Durango Telegraph - January 30, 2020

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Vol. XIX, No. 5 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Insult to injury

Experts only

Gotta get up

Expensive health care? Blame hospitals, state report says p8

The pro’s drinking guide to doing Snowdown right p17

Your play-by-play for all the antics p18

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lineup

8

4 La Vida Local

Insult to injury Expensive health care? Blame hospitals, state report says

4 Thumbin’ It

by John Daley, Colorado Public Radio News

5 Word on the Street

10

6-7 Soapbox

Ear to the ground: “I’m going to enjoy Snowdown this year, but I’m not going to get drunk and buy a townhome.”

– Local woman setting ground rules for Snowdown 2020

Nice cans

thepole

RegularOccurrences

Some of your favorite beers may be getting a makeover. After 25 years, Ska Brewing has announced an exterior refresh to its line of canned beer, including Modus Hoperandi, Modus Mandarina, True Blonde, Rue B. Soho and Pink Vapor Stew.

Up and coming Developers get San Juan County OK for lodge near Silverton Mountain

8 State News

by Missy Votel

12-13 Day in the Life

12-13

16 Flash in the Pan

In ruins

A trip south of the border to the oft overlooked Aztec National Monument

17 Top Shelf

by Stephen Eginoire

20 On the Town

17

21 Free Will Astrology

The pro’s guide to doing – and drinking – Snowdown right

22 Classifieds

Experts only

by Chris Aaland

22 Haiku Movie Review

18-19

23 Ask Rachel

Gotta get up to Snowdown

On the cover: Bluebird skies shine through a small arch along the Alien Trail in Aztec recently./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Your exhaustive play-by-play for all the weekend’s antics

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Jesse Anderson, Tracy Chamberlin, Zach Hively, Shan Wells and David Feela VIRTUAL ADDRESS: www.durangotelegraph.com

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302 PHONE: 970.259.0133 E-MAIL: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

Reflecting the brand’s comic book roots, the new cans will be in line with current designs for Ska’s newer flavors, including its Hazy IPA and hard seltzers (Ska Claws? Skaltzer?) While retaining the signature comic book skeleton of yore, the new designs will also feature bright colors; popping artwork, like the “blamo” (just like it sounds); and Ska’s signature black-and-white checkerboard stripe.

The Bodo beer overlords hope the new designs will help create a more consistent and identifiable look across all its beloved brands.

The brewery will announce more new can artwork updates in coming months.

Oil aboard!

The Durango Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad is about to start burning the midnight – and midday – oil. The 139-year-old railroad will be rolling out its first retrofitted oil-burning steam engine in mid-February. Also known as Locomotive No. 493, the engine will make its debut during the railroad’s winter photography weekend, Feb. 15-16.

“The rebuild, restoration, conversion and return to service of No. 493 represents another important milestone in the ongoing evolution of D&SNGRR,” railroad co-founder and CEO Al Harper said in a news release.

In addition to helping allay fears of cinder-ignited wildfires in the wake of the 416 Fire, the addition of No. 493 is hoped to provide greater flexibility in the train’s fleet with regards to drought and maintenance. As an added bonus, oilburning engines also stay cleaner and do not require a night watchman, as with coal-fired ones.

The 92.5-ton locomotive runs on recycled oil and carries a 2,250-gallon tank enabling it to easily make the 90.8-mile round trip between Durango and Silverton. Originally constructed in 1902, the No. 493 serviced the Crested Butte, Monarch and Farmington branches of the Denver & Rio Grande.

In 1928, it was converted to a narrow-gauge. Its most recent overhaul represented 7,500 hours of labor, with crews taking cues from the Southern Pacific No. 18, which was on loan in Durango. Perhaps most time consuming was the firebox, which necessitated creation and installation of nearly 600 custom bolts.

The end result, railroad officials said, is a “true marvel” of railroad engineering.

Next down the line? D&SNGRR has already begun work on converting its second coal engine, No. 473, to oil.

Jan. 30, 2020 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal The Word of the Day I know many writers –myself, and probably some others too – who never publish about the things they love the most. One might think that these subjects feel too vulnerable to discuss so openly, or that the topics that interest us writers lack general interest in the reading public.

One would be wrong. We don’t write about these things we love because the words are confusing.

Here is one example among both examples I can think of right now.

On a recent Sunday, I DJed an Argentine tango milonga for the first time. I would love to write about this experience. It involved great personal sacrifice, such as the many hours spent agonizing over which shirt I should wear and making certain I could cancel my Spotify trial before they charged my card. There was even a daring moment of virtuosity when it came time to connect my laptop to the venue’s wifi. Plus, I am always aching to write about tango. I yearn to stitch it into every piece I write, even if that piece is about six ways to onboard new software engineering managers into a highgrowth startup.

But I don’t write about tango, and I balk at writing about DJing a milonga, because I would need to spend half my time explaining what a milonga is, and the other half whether or not to punctuate DJ as a conjugated verb according to AP style.

The word “milonga” is to a tanguero’s vocabulary what “their/there/ they’re” is to all the mothers who communicate using speech-to-text.

Once you get other gringos to accept a word that sounds blatantly foreign, you have to decipher its meaning based entirely on context-dependent clues. (Needless to say, we don’t let the word drive anywhere near Tucson or El Paso for fear of it being separated from us.)

For starters, a milonga is an event wherein people dance tango. We don’t call it “a dance” like regular folks do because we tango people possess an elitist sensibility and do not wish our passion to mingle with hoedowns or clog-fests or any other dancing cult. So we call it a milonga.

But wait! A venue that frequently holds milongas is itself called a

milonga. To native English speakers, this duplication can seem lazy. We don’t say, “Let’s go to the dance at the dance.” No – we have to get creative and say things like, “Let’s go to the dance at the dance HALL.” But in the tango world, we learn to embrace the ambiguity.

Lest you think Argentines lack linguistic diversity, I must tell you that milonga is also a distinct style of dance within tango. It is upbeat and playful, and it means you can say sentences like, “I sat out all three milongas at the milonga because my foot cramped on the front steps of the milonga,” with perfect obfuscation.

And I’m not even getting into what English speakers have done to the word. Basically, we like to take all that is good and rich in the world, and mangle it into our own. See, for instance, Tex-Mex food. We’ve turned “milonga” into a verb, as we do so well, which means you can actually say … ah, forget it. You get the point.

I put up with these vagaries of lingo because I love this dance – though, I must say, milonga is my least favorite part of the milonga – and I want to talk about it any time I am not dancing it, or watching it, or writing about it in my secret diaries that will be published against my explicit wishes when I’m dead if I’m famous by then.

But I cannot ask my readers to invest the time necessary to understand what I mean when I say “milonga.” Even though explaining it each time inflates my word count, I avoid such cheap tactics on principle. Which means, sadly, I don’t write about tango.

It’s probably for the best. I mean, just because I culled through recordings of various qualities from the 1930s and ’40s for just the right set of milongas (the type of dance one) to play at the milonga (the dance event one) doesn’t mean you all want to hear about them. Just because my foot actually did cramp and I really did sit out all the milongas (the type of dance one again) and watched from the doorway of the milonga (the venue one) doesn’t magically turn my tango adventures into stories other people want to hear. But if this does interest you, come find me, and I’ll berate you until you join our cult. Which, in tango terminology, means “welcoming community.” I swear.

– Zach Hively

This Week’s Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It The glass ceiling continuing to crumble in the male-dominated professional sports world, with Katie Sowers becoming the first woman to coach in the Super Bowl, as the offensive assistant for the San Francisco 49ers Fort Lewis College taking vowing to build a more “woke” investment portfolio by taking into account environmental and social impacts of the companies it backs The completion of the Highway 550/160 High Bridge project, which had snarled rush hour and narrowed traffic to one lane for the last several months

4 n Jan. 30, 2020

The notoriously weak San Juan Mountain snowpack leading to an increase in human-triggered avalanches in the backcountry, with 35 slides and one death reported so far this season Oil and gas companies who operate wells in Colorado failing to keep up with monthly reports, a move that has cost the state millions in lost tax revenues.

The continued “insiding” of America, with a recent report from the Outdoor Foundation finding that time kids spend playing outdoors has dropped 15 percent since 2012

telegraph

A Big Missed Steak Oxford psychologist Charles Spence has invented a “meat patch” to help vegans resist meat cravings. The company Strong Roots is bankrolling the project because they sell vegan foods, and Tommy Fury (a washed-up boxer slash reality TV star) is their spokesman because he looks good wearing patches. If wearers scratch the patch, it smells like bacon. Spence claims this will sate meat cravings because people will imagine eating real meat. The upside to all this is idiots will now be easily identifiable in public.

WordontheStreet

Q

With “A Rockin’ Snowdown” taking place this week, the Telegraph asked: “Who’s your favorite rock star and why?”

