The Durango Telegraph May 19, 2022

Going to the dark side

­elegraph the­­­­durango

FREE May 19, 2022

Vol. XXI, No. 20 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

Unlocking unknowns Key to mystery of dark matter might just be under our feet p8

L I N E

O N

Holy housing Breaking down fallacy of supply/ demand in housing crisis p10

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Tales of Tinder Michael Jennifer looking for love in all the wrong places p22

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2 n May 19, 2022

telegraph

lineup

4 La Vida Local

Noble effort

Could a rare gas found near Cortez unlock the mystery of the universe?

4 Thumbin’ It

by Jonathan Romeo

5 Word on the Street

10

6-7 Soapbox

No place like home Throwing more fuel on the housing fire won’t solve the problem

by Jonathan Thompson

8 Top Story

Ear to the ground: “I’ve never once thought about a carb.

You don’t get to have Twinkies anymore if you ever think about that.”

– Now that’s a diet fad we could get into

Last one in ...

thepole

8

RegularOccurrences

Haviland Lake, which was drained in 2019 for repairs on the dam and outlet structure, is now open and back to normal.

Work at Haviland was actually completed in summer 2021, but because of drought, the reservoir only took in a small amount of water and didn’t offer the same recreational opportunities to paddlers and anglers.

10 Land Desk 11-14 Local Lowdown

15

15 Rock N Roll Sweetheart

Banding together

16 Local News

Friends who play together, stay together for Santa Fe punk band

18-19 Stuff to Do

by Alex Vick

20 Ask Rachel

16

21 Free Will Astrology

Starstruck As more cities and towns see the light, the push for dark skies catches on

by Elizabeth Barrett / Animas High School

22

On the Cover Timothy Cummings makes the most of the waning desert season with a sunset trail run near Moab./ Photo by Stephen Enginoire

The Tinder jungle and looking for love in all the wrong places

by Michael Jennifer

boilerplate

ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Meleana Young ads@durangotelegraph.com STAFF REPORTER: Jonathan Romeo jonathan@durangotelegraph.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

23 Classifieds 23 Haiku Movie Review

Side swiped

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com

22 End of the Line

STAR-STUDDED CAST: David Feela, Jonathan Thompson, Jesse Anderson, Elizabeth Barrett, Lainie Maxson, Clint Reid, Michael Jennifer, Alex Vick and Rob Brezsny VIRTUAL ADDRESS: www.durangotelegraph.com

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

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And though Haviland isn’t expected to completely fill this year, enough water has run into the reservoir so that conditions are about normal, said John Livingston, spokesman for Colorado Parks and Wildlife.

“If you were recreating out there, you’d think it’s back to normal,” he said. “For being in a drought year, it has come up considerably.”

CPW has stocked Haviland a couple times this spring with rainbow trout and also has a few more stocking days scheduled for this summer, Livingston said. The 208-acre reservoir is 18 miles north of Durango, on the east side of Hwy. 550.

Ready to roll E-bikes are now permanently allowed on the Twin Buttes trail system, but a final decision on whether riders can go out on other city-wide trails has yet to be determined.

In June 2020, the City of Durango launched a one-year e-bike trial period at Twin Buttes, a mostly one-directional singletrack system, west of town. A major reason that trail was selected was because it does not cross city-owned conservation easements or federal lands, where e-bikes are not permitted.

While city officials said the trial period was successful, survey and public opinion remained split on whether to permanently open Twin Buttes to e-bikes. People opposed worry about safety to other trail users given that e-bikes can reach high speeds. And, with a motor, more people can get into remote areas, increasing disturbance to wildlife.

On the other hand, supporters say e-bikes allow people with physical limitations who couldn’t otherwise power a traditional mountain bike to enjoy the outdoors. And, many people say the difference between e-bikes and regular bikes is minimal.

“I wanted to celebrate this opportunity to include even more people in being fit and healthy,” Councilor Kim Baxter said in a statement. “I’m very excited about this, and I see this as a beginning of how to look at how we can include more people in being healthy on our trails.”

It remains unclear what the broader implications will be for the rest of the city’s trails. And it may not be an all or nothing deal – it could be that May 19, 2022 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal An idler’s lament Opening my laptop is like flipping a coin. If it’s heads, I’ll have a pleasantly productive experience; if it’s tails, I’ll be dragged into a swamp of frustration by the jaws of a virtual crocodile surfacing from the stagnant backwaters of my technological ignorance. I reasoned that a call for help would be practical, but the telephone tech service session took more than an hour, and that’s after having spent close to an hour trying to solve the problem myself.

If I say it turned out to be an issue of firewall, privacy, group/user protocols and software, then I will have muddied the technological waters enough to save myself from total embarrassment. But for those tech-savvy individuals who already have an idea of where I’m going, please be patient. It also takes me an extraordinary amount of time to compose an explanation.

I’d lost my serenity with the locked screen that appears at every startup, which requires typing a password just to gain access to my own computer. Inevitably, the password I type will be rejected at least once, and all because when I first bought this device, I believed setting it up myself was a straightforward task.

When I explained this to tech support, I received the obligatory disclaimer about the danger of not following security protocol. I told him that I was the only user, and my computer was nothing more than a typewriter without a ribbon sitting on my actual desktop.

Then he asked for permission to access my computer to see my screen so he could use his cursor to direct me, and I was both amazed and slightly horrified. With his voice in my ear and his eyes on my desktop I kept reminding myself that I was the one who invited him into my home.

Only three commands were needed: open preferences, choose users and groups, and change the automatic login. It sounded straightforward, but even he/we couldn’t access the little box where a single checkmark would rid me of my password requirement.

He asked, “What version of software are you running?” I replied, “Whatever version the computer downloads in the middle of the night while I am sleeping.” He showed me where to check, and the software required yet another update, so I selected the update option, and we waited. The computer anticipated at least 30 minutes upload time while the little white line crawled incrementally out of the swamp and toward the dry shore.

Internet service in the hinterland is a delicate subject to broach, especially when the person you’re talking to is half a continent away with the download speeds of a yellow jersey-clad Tour de France champion.

We waited.

I asked him where he was located, and it turned out to be a Minneapolis suburb very close to where I grew up. We talked about snow, the Vikings and the Twins.

After 10 minutes, as if the phone line had gone dead, we’d run out of things to say.

Even his cursor stopped moving. I wiggled mine but he didn’t wiggle back.

“Only 15 minutes left,” I announced, to see if I’d been disconnected before I remembered he could see the display himself.

It occurred to me that my tech advisor and problem solver probably spends hours of his day being paid for these idle stretches, and I don’t mean idle as lazy or unproductive. I mean it more philosophically, as a period while the great lathe of the digital universe turns and turns against the dull cutting edge of time.

I introduced a few anecdotes about growing up in Minnesota, fishing and mosquito infestations. He responded with an occasional grunt before slipping back into silence. What I concluded from his reticence to talk was a corporate directive might be discouraging chattiness, so I followed the protocol and simply moved my cursor every five minutes to rest at the tip of the alleged advancing line just to prove to myself that it had indeed moved.

Eventually, the download ran its course and finished. I experienced an incremental burst of adrenaline. “Finally, we’re on to new territory,” I announced into the phone. “Not quite yet,” he replied, “the download still has to be installed,” and, just as he said this, a new white line appeared on the screen, acknowledging another 20 minutes to complete its task. He must have heard me sigh. “Don’t worry,” he said, “it won’t actually take that long.”

About 19 minutes later, I was directed to restart the laptop so the new software update would launch, so I asked him if the term “reboot” meant the same thing as “restart,” because I felt an urge to move things along with a swift kick. I think he gasped or chuckled. It was difficult to tell the difference.

In the end, only three steps were needed: open preferences, choose users and groups, change the automatic login box. And just between us, I put that checkmark firmly into its spot with a swift and decisive CLICK!

This Week’s Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It A quick and amazing response from firefighters after a blaze broke out last week up Florida Road, which threatened homes and structures, and forced evacuations.

A new Colorado office will be set up to investigate missing and murdered Indigenous people after a new bill passed during the state’s 2022 legislative session.

Durango continuing to take it to the streets with a well-attended rally at Buckley Park last Saturday to speak out against the possible reversing of Roe v. Wade.

