The Durango Telegraph, Sept. 9, 2021

Sissy man safe zone

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T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Out of bounds

Testing the waters

Roe worn & weary

Chaco landscape perfect case study for oil-gas reform p8

Trying to get a handle on E. coli in Animas, San Juan rivers p9

In wake of Texas abortion ban, Colorado awaits influx p11

n In PersoMEMBER APPRECIATION LUNCHES Food! Live music! Door prizes – including an electric lawnmower!

Durango Office: Wednesday, September 22nd | 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.

Pagosa Office: Thursday, September 23rd | 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.

More details: lpea.coop/2021-member-lunch

Virtual ANNUAL MEETING Prizes! Live Q&A! Overview of 2020 accomplishments and finances.

Wednesday, October 6th | 6:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.

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2 n Sept. 9, 2021

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

An ode to one of the highest – and lowest – literary art forms

4 Thumbin’ It

Feeling punny

by David Feela

5 Word on the Street 6-7 Soapbox

8

8 Land Desk

Pushing boundaries

Chaco landscape the perfect argument for oil-gas leasing reform

9 Local News

by Jonathan Thompson / Land Desk

11 State News

9

12-13 Stuff to Do

Testing the waters

13 Ask Rachel

Think that mountain stream is pristine? Think again ...

by Jonathan Romeo

14 Free Will Astrology

Ear to the ground: “Her idea of exercise is ‘hammocking.’”

– Local fiftysomething reflecting on the college set’s newest trend in passive recreation

Long & winding road

thepole

RegularOccurrences

If you’re thinking of driving over Highway 550 between Silverton and Ouray in the next few weeks, you’re gonna want to find a new route.

Between Sept. 13-24, Red Mountain Pass will experience lengthy closures to allow for San Miguel Power Association to clear trees and vegetation around its power lines to reduce the potential of wildfires. The work is in anticipation of a larger project to completely rebuild a power line atop Red Mountain Pass that provides a backup source of energy for Ouray County.

The project has been postponed a couple times this summer after local officials and some business owners in Ouray and Silverton complained the closures would affect travel during the height of tourist season. San Miguel Power, for its part, stressed the need for fire mitigation, especially during the drought this year.

Red Mountain Pass will not be closed during weekends or in the evenings. If you need another way around during the closure times, drivers can take the Lizard Head Pass route, via Telluride and Ridgway (which adds about an hour to your drive – hey, at least it’s scenic.)

Road closure times are as follows: • Sept. 13-16, 8:30 a.m.-12 p.m., open from 12-1 p.m., and then closed again 1-5:30 p.m.

• Sept. 17, 8:30 a.m.-12 p.m., open from 12-1 p.m. and then closed 1-4 p.m.

• Sept. 20-24, 8:30 a.m.-12 p.m., open from 12-1 p.m. and closed 1-5:30 p.m.

Philanthropy by the pint 15 Classifieds

11

15 Haiku Movie Review

Roe worn & weary

Colorado braces for influx of patients in aftermath of Texas abortion ban

On the cover: Another sunset comes down in Montezuma County this summer./ Photo by Alex Krebs

boilerplate

by Claire Cleveland Colorado Public Radio

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com

STAR-STUDDED CAST: David Feela, Jonathan Thompson, Lainie Maxson, Rob Brezsny and Clint Reid

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We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

In honor of its 25th year in business, Steamworks Brewing Co. said it’s going to donate $1,000 to 25 different local nonprofits.

Steamworks opened its doors Sept. 14, 1996, and remains one of Durango’s most popular brewpubs in a town that loves its beer. As a way to mark its milestone, the Steamworks brass asked its employees to submit the names of some nonprofits they valued and wanted to donate to.

“We decided to celebrate the community that has supported us for all these years,” Brian McEachron, chief marketing officer and co-founder, said. “We enjoyed hearing why these entities were so important to our valued team members.”

Durango’s breweries have a long history of not only providing refreshing beverages that help us forget the stresses of daily life, but also giving back to local nonprofits.

Just this past weekend, La Plata Open Space Conservancy was the beneficiary of Ska Brewing Co.’s own anniversary celebration. Calls to Ska and LPSCO were not returned Wednesday morning.

Regardless, Durango breweries’ philanthropic run make it easy to give back to your community by simply imbibing in local brew. Who needs to volunteer when you can drink beer!

Just kidding, volunteer.

Sept. 9, 2021 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal Pathological punishment We’ve been told in no uncertain terms that PCP is bad for you and that PPE is good, especially for health workers, if only they had an adequate supply. I started wondering what’s up with PPO and PPV. The problem with acronyms is they only mean something when the code is translated into words, but never fear, you’re in for a talk about PP. A Proper Pun secretes the heady aroma of an intoxicant, and it can catch the reader, listener, or even the speaker by surprise, prompting a wry smile, an outrageous laugh, or more often a resounding groan, like the ones from my brother and sister, and even from my nephew who has groaned considerably since I first held him in my arms. Now my nephew is an adult and his head is filled with wordplay. When he stands with his hands in his pockets and speaks, we listen carefully. Our family must believe punning is in the genes.

People who live with people who pathologically pepper the air with puns may start to feel a little pun-shy when in the punster’s presence, because there’s always the expectation hovering in the air that each pun will be preceded by a drum roll. Mind you, I’m not accusing my nephew of anything tacky. Actually, I blame myself. I may have set a reckless example, and if I have, I apologize. Not to him, but those around him.

The timeliest advice I can offer for those who are pro-pun advocates, who stipple the air around them with droplets of spontaneous silly word choice, is to wear a mask because while it can’t prevent the puns from coming out, it may provide a strategic escape if no one can identify the punster when the groans start rumbling.

Ideally, the punster slips the pun into the conversation without calling attention to the mischief, because a good pun like a good bottle of wine is only appreciated once it’s uncorked. Bragging about it only obligates the imbibers to say something nice, or worse, to say nothing at all.

I try to be discrete, because I love watching people’s faces after I launch a pun just to see if anyone catches it. As a public school teacher, I also punished my students by using them as an assessment tool, because an occasional pun helped me keep track of who might still be listening. Sometimes a student or even a stranger looks at me and raises an eyebrow, taps a foot

or smiles. In my mind that’s high praise, because the listener is playing the same game I’m playing, watching to see if anyone else gets it. Often the conversation just moves along as if I had said something completely sensible, and with me it’s always hard to tell.

My nephew has shown genuine talent for slipping an original and spontaneous pun into a conversation but I worry he’ll end up feeling like I did once, afraid he really shouldn’t have spoken up. Dear nephew, if you worry too much about what you’re going say next, your vocabulary reflex will become constipated. It’s important to remain open to what may come out each and every time you’re sitting on the precipice of a pun.

Freud said puns are “cheap,” which likely inspired a punster to write “A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.” Supposedly, puns have been ridiculed as the lowest form of humor, which prompted Henry Erskine to add “...it is therefore the foundation of all wit.”

They are as old as language itself, having a long and respectable history, from Homer to Chaucer to Shakespeare at one end of the literary tradition.

Every obscure journalist who crafts a punny headline for a news story redeems the modern world with another glimpse of wit. But you don’t have to be “literary” to turn the lowly pun into the pinnacle of your repartee. If nothing else, using puns proves you’re at least paying attention to what someone else is saying.

