Durango Telegraph Sept. 17, 2020

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T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Small potatoes

How to (not) cook

Let there be art

Adventures, and misadventures, in gentleman farming p4

A local’s guide to kitchen avoidance p7

Autumn Arts Festival returns as DAC navigates new normal p11

WordontheScreen

’ check our website for hours: www.jimmysmusic.supply 1480 E. 2nd Ave. & 15th St. • 970-764-4577

Q

Just in case this really is the end times, the Telegraph asked, “What’s the most important item in your doomsday bunker?”

Tracy

"Wine. Lots of wine."

Jarrod

"Bourbon and a guitar."

Abby

"My dog."

Lucy

"Wet wipes because I like to keep clean."

Ami

“Mung beans!”

Come by for a delicious cup!

You deserve it, and we’d love to see you!

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2 n Sept. 17, 2020

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lineup

4

2 Word on the Street

Small potatoes

4 La Vida Local

Adventures, and misadventures, in gentleman farming

by Zach Hively

4 Thumbin’ It

Ear to the ground: “I just want to hear those three magical words: ‘Pick your color!’”

– Local woman reminiscing about the good old days of communal foot soaking

Inside out

thepole

RegularOccurrences

Patagonia, the outspoken climate change warrior, is at it again – albeit a bit more subtly this time. The interweb is abuzz this week with photos of a Patagonia label whose underside discreetly reminds the wearer to, “Vote the assholes out.”

5-6 Soapbox

7

The Yocal

7 The Yocal

How to (not) cook like a local and other steps to faking great meals

by Local First

11 Local News 12-13 Stuff to Do

11

13 Ask Rachel

Street art Autumn Arts Fest returns as DAC rethinks keeping arts alive in COVID

14 Free Will Astrology

by Missy Votel

15 Classifieds 15 Haiku Movie Review

12

On the cover: A rainbow forms after a recent shower over Pasture Creek, near the backside of Purg. Now breathe in. And breathe out. Everything’s going to be OK./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Lift off

Film fests, drive-ins and outdoor concerts top this week’s stuff to do

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER: Stephen Eginoire (steve@gulchmag.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Shan Wells, Zach Hively and Clint Reid

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

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In these days of deepfake Photoshopping, Adventure Journal went straight to the source to find out if the label was legit. And, more importantly, who the “assholes” were.

According to Patagonia’s public affairs folks, the label is indeed real – placed on a limited edition of Regenerative Organic Stand-up Shorts.

According to Patagonia, the term was coined by founder Yvon Chouinard years ago.

“We were having some fun in these dark days,” the brand’s spokesperson told AJ. When asked the burning question of if “assholes” refers to a certain political party beginning with an “R,” the brand insisted it was not partisan. “We have used this to refer to politicians from any party who deny climate change is real, or don’t believe we should do anything about climate change, not because they aren’t aware of it, but because their pockets are lined with money from oil and gas interests,” the brand replied.

Apparently the tags were added without the big little man’s input, but once he found out, he immediately ordered a pair in size 32.

The Fair Trade shorts come from farms that work to build healthy soil that traps carbon and slows climate change. All that activism retails for $69 and is available in stone blue and, of course, earthworm brown.

Blues & Brews at home Needing a festival fix? Pour your favorite microbrew and settle into the camp chair for four days of virtual Telluride Blues & Brews, Sept. 1720. Each day, the festival features archived sets streamed on KOTO radio from noon – 5 p.m. followed by video sets from 5-9 p.m. on www.telluride blues.com. The evening schedule includes: • Thurs., Sept. 17, 5-9 p.m.: Anders Osborne; • Fri., Sept. 18, 5-9 p.m.: Hosted by Dragondeer with sets by Shakey Graves, Tab Benoit and Nathaniel Rateliff; • Sat., Sept. 19, 5-9 p.m.: Hosted by Kelly Finnegan with sets by Dragondeer, Gov’t Mule and Gregg Allman; • Sun., Sept. 20, 5-9 p.m.: Hosted by Samantha Fish with sets by Samantha Fish, Robert Finley and Tajmo (the Taj Mahal and Keb Mo band).

The event is free and can be streamed on the Blues & Brews FB Page, YouTube Channel and at www.koto.org. If you like what you hear and see, support the effort by buying official swag or donating to the good folks at KOTO – and maybe give them a virtual “cheers” while you’re at it.

Sept. 17, 2020 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal The salt of the earth Hey kids! Let’s talk about plant sex. Namely, how my plants are not having any.

This topic is my chance to run a correction for a piece I wrote earlier this summer – or, factoring in 2020 time conversion – approximately 17 ages ago. I blamed my faulty gardening efforts on rabbits. I was wrong to do so. I needed to blame them on both rabbits AND pack rats.

Previously, I had a single mental image for pack rats, and I now realize that image was Splinter, the sensei sewer rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Splinter is not a pack rat. He simply leads a pack of teen-age mutant ninja turtles and does not clear cut my sunflowers. They (pack rats, not ninja turtles) would be much easier to hate if they appeared more gnarly, like Splinter, even if he is a good guy. Or, if they straight-up looked like hantavirus.

