The Durango Telegraph, May 26, 2022

Burned out

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May 26, 2022 Vol. XXI, No. 26 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Half a century

Stage might

Road warriors

A look back at the blood, sweat & gears as the IHBC turns 50 p8

So you wanna be a rock ’n’ roll star? A newbies guide p10

When it comes to co-existing on the roads, sharing is caring p11

2 n May 26, 2022

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

Heavy petting “Getting back out there” may require strategic pet hair management

4 Thumbin’ It

by Zach Hively

6-7 Soapbox

8-9

8-9 Day in the Life

Fifty is shifty

A look though the Telegraph archives at the good, bad & ugly of the IHBC

10 The Plug-iN 11 Gossip of the Cyclers 12-13 Stuff to Do

10

13 Ask Rachel

A beginner’s guide to going from stage fright to stage might

14 Free Will Astrology

by Alicia Hoelzer

15 Classifieds 15 Haiku Movie Review

11

On the cover: Yep, fire is once again on Durango’s doorstop with the Perins Peak Fire rearing its ugly head Tuesday afternoon, mordibly captivating lookyloos all over town. / Photo by Missy Votel

Sharing is caring 2-wheel and 4-wheel coexistence is possible with a few simple rules

by Jennaye Derge

boilerplate

STAFF REPORTER: Jonathan Romeo jonathan@durangotelegraph.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

Well, we have our first potentially-big-buthopefully turns-out-to-be-nothing fire of the season knocking at our door – the Perins Peak Fire.

The fire first broke out around 4:30 p.m.

Tuesday, and quickly grew to more than 100 acres by the end of the day. Air tankers from across the region spent most of Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning circling the fire, dropping retardant to keep the blaze from town. Ground crews, too, are expected to start building fire lines Wednesday morning. A few subdivisions in the area, just west of downtown Durango, are on pre-evacuation notice.

But because the situation is changing by the hour, we won’t get into it too much more here.

Instead, for up-to-the-minute news on the Perins Peak Fire, officials are pointing people toward the InciWeb page at: inciweb.nwcg.gov/incident/8120/

Speed kills

In the groove

ADVERTISING SALES: Meleana Young ads@durangotelegraph.com

“Listen, bear spray DOES NOT work like bug spray. We would like to not have to say that again.”

– Real words from the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation

Here we go again

5 Word on the Street

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com

Ear to the ground:

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STAR-STUDDED CAST: Zach Hively, Jennaye Derge, Alicia Hoelzer, Lainie Maxson, Rob Brezsny, Jesse Anderson and Clint Reid

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

In speaking to NPR, Leon James, Professor of Psychology at the University of Hawaii, who also co-wrote the book, “Road Rage and Aggressive Driving,” had this to say about the psychology of people who speed: “We are taught to speed by our culture. In other words, speeding is a habit. We’re always trying to do something as fast as we can.

Speed is something that has a very positive value in our society.”

Think about it – car commercials, video games, movies (damn you, Vin Diesel) and songs all glorify whipping around corners and “putting the pedal to the medal,” as they say – or said in the 1950s.

Well, one consequence that’s apparently not shown in any of 24 “Fast & Furious” movies is that when you speed in the mountains, you run the risk of hitting and killing a moose, which is exactly what happened this week just outside Silverton.

Recently, two young moose (born late spring 2021) had been seen in and around Silverton alone – orphaned after their mother was hit and killed by a car. Well, on Monday morning, it appears one of the two young moose was found dead on the side of U.S. Highway 550, west of Silverton near Mineral Creek.

“We think (the moose) was hit around 6 a.m. this morning by a vehicle, likely a pickup truck, traveling at a high rate of speed based on the skid marks and the pieces of trim from the vehicle that were all over the road,” Wesley Berg, a local photographer, said in a post to social media.

All this to say, don’t be the “Man” in Bambi and orphan any wildlife. Be like Foghat – slow ride, take it easy.

May 26, 2022 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal Dirty talk Lately, both of my friends have been nudging me to “get back out there.”

My friends are my dogs, and they want me to take them to the river again.

But their insistence got me thinking – if I had human friends, would they be trying to get me back out there, too? Would they simply want me to leave the house, or would they mean it euphemistically as putting myself back out there? getting back on the horse? making like a calendar and getting 30 dates in the month of June?

I hope not. I hope they would recognize that, at this stage of life, a man like me must choose between potential romance and tending to his own well-being. Frankly, that’s an easy choice for me, because this week’s dishes aren’t going to wash themselves, and I am fresh out of clean butter knives.

But that doesn’t negate the hard reality that it would sometimes, on occasion, be nice to have someone else to wash butter knives FOR. I mean, the dogs don’t care how many days in a row I use the same knife for scooping up peanut butter for their pills. On the other hand, if another human being could show up at my door at any moment – particularly a human being I had a vested interest in impressing – I might feel compelled to keep clean-looking utensils on hand at all times.

Or at least to conceal the clearly used ones in a cupboard.

This would be fine if I had only to worry about the cutlery. I don’t, though. I also have to worry about the rug. My dogs like to lie on it. And my dogs are comprised almost entirely of fur. Consequently, so is the rug. It has steadily upgraded its synthetic fibers with dog ones, and now I have a dog-fur rug. The dogs seem to like it, and I quite appreciate how the rug hides dirt and all the excess dog hair it can’t keep up with.

