Durango Telegraph - March 9, 2020

We knew Joe Exotic back in 2016

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April 9, 2020

Vol. XIX, No. 14 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

In the negative

Almost famous

The last supper

Positive cases low in Telluride, but testing hits snag p9

Durango Athletic Hall of Fame rolls out nominations p10

Saying goodbye to Spain, but not without mi jamon p13

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lineup

boilerplate

4 La Vida Local

The one percent

4 Thumbin’ It

Positive results low in San Miguel, as testing hits snag with delays

by Allison Sherry, CPR News

5 Word on the Street

10

6-8 Soapbox

Nominations now being sought for Durango’s ‘Mt. Rushmore’ of athletics

10 Local News

9 State News

Kids in the hall

by Missy Votel

11 Murder Ink

12

12 Flash in the Pan 14-15 Activities pages

Murder Ink

16 Ask Rachel

Two more page-turners to stoke the imagination and pass the time

by Jeffrey Mannix

18 End of the Line 19 Classifieds

Jamon por avion Saying goodbye to Spain with a moveable feast

19 Haiku Movie Review

by Ari Levaux On the cover: A lone rider of the apocalypse observes proper social distancing measures in Fall Creek this week. If you’re heading out for a jaunt on the local trails, don’t forget to give yourself 6 feet from others, wear a protective face covering for closer encounters and please, go alone. Now is not the time for group rides./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

14

Activities page

Fill-in-the-blank Zoom happy hour and more corona haiku

ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) THE GUY WITH THE CAMERA: Stephen Eginoire steve@gulchmag.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

All forward

Neither hellfire nor high water has derailed Animas River Days in its 37-year history.

And turns out “viral pandemics” can now be added to that list. After consulting with city officials and carefully considering guidelines from the CDC, organizers have decided the show can go on – albeit a few weeks later than originally planned.

This year’s ARD will take place June 12-13, with all the usual spectator-friendly events, including boatercross, slalom, surfing and the always raucous parade, slated for Sat., June 13. The event will also feature the U.S. National Freestyle Kayaking Championships, with the country’s best play boaters dicing it up for a spot on the U.S. Team.

In addition to the date change, deadlines have been moved back as well. Sponsorship deadline is now May 1 and T-shirt designs will be accepted through April 10. And of course, volunteers are always needed.

For dets, email: animasriverdays@gmail.com. To volunteer, go to: signup.com/go/wEpoqWV

17 Free Will Astrology

13

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com)

Ear to the ground:

“Thirteenth day of quarantine and it’s just like Vegas at our house. We’re losing money by the minute, cocktails are acceptable at any hour of the day, and nobody knows what day or time it is.”

– Reflection on life in the time of COVID

thepole

9

RegularOccurrences

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

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Pedal hard

Speaking of whitewater, the latest in pushing the envelope of highly questionable river craft is here: pedal boating. Yes, those squat, two-seater fiberglass contraptions more at home on Golden Pond than Class IV. According to a March 27 story in Paddler (which may or may not have been an early April Fool’s joke), Canadian buddies Caleb Roberts and Marc Godbout have been taking grandpa’s cruiser down huge features on rivers like the Ottawa and Gatineau. Their online video exploits even caught the eye of recreational boat manufacturer Pelican, which offered them a free boat to do what they do, so long as they include a disclaimer stating the boats are not designed for whitewater.

Does this make them the world’s first semi-pro pedal boaters? “To say ‘semi-pro’ suggests there is a higher level to attain,” Roberts quipped.

He calls Pelican the “Apple” of pedal boats and credits the Monaco model as being a key to their success. “It doesn’t hold a cooler, but it’s smaller and nimbler than some other models,” he explained. The two draw the line at paddles for auxiliary power. “It’s important, at this stage, that we keep the sport pure,” he argues.

And what might come next? Roberts has his sights set on expeditions. “It’s the next frontier,” he said, adding he had a lengthy email exchange with the National Park Service on what type of boat could be taken down the Grand Canyon.

Turns out, his pedal boat would be OK. “We haven’t figured out how to boof yet, but when we do, the sky’s the limit.”

April 9, 2020 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal La Vida corona I don’t know exactly how to start this one. We’re all in uncharted territory. I thought about writing my “La Vida Local” from the perspective of my new puppy, like The Art of Racing in The Rain, but that didn’t feel right. But, the dog, that seems like a good place to start.

Her name is Hope, an appropriate name we thought, in these trying times. Plus, she’s as sweet as can be. We got her over at the La Plata Humane Society, and she’s been the most welcome distraction.

The wonderful employees over there told us she came from “a hoarder situation” and that she had parvovirus so she’s had a bit of a rough start to life.

We did a social distancing meet and greet with Hope outside of the Humane Society, and she instantly bonded with Amber, my fiancée. I liked her too, and we decided what the heck, let’s get this dog.

While we waited back at the truck for the paperwork, and the puppy, I immediately felt some buyer’s remorse. We met this dog for a few minutes and now we’re stuck with her for the next decade and a half?

What have we done, I thought to myself.

Then, another employee brought her out and gave us all the information and instructions. We hopped in the truck with our new puppy, and she instantly melted our hearts. I held her a little bit, and in that short time I knew we’d made the right decision.

And while we thought about names, Amber’s sister recommended Hope. It was perfect.

Hope. We sure do need some of that right about now. I guess even though many of our situations are the same, everyone might need something different now. My personal situation isn’t the worst. I already work from home, so even before COVID-19 I had a routine that I’m still able to keep. I feel fortunate to still have writing work, and I empathize with everyone who is out of work. During the last economic downturn, I had a spell of unemployment, but at least then I could just go out and climb and forgot my troubles. Now, even something as simple as climbing is complicated, and from all my research, not recommended. I have a hard time justifying any risk when I know ending up in the hospital from a sports-related injury would be a terrible situation.

The lens that I see everything now is through Amber. Since she’s a nurse, I check all my information with her. (It’s not a great time to be a news junkie, like myself.)

But, I feel fortunate to be so close to someone in the medical world to fact check information in a day and age of misinformation. Just weeks ago, our president was telling us, “it’s going to disappear, like a miracle” when the information he had clearly stated otherwise. So lesson one, I suppose, don’t listen to the president.

I’ve been doing my best to use my platforms to be a good advocate. It’s been

tough though, as this stuff is new to all of us. (I do recommend reading about the 1918 flu and how that affected the world. There’s some really interesting articles about Gunnison and Silverton, and how they handled it very differently.)

At first, three plus weeks ago, I thought social distancing would just mean climbing in the desert where no one was. Then, I was made aware of the ramifications of that. First, while traveling through the small towns to get to the desert I could be spreading the virus or contracting it, and second, I could get hurt in the middle of nowhere and put stress on an already strained medical system. So, I realized climbing in the desert was out of the question. But, what about climbing locally?

After thinking through all the scenarios and doing my research, I realized I was going to stop climbing completely, and I’ve been advocating for others to do the same. I’ve certainly got some blowback online for this opinion, but I’m willing to accept that. And I’m willing to admit that certain instances of climbing, like low-risk situations in secluded areas probably OK. One thing that is not OK is heading out to a very small climbing area like Turtle Lake and coming into contact with other people, while touching the same climbing holds. We’re called “dirtbags” for a reason; and it’s not because we’re known for impeccable hygiene.

