Getting high, X-hausted and high-end Hespie

Interesting fact: There is no formula for determining a hilly city’s elevation. We simply pick a spot and measure it. Durango should have picked the Tele offices, just to refresh the number every so often.

Dear Rachel,

My good friends and I have been trying to answer this question for too long. Can you help? Durango is at 6,512 ft. altitude according to all sources. We’ve wandered, had some pints, wandered some more and we discovered some great people and even better brews, but alas, never discovered the mysterious 6512. There was some google searching involved, but we’ve got little patience for staring at screens after work. Thanks!

– Treasure Seekers ready? This whole X rebranding thing should not even be taking up room in my brain, yet here I am, wishing he would disappear. I hate that one man’s obsession with a single letter in the alphabet is the top story in my news feed. I don’t wish death on anyone, but I do picture two little Xs where his eyes used to be. Please, give me something else to occupy my brain!

– Exed Out

Dear Pirate Mappers,

What is elevation, anyway? I mean, the sea level constantly changes. And yeah, who decides that some specific point of town is the elevation? Is it the low point? The acme? Some 19th-century best guess? My suspicion is that elevation is a state of mind, and a state of heart. So what if I’m stumping for the next Durango tourism rebrand – we should all carry 6512 within us wherever we go.

– Better reset my combo lock, Rachel

Dear Professor X,

I can’t help you there, but if Tesla bros are going to jump aboard this X-train like they do every other little thing that Elon choo-choos, I think you now have full permission to take the key from your very analog, gas-guzzling ’93 Subaru and decorate Tesla cars with an X on each exterior panel. I’m not condoning this, nor saying you should. I simply say I think everyone involved would be happier.

– xoxox, Rachel telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Denver news channels on the RV TVs and read the Telegraph in print when waiting for their EV to charge at an EV charging station.

– Dusty Rohdes Dear Off-Rohdes,

Dear Rachel,

Can’t we just put Elon Musk in space al-

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Comedy Showcase, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday08

Community Yoga, 4:30-5:30 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd. Donations accepted.

Slow Bluegrass Jam, 5:30-7:30 p.m., General Palmer Hotel, 567 Main Ave.

Rotary Club of Durango, featuring speaker Natambu Obelton, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave.

Black Velvet plays, 6 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Dear Rachel,

With all the cons on the RV Park at Dalton and the gravel pit, how about starting a new BOOM town in Hesperus? Yeah no solar farm but a high-end RV park. They already have a high-end restaurant, ski area, post office, Jeep rental, gas station and great access. Boom town to the west of Durango, and the housing is cheaper. And fresh air for the folks. Your thoughts on this? Heck they might even get

Live music, 6 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Open Mic, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Satsang & Graham Good play, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre.

Wednesday09

Restorative Yoga for Cancer, 9:30-10:45 a.m., no cost for cancer patients, survivors and caregivers, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. For more info and to register, visit cancersupportswco.org/calendar

Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Have I got the RV park name for you: 6512+. You’ll never know the true elevation, but you’ll know it’s higher than Durango. Plus (see what I did there?) it’s right in line with all the other plus-offerings out there: Disney+, Paramount+, SpaceX (which is just a + that tipped over), the +++++ that some eBay reviewer left on my account back in 2009. So I like your idea, except for all the people, and all the RVs. But if they’ll read the Tele, we’ll let it slide.

– Developmentally, Rachel+

Ben Gibson Band plays, 6 p.m., Balcony Bar and Grill, 600 Main Ave.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Open Mic, 6:30 p.m., EsoTerra Ciderworks, 558 Main Ave.

Galina Culture Presentation, 7 p.m., FLC’s Lyceum Room. Discussion on northern New Mexico community that thrived from 1100-1130 AD.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Bottom Shelf Brewery, Bayfield.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Karaoke Roulette, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Emotions are not inconvenient distractions from reason and logic. They are key to the rigorous functioning of our rational minds. Neurologist Antonio Damasio proved this conclusively in his book, “Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain.” The French philosopher’s famous formula – “I think, therefore I am” – offers an inadequate suggestion about how our intelligence works best. This is always true, but it will be especially crucial for you to keep in mind in the coming weeks. Here’s your mantra, courtesy of French philosopher, Blaise Pascal: “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The famous Taurus TV star Jay Leno once did a good deed for me. I was driving my Honda Accord on a freeway in Los Angeles when he drove up beside me in his classic Lamborghini. Using hand signals, he conveyed to me the fact that my trunk was open and stuff was flying out. I waved in a gesture of thanks and pulled over onto the shoulder. I found that two books and a sweater were missing, but my laptop and briefcase remained. Hooray for Jay! In that spirit, Taurus, and in accordance with current astrological omens, I invite you to go out of your way to help and support strangers and friends alike.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Did you learn how to think or how to believe?”

