Durango Telegraph - March 5, 2020

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March 5, 2020

Vol. XIX, No. 10 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Life in the slow lane

A cut above

Still kicking

Slow Money plowing funds back into local farms p7

Checking out a desert wonder just over the border p10

Wait? Is tele-ing kind of enjoying a moment? p12

Rock on.

(Issue 12 is coming next week.)

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, e-mail: steve@gulchmag.com

2 n March 5, 2020

telegraph

lineup

7

4 La Vida Local

Cash for crops Slow Money movement helps sew the seeds of success for local farms

4 Thumbin’ It

by Tracy Chamberlin

5 Word on the Street

9

6 Soapbox

Riku Onda’s latest a challenge worth every scintillating second

6 ReTooned

Not for amateurs

by Jeffrey Mannix

9 Murder Ink

10-11

10-11 Day in the Life

Desert bound

14 Top Shelf

When mud season hits, there’s plenty to be explored just over the border photos by Stephen Eginoire

15-16 On the Town

12

17 Ask Rachel

Not dead yet Turns out, reports of telemarking’s death have been grossly exaggerated

by Ken Wright

19 Classifieds

14

19 Haiku Movie Review

A guitar great

On the cover: Crocus make their annual appearance right on cue outside City Hall this week./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

An ode to an acoustic god, sensible dance, world fusion and radio gaga

by Chris Aaland

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

18 Free Will Astrology

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Jesse Anderson, Zach Hively, Tracy Chamberlin and Shan Wells

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302 PHONE: 970.259.0133

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

Ear to the ground: “I think I’d rather have a pile of bacon shaped like a zucchini.”

– Local meatatarian discussing today’s vegan options in the meat aisle

Free ride

thepole

RegularOccurrences

As if it wasn’t enough to birth the modern sport of snowboarding, Jake Burton has one last gift from the great beyond.

On March 13, Copper Mountain, as well as a dozen other ski resorts around the world, will be offering free lift tickets to snowboarders in honor of the godfather of groms.

The snowboarding pioneer passed away in November in his home in Burlington, Vt., from cancer at the age of 65. But he left behind a huge legacy, as well as a global company.

A native of New York, Burton spent 42 years growing snowboarding from a backyard hobby to an international phenomenon. He pushed ski areas to allow snowboards in the days when most wouldn’t – Breckenridge was the first in the U.S., in 1985 – and supported competitive snowboarders as athletes.

“Jake’s vision was to bring snowboarding to all,” reads a statement on the “A Day for Jake” website. “His dream, his perseverance and his generosity were his gift to the world. As an industry, and as a community we come together for this day to remember, Burton reflect and ride. Together we open our doors and open our hearts to carry Jake’s spirit forward; to share our love of the mountains and the joy of a perfect turn. Because snowboarding makes us happy. Snowboarding makes us hopeful. Snowboarding makes us free.”

Although the Copper lift tickets “sold” out, as of this writing, lift tickets are still left for other areas, including Summit at Snoqualmie (Washington); Big Sky (Montana); and Boreal and Bear Mountain (California); among others.

To get in on the action, boarders (sorry, skiers gotta sit this one out) must preregister my midnight March 8 at: www.adayforjake.com

All in a name From the “we-are-ashamed-we-even-have-tosay-this” department, comes a reminder from Corona beer: the popular Mexican lager has nothing to do with the global disease of the same name.

According to a survey by public relations firm 5WPR, which polled 737 adults over 21, 38 percent would not buy Corona beer “under any circumstances” following the coronavirus outbreak. Of those who regularly drink Corona, 14 percent said they wouldn’t order it in public, while 4 percent said they’d stopped drinking it altogether.

Beverage giant Constellation Brands, which brews and distributes Corona, reiterated to CNN that “there is no link between the virus and our business.” However, Google shows a spike in searches for “corona beer virus” on Jan. 30 – the day the first U.S. case was reported.

Constellation’s stock has also taken a hit, falling nearly 11 percent on Feb. 28. But this should be taken with a shaker of salt – the drop coincides with the worst week for the Dow since 2008.

So once again people: there is no way to get sick from drinking Corona beer. Unless you drink too much. Or drink from someone else’s bottle (and no, the lime does not “kill off” all the germs.)

March 5, 2020 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal Healthy fears Call me a skeptic, but when the Fibber in Chief tells me not to worry, well, I worry.

And when he tells me that the man who doesn’t believe in evolution, climate change or really anything scientific whatsoever, will be in charge of handling this deadly virus that we should not be worried about, I worry more. There’s just something about “infectious viral pneumonia” that doesn’t exactly put the mind at ease.

But then again, I may be a little nose-worn in the illness department. See, while the rest of the world is battling the COVID-19, we here in Durango have been dealing with another onerous bug: DOVID-20.

Yes, I know it may be a stretch to compare a borderline global pandemic with the local crud, but I am just going to say from personal experience that this year’s crop is particularly nasty. Sure, as far as I know no one has died from DOVID-20. But I would not blame my family one bit for putting the pillow in my face (you know it’s bad when you wake yourself up from your own snoring – but more on that in a bit).

It is not my intention to whine – ok, maybe a little since I can’t actually “wine” right now – but to share my plight in the hopes others can find comfort in my pain.

Just a warning: the details are not pretty.

It was the Sunday after my 50th birthday ski weekend, and I woke up with a hellacious sore throat. “You’re just hungover from the shot ski,” a friend reassured me. Or maybe it was the shot glass fashioned from duct tape. Followed by the late-night karaoke session, followed by beers for breakfast. Whatever the case, I believed her – she’s not a doctor, but she plays one on Google (and she does a mean Olivia Newton John).

Three days later, the sore throat raged, and I was pretty sure a goiter was forming back there, so I went to the doctor. I was told goiters don’t work like that, and to take Sudafed and try something called sinus irrigation. For those new to this practice, it entails squirting salty water up one nostril until it shoots out the other, like Mr. Toad’s Wild Nasal Ride. (Caution: if done incorrectly, it is not unlike CIA interrogation methods). I was also given a face mask, which might come in handy later, so the trip wasn’t a total loss.

Alas, a week later there was no improvement. In fact, things were worse. The office became a germatorium, and I was a hacking, hocking, honking, hot mess. I say “hot” in the literal sense, as there was nothing “hot” about feeling like a Sleestack and making constant old man noises (unless you’re into that kind of thing.) Meanwhile, the mountain of Kleenex beside my bed grew to epic proportions.

“I last saw her somewhere near Crusty Crevasse – send in the Ricola search party.”

In addition to the aforementioned snoring (a result of my newfound status as a fullon mouth breather), I also became afflicted by something I can only describe as “lung sharts” – sudden, explosive eruptions from my overly taxed bronchia. I believe the medical term is a “productive” cough, which actually makes me feel better about gross-

ing everyone out. “I had a really productive day today. I produced 375 lung sharts, including one that was the spitting image of Guy Fieri. Get it, ‘spitting?’”

Of course, when you say this, no one laughs or tells you good job. Instead, they back away slowly and douse themselves in hand sanitizer like an “Axe” commercial.

As fun as this sounds, it gets better. Three and a half weeks into the super cold from hell, influenza decided to get in on the action. I never thought it was possible to get an illness on top of an illness. One would think any self-respecting pathogen would take a look at the living conditions and move on.

