The Durango Telegraph, Jan. 27, 2022

Making magic since 2002

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Jan. 27, 2022 Vol. XXI, No. 4 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Slippery slope

Groucho history

Drummer boy

Betty White and important lessons in skiing the trees p4

The untold story of Snowdown ’88 and a bid for global glory p8

A conversation with local master of the sticks, Alec Mayes p10

Go ahead and lose yourself.

Issue 18 of The Gulch is out now!

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2 n Jan. 27, 2022

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

Ski betty The Golden Girl offers lessons in skiing the trees (and not letting the trees ski you)

4 Thumbin’ It

by Missy Votel

5 Word on the Street 6-7 Soapbox

8

8 Top Story

Almost famous Unmasking the lost tale of 1988 Snowdown’s bid for global glory

10 Between the Beats

by Jonathan Romeo

11 Snowdown Calendar

10

12 Other Stuff to Do

A different beat

13 Ask Rachel

Sitting down with local drummer extraordinaire, Alec Mayes

by Stephen Sellers

14 Free Will Astrology 15 Classifieds

11

15 Haiku Movie Review On the cover: You don’t have to compete in the Ouray Ice Festival in order to climb. This woman is in a narrow section of the gorge where climbers rappel down the pitch instead of approach from the base./ Photo Alex Krebs

Snowdown lowdown Your one-stop guide to all the magical, mystical madness

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EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com ADVERTISING SALES: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com STAFF REPORTER: Jonathan Romeo jonathan@durangotelegraph.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Missy Votel, Stephen Sellers, Lainie Maxson, Rob Brezsny, Jesse Andserson and Clint Reid

New world disorder

Sure, Alex Jones (he of InfoWars, Sandy Hook isn’t real, Democrats eating babies fame) had a pretty legit, totally soundproof excuse when he was arrested for drinking and driving in March 2020: it was a conspiracy!

It wasn’t so much he reeked of alcohol, had just gotten into a domestic dispute or failed parts of his roadside tests. No, no!

Instead, Jones reasoned the county he was caught drunk driving in was a part of some hushhush “dragnet” scheme that unfairly arrested people for DUIs (otherwise known as the law?).

And, of course, the breathalyzer itself was entirely suspect. How was it able, for instance, to trace alcohol levels of sake?

“I’m empowered by freedom,” Jones said at the time. “I have to take depressants like alcohol to suppress how empowered I am, because I’m into freedom. I’m a human being, man. I’m a pioneer, I’m a father. I like to fight. I like to eat enchiladas. I like to cruise around in a boat, like to fly around in helicopters … so that’s where I stand.”

While this is all amazing and a lot to take in, you, dear reader, have no such excuses for driving drunk over the Snowdown weekend. And here’s why (other than it’s illegal and kills people).

Durango Transit will be free Friday and Saturday in celebration of Snowdown, and that includes the Main Avenue Trolley and all loop routes. And, a special shuttle will run between the La Plata County Fairgrounds and the Durango Transit Center from 4-9 p.m. Friday during the Light Parade.

Also, our fair little town has a number of local taxi companies, as well as Uber and Lyft. Surely the $20-$30 ride is far better than a DUI, which typically costs around $10,000. Not to mention totally ruins your night.

So yes, enjoy your Snowdown, go wild (lord knows we need it), but be safe.

And don’t be like Alex Jones, ever.

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

Ear to the ground: “I was beginning to feel like the last American virgin.”

– Local on the strange sense of relief that comes with finally contracting COVID

thepole

RegularOccurrences

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

Doobiedown Speaking of impairing your mind, The Green House dispensary got pretty creative for this year’s Snowdown, announcing it is offering 1,000 “Doobies for a Penny” during the Light Parade.

Ken Choat, marketing director, said The Green House will hand out a thousand (empty) doobie tubes that will act as coupons you can redeem at the dispensary.

“We’re excited to see the response,” he said.

Doobies … for a penny… in Durango … over Snowdown…? We’re sure you’ll not only see a good response, you’ll totally blow the lid off the “Should the U.S. keep the penny?” debate.

Jan. 27, 2022 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal A slippery slope If there’s one thing I’ve tried to instill in my children – other than to always replace the empty toilet paper roll – it’s independence. Especially when it comes to the “s” word: skiing.

Which is why on a recent kids hockey trip to Gunnison – the fourth of the season requiring more than a five-hour drive and one that entailed hellish road conditions – I allowed my daughter to exercise some of her god-given freedoms.

While she was about to play the first game of the weekend, I gently broke the news. I would be excusing myself from parental bleacher-sitting duties to ski some fresh pow up the road at Crested Butte.

Before you get all Judge Judy on me, bear in mind she is 16 going on 35, and the rink is right across the street from the hotel. She’s got her own debit card, and at her age, I’m about as cool to hang around as the plague.

Plus, I had some days to burn on my Epic Pass. Yep – I’m one of them. A contributor to the monolithic corporate Disney scourge of skidom that is eating away at the very soul of the sport as we know it. But I got a good deal, and in my defense, I was a few glasses of wine in when I hit the “buy now” button last summer.

So, I dropped the kid off at the rink and only half-jokingly told her not to get a concussion (OK, not mom of the year material, but we already established that). Then, like Han Solo in the Millennium Falcon, I flew up the Gunny Valley on a classic bluebird day. I parked at the pay lot, because that’s what Epic Pass sheeple do, and in minutes was riding the Silver Queen in search of hidden treasure.

After an obligatory frontside warm up to sample the goods – creamy with a slight crunch underneath – I decided to check out the Banana Peel, an old family favorite. Usually not skiable so early in the season, intel from chairlift partners assured me it was good to go after a nuking storm cycle over the holidays.

“We called it the Betty White storm. You know why?” a local proudly told me without giving me the chance to answer. “We hit 99 inches; didn’t quite make it to 100.”

I had to hand it to the Buttians (Buttites?) for their cleverness, especially at 9,000 feet. And with that, I went off to sample Betty White’s remains – the storm, not the person.

After taking the high traverse over, I gingerly picked my way through the entrance boulder field to a series of steep chutes and glades. It turned out to be some of the best untracked toe powder I’d had in a while. So good I decided to do a second lap before the afternoon sun turned my beloved noodling trees into glop.

While not necessarily the kind of name that instills fear, we all know what banana peels are good for. No, not smoking. Slipping, with cartoonishly epic proportions – which was just about to happen to me with the help of a tiny, unsuspecting wisp of a pine tree. Strategically placed in the middle of my turn, I figured I could ski over the little guy with no incident. But this was no friendly Bob Ross tree – when I hit it, it clamped down on my boot like the jaws of death. Suddenly, I was taking an unplanned, head-first slide for life into timber, especially disconcerting when skiing as an independent, but very alone, skier.

My descent hastened by the firm layer underneath, I prayed I would be able to thread the trees below and make it to the run-out zone unscathed. But, as fate would have it (I’m not saying “luck,” because I’m not sure how lucky it was), another little tree snagged me on the way down. Now, instead of pinballing through old growth, I was precariously hanging upside down, skis firmly entangled in shrapnel above.

