Durango Telegraph - January 31, 2019

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Jan. 31, 2019 Vol. XVIII, No. 5 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

Into the fray

How they roll

LPEA files in Tri-State case on side of Delta-Montrose p8

Barrows to onesies, the Light Parade goes the distance p14

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Comic relief

The who, what, when & where of this weekend’s wacky capers

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lineup

8

4 La Vida Local

Plugged in LPEA files motion, entering the clash between Tri-State and DMEA

4 Thumbin’ It

Born to be wild

by Tracy Chamberlin

5 Word on the Street 6 ReTooned

12-13

6-7 Soapbox

Rocking out

Nothing like a desert fix to snap you out of the winter doldrums

11 Mountain Exchange

photos by Stephen Eginoire

12-13 Day in the Life

14

16 Flash in the Pan

Well-lubed

17 Top Shelf

The wonderful wheeled hoopla that is Snowdown’s marquee event

18-19 On the Town

by Joy Martin

20 SNOWDOWN 2019

16

21 Free Will Astrology

Holy posole Making hominy a religious experience (don’t even think of draining that can)

22 Classifieds

by Ari Levaux

23 Haiku Movie Review 23 Ask Rachel

19-20

On the cover: A recent view of Arizona’s colorful Painted Desert and Petrified Forest National Park, taken from the air./ Photo

by Stephen Eginoire

Comic relief

Your complete guide to all the weekend’s capers

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EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph

Ear to the ground: “I found myself watching ‘Survivor’ because I could sympathize with the starving contestants.”

– Local woman talking about her one and only experience with doing a diet “cleanse”

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Tracy Chamberlin, Jesse Anderson, Zach Hively, Joy Martin and Shan Wells

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RegularOccurrences

Hearts around the world melted last summer with the story of the 416 bear, an orphaned cub whose paws were severely burnt in the blaze. Discovered by firefighters, she was rescued by Colorado Parks and Wildlife, which brought her to a wildlife rehab facility in Del Norte. Photos of her bandaged paws became a viral sensation as well as a ray of hope in the summer’s devastation.

Fast forward seven months, and the 416 bear has made a full recovery. During her time in Del Norte, she lived in a large enclosure with several other bears in conditions meant to mimic the bears’ natural habitat. The bears slept in metal “dens” surrounded by rocks, trees, boulders, food and other “bear” necessities. Eventually, wildlife officials deemed the 416 bear fit for reentry. Last Fri., Jan. 25, (cue the theme from “Born Free”) she was taken back to the wild.

The cub, now close to a year old, was placed in a undisclosed location in the mountains northwest of Durango. But not to worry, wildlife officials didn’t just throw her to the bears, so to speak. She and her den mate were fast asleep in their 4-foot-square enclosure, which was buried with brush, snow and straw. In a few weeks, a wildlife official will return to remove the door so the bears can emerge come spring, and the 416 bear will go from media sensation to just being a bear again.

Matt Thorpe, CPW’s wildlife manager for the Durango area, said he’s optimistic about her prospects. The cub, who weighed only 10 pounds when she arrived, packed on an impressive 80 pounds at the facility. “Making it in the wild is tough for young bears,” Thorpe said. “We’ve done everything we can to give the 416 bear a second chance at a good, wild life.”

Tissues, please.

Knees of steel It was a high-flying good time for the Purgatory Freestyle Ski Team at last weekend’s USSA Rocky Mountain Freestyle Qualifier/Devo mogul comp in Telluride. The event included more than 100 freestyle skiers (6 to 14 years old) from Purgatory, Telluride, Vail, Summit County, Aspen, Winter Park, Pajarito and Steamboat. Athletes were vying for points to qualify for the State Championships, March 16-18 in Winter Park.

Balin Kirk led the Purg team in the moguls, capturing the overall title as top skier in the field, outpacing former teammate Freddie Mickel, who now trains in Steamboat. Purg’s Corbett Thomas landed fourth overall, with Chase Connors ending in 11th. Other shout outs go to Patrick McBrayer (sixth U15) and Finn Skowlund (19th U13).

For the girls, Amara Kirk (twin sister to Balin), finished fourth overall and second for U13 girls.

Lucy Klotz skied to eighth overall.

Meanwhile, Purg ski team alumni George McQuinn, 20, was making tracks of his own. McQuinn not only earned a spot on the U.S. Freestyle Team in December but has also qualified for his third World Cup start.

Jan. 31, 2019 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal Confessions of an apocalypse-ist Did you know that police in Utah had to make a public announcement reminding people not to drive blindfolded because a woman almost died doing the “Bird Box” challenge? Or that the FBI once investigated whether our President was working on Russia’s behalf to destabilize our country, you know, the same president who destabilized our country with a record-setting shutdown? Did you know that our magnetic north pole is moving 30 miles per year, and nobody knows why? Or that they sell designer mini-vibrators on gold necklaces?

It’s all right there on my Google newsfeed, and a one-paragraph “Downfall” simply won’t cover it this week. I’m aware that all people get a little grey and start thinking the world is ending, but I think it might be true this time. Homosexuals in Chechnya are being captured and put in concentration camps as I type this. Remember the last time that happened? Right now, our country is obsessed with a wall that can be beat with a ladder, and Great Brittan is going through a rough breakup. My mom is a semicrazy leftwing conspiracy theorist, but you know what they say about broken clocks (they’re right at least twice a day). She just sent me an email talking about how Putin invaded an island near Japan and is sending airplanes to Venezuela. Her email ended with, “It’s time to stock up.”

I haven’t Googled that stuff because I don’t want to start thinking about bomb shelters, but what if my mom is right? It would totally suck this time because right as the world was exploding, she’d call and say, “I told you so.” But even if she’s wrong, I wanted to let you guys know that Downfall material is becoming much easier to find and to warn you to be careful if you plan on going outside ever again.

That, and I wanted to complain a little. You have no idea what I go through to write those little paragraphs. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to clear my search history thanks to reading articles about “sasquatch porn” or “goats addicted to pee” or “boy scout condoms.” For real, just last week, I read an article about a man in Texas who was arrested for molesting a cow who he thought was his reincarnated wife. In Ireland, a man was admitted to the hospital after injecting semen into his forearm daily for a month – he was trying to treat back pain with stem cells (but that’s not how it works). Police in Missouri raided a dude’s house for meth, but they also found a dead bald eagle. We’ve all heard about the guy who was caught on camera licking a doorbell for three hours; NASA just named a brown streak on Jupiter after Mr. Hankie the Christmas Poo; and a man was arrested in Florida for threatening to kill his neighbor with “Kindness,” which was the name of the suspect’s machete.

Reading news like this has left a dark mark on me and led me to worry about us as a species. But then I remember watching a documentary about a famous news anchor when I was a kid (I’d look it up to get quotes and figure out who the news anchor was, but I feel like staying off the internet for a while) and he said something profound. The interviewer asked something like, “doesn’t it bother you that the news is always so negative?” In response, the news anchor said something like, “no, because the news re-

ports the things that don’t happen often. The news is about things that aren’t normal, and I’ll start to worry when the news is about good things, because that’ll mean good things aren’t normal.” Get it?

Luckily, I don’t think we’re there yet. I don’t think that everything out there is so horrid that horridness is the new norm, because the nightly news is still bad (did you see that story about how Roger Stone has a tattoo of Nixon’s face on his back?) But still, I feel like I need a hug after writing all those downfalls. So, this week, I’m taking a break from the bad to tell you about the good, because maybe you feel like you need a hug, too. So, here’s your first – and last, because I’m a cynic at heart – Weekly Uptick.

A pigeon in New York was trying to drink from a water fountain, but he couldn’t press the button because he was a bird. So, New Yorker Steven Pesantez walked over and pushed it while his friend filmed. The bird drank and the video went viral. It was warm to watch; it felt good. A wild boar in Australia stole 18 beers from campers, got drunk and then got in a fight with a cow; and a man from Pennsylvania tricked the government into certifying his pet alligator as an emotional support animal.

Right now, a retired Department of Defense manager is telling us that alien spaceships are real, and a Harvard astronomer is telling us that we’ve just been visited by an alien probe. That’s definitely good news because our species needs a thorough probing. A Republican lawmaker from Arizona wants to fund Trump’s border wall with surcharges on porn, which is just hilarious, and there has been a definite uptick in the number of news stories I’ve come across lately about gay penguins. Two mated males from a Denmark Zoo tried to kidnap a baby penguin from a straight couple, and more recently in Australia, another male penguin couple, Sphen and Magic, adopted an orphaned egg and passed it back and forth successfully until it hatched. True, gay penguins are 50/50 when it comes to good parenting, but they also prove that homosexual parenting is natural because it exists elsewhere in nature.

And that cow-perv from Texas was pretty bad, but elsewhere in Texas, a woman was banned from Walmart for drinking wine out of a Pringles can while driving an electric cart around the store’s parking lot for several hours. Her sacrifice inspired so many people that a vigil was planned through Facebook wherein fans would meet at Walmart to drink wine from Pringles cans. Twenty-thousand were interested, 200 said they’d go, and two people showed up.

Some of the best news out there is that cannabis culture is winning: there are only nine states left in the country that still use “420” mile markers. The other 41 states, Colorado included, have replaced all theirs with “419.9” mile markers because stoners kept stealing the originals. And what about those little vibrators ladies wear around their necks? We’ll, they’re convenient, and they’re a lot classier than wearing a T-shirt that says, “I’m a perv.” And according to some, those mini-vibes represent empowerment and equality, because if you think about it, guys walk around with their hands in plain sight all day.

So, yeah … there’s this week’s sign of an uptick. Do you feel any better, or is it still time to stock up?