My nephew possesses an added advantage when speaking. He’s a stand-in at nearly six-anda-half feet tall. People around him will always be looking up to him no matter what he says. It’s frosting on the cake that he can raise the level of the language awareness around him even if he happens to occasionally turn out a rather mediocre pun. We all do.

One additional characteristic to make a pun so appealing is that besides having the potential to be funny, it generally presents a kind of humor that is not grounded in racism, sexism, crudity or just plain nastiness for the sake of a cheap laugh. I dare not categorically state that all puns are politically correct, but I will step out into the traffic of public opinion to say they are politically smart. For example, which president was known for his utter incompetence? From this distance I can’t tell what you first thought, but if you guessed Useless S. Grant, that’s exactly what I mean.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It In a major symbolic move, Fort Lewis College on Monday took down panels on campus that misleadingly depicted the history of the Old Fort school, which glossed over the dark past of so-called Indian boarding schools

4 n Sept. 9, 2021

– David Feela

Record temperatures, as well as wildfires in California, bringing smoke to Southwest Colorado and making it feel like it’s June all over again. Our thumbs are getting tired of this one.

The City of Durango putting nearly $6 million toward affordable housing options. Our suggestion? Fund a time machine that could take us back to 1950.

A new report that found the top 1 percent evade an estimated $163 million in taxes. Get your sleeping bags, tents and cardboard signs ready, it may be time to Occupy Wall Street again.

A statue of Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee coming down in Virginia, a monument to the leader of a breakaway state that supported the institution of slavery and racism

Recent testing up and down the San Juan watershed showing alarming levels of E. coli, much of it from humans, with levels exceeding EPA standards in many areas (may wanna invest in some nose plugs.)

telegraph

Great Wall of B.S. In an effort to “rejuvenate” their culture, the Chinese government announced last month that “sissy men” were banned from television and other forms of broadcasting. The official proclamation angered many because it referred to effeminate men derogatorily as “niang pao,” or “girly guns.” China also demanded that the girlish “abnormal aesthetics” be ended immediately. No word on whether this meant the country would no longer allow red drag’n.

WordontheStreet

Q

With another Labor Day in the books, The Telegraph asked: “What holiday do you think should exist that doesn’t?”

Liz

“All Saints’ Day, in case Halloween doesn’t fall on a fun day.” ## ) %"

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Thomas

!

“4/20 really should be, officially.”

Annette

“First Responders Day.”

Kylene

“Besides Snowdown? It’s my daughter’s favorite holiday. I don’t see her at Christmas, I see her at Snowdown.”

Matt

“A holiday for me.”

telegraph

Sept. 9, 2021 n 5

SoapBox

D-Tooned/by Rob Pudim

You’re in the dog house, Texas

Let’s hear it for Texas! They are leading the nation in the GOP effort to destroy democracy and Constitutional rights.

On Sept. 1, the state’s new anti-abortion law took effect, giving anyone the right to sue anyone else on suspicion of providing or helping someone get an abortion, or even thinking about it.

This scheme is supposed to be harder to challenge in court, because it’s not the state enforcing it. It’s your friendly witch-hunting neighbor. The burden seems to be on the person being sued to prove innocence. And there’s a minimum $10,000 penalty on the victim. Texas Right to Life has a website for people to rat out someone in hopes of collecting this bounty. The anti-abortion Catholic Supreme Court majority has already refused to block this law from taking effect.

My first thought is this will shred whatever is left of the social fabric in Texas and jam the courts with people suing each other. Yet another good reason not to live in Texas and a good reason to institute a universal boycott on Texas and to help them secede. Sig heil, comrades!

The next logical scheme in anti-democracy (red) states is to authorize anyone to sue anyone suspicious (i.e. black, brown, or sporting a Biden or BLM bumper sticker on their Subaru) for attempted election fraud for trying to register or actually vote, or helping someone to do those things, or local election officials just trying to do their jobs. Texas is a leader there, too. Citizen enforcement is just the next step. The implications are only limited by one’s imagination. But what if a blue state does this?

Maybe blue state people could sue anyone they suspect of promoting or repeating misinformation or disinformation about COVID vaccines. Or anyone perpetuating Trump’s big lie about a stolen 2020 election or supporting

6 n Sept. 9, 2021

the Jan. 6 coup attempt in any way. Or of perpetuating wingnut QAnon conspiracies.

Maybe they could sue anyone they suspect of possessing, attempting to possess, thinking about possessing or helping someone else possess a military assault rifle, high

telegraph

capacity magazine or bump stock. Or any firearm that doesn’t use 1790s technology, i.e. a flintlock firing mechanism. This whole Texas scheme needs to be aborted before it develops any further. God bless Amerika.

– Carole McWilliams, Bayfield 4

Biden must axe filibuster President Joe Biden has a choice to make: Does he want to establish his legacy as a president who fought for voting rights or not?

In order to be remembered as a president who fought for voting rights, Biden must do more than ask the Senate to pass voting rights legislation. He knows, as well as we do, that bills like the For the People Act and the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act won’t make it through the Senate unless we abolish the filibuster.

Biden must publicly and unequivocally support abolishing the filibuster to clear the way for these crucial reforms.

It’s time for Biden to be the leader he promised to be and call on the Senate to end the filibuster and protect our right to vote. We’re counting on him to do the right thing.

– Suzanne Evans, Bayfield

Two songwriting legends pass There is an old adage that says, “During the course of life you can count your most trusted and loyal friends on one hand.” For me, that adage rings true. As I look back, I find that in most cases, there is a thread that runs through these friendships; and that is music. A close friend passed away a couple years ago. He was an accomplished musician who spent many days playing on the streets of Paris. I had known him since fourth grade, and we played music together for decades. The other four now live in Louisiana, Ohio and New Jersey. The other day, one of the foursome called me to tell me that Nanci Griffith had passed away. It was somewhat serendipitous as I was listening to her music while working in my studio. It was a shock as she was only 68 years old.

Nanci was an excellent songwriter and singer living in Nashville, but whose roots were in Austin, Texas. She was a teacher for a period of time but then decided to go into songwriting and singing full time. When I moved to

Colorado in 1980, she was just becoming popular. One of my favorite songs was “Love at the Five and Dime” which reached No. 5 on the national music charts. She won a Grammy for her album “Other Voices, Other Rooms” in 1993. She passed away due to complications while fighting cancer. She will be sorely missed.

In the early ’70s, I had a bluegrass band, and we would play several dives in central Ohio. One of my favorite regional bands of that time was “Lawrence Lane and the Kentucky Grass.” Our band was lucky enough to open from them in Bucyrus, Ohio. His band opened with a tune entitled “I Remember the Year That Clayton Delaney Died.” I asked Lawrence after the gig about the origins of that song. He nodded and said, “Tom T. Hall.” We immediately included it in our repertoire.

Tom T. Hall died Aug. 20 this year. Tom’s music spanned several decades. He was the master of the story song. His lyric, “Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine” topped the charts and has become a country classic. Tom T. had 21 No. 1 country hits and was elected to the Country Hall of Fame in 2008. He died at the age of 85 and is buried in his hometown of Franklin, Tenn.

