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Dear Fr Rakesh Mathias and the Parish Community, It is with great Joy that I pen these few lines to give thanks to the Lord for the 25 years that the Lord has blessed this little but significant parish. A Parish, the Church truly incarnated, is made up not just of the building, the boundaries, the parish priest and administrative staff but of each and every baptised Catholic, each and every family who live joyfully our faith in our God who is our loving Father, in Jesus our loving Brother and in the Holy Spirit who is our peace and grace to live a life of communion. I therefore wish to thank each and every family of St Francis Xavier’s Parish Saverapura for your committed living of the Gospel of Jesus through your dedication, commitment, hard work and sincerity shown these twenty-five years to live joyfully our faith and in so doing Being in every neighbourhood of the parish a vibrant community of believing Christians. Together all the neighbourhoods have contributed over the years in so many ways, all the families have given so much of their time, energy, and talents with so much love that we have a wonderful and vibrant parish community growing from strength to strength today. I wish to place on record my own thanks and that of all the Redemptorists of the V. Province of Majella to the many Parish Priests and priests who have served this parish over the years. May the Lord bless their generous efforts abundantly with his manifold blessings. I offer my thanks to the present Redemptorist Community of Alangar and in a very special way Fr. Eugene D’Silva under whose care the parish comes, for their dedication and work over these years. I wish to congratulate and thank the present Parish Priest, Fr Rakesh Mathias and our confrere Fr Ivan D’Souza who collaborates with him in the mission community of Palke for their devotion, dedication and commitment shown to guide and animate the parish community. I pray that the Lord bless each and every family of our St. Francis Xavier’s Parish and that the Spirit continue to inspire and guide each family in giving of themselves in contributing to making this parish into a vibrant Church living the Joy of the Gospel. May Our Mother of Perpetual Help intercede for you all and St. Francis Xavier your patron pray for you all. Congratulations and Blessings, In the Redeemer, Fr. Joseph Ivel Mendanha, CSsR V. Provincial Superior V. Province of Majella, Mumbai
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Teacher: why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? Student: you told me to do it without using the tables. ****** During marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse? He is given his last chance to run away. ******
Doctor’s Son: Well dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success. His Father: Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.
Shanthi Pinto, St. Antony Ward
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D«ÄÑ ¦üUÀðeï D«ÄÑ dªÁ¨ÁÝj D«ÄÑ ¦üUð À eï ¸ÁA. ¥sÁ¤ æ ¸ ì ï ¸ÁªÉgÁPï ¸ÀªÄÀ ¥ÀÅð£ï ¢¯Áå. ºÁAUÁ¸Àgï zÉÆÃ£ï ªÁqÉ D¸Ávï. ¥ÀÇuï DªÀ i ÁÑ ÷ å ¦ü U À ð eï PÀ Ä mÁä Z É Æ ¸ÁAUÁvÀ à u ï D¤ ªÀiÁAiÀiÁªÉÆÃUï «±ÉÃμï. DªÀiÁÑ÷å ¦üUð À eÉxAÀ AiÀiï D«ÄÑ ªÀÄíuÉÓ AiÀÄĪÀduÁAa ªÀwð dªÁ¨ÁÝj D¸Á. D«ÄA AiÀÄĪÀduÁA ºÁAUÀ¸g À ï eÁAiÉÄAÛ ªÀÄÄSÉ®u à ï WÉvÁAªï. ¥ÀAiÀiÁè÷å£ï ¦üUÀðeïUÁgÁAxÀAAiÀiï eÁUÀÈw ºÁqÉÑ vÀ¸° À A PÁ¬ÄðA ªÀiÁAqÀÄ£ï ºÁqÁÛAªï. d±ÉA D«ÄA ¸ÀªÁðA JPÁZï PÀÄmÁäZÉ ¸ÁAzÉ ªÀÄí¼ÉîA aAvÁ¥ï UÀÄAqÁAiÉÄ£ï ¦üUð À eïUÁgÁAxÀAAiÀiï gÉÆA¨ÉÆAªÁÑ÷å SÁwgï, vÁAPÁ ¸ÀªÁðAPï ªÉªÉUÁî÷å ¸ÀAzÀ¨sÁðgï ¸ÁAUÁvÁ ºÁqÀÄ£ï, JPÁªÉÄPÁ¯ÁV G¯ÉÆAªïÌ, ¸ÀA§Azsï ªÁqÉÆAPï ¥ÀÇgÀPï eÁA«ÑA PÁ¬ÄðA ªÀiÁAqÀÄ£ï ºÁqÁÛAªï. ªÁ¶ðPï SɼÁ¥ÀAzÁåmï, PÀÄmÁ䥸 És ïÛ, ªÁqÁ奸 És ïÛ, ¨sÄÀ UÁðåAa D¤ AiÀÄĪÀduÁAa
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* If you judge people, you have no time to love them. * Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love. * Peace begins with a smile. * Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. * Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not yet come, and we have only today, let us begin. * Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. * The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. * If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. * What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. * It is not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. * If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. * I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things. * A life not lived for others is not a life. * Prayers is action in love, love is action in service. * If you cannot feed a hundred people, feed just one. * At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by “I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.� - Shanthi Pinto, St Antony Ward
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Gratitude to Physical Body Dr. Donald Curtis invites us to be thankful for the body and its parts and gives also the motives why we should do so: Blessed the head, which indicates my capacity to know God. Blessed be my mind, with which I reflect on the marvels of the world. Blessed be my brain, through which my awareness develops Blessed my eyes, with which I perceive beauty Blessed my ears, with which I hear and understand the word. Blessed be my tongue, with which I communicate, taste and appreciate food. Blessed be my back, which helps me to stay erect. Blessed be my legs, which take me forward in life. Blessed be my feet, which enable me to stand erect. Blessed be my circular system, that integrates and unites the body into one unique that is ME. - Shanthi Pinto, St. Antony Ward
1.