Matthew

“Tim Minchin, he’s an amazing rock and roll nerd.”

Grisela

“The German metal band Rammstein is the best band on Earth.”

Miranda

“Slash is pretty great and he has the best hair.”

Happy Snowdown!

Get ready to rock at DO!

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”

– Dave Lee Roth, 1979

Deyatzee Sean

“Jimi Hendrix, because he started a new generation of rock.”

“Maynard James Keenan is so talented.”

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Jan. 30, 2020 n

5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Marsha for county commissioner To the editor, My friend and colleague Marsha Porter-Norton is running for La Plata County commissioner, and the election is this November 2020. I am writing this letter to let you know more about her and to offer my strong support. I met Marsha in 2000 when she was the executive director for a nonprofit called Operation Healthy Communities and she was the project manager for two La Plata County summits, bringing together all segments of La Plata County to set strategic plans, goals and priorities for a healthier community. From the time that I first met Marsha, I recognized her as a born leader, community advocate and extraordinary volunteer. In the years to follow, we served together with many other community groups to benefit the health and well-being of the entire community including seniors, children, homeless, business, students and often vulnerable residents who needed her to be a voice on their behalf. Over the years, she has worked with nearly 100 organizations in SW Colorado, which has greatly contributed to her breadth of experience.

Marsha has been a strong advocate for primary care, affordable housing, transportation, and mental health and wellness. She is an extraordinary mediator and facilitator and her ability to actively listen and identify the issues for any group she is working with is her top priority.

Marsha has a unique ability to take a leadership role and bring everyone together to create a synergy and positive outcome which includes individual perspectives, strengths and concerns in order to get the job done. La Plata County needs this set of skills now more than ever.

Marsha has a deep, genuine caring for our community and a depth of experience no one else will bring to the job of commissioner. Marsha is a proven leader and her roots are deep, as she is a fourth-generation Southwest4

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Coloradoan. She grew up on a ranch and lives in Durango so understands both our urban and rural residents’ needs, concerns and ideas. Marsha is a true Coloradoan.

I also know Marsha as being one of the most humble, accomplished and authentic people I know. Her tireless energy and genuine concern for our community is nothing short of outstanding. I will work hard to help her get elected as our next La Plata County commissioner. Find out more at her website: www.marshaporternorton.com – Sheila Casey, Durango

Mending our urban-rural fences To the editor, After a couple of weeks celebrating our Western heritage at the National Western Stock Show, hobnobbing with steers in the Brown Palace Hotel during their high tea, enjoying dinner with members of the Colorado Cattlemen’s Association, and attending the Voices for Rural Colorado gathering at the Governor’s mansion, it’s hard not to think about the issues facing the rural parts of our state.

Though rural Colorado encompasses the majority of land in Colorado, its representation is only 20 percent of the Legislature. We need to work together to be a strong voice, with focused advocacy.

Our issues differ wildly from those on the urban Front Range, and the rural issues of the Western Slope differ from those on the Eastern Slope. But we continue to find bipartisan ground to identify and examine the questions facing us.

A few of my early bills are addressing some of those issues.

One bill I am sponsoring with Sen. Don Coram from Montrose focuses on rural economic development. Senate Bill 054 establishes a fund to provide matching grants from non-governmental sources to businesses in their very early stages. The businesses must be in rural areas, employ people in the area and have the potential to ex-

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port goods or services outside the area.

We don’t envision these rural businesses to depend solely on rural support for their income.

Many rural parts of the state are still facing the economic hardships induced by lower-than-average population, wages, employment and total property values.

Providing a kickstart and requiring the matching funds encourages growth and innovation, while stimulating the private sector. We want to encourage local business sustainability in areas of the state that truly need the employment opportunities and increased tax base.

A second bill, House Bill 1115, will provide a tax exemption for the farmers and ranchers who, out of necessity, need to continuously buy fencing material. I am sponsoring this bill with Sen. Coram and Rep. Marc Catlin, also from Southwest Colorado.

The fencing material is a necessary expenditure for those making a living off crop production and animal husbandry in Colorado.

“Good fences make good neighbors,” wrote poet Robert Frost, but they are expensive. If we can give these farmers just a little help, it may keep their costs down and production up.

We are working with stakeholders to decide if this should be a state income tax exemption only, permitting the local taxing districts to decide for themselves if they want to participate.

I am running a third bill with Sen. Jerry Sonnenberg from northeastern Colorado. Current state law allows school board members to participate in board meetings electronically. In rural areas, where members are often prevented from attending because of bad weather, sick animals or long days at work, the electronic participation has helped move board meetings forward and increased robust participation.

Tim Taplin, a member of both the Ridgway School Board and Colorado Association of School Boards, brought this to my attention.

Unfortunately, though members can vote electroni-

cally, they cannot contribute to the number of members required for a quorum. This bill (which doesn’t have a number yet) would add a simple fix. While members are participating and voting electronically, their presence will also be counted as part of the required quorum, keeping the gears of responsible government turning.

All members will have access to materials distributed during the board meeting. The choice to add any restrictions is in the hands of the local school board.

During the two-day Voices of Rural Colorado Conference in Denver last week, participants discussed legislation and regional issues, and listening to a wide variety of cabinet members, legislators, department heads and business leaders.

Participants represented the 59 rural and frontier counties of Colorado’s 64 and were hosted by Club 20 from the Western Slope, Action 22 from Southern Colorado and Pro 15 from Northeast Colorado. It was a great way to have representatives of all the rural areas of the state band together to share a unified voice and educate our urban counterparts.

It is my honor to represent the people of District 59 and rural Colorado, and be one of their voices in the State Legislature. I am here to listen to your concerns as we move through this legislative season together.

– Rep. Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango

“We’ll print damned-near anything” The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to the public to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only three requests: limit letters to 750 words, letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your insights by Tuesday at noon to: PO Box 332, Durango, 81302 or e-mail your profundities to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com. Let the games begin ...

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Jan. 30, 2020 n 7

StateNews

Underserved and overcharged State report blames hospitals’ high prices – and profits – for crushing health care costs

by John Daley Colorado Public Radio News

H

igh prices at hospitals are driving up the cost of health care more dramatically in Colorado than elsewhere in the United States, according to a recent state report.

The report on cost-shifting, which was released Jan. 23, comes as Gov. Jared Polis and his administration are battling with hospitals over how to rein in costs, a fight that promises to get even more heated as the legislative session unfolds.

Top Polis health officials contend that hospitals – and the cost to get care at them – are mostly to blame for the state’s ballooning health costs. They say hospital operating expenses in Colorado in 2018 were 14 percent higher than the national average.

Lt. Governor Diane Primavera said, on average, Americans pay twice as much for health care compared to those from other developed nations. At the same time, they only garner “middle-of-the-pack results” and the lowest life expectancy in the developed world.

“So the question is: If all the money we spend on health care isn’t making us healthier, then where is all the money going?” Primavera asked.

It’s a view hospital leaders vehemently deny. Instead they say a complicated mix of factors, including the state’s high cost of living and competitive job market, help inflate hospital costs as well.

However, the report found hospital profits shot up by more than 280 percent between 2009-18. Profit per patient rose to more than $1,500 a patient, more than triple the figure from a decade earlier.

Simultaneously, the study, by the state’s Department of Health Care Policy and Financing, also reports uncompensated care in Colorado – care that hospitals give but are not paid for – is at historic lows. A fee on hospitals, as well as the launch of the Affordable Care Act, cut the state’s uninsured number in half. It found hospital financial losses due

Lt. Gov. Diane Primavera unveils the state report on health care costs Jan. 23. Among other things, the report found that Colorado’s hospital costs are 14 percent higher than the national average and hospitals in the state had the second-biggest profits. Hospitals contend costs are higher because they are under-reimbursed for Medicaid and Medicare./Photo by John Daley, CPR News to charity care and bad debt had plummeted by more than $385 million a year since the state implemented the ACA’s Medicaid expansion. That program covers low-income Americans with health insurance.

The state report concludes that it’s not shortfalls in public insurance but “strategic hospital decisions” that are driving the high costs. In essence, the state says hospitals are shifting costs onto privately insured patients and profiting to the tune of billions of dollars.

Increased funding from public, taxpayer-backed programs aim to reduce private insurance premiums and outof-pocket costs. But those savings are not being enjoyed by consumers and employers, according to the report.

Hospitals have maintained that the shift in costs to privately insured patients happens because Medicare and Medicaid reimburse hospitals at rates well below what the care actually costs.

In addition, Julie Lonborg, spokeswoman for the 4

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Colorado Hospital Association, said government payers now serve more than 60 percent of Coloradans.

“Cost shift exists because of chronic underfunding of state and federal public health care programs – namely Medicare and Medicaid,” Lonborg said. “The aging of Colorado’s population has driven significant growth in Medicare, which now under reimburses hospitals by 30 cents for every dollar.”