“That nasty bacteria already took up all the good parking spaces in the sinus cavity, and the neighbors are total snots.”

No such luck. It seems the two actually make good bedfellows – which is exactly where I ended up for the next few days.

Right about now, you are probably thinking I must have horrendous personal hygiene, which I vehemently deny. In fact, I wash my hands so much I make Lady MacBeth look like a slacker. I blame it on the fact that a lot of my free time in the winter is spent inside ice rinks. Sure, that gleaming white surface may look pristine, but trust me: it is a frozen petri dish of pestilence.

Think about it. When’s the last time you saw a hockey player politely snot rocket into a handkerchief or discreetly hock a loogie into a tissue? And blood? Everyone knows it’s cool to leave it on your jersey. In fact, other than bowling shoes, there is no sporting gear more disgusting than the contents of a hockey bag.

Then there’s this thing about the handshake. After. Every. Game. It matters not if opposing teams were mortal enemies mere seconds before. When the final buzzer sounds, everyone lines up and shakes hands, mano y mano, and goes out to drink beer in the parking lot. Sure, you can try a fist bump, but bear in mind, this is a sport where it’s considered prestigious to have missing teeth. A little thing like a microscopic germ isn’t going to bother anyone.

Of course, all this sickness does come with perks. I got to take my first real sick day from work, something I haven’t done since birthing children more than a decade ago. I’ve also become a born-again sober person and can now fit into my “skinny” jeans due to the “all food tastes like bland mush” diet. Plus, turns out coughing is a great ab workout.

But mostly, it’s given me perspective on if and when this coronavirus thing ever gets real. For example, if we go into lock down mode, I want to make sure I’m stocked up on the essentials, like Puffs, pamplemousse La Croix, an econo tub of Vicks, an even bigger econo tub of Advil and all eight seasons of “Game of Thrones,” which I never got around to watching.

And in the meantime, if I refuse to drink from your shot ski or shake your hand, please, don’t take it personally.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It Durango High School’s varsity boys hockey beating Telluride 3-0 last weekend to cinch the Rio Grande High School Hockey League championship last weekend, a first in the program’s history Oil and gas companies, under pressure from investors to reduce environmental impacts, calling on the federal government to tighten methane rules and form an agency to set uniform emissions standards across state lines New possibilities being explored as alternatives to the controversial 32nd Street bridge project, which is projected to cost around $4 million

4 n March 5, 2020

– Missy Votel

New research that shows across the West, a third of all consumed water – and half in the Colorado River basin – goes to irrigate crops used to feed beef and dairy cattle, according to a story in National Geographic Barriers to equal voting alive and well, with frustratingly long lines in some states on the Super Tuesday primary, with many people waiting more than three hours just to exercise their civic duty The deadly tornadoes that roared through Tennessee early Tuesday morning catching most people unawares, leaving 25 dead and a path of destruction in their wake

telegraph

No Whey London’s Victoria and Albert Museum recently opened an exhibit called “Human Cheese,” which showcased five different types of cheese made with bacteria collected from the armpits and belly buttons of celebrities. This isn’t the first time cheese has been made from human bacteria – Nat Geo wrote about it back in 2013 – but this time, it seems to be catching on. The cheese hasn’t been tested to see if it’s safe for human consumption, but even if it is, I’m sure it’s not gouda.

WordontheStreet

Q

“I just want it to be taco Tuesday.”

With Super Tuesday this week, the Telegraph

asked, “How would you make Super Tuesday more super?”

Betsy

“Get the passion back into politics.”

Sara

“Everyone loves a party. Make it a party with a purpose."

Erin

“I think Bryce’s answer was pretty super.”

“There should be gambling.”

Bryce

Jesse

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March 5, 2020 n

5

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In a variety of sizes for all your exploits on and off the red carpet.

(Also available in muscle T to show off your pipes.)

T-shirts: $15 Tanks: $12 Hats: $20 (plus shipping and handling)

Order yours today at: durangotelegraph.com or stop by our Tele central: 777 Main Ave., #214, Durango

6 n March 5, 2020

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

SoapBox Another windbag New York billionaire To the editor, The Durango Herald Editorial Board’s endorsement of Michael Bloomberg is just plain wrong on so many levels. First of all, no real reasons for the endorsement are provided other than that he’s a rich, selffunding businessman. He’s so rich he can even buy the presidency! From the lack of cogent facts behind the endorsement, perhaps he bought the Durango Herald too.

Think that Bloomberg is somehow a better person than our current New York billionaire president? Wrong! This is the man who told a female employee who had just announced her pregnancy to “kill it;” who boasted about having a “girlfriend in every city;” and of the computer terminal that made him a billionaire, “It will do everything, including give you (oral sex). I guess that puts a lot of you girls out of business.” Bloomberg LP has fielded nearly 40 sexual harassment and discrimination lawsuits in the past few decades, many naming Bloomberg himself.

As mayor of New York, Bloomberg oversaw and expanded the unconstitutional and racist “stop and frisk” program. As the main financial backer behind Everytown for Gun Safety, Bloomberg has continued his assault on the constitutional right to bear arms.

Speaking in 2018 to his Washington cronies, he remarked that raising taxes on the poor was a “good thing” and that taking money from the rich was a bigger problem than income inequality.

Thankfully, Wall Street values are not Colorado values, and I think that the vast majority of my fellow Coloradans are intelligent enough to see that Bloomberg is not the president we need.

I am sorry the Herald Editorial Board are not among them.

– Lukas Lerner, Durango

The fox is guarding the ballot box To the editor, Our so-called president wasted no time ramping up his autocratic behavior after Senate minions told him with their impeachment acquittal that he can do anything he wants and there will be no consequences.

Trump went back to purging government agencies of anyone whose first loyalty isn’t to him personally, and adding to his cabal of officials, like Attorney General William Barr, who give all fealty to Trump instead of their country and the Constitution.

Add to that his recent naming of his latest acting Director of National Security, whose only qualification for the job is his loyalty to Trump. Remember that Trump has been trying to undermine our intelligence and national security agencies, as well as the FBI, since his 2016 election because of their conclusions that the Russians meddled in that election in Trump’s

favor, and they’re doing it again.

Trump’s purges started two days after the acquittal, people who testified last fall in the House impeachment inquiries. Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, Ukraine expert on the National Security Council, was fired and escorted out of the White House.

Trump said it was for “insubordination,” meaning failure of absolute loyalty to Trump personally. Gordon Sondland, ambassador to the European Union, was purged for the same reason. For good measure, Vindman’s twin brother, also a lieutenant colonel, was kicked out of the White House as well.

A year ago Trump purged Marie Yovanovich, our ambassador to Ukraine, and Kurt Volker, a special envoy to Ukraine, for “disloyalty” (same meaning as above).

Now Trump’s new national security director will help him purge career intelligence and national security people as well.

Vladimir Putin must be celebrating.

AG Barr has supported the idea of imperial presidency. The day after the acquittal, he announced that any federal agency investigation into domestic or foreign election machinations will require his advance approval. So we know there will be no investigations into any efforts to help Trump have another four years to subvert our Constitution and solidify his autocracy.

Do we see a common thread here? It’s obvious that Congressional Republicans also support this.

Impeachment is now in voters’ hands.

