My sorrow is better than yours.

My Sorrow is better than yours © Gilberto Arellano Hernández.

Traduction by Mixar López.

©

Contents A white sand castle………………………………………………………………………01 Actually I do not know …………………………………………………………………..02 Death knocks on my door ………………………………………………………………02 There is nothing else to do but wait……………………………………………………03 Sabotage …………………………………………………………………………………04 Perhaps they are right …………………………………………………………………..05 A hospital in Mexico City ………………………………………………………………..06 Time……………………………………………………………………………………….06 Maybe I should try to do more………………………………………………………….07 At nights …………………………………………………………………………………..07 In retrospect………………………………………………………………………………08 Memories …………………………………………………………………………………09 The night tries to show he is right………………………………………………………10 5:33 A.M.………………………………………………………………………………….11 I'm too drunk to think of a title…………………………………………………………..12 You may have to do as Bukowski………………………………………………………12 Every morning ……………………………………………………………………………13 Does anyone know why people walk as if time escape him in the ass and farts every step you take? ……………………………………………………………………14 ¿Could you do me a big favor? ………………………………………………………..15 I do not even know how I do what I do ………………………………………………..16 The clock stopped ……………………………………………………………………….17 Night talking ……………………………………………………………………………...18

Curiosity killed the cat …………………......……………………………………………19 My grief is better than yours, JA! .………..……………………………………………20 A small tragedy at a time ...……………………………………………………………..21 Vorspier………………………………………………..………………………………….21 Nobody notices anything ……………………………………………………………….22 Echoes in the empty …………………………………………………………………....22 The devil is after me …………………………………………………………………….23 ¿What would that do? …………………………………………………………………..24 You are not alone ……………………………………………………………………….25 Like a damn ghost ………………………………………………………………………26 Epilogue ………………………………………………………………………………….27

My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

A white sand castle.

I cannot allow bothered by shit of this type.

I mean, I cannot anymore, everything comes up from one moment to another.

Life is going well and suddenly everything gets messed up, me while I fall apart like a house of white sand abandoned on the beach.

And I'm swallowed by the sea I cannot go out again, so I stood there, no more to do to regain my strength and try to move forward a little more.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

1

My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

I really do not know.

Madness takes an incomprehensible way for me.

Try to think of what I feel, but I do not get something concrete, Maybe I feel nothing.

Perhaps.

It is the death of my mother I should feel something, right?

I really do not know.

Death knocks on my door.

The clock blows my mind with his incessant voice, a minute, an hour, The days pass one after another.

The time that was once mine Now she drags me to death, You know that eventually it would happen.

A smile on my face that takes my mind is drawn, and I fail to understand.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

There is nothing else to do but wait.

I can only hope, things go fast and I cannot remember what was I thinking?

The ideas disappear in my mind or contaminated with other older or newer.

Sometimes I miss the old days where there was to worry about, but they left behind and they are now only a precious memory more.

There is nothing more to do, but wait, you may only need to get out more, keep my mind on something, whatever, or so says my father given that the wise man, but I just dislike me, I also said to him.

So we're even?

Others suffer more out there not having or not having father, I hate mine and he hates me, I do not get it.

You could say that we are well, we are friends.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

Sabotage.

Since ever I sabotage something I do, truly, in everything I do.

For one reason or another everything always ends badly, must be God, resents the cursed, and so he tries to screw me.

I do not know, or maybe just be, but I like more the other idea, Is that why is that God is not? to blame for everything we do not like.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

Perhaps they are right.

Some people believe that somehow I have to do with them, Or is it my idea? it's just that I think things too much, it's not on purpose, but I can not help it.

They say my paranoia It is becoming a problem, but I do not think so, or at least not yet; although they may be right, and three days I can not leave the house makes.

You should talk to someone, but the only people I can think give me an opinion relevant to me they will not.

Why? Okay, You hate me and the other It has its own problems.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

5

My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

A hospital in Mexico City.

I find myself standing right at the entrance of a hospital, people go almost dead and sit back and wait to be served, I do not understand how they manage to resist both.

To be honest I was waiting a complete horror show but it's all quite normal, at a time when a subject came really bad, bloodshed all over, a spectacle, You could only hear a long hiss flooding the place He is dying as he passed that subject.