This Week’s Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It The 416 bear cub, who gained notoriety for having its paws burned in the 416 Fire, returning to a life in the wild after making a full recovery The San Juan Mountains getting another shot at longstanding wilderness protection with Sen. Bennet’s introduction this week of the CORE (Colorado Recreation and Economy) Act A steady flow of moisture helping Durango and the Four Corners region emerge from “exceptional drought” status (and making for a Snowdown with actual snow)

4 n Jan. 31, 2019

– Jesse Anderson

A delayed re-opening of Mesa Verde National Park, despite an end to the shut-down, due to several large rockfalls on the main park road during the closure The polar vortex currently crippling the Midwest with record-breaking cold and giving climate change deniers new fodder (despite the fact that the cold is attributed to a sudden warming of the North Pole) Tyson recalling 36,000 pounds of chicken nuggets, not just because they taste like rubber but because they might actually contain rubber

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All that glitters ...

As if foufy pom poms, painted nails, and little bows with matching bandanas aren’t bad enough, dog bling has stooped to a disturbing new low. There’s really no delicate way to put this, so we’ll just come out with it: people are now bedazzling their male dogs’, um, intact genitalia. Why? “Because they can.”

Yes, dog ball glitter is now a thing.

(By bringing this to your attention, we are in no way condoning such a horrifying practice, and fortunately, the Twitterverse has already taken care of this with a scathing balljazzling shame fest.) Adherents of the latest fad defend it by saying it is innocuous, just corn syrup and “edible” glitter. Perhaps if it is, in fact, so harmless, they should try it out on their own man and lady parts first. Who knows? Maybe it will be so fun, they’ll never leave the house again.

WordontheStreet

Q

With Comic Con Snowdown this week, the Telegraph asked, “If you could have any super power, what would it be?”

Ed Horvat

“Being invisible.”

Gayle Brown

“Curing cancer.”

Richard Brown

“To be a really fast reader.”

Karen Anesi

“To be able to train Airedales.”

“Sheri”

“The ability to teleport.”

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Jan. 31, 2019 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Addressing our rural interests To the editor, One of the first things I learned when joining the legislature in 2017 was that the two committees I was most passionate to join, Education and Agriculture, met at the same time. Though I chose Education, I passed several bills through Agriculture and kept an eye on what members were doing.

Times have changed. Our leadership decided that enough of our legislators had experience in both areas, and separated the two.

And now I am a member of the House Rural Affairs and Agriculture Committee, joining three Western Slope representatives, including my colleague from the district next door, Rep. Marc Catlin, of Montrose. Our legislative charge is large and important.

We will, of course, be listening to testimony about agricultural concerns, including water, but we’re extending the scope to include rural broadband, job development, housing, wildlife, recreation, health care costs and forest management. We also have the legislative oversight responsibility for the Departments of Agriculture and Natural Resources.

These issues all affect District 59, so I will have an enhanced voice in matters of specific concern to my constituents.

We are just getting started, but from the bills I see on the horizon, these legislative issues will be addressed: • We will continue protecting our Western Slope water, discussing the drought contingency plan and demand management proposals. We will seek ways to secure funding for the Colorado Water Plan and water storage, and investigate forest health watershed issues. • After years of neglect and several years of wildfires, our forests are in danger, so we will be looking at 4

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bills addressing a healthy watershed, more mitigation and more resources.

Through the interim Wildfire Matters Review Committee, I am presenting a bill to incentivize homeowners on the Wildland-Urban Interface to create buffers, which should help bring down insurance costs and save firefighters’ lives.

• Our committee will discuss rural broadband speeds, easements, accessibility and infrastructure. Better connectivity will help small businesses and economic development. Job creation in rural Colorado is vitally important, and we want to ensure smaller communities have the economic stability they need.

• Health-care costs on the Western Slope are the highest in the nation, so we are looking at ways to lower them, making health care affordable and accessible to everyone. That will include discussions about uncompensated care in rural hospitals and the out-of-network issues that rural patients face.

• Hemp is a growing economic driver in the agricultural world, so several of us are running bills to help its continued success. We are potentially looking at developing markets, clarifying regulations and incentivizing growers. Sen. Don Coram, a hemp grower on the Senate Agriculture Committee, will be of great help in this area.

• The Young Farmers Coalition and other farming groups are crafting legislation to encourage the growth of agriculture in the state, specifically focusing on affordable land and equipment, sustainable markets and healthy food options. We know this will take a bipartisan, intensive effort, and we are ready for the work ahead.

• Another issue I will be addressing is affordable housing for seasonal workers on the Western Slope. Organizations like Colorado Ski Country USA and more have voiced their frustrations. But this issue doesn’t just concern seasonal workers; affordable housing needs to be addressed at a state-wide level.

Together, we will face many more issues, including maintaining public lands and assuring multiple uses, encouraging a robust tourism industry, sage grouse, examining setback issues for the oil and gas industry, revisiting Parks and Wildlife funding, and providing for rural schools.

We need to educate the rest of Colorado about the different needs of our rural communities and make sure we strive to meet them.

As the committee moves forward, I will continue to provide updates as to what bills are coming down the pipeline. Meanwhile, I am happy to finally be able to join a group that is deeply committed to addressing concerns regarding rural values, rural affairs and agriculture.

– Rep. Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango

Trump hypocrisy business as usual To the editor, As this is written, the new Congress is questioning illegal employees that were just fired from Trump properties. One guy that worked for 14 years as an illegal Trump employee said on a newscast interview that during one of his shifts, Donald Trump gave him a $200 tip and told him to take his wife out to dinner. How nice to get one present but no severance pay or real appreciation once the cat is outta the bag, right?

This kind of Trump treatment is not an isolated case.

Many years ago, I watched a congressional hearing on C-Span, where a white attorney was representing several women living in Mexico with armed guards while they worked 12-hour shifts at $10 a day ($10 is what Mexican workers still to this day make as minimum wage) and the garments had a famous American rapper getting $600 for each linen shirt. I followed up to see if anything changed for the underpaid women in Mexico and guess what? Nada.

I can only imagine that Trump will be treated a lot

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differently than the Hollywood set this time around.

Hypocrisy is as alive as ever when the rich think they can get away with it.

Just another Trump-a-bumpa-rag-for 1-percenters in the good ole USA. – Sally Florence, Durango

The Winter Birds

At dawn I set out the seeds.

First to arrive are the juncos, purple finches and chickadees. They scatter and skip along the rail in excitement, nudging each other off a particular feeding area.

They are followed by the nuthatches and flickers that torpedo their way to the corn and sunflower seeds and quickly depart to the junipers.

The mourning doves, in pairs, flutter down and peck away, walking nobly along the banister. Soon other passerines arrive: blackbirds, grackles, starlings, magpies and piñon jays.

They are the bullies of the bunch!

They greedily mop up what is left and quickly depart, leaving not a seed in the snow!

– Burt Baldwin, Ignacio

“We’ll print damned-near anything” The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to the public to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only three requests: limit letters to 750 words, letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your insights by Tuesday at noon to: PO Box 332, Durango, 81302 or e-mail your profundities to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com. Let the games begin ...

Jan. 31, 2019 n 7

TopStory

The San Juan Generating Station near Shiprock, N.M., pictured above, was once the only way to power the Southwest. Today, communities across the region – including those in LPEA’s service territory – are finding ways to expand their local renewable energy portfolios./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Set in motion With recent court filing, LPEA jumps into Tri-State and Delta-Montrose fray

by Tracy Chamberlin

T

hey want in. La Plata Electric Association’s Board of Directors gave the go-ahead last week for the coop’s legal team to file a request to get involved in a key case between Tri-State Generation & Transmission – LPEA’s power supplier – and Delta-Montrose Electric Association.

“This is going to be a really interesting case,” Mike Dreyspring, La Plata Electric’s CEO, said.

Breaking up is hard to do Last year, Delta-Montrose decided to buy out its contract with Tri-State – making it the second customer of the power supplier to do so. Instead, it planned to power its territory by increasing local renewable energy production as well as partnering with energy brokers in the open marketplace.

The staff and board for the electric coop, which serves 27,000 members across Montrose, Delta and Gunnison counties, had done their homework. They knew Kit Carson Electric near Taos – the first coop to split with Tri-State – paid $37 million to cut ties. Therefore, they had an idea of how much it might cost them to do the same.

But when Tri-State came back with a number, which hasn’t been disclosed, it far exceeded anything Delta-Montrose envisioned. Tri-State was also not willing to disclose the formulas or calculations it used to get to that number.

In response, Delta-Montrose filed a complaint with the Colorado Public Utility Commission on Dec. 6. It called the

8 n Jan. 31, 2019

Renewed focus Last week, La Plata Electric Association’s Board of Directors announced it has set a goal of reducing the coop’s carbon footprint by 50 percent by 2030, all while keeping rates low for its members. Ron Meier, LPEA’s manager of engineering and member relations, said the next step is to set the specific standards and benchmarks moving forward. “Now the real work begins,” he explained. “We want to do all we can for the benefit of our consumermembers, so we want to make sure we’re prudent and study everything as we proceed. We will keep our members informed of what we learn and how we plan to evolve as we move along this road to the future.” cost of the buyout unreasonable, unjust and discriminatory and asked the state agency to step in.

Tri-State countered by filing something of its own – in court. The power supplier is claiming the Colorado Public Utility Commission doesn’t have jurisdiction because it’s a state agency, whereas Tri-State serves 43 electric cooperatives across Colorado, Nebraska, New Mexico and Wyoming. Tri-State’s argument is that this should be settled in the federal courts.

All this back-and-forth, though, played out over the holiday season – which, it turns out, has caused another hiccup.

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Because of open meeting laws, Christmas and New Year breaks, and the need to get board approval, LPEA wasn’t able to get its legal request to the Colorado Public Utility Commission before Jan. 9 – the deadline for filing a motion to intervene.

Therefore, LPEA had to first ask the state agency to allow it to enter the fray a little late. Dreyspring thinks with the mitigating circumstances and timing, LPEA’s request to intervene will likely be approved.

In fact, he said, the commission just might extend the deadline another 30 or 60 days because other groups have also asked to jump on board a little late.

The Colorado Energy Office filed a similar motion, asking to be included even though it also missed the deadline.

