The Durango Telegraph, Aug. 4, 2022

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Aug. 4, 2022 Vol. XXI, No. 31 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

Train in vain The journey to six-pack abs begins with a single step p4

L I N E

O N

Funny business Comic Uprising tickles funny bones & helps aspiring comedians p8

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Beefing up Building a better burger starts from the ground up p10

Where Summertime & Smiles d.

Go Hand In Hand

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The Alternative Resource 2 n Aug. 4, 2022

telegraph

lineup

4 La Vida Local

Looking flabulous The journey to six-pack abs begins with one step

4 Thumbin’ It

by Zach Hively

5 Word on the Street

8

6 Soap Box 8 Top Story

Joking around Inside Durango’s latest effort to bring comedy to the masses

10 Let’s Dig In

by Jonathan Romeo

11 Murder Ink

10

13 Ask Rachel

James Ranch seeks to build a better burger from the ground up

by Sinjin Eberle

14 Free Will Astrology 15 Classifieds

11

15 Haiku Movie Review

Hidden treasure

On the Cover Dave Diaz sneaks in an early morning ride on Molas Pass before the monsoons roll in, but not early enough./ Photo by Missy Votel

Swiss crime-fiction a slow-burn thriiler with a few surprise twists

by Jeffrey Mannix

boilerplate

ADVERTISING SALES: ads@durangotelegraph.com STAFF REPORTER: Jonathan Romeo jonathan@durangotelegraph.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

Clearing the air

One spring break in college, instead of partaking in the usual debauchery that happens in Mexico or building houses for charity, I stayed in Boulder with a group of friends and rode public transportation, drunk. More specifically, a few of us from our sad friend group hung behind as others went off to grand adventures and rode what’s known as “The Hop,” which basically does a loop around the town of Boulder. Look! The Sink!

Cheesecake Factory! McGuckin’s! That guy who sits on the park bench with a foil helmet!

But it wasn’t all bad. An infamous Colorado spring blizzard buried the town in snow.

Whiskey was involved with no risk of a DUI. And staying in town for spring break gave us plenty of time to catch up on our studies, i.e. get high and watch “Planet Earth.”

“God, what I wouldn’t give to do that instead of work,” one of my friends recently said.

12-13 Stuff to Do

Beefing up

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com

Ear to the ground “I haven’t slept in two days.”

“Coke or acid?”

– Fatherly concern from a dad who has seen and done it all

thepole

4

RegularOccurrences

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Zach Hively, Sinjin Eberle, Jeffrey Mannix, Lainie Maxson, Rob Brezsny and Clint Reid

REAL WORLD ADDRESS: 679 E. 2nd Ave., Ste E2 Durango, CO 81301 PHONE: 970-259-0133

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

Regardless, though we didn’t give back to our community on an “alternative spring break,” we did accomplish some good by cutting our carbon footprint by taking public transportation. Which leads us to the main point: for the entire month of August, public transportation is free in Durango.

As part of Colorado’s “Zero Fare for Better Air” initiative, public transit around the state will be free to encourage ridership and cut down on ground-level ozone. We know what you’re thinking – public transportation takes longer and doesn’t always drop you exactly where you need to go. But think of all the other benefits that offset those minor inconveniences. For one, public transportation saves you money on car expenses and gas (especially at a time of insane gas prices).

One study showed a household can save around $10,000 by taking public transportation and living with one less car.

Also, riding the bus takes cars off the road and reduces traffic, not to mention probably lower your stress level. Just think how quickly your Zen runs out after leaving a yoga class, only to get cut off by a car with Texas plates. Ohm. And, of course, the other biggie: public transportation improves air quality. Studies show 85% of greenhouse gas emissions come from day-to-day commutes. By leaving just one car at home, a person can prevent up to 20 pounds of carbon dioxide from emitting into the atmosphere a day. And the timing of the Zero Fare for Better Air is strategic: August is Colorado’s high ozone season.

So, try it out! What do you have to lose? At the very least, you can catch up on reading or a podcast instead of succumbing to road rage.

Aug. 4, 2022 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal Training in vain I am not a superficial person. Sure, I write about myself in the newspaper on a regular basis, and you might reasonably suspect that I cast myself in the best possible light. I have standards, though. And objectivity. And ethics. The sorts of things they teach in newspaper school, which I did not attend. If I come across like a really swell guy, it’s because I AM a really swell guy. It’s not vanity; I’m just reporting the facts.

And the fact is, all those times I’ve tried to exercise over the past few years and wound up writing about it in the newspaper because my personal fitness is objectively interesting? I did it not to look better, like a vain person would do. I did it to become a better person: more capable in a crisis, a less likely burden on our health care system, free to eat anything in the name of “recovery” and absolutely irresistible to other humans of legal age.

Frankly, it hasn’t worked. I eat anything all the time anyway, and while this could be my aversion to traditional employment talking, I haven’t consummated a single workplace romance since Gnarls Barkley was in the charts for “Crazy.” And that’s perhaps the best place to consummate romance – “Crazy,” yes, but also workplaces are one of the only two places I see actual people who actually see me back.

The other place, as it is for most people, is dancing the tango. This is a real thing that still happens despite the risk of breathing on someone. I used to think tango was another way to better myself, as it is potentially a form of exercise.

Then I went to California, despite most definitely getting breathed on inside an airplane. I attended the Argentine Tango USA championships there.

Many of the best dancers in the country competed this year, and also me. If I learned one thing from sharing a dance floor with these masters of the craft, spending a weekend in the same airportadjacent Doubletree as them, and making smooth chitchat in the elevator with them, it was that the only good reason to exercise is looking damn fine at the hotel pool.

The way I see it, these people train 8-16 hours a day, often since prepubescence, to reach that elite level of nonchalance when chilling at the pool in bikinis and

vaguely South American swim trunks. These bodies are not requirements for tango.

Some men, for instance, utilize their staunch paunches to facilitate pivoting their partners. Yet, while many elegant, world-class dancers lack these bods, here these people were – chiseled monuments to a life of aesthetic pursuits, artists who have perhaps never held a day job to distract them from looking goooooood.

So what if I started my tango journey 20 years later in life than some of these washboarded folks? There is no practical reason that I will listen to that I, nearing 40, cannot look like a 30-year-old professional dancer. Doing so requires simply that I give up on becoming a contributing member of human society and focus, entirely and completely, on myself.

This is still not vanity. Beauty is an art.

