Durango Telegraph Aug. 13, 2020

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Aug. 13, 2020 Vol. XIX, No. 29 durangotelegraph.com

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T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Candemonium

Cold comfort

Par for the course

Beer suppliers, big and small, navigate can shortage p8

Turn off the heat with these classic Korean noodles p10

A daily guide to how not to president in a pandemic p15

Sure to float your boat.

Issue 13 is out now!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email: steve@gulchmag.com

2 n Aug. 13, 2020

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

Are the latest signs of the times masquerading as discrimination?

4 Thumbin’ It

About face

by David Feela

5 Word on the Street 6-7 Soapbox

8

8 Local News

Can-do attitude

Beer suppliers big and small look for ways around can shortage

Ear to the ground: “One good thing about getting old and bitter is that mosquitos don’t bite me anymore.”

– One crusty local’s take on the inevitable aging process

Facing off

thepole

RegularOccurrences

Sure, that Buff may look cool and be convenient, but it you’re wearing it to ward off COVID cooties, you might be better off in the buff. A new study by Duke University found that while some cotton cloth masks are almost as effective as surgical masks, thin polyester gaiters may be worse than no mask at all.

Using a simple method that employed lasers and a cell phone camera to track particles released from a person’s mouth when speaking, researchers analyzed 14 different facial coverings ranging from N95s to bandanas.

10 Flash in the Pan

by Missy Votel

11 Free Will Astrology 12 Stuff to Do

10

13 Ask Rachel

Cold comfort When the temp spikes, turn off the heat on this classic Korean dish

14 End of the line

by Ari LeVaux

15 Classifieds

11

15 Haiku Movie Review On the cover: The city lights of Durango come up while awaiting the perseid meteor shower from a dark perch above town./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Par for the course

A day-by-day guide to (how not to) president in a pandemic

by Shan Wells

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER: Stephen Eginoire (steve@gulchmag.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Shan Wells, Ari LeVaux, Jesse Anderson, David Feela and Clint Reid

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

“We were able to actually count the number of particles,” study co-author and Duke physics professor Warren S. Warren, told the Washington Post. “There’s a lot of controversy and people say, ‘Well, masks don’t do anything.’ Well, the answer is some don’t, but most do.”

A fitted N95 mask was found to be the most effective. Meanwhile, a gaiter described as a “neck fleece” made out of polyester spandex, ranked worse than the no-mask control group.

The gaiters produced a high droplet count, possible due to the porous fabric breaking up bigger particles into many little ones, which hang around in the air longer. This makes wearing some gaiters possibly “counterproductive,” researchers said. “The exact reason why they’re so convenient, which is that they don’t restrict air, is the reason why they’re not doing much of a job helping people,” Warren said.

For its part, Buff issued a statement in April emphasizing that its products are not scientifically proven to protect against the coronavirus. “Buff performance head and neckwear are not intended to be used as medical-grade face masks or as a replacement for N95 respirators,” the statement said.

Another neck gaiter manufacturer, however, cautioned against writing off every variation of the face covering. “All gaiters are not created equal,” Chris Bernat, co-founder of South Carolina-based Vapor Apparel, told the Post. Although the study did not give specifics about the material of the gaiter tested, Bernat raised doubts. “Chances are it was a lower-quality fabric,” he said.

Other types of face coverings that fall into the “counterproductive” category are bandanas, knitted masks and N95 mask with exhalation valves. “Those relief valves are fantastic if what you want to do is protect yourself from the outside,” Warren said. “If what you’re trying to do is protect the outside world from you, it completely defeats the purpose.”

Warren encouraged people to assess face coverings with their own basic test. “If you can see through it when you put it up to a light and you can blow through it easily, it probably is not protecting anybody.”

Aug. 13, 2020 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal ‘And the sign said ... ‘ Instead of posting the Colorado state order that requires masks to be worn inside public places, the sign on this Montezuma County business door read, “We prefer to see your smiling faces, but it’s up to you.” Perhaps the sentiment was only intended to be a charming antidote to the political ideological battle being waged across America, so I reached for the door and stepped inside.

I’m happy to report that I wasn’t immediately tossed out of the establishment for leaving my mask in place. In fact, I was quickly invited upon entering – just in case I didn’t know how to read, couldn’t see because my glasses had fogged up, or hadn’t noticed the sign – to join in what psychologists might refer to as a passive aggressive love-fest, a celebration of freedom within a local bastion of constitutional common sense.

“Oh, you don’t have to wear that mask” the sales lady cooed.

“Oh yes I do,” I replied, “for your sake as well as mine.”

In the interval between words, I surveyed a vast expanse of merchandise, and I noticed only one person wearing a mask.

It turned out to be my own reflection in a pane of glass. Even the woman behind the lunch counter worked mask-less. Customers and consigners milled around, displaying their own smiling faces, glancing at me as if I was a pariah. No doubt I served as a reminder that a virus that had already killed more than 160,000 Americans was still hanging around. I had invaded their bubble of happiness like a needle against a festive balloon. I had tweaked their uncertainty by bringing in my own.

Then the woman who’d greeted me slipped over to the lunch counter to whisper something to the cook. I suspected I’d become a talking point, a foot soldier from the enemy camp, even – dare I say it – a Democrat. When I first pulled up and parked outside, I’d only thought of myself as a customer, a member of our community going out of his way to support a local business. Believe it or not, I’d even considered buying something I really didn’t need before being served up a side order of angst that I didn’t really care for. It was time to leave.

She’d made her point. Now let me take a moment to make mine.

A “Mask Required for Entry” sign is not an assault on anyone’s constitu-

tional rights. If not wearing a mask only endangered those who wouldn’t wear one, there would be no health issue at stake. Think of it as the oldfashioned “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign, though those postings had a more sinister history.

They gained prominence during the early 1960s, when civil unrest and racial injustice dominated our nation’s news. Businesses, no longer able to display “Whites Only” or “Colored Entrance” signs in their windows opted for a new declaration – an owner-imposed dress code on its customers. A tiny disclaimer “By order of the Board of Health” was added like fangs to a muppet, because no federal or state law to this day documents an ongoing health threat arising from not wearing shoes and shirts into a store, or even a restaurant.

The same kind of sign proved useful for keeping long-haired hippies representing the counter-culture anti-war movement out of stores. I remember singing along with David Crosby’s “Almost Cut My Hair” as I rode my bicycle home from the high school tennis courts, “letting my freak flag fly” as I raced down the hill toward home, too young to grasp the politically packed overtones. These days the lyrics might go like this: Almost wore my mask It happened just the other day It was gettin’ kind of scary I could-a said too many people were in my face.

