Durango Telegraph - December 12, 2019

Brace your elves

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FREE Dec. 12, 2019

Vol. XVIII, No. 49 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Gimme shelter

New heights

Cracking nuts

A trip to Purple Cliffs to meet the face of homelessness p8

Ouray adds Uncompahgre Gorge Via Ferrata route p12

Benefit for prof, holiday ballet & more musical highlights p14

This one goes to 11

Issue 11 is now out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email: steve@gulchmag.com 2 n Dec. 12, 2019

telegraph

lineup

8

4 La Vida Local

Facing the issue Want to understand the homeless better in Durango? Try talking to them

4 Thumbin’ It

by Donna Hewett

5 Word on the Street

6-7 Soapbox

10-11

10-11 Day in the Life

Taking flight

A look at Durango’s resident – and visiting – winter bird population

14 Top Shelf

photos by Stephen Eginoire

Ear to the ground: “What is egg nog anyway?”

“Elf phlegm?”

– Local discussion regarding one of the great mysteries of Christmas

Ski lift

thepole

RegularOccurrences

Weekend shredders need not stick their thumbs out along the cold highway this ski season in hopes of snagging a lift.

The City of Durango, in partnership, will once again be offering a skier shuttle between town and the mountain. The shuttle, operated by Purgatory’s Transportation Services, offers round trips to and from the Durango Transit Center for $10 per person on weekends and select holidays.

On service days, the Skier Shuttle will depart Gate 4 at the Transit Center at 8:30 a.m. and will leave Purgatory Plaza for the return trip to town at 4:30 p.m. Skier shuttle fare can be paid in cash or you can buy a Skier Shuttle Punch Card at Purgatory Sports’ downtown location, 2615 Main Ave., or at the Purgatory Ticket Office.

For a schedule, visit PurgatoryResort.com.

15-17 On the Town

12

17 Ask Rachel

Iron clad New Via Ferrata route to open in Ouray’s Uncompahgre Gorge

18 Free Will Astrology

by Missy Votel

19 Classifieds

14

19 Haiku Movie Review On the cover: A red-winged black bird sits in the early frost recently at Zink’s Pond, south of Durango./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Help a brother out Music for Mark, Goose is loose and cracking a nut

by Chris Aaland

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Jesse Anderson, Zach Hively, Tracy Chamberlin, Donna Hewett, Luke Mehall and Shan Wells

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

PHONE: 970.259.0133

telegraph

Pay to play Your trip to some national treasures is about to get a little more spendy. Staring Jan. 1, several national parks and monuments are increasing entrance fees, including Mesa Verde, Colorado National Monument in Grand Junction, Black Canyon of the Gunnison and Hovenweep National Monument.

The National Park Service announced in 2018 that it would be phasing in price increases at some sites across the country to help cover the cost of improvements and upkeep.

On average, prices will go up $5 across the board for annual and day passes. At Mesa Verde, the annual pass will increase from $50 to $55 and the vehicle rate will go up from $25 to $30.

According to the National Park Service, most of the money will stay in the park where it’s collected. About 20 percent will be used for other parks that don’t charge fees. Currently, there is a $11.6 billion backlog of maintenance across the country’s 417 parks, historic sites and monuments, NPS officials said.

Climbing kick In 2009 Luke Mehall and a friend sat down at a laptop in Gunnison and assembled what would be the first issue of The Climbing Zine. One-hundred copies of the 40-page, black-and-white mag were printed and sold for $2 each – although most were given away. Ten years later, it’s still going stong, and fans have been clamoring for reprints of back issues. This led to Mehall’s latest endeavor: The Climbing Zine Book, the best stories from the first 11 volumes.

A Kickstarter campaign has been launched to help fund the dream. To donate, visit climb ingzine.com – but hurry. Just like Santa Claus, after Dec. 25, it will all be over.

Dec. 12, 2019 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal Write on My mother tells me the first words I ever read were those of the sports section of our local paper. Like many American youth, I was obsessed with sports, particularly the Chicago Cubs. I would pour over the stats every morning. This was the era when Harry Caray was the sportscaster, but well before Will Ferrell ever made fun of him. And though the Cubbies lost – a lot – they were my first real passion.

As a certified ADHD child, I have a very selective memory of childhood. A lot of school with its boredom and fist fights are blocked out, but I can vividly remember going up to Chicago to see the Cubs in Wrigley Field. The green grass of the field; the flowing ivy before the home run fence; and the seventh inning stretch when Caray sang a drunken “Take Me out to the Ball Game.”

It was baseball that got me into newspapers and the written word. Though I struggled in school in almost every way, I did not struggle to keep up with the Cubbies.

Fast forward to my college days, and I am an analog child in the early 2000s. Baseball has been replaced with climbing, and I’m stumbling my way through Western State College in Gunnison. I still read the local papers every week, and I pour through climbing books and magazines in the library. Jack Kerouac is my writing hero. I write in my journal every day and submit poetry to the college newspaper. Half of the year I’m living out of a tent.

Around this time, I get the opportunity to do some freelance writing for the Gunnison Times. It was a dream come true. When people would pick up their Thursday paper, they would read words that little ole me wrote! I managed to negotiate a rate of $35 per story. For the first time in my life, I would receive money doing something I loved.

And, my mother, an English teacher, was proud of me and would have something good to write about me in the annual Christmas letter.

I’ve never stopped loving writing, the printed word and newspapers. But damn, have things evolved and changed since the early 2000s. From the day I first got published in the Gunnison Times there was no turning back: I was going to be a writer. Of course, if one makes that decision, you’ve got to go where the money is, one way or another.

After washing dishes for years and freelancing for magazines, I took a writing job that actually paid my bills: writing in the Public Relations Department for my alma mater. I couldn’t have been more excited in the beginning – after all I was writing to pay my bills – and I learned so much about the craft and creating web stories and magazines. I also learned the many ways that words and stories could be used to manipulate.

My contacts in Gunnison were actually how I first got connected to the Durango Telegraph. I decided to move down here and start anew amid the recession, which

now is almost a decade ago. I got to know this town through writing stories for this paper, and I can’t think of a better way to get to know a town – at least for a writer. I love the fact that our town has a real, independent paper, and 51 weeks out of the year we hook you up every Thursday, for free.99.

These days I’m more of a publisher than a writer. Sure I am a writer, but I spend more time emailing, doing social media and making business deals. Missy Votel, our fearless editor, once joked that she’s a professional emailer, and most days I feel the same way. I am grateful that I still get the opportunity once a month to write this column, and in my mind, I’m always excited to start on the next book project.

There’s just something so good for the brain and the soul that takes place in the act of being creative.

So how do I feel about the state of writing and publishing in 2019? For a writer and publisher like myself who covers climbing, it’s sort of a golden age. Climbing is soaring in popularity – it will even be in the Olympics in 2020 – and climbers still like to consume print media. E-books did not kill regular books, just as the escalator did not kill stairs.

On the side of journalism, which to be honest other than writing editorials I’ve moved away from, the situation is vastly different. Big papers have closed their doors or, like the Washington Post, they’ve been bought up by the likes of Jeff Bezos, which could be scary. Trump seems to have helped newspapers in some odd way; I know I’m checking the New York Times more than I used to. The internet and social media have transformed journalism so much that it’s hard to believe we used to have to wait for the morning paper to see what happened in the world.

There have been winners and losers in the publishing world. I hear “print is dead” from time to time, and I just laugh because I earn most of my income selling a print publication: The Climbing Zine.

