said, has multiple benefits, including reduced greenhouse gas emissions and also improved air quality. “It’s not just about winters. It’s about smog and air quality.

We care about both,” Polis said.

Wrapping up his 15-minute talk, he urged listeners, who were mostly in their 20s, 30s and 40s, to use their voices and their votes.

“We need your vote at the table, your voice on local issues, your voices nationally,” he said. “If you want to see the renewables’ energy future, we need your voice and your activism.”

The Science of surviving snowslides INNSBRUCK, Austria – How long can you survive buried under snow? The answer, according to several studies conducted by snow scientists, is that it depends. Shorter duration, obviously, is better – but not an assurance of survival.

The first avalanche survival curve was assembled in Europe in 1992. More has been done in recent years, the latest study being reported last year at the International Snow Science Workshop in Innsbruck.

That newest study examined reports of avalanche burials compiled during seven winters in Austria and Switzerland. To qualify, both the head and chest of the victim had to be buried.

Survival rate was relatively high, 87 to 91 percent, if the person was unburied within seven to 10 minutes. Rates of survival dropped to 25 to 28 percent for longer periods, of about 35 minutes.

Stated another way in the report by Giacomo Strapazzon and others, the death rate was 18 times higher when the person was buried 36 to 60 minutes. Beyond an hour, a person is 29 times more likely to die than the person buried for 15 minutes or less.

Not all avalanche burials are equal, though. If the person ends up with a pocket of air, the odds improve. The more deeply a person is buried also matters, the report noted.

An earlier study, released in conjunction with a snow science workshop in Banff in 2014, similarly defined 35 minutes as the outer limit of the curtain call. Beyond that, there’s little chance of survival.

A 2011 study by Dr. Pascal Haegeli, now of Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, dived deeper, but with a comparison of avalanches in Europe and North America over the course of six winters. Again, the victims had to have their heads and chests covered.

But as in the other studies, the odds of survival are reasonably good if the person is uncovered quickly.

However, asphyxiation is only one way to die in an avalanche.

Of the 143 deaths in Canada that were examined, nearly 19 percent were due to trauma.

How about the difference between mountain ranges? Haegeli and his colleagues compared three major ranges of Western Northern America (avalanche deaths in the East are rare): coastal maritime ranges, such as where Mount Bachelor and Whistler are found; transitional areas (Cariboos, Monashees and Selkirks); and interior or continental Rocky Mountains.

Survival curves for the transitional and maritime had “considerably” lower survival in comparable periods of immersion, they found.

Denser snow and hence avalanche debris could result in fewer oxygen pockets, they theorized. In addition, “denser debris would apply greater compressive forces, thus preventing chest movement.”

But again, while quick extrication matters greatly, avalanches altogether are nasty things. Airbags and beacons definitely improve odds, but they fall well short of guaranteeing survival.

For example, 33 percent of all Canadian avalanche fatalities suffered major trauma. Only half of the trauma-related deaths involved people who had been completely buried. In addition, 44 percent of those who had a trauma-related death had severe trauma, which likely resulted in death shortly after burial regardless of extrication time.

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Sadly, it’s still OK in to run over coyotes JACKSON, Wyo. – Some people consider it good sport to get on snowmobiles and chase down coyotes, killing or maiming them by running over them. Apparently, this is common enough that some YouTube videos have been made.

A Wyoming state legislator from Teton County wanted to introduce a bill that would have outlawed the practice. But the ideas didn’t make it into a committee hearing, so will not move forward this year, reported the Jackson Hole News&Guide.

Report parses details of guide’s death JACKSON, Wyo. – Grizzly bear attacks on hunters who have killed elk have been rare. There was a case in 1995 near Radium Hot Springs, in British Columbia, and another case in Montana in 2001.

Last September it happened again in the Teton Wilderness west of Jackson Hole. A 37-year-old hunting guide had taken a client bow hunting in the area, which is thick with grizzly bears. The client, who was from Florida, shot an elk, and they returned the next day to dress out the carcass. When doing so, a grizzly sow and her almost mature cub attacked.

The Jackson Hole News&Guide reports that an investigation by Wyoming wildlife officials has concluded that the outfitter was fatally wounded during the initial attack and likely died within minutes. This is despite his success in halting the mauling with a blast of bear spray. He then staggered 50 yards before succumbing to massive trauma and blood loss.

It was the first time in North America that a grizzly so doused with bear spray killed a person, according to bear conflict expert Steve Primm.

The details were gory and graphic, said the newspaper’s Mike Krosmrl. The guide was dismembering the elk carcass, his Glock 10millimeter handgun five to 10 yards away, when they heard the sound of rocks tumbling. Looking up, the client said, he saw two grizzlies running full speed directly toward them.

The client had removed his bear spray, but he had a gun. He didn’t shoot, though, fearing he would hit his guide. Instead, he threw the gun toward the guide, but in doing so the gun became useless, as it lost its ammunition.

Having suffered only minor injuries in the attack, the client fled to a place where he telephoned for help. He was later picked up by helicopter and, after getting into Jackson, he quickly flew from Wyoming to his home in Florida.

Grizzlies attack humans when they perceive the need to defend their food, cubs or personal space. More rarely, they attack people with the intent of eating them. This was different.

“The evidence suggests that the desire of the bears to feed on the elk carcass was the motivating factor in the incident,” the report concluded.

Both the sow and the cub were tracked down and killed.

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Does climbing ice need to be potable?

OURAY – The ice falls where climbers tested their chops and grit during the recent Ouray Ice Festival constituted a lot of water. But does the ice need to be potable, suitable for chipping away into a glass of lemonade?

That’s the question that was put before the City Council in Ouray recently. The ice park uses up to 225,000 gallons of water a day to produce the frozen columns of ice, Peter Foster, vice president of Wright Water Works, said. It currently comes from the city’s potable water supplies, meaning it’s been treated and is suitable for human consumption.

– Allen Best

telegraph

Feb. 7, 2019 n 11

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When keeping it real goes wrong.

A startling

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ve it folks. Durangoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 41st hol) to process, those lucky enough to have participated tion is in the bag. With five are surely experiencing post-party depression after harentful behavior (and alco- nessing their super inner powers. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a gander:

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As ambiguous as ever, Ace and Gary woo the crowd with a special appearance.

Superman falls off the wagon.

Feb. 7, 2019 n 13

thesecondsection

CinemaScope

Glass half empty

M. Night Shyamalan delivers a turd, and ‘Serenity’ gets lost

by Willie Krischke

watch. Bruce Willis, meanwhile, delivers the same kind of “I’m still making movies because I owe somebody money” performance he’s been delivering for a decade. He looks almost as bored onscreen as we’re feeling in the theater.

Of course, there are twists, though they’re not very interesting, and, in signature Shyamalan style, tend to take away from the story more than they add to it.

has a past he’s running from. Dill, with the help of first mate Duke (Djimon Hounsou,) obsessively hunts fter a brief respite into surprisingly respectable a monster tuna that always manages to slip the hook. genre exercises, M. Night Shyamalan is back to Then, one night, a figure from Dill’s shadowy past making godawful movies.