As I hung there, like the poster girl for why you shouldn’t ski the trees alone, I breathed a sigh of relief that the freefall had come to a stop. I was also relieved there was no one around to witness the mortifying debacle. Then I realized: there was no one around. And boy, I was stuck; like Houdini-in-handcuffs-in-an-underwater-safe stuck. What I would have done for someone to happen by and pop my bindings, which obviously were set at a DIN for a water buffalo, or maybe just find my left arm, which was wallowing uselessly in Betty White’s bottomless bounty.

Suddenly I was filled with the dread that comes with knowing you are completely, utterly, hopelessly screwed. I tried to keep my wits about me and did what any calm adult would do: flailed like a rabid, caged animal to see if anything would shake loose. But it was to no avail.

As I pathetically wriggled for a solid 10 minutes, I alternated between laughing at my misfortune, cursing up at the sky and wanting to cry. Eventually, the thrashing paid off, as I was able to use my free arm, which fortunately had pole intact, to reach up and pop the binding on my top ski. The sweet click told me two of my four limbs were now freed, with my left arm still MIA and my left leg twisted in a cringey display of human origami.

By now, some dude – the only other skier I had seen in there – had shown up, mostly to spectate. I found it strange he offered no help, but figured he was probably videoing me for Jerry of the Day – which I fully deserved.

“I’m OK,” I hollered. “You shoulda seen it.”

And with the kind of Herculean mom strength mustered in the face of abject humiliation and desperation, I heaved up and landed my pole on the target of my second binding.

Again, a sweet click as the ski skittered down to meet its mate. I clung to the tree, my lifeline, until I could swing my feet downhill and commence the post hole of shame to retrieve my gear below.

My audience of one stuck around – possibly because he had never seen a middle-aged woman extricate herself while hanging upside down from a tree. Or maybe he just thought I was drunk. I’ll admit – it wasn’t pretty, but eventually I managed to click into my skis, clean my goggles, wipe away the snot and ski away with my last shred of dignity, the whole time, mumbling something about “that little f**ing tree.” Part of which, incidentally, was wedged under my boot buckle as a keepsake.

While my first reflex was to bend down and rip that sucker out and huck it as far as I could, for some reason I didn’t. Maybe I was too tired. Eventually, my little hanger-on grew on me. A badge of honor, a reminder to respect the harvest. Plus, it was kind of cute just stuck there, so I skied with my newfound friend for the rest of the day. Because sometimes, independence can be overrated, and it’s good to ski with a friend.

Thumbin’It

4 n Jan. 27, 2022

Sign of the Downfall:

A major settlement in the Gold King Mine spill, with the federal government and Sunnyside Gold Corp. agreeing to pay a total of $90 million (about an even split) that will go toward improving water quality in the Animas River.

Colorado reporting nearly 700 traffic deaths in 2021, the most since 2002. The reason, officials say, are personal choices, such as reckless driving, running red lights and driving 100 mph on roads where, you know, the speed limit isn’t 100 mph.

After a year hiatus, the long-awaited start of the 43rd Snowdown. This year’s theme is Mystical & Magical, so get out your best dreamy costumes (though Durango’s pretty full on Peter Pans, so maybe avoid that one).

Now that we’re accustomed to wildfire season in December, it should come as no surprise we are experiencing mud season in January. What next? Christmas in July? Actually ... we might welcome that.

A new study finding just 10 minutes of exercise a day could prevent 110,000 U.S. deaths a year of adults over 40. Yeah that sounds great, and we totally plan on getting around to it, but … who has time?

– Missy Votel

A pretty long dry spell without significant snowfall in Southwest Colorado. When, exactly, should we stop touting “Bluebird Days” when all it really signifies is ongoing drought?

telegraph

Ditch me, I’m Irish Peader Doyle, 66ish, of Carlow, Ireland, shambled into his local post office with the help of two unidentified young men to collect his pension last week, but when the staff looked closely, they realized Doyle was dead. When questioned, the two young men dropped Doyle and ran away, thereby leaving him in line at the post office (aka hell). Ireland National Police have ruled out foul play, but when Doyle was asked for comment as to whether or not it was “foul play,” he said, “well, of corpse it was.”

WordontheStreet With Snowdown likely causing rough morning-afters, the Telegraph asked, “What’s your hangover cure?”

Q

Vivian

“A smoothie with bananas, peanut butter, chia and oatmeal.”

Zack

“Opening The Ranch with a shot and a beer.”

L Let’s et’s Have Ha ve A Magical Snowdown Sno wdown 2022!

20 22!

Mike

“One of those 4/20 drinks.”

Find us a at: t: 72 72 Suttle St. St. Unit B Bodo Park Park Durango Durango Dustin

“Dude, hair of the dog for me, so a shot of Kentucky bourbon and good Mexican food.”

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telegraph

Jan. 27, 2022 n 5

D-Tooned/by Rob Pudim

SoapBox Vet charter academy

Ascent Classical Academy is asking the Durango 9-R School Board to review its charter application outside the state-dictated window for charter applications.

There are two concerning issues raised by Ascent’s request: 1. The timing of the request, which seeks special treatment for Ascent prior to established dates, which places a burden on the Board to complete the review at a time when it has other important, previously scheduled work on its calendar; and 2. Ascent’s apparent attempt to avoid 9R’s local chartering authority by asking the Board to relinquish its chartering responsibility and allow it to go straight to CSI, the state’s Chartering School Institute, which regulates Ascent’s two other Colorado charter schools in Douglas and Weld counties.

The Colorado Charter Schools Act provides that the date for filing a charter’s application “shall not be earlier than August 1 or later than October 1” of the year preceding its intended opening date. Thereafter, the law requires the local school board to hold publicly noticed community meetings to obtain information to assist in its decision-making process and, further, requires the board to rule on the charter application within 90 days of receipt. The application must be reviewed both by the Board and the district’s accountability committee and may also require review by other district departments.

The Board has maintained that Ascent’s application is welcome in August and will

be given the appropriate attention at that time, but Ascent is insisting it will be unable to meet the 2023 opening it has proposed unless it is considered now.

The application requirements of the Colorado Charter Schools Act are complex, and any application requires an intensive review by the Board and the District Accountability Advisory Committee (DAAC), and perhaps other departments.

Among numerous factors to be considered are: the charter’s proposed enrollment policy; its curriculum and student performance standards; its plan for evaluating student performance; the criteria for enrollment decisions; any requested waivers of state requirements or district policies; the plan for serving students with special needs; and policies regarding student discipline, expulsion and suspension.

In addition, the Board and DAAC must review performance data for each of the other schools the proposed charter is managing at the time of the application, including documentation of academic achievement and school management success. Further, a determination must be made as to whether the charter’s plan is economically sound, including its proposed budget for at least five years. All of this will take considerable time of the Board away from other responsibilities.