However, other people might feel differently about our rug. On the rare occasions they visit, my mother’s voice echoing in my skull admonishes me to vacuum it (the rug, not my skull). So I roll up the rug, along with my

mother’s voice, and stash them in the back room. And then I don’t let anyone snuggle up on the dog-fur couch long enough to ask me if I’ve ever considered putting down a rug.

Now lest I have given the impression that I lead a dirty life, that is not my intent. It might be the truth – but it’s not how I want you to think of me. Rather, I’d like to distract you with my evolved philosophy regarding house cleaning, which is that a house is never fully clean – the act of tidying up simply makes a space cleanER than it was before. This mindset transforms every act of cleanliness from a vain Sisyphean effort against dust into its own precious victory. I may not have folded all the laundry, but I paired two socks that started the day unpaired! I polished the handles on a sink! I watered a plant before it died!

This sense of accomplishment boosts my self-esteem and sets me up for an entire stretch of confident living. My ease and selfassurance could explain why, despite my satisfaction with my life with my dogs, the dating realm seems to be hounding me, nosing me, tugging puppyishly at my shirt, begging me to get back out there.

Of course, we are all still emerging from a pandemic mindset, and restless people are eager for any human interaction at all – which certainly explains their possible interest in me.

There’s no other explanation for it, because I am, to put it gently, no longer a presentable human being.

I took advantage of The Covid Era to focus on the things that really matter, like taking my dogs for long walks and training my dogs to ignore me when anything more exciting comes along, and calculating how on earth two dogs can possibly poop four times as much as one dog. I didn’t have TIME for a social life, or bathing. Now that the world is open again, other people crave feeling not bored – and I feel my life is more rich and full and beautiful than ever. I have everything I could ever need, right here with me. Though I could sure use an extra butter knife.

SignoftheDownfall:

Thumbin’It The Iron Horse Bicycle Classic celebrating its 50th year anniversary this weekend. We’d make the 50-mile trek to Silverton to join the fun but… we have a dentist appointment that day… next year.

Fires raging across the region in Pagosa Springs, Montrose and now the Perins Peak Fire west of Durango.

A fire even broke out in downtown Silverton, destroying a couple buildings (though everyone was safe).

The U.S. Women’s Soccer team to receive equal pay on par with the men’s team. Seems a little retrograde we’re celebrating this as a “win” in the year 2022, but yeah, we’ll take it.

Residential gas bills in Durango jumping 26% allegedly because of COVID-19 and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Hey, everything else is expensive as hell here, why not one more thing?

NASA saying it plans to send naked photos of humans into space so aliens know what people on Earth look like. Is this the first instance of an intergalactic nude pic? We think so, and we’re into it.

4 n May 26, 2022

– Zach Hively

Reports that a new viral disease “Monkeypox” has … you know what? No, we’re not doing Monkeypox.

telegraph

Trickstarter So far on Kickstarter, 799 people have pledged $290,657 to two university students who created “Plufl,” which is a $500 dog bed for humans. Apparently, it doesn’t matter that you can already buy cheaper oversized dog beds (or beanbags), nor does it matter that the Plufl isn’t designed like a dog bed, so it’s really just a people-bed for dog-people. What matters is that this thing has adorable branding, and people are getting rich. So, I hereby patent the “Couchl,” which looks exactly like a couch, but it’s for dogs and costs way too much. And now I wait…

WordontheStreet

Q

With the Iron Horse this weekend, The Telegraph asked: “Who would you want to ride a tandem bike with to Silverton?”

Max

"Freaking Greg Herbold; he’s a local legend."

Joe

"Robin Williams because he was strong on a bike and we’d be laughing the whole way."

Matt H.

"Not a single person, because tandem bikes are the worst creation on this planet."

Matt W.

"My wife to prove that it is possible a married couple can handle something like that."

Steve

"Ned Overend, so then I wouldn’t have to pedal."

Kick start your summer with an iced coffee or latte Proudly serving Fahrenheit Coffee, espresso, baked goods and teas 1099 Main Ave., under the big clock Mon.- Thurs., 7:30am-3pm and Fri., 7:30am-1pm

telegraph

May 26, 2022

n

5

SoapBox

D-Tooned/by Rob Pudim

Snip snip While we all consider the predictable negative consequences of the overturning of Roe v. Wade by our rightwing activist Supreme Court, and the intended, negative consequences that shall obviously follow, I humbly propose this least harmful alternative as a national policy.

At the onset of puberty, all males in these United States should be required to have a vasectomy. Since this procedure is now reversible, all males should be required to have such a procedure once males are capable of impregnating a woman.

Later in life, when the male is contemplating having children with their spouse, the male should consult with their doctor, submit to an economic viability test (can you afford to raise a family?), undergo a minimum of three counseling sessions to determine suitability for parenthood, and then wait the requisite number of weeks before undergoing the restorative procedure.

Failure by parents to have their pubescent boys undergo a vasectomy would result in a substantial fine and jail time, and the citizen who reports these parents would receive a reward.

I believe that the overturning of Roe v. Wade will create a dangerous threat to the health and wellbeing of women, and that the above mentioned solution will eliminate the great harm that will obviously befall women.

Because of the zealots’ discrimination against women who do not wish to have a child, such a national policy would cause the least harm to the greatest number of citizens and could eliminate the issue of unwanted pregnancies.

– Gene Orr, Hesperus

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telegraph

Sink the stigma I wonder to what extent the baby formula crisis is fueled by the stigma against public breastfeeding. Are there women who don’t breastfeed at all because of this stigma?

I realize that some women aren’t capable of breastfeeding, but I wonder how much the formula crisis would be alleviated if it were more socially acceptable for mothers to whip out their mammary parts in public.