(Anne Hathaway) shows up at the only bar in town, “Glass” is the third in a trilogy (let’s hope it’s just a calling him John. This is Karen, and it is revealed that trilogy) of superhero movies from Shyamalan, starting they have a son together, but also that she is now with “Unbreakable” in 2000, then continuing, surmarried to a powerful and violent man with mob conprisingly, with “Split” in 2016. I didn’t nections (Jason Clarke.) She is desperate to get like “Unbreakable” – it was terminally away from him, but also terrified of his power slow – but I found ‘Split” entertaining, and connections. Karen has planned a “rothough pretty thin. Mostly, it was fun to mantic” fishing getaway for the two of them, watch James McAvoy cycle through 27 and he is due to arrive on the island the next different personalities, much in the day. Aboard Baker Dill’s fishing boat in the same way it’s fun to watch Rob Brydon middle of a rainstorm, she offers him a huge do 27 different celebrity impressions. It amount of money to take her violent husband doesn’t have anything to do with realout fishing – and feed him to the sharks. At life disassociative identity disorder, or first, Dill refuses, but you can sense that it’s really anything else in reality, but I’m just a matter of time before he gives in. mostly OK with that, given it’s a superAt this point, “Serenity” is an enjoyable hero movie. yarn, sort of a fishing noir. Hathaway’s clearly “Glass” picks up the 19-year-old stohaving fun as the femme fatale, and Mcryline from “Unbreakable” as if that Conaughey, as always, looks better with his movie was released last year, which right shirt off. Director Steven Knight manages the off the bat speaks to Shyamalan’s arrotone and mood just right for this sort of gance. Does he really think that many of thing; it’s slightly hyper-realized and delius, or any of us, have seen that movie ciously moody. It has the feel of an Elmore recently enough to remember anything Jackson, McAvoy and Willis in “Glass,” M. Night Shyamalan’s latest, which Leonard or Dennis Lehane novel. Diane Lane attempts to pick up where “Unbreakable” left off 19 years ago. more than the most basic elements of is gorgeous as Baker Dill’s island squeeze, it? He directs like he does. It took me a warning him about the dangers of this mystewhile to re-familiarize myself with the Bruce Willis But I’m still not supposed to write about them, berious woman from his past. I would have been percharacter, to remember what he can and can’t do, etc. cause spoilers. But I will say this: Shyamalan gets in a fectly happy to watch things spool themselves out But that’s OK, because if there’s anything “Glass” has dig at critics, and it’s similar to the one in “The Lady along genre lines; Dill takes the job, something goes in abundance, it’s time. This film moves like frozen in the Water.” He seems deeply convinced that there awry, Karen double crosses him, he survives by his molasses. are scores of people determined to celebrate mediocwits and luck, etc.

McAvoy’s character, who is actually listed in the rity and persecute gifted people. It’s not true, Mr. M. But Knight has something far too clever and credits with 27 different names (because Shyamalan Night. We just hate bad movies. Here’s an idea: make clunky up his sleeve, and it soon becomes apparent hates people who write about movies and wants to your next movie about a guy who is absolutely that things are not as they seem. Serenity takes a left make our lives as difficult as possible) has kidnapped ungifted, regularly delivers turds he’s convinced are turn away from noir and becomes something akin to another group of teen-age girls, but David (Bruce jewels and develops a paranoid theory about a secret “Ready Player One” or “The Matrix.” Those are both Willis) manages to rescue them before the Beast society determined to thwart his giftedness and cremovies I enjoyed, and so I wouldn’t say that “Serenemerges. During the rescue attempt, however, they ativity. I even have a name for it: call it “Night.” ity” goes off the rails, exactly. But it does become a are both captured by the police, who turn them over Speaking of twists that take away from the story, lesser movie as the result of its ambition; there are all to Dr. Ellie Staple, a psychologist who specializes in “Serenity” is a perfectly fine movie until its big twist kinds of problems with the new premise, plenty of convincing people that they’re completely mediocre. propels it into increasingly weird and troubling terriunanswered questions and troublesome possibilities.

Of course, they break out, and engage in the most tory. It stars Matthew McConaughey as a salty fisherIt’s not a graceful changing of gears, and it left me anticlimactic, dull and boring superhero battle in the man going broke in a small island town, possibly wishing that “Serenity” had just coasted along the dihistory of superhero movies. For instance: “Split’s” somewhere in the Florida Keys. He goes by Baker Dill, rection it was going, instead of trying so hard to be signature move is a bear hug. Boy, is that exciting to though we soon learn that’s not his real name, and he something different and interesting. n

A

14 n Feb. 7, 2019

telegraph

MurderInk

Trigger happy Ex-cop’s latest release a classic case in looking beyond the cover

by Jeffrey Mannix

I

’ve got a real sleeper for you in this month’s “Murder Ink.” If you’ve become an aficionado of what can arguably be called “literary” crime fiction – the fare offered exclusively in “Murder Ink” columns – Trigger, David Swinson’s new book to be released by Mulholland Books on Feb. 12, will be below your standards, at least for the first 50 pages or so. After which it will be like straightening out the cut lines and nibbling the rest of the lemon merengue pie at three o’clock in the morning.

Frank Marr is Swinson’s unreliable Washington, D.C., excop who, like most ex-cops, lied and cheated, planted and stole evidence, drank and used on the job, and basically did what every cop on a metropolitan police department does until younger, comingdirty cops move them over and out.

And ex-cop is not to be confused with a retired police officer; the ex-cop has been effectually fired. Now

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Who can live that kind of life – on the streets, with a badge attitude, gun and predilection to get even – and then go into retirement tending a flower garden and feeding hummingbirds? It doesn’t end that way for those guys.

Problem is, Frank’s so corroded from so many years of being a bargain basement cop under a tower of bespoke D.C. criminals that he almost forgot that he’s a nice guy. So when his partner of many years is benched and being investigated by internal affairs for putting too many bullets into a black youth who was found to have no weapon, Frank finds renewed purpose. He will not, under any circumstances, do even one line of coke until he finds out what happened to the gun his partner supposedly used to shoot the kid 18 times over.

And to help him, Frank conscripts Calvin, a

black street punk he’s been arresting every year or more since he’s been 14 years old. They make quite a pair, each testing the other, both rising to the occasion and making a crime-fighting duo that is sure to be repeated and copied.

Trigger (too bad about the title; it’s apropos of absolutely nothing and is reminding of a horse) is a hardboiled, inner-city pulp procedural that went the way of vinyl records. The style is simplistic, dusty and monochromatic. And to add to the grainy black-and-white imagery is Swinson’s own D.C. cop background: 16 years, an upstream swim for writing an actual novel.

