LONDON – A LONG-WINDED ARTICLE ABOUT THINGS TO DO IN EUROPE’S BIGGEST CITY

LON DON

Words by Jamie Ian Gernovese

A long-winded article about things to do in Europe’s biggest city

“Oh, London is so much slower than New York but I love it,” she told me, “New York is like London with a meth addiction.”

I could see her point. Coffee shops are closed by five or six in the evening, pubs ring out their last calls at around 11pm, even 10. It is not hospitable to the 24-hour kind of person, to the nocturnal types. Past 1am, your only likely company will be the handsome foxes that stalk London’s streets.

Like New York – like any other metropolitan city in the globalised age – London has franchises, people wearing puffer jackets and Vejas, small streets filled with vape stores and new developments that are all shopping centres, and some people might find that a little disappointing. London has a mythology built around it that keeps crashing up against itself, but there is undoubtedly a constellation of bright spots that you can chart your way through.

No short trip to London can ever be satisfying, and I also don’t think there’s one way to do it. On my map are over two-hundred stars. In preparation for this article, I cobbled together a small constellation. There is no describing them in full, only in part.

There’s never a ‘dead period’ in London. Staples like Frieze, the Christmas Wonderland, the BFI London Film Festival, the Notting Hill Carnival are well-known fixtures in the calendar year for locals and the globe-trotting ultra-high-net-worth individuals alike and need no introduction. More interestingly is the formidable rota of events happening in small venues, in bookshops, in small, nonbluechip galleries, in cinemas and in community centres. There’s no guide that doesn’t become irrelevant within a week, and services like Eventbrite are limited. The traveller’s eye must be discerning in picking the right event out of the slew of photo-walks and dreaded NFT-hype-events that clog up the front page. Try anyway.

London is a city best experienced on foot. Failing that, public transport. People and buildings both collect around underground stations, each line carrying its own culture as residents become familiars to the carriages.

Let’s start off near Chiswick, about as far west as any tourist not going to Heathrow is expected to go. Go to Azou; the husband and wife that own the place have many years of experience and the place won’t be the same without them. Visit them and visit them now for North African cuisine about as good as you can get it. If you’re an asshole, you’ll brag about how it was featured by Gordon Ramsay, and has been a Michelin Bib Gourmand winner for several years. Fuck you, go because Chris Benarab is a fucking wonderful little dictator in the kitchen and deserves patronage.

Go to the Michael Hoppen Gallery on Barlby Road. Buy a photographic print. Art is nice, right? Then walk to Three Four Five for garlicky vegetarian food, and Golborne deli for a Wednesday night wine tasting. Thank God you’re alive and rich enough to do all this. Then, head to Cockney’s Pie & Mash shop to gawk at a fossil of a bygone London.

You’re in Ladbroke Grove now, a once-Caribbean space that is slowly being lost to money. Acklam Village is nearby and you’re no longer hungry. Gawk at the food and overspend on a morsel, maybe. The people there work hard and cook all day.

Catch the H&C or Circle line to Baker Street, then walk through the Regent’s Park and enjoy the flowers. Literally. Don’t support the zoo, though, even if it is nearby. That’s old colonial shit. We don’t want that. If you want, go to Hampstead Heath instead, maybe enjoy the shops along the southern edge of the park. It’s a posh area, you might see celebrities. I saw Iris Law, once.

Of course, you could go down to Camden but for the love of God, skip the market. You don’t need to read me to tell you to go to the market and try stall-food. Instead, go down to 43 Parkway and check out Temple of Seitan for vegan fast food at actual fast-food prices or even the Jazz Café also on Parkway. Go get a pint of Lefe Blonde on tap at the only Wetherspoons worth going to because it also has a surprisingly good pepperoni pizza (even if the owner’s an ass). Hell, just walk around the streets, go to other bars, whatever. Just skip the fucking market.

Take the Overground and enjoy the daylight. Go east and hit up Dalston and Hackney, and please resist the urge to call it ‘vibrant’ or ‘colourful’ because it makes everyone within earshot immediately suspicious of you. Go to the art-deco cinema Rio, drink tea and have Japanese treats at Toconoco, then keep going to the Regent’s canal. Don’t take a right to Angel, just keep going down to Sông Quê café because it’s now an institution. Go to Old Street, go to Smoking Goat and order £40 worth of small plates of Thai food and beer. Dance around the East End, shop around for overpriced vintage clothes, get a salt-beef beigel from Beigel Bake, flip the bird at Truman Brewery, have some fried chicken at Morley’s and spot Amelia Dimoldenberg filming her next episode of Chicken Shop Date and fangirl about it.

Do all that and then go south. Have bomb-ass burgers and draw with chalk on the walls at Doodle Bar. Try the Planetarium in Greenwich. See New Cross, see Peckham, don’t look like a tourist and don’t walk around looking at your phone.

