The Durango Telegraph, Aug. 19, 2021

Do not eat

­elegraph the­­­­durango

FREE Aug. 19, 2021 Vol. XX, No. 32 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Hazed & confused

What comes around

Bottom of the barrel

A homecoming to Durango clouded by climate change p7

Thieves may meet thier match with ‘bike bait‘ program p9

After 14 years, ‘Top Shelf’ hangs up his pint glass p10

Gummies New Lower Price

ALL DAY

The Alternative Resource Variety of Strains • Hash/Concentrates • Edibles • Tinctures • ATM Bodo Park (Durango)

Grandview (Durango)

Cortez

REC: 9am-9pm MED: 9am- 6:45pm 72 Suttle Street, Units F/G 970.259.3674

REC ONLY: 9am-8pm 37 CR 232 970.426.4381

MED & REC: 9am-9pm 1104 E. Main St., Cortez 970.565-6500

Issue 17 of The Gulch is coming soon!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities or get a subscription, email: steve@gulchmag.com

2 n Aug. 19, 2021

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

Getting hives Foray into bee-keeping not for the faint of heart or nerves

by Zach Hively

4 Thumbin’ It 5 Word on the Street 6 Soapbox 7 Land Desk

7

8 State News

Through the haze

A homecoming to SW Colorado greeted by climate change

9 Local News

by Jonathan Thompson / Land Desk

10 Top Shelf 11 Flash in the Pan

8

12-13 Stuff to Do

Ear to the ground: “I left my liver and the bottom half of a Merc 115 outboard there.”

– Local rehashing the casualties of a recent trip to Lake Powell

Long live Casa Bonita

thepole

RegularOccurrences

It’s official: South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are set to purchase Colorado’s infamous Casa Bonita Mexican restaurant in Lakewood.

Casa Bonita, known more for its cliff jumping and kitschy décor rather than its cuisine, has been in business since 1974, but was made famous when it was featured on a “South Park” episode in 2003. In April, however, the owners of Casa Bonita filed for bankruptcy, casting its future into doubt.

So who else better to step in to save the iconic establishment than the “South Park” creators?

Parker and Stone, both Colorado natives, said they have reached an agreement to purchase the historic restaurant. While the duo is excited to make necessary improvements (ahem, the food), Parker didn’t hide the ulterior motive.

“Of course everyone wants to jump off the cliff into the pool,” Parker said. “We actually had a private party at Casa Bonita when we opened ‘Book of Mormon.’ I (asked) can you (dive off the cliff) and the answer was, ‘No, you’d have to own the place.’”

Well, now they do.

12 Ask Rachel

Uncharted waters What the Colorado River water shortage means for Colorado

13-14 Free Will Astrology

by Michael Elizabeth Sakas/ Colorado Public Radio

15 Classifieds 15 Haiku Movie Review

9

On the cover: An amanita muscaria, aka fly agaric mushroom, recently spotted in the San Juan Mountains. These ones are best admired from afar as they can cause nausea and stupification (which can be seriously unpleasant) upon ingestion./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Taking the bait

Durango Police equip decoy bikes with GPS in effort to thwart thieves

by Jonathan Romeo

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com ADVERTISING SALES: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com STAFF REPORTER: Jonathan Romeo jonathan@durangotelegraph.com

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Zach Hively, Rob Brezsny, Clint Reid, Chris Aaland, Ari LeVaux and Jonathan Thompson

REAL WORLD ADDRESS: 679 E. 2nd Ave., Ste E2 Durango, CO 81301 PHONE: 970-259-0133

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302

E-MAIL: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

VIRTUAL ADDRESS: www.durangotelegraph.com

MAIL DELIVERY AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: $3.50/issue, $150/year

distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

As for the food, which has become notorious for how bad it is, the “South Park” creators are well aware there’s room for improvement. One recent reviewer on TripAdvisor, for instance, wrote, “I came away emotionally drained… feeling physically lousy from the bad food and deflated by the whole, sad experience.” Yikes.

Well it seems one Boulder restaurant is up to the task to change Casa Bonita’s one-star fare. McDevitt Taco Supply, vying for the chance to provide food service, wrote in an open letter to Parker and Stone that “Since 1974, the Colorado landmark has left an imprint on our hearts, and, most likely, our intestines. Casa Bonita has sucked for a very long time… but couldn’t it possibly suck just a little less?”

Off the shelf Well, it appears another one bites the dust in the line of illustrious Telegraph contributors.

Music, nightlife and occasional social and sports commentator Chris Aaland, who has penned “Top Shelf” for 14 years, is hanging up his pint glass.

Aaland, whose legendary beer exploits include three bricks in the gone but not forgotten Lady F’s wall of fame, said the days of throwing back every beer on tap have, unfortunately, sailed.

“I just want to pull weeds, scoop dog poop and hang out in my back yard for fun,” Aaland divulged in a recent farewell call.

To read Aaland’s swan song, turn to p.10. In the meantime, any witty and salty music writers can avail themselves by emailing: telegraph@ durangotelegraph.com.

Aug. 19, 2021 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal Bee-grade stash I have never shopped the black market before, but I understand the experience, now that I keep bees.

Really, there is no way to buy an animal with cash from someone’s garage – someone who just drove overnight from California with a van full of animals in cages – without feeling somewhat illicit. But I didn’t buy an animal in a cage. I bought about ten thousand of them. Times two.

You see, you can’t really breed bees on a commercial scale out here in the Mountain West. California, because of its stringent vehicle emission standards, has a milder winter, perfect for breeding queen bees because they don’t have to wear cumbersome fur stoles to keep warm at night. Come springtime, the bee dealers stuff mated queens in little personal cages, which breathe better than plastic baggies. They then stick those cages inside bigger ones, which they fill with thousands of worker bees. I imagine the dealers doing this with a scoop much like those in the bulk food section.

Then smaller-time dealers drive these cages to garages all over the nation, where they assure their users that these docile honeybees have not been laced with aggressive Africanized ones.

I have wanted to keep bees for a long, long time but lacked a stable housing situation and also one of those bee-specific hazmat suits.

Last year, I took the plunge. I built two hives with my bare hands from pre-cut kits, and I drove deep into the mountains, where three times I missed the turn for this particular garage. My dealer asked if I wanted Italian or Carniolan bees, and I said one of each rather than appear like I didn’t know what he was talking about. We loaded up my two packages, which would have fit nicely inside two breadboxes if only I’d known to bring some, and I played Bach for the bees on the drive home, and somehow I didn’t die despite the one loose bee who refused to fly out the window.

On the drive, I named the Italian queen Simona, after a strong-hearted Italian woman I know. And I named the Carniolan queen Sabine, after my favorite plucky tennis player and also after a Star Wars cartoon character I don’t have a crush on because that would be weird, right?

Now I had watched a YouTube video the day before about homing a bee package

in a hive. The experienced fella demonstrated it in about four minutes without a hazmat suit. So I followed his guidance to the letter, at least insofar as clothing. But when I cracked the seal on these cages, the bees billowed out like a loud genie who doesn’t care much for Bach.

I panicked. In my eagerness to Become One with the Bees, I had neglected to open the packages adjacent to the empty hives. I had to corral these genies across the yard and into some wooden boxes – with no prior experience, no help and only one EpiPen, just in case.