After only six pages, I set the cop jive down, but I left my bookmark in place. Then, after reading two other books, I went back to Swinson’s Trigger just for a dose of urban absurdity for an evening (I was raised in New York City). Within an hour, I was on those D.C. corners and alleys with Frank and Calvin, lying their way to leads on what happened to the perp’s gun, leads like snakes that all bite or sting or kill.

This is very good inner-city street drama with no trace of a writer trying to construct overwrought sentences, the kind that Terry Gross would highlight in the interview Swinson won’t be getting. You’ve got a few days before Trigger (the book) is available in hardback at Maria’s Bookshop (which will give you the 15 percent “Murder Ink” discount.) Go in with somebody and each buy half with the fastest reader going first. It’s not a book you’ll read again, so think of a timeshare. You’ll like this book, damn the name. n

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telegraph

Feb. 7, 2019 n 15

FlashinthePan

Meating in the middle

by Ari LeVaux

O

ne burger per week. That is all you get if you want to stay healthy and avert climate catastrophe, according to a new study in the medical journal The Lancet. That’s roughly a 90 percent reduction from what most Americans eat.

When the study dropped, I was out hunting. I returned home exhausted, with more than a thousand weekly servings of delicious, climatefriendly elk from the high country of Montana, and saw the Lancet report on the evils of meat.

Much of what the study had to say about red meat did not apply to my elk, but rather cattle, which burp methane and consume nutrient-rich foods like corn and soy, which have carbon footprints of their own.

My meat comes at no cost to anyone but the deer or elk, because I live where tasty wild animals handily outnumber people. Part of why they are so tasty is their habit of raiding farms, breaking fences as they go. By night, they take out cars. About two percent of Montanans will crash their vehicle into an ungulate this year. Without hunters, that number would surely be higher.

Despite happy exceptions like mine, the environmental case against red meat is compelling. If everyone on the planet ate as much as they wanted, the resulting carbon emissions would be staggering.

Sure, a certain amount of cattle on the landscape, and in our agriculture system, are welcome. Without animal products like manure and bone and blood meal, organic agriculture as we know it could not exist. Grass-fed cattle can be climate-friendly, but there isn’t enough acreage to satisfy the planet’s “beef tooth” on grass-fed alone.

The climate case against red meat is tough to dispute.

But the human health case, on the other hand, looks tai-

lored to support the climate case.

There is no consensus about how much is too much red meat for humans. Processed meats are strongly linked to cardiac disease, type-2 diabetes and cancer, but those correlations have not been shown for unprocessed meat.

Bundling the health/nutrition argument with the climate argument makes it appear as though climate research is steering nutrition conclusions, at the expense of much-needed nuance in the meat space.

There are, in fact, important examples of plant-based foods being more disruptive than animal products.

Chicken, pork and canned tuna all have lower carbon footprints, per calorie, than tomatoes and broccoli.

A healthy diet doesn’t require it, but if red meat is what your body craves, and you want to eat more than your share, then maybe you should be a hunter. At the very least, you should be OK with spending good money on good meat.

One thing you can’t buy is your innocence in the death of an animal. One way or another, every meat eater is party to a kill. A hunter knows the details, for better or worse.

The elk I’d shot was a mother. After she dropped, the herd ran off, but her calf lingered. As I approached, the calf lumbered off, not looking back, in the opposite direction that the herd had gone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that calf, hoping it survived the night and found another herd. But as sad as my elk-hunting story is, I wouldn’t trade it for the stories of any meat that’s available in stores.

Whatever the provenance of yours, the more thought you can put into your meat, the better. Whether it’s hunted or purchased, don’t take for granted that an animal gave its life for your meal. Celebrate that meat in every bite.

When I butcher my animals, I use a special technique to

inspect for flavor and tenderness. This recipe allows for no distractions. No baked potato, no salad bar. The only permitted vegetables are garlic, hot sauce and wine grapes, sipped while chewing. This is an essential part of eating red meat and functions as both condiment and beverage. Wine also lubes the celebration, even if it’s only a party of one.

The sweet buzz dulls the heartache of your crime and washes down its delicious justification.

This recipe is to be used with the highest quality meat you can find. Where I live, there are several purveyors of delicious, local grass-fed beef. It should be a tender cut, such as rib eye or tenderloin. And it should be as thick as possible. The ideal cut is as thick as it is wide.

The technique is to slowly pan fry the meat and monitor its state of doneness by cutting it into progressively smaller pieces, at a pace that will produce perfectly cooked bite-sized chunks. It can also be done under the broiler.

The cutting happens in the pan, assuming you have cast-iron. If not, transfer the meat to a cutting board each time you cut it. A good cast iron pan costs about as much as a pound of good meat. You won’t regret having one.

Flesh in the Pan 1 Tablespoon olive oil 1 pound red meat 1 garlic clove, pressed, minced or mashed ¼ teaspoon salt ¼ teaspoon pepper ¼ teaspoon garlic powder Red wine Rub the meat in olive oil and then the salt, pepper and garlic powder. Add it to the pan, with a tablespoon of olive oil, and heat on medium. When the meat starts to brown (about three minutes), turn it onto a different edge.

When all sides are browned, cut the meat in half, and inspect. The middle should still be raw. Place the cut sides down on the hot pan. Add the garlic. After another two or so minutes, cut the halves in half and inspect again.

Continue cooking, cutting and inspecting until you have bite-sized chunks that are done perfectly to your liking, be that raw and red, medium pink or brown and done.

Wash down the meat with wine and gratitude. Rinse.

Repeat. Rinse repeatedly. n

Hungry for a deal?

Get a taste of the Telegraph Dining Guide Listings in the Dining Guide include a 50-word description & your full-color logo for the screaming deal of just $20/week.

Email: lainie@durangotelegraph.com

16 n Feb. 7, 2019

telegraph

TopShelf

Boring Bowl, The Dude sells out & Hillbilly Poetry

by Chris Aaland

showcases the music and words of Fred Kozak, a triple threat on vocals, mandolin and guitar. This time around, others are alow that was boring. Not only was Sunday’s Super Bowl lowed to step into the spotlight. Fiddler Alissa Wolf’s backing vothe lowest scoring ever, but it was my first completely cals are prominent, and her jazzy violin adds Western swing sober Super Bowl since 1986 … and I was 17 then. Damn elements (“Two-Steppin’” in particular). Upright bassist Cody the family flu! Shelly, Otto, Rosie and I all came down with the Tinnin kicks off the record with a funky groove on “416” and crud. My annual Wild Game Super Bowl was called off. No later shows off on some rockabilly bass slapping. Gone is the pheasant pot pie. No elk steaks sizzling on the grill. No alligator bluesy element brought by original member Bruce Allsopp and sauce piquante. And my quail wrapped in bacon and stuffed his national steel guitar (Allsopp’s final performance with the with elk sausage? It’ll have to Junkies was at last spring’s wait ’til spring.

