The Durango Telegraph, May 5, 2022

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May 5, 2022 Vol. XXI, No. 18 durangotelegraph.com

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T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

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B E Y O N D

All-time low

Do not disturb

Springtime sippers

Emergency measure will hold back water from Lake Powell p7

Land closures enacted to allow birds a little breeding room p8

Your warm(er) weather guide to cocktails al fresco p10

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LPEA Durango Truck Barn (Bodo Park) or via Zoom

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Door prizes! Live Q&A session.

to Everyone Who gave us a listen, threw us a smile or signed a petition!

More at: lpea.coop/annual-meeting.

citizensvoicedurango.org

www.lpea.coop | (970) 247-5786

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2 n May 5, 2022

THANK YOU, THANK YOU,

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

Community pillar Tony Schrier traveled many oceans in his time, but Bayfield was home

4 Thumbin’ It

by Curt Brown

5 Word on the Street 6 Soapbox

7

7 State News

Ear to the ground: “Durango used to frown upon people who tucked in their shirts for work.

What the hell happened?”

– We don’t know

florida Man

thepole

RegularOccurrences

We’re all familiar with location-based stereotypes, constantly witnessing their incarnations: Texan cowboys, Californian “dude bros,” and our very own Coloradan potheads, to name a few.

In recent years, an infamous new character has taken his place in the Internet spotlight: the reckless, brainless “Florida Man,” a culprit for many wild misdeeds. Men (and women!) in Florida always seem to be making the news for actions that defy all common sense. Some ex-

All-time low Feds make unprecedented move to hold back water from Lake Powell

8 Top Story

by Michael Elizabeth Sakas / CPR

10 Let’s Dig In 11 Murder Ink

8

12-13 Stuff to Do

New closure on Animas City Mountain to protect peregrine

13 Ask the Interns

Birds gone wild

by Jonathan Romeo

14 Free Will Astrology 15 Classifieds

10

15 Haiku Movie Review

Sipping into spring

On the cover: A cosmic cat on the side of the Everyday Gas Station gives moment for pause, and paws. / Photo by Scarlett Moore

As winter loses its grip, these are the drinks to take out on the porch

by Sinjin Eberle

boilerplate

EditORiAliStA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com AdvERtiSing SAlES: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com StAff REpORtER: Jonathan Romeo jonathan@durangotelegraph.com

t

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

StAR-StuddEd CASt: Curt Brown, Elizabeth Barrett, Scarlett Moore, Lainie Maxson, Rob Brezsny, Sinjin Eberle, Jeffrey Mannix, Jesse Anderson and Clint Reid

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

phOnE: 970-259-0133

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

amples: stabbing someone with a swordfish, brawling with the Easter Bunny, throwing an alligator through a drive-thru window, and much, much more.

So what’s the deal with this phenomenon?

In Blue Oyster Cult’s song about the Florida Man, the classic rock band attributed the caricature’s errant nature to an ancient curse placed on conquistadors. Some cite Florida’s open records as a reason for increased news coverage, causing us to focus on Florida men rather than, say, Georgia or Alabama men. Others say the craziness is a product of Florida’s unique culture and environment.

Whatever the reason, Florida men and women exist and refuse to be ignored – and we, as Americans, must live with them.

We all know about the ongoing cultural war in the Sunshine State. Gender identity has become a forbidden topic, and books are being pulled from school libraries like weeds from a garden. And through it all, Florida Man is not staying silent. Consider the actual Florida man named Chaz Stevens, who recently made headlines by insisting the Bible should also be banned from schools. He challenged the laws around book banning with malicious compliance – laymen’s terms?, highlighting their innate hypocrisy. Young Floridians have also fought back against so-called Don’t Say Gay laws, marching out of schools and waving pride flags in protest despite the threat of suspension or expulsion.

One has to wonder, is that Floridian courage and stubbornness just what we need right now?

He might be the world’s worst superhero, but at this moment, Florida Man may actually save the day by battling threats to equal education and free speech.

– Elizabeth Barrett, Animas high intern

March 5, 2022 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal An officer and a gentleman

His titles over the years included Chief Operating Officer and Senior Vice President, but Tony wrote in his mini-memoir that he’d simply developed a “reputation as a problem solver.”

My phone vibrated, flashing with an incoming call from Tony Schrier and interIn the late-1900s, Tony’s trouble-fixing odyssey wound up in Bayfield, where he rupting the quiet of my volunteer shift at the Pine River Valley Heritage Museum. It and Anne purchased property in 1996 and built their red-roof cabin in 2000 high was July 21, 2017, and Tony informed me: “We’re going to pick up a bomb.” up in the twisting hills of Forest Lakes.

His wife of then-46 years, Anne, would fill in for me, Tony explained, as we “It’s amazing how many oceans he’s traveled in his lifetime,” Anne said shortly dashed off to visit Monica Smith. She’d unearthed a World War II-era bomb while after the man she called her Dutchman sailed away one cleaning up the 17 acres south of Bayfield that she last time. “For a kid born in a war-torn environment, purchased in 1978 with her late husband. he accomplished more than most and shared his many Tony theorized that the hollow bomb was talents with others.” probably from a test site in Utah. He accepted the I’d put off reading what Tony had written until donation, researched and painted the bomb in the word came that he’d passed. Acute leukemia had appropriate olive drab of the era and promptly snatched the tireless community volunteer’s once limhung it up over the military display in our free itless gusto in the seven months since he was trimming museum on Mill Street in Bayfield. that entry carpeting. He’s survived by his sidekick of a That was Tony Schrier – always active, always half-century, the equally inexhaustible, involved-inembracing history, always honoring the military, everything Anne, along with their daughter, Laura. A always leading the way. Whether it was the Hermarried mother of teenage daughters Alexis and Anika itage Society, the American Legion, the Forest in Minnesota, Laura kept her maiden name Schrier.

Lake Metropolitan District or just shooting pool at With pride, Tony claimed that helped her climb the the Senior Center, Tony was one of those rare cancorporate finance ladder – “I had lots of connections.” do people upon whom this community relies to One anecdote from Tony’s story is well worth sharthrive. ing: Only seven months ago, I watched him get Food was scarce in Holland when Tony was born down on hands and knees with a carpet cutting there on Oct. 17, 1944 – the start of the last winter of tool, measuring and trimming a remnant of doWWII in Europe. Struggling to feed his family, Tony’s nated Astroturf to fit into the museum’s front enfather traded his Bulova watch for a pound of beans. tryway.