After some more panicking, I settled on the same tried-and-true approach I use for home and automotive repair: I ignored the problem until it went away. The bees ultimately follow their queen, and the queens were still snug in their little penthouse cages. So before dusk settled in, I suited up, gathered the tired genies, situated Simona and Sabine in their new domains, and proceeded to peek in on them every day for weeks.

In fact, I grew so comfortable with my bees – who true to the dealer’s word, were not laced with aggression – that I boasted I could work with them in the nude. I envisioned a future line of honey products under the banner of The Naked Beekeeper. However, that would have to wait, because YouTube told me to leave all the first year’s honey for the bees.

If they survive that long, that is. I tapered off my twicedaily checks just in time for Simona to die for no good reason – and her hive failed to replace her with another queen. Then in an extreme January cold spell, Sabine froze.

Beekeeping is heartbreak. It’s also addicting. So this year, I found my man’s garage on the first attempt.

He gave me all the same assurances, and I placed the queens on their predecessors’ thrones – Sabine II, and Simona la Grande. (Simona la Human had the brilliant realization that a number implied the short ascension of Simona III, whereas la Grande could live forever in legend if not in flesh.) The Naked Beekeeper is on hiatus, because Sabine II’s ladies are real assholes who force me to ground and center myself like some Zen master before prying the roof off their home. But – it’s a good year for wildflowers, the bees are alive so far, and if you want in on this action, I might know a guy.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It

4 n Aug. 19, 2021

– Zach Hively

StrangeFlex

The City of Durango exploring the purchase of the Best Western hotel on Highway 160 to convert to affordable and transitional housing. If this includes room service, we’re moving in too.

An appallingly overlooked state law that for the last 157 years called on citizens to kill Native Americans and take their property (the law fortunately was struck from the books on Tuesday)

Volunteers using a pressure washer to remove racist and vulgar graffiti at X-Rock, further adding to the timeless mystery why people love drawing male genitalia on everything.

Drought leading to the first-ever water shortage in the Colorado River basin, forcing water cuts in some states and Mexico in 2022, and adding to the plight of Southwest farmers.

North Carolina lawmakers finally raising the minimum marriage age from 14 to 16 in an effort to reverse the state’s reputation as a destination for adults who want to marry children. Hey, awesome job!

The immediate take over by the Taliban in Afghanistan following the withdrawal of U.S. forces, raising fears for women and children in the country.

telegraph

Geometric Energy Corp. plans to charter a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket next year to launch a satellite into space that’ll be used as an “orbital billboard.” The satellite/billboard will actually be a four-inch cube attached to a special “selfie stick.” Advertising will be beamed from Earth and displayed on one of the cube’s pixilated surfaces, the commercials will be recorded via the selfie stick, and then they’ll be livestreamed on YouTube. We all have the same question (“but why?”), and I’m sure many of us are wondering the same thing: how long until space porn?

&

( % (+ # + & ,$) & # + & ,$) + #( ($

WordontheStreet

Q

With masks now part of our everyday wardrobes again, The Telegraph asked: “What clothing accessory would you like to see come back?”

((

Emma

“Those big feather hats – derby hats – because they make good shade.”

! '' ' # ) )'( )& # $ # $&( - "%)' ' # % &'$# ! '' ' #! # $%( $#' * ## ! &

'( & ($ , !! $& " ! # $ )& # $ )!( $&

Ben

“Ascots, because they double as a mask, so they have a practical purpose and they’re totally of the time, unfortunately.”

Gabe

“Leather pants.

Bring ’em back!”

Kelli

“Fishnets – not in a trashy way, but in a classy way, like, you’re going to work.”

Rob

“JNCO Jeans – they were dope, man!” telegraph

Aug. 19, 2021 n 5

SoapBox

D-Tooned/by Rob Pudim

Save Ohana Kuleana For the past nine years, a small plot of land in the Animas City neighborhood near East 30th Street and East 6th Avenue has had a significant impact on Durango: the Ohana Kuleana Community Garden.

Hundreds of residents from the city and county have tended small plots, growing vegetables, fruits, herbs and flowers along with donating thousands of pounds to local not-for-profit organizations. Many of these “farmers” either can’t have a garden at home because of limited space or just want the company of others who garden and share experiences.

Through community donations and many volunteer hours, the garden has developed an efficient irrigation system, and added wildlife fencing, an amphitheater, gravel parking lot, compost storage area, garden tools of all sorts and a shelter area for storage. Berms host fruit trees and an insectary. There’s a large herb garden that all get to enjoy.

Seminars at the garden cover permaculture farming, composting, the efficient use of water and other resources, and how to attract bees, to name a few. Thousands of Riverview Elementary students, many who have never gardened before, get their hands dirty planting, tending and harvesting pumpkins, potatoes, carrots, squash, corn, peppers and tomatoes.

Please visit the garden when gardeners are there to learn more about how you can become involved in this valuable community resource.

– Carol Diver, Durango

Afghanistan exit botched The proverbial finger-pointing amongst our politicians, the Pentagon, media and all the others who think they know all the answers as to what to do now in Afghanistan is mind-boggling.

My biggest concern was all the attention paid to getting

the American Embassy evacuated and not stopping the Taliban from releasing thousands of prisoners that were captured in Iraq/Syria/other places in the Middle East.

These freed prisoners are terrorists who will most likely plan the next U.S. attack – like they did 20 years ago on Sept. 11, 2001, and support their evil plans with the No. 1

crop in Afghanistan for ages, poppy fields, which produce just about all of the world’s illicit heroin.

This last week of Afghanistan coverage is about as bad as what climate change has done to our world – or worse.

It can only get better as we all hope and pray.

– Sally Florence, Durango

New Location!

1239 Main Ave. Come see us!

Hours: mon - Fri 11-6 & Sat 11-5: www.jimmysmusic.supply 1239 Main Ave • 970-764-4577 6 n Aug. 19, 2021

telegraph

LandDesk

by Jonathan Thompson

Hazed and confused Trip back to Durango overwhelms with evidence of climate change electrical utility’s equipment, grew to become the second largest fire in California’s history. One day Salt Lake City – which suffered through its hottest July on record – was ranked as the most polluted in the world; the next day it was Denver. Boise wasn’t much better, and it had its hottest July on record, too.

As we drove into town, past big box stores and condos in a spot I will forever think of as the livestock Sale Barn

