Durango Telegraph, April 1, 2021

Putting the “fun” in fungible

­elegraph the­­­­durango

FREE April 1, 2021

Vol. XX, No. 13 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

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B E Y O N D

Business as unusual

Van’s best friend

The other white wheat

How the hardest hit businesses are faring a year into COVID p9

Local van outfitter surfing the wave of Sprinter mania p11

Why Kamut has pasta purists eating their words p13

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telegraph

lineup

9

4 La Vida Local

Staying alive How Colorado businesses hardest hit by the pandemic are faring a year in

4 Thumbin’ It

by Michelle P. Fulcher/ Colorado Public Radio

5 Word on the Street

Natural high 6-8 Soapbox

11

Ear to the ground: “I have no dog in that fight.”

“What are you talking about? You have a pack of dingoes in every fight.”

– Friendly neighborly exchange over one’s perceived political neutrality – or lack thereof

9 State News

thepole

RegularOccurrences

Move over endorphins. According to a new study, we can thank endocannabinoids, our internally homegrown versions of cannabis, for the euphoria we feel during exercise. In the study, which was written up recently in the New York Times, runners still developed the mild intoxication of runner’s high, even if researchers blocked the bodies’ ability to respond to endorphins.

11 Local News

On the move Local van outfitters surfing wave of Sprinter mania

13 Flash in the Pan

by Missy Votel

14 Murder Ink 15-16 Stuff to Do

13

16 Ask Rachel 17 End of the Line

Ancient news Kamut will make pasta purists eat their words

18 Free Will Astrology

by Ari LeVaux

19 Classifieds 19 Haiku Movie Review

14

On the cover: An intricate mural on a former motel at Grey Mountain, Ariz., along Highway 89, helps brighten up a spring break roadtrip. The motel has been transformed into a roadside art attraction as part of the Painted Desert Project. / Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Unsung virtuoso

Michael Koryta’s latest will keep your nose buried from beginning to end

by Jeffrey Mannix

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) THE GUY WITH THE CAMERA: Stephen Eginoire steve@gulchmag.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Clint Reid, Jesse Anderson, Jeffrey Mannix, Wade Nelson, Jennifer Manganello and Ari LeVaux

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

Typically characterized by loose-limbed blissfulness and a melting of anxiety, the runner’s high was first attributed in the 1980s to endorphins, after scientists noticed increased blood levels of the natural painkillers in runners. More recently, though, scientists grew skeptical because endorphins cannot cross the blood-brain barrier, meaning even if runners’ blood contains extra endorphins, they do not reach the brain and alter mental states. It also is unlikely that the brain itself produces more endorphins during exercise, according to recent studies.

Rather, endocannabinoids are the likelier cause.

Similar to cannabis, cannabinoid levels made by our bodies surge when we run and do other uh, “pleasureable” things, and can cross the bloodbrain barrier, too.

Based upon previous studies on mice, Dr. Johannes Fuss, of the University of Hamburg-Eppendorf in Germany, wanted to see if the cannabinoid theory held true on humans. His new study, which was published in February in Psychoneuroendocrinology (which requires a Phd just to pronounce), Fuss and colleagues invited 63 runners, male and female, to the lab. Half were randomly assigned to receive naloxone, a drug that blocks the uptake of opioids, and the rest, a placebo.

The volunteers then ran for 45 minutes and, on a separate day, walked for 45 minutes. After each session, scientists drew blood, conducted psychological tests and asked volunteers whether they had felt a runner’s high. Most said yes, they had felt buzzed during the run, but not the walk, with no differences between the naloxone and placebo groups. All showed increases, too, in blood levels of endocannabinoids after running. In other word, their post-run euphoria was greater and anxiety less, even if their endorphins had been blocked.

The study does not explain, though, why runner’s high even exists (and why walker’s high doesn’t.) But Fuss suspects it has to do with our hunter/gatherer evolutionary past. “When it became necessary for humans to hunt wild animals by long-distance running … it is beneficial to be euphoric during running,” he noted.

April 1, 2021 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal Pole position The Grandview “Grand Prix” is a rush hour competition to see who can motor from Highway 3 to Elmore’s Corner the quickest. The important things to know are that: A) you can’t ever “win” this race; B) there’s really no point in trying; and C) if by any chance you did gain a dozen or more car lengths, you’re likely to be the recipient of an “enhanced” ticket from CHP, since this is a designated “Safety Zone.”

The best strategy, as I shall now demonstrate, is simply to pick a lane, either lane, and stay in it.

Scenario #1: Let’s assume you’re in medium traffic as you roll past the light at Home Depot, neither the first away from the light nor tail-gunner Charlie who floored it to make the yellow. Which lane to choose? Let’s say you’re wise to the ways of Farmington Hill and go for the so-called slow lane, expecting a bunch of cars to turn south on 550, allowing you an open lane to pass that jerk in the silver Mustang who cut you off back at Highway 3. You get all excited about passing several cars on the right, only to see a beat-up landscaping truck towing a trailer apparently NOT turning south several car lengths ahead. You lose. The Mustang rolls on past.

Scenario #2. You decide to stick to the fast lane because there’s invariably an RV or truck towing something that doesn’t turn right onto 550 South. Your Mario Andretti pupils pinpoint at the possibility of accelerating past a dozen or more cars because those morons, err, less-skilled drivers, turning south all have to slow to 30 mph before they scoot over into the deceleration lane for reasons still not fully understood by automotive behaviorists. You get ready to stomp the gas pedal and then… get stopped by the light at Farmington Hill.

As you sit in the “fast” lane congratulating yourself, a gravel truck belching black smoke pulls out and merges into your lane right as the light changes. He’s doing zero-to-50 in all of two minutes, foiling the most spectacular take-off you would have ever made. Do you swap lanes real fast back to the “slow” lane? Quick, you’ve got five seconds or less to decide – IF there’s an opening.

Nope. Because if you do, someone craving a Big Gulp or “adult beverage” a few cars ahead of you will invariably decide to turn into the Sunoco, failing of course, to signal their intentions, and slowing to a crawl because every bad driver knows you can’t make a right-hand turn without practically coming to a dead stop. But let’s say today you get lucky, and the Sunoco-seeker does use his or her turn signal, and you immediately slide your 5-series BMW (or whatever) back into the “fast” lane. Bad move. This is where either a car will decide to turn into the powersports center, slowing before getting into the turn lane, or else a dually will pull out of there towing a trailer load of ATVs. Foiled again.

And that’s the way it always goes past the automotive shop, the lumber yard, former KOA – right, left, both sides. It is utterly unpredictable which lane is going to sud-

denly slow from 10 over the speed limit as every participant in the Grandview Grand Prix is attempting to do down to five faster than I can pedal a bicycle. This is true even if you somehow got lucky enough to not get stopped by the light by the hospital.

There’s a principle at work here, that if by some amazing set of automotive coincidences either lane suddenly was moving 5-10 mph faster than the other and you whipped your car into it, three cars ahead of you will do likewise, forcing someone already in that lane to brake to maintain a reasonable following distance. Foiled again.

The slight grade before Elmore’s Corner provides the last and final challenge to Grand Prix participants: when to slide right if you’re headed toward Ignacio. At this point, ya might as well give up. If you blast past five more cars before turning right, what have you really won? Practically the moment you turn right, you’re in a heavily enforced school zone with a flashing light and a 25 mph limit. And that silver Mustang? Right in front of you despite all your skill from having run the Grandview Grand Prix hundreds of times.

Meanwhile, those who went straight at Elmore’s have to immediately merge after the light. Which lane to choose? Neither is a sure thing. Flip a coin. It all depends on the yo-yo ahead of you, doesn’t it? My advice: Choose whatever lane lets off all their brake lights first. And avoid getting behind minivans in either lane.

I am dead serious. You can change lanes a half dozen, even a dozen times passing through Grandview at rush hour, and your chances of getting more than three cars ahead of where you started are next to zero. My suggestion: Give up. Pick a lane. Relax. The only race you can win is the one against high blood pressure. Rapidly changing lanes always comes with the risk of colliding with someone in your blind spot. Or knocking a motorcycle into Kingdom Come. It ain’t worth it. Crank up some good tunes and … breathe.

The “Grandview Grand Prix” is only one of several “races” you can’t win in Southern Colorado. My second favorite is where 160 briefly goes to three lanes coming into Pagosa, then rapidly drops to 45 mph. I’ve literally seen drivers doing 80, 90 mph only to end up crawling past City Market five car lengths ahead of all the slow movers they passed in the “Pagosa Indycar Area.” Where’s the payoff from THAT? There is none, my friend. Slow down, relax.