His parents peeled the beans and ate the shells, leaving Before Tony died at 77 on April 21, 2022, he’d the soft inner section for Tony and his older brother, written a 13-page essay about his “odyssey” – a Paul. life that took him from his war-scarred Holland Back in Holland in the late 1960s, on leave at the birthplace in 1944 to his father’s job in Morocco end of his military hitch, Tony was visiting his Aunt to high school in Las Vegas, Nev., then off to VietMary, who helped him locate a Bulova watch like the nam as an Army staff sergeant, truck driver and one his father had bartered away two decades before. dispatcher from 1965-68. With a month left beTony sent the watch to his dad. “Two weeks later, I fore his transfer to Germany, the Viet Cong received a bag of beans in the mail,” wrote Tony, who launched a surprise Tet Offensive in 1968 “and cherished that watch until the day he died. holy hell broke loose,” Tony wrote. He returned to Tony didn’t want a funeral, but a memorial tribute is San Francisco, greeted by “long-haired hippies” slated for 10 a.m., Sat. May 7, at the Veteran Memorial calling him a baby killer. at the Bayfield Cemetery just north of Highway 160 on As a kid, Tony found himself in classrooms County Road 501. Tony planned and helped build the where teachers spoke Dutch, French, English and Tony Schrier and wife, Anne, with the infamous recovered memorial, adorned with plaques honoring the Pine Arabic. His life journey would include stops in WWII-era bomb, found on a Bayfield property River Valley’s veterans. It was among the last of his Spain, Germany, Minnesota, Texas, Chicago, Dencountless community contributions. ver and Utah.

In lieu of flowers, Anne says donations can go to either the Pine River Valley HerAll the while, Tony braided his street smarts, international schooling and a couitage Society, PO Box 1981, Bayfield, CO, 81122 or American Legion Post 143, PO ple years of college at the University of San Francisco to rise to prominence in the Box 1215, Bayfield CO 81122. world of finance and banking at places such as Citicorp – then the nation’s largest – Curt Brown bank.

This Week’s Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It

4 n May 5, 2022

Juneteenth, which commemorates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans, officially becoming a state holiday in Colorado.

A leaked draft opinion suggests the Supreme Court will overturn Roe v. Wade. Score a win for “Team Controlling Women’s Bodies.”

The return of play-off hockey! Although it’s very possible by the third overtime we’re going to have a heart attack.

A major setback for the CORE Act – which would protect more than 400,000 acres in Colorado (including the San Juans) through new wilderness – after a senate committee remained deadlocked on party lines.

After purchasing Twitter, reports that Elon Musk is buying Planned Parenthood. Oh wait that was my Mom’s fake news post on Facebook.

The federal government announcing unprecedented, emergency steps to boost water levels at Lake Powell by releasing more water upstream and holding back more water from the imperiled reservoir itself.

telegraph

Ridiculosexual Akihiko Kondo is a real, 38-year-old Japanese man, but in 2018, he spent $20,000 to marry Hatsune Miku, who is a fictional, computer-generated, 16year-old “girl.” Kondo identifies as “fictosexual,” which is someone attracted only to fictional characters. However, last week, Kondo’s Gatebox – a $1,300 hologram generator that allows interaction with computer-generated characters – stopped working because software support was eliminated, thereby separating Kondo from his bride, who was way too young/fake for him anyway.

WordontheStreet

Q

With May the Fourth this week, The Telegraph asked: “What would you do if you had the powers of The Force?”

Mike

"Stop the war in Ukraine."

Alyssa

"I’d take up bowling. No – laser tag!"

Emily

"I would push people off Main Avenue."

Jebb

"I would use it to fly."

Easton

"I would want to make portals to Roblox or Minecraft."

telegraph

May 5, 2022

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5

SoapBox Armageddon The dog, Sasha, confused and cowering sniffs the soldier’s hand, mewling for its owner.

A stuffed toy lies in the debris which was once a home.

Bodies strewn like rag dolls bloated in greening rains.

Entombed women, children gasping prayers under weighted rubble.

Endless bombardment, endless destruction.

Hospitals, schools, universities, libraries, supermarkets, parks, destroyed.

I witness all this, impotent, disabled, incapacitated and fatigued.

Is this civilization in the 21st century?

Meanwhile, the suit and tie beast berates his minions, who sheepishly kiss the anchor of his sinking state.

If God be our witness, may there be found a lightning charge of justice levied upon a soulless, mad despot, quivering in his dreaded darkness.

AVoiceforChoice:

Protestors gather in Buckley Park on Tue., May 3, in opposition to the leaked Supreme Court draft decision which potentially will overturn Roe v. Wade. The rally was organized by activist Harrison Wendt and the group Indivisible Durango in an attempt to raise Durango voices on the issue./Photo

by Scarlett Moore/Animas High School intern

Day of action for wolves

– Burt Baldwin, Ignacio

6 n May 5, 2022

Five-hundred wolves have been killed in the Northern Rockies and 25 in Yellowstone National Park, which is ¼ of wolves in Yellowstone. Everyone who loves wolves or wildlife, please take action this Fri., May 6, for a Wolf Day of Action, organized by the Endangered Species Coalition.

We hope thousands of people will participate, increasing the pressure on Secretary of Interior Deb Haaland and President Biden to relist and protect wolves.

Here’s how you can get involved this Friday:

telegraph

• Sign up for the phone jam at: actionnetwork.org/forms/sign-up-for-our-phone-jamfor-wolves. Encourage other to sign up for the phone jam by sharing the sign-up link with them!

• Post on social media using this link: p2a.co/vHPVfKX. Encourage others to post on social media by sharing the above link with them!

I hope you can participate in this day of action and encourage other wolf lovers and environmentalists to participate, too.

– Sarah Starman, wolfprotectors@endangered.org

StateNews

‘Extraordinary action’ Feds make unprecedented move to hold back water in drought-stricken Powell

by Michael Elizabeth Sakas Colorado Public Radio

T

he U.S. Bureau of Reclamation announced Tuesday emergency plans to protect Lake Powell on the Utah-Arizona border by holding back water releases to downstream states.

The reservoir has plummeted to its lowest level on record amid more than 20 years of record-breaking drought in the Colorado River Basin. On Tuesday, Lake Powell’s water surface elevation was at 3,522 feet, its lowest level since being filled in the 1960s.

