Building Communication Confidence Among Children

Building Communication Confidence Among Childrenby Carolyn Smallwood, MA, CCC-SLP

¨After all, when your children or teens develop good communication skills, they begin to affect change in their own lives and in the lives of others¨

FOR SOME CHILDREN COMMUNICATION IS LIKE A “walk in the park.” Using good eye contact, taking turns, and understanding social implications are natural tendencies. Effective and assertive communication is the norm for these children. There are other kids who try to relate but have extreme difficulty because they feel so “different.” For them it is easier to isolate or be drawn toward an electronic device. There are also many levels in between these two communicative extremes.

Social language therapy is one of my favorite aspects of speech pathology. With treatment, children become empowered when they learn to understand unspoken rules of communication, realize hidden meanings behind what is said, and begin to put it all together. By moving through fears of relating to others in a protected way, true growth can occur.

One of my teenage clients was well-aware of discomfort in relating with other people. Mark described it like this: “It was difficult to communicate in general, and even harder to talk about my feelings. I couldn’t find the right words to explain what was happening. That even made it harder to think of what I wanted to say. Sometimes I became so upset that I isolated; I stopped relating to people and mainly played games on my phone.” Treatment involved using a task analysis to identify and work through Mark’s triggers. Therapeutic techniques were implemented to dampen “reactive” centers of the brain so that higher level thinking could be used more effectively in communication. Within a safe space, comfortable and confident communication emerged. At the same time, we were able to roleplay situations, moving from least to most difficult. When struggles were overcome in a safe environment they were then carried out in real-life settings and with various communicative partners. Calm and effective communication is now more frequent for Mark. He has come to enjoy being with friends in many situations. We continue to work through other circumstances as needed.

Research shows that many behavioral issues result from the lack of knowledge and use of appropriate social language skills. Many who bully others don’t have appropriate effective verbal/non-verbal coping mechanisms, thus they act out. At the same time, children that don’t know how to express themselves are often bullied by their peers. The problem being addressed—behavior—is not necessarily the root of the issue. The difficulty lies in not knowing how to express wants, needs, and ideas.

If you are concerned that a loved one may have communication difficulties related to social difficulties, you can ask yourself a few simple questions.

Does my child or loved one show:

(1) difficulty with conversational skills, maintaining and extending the topic, demonstrating refined social conventions, using language for varied functions?

(2) difficulty understanding others in order to predict their behavior?

(3) difficulty taking the perspective of another and modifying/changing language according to the situation?

(4) difficulty reading body language, facial expression, and tone of another’s language?

Please call or e-mail the office to set up a complimentary screening if you notice any of these “red flags.” Communicative difficulties, especially those related to anxiety, tend to create more negative feelings towards oneself and others when not dealt with efficiently and effectively. I’d be glad to talk to you about an evidenced-based approach used to break the negative cycle and begin using healthy routines. Skills that affect relationships with peers, teachers, and family can be addressed.

After all, when your children or teens develop good communication skills, they begin to affect change in their own lives and in the lives of others. More importantly they come to know and love a part of themselves that they didn’t realize was inside. g

Mindful by Wellspring Counseling and Health, LLC Motherhood

AS COUNSELORS, WE OFTEN HEAR OF THE STRESS AND demands of being a mother in today’s society, juggling work, household tasks, sports, homework, organic cooking and being fit all at the same time is more than most can accomplish. And yet the external and internal pressure tells today’s mom that she can indeed have it all. Perhaps no other job compares with the demands of needing to muti-task with intense investment and no real sense of closure or completion. Mothers often feel unfulfilled and unappreciated when their sense of self is externally based on productivity and accomplishments. We offer a different perspective at Wellspring Counseling and Health and consider mindful motherhood to offer more joy and fulfillment. Perhaps you have become aware of the concept of mindful meditation but may wonder how that translates into everyday application. The concept of mindfulness involves enlarging one’s perspective and creating a space in which equal awareness may be placed on the perceived problem as well as blessings, accomplishments and other good things that are simultaneously occurring. Mindfulness encourages us to maintain a simultaneous awareness of all that is going on internally and externally, while remaining connected to the present moment. Think of the awareness that is needed while driving; you will glance at the rear-view mirror, speedometer, side mirror and your children, but this is best done with an open focused state of awareness rather than in a sequential manner. The open focus allows the driver to do this with a sense of flow and includes information that requires urgent attention. Another way to understand mindfulness is in the metaphor of the linen closet. If all the tasks, meals, obligations, and relationships you have are viewed in that small space, they can easily be overwhelming. But if we expand our awareness and our inner space and reach the state of inner peace, these demands become more manageable. It is easier to shift your perception of the problems rather than to try to eliminate them. Do you see the window that needs cleaning or the beauty of the landscape beyond the window? Since mothers multitask so often the concept of being connected to the present moment and the child can be overcome by the busyness. Really being present with all your senses and all your heart open is the most important position a mom can have. This approach also opens a calm mindfulness for the children, increasing harmony, cooperation and humor for all. If you would like to learn mindful meditation and apply mindfulness to your life, as well as resolve conflicts both internally and externally, the counselors at Wellspring Counseling and Health are here to help you. g