Years ago I had my literature students read a short story by Salmon Rushdie from his collection of “Haroun and the Sea of Stories.” The theme of this particular story focused on the rainbow quilt of humanity and how each of us represents a colorful thread in that quilt of life. I don’t pick up the ole Gibson much these days, but when I do, I think of those musical friends and the songwriters and singers that have influenced me. I am happy to say that their thread of creativity has woven an indelible musical quilt in the heart of my music.

– Burt Baldwin, Ignacio

Everyone Who’s Been Suffering Our world has changed Like never before and it’s so sad

telegraph

Every day because our lives have changed So much in life today and so many families suffering Like never before and this killer virus is here to stay And we were all caught and unaware and it’s sadness In the air and isolated from our loved ones every day And there’s no happiness or joy in our lives today It’s just another loved one who’s sadly passed away And coronavirus walks among us every day And we try our best to struggle through This horrible coronavirus storm Trying to stay safe and keep ourselves warm And the pain and hurt it’s brought us and There’s nothing much to gain and our Peace and love has all gone away And it’s just a lonely tear rolling down my face And I’ve been crying inside this cold lonely old place And all the pain running through me every day Coronavirus, coronavirus when will you ever Just go away and I cry for the loved ones who’s sadly Passed away and I’m still cocooning away and Every day and I’m lost without you in my life and The world has changed so much Coronavirus every day in our life And the darkness surrounds the world today And it’s so cold and painful every day and I feel the chill up and down my spine every day And our warm hugs and soft kisses Have just all faded away and Just like our loved ones fading away And nobody to hold at night And nobody to whisper I love you goodnight And as a lonely tear rolls down my face I try to smile and remember your beautiful face As coronavirus has slowly taken you away But I promise you all I’ll love and pray for everyone Who’s been suffering from coronavirus every day – David P Carroll, Durango

Sept. 9, 2021 n 7

LandDesk

Rethinking oil & gas Chaco’s landscape extends beyond park boundaries and needs protections

by Jonathan Thompson

have been destroyed indelibly?

The limits of Section 106, when THE NEWS: Acoma Pueblo Gov. Brian faced with a federal land manageVallo and former Interior Secretary Bruce Babment agency inclined on leasing as bitt recently called on the Biden administramuch land as is possible, become tion to reform the oil and gas leasing abundantly clear in the Greater program in such a way that protects cultural Chaco Region. Clearly the agencies resources and elevates tribal expertise. They did not consult with the relevant highlighted a new report by Paul Reed of Artribes or incorporate their expertise chaeology Southwest, which found that over into the leasing decisions, either, the last 70 years oil and gas development has despite the cultural significance of come to dominate public lands and “has prothe area. foundly fragmented cultural landscapes and The industrialization of the Chadisrupted the connections tribal communities coan landscape is not the product of maintain with these places. Furthermore, the Trumpian energy dominance, by BLM has failed to pursue meaningful tribal any means – nearly all of the 40,000 consultation and engagement in the oil-gas wells in the San Juan Basin were leasing process.” drilled years before Donald Trump’s election. Nor has the rate of develTHE CONTEXT: On a cloudless, opment hastened or slowed accordscorching August afternoon four years ing to who sat in the Oval Office. ago, I followed Reed’s directions to a The entirety of the most recent major Chacoan Great House that sits just boom in the region, a fracking inside the proposed buffer zone around frenzy targeting oil in the Mancos Chaco Culture National Historical Park. I Shale near Chaco, took place under should say I tried to follow Reed’s direcPresident Barack Obama. And the tions, since finding one’s way through Biden administration, while pausing the web of gas patch roads can be a connew leases, has issued new drilling founding task, to say the least. Eventually permits on existing leases in the San I gave up on driving to the official access Juan Basin, where about 90 percent point, parked my car on an oil and gas of public lands are already under inIndigenous leaders have called for stronger protections from oil and gas development wellpad, and headed on foot into the dustry control. around Chaco Culture National Historical Park. Though protections are in place around sagebrush sea.

The entire system clearly needs the park boundaries, conservationists say the imprint of the Ancestral Puebloan society It was a lonely journey. After leaving to be rebuilt to go beyond the curthe highway I saw no other cars and cer- extends for miles across the landscape. / Photo courtesy of National Park Service rent hodgepodge method of trying tainly no other hikers. And yet the detrito protect a limited number of sites to 100 feet away, a process known as “identify and tus of humanity was scattered everywhere: pumpjacks while sacrificing everything else. The leasing program, avoid.” Tribes are supposed to be consulted during the dancing their slow, metallic grind; appendages of Reed writes, must be overhauled to embrace a holistic process, as well. pipelines jutting from soft dirt; giant tanks streaked with landscape approach. This would include: “This approach has protected the physical footprint of rust. A small herd of horses, their manes shiny in the sun, • Involve Indigenous communities from the beginmany cultural resources over the last 45 years,” Reed watched me curiously, and bees swarmed the lascivious ning of the process, ideally during the creation of the Rewrites. “Nevertheless, the focus on individual sites, and fuchsia blossoms of a gangly beeweed that stood no less source Management Plans that guide leasing and not the larger landscapes they are a part of, has led to than 4-feet tall. permitting, keep them involved through the leasing, perhighly fragmented cultural landscapes across the West.”

Somehow, I managed to go the correct direction and mitting and development stages, and actually hear what Pierre’s provides a perfect example of both the protecsoon reached my destination, where the flat, sage-topped they say and integrate it into the decision-making tion and fragmentation. The structures, placed among mesa gives way to badlands and conical buttes, offering process; and in harmony with the surrounding buttes and bluffs, an expansive view of the Chaco River Basin and beyond.

• Prohibit development of leases until all tribal conremain unmarred by development. From my AcropolypIt was easy to see why someone had chosen the place to cerns are identified and addressed; tic perch, however, I could see at least 10 pumpjacks bobbuild a complex of structures known as Pierre’s Site. I • Hold field visits for tribal leaders of proposed develbing up and down, and the whir-pop-pop-whir of the headed straight for the “Acropolis,” an aptly named flatopment areas prior to permitting; machines and the diesel engines that run them was irritopped butte upon which three of the structures in the • Make oil and gas leaseholders responsible for a cultatingly audible. The site is surrounded by industrial ancient complex sit. Unlike the buildings in Chaco tural inventory of the entire lease, not just the areas that equipment.

Canyon, these haven’t been excavated or stabilized, so at are being developed.

Pierre’s lies along the Great North Road – the most first glance they appear to be amorphous piles of rock.

