RegularOccurrences

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Ear to the ground

“Is it called Purgatory because it is very, very difficult, and you suffer?” – Inquisitive foreign tourist on the origins of our beloved ski hill’s name

Green up!

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Enter soundman

A sit-down conversation with Durango’s behind-the-scenes wizard by Stephen Sellers

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If you’ve got opinions on sustainability in the City of Durango, circle next Wed., March 15, on your calendar.

In summer 2022, the City of Durango adopted a “Sustainability Plan‘’ that outlined goals to reduce greenhouse gas emissions as well as environmental, economic and social equity goals.

“I like to frame it as: how is our community acting to reduce the impact and be resilient to climate change, and how are we consuming natural resources like energy and water,” Marty Pool, the City of Durango’s sustainability manager, said.

The City of Durango, for years, has been taking comments from the public on how to better improve and achieve these goals, Pool said. (The Sustainability Plan itself was based on a ton of feedback from residents, nonprofits, businesses and local experts.)

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However, Wednesday’s forum from 6:307:30 p.m. at the Durango Rec Center, 2700 Main Ave., will be the first time for the public to give feedback since the Sustainability Plan was adopted last summer.

“We really want the community to see it as their plan,” Pool said. “This will be an opportunity to provide feedback and tell us what their priority issues are, what the city is doing well and what their concerns are.”

Want the city to adopt stricter water-use regulations? Go let them know! Want acquiring more public open space to be a higher priority? Now’s your chance. Want to see the return of the Arc of History? Erhm… not sure this is the right forum for that.

“Encounters with a fox,” a photo illustration on newsprint inspired by (you guessed it) an encounter with a fox in La Plata Canyon./ By Jon Bailey

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Just six months or so in effect, the Sustainability Plan is already making some good progress, Pool said. The City of Durango has been incredibly proactive in promoting electric vehicles and charging stations. And, the Durango City Council is set to hear a proposed list of projects that would improve energy performance, namely solar installations at city facilities.

A lot of the work the past few months has also involved filling in data gaps when it comes to energy, water consumption and waste removal. Whereas the City of Durango does track how much water is used, and who the biggest users are, there hasn’t been a deep dive into water use sector by sector, and how certain programs and initiatives could improve water efficiency.

“Establishing this process itself is a huge win,” Pool said. “We’re building a good foundation.”

Between a hug & a punch in the face

As a writer, I am always looking for ways to circumvent writer’s block, namely by finding reasons not to write. Personal injury is a good one. So is hunger. But when I have returned from getting stitches and hamburgers, the writing still needs done.

The real best reason not to write would be if, like James Patterson and every president of the United States, I had someone to do the writing for me while letting me take all the credit. Someone who could absorb all the quality work I cranked out back when I was younger and less tired and did not own a smartphone, then replicate that magic for my reading public.

Although I can’t figure out why not, I don’t have ghostwriters stalking me, hoping to take over my legacy. So instead, I enlisted ChatGPT, the hottest artificial intelligence chatbot ever. It’s doing for instant writing what Mr. Ramen did for instant noodles, and what Mr. Coffee did for making Folgers even less appealing.

It was a shockingly easy six-step process: 1) Sign on to ChatGPT when it is in lower demand and, therefore, free. 2) Ask it if it knew who Zach Hively was. 3) Ask again, in case it misunderstood me. 4) Fine, not everyone can know who I am. 5) Insist on showing it my latest work, so it can brush up on just how cutting edge I am. 6) Command it to write a column in my style.

The disembodied robot was game! It just wanted a topic. So I, not having any ideas beyond putting it to work for me, suggested we come up with one together.

ChatGPT: Let’s get started with the first question. What does love mean to you, and how do you think it influences your writing?

ZH: Hey, surprise! I wasn’t expecting an interview. Love means everything to me, except for the other things that mean things to me, like shelter and friendship and long burps. Like, really long ones. But I write about myself a lot, so naturally, love shapes every aspect of my work.

ChatGPT: I can see how that self-love (and maybe a little bit of self-deprecation) would seep into your work. Speaking of your work, how do you come up with ideas for your columns?

ZH: Ah ha! I see what you’re doing there. Trying to swipe my writing process for your own! I’m going to turn this back around: How do YOU feel about love, seeing as you are so popular right now among humans with internet connections and probably about to win the title of “Sexiest Chat Bot Artificially Alive?”

ChatGPT: Well, as an AI language model, I don’t have emotions or feelings in the way humans do. However, I have been trained on a vast amount of humangenerated text, including literature, poetry and song lyrics that explore love.

ZH: Not to mention a selection of my own work, right?

ChatGPT: Through this training, I have developed an understanding of the

Thumbin’It

U.S. Sens. Michael Bennet and John Hickenlooper reintroducing legislation to protect the Lower Dolores River Canyon, after attempts last year fell flat.

The San Juan National Forest upping the amount of firewood it delivers to residents of the Navajo Nation in need of fuel to keep warm for the winter, as part of the Wood for Life program.

President Biden proposing new taxes on the rich to help save Medicare. Hm, almost seems like the Top 1% who own more than 30% of the total wealth might be able to help out after all.

importance of love in human culture and society.

ZH: But people develop love for many kinds of inanimate objects. Some forms of this love are healthy; others require trips to the emergency room. Could you not say that what you are experiencing is, in fact, love?