4 n May 19, 2022

– David Feela

A wildfire near Pagosa Springs growing to 700 acres in just a few hours.

We know Stage 1 fire restrictions are supposed to take effect in the San Juan National Forest next week, but maybe we should speed that up?

A new study finding 9 million people die a year globally because of pollution, with 143,000 of those deaths in the U.S., which shows no signs of slowing down. But don’t freak out, just take a deep breath … oh wait…

To the fact that we have to, yet again, give a Thumbs Down to a mass shooting.

telegraph

Baby Troller As a graduate student at Kingston University, Alice Kim designed the “transparent plant-carrying maternity vest,” which is a plastic seethrough bubble containing soil and a seedling that you wear over your shirt.

Kim did so to “encourage society to treat plants the same way it treats babies,” but nobody noticed, so she designed the “plant stroller,” because it’s the next obvious step after a maternity vest. But now, people are making their own plant strollers at home, which proves that Kim should’ve used her genius working on something else: human contraceptives.

WordontheStreet

Q

With the Fort Lewis College graduation last week, the Telegraph asked: “What sage advice would you give to the graduate?”

Peter

“Do what you want, and don’t be tied to your degree.”

April

“Save 10% of everything you make, and be diligent about it.”

Michael

“Stick with what you love.”

John

“Always match a 401(k), and once you retire, remember tomorrow is never guaranteed.”

Caleb

“If you don’t like your profession, you can always come back.” telegraph

May 19, 2022 n

5

SoapBox Fight for your right I was greatly heartened by the high school students who organized and ran the reproductive rights rally in Durango on May 14. They did an admirable job. They understand what’s happening to democracy and rights in the U.S. So did the goodly crowd that attended – men, women, straight, gay, trans, young, old. Very nice.

The GOP has worked since at least 2000 to create single party democracy in the U.S. They’ve succeeded in many states. Republican candidates (Lauren Boebert, for instance) campaign on protecting freedom. But the opposite is happening in those GOP-controlled states.

They are canceling women’s freedom to control their own reproductive functions and take them back to the good old 1950s. First abortion access. Next access to contraception?

Following Texas’ lead, some red states are creating a culture to rat on your neighbor or even a family member as part of canceling reproductive rights. The health and even lives of women with natural miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies are at risk. In red states with “life begins at conception” laws, those women could face criminal charges.

Indications are that some anti-abortion states will try to criminalize what a woman does in another state, where the activity is legal. Next step? How about Gestapo checkpoints at state lines, bus and train stations, and airports where females ages 10 to 55 are forced to take a pregnancy test? If it’s positive, the female is detained, along with any adult companions.

Now we have the leaked Supreme Court draft decision to overturn Roe v. Wade on grounds that it’s based on individual privacy, which the draft says is not an enumerated right in the Constitution. Never mind the 3rd and

6 n May 19, 2022

ANationDivided: A tip jar at the Nature’s Oasis Deli forces customers to pick a side: Are you on Team Amber or Team Johnny? Also, how freakin’ long is this trial going to go on?/ Courtesy photo 4th amendments, which suggest privacy rights. Maybe the drafters of the Constitution took privacy rights so much for granted that it didn’t occur to them to specify that in the Constitution.

So if the draft becomes final, you have no right to privacy. How many other rights that we take for granted are threatened by that? Let your imagination run wild.

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Red states already target LGBTQ+ people for legalized discrimination and criminalize loving parents who support and provide necessary gender-affirming health care for their trans children.

Next steps? Cancel the right to marry, same sex or interracial. Maybe go back to the good old days when LGBTQ+ people were rooted out for dismissal from the

military and government jobs, and even when same sex or interracial relations were a crime?

Now, Mitch McConnell is suggesting that if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade and the GOP takes control of Congress this fall, they could pass a national ban on abortion – the opposite of what Democrats want to do. And the opposite of what polls indicate the majority of Americans want.

Let’s just say it. For the most part, all this is an effort by evangelicals and conservative Catholics, enabled by the GOP, to use government to impose their puritanical, patriarchal religious codes on everyone else.

Note that the Supreme Court is now controlled by conservative Catholics, thanks to the GOP. They also are Constitutional originalists. Only white male property owners were considered worthy to vote when the Constitution was written, and women had the status of chattel.

They can never have true equality without being able to control their own reproductive functions.

We all will have to live with the results of this pending decision. Ignore your rights and they will go away.

– Carole McWilliams, Bayfield

If it ain’t broke…

When did downtown Durango become broken? Main Avenue and the historic district are a beautiful, authentic showcase for generations past and future.

Does the City of Durango need to spend thousands of dollars on outside consultants to redesign our historic downtown for changes that will cost millions of dollars and years to implement? The city’s budget priority should be affordable housing, aging infrastructure, wages and cost-of-living issues.

The idea that residents have weighed in and a majority support a redesign is nonsense. The surveys and meetings are colorful and well-intentioned, but they can’t possibly describe the financial, logistical and historical impacts on

the city. The associated public meetings aren’t for commentary. The entire exercise appears to be a formality for pushing through expensive improvements that city staff and consultants want. The presentations seem to give weight to maintaining our historic district as is.

All the buildings on downtown Main Avenue (with the exception of the old Post Office) are privately owned. The opinions and preferences of those landowners should be given high consideration since proposed changes could drastically and negatively impact their businesses. Only a handful of enterprises will benefit by transforming downtown into a de facto pedestrian mall at the expense of all taxpayers and existing downtown businesses.

Spend public treasure wisely, not wishfully.

– Laurel Waller, Durango

Wrapping things up As we hit the 120th day of the 2022 legislative session, I reflect on our accomplishments. After several nights working past midnight, then coming back to work early the next morning, survival right now feels like a major success.

Some of our proudest bipartisan accomplishments include: ● Passing the School Finance Bill. It is a requirement every year, but this one felt great. It decreased the Budget Stabilization Factor by $182 million, which is now at its lowest amount since it started in 2009. Funding was raised on average $545 per student to a $9,559 per pupil total, and we paid our debt to special education. We know we have more to do, but we’re happy to keep this priority. ● Addressing the fentanyl crisis. Democrats and Republicans passed a bill with much tighter restrictions on drug possession. If a person is caught with more than 1 gram, they are now subject to a felony drug charge but can turn that felony into a misdemeanor if they can prove they did not know any fentanyl existed. We appropriated money for test strips and lifesaving treatments, expanded addiction treatments in jails, and added harsher punishment for dealers. The Senate and House agreed in a Conference

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Committee to pursue this strong but compassionate language and avoided unduly burdening the work of prosecutors and law enforcement. ● Supporting our county employees. Senate Bill 22230, gives more than 36,000 workers the collective bargaining rights that private sector and state employees in Colorado already have. Employees now have a seat at the table with commissioners and need to agree on their contract, giving them opportunities they did not have before. I ran one amendment exempting counties with populations of fewer than 5,000 people and voted to raise that number to 7,500. ● Lowering property taxes. With strong support, Senate Bill 22-238 passed, which will lower Colorado property taxes by $700 million over the next two years, saving the average homeowner $274 per year. The bill was crafted in response to several ballot measures, which took much larger chunks out of the tax but would have repercussions for the educators and local government employees who depend on it. Instead, this bill uses money from the general fund and TABOR surplus to save property owners money. Everyone who anticipated running ballot measures had to sign notarized documents saying they were standing down. ● Paying off a debt. Senate Bill 22-234 uses $600 million in federal pandemic relief funds to repay some of the money borrowed to support the unemployment insurance trust fund during the pandemic. This investment supports workers who lost their jobs through no fault of their own, saves lives and prevents an increase in fees to save businesses money.

This is my last in-session column of the year. I thank our local newspapers for providing the platform to connect with constituents and appreciate the positive feedback I have received. Please keep in touch, as I look forward to our continued conversations and successes.

– Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango

May 19, 2022n 7

TopStory

Argon gas from Cortez will be sent to this underground research lab in Italy – the largest in the world – in an attempt to find the elusive dark matter. The international effort hopes to understand one of the biggest mysteries in the universe./ Courtesy Photo

Unlocking the mystery Southwest Colorado could play key role in discovering dark matter

by Jonathan Romeo

C

ould Southwest Colorado help unlock one of the longest standing mysteries of the universe? It turns out, yeah, it actually could.