I have been trying to exercise every day. My routine is to hit up my hangboard in the garage for strength, mellow walks with the puppy, and mellow bike rides without the pup. Because I’m such a terrible mountain biker, I’ve been staying on dirt roads. Singletrack to me feels as dangerous as bouldering, so I’ve kept to the dirt road up at Sailing Hawks, right by my house.

The one public place I go to every day is the post office. I put hand sanitizer on before and after, and lately, after the recommendation from our governor, I’ve been wearing a buff over my nose and mouth. And, of course, I thoroughly wash my hands when I get home. Same routine for going to the grocery store.

One last thing I want to highlight is the work of our local MakerLab at The Powerhouse. When they learned of the shortage of PPE in the medical world, they immediately reached out to the local hospitals and began creating PPE. This effort has been heroic, and they are doing important work to keep our medical professionals safe. I am amazed and impressed by the work that is going on there.

On a much lighter note, this shelter in place has finally motivated me to release my podcast, “Dirtbag State of Mind.” Like so many other people I’m consuming much more content than normal, so I figured it would be a good time to put out some free content of my own for people to enjoy. The beginning of the first season details my mental health struggles when I was a young man, so I’m hoping the podcast highlights a positive story about darkness coming from light.

I wish you all the best, and I encourage you to be diligent about keeping yourselves and others safe.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It

4 n April 9, 2020

– Luke Mehall

Local crafters and others pulling out the sewing machines en masse to make masks and protective gear for hospital workers and first responders

The City of Durango being forced to make its first round of budget cuts in the face of coronavirus and a steep drop in sales tax revenues

The first widespread testing of a population, which was done in nearby San Miguel County, showing a very small percentage of the population was actually infected with coronavirus

Zoom bombers crashing everything from online classes to happy hour gatherings, with porn, racist rants and other unwelcome intrusions

The wheels rolling on Durango’s first Athletic Hall of Fame, with long overdue recognition for the local community and its contributions to the sporting world

Trail users that continue to ride in large groups or congregate at trailheads and intersections oblivious to other trail users or the fact there is a pandemic going on

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Pit Maneuver

Washington State Patrol officer Heather Axtman was the first on the scene after an erratically driving ’96 Buick crashed. When she walked up to the car, she noticed a pit bull behind the wheel.

And no, the human in the car didn’t switch places with his dog at the last minute. The unidentified 52-year-old man was trying to teach his dog how to drive, and the dog was doing OK because the pit bull was clocked at over 100mph, but they crashed because he never taught his dog how to put the car in bark.

Q

WordontheScreen With bad news dominating the conversation these days, the Telegraph asked: “Name at least one good thing that’s come of the pandemic.”

“Having time for great phone calls with friends and clients and lots of laps on the Sky Steps.”

Christina & Riley

Hope, Amber & Luke

“Setting up an indoor obstacle course with my 4-year-old daughter.”

“Lots of family time.”

“Couch forts and wine tastings.”

Lindsay & Piper

“We added a puppy to our family and named her Hope.”

The Brown family

Bodhi & Jessica

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April 9 2020 n 5

SoapBox LPEA Elections Editors note: The following slew of letters is in regards to the upcoming La Plata Electric Association Board of Directors election.

Ballots will be mailed April 16 and LPEA members will be asked to vote for the representative in their district: District 1 - Archuleta County: Bob Lynch (incumbent, unopposed) District 2 - South and West La Plata County: • Newcomers Doug Fults amd John Lee Jr. are vying to fill the seat to be vacated by retiring director Davin Montoya.

District 3 - City of Durango: • Rachel Landis (incumbent) • Dave Nulton (challenger) District 4 - North and East La Plata County: • Guinn Unger (incumbent) • Sue McWilliams (challenger) For more details on the candidates, check out the candidate packet that will be mailed to members along with their ballot. Please note that because the race in District 1 is uncontested, ballots and candidate packets will not be mailed to members in that district. Ballots are due back by May 16.

Four directors are elected each year to the 12-member board and serve three-year terms. Winners will be announced at the LPEA Annual Meeting, currently scheduled for May 16 at Pagosa Springs High School. Given the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, the meeting may need to be postponed. In this instance, the current directors will continue to serve until the Annual Meeting can be held to officially confirm the new directors. For the latest details on the Annual Meeting, visit lpea.coop/annual-meeting.

6 n April 9, 2020

A personal endorsement To the editor, In the Soapbox item that I wrote, which was published March 12, I encouraged readers to vote for Bob Lynch, Rachel Landis and myself in the upcoming LPEA elections. One reader interpreted this to mean that I was saying that the LPEA Board of Directors was endorsing those three candidates. I would like to clarify that I was speaking for myself and not representing the LPEA Board.

LPEA and the LPEA Board as a whole are forbidden to endorse candidates, but individual directors may do so. I apologize for any confusion. Stay well!

Guinn Unger, citizen

provide an exit charge to help (LPEA) evaluate its future.”

Jessica Matlock, LPEA’s CEO, said, “Our current contract ties us to Tri-State’s generation portfolio, and caps the amount of cheap, clean power we can generate locally to just 5% of our total energy demand… This denies us a massive opportunity to create jobs, boost the local economy … and become more resilient in case of future emergencies.”

Tri-State tried to have LPEA’s case dismissed, but last month, FERC sided with LPEA and the PUC … the complaint can proceed to a hearing at the PUC. Good news!

Re-elect Rachel Landis and Guinn Unger, and add Doug Fults to the Board!

– Lindie Hunt, Durango

Flip the switch on coal

Bring back affordable rates

To the editor, In past elections, LPEA members have elected a strong Board majority in favor of seeking cheaper, cleaner energy – for our wallets and for our ecosystem. The Board has kept its promise to carefully study options – including determining the cost of exiting our current disastrous contract with Tri-State.

Disastrous? Well, our contract buys us high-priced, high-carbon electricity, with unlimited rate hikes until 2050. Compare our wholesale cost – $0.074/kWh – with around-the-clock electricity from solar plus battery storage: $0.051/kWh (2017 Xcel bids, including transmission costs). Considerably higher, right? And Tri-State was ranked third most carbon-emitting per unit energy of the top 100 domestic utilities. Currently, when you flip a switch, you’re burning coal.

A recent LPEA news release stated that last November, after attempts to negotiate with Tri-State, “LPEA filed a formal complaint with the PUC because Tri-State failed to

To the editor, It is election season at LPEA, and candidate Guinn Unger again takes the liberty to trash me in his March letter to the Durango Telegraph. He dares to explain how good it has been since he has become a director and Bob Lynch was elected president of LPEA. So I will help readers understand what has really changed since I was the previous president and they took control of the board.

Guinn promised three years ago that he would lower rates if he was elected. LPEA has rate increases for the last two consecutive years despite that they have said they have not raised rates since 2016.

When I served as president, LPEA always passed through to members the cash patronage that LPEA receives from Tri-State. Did Guinn tell you because they have mismanaged the budget they had to keep this cash? It has been about $2 million each year. And did he tell you that they padded the rate increase? The budget called for about a $2.3 million rate increase, and they chose to raise it4

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an even $3 million. And there is $670,000 for consultants and attorneys. They spent a minimum of $400,000 on consultants last year.