For those of you who remain determined to win the Grandview Grand Prix allow me to remind you again this stretch of 160 is a designated “Safety Corridor” which means your speeding ticket will cost you at least double. The only way you can get a ticket, however, is if by some miracle or skill of lane selection you DO manage to zoom ahead of the entire pack, leaving a big enough gap behind you for the eagleeye trooper to jump in directly behind you. Busted!

See? You can’t win, even if you do win.

– Wade Nelson

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It

Peepza Colorado opening up COVID vaccines to all Coloradans 16 and older starting this Friday

4 n April 1, 2021

A bleak water outlook heading into spring, with Colorado mountain snowpack still lagging below normal, despite several recent storms

The Ute Mountain Ute Indian tribe breaking ground on a 5,000 sq. ft. Indian Health Services center to bring muchneeded medical care to underserved populations

Whistleblowers alleging that Colorado air quality enforcers ordered staff to relax measuring of pollution to promote a “culture of permitting” at all costs

The 120 or so protestors who showed up last Saturday to march along Main Avenue to decry violence and hate crimes against Asians

Fire season already rearing its head in the West, with a fire in the Black Hills of S.D. forcing the evacuation of nearly 400 homes while two smaller fires also burn nearby

telegraph

It wouldn’t be a holiday in America if we didn’t ruin something, but this Easter is special because we’re ruining two things: Peeps and pizza.

Honestly, we were nearing Armageddon anyway because Pepsi is releasing Peep-flavored soda this Easter, but the Peeps-on-pizza trend that started a few years ago and metastasized fully in 2021 is definitely the final nail in our collective coffin. Simply type “Peepza” into Facebook, and you’ll find all sorts of “friends” desecrating pizza with Peeps. But hey… at least us pineappleson-pizza people aren’t the worst anymore, right?

WordontheScreen

Q

“A dog wearing a denim skirt.”

With April Fools’ Day this week, the Telegraph asked: “What’s the most foolish thing you’ve seen lately?”

Janea

“My boyfriend snuggling in bed with his pet snake, Kundalini.”

Izzy

Melania

“Trump attempting to star in his own version of ‘Wedding Crashers.’”

Lara

“Trump’s recent statement that Dr Fauci is a ‘selppromoter trying to cover for his own bad instincts & faulty reccomendations.’

What!?”

telegraph

“Me, not noticing my dog sneaking out the front door when I’m sitting right here.”

Duane

April 1, 2021 n 5

SoapBox City Election 2021 A friend in Frank To the editor, I am writing to the residents of Durango about how lucky you are to have Frank Lockwood as a resident and potential city councilor.

Frank and I have been friends for close to 20 years and I have always found him to be a man of integrity who is reliable and trustworthy.

In addition, I worked with Frank over several years as we were both presidents of a nonprofit organization in Hawaii.

I found Frank to be a tireless worker as well as extremely creative. He works hard to understand both sides of issues to produce the best outcomes. Frank’s positive approach to life’s challenges make him a pleasure to work with.

Please vote for Frank Lockwood as city councilor.

To learn more about Frank and his perspective on Durango issues, visit his website FrankforDurango.com.

– Peter M. Stoddard, Waikiki, Hawaii

Furtney’s unconscionable behavior After four years of Trump’s lies, we must not stay silent when a politician lies or whitewashes his crimes. In the March 22 Women League of Voters candidates’ forum, Seth Furtney said that he was such a passionate advocate of trails that he “cut a barbed wire fence.” The truth is that he destroyed fencing on multiple occasions over a period of a year, using a bolt cutter and a special fence post puller tool to remove 95 fence posts, over 1,600 feet of multiple-strand barbed wire fencing, and survey markers from private property. He threw the barbed wire into the bushes, thereby creating a hazard for wildlife. Is this

the type of “passionate advocate” that we want running our city? The Herald did not include this information in their whitewash of Seth’s felony conviction when they doubled down on their mistake of endorsing someone who put his selfish interests before the legal rights of a private landowner. This is unconscionable behavior.

– June Russell, Durango

1-A will keep businesses open I voted yes on the 1-A Lodgers Tax which will support local businesses by marketing Durango, money for transportation, money for arts, events, and a WIN WIN for our town. The negative letter writers probably came here as tourists. When they say Durango was overrun by tourists ask the Irish Embassy, Palace, Kassidys, the Spa Shop and Ben’s Burgers and you will discover a big fat “NO” there wasn’t enough business to keep the doors open. Lodgers Tax in Durango is less than Alamosa, Gunnison, Denver and almost all other Colorado towns.

Hotels, restaurants and the arts communities came together and worked together for our survival in proposing the Lodgers Tax. Our town has been hit with the Gold King spill, the 416 Fire and now COVID. Small businesses are hurting and trying to stay open. The elite attitude from negative writers surely have not laid off employees and wondered how to pay the rent. I’ve lived in Durango for 46 years. I love our North Main, Central Business District and the South District which is where the bulk of sales tax comes from in Durango. 1-A the Lodgers tax is paid by tourists and benefits the locals. Durango is a town of mom-and-pop businesses. We know the restaurant owners, wait staff and who owns the cleaners.

Keep a small business open. Vote for 1-A. – Sweetie Marbury, Durango

Endorsements by ilg How this ol’ Durangatang/mountain athlete/yogi is voting this April?

• Wendt (young/struggling to stay here now/openminded but with a guarded edge toward the Californification of Durango that is rapidly in process.)

• Buell (young conscious parent. Brings the Chi to whatever she does, and she seemingly does A LOT. Her effulgent passion is contagious.)

• Youseff (I worked with her son while building the Westview Trail. She is solid on many wholistic fronts to keep leading our hamlet beneath the Sacred Peak.)

• Re Question 1-A: Uh, yeah, but no! Now as written! Any genuine local outdoor athlete realizes, “WTH just happened!??!” in regard to so many nonlocals choking our singletrack to death. To spend 55 percent of this Lodgers Tax to support highly questionably termed “Sustainable Tourism Marketing” monuments the line of certain trajectory toward becoming the next Telluride/Aspen/Vail etc.

– head bowed, steve ilg, durango

Furtney dependable, capable I’ve known Seth Furtney for 30 years. I have a story about him that illustrates his value. Three of us were kayaking on a remote river. Through my own fault, I found myself in a precarious position. I was circulating in a high walled chamber at the bottom of a waterfall. Holding my kayak and paddle and my breath for the next dunking under the falls, I wondered how in the world I would extricate myself. After this continued for only a few minutes, I was startled to see a hand reach down from the wall. Expecting a supernatural being, I looked up and saw Seth’s face. In no time, he pulled me and 4

Enjoy all we have, even later.

Bodo location open ‘til 9pm starting April 1!

The Alternative Resource Variety of Strains • Hash/Concentrates • Edibles • Tinctures • ATM Bodo Park

Recreational: 9:00 AM - 9:00 PM Medical: 9:00 AM - 6:45 PM 72 Suttle Street, Units F/G , 970.259.3674

6 n April 1, 2021

telegraph

Grandview (HWY 160 East)

Recreational Adult Use Only: 9:00 AM - 8:00 PM 37 CR 232, 970.426.4381

Navajo family friends came to us for help a few months ago when their sister passed away. Because of the backlog of bodies from Covid, they had to come up with $2,500 for her services immediately because the funeral home would not hold the body more than three days. We gave them some money to help get her buried, but the Clarks have done much, much more.

Please do not keep giving voice to people who have a vendetta against this fine family. As I understand it, the Toh-Atin sign was a landmark at the Chief Diner which was a place where all people, of all races, gathered and a favorite place for native people who came to town.

– Tim and Suzie Cox, Bloomfield

my equipment out.

I’ve been on many expeditions with Seth. He is the most dependable and capable individual I know. He does what needs to be done. He’s an invaluable member of a team, happily working with everybody. His love of Durango is obvious, and he does what he can to keep it wonderful. Since I’m not a resident of Durango, he can’t be my city councilor, but Durango will be lucky to have him.

– Scott Amundson, Oakland, Calif.

Chiefgate 2021: Part III Clarks are fine, reputable people

An abridged history of Toh-Atin

We have been friends and business associates with the Clark family for over 27 years. We have had handshakeonly multi-year contracts, with nothing written down and never had an altercation or major disagreement.