But I didn’t and I wonder why A swab up my nose just makes me cry And I feel like I owe it, yeah ... to someone, yeah You see, the “Mask Required” sign has nothing to do with a heavy-handed attempt to assert gratuitous authority. Nobody has ever died from exposure to long hair, although skin color has proved lethal for far too many Americans.

Bigotry has a longer history than the coronavirus and many don’t seem to care if there’s ever a cure. If only a vaccine for stupidity would emerge.

You see, a “No Service” sign is the symptom of an ideological problem, a reaction by a particular person who refuses to accommodate a different point of view, but a “Mask Required” – too politicized in America – makes it appear a health threat no longer exists. Still, it should be heeded, like an actual health notice posted for everyone’s safety, no different than a sign that reports “Salmonella Served Here.”

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It Continued cracking of the glass ceiling with the first woman of color, Kamala Harris, chosen as a major political party’s vice presidential candidate Durango native Graham Brookie joining forces with the Washington-based think tank, Digital Forensic Research Lab, to identify and debunk fake news, misinformation and conspiracy theories on the internet A sign that relief from the heat and an attimes overwhelming tourist season are coming to an end with the arrival of green chile roasting season

4 n Aug. 13, 2020

– David Feela

Pandemic and political tensions simmering over this week when two altercations turned violent, one between customers at an auto parts store over facemasks and the other between transgender-rights marchers and an outdoor diner Archuleta County commissioners threatening to pull out of San Juan Basin Public Health Dept., essentially disbanding it in the midst of a pandemic, over what it sees as too-restrictive public health precautions Durango Police reporting a surge in most serious crimes this year, with rates going “through the roof” in June and July once quarantine restrictions were lifted

telegraph

Don’t B Dumb Vitaminvape.co is an actual website for an actual business that sells vape pens full of vitamin B12, and nothing else. In fact, the company brags that their vapes ($39 each) have “NO nicotine, NO caffeine and NO THC,” meaning that these pens also have “NO point.” But the good news is that vaping officially stopped being cool as soon as these things hit the market, so at least you won’t catch your kid with one.

WordontheScreen

Q

With COVID cancelling live concerts and festivals this summer, the Telegraph asked, “What is your greatest live music memory?”

Joe

“The Stillhouse Junkies, live in the front yard, during quarantine. They rolled up in a van played a 40 min. set then took off.”

Leah

“The ‘13 Ride Festival ... David Bryne & St. Vincent, so good.

Cake was there too.

That was the moment I fell in love with the vibraslap.

Been playing one ever since.”

Steve

“Pretty sure I saw David Byrne fly away in a spaceship a few years ago.”

Morgan

“I threw my neck out while dancing to Wolfmother in a waist-deep pool on top of the Cosmopolitan in Vegas.”

John

“Phish. Halloween, Indio, CA.” telegraph

Aug. 13, 2020 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Don’t give jack about endorsement To the editor, Thanks for the first political cartoon about the race for La Plata County commissioner featuring my fellow candidate Marsha Porter Norton, Jack D. Turner (who recently resigned from the Board of La Plata Electric Association), and me, Jack (John R) Turner. I have been trying for years to explain that I’m not the Jack Turner elected to the LPEA board. Despite multiple requests to meet with LPEA Jack and straighten out our biographies, he has ignored or refused all invitations to do so. Shan Wells has also not spoken with me for some reason, nor has the Telegraph.

Shan Wells’ cartoon illustrates one reason why I decided to run for county commissioner as an independent candidate without obligation or favor to any political party or special interest group. The Endorsement Game as practiced in modern politics is a predictable method of “prominent influencers” aligning with party candidates to sway voters.

When I entered the race Oct. 18, 2019, Marsha Porter Norton already listed 75 endorsements on her website. It included all three sitting county commissioners who endorsed Ms. Porter Norton on the day she announced (nearly two years before the 2020 election). Democrat party officials and family are to be expected, of course, but the endorsements include LPEA Jack Turner, former city / county officials, and the directors of nonprofits and government agencies that have business and financial relationships with Board of County Commissioners.

Such endorsements are legal and standard political practice, but all came before any other person had entered the race. I believe several are an outright conflict of interest. Sadly, it’s plain on its face that the endorsement by all three current commissioners are an attempt to hand-pick their successor. They selected Marsha Porter

Norton before another Democrat could realistically enter the race. She was the only choice offered at party caucuses and the only choice in the Democratic primary be-

cause candidate selection was predetermined. This predetermination runs at cross purposes to what we uphold as the underpinnings of free and fair elections. 4

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telegraph

None of the persons endorsing Marsha Porter Norton had any conversations with me about my qualifications, perspective or platform. While anyone can check out my website, I hoped that the Durango Telegraph’s journalistic standards would include objective research and an interview of all candidates. I’m available any time to discuss my candidacy and the election.

I too have had offers of endorsement, but I’ll not publish any. My campaign will not promote the idea that my supporters are somehow better than Marsha or her endorsers. That’s how the political parties conduct business. Instead, I ask voters to check out all candidates and not be reliant upon typical party driven endorsements.

On a highly positive note, I’m sure that Marsha Porter Norton would agree that Shan Wells’ caricatures of us are quite flattering, especially the smiles. His drawing took a few pounds and years off my image, and I’m grateful for that.

– Jack Turner, Independent Candidate for La Plata County Commissioner (Dist. 2) Editor’s note: Just to be clear, the opinions of Shan Wells are his and his alone. Although often they align with the editor and other Telegraph staffers, sometimes they do not. In fact, a lot of times, we do not even agree amongst ourselves (for example: greatest rock ’n’ roll band of all-time; the correct way to install toilet paper; favorite “Caddy Shack” line; which City Market is better). While I am impressed that Shan already has his mental ballot filled out, for me, voting is more of a personal, game-day decision – like socks and underwerar.

As for our questionable “journalistic standards,” not to worry. We will be putting out our highly anticipated and extremely standard candidate Q&A closer to the election. We hope folks will read it and vote what makes sense for them and not base it on the opinions of someone who thinks Journey is the greatest band ever. The important thing here is to just get out and vote (or in this case, go to you mailbox). Ballots will be

mailed to La Plata County residents Oct. 9 and are due back no later than 7 p.m. Tues., Nov. 3.

And in the meantime, start thinking about your favorite “Caddy Shack” line; you never know when that will turn up on a candidate questionnaire.