Instead, they carried what little garden I had into my pickup’s engine compartment, laid out a bedroom on the engine block, then turned around and rented it on Craigslist for $1,200/month. (No utilities included, naturally. And certainly no cats. Or owls.) And, most tragic of all, they looked like picture-book adventurers while doing it.

I could not stand idly by, however, and allow their fuzzy little faces to decimate my labor and my crops, such as they were. I also could not stand to kill them and their fuzzy little faces. (See above, re: picture-book adventurers.) So I trapped them and drove them across state lines, and each time I thought I had taken care of the lot, the next brood hatched and we began again. At least something was procreating in my garden.

And while I focused on relocating the rats, the rabbits ate whatever plants were left.

That’s not entirely fair to say. The rabbits and the rats neither one dug up my potatoes. They ate all the potato greens and the potato flowers that made it that far – but not the taters themselves.

I had planted several pounds of fingering potatoes, some among them had at least sprouted, and potatoes do multiply underground like … well, like some kind of subterranean-dwelling rodent or other. So at the culmina-

tion of my garden season – which saw pumpkins fail, and beets fail, and greens fail, and zucchini and radishes and pollinator-friendly flowers and my own self-esteem all gnawed down to stumps – I dug up each and every fingerling potato in the garden. All five of them.

All told, I suppose I grew the most gourmet $100 baby potatoes. Each of them was more petite than the smallest originally planted potato. They fit in my hand like Yahtzee dice. This sum total of my garden’s output equates to many weeks of groceries, which for my part would also not require manual labor. So I made damn sure to enjoy them properly. I fried up some butter, diced a grocery-store onion, tossed in the potatoes, and promptly lost sight of them in there.

I ate the buttered onions anyway – at $100 a pop, I was going to enjoy those taters whether I tasted them or not.

And the experience inspired me to create a new fad diet based entirely on eating what your garden didn’t grow. In the dawn of agricultural societies, such as West Virginia in the time of my great-grandparents, this diet was called Death. But that’s not true anymore, thanks to convenience stores.

No, this diet borrows a bit from all the others. No vegetables means no carbs, a la Atkins. Not eating at all borrows from intermittent fasting.

And, with no scientists in my household to verify my claims, I can dub this diet the PF Flyers of the digestive tract. Try turning 10 pounds of potatoes into 10 ounces, and YOU TOO can run faster, jump higher, lose weight, add muscle, grow back hair you want, shed hair you don’t want, fly in your dreams, smell better, and have your own inconvenient dietary restriction to fit in with everyone else!

The best part about this diet is the absolute freedom to eat whatever calories you can get your hands on, because it’s better than starving. Ice cream’s fair game. So are chips and salsa, and cappuccinos, and chewing gum, and anything your heart desires. At least until civilization as we know it crashes like my garden. In which case, come on over to my house. I’ve got some rather plump rats.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It

4 n Sept. 17, 2020

– Zach Hively

The Denver Nuggets advancing to the NBA Western Conference Finals against the L.A. Lakers, a first in Nuggets franchise history

Predictions that La Niña could be back for another winter, bringing Southwestern Colorado unusually dry and warm conditions

Sepp Kuss continuing to dominate the Tour de France, finishing among the top racers daily and putting our small burg on the national stage as “the man from Durango”

Estimates that the wildfires currently raging across the Western U.S. could cost up to $150 billion in losses, with over 6,000 homes and structures destroyed and dozens of deaths

The City of Durango reversing course and allowing the Black Lives Matter memorial at Buckley Park to remain under a special “free speech installation permit”

The misleading election mailer from the USPS that went out to every household in America, creating concerns and even more confusion in a state that’s already had mail-in voting since 2013

telegraph

They’re Gr-r-ross!

So … if you don’t know what a “blue waffle” is, I’m going to tell you as gently as possible so you don’t google it. The term, created by internet trolls in 2008, refers to an imaginary STD that makes a woman’s you-know-what turn blue, and nowadays, “blue waffle” is a millennial term for “slut.” Ergo, the internet pretty much imploded a couple weeks ago when Kellogg’s introduced their new “Mermaid Waffles,” which happen to be blue. So yeah, watch out, ladies; now you can catch blue waffle in the frozen section.

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

A voice for the independents To the editor, I’m not much for politics. Never have been. But I know it is important to vote, and I do.

I’m “unaffiliated” – a moniker I don’t love. Sounds like people who have no friends. No parties to attend. Turns out I have about 40 percent of the registered voters in La Plata County as friends. I’m affiliated with them … the unaffiliated voting population. The two-party system isn’t working. It’s divisive and dismisses the individual, the independent. Makes us feel like our vote doesn’t matter or will somehow take away a party candidate’s “right” to be in office because they have been grooming themselves for this moment for years.

It’s like a multiple-choice test that only has two answers to choose from – and neither is totally correct.

This has changed now with the 2020 county commissioner ballot. Jack Turner and Charly Minkler are Independent candidates because they worked their tails off to get on the ballot. They earned it. I know Jack Turner chose independence from the party system because he represents fairness and does not want to answer to any check writer, organization or party planners. He has real world experience and person-to-person listening skills, not a calculated resume to become a “politician.” Jack wants to serve individuals in this county. And whether you vote for him or not, when he is commissioner, he will do just that, because your voice matters to him.