If they reject Trump in November, will he accept that election result? In fall 2016, he asserted that if he lost, it was because the election was rigged, and he wouldn’t accept the results. And that was before he had the power of the presidency. Could he declare a national emergency (election de-

telegraph

feat) and declare the election was rigged and thus invalid? Why not? He now has unlimited power.

- Carole McWilliams, Bayfield

Put down the steak knife and do better

To the editor, I want to thank Dante Gomez for his insightful commentary to the Soapbox on Jan. 23. Cruelty is cruelty and suffering is suffering, no matter the species.

Most of us humans have a choice, we do not have to consume animals and animal products to survive – or even have a high quality of life. We also do not have to slaughter each other during economic hard times, as with the holocaust or genocide.

We can put down our forks, use our heads and do better. We can also make ourselves healthier in the process.

Thank you, Dante, for your wisdom.

– Marianne Spencer Pearlman, Durango

“We’ll print damned-near anything” The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to the public to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only three requests: limit letters to 750 words, letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your insights

by Tuesday at noon to: PO Box 332, Durango, 81302 or e-mail your profundities to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com. Let the games begin ...

TopStory

Fields to Plate farm, pictured above, sits in the northern end of the Hermosa Valley. The farm was one of five to receive a zero-interest microloan from Four Corners Slow Money. The farm’s owners Max Fields and Tom Plate plan to use the money to improve cultivation, weed mitigation and expand production./Photo courtesy of Fields to Plate

Life in the slow lane Four Corners Slow Money group helps five more farms stay rooted in the region

by Tracy Chamberlin

I

t turns out slow money moves fast. It was only one year ago when the Four Corners Slow Money founding members received their first donation. Less than six months later, they were able to offer their first interest-free loan to Adobe House Farms in Durango for $3,000.

This week, the group was able to lend more than $30,000 split between five local farms – all with an interest rate of 0 percent.

“The first checks were made exactly one year ago,” Sandhya Tillotson, a founding member of Four Corners Slow Money, said.

Tillotson described the process as peer-to-peer lending, completely supported by the local community.

Cash for crops For more on the Four Corners Slow Money group, to join the movement or just donate toward the next round of loans, check out www.fourcornersslowmoney.org.

Memberships are $150 for growers and $250 for everyone else – all of which goes toward loans for local farmers. Four Corners Slow Money does allow up to five people to come together to pay the $250 membership fee; the caveat is the five-person group only gets one vote on where to allocate funds.

TONIGHT: The chiropractors at Atlas Specific are hosting a fundraiser for Four Corners Slow Money tonight, March 5, from 5-7 p.m. at their office in the Smiley Building, 1800 E. 3rd Ave., Suite 108. Billed as a “Ladies’ Night of Indulgence,” the event offers chocolates, mocktails, spinal health checks and more.

The farmers and ranchers who apply for funding from the group might not qualify for a typical small business loan or aid package that is available to larger operations through the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

That’s where Slow Money steps in, providing micro loans at a 0 percent interest rate and giving local farmers and ranchers the assistance they need to expand production, upgrade equipment or even grow new produce.

And, the loans are just the beginning. Five months ago, when the Four Corners group handed out its first check, it started the cycle the Slow Money concept is built upon.

When farmers or ranchers explain what they need the loan for, they also lay out a payment plan that works for them. Giving the funds back to the Slow 4

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telegraph

March 5, 2020 n 7

Money group isn’t meant to be burdensome but should work for everyone.

Once the loan is paid back, the funds basically get recycled and can be loaned out to the next applicant.

“When the money is repaid, it goes back in the pot.

So, it’s an ever-increasing pot,” Linda Illsley, another founding member of Four Corners Slow Money, said.

“Think about what it does for our community if we have a really strong economic base,” she added.

Supporting local growers doesn’t just benefit the area’s economy. Illsley said there are also environmental and health benefits to eating good, locally grown foods.

The Slow Money movement arose from the Slow Food movement, which unlike “fast food” promotes healthy, local and sustainable cooking. Founder Woody Tasch was inspired to take the concept to the bank by creating a way to fund the people who make local food systems work: farmers and ranchers.

Local is what truly describes all five of this latest round of recipients.

One farmer hails from the Old Fort’s Market Garden Incubator Program at Fort Lewis College. The program is a way for young entrepreneurs to get their foot in the farming door. Max Kirks was able to build upon his experience with the incubator program and now collaborates with the owners of Fenceline Cidery in Mancos in an effort to recover the region’s rich orchard history.

He applied for the Four Corners Slow Money loan to purchase additional tractor equipment to support his new endeavor, Outlier Farms.

Duke Jackson, owner of Sol Vista Farm and a former Outlier Farms employee, is also based out of Mancos.

Jackson asked for funds so he could build a walk-in cooler on his property to use during the harvest season.

Hailing from Dolores, Clay and Megan Tallmadge have spent the past three years turning Pleasant Tree Farms into a sustainable, environmentally friendly tree and shrub nursery.

Tom Markle, who owns 550 Farms, pictured above, describes the land as a special piece of property but in need of some irrigation infrastructure. With the loan from Four Corners Slow Money, he’ll be able to make the improvements./Photo by Tom Markle

The couple turned to the Slow Money program so they could invest in the composting side of their business and set up a vermiculture system.

The other two applicants have been farming in Durango since 2013 and are hoping to expand their produce offerings to local restaurants and other businesses in the region.

Tom Markle, owner of 550 Farms in the Hermosa Valley, said his property is special but in need of some upgrades to the irrigation system, which is why he turned to the Slow Money group for support.

Also based in Durango is Fields to Plate, run by Max Fields and Tom Plate. The two needed equipment to improve cultivation, weed mitigation and expand production.

“We’re on a good path, but having this loan can get us growing more food,” Fields said. “We have more demand than we can fulfill.”

About 40 people attended a “pitch fest” Saturday – only the second large membership meeting in the Four Corners Slow Money group’s history – to hear directly from all five applicants and decide which ones to support.

When it began, the Four Corners Slow Money group was about $900 shy of the $30,000 needed to fund all the requests. In less than an hour, however, the gap was closed and by the end of the meeting, the membership voted to fully fund all five.

Only one applicant who reached out to Four Corners was not able to secure a loan. Tillotson explained that the farm was based in Las Cruces, N.M., but the group wants to focus on Southwest Colorado and Northern New Mexico.

So instead, they connected the farm’s owners with the movement’s founder, Tasch, in the hopes that another chapter of the Slow Money movement could take root in Southern New Mexico. “We want to continue to grow this movement throughout the Four Corners,” Tillotson said.

“This is just going to keep snowballing,” Illsley added. n

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8 n March 5, 2020

telegraph

!

MurderInk

Not for lightweights Riku Onda’s ‘The Aosawa Murders’ a challenge worth every second

by Jeffrey Mannix

T

his month’s Murder Ink comes with a disclaimer: The Aosawa Murders by Riku Onda is not for everybody. Quit reading now and turn the page if that didn’t raise the hair on your neck.

More to the point, this book is not for the amateur reader who coaxes a book along a few pages now and again. Murder Ink has recommended excellent crime fiction books that can be read piecemeal or as a soporific read in bed, but The Aosawa Murders is anything but a casual read. Like the 10-meter diving platform in an Olympic swim pool, you probably shouldn’t be at that elevation if you haven’t first worked your way up in stages or are born with no fear of heights.