A critical elevation at Lake Powell is 3,490 feet, the lowest point at which Glen Canyon Dam can generate hydropower. According to the bureau, this elevation introduces new uncertainties for reservoir operations and water deliveries because the facility has never operated under such conditions for an extended period.

As a result, the agency for the first time has moved to delay a release of water from Lake Powell that normally goes to Arizona, California and Nevada. Instead, the federal agency will keep more than 480,000 acrefeet of water in the reservoir to prop up supplies to protect hydropower production.

The combined nearly 1 million acre-feet added to Lake Powell is intended to help protect the reservoir and its infrastructure over the next 12 months. Tanya Trujillo, Interior Assistant Secretary for Water and Science, said the action gives operators more time to figure out how to run Glen Canyon Dam at lower water levels.

In this July 30, 2021, photo, a houseboat rests in a cove at Lake Powell near Page, Ariz. Federal officials announced that will keep hundreds of billions of gallons of Colorado River water inside Lake Powell instead of letting it flow downstream to southwestern states and Mexico. The move will allow Glen Canyon Dam to continue producing hydropower while officials strategize how to operate with a lower water elevation./ Photo by Rick Bowmer/AP Photo Trujillo said the move to hold water in tions we see today and the potential risks Lake Powell was an “extraordinary action.” we see on the horizon demand that we take “We have never taken this step before in prompt action,” she said at a Monday press the Colorado River Basin, but the condi- conference.

Lake Powell, the country’s second-largest reservoir, is fed by a Colorado River storage system that supplies water and hydroelectric power to millions of people across the West. Climate change is contributing to a steep and rapid decline in the available supply of water.

In a separate action announced last month, upper-basin states worked with the Bureau of Reclamation on a plan to send another 500,000 acre-feet to Lake Powell from Flaming Gorge Reservoir on the UtahWyoming border under their drought response agreement for the year. A similar action was taken last year when water from Flaming Gorge, Blue Mesa and Navajo reservoirs was sent to Powell because of drought and dropping levels.

Trujillo said the 30 Native American tribes in the basin were consulted, as were the states and partners in Mexico that also rely on the Colorado River. Trujillo said the agency received “consensus support” for these actions to protect Powell.

The federal government’s latest move to store more water in Lake Powell is a temporary solution. Trujillo said Colorado River water users need to “immediately engage” in developing additional conservation measures, including water recycling, water storage and repairing aging, inefficient pipes and other water infrastructure.

“We all have to find ways to maximize efficiency and use less water,” she said.

For more from Colorado Public Radio, go to www.cpr.org.

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May 5, 2022 n 7

TopStory

Peregrine falcon were once on the brink of extinction but have since recovered. Now, protections are in place to help the bird survive. This peregrine, photographed near Purgatory, seems to be having a little meal./ Photo by Anne-Marie Ferretti Mee

Make way for the peregrine Iconic raptor needs time, space to successfully breed

by Jonathan Romeo

A

lthough trail closures to safeguard winter habitat for big game such as elk and deer have lifted, there are still two areas off limits to recreation around Durango to protect peregrine falcon during mating season.

For years, areas around Perins Peak State Wildlife Area, just west of Durango, have remained closed until July 31 as the iconic falcon nests, rears its young and heads off for greener pastures.

But a new area was added in 2019 on Animas City Mountain, northwest of Durango.

The Bureau of Land Management just put up signs about the closure, which may have come as a surprise to anyone hoping to hike or bike to the top of the mountain.

“The closures are specific trails where we know peregrine falcon are,” Nate West, a wildlife biologist for BLM, said. “There’s still a whole lot of real estate out there where people can go recreate.”

Peregrine falcon were pushed to the brink of extinction because of, well, humans making poor choices, like using toxic pesticides. However, human efforts to save the species have been a conservation success story. But that work’s not done, especially as new threats emerge (a peregrine falcon in Nebraska just died and tested positive for avian flu, as just one example).

One tool agencies across the country use is land closures to give peregrines the best chance at reproducing. But that takes cooperation from the public, even if that means giving up your favorite mountain overlook

for a couple months out of the year.

“Recreation definitely has an impact,” West said. “And it’s still important to manage this species, so they don’t go back on (the Endangered Species List).”

One goal in mind It might be helpful to explain why Perins Peak and Animas City Mountain even exist at all as public lands that we can enjoy.

Up until the 1970s, most of Perins Peak and Animas City Mountain were privately owned. The BLM and Colorado Parks and Wildlife (then the Division of Wildlife), however, identified those lands as important winter ranges for elk and deer, as well as nesting peregrine falcons.

As a result, the Nature Conservancy ended up purchasing the properties and

transferring them to BLM and CPW control with one goal in mind: the conservation and protection of wildlife and habitat.

Motorized use was banned from the outset, but other forms of recreation were allowed as a sort of cherry on top, with the caveat these lands would be closed at specific times for wildlife. (In 2015, the BLM banned mountain biking in Perins Peak after the rise in popularity in the sport put new pressures on the land, though biking is allowed on Animas City Mountain).

Much has been written and debated about recreation’s impact on wildlife – a Forest Service study published in 2018, for instance, found elk fled more than 3,000 ft. when a mountain bike approached, compared with just 1,640 to 2,460 ft. when a person walked by or passed on horseback.

Adjunct Teaching Opportunities Go to pueblocc.edu/southwest and click on “Adjunct Teaching Opportunities” under Quick Links

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8 n May 5, 2022

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Back from the brink Peregrine falcon populations crashed in the 1950s-70s, mostly because of DDT – the poisonous insecticide farmers in the U.S. spread on crops for insect control.

which means one suitable area can only sustain one pair of breeding birds. Keeping those areas undisturbed during breeding season is vitally important, said Steve McClung, CPW assistant wildlife manager.

On top of all this, they have a limited window for courtship. “So if you lose a nest, you don’t get a do-over,” he said. “That’s why it’s a good thing we give them space and time to make sure the species can continue its recovery process.”

Predatory birds were especially vulnerable, poisoned after eating smaller animals low on the food chain. After ingesting the poison, DDT thinned the bird’s eggs, killing their embryos. As a result, peregrine falcons were dangerously close to Photo by Anne-Marie Ferretti Mee extinction and declared an Endangered Species in 1970.