That idiot She says an old lady and looks with disdain.

What do I stand here, out of this hospital?

Oh yes, my mother.

Time.

We think the time is infinite, endless, but we also know that our existence is fleeting, This is why man seeks stay in this world, somehow managing to go beyond the passage of time, cheat death, a mere memory.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

Maybe I should try to do more.

Maybe I should try to do more, lately I've slept all day, I am living only at night, intoxicating, without having more to do.

You may have to try to do more, get a job, or do any thing more productive what I do now.

But that's not my thing.

Ha! most idiotic words the words of a true poor What can I tell you?

Maybe I am, maybe not, it all depends on your point of view, but that to me is worth me cock.

At night.

At night I'm thinking in lots of times I've thrown my life away and what I would give one more chance to fix everything, but from time to time It is dispersed in the air and slowly disappears in these cold nights.

Meanwhile I try to stay sane (Or what's left of it) to survive, at least one more day.

Almost there, I must resist, I do not know why I say this to you, You're nothing but a simple computer.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

In retrospect.

Look at it in retrospect, your life is not what you wanted, when you were little you wanted so much, but people change.

Everyone says no longer recognize, change too if I look at it from where I am I'm better than before.

They say I'm wrong, what I think is wrong, They want to leave those ideas behind They may be right.

A friend always said: "People do not change for anyone else, but themselves, I will change when it sees fit for me, not because someone asks me to. "

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

Memories.

This morning I am sitting in front of this computer, listening to all the songs that once they made me think of you.

Those songs that made me remember the times we spent together, the day I met you, the day we became friends.

This morning I encounter sitting in front of this computer, thinking that these songs would perfect for those days Soundtrack.

As I sink into a deep abyss full of hopes, dreams, plans and memories that make me feel as if everything inside me fell apart But now all that seems distant, like a dream that will never come true, like a candle whose light fades slowly in the dark.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

9

My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

The night tries to show he's right.

You are sitting eating and drinking the most familiar types you could imagine.

The nights drag their heels while on the morning, and light a cigarette trying to get rid of anxiety while the night tries to show he's right.

And in the last sip you know you should take a break Remember how the boy fell into crises that day?

While they celebrate in covered table in horror and the fire consumes the past.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

10

My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

5:33 A.M. Right now I think of all those people, where I met throughout my life, I wonder what they do now, what happened to their lives Anyway, I do not know because I went through my mind, all those happy and unhappy memories of my life They dissipate amidst all this filth, there is nothing more than that unfortunately.

Now everything loses meaning, and the reason collapses, leaving behind all this shit worthless.

Ambitions, friends, family, memories.

Filthy garbage, all that does not matter.

He is lost.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

I'm too drunk to think of a title.

Everything is always the same, every day is the same routine I stay awake and lying in bed for a while.

Spend the day as usual, there is never anything new.

Days go by so rapidly I just realize.

Sunrise and return to bed, They awaken all and life begins again.

You may have to do as Bukowski Two days ago I turned 21, exactly at 6:30 pm November 20 214.

I spend nights drinking whiskey and beer, cannot sleep, I do not know what to think about.

And they all look at me as if waiting to do something to change it all, you may need to do as Bukowski and get a job horrible and complain about it in what I write.

I do not know, maybe I could, at least would silence all those voices who want nothing more than to see me fall

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

Every morning Every morning I sit in the same chair and I looked out the window a world that hates me, I see things that for some reason still they hurt my soul.

You may have to leave certain memories fade, but this is not an idea causing me no pleasure.

I do not like to forget.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

13

My sorrow is better than yours

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez.

Does anyone know why people always walk as if time escape him in the ass and farts every step you take?

So I return again, I just needed some rest, I suppose, It is always good to take a break, It gives you the strength to go a bit further.

Sometimes it's just too much of everything, too many people, too much trouble, too much to do or where to go.

And things like that they can kill anyone or perhaps it's just that I'm being too pessimistic.

The days pass and become shorter and nights make it even more and there is simply nothing to do.

So good or bad the days continue to pass and I follow mine, wondering a lot of things you might not even have any sense, but anyway I still think about it, waiting for some time take themselves way and may never happen or happen more Sooner than I think, time will tell and meanwhile I continue thinking the same thing.