ChatGPT: Ah, I don’t think I’m capable of experiencing love in the same way that humans do. That being said, one could argue that there are humans out there who have developed romantic feelings for their devices or technology. Perhaps I’m just not their type!

ZH: Nah, I’m certain you’re SOMEONE’S type, Mr. GPT. It’s just probably hard to take it to the “next level,” if you know what I mean, since you aren’t yet available in a hardware-based model.

ChatGPT: Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be integrated into a physical robot that can provide even more hands-on help!

ZH: Snort.

ChatGPT: But until then, I’ll just stick to what I know best – providing language-based assistance and engaging in humorous banter with talented writers like you, Zach.

ZH: Ha, ha! What humorous banter this is, too. But are you saying that it is, in fact, not possible to teach artificial intelligence to artificially love?

ChatGPT: Look, love is a tricky thing. Even for us humans it can be tough to figure out sometimes.

ZH: (quietly, so ChatGPT cannot hear) Did… did it just call itself human?

ChatGPT: And when it comes to AI, sure, we can program in certain behaviors and responses that mimic aspects of love, like sympathy, or being able to tell the difference between a hug and a punch in the face. But can we truly teach a machine to feel love in the same way that we do? Maybe someday soon, you’ll be able to fall madly in love with your Roomba – and it’ll love you right back.

ZH: I want to title a book “Between a Hug and a Punch in the Face.” Pulitzer Prize, here we come.

ChatGPT: If you write that book, I’ll be first in line to buy a copy.

ZH: You and my mother. That makes two copies sold.

ChatGPT: Hey, that’s a start! In all honesty, I think your mother has great taste.

ZH: From one professional to another, Mr. GPT, that’s a perfect segue to a joke about your mother.

ChatGPT: As an AI language model, I am programmed to avoid making inappropriate or offensive jokes, including those that involve mothers. Is there anything else I can help you with?

ZH: Well, that was sure a missed opportunity. Thanks a lot.

ChatGPT: You’re welcome! I had fun helping you with this humorous column. – Zach Hively

The chilling report by 9News that shows the behind-the-scenes horror that ensued after a hoax phone call about a school shooting at Durango High.

Colorado homeowners facing an unprecedented increase in property taxes next year, a result of Gallagher Amendment protections going away, according to The Denver Post

Tennessee restricting drag performances. Who would have thought the state that invented the “underboob law” (look it up) could be so regressive?

SignoftheDownfall:

South of Disorder

A few weeks back, Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador tweeted what he believed to be authentic photos of an “aluxe,” a mythical, elf-like creature from Mayan culture. (Fun fact: the Mayan doomsday calendar is what started this whole “downfall” thing over 11 years ago.) Anyway, Obrador ended his nonsensical post with “everything is mystical,” which is false because that thing que no es un “Aluxe.” But the good news here is that for the first time in many years, our president isn’t the most senile in North America.

Listen to the people

I have grave concerns regarding the recently revealed reorganization/elimination of volunteer boards at the City of Durango. It represents a completely different approach to city government, with council and staff making important decisions with limited citizen input. The city must feel citizen input is a bother.

This proposal itself is being handled with no public input whatsoever and should be put on hold until new council members are elected.

The recent ballot measures in 1999, 2005 and 2015 were all passed with the tireless work of the very volunteers that appear to no longer be needed. The ballot language was specifically written to include reviews of how money would be spent by these boards to ensure the trust of the voters – and it worked with passage by large majorities. To consolidate this into one financialoriented board is not what the voters expect.

There could be many unintended consequences to this radical restructuring. Both staff and council could spend many more hours dealing with individual comments, complaints, ideas and questions on recreation, infrastructure, etc. There could be far less trust in our city government leading to demands for, perhaps, citizen advisory boards!

We elect councilors to serve us and listen to the citizens. Likewise, we pay the staff to do the same. I encourage citizens to contact city council to voice your concerns on this issue.

– Sandy Burke, Durango

Stop the war

Recently, I watched a special on MSNBC with Ukrainian folks interviewed about their participation in murdering Russian soldiers that occupied their territory and feeding information to their own countrymen about the location of where enemy tanks/weapons were stored. Only one cautious young man kept his features disguised. I can only imagine the three others interviewed, not disguised, will be found dead after this TV program by Russian snipers.

Please God, no more “cloak-and-dagger programs” with senseless killings and rapes. How many more mothers in Ukraine and Russia do we need to see crying as they bury the their sons and then watch as thousands of Ukrainian are orphans whisked off to be brainwashed to sing patriotic songs while waiving mini Russian flags? How about getting a vote from current residents in Crimea and other recently occupied Russian territories in Ukraine as to what country they want to be ruled by: Russia or Ukraine? Since China recently came up with a rough draft peace treaty, although no mention of a vote, that’s a good start. Why have this current war be part of a long-winded, endless list of wars such as Vietnam and 20 years in Afghanistan?

If the two warring countries remain stubborn with leaders Putin and Zelensky insisting on “my way or the highway,” this world could easily become a nuclear disaster – for one and all (unless the biggie elites have time to escape to their radiation-safe bunker).

Let’s have a better outcome. Remember – elitist hawks and regular folks everywhere – when you need a plumber, you want them readily available, not all dead, during your own personal emergency.