Wildlife managers know the cliff bands protected at Perins Peak and Animas City Mountain are actively being used by peregrine falcons, which typically return to the same spot every spring to breed.

CPW guidelines require a half-mile boundary from nests, and the agency tries its best to use natural features on the landscapes to block off closed zones.

In 1972, however, the Environmental Protection Agency banned the use of DDT, and conservation efforts began in earnest. By 1999, the peregrine falcon had recovered so well it was removed from the Endangered Species List.

ment plan in 2019 that a nesting pair was discovered on the upper north end of Animas City Mountain, resulting in that new closure.

And, while the pair at Perins Peak has been productive, fledging young every year, the couple at Animas City Mountain hasn’t had any chicks in the past few years, West said.

“That’s why we’re hoping with the new closures, we’ll see increased productivity,” he said.

So yes, a few miles of trails are closed a little longer in the year to help peregrine falcon out, but there are still plenty of areas to ride or hike. And maybe, once the Animas City Mountain pair starts rearing some chicks (called “eayses”), we can start writing stories about the family like Oregon’s The South Bend Times, which covers a nest in town like an episode of “Jersey Shore.”

Seriously, check out this amazing headline: “Mystery unfolds in South Bend falcon nest: A new beau and a female intruder” written in March after a new male bird moved in after the previous male bird disappeared. The new male and the female were getting along just fine, until an unknown female – the “intruder” – showed up on scene, causing all kinds of clashes.

The falcon, though, is still considered a “species of concern,” which is why land management agencies across the U.S. take measures, such as closing nesting areas, to help maintain the bird’s recovery.

“If people come too close while recreating, it may cause (the birds) to abandon a nest, and that’s what we don’t want,” McClung said.

Peregrine falcons are extremely particular about where they nest, choosing only cliff bands that meet specific conditions.

On top of that, the bird is territorial,

Avifauna drama

“Females can fight for hours, trying to see which one can claim control of a nest,” according to the report. “They will fight to the death, unfortunately.”

Whereas Perins has been closed for years for a nesting pair of birds, it wasn’t until the BLM updated its travel manage-

This is the kind of drama we could look forward to if we respect the closure. Let’s get this done.

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This peregrine falcon was photographed in the Durango area. Peregrines to nesting grounds every spring and are particular where they raise their young./ Photo by Anne-Marie Ferretti Mee

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telegraph

May 5, 2022 n

9

LetsDigIn

Springtime sippers Sit back, relax and have a drink

by Sinjin Eberle

B

etween the gale-force winds and the Animas River taking on the appearance of a leftover Wendy’s Frosty, it would appear that spring has finally decided to hang around for a while.

Which tells me that it’s time for us to have a conversation about springtime cocktails!

Now don’t get me wrong, I love a stiff Manhattan or a full-bodied Syrah as much as the next person, but at some point, the combination of being teased by warmer weather and a bottled-inbond rye just wear out their welcome. Time for something lighter, brighter and sassier – less brooding and moody. Don Draper needs to move down the bench for a few months.

Naturally, I have some thoughts, and to cover all the bases, let me submit to you some less obvious but still ideal springtime sippers, if you please. Gin, rum, tequila and some bright, chilled wine ideas (no vodka … ’cause it’s lame) to help ease you into summer, with some maybe less well- known, but still delicious and refreshing options – all of which are under five ingredients and can be found at most bars in town.

With all the juniper pollen flying through the air, it would be inappropriate to not start with gin, and whether you lean toward a classic, juniper-heavy London dry gin like Tanqueray or Oxley, or a more citrus, American-style gin like Hendricks or Denver’s Leopold Brothers, the Last Word is literally always my first choice in gin-based cocktails. It’s simple – gin, maraschino liquor, green Chartreuse and lime juice – shaken due to the citrus. It has a bright, barely herbaceous but full-bodied and extremely sippable character that will beckon for a second round (since the first one will go down like candy!) But be aware of this one – Chartreuse clocks in at 55% alcohol, and while there is less than an ounce in each cocktail, it packs a boozy punch.

My favorite summer cocktail, though, is one of the easiest to create, especially in the field. The caipirinha (kyp-ar-in-yah) is easy to create with only three simple ingredients and is far and away my favorite cocktail to make on river trips. Rum (or traditionally, Cachaça) simple syrup (equal parts water and white sugar) and a half lime per drink – that’s it. Take the half lime, cut it into quarters and muddle in a vessel with an ounce of simple syrup. Throw a handful of ice on top, with 2 ounces of rum, and shake vigorously. Dump that into your buddy’s river mug and cheers! Think about it – a bottle of rum, a couple of cups of sugar, and 10 limes and you are set for 20 delicious warm weather cocktails and a cadre of happy boaters!

On the tequila side, call me basic, but it’s hard to argue with a great margarita, and I still contend that Taco Libre’s Tamarindo Margarita is the perfect patio drink (and now that bump outs have returned to our sidewalks, it’s time to get out there and get after it). Like the other two drinks, the ingredients are pretty standard (tequila, lime, orange and agave) but that base perfection gives a solid platform to build and experiment from. Jalapeno? Sure. Rosemary margarita? I’ll take two!

Mint it up? Who wouldn’t? If you really want to make it exciting, switch out the tequila for a solid mezcal, change out the lime juice for grapefruit, and you have a refreshing Paloma – that slightly bitter and smoky kick easily keeps things exciting and eye-catching among your swanky, sophisticated friends.

10 n May 5, 2022

telegraph

If strong spirits aren’t your thing, it’s cool – I got you. They don’t call it Rosé all day for nothing, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a crisp, fruit-forward, tingly Rosé on a patio (Primi has a couple of great ones and of course their patio is spacious and perfectly situated away from some of the Main Avenue madness.) If a glass of pink wine isn’t your jam, let me suggest a remarkable Roussanne or Sauvignon Blanc from Santa Barbara County, or if cougar juice is your thing, a Kim Crawford Pinot Grigio from New Zealand might just be the way to go. Regardless, patios were made for white wine, and whatever you choose will likely be as great as the company you are with.

To further thread the needle, I would be remiss to not mention one of my favorite swanky drinks, which features both bubbly and booze, the French 75. Nicely balanced with Champagne or Prosecco, a hit of gin, simple syrup and lemon, this mixture takes your elegant and sophisticated outdoor drinking game to the next level.

It’s tough for me to ever turn down a French 75 when they appear on summer drink menus.