And now, when we “unaffiliated” have the opportunity to have a couple candidates we can resonate with, we’re called “Trumpers,” which I find laughable because that is name-calling and a form of bullying – one of the very things Democrats hate about Trump. I’m not a Trumper just because I won’t vote Democrat. That’s ridiculous. I’m part of the unaffiliated majority in this county, and I’m ex-

cited to have Independent candidates I can add to the answers in that multiple-choice test in November.

To pull from the famous Apple ad of the ’80s: “To the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things

differently. You can’t ignore them, they change things … they push the human race forward. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world … are the ones who do. Thank you, Jack. Thank you, Charly.

– Nancy Brockman, Durango 4

September sunshine continues inside!

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Sept. 17 2020 n 5

SoapBox from p. 5

A dynamic approach to leading To the editor, Your vote for Marsha Porter Norton for LPC commissioner is a vote for a super smart, conscientious, thoughtful and ethical person with decades of experience partnering with local and regional folks who hold widely differing perspectives on critical issues. Because of Marsha’s skilled knowledge in how to bring us Dry Siders, townies and eastern/southern La Platans together for the common good, she is the best candidate. We need Marsha because she truly knows how to listen, hear and engage thoughtfully– no lip service with this woman.

Watching Marsha in action is wonderful. The management skills she has developed as a highly respected facilitator include pulling together a huge roomful of people and hearing everyone’s concerns, tactfully restating a rambling statement, asking for clarification and keeping participants on track by synthesizing complicated information into a cohesive whole. She is outstanding at the exact skills that a capable, ethical public servant needs.

As a program manager at the Durango Adult Education Center for years, and almost eight years on the Durango 9R School Board, I understand the challenges of meeting competing vital needs in our community and the need to listen carefully to all stakeholders. You can count on Marsha to apply a dynamic approach to government and to work tirelessly to maintain the things about our county that we all love and appreciate, and to improve living conditions for both youngsters and elders. Please, for the sake of our common good, vote for Marsha Porter-Norton.

– Stephanie Moran, Durango

Good people doing good things

To the editor, As I was working in my yard the other day, some people walked by and commented that Marsha Porter-Norton’s sign for county commissioner was nonpolitical, meaning it didn’t have party affiliation listed. It got me thinking what a great thing that is! Yes, we should be voting for the person we think is best qualified, not whether or not they have a “D,” “R” or “I” behind their name.

When I started volunteering for Marsha over a year ago, I didn’t know her too well, but I knew that she was a good person – and good people do good things! Marsha has been working on local issues for years and her platform is well laid out at: Marshaporternorton.com.

Marsha has been, and will continue to be, working for a healthy community and a strong economy. Please join me to support someone who will support us and our community. Vote for Marsha Porter-Norton! Matt Salka also gets my vote as you can vote for two seats!

– Sarah Musil Burris, Durango

6 n Sept. 17, 2020

The hypocrisy of being Boebert To the editor, On her website, Lauren Boebert, the Republican candidate for Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District, describes herself as an “avid supporter of President Trump.” She also says that she’s “pro-Constitution.” That’s inconsistent with being an avid Trump supporter, because Trump has attempted to block publication of books written by American citizens, which in every instance courts have ruled would be a violation of their right to free speech.

That’s not pro-Constitution!

Boebert says she’s pro-America. That’s inconsistent with being an avid Trump supporter, because Trump has trashed alliances and relationships with democratic allies and praised dictators, acceded to their wishes, and exhibited outright subservience to Vladimir Putin, evidently in return for Putin’s continuing interference in our electoral processes on his behalf. That’s not pro-America!

Boebert says she wants to go to Washington to drain the swamp. That’s inconsistent with being an avid Trump supporter, because, as The New York Times has reported, Trump’s cabinet includes a former coal lobbyist, a former lobbyist for a defense contractor, a lobbyist for the auto industry, and a former oil and gas lobbyist. There’s a swamp to be drained, but it was created by Trump!

Boebert says she will always fight for freedom, but that’s inconsistent with being an avid Trump supporter, because Trump has acted in defiance of the people’s right to peacefully assemble by directing heavily armed federal law enforcement officers in camouflage to leap out of unmarked cars, single out peaceful protestors, shove them into cars, fail to identify themselves or give any reason for their behavior, take their captives to a federal building, and detain them for hours. That’s not freedom!

Boebert says she’s pro-life, but Trump has shown his indifference to human life in minimizing the COVID-19 crisis, claiming it would soon go away, ignoring the warnings of experts, and failing to establish a national policy, resulting in death rates far exceeding those in almost every other country. Such indifference is not pro-life!

However, Boebert is consistent in how she emulates Trump by trying to impress voters with bluster and bravado, in her case by wearing a side-arm and adopting a resolute pose while standing in front of a cluster of “Bikers for Trump.” Like Trump, she imagines that words become profoundly meaningful if she puts them in all caps, regardless of whether they lack substance, like PRO-FREEDOM, PRO-COLORADO and TRUE PATRIOT, or are code words that appeal to factions in the Trump cult, like PROGUNS and PRO-ENERGY. Like Trump, Boebert has no constructive agenda for addressing the problems facing our country. Like Trump, rather than coming to grips with real problems of real people, she hopes to succeed by creating divisiveness, pitting “hard-working, patriotic Americans like you and me” against mythical threats she would have voters believe are posed by “them” – people characterized as villains because

telegraph

they want to remediate inequities and injustices in society.