In addition to seeking early review, Ascent is asking the 9-R Board to allow it to be chartered through CSI, instead of 9-R’s local chartering authority. As background,

9-R only obtained chartering authority in 2013, which is why Mountain Middle and Animas High are chartered through CSI. Thereafter, 9-R chartered Juniper as its first 9-R charter. There are several advantages to local chartering, among which are ensuring that the district and community have some say over charters within their district and can assure they are held to the same standards as other local schools, as well as confirming that they align with

Durango’s and 9-R’s values. This creates a stronger working relationship and guarantees that people outside our community are not the ones making decisions about what schools here in Durango can and should look like, what they teach and who should be allowed to teach, e.g., state-certified vs. non-certified teachers.

Another issue to be considered is that charter schools, as good as some may be, take money from our Durango public

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The Alter native Resource 6 n Jan. 27, 2022

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schools. Durango already has charter schools serving grades K-12 in Juniper, Mountain Middle and Animas High. Do we really need another charter school?

Also important, what is Ascent’s record in its two existing Colorado charters, as the Board is required to look at Ascent’s record elsewhere in reviewing its application here. In its 2021 rankings, U.S. News reported that 32% of Ascent’s Douglas County students scored at or above the proficiency level for math, and 57% scored at or above that level for reading.

U.S. News reported that Ascent did worse in math and worse in reading when compared with the Douglas County School District. This is certainly something the Board will need to study.

Bottom line: Ascent should apply in August, pursuant to the requirements of the Charter Schools Act, when the Board and the DAAC will have the time to thoroughly and fairly review its application.

– Carol Cure, Durango

impose on us, their constituents.

Take a moment and tally up how many friends or family members you no longer talk to because of ideological differences surrounding vaccination, masking and social distancing. I am willing to bet that number far outweighs the number of loved ones you have lost to COVID. I am urging everyone to come back from the brink of authoritarianism, tyranny and medical dictatorship.

The sky did not fall. The world did not end. There is a whole spectrum of experience outside the black and white world of COVID, and I hope to see you all there someday. We can all move into a glorious future united in the knowledge that freedom is often tricky, can be scary and sometimes even dangerous, but ultimately will allow us to live our best lives.

– Trevor Seven Roulstin, Durango

Back from the brink

This session of the Legislature started with friendly greetings, rousing speeches, mostly-masked gatherings and what reporters are calling a “laser focus” on a few major issues.

The ideas are bipartisan and good for Colorado, so I am entering the year somewhat optimistic. Our “laser focus” areas include: saving people money, improving public safety, setting students up for success and improving access to quality, affordable health care. While we may have different approaches to the solutions, I’m encouraged that we seem to share the same goals.

Friends, family and fellow Durangoans: the tide is turning. The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Boris Johnson, has ended all COVID vaccine and mask restrictions – most likely an act to save face after pictures surfaced showing him partying with a large gathering of friends.

This behavior has been replicated by our own representatives here in the U.S. The kings and queens of high society flouting the draconian lockdowns and ignoring the social distancing and mask edicts that they

Legislative year ahead

The first 10 bills ready for action this year are good indicators of the House of Representatives’ commitment. Stay tuned, as there will be many more to come.

• Cutting Fees to Start Your Own Business, House Bill 22-1001, will save businesses money by cutting the fees and costs associated with business filings.

• Preparing Students for Success by Expanding Concurrent Enrollment Opportunities, House Bill 22-1002, expands the number of students who can participate in the ASCENT concurrent enrollment program, coordinating school districts and community colleges to help prepare students for quality jobs.

• Preventing Youth Violence and Crime, House Bill 22-1003, helps local governments and school districts improve public safety, prevent crime and reduce recidivism, focusing on youth support.

• Saving Coloradans Money at the DMV, House Bill 22-1004, will freeze DMV drivers’ license fees for the next two years.

• Boosting the Health Care Workforce, House Bill 22-1005, extends a state income tax credit for health care mentors who help people enter the health care workforce. It expands the program to include addiction counselors and registered nurses.

• Saving Parents Money on Child Care, House Bill 22-1006, expands access to affordable child care by increasing the types of child care facilities exempt from property taxes, enabling more providers.

• Saving Homeowners Money on Wildfire Mitigation, House Bill 22-1007, creates a grant program and changes a state income tax deduction to a tax credit to help

landowners in high wildfire hazard areas perform wildfire mitigation.

• Saving Families Money on Infertility Diagnosis and Treatment, House Bill 221008, will help Coloradans looking to start a family save money on fertility treatments and ensure their insurance plans cover infertility diagnosis and treatment.

• Extending Skills Training Proven to Prepare Students for Success, House Bill 22-1009, extends the workforce diploma pilot. Participants earn certificates and industry recognized credentials, unlocking economic opportunities to help them provide for themselves and their families.

• Saving Educators Money and Expanding Child Care Options, House Bill 221010, saves educators money and prepares our youngest learners by creating a refundable income tax credit for early childhood educators. Educators working in or leading a childcare program would be eligible for the credit for the next five years.

All 100 legislators have the opportunity to present five bills at the start of every session, so this list is a fraction of what we will see this year. Not on this list, but coming later this session, are bills to make record investments in public schools, improve access to behavioral health and uphold our water rights while prioritizing cleaner waterways and air. We’re also planning legislation to make housing affordable and maintain agricultural background.

I hope we keep our shared goals for a state that is healthy, safe, well educated and saving money.

– Rep. Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango

Looking for attention (but in a good way?)

The Telegraph can help you get your message out there – all via perfectly legal means.

For more information, email: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com or call 970-259-0133

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Jan. 27, 2022 n 7

TopStory

Snowdown has certainly had its legendary moments over the years, and ‘88 was no exception when organizers decided, hey, let’s set a Guinness World Record. This story published a few days later in The Durango Herald.

Making Groucho history 1988 Snowdown attempted Guinness Book world record, in complete Durango fashion

by Jonathan Romeo

T

he year was 1988 – floppy disks were still a thing, Rick Astley had just released “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Lunchables redefined what is “food” and “Die Hard” premiered and kicked off the never-ending “Is this a Christmas movie” debate.

And denim. God, so much denim.

But did you also know 1988 was the year the fine organizers of Snowdown in Durango attempted to make history in the Guinness World Book of Records for the most people gathered wearing Groucho Marx glasses, noses and bushy mustaches?

Yes, it happened.

“Oh god, the things we did,” Geoff Wolf, a longtime Durango resident who was there that fateful day, said. “I remember the chaos of just trying to take the picture. Plus, half of the people there were inebriated. Well, maybe in those days, all of them.”

Oh Snowdown, Durango’s beloved and debaucherous winter festival that features whacky contests and events, bizarre themes (Yabba Dabba Do? Roman Around?) and a

Snowdown OG Geoff Wolf at a baby laughing contest in 1988 in The Durango Herald.