With that injunction, and if you’ll be goddamned, The Aosawa Murders is one of the most fascinating books you’ll ever read. Riku Onda’s first book translated to English from Japanese, it was released last month by Bitter Lemon Press of London. It won the award for Best Novel by the prestigious Mystery Writers of Japan and is the talk of the publishing world right now, even to the point of including its cover design as one of the top 10 best of this year. It will surely enjoy elevated notice and awards from The Crime Writers’ Association and Mystery Writers of America.

Now, let me see if I can peel up a corner of the scrim that so cleverly bedims the scenes. At the same time, it agitates the account of the poisoning death of 17 members of the prominent Aosawa family, save for two chil-

dren, a housekeeper and a blind but percipient ingénue daughter, Hisako.

In what Westerners may see as a puzzling Asian custom, a messenger in a yellow raincoat and motorcycle helmet delivers a gift of saké for a celebratory toast at the patriarch’s birthday. All 17 adults raise their glasses in salutation, and all instantly fall to the ground writhing in pain and soon die from notoriously vicious cyanide. Two of the children were off playing, and the only Aosawa family member present who didn’t drink the saké – the blind 12-year-old Hisako – sat composed as everyone suffered in the extreme.

The messenger was subsequently identified at the scene of his own suicide from a note admitting to delivering the poisoned saké. The police close the case; but the lead detective is never convinced.

Twelve years later, Makiko Saiga, one of the spared children playing in another room during the deadly toast, writes a book about the crime for her university thesis, calling it “The Forgotten Festival.” It becomes a

telegraph

true-crime bestseller; Makiko never writes another book and refuses to give interviews. Meanwhile, Hisako, the sole Aosawa survivor and witness to the murders, marries and moves to the United States under a penumbra of suspicion.

Thirty years after the event, Makiko is carrying on a conversation with renewed interest about her bestseller. She reveals her survivor attachment to the Aosawa murders and ambivalence toward the single family survivor now an ocean away.

The Aosawa Murders is a fiction told in 14 chapters relative to Makiko’s thesis. It’s a book about a book about a crime. Theories abound from lots of opinions developed over the 30 years since the unspeakable spoke and came up with theories about the lack of substance to those theories. And then the book ends. It’s near brilliant.

The Aosawa Murders is a $15 paperback, and with Maria’s Bookshop 15 percent Murder Ink discount, it’s cheaper than getting your car washed. So if you’re inclined to throw down the gauntlet over my opening disparagement – and I know you are – buy this book and hold me to a higher standard next month. n

March 5, 2020 n

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dayinthelife 10 n March 5, 2020

S

outheastern Utah has no shortage of the most curious is the 80-mil as Comb Ridge. Forming a radica Ears National Monument to the San Ju Comb then strikes southwest across t

teleg

Wonder wall

by Stephen Eginoire

e of natural wonders, and perhaps one le-long sandstone monocline known al spine from Elk Ridge through Bears uan River (where it is cut in half), the the edge of Monument Valley before

graph

suddenly petering out near Kayenta, Ariz. Along the axis of the monocline, rock layers form a vertical rampart to the west, while the sloping eastern flanks are incised with steep, short canyons. Aside from being a dramatic geologic feature, the not-so-subtle details that reveal thousands of years of human history along this spine of rock are a sight to behold. Here’s a look:

March 5, 2020 n

11

thesecondsection Dylan Meshew drops the knee while on duty recently. “When I was 9 or 10 years old, I decided that I was bored with alpine skiing,” the 22-year-old Purg patroller said. He paid his dues on leather boots with plastic cuffs and three pins but stuck with it, adding, “I haven’t locked my heel down since about 2012.”/Courtesy photo

Still kicking up their heels Nevermind the naysayers – tele-ing is not only alive, but kinda, sorta enjoying a moment

by Ken Wright

sons, education, beacon and backcountry skills workshops, group ski runs and an après-ski party.

“Telemarking’s on an upswing,” he says. “People had written it off for a long time, and just a few years ago really prominent brands and shops weren’t providing gear to telemark skiers anymore. Now, though, people

then it just kind of it kind of faded away,” Ben Rockis, owner of Backcountry Experience, says. “But the resurt appears the reports of telemarking’s death have been gence over the past couple of years is growing and growgreatly exaggerated. ing. With the new technology, the new binding setups Announced in a May 2017 feature in Powder magaand a new commitment from vendors, it’s coming back.” zine titled “Telemark Skiing is Dead” (and, perhaps to A telemarker himself for nearly 30 years, Rockis ardrive the stake deeper into its heart, subtigues that it’s not the “scruffy underground tled, “The last story about telemark skiing, cool” that is driving the sports’ new growth. ever”), the article cited crashing interest in “ was up to about 10 He instead attributes it to the telemark turn gear sales in the 2010s as a sign of the sports’ itself. years ago, and then it just kind of away. imminent demise.

“The grace of the telemark turn is almost It attributed the passing of the 19th-cenlike a religion,” he muses. “It’s this deep feelBut the over the past couple of ing of dancing on the mountain. A lot of peotury way to turn skis down a mountain, which had experienced a booming rebirth in don’t get it, but once you feel that years is growing ... with the new , ple the 1980s and ‘90s, to the sports’ “scruffy vibration in your body, it’s just an amazing underground cool” going out of fashion. experience.” the new binding setups and a new Noting that in 2017 there were no tele-foChmielarczyk agrees that the combination cused ski makers and few boot manufacturfrom vendors, it’s coming .” of the unique skiing experience with better ers, the article concluded, “There are still a equipment is what’s bringing a new generafew thousand telemarkers in America, but tion of telemarkers into his store. It’s also – Ben Rockis, telemarker and owner, Backcountry Experience that number probably won’t ever increase.” what inspired him to spread that joy through Here in 2020, though, Matt Chmielarczyk sees it dif- are really embracing the new NTN-style of boots and the traveling Telemarking Festival, now in its fourth ferently. bindings.” year, with stops in Monarch and Taos this season. Next Chmielarczyk is owner of Mountain Chalet, a backWhile plastic replaced leather telemark boots year they aim to add up to three more venues. country mountaineering and ski shop based in Col- decades ago, NTN – “New Telemark Normal” – is a new “A lot of young skiers, especially in Colorado, have orado Springs since 1968. In February, he was at technology of step-in/step-out boots and bindings that been skiing or boarding since they were little, and they Purgatory Resort for the Telemarking Festival, a partner- is easier to use and provides skiers more powerful con- want to change it up a bit,” he says. “The young people ship between Mountain Chalet and Durango’s Back- trol than the traditional duckbill boots and “three pin” coming from the park-skiing and the free-ride worlds country Experience. At the day-long event, the two bindings that drove the last resurgence of the sport. are embracing the telemark turn because it adds to the shops offered free demos of the latest telemark gear, les“Telemarking was huge up to about 10 years ago, and challenge.” 4

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That was Dylan Meshew’s experience.

Meshew is a 22-year-old ski patroller at Purgatory and a telemarker, both on and off the job. “When I was 9 or 10 years old, I decided that I was bored with alpine skiing,” he recounts. “So I told my dad, hey, I want to try snowboarding. He said no, but that he had something else he wanted me to try.”

