Pick a President, Pampering Plants and Demeaning Dummies

Writer: Murray Stewart.

Strange occurrences and contentious conspiracies pop up regularly, and we often need to take a step back and separate the wheat from the goats. Some questionable events may appear truly strange, and some, without question are strangely true.

Executive Decision It all depends on you. The contents of the ballot boxes have been counted, double-checked and verified, but the unbelievable has happened – a dead tie between the three presidential candidates. Your vote is the last one to be counted, and will decide the next free-world leader (The Angry Orange in the White House excluded).

Candidate 1: He associates with crooked politicians and consults with astrologists, mediums and fortune tellers. He’s had two mistresses and is an enthusiastic smoker. He also drinks between 8 and 10 martinis every day.

Candidate 2: He has been kicked out of office twice, and never rises before noon. He smokes constantly, used opium during college and drinks half a bottle of whisky every evening. Single malt, no doubt. He’s also fat.

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