Herculean effort from most attendees to balance partying with work and sanity.

The first Snowdown, as lore goes, happened in 1979

Celebrate Snowdown with a Mystical Mocha!

1099 Main Ave., under the big clock Mon.- Thurs., 7:30am-3pm and Fri., 7:30am-1pm

8 n Jan. 27, 2022

telegraph

after a few locals started scheming ways to break up the tedium of the long, cold winter while at the same time livening up the town’s winter economy. And obviously, the idea stuck, with the winter celebration now bringing visitors from all over to our smallish mountain town.

How Durango attempted to set the world record for people wearing Groucho masks in one place at the same time, however, is a story all its own. Albeit parts are lost in time and memory and umm… insobriety.

“Where did the idea come from?” Peg Ochsenreiter, a longtime Snowdown devotee who serves on the Board of Directors, said. “Oh, who knows?”

After looking through some old Snowdown archives, as well as randomly calling people who now live as far away as the Midwest about an event that happened 33 years ago, the story does somewhat start to piece together, though.

For the three Snowdown Follies prior to ’88, one of the MCs dressed up as Groucho Marx. That man was Rick Armstrong, who now lives in Missouri.

“In thinking of inspiration for the Follies, we were looking at different characters, and it just fell together,” Armstrong said. “It was just a lot of fun.”

Armstrong moved away before the 1988 Snowdown and the Groucho record attempt, but, needless to say, Groucho was on the mind of locals. As the 1988 Snowdown approached, with the theme “Still Crazy After All 10 Years” (a nod to Paul Simon’s song) and the theme product the Groucho disguise, someone got the idea to go for the Guinness record. Who that person was, however, is now lost to Snowdown mythology.

“It was just a thing people in town thought would be fun to do,” Dave Culver, who has seen his fair share of Snowdowns, said. “I’m sure that’s probably how it happened. I mean, that’s how most things happen with Snowdown.”

For a festival known for its jokes, pranks and overall absurdity, Snowdown organizers sure did take the record-setting attempt seriously. In the weeks leading up to the event, a media blitz went as far as newspapers and TV stations in Albuquerque. An ad in The Durango Herald, too, summoned all would-be Grouchos to the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad train depot at noon on Fri., Jan. 29, 1988.

“This man wants you!” the ad reads with a picture of the iconic comedian.

“With your help, we will assemble 1,000 people all wearing Groucho noses and glasses for an official photograph which will be submitted to The Guinness World Records to claim the record for ‘most people ever assembled wearing Groucho noses.’”

The effort, hilariously, did not stop there. The day of the event, Ochsenreiter said buses drove all around town, recruiting people walking on the street or just going about their daily lives. Bus drivers told the passersby to come on in, they were about to set a world record. It was Snowdown, it was the 80s, people got in. Oh, and the buses were adorned with massive Groucho masks.

“Those buses went down north Main Ave. to pick people up – housekeepers from motels, anyone,” Ochsenreiter said.

An event held in the middle of the day also forced some people to slip out of work.

Jon Sherer, another longtime Durangoan, was fortunately his own boss, and therefore needed no excuse.

“I just said I’m going,” Sherer said. “So I just went down there, put on my nose and went in for the photo.”

Wrangling hundreds of Groucho-wear-

ing, mostly intoxicated revelers was no easy task, either. Susan Lane, among the ranks that day, said that responsibility fell to a hapless photographer who had climbed on a manlift to take an aerial shot of the crowd.

“He was directing us all to squeeze in together, and we were all just laughing,” Lane said. “It was so hilarious and absurd.

Like so many things in Snowdown, people just dropped work to come out there. I’ve always wondered how offices continue to function the week of Snowdown.”

Indeed, that’s a question for another day. But as far as the photo, it went off without a hitch. Uncovered from deep within the Herald archives, the headline the next day ran: “Durango still goes crazy for Snowdown ’88” with a timeless photo of the crowd in Groucho disguises.

How many people were exactly there remains another unknowable question.

The Herald, in the article, tallied 462 Groucho lookalikes (not sure how they got that number down to a T). Others interviewed for this story said the event drew up to 800 people. Suffice to say, it was a decent turnout, at least 500 or more.

And here’s where the big, and of course most important, question comes into play: Did Snowdown set the record? Unfortunately, like all mysteries posed in this story, the answer remains elusive.

No one interviewed remembered if anyone actually submitted the record to Guinness, and since it’s unclear who was the lead organizer (if there was one), it’s hard to say to whom that responsibility would have even fallen. (I mean, how many times have YOU made a promise when drunk that you haven’t followed up on?

Yeah, so don’t judge). Coverage in the Herald, too, appears to have gone dark after Snowdown came and went.

So, that’s that. End of story.

Except we here at The Durango Telegraph couldn’t help but follow up with our newfound friends at Guinness World Records.

Unfortunately, Amanda Marcus, a spokeswoman for Guinness, said the records within their database didn’t show any mention of the ‘88 Snowdown. But, it appears large crowds gathering wearing Groucho disguises, for some reason, have become a thing.

Over the ensuing years, groups as farflung as Australia have attempted and succeeded in shattering the record. The current title belongs to an event organized by the city of Chicago’s Outdoor Film Festival, where, in July 2009, a total of 4,436 people put on their Groucho gear.

For our purposes, however, the first documented instance Guinness has on record of the most people simultaneously wearing Groucho glasses and noses at one location happened on a tennis court in Pittsfield, N.H., in 2001. The number? 522.

So, would it be fair to assume that 13 years earlier Snowdown set the record with about 500 people or so? And, would it be safe to say that before the ’88 Snowdown, no one would have even drummed up the idea of making this a thing people did?

We’ll leave that to readers to decide.

“I’d like to think Snowdown was the one that started all these Groucho gatherings,” Linda Mannix, one of Snowdown’s original founders, said. “There’s a lot of firsts in Snowdown’s history – some we don’t want to talk about – but this was just a fun, silly thing to get everyone involved.

And it’s astounding to me how people in this community jump right in.”

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Jan. 27, 2022 n

9

BetweenTheBeats

Not skippin’ a beat Amid lively week of music, local drummer dishes on the scene

by Stephen Sellers

S

nowdown is here, come hell or high water. And perhaps this year, why not both? A little hell for my high water, if you don’t mind. At this point, really any water.

For local musicians, Snowdown week is always special, and this year is no different. Just kidding. It’s totally different.

Everything is different now. FOREVER. Our first clue should be this year’s circular Snowdown poster. Thoughts and prayers for Oscar’s Diner as they begin to pick up the pieces of this earth-shattering curation dilemma. If we don’t see the brass band roaming the streets this year, take only what you can carry and save yourselves.

Hot, tawdry poster gossip aside, the musical suspects are both usual and unusual this week. Count on music of varying qualities spilling through bars, streets and alleyways of Durango at increased decibel levels. In fact, if you put your ear on the railroad track behind 11th Street Station, you can almost always hear the sound of two-chord punk songs and dark techno tracks. It’s awesome.