A gentleman always blames himself. But a fool blames others.
2.
What cannot be cured must be endured
3.
All the glitters are not gold.
4.
If you kneel before God you can stand before any man.
5.
The prayer is the most powerful weapon in the world.
6.
The family prays together stays together
7.
A decade of Rosary a day keeps the devil away.
8.
An open enmity is better than false friendship.
9.
Your action should be louder than your voice.
10. It is better to remove the log from your eye than to remove the spec from others eyes Alfred J. Pinto – St. Anthony Ward
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ANGER AND
PARENTING Helvin Barboza, MSW, M.Phil. Student Counselor The Indian High School, Dubai.
Getting angry is perfectly fine, but how we control our anger that is most important. Anger is a normal emotion like happiness, sadness, surprise…… As human beings all of us experience these emotions. All of us feel angry at some stage. Anger can be a good thing too. Sometimes it can give you the energy to get something done or to stand up for what you believe in. Feeling angry also gives you the chance to set a good example that your children can learn from and copy. If you manage your anger in positive and healthy ways – for example, by taking a few deep breaths or walking away, rather than exploding – you show your children how to behave. But anger can be negative, especially if it happens a lot or it gets out of control. Losing your temper when you’re angry can make problems worse and lead to conflict with others. Being around a lot of angry yelling and conflict can frighten children and be bad for their confidence. As a parent, you’re probably balancing many different demands including work, family time, household chores, children’s activities and social activities. When you’re busy
and tired, it’s easy to lose patience and feel angry when children don’t cooperate or things don’t go to plan. Sometimes you might feel angr y or frustrated with your partner, if you have one, when you don’t agree about parenting, discipline and who does what household chores. These sorts of disagreements can even lead to conflict, especially if you’re feeling undermined or unsupported. Sometimes your child’s anger or frustration can make you feel angry too. For example, if your child is angry and speaks rudely to you or won’t do what you ask, you might feel yourself getting angry too. And there are other factors that can make you more likely to feel angry – like illness, stress at work, financial difficulties, lack of sleep and not enough time for yourself. You might sometimes feel you’re being pushed to the limit. For some people, being a parent can also raise unresolved anger or other difficult emotions from their own childhood. If you experienced trauma, abuse or neglect as a child, you might be more likely to overreact in some situations or have trouble controlling yourself when you’re angry.
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Signs of Anger: Early signs of anger include: faster heart beats, churning stomach, agitation – that is, feeling tense or cranky, faster breathing, tensing shoulders, clenching jaw and hands, Sweating, body/face feels hot, feel anxious, can’t sit still, Trembling or shaking When you do not manage the situation in a positive manner, then you get angry with anything and everything that gets in your way, you react violently by yelling, hitting, kicking, shoving things out of your way, even you do self-destructive actions – this stage is called aggression. Anger is an emotion and it is ok to be angry, but aggression is acting out inappropriately and is not ok. So learn to check your ag gression and express your anger appropriately. Being a parent if we don’t learn to express our anger positively, then it will reflect in our children behavior. They will become more ag gressive and non-compliant, less empathetic, display some behavior issues, overall poor adjustment and carry on same
behavior in future. Positive Coping Strategies - Immediate Strategies ¾ When you understand that you are getting angry then just leave the place/situation, give space to yourself, apply some calming techniques then get back and address the situation. ¾ When you get angry use a simple method of counting numbers. Count numbers till you calm down ¾ Use calming breathing techniques – take slow deep breaths, which will help to calm down your body and mind. Take a good deal of air, hold it for few seconds and exhale. Continue this activity till you feel OK. ¾ Repeat calming phrases to yourself – “take it easy”, “be calm” …. ¾ Picture calming images – Imagine you are sitting at your favorite place like in beach, hill station….. ¾ Do something physical to burn off your angry energy – push-ups, exercise, sports ¾ listen to music, sleep, talk to someone, write a journal/dairyetc