Lonborg conceded that hospitals have improved profit margins over the past year but said that was due to the state’s strong economy and population growth.

The state’s numbers do not take into account many expenses such as taxes, hospital-owned physician practices and training the next generation of providers, she said.

“This report is distracting from the unintended, yet predicted, consequences of the state’s own policies,” Lonborg said.

She said the state’s reinsurance program – touted by Democrats as saving consumers 20 percent on average – caused prices to increase for some consumers, and now the state is trying to force hospitals to pay $40 million one year early. She said that has the potential to endanger the care hospitals provide.

“Colorado hospitals’ losses last year from Medicare and Medicaid hit a record $2.5 billion,” Dan Weaver, vice president of communications at UCHealth, pointed out. “The report shares that charity care has decreased, which is accurate, as more people are eligible for Medicaid. But their announcement leaves out hospitals’ significant losses from Medicaid under-reimbursements.”

He said for UCHealth alone, uncompensated care losses last year reached $367 million, double the amount in 2015.

But the state’s report claims Colorado’s Medicaid program, called Health First Colorado, has steadily increased payments over the last decade.

“Hospitals could have been passing on significant savings” from reduced charity care costs and increases in Medicaid payments to privately insured consumers and employers, the report says.

If hospital costs in Colorado more closely matched na-

tional averages, the state could have saved patients more money, it adds.

In addition, navigating the state’s health-care system is still a financial nightmare for some. Pamela White, a former reporter from Longmont, described a long and difficult recovery from breast cancer that has drained her life savings.

“I am grateful that I received the care I needed, but it came with a life-altering cost. I couldn’t work for a year, although I had insurance. I paid an enormous sum out of pocket. I spent my entire life savings and burned through my retirement,” White said.

“The question is: If all the money we spend on health care isn’t making us healthier, then where is all the money going?”

– Lt. Gov. Diane Primavera And the nightmare isn’t over. White’s premium has continued to go up, and last year she paid about $15,000 out of pocket in medical bills and the bulk of that was her premium.

“I was paying more than the cost of my mortgage just to have access to health care,” she said.

White noted all this happened as Colorado hospitals were reporting the second healthiest profit margins in the nation.

Kim Parfitt, a retired school teacher from Lakewood, described similar frustration. She said her retirement package includes health insurance but premiums are paid out of pocket and the plan has a high deductible.

Last fall, she ended up in a local emergency room to treat a virus and was released after two hours of basic treat-

ment. Parfitt said she was shocked when she received a bill with an out-of-pocket amount of nearly $5,000.

A call to the hospital’s financial-assistance office didn’t help. The most surprising charges were a $650 and $7,000 facility fee.

“I worry that as my retirement has only just begun, this is likely not the last time I will need hospital care,” Parfitt said. “This is out of balance with what the average citizen like me can afford. I wonder what that will mean for me and others like me as we age?”

The report comes as the relationship between Polis and hospitals is getting more contentious.

In his annual State of the State address Jan. 9, Polis singled out hospitals for high profits as the state’s health care costs continue to rise – Front Range hospitals took in more than $2 billion in profits in 2018. He went on to blame them for using those profits to run ads against public-option Legislation, which would utilize private insurers to offer every Coloradan health insurance. Officials say it will be cheaper because it lets the state set payment rates and requires insurers to use more of the money they take in for actual medical care – not profits.

Adding to that controversy, the Colorado Hospital Association has sued the administration over payments into a fund that pays for Colorado’s reinsurance program. That program basically acts as insurance for insurance, reimbursing insurers for covering the highest-cost patients.

One hospital CEO agrees with state leaders on the need for change, but not the solution. “We’ve got a problem.

We’ve got to make health care more affordable, more accessible and more transparent. So with that, I agree that we’ve got to find solutions,” Centura Health President and CEO Peter Banko told CPR in an interview.

But Banko said he worries a public option, one that includes government price controls, is the wrong direction.

Banko called for more collaboration on all sides.

“Price is only one small part of the equation,” Banko said. “We’ve been able to partner with health plans and deliver greater savings and more affordability.

To read more from CPR, go to www.cpr.org. n

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Jan. 30, 2020 n

9

Quick’n’Dirty B&B coming to Gladstone

Input sought on elk management

Developers have gotten the green light to mine the white gold around Silverton.

On Tues., Jan. 21, the San Juan Regional Planning Commission gave an enthusiastic thumbs up to a $3 million, year-round bed and breakfast lodge near Gladstone, according to a report in the Silverton Standard. Located on two mining claims off County Road 110, the lodge is about a mile and a half from Silverton Mountain.

“It looks like a great project,” Planning Commission Chairman Ken Safranski said, adding that it was a “really thorough” land-use application. The Planning Commission approved the lodge’s sketch plan in a unanimous vote, with seven conditions, including use of natural materials, secure communications and a satisfactory parking arrangement.

The lodge is being developed by Nick Croce and Vincent Guben and their company, C&G Alpine Partners LLC, based in Setauket, N.Y. They own the Hidden Treasure Lode and Wild Cat Lode mining claims – a total of 18.1 acres – about a mile south of Gladstone.

Croce said engineering on the building, which will be built into the hillside, is still being finalized, but he expects a 5,000 - 6,000-square-foot, three-story structure with a total footprint of about 2,300 square feet. It will be able to accommodate about 16 guests at a time.

“We’re going to try to design this to minimize the exterior footprint. We have a really good builder and engineering team,” Croce told the commission.

The lodge will probably have seven bedrooms, a mix of bunk and private rooms. He also said while the lodge will certainly cater to skiers, he envisions a four-season, yearround lodge. “For sure in the wintertime this lodge will attract skiers,” Croce said. “But I think in the summer it will be just as big a draw for hikers and mountain bikers or just to experience the amazing town of Silverton.”

Colorado Parks and Wildlife is seeking input on elk management planning in Southwest Colorado and has scheduled four public meetings in Dolores, Norwood, Pagosa Springs and Durango.

“Elk management plans are revised approximately every 10 years,” Matt Thorpe, area wildlife manager in Durango, said. “Public input provides guidance to wildlife managers who attempt to balance the biological capabilities of the herd and its habitat with the public’s demand for wildlife recreation opportunities. These herd management plans drive important decisions, which include the license-setting process as well as strategies and techniques to reach herd population objectives.”

Colorado Parks and Wildlife staff members will talk about current status of elk herds, history of the herds and the herd management planning process. CPW wants to hear from local hunters and others interested in wildlife about how they’d like to see elk managed.

Meetings will be held: • Tues., Feb. 4, 6:30-8 p.m., Dolores Community Center • Thurs., Feb. 6, 6:30-8 p.m., Archuleta County Extension Office • Tues., Feb. 11, 6:30-8 p.m., Lone Cone Library, Norwood • Thurs., Feb. 13, 6:30-8 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds At the meetings, wildlife managers will also discuss the new regulation that limits archery elk hunting licenses in this area of Southwest Colorado.

CPW is also asking those interested in elk management in Southwest Colorado to take an online survey that will be available Feb. 4 on CPW’s web site: cpw.state.co.us/ thingstodo/Pages/HerdManagementPlans.aspx

An artistic rendering of the planned B&B at Gladstone. The New York developers expect the seven-bedroom lodge to be built over the next few years.

According to Eric Nelson, of Summit Engineering of Durango, which prepared the project application, the owners have done “a ton of due diligence.” They first eyed a property at Ophir Pass for the lodge, but abandoned it due to avalanche risk and access issues. They settled on the current location because it offers year-round access, on-grid power, and is in the “economic corridor,” close to trails and town.

In response to planners concerns, Nelson said the lodge will be designed appropriately with a “historic mining feel,” including natural materials, wood and stone. “We hope to blend it into the environment as best we can,” he said.

In addition, although avalanche risk was found to be low, the owners intend to keep three weeks of provisions on hand in case the road is closed by avalanches. They also intend to have a radio link and satellite Internet link, a sprinkler system and 10,000 gallons of water on hand.

Construction is expected to take at least two build seasons. “It’s been a dream of mine for a while now,” Croce said. “I’ve always had Silverton on my radar. This is the right place and right time to do it.”

– Missy Votel

SKIERS: SHOW YOUR PASS & GET A SIDE OF

FREE FRIES with entrée

(One per coupon. Expires Feb. 1, 2020)

# " """ "

10 n Jan. 30, 2020

telegraph

! $ "

! !

Rock out.

(Issue 12 is coming mid-February.)