The Interior Department reportedly has completed its prominent and visible of several such “roads” in the reBut, on closer inspection, the outlines of old walls, kivas review of the oil and gas leasing program but has not yet gion – an architectural feature that stretches directly and rooms became visible, like the curves of a body released the results. Perhaps when the infrastructure bill north of Chaco Canyon for 30 miles or more. It may under a thick blanket. is finalized, the Biden administration will move forward have been a symbolic path through time, connecting old Various layers of protection cover Chacoan sites. The on the reforms, perhaps including these recommendaworlds with new, or a reminder of the power Chaco-cenpark itself is off-limits to all oil and gas development. tions. tral wielded over its outliers, or a giant arrow pointing Pierre’s Site and several other outliers are part of the I stayed at Pierre’s Site for a couple of hours, walking ginpeople to a holy place. Reed calls it “a landscape monuChaco Culture Archaeological Protection Sites Program. gerly around the structures, gazing out at the view from up ment on a large scale.” Yet little effort has been made to All sites are on federal land and shielded by the Archaehigh, thinking about all of the life that had passed through protect it. Oil field roads and pipelines cross it in dozens ological Resources Protection Act and Section 106 of this spot, listening to the sound of the breeze in the shrubs of places, and workers have bulldozed well pads right on the National Historic Preservation Act, which requires and trees. Then I slowly waded back into the sea of sage. top of it, erasing the subtle signs that it was ever there. If oil companies to conduct a cultural inventory of The Land Desk is a thrice-weekly newsletter from Jonathan P. something so significant can get plowed under, how all land in the path of development. If the surveyors Thompson, longtime journalist and author of River of Lost Souls, many more subtle features – shrines, corn fields, planthappen upon a “significant” site, the well pad or road Behind the Slickrock Curtain, and the newly released Sagebrush gathering sites, ceremonial areas, flint-knapping spots – or pipeline must be relocated – if possible – at least 50 Empire. To subscribe, go to: www.landdesk.org.■

8 n Sept. 9, 2021

telegraph

TopStory

Alyssa Richmond, coordinator for the San Juan Watershed Group, takes water samples out of the San Juan River to test for E. coli.

In recent years, agencies have worked to reduce the bacteria in the waterway./ Photo by Jonathan Romeo

Something in the water Trying to get a handle on E. coli issues in the San Juan, Animas rivers

by Jonathan Romeo

“W

e know who pooped in the river, now we’re trying to figure out where it’s coming from,” Alyssa Richmond said as she took a sample of water recently from the muddy San Juan River, in the blazing high desert outside Farmington.

Richmond is coordinator for the San Juan Watershed Group, a collection of local agencies and volunteers working to improve water quality on the San Juan River as it runs through northern New Mexico.

The group’s ultimate goal, Richmond said, is to have the stretch of river meet national water quality standards. But as it stands, it’s not going well.

Among a plethora of water-quality issues that include mine pollution, urban runoff and rising water temperatures amid an increasing drought, is the issue of E. coli contamination. A naturally occurring bacteria that lives in all humans and animal stools, E. coli can contaminate ground and surface water, and lead to health implications.

For at least the past 10 years, researchers have launched a full-scale investigation to better understand E. coli issues up and down the San Juan River watershed, from high up in the San Juan Mountains to its

major tributary, the Animas River, to stretches that run into the Navajo Nation.

Early results are not encouraging: the EPA’s standard for acceptable E. coli levels is 126 colony-forming units (CFU) per 100 milliliters. In stretches of the San Juan River through Farmington, water samples taken this summer exceeded nearly 1,500 CFUs. “We didn’t expect it to be as high as it was,” Richmond said on a sampling day in late August. “It was shocking.”

But it’s not all doom and poop. The San Juan Watershed Group’s efforts will ultimately help inform where cleanup projects should be focused to achieve the highest improvement in water health. And, all up and down the watershed, even to the highest reaches of the Animas River around Silverton, there is a concerted push to face E. coli issues head on.

“The good news is everyone agrees there should be no human poop in the water,” said San Juan Citizens Alliance’s Animas Riverkeeper Marcel Gaztambide, who probably never thought he’d have to make so obvious a statement to the local paper.

“And it’s an issue of concern, so it’s good we’re talking about it now.”

Defecation detectives E. coli is a difficult contaminant to fully contextualize because not only is it natu-

rally occurring, it is also one of the most common bacteria. It can come from livestock as well as wildlife like elk, deer, birds, beaver – pretty much any animal that poops. And to complicate matters further, only some strains of the bacteria are harmful to human health.

In the early 2010s, however, researchers knew high E. coli levels were an issue in the San Juan River in northern New Mexico, but the question was, who was the main culprit? After conducting two years of microbial source testing, which not only shows the level of E. coli but also pinpoints the exact source, the results were not what researches were expecting. It came back that the largest contributors were … drumroll, please … humans.

In fact, test results showed human feces in 70 to 100 percent of samples taken from the Animas River at the Colorado-New Mexico state line down to the border of the Navajo Nation.

With the guilty party exposed, funding was again secured to take the investigation a step further this summer by understanding where exactly the human waste was coming from, Richmond said. It’s a process that’s rather simple, by testing upstream and downstream of suspected source points, and then seeing where the spikes in

telegraph

E. coli levels occur. And already, there are some potential smoking guns: failing septic tanks from homes and development, outdated wastewater treatment plants and illegal RV dumping.

What the sampling has also shown, Richmond said, is the high E. coli levels aren’t necessarily coming from upstream communities in Durango and elsewhere.

Instead, early results indicate the highest spikes happen in and around Farmington.

“This data will help local communities know what their impact is on their waterway … and can be used to inform where clean water projects (should happen) and show us what we can realistically mitigate,” Richmond said.

It’s a watershed thing But that doesn’t necessarily mean upstream communities are swimming in sparkling clean waters.

The Animas River, for instance, has issues all its own. Remember that EPA standard of 126 cfu/100 mL? Well, one study conducted by Fort Lewis College in October 2018 found E. coli levels in the Animas at Santa Rita Park, near the Whitewater Park (close your eyes kayakers and surfers) at 226 CFUs. Bare in mind, this was before the completion of the City’s new water reclamation facility in December 2019. 4 Sept. 9, 2021 n

9

E.coli from p. 9 Jarrod Biggs, the City of Durango’s assistant utilities director, said modern wastewater treatment plants like the new one in Durango easily kill E. coli and other harmful bacteria.

But increasingly, there’s a strong environmental sentiment among upstream communities to send the cleanest water possible down to the next town. Already, Biggs said the city’s newly upgraded water treatment plant is showing gains on that front.

“And we think we can do better, once we get it finely tuned,” Biggs said. “I think Durango is being a relatively good steward. We’re trying our darndest to improve water quality and make sure we’re not degrading the river.”

Over in the Florida River, which runs into the Animas about 18 miles south of Durango, progress is also being made, said Warren Rider, coordinator for the Animas Watershed Partnership, which focuses on water quality issues on the Colorado side of the border.

The Florida River for years has exceeded safety standards for E. coli and accounts for nearly a quarter of the bacteria and nutrients dumped into the Animas River before the state line. In a bit of a shock, the Florida was delisted last year, but that was mostly due to a lack of data, researchers say.

While natural sources do account for a portion of contamination in the Florida, agriculture and livestock operations also contribute a good amount of harmful bacteria. As a result, Rider said the Animas Watershed Partnership has tried to work with landowners to fence off waterways to livestock and reestablish vegetation along stream banks.

“We’ve seen nothing but success,” Rider said. “They want to do right by the river. And as an overall approach, we’re asking, ‘How can we have the best impact?’”

Up in the high country And no one has forgotten about the highest reaches of the watershed atop the San Juan Mountains, where an unprecedented increase in recreation, and therefore human

10 n Sept. 9, 2021

waste, has been well noted and nosed in the past year or so.