of irrigation water through a canal. At stake are crops like the corn grown at the Ute Mountain Ute Farm & Ranch very time I take the flight between Denver and DuEnterprise, which needs another few weeks of water to rango, I try to get a window seat with views unimreach maturity. peded by the wing. And from the moment the plane This is just one piece of the backdrop against which the tilts up and that distinctive feeling of the wheels leaving International Panel on Climate Change released its most rethe earth causes my stomach to sink, my forehead is cent, and grimmest, report yet. The heading for Section A.1, pressed to the hard plastic of the window and my gaze affor example, reads: “It is unequivocal that human influence fixed to the topography has warmed the atmosphere, below. I never read or conocean and land. Widespread verse with my neighbor or and rapid changes in the atsleep, regardless of how tired I mosphere, ocean, cryosphere might be or how many hours and biosphere have ocI may have spent in airplanes, curred.” airports, and security and The fires, drought, floodpassport lines already. If I did, ing and heatwaves are eviI might miss something, I dence of the change. And might overlook some tiny deevery ton of greenhouse gas tail – a distinctively shaped added to the atmosphere will patch of snow on the north further warm the planet and face of a rocky peak, the sildrive us deeper into this disasvery flash of late sun reflectter that is already playing out ing off a meandering stream – in the ground. Since there’s down below, in what I like to no chance of stopping emiscall my Home Country. sions tomorrow, the warming I made the trip again a likely will continue for few days ago, the last leg of a decades, and the adverse eflong journey that began in fects likely will grow worse. rural Greece, not far from While the report, even in the island of Evia, where catits staid language, oozes with astrophic wildfires continue despair, the authors do not to ravage forests, olive groves advise to abandon all hope, and villages, forcing thounor are we doomed to desands to flee by sea. From scend into the Inferno. If my seat in the bus, I global leaders act decisively watched the pyrocumulous and quickly to halt humancloud rise into the blue sky. caused emissions by 2050, The following day, from the then it’s possible to keep the airplane window, I saw simitemperature from climbing to lar plumes in northern levels that would make life on Smoke fills the skies above Durango recently as wildfires rage across the West./ Photo by Missy Votel Greece and Croatia before this planet rather miserable. flying over the brilliant green Hope on this matter is fields of Germany and Belgium, so recently wracked by and the Rocket Drive-In, and crossed the High Bridge over hard to come by these days. What’s left of my optimism deadly flooding. the Animas River, I took a gander to ground-truth the erodes with every story of another fire, another town All of that just made me more eager to get on the DuUSGS stream gauge that I had closely tracked all summer. burned to the ground, another heatwave, another rash of rango flight, knowing that the state was free of major After a disappointing spring runoff, the river seemed to heat-related fatalities in the Arizona desert. I despair every fires – for now – thanks to a robust and soaking monbe vanishing altogether before the monsoon came and time a politician blocks decent policy because it might soon. But when I finally got out of the plane in Denver shot the levels up above the median for this time of year cut into the profits of the fossil fuel corporations. And and looked out the airport’s huge windows, my hopes for a little over a week. Then the rains went and the water sometimes I just wanna say, “F*** it!” were dashed. The air was thick with smoke as dense as dropped back down. Now it’s once again approaching But then I hear my daughters talking so intelligently any fog. I stepped out on an outdoor terrace to, at last, re- bottom-scraping levels for the boaters. and compassionately about the world and the future, and move the mask I had been wearing for nearly 20 hours The water picture is far more grim elsewhere. Despite I see a new wave of young leaders taking the reins of straight, only to get a big gulp of campfire-scented air. huge rains that triggered massive debris flows in the scars power without compromising their values. I realize that So much for my plane’s eye view of the Home Country. I of last year’s big fires that shut down I-70 through Glengiving up is not an option. There is hope. Really. saw no farm fields laid out in rectilinear perfection, no wood Canyon, and even though the Bureau of ReclamaWhen I started writing this piece this morning, the jagged mountain peaks, no rivers, no lakes, no mesas, no tion has been releasing extra water from upstream hills and mountains lining the Animas Valley were still landforms. I only saw sea of light gray as opaque as any real reservoirs, Lake Powell continues to shrink and the big obscured by the smoke, and Hermosa Mountain, that ocean. I finally made out features on the ground through bathtub ring lining its sandstone shores grows. Lake icon of my childhood, was almost invisible. Then some the gauzy veil just before we landed: the distinctive form of Oroville, California’s second-largest reservoir, dropped so winds kicked up and, almost miraculously, the smoke the Hogback Monocline which provides a boundary for the low that it can no longer produce hydropower – the first blew away. I looked up the valley and there was Hermosa geologic San Juan Basin; the little boxes of a rural subdivitime that’s happened since it was built in the 1960s. In Mountain and its distinctive red cliffs watching over the sion; a coalbed methane wellpad, then another, and anAugust 2019, the dam’s power plant generated enough verdant valley. other; and the silhouettes of natural gas plant distilling electricity to power 639,000 California homes; this Autowers against an apocalyptic-orange sky. gust it will power zero homes. That will further strain the The smoke wasn’t from any Colorado fires but had em- California grid when the next heatwave hits and force The Land Desk is a thrice-weekly newsletter from Jonathan P. anated from massive conflagrations in California, Oregon grid operators to turn to natural gas for power. And Thompson, longtime journalist and author of River of Lost Souls, and Washington, got caught up in the wind, and blown McPhee Reservoir on the Dolores River is being dredged Behind the Slickrock Curtain, and the forthcoming Sagebrush Emacross the entire West. The Dixie Fire, likely sparked by an of 13,000 cubic feet of silt to squeeze the remaining drops pire. To subscribe, go to: www.landdesk.org.■

E

telegraph

Aug. 19, 2021 n 7

StateNews

Coming up short What the first-ever Colorado River shortage means for Colorado

by Michael Elizabeth Sakas Colorado Public Radio

T

he federal government has officially declared the first-ever water shortage in the Colorado River basin, which means mandatory water cuts in some states and Mexico in 2022.

The shortage was triggered because water levels in Lake Mead on the Nevada-Arizona border, the largest reservoir in the U.S., are projected to drop so low that it can’t meet the water and energy demands of communities in the West.

“Like much of the West, and across our connected basins, the Colorado River is facing unprecedented and accelerating challenges,” Assistant U.S. Secretary for Water and Science Tanya Trujillo said in a statement.

What does this water shortage mean for Colorado? Nothing, legally.

Lake Mead stores water for the states in the lower Colorado River basin – that’s Nevada, Arizona and California. Because Lake Mead has dropped below 1,075 feet, the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation can mandate water cuts in Arizona and Nevada.

Climate change, drought and overuse of the Colorado River system are jeopardizing the reliability of this water, which supplies 40 million people in the West. Lake Mead hit its lowest level on record this year, as did the second-largest reservoir in the U.S., Lake Powell.

A 100-year-old water-sharing agreement means Colorado and the other states in the upper Colorado River basin – New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming – are legally obligated to send a certain amount of water downstream to the lower-basin states and Mexico.

Currently, Colorado and this group of states are complying with the water-sharing agreement. The upper basin is not legally at fault for the low levels in Lake Mead.

“When we hear a shortage declaration, that definitely causes angst,” Becky Mitchell, director of the Colorado Water

8 n Aug. 19, 2021

The Colorado River flows through Marble Canyon near Lee’s Ferry, in Arizona. Years of drought have shrunk the river and its reservoirs’ levels to all-time lows, eliciting the first-ever water-shortage declaration on the river. As a result, lower basin states and Mexico will be forced to make water cuts in 2022./ Photo by Missy Votel Conservation Board, said. “But I do feel like it’s a call to action both in the upper basin and the lower basin.”

Mitchell said all of the states in the Colorado River basin are working to manage “this very precious resource,” so that federal

emergency actions like this are rare.

The official shortage declaration in the lower-basin states does add pressure to renegotiations of the Colorado River’s existing management guidelines, which are set to expire in 2026.

telegraph

“It is much easier to make decisions in times of plenty,” Mitchell said. “But the decisions are more important in times like now, and they have a greater impact.”

For more from Colorado Public Radio, go to: www.cpr.org. ■

TopStory

What comes around Durango police use ‘bait bikes’ in hopes of deterring, snagging bike thieves

by Jonathan Romeo

B

ike thieves: consider yourselves warned. In an effort to clamp down on stolen bikes, the Durango Police Department has started a “bike bait” program where bicycles equipped with GPS tracking devices are strategically placed around town. When a would-be thief takes it for a joy ride, an alarm is set off and officers have the ability to track the bike’s movements, and ultimately, locate the criminal.