Don’t have friends south of Southbank? Doesn’t matter. At least go to Dulwich picture gallery, go to Brixton and see the Black Cultural Archives.

As for Central? It’s dense. Don’t even bother with the tube. Walk around. Take every left. Check every door. Is that a lot?

No, it’s London.

Delhi Grill 21  @delhi_grill

NORTH

FOOD - Pig & Butcher 80 Liverpool Rd, London N1 0QD – Nose to tail meats. Excellent. - Mississipi Fried Chicken 159 Essex Rd, London N1 2SN – Great Value. Don’t skimp on the spice. - Delhi Grill 21 Chapel Market, London N1 9EZ – Exactly what it sounds like. - Kennedy’s Goswell Road 184-186 Goswell Rd., London EC1V 7DT – Popular iconic Fish & Chippie - St John 26 St John St, Barbican, London EC1M 4AY – Sir Fergus Henderson’s legendary London establishment with a focus on offal and British cuisine. - The Eagle 159 Farringdon Rd, London EC1R 3AL – Sick pub. - Ambala Confectionary 112-114 Drummond St, London NW1 2HN – Get some jalebi and a samosa chaat.

SPOTS - 15 Clerkenwell Close – marvel of contemporary architecture using natural stone, won the RIBA National award in 2018 - Granary Square – Public square and home to Central Saint Martins,

Google, Samsung, and a host of smaller shops. High end. - Clissold Park – Quaint park popular with families. - Hampstead Heath – Sprawling and hilly park popular with dog owners. - Wellcome Collection 183 Euston Rd, London NW1 2BE – Dedicated to the intersection of art, science and health.

OKAN Brixton Village Unit 39  @okan_london

SOUTH

FOOD - The Doodle Bar 60 Druid St, London SE1 2EZ – Crayfish boils, gourmet burgers, chalkboard walls you can draw on with their chalk. - Mayflower Pub 117 Rotherhithe St, London SE16 4NF – Stellar pub. - Mughead 359 New Cross Rd, London SE14 6AT – decent banana bread and better coffee. - The Gentleman Baristas 11 Park St, London SE1 9AB – excellent single-origin coffee made by professional baristas. - Santo Remedio Cocina Mexicana 152 Tooley St, London SE1 2TU – higher end Mexican cuisine. - Goddards at Greenwich 22 King William Walk, London SE10 9HU – Traditional pie and mash place near Greenwich Park. - OKAN Brixton Village Unit 39, Brixton Village, Coldharbour Ln,

London SW9 8PS – Japanese street food. Sizzles. Great with beer. - Chishuru Unit 9 Market Row, Coldharbour Ln, London SW9 8LB – West African restaurant in Brixton. - Mercato Metropolitano 42 Newington Causeway, London SE1 6DR – Fanciest food-hall you’ve ever been to. Lots of yuppies. - Maltby Street Market Arch 46, Ropewalk, Maltby St, London SE1 3PA – Champagne, oysters, scotch eggs, duck confit; you get the idea.

SPOTS - Peckham Levels 95A Rye Ln, London SE15 4ST – Multi-storey carpark converted into a hub for businesses, traders, and entrepreneurs. - Black Cultural Archives Windrush Square, 1, London SW2 1EF – Heritage centre devoted to the people of African and Caribbean descent in Britain. - Windmill Brixton 22 Blenheim Gardens, Brixton Hill, London SW2 5BZ – Famed live event venue. Low stakes, chill. - Young Vic 66 The Cut, London SE1 8LZ – sister theatre to the Old Vic, newcomer talent. - Hayward Gallery Hayward Gallery, Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd,

London SE1 8XX – Fantastic curated exhibitions of contemporary artists and masters. - Greenwich Park London SE10 8QY – Wide open skies, near the river, often a site for films. - Telegraph Hill 75 Kitto Rd, London SE14 5TN – High-ground view of the city. Dope.

Chishuru Unit 9 Market Row  @chishuru

26 St Johns  @st.john.restaurant

Santo Remedio Cocina Mexicana  @santoremedio_uk Mercato Metropolitano 42 Newington Causeway  @mercatometropolitano

Smoaking Goat Bar  @smokinggoatbar

@pixpintxos Pix Pintxos 24 Ganton St 

The Churchill Arms 119 Kensington Churc @churchillarmsw8 

EAST

FOOD - My Old Place 88-90 Middlesex St, London E1 7EZ – Fantastic Szechuan, try things you aren’t used to and ask for help. - Beigel Bake 159 Brick Ln, London E1 6SB – A historic institution of beigels. Cheap. Worth it. - Monty’s Bar 149 Brick Ln, Bethnal Green, London E1 6SB – I’m not going to tell you who might be hanging around there.