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email: steve@gulchmag.com

telegraph

Jan. 30, 2020 n 11

dayinthelife 12 n

Jan. 30, 2020

Se

L

ocated al Aztec Rui digenous tive name, the inhabitants are of American Ind The impressive namic culture a agriculture and National Monu Heritage site. An

teleg

et in Stone

by Stephen Eginoire

long the meandering Animas River, New Mexico’s ins National Monument offers visitors a glimpse of Ins human history 1,000 years past. Despite the suggese Aztecs never called this place home. The true generally known as Ancestral Puebloans, the ancestors dian people who are still living in the Southwest today. structures found at Aztec are the culmination of a dyat its peak, serving as a community center for trade, d ceremony in the San Juan Basin. Along with Aztec’s ument status, it is also designated as a UNESCO World nd, best of all, entry is free to the public! Here’s a look:

graph

Jan. 30, 2020 n 13

thesecondsection

The man without a city-state by john van becay

Y

ears ago when I wore a young man’s clothes, I was deported from the Republic of Boulder. They marched me to the border, stripped me of my membership card and my bell bottoms, and cast me out to wander alone among the heathen. Their final words still echo in my ears.

“Don’t come back until you’re hip or rich or both.” The subtext was clear – preferably both.

I was bereft, humiliated, angry, but mostly cold without my pants.

About a week later, I found a job working behind a waist high counter. My first purchase was Levi’s, straight leg, button fly. It was my first step on the long road to rehabilitation.

For decades I roamed the steppes of eastern Colorado. I learned to blend, to pass, I even learned the language, but I knew I would forever remain outside looking in. I longed for spiritual rest, for a home, but not a rest home. I was a man without a town, a man without a country. I was a man without a city-state. One morning in a diner in Lamar over a cup of bitter resignation masquerading as coffee, a stranger in suspenders gave me the advice I had been seeking.

“Return to your roots,” he said.

I sat there stunned at his insight.

Why hadn’t I thought of that? I turned to thank him, but he was already at the door. Over his shoulder he tossed his final words, “Can you get that coffee for me?”

Durango, the land of my birth, my youth, my people. I could return to my first home, I could live there. You can go home again. I immediately applied for a resident visa in Durango. For the first time in years, I felt optimistic. Then I was summoned to my interview, and my nascent hope was dashed against the brutal wall of reality.

The following is a partial transcript of my visa interview. I’m still not sure what went wrong.

The Democratic Democracy of Durango, Three Springs Immigration Center, Officer Pilates, Resident Visa, Applicant 6,704,825.

Following are notes from Officer Pilates’ interview: Male applicant does not present well, in fact pretty much a wreck. He’s aging, scrawny, not very personable, a poor specimen, the perennial outsider. Applicant claims to have ancient ties to Durango – 10 years ago, maybe more – family or land or something. I explained that’s useless information. Durango prides itself on looking forward. After all, it’s not our history.

Let the past bury the past. There’s a museum for that somewhere. Let’s move on.

Applicant has close cropped hair, what’s left of it, and is clean shaven. He looks like a bowling ball. Despite explaining the cultural necessity of facial hair in

14 n Jan. 30, 2020

Durango, and modeling my own dense mane (only three months, stick that!) he is unwilling to grow a beard. He claims it comes in patchy and sparse and besides it itches.

He has no bicycles. Not one. When offered a 6 month probation to score some spokes, applicant admitted he can’t ride a bike and doesn’t have time if he could.

His favorite holiday is 4th of July. When reminded the choices were Iron Horse, Animas River Days or Snowdown, he said he doesn’t understand celebrating bicycles, kayaks or winter. When I pressed him on Snowdown – that glorious commercial bacchanal ban-

telegraph

ishing the winter blues while boosting the slump in mid-season sales – he asked if I ever shoveled snow.

He has no rafts, kayaks, skis, no snowboards, skateboards or skates – not even an inner tube. In fact, he copped to never learning to ski either. For recreation he says he’s too tired. Usually, he comes home from work, fixes something to eat and goes to bed. Sometimes he just goes to bed.

He claims to have no dogs. This is freakin’ absurd. A man with no dogs? How trustworthy could he be?

On the other hand, why would he lie? Big red flag here. I forgot to ask if he had any chickens.

When informed of the Democracy’s 15 plant limit for personal use, he said he hasn’t had a garden in years, but if it is a requirement he could grow one. He doubts 15 plants would be much of a garden.

Durango’s dress code totally befluckered the applicant. He seemed to be having a flashback, muttering, “No … no,” while clutching at his waistband. When he snapped out of it, he admitted he buys his pants at Goodwill, whatever is most comfortable, usually someone’s cast-off dress slacks with a stain or a little tear somewhere. Usually tan. He doesn’t remember where he got the sweater vest.

He may be semi-literate or worse.

When asked to explain the following simple sentence – “Stewie, Bloodshot, Pickles and me, we crushed Molas and Engineer, then shredded it back to Main, slammed a coupla Larry’s Lagers and shot Smelter sideways, and it wasn’t one o’clock yet, yeah, we bring it.” – he just sat there, speechless, dumbfounded, befluckered.

Besides NOT HAVING A BIKE applicant shows little enthusiasm for volleyball, handball, basketball or Frisbee. Once in awhile he watches football. He claims to never hit a gym. This guy’s got no jam that I can see.

For his final statement, applicant maintains he wants to return to his ancestral home. He wants to settle somewhere he can feel comfortable.

He wants to belong. I explained while that may be chill for him, while he’s settling in, getting aaall comfortable, he’s making the rest of us highly uncomfortable. I won’t bother anyone, he pleaded. Bother anyone, I said.

Bother anyone? It’s your type turning this town into a whacked-out, batcrap, creep-show!

It is this officer’s opinion that said applicant is a poor fit into Durango society. His inability to embrace our values makes him unacceptable as a permanent resident. Therefore, I must stamp this application VISA DENIED. Applicant may reapply after 12 months. He may qualify for a visitor visa, limit 21 days. You’ll have to ask Officer Sunshine 300 Days a Year about that. She’ll let anybody in. n

MAKE HATS GREAT AGAIN. Y! ONL

$18 Now in! Telegraph Carhartt beanies to keep your noggin warm and stylish.

Get yours now before they’re all gone from (our) office.

Available online at durangotelegraph.com or stop by to pick one up at 777 Main Ave., #214 or call 970-259-0133 and we’ll drop one in the mail.

telegraph

Jan. 30, 2020 n 15

FlashinthePan

Beans and pork, Brazilian style

by Ari LeVaux

P

ork and beans is an age-old combination, expressed in countless ways around the world: Southwestern pinto beans refried in lard; Asian tofu with pork sauce; the all-American can of pork and beans. Wherever there are pork and beans, there is pork with beans.

Portugal’s feijoada (faysh-WA-da) has spread to the furthest reaches of its empire.

Each former colony’s version is built on a different bean: red beans in the Iberian motherland, white beans in Angola, kidney beans in Macau. But the world’s favorite feijoada is probably the one made with black beans.

The national dish of Portugal’s largest former colony, Brazil, is usually what we are talking about when we talk about feijoada.

In any Brazilian restaurant, in or outside of Brazil, from swanky steakhouse to the eminently practical pay-by-weight buffet, there will be a dark, chunky vat of feijoada waiting for you. It isn’t glamorous, but it hits the spot.

The ascent of Brazilian feijoada began in the slave quarters, urban slums and poor rural villages. Beans were used to extend the mileage from each precious scrap of meat and extract nutrients from bones. Over time less desperate cuts made their way into the panela de feijoada, along with smoked meat and sausage.

I learned how to make feijoada from Edilson Oliveira, owner of Oliveira’s Steakhouse in Somerville, Mass. His first and only question was, “With or without pig feet?”

I soon realized that when it comes to his feijoada, such flexibility is rare.

Oliveira is soft-spoken and polite, with a wide grin and close-cropped hair. I asked about adding other meats like beef to a pork feijoada. He shook his head sympathetically. “Beef meat will confuse the taste,” he said. “It will make no sense.”

Oliveira’s feijoada recipe is one that any Brazilian would immediately recognize as an exemplary representation of this national art form. It’s a feijoada that breaks no rules, takes no chances, crosses no lines and contains no adulterants. A feijoada you could bring home to mama.

Most Brazilian meals are served with a shaker or bowl of cassava flour. This gritty powder, called farinha (farEEN-ya), is hugely important in Brazilian food and culture.

16 n Jan. 30, 2020

Like feijoada, farinha began as a coping mechanism for the poor. It absorbs water from its surroundings and becomes a thick paste. A bowl of broth and a dish of farinha was a normal meal for the poorest Brazilians. In the same way beans can stretch the goodness of a chunk of meat, a few spoonfuls of farinha will stretch the goodness of a bowl of feijoada. And it isn’t just starvation food. Even well-fed

Brazilians add farinha to many dishes, either plain or in its toasted form, Farofa (fa-ROW-fa).

Oliveira’s manager Victor Almeida, who’d been sitting with us in the crowded dining room, held up his phone so I could see the photo of a package of Yoki brand premade farofa.