The reasons, like LPEA, are all about timing. The head of the Colorado Energy Office is appointed by the governor, who didn’t take office until Jan. 8, just one day before the deadline.

The other side

There is a lot at stake in this case – which is why so many groups and individuals want to weigh in. Besides LPEA and the Colorado Energy Office, more than 50 state legislators and 37 other coops under Tri-State’s umbrella have filed briefs or sent letters showing support for one side or another.

The Colorado Energy Office sided with Delta-Montrose and wants the commission to rule on the complaint because it wants to open the door to more renewable energy. 4

“If the commission prescribes a formula to establish a just and reasonable exit charge, it may allow other members of TriState to exit voluntarily and fairly in order to pursue additional renewable energy generation and economic development,” the office’s filing reads.

The state legislators – including Sen. Don Coram, R-Montrose – have also backed Delta-Montrose.

On the other side, are the 37 cooperatives

under Tri-State’s umbrella who agreed with the power supplier’s argument that this case is a matter for the federal court system.

Although LPEA sided with Delta-Montrose, it wasn’t a straightforward decision.

It can be risky for independent cooperatives to ask state agencies to regulate their businesses. The more these agencies intervene, the more autonomy the coops risk giving up.

That’s one reason, Dreyspring said, LPEA’s

Board of Directors did not take the decision to get involved lightly.

Ultimately, it decided to move forward because this case will affect all other cooperatives looking to buy out their contracts – something that LPEA’s Power Supply Committee is currently researching.

If Tri-State is allowed to treat Delta-Montrose this way during negotiations, it could treat any of its coop members the same way, including LPEA.

Transparency is what really matters to LPEA. The local coop needs to know just how Tri-State calculated the buyout cost because the staff, board of directors and members can’t debate whether or not to buy out its contract without all the facts.

“I’m not saying LPEA is going down that path,” Dreyspring explained. “That’s a board decision. What we’re supporting is, we want Tri-State to be transparent in how they calculate the buy-out number.” n

Not their first rodeo: Tri-State appeal still in federal limbo This isn’t the first skirmish between Delta-Montrose Electric Association and Tri-State Generation & Transmission.

Back in 2015, the issue was about what’s called “qualifying facilities.” Essentially, a federal law passed in the 1970s encourages electric companies to work with renewable energy businesses. There’s several things in the law – the Public Utility Regulatory Policies Act of 1978 – that help renewable energy companies deal with rate and regulatory hurdles.

So when a hydropower company, which was a qualifying facility, came to Delta-Montrose and said it wanted to set up shop, the coop had to agree. But adding the hydropower project to their renewables portfolio meant Delta-Montrose would exceed the 5 percent cap on renewable power in its Tri-State contract – the same cap LPEA has in its contract with Tri-State.

Tri-State wanted Delta-Montrose to pay for going over the limit, but Delta-Montrose contended it had no choice since the hydropower project was a qualifying facility, and it shouldn’t be punished for it.

Much like the recent case, there was a lot of back-andforth, with policy changes and complaints. In the end,

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though, the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission sided with Delta-Montrose.

The decision was a shock to many in the industry, who felt the door was now open for more local renewable production – not just in Tri-State’s territory, but across the nation. Tri-State appealed the decision and asked the federal agency to reconsider.

That was more than three years ago, and today, the appeal is still sitting on someone’s desk. It’s not known when, or if, the federal agency will ever take another look. The one thing that is known is that as long as the case is still pending, everyone has to be prepared in the event the agency reverses its decision.

For example, if a qualifying facility were to come to LPEA wanting to build a solar array, the two parties would need to decide who would pay Tri-State’s extra fees should the feds one day change their minds.

LPEA CEO Mike Dreyspring said the coop could do more with qualifying facilities if the case was settled once and for all.

“It kills many prospects for us,” he added.

– Tracy Chamberlin

While everyone awaits word on Tri-State’s appeal, LPEA’s options for increasing local renewable energy remain limited./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

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MountainTownNews Avalanche deaths put focus on beacons

Breath of life and keen eye save skiers

TAOS, N.M. – In New Mexico, two skiers at Taos Ski Valley were not so fortunate. After their deaths from an in-bounds avalanche, the first such fatalities at the ski area, there were questions about whether avalanche beacons might be in order when venturing into particularly dangerous terrain.

The avalanche occurred on one of the steep chutes on the north face of Kachina Peak. Ski patrollers had been in the couloir earlier and had used explosives in an effort to provoke unstable snow.

In 2015, a lift was installed to the peak, but not quite to the top.

Skiers must still climb a rise and then traverse several switchbacks.

This design as well as signs are intended to give people time to consider whether they are skilled enough to navigate the expert terrain, David Norden, chief executive at Taos Ski Valley, explained.

The Taos News reports that by one estimate it took rescuers 25 minutes to find the body of the first individual, and then another 25 minutes to find the second victim. Resuscitation of one victim with a defibrillator restored a pulse, but he later died at a hospital in Albuquerque. The first victim was declared dead the day of the avalanche.

Neither man was wearing a beacon, which might have allowed rescuers to more rapidly detect their whereabouts. At Colorado’s ultra-steep Silverton Mountain, all skiers are given beacons.

Avalanches can kill in multiple ways, though, including trauma.

But even if merely covered by snow, suffocation can kill. There is no magic time for survivability.

In Idaho, in the sidecountry near Sun Valley, two men – one on skis, the other on a snowboard – got lucky. They were carried about the length of a football field down the mountain. One was fully buried but able to dig himself out in about 25 minutes. The other was also able to extricate himself.

“These individuals are fortunate that they were not seriously injured or killed,” Scott Savage of the Sawtooth Avalanche Center said. “The terrain in this area is heavily treed, so most people caught in avalanches here sustain significant trauma. Picture riding a bike downhill at 30 mph and jumping off into a forest,” he said. “It usually doesn’t end very well.”

In Colorado, ski patrollers at Steamboat have upgraded their avalanche-beacon training station in an effort to encourage public use. In Beacon Basin, located next to ski patrol headquarters, the public can test their own beacons and make a practice rescue.

“We always want the public to have more avalanche training,” Dave Thomas, a long-time ski patroller, told the Steamboat Today.

“With this system, we are able to train people throughout the day and throughout the year.”

VAIL – Michael Lausch was luckier than many skiers and snowboarders who end up head first in the snow. He lived.

This simple fact has much to do with the chance passing of a group of physicians who were skiing on Vail Mountain proximate to his misfortune. Many people die of immersions, usually after they have plunged into tree wells. The 40-year-old man from Ohio, however, had plunged head-first into the snow without a tree nearby. Someone who had seen this began frantically calling for help.

“When I got there, there were two ski boots sticking out of the snow,” Tom Nern, who was skiing with a group from Vail Dermatology, said.

It took the group six or seven minutes to dig Lausch out, no small task. Lausch told the Vail Daily that he stands 6 feet, 6 inches tall and weighs 270 pounds.

The doctors then began to administer life-saving CPR. “He wasn’t breathing. He was purple. No pulse – nothing,” Nern said.

Dr. Karen Nern, a dermatologist and founder of the firm, gave Lausch three sets of chest compressions, and Dr. Beth McCann, a retired obstetrician-gynecologist, provided six to eight breaths.

Then, with a snorkeling kind of breath, he was alive again.

“This showcases the importance for people to be trained in CPR,” Doug Lovell, chief operating officer at Vail Mountain, said.

In Jackson Hole, Jenny Karns also counts herself among the lucky, and she very well knew that her odds were dwindling rapidly after she fell into the snow head first, while skiing through the powder on one of her favorite runs.

Unable to move or breathe, she thought about her kids, her family – and the hot pink bottoms of her skis that she hoped somebody would see. She had been inverted for 15 minutes, just beginning to lose consciousness, when somebody arrived.

“It was like a lawn dart,” Nathanael Reeder said of the one leg that he saw on his last run before he was to return to his home in Boulder, Colo.

Along with two other skiers, he dug furiously. Once she got air, she spit up blood and threw up. Ski patrollers arrived and took her off by sled. In an Idaho Falls hospital, the Jackson native was diagnosed with takotsobu cardiomyopathy and pulmonary edema. The latter is accumulation of fluid on the lungs, and the former is a temporary heart condition that develops after an intense emotional or physical experience. It’s also called broken heart syndrome.

As for the hero in this story, he was driving back to Colorado when he broke down crying. “I was just beside myself staring at the road,” Reeder said. “I needed a full night’s sleep before I could even process what had happened.”

Trump’s executive fire order misses mark Mtn. town needs ‘big beautiful fence’ SAN FRANCISCO – On Dec. 21, President Donald Trump signed an executive order calling for “active management of America’s forests, rangelands and other federal lands to improve conditions and reduce wildfire risk.”

A few hours later, he shut down the national government, putting federal land managers on furlough. It is, says the San Francisco Chronicle, a mixed message.

“During the shutdown, no new logging projects went forward, nor did fuel-reduction programs like brush clearing, controlled fires and slash-pile burns,” the newspaper’s Kurtis Alexander reports.

“Also, much of the planning and hiring of firefighters that typically gets done in winter was put on hold.”

The story cites piles of woody debris gathered from forest floors in California’s Yosemite Valley that have sat idle since early December because staff at national parks were furloughed. Ditto at Sequoia and Kings Canyon national parks.

But many see Trump off the mark in his assessment of the record wildfires. He has accused state officials of “poor” forest management. Many of the state’s wildfires, such as the deadly Woolsey Fire last November in southern California, did not occur in forests, but instead in chaparral and oak woodlands. That fire destroyed 1,643 structures and killed three people.

LeRoy Westerling, a climate scientist and wildfire specialist at UC Merced, told the Chronicle he believes the president’s executive order altogether failed to acknowledge where the real fire danger lurks, in the dense forest understory. “His policy is not going to be helpful,” Westerling said.

CANMORE, Alberta – Clearly, Ed Mrozek had his tongue in cheek when he wrote about the invasion of wildlife into Canmore, at the gateway to Banff National Park. Needed, he said in a letter to the Rocky Mountain Outlook, is a “big, beautiful fence around the town.”