Durango Bluegrass MeltNot only was the game down), but the additional boring and the food bland, musical space allows Wolf but the commercials were to shine. My biggest gripe cringe-worthy. Still, I selected with her past roles in both two winners and one loser. the Cannondolls and Lawn The Washington Post’s Chair Kings was that her “Democracy Dies in Darkness” fiddle was never prominent was my favorite. Airing just enough in the mix and her before the 2:00 warning, the vocals nearly nonexistent.

60-second spot narrated by “Hillbilly Poetry” corrects Tom Hanks showed footage of that. The Junkies are major news events from quickly becoming more World War II to present, and than Durango’s go-to those who broke the news. It choice to open bluegrass also showed three journalists and Americana shows by who have either been killed bigger, national bands. covering the news or were abNever ones to be content, ducted and remain missing. they frequently travel to The Stillhouse Junkies host an EP release party at 9 p.m., Sat., Feb. For anyone who ever crafted Telluride, Denver, Flagstaff 9, at the Animas City Theatre. prose from facts and quotes – and beyond to bring their even weekly entertainment mountain music to eager hacks like me – justice was served. Bonus points for inspiring Donmasses. ald Trump Jr. to slam it the day after its airing.

The ACT hosts an indie/jam twin bill Wednesday night with My second favorite was the Bud Light jousting commercial Aqueous and Big Something. Formed in Buffalo, N.Y., 13 that morphed into a “Game of Thrones” preview. Another 60years ago, Aqueous is a rock quartet that has earned a reputation second spot, this one had Bud Light’s blue knight square off as one of the most promising improvisational rock acts in the against a foe, only to get knocked off his horse and onto his ass. country by focusing on the groove. Their rich, transitional jams Cue the “Game of Thrones” theme music and an ominous flow from laidback grooves to furious, high-intensity peaks. Big dragon shadow cast over the jousting arena. Sure enough, one of Something is a six-piece powerhouse that fuses rock, pop, funk Daenerys’ flying lizards emerged from the sky to ignite the and improvisation, taking listeners on a journey through a myrstands into flames. Two thumbs up! Four for gore! And let’s face iad of musical styles. They’ve toured in support of Umphrey’s it … Unless you’re a 16-year-old kid at a party or you live in a McGee, Galactic, moe., Robert Randolph and the B52s. trailer with your sister/wife, Bud Light sucks. Score one for craft Get your tango on when Luis Bravo brings “Forever Tango” beer drinkers everywhere. But kudos to Anheuser Busch for sacrito the Community Concert Hall at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday. Revered as ficing their knight to The Mountain. the greatest tango show in the world, “Forever Tango” tells the My loser? Of all things sacred and pure, The Big Lebowski sold story of the birth of the tango in 19th century Argentina. Thouout The Dude’s ever-lovin’ soul for the chance to sip a Stella with sands of European men emigrated to South American and found “Sex in the City’s” Carrie Bradshaw. STFU, Donnie. Carrie esthemselves in crowded packing houses, bars, barrio street corners chewed her cosmopolitan for a draft, while The Dude nixed his and brothels. The tango was born from this lonely and violent White Russian for a bottle. What has this world come to? Have existence. While the dance may inspire romantic feelings today, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jeff Bridges gotten so broke and irreleit wasn’t always the case. Argentinean society originally shunned vant that they needed to hock green bottle yuppie brew? No, Mr. the tango, which became an overnight sensation when ArLebowski! The Dude most certainly does not abide. gentina’s intellectuals traveled to Paris. It quickly spread across So that’s it. Pitchers and catchers report in a week. Meanwhile, Europe, then to America, and finally back home. Creator/director back to the barrooms!

Bravo is a world-class cellist who has performed internationally The StillHouse Junkies host an EP release party at 9 p.m. with major symphonies.

Saturday night at the Animas City Theatre, with cellist Russick The next Raven Narratives live storytelling event takes Smith opening. “Hillbilly Poetry” collects five original tunes place at 7:30 p.m. Saturday at the Durango Arts Center. Perfectly never before available on an album, and marks the band’s first timed for Valentine’s Day, the theme this time around is love. recording as a trio. The lead track, “416,” was released as a digital Stories must be true, relate to the theme, be 10 minutes or less, single last summer, benefitting the Community Emergency Relief with no rants or raves and must also be told without notes.

Fund set up by the Community Foundation Serving Southwest Finally, Sunny & the Whiskey Machine brings bluegrass Colorado. Videos for “416,” “Whiskey Prison” and “Two-Steppin’ and Americana to Ska from 5-7 p.m. tonight (Thurs., Feb. 7). on My Heart (Again)” can be seen on the band’s website and varHere’s to one of Durango’s most unheralded bands! ious social media platforms.

Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain? Email me at Much like the Junkies’ debut record, “Over the Pass,” the EP chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

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Feb. 7, 2019 n 17

onthetown

Thursday07 Here to Hear: Office Hour with Councilor Dick White, 9-10 a.m., downstairs at the Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. Baby Meetup with Durango Café au Play, 9:30-11:30 a.m., 2307 Columbine. durangocafeauplay.org.

Friday08 Snowscape Winter Carnival, Feb. 8-10, Silverton. www.silvertonwhiteout.com

a.m.-3 p.m., Farmington Indian Center. 505-599-1524.

Leadercast Event, featuring panel of nine female leaders, 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m., Methodist Church, 2917 Aspen Dr. www.fumcdurango.org/leadercast-conference.

Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

Baby Meetup, 9:30-11:30 a.m., Columbine House at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 419 San Juan Dr.

Backcountry Film Festival, hosted by Durango Nature Studies, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. durango naturestudies.org.

“Doc Swords,” PTSD Social Club for Veterans, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

9th annual Winter Bike to Work Day, 7-9 a.m., in front of Studio &, 1027 Main Ave. 375-4901.

USASA Slopestyle Competition, 10:30 a.m., Upper Paradise Park, Purgatory. www.purgatoryresort.com.

Legal Resources Fair, sponsored by Southwest Colorado Bar Association, 6th Judicial District Access to Justice Committee and Colorado Legal Services, 4-7 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

Sensory Storytime, for children on the autism spectrum and differently-abled children of all ages, 10:3011:30 a.m., Durango Public Library. 375-3385.

Sunny & The Whiskey Machine performs, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St. Tim Sullivan performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Plursday featuring DJ Chaser, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Rob Webster performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Pub Trivia, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.powsci.org.

Gary B. Walker performs, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. “Kilimanjaro: Climbing Africa’s Highest Peak When You’re Past Your Peak” with Missy Rodey and Debby Malcom, part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., Noble Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room 130.

Businesses in Our Backyard: Zuma Natural Foods, 7 p.m., Mancos Public Library.

Community Acoustic Music Jam, 7 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

“Hale County This Morning, This Evening” documentary screening, 7 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Open Mic & Stand-Up, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Free yoga, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Lively Boutique, 809 Main Ave. Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Science Fridays, kindergarten-3rd graders, 10-11 a.m., 4th & 5th graders, 11 a.m.-noon, Mancos Library.