“This is what you want it to taste like,” he said.

Almeida suggested buying both plain farinha and a package of Yoki – easily found online – so that you have a reference for the farofa flavor when you fry it yourself.

While feijoada and farinha or farofa make a filling meal, on special occasions a whole spread is built around feijoada. Feijoada completa (comb-PLAY-tah) includes fried greens like collards or kale, along with rice, orange slices and pickled vegetables.

Brazilians are known to take good ideas to extremes, and a feijoada completa is no exception. It’s the Carnival

telegraph

of pork and beans.

Along the lines of “with or without feet,” the only room for improvisation in this recipe is in the kinds of pork to use. There should be at least three types of pork, one of which is sausage, ideally linguica. Something needs to be smoked, preferably not bacon unless it’s unsliced. A smoked ham hock is great. There should be meaty pieces, fatty pieces and a bone or two. A rib is an example of a cut that has meat, fat and bone (ribs can do all three).

The recipe below gives one example of three types of pork that check all of these boxes.

Feijoada Brasileira Serves: Everyone, provided there is farinha 2 lbs dry black beans 1 lb pork belly 2 lbs smoked ham hock (bone included) 1 lb sausage (linguica, kielbasa or bratwurst) 5 garlic cloves (smashed with salt) 4 bay leaves Salt & Pepper Optional: farofa, collards, rice, orange, minced onion as a garnish Add the beans to a large pot, and then water, to twice the depth of the beans. Bring to a boil and cook for about an hour, or 25 minutes in the pressure cooker, so the beans are soft but not mushy.

Meanwhile, brown the pork under the broiler, each type of pork in its own ovensafe pan – I use cast-iron. Rotate the pans and stir the parts as necessary so nothing stays too close to the broiler for too long. The sausage needs the least amount of time – it just needs to be browned on the outside. Cut the sausage into rounds, add the mashed garlic to the pan and cook the sausage and garlic on medium heat until browned, but not burned. Then turn off the heat.

When the meat is cool enough to work with, remove it from the greasy pans. Oliveira recommends leaving the melted fat behind. “Otherwise it would be too heavy.”

Cut the meat off the bones and into pieces of half an inch or less on a side. Add the meat, bones, bay leaves and browned garlic from the sausage pan back to the bean pot, along with enough water to cover everything.

Cook another hour or two, seasoning with salt and pepper. The next morning it will be even better, and thicker.

It’s always OK to add water.

Serve with all of the available fixings. n

TopShelf

Outhouse stuffing, oyster slurping & pantsless dancing

by Chris Aaland

R

ejoice, good people. A Rockin’ Snowdown is upon us! Consider this an expert’s guide to a most excellent Snowdown experience. It’s like the classic drinking game, Thumper.

What’s the name of the game? Snowdown. Why do we play it?

To get effed up.

By the time you read this, Wednesday events will have come and gone.

True Snowdown revelers will be operating on a rotational buzzed/drunk/hangover calendar by this point.

After all, life’s a circle and Snowdown is no different. Smash a couple of Bloody Marys and you’ll be good.

At 4 p.m. today (Thurs., Jan. 30) is the Hot Wing Eating Contest at the Animas City Theatre. Hosted by Cuckoo’s Chicken House, this is spicy. Expect to see tears, bright red faces and possibly projectile vomiting.

Pro tip: hoppy beer cuts the heat. I’d start with Modus Hoperandi and work my way up to Decadent.

Simultaneously, the Highway 3 Roadhouse hosts the Rockin’ Rollin’ Oyster Slurpin’ Contest at 4 p.m. It’s simple. How many oysters can you slurp down in one minute? The world record for three minutes is 233. I’d suggest a 16-oz. can of PBR to pair with a tray full of the delectable slimy goo.

The Derailed Pour House hosts a Rocky Mountain Oyster Eat Off at 6 p.m. tonight. The champion who chomps the most bull balls wins. These are our official state delicacy, folks. Pride up! A proper plate of Rocky Mountain oysters should be paired with an icy schooner of Coors Banquet. No other beer will satisfy.

The finals of the Magical Mystery Musical Tour begin at 6 p.m. tonight at the Irish Embassy Pub. My crew – Ted Holteen, Bryant Liggett, Bill Doherty and I – will be calling ourselves Udo Dirkschneider, after the diminutive lead singer of the seminal German heavy metal group. We don’t have an official beer because it’s tough to come by an 11-oz. grenade of Olympia at most bars. Defeat is unacceptable for Udo. The Snowdown Beard Growing Competition ends at 8 p.m. tonight at Carvers. Contestants were shaved clean in November.

As of this writing, the lads are substantially furrier. Prizes will be awarded in a variety of categories. Beardos love suds. Pair with a pint of your frothiest Carvers ale.

Friday is the pinnacle of Snowdown madness. The Bed Races between 7th & 8th on Main are must-see comedy, particularly if you’ve tailgated with THC-infused Oh-Hi seltzers an hour before.

Stick around for the annual Snowdown Light Parade at 6 p.m.

At 7:30 p.m. Friday, the Snowdown Follies kick off at both the Hank and Durango Arts Center. If you weren’t lucky enough to score tickets, you can watch a videocast at the ACT. At 10 p.m., the rooms will be cleared for a second staging. Rinse and repeat for Saturday. Vodka tonics and Old Fashioneds are preferred drinks for Follies.

For the late-night revelers, such events as a No Pants Snowpants Dance takes place at the Starlight (wear anything but pants!) at 9:30 p.m. and a Pole Dancing Contest at 10 at the Wild Horse take place. What could possibly go wrong? Jello shots of

Sex on the Beach would be a nice touch.

At noon on Saturday, the Outlaw Josie Pete Golf Tournament tees off at dozens of watering holes across downtown. Contestants (sorry folks, this one filled up a long time ago) get dressed up and play 18 holes of mini-golf, usually slamming a shot at each establishment. I plan on posting up at Durango Craft Spirits with a Sheriff Thompson or two (that’s a Mule made with Cinder Dick Bourbon, for those unfamiliar. Drink one and set your soul free!)

Head down to the La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall from noon ‘til 2 Saturday for the Snowdown Chili Cook-Off & Bloody Mary Contest. I’ve never entered either, but hear that the suds and stew are worth the wait. Tasters cost 50 cents for chili and $1 for Bloodies. In the chile wars, prizes will be awarded for best red, green, vegetarian and salsa.

Broomball faces off at 1:15 Saturday afternoon at the Chapman Hill Ice Rink.

Because six-person teams will be running around the ice at a city facility swatting each other with wood-handled brooms, alcohol is strictly taboo and those who violate this policy will receive citations. Aside from that, I hear it’s a hoot.

Outhouse Stuffing takes place at Gazpacho’s at 2 p.m. Saturday. I pulled aside Gaz-honcho Matt Arias last weekend and asked if he hosted the event because of Gazpacho’s notoriously small bathrooms. He chuckled and said it had something to do with a porta-potty vendor leaving one in the parking lot at the end of a reconstruction job. Needless to say, nobody has ever asked me to join their outhouse stuffing team. However, it’s a great chance to chug a house margarita while watching the buffoonery around you.

I’ve heard that the Josie Pete’s awards party at the Elks Lodge at 4 p.m. Saturday is the pinnacle of drunken debauchery. Kenny B. spins the tunes, and it’s rumored that event organizer Joe Leder will dress as Slash or some other ’80s rock icon who long ago jumped the shark.

In keeping with their family-friendly theme, the Starlight hosts the Best Chest in the West contest at 9 p.m. Saturday. Both guys and gals will try to rack up prizes. At this stage in Snowdown, martinis are the only way to fly.

Sunday’s slate is rather light, given that Super Bowl game of footie football that takes place the same day. Carb up at the Pancake Breakfast hosted by La Plata County Search & Rescue at the Fairgrounds from 7 a.m. ‘til noon. A handful of events like billiards, Texas Hold ‘Em and a Snowdown truck pull are also slated.

Me? I’ll be prepping for my annual Wild Game Super Bowl Party on Sunday morning. I believe my main course this year will be quail stuffed with sausage and rubbed with sage from the garden. Others are rumored to be bringing whitetail deer steaks, slabs of salmon and elk neck stew. I also have a couple of growlers filled with the last of BREW’s excellent Queen of the Wood to pair with Stilton cheese and candied nuts during the pregame tapas hour. Go Chiefs!

They’re gonna break their chains? Email be at chrisa@gobrain storm.net. n

telegraph

Putting the pieces together is my passion.

Let me help you with the real estate puzzle.