“With abundant food sources and no adequate border security, a caravan of invaders is crossing into town illegally and in many instances under the cover of darkness. How often have we Canmorites woken up to see these illegal aliens flagrantly eating our grasses, our berries and our tree bark right in our own back yards.”

Bend newspaper struggles to stay afloat BEND, Ore. – The bottom line for ski town newspapers continues to deteriorate. The latest sign of anguish comes from Bend, Ore., where owners of the Bend Bulletin have filed for bankruptcy protection under Chapter 11.

The editor, Erik Lukens, tells readers to expect changes in coming months designed to create an economically sustainable product.

All newspapers everywhere have been struggling. The Bulletin, like most papers, makes its money primarily on advertising revenues. In many cases, subscriptions pay only for the cost of paper and maybe the delivery.

But Facebook, Google, and others have disrupted that model.

One clear example is the New York Times. There, according to The Atlantic, advertising formerly accounted for 60 percent of revenue.

Now, it’s just 40 percent. And that is a national paper.

– Allen Best

telegraph

Jan. 31, 2019 n 11

dayinthelife

Taki

W

ith the shortest days of year i ror, the sun a little higher a longer, our orientation towar chilly walks in the great outdoors, and Tex (on a nice day, of course.) One mig

An ominous January storm sweeps in from the west.

Shoulda brought the ice skates.

12 n

Jan. 31, 2019

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ing off the Chill

by Stephen Eginoire

in the rearview mirand the days a little rd the sun favors less certainly less Goreght even go so far as

graph

to say it’s actually warm in the sun. Here’s a look at an earlyearly-season jaunt to a favorite desert getaway, just a few short hours from home. And best of all, this time of year, the Needles District of Canyonlands National Park is sure to be as deserted as it is accessible.

The crisp, clear days of mid-winter in Canyonlands National Park.

Fresh graupel snow over delicate cryptobiotic crust.

The colorful spires of Elephant Canyon.

Jan. 31, 2019 n 13

thesecondsection

The World Pay team strikes a pose to intimidate any would-be competitors in front of its custom race bed. After snoozing for a few years, the Snowdown bed races are back, this time as a warm-up for Friday night’s Light Parade./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Let the good times roll When it comes to fun on wheels, the Snowdown Parade goes the distance

by Joy Martin

Safety record, you wonder? The team boasts “some pretty good accidents” and “a fair amount rush out the wigs! Fill the squirt guns! of post-Parade limping.” They sometimes talk Ignite The Firework! Let mayhem about how they “should wear helmets.” Kids, we ensue! The 41st annual Snowdown, Duare not condoning these knuckleheads and their rango’s Winter WOAH-lympics of All Things knucklehead decision-making. In fact, we find Weird and Wacky, has finally arrived, usherthem to be too distracted with another critical eleing in a communitywide excuse to dance ment of their overall health: hydration. The DFWT without pants, arm wrestle, carve Spam, make never worries about thirst, thanks in large part to fun of local politics, put your cat in a clown the DFWT’s biggest and only sponsor, Ska Brewing. suit, build a bong, and play putt-putt at DuWhile the DFWT shines up rusty axles and rango’s finest drinking establishments. smacks on fresh Ska stickers in time for the parade, Of the roughly 150 events taking place beone more group will be busy tightening screws on tween Jan. 30 – Feb. 3, only one draws the yet another every-day item that adults in this town gaze of 20,000 eyeballs. Only one requires have turned into sports gear: the bed. That’s right. multiple hours of safety meetings with the The same thing you lay your head down on at City. And only one has a trophy honoring night and pray that one day you’ll grow up to be what we all think when we see a hairy adult Archival photo of the original (and presumably much sketchier) bed just like your parkour-slap-happy Dad. stumbling down Main Ave. wielding a trident, races on Fort Lewis College’s front hill circa 1965./Courtesy photo As many Durango traditions begin, the beloved dressed in cape and banana hammock.

Bed Races hold lore at Fort Lewis College, where a If you guessed the Snowdown Light Parade, you No fuss. Just wheelbarrows. And beer. Always beer.

1965 yearbook reveals the first photos of students in “We’re not just the only precision wheelbarrow team penny loafers pushing wobbly hospital beds down the guessed correctly on the first of hundreds of trivia questions that will soon be thrown about like shrapnel from in the nation; we’re the best,” DFWT member and hairpin curves of E. 8th Avenue. The sport was part of the a snowblower. And, if you also guessed the trophy as owner of Maria’s Bookshop, Peter Schertz, says. “We Heart Fund, a Snowdown-esque tradition that involved Best “What the *%&# was That?” Float, you might as challenge anyone to out-wheelbarrow us.” friendly contests, like tug-o-wars and dance-offs, to raise This might be easier than it sounds, considering the money for needy causes in the region. The Bed Races well hang up your thinking cap, er, cape and get back team practices their parkour a whole one time a year were scooped up in 1978 by Terry Fiedler and company, to champagne pong practice.

Of the 10 trophies that dozens of illuminated floats on the Wednesday before the parade. Everyone has founders of Snowdown. compete for (or don’t), the Best “What the *%&# was their own best trick, explains Schertz, from crowd After a hiatus, the Bed Races are back on much flatter That?” Float is at the very least, curious, won by only pleasers like “The Spin,” to dangerous acrobatic balanc- ground in downtown Durango as a pre-Parade attraction. the most surprising entrants. Like, for instance, the leg- ing, like a group pyramid. Team member Tom Bartels Chip Lile, Snowdown president and parade coordinator, endary Durango Freestyle Wheelbarrow Team, which pushes his wheelbarrow while sitting atop a unicycle, says that Main Avenue sits empty for a couple hours behas earned the novel WTFWT title multiple years since and others send sparks a-flyin’ on skis or skateboards. fore the parade. The Bed Races will post up with starting “We carry ramps with us and get a few people to lay lines in the 700 block, utilizing the space and hopefully it first coalesced in 2010. This gathering of about a dozen wheelbarrow owners was their attempt to create down in the street. Then we’ll jump over them and getting more people downtown earlier. a sport without overthinking it. No uniforms. No rules. hope for the best,” says Schertz.

“Our version hopefully won’t pose too much of a4

B

14 n Jan. 31, 2019

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safety hazard to racers but will provide a super fun, action-packed event that the whole community can enjoy,” Bed Races organizer Tracy Barnes says.

A former Olympic biathlon athlete, Barnes isn’t new to competition, much less bed racing. She’s participated in “several” BR’s across the country and sees the Bed Races as putting the “fun” in fundraising, with all proceeds going to the Durango 100 Club, a nonprofit that supports first responders and their families.

In lieu of rickety wire frames, Barnes’ father, Thad Barnes, owner of Elk Run Builders, built nine wooden beds for the event. Even with his construction team helping, it took a week to fashion the beds that Barnes believes are designed to “withstand a hurricane.” Each bed sits on sizable caster wheels and has been tested and approved in snowy, icy conditions.

Sponsors decorate the beds, which are shared by 24 five-person teams. Beginning at 4 p.m. on Friday, four races will launch on Main, two races heading north, and two barreling south. With four people posted at each corner of a bed, one person in a onesie holds on for dear life as the bed takes on a real-life Bedknobs & Broomsticks moment.

The only hocus-pocus happens at the turnaround point, when onesie-wearers trade their outfit with a bed pusher.

“This is where the race is won or lost,” surmises Barnes. “There’s a technique for exchanging onesies without getting your foot hung up. Whoever figures that out will probably win.”

Before the final round, a high-stakes race between the fire and police departments

and City Council and county commissioners will take place. Winners will receive the superfluous funds floating in robust public coffers, says no one.

With beds and barrows greased, the crowds should be thickening as day turns to dusk. At the stroke of 18:00 precisely, the lone Snowdown Firework will fire over the west of town, a stunt that’s mostly economical but certainly comical, says Lile. With that crack of flame and color, parade floats flick on the lights and the largest assembly of people in the Four Corners commences.

After the first wave of amblers oozes across College and into procession, the sounds of trumpets and cymbals waft onto the street like beignet scents on Bourbon Street, as the Hill Stompers, a Los Alamosbased jazzy street band of roughly 40 members, begins its theatrical mobile concert and dance party.

Led by nuclear engineer Jeff Favorite and his snare drum, the Hill Stompers formed in 2000 and have been playing in the Snowdown Light Parade since 2004, the year of Yabba Dabba Doorango. Their Mardi Gras style fills the ghost shoes of the Good Times Marching Band, which played in the first parade back in 1979.

Favorite’s the guy running around in circles doling out high fives to spectators. Despite this marking their 16th year playing in the parade, the Hill Stompers have never won a parade trophy. This year, judges might perk up when they hear the setlist, which includes cartoon sitcom theme songs and a rousing version of “The Bare Necessities.”

“All of Snowdown is wacky, but I love most the bustle that precedes the Snowdown

Durango’s esteemed Freestyle Wheelbarrow Team, multiple recipient of the WTFWT award, will once again attempt to wow spectators with its daring display of backyard prowess and mind-boggling hydration capabilities./Courtesy photo Parade when we’re all mustering,” says Favorite. “We love how enthusiastically welcoming Durango is to our band. We always feel like rockstars.”

Perhaps they feel like rockstars because this explosive ensemble seems to be born for Durango’s “cabin fever reliever,” embodying the very soul of Snowdown, which is to not take ourselves so seriously and embrace the weird and wacky in us all.

After all, Snowdown, at its core, is a time for parents to tap their inner 8-year-old selves and let their hair down, and for children to wonder why 360 days out of the

telegraph

year, these same humans are telling them to mind their manners, stay in school and act their age.