When my friend Amelie was nine years old, her father teased her with this query upon her return home from a day at school. It was a pivotal moment in her life. She began to develop an eagerness to question all she was told and taught. She cultivated a rebellious curiosity that kept her in a chronic state of delighted fascination. Being bored became virtually impossible. The whole world was her classroom. Can you guess her sign? Gemini! I invite you to make her your role model in the coming weeks.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In the coming weeks, I advise you not to wear garments like a transparent Gianfranco Ferre black mesh shirt with a faux-tiger fur vest and a coralsnake jacket that shimmers with bright harlequin hues. Why? Because you will have most success by being down-to-earth, straightforward and in service to the fundamentals. I’m not implying you should be demure and reserved, however. On the contrary: I hope you will be bold and vivid as you present yourself with simple grace and lucid authenticity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 1811, Leo scientist Amedeo Avogadro (1776–1856) formulated a previously unknown principle about the properties of molecules. Unfortunately, his revolutionary idea wasn’t acknowledged and implemented until 1911, 100 years later. Today, his well-proven theory is called Avogadro’s law. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Leo, you will experience your equivalent of his 1911 event in the coming months. You will receive your proper due. Your potential contributions will no longer be mere potential.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Israeli poet Yona Wallach mourned the fact that her soul felt far too big for her, as if she were always wearing the clothes of a giant on her small body. I suspect you may be experiencing a comparable feeling right now, Virgo. If so, what can you do about it? The solution is NOT to shrink your soul. Instead, I hope you will expand your sense of who you are so your soul fits better. How might you do that? Here’s a suggestion to get you started: Spend time summoning memories from throughout your past. Watch the story of your life unfurl like a movie.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Nineteenth century Libran physician James Salisbury had strong ideas about the proper ingredients of a healthy diet. Vegetables were toxic, he believed. He created Salisbury steak, a dish made of ground beef and onions, and advised everyone to eat it three times a day. Best to wash it down with copious amounts of hot water and coffee, he said. I bring his kooky ideas to your attention in hopes of inspiring you to purge all bunkum and nonsense from your life –not just in relation to health issues, but everything.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I’m amazed that anyone gets along!” marvels self-help author Sark. She says it’s astonishing that love ever works at all, given our “idiosyncrasies, unconscious projections, re-stimulations from the past, and the relationship history of our partners.” I share her wonderment. On the other hand, I am optimistic about your chances to cultivate interesting intimacy during the coming months. From an astrological perspective, you are primed to be extra wise and lucky about togetherness.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Please don’t make any of the following statements in the next three weeks: 1. “I took a shower with my clothes on.” 2. “I prefer to work on solving a trivial little problem rather than an interesting dilemma that means a lot to me.” On the other hand, Sagittarius, I invite you to make declarations like the following: 1. “I will not run away from the prospect of greater intimacy – even if it’s scary to get closer to a person I care for.” 2. “I will have fun exploring the possibilities of achieving more liberty and justice for myself.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Champions of the capitalist faith celebrate the fact that we consumers have more than 100,000 brand names we can purchase. They say it’s proof of our marvelous freedom of choice. Here’s how I respond: I guess we should be glad we have the privilege of deciding which of 50 kinds of shampoo is best for us. But I also want to suggest that the profusion of these relatively inconsequential options may distract us from the fact that certain of our other choices are more limited. I invite you to ruminate about how you can expand your array of more important choices.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): My best friend in college was an Aquarius, as is my favorite cousin. Two ex-girlfriends are Aquarians, and so was my dad. The talented singer with whom I sang duets for years was an Aquarius. So I have intimate knowledge of the Aquarian nature. And in honor of your unbirthday – the time halfway between your last birthday and your next – I will tell you what I love most about you. No human is totally comfortable with change, but you are more so than others. To my delight, you are inclined to ignore the rule books and think differently. Is anyone better than you at coordinating your energies with a group’s? I don’t think so. And you’re eager to see the big picture, which means you’re less likely to get distracted by minor imperfections and transitory frustrations. Finally, you have a knack for seeing patterns that others find hard to discern. I adore you!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Is the first sip always the best? Are the first few bites of food the most delectable, and after that your taste buds get diminishing returns? Maybe these descriptions are often accurate, but I believe they will be less so for you in the coming weeks. There’s a good chance that flavors will be best later in the drink or the meal. And that is a good metaphor for other activities, as well. The further you go into every experience, the greater the pleasure and satisfaction will be – and the more interesting the learning.