These are fine reputable people who cultivate and nurture their artists and treat them like friends and family.

I feel like they have been persecuted by people intending to be politically correct. Jackson and Antonia have supported not only the indigenous people of the area, but also the Cowboy Poetry Gathering and other events that enhance the Four Corners.

This has been a horrible year for everyone, but especially the native tribes. There are no major grocery stores other than 7-11’s out on the reservation; most don’t have power or running water for sanitation. They have to go to town more often and are very social with family especially. The governor had them locked down on the reservation and sometimes out of towns. It was really hard on them. Even if they had money for stored supplies, many don’t have refrigeration. When we lived off-grid on Eagle Creek, we had gas refrigerators and freezers, solar and a generator. They are expensive for anyone to use.

Jackson has tried to support those families and has even helped to make burial arrangements. One of our

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A bottomless pit of PC stupidity Your reply to the thunderous response to the Chief cartoon was laughable in itself. The sign may be contemporaneously in poor taste having been installed in the Route 66 days of tourist schlock glory but that doesn’t condemn it to your condemnation. Let’s get rid of the teepees and arrows at the motel in Mancos. Abhorrent. Bob’s Big Boy must have been fat-shaming. Gotta go. Burger King’s tie to the colonial past must be slavery suspicious. Flame ‘em. McDonald’s arches clearly evoke women’s breasts. A mac-tectomy is in order. Strike up the intersectional band, march the ewoke armies, drop the platitudinous, multitudinous meme bombs. Of course your own logo evokes an era of railroads and coal so we’ll need to neuter that to protect Mother Earth. Oops how genderist of me. I meant to say non-binary Earth. Make your head hurt yet? Good. Mine’s at migraine level from the bottomless pit of PC stupidity.

I’d never join Qanon or the rest of the quackers but this insanity enlightens how those came about. And you of all people want to scalp the Chief?

– “Deranged in Durango,” Louis Jobe

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Amidst the controversy over the Chief, I would like to remind readers that “The Chief” has lived in Durango since 1948. He pointed to the Chief Diner, which started in a railroad car from the Silverton Northern Railroad. For many years, the restaurant was a favorite among locals and visitors. Great breakfasts in a vintage dining car and steak dinners in the back dining room. An artist from Disney was hired to paint the interior with kitsch art. Nobody questioned the Chief Diner, and the Chief’s neon waving hand became sort of a historical figure in local lore.

The Clark family has lived in Durango since Jackson Clark’s great, great grandfather, Harry Jackson, arrived in the late 1880s. His hardware store on Main Ave. was a foundation of the Durango business community, much as Toh-Atin has been a current foundation in our community. Mary Jane Clark grew up in Blanco, N.M., where her parents ran a trading post. They had Navajo and Native neighbors who became close friends. Toh-Atin Gallery was established in the 1980s and has become an internationally acclaimed gallery famous for Native American textiles. They boosted exposure for high-quality Native textiles and art. Their main goal has always been to support the weavers and artisans of the Navajo Nation and

other tribes. They work with tribal members and are welcomed into their homes. In Covid times, the Clarks have taken the lead to help Navajo families in every way possible. They have many friendships on regional reservations.

While times have changed since 1948, The Chief stands as a piece of kitsch deco art that is a part of Durango’s history. If it was moved to the Animas Museum and called “art,” would we feel differently about it? There are stereotypes and racism of all kinds in the world today. However, since the Chief is now privately owned, and on private property, it would be best to let the owners of Toh-Atin Gallery decide if they want to remove it. They work with Native culture and communities on a daily basis. It is their business and their property. Let them decide.

– Linda Mannix, Durango

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April 1, 2021 n 7

SoapBox/from p. 7 ... and everything else Who will gun violence strike next?

Ten dead in Boulder last week. Eight dead in Atlanta the week before: that shooting linked to misogyny and racism.

Who does gun violence strike down next? Maybe you or someone you know? No one believes it can happen to them, until it does. Think for a moment of lives cut short. Think of the heartbreak dealt those whose loved ones no longer come home from school or work; whose child or parent or spouse no longer sits across from them at the supper table. Think of the maimings suffered by survivors. There have been 29 mass shootings with multiple deaths in the U.S. since 2019, more than 1 per month.

Senseless shootings have become a staple, so many we have become inured to their evil. The culture of gun violence is alive and well. It is the victims who are dead, leaving their loved ones crushed by grief. And we do nothing.

Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Illinois, said this week that it is time to go beyond thoughts and prayers. It is time to pass stricter gun control laws. Gun violence is no longer an issue of public safety; it has become a crisis in public health.

Time and again, gun politics has blocked even the most common sense gun control – what better example than the brutality in Boulder? Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa, the suspect in the Boulder mass killing, bought the assault style weapon he used only six days before the shooting. Enough is enough. One phone call, one email counts for hundreds of opinions to lawmakers. Contact your representative. Voice your outrage at the senseless loss perpetrated by gun violence. Here are ways to fight back: • Colorado Ceasefire is the premier gun safety advocacy group in the state. They are working to pass the Safe Storage of Firearms law before the Colorado General As-

8 n April 1, 2021

RiteofSpring: As if right on cue, a robin ushers in the first day of spring along the River Trail recently./Photo by Jennifer Manganello sembly in 2021: coloradoceasefire.org , #endgunviolence.

• Gov. Jared Polis: 303-866-2471 • Sen. Michael Bennett www.bennet.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/write-to-michael • Sen. John Hickenlooper www.hickenlooper.senate.gov/contact/contact-form/

telegraph

• And last, but not least, the representative who needs to hear it the most, Rep. Lauren Boebert boebert.house .gov/contact or 970-317-6130 or 202-225-4761.

Don’t wait for the next mass murder. Act now. Bring gun violence to an end. Thank you.

– john van becay, Aurora

StateNews

Business as unusual How some of Colorado’s hardest hit businesses are faring after a year of COVID

by Michelle P. Fulcher Colorado Public Radio

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he economic toll of the coronavirus can be told in numbers. Colorado lost about 376,000 jobs in the first three months of the pandemic and is still down about 160,000, according to Brian Lewandowski, executive director of the business research division at the University of Colorado’s Leeds School of Business.

Tourism, mining and the foodservice industry were among the hardest hit.

While the economy cratered then bounced back more quickly than in previous recessions, growth slowed again in the fall. With vaccinations on the rise and restrictions being lifted business owners are more confident than they have been, but a real recovery will take a while, he said.

“I think that we’re at this point that it’s going to be hard to recover the remaining jobs until we reach some sort of herd immunity in this country,” Lewandowski told “Colorado Matters,” CPR’s daily news show. “We need our businesses to be able to reopen at full capacity. We need people getting on planes again and filling up our hotels again, you know, taking those vacations again until we can recover those jobs lost in the tourism industry.”

The economic story can also be found in personal experiences: a theater director who closed his 300seat playhouse and found a way for the show to go on; a gym owner who became camera operator, lighting tech and video star when she took her business virtual; and a restaurant server who found new A lone pedestrian walks along a deserted walkway at the Pavilions in downtown Denver on March 8. Tourism, mining hope with a shot in the arm. and food service were among the industries hit hardest by the pandemic./ Photo by David Zalubowski/AP

The show must go on In a normal summer, tourists who flock to the mountain town of Grand Lake spend most of their daylight hours outside. At night, though, the Rocky Mountain Repertory Theatre is a star attraction.

The house seats 300 people for Broadway musicals – 20,000 customers altogether in a good year, which 2020 was not. Executive Artistic Director Michael Querio had already hired cast and crew and sold tickets last spring when he had to call off the season. He told workers not to come because he couldn’t pay them. He refunded tickets that had already been sold or rolled them over for another season.

“I think we had a little period of pity and, you know, ‘oh, woe is us,’” he said. “But then after a suitable period

of mourning, we went, ‘well, what can we do?’”

Having told the summer workers not to come, he had 50 units of employee housing open. He reached out to people who’d worked for the theatre through the years, knowing most would be out of work, and offered them a place to stay.

“We called it an artist’s colony,” Querio said.

Those who came essentially sang for their supper. Querio organized performances on the theatre’s patio (with a socially distanced capacity of 40) once or twice a week.

And while Rocky Mountain Rep’s crowds stayed small, the town of Grand Lake bustled. “Sometimes you would think there was a parade going on by how many cars were

Happy spring! Come see us ~ We’d love it, and you deserve it!

inching into town,” Querio said. “Many business owners said they had the best summer they’ve ever had.”