Like Trump, Boebert revels in hurling crude insults at those who resist her bullying. She proclaims on her website that “Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the Squad and the rest of these left-wing lunatics are taking a wrecking ball to our country.” Contrast that with what’s typical of Ocasio-Cortez. In a January 2019 interview on the Trump administration’s treatment of migrants at the border, she said, “What we are seeing is death; right now what we are seeing is the violation of human rights; these children and these families are being held in what are called bieleras, which are basically freezing boxes that no person should be maintained in for any length of time … this is wrong, and it is anti-American.”

Anti-American it is, and, as such, something Boebert, who is “PRO-AMERICAN,” should condemn, even if doing so would be inconsistent with being an avid supporter of Trump.

– Edward Packard, Durango

The power of smoke and mirrors

To the editor, According to Trump: “Portland has been burning for decades.” I never knew that. But for once, he got it right. Portland HAS been burning for decades. Just look back at the pictures from the early 1990s of that once beautiful city. You can barely see the skyline for the smoke; and forget seeing Mount Hood, even on the clearest of days.

All that can be seen in those pictures is enormous walls of flame, even at noon, let alone at night, huge maws of flame engulfing entire city blocks at a time.

What is so amazing is that after all these decades, there is anything left to burn. But that just speaks to the industriousness of those Northwesterners. They build and build and build only to have it burn just as fast as they can build; but they keep building. There is no structure in Portland older than 18 months.

But the most amazing thing is that nobody knew about this. The Democratic city administration, in their manipulation of the fake news media, kept it a secret from the entire world, even as Portland’s tourist industry thrived. Hell, I was there recently and I didn’t even suspect such catastrophic events were going on right in front of my eyes.

Sure, it was a tad warmer than expected, but that’s how devious those Democrats are. They already had decades of smoke and all they had to do was install large reflective devices, and their subterfuge was complete. Insidious.

– Josh Joswick, Durango

Harleys need to pipe down To the editor, Does Durango and/or La Plata County have a noise ordinance that applies to loud motorcycles? If so, why is it not enforced. There are way too many extremely loud bikes – mostly Harleys. The riders seem to celebrate their rudeness.

– Richard Montrose, Durango

LocalNews

Creative thinking Autumn Arts Festival returns as DAC rethinks ways to keep the arts alive in COVID

by Missy Votel

L

ocals yearning for a small taste of the “old normal” – take heart. The Durango Autumn Arts Festival, one of the classic downtown events that bookends the summer season, will be back for its 26th year this weekend. And, other than the requisite social distancing, hand-sanitizing stations and masks, it will look a lot like festivals of before times.

JusttheFacts What: DAC’s 26th Annual Autumn Arts Festival. Sponsored by First Southwest Bank When: Sept. 19-20, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Where: E. 2nd Ave. from College to 9th St.

“The event will look pretty much the same this year,” Durango Arts Center Executive Director Brenda Macon said. As in years past, the festival will fill the streets outside the DAC, which hosts the event, filling three city bocks of E. 2nd Avenue, from College to Ninth Street. The event will feature about 80 artists, with more local artists than in years past. Volunteers will make sure attendees are limited to 85 per block to ensure a dropletfree shopping experience. Artist booths will be spaced 6-feet apart, with some taking up two tent spaces instead of one.

Macon said the DAC made the call to go ahead with the annual outdoor festival – the center’s largest fundraiser of the year – last spring. The decision was based on evidence that outdoor activities are safer than indoor ones when it comes to transmitting the coronavirus.

“We weren’t sure if we were crazy or not, but there seems to be a lot of good energy around it,” she said, adding that they’ve been encouraged with the opening of the Farmers Market and Flea Market as well as the popularity of the downtown bumpouts. “It feels really good being validated that we made the right choice.”

The festival features juried (i.e. invited) artists only, and will offer a wide array of quality art, textiles, photography, jewelry and more, she said (think early holiday shopping). And, as in years past, the weather promises to be stellar. “We always get the best weather,” said Macon. “It brings a tremendous amount of energy to downtown, all in the love of art. It’s a wonderful way of celebrating who we are at this very

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E. 2nd Ave. will be bustling with socially distanced activity this weekend when the Durango Autumn Arts Festival returns for its 26th year. Organizers say the festival will ook like years past, with the exception of live music and food. Masks are required and attendees will be capped at 85 per block ./Photo by Missy Votel pretty time of year.”

Macon said an economic impact study a few years ago found that the arts festival pumped about $500,000 into the downtown economy over its two days. “That’s a really big deal,” she said. “Other than supporting the artists, it’s also great for restaurants and other downtown retailers.”

As per COVID guidelines, there will be no live music or food court at this year’s festival. However, in between all the art ogling, Macon encourages attendees to patronize local eateries for a bite (including the festival’s numerous restaurant sponsors too numerous to list here, hint hint.)