The Board’s expenses have risen every year. The Board cannot even control its own budget. When I was president, I tried to develop policies to control director expenses, but they have ignored them. Are you beginning to understand why I didn’t have to raise rates but they have? I thought Guinn was going to lower rates?

As president, I involved the Board in all decisions. I had committee of meetings so the entire Board would hear all the information and ask any questions. They now have small committees to study the issues. The majority of Board members no longer understand what is going on.

Many of LPEA’s best employees have left in the last two years. With the salaries and benefit package, LPEA is probably the most sought-after job in our area. Ask yourself why employees are all of a sudden leaving.

As president, I did not lie to the members about LPEA subsidizing solar. Maybe Guinn can explain why LPEA paid Tri State 7.2 (2019 annual report says it’s 7.1 now) cents per kilowatt, and LPEA is paying solar gardens over 14 cents for electricity. It might be hard for folks to understand, but the base rate of $23.50 also subsidized solar and part-time homeowners; this rate should be more like $33-35/month.

As president, I pushed through video streaming the LPEA Board meetings for transparency so members can watch these meetings.

BTW Kit Carson Coop bought out Tri State a few years ago and now has some of the highest rates in the nation.

Yes, Guinn and his buddies have changed LPEA in the last two years but for the worse. Don’t watch their lips, watch their actions. I will predict LPEA will be raising rates again next year or the following year. Start asking specific questions to get answers; don’t settle for “we know best.”

The information in this letter is my sole opinion and the facts are the best that I have, given that I have had a difficult time gathering information even as a director

from this Board.

The only way to bring back LPEA to affordable rates is to replace some of these bad directors. Vote for John Lee, Dave Nulton and Sue McWilliams.

– Davin Montoya, Hesperus

Trust science – vote for Unger To the editor, Many believe that renewable energy is available only if the sun is shining or the wind is blowing. Wrong, both solar and wind energies can be stored in batteries. We can draw the energy we need at night and with no wind.

Guinn Unger is familiar with the falling price of storage and recognizes its potential to dramatically cut our very high demand charges.

Too many believe renewables are too expensive.

Wrong. Cost for solar and wind power in Colorado are now substantially below the cost of our current electricity provider’s product.

Coal is no longer the economic energy choice for electricity generation. Our electricity provider Tri-State could save over $600 million through 2030 by closing existing coal plants, and our consumers would save $2.5 billion.

High operational costs of coal are passed on to electric customers.

Renewables are not only viable and less expensive. They also provide us with more local control. If our power is produced locally, our residents can access needed electricity, sheltered from the threat of cyber and other attacks, as well as from natural disasters such as avalanche and wildfire that can destroy long transmission lines.

As prices for solar panels, wind turbines and battery storage sharply decrease, Guinn Unger wants to transition from dirty energy asap. Our region is highly vulnerable to environmental impacts of fossil fuel combustion. It suffices to remember our recently reduced snowpack, stream flows, drought and wildfires.

– Ruth Weinfeld, Durango

While I know times are challenging and things seem uncertain, we will get through this together with strength and dignity.

Durango is strong, and we will come out the other side of this a better and even stronger community by working together in this time of transition.

A transparent case of hypocrisy To the editor, I commend the LPEA Board of Directors for their quick action to support the community. The delay of a rate increase and the allocation of community-support funds were possible because they had the forethought to create a stabilization fund. This is a great example of fiduciary responsibility in action.

Sue McWilliams’ March 26 letter asserts that the LPEA Board is not transparent and neglects its fiduciary responsibility. If this were true, LPEA would have not been able to step up for our community.

It is fair to compare McWilliams’ record at Empire to her claims against the LPEA Board. Empire Electric has not acted in the same way for their local community. She spent her time on the Empire Board advocating for TriState instead of putting community first. This could be the reason.

Significantly more co-op information is available on LPEA’s site; videos of full Board meetings, tax returns, annual reports and minutes of committee meetings are all public. Empire has none of this. In addition, LPEA spending is either equal to or better than that of Empire.

Ms. McWilliams was and still is an advocate for TriState, putting their fossil-fuel agenda above local community needs. he is claiming she is for the future, but if you look at her record, this is another example of someone saying exactly the opposite of what they mean.

– Jessica Wheeler, Durango

Correcting the record on LPEA To the editor, Sue McWilliams’ March 13 letter reprimands LPEA’s Board for actions which I applaud. Perhaps because she’s new to our area, she doesn’t know that LPEA membersoverwhelmingly elected directors promising to seek

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April 9, 2020 n 7

LPEALetters

OtherElections ...

from p. 7 relief from Tri-State’s high rates and dirty electricity. As many readers know, Tri-State’s wholesale rate is significantly above open market rates, even allowing for transmission charges. Our Tri-State contract allows unlimited rate hikes until 2050; that is good for Tri-State but not for LPEA members.

We members deeply appreciate this new Board’s thorough analysis of our budget and energy options (finally!)

Every $0.01/kWh LPEA spends on electricity equals $10 million/year we spend, and our current costs are $0.010.02/kWh above comparable market costs. If analysis of options costs $1 million, but saves $300-$600 million over 30 years, sign me up. Our recent rate hike is overdue to replace aging infrastructure (which caused Dalton Ranch outages).

I’m amazed our Board members are willing to do their hard work for the small salary they receive. Unlike Ms. McWilliams, I find our current CEO and her excellent staff worth every cent they earn – quality doesn’t come cheap. I appreciate their new era of transparency, with televised/archived meetings and in-depth budget review meetings which are open to everyone. Our LPEA workforce deserves good pay, too.

Ms. McWilliams, you seem to have come here with a pre-conception that Tri-State deserves more loyalty than our co-op. It might pay you to find out what we want rather than to assume you know what we want.

– Lynn R. Frederick, Pagosa Springs

Continue the good fight at LPEA To the editor, On Guinn Unger’s LPEA Director Face Book site, Sue McWilliams, who is running for Unger’s seat, has posted some interesting comments. McWilliams claims that our electricity provider, Tri-State, hasn’t increased rates in four whole years. But she fails to mention that since 2002, Tri-State’s wholesale electricity rate has doubled (CPI inflation rate increased only 44 percent). Why? TriState’s insistence on burning costly coal. LPEA could buy much cleaner electricity for far less on the open market.

Unaware of LPEA members’ demand for locally generated and locally owned clean energy, Ms. McWilliams brings up Tri-State’s Responsible Energy Plan. But Tri-State’s bold plans to build some renewables only appeared when mandated by the Colorado Legislature in 2019.

Tri-State has consistently refused to work with LPEA to allow us to build our own cheap, clean generation facilities and dodged our earnest attempts to negotiate, then maneuvered to avoid accountability to Colorado’s Public Utilities Commission by applying for FERC jurisdiction.

They have tried to place an extra fee on third-party generation and on battery storage use by member co-ops. Their $3+ billion debt is growing. We member co-ops are stuck with hundreds of millions of dollars in interest payments, guaranteeing long-term high rates. Their credit rating has recently dropped.

Yet McWilliams seems to be lobbying for Tri-State – why? Ms. McWilliams: LPEA members don’t want a sinking boat, nor bad advice.