Gardner fails on health care To the editor, A senator’s primary job should be promoting the health of our citizens. It is beyond belief that in the midst of a coronavirus pandemic, with millions losing their employment-based health insurance, Sen. Cory Gardner, RColo., supports repealing the Affordable Care Act. Meanwhile, thousands of newly unemployed Coloradans are without health insurance. It is disturbing but predictable that Senator Gardner’s campaign web site lacks a single word on women’s health care.

As a Colorado legislator he voted against requiring health insurance companies to provide coverage for contraception or labor and delivery. He voted against providing workplace accommodations for nursing mothers, and against Medicaid coverage for family planning for low-income women. He voted to repeal funding for schoolbased health centers. He voted numerous times to defund Planned Parenthood, often the only affordable health care for gynecology and cancer prevention for low-income women. He voted against allowing pharmacies to supply emergency contraception. He voted against allowing military sexual assault victims to have someone not in their direct chain of command to rule on their case.

When will Gardner ever support women and their health care?

It does not matter what Gardner says, or what the flashy ads say, just look at how he votes. How will you vote?

– Dr. Scott Johnson, Loveland, CO

Marsha is up to the challenge To the editor, I am so pleased to encourage voters to support Marsha Porter-Norton for La Plata County Commissioner in this fall election! I’ve known Marsha for years and have always respected and admired her zeal for public service. As a professional mediator for more than two decades, Marsha has interacted with just about every group or element of citizens in the county, and she knows what issues are important to all of us.

Marsha is focused on healthy communities and building a strong economy. Her ability to create consensus and respect many points of view will make her a commissioner that can get things done and create successful outcomes. She is dedicated to working for affordable housing, good jobs and livable wages.

Marsha’s opponent in this race is John “Jack” Turner (not the Jack Turner who serves on the LPEA Board). She is looking forward to healthy and respectful debate and discussion on the issues, so that the voters can evaluate both points of view and backgrounds.

We need a strong, active and creative leader to work with small businesses and families impacted by COVID19 and the changing economy in our county, and Marsha is ready to step up to those challenges. I hope you will all join me in casting a vote for Marsha Porter-Norton for La Plata County Commissioner this fall!

– Marilyn Leftwich, Durango

“We’ll print damned-near anything” The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We offer this forum to settle differences, air opinions & undertake healthy discourse. We have only a few requests: limit letters to 750 words; letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and personal attacks are unwelcome.

Send your insights to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com.

Let the games begin ...

Business up front, socially distanced party in the back?

Ads in the Telegraph can let your customers know you’re back in business!

Call Lainie to mullet over: 970-259-0133 or lainie@durango telegraph.com

telegraph

Aug. 13, 2020 n 7

TopStory

Ska Brewing honcho Dave Thibodeau stands in front of a pallet of Rudie IPA cans originally destined for the U.K. that are now being repurposed as Tropical Hazy IPA cans. Due to a perfect brew of circumstances caused by the pandemic as well as the sparkling water and hard seltzer crazes, aluminum canmakers can’t keep up with demand, causing brewers to get crafty./ Photo courtesy Kristen Muraro.

Candemonium Beer suppliers, big and small, adapt to national can shortage

by Missy Votel

J

ust when you thought things can’t get any worse, well, they can. Or perhaps we should say can’t can.

See, along with toilet paper, Clorox wipes and N95 masks, aluminum cans are the latest staple of American life to be in short supply due to the pandemic. Guess you could call it a candemic (as much as we’d like to take credit for that, it goes to the witty folks at Ska Brewing.)

Of course, folks looking for their favorite yellow beer to bring on the river this summer have known this for some time. “It’s one of the main reasons we’ve been short on Coors products,” Mike Biery, general manager for the local A&L Coors distributor, said Tuesday.

Biery (incidentally one of the best names for the beer profession ever, although it’s pronounced more like “berry,” the

fruit) said to make up for the national can shortage, Coors stopped production of all beers except its flagship Khaki and Silver Bullet for a month starting in late May. “We took a month off canning Coors Extra Gold, High Life, Milwaukee’s Best – just went to Coors and Coors Light,” he said.

And if the thought of a Coors-less Colorado makes you shudder, then the thought of a Mexican Logger-less Durango should be downright terrifying. Although Durango’s Bodo Park brewery, Ska, is still churning out its beloved green cans, the shortage has impacted the craft brewing industry particularly hard.

“I don’t know what’s going to come next,” Ska co-owner Dave Thibodeau said Tuesday.

Ska sells the majority of its beer via keg. When restaurants and bars including its tasting room) shut down this spring, and summer festivals were cancelled, it took away

half the company’s revenue. Although canned beer sales stepped up to pick up the slack, the can shortage has put a dent in that, too.

“In June, we really saw demand grow for our canned beer, and we can’t satisfy it,” Thibodeau said.

Despite belief that the can shortage is the result of a lack of raw material, it’s actually a manufacturing issue. There’s just not enough plants and workers to keep up with demand.

“It’s production time they’re short on,” said Thibodeau.

When the pandemic hit, folks began stockpiling canned beverages. They also started buying more canned drinks for at-home consumption to compensate for the frosty pint they were no longer able to get down at the local pub. Add to that the already tight can market pre-COVID due to the for sparkling water and hard seltzer craze, and you have the perfect brew for disaster. 4

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8 n Aug. 13, 2020

telegraph

Russ “The Wine Guy” at Wagon Wheel Liquors stands next to a newly arrived stack of Tecate cans. Due to the national can shortage, as well as the closure of Mexican breweries earlier this summer, things are getting weird in the beer industry: Tecate, which is owned by Heineken, is now being produced in Amsterdam. Like everyone else in the beer-supply chain, the liquor stores have felt the can shortage as well. Although Wagon Wheel was well stocked at the time of this writing, Russ said it has been hard to get certain beers, and some that usually come in cans are now coming in bottles./Photo by Missy Votel “When people are buying soda pop and stockpiling it like toilet paper because it’s their only option, the supply chain is doomed,” said Thibodeau.

Biery also said aluminum cans have grown in popularity over the years versus glass or plastic. “It used to be cans, nobody wanted to drink out of them,” he said.

“Now, cans are the future.”

But before you go cry into your bottled Bud, sell your soul on e-Bay for a sixer of Mexi Logger or worse, take it out on the friendly beer delivery guy Hop (yep – that’s his real name), know that canmakers are doing all they, uh, can. (Sorry).

"The can industry is working 24/7 on meeting the unprecedented demand," Robert Budway (we swear we are not making these up), president of the Can Manufacturers Institute, an industry trade association, told USA Today in July.