STEAM Lab: LEGO Club, for ages 5-12, 3:30-4:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 3:30-5:30 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Free Legal Clinic, 4-5 p.m., Ignacio Library.

“The Madness of George III,” presented by National Theatre Live Productions, 11 a.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Earth Science Day, 1-4 p.m., Riverside Nature Center in Farmington. 505-599-1422.

DJ CodeStar, 2-4 p.m., the Beach at Purgatory. dj codestar.com.

Red Ball Express! fundraiser for Rotary Club, 4 p.m., Columbine area at Purgatory Resort. www.durangored ball.com.

Joel Racheff performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Dustin Burley performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Quadrivium Vocal Chamber Concert: Wild Kingdom, 6:30 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Open Mic 5:30-8 p.m., sign up from 3-5 p.m.; Smiley Cafe, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Sign up at 335-8929.

“Love,” Raven Narratives live storytelling, 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.; event also runs Feb. 15 at the Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.ravennarrativestickets.org.

Robby Overfield performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. The Smelter Mountain Boys perform, 6-9 p.m., DJ Hakan, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. “Exit Laughing,” comedy presented by Theatre Ensemble Arts, opening night, 7:30 p.m., Totah Theater, Farmington, show also runs Feb. 9 and 15-16, and 2 p.m., Feb. 17. 505-326-2839.

Saturday09 Silverton Whiteout/Snowscape Winter Carnival, Silverton. www.silvertonwhiteout.com O Shi Heart Valentine’s Arts and Crafts Sale, 9

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18 n Feb. 7, 2019

VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. 247-0384.

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Comedy Cocktail open mic stand up, 8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave. The Jelly Bellies perform, 8 p.m., The Billy Goat Saloon in Gem Village.

Stillhouse Junkies EP Release Party with Russik Smith, 9:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Sunday10 9th annual Winter Warrior 10K, includes 10K, 5K, Kids SnowDash races, 9 a.m., Durango Nordic Center. steve@wholisticfitness.com.4

Winter Fat Bike Fun Race, hosted by DUST2 and the Wolf Creek Trailblazers, 9 a.m., Forest Service Road 725 off Highway 160 near Pagosa Springs. www.dustx2.com.

USASA Rail Jam Competition Series, Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com.

Traditional Irish Music Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. Bolshoi Ballet: La Bayadere, 12:55 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Joel Racheff performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Monday11 Yoga Storytime, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Smiley Building Studio 10, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Watch Your Step class, 10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Monday Music, 10:30 a.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Joel Racheff performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Rob Webster performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Boxing Star Max Baer and his Durango Roots: An author event with Colleen Aycock, 6-7:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday12 “The United States and Mexico: Partnership Tested” part of the Great Decisions International Affairs Discussion Program, 11:45 a.m.-1:45 p.m., Durango Public Library. www.fpa.org.

AHS Exhibition: A Century of Death – Genocide in the Modern World, 5 p.m., Animas High School, 271 Twin Buttes Ave. Speed Networking, hosted by the Professional Women’s Network of Durango, 5-6:30 p.m., Underground at the Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. pwndurango.com.

Phat fun: Whiteout back for fifth go around What: Silverton Whiteout When: 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Feb. 9 Where: Silverton, USA If you’ve still got some gas left in the tank after Snowdown, or maybe you just miss your bike, then roll on up to Silverton this weekend for the fifth annual Whiteout, two days of music, beer, costumery, dancing, antics – oh, and bike riding.

Participants can take the 10-hour “race” – which includes a BB-gun shooting gallery, live bands, beer gardens, bacon and more bacon – as seriously or silly-y as they like.

The 9-mile course is designed so riders can experience all that Silverton has to offer in the wintertime, including harrowing icy-rut alleyways, a historic spin down Blair Street, “way out there” scenic singletrack up the Animas River gorge and a lung-busting climb up Shrine Hill (also the site of the impromptu after-party.)

In addition, there will be seven “aid” stations on the course this year, including: Silverton Ski (keg and band); the Outpost at Arrastra Gulch (tent, fire, bb guns and snacks); Shrine Hill; and, new this year, the Avon Hotel Ska Beer Garden. Festivities kick off at 8:30 p.m. Friday at the Avon Hotel with pre-game carbo-loading and music by the Six Dollar String Band followed by DJ Bad Goat and Tricerahops.

Launch into Keto! part of Keto Reset: a 6-week program, 5-6:30 p.m., Natural Grocers, 1123 Camino del Rio. 247-4100.

Terry Rickard performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Living Room Conversations: Global Warming, 5:45 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Rotary Club of Durango, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel. 3857899.

Leah Orlikowski performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Leadership La Plata 2nd annual Alumni Wine Tasting, benefit for Manna Soup Kitchen, 6-8 p.m., 1100 Avenida del Sol. www.leadershiplaplata.org or 247-0312.

Then, it’s 10 hours of fat bike goodness, starting at the crack of 9 Saturday with the annual “sacrificial toboggan” ride down Shrine Hill. For those with legs to spare after the race, People We Know plays a free show at the Grand Imperial at 9 p.m. And, as an added bonus, the weekend also happens to be Silverton’s annual Snowscape winter carnival, which offers a full slate of shenanigans of its own, from night skiing and fireworks to a keg obstacle course and hockey tournament.

Fat bikes (3” or more) are the preferred mode for the Whiteout, but organizers say riders are free to run what they brung, although they warn “it might not be the best decision you’ve ever made.” Categories include solo, duo, team and family, with an optional shortened course for kids 14 and younger. For those without fat wheels, rentals are available at your favorite local bike shop or demo bikes will be available in Silverton. Event headquarters are at the Grand Imperial Hotel, which will also serve as the race start and finish.

For more info., a complete schedule of Whiteout and Snowscape events, or to sign up, go to silverton whiteout.com. n Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. The Trivia Factory, hosted by Ben Bernstein, 6:30-8:30 p.m., the Roost, 128 E. College Dr. “Forever Tango,” 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Latin Social Nights, 8-11 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 375-2568.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday13 Fired Up Stories, 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library

More “On the Town” this way4

Donut Happy Hour

1 - 1:59 p.m., Monday through Friday • All donuts are buy one, get one free!

Perfect for refueling after a busy day at the mountain!

Durango Doughworks • 2653 Main Avenue Open Seven Days: 6:30 a.m. - 2 p.m.

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Feb. 7, 2019 n 19

AskRachel Interesting fact: Rumor on the street is that Netflix may soon be cracking down on password sharing. If you want to make the world a better place, please, please hack us all a workaround.

Dear Rachel, Could we have asked for a more milquetoast performance at the Super Bowl halftime show than Maroon 5? I understand completely that the largest televised crapshow in the history of whatever needs to appeal to the LCD. It’s hard to find an act that’s mildly inoffensive and yet widely known, and hey, you can’t book Coldplay and Kenny G every year. But the halftime show used to be about spectacle. Now it’s about refreshing the queso in the other room.