Colorado Tourism Director Cathy Ritter is familiar with the phenomenon. Outdoor tourism soared while other parts of the industry, including hotels and arts venues, suffered. Now surveys show many people are eager to travel, but a full rebound is years away. Many businesses have failed, others are hanging by their fingertips and the industry will have a tough time getting its workforce back, she said.

“I think it’s very doubtful that things are going to snap back to the way they were back in 2019. We’ve all been through some profound changes in this past year.” 4

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April 1, 2021 n

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ColoradoBusiness from p. 9 A pivot and a community trauma Brittney Rae Reese and her sister founded their wellness business, Fit & Nu, six years ago on Aurora. Reese coached fitness classes in their 2,500-foot facility. Her sister ran their nutrition program. Women of color were their target audience.

Then the pandemic hit.

The sisters closed their doors, changed their business model and went virtual. Business was reasonably steady until the summer when George Floyd and Breonna Taylor were killed, and Fit & Nu’s clients struggled.

“That shifted the mood to where we started to see that clients weren’t signing on as consistently and you know they needed time to just grieve and just to process what was going on in the world,” Reese said.

In response, they launched a live Instagram show to talk about the issues and offer encouragement.

Throughout the last year, the Reeses have expanded their social media and video offerings and done everything they could to draw attention to their business.

Now they’re deciding whether they can make a profitable return to the gym or will switch permanently to the virtual model.

Makisha Boothe, the founder and head coach of Sistahbiz Global Network, a Denver-based nonprofit that supports Black women entrepreneurs, cites the Reese sisters’ Fit & Nu as an example of a company that’s

10 n April 1, 2021

Brittney Rae Reese, right, coaches a client in the before times at her gym, Fit & Nu, which she owns with her sister in Aurora. The pandemic forced the women to move their fitness and wellness classes online, and now they must decide whether or not to return to their 2,500-foot gym./ Photo courtesy Brittney Rae Reese. innovated to stay alive. Even so, Boothe said Black women start at a disadvantage in forming their companies, partly because they lack financing and support systems that other businesses have. Entrepreneurship “is rewarding, it’s a beautiful journey but it is definitely not easy,” she said.

For restaurants, a shot in the arm Colorado restaurant owners pushed for months to get their employees moved up on the state’s vaccine priority list. Now that shots are widely available, many in the industry have new hope for stability.

That’s the case, anyway, for Hanna Bull

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of Longmont, who was joyous – “So freeing and exciting,” she said – after she got her Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

Bull recently moved to Colorado from Charlotte, N.C., where she worked at an outlet for of the Denver-based breakfast chain, Snooze. When she moved to Colorado, she transferred to the chain’s Boulder location.

“My schedules have been nonstop ... consistent,” she said “I’ve not been getting my hours cut, so these are all wonderful things. Things to be very, very happy for.”

Many restaurant owners say they’re more optimistic, too, but it’s come at a devastating price. Restaurants lost more than $3 billion and an estimated 93,000 jobs in 2020, according to Sonia Riggs, president and CEO of the Colorado Restaurant Association.

Some restaurants that were already focused on takeout and delivery have done well, she said, but many full-service dining establishments that were already operating on thin profit margins and have been devastated.

“It’s those gems – that are the local places that people put their blood, sweat and tears in for many years – that have suffered the most,” she said.

For many restaurateurs, today’s standard isn’t how profitable they are, Riggs said. “People’s new success is did I keep my restaurants open? And am I only down a little bit year over year?”

For more from Colorado Public Radio, go to www.cpr.org. n

thesecondsection Andy Barber, left, and Gavin McCalden, of VanLab Durango, take a break on the tailgate of a Ford Transit van they are currently working on for a lucky longtime local family. A van aficionado his whole life, Barber eventually turned his passion for camperizing vans into a full-fledged business./Photo by Missy Votel

Van’s best friend Local van builder-outers surfing wave of Sprinter mania

by Missy Votel

B

efore we can begin the interview, Andy Barber would like to address one glaringly obvious topic: the mullet. It was not his idea but his 11year-old daughter, Opal’s.

“I told her this was her one last chance to give me a mullet for COVID because I didn’t cut my hair,” he said. “She hacked into it this weekend.”

She did a good job – if by good you mean bad – giving him a definite Patrick Swayze “Roadhouse” vibe.

Barber admits this isn’t his first mullet. He had one for real during high school, in the ’80s – which, for some reason, he readily admits to.

But Barber isn’t just a pioneer in the, uh, “hair arts” – one could consider him a pioneer in the camper van arts, too. In 2019, Barber, along with partner Gavin McCalden, started VanLab Durango, offering custom buildouts for Sprinter-type vans. But Barber, a surfer who grew up in the Pacific Northwest, started his love affair with vans long before the latest craze in recreational vehicle-ing (if that’s even a word). “#Vanlife started for me at the young age of 16 … the family Toyota van was my first vehicle. It wasn't long in my possession, as my brother got it stolen on a surf trip somewhere near the Baja peninsula,” he recalled.

Thus began a long and not-always-so-illustrious af-

fair with the boxy adventure rigs. Some may recall him cruising around town in his semi-notorious dark red van, the “Red Devil,” which later found a home at 2nd Ave. Sports. In 2003, he upgraded to a white Mercedes Sprinter, among the first to hit American shores, not to mention Durango’s.

“I got the first model Sprinter made in America, one of only a few in town,” he said. “It was semi-horrible; it broke down a lot.”

Then came more Sprinters, a Dodge Promaster and eventually a few Ford Transits. For Barber, graduating from regular conversion vans to the taller cargo vans was born more out of necessity than anything. “I wanted a van where I could stand up inside,” he said.

“I wanted to be able to go to Baja and not have to slide on my knees to get in and out.”

So Barber, a carpenter by day, began building, tinkering, modifying and upgrading. Eventually word got out, van envy spread, and he was doing vans for friends, and friends of friends.

A bit of an oddity at first, today the Sprinter (used here in the generic sense) is nearly ubiquitous on every American road from Yellowstone to Moab, Baja to the Yukon. Sure, people have been van-venturing since Shaggy and Scooby first fired up the Mystery Machine, but the Sprinter was a breakthrough in that it was the first van with factory all-wheel drive, opening up a

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world of nimble possibilities previously off-limits to lumbering recreational vehicles or tow-behinds. In recent years, it has been joined by the Dodge Promaster (still only available in 2WD) and the AWD Ford Transit, which comes in at about $15,000 cheaper – a relative term – than the Sprinter and runs on gas as opposed to diesel for its pricier German counterpart. (Speaking of which, you can really geek out on the differences between the Ford and the Sprinter, a conversation we’ll save for another day.)

But the best part about the vans is that they arrive like blank slates, ready to fulfill your wildest tiny-radhouse-on-wheel dreams, from solar panels and mini fridges to hydraulic rising beds and A/C units. Which is where VanLab and a handful of other local shops come in, including Wanderful Wheels, Topo Rigs and San Juan Vans. (If you also do van outfitting and I have missed you on this list, please forgive me. I am just a girl with a keyboard and an internet connection.)

For a while, VanLabs was a side hustle to Barber and McCalden’s main gig, Counterkulture, which fabricates custom concrete countertops – both of which operated out of the same space in the Durango Air Park. But eventually, as more vans started rolling in, things got tight.

“It was crazy, in order to cast concrete, you would first have to move this van out of the way,” McCalden said. 4 April 1, 2021 n 11

SprinterMania from p. 11 After an exhaustive multi-year search for a large enough space for both businesses, the men finally got a lead last spring on a space for rent nearby, neary triple the size.

And then the pandemic hit.

“We thought, well now what do we do?

Is the world ending? Is anybody even going to be buying vans?” said Barber.

The men thought about scrapping the van side of the business all together, and that’s when they decided to take the advice of friend Gary Provenchar, owner of 2nd Ave. Sports, to “sink or swim.” Last June, they signed the lease, moved operations and started stockpiling van outfitting materials like sheets of bamboo plywood, aluminum and windows – at least when they could get their hands on them due to building supply shortages.

And, well, we all know what happened after that: as indoor venues closed, outdoor recreation boomed. Before long, the phones started ringing – and haven’t stopped.

“We literally had the conversation, like, ‘It’s over, the van part. No way is somebody going to actually spend the money it costs on these vans,” said McCalden. “And then, sure enough, everyone wants a van.”