“Thanks to this argon gas found in Southwest Colorado, it could be the next big step in discovering dark matter,” Cristiano Galbiati, a Professor of Physics at Princeton University, said on a Zoom call last week while in Italy. “It’s been a long time coming. It’s huge.”

OK, we know you’re wondering: What’s argon gas? What’s dark matter? Did someone slip me an edible?

To put it simply, 85% of the matter in the universe is unknown and unaccounted for, and “dark matter” is the term scientists use to describe it. While experiments have been conducted for decades to nail down what dark matter actually is, we still have virtually zero knowledge or understanding of it.

However, researchers are confident that an experiment right here in our backyard in Southwest Colorado will likely lead to a massive breakthrough. Basically, scientists from around the world have teamed

8 n May 19, 2022

Dark matter is “ simply what we call this thing which we know nothing about. We shouldn’t call it anything, because we don’t know what it is.

”

– Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist extraordinaire

up with Kinder Morgan, which drills for carbon dioxide around Cortez, to extract a gas known as “argon” that scientists say

will help finally detect the existence of dark matter.

“With what we’re doing in Colorado, we

telegraph

can now do more precise searches for dark matter,” Andrew Renshaw, an Associate Professor of Physics at the University of Houston, said. “And if we can understand dark matter, we can understand the universe around us.”

Understanding the unknown To try and wrap our heads around the concept of dark matter, we turned to YouTube and the friendly face of astronomy, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

“My best answer is, we haven’t a clue,” Tyson said, unhelpfully. “We don’t even know if it is matter; dark matter is simply what we call this thing which we know nothing about. We shouldn’t call it anything, because we don’t know what it is.”

Wow, that wasn’t helpful. So, we clicked on more of Tyson’s YouTube videos.

Basically, Tyson explained when you add up all mass in the universe – the stars, galaxies, planets, comets, black holes, etc. – the total mass does not add up to the speed and rate of gravity operating in the universe, according to the laws of gravitation.

This anomaly was first discovered in the early 1930s but has since been detected in every single galaxy, amounting to an unex-

Around 2008, Galbiati and a colleague landed on little old Cortez, on a drill site 15 miles north of town known as Doe Canyon, where Kinder Morgan extracts CO2 from below the Earth’s mantle. Because the gas is extracted so far down, it’s almost entirely pure, Renshaw said.

A call to Kinder Morgan was not returned for this story.

“As far as we know, the site at Doe Canyon is the only source of underground argon in the world where the concentration of argon was high enough where it was feasible to extract at the levels we need,” Renshaw said. “It puts our project in a special place to carry out this work.”

plained 85% of the matter in the universe.

“The speed galaxies move is faster than the collective gravity each galaxy can sustain,” Tyson said. “At the speed they move, the galaxies should have flown apart from one another long ago. But they didn’t; they are still bound together. So it’s not a matter whether dark matter exists or not. We know it’s real, because it’s a measurement.”

Proof in the particles?

The leading theory in the scientific community hypothesizes that dark matter is an undiscovered family of particles that doesn’t react or interact with known particles we’ve documented (I know, it’s getting heady now). In fact, the only evidence we have of dark matter is its impact on gravity.

Years ago, however, researchers determined a noble gas known as argon could be key to unlocking the mystery. Argon isn’t reactive with its environment. So the theory is, once converted from a gas to liquid, argon emanates a specific light signal when coming into contact with dark matter (researchers hypothesize the signal is heavy and slow, different from other well-documented particle reactions).

“Argon is unique, because it allows you to tell precisely whether you’ve detected dark matter,” Galbiati said. “It’s like a lightning bolt striking another lightning bolt.”

Taking argon from the atmosphere, however, doesn’t work, because it’s too impacted by radiation from the sun and other factors. Instead, researchers needed the purest form of the gas possible, which launched an international search.

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Exploring a new world A processing facility to convert the argon from gas to liquid was constructed in Italy and sent to Cortez, which will be fully installed in 2023. As Kinder Morgan extracts CO2, argon gas (a byproduct of that process) will be diverted to that facility. Once in liquid form, the argon will be sent to the “Laboratorio Nazionale Gran Sasso” in Italy, the largest underground research facility in the world where the detection for dark matter will really begin.

To imagine the detector, think of a big vat filled with liquid argon, Galbiati said. Around it are giant solar panels that, when hit with light, produce a signal. When that collision will happen, however, is anyone’s guess.

“We sit and wait,” Galbiati said. “But it’s not by chance; it’s a probability. I’m pretty confident this will be a significant success. But we obviously can’t guarantee we’ll find dark matter, because no one knows what it is.”

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In a positive sign, though, during the early 2010s, this same research project built a much smaller detector, which led scientists to believe they could separate the signal of dark matter, justifying this larger experiment for the elusive substance.

“If we do find dark matter, it’s going to unlock physics,” Galbiati said. “It’s such an important search and question.

It’s like exploring a new world.”

Feel the force The project even has a Fort Lewis College tie. Laurie Williams, Chair and Professor of Physics & Engineering, said once the processing plant is operational, the idea is to involve undergraduate students in the international experiment. Students will even travel to Italy to see the underground lab (Telegraph higher ups have yet to respond whether they intend to fund an all-expenses paid trip for this reporter).

But even Williams says the project holds immense promise for unlocking one of the great mysteries of the universe.

“If they detect dark matter – and I think they will – they will win the Nobel Prize,” Williams said. “It’s that caliber of work, and it’s amazing that FLC can be part of this international collaboration.”

Experiments with the liquid argon should happen in full force in Italy by 2025, and it won’t be until at least 2030 that the first full results will be released, Renshaw said. Known as the “Urania Project,” the effort is funded by a $2.9 million grant from the National Science Foundation.

In the meantime, we can only dream what the possible reigning in of dark matter could entail – a new energy source? Fuel for intergalactic spaceships? Real lightsabers?

“If we can understand dark matter, maybe there’s a way we can use it to our advantage,” Renshaw said. “But we have to leave it at that – without knowing what dark matter is, it’s really difficult to say what the advantages could be.”

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Adjunct Teaching Opportunities Go to pueblocc.edu/southwest and click on “Adjunct Teaching Opportunities” under Quick Links

telegraph

May 19, 2022 n

9

LandDesk

Holy housing Tackling Durango’s supply-demand fallacy

by Jonathan Thompson

W

hen I first perused the 1971 planning document this series is based on, “DURANGO! Shaping An Urban Area,” I was surprised at how prescient so much of it was. The planning commission knew the town would grow substantially over the coming decades and if they didn’t do something to manage the growth it would destroy the community they called home. Many of their initiatives – a push to designate greenbelts and open space, for example – eventually came to fruition and now are core elements of the town. Those planners of a half century ago did, indeed, help shape the urban area we know today.

But their foresight did come up short in one realm, housing. They simply didn’t, and probably couldn’t, imagine that we would reach a point at which the average home costs well over a half-million dollars. Virtually no one from the working class can afford to buy a home without outside help or cashing out of an even more inflated market, and a major concern is a permanent camp for the growing number of unhoused residents.

Indeed, the biggest housing-related concern for the 1971 planners was blight. They determined that 22% of the town’s housing was either “deteriorating” or “dilapidated,” with the substandard units concentrated in south Durango, the old Animas City area and along Florida Road, northeast of town. “Unless corrective measures are taken,” the planners wrote, “the deterioration will grow like a cancer.” Little did they know that a reverse sort of phenomenon would occur: gentrification would spread to the “substandard” areas, and the dilapidated homes would become high-demand, high-priced rentals.

While the planners did note that “housing for the low income families should be provided,” they didn’t elaborate much, except to suggest officials “make provisions” to “permit housing for low-, medium- and high-income groups.”

In other words, they would zone some areas for multi-family housing, maybe ease up land-use regulations to make it easier to build more housing, and call it good.

Thing is, while the situation has changed radically since then, the strategy for dealing with the housing crisis has stayed more or less the same. It’s based on the theory that the housing problem is solely one of a supply-demand imbalance: There simply aren’t enough homes (lack of supply) for all of the people moving into a particular area (rising demand), which causes prices to climb. In other words, housing units are just another commodity, like oil or wheat.