And speaking of sponsors, the Arts Center could always use a few more – especially in the COVID era when nonprofits such as itself have been hit particularly hard. With the exception of the DAC’s small store Create Arts & Tea, which is open for limited hours, the gallery and theatre have been

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shuttered, taking away a good chunk of the center’s revenue.

“It’s been a very frightening time as a nonprofit,” said Macon. “As a privately funded 501(c)3, there’s no guarantee of funding every year.”

Macon said for as little as $60/year, an individual can become a member, getting perks such as discounts on classes and events. But the biggest perk, of course, is supporting the arts.

“If everyone became a member, we would ensure there is a home for visual and performing arts in Durango for generations to come,” she said. “It’s a small price to pay.”

She said the DAC is not taking the pandemic lying down, with staff and the board working hard to find ways to offer services.

“We’ve been talking a lot about how we can stay relevant in the community,” she said.

One of those ways was to stage the current Phoenix art exhibit, which Macon refers to

as “the experiment in the windows.”

“When the gallery closed, we knew we needed to keep supporting our local artists,” she said.

The answer was a show, with a low-cost entry fee, asking local artists to muse on the topic of coping with life in COVID. The selected entries were hung in the gallery’s windows for passersby to see. Contact info for the artist was also included so prospective buyers could contact the artists directly – the DAC will not be taking a cut. “We really wanted to let artists have a place to showcase and sell their art in a touchless experience,” said Macon. She added that she had just purchased a piece that day (most pieces are under $100) and had a chance to speak to the artist directly, something not always possible with traditional gallery shows. “It’s a brand-new experiment, but we’re getting good feedback.”

A different artist is featured every day on the DAC’s Facebook page and the exhibit will be up through Sept. 25.

She said the center has also gone online with its art classes and soon will be offering classes for students on the local cable access Channel 15. Kids theatre classes have also resumed, albeit capped at 10 with social distancing measures. She also said the popular Winter Solstice Artisans Market is looking more and more like a reality.

“We are feeling that we may be able to do that, it just takes a leap of faith to get the doors open,” she said.

As for the big question of when live theatre will return to the Diane Pinelli Stage, Macon said the DAC is currently weighing its options. The center is sending out a survey this week asking patrons their feelings on returning for performances or films, such as Silent Film Sundays or the Rocky Horror Show. Seating in the theatre, which holds 200, would be downsized to 40 to keep social distancing.

“Before we announce anything, we are trying to get a bead on whether or not people would come out,” she said.

Despite the turbulent times, Macon said she has no doubt the arts, and artists, will survive. “I think people who are creative are the most resilient people on planet Earth.

They know when you change the way you look at something, the thing you look at changes,” she said. “That’s the power of creativity. We’re going to get through this … it’ll just take a little time.” n

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Sept. 17, 2020 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday17 Gary B. Walker plays piano, 11 a.m.-1 p.m., JeanPierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave. Cousin Curtiss plays, 5-8 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St. Dustin Burley plays, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Jake Dullen plays roots guitar and alternative, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. The 1918 flu pandemic, a Zoom talk by author Curt Brown for FLC’s Lifelong Lecture Learning Series, 7 p.m., www.fortlewis.edu.

“Creature from the Black Lagoon,” Durango Drive-in, gates open at 7 p.m., film at 8. D&SNGRR Parking lot. Tickets at: www.durangodrivein.com.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Friday18 The iAM Music Festival, featuring Hello Dollface and more, 4:30-9:30 p.m., Nugget Bar. Tickets at: www.iammusic.us.

Pro freerider Cam McCaul gets big air in Utah. See McCaul and other riders pushing the limits when Durango Devo presents Teton Gravity Research’s latest, “Accomplice,” this Saturday at the Durango DriveIn. The film is part of the Devo Film Fest, which will also feature shorts from local riders. Gates open at 3, with films at 4 p.m. For info. or tickets, go to Durango Devo’s FB page.

Robby Overfield plays, 5-9 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave.

ing Avenue near Pioneer Street. Free doughnuts, muffins and campaign info. www.marshaporternorton.com

The Jeff Solon Jazz Duo plays, 6-9 p.m., Fox Fire Farms, 513 CR 321, Ignacio.

Dustin Burley plays, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Brian Aherne plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Durango Devo Drive-In Film Fest, featuring Teton Gravity Research’s “Accomplice” and shorts by Devo riders and alumni, gates 3 p.m.; films 4-6 p.m. D&SNG parking lot. Tickets: tinyurl.com/yyxdy4qr password: DEVO.

Jeff Solon plays jazz, 6-9 p.m., Fox Fire Farms, 5513 CR 321, Ignacio.

“Groundhog Day,” Durango drive-in, gates open at 7 p.m., film at 8. D&SNG parking lot. durangodrivein.com.

The iAM Music Festival, featuring Hello Dollface, Niceness and PJ & the Swappers, 3:30 and 6:30 p.m., Buckley Park. Tickets: www.iammusic.us.

Black Velvet Trio plays, 4-8 p.m., Fur Trapper’s Steakhouse, Lake Vallecito.

Saturday19 Durango Farmers Market, Saturdays, 8 a.m.-12 noon, in TBK Parking Lot, across from the Transit Center.