“We have issues with people stealing bikes in our community,” Sgt. Bobby Taylor said. “And we were looking at different options for combating theft.”

With a robust biking community in Durango, stolen bikes are definitely a problem.

In 2020, a total of 101 bikes were stolen and not recovered, according to Durango Police Department records. And this year is on track for about the same, with 46 bikes stolen and still unaccounted for as of Aug. 17.

A longstanding issue for law enforcement, too, is tracking down stolen bikes.

While rare, it does happen (42 bikes were stolen and recovered in 2020, and 26 have been stolen and recovered so far this year.)

This bike-baiting program, the first of its kind in Durango, is just another tool in the toolbox to help with that effort.

“Other departments across the country have had success,” Taylor said. “We’re using everything from old fashion police work … to trying to use different technology to fight crime.”

Since the program started in January, Durango Police have caught three people.

On June 13, Gregory Savage, 31, stole a bait bike from the Transit Center around 2:30 a.m. and was cited for theft. According to police records, Savage had another bike with him at the time that was reported stolen from Four Corners River Sports, and he was issued an additional citation.

Then, around 12:30 a.m. on July 25, two underage males were contacted after allegedly stealing a bike from City Market South and were cited for theft. In that incident, too, one of the juveniles had another bike in his possession he had allegedly stolen from the Florida Road/Folsom Place area.

While stealing a bike may seem like a low-level crime, the sheer cost of high-end mountain, road and touring bikes can range from $2,000 up to $7,000, which drives the seriousness of the offense and subsequent charges, Durango Police Officer Jim Martindale said.

“Bikes aren’t cheap nowadays,” he said.

Zach Myers, owner of Velorution Cycles, said every couple weeks people come by his shop near the Horse Gulch Trailhead to put up posters for stolen bikes. Just recently, one person said a $6,000 bike was stolen from a car while they were getting lunch in downtown Durango.

A couple passes a locked bike in downtown Durango. Local police have started placing decoy bikes, equipped with GPS tracking, in high-traffic areas in an effort to deter and catch bike thieves. In 2020, 101 bikes were reported stolen in Durango - so far in 2021, 46 have been taken./ File photo “It’s not as bad as a city, but it’s pretty rampant in Durango,” Myers said. “I warn people, especially when I rent bikes: Don’t leave these things around, they’ll be gone pretty quick.”

While locking a bike to a bike rack can help deter theft, a determined criminal can easily get around those measures, so Myers recommends people bring bikes inside whenever possible.

“The most common thing I hear is someone has their bike on a hitch rack, they go get food downtown, it’s locked on the rack, and they come back later and the lock is cut and the bike’s gone,” he said. “And most of the time it’s in broad daylight.”

At Mountain Bike Specialists, manager John Glover reiterated much of the same.

“I don’t think it’s quite what I hear about in other communities in more urban areas, but absolutely, it’s a problem here because of the value of the product itself, and the enticing nature it provides for people who are inclined to do that horrible, despicable thing,” he said.

High-end bikes have always ranged in the thousands, but as cycling has caught on in extreme popularity, there are far more out there, Glover said, especially from tourists who come to Southwest Colorado to ride.

On Aug. 9, a Durango police officer no-

ticed several frames and bikes related to recent thefts, and was able to recover a $7,000 mountain bike and a $5,000 mountain bike.

Although often it’s hard to catch and recover bikes, Martindale said police try to look for patterns of behavior. Officers have noticed one bike will be used to ride around town, dumped and then taken by another person, so one bike could be stolen and used by multiple people. Bikes are also dismantled and used for parts to build new bikes. And it’s not uncommon for a highpriced stolen bike to be taken out of state, registered with a local police department, and then sold at a pawn shop with a new registration.

One thing people can do, Martindale said, is register their bikes with the Durango Police Department. That way, the police have the bike’s serial number attached to an owner, so if a bike is recovered, officers can easily contact the rightful owner. “There’s been cases where a bike was stolen five years ago and we find it, but without it being registered, how would we ever attach the bike to an owner?” he said.

By spreading the word about the bike bait program, Durango Police hope to curtail stealing, rather than use it as a measure to catch people. But the strategy has been used elsewhere to lure criminals. At Col-

telegraph

orado State University, officers have recovered $360,000 worth in bikes since 2017, with 12 felony and 19 misdemeanor charges levied.

And while effective, the tactic has run into ethical debates over the years. Some believe that putting unlocked bikes around town could entice someone to steal it that otherwise would not have. In 2018, one case caught headlines after a homeless woman in Seattle was arrested for stealing a bait bike that officers left leaning near a Goodwill, where people typically dump items. The woman’s defense attorney called it a “sting operation that targeted homeless people,” according to a report in The Seattle Times. Ultimately, a jury issued a not guilty verdict.

Durango Police Cmdr. Ray Shupe said officers place bait bikes in highly trafficked areas where bikes are typically stolen. In Durango, he said bikes are taken just about everywhere around town – from driveways, fenced yards, garages and backs of vehicles.

“It’s all over the place,” he said. “We look at data we have on recent thefts and decide where we’re going to put it based on that.”

And where bike baiting doesn’t work, the universe can step in.

“There’s karma for people who steal bikes,” Glover said. “Karma has a long memory, and I’m sure it’s coming for them.” ■ Aug. 19, 2021 n

9

TopShelf

The bottom of the barrel

by Chris Aaland

1,050-word weekly assignment about music and beer. I regularly dabbled in e’ve reached the bottom of the other topics, like politics, sports, fishing barrel. A little more than two and hunting, cooking, movies and televiyears ago, after BREW Pub & sion, and life and death. I eulogized my Kitchen shuttered its doors, a few of us baby son, Gus, in 2011; a few years later, I helped owners Erik and Lainie Maxson wrote about Mom’s passing; and, in 2017, I clean out their restaurant. Uncle Steve and memorialized my little brother, Billy. My I showed up with every growler we could Front of the Line Gang festival buddies get our hands on to fill with as much of Dancing Pat and Scott Spencer were reErik’s last beers as possible. For me, membered fondly in these pages that meant plenty of Woody, a after their untimely deaths. Missy aldoppelbock brewed for a longtime ways let me bare my soul, for better customer who had died while or worse. snowshoeing the previous winter.

There are many people I need to Like all good malty beers, thank. First, there are hundreds of Woody had notes of caramel and musicians that I’ve gotten to know toffee … sweet and salty, just like through the years, some Grammythe man it was named after. The winning, others happy to sing to a last time I sipped on a Woody was few folks on a patio on a rainy sumduring March Madness this past mer night. The presenters who put spring at Erik and Lainie’s house. on festivals – like Brian Eyster of After two years of being trapped in Planet Bluegrass, Steve Gumble of a can, Woody’s character changed.

Telluride Blues & Brews and the When I popped the top, the first countless board members of the Dufew sips brought back happy rango Bluegrass Meltdown – are formemories. But by the time I was ever in my debt. halfway done with the 16-oz. can, My colleagues at my day jobs it dawned on me that this wasn’t had to put up with my folly – inthe same beer I’d loved two years cluding folks at Fort Lewis College ago. Woody’s time had come and and, later, KSUT Public Radio. Some gone. liked The Shelf. Some hated it. The And so has the time for “Top damn thing nearly got me fired on Shelf.” I’ve been writing the Telemore than one occasion. graph’s music and nightlife colMy buddy Bryant Liggett was my umn ever since the departure of counterpoint at The Durango Herald and KDUR. It was always my aspiraLindsay Nelson in December 2007. tional goal to be as good as Liggy. I She followed in the footsteps of never was.