Currently, VanLab is booked until next fall – which is OK, since apparently there are no cargo vans for sale anywhere in the world right now. Some of their customers are coming from as far away as the East Coast for their “pimping,” if you’ll pardon

12 n April 1, 2021

Although the bulk of thier business is Sprinter-type vans, VanLab also has been known to work on anything from Airstreams to McCalden’s 4WD Ford 350, seen here. The van includes a custom pop top that McCalden tracked down in California as well as side bumpouts that he welded himself to accommodate his 6’1” frame sleeping crosswise./Courtesy photo the MTVism. Although the average outfitting costs about $30,000 – a pretty penny for the average car-sleeping dirtbag – it’s justifiable, according to Barber and McCalden.

For starters, each van requires about 400 hours of labor. And if you’ve ever tried to work on the inside of a van, you know, it’s sort of like a jigsaw-human-Jenga measur-

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ing mission impossible, no matter how many Youtube videos you watch.

“If you look at the vans, they’re round from front to back and on the inside.

They’re bulbous and weird,” said Barber. “A lot of people say, ‘$30,000, wow, that’s a lot for the inside of a car,’ and we thought, ‘wow that’s a lot of money for the inside of a car,’ but it’s more than that,” said Barber “It’s harder to build than your house; it’s not square. Every van is different, and everything has to be tweaked.”

And then there’s the perfectionist detail that goes into making everything light, compact, useful and, of course, bomber. Oh, and it has to look good, too. All in a space roughly no larger than the average master closet.

“You’re basically building something inside 100 square feet, so it’s got to be dialed,” said McCalden.

To help with the tedious labor, they recently bought a CNC cutter and have hired more hands on deck. Which is a good thing, because by the looks of it, vans are not going away. Add to that the introduction of electric vans by next year and the growing population of active retirees with disposable income, and this whole van thing is really on a roll.

“It’s not just skiers and bikers anymore,” said McCalden. “My father-in-law, he drank the Kool-aid. He realized he doesn’t like driving this giant RV around. You can drive and park a van wherever you want. You can take it to the grocery store.”

Which is fine – just as long as you’re on your way to somewhere fun. n

FlashinthePan

Kamut: the other white wheat

by Ari LeVaux

A

group of newly-acquainted food writers wandered up the cobbled roads of a Roman hill, presumably toward a Michelin-starred restaurant, in April of 2016. Our loose parade extended half a block, whatever that means in Rome. Atop the hill was an architecture firm, in the penthouse of which awaited an eight-course dinner. Our fearless leader, absorbed in conversation, kept a good clip, and the folks at the back were getting steadily left behind. I paused for a moment in the middle, by a chalkboard in front of a little bistro. It read, “Kamut Pasta.”

We made it to the metal and glass building, to my mild surprise, and took an elevator to the top. I sat at the end of a long table with Maureen Fant, an American food writer, and her Roman husband.

I mentioned having seen a sign for Kamut pasta. Fant winced, as if I’d said “cockroach” pasta. “There’s no such thing,” she stated. “I don’t doubt that you can make noodles out of that grain, but it won’t be pasta.”

“Well, I’m from Montana,” I tried to drawl.

“We grow a lot of kamut there. Most of it gets sold to Italy.”

“Montana?” perked up her husband, who wore jeans.

Fant, who had recently co-authored the award-winning, Sauces & Shapes: Cooking Pasta the Italian Way, was less impressed.

“If it’s pasta, it’s made with grano duro,” she finished. Grano duro being Italian for durum wheat.

Fant segued into a general discussion on what distinguishes great pasta, including the important point that it be dried slowly, rather than kiln dried. If it’s good pasta it will say so on the package, she asserted.

The meal continued, every course arriving with its own glass of wine, each of which brought a new crescendo of conversation, as we ogled the menu and told the food writer equivalent of fish stories. I was showing elk photos on my phone to Fant’s husband, who ogled the mountains as much as the animals themselves, while I ate more than my share of spare rib gnocchi.

As I washed down the last succulent piece with a gulp of Chianti, I reiterated that Kamut pasta is an actual thing, finishing my story about the signboard outside the little bistro. “But we wouldn’t be eating in any of those places,” Fant said.

In one of the lulls between courses, I got my phone back and pulled up a story about Montana farmer Bob Quinn, whose father was given a pint jar of large-grained wheat by an airman friend named “Sparky” Sparks, stationed at Fort Benton, who had acquired the grain at a bazaar in Egypt.

It was khorasan wheat, a primitive form of grano duro.

The elder and younger Quinns first grew it for fun, but quickly realized it was special. Khorasan wheat has high protein content, is delicious, and didn’t seem to bother people with wheat-related food sensitivities. They named it Kamut, after the ancient Egyptian word for wheat, and began growing it commercially. They also trademarked and branded the name: free to anyone what grows true khorasan wheat and adheres to organic farming practices.

Kamut and durum wheat may be the same species, but khorasan is an older subspecies, and perhaps a direct ancestor of grano duro. Khorosan wheat grains are much larger, which is fun. And being grano duro, it makes great pasta. Before long, Quinn was selling most of his Kamut to Italy.

By the time I was up to speed, we were drinking dessert wine and using long forks to spin cookies around a vat of cotton candy fondue, at which point debates on

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topics like wheat genetics or the true meaning of pasta were off the table. My secret plan to stop at the little bistro with the Kamut pasta for some quick take-out en-route back to the hotel was foiled when our fearless leader took a wrong turn. Fant and Roman husband, alas, were long gone – not staying at the hotel, they had driven to the dinner in their car. We regrouped at a bar and eventually found our way home. But when in Rome, alas, I never did get to sample that Roman Kamut.

Upon my return to Montana, I began testing what I’d learned, and what I thought I knew, about pasta. I became an avid reader of labels.

And sure enough, some brands advertised the meritoriously slow rate at which their pasta dries. Over a period of months I conducted trials, and the slowly dried noodles I tried were consistently superior to the ones that made no such claim. Air-dried pasta is not merely re-hydrated and heated when cooked, but resurrected into living, supple pasta flesh.

Meanwhile, I’d found a box of Eden brand Kamut fusilli, and eagerly brought it home.

Alas, it was a caricature of Fant’s doomsday prediction. The grainy noodles were impossible to cook al dente. They went from completely crunchy to starchy and soggy in an instant. Not pasta, in other words.

I consulted the label. Not only were they dried in cold air, but were made with whole grain Kamut, not white semolina. Even I know you don’t do that.

Happily, pasta made from Kamut semolina does exist.

Monograno Felicetti, which I found at igourmet.com, bills its pasta as “slow-dried in the fresh air of the high Dolomite mountains.” Moreover, it contains, “… unmistakable hints of pine and macadamia nuts with subtle nuances of edible flowers.”

The Kamut pasta held its own against the best slowdried noodles that I’d brought home from Rome, or found during my research since then. It’s very forgiving pasta, and perfectly chewy when cooked al dente. I’m not sure I tasted any macadamia nuts, but the flavor was so rich and satisfying that it needed little more than some minced garlic, tossed into the pasta with olive oil while the noodles were piping hot. With cheese and red sauce, and some ground elk, perhaps, it’s worth a galaxy of Michelin stars. That kind of simple recipe made with quality pasta, paired with a chalice of aged vindication, never does get old. n

April 1, 2021 n 13

MurderInk

An unsung virtuoso Michael Koryta’s cat-and-mouse thriller engrosses from beginning to end

by Jeffrey Mannix

M

ichael Koryta is one of those household names that didn’t make it across the threshold. He’s out with a new book, though, his 16th – Never Far Away – which will be a big hit for him and his publisher, Little, Brown and Co. And he will once again show aspiring writers how long-form crime fiction is done, and again leave his notoriety at the front door unless you invite him in.

“They circled the car with guns in hand orbiting but never intersecting, like twin satellites of death.

Nina sat with her hands on the steering wheel and her eyes straight ahead. The tears had dried on her face.

The shakes had stopped but her jaw ached from clenching her teeth. She watched them move and listened to them talk and she didn’t say a word.

There was no point, and she understood this. They Michael Koryta would make their decisions and then she would die.”

This is the opening paragraph of Never Far Away. And the tension and suspense and succinct writing never lets up, gets even better as consequences of events loom larger, suspense builds and timing ticks like a fine watch.