This summer, the U.S. Forest Service and Mountain Studies Institute partnered to test heavily trafficked recreation areas for E. coli. Colleen Magee-Uhlik, a forest ambassador with MSI, said areas with high use of recreation showed much higher concentrations than locations with little human impact.

In the obvious case study, South Mineral Creek – that of Ice Lakes fame – water samples taken above the highest areas of recreation tested at about 22 CFUs. Farther downstream, in a location that would catch all the cumulative impacts of recreation and camping, samples were more than four times as high, at nearly 90 CFUs. (And, it should be noted, South Mineral was closed this year because of fire damage, which likely means levels would be even higher if people were in the area) “None of our samples were above the threshold for a danger to humans, but it’s still pretty gross,” Magee-Uhlik said.

“And just because it’s not a human health hazard now, shouldn’t mean we let it get to that point before getting worried about it.”

Christie Chatterley, Fort Lewis College assistant professor of physics and engineering, said in the popular backpacking spot Chicago Basin in the Weminuche Wilderness, a studentled research program also found high levels of E. coli in streams. FLC has plans to conduct microbial source testing to see exactly where the bacteria is coming from, but Chatterley said it’s probably safe to assume hikers and campers.

“Detecting E. coli levels doesn’t necessarily mean it’s human, but the high concentrations we’re finding are in high use recreation areas,” she said. “Human behavior is complex, but you see toilet paper under a rock, people camping close to water, or camping in no camp zones.”

So what can be done?

For starters, using best practices in the high country, such as burying waste 6 to 8 inches deep and 200 feet away from water, and packing out toilet paper can go a long way. This message is even more important as record numbers of people visit the backcountry, many without a working knowledge

telegraph

of how to protect the very landscape they come to enjoy.

Farther downstream, upgrading septic tanks is seen as another obvious target. Brian Devine, with San Juan Basin Public Health, said new septic regulations require people selling their homes to have septic systems inspected. In 2020 alone, more than 500 systems were inspected, which led to many leeching septic tanks being fixed. “It’s resulting in systems getting repaired,” he said. Richmond, with the San Juan Watershed Group, said agencies are working with New Mexico health officials to tackle failing and outdated septic systems as well.

And, the city of Durango’s Biggs said the Clean Water Act continues to push water quality standards. “The Clean Water Act has really improved water quality, and the Animas would be a testament to that,” he said. “And everyone benefits, including our downstream users.”

So yes, there’s no quick and easy fix to E. coli issues in the Animas and San Juan rivers, but all these efforts are folded into the long history of communities along the watershed, and the responsibilities they have to one another, Biggs said. It’s an issue that dates back to the 1800s when Silverton would send down water contaminated by mining operations to Durango, and a few decades later, when Durango’s uranium pile sat along the banks of the Animas River, only to be swept downstream.

“We can’t make up for the past, but we can say we’re improving water quality now as a community,” Biggs said.

And some of the biggest victims are those farthest down the watershed, who also have the least voice in the conversation. Neilroy Singer, an environmental specialist at Diné College on the Navajo Nation, joined Richmond on her sampling mission a few weeks ago. He wants to replicate the program for the Navajo Nation, where farmers rely on the San Juan River for farming, drinking water and their way of life.

“A lot of the community is still concerned about what’s in the river and the water they use to sell plants and products,” Singer said. “There’s still a lot of people concerned whether it’s safe.”■

StateNews

Preparing for the influx In wake of Texas abortion ban, Colorado readies to get women care

by Claire Cleveland Colorado Public Radio

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bortion providers in Colorado are anticipating an influx of people from Texas seeking abortion care after a new law went into effect Sept. 1.

The Texas law bans abortion after six weeks of pregnancy and allows private citizens to sue both providers and others who help women receive abortion care, such as rideshare drivers.

Most women don’t know they’re pregnant until much later than six weeks after conception.

“It has been a very sad week for providers and health care specialists and certainly for our supporters as well,” Adrienne Mansanares, chief experience officer of Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains, said.

But, providers aren’t surprised by the new law.

“The people who work in protecting abortion care have been waiting for this.

We knew it was coming,” said Karen Middleton with The Cobalt Abortion Fund.

“It’s an upsetting moment, but we’re committed to keep doing what we were doing and to lean in even more.”

For the Texas ban, critics cautioned that women will still need abortions, but now will have to travel farther and come up with the money to make a trip to a neighboring state.

That’s where The Cobalt Abortion Fund comes in. The Fund provides money for abortions, as well as travel and other associated costs. Planned Parenthood and

The Cobalt Abortion Fund said donors have stepped up to provide additional funding for the expected wave of Texas patients who will be seeking services outside of the state.

“Fortunately there are a lot of supporters that have understood the tremendous need for flexible financial support, but I’ll tell you the well is very deep,” Mansanares said. “We’re talking hundreds of thousands of patients, all of them experiencing various specific barriers in their life when trying to seek very expensive care.”

During the beginning of the pandemic, Colorado providers saw an increase in patients from states that considered abortion care to be non-essential and closed many clinics, including in Texas. The Cobalt Abortion Fund stepped up its donation drives to provide support for patients then and plans to continue.

“The Cobalt Abortion Fund has not turned anyone away as long as we’ve been operating it,” said Middleton. “And we will continue to offer support.”

The Congressional Pro-Choice Caucus called an emergency meeting last week to discuss the Texas law and what Congress can do to protect abortion access throughout the country. At the top of the agenda is to pass the Women’s Health Protection Act which would ratify Roe v.

Wade into law. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is expected to bring it up for a vote when members return this fall.

For those who support abortion restrictions, the passage of the Texas law was a sign of hope.

“It’s been nearly five decades since the horrendous Roe v. Wade decision. The Supreme Court’s recent ruling to uphold the Texas Heartbeat Act is a positive first step in restoring states’ rights,” Rep. Doug Lamborn, R-Colorado Springs, said. “With the Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health case on the horizon, I hope that the Court is finally ready to protect the most vulnerable in society, the unborn.”

Tom Perille, president of the Democrats for Life of Colorado, said the Texas law is not necessarily the right approach, although any reduction in abortions is a good step.

“It certainly gives the opportunity for the pro-life community in Texas to reach out to mothers, and to treat both the woman and the baby,” Perille said. “I hope that they step up to do just that.”

Democrats for Life of Colorado were behind an abortion restrictions ballot measure, Proposition 115, earlier this year, which would have banned abortions after 22 weeks with some exceptions. Perille said he’s interested in seeing an audit of the number and circumstances of abortions in Colorado to gain better insight into the practice, which Perille claims is largely motivated by financial barriers.

“We don’t know the exact figures in Colorado without the abortion surveillance data,” he said. But, he continued, the lack of figures suggests there is an opportunity to help women who get abortions for financial reasons.

For more from Colorado Public Radio, go to www.cpr.org

telegraph

Sept. 9, 2021 n 11

StufftoDo

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Thursday09

Cafe au Play free outdoor baby group, 10 a.m.12 p.m., 495 Florida Road (behind Christ the King church). 970-749-9607 for info.

Mancos Farmers Market, 4 p.m., 145 Grand Ave., Mancos.