Pretty much all of the aluminum cans in America are made by Ball Corp., which plans to add two production lines to existing facilities and open two new U.S. plants by the end of 2021. In the short term, the company is working with its foreign plants to distribute cans to North America.

Unfortunately, the end of next year may come too late for some craft brewers. According to Thibodeau, the craft brewing industry peaked a couple years ago, when it was seeing double digit growth. With more than 9,000 craft brewers in the country now competing for limited resources, there’s guaranteed to be some fall out. “We’ve been getting a lot of calls from other brewers saying, ‘What are you guys going to do?’” Thibodeau said. “It’s definitely going to have a huge impact on the industry.”

Ska gets its cans from a Ball Corp. plant in Golden. Thibodeau said Ska was one of the plant’s first craft brewing clients, and as such has developed a good, long-term relationship. However, unlike larger brewers that can stockpile several months’ worth of cans, Ska usually places smaller, more regular orders. The shortage has definitely cut into their supply, with each brewer being given only a set allocation of cans.

Fortunately, this is where small brewers like Ska can get, well, crafty (OK, we’ll stop).

“Over time, we’ve discontinued certain beers or made projections that didn’t play out,” said Thibodeau. As a result, Ska has a supply of cans that it won’t or can’t use that are now being repurposed, with the help of a new labeling machine. For example, the brewery had empty cans of Rudie IPA destined for the U.K. that are now being used for its deliciously popular and ubiquitous summer elixir. “That was an easy call,” said Thibodeau. “Durango drinks Mexican Logger, and they were just sitting there not being used. It allows us to use up something that we may or may not use.”

And as the stockpile of Rudie cans wanes, don’t be surprised if you see a Ska label masquerading on another brewer’s can all together. “A lot of times there are misprints or other cans that somebody can’t use,” he said. “We’re willing to use those and label over them as well.”

As for the big dogs, like Molson Coors, the pandemic has presented its fair share of headaches as well. To fill the gap, the company is sourcing cans from Eastern Europe.

In addition to the can shortage, right around the 4th of July, Mexico shut down its breweries, deeming them “non-essen-

tial.” With Americans unable to celebrate with their favorite imports, more turned to domestic beers, which created a run on those, too. Although the Mexican breweries have cranked back up, there have been problems getting the beer over the border.

“Mexican beers are less than full capacity, but we are getting them again,” Biery said.

To compensate, Heineken, which owns Dos Equis and Tecate brands, began brewing Mexican beer in … Holland. “These beers now say, ‘made in Amsterdam,’” said Biery.

“It tastes good, but it does taste different.”

The local Coors distributorship has 32 suppliers, including craft brewers such as Sierra Nevada and New Belgium – both of which have been doing quite well in the pandemic, Biery said. And even that beer with the coincidentally unlucky name seems to be getting by just fine. “Coronavirus has not affected sales of Corona,” Biery said, adding that the brand is owned by the mega-brewing conglomerate Constellation. “So far, it’s done OK.” Like Ska, Biery also said the lack of music festivals has hurt his sales.

“It’s been hard; it’s been a year like no other,” he said.

Despite this, he and fellow beer supplier Thibodeau refuse to go flat, keeping some bubbly optimism.

“We’re filling whatever cans we can, it’s almost enough. We’re pretty resourceful,” said Thibodeau. “The crucial thing is to keep spirits up. We’re not done – tomorrow will come one way or another.”

And then he chuckled that infectious, trademark Davie Thibodeau laugh – something we can all drink to. n

telegraph

Aug. 13, 2020 n

9

FlashinthePan

Naengmyeon style

by Ari LeVaux

O

n the sidewalk outside of a Korean restaurant in a suburban Vancouver strip mall last summer, a signboard announced “Summer Menu.” I had no idea what that meant, but Korean food rarely lets me down. In that steaming humidity, with my shirt sticking to my body, I walked through the restaurant door. By the time I emerged, everything was different.

On the menu, I had noticed a dish called naengmyeon (knee-yang-my-in), billed as a cold noodle soup. I didn’t know much more, but it seemed like a great choice for that sweltering day, so I ordered it. The server brought a platter filled with little bowls of pickled vegetables, and a big bowl of ice, topped with noodles and vegetables.

I’ve had plenty of meals served on hot plates to keep them warm, but never had a meal served on ice. He then poured a pitcher of clear, cold broth into the bowl, and set me loose on it.

It took a minute to get used to, like some alien life form. I am used to the idea that food must be hot in order to taste right, but this dish was the opposite. If it were warm, it would surely be tasty, but it wouldn’t be exceptional like it is cold. The soba noodles were particularly adept at clinging to the cold broth and crunchy vegetables, delivering them to my mouth, from which they quickly went to the middle of my body. I was grateful for the ice, because I did not want that quenching daikon broth to warm up.

Naengmyeon originated in 15th-century North Korea, where it was made with ice from the mountains. It’s the only North Korean dish I know. It makes you wonder what else the North Koreans would have to offer if they weren’t so oppressed and is a sobering way to feel solidarity with them.

Part of the genius of this dish is how simultaneously savory and refreshing it is. When I think refreshing, I usually think sweet, so it’s exhilarating to feel that from a salty food.

The one mini-bummer of the experience is that by the time the soup arrived, the restaurant’s air conditioning had cooled me down to the point where I didn’t need the cold radish broth so desperately. When I got home, I began making naengmyeon for hot afternoons on the patio, where it hit the spot deliciously. I learned my

10 n Aug. 13, 2020

recipe from an online video by a Korean foodie named Kwon. He is really into naengmyeon – and food in general – and his glee is contagious.

I’ve transcribed Kwon’s performance into the recipe below. The most important part of this recipe is the radish broth itself, which is very simple and has a fascinating flavor. You can dress those brothy noodles however you wish. I add the cucumber, pickled daikon and hard-boiled egg, which are popular, as well as tomatoes – an unusual addition but I think it works. Sometimes I blanch vegetables like broccoli, bok choy or radish greens, and add them to the pile.

Many cooks, Kwon included, add cold slices of lean beef from a piece that had simmered in the radish broth.

Daikon broth is a great medium in which to prepare meat, but I prefer my meat warm. Temperature aside, naengmyeon is an otherwise light dish, and meat takes it in a heavy direction I don’t care to follow. So instead of adding a slab of brisket, I prefer to make the stock with a bit of beef bouillon.