Finally, and this may come as a surprise, but I have been enjoying a really great non-alcoholic option for when you are taking it easy, or if you are just not into the booze scene. I recently discovered Seedlip Non-Alcoholic spirits substitutes, and two of their varieties are actually quite “gin-like.” Seedlip is fully macerated, distilled and blended like any other spirit, but without the alcohol.

Their Grove 42 has a Hendrick’s gin vibe, while the Spice 94 version is more akin to a London Dry, and both can be purchased at Star Liquors (pro tip: The Garden 108 is terrible – you were warned). I most commonly enjoy these in a gin and tonic setup, although the Spice 94 can hold its own in a martini, and of course you could tone down a Last Word with this, offsetting the boozy hit from the Chartreuse while still nailing that essence.

Whichever solution appeals to you, it’s all good. Look, you made it through winter, and now the river is running again, the trees (and bump outs!) are blooming, and your sundresses and linen trousers can re-emerge from the dark shadows of your closet. Patio season has arrived, and I for one am here for it – let’s cheers to that!

MurderInk

The laws of murder New legal thriller grows louder & fiercer with each page

by Jeffrey Mannix

A

ustralian novelist Dervla McTiernan has taken her country by storm the past few years with three books of crime fiction. Her work has attracted the attention of prestigious publisher William Morrow in New York and will release her U.S. debut, “The Murder Rule,” on May 10.

For openers, the title is intriguing. The felony murder rule is a legal doctrine that broadens the crime of murder to include the offender’s accomplices or co-conspirators, who may also be found guilty of murder. I haven’t found any further discussion or explanation of “the felony murder rule,’’ but I find it most intriguing and deliciously fitting for crime fiction. And McTiernan has certainly used the title to cover a fascinating and exacting story that surprised me beyond William Morrow’s promotional promise, and may just be the most exciting story I’ve read in a long time.

Hannah Rokeby is a third-year law student at the University of Maine, and as we join her, she is sneaking away in the wee hours from the home she’s made with her pathetic, alcoholic mother, to spend a semester at the University of Virginia as a volunteer at the law school’s Innocence Project. She has no reason to believe the elite program will accept her, other than hoping her lie in an email to the professor in charge about her mother being treated at the UV hospital for cancer will find a soft spot. And if serendipity fails, well, she has some dirt to sling.

Professor Robert Parekh, famously overseeing the Innocence Project in Charlottesville, summarily turns Hannah down on the basis of the clinic being fully staffed prior to the end of the previous semester, plus her obvious ignorance of the highly comMcTiernan petitive application and lengthy interview process. He then admonished her for not having sufficient research skills evidenced by her obvious ignorance of closing dates.

Hannah answered Parekh’s scolding with a baleful reminder that she was referred by his former student Annabel Ban-

croft, who told her of the mentoring Parekh provided her the previous year.

Four hours later, Hannah is invited to the professor’s office with the promise that a place could be found for her on the Innocence Project team.

The Innocence Project is not fiction, and it’s not a static exercise for law school students. It was created for the purpose of finding inadequate defense or malicious prosecution of suspects convicted of capital offenses and imprisoned for life or scheduled for execution. You may remember Innocence Project founder Barry Scheck who successfully defended O.J. Simpson with DNA evidence and inaccurate witness identification. That later would become the foundational tools of the Innocence Project that has, to date, overturned 300 capital convictions.

Hannah’s interest in the Innocence Project was focused on a case they were about to review at a new hearing for dismissal. Michael Dandridge is on death row and scheduled to be executed. Parekh’s

team is preparing for a preliminary hearing to have the case dismissed. And while Hannah finagled a place on the Innocence Project, she had to replace one of the primary volunteer litigators on the Dandridge hearing in order to have some leverage. She configured an authoritative email to the only volunteer who hadn’t a job offer from a prestigious New York law firm after graduation, informing Hazel Ellison of an interview within a few days in their offices in Manhattan, and Hannah took her place on the A Team.

If that all sounds pretty humdrum, you need to know that Hannah has gone to all this trouble and lied and been deceitful to make sure that Michael Dandridge is put to death. For 13 years, Hannah has been festering a murderous hate for Dandridge for brutalizing her mother, Laura.

“The Murder Rule” swaps chapters with Laura’s diary entries of those many years ago.

Telephone conversations between the two reveal the filial attachment Hannah has to her tragically dissembling mother and the influence Laura has over Hannah in a classic codependent relationship.

So far I’ve told you the background of this unwearying story.

Anything more would be to give away what McTiernan says better herself.

“The Murder Rule” is a pageburner. It’s like Maurice Ravel’s “Boléro” – growing louder and closer and fiercer and more obsessive. On the cover of “The Murder Rule” it says, “No one is innocent in this story.” And that will include you, the reader, as your buried deceits and treacheries both minor and major make ghostly appearances.

The cardinal advice to novelists these days from usually quiet New York fiction editors is to “Throw away your darlings.”

We are all of us writers, and we all have turned a phrase we were especially pleased with – our darlings. McTiernan and I both disagree with killing off the prodigies, and “The Murder Rule” is one darling sentence after another. Don’t miss this one.

Order this book from Maria’s Bookshop and get a first edition the day of release next week with a 15% Murder Ink discount.

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May 5, 2022 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday05 Sangha Fest, May 5-8, Tico Time, Aztec.

Bingo Night, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Dreem Machine plays, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Powerhouse Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. 5 Rivers Trout Unlimited live auction, 7-8:30 p.m., more info at go.tulocalevents.org/5riverstu or email fiveriverstu@gmail.com Voices del Mundo, 7 p.m., featuring Spanish guest speaker, Powerhouse Science Center, 1295 Camino del Rio. Hosted by Word Travellers Language School.

Star Wars Trivia with Geeks Who Drink, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Friday06 Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Tuesday10

Friday Night Laughs, 7-9 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

First Friday Pop Up, 12 noon, Bucks Parlor, 644 E. College Dr. Maggie Bernet plays, 1-4 p.m., 11th Street Station.

First Friday Art Show, 5 p.m., Create Art & Tea, 1015 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Brice Beaird plays, 7:30 p.m., Smiley Café, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Part of Fort Lewis College’s Pop Up Performance series. www.durangoconcerts.com Ecstatic Dance with Plant Bass’d, 7:30-9:30 p.m., American Legion Hall, 878 E. 2nd Ave.