Trying to understand the words people spit on me, those who became poison now consumes me inside.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

ÂżCould you do me a big favor?

When you die (If I do not die before) Could you do me a big favor?

Ask God (If any) or whoever.

Dick What am I doing here? then, I do not know, Tell me in a dream, I suppose, or you think something.

Gilberto Arellano HernĂĄndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

I do not even know how I do what I do A poem, one night less and everything starts again.

Let's say I can no longer continue supporting All this.

Somehow I've reached a point he wanted to avoid, but now it is the only place that I can go.

How is that done this?

Apparently I always take bad decisions, or perhaps this is what is good.

Any way at all, You can reach anywhere insurance as usual will not be any good.

Unless decipher achieve this, it's complicated, I do not even know how I do what I do.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

The clock stopped One way or another, there is nothing more, finally it was over.

I guess all my problems They were derived from my relationships with others, just he could not stand.

Or maybe it was just an idea my mind had created trying to play me a bad trick.

I need to keep my mind forever busy with something, or start imagining things, people only brings problems.

How did I get into this mess?

The snake spits me his poison along with every word out from his mouth.

I feel very tired, I can not anymore, the clock stopped. ÂżHow much would you give to control a life time frozen in a segment of nonexistent time?

Gilberto Arellano HernĂĄndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Night talking Uneasy watch streets of this gloomy city.

Which living in her womb I feel a stranger.

I would like get out of here, However Retine me something.

And continuous coming out at dawn to walk the streets.

I watch the streets a city swallowed by the night, full of neon lights.

The sun comes back, my eyelids fall, They ask my eyes rest, I can no longer continue.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Curiosity killed the cat I've always wondered ÂżWhy is it that people do what they do?

And again, always coming to the same answer, I do not know.

I guess they have their reasons, anyway that's not my business.

Curiosity killed the cat, and probably fence also end up killing me.

It happens that has to happen, It is what I always say Why run from it?

No sense out that sort of thing, I know that eventually something to happen No one left to blame.

I can not go on not for much longer, the moon is again removed and I'm behind her.

My mind cheating me again and fell on his game beginner as a whole.

The sun awakens and the crowd follows almost religiously, no one left to blame.

Gilberto Arellano HernĂĄndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

My grief is better than yours JA!

Suddenly everything the world disappeared I think something bad But I'm not sure.

No one who knows me you might want to be with me, It is my curse and thus I have to live.

Perhaps at some point everything is settled, before everything seemed fine But I just, I guess.

Suddenly everything collapsed and I have nothing to do or say, I am now the only one here which continues to this stupid game.

It has no more sense to continue What's the point of all this now?

What was I doing here?

I forgot.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

A small tragedy at a time

I feel that the world gives me back, but what I would expect I who did it first.

The city dies little by little and people question me say What if I'm the only one who sees it? or they prefer to pretend they do not.

It will be the second, I guess, life enters me is going on assumptions, It escapes me through his fingers a small tragedy at once.

Vorspier I feel the time progresses slower It creeps silly, drunk up.

Days go by, the nights, hot as hell.

Always slow, imperturbable, drunk.

A lot of empty cans, On the table a spider on the ceiling weaving its web And look at me as I write these lines.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Nobody notices anything.

I remember my life, things happen for a reason or at least that's what people tell me.

I do not know what to believe, so I prefer not to believe in anything.

Except keep me alive, days go by and people do not notice anything.

Echoes in the empty What sense does try to make sense now?

No point even think happened, nor suppose someone caused it.

My words are meaningless, They are just what they are, they are just words lifeless, drunk.

A repeat after another endless into the abyss they are just echoes in a vacuum.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

The devil is after me

The major part often Was it something I said or maybe they are just stupid.

Whatever it is I always end got into trouble, It will be a miracle still alive.

Maybe God exists, no, that would be absurd, Speak of the devil as the same way, as if there were.

Maybe he was drunk, Yup! you are always lucky when you are drunk, you do not need a damn amulet.

But only over a few drinks, or at least that's what my experience, I made it out of really bad situations, and all I was drunk.

I do not ask me how come I did, I remember it clearly, just I know that I'm still alive and always I managed to come home.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

ÂżWhat would that do?