The following recipe will make about four quarts of broth, which I keep frozen. Then, when it’s going to be a hot day and I want some cold noodles, I’ll take some out to thaw ahead of time.

telegraph

Kwon’s Daikon Broth 1 pound daikon radish, peeled and cut into inch-thick disks 3 ounces of ginger, peeled with a spoon and cut into four pieces 1 large onion, cut into quarters 1 tablespoon Better than Bouillon (or other brand) beef-flavored paste Cut each piece of daikon into quarters and place into a pot with 5 quarts of water.

Add the ginger, onion and bouillon. Simmer for two hours. Allow it to cool to room temperature. Strain, and store in the freezer. Remember not to fill your containers all the way up, or they’ll burst when they freeze.

Daikon Pickles 4 ounces peeled daikon 3 tablespoons cider vinegar 1 teaspoon sugar 1 pinch red pepper flakes Use the peeler to thin-slice the daikon into ribbons. Mix with the other ingredients and let sit for 20 minutes.

Assembling and Serving: Serves 4 1 pound soba noodles 4 eggs 1 large cucumber, sliced into 3-inch strips Veggies like baby bok choy, broccoli or radish sprouts, boiled briefly and plunged into ice water Sliced jalapeños, to taste 2 quarts daikon broth, thawed and cold 2 hard-boiled eggs, peeled and sliced in half Soy sauce to taste Korean hot red chili paste or chile flakes, to taste Rice vinegar to taste Boil the soba noodles until slightly al dente and rinse by hand in a strainer under the faucet to cool them and remove the starch. Strain and refrigerate until use.

During the heat of the day, put six ice cubes into each bowl and place the noodles on top. “Twist the noodles to make them more beautiful,” Kwon recommends. He adds cucumbers, pickled daikon, hard-boiled egg, brisket, Korean pear and mustard, becoming increasingly excited with each addition.

Eventually, you figure out how you like it, and you make your own pile of custom goodies atop the iced noodles. When the pile is complete, fill the bowl with cold radish broth. Season with soy sauce, cider vinegar and red chili paste, and start hydrating your scorched body with thirsty slurps of cold, brothy noodles. n

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Motivational speaker Les Brown says his mission in life is to help people become uncomfortable with their mediocrity. That same mission is suitable for many of you Rams, as well. And I suspect you’ll be able to generate interesting fun and good mischief if you perform it in the coming weeks. Here’s a tip on how to make sure you do it well: Don’t use shame or derision as you motivate people to be uncomfortable with their mediocrity. A better approach is to be a shining example that inspires them to be as bright as you are.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus musician and visual artist Brian Eno has a practical, down-to-earth attitude about making beautiful things, which he has done in abundance.

He says that his goal is not to generate wonderful creations nonstop – that’s not possible – but rather to always be primed to do his best when inspiration strikes. In other words, it’s crucial to tirelessly hone his craft, to make sure his skills are constantly at peak capacity. I hope you’ve been approaching your own labors of love with that in mind, Taurus. If you have, you’re due for creative breakthroughs in the coming weeks. The diligent efforts you’ve invested in cultivating your talents are about to pay off. If, on the other hand, you’ve been a bit lazy about detail-oriented discipline, correct that problem now. There’s still time to get yourself in top shape.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In his 2010 album “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy,” Gemini musician Kanye West confesses the decadent and hedonist visions that fascinate and obsess him. Personally, I’m not entertained by the particular excesses he claims to indulge in; they’re generic and unoriginal and boring. But I bet that the beautiful dark twisted fantasies simmering in your imagination, Gemini, are more unique and intriguing. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to spend quality time in the coming weeks diving in and exploring those visions in glorious detail. Get to know them better. Embellish them. Meditate on the feelings they invoke and the possibility that they have deeper spiritual meanings. (P.S. But don’t act them out, at least not now.)

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it,” Cancerian actor Aubrey Plaza advises. I wish it were that simple. How much more fun we might all have if the quest for amusement and laughter were among our main motivating principles. But no, I don’t recommend that you always determine your course of action by what moves will gener-

ate the most entertainment and mirth.

Having said that, though, I do suspect the next few weeks may in fact be a good time to experiment with using Plaza’s formula.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the dictionary, the first definition of “magic” is “the art of producing illusions as entertainment by the use of sleight of hand and deceptive devices.” A far more interesting definition, which is my slight adjustment of an idea by occultist Aleister Crowley, doesn’t appear in most dictionaries. Here it is: “Magic is the science and art of causing practical changes to occur in accordance with your will – under the rigorous guidance of love.” According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the latter definition could and should be your specialty during the next four weeks.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “The soul, like the moon, is new, and always new again,” 14th-century mystic poet Lalleswari wrote. I will amend her poetic formulation, however. The fact is that the soul, unlike the moon, is always new in different ways; it doesn’t have a predictable pattern of changing as the moon does. That’s what makes the soul so mysterious and uncanny. No matter how devotedly we revere the soul, no matter how tenderly we study the soul, it’s always beyond our grasp. It’s forever leading us into unknown realms that teem with new challenges and delights. I invite you to honor and celebrate these truths in the coming weeks, Virgo. It’s time to exult in the shiny dark riddles of your soul.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “I have one talent, and that is the capacity to be tremendously surprised,” Libran author Diane Ackerman writes. I advise you to foster that talent, too, in the weeks ahead. If you’re feeling brave, go even further. Make yourself as curious as possible. Deepen your aptitude for amazements and epiphanies. Cultivate an appreciation for revelations and blessings that arrive from outside your expectations. To the degree that you do these things, the wonderments that come your way will tend to be enlivening and catalytic; unpredictability will be fun and educational.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Author and theologian Frederick Buechner writes, “If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, we must see not just their faces but also the life behind and within their faces.” The coming weeks will be prime time for you to heed Buechner’s advice, Scorpio. You’re in a phase when you’ll have extra power to understand and empathize with others. Taking full advantage of that potential will serve your selfish aims in profound ways, some of which you can’t imagine yet.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “Refine your rapture,” occultist Aleister Crowley advised. Now is an excellent time to take that advice. How might you go about doing it?

Well, you could have a long conversation with your deep psyche – and see if you can plumb hidden secrets about what gives it sublime pleasure. You could seek out new ways to experience euphoria and enchantment – with an emphasis on ways that also make you smarter and healthier. You might also take inventory of your current repertoire of bliss-inducing strategies – and cultivate an enhanced capacity to get the most out of them.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Are you ready to make the transition from slow, deep, subtle and dark to fast, high, splashy and bright? Are you interested in shifting your focus from behind-the-scenes to right up front and totally out in the open? Would it be fun and meaningful for you to leave behind the stealthy, smoldering mysteries and turn your attention to the sweet, blazing truths? All these changes can be yours – and more. To get the action started, jump up toward the sky three times, clicking your heels together during each mid-leap.