But, kids, here’s a lesson about the circle of life: you must go through a period of maturation before you can fully appreciate the necessity of a costume box or the magic of an everyday item, like, say, a wheelbarrow or a bed. Because no matter how cool your phone, Tesla or drone is, there’s nothing like the simple joy found in connecting with a neighbor through a monster suit, over shots of tequila and fist bumps to the glorious return of winter. n

Jan. 31, 2019 n 15

FlashinthePan

Holy posole

by Ari LeVaux

I

’m no fan of hominy but would crawl across broken glass for a sip of posole. Both words refer to the exact same ingredient, and the difference between the two is like the difference between a violin and a fiddle. It all boils down to what you do with it. You can spill beer on a fiddle. And you can sip posole. But hominy must be chewed.

It all starts with corn that has been bathed in alkaline fluid to remove the outer husk from each kernel.

This ancient Aztec process, called nixtamalization, is the foundation of Mexican and many other Latin American cuisines. The flour made from ground, nixtamalized corn is used to make tortillas, tamales, pupusas, arepas and many more corn-based delicacies.

Posole and hominy are served intact, which makes them a minority in the nixtamalized corn community. They are popular in certain regions, but incomparable in scale with the impact of, say, the tortilla.

In the strongholds of posole (also spelled pozole), like Mexico and the American Southwest, the word is spoken with reverence. A sip of that broth brings comfort, warmth, hydration and a penetrating corny flavor.

Most recipes with “hominy” in the title will direct the cook to discard the water in which the nixtamalized corn is soaked before use – in the case of canned hominy, the water is drained and discarded. Either dried or from a can, hominy is usually served like a whole grain, perhaps fried in a pan with butter, or tossed with other ingredi-

ents into a salad or side dish.

Alas, to open a can of posole and discard the water would be like making coffee, pouring it out and eating the grounds. Or closer to the point, like making bone stock, throwing away the stock, and eating the bones.

Any recipe that instructs you to toss the corn water should itself be tossed. Posole makers, on the other hand, understand that corn water is at the heart of their dish.

The centrality of corn broth to posole is comparable to that of beef broth in Vietnamese pho. And like pho, the soulful broth is used as a base onto which fresh and aromatic herbs and vegetables are added.

Slices of onion, fresh or dried oregano, and a wedge of lime will garnish a typical bowl of posole. These additions do to that bowl what plugging in does to a lava lamp, energizing it into something brilliant, a team of rival flavors coming together perfectly at a singular point. Fancier garnish plates include slices of cabbage and radish, which add crunch, color and a sweet mustard fire. As pho lovers know, a fragrant, crunchy salad added to a spicy broth is a recipe for complete, unmitigated satisfaction.

Most posole recipes include pork, typically shoulder.

Chicken posole is also popular, and sometimes I’ll tear up a rotisserie chicken and add it to a batch. My favorite posole is made with deer or elk, but animal flesh is not required for the magic to happen. That distinction belongs to the nixtamalized corn.

This recipe is for vegetarian posole and would be vegan if not for the butter. Omnivores should use bone

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stock and meat to their hearts’ content. In mixed company, cook the meat separately and add it at the end with the garnishes.

Purists will insist that whole, dried chile pods be used, rehydrated in water or stock, and then blending into a slurry. For special occasions, I sometimes go that route, but chile powder, assuming it’s fresh, bright red and not adulterated by “fiesta spices” or such nonsense, will do a fine job.

Canned hominy is much easier to find than dried posole corn, so I’ve based this recipe on a 25-ounce can, which set me back $1.65 – perfect if you’re on a government-shutdown salary. All told, this dish feeds a whole family for about $5, not including meat.

Holy Posole 3 Tablespoons butter 2 Tablespoons olive oil 1 large minced onion (about four cups), 2 cloves garlic, minced 4 Tablespoons chile powder. If the stuff you have is too spicy, substitute paprika as necessary to dilute the heat – ideally smoked paprika, which will make the posole taste as if it was cooked over a camp fire.

1 25-ounce can hominy 1 medium potato, cut into inch chunks Optional: meat. I like something tough, cooked slowly until tender. In a pinch, bacon slivers work, too.

1 cube of bouillon or equivalent amount of stock or bouillon paste 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 Tablespoon dried oregano Garnishes: fresh lime, fresh or dried oregano, fresh onions, radish, cabbage Sauté the onions and garlic in the oil and butter, along with any meat you may be using. When the onions are clear, add the chile powder. Stir it all together and the can of hominy, including the water (take a little sip, first).

Add two more cans of water and the bouillon cube (or alternative stock), the potato and the salt, pepper and oregano. Cook on medium heat for 30 minutes. Taste, season and serve with a plate of garnishes. n

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16 n Jan. 31, 2019

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TopShelf

Snowdown’s greatest hits

by Chris Aaland

U

nless you live in a cave, you’ve probably noticed a number of people flying about downtown dressed in masks and capes. It’s Snowdown week! This year’s theme is “Get Your Comic On,” which brings a bit of Comic-Con to our quaint mountain borough. Durango’s Dungeons & Dragons sect planned their outfits all year long for this five-day drunken orgy, which officially started yesterday and runs through Sunday. You can see the complete schedule of events at snowdown.org and also learn other neat information about Colorado’s premier winter festival.

There’s a few rules to keep in mind.

You’re forgiven for partying, but not for being an asshole. If you’re going to drink, make sure you have a sober driver or call a taxi. DUI arrests are frequent this week.

Don’t start fights, even if you lost the Freestyle Rap Off or Cornhole Tournament. And dress like it’s wintertime. The next round of storms is supposed to hit Saturday and end Tuesday. Nobody wants to freeze to death in a snow bank. Your Wonder Woman outfit is nicely accessorized by a coat, stocking cap and mittens … maybe even a functional scarf.

Trust me. I’ve made the walk from 8th to Main to see the parade, trudging through snow and sliding on ice. It might be wise to leave your Birkenstocks at home.

But nobody likes a preacher, so let’s get down and boogie! Snowdown is our own Mardi Gras. We get to dress like freaks, drink like soldiers on a week-long R&R and generally let life’s ups and downs circle down the toilet. At the end, it’s Super Bowl Sunday and we all get to watch Tom Brady dismantle the other team that doesn’t even belong in the big game.

If I were a Snowdown virgin, I’d circle this baker’s dozen of events in my program: 1. The Snowdown Sneer, available for free throughout the week. The Sneer is our own little Onion, available for one week out of the year. For decades, it’s been the best laugh of the year.

2. Hot Wing Eating Contest, today, 4 p.m., Cuckoo’s.

These ain’t yo’ mama’s wings. Cuckoo’s whips up a special batch of extremely hot wings, and contestants see just how many of these hot mamas they can stuff their faces with. These are hot enough to induce vomit. Cost is $8 per entrant, limited to the first 20.

3. Capt’n Marvel Oyster Slurping, today, 4 p.m., Hwy 3 Roadhouse. Same concept as above, just a fancier appetizer. Put 60 seconds on the clock and slurp to your heart’s content! Cost is $20, limited to the first 10 men and first 10 women.

4. Magical Mystery Musical Tour Finals, tonight (Thurs., Jan. 31), 6 p.m. ‘til late, Irish Embassy Pub. Any chance to see musical geeks like Ted Holteen, Dan Groth, Bryant Liggett and Erik Nordstrom test their trivial IQ is worth it. The hosts, John Hise, Michael Jordan and the esteemed Brothers Garland, keep it fun for the crowd, too, offering up dozens of great prizes for the audience when the contestants bomb. I’ve participated in this six or seven times and it’s a hoot.

5. Snowdown Follies, tonight, Friday & Saturday nights, Durango Arts Center & Henry Strater Theatre. There’s an 8 p.m. gala tonight at the Hank, plus two shows per night at each venue

on Friday and Saturday. That’s nine total showings. Don’t worry about waiting in line for tickets … that ship sailed weeks ago.

However, miracles do happen, if you’re either flirty and attractive, or willing to pay scalper’s prices. The Follies, now in their 41th year, are the irreverent, beating heart of Snowdown. It’s always the beer-drenched, dress-stained, lowbrow highlight to the week, with some of Durango’s best and brightest doing amazingly raunchy routines. P and C are definitely two letters missing from the Follies alphabet. Fun fact: a dear friend of mine who has served as Follies MC in the past refers to the event as the Cokedown Follies.

6. Waiter/Waitress Race, Friday, 2 p.m., Steamworks. What better way to get prepped for the parade than getting sauced on microbrew while watching your favorite servers from local restaurants and bars compete in a messy obstacle course that incorporates waiting skills with death-defying athletic prowess?

7. The Snowdown Firework!, Friday, 6 p.m., Main Ave. It’s an amazing display of a single firework.

8. The Snowdown Light Parade, Friday, 6 p.m., Main Avenue, from College Drive to 12th Street. Durango’s only nighttime parade features comic-themed and often risqué floats that create a dazzling display. It’s always fun to get blitzed at happy hour, brave the cold, catch some candy and heckle floats from conservative entities.

9. Pole Dancing Contest, 10 p.m.

Friday, Pongas. What could possibly go wrong?

10. Snowdown Chili-Cook-Off and Bloody Mary Contest, Saturday, noon-2 p.m., La Plata Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

You think you cook a mean green chile or blend the tastiest bloody in town? Then put your money where your mouth is.

Judging begins at 10:30 a.m., with public tasting samples on sale beginning at noon. Beer and soft drinks are also available to soothe your scalded lips. Proceeds benefit Snowdown itself.

11. Outlaw Josie Pete’s Golf Tournament, Saturday, noon, 24 downtown bars & restaurants. This one’s sold out, but it’s a helluva good time to people-watch if you happen to be at one of the bars. Teams of four dress up as superheroes and play mini golf. Each bar is a different hole. Putt and move on, but only after imbibing on the house specialty. If you’re lucky, you might even get to play a hole. I usually plant myself at Durango Craft Spirits and let Chuckles pour me a stiff one (or three).

12. Outhouse Stuffing, Saturday, 1 p.m., Gazpacho. See how many of your flexible friends you can stuff into an outhouse in two minutes! Don’t worry – the port-a-potties have been cleaned in advance.