I’m also aware that I need to expand more into social media, video and podcasting, because that’s where the ears and eyes are nowadays. But, I think in these times of smartphone transfixion, a newspaper or book can still hold one’s attention. I know I stop and read through this paper every Thursday, and there’s not much better than reading a good book.

Overall as a wordsmith, I am optimistic. I mean we have the First Amendment for a reason. People will always want to know what’s going on in the world and in their communities. And if you have a good story, people will bend their ear, one way or another. As long as we have mediums to tell our stories and report the news, there will be a home in this world for writers.

– Luke Mehall Mehall is the publisher of The Climbing Zine and the author of five books. He is currently running a Kickstarter to fund The Climbing Zine Book, a collection of essays celebrating 10 years of the publication. Visit climbingzine.com to read more of his work.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It The local volunteers and church groups who help residents at Durango’s Purple Cliffs homeless community with everything from warm clothing and food to portable space heaters Bayfield parents gathering recently to learn tips on how to spot and combat teen depression, which if left untreated can lead to more serious mental health issues and even suicide Swedish teen climate activist Greta Thunberg being named as Time magazine’s Person of the Year for capturing attention throughout the world with her impassioned pleas

4 n Dec. 12, 2019

Let it Blow Another unfortunate intersection with geologic time for Southwest Colorado roadways, with a massive boulder crashing onto Highway 550 near Coal Bank Pass this week (luckily not resulting in any injuries, other than that to the roadway) The grisly and somewhat avoidable death of 47 tourists, most on a cruise ship excursion, who perished when a simmering volcano on a New Zealand island blew, spewing scalding water, ash and rocks More dire climate news, with a new report finding that average temperatures in the Arctic this year were the second-highest since 1900, leading to low sea ice, cascading impacts on the food chain and growing concerns over rising sea levels

telegraph

Walmart Canada sent out an apology this week for allowing the sale of an ugly Christmas sweater depicting a snowman doing lines of cocaine.

They distanced themselves from the incident by blaming a “third party” online seller, and they tried to soothe things over with a milquetoast statement, saying the image doesn’t “represent Walmart’s values.” The sweater does represent the company’s values, when you think about it, but the real crime here is that Canada, once again, is cooler than we are.

WordontheStreet

Q

“We are always the worst behaved people at any party.”

With soirée season in full swing, the Telegraph asked: “What’s your most embarrassing holiday party story?”

Mike

Racquel

“We gave our boss tequila shots and she called in sick for the first time ever the following day.”

“Life’s too short to get embarrassed.

I have no regrets.”

“My friends and I got drunk and fell into some bushes.”

Shelly

Levi

“One year my dad gave my grandma, who doesn’t drink, a flask."

Jeremy

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telegraph

Dec. 12, 2019 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

The eight pillars of mine clean up (Editor’s note: The following letter was submitted to Katherine Jenkins, Community Involvement Coordinator for EPA Region 8, in response to the EPA’s request for comment on its newly released plan for the Bonita Peak Superfund site.)

Dear Ms. Jenkins: More than four years after EPA’s Gold King incident, we appreciate the opportunity to comment upon EPA’s long overdue development of a strategy to further improve Animas River water quality. Having demonstrably improved water quality during both its brief five years of mining and subsequent reclamation, SGC is in a unique position to provide constructive input. We believe that, to be successful, any strategy must be based upon the following eight pillars.

1. No more delays. It has been more than five years since the Animas River Stakeholders Group developed the timeline for reducing metals loading in the Upper Animas basin and more than two years since the timeline’s target for the implementation of the “Preferred Solution” to further improve Animas River water quality. EPA’s Gold King Incident and conflict-driven conduct since the incident has caused shocking delay. Any more delay is unacceptable.

2. Focus on the Cement Creek Adits. As noted by the ARSG “Reduction of metal loading from (the Cement Creek adits) … clearly is the overwhelming opportunity to improve water quality in the Animas River downstream of Silverton.” As succinctly stated by William Simon, a founding member ARSG, “If measurable improvements to water quality and aquatic habitat are important goals, then the EPA needs to put their money toward making major reductions in metal loading that can only be achieved by addressing the major draining mine sources located near Gladstone … The Gladstone draining mines are where the problem lies and where sig-

6 n Dec. 12, 2019

nificant achievements can be attained.”

Focusing on Cement Creek will improve water quality to historically high levels and improve the fishery downstream.

telegraph

3. Run the Gladstone plant at capacity. It is unconscionable that EPA has for over four years run the Gladstone Plant at a fraction of capacity, bypassing hundreds of millions of gallons of metals-laden waters into a 4

tributary of the Animas. According to EPA experts, the Gladstone Plant was designed to treat flows from the Red & Bonita, Mogul, Grand Mogul and American Tunnel, in addition to the Gold King. Running the plant at capacity would materially improve water quality.

4. Close the Red & Bonita Bulkhead. As noted by the State of Colorado, “Bulkhead installation in mines that are determined to be good candidates has the potential to significantly reduce metal loading.” This has been demonstrated by the successful bulkheading by SGC. As demonstrated by decades of sampling, SGC’s engineered concrete bulkheads played a key role in water quality improvements achieved by SGC. 5. Stop wasteful investigations and projects. As stated by a noted commentator, EPA’s approach of endless study “…is not acceptable to anyone, other than federal bureaucrats” and “EPA … needs to put an end to conducting additional time-consuming studies that are redundant or unnecessary.” EPA’s Interim Record of Decision projects, which are being pursued over objections from the community and will admittedly result in no discernable benefit, are examples of the type of projects that must cease.

6. Quickly remove sites from the listing as appropriate.

In order to distract the focus from the Gold King Mine, EPA’s Superfund listing covered over 100,000 acres, including 48 separate sites. Many of these sites should never have been listed. Sites that should not have been listed should be immediately removed from the listing, and other sites should be promptly delisted as warranted.

7. The lead agency must act transparently. Among the first steps should be to: 1) complete the Oct. 17 questionnaire about the Kittimac Facility that EPA has affirmatively refused to answer; and 2) answer the questions about Mayflower drilling contained in my letter to EPA dated Nov. 11, 2019.

8. EPA must step aside as lead agency. It has long been recognized that EPA has a problematic conflict of interest because of its culpability for the Gold King incident. If

the BPMD site is ultimately placed on the NPL, EPA’s own liability for what happened prior to, during, and after the GKM release will affect EPA’s decisions concerning the cleanup of the upper Animas River Basin.

More than four years of delay, waste and mismanagement clearly demonstrate that EPA’s conflict of interest has rendered it incapable of properly managing the site.

Water quality is too important to allow this to continue, and EPA must immediately step down.

– Kevin Roach, director, Reclamation Operations, Sunnyside Gold Corp.

End polarization with local control To the editor, Polarization, tribalism & Trump are common words we hear today when discussing our politics. Everyone agrees on this problem, but no one quite knows how to solve it.

You’ll see suggestions of taking a step back, taming our anger, changing the dialogue; but these broad calls for societal changes are about as useful as any solution that begins with the phrase, “We need to have a national conversation.”

In my mind, the only solution is to empower state and local governments by redirecting more of the existing tax revenue to state capitals rather than Washington, D.C., thereby shrinking the size and scope of the federal government.