Mike Sheehan and Ted Holteen.

My family served as my weekly Call it writer’s block. Blame the sounding board. Poor Shelly, Otto pandemic and the lockdown, if Chris Aaland in his natural habitat during the Telluride and Billy were subjected to hunyou must. I just don’t have the Bluegrass Festival in 2018. dreds of over-dramatized recitations passion for it anymore. This – often with certain paragraphs respring, a friend told me my colread dozens of times as I made spontaumn about the inaugural Tico Time festiing about all the annual festival highlights neous edits. Sometimes these were done val sucked. She said my writing didn’t in the region – Telluride’s big four music late at night or early in the morning in have the edge and humor that it once had. events (Bluegrass, The Ride, Jazz, Blues & cheap motels, hospitals and even in the At first, I was hurt. Then I was pissed off.

Brews), both festers on Reservoir Hill, car.

Finally, I realized she was right.

RockyGrass at Planet Bluegrass, the DuI thank the loyal Durango Telegraph I remember the late autumn day that rango Bluegrass Meltdown and more. readers for letting me share my ramblings Will Sands, one of the Telegraph’s founders, Often writing about five or six local events … my descriptions of the man cave, my asked me to meet him downtown – that he each week, I can safely estimate I helped Wild Game Super Bowl spreads, my had a question for me. “How’d you like to spread the word on over 3,000 live music drunken sprees, my hangovers and my write the music column?” he asked. I happenings in our neck of the woods … at goosebump moments at festivals. could hardly contain myself. least before COVID-19 reared its ugly Mostly, I thank Missy and Lainie and I spent the next few days pondering a head. the rest of my Tele family. They put up name. “Bottom of the Barrel” was my first I had the chance to interview artists with my tardiness, forgetfulness and choice, referring to the sad last glass of like Lucinda Williams, Patterson Hood of crankiness and became my sisters. When beer that foams and sputters out of a Drive-By Truckers, Chan Kinchla of Blues Missy was named one of the Extraordinary tapped keg. It was also a self-deprecating Traveler, Ray Benson of Asleep at the Women of the Year at the Women’s Rejab at my own taste in music and popular Wheel and dozens more. But my favorite source Center’s 30th anniversary event, culture. Missy Votel immediately shot that folks to query were local musicians like she thanked me for being one of the Teleone down. I quickly countered with “Top Erik Nordstrom, Gary Cook, Fred Kozak, Shelf,” a reference to both drinking and Caitlin Cannon, Cody Tinnin and Brendan graph girls. I’ve never received higher our mutual favorite sport of hockey. She Shafer; and beer guys like Dave Thibodeau, praise.

We’ve reached the bottom of the loved the name.

Brian McEachron and Scott Bickert. These barrel.

Through the years, The Shelf shined a are the folks who entertain us, feed us and spotlight on the local and regional music help us get our buzz on night in and night And he walked on down the hall. Email scene, from small bars to 10,000-person out. me at chris@ksut.org. ■ festivals. Occasionally, I’d expand my The Shelf was always more than just a

W

0DLQ $YH 0DLQ $Y YH

ZZZ SULPLGXUDQJR FRP ZZZ SULPLGXUDQJR FRP

ž ½½Ë ½½ĦĦ åå &ÚÚ Þª ž //åĮÞ åª Þå å­Ã ˤ û Ú åË Ä¸Ëû åĮÞ åª Þå å­Ã ˤ û Ú åË Ä¸Ëû ååª ½Ë ½ ËéÄåû åª å ËéÚ ¤ Úà ÚÞ ª ½Ë ½ ËéÄåû åª å ËéÚ ¤ Úà ÚÞ Ú ×ÚËô­ ­Ä¥Ħ Ú ×ÚËô­ ­Ä¥Ħ

W Z/D/ ­Þ × ÚåÄ Ú­Ä¥ õ­åª åª WZ/D/ ­Þ × ÚåÄ Ú­Ä¥ õ­åª åª ¤¤Ë½½Ëõ­Ä¥ ¤ ÚÃÞģ ˽½Ëõ­Ä¥ ¤ ÚÃÞģ D ËéÄå ­Ä ZËËåÞ WÚË é Ĥ Ë DËéÄå ­Ä ZËËåÞ WÚË é Ĥ Ë , ËéÞ & ÚÃĤ å ^åÚ å ž ,ËéÞ & ÚÃĤ å ^åÚ å ž K éå½­ Ú & ÚÃĦ Kéå½­ Ú & ÚÃĦ 10 n Aug. 19, 2021

boundaries beyond the San Juans and tell Hunter-esque tales of my travels. Drag karaoke at an Albuquerque motel after a Metallica concert; slipping and sliding in an oil slick in a Denver parking lot after a Dead show; drunkenly stumbling around Yankton, S.D., in search of fried walleye at 2 a.m.; finding Midwestern entertainment in all-you-can-eat 4H sheep fry feasts.

For 14 years, I had the pleasure of wax-

telegraph

FlashinthePan

Awesome sauce

More than a salad dressing, no summer staple is complete without the Creamy

by Art LeVaux

I

t’s a noun. It’s a verb. It’s a way of life. “Creamy,” said my friend Luci Brieger, when I asked how her summer was going. Creamy has many meanings at her farm, Lifeline Produce in Montana’s Bitterroot Valley, all of them good, all of them rooted in Luci’s creamy salad dressing, aka “Creamy,” which tastes like what might happen if Caesar dressing had a love child with a bottle of ranch.

For decades, Luci’s kitchen has provided the perfect environment for Creamy to evolve and flourish, thanks to the parade of delicious vegetables to put Creamy on, like romaine, cabbage, cauliflower, peas, love, happiness. They all wear creamy like a tailored suit. But romaine is special. “I only have eyes for romaine,” she says. “I’m a uni-lettuce type of gal.”

Creamy vinaigrette salad dressing long predates Luci or her farm. While some recipes for creamy vinaigrette call for sour cream or yogurt, Luci’s Creamy does not contain actual cream, which would curdle on contact with the lemon juice. While Creamy is dairy-free, Luci regularly customizes it with dairy, including yogurt, buttermilk and grated cheese, depending on what else gets added to the romaine.

Mayonnaise is not just the main ingredient in Creamy, but also its patron saint. “It’s the mortar of life,” Lucy’s husband, Steve Elliot, once told me, with a gentle, paternal tone. Through the artifice of emulsion, mayonnaise achieves its smooth, creamy flavor despite not containing any actual dairy materials. That creamy magic is passed along to the Creamy (or anything else) to which it is added.

To say something is creamy is to say, in so many words, that it’s summertime, and the living is easy. The leaves are fresh, the creamy is creamy, and things are as they should be. The centrality of creamy to quality of farm life makes it more than an adjective named after a salad dressing, but a way to eat vegetables, and a way of life.

That’s why Steve laughed deeply, straight from the bottom of his belly to my phone, when I called to ask Luci how to make Creamy.

“She doesn’t even know how to make it,” Steve said,

when he’d partially recovered. “She has that innate sense, and I’m not sure how to teach that. She just acts, stream of consciousness, like the Jack Kerouac of Creamy.”

Luci is wiry, with a dark ponytail, wide peripheral vision and a persona that lacks nonsense. She contends daily with a parade of kids, farm help, visitors and other “random people” who, if the coast is clear, will dart across the kitchen, open the fridge and scan for Creamy; once located, they will search for substrate.