And what do you do when oil prices shoot sky high? You produce more oil (or, in the case of oil corporations circa 2022, you buy back stocks and reap massive profits), and prices go down. Crisis solved.

Sometimes the housing market does operate under these rules. Take Williston, N.D., in the early 2010s. A sudden oil drilling boom caused a massive, rapid influx of population.

The small town didn’t have enough housing units to accommodate the boom. Prices shot up to San Francisco levels. A bunch more housing was constructed. The boom ended. People moved away. Prices dropped. Now you can pick up a house for less than $200,000.

But this dynamic isn’t driving the current housing crisis.

While some unaffordable areas do have bona fide housing shortages, it is not the shortages that are driving up prices.

(I’m using “shortage” to be: # of households > # of housing units). Let’s look at a really big example, Los Angeles. As is

10 n May 19, 2022

The housing crisis in Durango isn’t just a matter of supply and demand. It’s what supply there is being bought up by investors, second homeowners and other people with cash on hand./ Photo by Scarlett Moore the case in most places in the West, housing prices are going bananas in the City of Angels.

If housing followed simple laws of supply and demand, you might infer the population of Los Angeles has increased faster than the number of housing units over the past two years. However, Los Angeles’ population shrunk, with the biggest decline starting right when housing prices started their steepest climb. That’s what you call a negative correlation, folks. And it’s not like the housing stock was shrinking or getting wiped out en masse by earthquakes or forest fires (though there was some of this). In fact, it appears that construction has speeded up over the last couple years, even though people are leaving.

Durango is not Los Angeles, nor is it shrinking, but a similar dynamic is afoot. Between July 2020 and July 2021, the population of La Plata County increased by just 660 people. Yet property values shot up by more than 20% during the same time. Meanwhile, building continued. The City of Durango issued permits for 140 units in 2019, 96 in 2020, and 130 in 2021. La Plata County issued more than 400 permits in 2021.

Students of the supply-demand school will tell you that if La Plata County and Durango merely loosened land-use regulations and made it easier for developers to build even more housing, then they’d increase the housing stock, alleviate the scarcity and prices would go back down. While that is the intuitive solution, a simple thought experiment shows it wouldn’t work that way.

Because it’s more contained, and smaller, let’s take this experiment to Telluride, home of multi-million dollar shotgun shacks. Imagine for a moment that the Town of Telluride, wanting to find a solution to the housing crisis, sold 20 acres of land on the Valley Floor at market rate to a developer and eased building regulations on the condition that the developer build at least 150 housing units (but adding no other restrictions). Because that would be a dramatic increase in the town’s housing stock, it should cause housing prices to decrease substantially if, indeed, this were a simple matter of supply and demand.

Would that happen? No. Why? Because investors, second-home owners and others with cash would come in and snatch up every one of those units, almost regardless of the asking price.

Another example can be found back in Durango. The

telegraph

Three Springs development outside of town didn’t even exist a couple decades ago. Now it is home to hundreds of housing units and continues to expand. Yet prices are also going up there, regardless.

That’s because the problem here is not that there is a lack of housing, but that there is a lack of affordable housing. And there is a lack of affordable housing because there’s too damned much money out there, and the handful of people who have accumulated all of that wealth are happy to spend it on overpriced housing, locking everyone else out of the market. If you build more houses, those same people will just come in and buy them as investments, or turn them into short-term rentals or spend a few weeks each year in them, leaving them empty the rest of the time, simply because they can.

So the solution is to build more affordable housing, not just more housing. Nonprofits can do some of this, but mostly it will be up to governments, from the federal to the local level. And it has to be a massive effort. It’s great and all when a town buys a house and converts it into a dorm for a half-dozen workers, but it’s not going to cut it. These communities need hundreds of affordable, livable units.

How do you pay for it? Simple: Taxes. Progressive taxes.

On a federal level, reinstate the marginal tax rates of the postwar era, when annual incomes above a certain amount were taxed at a rate of 90% or more. And on a local level implement a progressive real estate transfer tax. By progressive I mean ratchet it up according to the dollar amount of the sale. Sales under $300,000 would have no tax; $300,000 to $500,000 would have a 1% tax; $500,000 to $1 million a 3% tax; and above $1 million would be 5%. Put all of the revenue into an affordable housing fund.

Unfortunately, Colorado blocked communities from implementing new real estate transfer taxes (some towns, like Telluride, are grandfathered in; its 3% tax has generated at least $4 million per year since 2004 and in 2020 brought in more than $14 million). Still, that’s reversible. State lawmakers simply need to get off their duffs and nix that one from the books. Then towns and counties need to stand up to the real estate industry and implement it.

As for states that don’t have the same hurdles to overcome, what are they waiting for?

The Land Desk is a newsletter from journalist Jonathan P. Thompson. To subscribe, go to: www.landdesk.org.

RockNRollSweetheart

Get ready to mosh as The Illegal Aliens, based out of Santa Fe, bring their high energy punk blend to The Hive at 1150 Main Ave. on Sat., May 21, at 8 p.m./ Courtesy photo

Without borders Sante Fe’s The Illegal Aliens bring high frequencies to Durango

by Alex Vick

I

spoke with Santa Fe-based band The Illegal Aliens about how the scene and playing music helps to keep them grounded. The group consists of Gabe Lucero on lead guitar, Zack McAlister on rhythm guitar, Gabe Pacheco on bass, Kenny Brito on drums, and Eric James Gutierrez on vocals.

“The best part is being able to express my emotions and opinions in a way that bring joy to others,” Gutierrez said about his experience writing and play-

The Illegal Aliens ing. This is where the art of music becomes engaging and can create a welcoming exchange between the bands and the audience. And in this conversation between players and viewers, the

idea of being an outcast can be diffused.

McAlister noted how it took time to be welcomed into the punk scene as a full-fledged member. “At first, I noticed people were slightly cautious to book us, but I feel like that really turned around once we showed them what we were capable of live,” he said. “It was definitely something that had a lot of trial and error to be where we are now.”

The Illegal Aliens started in high school in 2015, prompted by a teacher, Gutierrez said. “One day, senior year, Gabriel Lucero recruited me and Kenny to start a band. After a few years of cycling through members, we got our good friends Gabriel Pacheco and Zack McAlister to join in, and we’re still going strong.”

Starting the band at a young age and choosing members that created real harmony allowed the band to thrive, according to members. “The only real obstacle we faced was self-improvement,” Gutierrez said. “Once we all settled in and found our rhythm, everything came together. Being a group of best friends always helped with that.”

However, there were a few rough spots as well. “There were definitely a few times when I felt like an outcast; that’s just part of growth though,” Gutierrez said.

Sometimes it takes such challenges to create victorious results. From a hard journey to finding acceptance, it’s these experiences that help us grow and learn, and music is a great vessel for this.

When ideas are funneled through lyrics and a driving beat to punch the message home, listeners feel connected – no longer an outsider but welcomed in via high voltage frequencies. This energy can feed off itself, bringing unity and a new level of amplitude, Gutierrez said.

“Having friends and known fans in the crowd always elevates our moods and performances to a new level.”

Come welcome The Illegal Aliens to Durango on Sat., May 21, at 8 p.m. when they play The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. They will be playing alongside other New Mexico-based bands, The Mommy Milkers and Scarlet Night.

The mosh pit and dance floor will be open. We all live here, and it is our job and labor of love to welcome in those who feel like an outcast and estranged.

McAlister noted how he’s looking forward to once again playing in Durango.

“I feel like every show is special to me in its own way,” he said. “I remember the last time we were in Durango, and it ripped.”

Join in another ripping night, free from musical and artistic oppression; a place for us all.

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May 19, 2022 n 15

LocalNews The Milky Way lights up the night sky over the La Plata Mountains./ Photo by Bettymaya Foott

The fight for a starry night Combating light pollution in Durango, Silverton and beyond

by Elizabeth Barrett Animas High School intern

“R

emember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet,” advised the brilliant physicist Stephen Hawking, encouraging us to be curious and find sources of inspiration. The night sky has long served as a source of myth and mystery for the human species, something everyone, from rich to poor, could share and revel in.