Since Guinn was elected in 2017, he has effectively advocated for member interests in cleaner, cheaper and locally generated energy.

Vote to keep Guinn Unger on the LPEA Board.

– Philip Riffe, Durango

Bridging the urban-rural divide To the editor, Some say there is a divide in La Plata County between urban and rural residents. I agree that there exists a disconnect. My rural and agricultural neighbors complain that folks in town do not understand and appreciate them and their lifestyle, while my urban friends say that folks from the country seem unfriendly, cliquish and unapproachable.

Durango is a great place to live and raise a family, so it is no surprise that many people do whatever it takes to live here. Most urban and suburban residents of La Plata county choose to live in La Plata County for the quality of life.

They love the great outdoor culture, community supported events, local restaurants and a college which supports the arts and culture. Problems occur though, when urban and suburban folks sometimes see their rural and agricultural neighbors’ property as their “view shed” and want to regulate how and what is done on that property. We forget the value and benefits that our agricultural neighbors bring to our county. The generations that grew up visiting Grandma and Grandpa’s farm or ranch are quickly disappearing.

Connection to agriculture is disappearing.

Many years of insufficient representation of rural and agricultural residents in county government has created a government culture that has sometimes lacked support or understanding of one of the greatest assets of La Plata County: its deep rural and agricultural heritage. In 2018, over 1,000 angry county residents attended a meeting held by county commissioners about a proposed new land use code, which had been drafted by an out-of-state consultant. Farmers and ranchers didn’t want to be told how to manage their livestock, what color their barn had to be, nor how many people could attend Grandpa’s 80th birthday party (the proposed code required a special permit for gatherings of more than 25 persons). Thankfully, county commissioners had the wisdom to start over with a more grassroots approach to a new code.

The average age of a farmer or rancher is approaching 60! A big shift in land ownership is on the horizon. What will happen to all of the food production, scenic value and rich cultural heritage that we take for granted if our community does not support it? Will it be preserved by the next generation of ranchers and farmers, or will it become acres of noxious weeds, or turn into subdivisions and urban sprawl?

Here are some ways that urban and rural citizens, and government can support each other: • To my rural and ag friends, I say support local businesses. Don’t take your business away from La Plata County. When you meet people in town, engage with them. Tell them what you do and why you do it. Make new friends of city dwellers, and even consider inviting them to your farm or ranch. Take the time to help them understand what you do, why you do it and how they benefit.

• To my urban friends, I say reconnect! Learn more about where your food comes from. Go visit one of the many farms in the county that welcomes visitors and sells their wares, such as the James Ranch, Foxfire Farms, or the Old Fort Lewis Farm Stand and Education Garden.

Learn about the rich farming and ranching heritage in La Plata County. Continue to support our local food producers by shopping at farmers markets and produce stands that sell locally grown food. Support local consumer sup-

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ported agriculture subscription programs. Volunteer at a community garden, or shop for and prepare a farm-totable meal as a family activity.

• As for government – fortunately, in the proposed new land use code, there will be a section called “Ag Plus” which will give more flexibility to farmers and ranchers, and provide more ways for them to stay productive and profitable on their land. County commissioners and the planning department are working on a community outreach plan with more opportunities for community input and involvement as the new code is rolled out. These are steps in the right direction.

A big part of what makes La Plata County so great is our blend of urban, rural and ranching traditions. Each brings a vibrant contribution to our economy and lifestyle. Let’s work together to protect our unique environment and our common experience. We can do this as we all strive to listen to, understand and appreciate the diverse cultural and traditional perspectives of both urban and rural county residents.

– Charly Minkler, independent (unaffiliated) candidate for La Plata County Board of Commissioners, District 3

Stronger, safer community for all To the editor, It has been my honor and privilege to serve as your District Attorney for the last four years. From expanding our diversion and restorative justice programming to ensuring community safety by aggressively prosecuting the most dangerous offenders, I am extremely proud of the work we have done to make our community stronger and safer.

However, there is more work to be done to build a better criminal justice system for our community. We must continue to build our capacity to work in a victim-centered manner, guiding victims through the process with compassion and understanding. We must continue to treat the most serious and dangerous cases with laser focus, dedication and excellence to ensure community safety. We must continue to expand our diversion and restorative justice programs. We must continue to find new and creative solutions to bring down the number of people in our jails and prisons. And we must continue to address the root causes of inequality and bias in the criminal justice system.

I am seeking re-election as District Attorney because I love this community and I am committed to protecting its people and keeping it safe. I am humbled and thankful that I’ve had the chance to serve my community for the past four years, and am excited and optimistic about the opportunity to build on our gains and to continue working as District Attorney to make our community a stronger and safer place for us all.

– Christian Champagne, District Attorney, 6th Judicial District

“We’ll print damned-near anything” The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to the public to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only three requests: limit letters to 750 words, letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your insights by Tuesday at noon to: PO Box 332, Durango, 81302 or e-mail your profundities to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com. Let the games begin ...

StateNews

Less than 1% of Telluride tests positive

Company postpones second round of testing indefinitely due to delays, lack of supplies

by Allison Sherry Colorado Public Radio News

O

f the almost 1,000 people tested for COVID-19 in San Miguel County, only eight, or about one percent have come back positive. Another 23 have either indeterminate or borderline results, which means the person may have been exposed to the virus, but their immune system hasn't yet produced enough antibodies to register a positive on the test.

Officials say those people will be tested again in two weeks and should self-isolate.

“Health officials are being extremely cautious and treating positive and borderline results as presumptively active infections,” county officials said in a press release. “These individuals would have the potential to be shedding the virus and be contagious.”

San Miguel County was the first place to embark on testing for all. Anyone could get a COVID-19 blood serum test, healthy or not. So far, they have tested about 12 percent of the county’s 8,000 residents. Meanwhile, the state has reported results for about threetenths of 1 percent of Colorado’s total number of residents.

“This tells us that there are a number of people who were and are carriers of COVID19 and can therefore spread the virus to oth-

ers,” Dr. Sharon Grundy, county medical officer, said in a statement. “This is why, more than ever, we need to focus on our behavior.”

The tests were being funded by two biomedical executives who have a home in Telluride. They and county officials had hoped to determine how widespread COVID-19 was in the community. The test is capable of detecting antibodies even if a person already has had the virus and recovered, or if they have it and don’t know it. “Blood doesn’t lie,” Mei Mei Hu, co-CEO of United Biomedical (UBI), the company performing the tests, said in an earlier interview.

However, a second round of COVID-19 blood tests scheduled for this week have been postponed indefinitely, according to a story in the Telluride Planet on Tuesday. According to UBI, tests aren’t able to be processed as fast as initially planned because the company’s staff has been cut by 40 percent due to state restrictions. There’s also a lack of supplies, including personal protective equipment.

The plan was to test participants 14 days after the first blood draw, but now officials may not receive the results of the 4,000plus remaining tests for weeks, Grundy told the Planet.

Grundy, along with other local officials, still believes the decision to partner with

UBI is the best plan moving forward.

“The data will provide a better understanding of the prevalence of the virus in our community and how those who were exposed to COVID-19 fared,” she said.

Hu told county officials that the company aims to process as many outstanding tests per day as possible, starting Thursday or Friday.