He started out on some of his father’s plastic-cuffed leather boots and narrow skis, but struggled with that gear. “But I stuck with it because it was a huge challenge for me,” he says. “Then, through the years, I’ve been progressing by improving the gear that I have. I haven’t locked my heel down since about 2012.”

Perhaps surprisingly, since joining Purgatory Mountain Patrol two years ago, Meshew has also found his telemark equipment to be an advantage in the job’s duties and demands.

“I can maneuver a lot easier,” he explains.

“For certain end-of-day sweeps we have to cut back and forth across runs, and I can just tour across the cutbacks if I need to. And it’s a lot easier helping people put their skis back on. That maneuverability is also key pulling a toboggan because I can use a mix of walking and skating that gives me an edge over alpine skis or a snowboard.”

While Meshew agrees that improved equipment has helped his generation give telemarking a try, he thinks other technologies that didn’t exist during the sports’ last upsurge in popularity are also playing a role.

“It’s partially the gear, but it’s also the exposure, especially through social media,” he says. “There are a lot of people switching over because of things they’ve seen on Insta-

Top left: The author (left) in full regalia with cohorts during a recent Tele Fest. Top right: Tele demos line the racks at Purgatory during February’s Tele Fest. Co-sponsored by Backcountry Experience and Colorado Springs-based Mountain Chalet, the event drew a crowd of diehards as well as young’uns eager for a new challenge./Photos by Ken Wright gram and Facebook and YouTube. I’ve even noticed a lot of the little rippers at competitions starting to do those events on telemarks.”

Still, it’s not just for the young. Especially here in Southwestern Colorado, where telemarking retained a dedicated following through the national marketplace slump in the 2010s. That old way of turning still remains a sacred experience among those who converted to the “religion” a

long time ago.

Ayla Moore was a latecomer to the sport, launching her telemarking career at age 30.

“I tried alpine skiing once and found it deadly boring,” she remembers. “When my husband and I moved to Durango in 1995, it was here in this crazy town that I took up tele-ing, because that’s what these crazy people were into.”

Now, 25 years later, the mother of two alpine skiers is still dropping her knee and

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lifting her heel in her mid-50s, because of what she calls “those surfy, flowy turns.”

“I love it,” she says. “I love the strength it takes to basically do lunges all the way down a mountain. I love how I can skate-ski on the flats. I love feeling that free heel and being slightly untethered. Who knows how long I will last at this, but for now, it’s suffering and smiling all the way down the mountain. And then a lot of exhausted sitting on the sofa for the rest of the day.” n

March 5, 2020 n 13

TopShelf

Sensible dance, world fusion and radio gaga

by Chris Aaland

There’s some cool free music from 6-9 p.m. tonight when Ryan Chrys & the Roughcuts play Ernie’s 11th Street Station. t’s Film Fest week here in D-Town, meaning the 15th annual Chrys & Co. are a modern outlaw country group from Denver Durango Independent Film Festival takes over many of that have shared stages with Dwight Yoakam, Blackberry Smoke, the screens at the Animas City, Gaslight and Durango Stadium Shooter Jennings, the Marshall Tucker Band and Junior Brown. theatres for documentaries, features, shorts and more. Duran They were also nominated for the Best Outlaw Group at the 2018 gofilm.org is a great source for a full schedule, descriptions of Ameripolitan Awards. films and more.

The Met: Live in HD continues at 10:55 a.m. Saturday in the Perhaps you’re a newcomer to the festival and only want to see Vallecito Room of the FLC Student union with Richard Wagner’s one particular movie or two. Please “Der Fliegende Hollander.” The note that pass-holders have priority opera is a new production by Franin seating. If you plan on seeing mulcois Girard, who sets the piece on the tiple films, consider purchasing a pass Norwegian coast. The cast, led by at Four Leaves Winery. Because passrenowned bass-baritone Yevgeny holders will be seated first, many of Nikitin, performs on a rich, layered these folks will occupy all of the seats stage, reminiscent of a vast oil paintfor any individual screening. Any reing, embracing the worlds of nature maining individual tickets to particuand the supernatural. Run time is aplar movies will be sold at the venues proximately 2 hours, 25 minutes. after pass-holders have been seated.

KSUT’s on-air spring memberOne film that I’m particularly inship drive runs Monday through Friterested in seeing is “Tommy Emday (March 9-13) with daily prizes manuel: The Endless Road.” culminating in the big grand prize From the Australian outback to Music drawing at 6 p.m. next Friday for a City, USA, the one-time child guitar trip for two to the New Orleans Jazz & prodigy dedicated his life to become Heritage Festival. One lucky winner the world’s greatest acoustic guitarist, will receive two weekend passes to the even as revelations of dark family sefestival’s first weekend (April 23-26), crets sent him into a battle with adgiving attendees the chance to see the diction that threatened to destroy his Who, the Beach Boys, Michael Franti career, his family and his life. I saw & Spearhead, Lenny Kravitz, Elvis Emmanuel a few years ago on ReserCostello & the Imposters, Foo Fightvoir Hill. He brought me to tears with ers, Brandi Carlile and hundreds of both his playing (he’s truly one of the other acts. Round trip airfare from Dugreatest guitarists to ever live) and his rango and five nights’ lodging in the stories. This feature is screened at 8 French Quarter are included. Addip.m. tonight (Thurs., March 5) at the tionally, live bands will perform in Gaslight 1 and at 6 p.m. Friday at the The Durango Independent Film Festival is in full swing special fund drive editions of KSUT Animas City Theatre. If you like what this week with features, shorts and documentaries Sessions all week long. Pledge online like “Tommy Emanuel: The Endless Road.” you see, you can catch Emmanuel at ksut.org or call 970-563-0255 belive this June at the 15th annual tween 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. each day.

Pagosa Folk’n Bluegrass.

Because KSUT is so heavily involved in its live concert series One of the most eclectic touring groups around, Toubab and festival production, count on tickets to many upcoming Krewe, brings its multi-cultural sound to the Animas City Theevents to be offered as prizes during the drives. Among those anatre at 8:30 p.m. Tuesday. Based in Asheville, N.C., the instrumen- nounced this week are the St. Louis bluegrass band Old Salt tal quintet fuses rock, African traditions, jam sensibilities, Union (Thurs., April 2, at the Wild Horse Saloon), West Virginia international folk strains and more while carrying on the tradisongwriter Sierra Ferrell (Mon., April 13, at the Durango Arts tion of Ali Farka Toure, Orchestra Baobab and Salif Keita. They’ve Center) and Americana icon Eliza Gilkyson (Wed., May 20, at taken it to major festivals, including Bonnaroo, High Sierra, the Henry Strater Theatre). Two big, outdoor Durango shows will Wakarusa and more. Durango’s Profetic Calaveras opens the be announced during the drive. show with its Latin funk fusion.