America has more than 300 million citizens – 300 million people from anywhere are going to agree about very few things. That is beautiful and a key feature of American culture. So why force national policies on everyone, when you can implement them locally and then live in a place that more aligns with your views?

In our current system, the vast majority of our tax dollars go to the federal government, which provides only a handful of the essential functions of government. Meanwhile, the government programs we all agree on, things like public schools, first responders, police and road

maintenance, are all getting squeezed more and more every year because any taxes more than what are already taken out of our paychecks are very unpopular.

Reform the tax code so that state and local governments can afford to do their jobs, and you’ll see a lot more agreement about government.

No one is going to be able to “lower the temperature” in our politics unless we lower the stakes. Return government to the state capitals and city councils, return the money to the people who earned it, and we’ll see our governments will be more reflective of us and more effective at providing the services they are supposed to provide.

– Tom Mudrak, Durango

Thinking outside the plastic bag

To the editor, It is easy to feel overwhelmed when topics centered around global issues arise. Fortunately, we can always make positive changes for ourselves, our communities and our planet. Ultimately, corporations have to take responsibility for plastic packaging. That doesn’t mean we don’t have a voice regarding this issue. Whether it be a plastic bag ban, refusing plastic drinking straws or choosing to buy responsibly packaged products, each small step taken is a step taken in the right direction. We must take steps to shift our focus from the broken recycling system that has a dismally low actual recycling rate to a system that instead reduces plastic production in the first place.

It may seem hard to change 50 years of behavior, but shopping with a reusable bag makes more sense than ever before. The Free Bag, Bag Free project has bags at both City Markets made from T-shirts that are available to help with this transition. We have made nearly 4,000 of these bags, and we hope it’s helping you transition to a more responsible way of shopping.

We can do this.

– Sarah Musil Burris, Durango

Do you miss Cocina Linda tamales and want to do something for the environment?

Join us for the first ever Cocina Linda LIVE tamales online workshop, Sunday, Dec. 15 @ 12 noon To get access go to: www.cocinalindatamales.com $50 from each registration goes to Four Corners Slow Money, giving 0 % loans to local farmers. www.fourcornersslowmoney.org

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Dec. 12, 2019 n 7

TopStory

Gimme shelter Meeting the face of homelessness in Durango

by Donna Hewett

I

spot a few cars parked along the road near the Purple Cliffs. I pull over, messing with my purse and worrying about locking the doors.

My husband told me I shouldn’t go up there alone. But I said why not?

The first people I run into is a group of young children tenderly hanging freshly knit scarves and gloves on low, brittle branches.

“These guys are the chief knitters and the cutters of scarves. Little one is named Love,” Martha Sander says. She and her friend Chandra Townsend knit together. Martha also runs a nonprofit called Lifeguard, a group that helps young mothers.

She said her group brings between 10 and 30 pairs of gloves and scarves to the encampment each week. “We’re here today to replenish. It’s supposed to be cold tonight. Wet. It’s one of the simple things you can actually do. It’s a very little thing but it’s a very important thing,” says Martha.

Along with her kids, Chandra has brought a crock of hot chicken soup. It’s in the back of her van, and to go with it, a ginormous, beautifully braided loaf of bread.

“Tell them to come have lunch,” she says.

With the children following several yards behind, I take a sharp, very gooey path toward the cliffs. We come to a landing with a large, bulging tent. A tall man steps out. His name is Eli. He’s not young. And he’d rather not have his picture taken. If life is tough because he has a “bad ID,” he does have the right to build a fire.

“If it’s 32 degrees or below you can a have a fire for survival,” he tells me. “The fire department is aware. We do be very cautious with it. They know that.”

How else does he stay warm? With “lots and lots of blankets,” he says. “Most of us have little buddy heaters that operate on propane. We have a church who comes out once a week to refill them.”

That would be Durango Vineyard, a mobile church in town that currently holds regular services at Escalante Middle School. The congregation has distributed more than 30 heaters in the past month.

Here comes his tentmate, a prettily pimpled 19-year-old from Kansas. She’s carrying Harlow, the neighbor’s brown Australian shepherd puppy, who suddenly breaks free. She seems extremely happy. I ask her how long she’s been homeless. “Since before the 4th of July, I guess.” She gives me a broad, beautiful smile. “But we don’t really consider ourselves homeless. We’re more home free.”

8 n Dec. 12, 2019

Purple Cliffs campers Andrew and Bonehead. In his former life, Andrew was a carpenter in Tahoe. After living at Purple Cliffs for a couple months, he considers himself the “curator” of the mountain. “I help people who are out of circumstances, in distress,” he says./Photo by Donna Hewett Eli smiles and gently explains that they could get a place and stuff in town but prefer to live life out here, compared to real society. “Kinda like living back in the olden days. Some people will say they’re living home free, but they’re really not here by choice. It happens to the best of us,” he says.

I tell him about Chandra’s chicken soup.

“Oh, I’m good,” he says with a slight roll of the eye.

Suddenly I’m reminded of a philosophy professor I had at UT at Austin. A grand guy, but in a godly sort of way.

telegraph

His young friend (her name never came up) has offered to take me over (south) to the main camp. She gently tells me to step on the leaves rather than plunging directly through the black ooze.

We, along with the knitter family, come upon Tim Sargent. He’s like a throw-back circus barker from Barnum and Bailey: red bearded; bright smile; tons of good will.

“How’s everybody? … Welcome to the Purple Cliffs Community. I love to see the children,” he says. “How you4

doing guys? Look right over there (to the cliffs.) Isn’t it pretty? I wake up to that every morning!”

They stare at him like he’s the real Pied Piper. He holds court in front of the Community Tent, a huge ice-fishing tent donated by the Vineyard Church. They use it to have a warm place in the day, share meals and help new people get acquainted.

I peek in. A couple of guys are relaxing around a heater, and a youngish couple is organizing in the kitchen area. There’s a soft scent of cheap weed and warm beer.

Jacob and his chef wife, Jessica, are what you call success stories. Former camp managers, they finally got housed in a sliding-scale condo behind the old Sweeney’s Restaurant on Highway 550, north of town. They’re here today, and every week, to help clean, organize and find out what’s needed.

“We spent 3½ years camping in the snow with these guys. So, yeah we can sympathize. We do what we wish would have been done for us,” Jessica, 38, says.

She’s wholesome with dimples and pretty, long hair.

To get housing was an arduous affair for her. “You sign up with Social Security, get on a wait list. Fill out lots and lots of paper work. You have to prove that you’re low income; that you are in a place of hardship,” she says. “I didn’t have anything whatsoever, so it was really easy to prove.”

She’s originally from south Florida, so winters have been a new thing for her.

Back out in the trenches, Tim continues his speech.

“These people are kind hearted and generous. They’d give you the shirt off their back. We’re not all what you think we are.

We’re not just a bunch of drunken bums, just a bunch of worthless people,” he says.

“We’re actually human beings.”

He says he receives Social Security, but it’s not enough to rent an apartment. “But it’s enough to keep me in food and warmth, and keep me close to god and that’s where I need to be.”

“That’s beautiful,” says Chandra.

He says he prefers the connections of his outdoors lifestyle. “If I was living in a house I’d be a shut-in. You’d never see me, because I’d be inside my house watching TV like everyone else does.”

The kids stand with their mouths wide open. We hear a dog barking and some chopping sounds farther up the hill – a perfect excuse to tally onward.

After a short hike, we come upon a peaceful-looking guy with an orange dog.

His name is Andrew, the dog, Bonehead.