Was Monet vain for dedicating himself to his paintings? Is Tina Fey vain for dedicating herself to being both funny and relevant? We writers are not a notoriously hunky bunch. But why shouldn’t we be?

More relevantly, why shouldn’t I be? A well-crafted sentence is as tangible and admirable as a well-toned bicep, or abdominal, or whatever, you know?

There’s no way that physical beauty is a mere byproduct of dedicating one’s life to one’s art. If so, I’d have at least an inkling of a tango pool bod after training for the national championship for four months.

So it’s time I give up many of my Greater Pursuits, such as personal enrichment and studying the tango and an income, to dedicate myself to sculpting my body for the betterment of myself.

The trick, I believe apropos of nothing, is to start slow. Get a good night’s rest, then initiate the new training protocol with a light set of some quad-sculpting exercise or other. Rushing into things could lead to injury, which leads to medical bills, which leads to a lifetime of paying off debt by doing office work. And that’s not what any true artist wants. Especially not me.

Jobs mean asking for time off, which means I might not get my PTO approved for next year’s championship, which means I won’t be able to compare my physical progress and prowess against the best of the best, which means I’ll never know if all my office suitors really like me for my bod or if it’s just for who I am as a person. Blech.

SignoftheDownfall:

Thumbin’It TABOR checks hitting the mail this week, with Colorado residents receiving about $750 in tax returns. But please, please Colorado Dems – stop taking credit for something that’s required by the state’s constitution.

The need for an embarrassing correction: We didn’t win the Mega Millions, as we predicted we would in last week’s issue. But you already knew that, seeing as the paper came out this week.

Some movement (maybe?) on President Biden’s attempt at meaningful climate change initiatives after Sen. Joe Manchin seemingly pulled a Tin Man and found a heart. Or maybe he pulled a Scarecrow …?

Colorado Public Radio reporting that wait times at abortion clinics in Colorado are hovering around two weeks as surrounding states make providers inaccessible to women.

Radio host and man one step away from screaming conspiracy theories over the loudspeaker at a K-Mart Alex Jones, who admitted the Sandy Hook attack was “100% real.”

4 n Aug. 4, 2022

– Zach Hively

Redwood National Park forced to implement a $5,000 fine and six months in jail for people who illegally go offtrail to see the world’s largest tree because of, no surprise here, resource damage, trash and human waste.

telegraph

Man, that socks Kent Slaughter (owner of the coolest name ever) bought some socks at Bass Pro more than five years ago, because they were advertised as “the last pair of socks you’ll ever need” and backed by a lifetime warranty.

But they turned out to be just like all other socks, so Kent brought his pair back for a new one every six months after they wore out. But on the last pair of socks, Bass Pro changed the label to reflect only a 60-day warranty, so Kent did the only reasonable thing: file a class action lawsuit against Bass Pro. When asked for comment, Bass Pro said, “this is a stocking development.”

Q

WordontheStreet Believe it or not, it’s August already, so The Telegraph asked: “What’s left on your summer bucket list?”

Laura

“I gotta get on a 14er, whichever one calls to me.”

Sancken

“I gotta get naked in the river before it’s too late!”

Calvin

“I plan on going to the Renaissance Festival in Denver.”

HighlyyCo C nvennient >>Traveling can be stressful. stressful Make it easy and choose yyour hometown

Greta

“I haven’t tubed down the Animas River yet; I’ve been slacking this summer.”

airport. p Anthony

“Hiking, climbing, running – I want to do more of all the things.”

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telegraph

No worry selflf-parrkking

Short TSA Lines

Aug. 4, 2022

n

5

SoapBox

D-Tooned/by Rob Pudim

Eat plants Record heat waves and wildfires in America and Europe endanger millions in a brutal manifestation of human-induced global warming.

Each of us can reduce our personal contribution by cutting back on consumption of animal foods, which account for a whopping portion of greenhouse gases. Carbon dioxide is released by burning forests to create animal pastures.

Methane and nitrous oxide are released from digestive tracts of cows and sheep and from animal waste pits.

In an environmentally sustainable world, vegetables, fruits and grains must replace animal food products in our diet, just as wind, solar and other renewable energy sources replace fossil fuels. The next trip to our favorite supermarket provides a great opportunity to explore the delicious, healthy, eco-friendly plant-based meat and ice cream products in the refrigerated and frozen food section.

– Dante Gomez, Durango

Cool off on climate change I read Matt Cornell’s passionate letter in last week’s Durango Telegraph on the media’s role in sounding the alarm on climate change. The first things I thought of were the cover stories of Time (6/24/74) and Newsweek (4/28/75) warning that we were on the verge of a new ice age. These stories quoted well-known scientists and institutions. How did that work out?

Next, Cornell’s letter takes on the oil companies and blames them for marginalizing-low income residents. It took less than five minutes to run a Google search and determine that Mobil-Exxon, Shell and Chevron have some of the largest investments in sustainable energy projects in the world. I found it interesting that all three companies are investing a ton of money in hydrogen projects.

Lately, there have been some interesting interviews on TV and in business journals on the subject of transitioning from a carbon/petroleum-based economy to one dependent on sustainable energy sources. The consensus was that there is no leadership on the subject. President Joe Biden calling for a string of electric vehicle charging stations isn’t really a plan. There was no politics involved in the Manhattan Project to create an atomic bomb or to develop a COVID-19 vaccine. Elon Musk, Larry Ellison or

Jeff Bezos would be the type of people that we need to transition to sustainable energy, not lifetime politicians like Biden and Al Gore.

Unless – and until – China and India fall into line with the goals of Western industrial nations on the subject of climate change, all of the calls to shut down coal-fired power plants won’t do a damn thing to clean up the environment.

– Dennis Pierce, Durango

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telegraph

We (could?) overcome It’s pretty easy to see that in the past 40-plus years, the American middle class has become mostly nonexistent. And the rise of what I’d call the “American Oligarchs” (think Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk) has risen to astounding heights.

America’s citizens are slowly losing what made a middle class possible, such as accessible, high-quality education, affordable health care, good wages and pensions.

Over the past four decades, the movement of corporations from entities with CEOs responsible to community, stakeholders and employees to being solely concerned with shareholder profits, is evidenced by CEO compensation – which has gone from approximately 20 times the average company worker’s salary in the 1960s and 1970s to over 300 times that today.

So how has this disparity come to pass? Well, a now long line of corporate raiders like billionaire Carl Ichan, who backed former President Donald Trump in 2015 and was appointed to “special advisor” on regulatory issues in the White House, helped roll back regulations and push for corporate tax cuts. So much so that his net worth prior to Trump’s election was $16.8 billion and, three years later, it was $18.4 billion.