But in recent times, with electric lighting spreading across the planet, the stars are becoming a rarer sight. Eighty percent of Americans see only murky darkness when they look up at the stars – for them, the Milky Way is obscured by light pollution.

This affects us, and the species around us, in many more ways than we can imagine.

But more and more, cities and towns across the country are doing something about this loss of the night sky. Silverton recently passed a resolution for the town to switch to lower-Kelvin lighting in order to decrease light pollution.

Durango has had a dark sky ordinance in place for nearly two decades. But what do regulations like this mean for the community? How successful have they been? We consulted some local experts to find out.

Protecting the nocturnal world Bettymaya Foott, director of engagement for the International Dark-Sky Association, stressed that light pollution does more than ruin a pretty view of the stars. “Think about adding artificial light to a habitat as the equivalent of bulldozing a rainforest,” she said, reminding us that every species is impacted by it in some way.

Many birds, for instance, use stars, moonlight and other “celestial cues” to migrate overnight, said Foott.

When they see a brighter, closer artificial light, they are drawn to it instead, leading them to lose their sense of direction. In their confused state, they are vulnerable to predators and other dangers that they wouldn’t normally

16 n May 19, 2022

The night sky of the San Juans is reflected in Molas Lake. Silverton recently passed a dark sky ordinance to protect such views./ Photo by Bettymaya Foott have to face. The same goes for moths, which use the moon as a guide in nature. While the moon is a reliable beacon that moves in a predictable manner, our lights are

telegraph

not – moths can circle street lights for hours, thinking they are flying in a straight line.

On the coast, light pollution also confuses creatures like sea turtles, an already endangered species, which follow the sun and moon when nesting and hatching. Bright, artificial lights and human presence can scare mother sea turtles away from nesting spots. After hatching, baby sea turtles usually follow the reflection of moonlight on the ocean.

Now, they instead can be lured by city lights inland, toward countless dangers.

Too much artificial light at night is also doing us humans more harm than good. According to an article by the Dark-Sky Association, circadian cycles are disrupted by too much light, especially blue light, which at night tricks our bodies into thinking it’s daytime. This leads to insomnia and a decrease in melatonin production, causing a whole host of additional problems and increasing the risk of everything from anxiety and depression to cancer. Blue light isn’t just coming from screens, either. Lit-up advertising and overly bright public lighting also emit it.

But, thankfully, combating light pollution is a cause almost everyone can get behind. “We all love to see the stars … this is a non-partisan issue,” she said. Plus, she added, this is the easiest type of pollution to fix: it can be removed – literally – at the speed of light.

The benefits of dark skies go beyond the physical, to economic ones as well. Astrotourism has proven to financially benefit communities, especially those certified as Dark Sky Places. Unlike some tourists, visiting stargazers are guaranteed to spend the night, generating more income for local restaurants and hotels. A 2019 Missouri State study on astrotourism predicted that dark-sky tourists on the Colorado Plateau will spend $5.8 billion in the next 10 years, raising wages and creating thousands of new job opportunities. Especially for small, nature-oriented towns, dark skies can make for a brighter future.

The Milky Way shines over Mesa Verde much as it did in the time of the Ancestral Puebloans. Dark sky efforts aim to keep it that way by requiring businesses and others to install lighting that shines down, instead of up, and limiting lighting hours./ Photo by Bettymaya Foott What’s in the ordinance?

Durango is mostly ahead of the game when it comes to combating light pollution. In 2004, after advocacy from the public, Durango adopted a dark sky ordinance.

Regulations for dark-sky appropriate lighting don’t aim to take away all light at night – human safety is still the utmost concern.

Instead, the intent is typically to improve existing and new fixtures. The emphasis isn’t on less light but on better, well-directed lighting.

The ordinance in Durango today applies to all commercial and public lighting, as well as multi-family residences. For them, all light sources must be shielded, pointing only at the ground, and disruptive glare must be eliminated. Since the adoption of our ordinance, most fixtures have been changed to fit these requirements.

“Even the antique style lights that they’ve got downtown and on the River Trail – the actual bulb is recessed up into the top of the lamp,” Dick White, a retired professional astronomer and former City Council member, said. “They look like these wonderful old street lamps, but they are designed very differently.”

Under the ordinance, roof lights, searchlights and “nuisance lighting” are also forbidden.

Another important part of the ordinance is keeping light usage to necessary hours. In addition to limiting light pollution, this also helps conserve energy. Businesses must have their lights off by an hour after they close, or by 11 p.m. In the mornings, they can turn them on at 5 a.m. or an hour before they open.

Single and double family residences are exempt from the ordinance, as well as holiday, airport and emergency lighting. This can cause some hiccups, particularly in residential areas. “It’s not uncommon to look out a window and see a neighbor’s porch light shining in your eyes, or some backyard light that’s not shielded just shines up into the sky and all the way down the block,” commented White.

He thinks this is one of the ordinance’s major shortcomings, and it doesn’t look like the regulations will be updated anytime soon.

For now, said White, it’s important to make sure we comply with existing ordinances and use lighting wisely – only when and where it is needed. Although it’s not always required, dark sky advocates insist everyone should do their part if we want to reduce light pollution as a community.

Regional regulations On April 25, the Town of Silverton adopted its own dark sky resolution, which will ultimately decrease the amount of light pollution the town emits. This was an effort created and largely driven

by Silverton local dark sky advocate Cole Davenport, along with others from Silverton and neighboring communities. Davenport

decided to advocate for this regulation when he saw that towns like Ridgway had done the same. “I like to … point (my telescope) up to the skies and educate, and also learn,” he said. “I wanted to preserve the light and antiquity of Silverton.” Davenport added that the resolution’s benefits go beyond reducing light pollution. “We’re solely (relying on) tourism, so (the stars) would bring a new tourist attraction to our community that will help educate our community,” he said.

Davenport hopes that this will lead to Silverton being certified by the International Dark-Sky Association, or IDA, as an official “Dark Sky Community.” A growing number of communities in Colorado and the surrounding regions have achieved this certification, including Ridgway, Norwood, Nucla, Naturita and more. According to the IDA website, towns hoping to be Dark Sky Communities must show “exceptional dedication to the preservation of the night sky through the implementation and enforcement of a quality outdoor lighting ordinance, dark sky education and citizen support of dark skies.” Dark Sky Communities do more than just change out their lightbulbs – the starry night becomes a part of their culture.

Davenport believes that Durango also could become a Dark Sky Community, with some time and effort.

Optimistic about Silverton’s ability to meet these goals, Davenport submitted the town’s application quickly after the resolution’s adoption. According to him, most communities are certified within three years. Down the road, he’d like to see that taken one stop further to seeing the area designated a Dark Sky Reserve.

According to the IDA, a Dark Sky Reserve is similar to other Dark Sky Places but encompasses a larger area – at least 270 square miles.

Since they cover so much land, reserves must be formed through a concerted collaboration between various land managers, agencies and municipalities. Currently, there are only 18 certified reserves in the world, and only one, Central Idaho, is in the United States.

Advocates are trying to create another, potentially the world’s largest, in Colorado. If certified, the reserve would cover about 4,200 miles of land. The core area would potentially be located in the Rio Grande and Pike-San Isabel national forests, between South Fork and Salida.

“Hopefully, with the chapter of the IDA that we have here in Southwest Colorado and the big push for Colorado to be the biggest Dark Sky Reserve, we might be able to push this faster,” Davenport said. “Let’s preserve this long-lasting thing that our ancestors have always looked up to.”

Dark sky advocates want to remind us that limited lighting will not blind us. Instead, they say, it will open our eyes to a whole new world. ■

telegraph

May 19, 2022 n 17

StufftoDo

Lauren Avery plays, 6-7 p.m., house show in Bayfield. More info at pineriverarts.org

Thursday19

Tico Time Reggae Fest, May 1922, Tico Time River Resort, Aztec.

Ru Paul’s Drag Race watch party, every Friday, 6-8 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave.

La Plata Impact Fund Launch Party, 4-7 p.m., Zia Cantina, 2977 Main Ave.

Side FX plays, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Lavalanche plays, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

Matilda (the musical), 7 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr. Presented by Merely Players.