If you go, don’t be weird or I’ll regret telling you about it. - Rochelle Canteen 16 Playground Gardens, London E2 7FA – Seasonal and ever-changing menu, airy, lovely. - Smoking Goat 64 Shoreditch High St, London E1 6JJ – Thai and fusion dishes. Excellent. Embrace the spice. - BRAT 4 Redchurch St, London E1 6JL – Brilliant fish restaurant.

Same owners as Smoking Goat, their nextdoor neighbours. - Sông Quê Café 134 Kingsland Rd, London E2 8DY – May it live for a century more. - Casual-ish. - Andu Ethiopian Vegan Café 43 - 45 Kingsland High St, London E8 2JS – Get the sampler. Go for Lunch. - Pepper & Spice 40 Balls Pond Rd, London N1 4AU – Caribbean food. - Mangal 2 4 Stoke Newington Rd, London N16 8BH – Sequel to Mangal 1. Upscale Turkish food. - Tayyabs 83-89 Fieldgate St, London E1 1JU – Family-owned, excellent Punjabi cuisine.

SPOTS - Victoria Park Grove Rd., London E3 5TB – A large park in the East, good for picnics if you’re in the area. - Barbican Silk St, Barbican, London EC2Y 8DS – Best example of Brutalist architecture and a hub for theatre, art, and film events. - Brick Lane – A spinal column in the Shoreditch area, home to many specialised second-hand clothing markets. - Spitalfields 56 Brushfield St, London E1 6AA – Fancy pants stalls. Find a Christmas gift for your in-laws.

WEST

FOOD - Azou Restaurant 375 King St, London W6 9NJ – North African cuisine par excellence. - Phat Phuc Noodle Bar The Courtyard, 151 Sydney St, London SW3 6NT – Vietnamese food, with the flavour and quality you want. - The Cow 89 Westbourne Park Rd, London W2 5QH – Pub with an exceptional menu and a speciality in seafood. Book ahead. - Three Four Five 345 Portobello Rd, London W10 5SA – Vegetarian snack café. Very garlicky. - The Churchill Arms 119 Kensington Church St, London W8 7LN – Decent pub with excellent Thai food. Book ahead. - Golborne Deli 100-102 Golborne Rd, London W10 5PS – Weekly Wednesday wine tastings with an excellent selection of wines and foods to pair with. - Lisboa Patisserie 57 Golborne Rd, London W10 5NR – Portuguese pastries. Destination.

SPOTS - Michael Hoppen Gallery Pall Mall Deposit, TPL10, 124-128 Barlby Rd,

London W10 6BL – Photographic art gallery. - Little Venice – Cute riverboat canal-tours for a bour £9. - Holland Park Ilchester Pl, London W8 6LU – Fancy, multi-levelled park with a Japanese garden.

Watch out for the peacocks! - Regent’s Park – Immensely beautiful flowers throughout the year.

Kanada Ya  @kanada_ya_ldn

The Cow  @thecowlondon

Brasserie Zédel 20 Sherwood  @brasseriezedel

Tommi’s Burger Joint 30 Thayer St  @tommisburgerjoint

CENTRAL

FOOD - Tommi’s Burger Joint 30 Thayer St, London W1U 2QP – Least-chain-like-chain, this Icelandic burger joint provides excellent food, self-serve sauces, and at a price point that makes fucking sense. - Pix Pintxos 24 Ganton St, Carnaby, London W1F 7QY – Good drinks, self-serve tapas, good staff. Rent viewing rooms downstairs with ‘naughty not nasty’ videos that play. It’s Soho commodified. - Brasserie Zédel 20 Sherwood St, London W1F 7ED – Step back in time, sort of, and enjoy the deep underground art deco interiors. - Kiln 58 Brewer St, London W1F 9TL – Casual Thai dining. Superb. - Hawksmoor Seven Dials 11 Langley St, London WC2H 9JG – Upper-mid range steakhouse chain with excellent food.

Ask for the sticky toffee pudding. - Kanada Ya 64 St Giles High St, London WC2H 8LE – My go-to ramen spot. No doubt.

SPOTS - Gagosian 20 Grosvenor Hill, London W1K 3QD 28–29 Burlington Arcade,

London W1J 0QJ – one of the two Gagosian galleries in London.

Contemporary art. Pay attention. - Grosvenor/Berkeley Square Area + RA – Fancy part of London near New

Bond Street. Gawk at things. - Top Secret Comedy Club 170 Drury Ln, London WC2B 5PD – Comedy

Club! Try booking - Prince Charles Cinema 7 Leicester Pl, London WC2H 7BY – Repository cinema. Gorgeous. - Seven Dials – The area is a decent spot for some shopping.

Steeped in a history of speakeasies that are no longer there. A short stop.