Pacifying screens

Out with the bad habits, in with the good

By Jade and Thalen Zimmerman

Becoming parents pushed us to reflect on ourselves. After all, our little Sonny girl is learning to be a person by watching our every move – “monkey see, monkey do.”

That self-reflection has helped us strive to become better role models by eliminating bad habits we don’t want to pass on to her. One of those habits is too much screen time. We want Sonny to be present. To be social. To experience as much as she can in life. To not be distracted by the screens.

Not long ago we would often find ourselves endlessly scrolling through social media or binge-watching the latest series (oftentimes, both). We were like zombies. We would awaken from the scrolling hypnosis and realize how much of our day was wasted. We could have been reading, learning a skill, enjoying a hobby, working out or simply just getting fresh air outside.

Now that we are parents, we try hard to reduce our screen time in front of Sonny. We want to show her we are present with her. Recently, we even put our TV in the basement with the plan to make it a family movie night area for weekend use.

When we were growing up, we had screens too, but there were rules – no screen time while the sun was up and until homework was finished. Even then we were only allowed to be on it for a brief time. Did we make a fuss about it? Of course. But, we still listened (for the most part) and spent a lot of time outside and socializing with friends and reading books.

The nail in the screen time coffin for us was hammered in hard after we started taking a closer look at today’s children inundated with screens. As the oldest of big families, we have many children around us and almost all of them have their own screens.

During family get-togethers, the children huddle in corners with their faces glued to the screen lost in sensory overload. The scary part is, when they are lost in their screens, they hardly notice what is going on around them. We could call out their names until we are blue in the face and they will hardly flinch, let alone acknowledge you.

It’s even scarier when you try to take the screen away. It is like taking a pacifier away from a colicky baby but 10 times worse. Screens are basically the pacifier of the modern family. Except you can wean children off of pacifiers. It’s not just children, though. If you go to a restaurant today, there will be no shortage of families sitting together but isolated in their own virtual reality, only putting the screen down in between bites of food.

We often hear the excuse that screens are “educational.” While we agree – there are definitely educational programs that can benefit the child – the education argument usually comes from those who would rather be scrolling on their own screens. We get it, it’s addicting, but a parent has to be an example. If you want your children to spend their days scrolling, then go ahead, and keep scrolling yourself. That’s your right as a parent.

To us, however, it is more educational to sit down with your child and read a book, or go outside and identify birds and trees and plants, or go to a park and read informational kiosks or go to a local museum and ask questions or spark conversations with strangers during outings, or grow a garden. Then, not only are children learning something, but they are also bonding with their parents.

Our thought is, “If Sonny were to have her nose stuck in something, we prefer it to be a book.” For Sonny’s baby shower, we asked all who planned on giving gifts to get her a book instead of a card. Now, our house is filled with books, from our own to the dozens that Sonny got and she absolutely loves them.

Now, when we are hanging out as a family, Sonny will wobble-walk to her bookshelf and grab something for us to read. She points at the characters as they are introduced in the story. She laughs when we make funny voices for each character. She takes pride in turning the pages and every time she looks up at us, it is with the happiest and most heartwarming smile.

Not only is she learning with us, she is also bonding with us. It’s out with the bad habits and in with the good.