13. Snowdown Fireworks, Saturday, 6 p.m. The Friday Firework is a spoof. The Saturday show is for reals. Given that the drought-riddled summers deprive us of the patriotic fireworks display each year, this might be your only chance to see the skies light up like the northern lights on acid … Especially if you dose around 4 p.m. that afternoon!

The ice and snow is sneakin’ through my windows? Email me at chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

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& Jan. 31, 2019 n 17

onthetown

Thursday31

Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Here to Hear: Office Hour with Councilor Dick White, 9-10 a.m., downstairs at the Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave.

Firkin Fridays, featuring “Snickerdoodle” on tap, 3 p.m., Steamworks Brewing Co., 801 E. 2nd Ave.; and Purgy’s at Purgatory Resort. 259-9200.

​ aby Meetup with Durango Café au Play, 9:30-11:30 B a.m., 2307 Columbine. durangocafeauplay.org.

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 3:30-5:30 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Baby Meetup, 9:30-11:30 a.m., Columbine House at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 419 San Juan Dr.

Open Mic 5:30-8 p.m., sign up from 3-5 p.m.; Smiley Cafe, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Sign up at 335-8929.

“Doc Swords,” PTSD Social Club for Veterans, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

Tumblin’ Dice perform, 6-10 p.m., Down the Rabbit Hole, downstairs at 640 Main Ave.

The Wild Roses performs, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

Blue Lotus Feet Kirtan, 7:30-9:30 p.m., YogaDurango, Florida Road.

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

Monday04 Yoga Storytime, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Smiley Building Studio 10, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Help Desk for Health First and CHP+, 9:30 a.m.noon, Durango Public Library.

Watch Your Step class, 10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Monday Music, 10:30 a.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. 247-0384.

“AUKward Proposal: Evidence of a Trans-Atlantic Contribution to the Ice Age Peopling of the Americas,” with Bruce Bradley, 7 p.m., Noble Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room130. sjbas.org.

“Carmen,” presented by the Met: Live in HD, 10:55 a.m., Student Union at FLC. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Food Drive, benefiting the Durango Food Bank, 11 a.m.-5 p.m., South City Market.

Tuesday05

Powerhouse Pub Trivia, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.powsci.org.

DJ CodeStar, 2-4 p.m., the Beach at Purgatory. dj codestar.com.

“Renewable Energy with Tierra Vida Farm,” luncheon hosted by La Plata Dems on the Move, noon-1 p.m., Double Tree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio. Register at theclubdems@gmail.com.

Gary B. Walker performs, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

The Black Velvet Duo performs, 6-8 p.m., Dalton Ranch, 589 County Road 252.

“Ethics for the 21st Century” with Katherine Burgess, part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., Noble Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room 130.

Ben Gibson performs, 6-10 p.m., Down the Rabbit Hole, downstairs at 640 Main Ave.

Saturday02

Town Hall with District 4 Directors with La Plata Electric Association, including Jack Turner, Guinn Unger and Tim Wheeler, 5:30-7 p.m., Durango Public Library. gunger@lpea.coop.

The Bonita Peak Community Advisory Group meets, 6-8 p.m., Silverton Town Hall. www.Bonita PeakCAG.org.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

An Evening with the Chris Robinson Brotherhood, 9:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Lacey Black performs, 7-10 p.m., Golden Block Brewery in Silverton. 387-5962.

“Wildlife” screening, 7:30 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Comedy Cocktail open mic stand up, 8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave.

Rotary Club of Durango, presentation on a vocational school in Guatemala, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel. 3857899.

Sunday03

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave.

Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., Elks Club, 901 E. 2nd Ave. 946-4831.

Open Mic & Stand-Up, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Free Books, hosted by Durango Book Rescue, noon-4 p.m., 923 Narrow Gauge Ave.

Karaoke, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Friday01 Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

Free yoga, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Lively Boutique, 809 Main.

Traditional Irish Music Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. Writers’ Workshop, 2 p.m., Ignacio Community Library.

Latin Social Nights, 8-11 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 375-2568.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 7 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 4

1 - 1:59 p.m., Monday through Friday • All donuts are buy one, get one free!

Perfect for refueling after a busy day at the mountain!

Durango Doughworks • 2653 Main Avenue Open Seven Days: 6:30 a.m. - 2 p.m.

18 n Jan. 31, 2019

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The Trivia Factory, hosted by Ben Bernstein, 6:308:30 p.m., the Roost, 128 E. College Dr. “Kilimanjaro: Climbing Africa’s Highest Peak When You’re Past Your Peak” with Missy Rodey and Debby Malcom, part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., Noble Hall 130, Fort Lewis College.

Donut Happy Hour

#!

Living a Keto-Friendly Lifestyle, part of Keto Reset: A 6-Week Program to Reset Your Metabolism, 5-6:30 p.m., Natural Grocers, 1123 Camino del Rio. 247-4100.

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telegraph

Wednesday06 Free Trauma Conscious Yoga for Veterans and Families, noon-1 p.m., Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Creative Connection Hour, hosted by Local First and Durango Creative District, 5-7 p.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. Thank the Veterans potluck, Peter Neds and Glenn Keefe perform, 5:30-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 6:30 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Dr. 259-5959.

Gary B. Walker performs, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. “The Pump and Dump Show: Parentally Incorrect,” 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Snowdown 2019: Get Your Comic On! Snowdown Winter Festival, Jan. 30-Feb. 3. www.snow down.org.

All Week

Hanky Panky, 5 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave.

Theme Contest, submit themes for 2021, deadline Feb. 3, Magpie’s Newstand, 707 Main Ave.

Kayak Pool Slalom, 6 p.m., Durango Rec Center.

Search for the Silver Bullet, hosted by Coors Light and Four Corners Broadcasting, around Durango. 247-3620.

Spin the Wheel, bring food donations and spin for store discounts, Durango Harley Davidson, 750 S. Camino del Rio. Build a Bong Contest, Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio.

“Locate,” drawings by Karina Noel Hean, thru Feb. 15, Art & Design Gallery, Fort Lewis College.

Artworks by Juanita Ainsley and Rebecca Dash, thru Feb. 22, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. “Sands of Oman” photography by Margy Dudley, thru March 9, DAC, 802 E. 2nd Ave. After-school program for first through fifth grade, 4:15-5:15 p.m. Wednesdays, Mancos Library.

Free Morning Yoga with YogaDurango, 8:30 a.m., Saturdays and Sundays, Durango Mountain Institute, Purgatory.

Live music, nightly, Diamond Belle & The Office, 699 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8th.

Upcoming Legal Resources Fair, sponsored by SW CO Bar Association, 6th Judicial District and Colorado Legal Services, 4-7 p.m., Feb. 7, La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

Magical Mystery Musical Tour Finals, 6 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. Pinball Showdown, 6 p.m., J Bo’s Pizza & Ribs, 1301 Florida Rd. Treadmill Challenge, 6 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive.

Superhero Obstacle Course, 6 p.m., Durango Jungle Gym, 151 E. 15th St.

Escape Room: Doomed Raiders of the Crystal Crusade, Conundrum Escape Rooms, 736 Main Ave., Suite 100.

St.

Thursday31

Pubhouse Trivia, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Champagne Pong, 11:40 a.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Ongoing

Fly Tying Contest, 5 p.m., San Juan Angler, 600 Main Ave.

Iron Mixologist, 1 p.m., El Moro Spirits and Tavern, 945 Main Ave. Warming Hut and the Mario & Luigi Mustache Challenge, 2 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive.

Family Feud, 2 p.m., The Palace, 505 Main Ave. Speed Racer Adult Tricycle Race, 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. Name That Tune, 4 p.m., 8th Ave Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave. Hot Wing Eating Contest, 4 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Kids Follies, 4 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Capt’n Marvel Oyster Slurping, 4 p.m., Highway 3 Roadhouse, 955 Highway 3.

The Science of Comic Con, 4-6 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. Boozin’ Beacons, 4-8 p.m., Eolus, 919 Main Ave.

Plursday featuring live music with DJ Chaser, 9 p.m.-close, Feb. 7, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Jr King and Queen Contest, 4:30 p.m., Best Western Rio Grande Inn, 400 E. 2nd Ave.

Backcountry Film Festival, hosted by Durango Nature Studies, Feb. 8, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. durango naturestudies.org.

Colorado Wine & Craft Spirits Tasting Party and Silent Auction, benefiting La Plata Open Space Conservancy, 4:30-8 p.m., Mutu’s Italian Kitchen, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Beer Pong, 6 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. 8th

Dodgeball, 6:30 p.m., Durango Rec Center.

Magic Carpet Ride, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave. Saloonatic Olympics, 7 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon in Gem Village.

Teen Follies, 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Guinness Games: Operation, 8 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. Beard Growing Competition, 8 p.m., Carver Brewing Co., 1022 Main Ave. Follies Gala Premiere, 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main Ave. ’80s Request Video Dance Party, 8 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. Drag Race & Fashion Show, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. DJ and MC Battle, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave. Arm Wrestling Tournament, 9 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. Pick Up Line Contest, 9 p.m., Animas City Theater, 128 E. College Drive.

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Jan. 31, 2019 n 19

Snowdown2019

Faster Than French Toast, 10 a.m., Animas River Lounge, DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio.

Outlaw Josie Pete’s Golf Tournament Awards, 4 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Get Your Comic On! Preschool Dance Party, 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library.

Left, Right, Center, 4-8 p.m., Durango Craft Spirits Distillery, 1120 Main Ave.

from p. 19 Guinness Games: Connect Four, 10 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8th Ave Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave.

Friday01 Snowdown T-Shirt Day, all day event, Magpie’s Newsstand and other stores around Durango.

Scavenger Hunt: Judging, 10 a.m., Billy Goat Saloon.

Waiter/Waitress Race, 2 p.m., Steamworks Brewing Co., 801 E. 2nd Ave..

Sexy Classic Carwash Competition, 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Paintball Biathlon, 11 a.m., Chapman Ski Hill.