– Laurel C. Smerch, Mancos

Coram cares Remember the $1,400 stimulus payment we received as part of the American Rescue Plan? I was happy to get it. For many, it meant the difference between paying rent during the pandemic and facing eviction. Our congressional representative, Lauren Boebert (Republican representing Colorado’s 3rd congressional district), voted against it.

What about HR-2471, the bill that provided money for Colorado’s rural community health centers, education, law enforcement and compensation to farmers whose livestock were killed by wolves? Boebert voted against it.

And the bill to support U.S. veterans dying from toxic exposure to burn pits? Boebert voted against it.

By contrast, when Don Coram was our state senator, he sponsored legislation to fund law enforcement, improve our electric grid, support child-care programs, improve access to health care, protect our ground water, support firefighters, hire more teachers and prevent youth suicide.

While Boebert has used her office to thwart almost every bill that could help the people of Colorado, Coram has proven that he will work to pass legislation that will improve our lives.

Ballots will soon be mailed for the June 28 Republican Primary.

Vote to support our police, firefighters, teachers and veterans. Vote for Don Coram.

– Philip Riffe, Hesperus

No one above the law It’s no secret that Congress is polarized. Rarely does an issue receive strong bipartisan support. That’s why it’s so striking that 4 out of 5 voters agree that we must do more to safeguard our democracy from presidential corruption.

No president, regardless of party, should be able to exploit weaknesses in our political system for their personal gain. That’s where the Protecting Our Democracy Act comes in. If passed, it would prevent future abuse of presidential power and corruption, increase transparency and ensure presidents of either party can be held accountable.

If the average person used their office for personal gain, they’d go to jail. If the average person could pardon themselves, there would be no rule of law. Therefore, no president should be above the law. It’s just common sense.

I’m urging Congress to pass the Protecting Our Democracy Act. It’s time we put safeguards in place to prevent a corrupt president of any party from abusing the power of their office.

– Matt Cornell, Durango

Clean up slag in Echo Basin (Editor’s note: The following letter, which was cc-ed to us, was sent to Scott Owen, spokesman for the U.S. Forest Service.)

Dear Mr. Owen, As you are aware, your agency has received harsh criticism as of late regarding your prescribed burn policies.

telegraph

The latest accident related to that burn policy has resulted in a 300,000-acre fire still burning in Northern N.M. It has decimated dozens of ancient communities and still threatens the Pecos Wilderness, Red River, Angel Fire and Taos. The logic behind the burns is to reduce wood fuels on forest floors.

Let us talk about Echo Basin, outside of Mancos. You have been allowing clear cutting operations in this area for the past several years. That’s a good thing. The dead aspen are being utilized by a local mill in Mancos to make valuable wood products.

What is alarming and unacceptable is the condition the work areas have been left in. Dozens of huge wood slag piles and logs are spread out all over the forest floor.

That has added fuel to the forest floor and should be removed and cleaned up ASAP. They should not be left for another fire disaster or prescribed burn.

How is this type of log-cutting contracting being justified?

– Mike Murphy, Marvel

Echo Basin response

(Editor’s note: Forest Service PIO Scott Owen sent this response after talking with district staff.)

Mr. Murphy is talking about aspen timber sale units on the Dolores Ranger District. They do not look pretty after implementation for a few years.

His description is not off base – “Dozens of huge wood slag piles and logs spread out all over the forest floor.”

We do come back in and burn those piles. The material left as far as “logs spread out all over” provide a micro climate and protect the resprouting aspen shoots from grazing (both wildlife and domestic) which assists in the reestablishment of the clone.

– Scott Owen, Forest Service

May 26, 2022 n 7

dayinthelife

Half a Century Hey, Iron Horse Bicycle Classic – Happy Big 5-0!

It’s true, the cherished bike race unique to Southwest Colorado, in which cyclists vie to beat the historic Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad 50 miles from Durango to Silverton, has grown up right in front of our eyes.

What started in 1971 as a good-humored bet between brothers (one working for the train, the other an avid cyclist) has blossomed into a regional staple.

Now, the annual race brings thousands of cyclists from all over, which requires riders to climb two mountain passes and gain 5,000 feet in elevation (it takes the D&SNG about 3½ hours to get to Silverton). Although such a feat may not be everyone’s cup of Tailwind, the Iron Horse has become a huge economic driver for local businesses and marks the start of summer for avid cyclists and noncyclists alike.

But turning 50 doesn’t mean the Iron Horse doesn’t have any new tricks up its arm warmers. Instead, there are several new events this year, including a race from Ouray to Silverton over Red Mountain Pass. Also, the Roostmaster race – a short track race with dual slalom and jumps mixed in – will happen at Chapman Hill for mountain bikers (along with a beer garden and food, to boot). An added bonus: the slalom course will be left intact at Chapman Hill for the entire summer for public use.

For a full rundown of events, visit ironhorsebicycle classic.com In the meantime, here’s a look through the Telegraph archives at the good, bad and ugly of Iron Horses of years past.

Where’s Waldo?

Carnage in the Citerium illustrates at least one good reason for the leg shaving.

8

n May 12, 2022

telegraph

It’s best to stay fueled for what Mother Nature throws at you, from bluebird skies to the dreaded snow squall.

Game face at the start line takes many forms, including, left to right: “I didn’t sleep a wink;” “I think I’m gonna be sick;” and “take-no-prisoners.”