“When they see leftover Creamy in the fridge, they put it on bread or other stuff,” Luci says. “Or they dip stuff in it. I frown on that.”

For all its absolute perfection, Creamy is a fluid, shapeshifting sauce, as much a process and sensibility as a formula. Like a jazz musician adjusting his groove to the other players, virtuoso salad dressing makers like Luci will adjust their art to fit the context.

The recipe below is for the core essence of Creamy.

After the recipe, I list some of Luci’s favorite adjustments.

But ultimately, it’s up to you to learn the ways of Creamy, by feeling the flavor, and intuiting where it needs to be.

“Don’t get bogged down in the details,” Steve offers.

“And pay attention.”

Creamy Salad 4 servings Creamy Dressing 2-4 cloves fresh garlic 1 teaspoon salt ½ cup lemon or lime juice or white balsamic 2 teaspoon grated lemon zest 1 squeezed section of lemon, peel, pulp and all 1 teaspoon dry mustard powder 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce ½ cup mayo (or Vegenaise, which Luci and I both prefer) About the same amount of olive oil Combine ingredients in a blender, food processor or in a bowl under a submersion blender. Whizz the dressing until, as Luci puts it, “the texture pleases me.” In plain speak, that would be an emulsion, smooth, thick and, well, creamy.

Basic Romaine Salad 1 large or 2 small heads romaine, chopped crosswise into inch-wide ribbons ½ sweet onion, thinly sliced 1 cucumber, thinly sliced ½ cup fresh dill or cilantro, chopped Variations on Creamy After years of working with Creamy, Luci has come up with ways to customize it. Whatever version she makes, the one constant across all of her summer salads is romaine.

When Luci makes a mid-summer basil Creamy, she skips the Worcestershire sauce and mustard, so the flavor doesn’t get too busy. She adds just a handful of basil leaves; you don’t want it to taste like pesto. Rather, you want an aromatic, slightly greenish Creamy.

For Caesarean Creamy, Luci adds anchovy paste, parmesan cheese, capers and fresh ground black pepper to the dressing, and croutons to the salad. This time of year, a piece of fresh salmon goes well atop a Creamy Caesar, or any creamy salad.

When Luci makes her fabled Pea & Mutton Salad, she replaces half the mayo with whole milk yogurt, adds mint, a little curry powder, and grated cheddar to the dressing. To the salad, she adds shelled peas and the remains of a tough piece of meat that has been browned to deliciousness and braised into submission.■

"

" #

# !

telegraph

Aug. 19, 2021 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday19 Purgatory Nature Hikes, 9:25 a.m.-noon. More info. at 970-715-1092.

Cafe au Play free outdoor baby group, 10 a.m.12 p.m., 495 Florida Road (behind Christ the King church). 970-749-9607 for info.

SkaBQ, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing HQ, 225 Girard St. Colorado Wilderness Act 101 forum, learn about proposed legislation, 5-6 p.m. Sign up at info@sanjuancitizens.org.

Ben Gibson solo, 5 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, 6-9 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. Disco Night, 6-9 p.m., Chapman Hill Roller Rink.

Friday Nights at Fire Fox Farms, 6-9 p.m., 5513 CR 321, Ignacio.

Chad MacCluskey plays, 12 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Open Mic, 1 p.m., Mancos Brewery.

Live Music on the Range: Chuck Hank, 2-5 p.m., Hillcrest Golf Club.

Open Mic night, 4 p.m. every Sunday, Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Smelter Mountain Boys, 7 p.m., 11th Street Station.

The Karate Kid (original),” free Movie in the Park, 7:45 p.m., Durango Rec Center lawn

Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Family Magic Show with Mysto the Magi, 7 p.m.

Fridays thru the summer, Tico Time Resort, 1 mile south of the stateline.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

The River Arkansas & Joshua Polaris, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Austin English plays Concert Hall at the Park, 5:30 p.m. Buckley Park.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Black Velvet Duo play, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 724 E. 2nd Ave. McLeod Nine Duo play, 6 p.m., James Ranch, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Monday23 Meditation and Dharma Talk, 5:30-6:15 p.m.

Online at www.durangodharmacenter.org

Saturday21

Town of Bayfield Block Party, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Mill Street. Live music and family activities. Free and open to the public.

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m.-12 p.m., TBK Parking Lot, 259 W. 9th St. Live music from Bluegrouse. www.durangofarmersmarket.com

Ascent Classical Academy community meeting, 5:30 p.m. Q&A on tuition free K-12 charter school opening in fall 2023. Ascentclassical.org

Ohana Kuleana Community Garden open house, 9 a.m.-noon, learn more about community garden at risk of development. 564 E. 30th St.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, 6-9 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave.

Stable to Table, fundraiser for Navajo EthnoAgriculture. More info at startupcolorado.org/events.

Twin Buttes Farm Stand, 3-6 p.m., Tuesdays thru October, 165 Tipple Ave., www.twinbuttesfarm.com

Jonathan Thompson reads from his new book, Sagebrush Empire, 6:30 p.m., Fenceline Cider, in Mancos.

iAM Music Fest, 4:30 p.m., Buckley Park. Featuring JCalvin and Ghost Tapes. www.iammusicfest.us.

Ben Gibson solo, 5 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave.

Live music, 6-8:30 p.m. every Thursday, James Ranch, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Reeder and Spencer play, 5 p.m., Music Under the Tent, Vallecito.

Bingo night, 5 p.m. every Tuesday, Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Trivia night 6:30-8:30 p.m., The Powerhouse, 1333 Camino Del Rio.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Bound for Learning Book Club, 7-8:15 p.m. More info at durangoadulted.org/bookclub.

Bitcoin Study Group, 5:30-7 p.m. Tuesdays, Zia North patio. For info., call 970-426-2464 or email bitcoinstudygroup@protonmail.com

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Terry Rickard plays, 7 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Beam Me Up Starlight Trivia, weekly 7:30-9:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8-10 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Friday20 Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 p.m., Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave. iAM Music Fest, 4:30 p.m., The Nugget Mountain Bar, 48721 U.S. Highway 550.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Aikido, 6 p.m., 121 W 32nd St. #B, www.durangoaikido.com

Tuesday24 Purgatory Nature Hikes, 9:25 a.m.-noon. More info. at 970-715-1092.

Ben Gibson duo, 6 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill in Vallecito.

Gary Walker plays, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 724 E. 2nd Ave. Disco Night, 6-9 p.m., Chapman Hill Roller Rink.

Them Dirty Roses, 8 p.m., Tico Time Resort, 1 mile south of the stateline.

Acoustic Music Jam, 6-8 p.m. Tuesdays, Rotary Park, all instruments and singers welcome. 970-259-3408.

Live music, 6-8:30 p.m. every Tuesday, James Ranch, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Wednesday25 Six Dollar String Band plays, 5 p.m., Community Concerts in the Secret Garden at the Rochester Hotel, 726 E. 2nd Ave. Animas City Night Bazaar Game Night, 5-8 p.m., North Main Ave. area.

iAM Music Fest After Party, 9:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Ben Gibson solo, 5:30 p.m., Zia Taqueria north, 2977 Main Ave.

Sunday22 Durango Art Market, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., 11th Street Station. www.durangocreativedistrict.org.

"% '

Trivia night, 6 p.m., every Wednesday, Mancos Brewery.

'

'

& !