Nina Morgan had been working as a bush pilot for The Lowery Group, a security firm doing business on both sides of a narrow path snaking through the underand over-world, run with an iron fist of its overlord, J. Corson Lowery. Lowery’s competition and sometimesoutsourced contractor was the Blackwell family, another security contractor working in the penumbra of officialdom. Its heir apparent is the young Dax Blackwell, trained in the clandestine arts from youth, an unrepentant killer to be sure but not of the old bloodbath league. He’ll be a critical player in this drama.

And the drama is the consequence of testimony Nina gave at trial against a couple of Lowery’s goons who were sent to prison. This foretold the guaranteed extir-

14 n April 1, 2021

pation of Nina, her husband and two infant children unless they were more than clever enough to disappear without even a whiff of fragrance. Lowery contracted the disappearance of Nina to the Blackwells, whose operatives forced Nina’s car into a remote Florida wasteland and were circling and devising the best way to kill her. But they didn’t kill her; they allowed her to cut a vein in her hand and smear blood around, especially on the headrest. Then they cut a plug of her scalp with a hunk of hair, shot a hole in the headrest, doused it with blood and embedded it with scalp and bloody hair before giving Nina directions for leaving the scene.

Nina changed her name to Leah Trenton, moved to the dense woods in northern Maine. Her husband changed his name to Doug Chatfield and moved with the children to Louisville, Ky. Ten years had passed when Hailey, Leah’s 13-year-old daughter, used a phone number her father made certain she’d memorized to call her Aunt Leah if anything ever happened to him. Doug was killed in an auto accident coming home from getting Sunday donuts for Hailey and her brother, Nick. Hailey made the call. Leah left immediately to pick up the kids, bring them back to her private, rural world and begin making plans to avoid Lowery’s long-simmering revenge once he knew about Hailey’s phone call, which he would.

Never Far Away is a virtuoso cat-and-mouse adventure that few writers can achieve without that critical suspension of disbelief, sobering up and revealing the fat

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man pulling the strings behind the curtain. As soon as Leah scoops up her children, finds a new place to live in Maine where she’s unknown and a little more untraceable, she makes the risky calls to a couple of her old Lowery operatives in hiding. She’s suffered for 10 years of forced absence from her children, and now she knows the three of them will be hunted down and killed by Lowery himself for her betrayal.

She knows she has no choice other than preparing to kill the man himself. Leah is a pilot, though, not a gunman. One of her furtive coworkers, the one who encouraged her to testify against Lowery’s killers, risks his invisibility to call the one person who might hate Lowery enough to help Leah: Dax Blackwell.

Never Far Away gets better with every page. You’ll be reading at breakfast, reading in bed long past time to sleep and at stoplights, and your thoughts will be interrupted all day long until you finish. And then you’ll get flashbacks; the story is just that exciting and flawless. So while your friends will still not know the name Michael Koryta, you’ll know you’ve discovered the path not beaten down by lazy top-10 readers who think celebrity writers hung the moon. Never Far Away was released clothbound on Feb. 9. So, since you’re saving money on lunches and movies and concerts and bottles of wine brought to dinner parties, spring for a book. And let Maria’s Bookshop know you’re a “Murder Ink” reader for a 15 percent discount. n

StufftoDo

Thursday01

Matt Rupnow plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Keeping Independent Businesses First, Local First’s annual celebration, 11 a.m.-12 noon, featuring keynote speaker Stacy Mitchell, codirector of the Institute for Local Self Reliance. Also includes lunch voucher, prizes, and awards ceremony. Register at: local-first.org/events/

Sunday04 Wolf Creek Local Appreciation Day, $58 adult lift tickets, $40/seniors and $31/kids.

Tickets must be bought in advance: wolfcreekski.com.

Gary B. Walker plays piano, 11a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

Henry Stoy plays piano, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

“Prehistoric Irrigation in Central Utah: More Than at First Glance,” free zoominar, 4 p.m. Register at www.crowcanyon.org

Blue Moon Ramblers play, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Adam Swanson plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Joel Racheff plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Jose Villareal plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Monday05 Meditation and Dharma Talk with Kate Siber, 5:30-7 p.m. Online at www.durangodharmacenter.org/

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

“The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time,” opening night, streaming thru April 4, presented by FLC Theatre and based on the bestselling novel by Mark Haddon about a mathematically gifted 15-year-old. Tickets at: fortlewis.edu/theatre

Joel Racheff plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Rob Webster plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave

Forest & Fire Learning Series: Forest & Fire Management, 6-7 p.m. livestream e-vent sponsored by the Mountain Studies Institute.

Presentation followed by Q&A. View on Mountain Studies Institute Facebook page and YouTube channel.

Tuesday06 “The End of Globalization?” a virtual talk, 11:45 a.m. with moderator Ruth Alminas.

Presented by the 2021 Great Decisions International Affairs Discussion Program. For link, visit www.lwvpaplata.org.

“Childbearing in the Era of Climate Chaos,” zoominar presented by FLC Lifelong Learning Lecture Series, 7-8:30 p.m., featuring Catharina Hughey, co-director for Having Kids and director of Operation and Programs at the Village Exchange Center. tinyurl.com/2o6ltmsq

7 Rivers Farmers Market farmers market, 12-3 p.m. featuring local farmers, food vendors and artisans, La Plata County Fairgrounds. Masks and social distancing required.

This Thursday through Sunday, Fort Lewis College Theatre will be Terry Rickard plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., streaming its latest production, “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.” The play by Simon Stephens is based on a Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Lake Nighthorse opens Fridays – Sundays, bestselling novel by Mark Haddon about a mathematically gifted 159 a.m.-4 p.m. for nonmotorized recreation Sean O’Brien plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office year-old who sets out to solve the murder of a neighbor’s dog. Along through May 9. Daily operations begin May 14; the way, he discovers unexpected truths about himself, his mother Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave motorized recreation begins May 15. and the world. Buy tickets at: fortlewis.edu/theatre Angie Beach, executive director of Behind the Scenes with Native Lens, 10Music in the Mountains, 6 p.m. Free zoom 10:30 a.m. join KSUT Tribal Radio and Rocky Mountain talk presented the Rotary Club of Durango. For log-in, PBS as they launch Native Lens, a collaborative storytelling email: Mtnman16@gmail.com.

Wolf Creek Local College Day, $58 lift tickets with project that offers a platform to Native and Indigenous valid college photo I.D. and current class schedule. Tickets voices. RSVP at: member.rmpbs.org/AprilBehindthescenes “Before Powell? A Descent of the Colorado must be bought in advance: wolfcreekski.com.

River Through the Grand Canyon on a Tule Reed Freestyle Art Fridays, 2-3:30 p.m., at The Hive with Raft,” free Zoom talk, 6:30 p.m. Presented by the Henry Stoy plays piano, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Jean-Pierre Alex Vick. To register, email kelsie@hivedgo.org.

Colorado Native Plant Society. Register in advance at: Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave. tinyurl.com/tumt6jp9 Jack Ellis & Larry Carver play 5:30-8:30 p.m., Return of the Jedi! 9:30-10:30 a.m., learn the Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Japanese weapons and techniques seen in Star Wars.

Claire Viles Park (across from St. Columba).

Return of the Jedi! 5:30-6:30 p.m., learn the Dustin Burley plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office www.durangoaikido.com Japanese weapons and techniques seen in Star Wars.

Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Claire Viles Park (across from St. Columba).

Donny Johnson plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond www.durangoaikido.com 4 Ben Gibson Band plays, 5-8 p.m., 11th Street Station. Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Friday02

Saturday03

Wednesday07

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April 1, 2021 n

15

AskRachel

Unmasking Rachel, punctuation anarchy & unskilled labor Interesting fact: This is the day you learn who Rachel really is. (Hint: she’s Rachel.)

Dear Rachel, I just had coffee with my friends in person for the first time in a year. Yeah, we’ve been uber careful. One of the things we used to do is always read your section of the paper out loud to each other. We’re glad Covid didn’t take you out! Unless you can’t be taken out, because you’re larger than just one person? Come on, it’s springtime. Can’t you give us at least a clue who you really are?

– On the Case Dear Mystery Coffee Club, When you look at me, tell me what you see. You see Rachel? Now let me tell you what I see. I see pride. I see power. I see a badass mutha, who don’t take no crap from nobody. I’m your worst nightmare, your scariest dream, your sexiest enemy. My milkshake brings… well, not much of anyone to the yard, but who cares, because I am legend. I am your father. I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman!