Founding father the late Ed Zink, who passed onto the big road race in the sky in October 2019.

Then there’s the lighter side of Iron Horse, complete with wigs, decked-out clunkers, Easy Rider helmets and what we‘re pretty sure is not a carafe of coffee.

telegraph

May 12, 2022 n

9

ThePlug-iN

Open mic mania Events around town present opportunity to share tunes

by Alicia Hoelzer iAM Music

F

been incredibly opportunistic.

Since taking on open mic, I have become a bartender and now have my own band that I am looking to gig with this summer.

What would you say to someone who is going to their first open mic night?

I would say as a performer, the best thing you can do is just get yourself up there. You’re always your own worst critic, and this community is wonderfully supportive and open to collaboration.

What is your favorite thing about running open mic night?

My favorite thing about open mic is honestly getting to create and express myself around other creative people. Whether it’s playing with my band, Hudu, dancing or enjoying a super meaningful piece of music someone shares, the joy I feel from seeing others bare themselves on stage and doing it myself is truly unmatched.

Moe’s has created something really special here. Matt McDermott (part-owner and manager of Moe’s) and Rachael Collier (bartender), and now myself, have done a great job at creating a welcoming and safe bar experience. I believe that’s a huge reason why so many people have been coming out, and it’s become something of a “can’t miss’’ for a lot of musicians in town. I love my open mic almost as much as I love everyone that shows up. *** So that’s the “where.” What Eila Lance performing recently at the Student Original Show- about the “how?” case at 11th Street Station./ Courtesy photo Just learn some covers and head

eedback buzzes from the amp, a muddy power chord roars, voices grow louder as you approach the door, glasses clink on the bar, eight o’clock hits, someone taps on the microphone, testing, testing, test…

It’s showtime. You’ve written some songs, you’re feeling good about them, and you’re ready to share your talent with the world.

Perhaps finding a good place in our little mountain town to showcase your talents is a good first step.

It’s intimidating to perform and share songs that you’ve created. Sometimes it can make you feel vulnerable, like taking your heart out of your chest and placing it on the stage while strangers stare at (or ignore) it. As Ted Moore wrote in a previous Plug-iN article, “You have to get those reps in. You have to start separating the good notes from the bad.” So where are some good places to share your songs? Or if you don’t yet have any original songs but – somehow, somewhere – the performance bug has bitten you, where can you start?

Open mic nights.

Open mic nights are usually laid-back environments for people of all levels to share music with an encouraging audience and, luckily, Durango has some really great ones. Playing at open mics is a fantastic way to test your stage presence, share ideas, hear other musicians, have some laughs and gain confidence. The best way to overcome stage fright is to get in front of a live audience.

The more you do it, the less scary it becomes.

The sun is out, the river is raging, everything is blooming and we are seeing each other’s faces again. All around town, there are lots of places hosting open mic nights.

Mountain Monk Coffee hosts an open mic on Saturdays from 6-8 p.m. Mancos Brewing has an open mic on Sundays from 1-4 p.m. They have a lot of folk and country musicians, and the vibe is laid back and welcoming. 11th Street Station

10 n May 26, 2022

has a comedy open mic on Tuesday at 8 p.m. Different open mics have different vibes. Scout the scene. Check some of them out and see which ones you like best. See The Durango Telegraph events page for a complete list.

One place in town that always seems to have a crowd and some great local talent is Moe’s Starlight Lounge, which has an open mic every Tuesday from 7:309:30 p.m. I recently had the opportunity to speak to Dylan DiMeglio, a.k.a. SunnyD, host of the Moe’s open mic night.

What is it like running open mic night at Moe’s Starlight Lounge?

Hosting open mic has been nothing short of a blessing for me. It has built my confidence as a musician and as a social human in a place in my life where I felt like I didn’t have a lot of friends. It’s also

telegraph

to an open mic. Everyone loves a good sing-along – especially when there’s beer involved. If you’re a songwriter but you don’t play an instrument, ask someone to collaborate. Also, don’t forget to bring friends as a built-in support network. The time commitment is minimal, drinks are available and the reward is the exhibition of something you’re passionate about. When you attend these events, you will meet other creative people who share a love for music.

For those of you out there who have only played in their bedrooms, garages or basements, I challenge you this month to check out one of the local open mic nights and perform one song. You never know what could happen.

Until next time, we’ll see you on the scene.

GossipoftheCyclers

Road warriors Some helpful tips to ease the age-old battle on the streets

by Jennaye Derge

Disdain for the “other” is nothing new and stems mostly from a lack of understanding, education and empathy. But it’s hard to have empathy for a cyclist who cuts out in the middle of traffic, or on the flip side, a big truck that rolls coal and cuts me off on Main Ave. I forgive you, big truck.

I, myself, oscillate every day – neh, hour – from having a deep hatred for vehicles to a deep understanding for them when I see a bicycle rider veer, totally unfazed, into oncoming traffic.

No, dearest fellow bicycle rider, you are not invincible.

But, neither are vehicles, so it’s good for us all to know our strengths and weaknesses, realize our own limits, understand the difference between “can” and “should,” and kiss the days of bicycle anarchy goodbye.

With that in mind, here are some things to keep in mind when you are out commuting by bicycle or vehicle: Bicycle commuters 1. Yes, as of April, it is legal in Colorado for bicyclists to treat stop signs as yield signs and red traffic lights as stop signs.

But as I have discovered, a lot of us don’t really understand what this means.