Facemasks required. www.durangofarmersmarket.com.

Free bokken (sword) and jo (staff) lessons, 9-10 a.m., Claire Viles Park. Masks required. durangoaikido.com

Moonbirds and Friends play, 4-9 p.m., Nugget Bar. Jack Ellis plays, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Sean O’Brien plays, 5-9 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave.

26th annual Autumn Arts Festival, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., E. 2nd Ave. between College and 9th. Masks required; social distancing observed.

Gary B. Walker plays jazz accordion, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

County comissioner candidate Marsha PorterNorton meet/greet in Ignacio, 10-11:30 a.m., Brown-

Snazzy Licks plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Kirk James plays the Drive-in Concert Series, 1-4 p.m., La Plata Senior Center Parking Lot. $50/vehicle. Proceeds benefit a different local nonprofit each week.

Sunday20 26th annual Autumn Arts Festival, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., E. 2nd Avenue between College Drive and 9th Street.

Masks required; social distancing observed.

Henry Stoy plays piano, 10 a.m.- 1 p.m., Jean Pierre Wine Bar, College Drive and Main.

“Rock, Rattle & Drum,” a celebration for U.N. International Day of Peace,12 noon–6 p.m., Buckley Park. Social distancing observed and concert will be livestreamed.

For info, visit “Rock, Rattle and Drum” Durango on FB. Old Fort Cider release, 2-10 p.m., Fenceline Ciders, Mancos.

Blue Moon Ramblers play Americana/bluegrass, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. “The Wizard of Oz,” Durango Drive-in, gates at 3 p.m., film at 4. D&SNG parking lot. durangodrivein.com.

Monday21 Meditation and Dharma Talk with Cara Lai, 5:307 p.m. online at www.durangodharmacenter.org 4

Free Social Security Disability Workshop Presented by Colorado Legal Services

Fri., Sept. 25, 1-3 p.m. via Zoom For more info. or to apply, please call (970) 247-0266

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AskRachel Little piggies, cheap shades and sanity check Interesting fact: When you stub your toe, you’re slamming that little piggy with a force equivalent to two to three times your body weight.

Dear Rachel, I just stubbed my toe and it hurts like a mofo. But I didn’t stub it on anything, exactly. I mean, not on anything you can really stub a toe on. I stubbed it on a perfectly flat indoor floor. No furniture, no corners. Just boom, straight down and kicked the earth. This goes beyond the agony of crushing a toe into the realms of mortal concern.

Am I a threat to my own wellbeing? The health and safety of those around me? Or should I sign up for the circus?

– Lethal Weapon Dear Time Bomb, I swear the toe is the fastest healing organism on the planet. I have shattered my pinkie toe into pieces like fine china, only for it to mend itself in minutes.

Then again, I dropped a spoon on my big toe once, and the toenail bruised up and fell off. So maybe they’re not so tough after all. That floor probably jumped up to grab you anyway. If you invent any new swear words as you go running into things, please let me know. My vocab could use a refresher.

– %@*&!$, Rachel

Dear Rachel, Remember when everyone was getting seeds from China in the mail? I thought it was weird but didn’t think twice about it. Til last week, when I got an unexpected box from China. It wasn’t seeds, though. It was sunglasses. I looked it up and it turns out people all over the country are getting sunglasses randomly delivered. I know I *should* be freaking out, but at the same time … free sunglasses. I can wear these, right?

– Future’s So Bright Dear Cheap Sunglasses, They’re your sunglasses, Future. You can do whatever you want with them … within reason, of course. You’ll know what’s right for yourself, but here are some things to consider (no right or wrong answers): Could the glasses be harmful to you in any way? Did they have your name on them? Could you help someone less fortunate than you by giving them away? And most importantly of all, how do they complement the shape of your face?

– Funky fine Levi’s and sweater’s kin of tight, Rachel Dear Rachel, I’ve hit the point of the pandemic where I’m now pre-emptively checking the batteries in my smoke detectors. Looking to see if my fire extinguisher is charged and if it’s been recalled. Replacing my CO de-

Rob Webster plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main.

Ed Bolster plays live on the patio, 6-8 p.m., PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar, 1201 Main Ave.

Email Rachel at telegraph@durango telegraph.com tectors a couple years before they expire. Other people are running around like nothing’s happening, and those of us trying to mitigate it all are going to hit our breaking points. I need some sanity! Help!

– Best Before Date Dear Expired Milk, So you’re telling me that the pandemic has turned you into a responsible adult?

Yikes! I seriously hope I don’t hit that point. I’m high-risk like you, trying not to sicken or be sickened, cooping myself up at home (let’s be frank, I did that in the Before Times anyway). Anything could happen. I could stub my toe, and next thing you know I’ve snapped and they’re doing a “Dateline” episode about us.

– The horror, the horror, Rachel

Terry Rickard plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Ongoing

Mining & Reclamation Conference: “Adaptive Capacity in Uncertain Times,” Sept. 21-24, presented by Mountain Studies Institute, Uncompahgre Watershed Partnership, San Miguel Watershed Coalition and Headwaters Alliance. Info: mountainstudies.org/sjmrc

Durango Playfest presents “Actor’s Journal,” free recordings of original works, essays, poems, remembrances by various actors. Six new actors featured every month. www.durangoplayfest.org/actors-journal

Tuesday22

Adam Swanson plays ragtime piano, Mon.-Sat., 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main.