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$#

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Greenland is a mostly autonomous territory within the nation of Denmark. In 2019, U.S. President Donald Trump announced that his government was interested in buying the massive island, describing it as “a large real estate deal” that would add considerable strategic value to his country. A satirical story in The New Yorker subsequently claimed that Denmark responded with a counteroffer, saying it wasn’t interested in the deal, but “would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government.” I offer this as an example for you to be inspired by. The coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to flip the script, turn the tables, reverse the roles, transpose the narrative and switch the rules of the game.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Author Doris Lessing told us, “It is our stories that will recreate us.” Whenever we’re hurt or confused or demoralized, she suggested, we need to call on the imagination to conjure up a new tale for ourselves. “It is the storyteller, the dream-maker, the myth-maker, that is our phoenix,” she believed. The fresh narratives we choose to reinvent ourselves may emerge from our own dreams, meditations, or fantasies. Or they might flow our way from a beloved movie or song or book. I suspect you’re ready for this quest, Pisces. Create a new saga for yourself.

telegraph

Aug. 13, 2020 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday13 Sean O’Brien plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Dave Mensch plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Friday14 Mountain Ukulele Retreat, Aug. 14-16, featuring duo Victoria Vox and Jack Maher as well as workshops, www.rockymountainukefest.com.

La Plata County Free Virtual Legal Clinic, 4-5 p.m. Clinics will be held via telephone. To schedule a spot, call the Ignacio Library at 970-563-9287. Space is limited.

You Knew Me When plays, 5-8 p.m., The Nugget Bar, south of Purgatory.

Nothing doing this Tuesday?

Get some ice cream, cue up “Ghost” and celebrate two national treasures: Patrick Swayze and ice cream pie.

Jack Ellis plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Mushroom and Wine Dinner, 6:30-9 p.m., Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com Bad Goat DJ spins downtempo and balearic jams with a few rare vinyl cuts thrown in, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Saturday15 Durango Farmers Market, Saturdays, 8 a.m.-12 noon, in TBK Parking Lot, across from the Transit Center.

Facemasks required. www.durangofarmersmarket.com.

Free bokken (sword) and jo (staff) lessons, 9-10 a.m., Claire Viles Park. Masks required. www.durango aikido.com Guided Mushroom Hunt, 9:30 a.m.-12:45 p.m., $39/person. Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com Edible/Medicinal Plant Excursion, 9:30 a.m. – 3 p.m. Participants meet at the Rec Center and carpool to the site. Register at DurangoGov.org. $35.

Dustin Burley plays, 11 a.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St. J. Calvin Band plays, 5-8 p.m., The Nugget Bar, south of Purgatory.

Lacey Black plays, 5-8 p.m., Serious Texas BBQ South, 650 Camino Del Rio. Gary Watkins plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Kirk James plays solo blues, 6 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave. Bob Hemenger plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St. Gary B. Walker plays jazz accordion, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. Second Ave.

12 n Aug. 13, 2020

You Knew Me When plays, 8 p.m., The Nugget Bar, south of Purgatory.

Sunday16 Henry Stoy plays piano, 10 a.m.- 1 p.m., Jean Pierre Wine Bar, College Drive and Main.

Blue Moon Ramblers play Americana/bluegrass, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Monday17 Meditation and Dharma Talk with Dave Smith, 5:30- 7 p.m. online at www.durangodharmacenter.org/ Rob Webster plays, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Ed Bolster plays live on the patio, 6-8 p.m., PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar, 1201 Main Ave. Zoom author talk with Makenna Goodman, author of The Shame, 6:30 p.m. Hosted by Maria’s Bookshop. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83040844563

Tuesday18 National Ice Cream Pie Day and Patrick Swayze’s birthday (1952-2009).

Wednesday19

Backyard fruit harvesting with the Good Food Collective, Wednesdays, 5-7 p.m. Meet at Manna Soup Kitchen. Bring water bottle, face mask and boxes/bags for any fruit you want to take home. Info at: www.goodfood collective.org/get-involved Terry Rickard plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. The Jeff Solon Jazz Duo plays the patio, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café (formerly Cyprus Cafe), 725 E. 2nd Ave. Free bokken (sword) and jo (staff) lessons, 56p.m., Claire Viles Park. Masks required. www.durango aikido.com

Ongoing “Unbridled” equine photography of Tony Stromberg, thru Aug. 31, Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. Virtual Bow Wow Film Festival, thru Aug. 21, a fundraiser for the La Plata County Humane Society. For information, URL and tickets, go to: www.lpchumanesociety .org.

Lacey Black/Dale Elliott play ragtime and honkytonk piano, 12 noon – 2:30ish, daily at the Grand Imperial Hotel’s Lone Spur Cafe in Silverton.

“Detecting Domestication of the Four Corners Potato,” Zoom presentation, 2:30 p.m. presented by the San Juan Basin Archaeological Society. Info: sjbas.org.

The Hive offers daily youth activities including “Musical Mondays,” “Sewing Tuesdays” and “Theatrical Thursdays.” Space is limited and masks are required. For info or to sign up, email Kelsie@hivedgo.org

Wednesday Wine Workshop, “Unique Italian Wines You’ve Probably Never Heard Of,” with Sommelier Tracy, 4-5 p.m., PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar, 1201 Main Ave. Reserve your spot at www.primidurango.com

Pine River Library is offering curbside checkouts Mon.-Fri., 2-6 p.m., and Sat., 10 a.m.- 2 p.m. For info., call 970-884-2222 or visit www.prlibrary.org/curbsidecheckout-program/ 4

telegraph

AskRachel

Camping in, hallucinogenic toads and socksy talk Interesting fact: Contronyms are single words with two conflicting definitions. Like, “to dust” means both “cover in fine particles” and “remove fine particles.” How do we even communicate?

Dear Rachel, It’s time for my biannual camping trip. The excuse to drive into the forest, eat lots of prepackaged non-perishable Oreos and hot dogs and “potato” chips in a tube, drink cheap wine, get stoned, and look at the stars. I really need it this year. Or I thought I did. But I realized that since I now avoid the grocery store, that is entirely my at-home life, minus the forest and the stars. Couldn’t I save the gas money and buy more tubular foods online? Or do I really need fresh air and nature?

– Daniel Boone’s Farm Dear Tubular, Biannual. Do you mean twice a year, or once every two years? This: this is the worst thing in the English language. “Literally” meaning both “literally” and “figuratively” is easy to swallow, because any half-evolved ape can read context clues. THERE IS NO INTONATION FOR BIANNUAL. Do you mean “semi-annual” or “biennial”?

