RegularOccurrences

4 La Vida Local

4 Thumbin’ It

5 Writers on the Range

6-7 Soap Box

8-9 Top Story

10-11 Between the Beats

12-13 Stuff to Do

13 Ask Rachel

14 Free Will Astrology

15 Classifieds

15 Haiku Movie Review

Hamming it up

Sitting down with Studio &’s Tim Kapustka ahead of art show opening by Stephen Sellers

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The Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, tacky singletrack or mon-

Ear to the ground:

“We just did dinner and a standup show where all the comics were moms talking about how much being a mom sucks.”

– Notes from a ‘Dadchelor Party.’

Patched up

If you need some sewing repair work on your gear, and have an affinity for free things, listen up!

This Saturday from 12 noon - 4 p.m., a free community event at Channel 37 (1129 Narrow Gauge Ave., in the alley behind 11th St. Station) will offer repairs on holes and rips in clothing and lightweight outdoor gear, as well as consultation on modifications and alterations (within a reasonable time constraint). Zipper chain and slider replacements are also available, and all work is first-come, first-served.

So what brings this good fortune to those among us walking around with holes in our clothes? Turns out, the free repair work comes by way of a group called “Reanimator,” comprised of eight cyclists who have been biking from Salt Lake City since April 10 with their sewing machines in tow. Since, the group has traveled to places like Provo and Albuquerque as part of the first Reanimator bicycle tour. Ultimately, the group hopes to travel an estimated 1,000 miles.

“In our free community events, Reanimator provides efficient and durable textile repairs – sewing by solar power and carrying all equipment by bicycle,” the group said in a statement. “Why are we doing this? Because we believe that cycling and sewing are powerful tools for self-sufficiency.”

The event will also have bikes for sale as well as handmade goods.

Fire on the mountain

On the cover

The man, the myth, the legend Gardy Catsman throws some moves in Smelter Rapid earlier this week./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

STAR-STUDDED CAST: David Feela, Adam Larson, Stephen Sellers, Rob Brezsny, Lainie Maxson, Jesse Anderson & Clint Reid

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You may have noticed that Animas City Mountain is on fire. Earlier this week, a prescribed burn was ignited north of town as part of a larger effort to build a buffer around Durango to prevent a catastrophic wildlife entering city limits (which you can read about more in our previous coverage at https://bit.ly/42MJQ0T).

The prescribed burn is expected to cease Thursday and resume Friday. In the meantime, we’ll leave you with this from the Durango Police Department:

“The Durango Police Department has received several reports of individuals not following the mandatory public land closures for the prescribed burn. The closure applies to all public use to provide public safety during the prescribed burn. All trails, trailheads and parking lots at Animas City Mountain, Dalla Mountain Park, Tanque Verde and XRock are closed to public access during the prescribed fire dates from May 8-15.”

Red light, green light

It would be nice if Camino del Rio, as the Spanish name suggests, was only a quaint path along the river. If I take the time to park and walk down to the river, a paved path exists there, which fits well with my imagined version. Some drivers imagine differently, especially if they’re in a hurry along this crosstown highway that for them might as well be called Camino del Hora Punta, Camino del Comercio or even Camino del Locos.

Last month while I drove to a doctor appointment, the stoplight at the intersection at Santa Rita Park suddenly changed from green to yellow. I pumped the brake and came to a hard stop as the light turned red, with only a brief sense of relief. Suddenly, an enormous pickup spewing a black diesel cloaking device roared past me, as if I was standing still, which I was. Surely every licensed motorist knows red means stop, green means go, and yellow means be prepared to stop, except for this driver who obviously heard that yellow means stomp on the accelerator and go like hell!

Later, at the clinic as the cuff came off my arm the doctor said, “Your blood pressure is slightly elevated.” I described my traffic encounter, and she said, “Perhaps that explains it,” but I could tell she had doubts. She is, after all, in the examiner’s seat, and I’m the one who drove this organic jalopy into her garage. Mushy brakes and a noisy muffler aren’t the only challenges I face as my body’s odometer records its miles.