Nintendo 64 Mario Kart, 5 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main.

9 Ball Tournament, 11 a.m., Pongas, 121 W. 8th St.

Broomball Awards, 5 p.m., Chapman Hill Ice Rink.

Spam Carving Contest, 11 a.m., Durango Main Mall, 835 Main Ave.

How Well Do You Know Y(our) Wine?, 5 p.m., Four Leaves Winery, 528 Main Ave.

Bring Your Own Partner Foosball, 11 a.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Search for the Silver Bullet Awards Ceremony, 5 p.m., Joel’s Bar, 119 W. 8th St.

Fly Fishing Casting Contest, 11 a.m., Schneider Park, 9th Street and Roosa Avenue.

Bar Games: Twister, 6 p.m., Animas River Lounge, DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio.

Book Geek Games, noon, Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.

Fireworks, 6 p.m., above downtown.

Chili Cook-Off Pre-Sale, 3-4 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Dr.

Costume Contest & Electronic Dance Party, 7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Kids STEAM Lab Superhero Challenge, 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Booty Shaking Contest, 7 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Snowdown Button Making, 3:30 p.m., Durango Library.

Bar Games: Hook and Ring Toss, 7:30 p.m., Animas River Lounge, DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio.

Fort “Lex Luthor” College Trivia, 3:30 p.m., Student Union Colorado Room, Fort Lewis College.

Follies, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main Ave.; and Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Bed Races, 4:30 p.m., between 7th and 8th Aves along Main Ave. Flippy Cup, 4:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave.

Follies Videocast, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Snowdown Parade Dinner, 4:30-9 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Guinness Games: Yahtzee!, 8 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave.

Snowdown Firework! 6 p.m. (dusk), downtown Durango.

Light Parade, 6 p.m. (dusk), along Main Avenue from College Drive to 12th Street.

Shut Your Pie Hole, 7 p.m., Patio Restaurant in Ignacio.

Ski School vs. Ski Patrol Softball Game, 7:30 p.m., Softball Complex at Fort Lewis College.

Chapman Challenge Uphill/Downhill Race, 7:30 p.m., Chapman Hill Ski Area.

Teen Dance Con: Solo or Squad, 7:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

Follies, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main Ave; and Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Follies Videocast, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Costume Ball & Balloon Drop! 8 p.m., Main Mall, 835 Main.

Veteran’s Dance, 8 p.m.-midnight, American Legion, 878 E. 2 Ave. Music Trivia with AOR from ALBQ!, 8:30 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. nd

Pants Off Dance Off, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave. Pole Dancing Contest, 10 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. 8th St. th

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Pole Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8 Ave Tavern, 509 E. 8 Ave.

Best Chest in the West, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main.

RC Rock Crawl, noon, Kroegers Ace Hardware, 8 Town Plaza.

Outlaw Josie Pete’s Golf Tournament, noon, 24 locations around downtown Durango.

10th annual Costume Gala, 10 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave.

Chili Cook-Off, noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave. Bloody Mary Contest, noon-2 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

Superyouth Power Dash, 12:30-2:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Canine Fashion Show, 1 p.m., McDonald’s, 201 W. College Dr. Human Foosball, 1 p.m., Animas Brewing , 1560 E. 2nd Ave. Special Showing of Kids and Teen Follies, 1 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Cornhole Tournament, 1 p.m., American Legion Auxiliary, 878 E. 2nd Ave. Fashion Do’s & Don’ts Videocast, 1 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Outhouse Stuffing, 1 p.m., Gazpacho, 431 E. 2nd Ave. Broomball Tournament, 1:15 p.m., Chapman Hill Ice Rink.

Saturday02

Comic Book Crafting, 2 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Balloon Rally & Mass Ascension, 8 a.m., north side of Hermosa Meadows Road off Highway 550.

Hula Hoop Contest, 2 p.m., Gazpacho, 431 E. 2nd Ave.

3-On-3 Basketball Tournament 8:30 a.m., Rec Center.

Quaffing Tournament, 3 p.m., 11 Street Station, 1101 Main.

Comic Kids Snow Games, 10 a.m., Folsom Park.

Cards Against Snowdown, 3 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

20 n Jan. 31, 2019

Bar Games: Zombie Shootout, 9 p.m., Animas River Lounge, DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio. Pull Up Contest, 9:30 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. 8th St.

Latte Art Snowdown Throwdown, noon, 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Limbo Contest, 1:30 p.m., Gazpacho, 431 E. 2nd Ave.

Strongman & Strongwoman Competition, 10 a.m., CrossFit Durango, 360 S. Camino del Rio.

Freestyle Rap Off, 6 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. 8th St. 382-8554.

Sunday03 Closing Party, featuring air bag jump competition and more, Snowdown 2020 Theme Announcement, noon-12:30 p.m., Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com.

La Plata County Search & Rescue Pancake Breakfast and Silent Auction, 7 a.m.-noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds.

Balloon Rally & Mass Ascension, 8 a.m., north side of Hermosa Meadows Road along Highway 550.

3-On-3 Basketball, 8:30 a.m., Durango Rec Center.

Comic Con Church, 10 a.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. 3rd Ave. 247-3175.

Speed Pancake Stacking, 10 a.m., Animas River Lounge, DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio. Kung Fu Panda Obstacle Course, noon, Durango Jungle Gym, 151 E. 15th St. Team Truck Pull, noon, Illete Fitness, 659 Tech Center Drive.

8-Ball Tournament, 1 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. 8th St.

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Comic Con Family Movie Night, 4 p.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. 3rd Ave.

telegraph

Super Bowl Snowdown Slowdown Party, 2 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. Build A Bong: Awards, 4:20 p.m., Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio.

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Here are your fortune cookie-style horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: You’ll be invited to make a pivotal transition in the history of your relationship with your most important life goals. It should be both fun and daunting!

MARCH: Don’t waste time and energy trying to coax others to haul away the junk and the clutter. Do it yourself. APRIL: The growing pains should feel pretty good.

Enjoy the uncanny stretching sensations.

MAY: It’ll be a favorable phase to upgrade your personal finances. Think richer thoughts. Experiment with new ideas about money. JUNE: Build two strong bridges for every rickety bridge you burn.

Create two vital connections for every stale connection you leave behind.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Here are your fortune cookiestyle horoscopes for the next five months. February: You have access to a semi-awkward magic that will serve you well if you don’t complain about its semi-awkwardness.

March: To increase your clout and influence, your crucial first step is to formulate a strong intention to do just that. The universe will then work in your behalf. April: Are you ready to clean messes and dispose of irrelevancies left over from the past? Yes! May: You can have almost anything you want if you resolve to use it for the greatest good. June: Maintain rigorous standards, but don’t be a fanatic. Strive for excellence without getting bogged down in a counterproductive quest for perfection.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Here are your fortune cookiestyle horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: Be alert for vivid glimpses of your best possible future. The power of self-fulfilling prophecy is even stronger than usual. MARCH: High integrity and ethical rigor are crucial to your success – and so is a longing for sacred adventure. APRIL: How can you make the best use of your likability? MAY: Cheerfully dismantle an old system or structure to make way for a sparkling new system or structure. JUNE: Beginner’s luck will be yours if you choose the right place to begin. What’s a bit intimidating but very exciting?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here are your fortune cookiestyle horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: Your sensual magnetism peaks at the same time as your spiritual clarity.

MARCH: You want toasted ice? Succulent fire? Earthy marvels? Homey strangeness?

All of that is within reach. APRIL: Sow the seeds of the most interesting success you can envision. Your fantasy of what’s possible should thrill your imagination, not merely satisfy your sense of duty. MAY: Deadline time. Be as decisive and forth-

right as an Aries, as bold as a Sagittarius, as systematic as a Capricorn. JUNE: Go wading in the womb-temperature ocean of emotion, but be mindful of the undertow.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Here are your fortune cookie-style horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: There’s a general amnesty in all matters regarding your relationships. Cultivate truces and forgiveness. MARCH: Drop fixed ideas you might have about what’s possible and what’s not. Be keenly open to unexpected healings. APRIL: Wander out into the frontiers. Pluck goodies that have been off-limits. Consider the value of ignoring certain taboos. MAY: Sacrifice a small comfort so as to energize your ambitions. JUNE: Take a stand in behalf of your beautiful ideals and sacred truths.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): Here are your fortune cookie-style horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: You’ll have the need and opportunity to accomplish some benevolent hocus-pocus. For best results, upgrade your magical powers. MARCH: Make sure the Turning Point happens in your power spot or on your home turf.

APRIL: You should be willing to go anywhere, ask any question, and even risk your pride if necessary so as to coax your most important relationships into living up to their potentials. MAY: If at first you don’t succeed, change the definition of success.

JUNE: You can achieve more through negotiation and compromise than you could by pushing heedlessly ahead in service to your single-minded vision.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Here are your fortune cookiestyle horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: Master the Zen of constructive anger. Express your complaints in a holy cause. MARCH: You finally get a message you’ve been waiting to receive for a long time! APRIL: Renew your most useful vows.

Sign a better contract. Come to a more complete agreement. MAY: Don’t let your preconceptions inhibit you from having a wildly good time. JUNE: Start your own club, band, organization, or business. Or reinvent and reinvigorate your current one.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Here are your fortune cookie-style horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: A new phase of your education will begin when you acknowledge how much you have to learn. MARCH: Initiate diplomatic discussions about the Things That Never Get Talked About.

APRIL: Revise your ideas about your dream home and your dream community. MAY: You have the power to find healing for your oldest lovesickness. If you do find it, intimacy will enter a new Golden Age. JUNE: Solicit an ally’s ingenuity to help you improvise a partial solution to a complex problem.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Here are your fortune cookiestyle horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: Be open to romantic or erotic adventures that are different from how love has worked in the past. MARCH: You’ll be offered interesting, productive problems.

Welcome them! APRIL: Can you explore what’s experimental and fraught with interesting uncertainty even as you stay well-grounded? Yes! MAY: You can increase your power by not hiding your weakness.