Corporate benefits (sick and pregnancy leave, paid time off, salaries) have been cut back, along with pensions (13% of U.S. workers have pensions).

Organizations that helped workers maintain these benefits, namely unions, are all but nonexistent now (only 6.4% of private-sector workers are unionized in the U.S.). Corporate lobbyists in Congress on both sides of the aisle helped assure that unions lost power.

The Supreme Court also helped assure corporations retain power by giving them “personhood” and First Amendment rights to spend money on ballot initiatives and on all federal, state and local candidate elections (i.e. Citizens United).

So it’s no wonder the average citizen has little wealth and hence near-zero political influence on policy decisions in Washington, D.C. And, as one would expect, the American Oligarchy does not want to pay for mistakes, such as the Wall Street bailout or the Savings and Loan Crisis. Nor do they want to pay for good infrastructure, schools or health care – all the things that a middle class needs to thrive.

Instead, jobs are shipped overseas (Apple employs some 44,000 U.S. employees, but more than 700,000 overseas employees), and benefits are cut as well as salaries and hourly wages. And the corporate profits go to the shareholders and top executives.

This is not stable, and it will not it cannot persist. We overcame the robberbarons of old and the English monarchy, didn’t we?

The American Oligarchs benefit from our distraction and disunity. Just think

how wealthy they became over the pandemic or how our current dysfunctional, divided Congress helps them.

We need to fight together by working together, because more than anything, just getting by on earnings and lacking access to health care or education is no more the American dream than is becoming a One Percenter.

We’ve done it before, and we can do it again. Overturn Citizens United, unionize, demand equal rights and pay, and don’t let America become like Russia, where democracy “almost” succeeded.

– Tim Thomas, Durango

No fly zone Hey Durango, Enough with the f@#&ing helicopters already!

– Tim Kapustka, Durango

One big happy family I’m not even sure how to write this letter. See, Jesus was a brown guy who was followed by a bunch of brown guys, who spread it to a bunch of guys of different hues.

If you are from the Middle East, which we as a grossly Christian nation assume Jesus was, you are likely some shade of brown.

If you live in Colorado and are a shade of off-white or yellow or light tan or some other shade of pale, you proba-

bly occasionally get a sunburn or tan, so you can also be brown.

Now that that’s relatively clear, there was a meeting recently at the Durango Community Recreation Center recently. Witnesses said there were about 20 people who showed up.

They were officially there to fundraise to prevent Durango School District 9-R from teaching the history of civil and human rights in the United States.

A few years ago, I worked to keep a member of Reverend Butler’s white supremacists out of prison. I was getting paid to do that; I’m not getting paid to do this.

These little enclaves of the West that are kind of white are also enormously diverse. I have people of color in my friend circle and in my family.

So, if you pick on people who are a different color because of your shortsighted views, your lack of formal education, your belief that God somehow favors you as a white person covered by a sheet, here’s my sincere wish for you: May you find a place in heaven or hell or Nirvana or whatever works for you, and may you be surrounded completely by people you hate in any of them.May your fear, your hate and your delusions become you in hopes that you might wake some morning and realize that the world doesn’t work your way, and that you are the only thing that needs to change.

– Larry Davis, Durango

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telegraph

Aug. 4, 2022 n 7

TopStory

Funny business Comic Uprising tickles Durango’s funny bone while giving aspiring comics a shot

by Jonathan Romeo

A

bowling alley, a Trader Joe’s, a barcade, a petting zoo – Durango may be lacking some of the niceties of larger towns, but one thing we’re in no short supply of, surprisingly enough, a standup comedy scene.

It’s true – in Durango, there are currently three established comedy shows a week, a mix of open mics and more structured shows. And that’s not to mention occasional events at venues around town, like Durango Arts Center and the VFW. There is even the Four Corners Comedy Festival, which will bring 75 comedians to town Sept. 29-Oct. 2.

So what – or who – is behind these events?

Turns out, most of it is the product of a group of local comedians that has evolved over the years and recently formed Comic Uprising.

“We do have something very unique here in Durango,” Jill Carlson, one of the founders of Comic Uprising, said. “Durango actually has a pretty good reputation in comedy outside of Durango. But no one in Durango knows about it.”

Oddly enough, Durango has boasted a robust comedy scene for quite some time. Even before the pandemic, there were about five open mic nights per week. (My personal favorite, in the interest of full disclosure, was the madness and chaos at El Rancho, with a mix of people earnestly trying to sharpen their skills and drunk dudes thinking they were the funniest person in the room … when they were so very, very not).

Comic Uprising was founded in September 2019 by Carlson and David Oakley (former Steamworks employee now living in Atlanta), who hoped to offer more chances for comics who wanted to give standup a shot. “We had a different vision of what comedy should be,” Carlson said. “We wanted to make sure there wasn’t any gatekeeping, and everyone had a chance to try this thing we all love.”

But then, of course, the pandemic hit, derailing all that momentum. In a way, however, the break in live performances allowed the organizers of Comic Uprising a chance to regroup and reset. Now it’s blowing up. Aside from local interest, Carlson said the Four Corners Comedy Festival, which started in 2017, had just 49 comics apply in 2021. This year, it was 156.

“It’s going to be a big deal,” said Carlson, adding comics will come from all

8

n Aug. 4, 2022

Jill Carlson, co-owner of Comic Uprising, performs her standup routine at Olde Tymers on Sun., July 31. Comic Uprising was founded in September 2019 by Carlson and David Oakley (former Steamworks employee now living in Atlanta), who hoped to offer more chances for comics who wanted to give standup a shot./ Photo by Jonathan Romeo over the country.

Carlson, for her part, is seen as the “mom” of the group, which she said is probably deserved. “I boss them around and tell them what to do,” Carlson jokes.

“I’ve been doing comedy off and on 15 years, so, when they come with bad material, I’m the one who says ‘Don’t ever say that on stage again.’”

Carlson grew up in Cortez but discovered standup while attending law school in Kansas. Or, to be more accurate, accidentally discovered, because she thought she was going to a bar for karaoke. It was, in fact, an open mic comedy night. But, they offered a free drink if you went onstage, so she went for it.

“I’ve always been an entertainer since I was a child, and I just enjoyed making people laugh,” she said. “And there’s also a therapeutic element to it. It’s a nice way to take a break from everything going on and

laugh for two hours and go back to the horrible stuff later. It’s a free therapy session.”