Things could be worse. One firm of personal injury lawyers estimates 165,000 accidents occur annually at intersections caused by red-light runners. Fatalities run from 700-800 a year, and a quarter of all traffic deaths, including about half of all injuries, happen at intersections. Camino del Splat.

A minister named Robert Fulghum attempted to simplify the way we think about life’s worries by writing “All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” It appeared in 1986, and though widely published and often cited, its critical reception was less than stellar. Its 50 essays were considered trite and sentimental. Maybe the author’s philosophy might have more impact if tweaked by someone with my recent experience. Starting with the title, I’d call it “All I Need to Know About Driving I Learned in Kindergarten.” A revised table of contents might read like this:

1) “Share everything”... especially the road, because bicycles and pedestrians don’t come equipped with airbags.

Thumbin’It

The (so far) successful prescribed burn on Animas City Mountain, which is aimed at creating a wildfire buffer around the City of Durango.

Grocery store prices showing signs of falling last month, for the first time in who knows when, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Proof that there are consequences for being a POS, with Trump found guilty for sexual abuse and Rep. George Santos surrendering on fraud charges for using campaign funds to buy luxury clothes

2) “Play fair”... but remember that driving is not a game.

3) “Don’t hit people”... because you’re in control of a 2-ton bullet.

4) “Put things back where you found them”... but not while you’re driving.

5) “Clean up your own mess”... before you start the engine, especially if the accumulation of crap on your dashboard and on the floor around your feet interferes with your ability to drive safely.

6) “Don’t take things that aren’t yours”... like liberties, specifically those prohibited by the operational motor vehicle regulations.

7) “Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody”... especially if your license has been revoked, your insurance has expired or your registration tags indicate you’ve always had trouble with deadlines. And don’t leave the scene.

8) “Wash your hands before you eat”... but don’t eat while you’re driving.

9) “Flush”... which sounds unambiguously clear to me.

10) “Take a nap every afternoon” ... especially if you drink your lunch.

There. I’ve calmed down and in a roundabout way, I’ve also ended up saying something quite simple: intersections are dangerous. Be careful.

I spent the entire month of September in the UK and never drove anywhere. The idea of meeting vehicles on the wrong side of the road, especially at intersections, moving in a counterclockwise continuous circular flow looked downright scary, at least to me, but the natives appear to know what they are doing, which is why I walked or left the driving to them while visiting.

Having been raised on the intersection model, it’s natural to feel more comfortable obeying signal lights. But roundabouts actually reduce stop-and-go traffic, eliminate crossover traffic (where motorists turn in front of you), and eliminate the necessity of slamming on your brakes if the silly light decides to change. Even during rush-hour when roundabout traffic becomes congested, it may slow you down but is less likely to kill you.

According to the Federal Highway Administration, the safety benefits of roundabouts result in a 35 percent reduction of overall intersection crashes, a 90 percent reduction of fatal accidents and a 76 percent decrease of overall intersection accident injuries per year.

Statistics like these justify such a prominent experiment in Durango with “traffic calming devices” such as roundabouts implemented near Mercy Hospital, where blood pressure can become elevated as something simple occurs, like when a doctor walks into an examination room.

– David Feela

SignoftheDownfall:

On the flip side, reports that people are hiking and biking into the controlled burn, because recreating straight into a forest fire sounds like … fun?

A cut in a fiber-optic line causing widespread internet outages Wednesday, causing some staff to go coffee shopto-coffee shop looking for Wi-Fi like that one “South Park” episode

A string of mysterious horse deaths in the lead up to the Kentucky Derby, prompting an investigation. And “True Detective” just found its plot for its next season.

On the road to nohair

Phosphogypsum is a radioactive byproduct stemming from fertilizer production, and Florida stockpiles millions of tons of it because they make 80% of our fertilizer. Since they have so much of it, and since we’re talking about Florida, their Legislature just sent a bill to Ron DeSantis that would allow the use of this radioactive material as road pavement. Of course, all the woke snowflakes (aka construction workers) are throwing hissy fits because they’ll probably get cancer, but DeSantis hasn’t yet commented on whether or not he’ll sign the bill, because in Florida, all roads lead to chode.