He’s dogsitting for a friend. “We’re just hanging out. He gets separation anxiety,” Andrew says.

In his former life, Andrew was a carpenter living in Tahoe.

Top left: Chandra hands out bread to go with soup that she brought to the campers.

She is part of a knitting group that also brings mittens and scarves.

Top right: Camper Tim Sargent, the unofficial “greeter.”

Left: Homeless “success stories,” Jessica and husband, Jacob, spent 3½ years camping before they finally secured housing. They return to the camp every week to help clean, organize and see what’s needed./Photos by Donna Hewett “When I left in ’06, they were boarding up windows on brand-new stores. There was tumbleweeds going down the street.

Just like ghost town,” he recalls.

He explains the different “neighborhoods” of the encampment. “There’s three distinct wrinkles. We’re the older folk camped out here. There are the younger, more high-spirited folks next door. The first canyon is for the people who don’t want to walk so far, I guess. Were kinda spread out.

Room for everybody.”

He’s part of the group that was driven off the former campsite near Hogsback. After being at the Purple Cliffs for a couple months, he considers himself the “curator” of the mountain. “I help people who are out of circumstances, in distress,” he says.

“These mountains are wicked cold. People die all the time. All the time … a lot of them are just drowning in their own puke from alcohol. People don’t say anything about it. They just bury the bones.”

That’s pretty much where Vineyard Church steps in, the concern being that people were losing life and limb last year due to the cold, according to Jeff Sutherland, the church’s missions and outreach coordinator. “The Purple Cliffs’ location being finalized helped us feel like we could engage with them more easily and consistently,” he says via text.

The church will continue to refill propane tanks all winter and serve breakfast on Saturday mornings. But after that?

“We’re looking at what doing this continually throughout the year would look like,” he says. “We don’t want to assume we know what is most useful to them.”

According to Andrew, those things are tarps, water and food. He said he has heard the city is working on getting a trolley stop there, which will also help.

They’ll celebrate Christmas up here.

“God presents everything right there if you’re patient enough to sit and wait. You can’t push issues. You gotta wait until it lands,” he says.

Chandra, who has followed me up, offers him some bread and soup. He takes both and runs some up to his friend, but not before saying thank you.

We thank him too. Everyone is so darned polite here.

More dogs are upon us. They whine for food. I stumble my way back down to the Community Tent, where Tim is still talking.

My shoes are so caked with mud I’ll have to remove them in order to drive home.

I thank Tim on my way down.

“Hey, thank you for shining the light.”

“No problem,” I say.

Somebody’s got to be the lamp. Right? n

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Dec. 12, 2019 n

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dayinthelife 10 n Dec. 12, 2019

Birds of

by S

Z

ink’s Pond, located along the Animas River sout of Durango, has long been a choice location fo birders. Here, one can observe a wide variety o species that thrive in western Colorado’s wetland an meadow habitats. Frequent sightings include waterfow

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a feather

Stephen Eginoire

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like Canada geese and bufflehead ducks, but it’s not uncommon to see elegant herons and egrets stealthing along the shore as well. The pond itself is on private property, but one can enjoy the sights from a convenient pull-out with a pair of binoculars. Here’s a look: "!

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Make the holiday season bright for those in need in La Plata County Select an angel or bell from the tree & return by Dec. 15th to the Durango Mall (next to JCPenney) Hurry, only 3 days left!

For more information:

projectmerrychristmas.com or 247-2944 Please mail monetary donations to:

PO Box 422, Durango, CO, 81302 Dec. 12, 2019 n

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thesecondsection

Navigating a stretch of Ouray’s new Via Ferrata route earlier this fall. The 3/4-mile route will officially open to the public next spring./ Photo courtesy Friends of the Ouray Via Ferrata

New heights Ouray adds Uncompahgre Gorge Via Ferrata route to slate of offerings

by Missy Votel

T

he San Juan Mountain hamlet known for its world class ice routes is about to have a new route of a completely different element. The Ouray Via Ferrata (Italian for “iron path”) is expected to open next spring, offering nearly three-quarters of a mile of rock-

scaling adventure through the Uncompahgre Gorge.

The route was spearheaded by the Friends of the Ouray Via Ferrata, a nonprofit organization that so far has raised $200,000 through donations to build the route. The group was founded by Nate Disser and Mark Iuppenlatz, owners of San Juan Mountain Guides and the Red Mountain Alpine Lodge.

“We are thrilled to bring this adventure sport to Ouray,” Iuppenlatz said. “This human-powered attraction will help cement Ouray’s reputation as one of America’s top destinations for adventure enthusiasts.”

He added that the route, which will be open from May – October, will help bolster the shoulder seasons after summer and winter tourists have gone home. 4

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telegraph

“The Via Ferrata … will become a big part of the Ouray experience and economy in the future,” he said.

There are currently fewer than a dozen via ferrata courses in North America, including one in nearby Telluride. The courses provide the thrill of rock climbing with additional safety measures, with users wearing special harnesses that clip into safety cables strung along the walls.

Participants use either this cable or metal rungs bolted into the cliff face for hand holds and use pegs, rungs or rock ledges for their feet.

The route, which was built primarily by local rock climbers and mountaineers using local materials, is expected to open late next spring. When complete, it will take climbers both vertical and horizontal across the gorge’s steep walls, from just a few feet above the Uncompahgre River to hundreds of feet off the canyon floor, offering birds-eye views of the San Juan Mountains. There will also be two cable-suspension bridge crossings as well as two 200-foot “technical exits” for the more daring and experienced climbers.

The route follows along the east side of Ouray’s ice park but was planned so as not to interfere with climbing activity. It begins off the Ice Park Loop Trail at the south end of the park and continues north, ending just past the “Upper Bridge.”

“Care has been taken to create this via ferrata with the additional purpose of using it to access, and not interfere with, existing and potential new rock-climbing routes on the eastern ice park cliff faces,” organizers said. Future expansion is also possible.

Although the route is billed as challenging, with varied sections of narrow ledges, rungs across sheer rock faces, climbing and descending, and cable traverses – it is designed to the new safety standards set forth by ASTM, an international voluntary standards organization, and CEN, the European committee on safety standards. Climbers will be roped into a fixed cable the entire time using, and all users are required to have the appropriate gear, which will be available for rent from local companies. Local outfitters will also be available to offer guided trips and inside safety

Workers bolt metal rungs onto a cliff face this summer. The Ouray Via Ferrata will offer the thrill of climbing with the safety of being clipped into a fixed cable./ Photo courtesy Friends of the Ouray Via Ferrata and navigational tips for the course.

In the spirit of the Ouray Ice Park, the Via Ferrata will be free to the public – a first for North American routes built to the new safety standards.

Via ferrata routes were designed by the Italian military in WWI to allow soldiers to scale and cross rugged moun-

tainsides. Beginning in the late ’70s, they became popular with recreationalists in the Alps and Dolomites, and now there are nearly 2,000 courses throughout western Europe.

The Friends of the Ouray Via Ferrata is still $50,000 from reaching its financial goal. To donate or for more information, visit ourayviaferrata.org. n

Putting the pieces together is my passion.

Let me help you with the real estate puzzle.

Gillian Arnwine 970-749-3704 gillian@wellsgroupdurango.com

telegraph

Dec. 12, 2019 n 13

TopShelf

Cracking nuts, benefit for Mark and Goose on the loose

by Chris Aaland

rock to Americana and alt-country.