When Carlson returned to Cortez after college, she started attending open mics around the area. Wanting to build up the scene in a more organized way, people told her an established comedy scene wouldn’t last in Southwest Colorado. Big mistake.

“That’s the best thing to motivate me,” she said. “Tell me something won’t happen.”

Now, Comic Uprising hosts an open mic at 11th Street Station on Tuesday nights and a comedy show Sunday evenings at Olde Tymers Café (a third show on Thursday also at Olde Tymers is on hiatus until Fort Lewis College students return in the fall). The group also puts on events in Dolores and Cortez. And, more and more comics from outside the area are making it a point to tour through Durango. (Quick aside: an open mic at the Starlight Lounge on Mondays is run separately.)

telegraph

Most importantly, the response locally has been amazing, Carlson said, with new comics coming out of the woodwork. “I’ve been in a lot of comedy scenes, and Durango’s scene in general is one of the most supportive,” Carlson said. “Anyone who wants to get on stage should.”

One such comic is Andy Mathews, who hosts the new show “Laugh Out Loud” at Old Tymers Café on Sunday evenings.

Mathews grew up in Durango, but his family moved to Illinois when he was 8 years old. He moved back a few years ago and, recently, got into standup.

“I knew I was funny, but there’s a huge difference between being the funny one in your friend group and making anyone, in any group, laugh,” he said. “But I said, ‘I bet I can get up there and make all these people laugh,’ and I went up there, and it worked.

There’s hardly anything like the adrenaline rush.”

The old saying in comedy is that you are sure to bomb your first few times onstage, but, if you stick with it, eventually the jokes and stage presence comes (insider tip: Mathews said jokes about Texans are usually always a hit with a Durango crowd).

Mathews said the hardest part for him becoming comfortable onstage was just learning not to care and being himself.

“You just have to delete that part of your brain that cares for five minutes,” he said.

“Comedy is like cliff diving: you’re scared on the way up, you’re scared looking down at the water, but once you jump, it’s the most fun you’ve ever had.”

Mathews’ “Laugh Out Loud” show is unique in that it features a different theme each week, such as “Uhhmmerica Stories,” which was held around July 4, and “Censored Sex Stories.” This past Sunday, for “Generational Curses,” there was plenty of healthy, cathartic Baby Boomer bashing (shoutout to the Boomer who went onstage, took the mic from a performer and started rambling about herself, like a true Boomer).

“I wanted to have a show that’s accepting and accessible to all people,” Mathews said. “And on top of that, I wanted to create a space to foster creative and new jokewriting.”

Jadrien Long, who grew up in Gallup, has been to just about every single open mic night and show since he moved to Durango about six years ago. Having battled with addiction, he found standup as a healthy outlet and focus, a rather common experience for many comedians.

“I was in a very dark place, but eventually I started to make friends in the scene

and felt I was actually part of a community and had people around me that actually cared about what was happening in my life,” he said. “That was a huge influence.”

Despite some growing pains onstage, Long stuck with it. “The amount of times my ego has been broken by standup comedy…,” he jokes, not able to actually put a number on it. “But this is my new addiction. It’s what I replaced everything else with.”

Brian Nystrom moved to Durango about 10 years ago from Farmington with one dream in mind – no, not entertaining a crowd onstage; being a lifty at Purg.

After a big breakup and feeling isolated, however, Nystrom found himself at an open mic night.

“My friend’s wife called me a pussy and said ‘Get up there,’ which I did, but I blacked out,” he said. “But I’ve grown since then. It’s given me purpose, and I’ve found a friend group. If you’re a lost soul that happens to be funny – and you have to be funny – standup is a refuge for outcasts.”

To be sure, Carlson sees the Durango comedy scene as a training ground for comics and as a feeder program once they’re ready to move on to bigger cities.

And, coincidentally, it’s worked out that way for her. Originally, Carlson wanted to pursue a career in entertainment, but in college, she became a single mother and instead went for a law degree. Now that her son is older, Carlson has been able to put more energy into comedy, and her efforts have paid off. She has been playing gigs in Atlanta, Las Vegas and Tulsa. And now, she’s moving to Phoenix to finally give her dreams of comedy a go and be closer to an

Andy Mathews gets on a roll during a Sunday night comedy show at Olde Tymers./ Photo by Jonathan Romeo airport to travel. She says she’s leaving Comic Uprising in good hands.

“I had talked myself out of this being a reality for me; I thought I was too old and

telegraph

my time had passed,” she said. “But now I know I’m wrong about that. So I’m going to try it and see what happens. But it is hard letting go.” •

Aug. 4, 2022 n

9

LetsDigIn

Beyond sustainable What exactly is ‘regenerative’ beef at James Ranch?

by Sinjin Eberle

I

have long admired the open pasturelands of Durango’s north valley. The meandering Animas River buttressed by the Sedona-like Hermosa Cliffs rising from the valley floor – perfectly narrow to provide a cozy hug as you drive up Highway 550 but not so tight as to obstruct the remarkable Colorado sky. In summer, the fields are an emerald carpet of life, while winter’s snow conveys quiet, hushed sleep. In any season, it just feels … healthy.

Driving north from Hermosa, it’s hard to miss James Ranch with its sprawling 400 acres along the east side of the highway. I have always noticed it, gazing down on the glistening fields, stock ponds, gardens and now the newly remodeled and expanded Market and Grill. Recently, it seems that more of their products like cheese, flowers and varieties of beef have expanded into Durango markets and restaurants. I have paid more notice to their 100% grass-fed and regenerative beef since those words seem to show up a lot.

But other than the obvious (I know what 100% means), I was curious about the “regenerative” label and what James Ranch was actually doing that was so different.

I connected with Jenn Wheeling, who with her husband, Joe, are the owners of James Ranch Beef and partners in the overall James Ranch enterprise. They spend a lot of time thinking, tinkering and striving to manage and grow the ranch’s beef capabilities. But with only so much land (roughly 325 acres in bovine grazing) and a firm ethic that steers away from artificial inputs like herbicides and pesticides, where is there opportunity to expand the beef operation within these constraints? Wheeling explained that prior to 2020, they had essentially maximized what productivity they could get out of the ranch on the beef side.

“For many people, 2020 was a catastrophic event, but it shot us up. That year, Joe and I ran the beef freezer down to two boxes of hamburger before the 2020 crop came in,” she said. “We said, ‘What are we going to do? We don’t have enough beef to keep up. How are we going to make this happen?’” Then, the movie “To Which We Belong” was released in 2021, introducing them to a larger world of soils and regenerative agriculture. James Ranch had dabbled in some of these methods in the past, but once the film came out, “people really started to talk,” Wheeling said.