“Like everyone right now, we’re trying to navigate our operations in these unprece-

dented times to the best of our ability,” Hu said in a released statement Monday. “We understand the critical importance of timely test results and the immense stress that everyone is under, however industrywide disruptions due to the COVID-19 epidemic … have led to an unexpected backlog in processing results.”

This story was edited to add local content and context. For more from Colorado Public News, go to www.cpr.org. n

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9

LocalNews

Almost famous Nominations being sought for Durango’s ‘Mount Rushmore’ of athletes

by Missy Votel

A

ttention Durango uber studs and studettes, honches and honcheras, and badasses of all types: your time has come.

After decades of slogging through your sufferfests with little or no accolades – other than an occasional Olympic medal or a packet of complimentary GU – your athletic prowess can now live on longer than the 15 minutes of fleeting fame in rinky dink rags like this.

Announcing the first-ever – and long overdue – Durango Athletic Hall of Fame.

“There is not one person from Durango in the Colorado Athletic Hall of Fame,” local organizer Dale Garland protested.

This, despite Durango being home to some 30-some-odd (and counting) Olympians, national champions and other professional sporties. “That gives even more credence that these stories need to be told,” he said.

Garland, of Hardrock Hundred fame, hatched the idea for the Athletic Hall of Fame along with Iron Horse Bicycle Classic Director Gaige Sippy and the late, great Ed Zink, who passed away from a heart attack last October.

As the granddaddy of the Iron Horse and longtime owner of Mountain Bike Specialists, Zink often spoke to the two of the need for an honest-to-goodness, official way to formally recognize Durango’s impressive stable of elite athletes.

“Over the last four or five years, at various times, both Gaige and I had conversations with Ed about a Hall of Fame,” Garland recalled.

When the two ran into each other at Zink’s memorial last November, they decided to make it official. “We decided now’s as good a time as any to honor Ed’s memory, and it’s something Durango could use,” said Garland.

The two made a date to talk details, since those types of things are typically frowned upon at somber events such as memorial services.

“We met up later and had a beer and talked about what it might look like,” Garland said.

One of the first things they realized in that proverbial cocktail napkin sesh was that they needed more input. They put out the call to community leaders, sports organizations, media and the like. They gave them the pitch and ended up hitting a home run, if you will.

“They all said ‘That’s really cool,’” Garland said.

With the blessing of community members, the two set about planning the next steps: bylaws, criteria, the nominating process, websites and other considerations.

One thing they realized as they opened the process up to the community is that Durango’s athletic greats extend far beyond the jocks and jockettes to coaches, boosters, trainers, writers, event organizers and mentors.

“It expanded to a much larger group than we ever imagined,” Garland said.

And with that, the Hall of Fame also expanded its scope.

Not only would it serve to recognize those who embodied athleticism in a positive and meaningful way, but it would provide education and philanthropy to help keep the local winners coming down the homestretch.

And although when most people think Durango, they think Herculean two-wheeled pursuits, the Hall is meant for all athletes, from rodeo stars (bulls and whitewater) to skinny skiers to champion curlers (of which, we sadly know none.)

“If readers know of any national champions or professional athletes out there, shoot it to me,” Garland said.

In fact, learning about these under-the-radar athletes has been part of the excitement of putting the hall together.

“It’s been fun to have these conversations and learn about these people who do a variety of stuff,” he said. “Sure, we have Travis and Ned, but I didn’t know we had NFL and MLB players; beach volleyball, kayaking, canoeing … .”

Of course, what would a Hall of Fame be without a nomination and an induction? Now through April 30, folks can nominate their favorite local hall of famer. Garland refers to this inaugural class as the “Mount Rushmore” of Durango athletics. “Who are the iconic figures?” he asked.

The top 10 will be chosen by a seven-member panel and inducted Mon., Oct. 26, at a ceremony at the Fort Lewis College Community Concert Hall.

Although their faces will probably not be enshrined in the side of the Hogsback, there is talk of a real brick and mortar hall, or possibly a roving Hall of Fame (#sprintervanoffame.)

Again, organizers are looking to the community for guidance on what they’d like to see.

“If this does evolve and get bigger, it’s something we could do,” Garland said. “It would be a great thing for visitors to come and see some of the great things people in Durango have done.” n

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Full menu available – check it out on Facebook.

Open: Mon-Fri, 7am-2pm and Sat, 8am-1pm

Located in the heart of Bayfield, 25 W. Mill St. • 970-884-6008

10 n April 9, 2020

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Who do you love?

Nominations for the inaugural Durango Athletic Hall of Fame are broken down into three major areas: mountain/outdoor; court/field; and water.

Nominations accepted until April 30, with the 2020 DAHOF induction on Mon., Oct. 26, at the Community Concert Hall.

Anyone is invited to nominate their favorite local sports hero, living or dead, however, the selection committee is looking for inductees who meet certain criteria: • When considering inductees, the athlete’s whole body of work will be considered.

• To be considered, a candidate must have strong ties to the Durango community either through their birth, residence, the lasting influences of their experiences here, or by having made their mark here.

• Inductees should reflect as many of the following attributes as possible: inspiration of others; significant and enduring contributions to their sport; elevation of their field; contribution to a new perspective on their sport; and conveying credit and/or recognition to the Durango community.

The link to nominate someone (which is incredibly too long for print) can be found in the story on the Telegraph’s website, www.durangotelegraph.com; on the DAHOF Facebook page; or by emailing durangoathletic halloffame@gmail.com.

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April 9, 2020 n

11

MurderInk

Keeping the droplet monster at bay

by Jeffrey Mannix

W

hat everyone needs right now – besides booze and Valium – is some good reading to keep the droplet monster at bay and the mewl of isolation softened to a purr of contentment. You need Running Out of Road by the virtuosic storyteller and nonpareil wordsmith, Daniel Friedman. And because this scourge of overpopulation continues to inflict instead of resolve under our bloviating captaincy, you’ll need more than one book to stave off cabin fever. Therefore, you should order up A Long Way Off, Pascal Garnier’s final book published in English by Gallic Books last week in a slim paperback. The iconic noir writer died in 2010 and left the world of literary arts the poorer.

Regular readers of Murder Ink will recognize Garnier’s name from a number of chilling, erudite books reviewed in this column. And while Daniel Friedman may not ring a bell, his near perfect Don’t Ever Get Old will surely connect from a review I did in 2012.

Running Out of Road is the third life episode of retired Jewish detective Buck Schatz. Now 88 years old, he is feeling no remorse for a career known for his lead-filled leather blackjack, handy .357 revolver and a bulldog ferocity in defiance of a fully subscribed anti-Semitic Memphis police force.

In Running Out of Road, convicted serial killer Chester March, the oldest inmate in the United States after 35 years on death row, finally has an execution date.

Chester’s conviction was the marquee achievement of Buck’s muscular career, and as execution draws near, March’s case attracts the attention of an NPR producer

12 n April 9, 2020

who argues that Chester’s conviction was the result of a coerced confession, exacted by Schatz.

Nobody contradicts Schatz, even propped up on a walker. You’re in for a big-screen story by a writer who knows how to bend the language for a mainstage show. And while you’re at it, you might as well order Friedman’s Don’t Ever Get Old. I haven’t read his other two books, but after reading Running Out of Road and being again suffused with Friedman’s intoxicant, I have them ordered.