The State Street Ballet of Santa Barbara brings the magif you’ve read this one before, indulge me anyway. Back in the cal holiday ballet, Nutcracker, back to the Community Concert summer of 1991, I ventured into Telluride for the first time Hall this weekend with 7:30 p.m. evening performances (Friday ever. I’d bought a Sunday ticket to the legendary inaugural and Saturday) and 2 p.m. matinees (Saturday and Sunday). More (and only) Telluride Midsummer Music Festival. That day saw than 70 local dancers will join the professional troupe, as will the Widespread Panic, Taj Mahal, the David Grisman Quintet, Hot San Juan Symphony. Artistic director Rodney Gustafson holds Tuna and the Allman Brothers Band. It was quite a trip, if you true to the original classical ballet in this Tchaikovsky masterknow what I mean. piece, creating a tradiI was a freshman orientional Nutcracker set tation leader at the alma in Victorian times. The mater back in the day – the ballet is based on the second of two summers in book The Nutcracker which I’d host a group of and the Mouse King by incoming freshmen in the E.T.A. Hoffman. dorms, give them campus Low ticket alert! Dutours, help them get signed rango’s beloved Bar D up for classes and learn Wranglers return to what to expect as a college the Community Constudent. We’d do this three cert Hall at 7:30 p.m. times each summer, netWednesday with their ting me a couple pay2019 Christmas Juchecks along the way to bilee. These four cowoffset my meager part-time boy crooners spend all income from Sixth Street summer performing Liquors and the Durango and serving up tasty Herald. It paid off in many beef and beans at the ways – namely meeting my Bar D Chuckwagon first wife and, thus, staying north of town, then in Durango instead of take a needed hiatus heading up to Denver to after Labor Day. Aside live with my folks and find Live Down the River performs at a benefit concert for FLC music professor from a few out-ofa journalism job. She and I Mark Walters from 6-11 p.m. tonight at the Garage. town jubilees with started dating a few days after the last orientation. other traditional Western and cowboy acts, it’s rare to see them But my mind wasn’t focused on true love that particular Saturlive in the off-season. The exception, of course, is their annual day, when I dismissed my freshmen. It was on music. So I packed holiday show. This Christmas Jubilee is a warm-hearted and funmy ’76 Toyota Corolla wagon with a change of clothes, some filled show that inspires the entire family to remember the reason food and a cooler filled with beer and booze. I kept a sleeping bag for the season. A few seats remain in each section, but this will and pillow in the back of the Corolla in case I needed a place to surely sell out. crash on a fishing trip or if I’d had too much to drink.

The Garage hosts a benefit concert for FLC music professor I rolled into Telluride, parked it in the Rose’s Market lot and Mark Walters from 6-11 p.m. tonight (Thurs., Dec. 12). This wandered toward Town Park. I was hoping to catch Los Lobos and summer, Walters suffered a massive stroke. He and his wife, fellow Joe Cocker – the last two acts of the day – but couldn’t make a FLC music professor Lisa Campi, have impacted thousands in our miracle happen. Instead, I sat by the river, drank beer and liscommunity through music performance and education. Campi is tened. There, I ran into Garian and Kat, two friends from Dutrying to raise money to send her husband to Craig Hospital in rango. They told me about a huge show that night at the Denver for rehab where he can rebuild some of his basic skills.

Sheridan Opera House featuring Blues Traveler, Widespread Panic Performers include Liver Down the River and FLC music stuand Little Women. We tried every way possible to get into the dents and faculty. A silent auction will be held, and Ska Brewing sold-out event … pulling the usual media strings (I’d interviewed is donating a keg, with proceeds benefiting the cause. both Jerry Joseph of Little Women and David Schools of WideFinally, the goose is loose! Steamworks’ annual holiday beer, spread Panic on the air and did backstage security at a recent Spruce Goose, is now available in 12-oz. cans. This year, SteamBlues Traveler show in Durango) and even tried to break in works partnered with the folks at Wild Tribute to create artwork through the loading dock. Alas, we listened through the venue’s for the new cans. It’s a fresh, new look but same amazing taste of windows. the San Juans. This strong, Viking-style ale is brewed with spruce Two folks with connections to that epic night return at 9 p.m. tips harvested in the San Juan National Forest near Molas Lake.

Saturday when the aforementioned JoJo Hermann & Jerry The delicate new growth from the spruce trees blends with a comJoseph take the stage at the Sheridan Opera House with special plex malt bill to give this unique beer a candy-like flavor with a guest Sherman Ewing. Joseph is a regular in these parts, starting light, piney aroma. In conjunction with the mission of national in the late ’80s with Little Women and continuing into recent parks-inspired apparel maker Wild Tribute, four percent of proyears with Jerry Joseph & the Jackmormons. He was also a memceeds from Spruce Goose beer and T-shirt sales will benefit naber of the Widespread Panic splinter group, Stockholm Syndrome. tional parks. The beer can be found at Steamworks and Durango’s Hermann joined Panic full-time as their keyboard player in 1992, independent liquor stores. I’m stoked these are now in cans. It’s replacing T Lavitz, who left after a brief period to rejoin his old my favorite local seasonal beer, but the 22-oz. bomber was quite a band, the Dixie Dregs. Hermann is steeped in the New Orleans commitment. Now, I can sip a 12-oz. barley pop at my own pace.

R&B piano sounds of Professor Longhair and Dr. John. Ewing, who has toured with Hermann several times in the past, is a verLooking for Caligula or looking for a god? Email me at chrisa@go satile singer/songwriter whose writing ranges from jam band and brainstorm.net. n

I

14 n Dec. 12, 2019

telegraph

onthetown

Thursday12 Baby Meetup with Durango Café au Play, 9:30-11:30 a.m., 2307 Columbine. 749-9607.

Office Hour with La Plata County Commissioner Julie Westendorff, 10 a.m.-noon, Ignacio Community Library. 382-6219.

Dec. 14, and 2 p.m. Dec. 15, Community Concert Hall. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Saturday14

STEAM Lab: Towers and Shapes, 3:30-4:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Living Your Best Life with Disabilities: Problem Solving, co-hosted by Southwest Center for Independence, 1:30-2:30 p.m., Durango Public Library. 375-3380.

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 4-6 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Thursday Afternoon Social Club for veterans, their spouses and supporters, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

Free Legal Clinic, 4-5 p.m., Ignacio Community Library. 563-9287.

La La Bones performs, 5-8 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

6th annual Bizarre Bazaar, 5 p.m., also runs 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Dec. 14, and 10 a.m.-3 p.m., Dec. 15, Studio &, 1027 Main Ave. anddurango.com.

Holiday Open House and Luminaria Display, 5-9 p.m., Mesa Verde National Park. www.nps.gov/meve.

The Black Velvet Duo performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Tim Sullivan performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Full Moon Hike, hosted by Durango Nature Studies, 5:30 p.m., Durango Nature Center, 63 CR 310. 7691800.

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave. Live music, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

BID Coffee & Conversation, 8:30-9:30 a.m., TBK Bank, 259 W. 9th St.

Open Mic Night, 6-8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave.

Dustin Burley performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Holiday Hive Drive, 6 p.m., Chainless Brewing, 3000 Main Ave. Loki Moon, 6-8 p.m., Durango Coffee Co.