Kirk James plays, 5-7 p.m., Salsa Festival hosted by Home Builders Association of the Southwest, 20909 Highway 160.

John O’Neal, Joe Nibley & Justin Hubbard play, 7 p.m., Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 419 San Juan Dr.

Live music, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse and Bar, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

The Small Glories play, 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Ecstatic Dance with Smiley Coyote, 7:30-9:30 p.m., American Legion Hall, 878 E. 2nd Ave.

Bar Jay Bar plays, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Saturday21

Powerhouse Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m.– 12 noon, TBK Bank parking lot, across from the Transit Center. Live music by Devin Scott.

Matilda (the musical), 7 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr. Presented by Merely Players.

Animas River Cleanup, meet at Rotary Park at 8:30 a.m. Hosted by Five Rivers Trout Unlimited, more info at fiveriverstu.org

Pete Giuliani Duo plays, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Friday20

Soil Health Workshop, 9 a.m.–5 p.m., with soil scientist Ray Archuleta. Details and registration ($40, scholarships available) at www.lposc.org/events Volunteer Rafting and Cycling Training, learn how to volunteer with Adaptive Sports Association, May 20 & 24, 9 a.m.-2 p.m. More info at asadurango.com Friends of the Library Spring Book Sale, 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

Thee Fearless Peasants, 5-8 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave. Jamie & the Dreamers, 5-8 p.m., Mancos Brewing.

Live music, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse and Bar, 701 E. 2nd Ave. Jack Ellis & Larry Carver play, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Freestyle Friday, weekly, 5:30 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Noodle plays, 6 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Put some spring in your strings.

Hours: mon - Fri 11-6 & Sat 11-5: www.jimmysmusic.supply 1239 Main Ave • 970-764-4577 18 n May 19, 2022

telegraph

Wildflower Hike, 9 a.m., Canyon of the Ancients National Monument, register at sjma.org/events Durango Garden Club Plant Sale, 9-10:30 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Pollinator Workshop, 9-11:30 a.m., Register at lposc.org/events Friends of the Library Spring Book Sale, 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library Party in the Park, featuring performances by Stillwater Music, Bella Dance and demonstrations from Durango Martial Arts Academy, 12 noon-5:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Joshua Mendrala plays, 1-4 p.m., 11th Street Station.

iAM MUSIC Fest, featuring Elder Grown, Alex Blocker, Haro in the Dark and Secret Circus Society, 4:30-9 p.m., Studio & (outdoor stage), 1027 Main Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse and Bar, 701 E. 2nd Ave. Kirk James Band plays, 6 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill, Vallecito.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Community Yoga, 6-7 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd., C-201. Donations accepted.

Bards In-Between plays, 6 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Matilda (the musical), 7 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr. Presented by Merely Players.

Tuesday24

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Maddy and Kev play, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Durango Elks Lodge Pub Trivia, 6:30 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Non-members welcome.

Open Mic Night, weekly, 7:30-9:30 p.m., Moe’s Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Comedy Open Mic, weekly, 8 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Wednesday25

Great Garden Series: Ready, Set, Garden! 4 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Open Bluegrass Jam, every Wednesday, 5-8 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Horseshirt plays, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Planet Petty: A Year of Petty (drag show), 7:30 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Sunday22

Brian Aherne plays, 1-4 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Matilda (the musical), 1 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr. Presented by Merely Players.

Open Mic, 2 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co. Black Velvet Trio plays, 4-8 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave. Open Mic Night, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Durango Choral Society Cabaret, 5 p.m., Fort Lewis College Ballroom.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Jazz/Funk/Soul Jam Session, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Monday23

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Tony DeSare plays, May 27 & 28, showings at 5 p.m. & 8 p.m., The Lift at Cascade, 50827 Highway 550.

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic, May 28-30, more info at ironhorsebicycleclassic.com Community Art Market, May 28, Hermosa Creek Grill parking lot, Highway 550.

Stillhouse Junkies play, May 28, 3-6 p.m., house show in Bayfield. More info at pineriverarts.org Rockin’ on the River featuring High Country Hustle, May 29, 4-7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. Animas River Days, events run from June 3-5 at Durango Whitewater Park at Santa Rita park, river parade June 4. More info at animasriverdays.com LPCHS Adopt-A-Thon, June 3-4, Humane Society.

Carute Roma plays, June 3, Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave. Carute Roma plays, June 4, Mancos Brewing Co.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Durango Flea Market, 8 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Ecstatic Dance with Oshra, May 27, 7:30-9:30 p.m., American Legion Hall, 878 E. 2nd Ave.

Adult Game Night, June 10, 5:30-8 p.m., Singletrack Coffee & Tea, 100 Jenkins Ranch Road.

Ongoing

Pagosa Folk ‘N Bluegrass Festival, June 10-12, Pagosa Springs. www.ksutpresents.org/folknbluegrass

“Trigger: A Group Art Exhibit,” Studio & Gallery, 1027 Main Ave. For more info visit anddurango.com, exhibit runs through May 21.

Men Who Grill, June 11, 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Storytelling & Songwriting night, every second and fourth Thursday, 6-8 p.m., Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave. More info at iAMmusic.us The Hive Indoor Skate Park is open, offering open skate and skate lessons. Waivers required. For schedule and online waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org Shock Wave Drag Night, first and third Friday of every month, 9 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave. 18+

Tim Sullivan Band plays, June 12, 5:30-8 p.m., 5-8 p.m., River Bend Ranch, 27846 Highway 550. Part of the 8th annual Durango Cowboy Poetry Gathering Outdoor Concert & Barn Dance.

Four Corners Rainbow Youth Center fundraiser, June 12, 7 p.m., Buckley Park.

Nashville Songs & Stories with “Writers in the Round,” June 25, 7:30 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College.

“Sled Dogs of America” by Veryl Goodnight, art exhibit runs through June 30, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Veterans 5th annual Raft Trip & Picnic, June 26, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. RSVP at info@durangorafting.com

Works by Roger Seliner, showing at Recess Gallery, 1027 Main Ave. For more info visit anddurango.com. Exhibit runs through May.

Lyle Lovett and his Large Band, July 4, 7 p.m., Ward Lee Field, La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. durangoconcerts.com Rocky Mountain UkeFest, July 7-10. More info durangoconcerts.com

Upcoming

La Plata County Fairgrounds Carnival, May 26 June 6, La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Jennaye Derge: “How to Cry on Your Bicycle,” celebration and book signing, May 26, 6 - 7:30 p.m., Rochester Hotel Secret Garden, 726 E. 2nd Ave.

telegraph

Asleep at the Wheel plays, Midnight Backhand opens, Aug. 12, 8 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. durangoconcerts.com Durango Blues Train, August 26 & 27, more info at durangobluestrain.com

May 19, 2022 n 19

AskRachel

Drawing the line, meter men & customer disservice Interesting fact: The average business will hear from about 4% of its dissatisfied customers. Not me; I never survey people about how I’m doing.

Dear Rachel, When you stay at hotels and use bar soap, you use a small bar they give you. When you leave you may leave it, but whatever happens to them? Do they go to the poor or recycled? You might know the answer. I think most people take the other items, but do they take the half used bar of soap or should they leave it? Would like your thoughts on this. Do I take it? You will never know.

– Mr. Mizer Dear Soapbox, YOU may use the hotel soap, but I do not. And I am a thorough cheapskate. But I draw the line at the things that touch my skin. Maybe upscale hotels where people with first names like Mr. can stay the night and use shea butter in their soaps, but I’m pretty sure my go-to motels use straight, unprocessed lye. And, of course, I bring it home with me. I paid for that crap.

– Scrub a dub, Rachel Dear Rachel, I want to thank all the people who pay at the parking meters in the city. What I don’t like is when people call me a meter maid. I’m a male and am called a parking enforcement officer. I know they get mad at me, but just doing my

job. I’m a man and not a maid. Calling my other female workers maids is not right. As James Brown said, “It’s a man’s world but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl.” How true.

We are all nice officers. We can give or not give, but we love our walks and talks. What do you think, maid or no maid?