People will trust you most if you show your vulnerability. A key to this season’s model of success is the ability to calmly express profound emotion. JUNE: Wild cards and X-factors and loopholes will be more available than usual. Don’t be shy about using them.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Here are your fortune cookie-style horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: Start a new trend that will serve your noble goals for years to come. MARCH: Passion comes back into fashion with a tickle and a shiver and a whoosh. APRIL: As you expand and deepen your explorations, call on the metaphorical equivalents of both a telescope and a microscope. MAY: This is the beginning of the end of what you love to complain about. Hooray! JUNE: You’ll have an abundance of good reasons to celebrate the fact that you are the least normal sign in the zodiac. Celebrate your idiosyncrasies!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Here are your fortune cookiestyle horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: The world may finally be ready to respond favorably to the power you’ve been storing up. MARCH: Everything you thought you knew about love and lust turns out to be too limited. So expand your expectations and capacities! APRIL: Extremism and obsession can be useful in moderation.

MAY: Invisible means of support will become visible. Be alert for half-hidden help.

JUNE: Good questions: What do other people find valuable about you? How can you enhance what’s valuable about you?

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Here are your fortune cookie-style horoscopes for the next five months. FEBRUARY: You’ll have a knack for enhancing the way you express yourself and present yourself. The inner you and the outer you will become more unified.

MARCH: You’ll discover two original new ways to get excited. APRIL: Be bold as you make yourself available for a deeper commitment that will spawn more freedom.

MAY: What are the gaps in your education? Make plans to mitigate your most pressing area of ignorance. JUNE: Your body’s ready to tell you secrets that your mind has not yet figured out. Listen well.

telegraph

Jan. 31, 2019 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214

hrs/month labor big fenced garden w/irrig.

Long term email: fraptsale1@gmail.com

Free consultations. Call Maddalena 970946-9141.

Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Experienced House Cleaner Wanted Part-time position for a growing cleaning business. Must have previous cleaning experience. Shift lead position. A reliable vehicle is required to apply. E-mail resume to freshncleandurango@gmail.com

Get Your Valentine Glow!

Organic spray tans, Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199.

Lost/Found Sunglasses Found In Deer Creek parking lot. Call 970749-8820 to claim.

Announcements The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Wanted Turn Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. Into Cash! at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Office Manager- Mental Health Fort Lewis College is seeking applications for Counseling Center Office Manager and assistant to the Director, 9 month position (full time mid-August through mid-May). For detailed job information and qualifications, competencies and online application process please visit www.fortlewis.edu/jobs and go to the Employment Opportunities page, exempt listings and click on the job link. FLC is an AA/EEO employer. Send cover letter and resume to: nakayama_k@fortlewis.edu Admin Coordinator Wanted Wildfire Adapted Partnership seeks a part time (20 hr/wk) Admin Coordinator to work out of WAP’s Durango office and assist the Executive Director in the dayto-day operations of the organization. For the full job announcement please visit: www.wildfireadapted.org or call 970-3858909.

Early Childhood Teachers Needed!

Durango Montessori School is hiring for the 2019-2020 school year! We are looking for a Lead Early Childhood Teacher and an Assistant Early Childhood Teacher, both positions are full-time. Please visit https://durangomontessori.com/employ ment/ for details and how to apply.

Large Dog Wheels Wanted My name is Otis, I’m 12 and 110 lbs.

My legs aren’t working as well as they used to so I’m looking for some wheels. If you have a big dog, wheel rig that you no longer need, please call my mom @ 970903-0005. Thank you.

HelpWanted RV

Trade RV Site for Labor site w/utilities trade for

22 n Jan. 31, 2019

Classes/Workshops Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

Services 40

Need a Web Site?

Fast, cheap, clean and classy websites.

telegraph

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

BodyWork Looking for Awesome New Clients My passion is to help you feel better in your body nationally certified massage therapist Durango Mobile Massage and Studio Services text desired apt. time/date 970-799-8950.

Valentine Massage Gift Certs!

Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2018.

Couples, sauna, outdoor shower, cupping. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-9032984.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings Spruce up your home – desks, console tables, coffee tables and lots of beautiful framed art, glass and ceramics. New cool stuff and daily markdowns. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

CommunityService Cookie Gram Fundraising Event From now until Feb. 14, stop in at Dancing Spirit to choose your bowl or let us pick one out for you. It will be delivered at no extra charge to the love of your life on Feb. 14. We will include a personalized card from the giver. 5”-8” Bowl comes with ½ dozen homemade sugar cookies. 3”-4” Bowl comes with chocolate from Rocky Mountain Chocolate. All for just $15 per bowl or 2 for $25, plus free delivery in the Ignacio area. 970-963-4600.

Bayfield Farmers Market Seeks Farmers The Bayfield Downtown Farmers’ Market is recruiting farmers from the Four Corners area for the 2019 season. The season opens Thurs., June 20, and continues through the end of September. Markets occur under the shade of the trees at the Joe Stephenson Park at the intersection of Mill Street and Bayfield Parkway, 4:30-7 p.m. each Thursday. Fees for vendors are $100 for the season or $10 per visit. For more info, call 970-769-6873.

WRC Seeks Nods for Extraordinary Women Award The Women’s Resource Center has made a tradition of recognizing the accomplishments and contributions of La Plata County women during the month of March, and they are now accepting nominations for their prestigious Extraordinary Woman Award. To nominate someone you know, call the WRC at 970-247-1242. The winner will be honored at a special dinner March 6. For more info, call 970-247-1242 or go to wrcdurango.org.

LPEA Offers College Scholarships Scholarships available through LPEA. Deadline to apply is March 4. For further info and to download applications, visit www.lpea.coop or contact Jeannie Bennett at 382-3505 or jbennett@lpea.coop.

San Juan Basin Health Offers Free Screenings San Juan Basin Public Health’s Women’s Wellness Connection program will be providing free screenings for eligible women between ages 21-64. Breast exams, pap tests and pelvic exams are included. Referrals for free mammograms are available for women who qualify. To schedule an appointment call SJBPH at 970-335-2015.

AskRachel Interesting fact: We say “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” to mean “be resourceful,” but really, the term originated as “pull oneself over a fence by one’s bootstraps” to mean “that’s freaking impossible.” American Dream 101.

Dear Rachel, Ugh. It’s Snowdown time. I swear I’m the only person in Durango not willing to shank her own mother for Follies tickets. I just don’t understand all the hype. So there’s a theme, and there’s a ridiculous slate of meaningless contests, and some cars drive really slowly down Main Avenue for a couple hours. Meanwhile, the roads out of town are barren, and that’s where I’ll be. Unless you can reveal to me whatever it is I’m missing?

– Snowdown and Out Dear Party Pooper, Speak for yourself. I’m glad other people are getting their cabin fever out of their systems – only you know what? It’s not like this town goes the rest of the year without drinking to excess and dressing up in themed costumes. And no one is cooped up anyway. Everyone is out skiing every chance they get. Cabin fever schmabin fever. Looks like Snowdown is really just a big con game after all. I’m joining you on the sidelines.

– Too cool for Snowdown, Rachel

Dear Rachel, I’m thinking of starting a beehive this spring.

It seems like fun. Especially since honey is so

freaking expensive, and I put it in just about everything from coffee to bread. Sure, I scream & run when one bee gets anywhere near my front door. But somehow, having hundreds of bees feels less intimidating than one rogue bee. Do you have any experience with beekeeping? Any advice?

– Bee Student Dear Average Grade, It’s funny. You write a little advice column in the paper, and people think you know the most eclectic and esoteric crap. The only bee I ever kept was a dead one in a film canister (remember those, kids?) that I took to school for show and tell. You know what? It’s fur was so soft, and its dead and lifeless eyes so sweet, that I no longer try to smash bees with rolled-up Telegraphs. So, you know, maybe start off with a less animated hive.

– Your honey, Rachel Dear Rachel, All the time, I see memes online that talk about “do what makes you happy” and “pursuing your passions” and “not living for the weekend or for a paycheck.” I’m all for living life like that. Yet I cannot evade the inescapable reality of, you know, needing to pay for groceries and health care and clothing and such. Are these motivational memes just the ultimate in privilege?

Or is there really a way to live like that?

– Living a Dream Dear Dreaming a Life, Geez, way to bring down the mood around here. Of course there’s no way for us non-elitist non-rich folks to

Jonesing?

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com escape the need for a regular paycheck not without upending the entire capitalist system upon which the Western economy and society have deluded themselves. But instead of living for the weekend, why not set your sights bigger? You could live all year for Snowdown, like some other folks in this place.

– By the bootstraps, Rachel

HaikuFolliesReview ‘SNOWDOWN Follies 2019’ I laughed really hard as our friends and neighbors took dick jokes to new lengths – Lainie Maxson

Drinking&DiningGuide Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956 www.himkitchen.com Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free.

Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. - Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m. Closed 2:30 to 5 daily $$ Crossroads Coffee 1099 Main Ave., 970-903-9051 Crossroads coffee proudly serves locally roasted Fahrenheit coffee and delicious baked goods. Menu includes gluten-free items along with bullet-proof coffee, or bullet-proof chai! Come in for friendly service and the perfect buzz!

Hours: Mon.- Fri., 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. $

Issue 6 is now out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email steve@gulchmag.com

BREW Pub & Kitchen 117 W. College Drive, 970-259-5959 www.brewpubkitchen.com Experience Durango’s award-winning brewery & restaurant featuring unique, hand-crafted beers, delicious food made from scratch, and wonderful wines & cocktails.

Happy Hour, Tues.- Fri. 4-6 pm & all day Sunday with $1 off beers, wines & wells & enjoy select appetizers at 20% off. Watch the sunset behind Smelter Mountain as the train goes by.

Hours: Wed.-Sun., Noon - 9p.m., Tues. 4p.m. - 9 p.m. Closed on Mon. $$

telegraph

Jan. 31, 2019 n 23