Saturday07 Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Freestyle Friday, weekly, 5:30 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Ru Paul’s Drag Race watch party, every Friday, 6-8 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave. Grant Livingston plays, 6 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Uncle Kelsey with Conner Jans play, 6 p.m., EsoTerra Branch Outpost, 934 Main Ave. First Friday – Durango Deck Gallery Fundraiser, 7 p.m., featuring local artists and music by DJ Tones & DEF-I, The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Matilda the Musical, presented by The Merely Players, 7 p.m., 789 Tech Center Dr. th

Six Dollar String Band plays, 7-10 p.m., 11 Street Station.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Durango Elks Lodge Pub Trivia, 6:30 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Non-members welcome.

Open Mic Night, weekly 7:30-9:30 p.m., Moe’s Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Comedy Open Mic, weekly, 8 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Cosmic Groover & People We Know play, 6 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co. Community Yoga, 6-7 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd., C-201. Donations accepted.

Wednesday11 CSU Extension Gardening Webinar, 12 noon, featuring talk on managing Japanese beetle, register at https://bit.ly/3vRmFDu Great Garden Series: Using Herbs as Natural Pesticides, 4 p.m., Durango Library, 1900 E. 3rd Ave.

Matilda the Musical, presented by The Merely Players, 7 p.m., 789 Tech Center Dr. Bilateral Stimulation plays, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Wildfire Danger Workshop, 5-6:30 p.m., learn how to protect home from wildfire, RSVP at john.constan@durangofire.org.

Sunday08

Open Bluegrass Jam, every Wednesday, 5-8 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Durango Flea Market, 8 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Mother’s Day at Wines of the San Juan, 12-5 p.m., featuring live music, local artists, painting classes and food trucks, 223 New Mexico County Road 511, west of Bloomfield.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. San Juan Basin Archaeological Society presentation, 7 p.m., Lyceum room at Fort Lewis College, featuring Dr. Edward A. Jolie’s “Ancient Basketry Shields of the Northern Southwest” talk. More info at SJBAS.org

Matilda the Musical, presented by The Merely Players, 1 p.m., 789 Tech Center Dr. Chuck Hank plays, 1-4 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Open Mic, 2 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co.

Ongoing

Silent Sundays w/Adam Swanson, 2-4 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Open Mic Night, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Jazz/Funk/Soul Jam Session, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Monday09 Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

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Storytelling & Songwriting night, every second and fourth Thursday, 6-8 p.m., Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave. More info at iAMmusic.us The Hive Indoor Skate Park is open, offering open skate and skate lessons. Waivers required. For schedule and online waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org Shock Wave Drag Night, first and third Friday of every month, 9 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave. 18+ Graduating Senior Communication Design & Studio Art Majors, The Art Gallery at Fort Lewis College. Exhibit runs until May 15.

Upcoming Thee Fearless Peasants play, May 12, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

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12 n May 5, 2022

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AskMary-Kate&Ashley

The Animas High interns take over Rachel Interesting fact: In 2011, the Durango High School senior prank went haywire when the students filled the school with bales of hay, closing the school for four days after the hay released clouds of mold spores and dust.

Dear Mary-Kate & Ashley, Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird when people think of their dogs as their children?

Bumper stickers that say things like “my child has four paws” drive me crazy, and I’m going to puke the next time someone calls a pet a “fur baby.” Let me tell you, kids and dogs are NOT the same. Can you please remind readers that dogs are not people and should not be treated as such?

– Proud Human Mother Dear Miffed Mommy, You’re absolutely right. Dogs are not people, and we should not insult them by implying that they are. A dog is infinitely more amazing than any human could ever be. To all you readers out there – be sure to acknowledge the innate superiority of your canine companions and honor them every day with lots of treats and belly rubs!

– Puppy lovin’, Mary-Kate & Ashley Dear Mary-Kate & Ashley, My teenager won’t stop texting me elaborate abbreviations for things that don’t need to be abbreviated! OMWTFYB? ROFL? LMK? LMAO? And don’t even get me started on the emojis! I’m tired of being out of the loop and unable to understand slang. What does it all mean?

– Wannabe Hip Parent Bluegrass Festival, May 5-8, Tico Time, Aztec.

Durango Tool Library Launch & Open House, May 13, 4-8 p.m., 278 Sawyer Dr., Unit 4A.

Dear Confused Gen Xer, It can be hard to keep up with the times, but you have come to the right place. It seems as though teenagers are coming up with new slang every day, and it’s almost impossible to stay in the loop. But here is your guide on decrypting these abbreviations. To start, LMAO (laughing my a$$ off), LOL (laugh out loud) and ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing) are all great ways to respond to a text or post that made you do any of the actions above. As far as IDC (I don’t care), IDK (I don’t know) and IK (I know), these are great ways to respond to something you’re not quite sure of, or something you’re very sure of. The most important thing to remember is to use context clues! If you see “GF” on a menu, it probably means a food item is gluten-free. If you see “GF” in a text from your son saying, “Can my GF spend the night?” you better get ready for the talk. And when in doubt, always turn to Urban Dictionary!

– TTYL Mary-Kate & Ashley Yo Full House, Our senior graduation is drawing near and we are desperate for a solid senior prank idea. We know the basic pranks like putting chairs on the roof or filling the halls with miscellaneous items, but we’re looking for something extraordinary, of historical proportions and perhaps even bigger than the Noodle Incident. Can you help us?

– Rebellious Teens Dear Stunt Savants, The best pranks are tailored to their situation and circumstances, so ultimately this idea must be yours. I can

Stories of the Iron Horse Bicycle Classic & Durango Cycling, May 14, 45:30 p.m., Animas Museum, 3065 W. 2nd Ave. Pete Giuliana Band plays, May 14, 5-8 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co.

Bryce Pettit opening reception, May 13, 5-7 p.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. Exhibit runs thru May 13.

Mose & CodeStar play, May 14, 8-11 p.m., VFW Hall, 1550 Main Ave.

Adult Game Night, May 13, 5:30 p.m., Singletrack Coffee, 100 Jenkins Ranch Rd.

Taste of Durango, May 15, 11 a.m., downtown Durango.

Terry Rickard plays, May 13, 6-9 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave.

Volunteer canoe/kayak training, learn how to volunteer with Adaptive Sports Association, May 17 & 25, 9 a.m.-2 p.m.