Gillian Arnwine 970-749-3704 gillian@wellsgroupdurango.com

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Jan. 30, 2020 n 17

A Rockin’ Snowdown 2020 • Jan. 30 - Feb. 2 Thursday30

E. College Dr. 764-4545.

Warming Hut and Pin the Lips on Jagger Challenge, 10:30-1 p.m., ReLove, Consign & Design, 110 E. 5th St. 259-4444.

Magical Mystery Musical Tour Finals, 6 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave.

Chikin Flickin’ Bucket Bonanza, 1 p.m., Bird’s, 2957 Main Ave. 303-875-9134.

Snowdown Treadmill Challenge, 6 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. 769-3639.

Family Feud, 1 p.m., Seasons Rotisserie & Grill, 764 Main Ave. 247-2018.

3-on-3 Sports Chair Basketball Tournament, 6 p.m., Life Center Basketball Courts, Fort Lewis College. 2594313.

9Roadie Tricycle Race, 2 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. 749-7204.

Rock ‘n’ Science Trivia, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. 315-0589.

Making Your Own Musical Instrument – Family Style, 3:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. 201-499-7818.

Magic Carpet Ride, 6:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 749-7231.

Snowdown Follies Gala Premier Performance, 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. Drag Race and Fashion Show, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. 749-1816.

Snowdown Beard Growing Competition, 8 p.m., Carver Brewing Co., 1022 Main Ave. 259-2545.

Arm Wrestling Tournament, 8 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 405-245-9968.

Flippy Cup, 8:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 749-7231.

Guinness Games – Ants in the Pants, 8:30 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. 403-1200.

Hot Wing Eating Contest, 4 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. 259-6322.

Pick Up Line Contest, 9 p.m., Animas City Theater, 128 E. College Dr. 799-1681.

FLC Trivia, 4 p.m., Fort Lewis College, Family Hall, Room 710. 247-7344.

Snowdown Thursday Plursday, 10 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 749-7231.

Rockin’ Rollin’ Oyster Slurpin’ Contest, 4 p.m., Highway 3 Roadhouse, 955 Highway 3. 749-1414.

Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave. 903-7810.

Name That Tune, 4 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave. 314-276-1522.

Friday31 Snowdown T-Shirt Day.

Boozin’ Beacons, 4 p.m., Eolus, 9196 Main Ave. 303518-0362.

Scavenger Hunt Judging, 10 a.m., Billy Goat Saloon in Gem Village.

Snowdown Jr. King and Queen Contest, 4:30 p.m., Best Western Rio Grande Inn, 400 E. 2nd Ave. 247-2446.

Snowdown Senior Bingo, 1 p.m., La Plata County Senior Center, 2424 N. Main Ave.

28th annual La Plata Open Space Conservancy’s Craft Spirits and Wine Tasting, 4:30 p.m., Mutu’s Italian Kitchen, 701 E. 2nd Ave. 480-677-9855.

Service Industry Scramble, 2 p.m., Steamworks Brewing Co., 801 E. 2nd Ave. 946-9249.

Snowdown Kids Follies, 4:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Super Sexy Rock ‘n’ Roll Car Wash, 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. 749-7204.

Snowdown Fly Tying Contest, 5 p.m. San Juan Angler, 600 Main Ave., Suite 202. 382-9978.

Rockin’ Crafts and Accessories, 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Mock and Roll, 5:30 p.m., starting at the Henry Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave. 799-7341.

Rockin’ Family Dance Party, 5:30 p.m., Durango Dance, 3416 Main Ave., Suite 101. 403-5974.

Kayak Pool Slalom, 6:30 p.m., Durango Rec Center.

Champagne Pong, 7 p.m., Animas River Lounge at the Doubletree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio. 382-3950.

Dodgeball, 5:30 p.m., Durango Rec Center. 563-4517. th

Beer Pong, 6 p.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8 St. 719-6497263.

Rocky Mountain Oyster Eat Off, 6 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. 303-526-6364.

Air Guitar Hero, 6 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. 219-0410.

This Is Utter Nonsense! Game, 6 p.m., The Roost, 128

Bed Races, 4 p.m., along Main Avenue between 7th and 8 Streets. 946-6726.

Snowdown Pinball Showdown, 7 p.m., J. Bo’s Pizza and Ribs, 1301 Florida Rd. 759-1158.

Spaghetti Dinner, 4-9 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. 247-2296.

Snowdown Teen Follies, 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Hanky Panky, 4:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 749-7231.

Battle of the Hair Bands, 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. 219-0410.

Snowdown Light Parade, 6 p.m., along Main Avenue, College Drive to 12th Street. 749-1816. 4

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2020 Rotary Red Ball Express, 4 p.m., Rotary Clubs & Alpine Bank, 1099 Main Ave. 759-1658.

“Talkin S***” Amateur Comedy Competition, 7 p.m., Down the Rabbit Hole, 640 Main Ave. 560-5950.

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Drink Up Relay, 4 p.m., Fired Up Pizzeria, 735 Main Ave. 247-0264.

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Snowdown Costume Ball, Post Parade Awards and Balloon Drop, 7 p.m., Durango Balloon Co., 835 Main Ave..

9-Ball Billiard Tournament, 11 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. 719-649-7263.

Nintendo Mario Kart 64, 6 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 880-0214.

Veterans Benefit Dance with Ralph Dinosaur, 7 p.m., American Legion, 878 E. 2nd Ave. 903-2424.

Fly Fishing Casting Contest, 11 a.m., Schneider Park, 9th Street and Roosa Avenue. 382-9978.

Cards Against Snowdown, 6:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 382-8247.

Ski School vs. Ski Patrol Softball Game, 7:30 p.m., Softball Complex at Fort Lewis College. 946-4082.

RC Rock Crawl, 11 a.m., 2-3 p.m., Kroegers Ace Hardware. 247-0660.

Costume Contest and Dance Party, 7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. 315-0589.

Teen Dance Con: Solo or Squad, 7:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall. 247-3948.

Rock This Way, 11:30 a.m., Buckley Park. 317-8039.

Snowdown Follies, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. and Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd.

Outlaw Josie Pete Golf Tournament, noon, Main Mall, 835 Main Ave. 749-8655.

Snowdown Follies Videocast, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

Book Geek Games, noon, Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave. 247-1438.

Rock and Roll Live Music Trivia, 9 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. 749-5296.

How Well Do You Know Your Wine? noon-7 p.m., Four Leaves Winery, 528 Main Ave. 403-8182.

No Pants Snow Pants Dance, 9:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 749-7231.

Cornhole Tournament, 1 p.m., American Legion Post 28, 878 E. 2nd Ave. 247-1590.

Pole Dancing Contest, 10 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 405-245-9968.

Cat Yoga, 1 p.m., Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 15. 615-294-2049.

Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8th Ave.

Canine Fashion Show, 1 p.m., McDonald’s Parking Lot, 201 W. College Dr. 247-3986.

Snowdown Follies, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. and Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Snowdown Follies Videocast, 7:30 and 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. Life Sized Hungry Hippos, 8 p.m., Doubletree Hotel Ballroom, 501 Camino del Rio. 382-3910.

Guinness Games – Yahtzee! 8 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. 403-1200.

Booty Shaking Contest, 8:30 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 405-245-9968.

Best Chest in the West, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounges, 937 Main Ave. 880-0214.

Karaoke Contest, 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. 8 Ave. th

Hula Hoop Contest, 1 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave. 749-3331.

Saturday01 Chili Cook-Off and Bloody Mary Contest, public tasting, noon-2 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds. 3820788.

Rock and Roll Costume Gala, 11 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. 247-5440.

Snowdown Kids and Teen Follies – Best in Show, 1 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Human Foosball, 1 p.m., Animas Brewing Co., 1560 E. 2 Ave. 903-5880. nd

Sunday02 La Plata County Search and Rescue Pancake Breakfast/Silent Auction, 7 a.m.-noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds. 946-4437.

Balloon Rally and Mass Ascension, 8 a.m., Highway 550 North, on north side of Hermosa Meadows Road. 7594326.

Broomball Tournament, 1:15 p.m., Chapman Hill Ice Rink. 375-7395.

3-on-3 Basketball Tournament, 9 a.m., Durango Rec Center. 375-7331.

Limbo: How Low Can You Go? 1:30 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave. 769-3332.

Snowdown Balloon Rally and Mass Ascension, 8 a.m., Highway 550 North, north side of Hermosa Meadows Road.

Make Your Own French Toast Relay, 10 a.m., Animas River Lounge at the Doubletree, 501 Camino del Rio. 3823950.

Battle of the Hands Text Off, 2 p.m., The Mac Ranch, 1063 Main Ave. 769-4135.

3-on-3 Basketball Tournament, 9 a.m., Durango Rec Center.

Outhouse Stuffing, 2 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave. 749-3977.

Rock ‘n’ Roll Worship Service, 10 a.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. 3rd Ave. 247-3175.

Quaffing Competition, 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. 749-7204.