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com

Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.) Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2

Approximate office hours:

Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish

Thurs: On delivery

Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements

the same 40-hour week instead of one full-time employee) Salary: $15-$16 per hour https://soundtraxx.com/

Lost/Found

Lost: Backpack

Cherry Creek Road, Wed., July 19. Reward $100. Mike, 505-401-6038.

Wanted

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

ForSale

Reruns Home Furnishings

Brighten up your indoor and outdoor space –patio sets, bistros, cool garden art and décor inside and out. Looking to consign smaller furniture pieces … 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.Sat. 385-7336.

Services

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Marketing Small/Local Businesses

HaikuMovieReview

‘Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday’ No more adventures. Arrivederci, to our adorable creep

– Lainie Maxson

artists to take part in the Tour Sept. 2224. Learn more and register at: www.du rangoopenstudiotour.com/

Learn to Square Dance

Wild West Squares invites beginners to our Monday eve classes in August from 5:30 to 7:00 pm every Monday at the Summit Church located at 2917 Aspen Drive. Call 970-903-6478 to register and for more info.

HelpWanted

Production Floor Assembler

SoundTraxx – Durango, CO. Job Description: Assemble product at our local manufacturing facility. This position requires excellent manual dexterity, attention to detail, good or correctable eyesight, and good communication skills. To apply, please submit a cover letter and resume to KRust@Sound Traxx.com. Qualifications: A hands-on individual who possesses a high level of drive, energy, and integrity. Experience handling small objects in a similar environment or with a detail-oriented hobby is desirable. Any electronics or technical troubleshooting experience is a plus. Benefits: Health insurance for full- time employees. Paid time off. Professional development assistance. Onsite fitness room. Schedule: 8-hour shift, Monday to Friday (two part-time applicants may be considered to cover

Specialized Road Bike $850

2010, excellent condition, 54.8cm, Robaix Elite, carbon, 3 chain rings, upgraded Roval wheels, Shimano gearing. Awesome bike for IHBC or fun and fitness. Jackie-970-799-3761

Hunting Firearms & Archery

Mossberg 22 long laser rifle, $235. Mossberg Magnum 3.5” 12-gauge pump, $190. Matthews bow/arrows, model VXR 31.5, $750. Chest waders, knives. 303-522-6798.

TaoTronics 4k Action Camera

New and in the box. Comes with user guide and all accessories that came with it: waterproof housing, handlebar/pole mount, mounts, battery, tethers, protective back cover, USB cable and lens cleaning cloth. $50.

J.marie.pace@gmail.com

Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. www.thesaltymedia.com or email jnderge@gmail.com

BodyWork

Massage by Meg Bush

LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-7590199.

Lotus Path Healing Arts

Unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics. 24 years of experience. To schedule, call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

CommunityService

Register for free classes this fall!

at the Durango Adult Education Center! We have two class offerings: ESL (English as a Second Language) and GED preparation. Registration runs thru Aug. 16 and classes begin Aug. 21. Call 970-385-4354 or email info@durangoadulted.org to register.

Durango Open Studio Tour

Call for Artists Registration open through Aug. 11. Durango Open Studio Tour invites professional and emerging

Multimodal Volunteers Needed for Bicycle and Pedestrian Documentation Project, Sept. 19-21 and 23. Volunteers will count the number of bicyclists and pedestrians that cross an intersection over a two-hour period. There are 11 local intersections with morning and evening time slots, totaling 77 slots. The city conducts counts at intersections every other year to collect accurate data to know how our infrastructure is being used, and it is necessary for grant funding for projects such as sidewalks, bicycle facilities, and transit improvements. Sign up at vol unteersignup.org/EQ9BH

Calling all La Plata County Artists curators and galleries. The First annual Durango Art Week kicks off Sept. 15. Participation is open to anyone in the art field. Durango Art Week’s strives to provide an engaging and memorable experience by uniting the community through art and celebrating diversity and accessibility. If you are interested in learning more or registering, email art week@durango.org.

Alternative Horizons Volunteers

Make a difference in your community and the lives of others. Alternative Horizons is always in need of volunteers to staff our hotline. AH supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence. Training and support provided. Next training is Sept. 15, 16 and 23. For information call 970-2474374 or visit alternativehorizons.org/