If a car is at the stop sign before you, they have the right of way. If there is a car coming through on the non-signed way, they also have the right of way. You cannot roll through a stop sign into oncoming traffic. Same with a stop light. And please do not ride out into the middle of an intersection while a car is driving through a green light, which could have unpleasant side effects.

2. When you cross an intersection, no matter if it’s a stop sign or a traffic light that’s red, green, yellow or purple, look both ways first. Cars often don’t see cyclists because texting is more important. But also, you’re smaller than them. If a car is stopped at a stop sign, that doesn’t guarantee they

I

started bicycle commuting in Durango in 2007. My fellow commuters included a lady in Lycra (who I still pass by to this day), a guy with a boom box strapped to his handlebars and some kids who were impatiently waiting for the freedom of a driver’s license. We were all cruising around the mean streets of Durango on our bikes, enjoying the sun on our faces and bike grease on our legs.

We never really caused much trouble or got in the way of vehicle traffic (there was also a lot less vehicle traffic then) but we sometimes did some hoodrat shit, like blow through stop signs or make renegade left hand turns. It was mostly OK because it was just our neighbors or friends, so we’d wave, laugh and apologize later when we saw them at Carvers.

JusttheFacts What: Book signing and celebration with Jennaye Derge, author of “How to Cry on Your Bicycle” When: Thurs., May 26, 6-7:30 p.m.

Where: Rochester Hotel Secret Garden, 726 E. 2nd Ave. Obviously, times have changed. I get pretty curmudgeonly about more drivers and cyclists taking up the streets, but of course, I have to be at least a little happy about the latter. I’m stoked to see a surge of people riding bikes, but the influx also means more consequences and less apologies at the local brew pub.

The consequences are, of course, bodily and vehicular damage, but another consequence that we all know about – but never really talk about – is the growing animosity between drivers and bike riders. We all kinda hate each other, and by “kinda,” I mean truly and deeply with a passion.

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won’t pull out in front of you or on top of you. MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE DRIVER. This is huge and one of my biggest lessons for riding with vehicular traffic.

Stare drivers down. Be a creep. I even try to catch the driver’s eyes through their rearview mirrors if I’m riding behind them.

Stalk the shit out of their eyeballs. This not only will guarantee they see you, but you also might make a love connection. Or get served with a restraining order. Either way, it’ll make for a great story.

3. Stay in your freaking lane. Only hours ago in my own neighborhood, I watched a Lycra-clad Lance Armstrong look-alike swerve out of the bike lane and get fairly close to a moving vehicle. Why did he do that? Who knows? Stats?

Wahoo? Strava? Selfie? Maybe because he thinks he’s Lance freaking Armstrong? If there is no designated bike lane, you still have to ride on the right side of the road and you still have to make room for cars to pass you. If it is unsafe on the right side of the road, yes, you can ride in the middle of the lane, but not INTO a car.

Vehicle Drivers 1. This one goes out to Joe Worker who emailed me recently with a kind and respectful email about bicycles taking up local roadways. Listen up, Joe. Bicycle riders CAN take up a lane, road or street if they feel unsafe riding on the shoulder.

Obviously, bicycle riders take advantage of

Colorado Statue 42-4-1412 section 5 (referenced for your pleasure), and yeah, I agree, it’s annoying. But I trust that every vehicle driver can calm the F down, take a breath, slow down for a second and wait until there is a safe time to pass the cyclists, and then move on with their day of grocery shopping, cat sitting, Netflix watching, whatever.

2. Please for the love of all things holy, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL. Cyclists are (should be) predicting a car’s movements, but we cannot do this by reading your minds. If I am riding my bicycle behind you, and you suddenly turn right in front of me without signaling, I will crash into the side of your truck (yes, this has happened to me). If we are both at an intersection on opposing sides, and it looks like you are going straight, but you turn left instead? We will crash into each other.

Just. Use. Your. Freaking. Turn. Signal.

The list of misunderstandings, befuddlement, disrespecting and rule breaking doesn’t end there, but I do. The war between cyclists and drivers will continue, especially with the summer riding months upon us. We all do dumb shit (myself included), we will all continue to do dumb shit, but let’s try to pretend like we’re doing it on accident. Then we can give each other high fives and buy beers at the pub to apologize for being such dumbasses.

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telegraph

May 26, 2022 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday26

La Plata County Fairgrounds Carnival, May 26June 6, La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Jon Trio Band plays, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard

St. Durango Green Drinks, 5 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Bingo Night, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Live music, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse and Bar, 701 E. 2nd Ave. Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Jennaye Derge: “How to Cry on Your Bicycle,” celebration and book signing, 6-7:30 p.m., Rochester Hotel Secret Garden, 726 E. 2nd Ave. Alex Armando Ruiz plays, 6 p.m., Taco Libre, 1150 Main Ave.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item,

Lavalanche plays, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Short Sweet Story Show, 6 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Powerhouse Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. th

hoodfoot plays, 7-10 p.m., 11 Street Station.

Jack Ellis & Larry Carver play, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Freestyle Friday, weekly, 5:30 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave. Short Sweet Story Show, 6 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. Ru Paul’s Drag Race watch party, every Friday, 6-8 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave. Bar Jay Bar plays, 6 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill, Vallecito.

Reno & the Rusty Pipe plays, 6 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Gracie Jay & Bailey Barns play, 6:30-9 p.m., EsoTerra Branch Outpost, 934 Main Ave. Smelter Mountain Boys play, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Ecstatic Dance with Oshra, 7:30-9:30 p.m., American Legion Hall, 878 E. 2nd Ave. 100 Year Flood, 8 p.m., Tico Time Resort, Aztec.