– Sam I am, Rachel Dear Rachel, Here’s a question for you. When using both a question mark and an exclamation point, which one do you put first? Is there a hard-and-fast order of things, or does it depend on context, or

Wednesday07

Donny Johnson plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Terry Rickard plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave

do we live in anarchy and it can go either which way? I know which one I think is the right answer, but there’s no such thing as consistent usage, and it’s driving me crazy.

– Questioning Enthusiasm Dear Radiant Doubt, Before people go all Silver Bullet on my previous answer: those aren’t actually clues. I literally typed in “movie quotes i am” and used a bunch of what came up.

Unless I’m just throwing you off the scent by telling you they aren’t clues but they really are clues?!?!?! Here’s the real thing we need in this society: a new punctuation mark that means “an excited question.” Like, maybe it’s a ^ with a . underneath. Or something truly bananas, like the symbol for pi. Now I want banana cream pie.

– Full stop, Rachel Dear Rachel, So let me preface this by saying that I fully believe in paying artists and other skilled professionals generously, even gratuitously, for their time. A lot of learning and practice goes into being able to do what they do. That said! My cousin just started crocheting/ knitting/whatever bunny rabbit toys for Easter like a month ago. She has not practiced or dedicated herself.

And she’s asking $200 a pop because “one rabbit takes me 20 hours to make.” Tell me, do we need to pay novices extra because they are slow? Or can I bop her on the head now?

– Little Bunny Poo-Poo Episode 6 of the Actor’s Journal now streaming, featuring Judith Guest, Stacy Keach and more. Presented by the Durango Playfest. For tickets, go to: www.durangoplayfest.org/actors-journal

Ongoing

“High History,” presented by Telluride Theatre, available on demand through May 2. Take a trip back in time as Betty and Chrissy get high and are guided by a ghost back in time to revisit Telluride’s history and its most notable, notorious and wacky characters. Ages 17+. Tickets available at: www.telluridetheatre.org

Spring Cleanup, April 5-May 9, sponsored by the City of Durango, taking yard waste, furniture, large appliances, scrap metal, drywall, fencing, carpeting, tiles and open dried paint cans. For schedule, go to: www.durangogov.org

“Sui Generis: A year of its own” art exhibit, presented by The Phoenix art project, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

60th annual FLC Student Juried Exhibition, thru April 6, FLC Art Gallery. Opening reception March 25, 4:30-6 p.m. via Zoom: /fortlewis.zoom.us/j/93838711103. Juried by Arielle Meyers, owner and curator of The Valley, a contemporary art gallery in Taos.

Upcoming

Hawaii & Southwest art display, thru April, Durango Rec Center.

Weekly Activity Kits for Kids and Teens, new kits come out every Tuesday, while supplies last, Durango Public Library. Stop by or arrange a curbside pickup: 970-375-3380 or reference@durangogov.org.

The Feminine Artistic Voice,” zoominar presented by FLC Lifelong Learning Lecture Series, Thurs., April 8, 7-8:30 p.m., featuring Professor Wesley Dunnagan and his students from the FLC Music Department. tinyurl.com/2o6ltmsq

“The Lost City of the Monkey God,” 4 p.m., free zoominar with Douglas preston. Register at www.crowcanyon.org

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com Dear Goon, Fine fine FINE. Since you all won’t stop asking me, I give up. I, Rachel, she of the weekly advice column and inevitable future Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me panelist, am really… just a normal everyday girl. April Fools…?! You’ve probably seen me on the street, or on my bike, or on my bike on the street. Or writing this column furiously. It takes me 20, 30 hours a week, so feel free to pay me handsomely as compensation for the ongoing drama.

– Cash only, Rachel the Ignacio Library: 970-563-9287.

“Edge of Silence” introduction to gong-playing workshop, Sat., April 10, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m., 2839 Cornerstone Dr., #5, Pagosa Springs. For info or to register, email: lindabonde@centurytel.net.

“Observing Earth From Space,” live Facebook stream discussion, Sun., April 11, 4:30-5:30 p.m. Part of the Powerhouse’s Apollo 14 Virtual Speaker Series, featuring Steven Cooper and Renee Jack discuss satellite and resource tracking technologies. Tune into Facebook stream at @powscicenter. Q&A to follow.

Durango Botanic Society director and master gardener Barbara Johnson, Tues., April 13, 6 p.m. Free zoom talk presented the Rotary Club of Durango. For log-in, email: Mtnman16@gmail.com

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

E-mail your stuff to: calendar@durango telegraph.com

Free Legal Clinic, Fri., April 9, 4-5 p.m. To sign up, call

REAL radio, REAL people DURANGO COMMUNITY RADIO AT FORT LEWIS COLLEGE

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91.9 93.9

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EndoftheLine

I

t was during my last years of teaching American Literature that I encountered a very peculiar innocent for which I, even to this day, have no logical explanation.

For you see, it all began with the Ignacio Literary Club I was sponsoring and advising. Students would publish an annual magazine of their literary works which included art and photography. The publication was entitled, Thoreau’s Back Pocket. As the club’s advisor, I would guide students through the nuances of editorship.

It was on one occasion that the group was confronted with the issue of censorship. The magazine’s editorial committee had not dealt with this issue before or since. No publication on campus could be distributed without the approval of the administration.

This was a standard procedure in high schools. I thought it would be a good teaching moment to find a solution. Apparently, an administrator, after reading the proof, thought that two poems that were submitted might be interpreted as suggestive. I had to laugh as many of my students, at the time, were reading Catcher in the Rye or The Chocolate War. I called an emergency meeting. The students debated the issue. Most of them thought the poems were, by no means, offensive. The administration held the cards. There was a heated debate. Some of the students wanted to publish anyway, others sought an alternative. Would the club jeopardize publication for two poems? They decided to vote on a compromise. They would ask the two students who wrote the controversial poems to submit alternatives.

During this time, I was teaching a unit on Walt Whitman. Not only was Whitman one of my favorite poets, but his residence-museum was just east of campus,

Uncle Walt when I was an undergrad in Camden, N.J. I had even taken time to clean litter from his gravesite. Whitman was a champion of free speech and civil rights. He fought against the oppression of Native Americans and the abuse

of people with exceptionalities. His poems were censored and hardly read during his lifetime. Today, he is recognized throughout the world as a master of free verse. His books of poetry are translated into dozens of languages. As a learning aid, I had taped a photo of

“Uncle Walt,” as he was affectionately referred to, on the blackboard behind my desk. It depicted him in later life, looking more like Santa with a cane. Unknowingly, “Uncle Walt” would play a mysterious part in this controversy.

After the club had made its decision, I took the original manuscript and sealed it in a manila envelope and filed it away. I proceeded to take the new manuscript, which included the new poems, and seal it in another envelope to take to the printers. The next week, I picked up the magazine from the printers and anxiously opened the new edition. To my surprise, I found they had printed the two original poems! I was confused and mystified! I called an emergency meeting of the Literary Club and grilled the members on how this could have happened. The students insisted that they were not to blame. I believed them because I knew they were not in possession of the documents or could have exchanged them. I had to find a logical answer! It was obvious I had been tricked … but who were the culprits?

After some deliberation with the group, it was decided to distribute the magazine as is. I assured the students that I would bear full responsibility if someone objected.

No one did. I doubted the censor would read the work of students. I was right. When English III met at 8:30 a.m. the next morning, a student raised his hand while sitting in the back of the classroom.

“Yes, Mick?” I said.

He said, “A bunch of us were thinking that it might have been ‘Uncle Walt’ who switched the documents!”

Everyone laughed.

I looked back at the photo of “Uncle Walt,” and somehow I sensed a faint smile on the old man’s face. n

Back in the flow.

Issue 15 is out now!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or subscribe at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email: steve@gulchmag.com

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April 1, 2021n 17

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Playwright August Strindberg (1849–1912) was a maverick innovator who loved to experiment with plot and language. One of his stories takes place in a dream and the hero is the Christ-like daughter of a Vedic god. He once said that he felt “an immense need to become a savage and create a new world.” Given your current astrological potentials, Aries, I suspect that might be an apt motto for you right now. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied.

There’s no need for you to become a savage. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. But the coming weeks will definitely be a good time to start creating a new world.