12 n Aug. 19, 2021

telegraph

" # '

&

!

&

& $ %

AskRachel

Strap sleuth, tomato fails and ghosting your family Interesting fact: Tomatoes will not ripen outside of 50-85 degrees F. If your friend’s river beer is any warmer than this, you should take your straps back immediately.

Dear Rachel, I was invited on a San Juan River trip with a buddy of mine. While on the trip, I recognized a couple straps on his boat have my signature white/purple markings on the buckle. Those are my old straps! I couldn’t get up the nerve to claim them as I was on his trip and on his raft and drinking his beer. What’s the right thing to do in this awkward situation?

– Up a Creek Dear Strapless, The answer is clear: you do nothing while you are on the trip. You don’t want to be left behind. BUT! The moment you are within a day’s hike of civilization, you get the raft on shore – even if you have to stab it with a Bowie knife – and you strip those straps off the boat like a pair of tear-away pants off a Chippendale. Your friend won’t protest too much, because you’re holding a Bowie knife. If he’s a true friend, he’ll understand the Code of the Gear and resume your friendship once you both, somehow, return home.

– Strapped on, Rachel Dear Rachel, I am trying container gardening on my balcony, consisting of one pot of basil and one pot of tomatoes. The tomato plant is thriving! But the tomatoes are not. We’re almost through the

The Jeff Solon Jazz Duo plays, 6-8 p.m. Wednesdays thru Sept. 8, Dandelion Café, 725 E. 2nd Ave. Tom Kochanski plays, 6 p.m., James Ranch, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Upcoming

Durango growing season (I think) and I have… drumroll… one tomato. It’s still green, but it has been the same size and shade since June. How can I coax my plant to bear more fruit? If I even can?

– TomatNO Dear ToMAHTno, I used to think tomatoes were nasty, slimy, disgusting creatures. I’d rather eat a raw squid whole than a slice of tomato. But then I learned that Wendy’s uses cheap, watered-down, never-were-fresh tomatoes, and that a real tomato is a thing of beauty. That one tomato you have is worth more than all the red seedy water balloons at City Market. Even if it never ripens, apparently you can fry it.

– Don’t call the whole thing off, Rachel Dear Rachel, My mother-in-law enjoys exaggerating time to create a sense of guilt. Like last week, she emailed me on Thursday night. I didn’t answer over the weekend because I have a life. On Saturday, she wrote a new email, subject “CONCERNED,” that I hadn’t responded for a week and that she just hoped work was really busy and not that someone (read: her son) was unwell. Is it tacky of me to send her a calendar with dates circled and the definition of a week?

And if so, should I do it anyway?

– Eight Ways to Sunday Dear Timeless, Just don’t do it while you are on the river. BUT! The moment you are within a day’s hike of civilization, you

San Juan Brewfest, Aug. 28-29, Buckley Park. Proceeds benefit United Way of Southwest Colorado. Tickets are $45 and available at sanjuanbrewfest.com.

Big Mountain Enduro, Aug. 28-29, Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com.

Side Pony featuring Alice Wallace and Caitlyn Cannon play Concert Hall at the Park, Aug. 26, 5:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, Sept. 2, 6-9 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill in Vallecito.

Black Velvet Band plays, Aug. 26, 5:30-7:30 p.m., Dandelion Café, 724 E. 2nd Ave.

Four Corners Folk Festival, Sept. 3-5, Pagosa Springs.

Proof of vaccination or negative COVID-19 test result required.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, Aug. 27, 6-9 p.m., Fur Trapper’s Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Four Corners ReggaeFest, Sept 3-5, Tico Time Resort, 1 mile south of the stateline.

Four Corners Stockmanship and Stewardship seminar, Aug. 27-28, Springs Hollow Ranch, Hesperus.

Featuring speaker Temple Grandin. More info at stockmanshipandstewardship.org.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, Sept. 4, 6-9 p.m., Fur Trapper’s Steakhouse, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Lawn Chair Kings play, Aug. 28, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Merely Players open house, Aug. 28, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., take a tour of Durango theatre troupe’s new venue, 789 Tech Center Drive.

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com get the mother-in-law on shore – without a Bowie knife, because I cannot appear to endorse a felony in the newspaper – and you strip that page off the calendar like a pair of tear-away pants off of Rihanna. Your man won’t protest too much, because you’re holding that Bowie knife you’re not using or threatening anyone with in any way. If he’s your true love, he’ll resume your romance once you both, somehow, forget where you left his mom.

– Bon voyage, Rachel

Civic Winds Jazz Orchestra with vocalist John Rubano, 5:30 p.m., Sept. 9, Buckley Park Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, Sept. 9, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Unison Fest, Sept 9-12, Tico Time Resort, 1 mile south of the stateline.

Black Velvet Band play, Sept. 10, 6-9 p.m., Fire Fox Farms in Ignacio.

Trail work on Cutthroat Trail, Hermosa Creek watershed, Sept. 10 from 12-3 p.m. and Sept. 11 from 9 a.m.-12 p.m., sign up here: durangotrails.org/volunteer Nosotros plays, Sept. 16, 5:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Guided Mushroom Hunte, Sept. 18, Purgatory Resort.

Live Music on the Range: Pete Giuliani, Sept. 5, 2-5 p.m., Hillcrest Golf Club.

Live Music on the Range: Terry Rickard, Sept. 19, 25 p.m., Hillcrest Golf Club.

Motorcycle Hill Climb, Sept. 5, Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, Sept. 19, 6-8 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill in Vallecito.

Black Velvet Duo play, Sept. 5, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 724 E. 2nd Ave.

Local First’s Harvest Dinner, Sept. 25, 5 p.m., Smiley Building, 1309 E 3rd Ave. More info. at local-first.org

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

E-mail your stuff to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

telegraph

Aug. 19, 2021 n 13

FreeWillAstrology

" $ $ # & "

by Rob Brezsny

"

" # "$ '

# (

( '

! " $

&

%" %"#

& "(

(

#

"$

$"

!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A blogger who calls herself TheSaddestChorusGirlInTheWorld writes, “Having sex with someone is a big deal and involves a ton of vulnerability. And I think it’s troubling and gross and unhealthy and, yes, dangerous that we pretend otherwise and encourage people to ‘be mature’ by compartmentalizing or completely eliminating their deeper emotions from their sexuality. And even worse, any other view is dismissed as prudish and invalid and unenlightened and restrictive.” You may agree with everything TheSaddestChorusGirl says here. But if you haven’t arrived at her conclusions, now is a good time to meditate on them.