Saturday28

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic, May 28-30, more info at ironhorsebicycleclassic.com

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m.–12 noon,TBK Bank parking lot, across from the Transit Center. Live music by Bards in Between.

Friday27

VFW Post Greenmount Flag Placement, 9 a.m., place flags on the graves of veterans, Greemount Cemetery, 900 Cemetery Road.

Downtown Durango Cleanup Day, hosted by Keller Williams Realty, meet at Keller Williams parking lot at 8:30 a.m., 700 Main Ave. Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave. Tony DeSare plays, showings at 5 p.m. & 8 p.m., The Lift at Cascade, 50827 Highway 550.

Community Art Market, 10 a.m., Hermosa Creek Grill parking lot, Highway 550.

Memorial Day Car Show, 10 a.m., Hesperus Station Liquor, 10868 Highway 160.

Gracie Jay plays, 1-4 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Justin Larkin plays, 3 p.m., Mancos Brewing.

Smelter Mountain Boys play, 5-9 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse and Bar, 701 E. 2nd Ave. Tony DeSare plays, showings at 5 p.m. & 8 p.m., The Lift at Cascade, 50827 Highway 550.

Kirk James plays, 5-8 p.m., Serious Texas BBQ, 650 South Camino del Rio. People We Know plays, 5 p.m., Columbine Roadhouse, Mancos.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Community Yoga, 6-7 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd., C-201. Donations accepted.

Maddy & Kev play, 6-8 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Clear Spring Jazz Trio plays, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Sunday29

Durango Flea Market, 8 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Reed & Spencer play, 1-4 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Short Sweet Story Show, 2 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Uncle Kelsey & Connor Jans play, 3 p.m., EsoTerra Branch Outpost, 934 Main Ave. Rockin’ on the River featuring High Country Hustle, 4-7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse and Bar, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Short Sweet Story Show (a play), showings at 2 p.m. & 6 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Jeff Solon Jazz plays, 6 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Kirk James Band plays, 5:30-8 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co.

Stillhouse Junkies play, 3-6 p.m., house show in Bayfield. More info at pineriverarts.org

Devin Scott plays, 6:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

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12 n May 26, 2022

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AskRachel

Untucked trends, bathtub Bordeaux & pet names Interesting fact: The Rock started his wrestling career as Rocky Miavia, and like me, he learned to drop his last name for public appearances.

at the same time, or is it just boring for them?

But they’ll pay for a trainer later in life to do the same thing. Da da da. Homemade wine great.

– Hoop De Do

Dear Rachel, Most women do not wear a tie. Men do, but why? Now the trend is called “untuck it for shirts.” What a great fashion idea. So no knots for men and women. The open collar look for all. Your thoughts from a fashion lady.

– Knot Head

Dear Hoopie, Homemade wine also make you go blind. Maybe it also cures your tetanus. Who knows? I’ve never made wine in my bathtub. I haven’t made much of anything in my bathtub, except some rings, but not the kind you could hula hoop with. I have made bubbles, though.

And I did it without a smartphone. Proof that me and my generation are still human, even though we have proven shockingly adaptable to the technologies that you boomers first foisted on us.

– Free with in-app ads, Rachel

Dear Tangled, I don’t know any fashion ladies to get thoughts from.

So here are some of mine: I’m wondering if something came untied in your mind when you wrote this down. I have literally never heard of a trend called “untuck it for shirts,” nor is untucking new, nor is the open collar look. It’s at least as old as Indiana Jones, possibly predating even him. Most men do not wear pantyhose either, so you tell me, what is the deal with that?

– Always snagged, Rachel

Dear Rachel, What’s it take to get a cool nickname? It seems like it won’t stick if you just start giving it to yourself. I mean, did Dwayne Johnson start calling himself The Rock? I doubt it. But what a great name. Since it’s taken, I am wondering what I need for someone to start calling me Brick, or Big Rig, or something solid and manly like that. Do you have any pull on these sorts of things?

– Studs Granite

Dear Rachel, When I was growing up in the ‘50-‘60s, we Italians made our own hula hoops. We took old wine barrel metal rings Nona and Pa Pa gave us after the wine barrels got old. Nona did not like us using them for hula hoops because of rust on the T-shirts. Then holy moly, plastic hula hoops.

Why don’t the kids today have fun with them?

Is it because they can’t use a smart phone or text

Monday30

VFW Post 4031 Memorial Day Events, starting at 10 a.m. at Iris Park for Vietnam Veterans Remembrance; 11 a.m.

All Veterans Remembrance at Greenmount Cemetery; 12 noon Remembrance Ceremony for those lost at sea at Rotary Park; and 12:30 p.m. VFW Post Open House at 1550 Main Ave. For more information on events, visit www.vfw4031.org

Jeff Solon Jazz plays, 6 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Dear Cinder Block, You don’t ask for a nickname. If you do, you won’t Drew Lune plays, 6 p.m., James Ranch, 33846 Highway 550.

Pony Hunt plays, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Durango Elks Lodge Pub Trivia, 6:30 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Non-members welcome.

Open Mic Night, weekly 7:30-9:30 p.m., Moe’s Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Comedy Open Mic, weekly, 8 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Tuesday31

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Wednesday01

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

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Live music, 5:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

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Email questions to telegraph@durangotelegraph.com like the ones you’re going to get. It’s like hiring the whole community to roast you, but without the blacktie dinner. Trust me, Squirt. By the time we’re done with you, you’re going to yearn for someone to call you by your awful middle name given to you by awful parents.