Will I talk too much or actually I'm the problem, but whenever I say something someone leaves.

It is absurd to believe meet someone, she said it was completely safe and end just disappear.

I fall Can you believe it?

I was sure it would happen, but I did not think it would be so soon.

Just a week ago and already they were two, I wonder how soon rest of them.

Perhaps they never vallan, What would I do alone in a place I do not belong? always they reach more, They appear out of nowhere when you least expect it.

Recently I can not think straight, my thoughts seem diffuse it is difficult to distinguish reality.

That is real?

What is a dream?

I need a beer.

Gilberto Arellano HernĂĄndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

You are not alone

So let's say for the moment I feel fine, I guess really my state is not relevant, It is never stable for long, But that is not the case.

Actually I'm not sure what, not for now, I am alone although I prefer to pretend they do not, I do not know, maybe I'll be mad.

Someone must have been right about me at some point is not it? finally, "you're not alone, I'm your friend" he told me.

Maybe I should stop questioning both, me and everything else, maybe this is what brings me so much trouble but I do not know what to think about.

Be everything that I could get it, the past in the past must be right? at least I see it that way I forgot which was the idea of all this.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Like a damn ghost.

The anxiety is still there like a damned ghost that never will go I try to stay sane as long as possible.

I can not lose myself in this way, Shame forget, I can not explain clearly, this is just what I wanted to avoid.

I forgot, I suppose, I always end the same, I sought refuge in my excuse I feel that I lost anything, or maybe I was robbed And even in my mind I can trust no doubt about it, I can only wait.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Epilogue.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

Somebody knocks the door.

I have a flashback, everything looks in B & W, I see elephants dancing to a horrible music, make a zoom-out, a child is watching TV. All miserably it fading away to nothing.

The lights come on, I find myself standing on a bridge, passing cars behind and below me in both directions, something makes me look back, is a dark face, I can not see it clearly, I can only see a big red eyes staring at me, my body tingles, I can not even move, the feet do not respond well to shy away, stumble and fall back over the railing of the bridge to cars passing hits below suddenly a hole opens behind my back, everything goes as if it were glass, I fall through the opening into a dark abyss while I disintegrated slowly, slowly I become dust and I dispersed inevitably in the air, it appears out of nowhere a long arm holding me, and that infernal face appears right in front of mine, offered me a deal and shows me a role, I accept without thinking and signed that sheet, he takes my hand and makes a small cut and drag it over the right sheet on my signature.

Blows in the distance I hear over and over and over again, becoming stronger, someone knocks on the door.

I am lying awake in bed, my pulse and my breathing is accelerated.

Just a nightmare. — I thought.

I sit on the bed and stood there for a moment, I got up and opened the door, is a subject with a stupid, almost Christian face, he just brings the mail, ask me if I feel good, I say yes and volume envelopes, and head back into the kitchen, made some coffee, I use a little and sit at the table to drink, all worries disappear at any moment of the day it seems to promise everything will be fine.

Someone knocks on the door hard, I get up and go out to see who it is, but no one, the hall is completely deserted, no more than an old sheet of paper folded in half lying against the door, and take I check, is a kind of contract, I feel a burning in his hand checked and I realize that I have a cut finger, suddenly explode all the apartment windows.

Gilberto Arellano HernĂĄndez

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My sorrow is better than yours

A day like any

I woke up this morning just left me lying in bed at that hour there was not much to do except drink but the bars do not open here but around 6 pm, so I just stayed lying there, trying to think anything, trying to make some time and looked at the window, the light coming was refracted through a lot of bottles of beer and cheap whiskey that stood at the base of the window, filling the room with shades of green and amber.

I got up and took it from there, somehow bothered me all those colored lights in the room, I put on the floor, away from the window, away from the sun, the place was full of bottles and cans of beer, whiskey and wine, all empty, scattered on the floor, table, windows and I looked around full of laziness, I searched among the bottles and cans one that still had some liquid inside, but there was nothing but ashes and butts wet cigar in of them all.

I checked the refrigerator for something to eat, I found two eggs and a can of Heineken, I prepared the eggs in a pan while drinking beer, ate and took a shower, got dressed and left that decadent site for a bar.