Universal Health Coverage Day Celebration, hosted by Healthcare Durango, 6-8 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., DJ Hakan 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

“Gremlins” screening, 7 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Gary B. Walker performs, 6:30-8 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

“Screenagers” documentary, 7 p.m., Miller Middle School, 2608 Junction St.

“Die Hard” screening, 7 p.m., Sunflower Theatre in Cortez. www.sunflowertheatre.org.

Open Mic & Stand-Up, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

“The Phantom Tollbooth,” presented by St. Columba Middle School, opening night, 7 p.m., performance also runs 1 and 7 p.m., Dec. 14, St. Columba School, 1801 E. 3rd Ave. www.stcolumbaschooldurango.org.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. Plursday featuring DJ Hakan, 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Friday13 Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

Free yoga, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Lively Boutique, 809 Main Ave.

“Twas the Week After Christmas” and “Oliver,” 7 p.m., shows also run 7 p.m. Dec. 14, and 2 p.m. Dec. 14-15, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.duran goarts.org 259-2606.

Karaoke, 7 p.m.-close, VFW, 1550 Main Ave. “The Nutcracker,” performed by the State Street Ballet, opening night 7:30 p.m., also runs 2 and 7 p.m.

telegraph

Drop-in Tennis, 9 a.m., Durango High School, 2390 Main Ave. Durango Nordic Coke Race #1, 9 a.m.-noon, Durango Nordic Center, 49786 Highway 550 North. www.durangonordic.org.

“Island Paradise” Holiday Farmers Market, featuring local foods, crafts, music and more, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.

Henry Stoy, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. Sensory Saturday, 10:30 a.m.-noon, Durango Public Library.

Dances of Universal Peace, celebrate unity through song and dance, pot luck 5 p.m., dances 6 p.m., Saint Mark’s Episcopal Church, 910 E. 3rd Ave. Adam Swanson performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. “Speak Truth to Power” poetry slam and open mic, hosted by FLC’s Social Poetry class, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Down the Rabbit Hole, 640 Main Ave. Leah Orlikowski performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Pete Giuliani performs for the Brewer’s Dinner, 6-8 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co. Jack Ellis performs, 6-10 p.m., Seven Rivers Restaurant at Sky Ute Casino Resort in Ignacio.

“A Christmas Carol,” 7:30 p.m., Farmington Civic Center. www.fmtn.org/civiccenter.

PJ Moon & the Super Groupers perform, 9 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animasci tytheatre.com.

DJ Side Affex, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Sunday15 Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds. 946-4831.+

Dec. 12, 2019 n 15

Henry Stoy, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave.

A good buy: Bizarre Bazaar no-haggle approach to gifting local

Traditional Irish Music Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave.

What: Bizarre Bazaar When: Fri.–Sun., Dec. 13-15 Where: Studio & Gallery, 1027 Main Ave. If you’re looking for that one-of-a-kind gift, look no further than Studio &’s own funky interpretation of the traditional holiday crafts bazaar, the seventh annual Bizarre Bazaar. A cross between a holiday bazaar and a Turkish bazaar, the “BizBaz,” as its become known, takes place this weekend with an opening reception Friday night starting at 5 p.m.

The gallery will be jampacked with the creations of 16 local artists offering shoppers a great place to buy unique gifts directly from the people who made them.

“The ‘BizBaz’ is designed to let the customer interact with the makers,” Studio & owner Tim Kapustka said. “We

Blue Moon Ramblers, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Joel Racheff performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Open Mic Night, 6:30-8:30 p.m., Hermosa Coffee Roasters, 738 Main Ave.

Monday16 Yoga Storytime, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Smiley Building Studio 10, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Watch Your Step class, 10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Joel Racheff performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Rob Webster performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

2nd Ave. salsadancedurango@gmail.com.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday18

Tuesday17

Teen Time: Graham Cracker Houses, 4-5 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave.

Donny Johnson performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Cowboy Christmas, featuring live music, cowboy poetry and more, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Thank the Veterans potluck, 5:30 p.m., Peter Neds performs, 7-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 828-7777.

Indie Lens Pop Up: “The First Rainbow Coalition,” 1-3 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Terry Rickard performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Terry Rickard performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Leah Orlikowski performs, 6 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

Winter Pub Run, 4-6-mile run (bring headlamps) followed by post-run beers, hosted by the Durango Running Club, 6 p.m., meet at Sk Brewing, 225 Girard St. www.du rangorunningclub.org.

Trivia Factory, hosted by Ben Bernstein, 6:30-8:30 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Loki Moon – Raw Experiments, 6-8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave.

DJ Crazy Charlie, 6:30-10:30 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon, Gem Village.

Dr.

aim to use the societal pressure to buy gifts this time of year to provide a marketplace for the public to buy those gifts directly from the artists who make them. This truly offers something for everyone and is an experience you don’t want to miss this holiday season.”

This year’s participating artists include: Jenn Rawling; Miki Harder; Deb Morgan; Elliott Brinkley; Annie Brooks; Shanti Savage; Mandy Houpt; Cara Kropp; Dan Groth; Zach Counter; Carmen Tafoya; Rosie Carter; Jon Bailey; Shawn Lotze; Elizabeth Kinahan, and Tim Kapustka.

Hours for the BizBaz are 5 – 9 p.m., Fri., Dec. 13; 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. Sat., Dec. 14; and 10 a.m. – 3 p.m., Sun., Dec. 15. For more info, visit anddurango.com. p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.

Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Ongoing “My Beloved West,” solarplate prints by Louise Grunewald, exhibit runs thru Dec. 21, Art Library upstairs at Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Senior Communication Design Exhibition: “We are designers: it’s in our bleed,” show runs thru Dec. 21, Art & Design Gallery at Fort Lewis College. 247-7167.

Winter Solstice Market, featuring works from 30 regional artists, thru Dec. 23, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Photographer Tony Stromberg, thru Dec. 31, Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. www.sorrelsky.com.

The Polar Express, thru Jan. 2, Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad. www.durangotrain.com.

Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College

Latin Dance Night, 8 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E.

The Bar D Wranglers’ “Christmas Jubilee,” 7:30

4th annual Winter Art Show by Looking Glass Art Collective, benefit for Local First, exhibit runs thru Jan. 30, Smiley Café, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.4

Your Local’s Favorite Holiday Shop!

#!

16 n Dec. 12, 2019

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telegraph

AskRachel Interesting fact: “Eating crow” likely comes from our belief, extending at least to the Middle Ages, that eating carrion eaters is as repulsive as using a public restroom.

like the stereotypical man, my hubby is actually toughing it out really well. How can I properly apologize for judging him all those years?

– Baby Got Back

Dear Rachel, As if using a public restroom isn’t distasteful enough, some places require you to pick up a ridiculously oversized key fob from an employee. First of all, there’s no discretion involved here. Everyone knows the idiot with the 12-inch bottle opener is going to the john. But even worse is knowing that every other public-restroom patron has fondled the same fob, and it ain’t getting washed. What can us concerned citizens do to protect ourselves?

– Walk of Shame

Dear Back Stabber, Karma is a bee-atch, isn’t it? If you had just zipped your lips and judged him in silence, you might have still tweaked your spine. But at least you wouldn’t have had to eat cold crow on top of it all. So yeah, you better pony up a pretty primo apology. With the men of male persuasion, sexual favors tend to do the trick. But since one or the other of you is probably laid up, you can just subscribe him to Playboy.