SCAPE 2020 online start-up showcase, tune in as regional entrepreneurs pitch for the chance to partner with investors on their start-ups, 2 p.m. goscape.org.

Upcoming:

Leah Orlikowski, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main.

Alison and Friends, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. 2nd Ave. “Waste Not Want Not,” Zoom with the Good Food Collective and Table to Farm Compost, 6:30 p.m. Link: tinyurl.com/yxh6z3m6

Wednesday23 Wednesday Wine Workshop, “Wines from Sutcliffe Vineyards” with sommelier Tracy, 4-5 p.m., PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar, 1201 Main Ave. Reserve at: primidurango.com Backyard fruit harvesting with the Good Food Collective, Wednesdays, 5-7 p.m. Meet at Manna Soup Kitchen. Bring facemask and boxes/bags for any fruit you want to take. goodfoodcollective.org Free bokken (sword) and jo (staff) lessons, 5-6 p.m., Claire Viles Park. Masks required. durangoaikido.com

Virtual Durango Green Drinks, featuring The Good Food Collective and FLC Environmental Center, Sept. 24, 5:15 p.m. Sponsored by the Sustainability Alliance of SW Colorado. For info, visit Durango Green Drinks on FB. Free Shakespeare in the Park: “Much Ado About Nothing,” a socially distanced, abbreviated version of the classic comedy presented by Merely Players, Sept. 24-26, 6 p.m.; and Sept. 26-27, 2 p.m. Jenkins Ranch Park, Skyridge. Masks required, first-come, firstseated. mereyplayers.us.

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

E-mail your stuff to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

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Sept. 17, 2020 n 13

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny

be an excellent time to formulate (or reformulate) your life manifesto and master plan.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In one of your past lives, maybe you were a Neanderthal midwife in what’s now southern France. In another incarnation, you may have been a 17th-century Guarani shaman who shared your knowledge about local plants with an Italian Jesuit missionary in what’s now Uruguay. All the powers and aptitudes you perfected in those and other previous ages could prove helpful as you cultivate your genius in the coming weeks. JUST KIDDING! Cancel my previous speculations. For you Aries folks, past achievements are often of secondary importance as you create your future. In fact, your mandate is usually to transcend the old days and old ways. It may be better not to imitate or rely on old stories, no matter how dazzling. This will be especially true in the coming weeks.

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “There are no ordinary feelings,” poet Dean Young says.

“Just as there are no ordinary spring days or kicked-over cans of paint.” That’s always true, but it will be especially true for you in the coming weeks.

I suspect you will be host to a wealth of interesting, unique and profound feelings.

They might be a bit overwhelming at times, but I think they will mostly provide rich opportunities for your soul to grow deeper and stronger and more resilient.

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “There should be a science of discontent,” novelist Frank Herbert said. “People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles.” I partially agree with that observation, but I also think it’s a gratuitous cliché that’s not at all absolute.

In fact, our culture is under the spell of a mass delusion that tempts us to believe “no pain, no gain” is the supreme learning principle. I’d like to see the development of a robust science of contentment: how fascination and freedom and generosity can build psychic muscles. You’ll be a good candidate to study that subject in the coming weeks.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian songwriter Mathangi Arulpragasam is better known by her stage name M.I.A. She has accomplished a lot in her 45 years on the planet, having been nominated for three Grammy Awards and an Academy Award. Esquire magazine named her the 75th most influential person of the 21st century. One key to her success is the fact that she formulated a clear master plan many years ago and has used it to guide her decisions. In her song “Matangi,” she refers to it: “If you’re gonna be me, you need a manifesto / If you ain’t got one, you better get one presto.” I bring this to your attention, Cancerian, because the coming weeks will

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “If you’re not invited to the party, throw your own,” singer and actress Diahann Carroll declares. In the coming weeks, I urge you Leos to use that advice as a metaphor in every way you can imagine.

For example, if you’re not getting the love you want from a certain someone, give it to yourself. If no one hands you the opportunity you need, hand it to yourself. If you wish people would tell you what you want to hear, but they’re not saying it, tell yourself what you want to hear. It’s a time when you need to go beyond mere self-sufficiency. Be self-gratifying, self-rewarding, self-acknowledging.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “At the necessary moment, going naked will be your most convincing disguise,” poet Dobby Gibson writes. As I apply his witty statement to your life, I’ll interpret it metaphorically. My sense is that you could really use the kind of “disguise” he’s talking about. What I mean is that you would benefit by appearing to be different from what people expect of you. You can gain key advantages by shifting the image you present to the world – by expressing a part of your identity that is not usually obvious. And I think the best way to do that is to “go naked” – i.e. be candid and transparent and vulnerable about your core truths.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Libran playwright Wendy Wasserstein wrote, “Every year I resolve to be a little less the me I know and leave a little room for the me I could be. Every year I make a note not to feel left behind by my friends and family who have managed to change far more than I.” I recommend Wasserstein’s practice to you, dear Libra.

