5 Destructive Phrases Parents Use Every Day
http://afirmativ.com/2014/10/16/cercetatorii-confirma-rezultatul-unui-studiu-copiii-devin-asa-cum-sunt-numiti/
As parents we are busy helping our children learn and prepare for life. What words they choose and how they use them is a big part of this teaching. Yet very often, we forget to lead by example and seriously impact our kids with our poor choice of words. Worse yet, there are many phrases we use day in and day out, without realizing how damaging they can be to our kids and their self-esteem. If you haven’t already, it is time to sit up and take notice. Stop using phrases and words that isolate your kids instead of reaching out to them, starting with these five. 1. “Don’t Do That” Learning to lay down the law without stifling your kids is an art unto itself. While this phrase may sound quite harmless, even essential to many minds, it actually achieves little by itself- especially when repeated over and over again. Instead of constantly pointing out what your kid cannot or should not do, try pointing out what they should be doing instead. Help your child familiarize him/herself with boundaries, and the expectations that come with them, in a positive environment by using words that identify and reinforce desirable behavior.
2. “How Dare You” Challenging your kids is seldom a good idea, especially with you being the adult in the equation. You might think of it as a swift and easy way to bring an argument or issue to conclusion, but may be missing out on the impact it has on your child. Your kid looks up to you as the protector and in many ways you are the source of security for him/her. Challenging your kid not only threatens their choices and way of being, but also their sense of security as defined by you. Try not to isolate your child, even when they have been naughty. Instead share your perspectives and remind them that you are always there for them. 3. “I Know Better” Yes, as parent you indeed might know better, but having been reminded of it too often your kid might lose confidence in their own self as well as begin to resent you for it. Telling your child you know better or what’s good for them is not the healthiest way to conclude matters. You may not think your kids warrant an explanation, but this might go a long way to helping them understand just what they did wrong or why they cannot have their way. Do not get down to proving every point, simply express and let them process it in their own time. 4. “Listen to Me” When a parent begins chirping this phrase, it is a sign that they are actually not in control of the dialogue or situation. Sure, sometimes this just cannot be avoided, but as a parent in charge you want your child to want to listen to you, rather than be coerced or forced into it. Besides they can always just listen to you and then conveniently ignore it. You want the kids to appreciate whatever it is you have to say, and therefore if your kid refuses to listen, maybe you need to rethink your strategy instead of asserting yourself like this. 5. “Be Good” This is the vaguest phrase in the book, and while it may be explicitly clear to an adult, to your child in development it may mean one of a hundred different things. Try and be more specific, not just to ensure your kid behaves well, but also to set clearer boundaries and expectations. Help you child understand what ‘being good’ means by spelling it out for him/her, identifying what you need and hope for both of you in a situation or challenge. Not only does this help your kid reason with you, but also helps them understand their own responsibilities and accountabilities.