Speaking of intoxicants, French noir maestro Garnier has again crept up to make us wonder about how stable our mind is.

Garnier has written widely about ordinary people doing unordinary things, as a certain some do when nobody is looking.

His stories are short – A Long Way Off is 124 pages – but his impression is deep, and his stories have the heft of books too heavy to hold and linger like the stench of burning rubber. You wouldn’t want to read one after another just like you wouldn’t want to sit in a sweat lodge every day; you need a break between detoxifications. But you also wouldn’t want to not read all of his 12 English translations that you can get your hands on.

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A Long Way Off is the account of the impromptu road trip a 60-year-old father takes with his grown daughter Anne, whom he visits monthly on the same day at a long-term residential institution for the disoriented.

For readers of Garnier – this is all you need to know to raise the hair on your arms. Garnier likes to take people away from their homes and put them in unfitting circumstances.

There’s trouble written all over the simple, generous, fatherly proposal to take a few days off and tour the countryside with his clinically unstable daughter, and Garnier is known to slave and anguish over every word he wrings from his sweated brow. Maybe that’s why his 600page books pare down to a hundred-some pages, every one. NPR has commented that Garnier makes bleakness pleasurable, and that his books are brief, brisk and ruthlessly entertaining.

A number of Garnier books drill deeper and keep the reader up later, perhaps all of them exceed the creep factor of A Long Way Off. But this is Garnier’s final effort in his desperate attempt to get it right, and it’s good.

You can order these books from Maria’s Bookshop online or by phone. Ask for your Murder Ink 15 percent discount. And if you live within sneezing distance, they’ll deliver your book(s), sprayed germ free. n

FlashinthePan

The last (Spanish) supper

by Ari LeVaux

A

bout halfway through our family trip to Andalusia, the U.S. restricted air travel from Europe, and Spain declared a state of emergency. The geopolitical and pandemic crosscurrents at play were difficult to read, even from the rooftop terrace of our house in Guajar Faraguit, a quiet village in the hill country above the Strait of Gibraltar. We tried to sniff the breeze for guidance, but all we could smell were lemon blossoms.

I sipped red wine into mouthfuls of manchego and jamon. My wife took her manchego with vegetables, while the kids munched avocado toast and drank homesqueezed orange juice. We were surrounded by clean water, carefully tended groves of olive, citrus, almond and avocado, and not much else. If an algorithm were programmed to find the perfect location in which to weather a pandemic, it would find places like Guajar Faraguit, in the sparsely populated, dead-end valley of the Toba River.

Our flight home just more than a week away, and there was a growing possibility of being trapped in Spain for an indeterminate amount of time. But the journey home looked like a slow-motion nightmare of terminals clogged with long lines of coughing, irate passengers and every other circle of airport hell Dante could never have imagined.

After a few days in the mountains, we went shopping in Lanjaron, a village in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada.

As we walked toward the municipal market, the police stopped us and sent my wife and kids back to the car. It was a drag to shop alone, but I was glad to see Spain determined to not become the next Italy.

The Lanjaron market is a stage for the finest ingredients Andalusia and Spain have to offer. Citrus, peppers, artichokes, a diversity of avocados, two boxes of strawberries, black tomatoes, pomegranates, potatoes and oyster mushrooms from a produce stand, bread and pastries from the bakery, a side of lamb ribs from the butcher, a sack of seafood from the fishmonger: mackerel, red shrimp and flying squid (capable of launching 100 feet through the air).

My arms were burning when I made it back to the car, itself on the verge of spontaneous combustion from the friction within. We drove to my go-to jamoneria, Jamones Pozo, and double-parked on the narrow street in front.

Santi had my order wrapped and rung up, including the jamon serrano, a local ham cured in multi-story structures in the mountain communities of the Sierra Nevada – a region called the Alpujarra, of which Lanjaron is the gateway. To go with my jamon, a final round of Alpujarran sheep’s milk cheese, a number of bottles of local red, a jar of olives, two sacks of oranges from Santi’s tree, tins of olive oil from the Lanjaron press, and a locally crafted chess board made of walnut and lemon woods, wrapped carefully for protection and also discretion – the police had zero tolerance for “non-essential” purchases. In front of his shop, Santi and I hastily bowed goodbye.

That night we ate grilled mackerel and flying squid on our salads. Flying squid tastes like non-flying squid. We pondered flying. We pondered not flying.

The next day we hiked along ancient Moorish roads and irrigation ditches above Guajar Alto, at the top of the dead-end Toba Valley. I picked handfuls of wild thyme, fennel and rosemary. As the kids played by a creek, I checked the phone, and the world.

The death toll in Spain had doubled again, to about 500. Italy was closing its borders and shutting down air travel, and the American Airlines representative we reached by phone said our scheduled flight home might be cancelled.

When is the next flight out of Spain? I asked. The next morning, out of Madrid, she said. Madrid is a six-hour drive from Guajar Faraguit. We made the change and gathered the kids.

Our plane left in 12 hours. The kids showered, my wife made salads, and I rubbed olive oil into those lamb chops, along with sea salt, garlic and freshly gathered wild thyme and rosemary. I got to grilling one last time on that Andalusian rooftop, and we feasted on lamb, salad and leftover soup. Then we cleaned up the kitchen, gave the rest of our food to our neighbors, did the idiot check, and bailed.

The road to Madrid was fast and, except for trucks, completely empty. The toll booths were empty and open.

The rental car company didn’t answer the phone, so we left the car in the Budget lot, six days early and in the wrong city.

We had these extra-toxic death wipes that sterilize anything and used them to wipe down a corner of the empty Madrid airport for us to doze until morning. I nibbled on leftover lamb ribs, finally able to wash them down with the rest of our wine, and pined for a microwave.

The plane to Dallas was extra-clean and nearly empty, with a crew of spunky flight attendants in good spirits. I fell into a deep state of chill, and awoke remembering Santiago’s jamon. Customs would not allow Spanish pork into the U.S., so I had work to do. Noticing my project, my impish flight attendant placed the entire bottle of red wine on my tray table.

“Tengo mucho jamon,” I said, gratefully, and a little helplessly. (I have much jamon.)

“I’ll get some bread,” he replied matter-of-factly in Spanish, the only language he appeared to speak.

The two of us were still in Spain, somewhere above Louisiana. High above COVID-19, but not for long. I asked if he wanted any jamon for the road. “I can’t bring it in either,” he said.

I assumed the plane would return to Madrid after taking us to the States, but it turns out neither plane nor crew were going back any time soon. Our flight, AA37, was the last American Airlines flight out of Spain – and that jamon was my last taste of the beautiful country, at least for a while. n

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QuarantineActivityPage

Help Durango Dude This weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s activity: Durango Dude is hosting his first Zoom happy hour! Please help him invite some of his friends to join in on the fun. (*Creepers, pervs, white supremacists and other party crashers are unwelcome.)

14 n April 9, 2020

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CoronavirusHaiku (Editor’s note: A few weeks ago, reader John Egan made a request for fellow Tele-ers to submit haikus in response to the coronavirus pandemic. Congratulatons to local wordsmith Karen Carver who rose to the challenge, and then some! Work fridge beer coming your way ...