The coming weeks will be an excellent time to launch this ritual as an annual tradition.

For best results, write it out as a vow. I mean take a pen and paper and compose a solemn pledge, then sign it on the bottom to seal your determination.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I may not lead the most dramatic life,” confesses singersongwriter Rufus Wainwright, “but in my brain it’s War and Peace every day.” He was referencing Leo Tolstoy’s sprawling, exuberant 1,200-page novel War and Peace, which features stories about five families who lived through Napoléon’s invasion of Russia in the 19th century. I’m guessing these days your fantasy life may also be filled with epic fairy tales and heroic sagas. Is there a problem with that? Not necessarily. It could be quite entertaining and educational. I do recommend that you keep your actual life a little calmer and saner, however.

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “I rejoice to live in such a splendidly disturbing time!” author Helen Keller (1880–1968) said. She was a smart activist who worked hard on behalf of women’s equality, labor rights, antimilitarism and socialism. Was she being sarcastic in saying she loved being alive during a time of upheaval? Not at all. She derived excitement and vigor from critiquing injustice. Her lust for life soared as she lent her considerable energy to making life on Earth more enjoyable for more people. I invite you to consider adopting her attitude in the coming weeks. It’s a good time to experiment with generating the personal power that becomes available by taking practical action in behalf of your high ideals.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You know what perfectionists are: people who obsessively strive to finesse every last detail, polishing and honing so compulsively that they risk sucking all the soul out of the finished product. In contrast to them, I propose that we identify a different class of humans known as imperfectionists. They understand that a ferocious drive for utter purity can make things sterile and ugly. They resolve to cultivate excellence while at the same time they understand that irregularities and eccentricities may infuse their work with beauty. I hope you’ll act like an imperfectionist in the coming weeks, Capricorn.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Everything good I’ve ever gotten in life, I only got because I gave something else up,” author Elizabeth Gilbert writes. To that melodramatic declaration, I say, “Really? Everything? I don’t believe you.” And yet I do think she has a point.

On some occasions, the most effective strategy for bringing good new influences into our lives is to sacrifice an influence or habit or pattern we’re attached to. And often the thing that needs to be sacrificed is comfortable or consoling or mildly pleasurable. I suspect that the coming weeks will offer you one of these opportunities, Aquarius.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I and me are always too deeply in conversation,” philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche confessed. I wonder why he said “too deeply” and not just “deeply.”

Did he mean his dialogs with himself distracted him from important matters in the world outside of his imagination? Was he implying that he got so consumed while conducting his self-interviews that he lost his bearings and forgot what his goals were? With these cautions in mind, Pisces, I invite you to dive into an intense but spacious communion with yourself. Make this a delightful and illuminating conference, not a raging debate or a debilitating argument.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Lost/Found

Wanted

ForSale

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Reruns Home Furnishings Lots of items to cozy up dorm rooms and apartments. Midcentury dresser, dining table and chairs, mirrors, lamps, carved wooden room divider, bookcases, barstools, nightstands and more. 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Services RSE Handyman Service Home repair. Yard work. Odd jobs.

970-903-0449.

Math Tutor Would you like some help passing that online/in-person/hybrid math class? Call or text Brendan at 970-769-4089.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494 Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, social media, website content, SEO, etc. for small, local, independent or startups. Email jnderge@gmail.com

Durango Rental House near Bread 800 sq. ft on 3/4 acre with 2 other houses. $850/mo. rent, $250/mo. util (gas, electric, h2o, trash, net). $850 deposit. Mo. to mo. lease. Up to 8 hrs. work @ $20/hr. to offset some rent cost. No cigs, pets maybe. Text 970-903-8540 or email OlPaul48@Bresnan.net

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

HaikuMovieReview

YardSale

‘Parasite’ This is what happens when class warfare and a peach allergy collide – Lainie Maxson

Yard Sale Sat. 19th from 8-4 Yard Sale Sat. September 19th from 84 at 2355 CR 204. Furniture, sporting equipment, household goods.

NewspaperOrigami

Classes/Workshops Missing Dog Named Moki Missing black border-collie mix, last seen Sunday 9/13/20, noon. Last location sitting in front of house, 63 Ball Lane. Reward for any information. Contact Paul 970-903-8540 or Jill 970-903-1151. Dog has collar with tags and chip. Or email OlPaul48@Bresnan.net

Rein in Your Stress My fall equine coaching series is starting soon with a focus on getting ahold of stress. Let the lessons from the herd teach you how to bring more wellness into your life. Details at www.joyistheride.com/ classes/

BodyWork

Reward for Return!

Of pair of men’s moccasins, rust buff suede with silver concho. Left in vicinity of Memorial Park Phase One by river So. 2nd St. Aug. 20 Kindly call/text 520-2168762 - Thanks!!

massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 201819. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984

HelpWanted

ForRent

Massage Therapists Needed Amaya now hiring Massage Therapist positions.

Email triciagourley13@ gmail.com to apply

Off Grid Cabin Next to national forest, 45 mins. from town. $500/mo. + $500/dep. Possible work exchange. snowdomeranch@proton mail.com

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A shark Sept. 17, 2020 n 15

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