SkaBQ, 5 p.m., Ska Brewing HQ, 225 Girard St. Civic Winds Jazz Orchestra with vocalist John Rubano, 5:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Disco Night, 6-9 p.m., Chapman Hill Roller Rink.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Friday Nights at Fire Fox Farms, featuring music by the Black Velvet Trio, 6-9 p.m., 5513 CR 321, Ignacio.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

History Live Durango: The Vocabulary of Gesture, featuring Dr. Thomas Heuser, music director of the San Juan Symphony Building, 7-8:30 p.m.

Powerhouse Science Center. For info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html

Hard Road Trio, 7 p.m., Fort Lewis College’s Center for Innovation, 835 Main Ave., Suite 225.

Monday13 Meditation and Dharma Talk, 5:30-6:15 p.m.

Online at www.durangodharmacenter.org

Saturday11

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m.-12 p.m., TBK Parking Lot, 259 W. 9th St.

Aikido, 6 p.m., 121 W 32nd St. #B, www.durangoaikido.com

Live music, 6-8:30 p.m. every Thursday, James Ranch, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Bayfield Farmers Market, 8:30 a.m., 1328 County Road 501, Bayfield.

History Live Durango: Author Blake Crouch, 6-7 p.m. Powerhouse Science Center. For info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html

Tarantula and the Turtle Doves, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs, HWY 550, Hermosa.

The Whole Expo, holistic and ecological products, services and seminars, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sept. 11-12, La Plata County Fairgrounds. www.wholeexpo.com

Unison Fest, Sept. 9-12, Tico Time Resort, 1 mile south of the stateline.

Lake Nighthorse Sprint Triathlon, Sept. 11, for ages 15 and above. For more info. and to register visit thedriven.net/durangotriclub.

Author Scott Graham speaks about his addition to the book Canyonlands Carnage, 6:30 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Cider, 141 South Main St. in Mancos.

Animas Museum’s Second Saturday Seminar, featuring the work of historical Durango photographer Frank Gonner, as presented by his daughter. Registration required at animasmuseum.org/events.html.

History Live Durango: St. Mark’s Church: The Building and its People in Early Durango, 7-8:30 p.m. via Zoom. In conjunction with the Lifelong Learning Series.

For link and info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html

Concert on the Hill, featuring Red Eyed Djinn, Dole Boys, Matriarchy and iAM Music, 2 p.m., Chapman Hill.

Proceeds benefit Durango Area Youth Hockey Association.

The Yoties play, 5 p.m., Mancos Brewery.

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, 7-10 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Beam Me Up Starlight Trivia, weekly 7:30-9:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8-10 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Friday10 Trail work on Cutthroat Trail, Sept. 10-11, work on connector trail between Purgatory and Hermosa. More info. at durangotrails.org.

30th annual Chile Roast, Sept. 10-11, 10 a.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. 2nd Ave.

12 n Sept. 9, 2021

Rotary Club of Durango meeting, featuring guest speaker Durango Chamber of Commerce CEO Jack Llewellyn, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave. Cousin Curtiss, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Stillhouse Junkies, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E College Drive.

Author Scott Graham speaks about his addition to the book, Canyonlands Carnage, 6:30 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.

Wednesday15

Open Mic night, 4 p.m. every Sunday, Fenceline

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Bitcoin Study Group, 5:30-7 p.m. Tuesdays, Zia North patio. For info., call 970-426-2464 or email bitcoinstudygroup@protonmail.com

Live music, 6-8:30 p.m. every Tuesday, James Ranch, HWY 550, Hermosa.

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Fresh Air Meditation, 5:30-6 p.m., Claire Viles Park.

Gary Walker plays, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 724 E. 2nd Ave.

History Live Durango: The Iron Horse at 50, 1-3 p.m. via Zoom. For link and info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html

Live music, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Second annual Men in Heels charity relay race, 5:30 p.m., Women’s Resource Center, 679 E 2nd Ave, Suite 6.

Acoustic Music Jam, 6-8 p.m. Tuesdays, Rotary Park, all instruments and singers welcome. For info: 970-2593408.

Open Mic, 1 p.m., Mancos Brewery.

Ignacio’s Friday Night Market, 5 p.m., farmer’s market, food trucks and live music. 115 Ute St.

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Bingo night, 5 p.m. every Tuesday, Fenceline Cider, Mancos.

Terry Rickard plays, 6 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill in Vallecito.

Sunday12

Gary Walker plays, 10 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

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Twin Buttes Farm Stand, 3-6 p.m., Tuesdays thru October, 165 Tipple Ave., www.twinbuttesfarm.com

Jacques Grant plays, 12 p.m., 11th Street Station.

Trivia night 6:30-8:30 p.m., The Powerhouse, 1333 Camino Del Rio.

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Trivia night, 6 p.m., every Wednesday, Mancos Brewery.

History Live Durango: Press of the West, about Mancos’ rare Cranston press, online screening 6-7 p.m.

For info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html

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AskRachel GIF’d off, not making cents and pressing situation Interesting fact: My Merriam Webster is Urban Dictionary, and its definitive spelling of that thing you flip in the street is a “u-ey.” It’s a thing that Australians can “chuck.” I wonder if they also chuck beaches.

Dear Rachel, There’s been a disturbing development among my friends: increased usage of this voice-recording feature in the iPhone text messaging thingy. The whole point of texting is so that I don’t have to use my voice or hear yours.

I just want to use quality GIFs to express my reactions and get on with my day. But they have started sending recorded messages, which are like voicemails without the phone calls. I don’t know the etiquette to respond, so I don’t.

What are your thoughts?

– Vow of Silence Dear Monkish, My favorite approach to communication is to get a voicemail, listen to it right away, refuse to call back right away because then they’d know I was just screening them for their voicemail, then forget to call back ever until I delete old voicemails months down the line and decide who can really handle me calling out of the blue without ever acknowledging their neglected VM. This new feature sounds stressful, and I am glad I don’t have any friends left to use it on me.

– Go away, Rachel Dear Rachel, I can watch people who will drive to Farm-

Upcoming History Live Durango: Dwight D. Eisenhower Chautauqua portrayal by Doug Mishler, 7-8:30 p.m. Sept.

16, via Zoom. In conjunction with the Lifelong Learning Series. For link and info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html Common Injuries from Shoulder to Wrist, 6-7:30 p.m., Sept. 16, presented by Animas Surgical Hospital Community, attend online or in-person. More info. at www.tinyurl.com/ash-speakerseries.

Engage While Reading with Children, 6-7:30 p.m., Sept. 16, Sunnyside Library, 75 County Road 218.

ington just to blow their wad at Target, turn all Ebenezer on things like gas and stamps. Like, those folks who will wait out a red light to flip a U-turn and save two cents a gallon. Or, like when the PO just raised the cost of a forever stamp by, like, three cents, I watched people buy up many entire books just to save what amounted to 60 cents a pop. What is it about these little things that drives people to become hoarders and misers?

– Pinching Pennies Dear Squeezing Cents, Can you really say “flip a U-turn?” I think you flip a word I ought not write in the paper but is kind of like “beach.” Or else you can flip a you-ee. But that doesn’t look right. Do you flip a U-E? Whatever. You make a Uturn, flip a Ewe-Ee. And I will pay whatever they ask for stamps, so long as the sheet o’ sassy Star Wars droids is an option.