One of the people in that film is Nicole Masters, author of the book “For the Love of Soil.” In 2021, the nonprofit Quivira Coalition helped set up an event with Masters at James Ranch, packed with people from across the West. Since Masters was already going to be at the ranch, the

10 n Aug. 4, 2022

family hired her for a day to assess their operations and provide a “report card” to help inform what they could do to increase their output. Through her analysis, Wheeling told me, Masters concluded that they were overwatering the soil.

“You are drowning all the microbiome in your soil, and you have no mycorrhizal fungi, because you are drowning it with your flood irrigation,” Masters told them.

“If you can find a way to manage your water better, your soil is going to respond.

And when your soil becomes healthier, your grass becomes healthier and your animals will harvest that, and you will be shocked at what happens.”

The Wheelings felt a sense of relief, as they realized they did not have to go out and find more land, but do better with what they had. This realization inspired them to shift a number of animal management practices, such as focusing on more efficient pasture management and quality of their winter feed.

Also, they had long contemplated getting a center pivot irrigation unit, which long ago was sometimes viewed as a wasteful method of irrigation. But with today’s modern technology and digital monitoring, it is highly controllable and sensitive to conditions in the field, maximizing both water efficiency and efficiency for the plants – down to the shape of the drops of water coming out of the spray nozzles.

Because the pasture where they would install this system is flat as a pancake, they could not get flood irrigation to work well there, drowning part of the pasture while leaving other parts high and dry – in effect

telegraph

limiting the productivity of that field.

“Around May 1 this year, we got the center pivot up and running, which is watering 70 acres better than ever before, including about 15 acres we have not been able to grow on, while using 10% less water (which returns to the Animas River),” Wheeling said.

Giving the soil the ability to breathe, not using any chemicals and proper rotation of the cows through the fields is most of what makes James Ranch “regenerative, versus just sustainable,” Wheeling told me.

And the results of all this tinkering?

The animals now weigh on average around 200 pounds more each, which is the equivalent of having 15 more cattle in the field. Adding in the 15 acres that suddenly became productive due to installing the center pivot irrigation, they could theoretically add another 15-20 head of cattle, increasing their beef productivity on the same 325 acres by roughly 15%.

Ultimately, the proof is on the plate.

James Ranch beef is distinctive, and, like how wine responds to geology and water and sunlight and fog, beef can have a “terroir” as well. And it does: the richness and depth of 100% grass-fed beef is undeniable. Then layer on the further complexity from the more vibrant and diverse plant community (thanks to healthier soils), and you get to dig into a much more interesting and enjoyable product that uses less Animas River water, without added chemicals. And it is all done locally, by generations of a family that have invested in time and place and community. That’s a story I love sinking my teeth into.

MurderInk

Diamond in the trough Swiss crime fiction a slow-burn thriller

by Jeffrey Mannix A treat this month in Murder Ink: A 208-page paperback from the Swiss journalist, essayist, dramatist and late-blooming crime fiction writer Hansjörg Schneider.

“Silver Pebbles,” respectably translated from German by Mike Mitchell, is Schneider’s 10th best-selling mystery and follows 2021’s “The Basel Killings.” So we’re up a flight from the ground floor with a police procedural that appeals to the intellect of a crime fiction reader (yes, we have some of that), without the theatrics of chasing down forensic threads, footprints, blood spatters or DNA on cigarette butts and sirens blaring down streetlight-lit streets.

Herr Schneider is a polemicist, and the two books of his I’ve read follow the yellow brick road to the wizards of industry, politics and criminal justice untouchables in their bespoke suits, exclusive clubs and blame games to hide their incompetence and thievery.

“Silver Pebbles” is a book to be read in a day in order to bring out its charm and reveal the subtle talent of Hans Schneider (certainly nobody calls him Hansjörg).

We’re back with Basel police inspector Peter Hunkeler, an indelicate, irascible manager of detectives, crime scenes and lowly uniformed constabulary.

He’s nearing retirement, long past caring and seethes over police methods, criminalizing drug users, political grandstanding and the entire criminal justice system. He’s a good cop.

Basel police get a tip from counterparts in Frankfurt that a dapper, 35-year-old Lebanese drug mule by the name of Guy Kayat is arriving by train with a tiny bag of near-perfect diamonds in payment for drugs supplied by an unknown Basel consortium.

Customs officials walking through passenger cars spook the normally overweening Kayat, who lights a cigarette, begins coughing and rushes down the train aisle hacking and gagging to the men’s restroom. In a paroxysm of fear as the customs inspectors knock on the door, Kayat opens his travel bag, finds the diamonds in the false bottom and transfers them into a condom. He sprays shaving cream on his hand, slathers the condom and shoves the treasure, uh,

where the sun doesn’t shine. He then positions his trousers and opens the lavatory door as he retches in the wash basin.

At the Basel train station, Hunkeler and his men are in position to appre-

hend Kayat for questioning. He’s a known smuggler, and their tip from German police is reason enough for Hunkeler to put the screws to him if, for no other reason, than to impress upon him that Basel must not be trivialized.

Kayat sees the trap as he disembarks, panics even

telegraph

more earnestly and runs through the terminal to the spacious men’s lavatory where he disgorges a million dollars’ worth of near flawless diamonds into the toilet, and flushes.

Erdogan Civil, 38, in Basel as a seasonal worker from Turkey, was in the Basel sewage workers’ changing room after six hours underground maintaining Basel’s vast sewage system. Erdogan was always the last to shower, and when he came to his locker in the changing room, Burger, his supervisor and a fair man, ordered Erdogan back into the sewers to clear a blockage under the train station. Such a request was not uncommon from a busy hub of travelers who heedlessly throw diapers and soiled underwear into toilets before going into the city.

You probably know where this is going, and it is the crime and aftermath that makes “Silver Pebbles” such a different and intriguing story. Erdogan dutifully takes one of the utility vehicles and a long pole with a hook to the train station main underground sewage collector, climbs down the rusted metal ladder, finds the junction coming from the train station, sees the blockage, digs at it with the hooked end of the pole, pulls and yanks, sees some seepage, pulls out a woman’s green dress, more debris and swish – the clog comes blowing out into the big 9-foot main.