We should all thank our lucky stars because underground music venues continue to up the ante for accessible, all-ages, quality, live music in Durango. This week, look no further than The Hive to get your proper musical fix from two excellent shows: Desert Child on Thursday and southwest psychonauts Noodle on Friday.

Two weeks ago, Jesse Ogle, Guillaume Metz and Ted Moore, all of J-Calvin, hosted an incredibly wicked jazz jam at 11th Street Station (definitely keep your eyes open for those monthly shows) Toward the end of the evening, a few members of Desert Child showed up with their decentralized affiliate of groovy, nicesmelling desert people. They immediately brought the party. Drummer Alec Mayes had the performance of the evening, effortlessly crooning and making Moore’s drumkit sing.

I recently sat down with Alec at 81301 Coffee ahead of his two Snowdown shows at The Hive to get this wonderful man on record and to learn more about his experience as a young musician in our bustling mountain town.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

How did you get to Durango?

I grew up near Philly and came out West for my undergraduate degree at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff. I studied environmental science. Really, though, that was just a proxy to be in a beautiful mountain town. I moved to Durango in 2017.

I was pretty active playing music and drums since I was a kid in church. I actu-

10 n Jan. 27, 2022

ally was in a bluegrass band in Flagstaff.

Or newgrass, really, since we had drums.

The day of my college graduation was our album release party.

I grew up in a church, too. Did it play a role in your development as a person or musician?

I wouldn’t say I’m ideologically aligned. I was never super invested. But, it was a decent community and some good friends. The now-bassist for Florida Georgia Line was my youth group leader. I remember when he decided to go to Nashville, he asked me to be on his demo tape. So, I went into a studio, and I was like 12. He had me lay down some drum tracks. I don’t think that those songs or that demo in particular led to his success but it was a piece of him moving down there and doing the thing, I think. He was part of this other band that would play at retreats, and they were exciting and super tight, and I got to play with them. It was fun times, and I have good memories, but I wouldn’t say it was the faith piece that was most important to me.

In addition to being a great drummer, you have an incredible voice. Did you grow up taking lessons?

I did take lessons. I was the baby hitting pots and pans. My mom noted that I was humming stuff on pitch before I was talking. I was definitely the kind of child who would protest if pushed too hard, though. I really appreciate my parents’ support and my mom’s foresight. If I wanted to play drums, she said fine, but you have to take piano first. I continued taking drum and piano lessons for seven years. My practice ethic was very poor, so it was by sheer reps while in the lessons and showing up for band in school.

That’s kind of a reason I’ve involved myself in multiple bands. Those are the reps.

How many are you playing in right now?

Let’s call it four. Desert Child, Noodle, Garrett Young Collective and Le Trebuchet, out of Flagstaff.

How did you make the jump into musical projects in Durango?

Hanging out downtown. 11th Street Station was pretty instrumental, pun intended. I remember meeting Cy Fontenot, who was working at Durango Coffee Co. at that time. Cy is definitely a conduit for meeting other musicians. I recall being in town about seven months or a year, and I wasn’t in a band or jamming.

I also learned a lesson about setting an intention. I remember doing so and I met this guy Winston who was a worship leader at a church in Durango. I had grown up playing for a contemporary wor-

Alec Mayes ship service. And I had kind of called it off after high school. It wasn’t exactly my scene, but it was good reps and practice. A lot of the best drummers, especially in R&B and hip-hop, are coming out of the gospel tradition. So I said yes to that.

In August 2018, Cy called me and said, “Hey this band Noodle needs a drummer!

They’re playing a house party on Farmington Hill.” So, I just showed up. It ended up going pretty well, I think.

What kind of projects are you digging right now?

I lament that the older (he’s 29) I get, the longer I go without listening to new music and being inspired by new music.

It’s the sign of an aging brain or something. Also, as the angst of youth sloughs off and my more-content adult self emerges, it’s harder to attach moments to music. I’ve been really active writing and producing, rehearsing and doing music, that I don’t really listen. Some people are working to music, they put it on in their car; I feel like I’m usually in silence, and I need that downtime.

People are stoked with Desert Child. Where are you guys planning on going?

That’s to be determined. On paper, we have this three- to five-year plan to move into an originals-based touring band. In the meantime, we’re getting those reps.

The practice of learning covers is so enriching. People already have a relationship with the songs. You’re kind of co-opting what’s been made but you are inevitably making it your own. And through that process, it helps narrow down on what your sound is.

What’s your desert island album?

Well, if Radiohead’s “In Rainbows” wasn’t so devastating (laughs). “Is This It” by the Strokes.

What advice do you have for people hoping to get involved in music projects in Durango?

Show up and meet people. The more

telegraph

people that come out, the more opportunities there will be for everybody. There’s this almost scarcity idea that all the Durango bands are just shuffling the cards. I reject this notion that a few bands are monopolizing the scene. It’s hard here, though. There’s so much to do in a mountain town; it’s like out of abundance comes scarcity. You try to make plans, but people aren’t using their calendars, it seems! I’m blessed to have groups that are committed and have good lines of communication.

Open mics are fantastic networking, too. I like to go to the Starlight on Tuesday nights.

What are your hopes and fears for the Durango music scene as we roll into 2022?

Mostly hopes! I hope we see more new music and venues being willing to give more projects the stage. That’s on everybody to network that far in advance and be professionals. My fear is that for venues and bars – it’s tough to put a value, it’s hard for musicians to feel fairly compensated for their time. Some business owners recognize that value, and even when they do, they don’t have the budget. The paradox of you having a band with four-plus members is you need money to justify the time or you’re playing for drinks.

Yeah. Can’t pay the rent in drinks. I wonder if there is a way for musicians to work together on that.

A guild, maybe (laughs). Someone else is just gonna take the gig, I’m sure. That’s a little defeatist but true.

Anything else you want to share with the fine people of Durango and beyond?

People should always leave room to take a break from the things they love so they don’t burn out. Find the balance.

Don’t burn out. Don’t let hustle culture destroy your peace and intrinsic motivations. Resist.

Magical, Mystical Snowdown 2022 • Jan. 27-30 Please note: Due to that thing going on with that virus and all, events are subject to change and/or get cancelled at a moment’s notice, no matter if you already have your costume on and have been practicing pick-up lines or lip synching all week. Don’t blame us – we’re bummed too, but that’s life in a pandemic.

Super Sorcerously Sexy Car Wash, 2 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Drink Up Relay, 3 p.m., Fired Up Pizza, 735 Main Ave. Button Making, 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. 3rd Ave.

AllWeek

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Science, 3:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Snowdown Theme Contest, enter theme ideas for Snowdown 2024, Magpies Newsstand & Café, 707 Main Ave.

Chili Cook Off, The Snowdown Space, 965 Main Ave.

Build-A-Bong Contest, Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio.

Magic Carpet Ride, 5 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Mystical Take & Make Craft Kits, Durango Public Library, 1900 E. 3rd Ave.