Or you’ll wish you were named after the dog, even if the dog was named for a state.

– You can call me Al, Rachel Word Honey Poetry Workshop, 6 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave.

Ongoing

Storytelling & Songwriting night, every second and fourth Thursday, 6-8 p.m., Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave. More info at iAMmusic.us The Hive Indoor Skate Park is open, offering open skate and skate lessons. Waivers required. For schedule and online waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org Shock Wave Drag Night, first and third Friday of every month, 9 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave. 18+ “Sled Dogs of America” by Veryl Goodnight, art exhibit runs through June 30, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

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telegraph

May 26, 2022 n 13

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): In defining the essential elements at play in a typical Aries person’s agenda, I’m not inclined to invoke the words “sometimes” or “maybe.” Nor do I make frequent use of the words “periodically,” “if” or “ordinarily.” Instead, my primary identifying term for many Aries characters is “NOW!!!” with three exclamation points.

In referring to your sign’s experiences, I also rely heavily on the following descriptors: pronto, presto, push, directly, why not?, engage, declare, activate, venture into, enterprising, seize, deliver and wield. You are authorized to fully activate and deploy these qualities in the next three weeks.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I like Joan Didion’s definitions of self-respect. As you enter a favorable phase for deepening and enhancing your self-respect, they may be helpful. Didion said self-respect is a “sense of one’s intrinsic worth,” and added, “People who respect themselves are willing to accept the risk that the venture will go bankrupt, that the liaison may not turn out to be one in which every day is a holiday. They are willing to invest something of themselves.” And maybe the most essential thing about self-respect, according to Didion, is that it is “a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Reality is not simply there; it does not simply exist,” claimed author Paul Celan. “It must be sought out and won.”

I think that is excellent advice for you right now. But what does it mean in practical terms? How can you seek out and win reality? My first suggestion is to put your personal stamp on every situation you encounter. Do something subtle or strong to make each event serve your specific interests and goals. My second suggestion is to discern the illusions that other people are projecting and avoid buying into those misunderstandings. My third suggestion is to act as if it’s always possible to make life richer, more vivid and more meaningful.

And then figure out how to do that.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Wilma Mankiller was the first female Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation. She said, “The cow runs away from the storm, while the buffalo charges directly toward it – and gets through it quicker.”

Political analyst Donna Brazile expounded on Mankiller’s strategy: “Whenever I’m confronted with a tough challenge, I do not prolong the torment. I become the buffalo.” I recommend Mankiller’s and Brazile’s approach for you and me in the coming days, my fellow Cancerian. Now please excuse me as I race in the direction of the squall I see brewing in the distance.

14 n May 26, 2022

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The New Yorker is an influential Pulitzer Prize-winning magazine that features witty writing and impeccable fact-checking. In 2017, its stories exposed the extensive sexual misconduct committed by movie mogul Harvey Weinstein – and helped lead to his prosecution. How did the magazine get its start? It was cofounded in 1925 by Harold Ross, who had dropped out of school at age 13. He edited every issue for the next 26 years.

I’m sensing the possibility of a comparable development in your life, Leo. In the coming months, you may get involved in a project that seems to be beyond the reach of your official capacities or formal credentials. I urge you to proceed as if you can and will succeed.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): I’m all in favor of you getting what you yearn for. I have no inhibitions or caveats as I urge you to unleash all your ingenuity and hard work in quest of your beautiful goals. And in the hope of inspiring you to upgrade your ability to fulfill these sacred prospects, I offer you a tip from Sagittarian author Martha Beck. She wrote, “To attract something that you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you.”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Virgo-born Jocko Willink is a retired naval officer and author. In his book “Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual,” he lays down his manifesto: “Become the discipline – embrace its cold and relentless power. And it will make you better and stronger and smarter and faster and healthier than anything else.

And most important: It will make you free.” While I don’t expect you to embrace Willink’s rigorous ethic with the same fanatical grip, I think you will benefit from doing the best you can. The cosmic rhythms will support you if you make a fun and earnest effort to cultivate liberation through discipline.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): According to author Caroline Myss, “You should see everything about your life as a lesson.” Whoa! Really? Each trip to the grocery store should be a learning opportunity? Myss says yes! For example, let’s say you’re in the snack foods aisle and you’re tempted to put Doritos Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips and Lay’s Barbecue Potato Chips in your cart.

But your gut is screaming at you, “That stuff isn’t healthy for you!” And yet you decide to ignore your gut’s advice. You buy and eat both bags. Myss would say you have squandered a learning opportunity: “You’ve harmed yourself by blocking your intuitive voice,” she writes.

Now, in accordance with astrological omens, Capricorn, here’s your homework assignment: Regard every upcoming event as a chance to learn how to trust your intuition better.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Some nights you are the lighthouse, some nights the sea,” writes Libran author Ocean Vuong. According to my astrological analysis, you are better suited to be the lighthouse than the sea in the coming days. Lately, you have thoroughly embodied the sea, and that has prepared you well to provide illumination. You have learned new secrets about the tides and the waves. You are attuned to the rhythms of the undercurrents. So I hope you will now embrace your role as a beacon, Libra. I expect that people will look to your radiance to guide and inspire them.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): An Aquarian poet was disturbed when a suitor told her, “I’m really very fond of you.” She responded, “I don’t like fond. It sounds like something you would tell a dog. Give me love, or nothing. Throw your fond in a pond.” I don’t advise you to adopt a similar attitude anytime soon, Aquarius. In my oracular opinion, you should wholeheartedly welcome fondness. You should honor it and celebrate it. In itself, it is a rich, complex attitude. And it may also lead, if you welcome it, to even more complex and profound interweavings.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Movie people are possessed by demons, but a very low form of demons,” observes author Edna O’Brien.