– If it even still exists, Rachel

Dear Scarlet Lettered, I’ll put my butt on a crusty seat before I ever touch one of those mega keys. Someone should invent bathroom-key condoms for people like us. A prophylactic against other folks’ inevitable lack of hand-washing. Just don’t think about the employees handling that key in between foaming up cappuccinos.

– Flush once, wash twice, Rachel

Dear Rachel, What the hell do they make those fire-starter logs out of? They’re darn handy, but they’re also unnatural. I feel like I’m dipping into the dark arts every time I use one. Sure, they get my fire raging quickly, but at what cost? There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Am I burning pieces of children’s souls? Chipping away at our existence on this planet? Or is this truly clean magic?

- Light My Fire

Dear Rachel, My husband often throws out his back, and I always think he’s such a big baby about it. He cries just going to the bathroom, for pete’s sake.

I usually manage to point out how much worse birthing his children was for me. However, I threw out my own back last month, and it was worse than any of my three labors. I realize, un-

Dear Pyro, Welcome to your new black magic lifestyle! As you adjust yourself to succumbing to the dark arts, be sure to take care of yourself, as the transition can be rough. You may begin to notice aging in your face, a taste for black

“Inside Out: Visions from the Artist’s Mind,” thru April 2020, Southern Ute Museum, 503 Ouray Dr. www.southernutemuseum.org.

Posh Josh performs with Smiley Coyote and Brap the Goat, 10 p.m., Dec. 21, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E th 8 Ave.

Celtic Christmas, 6 p.m., Dec. 22, Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. 403-1200.

Upcoming

Climate Strike, 4-5 p.m., Dec. 27, meet at intersection of 11th Street and Main Avenue.

Pine Needle’s Holiday Makers Market, 4-7 p.m., Dec. 19, Pine Needle Dry Goods, 858 Main Ave. Laugh Therapy @ The Embassy, sign up, 7 p.m., show begins, 8 p.m., Dec. 19, The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. 403-1200.

Winter Commencement at Fort Lewis College, featuring address from Sen. Rhonda Fields, DDenver, 3 p.m., Dec. 20, Whalen Gymnasium. www.fortlewis.edu/graduation.

The Assortment performs, 6 p.m., Dec. 28, Down the Rabbit Hole, 640 Main Ave. New Year’s Eve Retro Glam 2020, featuring Civic Winds Jazz Orchestra, midnight champagne toast and more, doors open, 8:30 p.m., Dec. 31, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

“Screenagers: Next Chapter” documentary, 7 p.m., Jan. 8, Miller Middle School, 2608 Junction St.

People We Know CD Release Party, 8 p.m., Dec. 20, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr. www.animascitytheatre.com.

28th annual Southwest Economic Outlook, 8:30-11 a.m., Jan. 9, Student Union Ballroom at Fort Lewis College. 247-7582.

Ecstatic Dance with B.licious, 7-10 p.m., Dec. 20, VFW, 1550 Main Ave.

Animas High School Information Night, 5:306:30 p.m., Jan. 14, 271 Twin Buttes Ave. 247-2474.

Christmas Celebration and Special Feast for those experiencing homelessness and food insecurity, hosted by Community Compassion Outreach, 12:30-2:30 p.m., Dec. 21, Schneider Park.

The Real Social Event 2020, a symposium featuring discussions on artificial social environments, artificial intelligence and more, 5-8 p.m., Jan. 15, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave.

Mysto’s Really Big Magic Show, 7:30 p.m., Dec. 21, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

The Met: Live in HD, featuring Berg’s “Wozzeck,” 10:55 a.m., Jan. 18, Student Union at Fort Lewis College, Vallecito Room. www.durangoconcerts.com.

telegraph

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com clothing, and an additional rasp in your laugh. Trust us; these symptoms are normal, and you’ll stop caring about them as you also cease caring about other human beings.

Enjoy! And please do something about those bathroom fobs for us.

– Come on baby, Rachel

Joint Advisory Meeting on E-Bikes, 5-7 p.m., Jan. 22, Durango Rec Center. www.durangogov.org.

Book Talk, Signing and Q&A with Don Roberts, author of Wellness Toolbox, 5:30 p.m., Jan. 22, Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave. 749-8663.

A Rockin’ Snowdown 2020, winter festival featuring activities, games, music, parade and more, Jan. 29-Feb. 2, around Durango. www.snowdown.org.

Free Kids Yoga Class hosted by Chloe Dudley, for ages 3-7, 9-9:45 a.m., Feb. 5, Pediatric Associates of Durango, 1199 Main Ave., Suite 205. 259-7337.

15th annual Durango Independent Film Festival, March 4-8, around Durango. www.durangofilm.org.

San Juan Symphony Youth Orchestra’s Spring Concert, 7 p.m., April 28, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.sanjuansymphony.org.

Don’t forget to get your New Year’s event listings into us by Monday, Dec. 16, at noon (No issue the week of Dec. 26) To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Dec. 12, 2019 n 17

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny

This holiday season, care for those you love ... and include yourself.

Buy 2 Massage Gift Certificates (60 or 90 mins.)

and Get 1 Free (30 mins.)

970-247-3939 230 E. College Drive www.amayamassage.com

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Nobody knows really what they’re doing,” Aries comedian Conan O’Brien says.

“And there are two ways to go with that information,” he continues.

“One is to be afraid, and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it.” I hope you’ll be inspired by O’Brien’s example in the coming weeks, Aries. I suspect that if you shed your worries about the uncertainty you feel, you’ll trigger an influx of genius. Declaring your relaxed independence from the temptation to be a know-it-all will bless you with expansive new perspectives and freedom to move.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Creativity expert Roger von Oech tells us, “Everyone has a ‘risk muscle.’ You keep it in shape by trying new things. If you don’t, it atrophies. Make a point of using it at least once a day.” Here’s what I’ll add to his advice. If your risk muscle is flabby right now, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to whip it into better shape. Start with small, modest risks and gradually work your way up to bigger and braver ones. And what should you do if your risk muscle is already well-toned?

Dream and scheme about embarking on a major, long-term venture that is the robust embodiment of a smart gamble.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Many people engage in laughably feeble attempts to appear witty by being cynical – as if by exuding sardonic irony and sneering pessimism they could prove their mettle as brilliant observers of modern culture. An example is this lame wisecrack from humorist David Sedaris: “If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between s—- and syphilis in the dictionary.” I bring this to your attention in the hope of coaxing you to avoid indulging in gratuitous pessimism during the coming weeks. For the sake of your good health, it’s important for you to be as open-minded and generous-spirited as possible. And besides that, pessimism will be unwarranted.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “You can shop online and find whatever you’re looking for,” writes pundit Paul Krugman, “but bookstores are where you find what you weren’t looking for.” That’s a good principle to apply in every area of your life. It’s always smart to know exactly what you need and want, but sometimes – like now – it’s important that you put yourself in position to encounter what you need and want but don’t realize that you need and want.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Bachianas Brasileiras is a ninepart piece of music that blends Brazilian folk music with the compositional style of Johann

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Sebastian Bach. The poet Anne Sexton relied on it, letting it re-play ceaselessly during her long writing sessions. My painter friend Robin sometimes follows a similar method with Leonard Cohen’s album “Ten New Songs,” allowing it to cycle for hours as she works on her latest masterpiece. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to select a new theme song or collection of theme songs to inspire your intense efforts in behalf of your labors of love in the coming weeks. It’s a favorable time to explore the generative power of joyous, lyrical obsession.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I’ve spent my life butting my head against other people’s lack of imagination,” Virgo musician Nick Cave, who’s renowned for his original approach to his craft, mourned. I’m bringing this to your attention because I suspect you will be endowed with an extra fertile imagination in the coming weeks. And I would hate for you to waste time and energy trying to make full use of it in the presence of influences that would resist and discourage you. Therefore, I’ll cheer you on as you seek out people and situations that enhance your freedom to express your imagination in its expansive glory.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A scholar counted up how often the Bible delivers the command “Fear not!” and “Don’t be afraid!” and similar advice.