– Halftimed Out Dear Mass Media Critic, No one makes you watch the halftime show. In fact, I use that time to go to the grocery store. Did you know there are no lines at the checkout during the big annual football convention? And then I go roam the streets, just to experience what the apocalypse might feel like. The roads are silent. No one makes a sound – even the birds go silent. Cars are abandoned. A tumbleweed, stippled with ice, rolls down the block. All is well.

– Go team, Rachel Dear Rachel, My parents live in Denver. That’s a really safe buffer, because it’s either a 7-hour drive or a

OntheTown from p. 19 Free Trauma Conscious Yoga for Veterans and Families, noon-1 p.m., Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. “Architecture in a Warming World,” presented by the Green Business Roundtable, noon-1 p.m., Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main Ave. BookMarks Book Discussion, featuring An American Marriage by Tayari Jones, 2 p.m., Pine River Library, Bayfield.

Moms Demand Action local Durango Chapter meeting, 4 p.m., Durango Public Library.

$600 plane ticket for them to get here. They don’t just show up on my doorstep. But now they’re moving to Albuquerque to, quote, “get away from the snow.” They’re effectively halving the distance between us. I dread they’ll be spending their summer weekends here, ruining my prime river time. How do I maintain my much-needed buffer?

– Only Child Dear Kevin McAllister, Short of building a bigger wall, there’s no real way to ensure you stay home alone. Here’s something for you to ponder, though: Can you find the equivalent of a “friend zone” for aged parents? You know, where you still let them take you to brunch and piggyback on their Netflix accounts, but you aren’t committed to having them spend the night at your place? Reach that holy grail, and you, my friend, will be happy all the rest of your days.

– Not your real mom, Rachel Dear Rachel, With all that ails the world, the tragedy that hurts me the most is the destruction of Joshua Tree National Park by a bunch of yahoos during the government shutdown. I know I should be more worried about the homeless people here, or climate change, but all I want to do is cry tears for those fallen trees and then go shove them up the dark side of the vandals’ moons, if you know Karaoke, 8 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Aqueous and Big Something perform, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. animascitytheatre.com.

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com what I mean. How can I cope and heal in these trying times?

- Not Joshing Dear Tree Weeper, I wish we had a way to rid the world of yahoos. We can’t, though. All we can do is our own small parts to better the world. Plant a new tree. Call your congressman/woman. Reduce your waste, and pick up after your dog. Then, take a walk during next year’s Super Bowl, like I do, and imagine a better world without people.

–That’ll cheer you up, presented by Merely Players, opening night, 7 p.m., Feb. 15, show also runs Feb. 16 and 21-23, and 2 p.m., Feb. 24, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. 259-2606.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Connect: Posh Josh, Brian Ess, Noonz, 9:30 p.m., Feb. 15, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.an imascitytheatre.com.

Ongoing

Kirtan, 6-8 p.m., Feb. 16, Studio 10, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

“Locate,” drawings by Karina Noel Hean, thru Feb. 15, Art & Design Gallery, Fort Lewis College.

Artworks by Juanita Ainsley and Rebecca Dash, thru Feb. 22, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Marshall Charloff – Purple Xperience: A Tribute to Prince, 8 p.m., Feb. 16, Sky Ute Casino. skyutecasino.com.

Keller Williams, 9 p.m., Feb. 16, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Greg Ryder performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Art exhibit and silent auction featuring works from National Art Honor Society (NAHS) students, display runs thru Feb. 28, Durango Public Library.

Thank the Veterans potluck, Peter Neds and Glenn Keefe perform, 5:30-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main. 828-7777.

“Sands of Oman” photography by Margy Dudley, thru March 9, DAC Friends of the Arts Gallery, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Writers’ Workshop, 2 p.m., Feb. 17, Ignacio Community Library.

After-school program for first through fifth grade, 4:15-5:15 p.m. Wednesdays, Mancos Library.

Wild & Scenic Film Festival, hosted by the Citizens Climate Lobby, 4 p.m., Feb. 17, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Terry Rickard performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main.

Avian Productivity and Survivorship at Oxbow Park and Preserve, five-year findings, hosted by the Durango Bird Club, 6 p.m., Education and Business Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room 55.

Tales From Tijuana, discussion on life along the Mexico-U.S. border, 6-8 p.m., Noble Hall, FLC, Room 125.

Gary B. Walker performs, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. “Marjorie F. Lambert: Pioneering Southwest Archaeologist” presentation by San Juan Basin Archaeological Society, 7 p.m., Center of Southwest Studies at Fort Lewis College. sjbas.org.

20 n Feb. 7, 2019

Free Morning Yoga with YogaDurango, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Saturdays and Sundays, Durango Mountain Institute.

Live music, nightly, Diamond Belle & The Office, 699 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8th.

Upcoming Mesa Verde National Park Winter Festival, 5:30-9 p.m., Feb. 15, Morefield Campground and Meadow Bliss and Cotttontail Loop trails. 529-4461.

“Doubt, a Parable,” a drama by John Patrick Shanley,

telegraph

Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., Feb. 17, Elks Club, 901 E. 2nd Ave. 946-4831.

Deadline for “On the Town” submissions is Monday at noon.

To submit an item, email: calendar@durango telegraph.com

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Climbing mountains has been a popular adventure since the 19th century, but there are still many peaks around the world that no one has ever ascended. They include the 24,591-foot-high Muchu Chhish in Pakistan, 23,691-foot Karjiang South in Tibet, and 12,600-foot Sauyr Zhotasy on the border of China and Kazakhstan. If there are any Aries mountaineers reading this horoscope who have been dreaming about conquering an unclimbed peak, 2019 will be a great time to do it, and now would be a perfect moment to plan or launch your quest. As for the rest of you Aries, what’s your personal equivalent of reaching the top of an unclimbed peak?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Eminem’s song “Lose Yourself” was a featured track in the movie “8 Mile,” and it won an Academy Award for Best Original Song in 2003. The creator himself was not present at the Oscar ceremony to accept his award, however. He was so convinced his song would lose that he stayed home. At the moment that presenter Barbra Streisand announced Eminem’s triumph, he was asleep in front of the TV with his daughter, who was watching cartoons. In contrast to him, I hope you will be fully available and on the scene for the recognition or acknowledgment that should be coming your way sometime soon.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): While enjoying its leisure time, the peregrine falcon glides around at 50 miles per hour. But when it’s motivated by the desire to eat, it may swoop and dart at a velocity of 220 miles per hour. Amazing! In accordance with your astrological omens, Gemini, I propose that we make the peregrine falcon your spirit creature for the next three weeks. I suspect you will have extraordinary speed and agility and focus whenever you’re hunting for exactly what you want. So here’s a crucial question: what exactly do you want?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now and then the sun shines and rain falls at the same time.

The meteorological name for the phenomenon is “sunshower,” but folklore provides other terms.