Real words exist for a reason. Biannual has ceased to mean anything anymore, and when we no longer have words that mean anything, do we have nothing?

– Semi-bi, Rachel

MoreStufftoDo from p.12

Upcoming: Matt Rupnow plays, Aug. 21, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Dear Rachel, My dog barks. All the time. Big and deep. At absolutely nothing. Until this one time, I followed his gaze out the window and saw a toad on the walkway. I have to conclude, therefore, that he is possibly super sensitive to the presence of amphibians and each bark is in fact defending us from hallucinogenic toads. There is no YouTube video for working with this. Any ideas?

–Toad in the Hole Dear Dog Croaker, You don’t need to train your dog away from barking at toads. You need to learn how to capitalize on it! I have zero idea what benefit there is to barking at frogs (what’s the diff, since words don’t mean anything), but if you slap an ad on Craigslist, you’ll find some toady willing to pay for it.

– Ribbit, Rachel Dear Rachel, Why do socks come in six-packs when there are seven days in a week, and one of those is laundry day? I need a freaking eight-pack. Buying two six-packs just leaves me with an abundance of socks overstuffing my skinny little sock drawer, crowding out my two pairs of dress socks (one tan, one black) that I wear once or twice a year when I need to feel like an adult.

I’d even pay more per sock to the revolutionary who initiates the eight-pack.

– Barefoot Count

Devin Scott plays everything from R. Kelly to Patsy Cline on ukulele, Aug. 28, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main.

Donny Johnson plays, Aug. 29, 5:308:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Book launch party for local author Scott Graham’s new book, Mesa Verde Victim, No. 6, Aug. 25, signing noon – 2 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop’s garden, 960 Main Ave.; livestream event with Graham and an archaeologist from Crow Canyon Archaeological Center, 6:30-7:30 p.m., www.mariasbookshop.com.

10th annual San Juan Mining & Reclamation Conference: Adaptive Capacity in Uncertain Times, Sept. 21-24, with local, state, national and international guests, presented by Mountain Studies Institute, Uncompahgre Watershed Partnership, San Miguel Watershed Coalition and Headwaters Alliance. For info or to register, go to: www.mountainstudies.org/sjmrc

The Great Animas City Passeggiata, Aug. 26, 5-8 p.m., 30th and N. Main, presented by the Animas City Night Bazaar. www.animascitynightbazaar.com

Dear Sock Monkey, My friend in high school wanted to become a doctor so he could afford 365 pairs of socks, thus having fresh socks every day and only having to launder them annually. (I don’t think he realized doctors can afford hiring out their laundry.) You, however, are already a full-fledged adult if you are doing your laundry once a week and not semi-monthly (or bi-weekly, if you’re bi-curious). I’m sure you’ll find a use for your excess sockage.

– Sock it to me, Rachel

When words don’t do justice.

iAM Music Fest 2020 Concert Series, Aug. 29, matinee show 3:30-5:30 p.m.; evening show 6:30-9 p.m. Buckley Park.

Tickets: www.iammusic.us

Rocky Mountain Uke Fest online jam, Aug. 24, 6:30 – 8 p.m. Email denise@rockymountainukefest.com

Leah Orlikowski plays, Aug. 25, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

SCAPE 2020 online start-up showcase, Sept. 22, 2 p.m. goscape.org Mountain Marmot Trail Run, Sept.

26, 9 a.m. – 12:30 p.m., Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

Add a color photo to your Telegraph classified ad for just $10/week.

(Just like Craigslist ... but a lot less creepy.)

To place your ad, go to www.durangotelegraph.com or email classifieds@durangotelegraph.com

Send your stuff to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

telegraph

Aug. 13, 2020 n 13

EndoftheLine

How (not to) COVID-president T

rump is a sort of nightmare for satirists.

Usually, satire is about taking the target’s behavior and making it absurd enough to show the danger of the original position. But trump runs ahead of that. He’s literally self-satirizing. I mean, what can you do with a guy who actively promotes a “doctor” that believes in demon sex and alien DNA? Comedian Sarah Cooper has had the best response. She simply makes videos lip-synching the man’s own words in his own voice back to us. His insanity is made manifestly obvious. If you haven’t seen one, avail yourself. She is brilliant.

So, in tribute to her brilliance, I’m simply going to list Trump’s actions since the pandemic began. It is a factual history of his response, mixed with key events. Each entry is accurate. They are not taken out of context. In fact, the context of each quote or action is even worse than the necessary shorthand such a list requires. Trumps’ quotations are either direct statements, official announcements, policy positions, retweets or tweets ... all communication from someone who purports to be the President of the United States.

I encourage you to research these and ponder what it means to have fallen so low in our expectations. Perhaps the best thing you could do with this list is show it to someone who is considering voting for Trump. Here’s some questions for that person: even if you feel like 96 percent of this list is wrong, is not the remaining 4 percent enough to kick the man out of office? Two percent? One percent? How low is the bar?

Please stay safe, keep on masking, and vote for an end to our national nightmare in November. We satirists would like our jobs back, too.

Jan. 3: Trump briefed on Coronavirus.

Jan. 4: Golf.

Jan. 5: Golf.

Jan. 9: Rally.

Jan. 14: Rally.

Jan. 18: Golf.

Jan. 19: Golf.

Jan. 21: Trump: “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China.”

Jan. 23: W.H.O.: “We are declaring a world health emergency.”

Jan. 28: Rally.

Jan. 30: Rally.

Jan. 30: H.H.S. Secretary Azar: “It’s going to be a pandemic.” Trump: “You’re an alarmist.”

Jan. 31: Trump enacts “China travel ban.” 40,000 people enter the U.S. from China anyway between Jan. and April.

Feb. 1: Golf.

Feb. 2: Golf.

Feb. 10: Rally.

Feb. 15: Golf.

Feb. 17: Fundraiser.

Feb. 17: White House public health advisors: “We need to go to lockdown.”

Trump: “Nah.”

14 n Aug. 13, 2020

Feb. 18: Fundraiser.

Feb. 19: Rally.

Feb. 20: Rally.

Feb. 21: Rally.

Feb. 24: Trump: “The virus is under control, totally.”

Feb. 26: Trump: “15 cases in a couple of days is gonna be down to close to zero.”

Feb. 28: Trump: “Coronavirus. This is the Dem’s ‘new hoax’... You’ll be fine.”

Feb. 29: Trump: “China is making tremendous progress.”

March 1: 1 dead.

March 2 Rally.