Jam band fans heading up to Telluride have two sold-out SheriA national institution with an international influence returns dan Opera House shows they can pray to Jah and hope for miracles to the Community Concert Hall at 7:30 p.m. Monday when Pifor. First, the Infamous Stringdusters return at 9 p.m. Saturday. lobolus Dance Theatre presents “Come to Your Senses.” After These guys are longtime favorites of Four Corners bluegrass fans, nearly 50 years, Pilobolus retains its unique vision of modern won a Grammy award and are regulars at Telluride Bluegrass. Then, dance by stretching the boundaries of human movement with a at 8 p.m. Tuesday, moe. rocks Telluride. With more than 20 years of dazzling mix of humor, intelligence, physical invention and raw touring and 20 albums under its belt, the quintet is a regular at Red athleticism. “Come to Your Senses” combines dance, video and Rocks during the summertime. Trust me, Telluride locals are notoritheatre to create a journey through diverse worlds. ous for buying too many tickets, only to have a friend back out at Tonight (Thurs., March 5) is the night! KDUR’s annual Furnithe last minute. If you’re friendly and patient, there’s a good chance ture as Art auction takes place at 5:30 p.m. at the Durango Arts you’ll find a way into those shows.

Center. Ticket price of $30 includes three drinks and heavy appeAlso of note: the local, electric, psychedelic power trio, Dreem tizers from Good on the Bun. Art browsing music will be provided Machine, plays Ska Brewing at 5 p.m. tonight; the Badly Bent reby Durango High School student Aiden Hall, with more than 20 turns to Durango Craft Spirits at 6 p.m. Friday; and the Black Velartists represented in the live auction. The live auction starts at 7 vet trio travels Down the Rabbit Hole from 6-10 p.m. Saturday. p.m., and a silent auction will take place throughout the evening.

KDUR’s Bryant Liggett and Meryl Ramsey emcee the event.

Kiss my ass, I bought a boat? Email me at chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

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onthetown

Thursday05

Friday06

Living Your Best Life with Disabilities: Everyone counts! Census Q & A, co-hosted by Southwest Center for Independence, 1:30-2:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Durango Earlybird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. STEAM Lab: LEGO Club, 3:30-4:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Seven Rivers Farmers Market, 2:30-5:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. 315-0589.

Thursday Afternoon Social Club for veterans, spouses and supporters, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. Chocolate & Wine Tasting, fundraiser for Women Resource Center, 5 p.m., Animas Chocolate & Coffee Co., 920 Main Ave. www.wrcdurango.org.

Dream Machine performs, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

Lacey Black performs, 5:30-8 p.m., Lone Spur Café, 619 Main Ave. Free Metaphysical Makeover, learn new tools for your spiritual expansion, 6-7:30 p.m., Comfort Inn, 455 S. Camino del Rio. Durango Spirituality Meetup or text/call Jo C 970-903-3921.

Martha Odom performs, 6-8 p.m., Jean-Pierre Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

James Ranch Meet & Eat, featuring Don Roberts, owner of Fit24/7 Gym and author of The Wellness Toolbox, 5:30 p.m., James Ranch Grill and Market, 33846 HWY 550.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Meet the Filmmakers Party, part of the Durango Independent Film Festival, 5-8 p.m., Irish Embassy Underground, 900 Main Ave. www.durangofilm.org.

Native Cinema Reception, part of the Durango Independent Film Festival, 6-8 p.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. www.durangofilm.org.

Ryan Chris & The Rough Cuts perform, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. “On Being Human: Facets of Humanities at a Liberal Arts College,” part of the Life-Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., FLC Noble Hall, Room 130. www.fortlewis.edu.

Community Acoustic Music Jam, 7 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Laugh Therapy @ the Embassy, open mic stand-up comedy, 8 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. 403-1200.

Panel: From Script to Screen – Sex and the City, part of the Durango Independent Film Fest., 11 a.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main. www.durangofilm.org.

Coffee and Conversations: A shared meal with local homeless and food-insecure residents, 12:30-2:30 p.m., Schneider Park. www.com munitycompassionoutreach.com.

Panel: Central Casting – What it Takes to Be in Pictures, part of the Durango Independent Film Festival, 1 p.m., Irish Embassy Underground, 900 Main Ave. www.durangofilm.org.

Smelter Mountain Boys perform, 4-7 p.m., Nugget Mountain Bar, Highway 550 North.

Lacey Black performs, 5:30-8 p.m., Lone Spur Café, 619 Main Ave. The Black Velvet Trio performs, 6-10 p.m., Down the Rabbit Hole, 640 Main Ave.

DJ Bad Goat performs, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Raven Narratives: Live Storytelling, theme of firsts/lasts, doors open, 7:30 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.ravennarrativestickets.org.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., DJ Hakan 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Middle Ground performs, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Gary B. Walker performs, 6:30 p.m., JeanPierre Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

DJ Side Affex, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

First Friday Forum Event for The Hive DGO, 6:30-10 p.m., 600 Main Ave., Suite 111.

Sunday08

The Raven Narratives: Live Storytelling, theme of firsts/lasts, 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.ravennarrativestickets.org.

Ecstatic Dance with DJ Uplifter, 7-10 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

Saturday07

Henry Stoy, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. Screenwriting Workshop: Where Your Story Begins, part of the Durango Independent Film Festival, 11 a.m., Irish Embassy Underground, 900 Main Ave. www.durangofilm.org.

Irish Music Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. Lacey Black performs, 3-6 p.m., Durango Mountain Club at Purgatory Resort.

“Two Rooms” by Lee Blessing, 7:30 p.m., show also runs March 6-7, Fort Lewis College Theatre. 247-7089 or www.durangoconcerts.com.

Millener’s Cathartic Hollywood Huckfest, slopestyle-freeride event to benefit local Shane Millener and the Four Corners Freeride Team, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Upper Catharsis to Cherub, Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryskiteam.org/.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Henry Stoy, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

Open Mic, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Hermosa Coffee Roasters, 738 Main Ave.4

Blue Moon Ramblers, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

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March 5, 2020 n 15

Monday09 “Come to Your Senses,” performance by Pilobolus Dance Theatre, 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday10 “Modern Slavery and Human Trafficking,” part of the Great Decisions Discussion Group, 11:45 a.m., Durango Public Library. www.lwvlaplata.org.

“Picturing Peace,” part of the DAC Winter Lecture Series: Art Opens Windows, 4 p.m., also runs March 12, 17 and 19, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Neds performs, 7-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 828-7777.

Free Legal Clinic, 4-5 p.m., March 13, Ignacio Community Library.

Women’s High Tea, join women’s health providers and community organizations in honor of International Women’s Day, sponsored by San Juan Basin Public Health, 5:30-7:30 p.m., Durango Rec Center. 335-2062.

The Met: Live in HD, featuring Wagner’s “Der Fliegende Holländer,” 10:55 a.m., March 14, Student Union Vallecito Room, FLC. www.durangoconcerts.com.

San Juan Basin Archaeological Society meets, presentation on “The Early Upper Paleolithic Archaeology of the East European Plain,” 7 p.m., Center of Southwest Studies at Fort Lewis College. sjbas.org.

Dirtwire performs, 8:30 p.m., March 14, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitythe atre.com.

Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr. Karaoke, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Sip & Shop, wine tasting hosted by Professional Women’s Network to benefit the Women’s Resource Center, 5-6:30 p.m., Urban Market, 865 Main Ave.

Ongoing

Rotary Club meets, presentation from Mountain Studies Institute’s forest health expert Mike Remke, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave. 385-7899.

“Two Old Guys,” works from Peter Alphonso Martin, thru March 21, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave.

“Retrospective Art Show: 1960-2020” by Peggy Cloy, thru March 24, Smiley Building 2nd floor, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

Karaoke, 6:30-10:30 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon.

15th annual Durango Independent Film Festival, March 4-8. www.durangofilm.org.