Hawaiians may call it “liquid sunshine” or “ghost rain.” Speakers of the Tangkhul language in India imagine it as “the wedding of a human and spirit.” Some Russians refer to it as “mushroom rain,” since it’s thought to encourage the growth of mushrooms.

Whatever you might prefer to call it, Cancerian, I suspect that the foreseeable future will bring you delightful paradoxes in a similar vein. And in my opinion, that will be very lucky for you, since you’ll be in the right frame of mind and spirit to thrive amidst just such situations.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A study by the Fidelity financial services company revealed that in 43 percent of all couples, neither partner has an accurate knowledge of how much money the other earns. Meanwhile, research by the National Institutes of Health concludes that among heterosexual couples, 36 percent of husbands misperceive how frequently their wives have orgasms. I bring this to your attention in order to sharpen your focus on how crucial it is to communicate clearly with your closest allies. I mean, it’s rarely good to be ignorant about what’s going on with those close to you, but it’ll be an especially bad idea during the next six weeks.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Torre Mayor is one of the tallest skyscrapers in Mexico City. When workers finished its construction in 2003, it was one of the world’s most earthquakeproof buildings, designed to hold steady during an 8.5-level temblor. Over the course of 2019, Virgo, I’d love to see you erect the metaphorical equivalent of that unshakable structure in your own life. The astrological omens suggest that doing so is quite possible. And the coming weeks will be an excellent time to launch that project or intensify your efforts to manifest it.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Multitalented Libran singer and actor Donald Glover uses the name of Childish Gambino when he performs his music.

How did he select that alias? He used an online random name generator created by the rap group Wu-Tang Clan. I tried the same generator and got “Fearless Warlock” as my new moniker. You might want to try it yourself, Libra. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to add layers to your identity and expand your persona and mutate your self-image. The generator is here: tinyurl.com/yournewname. (P.S.: If you don’t like the first one you’re offered, keep trying until you get one you like.)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Leonardo da Vinci’s painting Salvator Mundi sold for $450 million in 2017. Just 12 years earlier, an art collector had bought it for $10,000. Why did its value increase so extravagantly? Because in 2005, no one was sure it was an authentic da Vinci painting. It was damaged and had been covered with other layers of paint that hid the original image. After extensive restoration efforts, the truth emerged. I foresee the possibility of a comparable, if less dramatic, development in your life during the next 10 months, Scorpio. Your work to rehabilitate or renovate an underestimated resource could bring big dividends.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): We can behold colors because of specialized cells in our eyes called cones. Most of us have three types of

cones, but a few rare people have four.

This enables them to see far more hues than the rest of us. Are you a tetrachromat, a person with super-vision? Whether you are or not, I suspect you will have extra powerful perceptual capacities in the coming weeks. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will be able to see more than you usually do. The world will seem brighter and deeper and more vivid. I urge you to deploy your temporary superpower to maximum advantage.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There are two kinds of minor, boring little tasks. One is when you’re attending to a detail that’s not in service to a higher purpose; the other is when you’re attending to a detail that is a crucial step in the process of fulfilling an important goal. An example of the first might be when you try in vain to scour a permanent stain on a part of the kitchen counter that no one ever sees. An example of the second is when you download an update for an existing piece of software so your computer works better and you can raise your efficiency levels as you pursue a pet project. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to keep this distinction in mind as you focus on the minor, boring little tasks that are crucial steps in the process of eventually fulfilling an important goal.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Can you sit on your own head? Not many people can.

It requires great flexibility.

Before comedian Robin Williams was famous, he spontaneously did just that when he auditioned for the role of the extraterrestrial immigrant Mork, the hero of the TV sitcom “Mork and Mindy.” The casting director was impressed with Williams’ odd but amusing gesture and hired him immediately. If you’re presented with an opportunity sometime soon, I encourage you to be inspired by the comedian’s ingenuity. What might you do to cinch your audition, to make a splashy first impression, to convince interested parties that you’re the right person?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Twitter wit Notorious Debi Hope advises us, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes.” That’s wise counsel for you to keep in mind during the next three weeks. Let me add a few corollaries. First, stave off any temptation you might have to believe that others know what’s good for you better than you do. Second, figure out what everyone thinks of you and aggressively liberate yourself from their opinions. Third, if anyone even hints at not giving you the respect you deserve, banish them for at least three weeks.

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classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214

hrs/month labor big fenced garden w/irrig.

Long term email: fraptsale1@gmail.com

Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Experienced House Cleaner Wanted Part-time position for a growing cleaning business. Must have previous cleaning experience. Shift lead position. A reliable vehicle is required to apply. E-mail resume to freshncleandurango@gmail.com

Lost/Found Sunglasses Found In Deer Creek parking lot. Call 970749-8820 to claim.

Announcements The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Wanted Turn Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. Into Cash! at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Office Manager- Mental Health Fort Lewis College is seeking applications for Counseling Center Office Manager and assistant to the Director, 9 month position (full time mid-August through mid-May). For detailed job information and qualifications, competencies and online application process please visit www.fortlewis.edu/jobs and go to the Employment Opportunities page, exempt listings and click on the job link. FLC is an AA/EEO employer. Send cover letter and resume to: nakayama_k@fortlewis.edu Admin Coordinator Wanted Wildfire Adapted Partnership seeks a part time (20 hr/wk) Admin Coordinator to work out of WAP’s Durango office and assist the Executive Director in the dayto-day operations of the organization. For the full job announcement please visit: www.wildfireadapted.org or call 970-3858909.

Classes/Workshops Healing Through Yoga 8 wk class for trauma survivors; Starts 2/26; every Tues 7- 9 pm $40 per sess; sliding scale avail, pre-register req. See www.thrivingtherapyyoga.com or call Shelley 970 946 1383

Walking Wheels for a Big Dog My name is Otis, I’m 12 and 110 lbs.

My back legs aren’t working as well as they used to so I’m looking for some wheels. If you have a big dog, wheel rig that you no longer need, please call my mom @ 970-903-0005. Thank you.

HelpWanted Trade RV Site for Labor RV site w/utilities trade for

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Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

Services Need a Web Site?

Fast, cheap, clean and classy websites.

Free consultations. Call Maddalena 970946-9141.

Get Your Valentine Glow!

Organic spray tans, Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

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Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

BodyWork Looking for Awesome New Clients My passion is to help you feel better in your body nationally certified massage therapist Durango Mobile Massage and Studio Services text desired apt. time/date 970-799-8950.

Valentine Massage Gift Certs!

Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2018.

Couples, sauna, outdoor shower, cupping. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-9032984.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForSale Helly Hansen Women’s Kvitegga Ski Jacket Size small, army green with orange accents. Brand new with tags. Awesome, feature-packed freeride shell. Lightweight, 3-layer, waterproof, fully seam sealed, breathable. Zip-off powder skirt, pit zips, plenty of pockets to stash your goods, including a special pocket that prolongs your phone’s battery in cold weather. Goggle chamois + Recco. Retails $375; yours for only $225. Text 970-749-2595 for pictures.