More info at asadurango.com

Durango Farmers Market, May 14, 8 a.m.-12 p.m., TBK Bank, 259 W. 9th St.

ArtRoom Collective Spring Exhibition & Market, May 14, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. More info at www.theartcollective.com

Party in the Park, May 14, 11:30 a.m., Folsom Park, 11 Folsom Place. Hosted by American Association of University Women & Fort Lewis College.

say this: going big is definitely the right idea. Be resourceful with what’s around you – any desk can be moved, any important items can be switched with pieces of fruit, and any tiny pictures of Bart Simpson, Shia LaBeouf, or your own faces can be wedged into the walls, floorboards, desks, toilet seats, ceilings, books, commemorative plaques, valuable awards, pieces of art, secret tunnels, etc. of your school, hiding there for all eternity, never to be discovered! Extra points for any live animals involved! However, try to avoid doing anything that will cost your school too much money to fix, and always stay on the right side of the law. Just remember: it’s not illegal if you don’t get caught.

– Mary (Kate and Ashley) Pranksters

Durango Bird Club meeting, May 18, 6 p.m., Fort Lewis College, Education Business Hall Room 055.

The Small Glories play, May 20, 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at FLC. Ecstatic Dance with Smiley Coyote, May 20, 7:30-9:30 p.m., American Legion Hall, 878 E. 2nd Ave.

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May 5, 2022 n 13

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Poet Jennifer Willoughby writes, “I am so busy. I am practicing my new hobby of watching me become someone else. There is so much violence in reconstruction. Every minute is grisly, but I have to participate. I am building what I cannot break.” I wouldn’t describe your own reconstruction process during recent months as “violent” or “grisly,” Aries, but it has been strenuous and demanding. The good news is that you have mostly completed the most demanding work. Soon the process will become more fun. Congratulations on creating an unbreakable new version of yourself!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Rapper and entrepreneur Jay-Z tells us, “Don’t ever go with the flow. Instead, be the flow.”

Here’s what I think he means: If we go with the flow, we adjust and accommodate ourselves to a force that is not necessarily aligned with our personal inclinations and needs. To go with the flow implies we are surrendering our autonomy. To claim our full sovereignty, on the other hand, we are wise to be the flow. We should create our own flow, which is just right for our unique inclinations and needs. I think this is the right approach for you right now, Taurus. Be the flow.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Italian language used to be a dialect spoken in Tuscany.

That area comprises less than 8% of the country’s territory.

How did such a dramatic evolution happen? Why did a local dialect supersede other dialects like Piedmontese, Neapolitan, Sicilian and others? In part, it was because three potent 14th-century writers wrote in the Tuscan dialect: Dante Alighieri, Francesco Petrarch and Giovanni Boccaccio. Another reason: Because Tuscany is centrally located in Italy, its dialect was less influenced by languages in France and other nearby countries. I offer this as a metaphor for you in the coming months. One of your personal talents, affiliations or inclinations could become more influential and widespread – and have more authority in your life.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Always strive to be more interested than interesting,” said actor and activist Jane Fonda.

That may not be easy for you to accomplish in the near future, dear Cancerian. Your curiosity will be at peak levels, but you may also be extra compelling and captivating. So I’ll amend Fonda’s advice: Give yourself permission to be both as interested and as interesting as you can imagine. Entertain the world with your lively personality as you go in quest of new information, fresh perceptions and unprecedented experiences.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “When in doubt, act like God,” proclaimed Leo singersongwriter Madonna. I wouldn’t usually endorse that advice. But I’ll make an exception for you Leos during the next three weeks. Due to a divine configuration of astrological omens, you are authorized to ascend to new heights of sovereignty and self-possession – even to the point of doing a vivid God impersonation. For best results, don’t choose an angry, jealous, tyrannical deity to be your role model. Pattern yourself after a sweeter, funnier, more intimate type of celestial being.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My Virgo friend Amanda told me she felt tight and overwrought. She was overthinking and on the verge of a meltdown. With a rueful sigh, she added, “I adore anything that helps me decompress, unwind, simmer down, stop worrying, lighten up, compose myself and mellow out.” So I invited her to take deep breaths, close her eyes and visualize herself immersed in blue-green light. Then I asked her to name influences she loved: people, animals, natural places, music, books, films, art and physical movements that made her feel happy to be alive. She came up with eight different sources of bliss, and together we meditated on them.

Half an hour later, she was as relaxed as she had been in months. I recommend you try a comparable exercise every day for the next 14 days. Be proactive about cultivating tranquil delight.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Author Anne Lamott is renowned for her tender approach to expressing her struggles with addiction, depression and other tribulations. One of her supreme tests was being a single mother who raised her son Sam. In this effort, she was her usual plucky self. Anytime she hosted playdates with Sam’s young friends at her home, she called on the help of crayons and paint and pens and clay and scissors. “When we did art with the kids, the demons would lie down,” she testified.

I recommend a comparable strategy for you in the coming days, Libra. You will have extra power as you tame, calm or transform your demons. Making art could be effective, as well as any task that spurs your creativity and imagination.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “My heart has developed a kind of amnesia, where it remembers everything but itself,” writes Scorpio poet Sabrina Benaim. If you suffer a condition that resembles hers, it’s about to change.

According to my astrological analysis, your heart will soon not only remember everything; it will also remember itself.

What a blissful homecoming that will be – although it may also be unruly and confounding, at least in the beginning. But

telegraph

after the initial surprise calms down, you will celebrate a dramatic enhancement of emotionally rich self-knowledge. You will feel united with the source of your longing to love and be loved.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “Just because things hadn’t gone the way I had planned didn’t necessarily mean they had gone wrong,” writes Sagittarian author Ann Patchett.