Truck Pull, 10 a.m., Illete Fitness, 659 Tech Center Drive. 505-947-4868.

Scouts Rock! 3-5 p.m., First Presbyterian Church of Durango, 1159 E. 3rd Ave. 426-2057.

8-Ball Billiards Tournament, 11 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. 719-649-7263.

Bomber Bowling, 10:30 a.m., Rocky Mountain High, 120 E. 36th St. 759-0732.

Snowdown Fashion Do’s and Don’ts Videocast, 4 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. 799-2281.

Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Tournament, 12:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. 749-7231.

Rockin’ Preschool Dance Party! 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library. 375-3385.

Josie Pete’s Golf Tournament – Awards Party, 4 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave.

Super Bowl 54 Party, 2 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. 247-5440.

PBS Kids Saturday Morning Cartoons, 11 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Admin Building. 973-960-2803.

Family Sock Hop, 4-6 p.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. 3rd Ave. 247-3175.

Build A Bong – Awards, 4:20 p.m., Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio.

Bring Your Partner Foosball, 11 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. 719-649-7263.

Search for the Silver Bullet Award Ceremony, 5 p.m., Joel’s Bar, 119 W. 8th St.

For a more complete schedule or more info., go to www.snowdown.org

Rock and Roll Pinball Showdown Jr., 10 a.m., The Garage, 121 W. 8th St. 759-1158.

Strongman/Strongwoman Competition, 10 a.m., CrossFit Durango, 360 S. Camino del Rio. 422-2847.

Kids Snow Games, 10 a.m., Folsom Park. 247-3986.

telegraph

Jan. 30, 2020 n 19

onthetown

Thursday30

Saturday01

Baby Meetup with Durango Café au Play, 9:30-11:30 a.m., 2307 Columbine. 749-9607.

Henry Stoy, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

Groove & Grow, music, games and more for young children and their caregivers, 10:30 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Coffee and Conversations: A shared meal with local homeless and food-insecure residents, 12:302:30 p.m., Schneider Park.

“Climate Change and the Global Order,” part of the Great Decisions Discussion Group, 11:45 a.m.-1:45 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield. www.fpa.org.

Lacey Black performs, 5-8 p.m., Lone Spur Café, 619 Main Ave. 764-4280.

Living Your Best Life with Disabilities: Disability Activism, co-hosted by Southwest Center for Independence, 1:30-2:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Thursday Afternoon Social Club for veterans, their spouses and supporters, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main.

Tim Sullivan performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

ShadowTrapp performs, 6-9 p.m., Fenceline Ciders in Mancos.

Ben Gibson Duo performs, 6-10 p.m., Seven Rivers Restaurant, Sky Ute Resort, Ignacio.

Garrett Young Collective performs, 7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. ARTrageous, a unique, interactive art and music experience, 7:30 p.m., Farmington Civic Center. 505-599-1148.

Sunday02

Animas High School Information Night, 5:306:30 p.m., 271 Twin Buttes Ave. 247-2474.

Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds. 946-4831.

Matt Rupnow, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Henry Stoy, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

Open Mic Night, 6-8 p.m., Eno, 723 E. 2nd Ave. “Rare and Endemic Plants of the San Juan Basin,” 6:30 p.m., Center of Southwest Studies at Fort Lewis College, Lyceum Room.

Animas Jazz Trio performs, 6-9 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

Friday31

Free Books, hosted by Durango Book Rescue, 11 a.m.-3 p.m., 923 Narrow Gauge Ave. Lacey Black performs, 5-8 p.m., Lone Spur Café, 619 Main Ave. 764-4280.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Joel Racheff performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main.

Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St.

Open Mic Night, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Hermosa Coffee Roasters, 738 Main Ave.

Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Monday03

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 4-6 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201.

Terry Rickard performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Ecstatic Dance, 7-10 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. Garrett Young Collective performs, 8 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday04 Groove & Grow, featuring music, games and more for young children and their caregivers, 10:30 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Rotary Club meets, presentation on Durango/La Plata and Pine River senior centers, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave. 385-7899.

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave. 403-3068.

DJ Crazy Charlie, 6:30-10:30 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon, Gem Village.

Latin Dance Night, 8 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. salsadancedurango@gmail.com.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday05 Free Kids Yoga Class for ages 3-7, 9-9:45 a.m., Pediatric Associates of Durango, 1199 Main Ave., Suite 205.

Crazy Eights Math Club, for K-2nd graders, 3:30 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Thank the Veterans potluck, 5:30 p.m., Peter Neds performs, 7-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 828-7777.

Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr. Karaoke, 8 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Ongoing

Yoga Storytime, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Smiley Building Studio 10, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

Powder Hounds Snowboard Art Auction, through Feb. 3. lpchumanesociety.org.

Watch Your Step class, 10:15 a.m., Mondays and Wednesdays, Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

“Hat on a Hat” by Trey Duvall, exhibit runs thru Feb. 20, Fort Lewis College Art Gallery. 247-7167.

Joel Racheff performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Retrospective Art Show by Peggy Cloy, thru March 24, Smiley Building second floor, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

Rob Webster performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

“Inside Out: Visions from the Artist’s Mind,” thru April 2020, Southern Ute Museum.

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FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): You now have the power to make connections that have not previously been possible.

You can tap into an enhanced capacity to forge new alliances and strengthen your support system. I urge you to be on the lookout for a dynamic group effort you could join or a higher purpose you might align yourself with. If you’re sufficiently alert, you may even find an opportunity to weave your fortunes together with a dynamic group effort that’s in service to a higher purpose.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Victory won’t come to me unless I go to it,” wrote the poet Marianne Moore. In other words, you must track down each victory you’re interested in.

You must study its unique nature. And then you must adjust yourself to its specifications. You can’t remain just the way you are, but must transform yourself so as to be in alignment with the responsibilities it demands of you. Can you pass these tests, Taurus? I believe you can. It’s time to prove it.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): While at the peak of his powers as an author, Gemini-born Nobel Prize-winner Jean Paul Sartre consumed an array of mood-shifters every day. He quaffed at least a quart of alcohol, smoked two packs of cigarettes, and drank copious amounts of coffee and tea. His intake of pills included 200 milligrams of amphetamines, 15 grams of aspirin and a handful of barbiturates. I propose that we make Sartre your anti-role model during the next four weeks, dear Gemini. According to my analysis of your astrological indicators, your ability to discover, attract and benefit from wonders and marvels will thrive to the degree that you forswear drugs and alcohol and artificial enhancements. And I’m pleased to inform you that there could be a flood of wonders and marvels.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I don’t think I’m boring. How could I be? I have an abundant curiosity and I love to learn new things. I’ve worked at many different jobs, have read widely and enjoy interacting with a broad range of humans. Yet now and then I’ve had temporary relationships with people who regarded me as uninteresting. They didn’t see much of value in me. I tend to believe it was mostly their fault – they couldn’t see me for who I really am – but it may have also been the case that I lived down to their expectations. Their inclination to see me as unimportant influenced me to be dull. I bring this up, my fellow Cancerian, because now is an excellent time to remove yourself from situations where you have trouble being and feeling your true self.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Soprano Helen Traubel and tenor Lauritz Melchior performed together in many productions of Wagnerian operas, often at the Metropolitan in New York City. Friends and colleagues but not lovers, they had a playful relationship with each other. A favorite pastime was figuring out tricks they could try that would cause the other to break into inappropriate laughter while performing. According to my quirky reading of the astrological omens, Leo, the coming weeks will be a propitious time for you to engage in similar hijinx with your allies. You have a poetic license and a spiritual mandate to enjoy amusing collaborative experiments, playful intimate escapades and adventures in buoyant togetherness.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): I know a Sagittarius man who has seen the film “Avengers: Endgame” 17 times. Another Sagittarian acquaintance estimates she has listened all the way through to Billie Eilish’s album “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” 135 times. And then there’s my scholarly Sagittarian friend who has read the ancient Greek epic poem the Iliad 37 times. I have no problem with this behavior. I admire your tribe’s ability to keep finding new inspiration in sources you already know well. But in my astrological opinion, you shouldn’t do much of this kind of thing in the coming weeks. It’s high time for you to experiment with experiences you know little about. Be fresh, innocent and curious.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Eighteenth-century author Samuel Johnson singlehandedly compiled the influential A Dictionary of the English Language, which remained the definitive British dictionary for 170 years. We shouldn’t be surprised that it was a Virgo who accomplished such an intricate and exhaustive feat. As a high-minded Virgo, Johnson also had a talent for exposing hypocrisy. In commenting on the Americans’ War of Independence against his country, he noted that some of the “loudest yelps for liberty” came from slave-owners. I propose that we make him one of your role models in 2020. May he inspire you to produce rigorous work that’s useful to many. May he also empower you to be a candid purveyor of freedom.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Athens was one of the great cities of the ancient world. Its vigorous art, theater, philosophy, architecture and experiments in democracy are today regarded as foundational to Western culture. And yet at its height, Athens’ population was a mere 275,000 – equal to modern Fort Wayne, Ind., or Windsor, Ontario. How could such a relatively small source breed such intensity and potency?