Why? Because your assignment in the coming weeks is to deepen and refine your relationship with your sexuality. Be extra reverent about your sensual longings. Ensure that your erotic activities serve your highest ideals and noblest goals.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The popular American TV sitcom 30 Rock produced 138 episodes in seven seasons. At the height of its success, it crammed an average of 9.57 jokes into every minute. Its comic richness derived in large part from multi-talented Taurus star Tina Fey, who created the show and played one of its main characters. She was also a writer and executive producer. I propose we make her your role model in the coming weeks. According to my projections, you’re entering a charismatic, ebullient and creative phase of your astrological cycle. It’s time to be generous to the parts of your life that need big, happy doses of release and liberation.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I got an email from a Gemini reader named Jaylah. She wrote, “Hi, not sure if you remember me, but in our past lives, you and I used to write sacred cuneiform texts on clay tablets while sitting across from each other in a cave in Mesopotamia 4,910 years ago. Your name was Nabu. Mine was Tashmetu. I was always a little jealous because you earned more money than I, but it didn’t get in the way of our friendship. Anyway, if you ever want to catch up about the old days, give me a holler.” I loved receiving this inquiry from a soul I may have known in a previous incarnation. And what she did by reaching out to me happens to be the perfect type of activity for you Geminis right now. Secrets of your history may be more available than usual. The past may have new stories to tell. A resource from yesteryear could prove valuable in the future.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian-born Franz Kafka was an interesting writer and a master of language. But even for him, it could be a challenge

14 n Aug. 19, 2021

to convey what he really meant. He said, “I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.” Now here’s the good news, as far as you’re concerned, Cancerian: I suspect that in the coming weeks, you will have more power than usual to do exactly what Kafka aspired to do. You will be able to summon extra ease and grace in expressing your truths. I invite you to be a connoisseur of deep conversations.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “If we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives,” declared novelist Lemony Snicket. This is good advice for you to heed right now. I really hope you avoid the temptation to wait around for the perfect moment before you begin. In my vision of your best approach, you will dive into the future without trying to have all your plans finalized and all your assets gathered. I expect you will acquire the rest of what you need once the process is under way.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Author Katherine Mansfield once told her friend Virginia Woolf, “You put me in touch with my own soul.” I’m sorry Mansfield didn’t previously have that precious connection, but I’m elated that Woolf helped her make it. In the coming weeks, I expect you will encounter an abundance of influences like Woolf: people and animals and places and experiences that can bring you into more intimate contact with your soul. I hope you take full advantage.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): At the age of 70, Libran novelist Magda Szabó mused, “I know now, what I didn’t then, that affection can’t always be expressed in calm, orderly, articulate ways; and that one cannot prescribe the form it should take for anyone else.” In that spirit, Libra, and in accordance with astrological omens, I authorize you to express affection in lively, unruly, demonstrative ways.

Give yourself permission to be playfully imaginative, exuberantly revelatory, and vivaciously animated as you show the people and animals you cherish the nature of your feelings for them.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Do you Scorpios lie to yourselves more than the other signs lie to themselves?

Are you especially prone to undermine yourselves through self-deception? I don’t think so. However, you might be among the signs most likely to mislead or beguile other people. (But here’s a caveat: On some occasions, your trickery is in a good cause, because it serves the needs of the many, not just yourself.) In any case, dear Scorpio, I will

telegraph

ask you to minimize all such behavior during the next five weeks. I think your success will depend on you being exceptionally honest and genuine – both to yourself and to others.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “I like being broken,” Sagittarius actor Jamie Campbell Bower says. “It means I can have chocolate for breakfast.” I guess that when he feels down, he gives himself special permission to enjoy extra treats and privileges. According to my assessment of the astrological omens, you now have the right to give yourself similar permission – even though I don’t expect you’ll be broken or feeling down. Think of it as a reward for the brave work you’ve been doing lately. Enjoy this chocolatey grace period!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907–72) was a Jewish theologian born under the sign of Capricorn. He wrote, “Indifference to the sublime wonder of living is the root of sin.” That’s a different definition of sin from what we’re used to! To be a moral person, Heschel believed, you must be in “radical amazement” about the glories of creation. I hope you will cultivate such an attitude in the coming weeks, Capricorn.

It would be a mistake for you to numbly take things for granted. I dare you to cultivate as much awe, reverence and adoration as you can muster.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A blogger who calls herself Hopeful Melancholy wrote a message to her lover.

She said, “My favorite sexual position is the one where you work on your paintings and I work on my book, but we’re in the same room and occasionally smile at each other.” You might want to consider trying experiments comparable to that one in the coming weeks, Aquarius. The time will be fertile for you and your dear allies to work sideby-side; to cheer each other on and lift each other up; to explore new ways of cultivating companionship and caring for each other.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Dick Dudley was a 17th-century swindler. Among his many victims was the Pope.

Dudley offered an item for sale that he claimed was a divine relic: a piece of the beard of St. Peter, founder of the Roman Catholic Church. The Pope paid Dudley a small fortune for the treasure, and kissed it copiously. Only later did the full story emerge: The so-called beard was in fact a sex worker’s pubic wig. I hope you don’t get involved in switcheroos like that anytime soon, Pisces. Make sure that the goods or services you’re receiving – and offering, for that matter – are exactly what they’re supposed to be.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements Want Loose Stones For your unique one-of-a-kind jewelry creation? Lanka Blue Jewelry has large inventory, at 701 Main Ave. The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Lost/Found Lost: Gold Chains w/Black Hardware Fell out of truck on corner of Florida & E. Third Aug. 10th. Black milk crate containing gold chains, aerial essentials, black carabiners, swivels and spreader plate. Used for aerial acrobatics by performer for Secret Circus Society. Please return if found! The show must go on!

Email rubistarr@gmail.com.

Found Chef knives on Florida Rd. Call 970623-1611 to identify.

Found: Large Necklace On post by edge of Rim Drive, July 31.

Describe to claim: 970-317-8856

HelpWanted Laundry Customer Service 1-2 very responsible, reliable, friendly, multi-tasking, self-directed team players with strong customer service skills are needed! Responsibilities include doing laundry, helping customers, cleaning, etc. ~20-40 hrs/wk. Training is provided. $12.50+/hr DOQ (plus wash/dry/fold commissions of roughly $2-$3+ per hour,

tips and free personal laundry)! Nice facility, customers, co-workers, and owners!

Please apply in person at the College Plaza Laundry, 509 E. 8th Ave.

ft. Price $450K Contact owner by email: ciaojayne@gmail.com

Do You Do the Hustle?

The Telegraph is searching for a new advertising sales aficionado. Strong command of English language, broad knowledge of pop culture and darkish sense of humor a plus. Good hygiene and local knowledge also required. Great pay and fun times! 30-40/hrs a week, with powder clause. Commission + base. Send resume to: telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Guitar Bass Voice Lessons Fun, student-centered learning for students of all ages, abilities and styles. Call Pete Giuliani 385-6713 or email info@pete giuliani.com

Dietz Market is Hiring full-time, part-time and shipping!

Come join our team. Stop in or email resume to: info@dietzmarket.com Caregivers $20/hr Disabled man needs help with care.

Call Johnny, 970-749-2692.

Classes/Workshops Summer Spanish Class Now accepting students for beginner thru advanced Spanish. Finally, in-person learning is back! Call 970-309-5966 or visit www.espanolahora.net

Services

RSE Handyman Service Home repair - yard work - odd jobs, 970-903-0449.

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

HaikuMovieReview ‘‘Sword of Truth’ Becoming slowly consumed by moss would truly be more riveting – Lainie Maxson

BodyWork Lotus Path Healing Arts Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. Call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 18/19/20. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984

NewspaperOrigami

A horse

ForSale Want Loose Stones For your unique one-of-a-kind jewelry creation? Lanka Blue Jewelry has large inventory, at 701 Main Ave. Reruns Home Furnishings Tall bar-style dining table, vintage desk, nightstands, lamps and side tables, good assortment of dressers, side tables, lamps, very cool vintage iron patio set with love seat and table. Come in today.

572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

RealEstate Historic Bayfield Victorian House In-town 1905 former Elk Hotel will be for sale soon. Great corner location, 3story with large front porch. Perfect for B&B or home, mixed-use zoning. 2200 sq

telegraph

Aug. 19, 2021 n 15

16 n Aug. 19, 2021

telegraph