The number was 145. I don’t think that approach to regulating behavior works very well. To be constantly thinking about what you’re not supposed to do and say and think about tends to strengthen and reinforce what you’re not supposed to do and say and think about. I prefer author Elizabeth Gilbert’s strategy. She writes, “I don’t try to kill off my fear. I make all that space for it. Heaps of space. I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back.”

That’s the method I recommend for you, Libra – especially in the coming weeks.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Isaac Newton (1642– 1726) was one of history’s most influential scientists and a key contributor to physics, astronomy, mathematics and optics. His mastery of the nuances of human relationships was less developed, however. He had one close friendship with a Swiss mathematician, though he broke it off abruptly after four years. And his biographers agree that he never had sex with another person. What I find most curious, however, is the fact that he refused to even meet the brilliant French philosopher Voltaire, who reached out to him and asked to get together. I trust you won’t do anything like that in the coming weeks, Scorpio. In fact, I urge you to be extra receptive to making new acquaintances, accepting invitations and expanding your circle of influence.

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): How did humans figure out that a luxurious fabric could be made from the cocoons of insect larvae?

Ancient Chinese sage Confucius told the following story. One day in 2460 B.C., 14-year-old Chinese princess Xi Ling Shi was sitting under a mulberry tree sipping tea. A silk worm’s cocoon fell off a branch and landed in her drink. She was curious, not bothered. She unrolled the delicate structure and got the idea of using the threads to weave a fabric. The rest is history. I foresee a silk-worm’s-cocoon-falling-in-your-cup-of-tea type of event in your future, Sagittarius. Be alert for it.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires,” Capricorn author Rebecca West wrote. “It must abandon itself to its master passion.” That’s a high standard to live up to! But then you Capricorns have substantial potential to do just that: become the champions of devoting practical commitment to righteous causes.

With that in mind, I’ll ask you: How are you doing in your work to embody the ideal that Rebecca West articulated? Is your soul loyal to its deepest desires? Has it abandoned itself to its master passion?

Take inventory – and make any corrections, if necessary.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I would never try to talk you into downplaying or denying your suffering. I would never try to convince you that the pain you have experienced is mild or tolerable or eminently manageable. Who among us has the wisdom to judge the severity or intractability of anyone else’s afflictions? Not I. But in the coming months, I will ask you to consider the possibility that you have the power – perhaps more than you realize – to diminish your primal aches and angst. I will encourage you to dream of healing yourself in ways that you have previously imagined to be impossible.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “You owe it to us all to get on with what you’re good at,” Piscean poet W. H. Auden wrote. In other words, you have a responsibility to develop your potential and figure out how to offer your best gifts. It’s not just a selfish act for you to fulfill your promise; it’s a generous act of service to your fellow humans. So how are you doing with that assignment, Pisces? According to my analysis, you should be right in the middle of raising your efforts to a higher octave; you should be discovering the key to activating the next phase of your success, which also happens to be the next phase of your ability to bestow blessings on others.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Announcements

Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956, www.himkitchen.com. Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our allyou-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free. Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m.

Closed 2:30 - 5, daily.

Calling All Vocalists!

The Durango Voice is back … a fundraiser for Manna is calling for auditions! Submit your best 2 min song in mp3 format by Jan. 20. Include your name, phone, email & short bio. Send to durangovoice2@gmail.com. The Live Blind Auditions show will be held Feb. 22 at the Strater Theatre and if selected, the Finals on April 25.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Desert, The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Curran. Drop ins welcome! Smiley Building, Room #32. 259-4794. www.4corner syoga.com

Got Radon?

Call or text 970-394-4071 to schedule a test today.

Cocina Linda Tamales Do you miss Cocina Linda tamales and want to do something for the environment? Join us for the first ever live tamales online workshop at noon Sunday, Dec. 15. Part of the proceeds benefit Four Corners Slow Money. Register at www.cocinalindatamales.com.

Give the Gift of Music Lessons Gift certificates for guitar, bass and voice lessons with Pete Giuliani. Call 970385-6713 or email info@petegiuliani.com

Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

What Can I Do for You? Give us a call or email We can help.

Shopping, errands, repairs etc. Fair prices. Kim & David Librande 36du rango@gmail.com 970-259-9286

BodyWork

Services

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside near Durango and Bayfield, RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494 Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192 Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, social media, website content, SEO, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Email jnderge@gmail.com Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; reduces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

HelpWanted Daisy’s Salon Daisy’s, a top Durango salon, is looking for an enthusiastic part-time stylist to booth rent. Call Aubrey at 946-5395 for details.

Classes/Workshops Yoga Restorative Workshops Saturday, December 14, 9-noon or 25pm. For students of all levels with Kathy

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Holiday Gift Certificates Back in Balance Massage, LLC. Holiday prices $45/hr, reg. $65/hr, purchase by 12/16. Text 970-442-0007 Holiday Massage Gift Certificates Meg Bush, LMT 970-759-0199 massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 201819. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984 Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

ForSale Red Cliffs Pottery Holiday Sale Local handmade pottery, lg selection!

Come see us at 1375 Florida Rd. Wed-Sat, 9-5. Call 970-764-8229.

Reruns Home Furnishings Cozy furnishing! Chinese cabinet, lamps, rugs, art, night stands. Lots of beautiful glassware and linens. Cool vintage dishes – Pyrex & Fiestaware. New great stuff and daily markdowns. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

HaikuMovieReview ‘The Dali & The Cooper’ Once upon a time Salvador and Alice shared dinner and diamonds – Lainie Maxson

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForRent Room for 1 Male Tenant in shared nice in-town home. No smokers, pets, drugs, parties. $550/mo, incl. utilities + dep. Avail 1/1/20. 970-7590551

CommunityService Christmas Trees for Conservation Sale Do you need a Christmas tree? Holiday wreath? The San Juan Mountains Association is again selling local trees cut from areas in need of thinning, in cooperation with the San Juan National Forest.

Selection includes white and balsam fir trees. Proceeds benefit SJMA. Sunday-Friday, noon-6 p.m. and Saturdays, 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad parking lot (corner of College and Camino Del Rio) thru Dec. 22.

Teens Holiday Gift Drive During the holidays, teen-agers are often forgotten in toy drives. This drive is to share the spirit of giving with local teens in need. Asking for items that include winter necessities, fun gifts & gift cards. Cash donations will also be accepted and used to purchase needed gifts. Contact Kim at kchism@frontrangeclinic.com to make a cash donation. Drop off locations include R1 Colorado Durango office, 10211½ Main Ave.; Front Range Clinic, 1485 Florida Road, Building C, #203; & The Wells Group, 1130 Main Ave. Suggested gifts include: sports equipment, books, art supplies, headphones, prepaid phone, jackets, backpacks, hair products, board games, gift cards, movie passes, and more. Drive runs through Dec. 15.

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