Done. Success. Time to shower again and go home to his Erika, a couple of beers and a night spooned against his adored woman, notwithstanding his wife and children in Turkey. Erdogan gathers up his lights, tools and pole, and before he makes his way back to the ladder, he sees sparkles in the stream of wastewater running down the main pipe. He bends to see closer something in all his years underground he’s never seen: little silver pebbles.

Diamonds! Erdogan picks up 42 large, shiny diamonds. He knows instinctively from their cut and size and brilliance that they have just made him a rich man who can now afford that small hotel on the coast in Turkey.

“They’re mine, I found them, nobody saw me, they’re mine, I’m a rich man,” he says.

We’re on page 38 of a 208-page book. Nobody dies, the good guys win and losers lose big. It’s a lovely story.

And Maria’s Bookshop will give you a 15% Murder Ink discount.

Aug. 4, 2022 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday04 Four Corners Jam Festival, Aug. 4-7, Tico Time Resort, near Aztec. ticotimeresort.com.

Durango PlayFest, Aug. 4-7, four days, four plays.

More info at durangoconcerts.com Ska-BQ with Alex Maryol, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St. Bingo Night, 5 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Dustin Burley plays, 5 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Authors in the Parklet: MK Thompson, 5:30 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave. Concerts in the Plaza: Maddy & Kev play, 6 p.m., Three Springs Plaza.

Pete Guiliani play, 6 p.m., James Ranch Grill, 33846 Highway 550.

Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

“Just Another Day,” 7:30 p.m., Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College. Part of Durango PlayFest.

The Mysto Really Big Magic Show, 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr. First Thursdays Songwriter Series, 8 p.m., Outdoorsy Outpost, 934 Main Ave.

Authors in the Parklet: Lindsay Mark, 5:30 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.

Rob Webster plays, 6-9 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave.

Festival Gala & Play Premiere, part of Durango PlayFest, 6 p.m., Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College.

Community Yoga, 6-7 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd. Donations accepted.

Ru Paul’s Drag Race Watch Party, every Friday, 68 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave.

“The Agency,” 7:30 p.m., Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College. Part of Durango PlayFest.

Pete Guiliani Band plays, 6 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill, Vallecito

The Mysto Really Big Magic Show, 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

J. Marc Bailey & Jeneen Terrana play, 6 p.m., Columbine Roadhouse, Silverton.

Matt Song Bird Jones plays, 6 p.m., Fox Fire Farms, Ignacio.

Terry Rickard plays, 6 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Silent Disco, 10 p.m.-1 a.m., 11th Street Station.

Sunday07 Durango Flea Market, 8 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Veterans Benefit Breakfast, 9 a.m., VFW Post 4031, 1550 Main Ave.

Lexi Weeg plays, 6 p.m., Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Movies in the Park: “Spiderman, No Way Home,” movie stars at dusk, Buckley Park.

The Mysto Really Big Magic Show, 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

“Just Another Day,” 11 a.m., Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College. Part of Durango PlayFest.

“The Agency,” 2 p.m., Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College. Part of Durango PlayFest.

Maddy & Kev play, 2 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill, Vallecito

Saturday06 Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m.–12 noon, TBK Bank parking lot, across from the Transit Center.

Bayfield Farmers Market, 8 a.m., 1328 County Road 501.

Quilt Day Open House, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Animas Museum, 3065 W. 2nd Ave. “Our Shrinking, Shrinking World,” 2 p.m., Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College. Part of Durango PlayFest.

Open Mic, 2 p.m., Mancos Brewing.

Noodle plays, 4-7 p.m., at the Rockin’ on the River Concert Series, Powerhouse Science Center.

Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Open Mic Night, 6-8 p.m., 5:30 sign up, Mountain Monk Coffee, 558 Main Ave. Devin Scott plays, 6:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Comedy Show, 6:30 p.m., Olde Tymers Café, 1000 Main Ave.

Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

Community Playwright Blossom Johnson will read from her play, “monster SLAYer,” 4:30 p.m., at the Festival Tent at Fort Lewis College. Presented by the Durango Playfest.

Authors in the Parklet: Walt & Miki Harder, 4 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.

Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Friday05

National Park Paintings Art Show Opening Reception, featuring artist Cindy Coleman, 5-7 p.m., Animas Chocolate & Coffee Co., 920 Main Ave. Juried Exhibit & Sale Opening Reception, hosted

by Plein Air Painters of the Four Corners, 5-7 p.m., Create Art & Tea, 1015 Main Ave. Alex Westphal & the Blues Connection play, 5 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co. Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Comedy Night, 5 p.m., VFW Post 4031, 1550 Main Ave. Carute Roma plays, 5:30-8 p.m., show at private residence but open to the public, 4000 Silverton Ave. Afrobeatniks play, 5:30 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co. Authors in the Parklet: Bethany Turner, 5:30 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave. Jack Ellis Band plays, 6 p.m., Fur Trappers Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

B ack to Scchoool Deaal s & Cllearaancce Plus still plenty of summer clothing, activewear, dresses and sandals

Featuring great brands like Anthropologie, Eileen Fisher, Sundance & Madewell Buy • Sell • Trade • Consign ~ Home Furnishings ~ Clothing ~ Accessories ~ Jewelry 572 E. 6th Ave. • 970-385-7336

12 n Aug. 4, 2022

telegraph

Monday08

Meditation and Dharma Talk with Erin Treat, 5:30 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. Third Ave, Suite 109. Free but donations welcome.

Ukulele Jam, 6:30 p.m., Smiley Café, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Comedy Open Mic, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday09 Twin Buttes Farm Stand, every Tuesday, 3-5:30 p.m., 165 Tipple Ave.

AskRachel

Fore play, cat’s pajamas and in a pickle Interesting fact: The word “golf” actually derives from the Dutch word “kolf,” meaning “club.” So a fiveiron is in fact a “club club.” And a rich man owns a whole bag of good old boy’s club clubs.

Dear Rachel, I know golf started in Scotland and the number of holes was 18, due to the fact that 18 shots of whiskey is average for a bottle and each hole they drank one until finished. But the word golf was used because... the Scottish wanted only men playing and drinking. So GENTLEMEN ONLY LADIES FORBIDDEN… GOLF. What new name for the sport should be given by a worldknown lady of many talents?

– Minnie Driver Dear Tiny Iron, I think you “know” about golf the same way I “know” about black holes: a whole lot of storytelling, a whole nada of experience, possibly liberal amounts of drinking said scotch. You really think the Scottish would be so petty as to incorporate female exclusion into the name of the sport? And if they did, that they’d use bleeding ENGLISH to do it? Lad, if the Scottish were passionate about it, you wouldn’t be able to pronounce it.

