BAD ADVICE...
Ask the
Expat
Not all advice is good and not all people are as genuine as you may think. Enjoy our 'bad advice' column from the expert we've all met, know and love... the Expat.
T
oday in Our Bad Advice, we are joined by a panel of two prominent local individuals determined to provide you, our local East Algarve Expats, with a helping hand of inconsistent but broad bottomed and heartfelt advice. Today we are joined by Sabrina and Evi of the Elite Algarve Landlord Alliance who are seeking to empower the interests of landlords in the Algarve. “I am writing to you because I need urgent advice about my tenants. I am appalled that they have given us three months' notice because they learnt we were overcharging them and they dared to criticise us for being unresponsive as landlords. They complained of winter mould and dampness. We told them, if they didn’t breathe, there would not be any, they can hold their breath! Regarding a leaky lavatory, we also told them we have no duty to repair it and that this expectation is to be met by tenants, especially overweight ones who crack the plumbing with their abhorrent waste. With five months left, we have demanded they pay the entire year and shockingly these lots refused. We are sitting in one of our other houses in Bordeaux and are disgusted at their intention to quit. They shouldn’t be allowed to as we are off to an Antiques Auction today, which this Algarvian house was due to fund as a spoke in our multinational empire. We have threatened them with international solicitors, who we haven’t actually spoken to yet, but they have thrown back the law of Portugal at us! We are horrified that as tax exiles and property owners, we are expected to fulfil any duties to gain profits. We are refusing to return any deposits, so they are refusing to pay any rent. We also gave a detailed inventory of each item in the flat, and warned that there will be a minimum of 100 Euro fines for any broken
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items, be it glass, unmatching crockery, or scuff marks. We have demanded more money, but they are refusing to give us any - like the thieving vermin they are. Other than writing pitiful messages on Expat Facebook pages about our plight, how can we deal with these appalling "rogue tenants”? Sabrina: Quite right, there is nothing more appalling than the interference of the state in property owners business, which is why at the Elite Algarve Landlord’s Association we offer illicit advice and tactics of manipulation, deception, and intimidation, though without any legal duress and disclaimers of legal non-accuracy. There is nothing worse than an ungrateful tenant who seeks out information about how to support themselves. As Elite people, we have regular quarterly meetings at the Opulence Golf Club and Resort to extend our networks and protection rackets. We have great associations, with roughies for hire, who are indispensable at collecting debts that are not owed or hiring individuals posing as Portuguese law enforcement. Of course, this is all off the record, but if you join our association, people will know you mean business! Evi: It also seems you were somewhat naive in your approach. Might I suggest creating false picture property adverts and demanding a full year's rent upfront, if you remain outside of the country? Portuguese and European rights are very pedantic, but let’s face it, there are always loopholes to find and ways to maximise your profits with minimal efforts on your part. Sabrina: Yes Evi, it seems inventories are a useful way of extorting more money. If you discover the tenant hasn’t taken a dated video of the house, always claim more damage. If you offer basic amenities such as Ikea plates, always claim that they were
Furstenberg. If they demand repairs, claim it was they who caused the damage. Evi: We would love to meet you as a fellow Elite. Breathe in, as we know the difficulties of letting property to inconveniences who should not have been born, let alone have rights, not to mention stain your atmosphere and furniture...
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Address: Rua da Liberdade n26, Tavira Facebook: 'À da Marta' Telephone: 00351 962 480 768 Email: adamartatavira@outlook.pt Open: Everyday 8am till 7pm Saturday 9am till 3pm, Closed Sunday
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