Haiku (5-7-5) First, name the subject Then, describe, metaphors help Last, witty remark

Covid-19 Amidst nature, breathe deep.

No need to clean trees and rocks.

Leaves make fine TP.

Elbow Bumps?

Social distancing.

Works for curmudgeonly me.

Rather hug a tree.

Awakening First springtime color Energy stored since last fall Draw deep from your roots

Sheltering in Place 2 A desperate move Only leave for essentials I trimmed my own bangs

First Responders Get them what they need Guardian angels in scrubs Save their lives for us

High Noon Old Western ghost town Empty streets, stores and houses Except this is now

OCD Sheltering in place Divert energy to cleaning Both virtue and vice

Pontius Pilate 2020 Wash, wash, wash your hands A fine thing for us to do But not our “leader”

Sheltering in Place Talking to myself Where is our collective voice?

Leaders need to hear!

Spring Cleaning Al fresco potty Remodeling the bathroom?

Or out of TP?

Tribute to Donovan First crocus blooms I’m just mad about saffron Mellow out, stay home – Karen Carver, Durango

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April 9 2020 n 15

AskRachel Interesting fact: If you can sub the word with “he” or “she,” use who. If “him” or “her” fits better, use “whom.” Like this: “Me and whom literally died watching half-masked idiots at 8 a.m. this morning.”

Dear Rachel, I’m grateful to see so many people wearing masks in public. But my favorite part/the worst part of my first grocery run in two weeks was seeing how many people wore masks with their noses hanging out. Um, that defeats the entire point of wearing a protective breathing mask!

Do you think you can’t spread the virus through your airborn booger particles? Or that your nose hairs will defend you from catching it?

– The Nose Knows No Bounds Dear Schnoz, You will never understand them until you walk a mile in their makeshift homemade face shield. Maybe their doctor prescribed sun exposure for their facial features.

Maybe they got Teflon on their faces and their masks won’t stay put. Maybe their noses are purely decorative.

You have no idea. So don’t just presume they are being careless and stupid. I mean, they ARE being careless and stupid. But don’t presume it.

– Follow your nose, Rachel Dear Rachel, For a completely different conversation, can you please tell me why it has become OK for even smart and/or educated people to say things like, "Me and him"? I got past people using "literally" for things that are not literal, and even the re-

16 n April 9, 2020

dundancy of something like "7 a.m. in the morning,” but I just can't let go of the ME first movement. (Now I feel badly for being all judge-y like that because I'm still not sure how to use "whom.”)

– The "I's" have it Dear #IToo, Let he whom is without grammatical sin cast the first stone upon those whom use accusative pronouns in the nominative case. Self-police yo’self before you get all caught up in whom else is speaking however whom pleases. Then embrace the fact that language is a living, evolving organism, and most of the “rules” we fail at pounding into kids’ heads are either a) meant for Latin, or b) the way English was spoken at some point in the past that is not present.

– For who the bell tolls, Rachel Dear Rachel, My dog got a piece of grass stuck in his nose this weekend. She whistled in her sleep for a day before she seemed to snort it down her throat.

This got me thinking. How come dogs don’t get stuff stuck up their nose all the time? Or do they, and they just never complain? I mean, seriously, this is the same animal who rolls in carcasses and cow pies on our hikes, so who knows what else she enjoys.

- Snortin’ Grass Dear Grass Fed, I once had a dog who got a log—not a stick, but a log—wedged between her skin and her rib cage. She

telegraph

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com didn’t care. Stitch it up? Never noticed. But they shaved a one-inch square patch of fur on her leg for the IV drip, and that was the greatest threat to her health and wellbeing since that time a rabbit walked onto the lawn. Me and her got through it okay though. So will you and whom.

– Snort, Rachel

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Moses did 40 years’ worth of hard work in behalf of his people, delivering them out of slavery in Egypt. Yet God didn’t allow him to enter into the Promised Land. Why? At the end of his travails, he made a minor mistake that angered God beyond reason. Petty? Harsh? Very much so. I’m happy to say that your fate will be very different from Moses’. Some months from now, when your labors bring you to the brink of your own personal version of the Promised Land, not even a small error will prevent you from entering and enjoying it. And what you do in the coming weeks will help ensure that later success.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Built in the third century B.C., the Colossus of Rhodes was a monumental statue of the Greek sun god. It stood in the harbor of the island of Rhodes, and was called one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Alas: An earthquake struck the area 54 years after it was finished, knocking it over and smashing it into fragments. Three centuries later, many of the chunks still lay scattered around the harbor. I offer this as a teaching story, Taurus.

If there are any old psychological ruins lying around in your psyche, I encourage you to conduct an imaginary ritual in which you visualize throwing those ruins into a big bonfire. Clear the slate for the new beginnings that will be available once the COVID-19 crisis has settled down.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Argue with anything else,” author Philip Pullman writes, “but don’t argue with your own nature.” Amen! That’s always good advice for you Geminis, and it will be especially crucial in the coming weeks. A certain amount of disputation and challenging dialogue with other people will be healthy for you, even an effective way to get clarity and advance your aims. (Don’t overdo it, of course.) But you must promise never to quarrel with or criticize your own nature. You should aim at being a radiant bastion of inner harmony and a powerhouse of self-love. Do whatever’s necessary to coax all your different aspects to work together in sweet unity.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Like many Cancerians, painter Marc Chagall cultivated an intimate relationship with his dreams and fantasies. His fellow artist Pablo Picasso remarked, “When Chagall paints, you do not know if he is asleep or awake. Somewhere or other inside his head there must be an angel.”

Being a Crab myself, I know how essential it is for us to be in close connection with reverie and the imagination. Every now and then, though, there come occasions when the demands of the material world

need our extra, focused attention – when our dreamy tendencies need to be rigorously harnessed in behalf of pragmatism.

Now is one of those times.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Is there an influence you’re ready to outgrow, Leo? Are there teachers who have given you all they have to offer, and now you need to go in search of new founts of inspiration and education?

Have you squeezed all possible value out of certain bright ideas and clever theories that no longer serve you? Are you finished with old sources of excitement that have lost their excitement? These are the kinds of questions I encourage you to ask yourself in the coming weeks. It’ll be a favorable time to celebrate the joyful art of liberation – to graduate from what might have been true once upon a time, and prepare for the wide-open future after the COVID-19 crisis has mellowed.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your words of power in the coming days are simple: deep, low, down, below, dig, dive and descend. I invite you to meditate on all the ways you can make them work for you as metaphors and use them to activate interesting, nourishing feelings. There’ll be very little worth exploring on the surface of life in the coming weeks, Virgo. All the hottest action and most valuable lessons will be blooming in the fertile darkness.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Before the COVID-19 crisis arrived, were you ensconced in roles that were good fits for your specific temperament and set of talents? Did you occupy niches that brought out the best in you and enabled you to offer your best gifts? Were there places that you experienced as power spots – where you felt at home in the world and at peace with your destiny?

Once you’ve meditated on those questions for a while, Libra, I’ll ask you to shift gears: Meditate on how you’d like to answer similar questions about your life in the future. Once this crazy time has passed, what roles will be good fits for you? What niches will bring out the best in you? What will be your power spots?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Fen” is a word that’s not used much these days. It means a marsh or a boggy lowland.