– Teed off, Rachel Dear Rachel, I’ve heard my best friend refer to her “cat’s bedroom” for years. It’s just the second bedroom in her apartment, has a human bed and everyMatt Rupnow plays, 5 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Live music, 5 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Devin Scott plays, 6 p.m., James Ranch Grill, 33846 Highway 550.

Open Mic Night, weekly 7:30-9:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Comedy Open Mic, weekly, 9 p.m., 11th St. Station.

Wednesday10 La Plata County Fair, 11 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. CSU Extension Gardening Series: Pet-friendly Landscaping, 12 noon, register at https://bit.ly/3zPMnLY

thing, so I just thought she meant it the same way other people refer to their Subarus as their dogs’ car. Welp. Fast forward to now, I’m temporarily between apartments and she’s kind enough to take me in for a couple weeks. Except I’m sleeping on the couch, because the bedroom is LITERALLY the cat’s bedroom and she won’t make him share it with me. Am I ungrateful? Or is she cray cray? Or both?

– Catty Dear Second Tier, Oh, she cray cray. You could also be more grateful, but for different reasons. You really want to sleep with a cat who’s pissed at sharing space with you? Or shack up with a friend who’s pissed you displaced her cat? Either one of them could urinate in your overnight bag. And there’s not much worse than that. For instance, if the couch is a hide-a-bed. If it is, get thee to a cattery.

– Meow, Rachel

Email questions to telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Rachel, Relax at Santa Rita Park. Kids, adults, having fun. Soccer, walking, fishing, kayaking, playground, volleyball and, oh yeah, pickle ball. But where are the bathrooms? What’s a dog and cat to do? Men and women? Sand volleyball court replaced the bathroom. Hold it or use a green bag? We need more pickle ball or bathrooms at Santa Rita Park. You tell me, I’m holding it for your answer.

– John Crapper

Dear Jumpin’ Jack Flush, I like to think I live in the same world you do. The same world as all of us. But clearly this is not so. Not judging by the amount of letters I get about a) green bags, b) pickleball, c) both green bags and pickleball. I do like that you wonder about using a green bag for yourself, though. Most people just go squat in the river for a hot minute or else use that giant litterbox. I mean sand volleyball court. Hey! Why not petition for a Santa Rita golf course. That would give you 18 holes, easy.

– Fore! Rachel

Ranch Rodeo & Western Variety Show, 5 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave. Trivia Night, 6 p.m., Zia’s North, 2977 Main Ave. Paint & Sip Night, 6:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. San Juan Basin Archaeological Society presents: “Chacoan Roads?” 7 p.m., Lyceum Room at Center for Southwest Studies, Fort Lewis College. More info at SJBAS.org The Mysto Really Big Magic Show, 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

Looking for attention (but in a good way?)

Ongoing Free Durango Transit, all of August, part of the statewide Zero Fare for Better Air initiative to cut greenhouse gas emissions.

Gardening for Pollinators, 4 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Shock Wave Drag Night, first and third Friday of every month, 9 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave. 18+

Jeff Solon plays Community Concert Series, 5-7 p.m., Rochester Hotel, 726 E. 2nd Ave. Benefit for 4CORE.

The Hive Indoor Skate Park, open skate and skate lessons. For schedule and online waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org

Live music, 5 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Upcoming

Live music, 5 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

San Juan Nature Hike, Aug. 12, meet at Andrews Lake upper parking lot at 9 a.m., hosted by San Juan Mountains Association.

telegraph

The Telegraph can help you get your message out there – all via perfectly legal means.

For more information, email: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com or call 970-259-0133

Aug. 4, 2022 n 13

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny

Giant n achos.

Co old beerss.

Good frri en ds.

(We provide 2 out o f 3.)

Family owned and operated since 2002

552 main ave l durango, co (near the train)

Open: Mon - Sat, 11 a.m. - 8 p.m.

970-259-4221 l to-go available www.ninistaqueria.com

Esst . 2005 Supplies, bathing, grooming, day care, boarding

Cat Toys: Buy 1, Get 1 for 1/2 off (Expires Aug. 14.)

375-9700 • 21738 HWY 160W ¼ mile west of the Dog Park

www.healthyhoundsandfatcats.com

14 n Aug. 4, 2022

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries poet Ada Limón advises us to notice and love “the music of the world.” She says that praising and giving attention to the good things “are as important and necessary as witnessing and naming and holding the grief and sorrow that comes with being alive.” This is always a crucial principle to keep in mind, but it will be extra essential for you in the coming weeks. Your ability to attract the influences and resources you need most will thrive if you focus on and celebrate the music of the world. PS: I encourage you to sing more than usual, too.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Here’s my hope for you in the coming months: You will cultivate a specialty for connecting people and situations that need to be affiliated but aren’t yet. You will regard your flair for blending as a gift you offer generously. Can you picture yourself doing that? I think it will be fun and will also benefit you in unexpected ways. So here’s my proposed plan: Conspire to heal fragmentation and schisms. Unite heavenly and earthly things. Keep the far side and the near side in touch with each other.

Never let the past forget about the future, and vice versa. One more thing, Taurus: Be gleefully imaginative as you mix and conjoin and combine.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In a play by Gemini philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, a character says, “Hell is other people.”

What did he mean by that?

One interpretation is that our fellow humans always judge us, and their judgments rarely align with who we really are and who we imagine ourselves to be. Here’s my solution for that problem: Choose allies and companions whose views of you match your own. Is that so hard? I suspect it will be easier than usual for you in the coming months, Gemini. Take advantage of life’s natural tendency to connect you with cohorts who appreciate you. Be picky as you avoid the hell of other people.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The people most likely to succeed as entrepreneurs are those with a high degree of analytical intelligence. Right? Well, it’s more complicated than that. Reasoning ability and problem-solving skills are key skills, but not as important as emotional intelligence: the power to understand and manage feelings. I mention this, Cancerian, because the coming months will be a favorable time to advance your ambitions by enhancing and expressing your emotional intelligence. Here’s some reading to foster your powers: 1. tinyurl.com/EmotionSmarts 2. tinyurl.com/SmartFeeler 3. tinyurl.com/WiseFeeler 4. tinyurl.com/BrightFeeler