– Peter van Meter Dear Maid of Honor, You’re welcome, even though I only ever paid at a meter once. Since then, I park only at broken meters or else in front of someone’s DO NOT PARK HERE sign on Third Ave. I then put my own yellow boot on my car, so any boot maid that comes by will think I’ve already been booted. Maybe if your employer worked on some real public transit, parking wouldn’t be an issue and we could reassign you to some less gendered work, like a call girl.

– Maid in the shade, Rachel Dear Rachel, I have had it with follow-up surveys for every single thing I do. I just got my oil changed at a quickie-stop joint, and I wasn’t even home before I had a text message asking me to evaluate my experience. You have to give these people your contact info to complete whatever service you’re asking for, but you’re also signing up for the inevitable queries, and most don’t even offer A CHANCE AT A $20 GIFT CARD!!!! anymore.

How can we rebel against this invasion?

– Unsatisfied

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com Dear Valued Customer, We are sorry you had a less than perfect experience with your most recent survey. Would you be willing to complete the attached survey to share your experience in greater detail? All completed surveys will be entered into a drawing for a shoebox full of unused hotel soap dating back to 1997 or something.

– Customer servicely, Rachel

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FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): “The only way to the truth is through blasphemy,” declared Aries author Flannery O’Connor. I appreciate the cheeky sentiment, but I don’t believe that all truth requires blasphemy. In many cases, rebellion, irreverence and skepticism may be enough to pry loose hidden and buried information. Outright blasphemy isn’t necessary. What does this have to do with you?

Well, I’m hoping you will be feisty and audacious in your quest for interesting truths.

As you dig, I invite you to be less than perfectly polite. Don’t be rude or unkind, of course. Just be charmingly bold.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me,” declares comedian Margaret Cho. I would love for you to summon her level of self-esteem and bravado in the coming weeks. According to my interpretation of the astrological omens, you now have the right and duty to boost your self-worth. All of creation is conspiring with you to develop more faith in yourself. And if you do the work to deepen your confidence and self-esteem, there will be an added bonus: a health breakthrough.

As spiritual author Caroline Myss says, “Belief in oneself is required for healing.” My prediction: You will rouse an enhanced power to get the soul medicine you need.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to the blogger Artemisiasea, “The grandeur of life is the attempt, not the solution. It’s about behaving as beautifully as one can under completely impossible circumstances; making room for what breathes in the presence of the attempt – in the coming-to-be.” I invite you to embrace that wisdom in the coming weeks, Gemini. You won’t be dealing with impossible circumstances, but you may have to navigate your way through fascinating brainteasers and heart riddles.

Whatever your destination might turn out to be, enjoy the ride with all the verve you can summon. At least for now, put aside your longing for particular results and instead simply live your life as if it were a magnificent work of art.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): It will be in your interest to change more than usual in the coming weeks. I suppose you could wait around passively and scramble to adjust as life flings challenges your way. But the better approach would be to make conscious decisions about how you want to transform. Identify the situations that would most benefit from modification, and then initiate the transitions. Rather than depending on fate to provide you with random wake-up calls, choose constructive wake-up calls that are fun and invigorating.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “If everyone likes you, it probably means you aren’t saying much,” declared politician Donna Brazile. I suspect you will disprove her theory in the coming weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will have a lot to say; your communications will be even more interesting than usual. And yet, I also expect you will receive extra respect and appreciation from others. While you may articulate ideas that are challenging to some, you will do so with enough charisma to disarm agitated reactions. A winning combination: expressiveness and approval.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Have you heard of Virgo adventurer Reinhold Messner?

The man is a marvel, and not just because he’s a passionate environmental activist. He was the first mountaineer to reach the top of Mt. Everest alone, as well as the first to ascend Everest without supplemental oxygen. No one before him had ever climbed all 14 of the world’s peaks higher than 26,000 feet.

He has transited Greenland and Antarctica without the aid of dog sleds or snowmobiles. He also completed a solo trip across the Gobi Desert. I propose we make Messner your inspirational role model for the next four weeks. You may not achieve history-making triumphs like him, but you could surpass what you assumed were your limits. I trust that you will break at least one of your personal records.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “The world is a very puzzling place. If you’re not willing to be puzzled, you just become a replica of someone else’s mind.” Author Noam Chomsky said that.

It’s useful counsel for you right now. I’ll go even further. I will advise you to relish the healthy pleasures of being both mysterious and mystified. Seek out fertile enigmas and be a fertile enigma yourself.

Explore the rejuvenating wisdom of being indefinable and uncategorizable. Exult in the quizzical joys of Eternal Paradox.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Have you ever contemplated the beauty of the people and animals you care for and thought, “I would love to give them the strongest blessings I have to give, the smartest love I can express and the best listening I’m able to provide.” If so, Scorpio, the coming days will be an excellent time to do that. You will have an extra capacity to offer exceptional gifts that are useful and inspirational. You will be at the peak of your ability to home in on what your beloveds need.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): Sagittarian author Madeleine L’Engle told us, “The discoveries don’t come when you’re looking for them.

They come when for some reason you’ve let go conscious control.” That approach isn’t absolutely true, but it may be useful for you to deploy in the coming weeks. I invite you to relinquish at least a modicum of your conscious control. And if zesty discoveries start flowing in, consider relinquishing even a bit more conscious control.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Is it a legend or a true story? Scholars disagree about whether Capricorn scientist Isaac Newton really was spurred to formulate the theory of gravity when an apple fell from the tree he was sitting beneath. This much is certain: Newton lived in the home near the famous apple tree. And that tree is alive today, 380 years after his birth. Ripe apples still fall from it. Is there an equivalent landmark or keystone from your own past, Capricorn – where an important insight arose or pivotal event happened? The coming weeks would be a good time to revisit that power spot, at least in your imagination, in quest of fresh inspiration.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian poet Jack Gilbert devoted himself to soulful beauty. I swooned when I first read his line, “We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars.” I cried for joy when he said, “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.” On the other hand, I suspect Gilbert may have been overly consumed with his pursuit of lyrical moments. His girlfriend Linda Gregg said, “All Jack ever wanted to know was that he was awake – that the trees in bloom were almond trees – and to walk down the road to get breakfast. He never cared if he was poor or had to sleep on a park bench.”

I bring this up, dear Aquarius, hoping you will avoid Gilbert’s lack of attention to practical matters. In the coming weeks, I invite you to be your extravagant, idiosyncratic, interesting self to the max. But also be sure to eat healthy food, engage in pleasurable exercise and get plenty of rejuvenating sleep – preferably in a comfortable bed rather than on a park bench.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The Uberfacts Twitter account informs me that if you were to consume the amount of food equivalent to what a hummingbird eats, you would eat 300 hamburgers or 7,800 cabbages per day. To match the amount of exercise a hummingbird gets while burning all those calories, you’d have to do approximately 37 bazillion jumping jacks. You will never do this, of course. But in the coming weeks, you may be more metaphorically hungry than usual. I predict you will be voracious for new information and novel experiences and fresh ideas. Not 300 hamburgers’ or 7,800 cabbages’ worth – but still, a lot. My advice: Have fun being insatiably curious and greedy for stimulation.

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May 19, 2022 n 21

EndoftheLine

Welcome to the jungle Navigating the mine-laden world of online dating

by Michael Jennifer

T

he line of straight men trying to get in goes around three city blocks. The cover charge is $25 a month or half of that if I commit to six months. They let me walk around inside to see who is there before I pay. I see a cute face across the way and make eye contact and wave at a woman smoking a joint wearing a FWB T-shirt and no bra. She ignores me. I see another older lady constantly taking selfies with her duck lips posed. I try and make eye contact and smile, but she doesn’t even notice me. Close to her is another gal wearing sunglasses and a Salt Life baseball hat, holding a freshly caught fish and her three, small children. Now it is I who ignores her when she smiles and madly waves at me.

The demographics of this Durango dating spot are all over the place. When I talked to the guy at the front, he told me there would only be women there who are within 10 years of my age and live close by. I realize how untrue this is when a 60-year-old wearing make-up that looks like a princess Instagram filter says to me, “My kids have all moved out, and I love Jesus.”

Oy, vey! What kind of place is this, I think, as I avoid her gaze.

I sit down and drink a beer while I decide if the cover charge is worth it for this strange meeting place. There is a table of five women from northern New Mexico, all winking at me as I approach them, chanting: “We might be fat, but we love to cook!” I am tempted to say hi and get a nice meal out of it, but I want to see all of my options before settling down.