– Take my money, Rachel Dear Rachel, What is the best way to press flowers? I’ve been roped into an adult craft project, and I pressed flowers as a kid, but I don’t know if it worked because I always forgot about them. I’m certain they are still in my parents’ unread books somewhere. I just don’t want to YouTube this one thing. Help a girl out?

– Flower Powerless Dear Late Bloomer, I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I hate YouTubing

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com every little thing anymore. I mean, don’t get me wrong, everything I know I learned on YouTube. But watching YouTubers makes me feel like a failure, because these people with no appreciable acting or film editing skills have whole careers out of showing you the right way to, I don’t know, crack an egg. So girl, trust yourself. Just stick some flowers in a book like you always did, and then forget about them like you always did.

– [Insert appropriate GIF here], Rachel

Horseshirt plays, Sept. 21, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Cider at 141 South Main St. in Mancos.

Friends of the Library book sale, Sept. 17, Durango Public Library.

History Live Durango: Pow Wow Regalia, 10 a.m. 6 p.m. Sept. 17, Southern Ute Cultural Center. For link and info. go to: www.animasmuseum.org/events.html Hermosa History Tour, Sept. 18, 10 a.m.-12 noon.

Meet at Animas Valley Grange, 7271 County 203, at 10 a.m.

Museum Day, Sept. 18, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. The Animas Museum will be open and free. Tickets at animasmuseum.org/events.html.

The Climbing Zine 10th anniversary party, Sept. 16, 6-9 p.m., The Rochester Hotel’s Secret Garden, 6-8 p.m., 726 E. 2nd Ave.

Alternative Horizons Golf Tournament, Sept. 18, Hillcrest Golf Club. More info. at alternativehorizons.org.

Nosotros plays Concerts in the Park, Sept. 16, 5:30 p.m., Buckley Park.

Guided Mushroom Hunt, Sept. 18, Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com.

Bad Goat Disco, Sept. 16, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Live Music on the Range: Terry Rickard, Sept. 19, 25 p.m., Hillcrest Golf Club.

Author Scott Graham speaks about his addition to the book, Canyonlands Carnage, Sept. 16, 6:30 p.m., Fenceline

Larry Carver & Jack Ellis play, Sept. 19, 6-8 p.m., Weminuche Woodfire Grill in Vallecito.

Library Community Champions event, honoring Marcia Clouser and Corrie McCarthy, Sept. 23, 3 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 East 3rd Ave. People We Know and High Country Hustle play, Sept. 23, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs, HWY 550, Hermosa.

Durango Fall Blaze bike race, Sept. 25, more info. at durangofallblaze.com. Proceeds benefit FLC Cycling scholarships and programs.

Durango Shimmy Mob, Sept. 25, dance fundraiser at various locations throughout town for Alternative Horizons.

More info at Durango Shimmy Mob’s Facebook page.

Local First’s Harvest Dinner, Sept. 25, 5 p.m., Smiley Building, 1309 E 3rd Ave. More info. at www.local-first.org National Drive Electric Week Event, Sept. 25, 970259-1916.

Mountain Marmot Trail Run, Sept. 28, Purgatory Resort. www.purgatoryresort.com.

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

E-mail your stuff to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

telegraph

Sept. 9 , 2021 n 13

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): “We need to become more unreasonable but in an intelligent way,” says Aries politician Jerry Brown. Yes! I agree! And that’s especially true for you right now, Aries. To Brown’s advice, I will add this message from Aries fashion designer Vivienne Westwood: “Intelligence is composed mostly of imagination, insight – things that have nothing to do with reason.”

Here’s one further suggestion to help you take maximum advantage of cosmic rhythms, courtesy of Aries historian Arnold J. Toynbee: “The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I have become whole and complete, like a thundering cloudburst in summer,” wrote Taurus poet Miklós Radnóti. I love that metaphor for fullness: not an immaculate icon of shiny, sterile perfection, but rather a primal, vigorous force of nature in all of its rumbling glory. I hope you like this symbol as much as I do, and I hope you use it to fuel your creative spirit in the coming weeks. PS: Keep in mind that many indigenous people welcome rainstorms as a source of fertility and growth.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Pandiculation” is a word that refers to when you stretch and yawn at the same time. According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you will benefit from doing a lot of pandiculations in the coming days. I also recommend gazing lazily out the window and looking at the sky a lot. Keep your shoes off as much as possible, get a massage or three, and let yourself sleep more than you customarily do. Did you know that sighing deeply is good for your lungs’ health? Here’s your homework: Dream up all the things you can do to relax and renew yourself. It’s prime time to indulge in generous acts of self-healing.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): The ancient Roman author Pliny’s ten-volume Natural History, written in the first century, was a monumental encyclopedia of the natural world, unprecedented in its own time and for centuries afterward. It offered compilations of facts about astronomy, geography, zoology, botany, mineralogy, and many other subjects. There was one big problem with it, however. It contained a great deal of erroneous information. For example, Pliny described in detail many non-existent animals, including dragons, flying horses and giant serpents that swallowed bulls and snatched birds out of the sky. My reason for telling you this is to inspire you to be extra discerning in the coming weeks. Be especially skeptical of authorities, experts

and other know-it-alls who are very confident despite being inaccurate or erroneous. It’s time for you to increase your trust in your own authority.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “There are those fortunate hours when the world consents to be made into a poem,” writes Leo poet Mark Doty. That’s great for a poet. But what about for everyone else? My variation on Doty’s comment is this: There are fortunate hours when the world consents to be made into a holy revelation or a lyrical breakthrough or a marvelous feeling that changes our lives forever. I expect events like those to come your way at least twice in the immediate future.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Between 37 and 41 BCE, Virgo-born Caligula served as third Emperor of Rome. To do so, he had to disprove the prophecy of a renowned astrologer, Thrasyllus of Mendes. Years earlier, Thrasyllus had predicted that Caligula, despite being well-connected, “had no more chance of becoming emperor than of riding a horse across the Bay of Baiae” – a distance of two miles. Once in power, Caligula arranged to have a series of pontoon boats arrayed across the bay, enabling him to ride his favorite horse Incitatus from one shore to the other across the Bay of Baiae. I foresee the possibility of a comparable turn of events for you, Virgo. Is there a curse you want to undo? A false prophecy you’d like to cancel? Someone’s low expectation you would love to debunk? The coming weeks will be a favorable time.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): College student Amelia Hamrick studied the right panel of Hieronymus Bosch’s 15th-century painting The Garden of Earthly Delights. It depicts a hellish scene.

Cities are on fire. Weird beasts devour sinful humans. There are demons and torture chambers. Hamrick did what no one in the history of art had ever done: She transcribed the musical score that the artist had written on a man’s naked hindquarters. Her work inspired a composer to create a recording entitled “500-Year-Old Butt Song from Hell.” In the coming weeks, I invite you to perform feats comparable to Hamrick: 1. Explore the past for useful, overlooked clues. 2. Find or create redemptive transformations out of stressful situations. 3. Have fun telling stories about your past misadventures.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Born on one of the Galapagos Islands, Diego is a giant tortoise who has lived for over 100 years. He’s a member of the Hood Island species, which had dwindled to a population of 15 by 1977. That’s when he and his tortoise colleague, whose name is E5, became part of a breeding program with 12 female tortoises. E5 was reserved in

telegraph

his behavior, but Diego was a showboat who vocalized loudly as he enjoyed public mating rituals. Together the two males saved their species—producing over 2,000 offspring in subsequent years. According to my astrological analysis, you could be as metaphorically fertile as Diego and E5 in the coming months – even if you prefer to adopt an approach more akin to E5’s.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): “The meaning of my existence is that life has addressed a question to me,” wrote psychologist Carl Jung.