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming weeks, Leo, I urge you to always be confident that YOU ARE THE PARTY! Everywhere you go, bring the spirits of fun and revelry. Be educationally entertaining and entertainingly educational. Amuse yourself by making life more interesting for everyone. At the same time, be kind and humble, never arrogant or insensitive. A vital part of your assignment is to nourish and inspire others with your radiance and charm. That formula will ensure you get everything you need. I foresee bounty flowing your way! PS: Regularly reward your admirers and followers with your magnanimous Chesire-cat grin.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In my Astrological Book of Life, here’s what I have inscribed about Virgos: You may not always find the perfect solution, but you are skilled at finding the best solution available. This will be an especially valuable knack in the coming weeks, both for yourself and others. I trust you will scan for practical but compassionate answers, even if they are partial. And I hope you will address at least some of everyone’s needs, even if no one is completely satisfied. You can be the master of creative compromise that we all need. Thanks in advance for your excellent service!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Everyone knows that “balance” is a keyword for you Librans. However, there are many interpretations of what balance entails. Here’s how I define it for you during the coming weeks: 1. an openness to consider several different ways to capitalize on an opportunity, but to ultimately choose just one way; 2. the ability to see and understand all sides of every story, while also knowing that for pragmatism’s sake you must endorse a single version of the story; 3. the capacity to be both constructively critical and supportively sympathetic; 4. the facility to be welcoming and inviting while still maintaining healthy boundaries.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Life is enchanting for me because I have so much control over what I think,” my Scorpio friend Daria told me. “If I decide to flatter myself with comments about how attractive I am, I can do just that. If I would like to imagine a good fairy visiting me while I sleep and giving me a dream of having an orgasm with my lover while we fly over the Serengeti Plains, I can.” I asked her about the times when worries gush unbidden from her subconscious and disturb her joy. She said, “I simply picture myself shoving those worries in a hole in the ground and blowing them up with an exploding rose.” I bring Daria’s mind-management expertise to your attention, Scorpio, because the coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to raise your mastery over what you think.

telegraph

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): People might impatiently advise you to relax and settle down. Others might tell you to stop dreaming such big visions and formulating such adventurous plans. Still others might give you the sideeye because they imagine you are having too much fun and brainstorming too wildly and laughing too loudly. If you receive messages like those, give the complainers a copy of this horoscope. It will tell them that YOU WILL NOT COMPLY WITH ANY INHIBITING DIRECTIVES. Your astrologer, me, authorizes you to be as vast and venturesome and enterprising and spontaneous as you dare. In doing so, I am speaking on behalf of the cosmic rhythms. Your plucky audacity has been heavenly ordained.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In accordance with astrological omens, I hereby authorize you to worry, worry, and worry some more. Stew and simmer and ferment as you weigh all the options and mull the correct actions.

But when the time is right, end your fretting with crisp decisiveness. Shake off any residual doubt that still clings to you. And then undertake robust action to transform the situation that provoked your righteous brooding. In my astrological opinion, what I have just described is your best plan for success in the coming days.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “I was looking for a love unlike my parents’ love or my sister’s love or the love on a foreign kitchen floor,” writes Rebecca Dinerstein Knight in her novel The Sunlit Night. “I wanted to forgive my mother and father for their misery and find myself a light man who lived buoyantly and to be both his light and his dark.” I offer you her thoughts, Aquarius, in the hope of inspiring you to expand and deepen your ideas about the love you want. The coming weeks will be a favorable time to revise and reinvigorate your definitions of intimacy and togetherness.

You will have extra power to see new truths about how best to create maximum synergy and symbiosis.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Even raw and messy emotions can be understood as a form of light, crackling and bursting with energy,” writes Jungian psychoanalyst Clarissa Pinkola Estés. For example, “We can use the light of rage in a positive way, in order to see into places we cannot usually see.” Likewise, confusion might be a healthy sign that a long-held misunderstanding is dissolving. Disappointment may herald the demise of an unrealistic expectation. So let’s unleash a big cheer for raw and messy emotions, Pisces! I suspect they will soon be your gateway to clarity and renewal.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements Nadya/Tron Art Sale Bayfield Pine River Library, 50% off.

Sale thru Sept. Personal tours – 970-5631042.

Guilty Alex Jones / Steve Bannon – making America great. Trump next.

Lost/Found Lost: Scott Spark Mountain Bike Black, lost off a bike rack in Durango.

970-749-1589.

Found: Sport Watch Crater Lake Trail, 7/16. Call to identify and claim. (970)764-7388.

HelpWanted SJMA is Hiring Operations Director San Juan Mountains Association is in search of a full time Operations Director.

Please see our web page sjma.org/jobs for more information. No phone calls please.

Free Free: 45” Samsung TV in good condition and working. 970 903-4420

ForSale For Sale Fat tire e-bike, 7 gears, throttle, 3 power settings, 2015 Element 604, much beloved and faithful! $600; solo canoe, Old Town Royalex, 12 foot, $50; 26-foot construction-quality extension ladder, $10. 209-769-9711

Reruns Home Furnishings New inventory including patio sets, bistros, garden pots, nightstands, lamps, bookcases and lots more … Come in today! 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

ForRent 1-Bed Cottage Downtown Offered to mature, quiet, FT worker.

No smoking, no pets. $1,000/mo. + sec., elec., gas. 1-yr lease. Refs req. 970-3171018, please text.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Services RSE Handyman Service Home repair - yard work - odd jobs 970-903-0449

CommunityService Call to Artists Inviting community artists to display up to three artistic works in the DAC’s 2022 Community Art Show, “That’s So Durango.” Entry Fee: $35. Non-juried.

Registration deadline: Aug. 11 Exhibit opens with a reception in the Barbara Conrad Gallery on Aug. 19 and runs until Sept. 29. For more info or to register go to, www.durangoarts.org.

Volunteers Needed Alternative Horizons is in need of volunteer hotline advocates. AH supports survivors of Domestic Violence. Next Training Sept. 20 – Oct. 4 on Fort Lewis campus. Call 970-247-4374 for more details.

HaikuMovieReview ‘Free Bird’ No, not a Lynyrd Skynyrd documentary A fun kids movie – Lainie Maxson

Durango PlayFest is seeking volunteers to help at this year’s festival, Aug. 4-7.

We need ticket-takers for the play readings and hospitality helpers at the annual gala, among other assignments. When you volunteer to work at a specific play, you get to attend that reading for free. To sign up go to: tinyurl.com/mumcxj7h

NewspaperOrigami

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Visit our website at www.forwardpedal.com or email jnderge@gmail.com Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork Lotus Path Healing Arts Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

telegraph

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telegraph

LIVE MUSIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY

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