Red Ball Express, 5:30 p.m., Rotary Clubs & Alpine Bank, 1099 Main Ave.

Search for the Silver Bullet, clues released all week on KIQX Radio 101.3 & KRJS Radio 100.5

Roar’s Fantastic Flowers, 5:30 p.m., Fuzzywigs Candy Factory, 680 Main Ave.

Best Freestyle Hair Design, The Chill Spot, 3102 Main Ave, Suite 15.

Snowdown Light Parade, 6 p.m., Main Ave. from College Drive to 12th St.

Thursday27

Snowdown Follies, showings at 7 p.m. & 10 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Follies Videocast at Animas City Theater, 128 E. College Dr.

Hogwarts House Potion Contest, 11 a.m., Joel’s Bar, 119 W. 8th St. Warming Hut – Go Fish Challenge, 2 p.m., secret location to be disclosed on Radio101, 101.3fm

Veterans Benefit Dance, 7 p.m., American Legion Auxiliary, 878 E. 2nd Ave. Music by Jelly Belly Boogie Band.

Big Wheel Derby, 2 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave, Suite 205.

Name That Tune, 4 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave. Rock, Paper, Scissors, 4 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. La Plata Open Space Conservancy’s Craft Spirits & Wine Tasting, 4:30 p.m., Outdoorsy, 934 Main Ave. Snowdown Jr. King & Queen contest, 4:30 p.m., Best Western Rio Grande Inn, 400 E. 2nd Ave. Magical Yule Ball Dance Party, 5 p.m., Durango Dance, 3416 Main Ave., Suite 101.

Quidditch Tournament, 5 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Boozin’ Beacons, 5 p.m., Eolus, 919 Main Ave. (rooftop).

Giant Jenga, 5:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Magical Mystical Mocktail Tour, 5:30 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Pinball Tournament, 6 p.m., J Bo’s Pizza & Ribs, 1301 Florida Rd. Dodgeball, 6 p.m., Durango Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave. Beer Pong, 6 p.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. Science is Magic Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Teen Dance, 7:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Snow Job Blow Job, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Amateur Comedy Competition, 8 p.m., Old Tymers Café, 1000 Main Ave.

Pick Up Line Contest, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

No Pants Snowpants Dance, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Drag Race & Fashion Show, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave.

Snowdown Follies Gala Premier Performance, 8 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Saturday29

Flippity Floppity Cup, 8:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Snowdown Getdown Dance Party, 10 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Karaoke Competition, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave.

Friday28

Kids Snow Games, 10 a.m., Folsom Park, 11 Folsom Place, off Florida Road.

Ball Billiard Tournament, 10 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. Youth Pinball Tournament, 10 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. Cornhole Tournament, 1 p.m., American Legion Auxiliary, 878 E. 2nd Ave.

Scavenger Hunt judging, 10 a.m., Billy Goat Saloon, 39848 Highway 160, Gem Village.

Pet Photo Booth, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., Kroegers Ace Hardware, 8 Town Plaza.

ACW Knights Armored Combat, 12 p.m., Steamworks Brewing Co., 801 E. 2nd Ave.

Fly Casting Competition, 11 a.m., Schneider Park, 950 Roosa Ave.

Senior Bingo, 1 p.m., La Plata County Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Preschool Dance Party, 11:30 a.m., Durango Public Library.

Kam Jam, 1 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave, Suite 205.

Chili Cook-Off & Bloody Mary Contest, 12 p.m.-2 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Kids Coloring Contest, 2 p.m., Kroegers Ace Hardware, 8 Town Plaza.

Outlaw Josie Pete’s Golf Tournament, 12 p.m., Main Mall Commons, 835 Main Ave.

telegraph

Jan. 27, 2022 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday27

Lavalanche plays, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 p.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave. Bingo night, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Live music, 5:30 p.m.., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Chuck Hank Duo plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Friday28 Mystic Coffee House Party, 5:30 p.m. Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Tone Dog plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station.

The Hive Indoor Skate Park is open, offering open skate and skate lessons. Waivers required. For schedule and online waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org

Sunday30 Goddess workshop, 2 p.m. Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave.

th

DJ Calvin plays, 6-9 p.m., 11 Street Station.

Jack Ellis plays, 6 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave. Nicolo Spera plays, 7 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 910 E. 3rd Ave.

Saturday29 4Corners Riversports Red Hot Relay, 10 a.m.- 12 P.M., Durango Nordic Center. Proceeds go to the youth Nordic program. www.durangonordic.org.

EsoTerra Ciderworks grand opening, 12-9 p.m., tasting room inside Outdoorsy Outpost, 934 B. Main Ave. Live music at 5 p.m.

Dustin Burley plays the Bear Bar, 2-4:30 p.m., Purgatory base area.

Musical Mandala, 3 p.m. Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave.

Upcoming Catherine Russell plays, Feb. 4 & 5, shows at 5 p.m. and 8 p.m., The Lift at Cascade, 50827 Highway 550.

Hosted by Durango Cool Jazz.

Open Mic, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider in Mancos.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Living with Wolves presentation, 6-8 p.m., range scientist Matt Barnes will talk about conflict between wolves and livestock, Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Ongoing Chapman Ski Hill is open. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 3:30-8 p.m.; Sat.-Sun., 10 a.m.-4 p.m. For more info. go to: www.durangogov.org/chapmanhill.

Matt Rupnow plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Open Mic, 2 p.m., Mancos Brewery.

Zarfha plays, 5:30 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Passafire with Dubbest (reggae) plays, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 129 E. College Dr.

Monday31 Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Tuesday01 Acoustic Music Jam, 5-7 p.m., all instruments and styles welcome, vaccinated players only, 11th St. Station.

Silverton White Out, 10-hour fat bike extravaganza, Feb. 5, Silverton. www.silvertonwhiteout.com.

McDonald’s Winter Triathlon, Feb. 5, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Durango Nordic Center. For individuals or teams to complete a winter triathlon consisting of a ski, fat bike and snowshoe legs. www.durangonordic.org.

On-Snow Avalanche Rescue Course, Feb. 5, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., Andrews Lake. Featuring instruction from Leo Lloyd of San Juan/La Plata Search and Rescue. Preregistration required. To register or for more info., go to www.thesanjuans.org.

Demo Day, Feb. 5, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. $20 for a full day of ski and snowboard demos. Purgatory Resort.

“The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940,” presented by Merely Players, 7 p.m., Feb. 11-12, 17-19, and 2 p.m. Feb. 13 & 20. www.merelyplayers.us.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Alpine Bank Full Moon Howler, Feb. 14, 6-9 p.m., Durango Nordic Center. Trails pass required, rentals available. www.durangonordic.org

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Telefestivus Telemark Festival, Feb. 19, free demos, Purgatory Resort.