Decades ago, Scorpio poet Marianne Moore used it in a short poem.

She wrote, “If you will tell me why the fen appears impassable, I will tell you why I think that I can cross it if I try.” In my opinion, that’s an apt battle cry for you right now. You shouldn’t be upset if people tell you that certain things are impossible for you to do. You should be grateful!

Their discouragement will rile up your deep intelligence and inspire you to figure out how you can indeed do those things.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “Goodness alone is never enough,” wrote author Robert A. Heinlein. “A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil.” I think that’s an interesting thought for you to consider during the coming weeks, Sagittarius. If you want your care and compassion to be effective, you’ll have to synergize them with tough intelligence. You may even need to be a bit ferocious as you strive to ensure that your worthy intentions succeed and the people you love get what they need.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Are there any ways in which you have been wishywashy in standing up for what you believe in? Have you shied away from declaring your true thoughts and feelings about important issues that affect you and the people you care about? Have you compromised your commitment to authenticity and integrity for the sake of your ambition or financial gain? In asking you these questions, I am not implying that the answers are yes. But if in fact you have engaged in even a small amount of any of those behaviors, now is an excellent time to make corrections. As much as possible, Capricorn, focus on being trustworthy and transparent.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Physicist Edward Teller believed there is no such thing as “exact science.” And in his view, that’s a good thing. “Science has always been full of mistakes,” he said. But he added that they’re mostly “good mistakes,” motivating scientists to push closer toward the truth. Each new mistake is a better mistake than the last, and explains the available evidence with more accuracy. I suspect that you’ve been going through a similar process in your personal life, Aquarius.

And I predict that the good mistakes you’ve recently made will prove to be useful in the long run.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Few astrologers would say that you Pisceans are masters of the obvious or connoisseurs of simplicity.

You’re not typically renowned for efficiency or celebrated for directness. Your strength is more likely to be rooted in your emotional riches, your ability to create and appreciate beauty, your power to generate big dreams, and your lyrical perspective on life. So my oracle for you this time may be a bit surprising. I predict that in the coming weeks, your classic attributes will be very useful when applied to well-grounded, down-to-earth activities. Your deep feelings and robust imagination can be indispensable assets in your hard work on the nuts and bolts.

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April 9, 2020 n 17

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Ode to the Sky Steps in uncertain times

N

o one has ever asked me if I have a favorite Sky Step, but if they did, I would answer, without hesitation, #357. If you’re a frequent user of the Sky Steps – which snake up to the hill to Fort Lewis from 10th Street and 6th Avenue, you might know the one: It appears about two-thirds of the way up, just as the steps bend to the left before the first bench that overlooks town.

Maybe it’s a little silly to pick one step from over 500 to be my “favorite,” but whenever I round the bend and see the metal placard denoting 357 it always makes me feel good. Like many others, I occasionally run up and down the steps for fun and exercise and whatever, and by Step 357, I’m usually remembering just how out of shape I am. I’m basically there, I tell myself aloud, between heavy breaths. Three-fifty-seven is a chance to refocus my efforts and give it my all to the top. It reminds me that I can do it, that I am doing it.

But enough about lucky number 357, as I’m nearly three paragraphs in and I’ve yet to mention COVID19, which is imperative. So let me say this: the Sky Steps, like nearly everything else, have changed as a result of the pandemic. There. And I would argue that in these uncertain times, they’re more crucial than ever.

I live in a house right at the base of the steps, and I’ve found that Sky Steppin’ (yep) makes a pretty great spectator sport. Lucky for me, because these days – and you know exactly what I mean by these days – I don’t have much to do but sit out on my lawn chair and watch the foot traffic go by.

As someone who now spends the majority of his waking hours people-watching at the base of the Sky Steps, here’s what I can report: 1) A surprising number of people can’t figure out how to open the trashcan at the bottom of my driveway to throw away their dog’s poop; 2) People are generally aware and respectful of the need for social distancing (and for those who step into others’ personal bubbles like there’s not a pandemic happening, I yell – or at least, think of yelling – “Hey! 6 feet, people!” Maybe I should get a whistle?); and 3) People have forgotten how to talk about anything not directly related to COVID-19. Or maybe they’ve just lost interest.

These days, the Sky Steps have something for everyone. They provide a respite from the inside world for all of us #stayathomers. The rec center may be closed, but we can still haul ourselves up those steps for some exercise. The public library may have shut its doors, but there’s still a tiny community library at the base of the

steps (and if you hurry, you could score a neat little cookbook called Absolutely Avocado s… just make sure you sanitize it before you bring it into your home).

From my perch on the porch or next to my living room window, I sip my morning coffee and take stock. I note that the students are gone, as are the tourists. Back in those carefree days of January and February, I reflect, I always enjoyed encountering the tourists. Huffing and puffing on their ascent, they would pause as I bounded past them in the other direction. “We gettin’ close?” they would wonder. “Closer every step!” I would cheerfully yell back to them over my shoulder, which probably was infuriating. Better than telling them they’re only on step 112 of 529, though.

Returning from my daydream, I notice that there are

more runners than ever before. Sky Step runners were always a diverse breed, but this … this I have never seen. Seems like everyone and their grandmother has decided that this really is the perfect time to get in shape. The old characters are still out there, like Ultrarunner Man (the fit, sinewy guy with the hydration pack and really fast sunglasses) and Casual Lumberjack, who powers out lap after lap in sweatpants, a sleeveless sweatshirt, and red bandana. But now they’re joined by a host of others I’ve never seen before.

Unfortunately, the desire to do more physical activity (and get in shape, for real) hasn’t made its way into my being, even though I have more free time than ever before. It’s OK though; I’ve read a couple of articles about why I shouldn’t fall victim to all of that coronavirus-inspired productivity. To do so, they say, would be to indulge delusion and denial.

Still, it’s impossible to live right next to the Sky Steps and not feel guilt when I know I should run but don’t want to. And all those people who finish their descent and immediately turn around to start running up again don’t help.

Neither does the loaf of banana bread next to me on the coffee table. I cower a little lower into the couch, lest Ultrarunner Man reappear and see me through the window, my mouth stuffed full. We’d lock eyes, and he would see right through my exterior and down to my lazy core: You know man, I live 4 miles away, and I still manage to run out here for some laps. And don’t you know? This is the perfect time to get in shape!

I swallow the lump of banana bread and cower even lower. Yeah, well, this isn’t going to eat itself. But he’s already gone, now on his 13th or 14th lap. I better finish the rest before he gets down again.

Even for the laziest of the lazy, though, there comes a point when you simply can’t sit in your lawn chair anymore. You’ve got to lace up your boots (or running shoes, as it were) and join them. Besides, Ultrarunner Man is right: most people don’t have the luxury of living as close as I do.

Still, I often wait to head up the steps until a special time of day, after the sun has set and most of the crowds have already walked or jogged back to their respective quarantine shelters. In the fading light of a gorgeous day – for COVID hasn’t changed the beauty of our town and its surroundings – I hit my stride, and lap after lap melts away. Soon, it’s too dark to see the metal placard denoting #357, but I know it’s there. And that’s enough.

– Max Owens

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18 n April 9, 2020

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A bunny rabbit April 9, 2020 n 19

20 n April 9, 2020

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