March 7: Golf.

March 8: Golf.

March 11: 28 dead.

March 12: Trump: “It’s gonna go away.”

March 13: Trump: “No, I don’t take responsibility at all.”

March 16: Trump: “I give myself a 10 out of 10.”

March 17: 110 dead.

March 19: Trump: “We’re not a shipping clerk. States are on their own” March 24: 791 dead.

March 27: Trump: “We have done a job the likes of which nobody’s seen.”

March 30: 2,509 dead.

March 31: Trump: “Buy MyPillow™.”

April 1: Trump: “We inherited broken tests from Obama.” (The tests referenced were nonexistent, as the virus was unknown previous to 2019.)

April 2: Kushner: “Masks and PPE gear are for us, not the states.”

April 3: Trump: “I choose not to wear a mask.”

April 5: Trump: “Malaria pills might work. Let’s try that.”

April 7: 10,989 dead.

April 10: Trump: “The germ has gotten so brilliant that the antibiotic can’t keep up.”

April 13: Trump: “Everything we did was right. I have total authority.”

April 14: 23,649 dead.

April 16: Trump: “The states have total authority. They call their own shots.”

April 17: Trump: “LIBERATE MICHIGAN, LIBERATE MINNESOTA, LIBERATE VIRGINIA.” April 18: Trump: “We could see 60-65k dead. But that’s better than 100-240k.”

April 23: Trump: “Injecting disinfectant might work.”

April 24: 49,963 dead.

April 28: Pence: “I didn’t wear a mask because I wanted to look workers in the eye.”

April 30: Trump: “Blame China, not me!”

May 2: 65,068 dead.

May 4: Trump: “We could see 100k dead. But it’s safe to reopen.

May 05: Trump: “The task force will close very soon.”

May 6: Trump: “The task force will stay open indefinitely.”

May 7: 74,586 dead.

May 7: CDC reopening guidelines shelved, unseen.

May 8: Unemployment hits 14.7 percent, highest since 1940.

May 9: Trump: “The virus will disappear magically without a vaccine. Doctors say.”

May 10: 30 states partially re-open; 18 have increasing daily case rates.

May 11: Two White House staff members infected.

May 13: Trump: “We rank near the bottom in per capita deaths.” (Reality: the United States ranked ninth highest.)

May 14: Trump: “Blame Obama, not me!”

May 15: 85,000 dead.

May 17: Trump: “If we didn’t do any testing, we wouldn’t have any new cases.”

May 18: Trump: “I’m taking malaria pills because lots of people called to tell me they work. That’s my evidence.”

May 19: Trump: “I tested perfectly. Positively towards the negative.”

May 22: 94,000 dead.

May 23: Golf.

telegraph

May 24: Golf.

May 25: Trump: “When you say ‘per capita,’ there’s many per capitas. It’s like, per capita relative to what?”

May 26: Imperial College London estimates 24 states have uncontrolled spread.

May 27: Trump: “Masks represent slavery, silence and death.”

May 28: Trump: “The only good Democrat is a dead Democrat.”

May 30: 102,000 dead.

June 12: Golf.

June 13: Golf.

June 14: Golf.

June 16: Pence: “There is no coronavirus second wave.” One month later, cases tripled into a second wave.

June 20: Rally. No masks required.

June 23: Rally. No masks required.

June 24: Dozens of Secret Service officers ordered quarantined after two test positive.

June 24: Eight White House staffers test positive for virus.

June 29: Cases jump 80 percent nationwide, eclipsing April infection rates.

June 28: Several states revert to partial shutdown.

June 30: Anthony Fauci: “We could easily see 100,000 infections a day soon.”

July 1: Trump: “It will disappear at some point.”

July 2: 125,000 dead.

July 4: Trump: “99 percent of cases in the US are totally harmless.” His own FDA Chief refuses to back him up.

July 8: 62,751 new infections in one day.

July 10: Trump: “All schools must open 100 percent in fall.”

July 11: Trump wears a mask publicly for first time.

July 12: 132,000 dead.

July 13: Fauci sidelined by Trump administration.

July 14: Trump: “Buy GOYA™ beans.”

July 15: CDC is stripped of record-keeping responsibilities, gutting transparency.

July 17: U.S. cases spike to 76,000 a day.

July 18: Golf.

July 19: Golf.

July 23: U.S. hits 4 million total cases, deaths spike to late May levels.

July 24: Trump: “Man, woman, person, camera, tv. I aced my cognitive test.”

July 25: GOP convention in Jacksonville, Fla., cancelled due to viral spread.

July 25: Golf.

July 26: Golf.

July 28: 145,670 dead July 29: Trump: “It’s unsafe to vote.

Let’s delay the election?”

July 30: Trump: “Doctor that believes in demon dream sperm & alien DNA is impressive.”

July 31: Herman Cain, 2012 GOP presidential candidate and anti-mask Trump acolyte, dies of coronavirus.

Aug. 01: 150,000 Americans dead. Daily death rate spikes to more than 1,000.

Aug. 1: Golf.

Aug. 2: Golf.

– Shan Wells

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Academic Support Math and science tutoring & college application support. 7th-12th grade. Distancing and masks req. Al McKown 970799-6114.

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings New arrivals: Vintage Drexel Asian cabinet with matching mirror. Tall tables, bar stools, and two midcentury dressers.

Garden items, bistro, and lots of fun kitchen items. 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

HaikuMovieReview “Hamilton” musicals are not my jam but this one was good just not ten grand good – Lainie Maxson

NewspaperOrigami

RSE Handyman Service Home maintenance & repair, yard work, odd jobs 970-903-0449.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

After School Teacher Nifty Nanny hiring an after school teacher. Experience required. 20-25 hours per week. $15-$20 per hour. Call 970-4034931.

Lost/Found Found a Guitar on Lime Creek Road Found a guitar left at a campsite on Lime Creek Rd. If you can describe it to me it's yours. Derrell 970-759-4939.

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, social media, website content, SEO, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Email jnderge@ gmail.com

ForRent Bright & Beautiful Office Space available inside natural health care office. Perfect for body worker or therapist.

Shared waiting area & bathroom. Free: pkg, wifi & util. $550/mo Call/text 970749-2815.

telegraph

Aug. 13, 2020 n 15

Now with less fact checking

­elegraph­ the­­­­durango

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Aug. 13, 2020 Vol. XIX, No. 29 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Candemonium

Cold comfort

Par for the course

Beer suppliers, big and small, navigate can shortage p8

Turn off the heat with these classic Korean noodles p10

A daily guide to how not to president in a pandemic p11