Latin Dance Night, 8 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

“Inside Out: Visions from the Artist’s Mind,” thru April 2020, Southern Ute Museum. www.souther nutemuseum.org.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8 Ave.

Wednesday11

Upcoming

Fired Up Stories! with first responders from Durango Fire and Rescue, 10:30-11:15 a.m., Durango Public Library.

Southwest Ability Summit: “Building Inclusive Communities,” a day of learning and networking, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., March 12, Durango Rec Center. sjboces.org.

Greenhouse Gas Emissions Roadmap and Transportation Electrification, 1:30-4 p.m., La Plata County Administration Building, 1101 E. 2nd Ave. 259-1916.

BookMarks Book Club, featuring There There by Tommy Orange, 2 p.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Thank the Veterans potluck, 5:30 p.m., Peter

th

Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., March 15, La Plata County Fairgrounds. 946-4831.

Yarn performs, 7:30 p.m., March 15, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangocon certs.com.

Laugh Therapy St. Patty’s Day Stand-Up Comedy Showcase, 8 p.m., March 17, The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. 403-1200.

An Evening with Suzy Bogguss, 7:30 p.m., March 18, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Local First Member Meeting, 4-6 p.m., March 24, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.localfirst.org.

Yamato – The Drummers of Japan, 7:30 p.m., March 25, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Basic Safety Clinic, hosted by 4Corners Riversports, 5:30-7:30 p.m., March 26, 4CRS, 360 S. Camino del Rio, Suite 100. riversports.com.

Free Skiing, March 29, Kendall Mountain in Silverton. www.skikendall.com.

The Del McCoury Band, 7:30 p.m., April 1, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.du rangoconcerts.com.

“The Adverse Health Effects of E-Cigarettes in Adults & Teens,” part of the Life-Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., March 12, Noble Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room 130. www.fortlewis.edu.

The High Kings perform, 7:30 p.m., April 8, Community Concert Hall, Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Leftover Salmon performs, 7:30 p.m., March 12, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Croce Plays Croce, featuring AJ Croce, 7:30 p.m., April 16, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

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AskRachel Interesting fact: The Black Death in the 14th century reduced the world population from 475 million to 350 million or so. Breathe easy! There is zero chance coronavirus will reduce us to anything less than 500 million.

Dear Rachel, I always read your advice column for a good laugh. Do you remember when the column was authored by various local “divers?” I had thought that a “diver” was a local dishwasher – diving into the soapy water to scrub pots and pans. But my friend informed me that a “diver” was simply a person who frequented local “dives.” No offense (don’t you love it when someone prefaces something totally offensive by saying “no offense?”) but these divers were really funny, and, well, your answers are, um, less so. Did you break your funny bone?

– Get Well Soon Dear Condolences, A “diver” is a “dishwasher,” so your “friend” is “wrong.” And so are you. This is a “serious” advice “column,” and any laughter that might occur as a result of its use is “incidental.” As you will see, this week’s mailbag is full of serious “questions,” to which I will provide “answers” as insightful as “possible” without being an actual “professional” in any serious or “relevant” field.

No offense, but it’s really tough to take things “seriously” with so many “quotation marks.”

– End quote, Rachel Dear Rachel, I’ve about had it with my car insurance company. The local office seems friendly enough.

But the corporate algorithms keep sending me excessive updates and warnings. Every time I call to follow up, the friendly local rep assures me they’ve taken care of the issue in the time between notices being sent and my receiving them.

I’m now losing sleep worrying that the mound of ignored notices will bring corporate down on me. Any advice for protecting myself?

– Like a Paranoid Neighbor Dear Boo Radley, I never thought of it, but the whole “State Farm is there” jingle will now creep me out forever. Sing it in a breathy voice. Not the sexy one, the other one. Gah! But since this is a serious advice column, I advise you to apply all the coronavirus precautions to evading your insurance stalkers. Buy several weeks’ worth of groceries.

Wash your hands repeatedly. Disappear into the Weminuche without telling anyone where you’ve gone.

Dare the bastards to come find you there.

– In good hands, Rachel Dear Rachel, Are the Coronavirus fears overblown? Or is this really the end times? Seems like something different comes to kill us every year. One year it’s bird flu. Another it’s Mayan prophecies. So I’m feeling pretty immune to death. Of course, Europeans in the dark ages probably felt the same about the bubonic plague and look where that got them. Should I start filling the walls with canned food? Or can I continue licking door handles in public?

– Germbusters

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com Dear Immunowarrior, Serious questions beg for serious answers. But I already addressed the coronavirus thing with the last letter. So I’ll take this opportunity to say, apropos of nothing, that humor is an entirely subjective artform and it’s impossible to please the masses while also remaining true to what little integrity I have left. But hey!

Keep writing in complaints, because letters make my world go ’round.

– Who you gonna call, Rachel

March is the month for all things green…

Come by and choose your favorite flavor of green!

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telegraph

March 5, 2020 n 17

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Progress rarely unfolds in a glorious, ever-rising upward arc. The more usual pattern is gradual and uneven.

Each modest ascent is followed by a phase of retrenchment and integration.

In the best-case scenario, the most recent ascent reaches a higher level than the previous ascent. By my estimate, you’re in one of those periods of retrenchment and integration right now, Aries. It’s understandable if you feel a bit unenthusiastic about it. But I’m here to tell you that it’s crucial to your next ascent. Let it work its subtle magic.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You are most likely to be in sweet alignment with cosmic rhythms if you regard the next three weeks as a time of graduation. I encourage you to take inventory of the lessons you’ve been studying since your birthday in 2019. How have you done in your efforts to foster interesting, synergistic intimacy? Are you more passionately devoted to what you love? Have you responded brightly as life has pushed you to upgrade the vigor and rigor of your commitments? Just for fun, give yourself a grade for those “classes,” as well as any others that have been important. Then – again, just for fun – draw up a homemade diploma for yourself to commemorate and honor your work.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Are you ready to seize a more proactive role in shaping what happens in the environments you share with cohorts? Do you have any interest in exerting leadership to enhance the well-being of the groups that are important to you? Now is an excellent time to take brave actions that will raise the spirits and boost the fortunes of allies whose fates are intermingled with yours. I hope you’ll be a role model for the art of pleasing oneself while being of service others.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian author Lionel Trilling (1905-75) was an influential intellectual and literary critic. One of his heroes was another influential intellectual and literary critic, Edmund Wilson. On one occasion, Trilling was using a urinal in a men’s room at the New School for Social Research in New York. Imagine how excited he was when Wilson, whom he had never met, arrived to use the urinal right next to his. Now imagine his further buoyancy when Wilson not only spoke to Trilling but also expressed familiarity with his work. I foresee similar luck or serendipity coming your way soon: seemingly unlikely encounters with interesting resources and happy accidents that inspire your self-confidence.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Poet Conee Berdera delivered a poignant message to her most valuable possession: the flesh and blood vehicle that serves as sanctuary for all her yearnings, powers and actions. “My beloved body,” she writes, “I am so sorry I did not love you enough.” Near the poem’s end she vows “to love and cherish” her body. I wish she would have been even more forceful, saying something like, “From now on, dear body, I promise to always know exactly what you need and give it to you with all my ingenuity and panache.”