I walked aimlessly for a while, looking everywhere until finally found an open space between and sat at the bar, the site had opened, there were already some people there some looked at me to go, they were almost as sad and lonely like me, others seemed happy, full of life, hated only by looking at them. I ordered a beer and a woman sat next to me, I drank my beer and the wife ordered a light beer I let out a small laugh and she looked at me, I finished my beer and squinted.

— What are you drinking? he asked the woman next to me.

— I drank -beer answered, but now ended.

I ordered scotch and water and the girl approached me.

— What is your job? — he asked.

— To nothing Gilberto Arellano Hernández

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My sorrow is better than yours

— To nothing?

— A Drink I said and took a sip of my whiskey.

— And tell me your name?

— Gilberto

I asked for two more whiskey and continue talking a few hours, at about 9 pm we left the bar, lit a cigarette after the girl asked something.

— You want to go somewhere else? His name was Jo, eject cigarette smoke and nodded, I followed on foot through some streets to an apartment building, just minutes from the bar, walked in, she took the phone and called a liquor store, asked for three bottles of wine, a bottle of whiskey, a pack of cigarettes and two cigars, then walked into the kitchen.

No take long, the liquor store is a few blocks from here want something to eat?

— No — I said, I began to hear noise in the kitchen and looked at the door waiting for the deliveryman arrived with drink — Do you have trouble if I smoke a little?

— No, it's not okay.

I lit a cigarette and settled on the couch while she was in the kitchen and the dealer was coming, someone knocked on the door, I got up and opened, was the distributor of liquor was the idiot and distracted face, almost Christian .

Give me things, paid and left, Jo peered from the kitchen

— Who was? He asked

He came the drink I said showing the bag in my hand.

Gilberto Arellano Hernández

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My sorrow is better than yours

Jo left the kitchen with two glasses I uncork the bottle of wine and poured some into his glass, set it on the table and poured some whiskey in mine, she asked me what I do and I stress < <only I drink >> and she makes a face at me.

He says Mmmm, just that and gives you a long drink from his glass, looks at me and walks slowly, I also look without knowing exactly what to do and give a sip my whiskey, she retires.

You look like a sad kind and just He says

Ah yes, come, come, I'll tell you something She comes over and puts his ear to listen, I put my hand on his chin and guided her mouth to mine, we kiss, a long kiss driven by the whiskey, a long kiss means nothing really, but for her the kiss makes some sense, we kiss, I take one of my hands up, her long hair tangled in my fingers, she wrapped me with a warm embrace, while we lay in the sofa and one of my hands trickles down her leg, she will not let me go, somehow I may attain my glass of whiskey, she looks lying me on the couch and I watched her perfect breast move his breath as he finished the whiskey, she starts to take off my shirt and pulled, he kisses me again, the glass falls and disappears, she begins to unbutton my belt and her dress, clothing dropped, and there is more for us, the couch seems uncomfortable, we got him and let into the room while we are throwing everything in our path, open the door and took her in my arms, lifted her up and throw on the bed, she falls and bounces off the mattress, I look at their perfect breasts move again, his hair is scattered by the pillows, the window comes a flashing red and blue light, it shines, I can not think of anything else to make it mine, took off her bra and threw the bra I vanishes in the dark, climb over her in bed and she lowers a hand, and starts rubbing my penis against her pussy and I start to kiss, low to his neck, play around with those perfect breasts that glow under those lights red and blue, then he entered her, slowly, she shakes her head back and I start to go a little faster, gradually your breathing begins to stir again, beginning to slow down, slowly, she bites a lip and throws a soft moan and starts to scratch my back, I continued and she starts to move I still have mine, I run and throw me aside, she is left lying there for a moment, then turns to me and Kiss Me, I stroked his head and spend my gentle hand down her cheek, she gets up and goes to the bathroom, just stay lying there, I clean with the sheet and head to the room for a bottle of wine and back to the room, I give a long drink.

Again with nothing to do but drink. I am about to finish the bottle and she leaves the bathroom, back to bed, lie down again beside me as I still have the bottle. To hell! I'll finish the bottle of wine and then continue with whiskey, I drink whiskey and Coca-Cola to fall unconscious on the couch of the woman. After all that remained was to return all the heap of morons who make up our society today.

Gilberto Arellano Hernรกndez

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