Open mic night, weekly 7:30-9:30 p.m., Moe’s Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Deadline to submit stuff for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

Wednesday02 Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Email your stuff to: calendar@durango telegraph.com

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

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12 n Jan. 27, 2022

telegraph

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AskRachel

Wet January, doggie nail-biter and streak freaks Interesting fact: Despite the Sonoran sensation in your maw, marijuana does not actually dehydrate you.

Unlike alcohol. So really, drinking booze should mean you’re “dry,” not the other way around? I give up.

Dear Rachel, Can you really drink THC beverages during dry January? Seems kind of self-defeating of the whole cleanse idea and a cop out – I won’t get drunk but I’ll still get all high’d up. Then again, if THC drinks are allowed, sign me up.

– Sober Curious Dear Curious George, I bet THC drinks leave your mouth feeling pretty cottony, so hells yes they’re allowed. So are dry cabernets.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never understood how people way back when got so creative with language that they decided to characterize anything liquid as “dry.” Also, since “dry” means “sober,” does “not sober” mean “not dry” mean “wet?” God, we better not print in the newspaper that I’m wet, or that’ll open up a whole new cask of problems.

– Decidedly moist, Rachel Dear Rachel, My dogs are wild beasts who spend their days with me on trails, in parks, in yards. Basically anywhere that’s not paved. Yet I still need to cut their toenails. The vet says I need to walk them on the sidewalk to wear them down. But coyotes and wolves don’t walk on sidewalks! Do

they get their manicures at the ranger station?

Or are short nails a sign of domesticity, and I should just let my dogs grow free?

– Clawing for Answers Dear Dog Scratch Fever, You’ve hit the nail, as it were, on the head. Or is it on the bed? Do dogs even have nail beds like we do? Anyway, I have to think that coyotes sit in their dens with nail files actually sharpening their claws, rather than wearing them down. Rabbit fur is so darn soft that it’ll slip right out from under your paws unless you have fish hooks for nails. If dirt wore down their canine deathhands to innocent little nubs, they’d starve to death.

Your dogs, however wild, are not predators. Cut their nails already.

– Scratching the surface, Rachel Dear Rachel, What’s the etiquette on maintaining a Snapchat streak? My sister coerced me into Snapping with her the day she got a new cat, and now we have Snapped for 247 days straight.

I want to go on a digital cleanse this month, but now I can’t take a phone break without breaking the streak, which might be the longest commitment my sister has ever maintained. Can I, like, hire some teen to send Snaps for me while I’m on hiatus?

– Snap Crackle Pop Dear Snapple, Is a digital cleanse month like the techie version of

Snowdown2022

Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

from p. 11

Movie Night, 6 p.m., First Presbyterian Church of Durango, 1159 E. 3rd Ave.

How Well Do You Know Your Wine?, 12 p.m.-7 p.m., Four Leaves Winery, 528 Main Ave.

Cards Against Snowdown, 6:30 p.m., VFW Post 4031, 1550 Main Ave.

Canine Fashion Show, 1 p.m., McDonald’s parking lot, 201 W. College Dr. Pinball Tournament, 1 p.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. Hula Hoop Contest, 1 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave. Limbo, 1:30 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave. No Nonsense Quaffing Tournament, 2 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Bucket Beer Pong, 3:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Freestyle Hair Design Awards, 4 p.m., The Chill Spot, 3102 Main Ave, Suite 15.

Josie Pete’s Golf Tournament Award Ceremony, 4 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Search for the Silver Bullet Award Ceremony, 5 p.m., Joel’s Bar, 119 W. 8th Ave. Nintendo 64 Mario Kart, 6 p.m.,

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com dry January? Because if so, you just gotta keep it analog.

Take pictures with a Polaroid, then send snaps of that print via your phone, and it’s a whole lot less digital than… oh, forget it. Just go dry already. Apologize for the streak, promise you’ll cut her cat’s nails in penance, then put the phone down and run off into the desert with enough THC water to survive the apocalypse.

– Oh snap, Rachel

Snowdown Follies, showings at 7 p.m. & 10 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Follies Videocast at Animas City Theater, 128 E. College Dr. Spellbound Silent Disco Dance Off, 9 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Best Chest in the West, 9:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Karaoke Competition, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave.

Algorithm free since 2002.

Sunday30 Church Mystics, 10 a.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. 3rd Ave.

(A good thing on so many levels.)

Magic 8 Ball Billiards Tournament, 10 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. Build-A-Bong Awards, 4:20 p.m., Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio. Snowdown Follies, showings at 7 p.m. & 10 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Follies Videocast at Animas City Theater, 128 E. College Dr.

Giving you the news the old-fashioned way for nearly 20 years.

telegraph

Jan. 27, 2022 n 13

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Author Helen Hunt Jackson said that one component of happiness is “a little less time than you want.” Why? Because you always “have so many things you want to see, to have, and to do” and “no day is quite long enough for all you would like to get done before you go to bed.” I propose you experiment with this definition in the coming weeks. According to my astrological analysis, you will have even more interesting assignments and challenges than usual – as well as a brimming vitality that will make it possible for you to accomplish many but not all of them. Your happiness should be abundant!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Born under the sign of Taurus, Ethel Smyth (1858–1944) had considerable skills as a composer of music, an athlete, an author, a passionate lover and an activist working for women’s rights. She was successful in all of them. I propose we make her one of your role models for the coming months. Why? First, because she did more than one thing really well, and you are now primed to enhance your versatility, flexibility and adaptability. Second, because she described a formula for high achievement that would suit you well. She said, “Night after night I went to sleep murmuring, ‘Tomorrow I will be easy, strong, quick, supple, accurate, dashing and self-controlled all at once!’” (PS: I suggest you make “supple” your word of power in 2022.)

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to author Olivia Dresher, “Feelings want to be free. Thoughts want to be right.” Well, then, what about intuitions? In a sense, they’re hybrids of feelings and thoughts. They’re a way of knowing that transcends both feelings and thoughts. When intuitions come from the clear-seeing part of your deep psyche rather than the fear-prone part of your conditioning, they are sweet and fun and accurate and humble and brisk and pure.

They don’t “want” to be anything. I’m pleased to inform you, Gemini, that in the coming weeks, your intuitions will be working at peak efficiency. It should be relatively easy for you to distinguish between the clear-seeing and fear-prone modes of intuition.

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14 n Jan. 27, 2022

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “If you are going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it,” wrote humorist Leo Rosten. I offer his counsel to you right now because I want you to have fun if you wander away from your usual upstanding behavior. But may I make a suggestion? As you depart from normal, boring niceness, please remain honorable and righteous.