That’s a long story. In any case, I foresee you having the potential to be like Athens yourself in the coming weeks and months, Capricorn: a highly concentrated fount of value. For best results, focus on doing what you do best.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Is there a project or situation you’d love to create but have lacked the confidence to try?

Now is a time when you can finally summon the necessary courage. Is there a long-running dilemma that has always seemed too confusing and overwhelming to even understand, let alone solve? Now is a favorable time to ask your higher self for the clear vision that will instigate an unforeseen healing. Is there a labor of love that seems to have stalled or a dream that got sidetracked? Now is a time when you could revive its luminosity and get it back in a sweet groove.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Was there a more influential 20th-century artist than Scorpio-born Pablo Picasso? He was a revolutionary innovator who got rich from his creations. Once, while visiting a gallery showing of art made by children, he said, “When I was their age I could draw like Raphael (the great Renaissance artist). But it took me a lifetime to learn to draw like they do.” In accordance with your current astrological omens, Scorpio, I suggest you seek inspiration from Picasso’s aspiration. Set an intention to develop expertise in seeing your world and your work through a child’s eyes.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): According to my analysis, the year 2020 will be a time when you can have dramatic success as you re-evaluate and re-vision and revamp your understandings of your life purpose.

Why were you born? What’s the nature of your unique genius? What are the best gifts you have to offer the world? Of the many wonderful feats you could accomplish, which are the most important? The next few weeks will be a potent time to get this fun and energizing investigation fully under way.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Physicist Niels Bohr won a Nobel Prize for his insights about quantum mechanics.

But he was humble about the complexity of the subject. “If you think you understand it, that only shows you don’t know the first thing about it,” he mused. I’m tempted to make a similar statement about the mysteries and riddles that are making your life so interesting. If you think you understand those mysteries and riddles, you probably don’t. But if you’re willing to acknowledge how perplexing they are, and you can accept the fact that your comprehension of them is partial and fuzzy, then you might enjoy a glimmer of the truth that’s worth building on.

telegraph

Jan. 30, 2020 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Announcements

lus Photo R200 printers, both in fine working order. Contact bobrosen berg65 @gmail to arrange pick up in town.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

HelpWanted Phlebotomy Certification (Blood Drawing) $350, Farmington, Feb. 8 and 9. sw phlebotomy.net, 505-410-7889.

Services

Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956, www.himkitchen.com. Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our allyou-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free. Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m.

Closed 2:30 - 5, daily.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Lost&Found Found: Ring at Purgatory Base Found a ring at Purgatory base. Text to identify: 970-769-1409.

Free For School or Child Care Group Free HP Envy 5012 and/or Epson Sty-

22 n Jan. 30, 2020

Bookkeeping Services 1099s, bank & credit card reconciliations, payroll, sales tax, HR, sales & marketing, problem solving & support.

505-508-9133 cowaterfalls39@gmail.com Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside near Durango and Bayfield, RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, social media, website content, SEO, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Email jnderge@ gmail.com Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

Classes/Workshops Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

BodyWork Healthy Massages!

30, 60 or 90 min Meg Bush, LMT 970759-0199.

telegraph

massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 201819. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

ForSale 2016 Toyota 4Runner Great condition. 4WD, white with decals, hitch, transferable platinum warranty, $30,000. 970-930-2002.

Mortising Woodworking Machine PM16 - $350. 970-749-5776.

Reruns Home Furnishings Come see our new arrivals: beautiful artwork, lots of mirrors, side tables, lamps, rugs, night stands, glassware and linens. Cool vintage dishes – Pyrex & Fiestaware. Daily markdowns. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForRent Affordable Housing Homes for sale, less than $20K. Homes for rent, less than $800/mo. Mobile home sites, $285/mo + W/S. Clean, safe, family friendly community in Aztec, NM. Only 45 min from Durango. 505-334-7100 sunsetvillagemhc.com. We can help you move your home!

CommunityService Alternative Horizons is currently looking for volunteer advocates, including those who are bi-lingual, to staff our 24-Hour hotline. AH

HaikuMovieReview ‘What Did Jack Do?’ Coffee drinking noir monkey loves a hen, so yeah, a David Lynch film – Lainie Maxson supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence. Make a difference in the lives of others, come join us for a free comprehensive training. Next volunteer training March 4th and 5th. For more info call the office at 970-247-4374.

The Payroll Department Announces “Meet Your Match” Grants The application for the Payroll Department’s $7,000 matching grants is now open. The deadline to apply is Feb. 12.

Three “Meet your Match” grants are available for La Plata County organizations that support efforts in youth, environment or human services. The Payroll Department is especially interested in supporting programs or collaborations that further a nonprofit’s mission and may need a boost while the organization secures sustainable funding. This could be a new program or an expansion of services. The application is available under the “Grant Seekers” tab on the Community Foundation serving Southwest Colorado’s website, swcommunityfoundation.org.

The Free Bag, Bag Free Project Needs old T-shirts to turn into reusable shopping bags. If you have some, please contact durangobeyondplastic@gmail.com DAC 10th annual 10–Minute Play Contest The Durango Arts Center invites both emerging and professional playwrights to submit 10-Minute Plays by the Feb. 29 deadline. A staged reading of the Top Five Finalists takes place in the spring followed by the 10–Minute Play Festival, featuring the winners and finalists of the DAC 10-Minute Play Contest staged in full production in the fall. For contest guidelines, rules, schedule of events and link to submit plays, visit DAC’s website at www.DurangoArts.org.

For more info on the 10–Minute Play Contest, contact Mandy Gardner at mandy@durangoarts.org.

AskRachel Interesting fact: If you drive without your license on you, the worst that could happen is the police don’t believe you are who you say you are, and you get carted off to jail until they can ID you. No biggie. Unless you’re not who you say you are.

Dear Rachel, Every year, I think I’m going to stay home and avoid the Snowdown craziness. Then I have a change of heart (and liver) Friday night and throw something together on the fly. This year, I’m ahead of the game. I’m planning my change of heart, despite my liver’s protests, for Thursday evening right after your new paper comes out. Any costume advice using things that the common Durangotang can find in the back of the closet and/or the Subaru?

– Rock Against the Clock Dear Rage Against the Alcohol-Industrial Complex, Whatever gender you are, you have flannel shirts and old blue jeans. Insta-grunge costume. Easiest cop-out ever. Bonus points if you don’t bathe your hair for the duration of the beard-growing contest. Or, you could join me in going full Syd Barrett: we’ll be legendary for going recluse for Snowdown, and no one will hear from us for 40 years.

– It’s a long way to the top, Rachel Dear Rachel, I left my wallet at a restaurant next town over, and this led to a debate about morals and ethics that has imperiled my marriage. Can I, in good conscience, drive my car without my li-

cense, so long as it’s to go pick up my license?

One of us thinks that karma for all my past misdeeds will choose this time to instigate a traffic violation while I’m without license. The other one thinks I should just shut up already and quit asking her to give me a ride to recover the wallet that I am responsible for forgetting. Can you settle this for us?

- ID-less in Durango Dear All Superego and No Bite, You’re both right. You can’t drive yourself, and she has no reason to shuttle your butt. It’s time for you to jump on Craigslist and ask for a ride from a complete stranger. It’s like Uber, but without the sense of security.

Plus, it’s nice to chip in for gas money. Once you get your wallet back, of course. That little gesture might make all the difference between making it home and making it into someone’s freezer.

– All aboard, Rachel

Dear Rachel, When my friend comes to visit with his dog, the dog sheds everywhere. Now I love both the friend and the dog visiting, and I don’t mind the fur. What I’m wondering is whether I should make him sweep it up before he leaves. I’m the host, so I figure it’s my responsibility. But it’s his dog, so it’s his duty. Southern politeness has kept me from saying peep, but I’m about to pop from indecisiveness.

– Hairy Situation

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com Dear Fuzzy Wuzzy, Garbage is simply a resource out of place. You have a fantastic opportunity this week only. Don’t sweep up the fur at all. Take a ratty old jacket and roll it around in the fur. Then, come Thursday or Friday night, sell it as an Elton John jacket to some desperate Snowdowner who will pay anything to stand out among all the flannel.

– Brush me, Rachel

NewspaperOrigami

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*Yes, it is fine if you want to take a few for friends and family. Just don’t poach the whole stack. That’s lame.

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“Helping you burn brighter since 2002.”

A penguin telegraph

Jan. 30, 2020 n 23

24 n Jan. 30, 2020

telegraph