“Or, conversely, I myself am a question that is addressed to the world, and I must communicate my answer, for otherwise, I am dependent upon the world’s answer.”

These are superb meditations for you Sagittarians during the coming weeks. Between now and October 1, I invite you to keep a journal where you write about two subjects: 1. What is the main question that life asks you? 2. What is the main question that your life asks the world?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): North Korea’s Capricorn leader Kim Jong-un has an amazing résumé. Official reports say he learned to drive at age three and was an accomplished sailor at nine. As an adult, he developed the power to control the weather. He’s a skilled musician and artist, as well as a scientist who developed a miracle drug to cure AIDs, Ebola, cancer, heart disease, and the common cold. Most impressively, Kim is an archaeologist who discovered a lair where magical unicorns live. Is it possible you have unexpressed powers like these, Capricorn? If so, the coming weeks will be a favorable time to identify them and start tapping into their potential. It’s time to develop your dormant talents.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian author Toni Morrison testified, “I think of beauty as an absolute necessity.

I don’t think it’s a privilege or an indulgence. It’s almost like knowledge, which is to say, it’s what we were born for.”

I urge you to adopt her perspective during the next four weeks, Aquarius. In my astrological opinion, a devoted quest for beauty will heal exactly what most needs to be healed in you. It will teach you everything you most need to know.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Poet Anne Carson periodically joins her husband Robert Currie to teach a workshop called “EgoCircus.” It’s an ironic title, because the subject they teach is the art of collaboration. To develop skills as a collaborator people must lay aside at least some of their egos’ needs and demands. In accordance with astrological potentials, I encourage you to stage your own version of EgoCircus in the coming weeks. The time is ripe for you to hone your creative togetherness and synergistic intimacy.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Lost/Found Found Right Shoe Did you lose a new shoe at Miners Cabin campsite 5? Call 863 529 3134.

HelpWanted Seeking Office Manager FLC Counseling Center seeks Office Manager and assistant to the Director, full time during academic year, part time during summer. $35k + great benefits. For detailed job info, qualifications, competencies and online application process please visit www.fortlewis.edu/ jobs and go to Faculty & Staff Positions page, click on Office Manager job link.

FLC is an AA/EEO employer. Application questions can be sent to OfficeManagerSearch@fortlewis.edu.

Do You Commute to/from Bayfield or Mancos?

The Telegraph is looking for someone to deliver papers to our friends in neighboring towns once a week on Thursday or Friday. About 4 easy stops per town. $20/week to help with gas or beer supply.

Email for dets: telegraph@durangotele graph.com Yoga and Pilates Teachers Wanted Hiring yoga or Pilates teachers. $35$60/class. jolieensign7@gmail.com

The Town of Silverton is advertising for a Town Clerk/Treasurer.

Interested applicants may obtain job information at Silverton Town Hall or at https://townofsilverton.colorado.gov/employment where the job description and application are available for download.

This is a full-time position. Pay starts at $22.50/hour. Applications must be delivered to Silverton Town Hall, 1360 Greene Street or via email to Kelli Fries at kfries@silverton.co.us by 4:00 p.m. on 9/20/21. The Town of Silverton is an equal opportunity employer. For additional questions please contact Kelli Fries at kfries@silverton.co.us.

Are You Sales-y?

The Telegraph is searching for a new advertising sales aficionado. Strong command of English language, broad knowledge of pop culture and darkish sense of humor a plus. Good hygiene and local knowledge also required. Great pay and fun times! 20-30/hrs a week. Commission + base pay. Send resume to: telegraph@ durangotelegraph.com Dietz Market is Hiring full-time, part-time and shipping!

Come join our team. Stop in or email resume to: info@dietzmarket.com Caregivers $20/hr Disabled man needs help with care.

Call Johnny, 970-749-2692.

Classes/Workshops Local Neurobiology Trainings Neurobiology of Trauma: Sept. 17; Neurobiology of Attachment: Oct. 1; Neurobiology of Self-Compassion: Oct. 20 https://rubyjowalker.com Insight Meditation Course Calm the mind and connect with the heart by learning the fundamentals of insight meditation. Thursday evenings starting September 30. 6:30-8:00 p.m. at the Durango Dharma Center. www.durangodharmacenter.org Spanish Classes Now accepting students for in-person beginner thru advanced Spanish. Call 970-309-5966 or visit www.espanola hora.net

telegraph

ForSale Reruns Home Furnishings Modern and retro desks, nightstands, barstools, lamps, chairs, tall bookcase, West Elm rugs, side tables, dressers, kitchenware and lots of décor to warm up your space. Come in today! 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Wanted

HaikuMovieReview ‘The Happytime Murders’ All the fun puppet raunch of ‘Avenue Q’ but without the singing – Lainie Maxson Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork

Surfer Seeks Female Snowboarder Malibu surfing coach seeks female snowboarder to coach me. In return, I’ll teach you how to surf! Please be 45-60 years old Aloha- and let’s have some fun together! dacat1@yahoo.com Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Lotus Path Healing Arts Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 18/19/20. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984

CommunityService Services Quiet Your Mind and Heal With Silas Reiki, Therapeutic Touch, Breathwork, Yoga, and Mindfulness practices tailored to your needs! Call or text today to schedule apt. 970 769-5697 Friendly Carpentry and Painting Stucco repair, 707-806-3456.

Guitar Bass Voice Lessons Fun, student-centered learning for students of all ages, abilities and styles. Call Pete Giuliani 385-6713 or email info@petegiuliani.com RSE Handyman Service Home repair - yard work - odd jobs, 970-903-0449.

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

SJBPH Vaccine Clinics: Free vaccine mobile clinic provided by San Juan Basin Public Health. No ID or insurance required. Walk-ins welcome.

• 8 a.m. - 4 p.m. Mondays to Fridays and 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. Saturdays, Fort Lewis College Student Life Center • 9 - 11 a.m. on Thursdays, Manna Soup Kitchen, 1100 Avenida del Sol • 8:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Fridays, Purgatory Mountain Resort • 8 a.m. - 12 p.m. Saturdays, Durango Farmers Market, 259 W 9th St, Durango • 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 11, Forest Lakes Subdivision bus stop on Alpine Forest Dr, Bayfield • 8 a.m. - 12 p.m. Sundays, Durango Flea Market, 2500 Main Ave. • 5 - 7 p.m. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and 2 - 6 p.m. Saturdays, Old Main Post Office, 1060 Main Ave., Durango • 11 a.m. - 6 p.m. Wednesdays, PJs Market, 67 Trimble Lane • 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Wednesdays, Pine River Library, 395 Bayfield Center Dr. Sept. 9, 2021 n 15

(505) 599- #5RDG$SSOH5DOO\

REGISTRATION & INFO VISIT WWW.ROADAPPLERALLY.COM

T h e A l t e r n a t iv e R e s o u r c e

16 n Sept. 9, 2021

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