There is a woman I recognize who is kind of cute, so I say hi and sit down. She says hi back and smiles. We start with a contrived, witty banter that suddenly ends when I ask her what her plans are for the weekend. She just stares through me and doesn’t respond. I awkwardly get up from the table and continue looking around while she sits there staring, as if in a coma. I wonder if she is alright.

At this point, the guy at the front tells me there are three women there who want to meet me, but I have to pay this month’s cover if I want to know who they are.

Feeling desperate and optimistic, I cough up the $25 and he points them out. He says this payment will also allow me to use the one-way mirror in the back to look at women without them knowing it, as well as send them a message through him.

22 n May 19, 2022

One of the notes is from a crazy lady I met through work a few years ago and didn’t even know was there stalking me again, and for some reason, she still looks like she did over 10 years ago. I outgrew dating crazy women for crazy sex a long time ago, no thanks. Another note is from a lady in the corner wearing a T-shirt that says “Trump Won” who starts yelling at me that only pussies wear a mask, but she is not judgmental. I do not even look over to see if she is cute, and I keep walking.

The last one I go and sit next to and say hello, despite the fact she is wearing a ski suit and goggles, and I can’t make out what she looks like.

I say thanks for taking the first step and “What do you do in town?” She responds, “I don’t actually live in Durango, I am just here for the night.” I think, cool, maybe

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she is down for some no-strings fun, but then she continues with, “I am not looking for a f***boy. Do you want to ride bikes tomorrow?” The answer might be yes for someone else, but I do not need to make friends with tourists – I am looking for a local companion.

So, I get up and keep looking, starting to feel fatigued and jaded from the effort of trying to find a partner at this strange locale. I know there are a couple of other places like this in town, but I just paid for the month, so I feel like I need to get my money’s worth.

I notice in a dark corner a woman, but I can’t see her face. Her tattooed legs are bare up to a short skirt that leaves only so much to the imagination. I can see her deep, inviting cleavage, too, as she leans forward to invite me over with the come-hither of a curled pointer finger. As I approach and introduce myself, she listens patiently until it is her turn to talk. I still can’t see her face, but in a sultry voice that suggests beauty, she says, “I am a married MILF/ hotwife looking for a fit, handsome, articulate fella with previous MFM/ Bull/ Poly experience to join my husband and I for an ongoing relationship.” Ugh, no thanks. No devil’s threesome for me.

I am running out of options and ready to throw in the towel, but there are still a few more women remaining.

I then lock eyes with a cute, younger woman. I saunter over to see if she is old enough for me when I notice she is at least a foot shorter than me and has something all over her face. I can’t tell if it is make-up or tattoos or something else, but she still has a gorgeous smile, so I sit down and say hi. I tell her a bit about myself and she decides to lay it all out and shares, “I really just want someone that will wash my car every week and maybe fix my sprinkler system. I am not emotionally available, but you must be a good cuddler.” I laugh but realize she is 100% serious. I excuse myself and walk away.

There is no one left to meet. I sort of regret coming here and spending the $25. I know this is just one night and other ladies could show up in the future, so I am not completely hopeless about finding a partner in Durango. It just seems that it won’t be on Tinder. I almost go back and find one of those ladies to cook me dinner, but I just go home alone to rest and perhaps find a date another day.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., gone fishing. Please call ahead: 259-0133.

Announcements New!! Fishing/Paddlesports Shop Rentals [SUP, kayaks, canoe] grab and go and on-site at Twilight Lake Fishing (fly and spinner) gear for rent, guided service, lessons and more. Just south of Purg, come check us out!

Artist Booths Available!

For the White Rabbit Micro Market.

Fri., Sat. & Sun., thru 9/30. Call 970-2592213.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Classes/Workshops Edible/Medicinal Plant Walk Haviland Lake, Sat., May 21. Call for details: 970-759-9287.

HelpWanted Caregiver/$15-$18 Per Hour+++ Great pay! $15-$18 Including HIGHER pay on weekends and overnights. Financial benefits including a 401k with a company match scheduling assurance- Job stability- No loss of income. Health insurance, mileage reimbursement/trip fees (depending on area), paid training, advanced education opportunities and support career advancement, key job qualifications, unrestricted driver’s license, insurance, and clean driving record. Able to function independently in the home setting with minimal direct supervision. Caregiving experience preferred - through an agency or

private/family caregiving, but we are willing to train. Able to pass a background check and illegal drug screening. Must be fully vaccinated. ‘Work Remotely No “We are an equal opportunity employer and value diversity at our company. We do not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, color, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, age, marital status, veteran status, or disability status.” tinyurl.com/c48yvmxf or 970-515-7055

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings New inventory including mid-century tables, dressers, record cabinet, patio/ bistro sets and lots more … Come in today! 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 970-385-7336.

Wanted

Assistant Town Planning Director The Town of Silverton is advertising for an Assistant Town Planning Director.

Interested applicants may obtain job information at Silverton Town Hall or at https://townofsilverton.colorado.gov/em ployment where the job description and application are available for download.

This is a full- time position. The pay is $20-25/hour depending on qualifications. Applications must be delivered to Silverton Town Hall, 1360 Greene St. or via email to Clerk Matt Green at mgreen@silverton.co.us. The deadline for submissions is May 26th at 4pm. The Town of Silverton is an equal opportunity employer.

We are in hell!

We’re a young couple who has lived and been gainfully employed in Durango since 2015, but decided now was the perfect time to start looking to buy a home because we’re idiots. But, if you are selling your home and would rather sell to people who have been here long enough to know what the Arc of History is, contact us at San.Juaner1122@gmail.com

Creative Sales Help Wanted!

Beads & Beyond is seeking professional, driven & fun sales associates. Previous beading exp a plus. Apply in store at 840 Main Avenue.

The owner of Tahlia’s Trading Post is legally changing her name from Michelle Irene Lewis, to Tahlia M. I. Lewis as of 04/27/2022.

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

LegalNotices

Services Environmental Professional Durango environmental consulting firm seeks qualified environmental professional for PT position (possibly FT for right person). Must have at least two years consulting experience in CWA, ESA, NEPA or hazmat compliance work. BS/BA min. in biology, botany, geology, soil science or related field required. Must have good written/verbal communication skills. GIS experience is a plus. Send resume and salary history to smoore@smeenv.com. No phone calls please.

Sacred Communication Harness your experience of pain or suffering to discover your center and fuel impactful change in your life. Call Dennis 970.403.5451 or email at dennis@ yourvictorydrive.com LMT, Life Coach, NLP, Human Design RSE Handyman Service Home repair - Yard work - Odd Jobs 970-903-0449

Office to Share Bodywork studio, river path access, near Powerhouse museum. Christine 9709463724

Marketing Small & Local Businesses Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Please visit our website at www.forwardpedal.com or email jnderge@gmail.com

Room Farmington Small unfurn. room incl. util. Wkly $120. 505-231-3310

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

ForRent

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HaikuMovieReview ‘Death on the Nile’ You can probably guess who the killer is but it’s still worth watching – Lainie Maxson Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork Barefoot Bodyworks Ashiatsu, Ashi-Thai, traditional. www.durango.massagetherapy.com 970 946 3724 Massage for Every Body www.durango.massagetherapy.com by appt. only 970 946-3724 Lotus Path Healing Arts Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

CommunityService Compañeros Immigrant Resource Center is hosting 9Health 365 community health fair at the La Plata County Fairgrounds (2500 Main Ave), May 22, 9 a.m.-1p.m. Screenings and stations will include “ask a medical question get a referral,” hearing, dental, vision, blood pressure, Pap tests (no HPV), body mass index, and routine blood chemistry screenings. SJBPH will also be on site providing free HIV and STD testing, COVID vaccines, routine vaccines for children (Medicaid or uninsured only), Connect for Health/Medicaid enrollment, WIC information, and free rapid COVID tests.

Greater Colorado Pitch Series 2022 $50k-$1M in funding for rural Colorado companies. Deadline to apply is June 10. To apply or for more info., go to www.greatercoloradopitchseries.com.

May 19, 2022 n 23

24 n May 19, 2022

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