Isuzu Trooper 92 Isuzu Trooper LS 4WD 180,000 miles, new battery, new tires, including spare. Needs front axle & brake pads. $900 OBO 970-769-7200.

Reruns Home Furnishings Spruce up your home – desks, console tables, coffee tables and lots of beautiful framed art, glass and ceramics. New cool stuff and daily markdowns. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

ForRent For Rent Massage space to share: Friday-Monday $150 month Call 970-764-7181

RoommateWanted Male Only 1 BR avail. Share great in-town home.

Clean, responsible, quiet. No smkr, pets, partiers. $550 incl. util., plus dep. 970759-0551.

CommunityService Cookie Gram Fundraising Event From now until Feb. 14, stop in at Dancing Spirit to choose your bowl or let us pick one out for you. It will be delivered at no extra charge to the love of your life on Feb. 14. We will include a personalized card from the giver. 5” - 8” bowl comes with ½ dozen homemade sugar cookies.

3”- 4” bowl comes with chocolate from Rocky Mountain Chocolate. All for just $15 per bowl or 2 for $25, plus free delivery in the Ignacio area. 970-963-4600.

Bayfield Farmers Market Seeks Farmers The Bayfield Downtown Farmers’ Market is recruiting farmers from the Four Corners area for the 2019 season. The season opens Thurs., June 20, and continues through the end of September. Markets occur under the shade of the trees at the Joe Stephenson Park at the intersection of Mill Street and Bayfield Parkway, 4:30-7 p.m. each Thursday. Fees for vendors are $100 for the season or $10 per visit. For more info, call 970-769-6873.

LPEA Offers College Scholarships Scholarships available through LPEA. Deadline to apply is March 4. For further

info and to download applications, visit www.lpea.coop or contact Jeannie Bennett at 382-3505 or jbennett@lpea.coop.

know is experiencing domestic violence call our free and confidential 24-hour hotline: 247- 9619.

Volunteer-Powered Program Offers Hope SASO seeks compassionate, caring people to become advocates on its 24-hour crisis hotline. Provide sexual assault survivors with support and resources to promote healing. Call Laura, 259-3074, for information about free upcoming training.

Applications for Advanced Standing MSW Program Students with a Bachelor’s degree in social work (BSW) are eligible for a one-year Masters of Social Work program through the University of Denver’s Graduate School.

The program starts summer of 2019. Classes are taught in Durango at The Commons Building. Stipends for child welfare, integrated behavioral health care are available.

Native American tuition support to eligible students is also available. Email wanda.ellingson@du.edu or call 247-9773 for more info.

The Community Health Action Coalition (CHAC) is offering free educational presentations to groups wishing to learn about advance care planning. The initiative, “My Life: Planning in Advance,” is funded by the Colorado Health Foundation to educate people 18 and over about health-care wishes and advance directive. Advance directive documents and a guide can be downloaded on CHAC’s website at www.chaclaplata.org. To sign up for a free presentation, contact Kathy Sherer at 970884-2355 or kathy@chaclaplata.org.

Alternative Horizons supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence. We are currently in the process of recruiting volunteers for our 24Hour Crisis Line. Bilingual Spanish and English speakers needed. If you’d like to make a difference in the lives of others in our community, join us Feb. 27-28 for a free, comprehensive training. For more info., call 247-4374. If you or anyone you

A Call to Artists The Durango Rec Center invites artists of all mediums to display their artwork for a one-month period in the community wing hallway. Apps and additional info available at durangogov.org/index.aspx?NID=532 or at the Rec Center. For questions, contact John Robinette at 375-7323 or via email at john.robinette@durangogov.org Nonprofit Looking for Community Reps to Join International Team ASSE International Student Exchange Programs is seeking individuals to serve as area representatives in their local communities. ASSE provides academic year and semester exchange programs in the U.S. for high school students from around the world. Students are 15 to 18 years of age,

Jonesing?

have passed a series of academic and character requirements, and are awaiting an opportunity to embark on their American Adventure. Area representatives recruit and screen prospective host families, interview students to study abroad and supervise the exchange students in their community. Area reps are compensated based on the number of students they are supervising. For more info about ASSE or becoming an Area Representative, call our Western Regional Office at 1-800-7332773 or email us at asseusawest@asse.com.

Check out the website at host.asse.com.

Stephen Ministry Program Open to Help People in Our Community The First United Methodist Church of Durango has an active Stephen Ministry program which offers one-to-one care for individuals experiencing a crisis like losing a job, losing a loved one, divorce or terminal illness. Stephen Ministers are available to all members of our community. Please note: Stephen Ministry is not mental health counseling. If you know someone who is having a tough time, please ask them to call Stephen Leader, Cathy Schadt, at 970-2599293 for more information.

Opportunity for Local Students to Study Abroad Qualified high school students can spend an academic year, semester or summer holiday in Europe, Asia, North or South America, Australia or South Africa as part of the ASSE International Student Exchange Program. Students, 15-18, qualify with aca-

demic performance, character references; and do not need to know the language.

Families abroad are carefully screened. ASSE also provides opportunities for families to host students – who are screened and selected students 15-18 years old – from Spain, Mexico, Germany, Great Britain, France, Brazil, Thailand, Japan, and more.

For more info about becoming a student or host family call 800-733-2773, visit asse.com, host.asse.com or email asseusawest@asse.com.

Free ADA Accessible Transportation to Durango Food Bank and Commodities for people with disabilities, seniors and veterans – Southwest Rides, a program of Southwest Center for Independence, is pleased to provide free round-trip transportation from your home to the Durango food bank every Thursday and to commodities distribution the third Monday of every month. Rides are available throughout La Plata County. First-come-firstserved basis, seating limited. For more info or to schedule, contact Angel at 970-9460232.

HaikuMovieReview ‘Molly’s Game’ A brilliant woman with dad issues makes the most of the cards she’s dealt – Lainie Maxson

Drinking&DiningGuide Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956 www.himkitchen.com Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free.

Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. - Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m. Closed 2:30 to 5 daily $$ Crossroads Coffee 1099 Main Ave., 970-903-9051 Crossroads coffee proudly serves locally roasted Fahrenheit coffee and delicious baked goods. Menu includes gluten-free items along with bullet-proof coffee, or bullet-proof chai! Come in for friendly service and the perfect buzz!

Hours: Mon.- Fri., 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. $

Issue 6 is now out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email steve@gulchmag.com

BREW Pub & Kitchen 117 W. College Drive, 970-259-5959 www.brewpubkitchen.com Experience Durango’s award-winning brewery & restaurant featuring unique, hand-crafted beers, delicious food made from scratch, and wonderful wines & cocktails.

Happy Hour, Tues.- Fri. 4-6 pm & all day Sunday with $1 off beers, wines & wells & enjoy select appetizers at 20% off. Watch the sunset behind Smelter Mountain as the train goes by.

Hours: Wed.-Sun., Noon - 9p.m., Tues. 4p.m. - 9 p.m. Closed on Mon. $$

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