She should know. She has hung out with many big film stars. Since you’re probably not in the movie business yourself, your demons may be much higher quality than those of celebrity actors and directors. And I’m guessing that in the coming weeks, your demons will become even finer and more interesting than ever before – even to the point that they could become helpers and advisors. For the best results, treat them with respect and be willing to listen to their ideas.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I need a playlist of all the songs I used to love but forgot about,” wrote Tumblr blogger Yuyuuyuyuu. I think you could use such a playlist, too, Pisces.

In fact, I would love to see you receive a host of memos that remind you of all the things you love and need and are interested in – but have forgotten about or neglected. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to recover what has been lost for you Pices. I hope you will re-establish connections and restore past glories that deserve to accompany you into the future.

telegraph

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements New!! Fishing/Paddlesports Shop Rentals [SUP, kayaks, canoe] grab and go and on-site at Twilight Lake Fishing (fly and spinner) gear for rent, guided service, lessons and more. Just south of Purg, come check us out!

Artist Booths Available!

For the White Rabbit Micro Market.

Fri., Sat. & Sun., thru 9/30. Call 970-2592213.

Classes/Workshops Learn to Letter!

Improve your handwriting, learn brush lettering and more! Visit The ArtRoom or bit.ly/letsletterinperson West Coast Swing Dance 6-week class starts June 8. Learn the basics of West Coast Swing. Registration is required at www.westslopewesties.com.

HelpWanted Walking Softer an environmental nonprofit, is seeking a full-time Program Manager. Our mission is to inspire, connect and support changemakers to take bold and immediate action in the conservation and regeneration of our planet. Apply here: www.

Walkingsofter.org/careers Tree Climbers Wanted Swing through the canopy, spend your summer in the forest. Fell trees in remote backcountry settings. Paid drive time. Paid on the job training. All necessary equipment supplied. Please send work history to: info@deadwoodcontracting.com Creative Sales Help Wanted!

Beads & Beyond is seeking professional, driven & fun sales associates. Previous beading exp a plus. Apply in store at 840 Main Avenue.

Wildland Firefighters Wanted!

We are looking for Type 1 and 2 Wildland Firefighters (FFT1 and FFT2s's) to staff a locally based water tender for wildland fires. If you have a CDL-B with no restrictions, that is a huge plus! The tender goes out as both a support tender (crew of 1), or a tactical tender (crew of 2), and typically goes out on wildfire incidents for 14 days at a time. Pay depends on experience, please call for more details!

(970) 769-3941 (text preferred) Environmental Professional Durango-based environmental consulting firm seeks qualified environmental professional for PT position (possibly FT for right person). Applicant must have at least two years of consulting experience in CWA, ESA, NEPA or hazmat compliance work. BS/BA min. in biology, botany, geology, soil science, or related field is required. Must have good written/verbal communication skills and GIS experience is a plus. Please send resume and salary history to: smoore@smeenv.com/ No phone calls please.

Services Sacred Communication Harness your experience of pain or suffering to discover your center and fuel impactful change in your life. Call Dennis 970.403.5451 or email at dennis@your victorydrive.com LMT, Life Coach, NLP, Human Design RSE Handyman Service Home repair - Yard work - Odd Jobs 970-903-0449 Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

HaikuMovieReview ‘The Rental’ This got really good at the very last second when the credits rolled – Lainie Maxson

BodyWork Lotus Path Healing Arts Offering a unique fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. Kathryn, 970-2013373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

NewspaperOrigami

ForRent Room Farmington Small unfurn. room incl. util. Wkly $120. 505-231-3310

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings New inventory including lots of patio and bistro sets, garden pots, trellises, vintage Drexel dresser and nightstand, several mid-century tables and lots more …

Come in today! 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

We are in hell!

We are a young couple who has lived and been gainfully employed in Durango since 2015 and decided now was the perfect time to start looking to buy a home because we’re idiots. If you are selling your home and would like to sell to people who have been here long enough to know what the Arc of History is, contact San.Juaner 1122@gmail.com

telegraph

May 26, 2022 n 15

Memorial Da Day y Weekend Weekend BD Sale!

S CBD 25% Off alll CBD products CB B products BD Fri 5/27 5/30 5/27 – Mon 5/30 M *Closed Sunday Sunda y sed S

Find us at: at: 72 72 Suttle St. St. Unit B Bodo Park Park Durango Durango

, Durango s only independent ice cream maker Made in small batches with local & organic ingredients Two locations:

The ar area’s ea’s bes bestt selection of vaping vaping pr products oducts

Downtown, 1021 Main Ave.

Premium e-liquids, e-cigs, local glas Premium glasss water water pipes, dab rigs & ac accessories cessories

Open daily, noon - 10 p.m.

Your Source ce ffor or CBD Pr Products oducts Y our Sour

In the Silver Trailer @ 2957 Main Ave.

T Tinctures inctures • E Edibles dibles • L Lotions otions • C Concentrates oncentrates

Open daily, noon ’til dusk See our Instagram and Facebook pages for updates

970-247-1261 9 70-247-1261 inf info@swvapor.com o@swvapor.com

16 n May 26, 2022

telegraph