Would you consider making such a vow to your own most valuable possession, Leo? It’s a favorable time to do so.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Luckily, the turning point you have arrived at doesn’t present you with 20 different possible futures. You don’t have to choose from among a welter of paths headed in disparate directions. There are only a few viable options to study and think about. Still, I’d like to see you further narrow down the alternatives. I hope you’ll use the process of elimination as you get even clearer about what you don’t want. Let your fine mind gather a wealth of detailed information and objective evidence, then hand over the final decision to your intuition.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Certain artists are beyond my full comprehension. Maybe I’m not smart enough to understand their creations or I’m not deep enough to fathom why their work is considered important. For example, I don’t enjoy or admire the operas of Wagner or the art of Mark Rothko. Same with the music of Drake or the novels of Raymond Carter or the art of Andy Warhol. The problem is with me, not them. I don’t try to claim they’re overrated or mediocre. Now I urge you to do what I just did, Libra, only on a broader scale. Acknowledge that some of the people and ideas and art and situations you can’t appreciate are not necessarily faulty or wrong or inadequate. Their value may simply be impossible for you to recognize. It’s a perfect time for you to undertake this humble work. I suspect it will be liberating.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio-born Ralph Bakshi has made animated films and TV shows for over 60 years. His work has been influential.

“I’m the biggest ripped-off cartoonist in the history of the world,” he says. Milder versions of his experience are not uncommon for many Scorpios. People are prone to copying you and borrowing from you and even stealing from you. They don’t always consciously know they’re doing it, and they may not offer you proper appreciation. I’m guessing that something like this phenomenon may be happening for you right now. My advice? First, be pleased

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about how much clout you’re wielding.

Second, if anyone is borrowing from you without making the proper acknowledgment, speak up about it.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “Vainly I sought nourishment in shadows and errors,” author Jorge Luis Borges wrote. We have all been guilty of miscalculations like those.

Each of us has sometimes put our faith in people and ideas that weren’t worthy of us. None of us is so wise that we always choose influences that provide the healthiest fuel. That’s the bad news, Sagittarius.

The good news is that you now have excellent instincts about where to find the best long-term nourishment.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Poet Adrienne Rich wrote, “When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.” I believe this same assertion is true about people of all genders. I also suspect that right now you are in a particularly pivotal position to be a candid revealer: to enhance and refine everyone’s truth-telling by being a paragon of honesty yourself. To achieve the best results, I encourage you to think creatively about what exactly it means for you to tell the deep and entire truth.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Through some odd Aquarian-like quirk, astrologers have come to harbor the apparently paradoxical view that your sign is ruled by both Saturn and Uranus. At first glance, that’s crazy!

Saturn is the planet of discipline, responsibility, conservatism, diligence and order.

Uranus is the planet of awakening, surprise, rebellion, barrier-breaking and liberation.

How can you Aquarians incorporate the energies of both? Well, that would require a lengthy explanation beyond the scope of this horoscope. But I will tell you this: During the rest of the year 2020, you will have more potential to successfully coordinate your inner Saturn and your inner Uranus than you have had in years. Homework: Meditate on how you will do just that.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In 1637, renowned English poet John Milton wrote “Lycidas,” a poetic elegy in honor of a friend. Reading it today, almost four centuries later, we are struck by how archaic and obscure the language is, with phrases like “O ye laurels” and “Ah! who hath reft my dearest pledge?” A famous 20th-century Piscean poet named Robert Lowell was well-educated enough to understand Milton’s meaning but also decided to “translate” all of “Lycidas” into plainspoken modern English. I’d love to see you engage in comparable activities during the coming weeks, Pisces: updating the past; reshaping and reinterpreting your old stories; revising the ways you talk about and think about key memories.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214

HelpWanted

duces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish

Classes/Workshops

Announcements

Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956, www.himkitchen.com. Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our allyou-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free. Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m.

Closed 2:30 - 5, daily.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Wanted Macrame Instructor Wanted Macramé instructor for one on one classes. Please leave a message 779-8387.

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Program Specialist Non Profit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Durango is seeking a Program Specialist. Must be fluent in Spanish. This position is responsible for providing program support in response to all inquiries; conducting volunteer and child enrollment and matching; providing ongoing match support and reporting, to ensure child safety, positive impacts for youth, satisfying relationships between children, parents and volunteer mentors, and adhering to Big Brother Big Sisters one-to-one child advocacy standards. Must be software proficient. Candidate will be required to drive to local schools and have a valid driver’s license. Position reports to the Executive Director. Non-profit background not required, a passion to help kids is. Must have a clean driving record and pass a background check. Wages are $17.00/hr and a mileage reimbursement. Bachelor’s degree required. BBBS is an EOE. Email resume to paul@bbig.org

Services Accounting Services Payroll, sales tax, bank & credit card reconciliations, HR & support. 970-4035339.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside near Durango and Bayfield, RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, social media, website content, SEO, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Email jnderge@gmail.com Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; re-

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Dry Needling Clinic Sat., March 7, 9 am-12 pm, Ohana Physical Therapy, 130 Rock Point Dr., Unit C in the Tech Center. Open to the public and free! (We are accepting donations for the Humane Society!) Have you heard about the benefits of dry needling but haven’t had an opportunity to try it?

Andre Botha, RPT, Dip MDT will be available to answer questions and give you a sample of this revolutionary therapy tool!

Call with questions. 970 247 7895 Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

BodyWork

HaikuMovieReview ‘Long Shot’ True tale where Larry David and baseball save an innocent man’s life – Lainie Maxson

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForRent Affordable Housing Homes for sale, less than $20K. Homes for rent, less than $800/mo. Mobile home sites, $285/mo + W/S. Clean, safe, family friendly community in Aztec, NM. Only 45 min from Durango. 505-334-7100 sunsetvillagemhc.com. We can help you move your home!

Massage by Meg Bush, LMT 30, 60 & 90 min dwntwn Dgo 970759-0199.

CommercialForRent

massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 201819. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984.

Medical Condo for Rent or Sale Rare medical condo in prime central location off Main Ave with reception, 4 exam rooms, parking. Call 262-308-2968 for info.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

ForSale NIB Taurus 709 Slim 9mm w/holster. $285. Vic 970-4227009.

Brother Fax 575 Like new w/new ink cartridge. $50. Vic 970-422-7009.

Reruns Home Furnishings New arrivals: beautiful artwork, lots of mirrors, side tables, lamps, rugs, night stands, glassware and linens. Cool vintage dishes – Pyrex & Fiestaware.

Storewide sales. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

CommunityService Apply for Food Tax and Utility Rebate Programs Durango residents with a total household income no greater than 50 percent of the Area Median Family Income for La Plata County by family size may qualify.

Only those who were full-time residents within the city limits on Dec. 31 and for the full 12 months of 2019 are eligible to file. Only residents who owned and occupied a home that received City utility services on Dec. 31, and for at least ten (10) months of 2019, are eligible to file for the utility refund program. In addition, the resident filing for the utility refund must have occupied the property – as an owner – on which City utilities were paid in 2019.

Applications are available at City Hall (949 E. 2nd Ave), Transit Center (250 W. 8th St), Senior Center (2424 Main Ave), or DurangoGov.org/rebates. Applications must be submitted by July 1.

March 5, 2020 n 19

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That’s lame.

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“Helping you burn brighter since 2002.”

20 n March 5, 2020

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