What I’m envisioning for you are experiments that are disruptive in healthy ways, and dares that stir up interesting prob-

lems, and rebellious explorations that inspire beauty and truth. They’ll be “wrong” only in the sense of being mutinies against static, even stagnant, situations that should indeed be prodded and pricked. Remember Bob Dylan’s idea: “To live outside the law, you must be honest.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Leo actor Anna Kendrick bragged, “I’m so humble it’s crazy. I’m like the Kanye West of humility.” I’d like to see you adopt that extravagant approach to expressing your magnificence in the coming weeks. I hope you’ll add another perspective to your repertoire, too – this one from Leo actor Mae West. She exulted, “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!” Here’s one further attitude I encourage you to incorporate, courtesy of Leo author Rachel Pollack: “To learn to play seriously is one of the great secrets of spiritual exploration.”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Sammy Davis Jr. (1925–90) was multi-talented: an actor, singer, comedian and dancer. One critic described him as “the greatest entertainer ever to grace a stage.”

He didn’t think highly of his own physical appearance, however. “I know I’m dreadfully ugly,” Davis said, “one of the ugliest men you could meet. But ugliness, like beauty, is something you must learn how to use.” That’s an interesting lesson to meditate on. I think it’s true that each of us has rough, awkward, irregular aspects – if not in our physical appearance, then in our psyches. And yet, as Davis suggested, we can learn to not just tolerate those qualities, but use them to our advantage. Now is a favorable time for you to do that.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “It is the nature of love to work in a thousand different ways,” wrote the mystic Saint Teresa of Avila. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you’re due to discover new and different ways to wield your love magic – in addition to the many you already know and use. For best results, you’ll have to be willing to depart from old reliable methods for expressing care and tenderness and nurturing. You must be willing to experiment with fresh approaches that may require you to stretch yourself. Sounds like fun to me!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “If you are drilling for water, it’s better to drill one 60-foot well than 10 six-foot wells,” advised author and religious scholar Huston Smith. He was using welldrilling as a metaphor, of course – as a symbol for solving a problem, for example, or developing a spiritual practice, or formulating an approach to psychological healing. The metaphor might not be perfectly applicable for everyone in every situation. But I believe it is vividly apropos for you and your current situations.

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): A well-worn proverb tells us, “All good things come to those who wait.” There’s a variation, whose author is unknown (although it’s often misattributed to Abraham Lincoln): “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left behind by those who hustle.” I think that’s far more useful advice for you in the coming weeks. I’d much rather see you hustle than wait.

Here’s a third variant, which may be the best counsel of all. It’s by author Holly Woodward: “All good things come to those who bait.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Author Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote, “To be really great in little things, to be truly noble and heroic in the insipid details of everyday life, is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of canonization.” I agree, which is why I authorize you to add “Saint” to the front of your name in the coming weeks. There’s an excellent chance you will fit the description Stowe articulated. You’ll be at the peak of your power to elevate the daily rhythm into a stream of subtle marvels. You’ll be quietly heroic. If you’re not fond of the designation “Saint,” you could use the Muslim equivalent term, “Wali,” the Jewish “Tzadik,” Buddhist “Arhat,” or Hindu “Swami.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Since the iconoclastic planet Uranus is a chief symbol for the Aquarian tribe, you people are more likely to be dissenters and mavericks and questioners than all the other signs. That doesn’t mean your departures from orthodoxy are always successful or popular.

Sometimes you meet resistance from the status quo. Having offered that caveat, I’m happy to announce that in the coming weeks, your unique offerings are more likely than usual to be effective. For inspiration, read these observations by author Kristine Kathryn Rusch: “Rebels learn the rules better than the rule-makers do.

Rebels learn where the holes are, where the rules can best be breached. Become an expert at the rules. Then break them with creativity and style.”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean author Juansen Dizon tells us, “Don’t find yourself in places where people have it all figured out.”

That’s always good advice, but it will be especially germane for you in the coming weeks and months. You need the catalytic stimulation that comes from associating with curious, open-minded folks who are committed to the high art of not being know-it-alls. The influences you surround yourself with will be key in your efforts to learn new information and master new skills. And that will be an essential assignment for you throughout 2022.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

HelpWanted

your heart through insight meditation.

Six-week class starts Tuesday, Feb. 1. 6:007:45 p.m. Hosted by the Durango Dharma Center both in person and online. Visit durangodharmacenter.org for details.

ForSale Dometic Electric Cooler CFX3 95DZ fridge/freezer 2021model, brand new 25% off retail $1,150. andydurango83@gmail.com Classic 1996 Saab 900 S One owner, all records, no accidents.

Great condition. 80,000 miles. $8000.

Seeking Saab fan/car tinkerer. Email genie17alice@gmail.com

Parade Help Wanted Seeking friendly, enthusiastic people to appear in costume in the Snowdown parade. Good appearance important. Must be 21 yrs of age. The Green House Dispensary, Durango. Send email to: marketing@ jandjinc.net.

Organic Farm Manager Twin Buttes of Durango is seeking an experienced organic farmer to manage our 1 acre farm for the 2022 season. Must have 2 seasons of experience at a minimum and be familiar with growing in the southwest climate. Farm manager is responsible for hiring and directing farm staff, generating a crop plan and harvest schedule, coordinating with wholesale accounts and managing the farm’s marketing efforts. Position begins in February.

Interested applicants please send a cover letter and resume to thefarm@twinbuttes ofdurango.com

Classes/Workshops Vision Board Workshop - Jan 29th Join me for an afternoon to envision and create your 2022 journey. Contact Trish at Joy Rides Coaching for more details: joyrides.dgo@gmail.com, 970-9467835, www.joyistheride.com Insight Meditation Class Calm your mind and connect with

Reruns Home Furnishings New inventory including dressers, side tables, rustic console, Urban Market industrial-style barstools, and rugs … Come in today! 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

HaikuMovieReview ‘The Eyes of Tammy Faye’ See the world through a smeared, distorted, selfish and delusional lens – Lainie Maxson

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 18/19/20. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984

CommunityService SJBPH Vaccine Clinics Free vaccine mobile clinic provided by San Juan Basin Public Health in partnership with Jogan Health. Pfizer (12+),

Moderna (18+), and J&J (18+) are available. Contact 970-247-5702 or visit https://sjbpublichealth.org/covid-19-vaccine/ for more information.

Free KN95 and Surgical Masks SJBPH offices in Pagosa Springs and Durango are providing free KN95 and surgical masks to the public, five masks per person. Masks are available on a firstcome, first-served basis. The public is required to wear a mask to enter SJBPH. SJBPH’s Pagosa Springs office, 502 S. 8th St., is open Mon. - Thurs., 8 a.m.-12 noon and 1-5 p.m. SJBPH Durango, 281 Sawyer Drive, is open Mon. - Fri. 8 a.m.-5 p.m.

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Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Wizard’s hat

Services Your French Trip Partner to France Traveling to France? I can be your trip partner! I am French, lived in Paris & Provence. fchpaillard@gmail.com Adulting Got You Down?

Therapy can help. Anne Hosey is a licensed professional counselor and therapist with a passion for supporting adults as they navigate adulting and its many challenges. Schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation at junipertreementalhealth.com.

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. www.forward pedal.com or email jnderge@gmail.com RSE Handyman Service Home repair yard work odd jobs 970903-0449.

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