Her thought may be helpful for you to meditate on. My guess is that you will ultimately be glad that things didn’t go the way you planned. God or your Higher Self or the Mysterious Forces of Destiny will conspire to lead you away from limited expectations or not-big-enough visions so as to offer you bigger and better blessings.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Novelist Jane Austen (1775–1817) confessed she was a “wild beast.” Really? The author who wrote masterfully about the complex social lives of wealthy British people? Here’s my theory: The wild beast in her made her original, unsentimental, humorous and brilliant in creating her stories. How is your own inner wild beast, Capricorn? According to my reading of the astrological omens, now is an excellent time to give it fun, rich assignments. What parts of your life would benefit from tapping into raw, primal energy?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian poet Jack Gilbert wrote, “I lie in the dark wondering if this quiet in me now is a beginning or an end.” I don’t know how Gilbert solved his dilemma. But I suspect you will soon be inclined to pose a similar question. In your case, the answer will be that the quiet in you is a beginning. Ah! But in the early going, it may not resemble a beginning. You might be puzzled by its fuzzy, meandering quality. But sooner or later, the quiet in you will become fertile and inspirational. You will ride it to the next chapter of your life story.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The genre of poetry known as haiku often relies on unexpected juxtapositions. Critic R. H. Blyth observed, “In haiku, the two entirely different things that are joined in sameness are poetry and sensation, spirit and matter.” I suspect your life in the coming weeks will have metaphorical resemblances to haikus. You will be skilled at blending elements that aren’t often combined, or that should be blended but haven’t been. For inspiration, read these haikus by Raymond Roseliep. 1. in the stream / stones making half / the music. 2. horizon / wild swan drifting through / the woman’s body. 3. birthcry! / the stars / are all in place. 4. bathwater / down the drain / some of me. 5. grass / holding the shape / of our night. 6. campfire extinguished, / the woman washing dishes / in a pan of stars.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements New!! Fishing/Paddlesports Shop Rentals [SUP, kayaks, canoe] grab and go and on-site at Twilight Lake Fishing (fly and spinner) gear for rent, guided service, lessons and more. Just south of Purg, come check us out!

Artist Booths Available!

For the White Rabbit Micro Market.

Fri., Sat. & Sun., 5/1 to 9/30. Call 970259-2213.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

HelpWanted Admin Assistant/Receptionist Administrative Assistant/Receptionist Professional administrative assistant with strong organizational skills needed for busy CPA firm. Must have strong computer skills and be familiar with Microsoft Word, Excel and Adobe Acrobat. Person will be office’s main receptionist with duties to include answering telephones, greeting clients, supporting Firm Administrator, and facility management. Must have ability to prioritize multiple tasks, meet deadlines and remain calm under pressure. A positive attitude, sense of humor, dedication to client service and problem solving skills are a must. Great company culture and benefits! Position type and expected hours of work - this is a full-time, nonexempt position. Days and hours of work are Monday through Friday, 8:00 a.m. to 5 p.m. During tax season, periodically you may be asked to come in early, stay late, and/or come in

on the weekend for a few hours. Pay range: hourly $16.00 to $18.00 dependent on applicant’s skill, experience, effort and responsibility. Benefits include the following: 1-5 years equals 120 hours of PTO (prorated upon start date) 6+ years equals 160 hours PTO paid volunteer hours for all staff at 52 hours annually to be prorated at start date. Health insurance within 90 days for full time staff. Life insurance policy to all staff after 90 days 3.0% simple IRA match bonuses within company fiscal limitations are fully discretional. Please send resume and cover letter to Cindy Morin at cmorin@tafoy abarrett.com.

Creative Sales Help Wanted!

Beads & Beyond is seeking professional, driven & fun sales associates. Previous beading exp a plus. Apply in store at 840 Main Avenue.

Assistant Planning Director The Town of Silverton is looking to hire for the Assistant Town Planner Position. This is a full-time position, paying $18-$22 per hour, depending on qualifications, plus benefits. Job duties include but are not limited to: helping the Planning Director in day-to-day activities, preparing reports, overviewing submissions to the planning department, and preparing agendas and meeting minutes for the Planning Commission. For a full job description, please visit townofsilver ton.colorado.gov. Applications can be mailed to Town of Silverton, PO Box 250, Silverton, CO, 81433 or emailed to the Town Clerk, Matt Green, at mgreen@sil verton.co.us. The deadline for submission of applications is 4 p.m. on May 16th.

Nonprofit Hiring Two Positions Wildfire Adapted Partnership seeks two part-time (30 hr/wk) positions: Admin Coord. to assist the Executive Director in day-to-day operations and County Coord. to manage wildfire education and mitigation programs in Montezuma County. Visit www.wildfireadapted.org to view full job announcements.

Environmental Professional Durango-based environmental consulting firm seeks qualified environmental professional for PT position (possibly FT for right person). Applicant must have at least two years of consulting experience in CWA, ESA, NEPA or hazmat compliance work. BS/BA min. in biology, botany, geol-

telegraph

ogy, soil science, or related field is required.

Must have good written/verbal communication skills and GIS experience is a plus.

Please email your resume and salary history to: smoore@sme-env.com. No phone calls please.

Free Thule rooftop box Free Thule box with keys and mounting brackets. Not perfect but still works.

970-759-8820.

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings New inventory including mid-century tables, dressers, record cabinet, patio/bistro sets and lots more … Come in today! 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Wanted We are in hell!

We’re a young couple who has lived and been gainfully employed in Durango since 2015, but decided now was the perfect time to start looking to buy a home, because we’re idiots. But, if you are selling your home and would rather sell to people who have been here long enough to know what the Arc of History is, contact us at San.Juaner1122@gmail.com Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

LegalNotice The owner of Tahlia's Trading Post is legally changing her name from Michelle Irene Lewis, to Tahlia M. I. Lewis as of 04/27/2022.

HaikuMovieReview ‘Monday Night Gig’ Dear bands who dream of making it big, I hope you’re better than ‘The French’ – Lainie Maxson Sacred Communication Harness your experience of pain or suffering to discover your center and fuel impactful change in your life. Call Dennis 970.403.5451 or email at dennis@yourvictorydrive.com LMT, Life Coach, NLP, Human Design Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork 22 Yrs Experience www.durango.massagetherapy.com 970-946-3724 Lotus Path Healing Arts Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

CommunityService

RSE Handyman Service Home repair - Yard work - Odd Jobs 970-903-0449

Free Alzheimer’s Webinars Designed to help families better understand the changes that come with the onset of Alzheimer’s disease. Registration required.

To register, go to tinyurl.com/yc7fay9k or call the Alzheimer’s Helpline at 800-272-3900.

Marketing Small & Local Businesses Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Please visit our website at www.forwardpedal.com or email jnderge@gmail.com

Auditions for Damsels The Merely Players are hosting open auditions for “Damsels,” famous tragedies of Western literature from a female perspectice. We are looking for women from grade 8 to college. For information, visit merelyplayers.org/merely-news-flash

Services

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