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Who says all Tauruses are gentle, risk-avoidant, sensible and reliable? Taurus author Mary MacLane (1861–1929), known as the “Wild Woman of Butte, Montana,” authored shocking, scandalous books. In I Await the Devil’s Coming, she testified, “I am not good. I am not virtuous. I am not generous. I am merely a creature of intense passionate feeling. I feel – everything. It is my genius. It burns me like fire.” Can I convince you, Taurus, to make her your role model for the coming weeks? APRIL FOOL! I don’t think you should be EXACTLY like MacLane. Please leave out the part about “I am not good. I am not virtuous. I am not generous,” as well as the “I await the devil’s coming” part. But yes, do be a creature of intensely passionate feeling. Let your feelings be your genius, burning in you like a fire.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Poet Emily Dickinson had a good sense of humor, so she was probably making a wry joke when she wrote, “The lovely flowers embarrass me. They make me regret I am not a bee.” But who knows? Maybe Emily was being a bit sincere, too. In any case, I advise you to make a list of all the things you regret not being – all the qualities and assets you wish you had, but don’t.

It’s a favorable time to wallow in remorse.

APRIL FOOL! I was totally lying! In fact, I hope you will do the reverse: Engage in an orgy of self-appreciation, celebrating yourself for being exactly who you are.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Provocation specialist Lydia Lunch is a singer and poet who’s skilled at generating interesting mischief. She testifies, “My daily existence is a battlecade of extreme fluctuations where chaos clobbers apathy, which beats the s—- out of depression which follows irritability which slams into anger which eclipses ecstasy which slips through my fingers far too often.” In the coming weeks, Cancerian, I recommend you adopt her melodramatic approach to living the intense life. APRIL FOOL! I lied. Please don’t be like Lydia

Lunch in the near future. On the contrary: Cultivate regal elegance, sovereign poise and dynamic equanimity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 1692, a Swedish man named Thiess of Kaltenbrun was put on trial for being a werewolf.

He claimed to be a noble werewolf, however. He said he regularly went down to Hell to do holy combat against the Devil. I suggest you make him your inspirational role model in the coming weeks. Be as weird as you need to be in order to fight for what’s good and right.

APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. What I really meant to say was: Be as weird as you need to be to fight for what’s good and right but without turning into a werewolf, zombie, vampire or other supernatural monster.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I want to hear raucous music, to brush against bodies, to drink fiery Benedictine,” author Anais Nin wrote. “Beautiful women and handsome men arouse fierce desires in me. I want to dance. I want drugs. I want to know perverse people, to be intimate with them. I want to bite into life.” All that sounds like perfect counsel for you to consider right now, dear Virgo! APRIL FOOL! I lied. Nin’s exuberant testimony might be an interesting perspective to flirt with – if the COVID-19 virus is completely tamed. But it isn’t. So I must instead suggest that you find ways to express this lively, unruly energy in safe and sublimated ways.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Here are affirmations that will serve you well in the coming days. 1. “I am willing to make mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.” 2. “I am grateful that I’m not as judgmental as all the shortsighted, self-righteous people.” 3.

“I assume full responsibility for my actions, except those that are someone else’s fault.” 4. “A good scapegoat is as welcome as a solution to the problem.” APRIL FOOL! All the preceding affirmations are total bunk! Don’t you dare use them. Use these instead: 1. “I enjoy taking responsibility for my actions.” 2. “Rather than indulging in the reflex to blame, I turn my attention to fixing the problem.” 3. “No one can make me feel something I don’t want to feel.” 4. “I’m free from believing in the images people have of me.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): According to author Kahlil Gibran, “If we were all to sit in a circle and confess our sins, we would laugh at each other for lack of originality.” But I challenge you Scorpios to refute that theory in the coming days. For the sake of your sanity and health, you need to commit highly original sins – the more, the better. APRIL FOOL! I lied. Save your novel, imaginative sinning for later. The truth is that now is an excellent time to explore the joyous

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and healthy practice of being extremely virtuous. Imitate author Susan Sontag: “My idolatry: I’ve lusted after goodness. Wanting it here, now, absolutely, increasingly.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): The coming months would be a great time to start your own university and then award yourself a PhD in drugless healing or mathematical reincarnation or political metaphysics – or any other subject you’d like to be considered an expert in. Hey, why not give yourself three PhDs and call yourself a Professor Emeritus? APRIL FOOL! I’m just joking. The coming months will indeed be an extremely favorable time to advance your education, but with real learning, not fake credentials.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): After his Nirvana bandmate Kurt Cobain committed suicide, Capricorn drummer Dave Grohl was depressed for months. To cheer himself up, he wrote and recorded an album’s worth of songs, playing almost all the instruments himself: drums, lead guitar, rhythm guitar, bass and vocals. I think you should try a similar spectacularly heroic solo task in the coming weeks. APRIL FOOL! I lied.

Here’s my true and actual advice: Now is a time when you should gather all the support and help and cooperation you can possibly garner for an interesting project.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Argentine poet Alejandra Pizarnik told her psychoanalyst León Ostrov that if she were going to steal something, it would be “the façade of a certain collapsed house in a little town called Fontenay-aux-Roses (near Paris).” What was so special about this façade? Its windows were made of “magical” lilac-colored glass that was “like a beautiful dream.” In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you, too, to decide what marvel you would steal – and then go steal it! APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. Yes, definitely decide what you would steal – it’s important to give your imagination permission to be outrageous – but don’t actually steal it.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I’ve never understood the appeal of singer-songwriter Morrissey, especially since he began endorsing bigoted farright politicians. However, I want to recommend that you adopt the attitude he once expressed in a letter to a friend. “It was a terrible blow to hear that you actually worked,” he wrote. “It’s so old-fashioned to work. I’d much rather lounge about the house all day looking fascinating.” Be like that in the coming weeks, Pisces! APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, you’d be making a silly mistake to lie around the house looking fascinating. It’s a highly favorable time for you to find ways to work harder and smarter.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com.

Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: Out on delivery Fri: Gone fishing

Announcements Maui Art Display Durango artist displays Hawaii & SW art at Rec Center during April. “Springs Promise” Prize Winners! Personal picture picks for Tara, Harley, Sherri, Joel and Feather.

Congratulations!

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Lost/Founds Found Hestra Mittens Someone left a pair of Hestra mittens in the back of a green Tundra on 3/28 on Coalbank Pass. We are leaving them at Durango Outdoor Exchange.

HelpWanted Facility Manager Seeking part-time professional to provide janitorial and facility maintenance services for The Juniper School. Visit website: juniper.durangoschools.org - click on employment tab (top right corner) for full job description and application.

Bookseller - Maria’s Bookshop Now hiring avid readers for full time position w/ fun, hard-working team. Must enjoy some evening & weekend shifts. Applications available in store and at mariasbookshop.com. Deadline: April 4.

Massage Therapist Wanted Amaya Natural Therapeutics, call Don 970-769-8389.

The Green House Durango is looking for happy, enthusiastic people to join our budding business. We are willing to train the right candidate if you’re committed to being a part of this continually growing industry. Please send a copy of your resume to employment@jandjinc.net along with a copy of your Colorado M.E.D. Badge.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Services Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

CommunityService San Juan Mountains Association Needs Volunteers Hike, run or horseback into our most popular areas while offering visitor outreach, trail information and education on responsible use, wilderness and Leave No Trace. Or work at the trailhead to support SJMA’s new Forest Ambassador program.

Join us for a Virtual Volunteer Training Meeting on Sat., April 20, 5-6 p.m. for info or to sign up, go to: www.sjma.org.

The Juniper School Seeks Donations for Bike Program All Kids Bike, a national program on a mission to teach every child in America how to ride a bike, is currently working to

bring the All Kids Bike Kindergarten PE Program to The Juniper School. The program equips schools with teacher training, curriculum, a fleet of Strider bikes, pedal conversion kits, helmets and a five-year support plan. To learn more about the program or make a donation, go to: support.al lkidsbike.org/the-juniper-school

HaikuMovieReview ‘Shoplifters of the World’ Must-see movie for any Smiths fan who also loves John Hughes movies – Lainie Maxson

NewspaperOrigami

RSE Handyman Service Home repair-yard work-odd jobs 970903-0449.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage.

970-259-3494.

BodyWork Massage by Meg Bush, LMT 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2020.

Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984.

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings Spring is here! Nice new bistro and vintage patio sets. Tons of pots and yard art.

Vintage bread boxes, glassware and kitchenware. New spring clothing items going on the racks constantly and winter clearance continues. Come in today. 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

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