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Positive Coping Strategies – Long-term Strategies Take responsibility for your anger and for dealing with it – don’t blame others, don’t give excuses like, “my family situation made me to behave like this”, “things are tough at work, I’m stressed out, it’s not my fault” Understand how your anger ticks on a practical level Learn the signs that you’re getting angry – physical symptoms like headache, stomach ache, faster heart beats, excessive sweating, breathlessness, irritated, grumpiness, tensing muscles, frustrated etc. Get an idea of the situations that tend to trigger your anger, like being nagged by partner, kids aren’t listening, criticisms from colleagues etc Get in the habit of frequently checking in on your anger levels – monitoring your anger helps you to get out of trouble situations before it’s too late Ways to curtail minor irritation – if minor irritation, employ one of the above mentioned calming technique. Take a time out from the situation; go for tea/break if it is at work place. Tell your partner that you are feeling annoyed if it is with your spouse. Use calming phrases to yourself. Come up with a plan in advance about what you’ll do if you get extremely angry Reduce Stress – your anger increase rapidly when you are tensed or stressed. Add calming practices to your day like, change your routine (go for walk, read books, relax before going to bed), exercise, make time for yourself, practice relaxation techniques. Cut down on the stressors in your life – if you have got big stresses in your life calming activities seems like band aide. So reframe you thinking. Think about long run solutions. For example – improve your
parenting skills if your kids are a constant source of your frustration, if your job condition is always stressful then think about something else, if your relationships are the constant source for tour stress then sit and talk about it. If you cannot manage your stress/anger then seek professionals help. Improve your anger-related communication skills Learn to express it in a more productive way – instead of aggressive and destructive, learn to communicate assertively. Don’t bottle up( suppress) things up when something annoys you – express feelings in words like “this irritates me” “ I’m a bit annoyed” Learn to listen more and wait before you speak Make & post a list of acceptable way to handle anger – sit with your children when everyone are calm, talk to them about acceptable behavior and make a list of acceptable way to handle anger and post it somewhere where you can read every day. The rules that apply to your child, also applies to you. There’ll always be times when you don’t manage anger well and you yell or say things you regret. This is normal.When this happens, it’s a good idea to take a moment to work out what to say to your children or your partner. Here are some ideas: z ‘I’m sorry for losing my temper. Next time I’ll take myself away to calm down earlier.’ z ‘I’m sorry I yelled. Can we talk about what just happened?’ z ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, even though I was angry. I should have walked away and calmed down before we talked about it.’ Anger is one letter short of danger Stay in control of your anger; don’t let your anger to control you
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Reading the Bible thru’ Women’s Lens…
LESSONS FROM THE HOLY FAMILY
In the recent decades, family pastoral has become almost the centre-piece of Church’s mission. There have been quite a few Synods and Church documents specifically addressing family concerns. Speaking about the family and family relationships, in the Catholic milieu the holy family has often been upheld as its model. So it would be good to examine what contributed to the holiness that was undoubtedly a hallmark of the holy family. In many ways, we may say the holy family too had its own share of “irregularities”. Here we have a woman pregnant already before marriage and giving birth to a baby who may appear to be “Illicit” in the eyes of a society; a husband, who is not the biological father of the child, and a woman who quite early in life would turn into a single mother. Therefore the
holiness of the holy family does not necessarily come from their being a regular patriarchal family in the eyes of the society, but in the quality of their relationship with God and among themselves. And what interesting peculiarities do we notice in this family? First of all, we see God himself bypassing the patriarchal norm of all decision-making being concentrated in the male–head of the family, when God deliberately chooses the woman of the household – Mary – and asks her consent without the mediation/permission of “her husband”. And God does not force her into it, but asks her consent. This means, had Mary said a “No”, God would have still respected her desire and her will. So God set a clear precedent that shows that God too needed a woman as a partner in the work of redemption.
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The Scripture presents the ideal couple Joseph and Mary carrying out a shared responsibility in the upbringing of their Son Jesus: Joseph went to register with Mary who was promised in marriage to him. She was pregnant, and (…) there was no room for them in the inn” (Lk.2:1-7). It is their first journey together. Yet, Mary does not claim to receive all the comforts which she rightfully deserved in such a condition; neither is Joseph blaming her for putting him through such ordeal… “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been terribly worried looking for you” (Lk.2:41-51). Notice how many times the Gospel-writer mentions the words parents, they, them, their, speaking of them always as a united couple. It surely meant not just a physical proximity, but ‘a togetherness of intent and affection’ as well. Curiously enough, even in the context of a patriarchal culture, it is Mary who questions Jesus in front of so many doctors of the law. But she does so referring to Joseph first. It is as if both of them were outdoing one another in showing honour.
1. 2. 3. 4.
“While Joseph and Mary had finished doing, (…) they returned to their hometown of Nazareth in Galilee. The child grew and became strong, he was full of wisdom and God’s blessings were upon him” (Lk.2:21-38). Notice once again the Gospel-writer recording Mary and Joseph together and see how the entire narrative ends. Do you think Mary and Joseph’s mutual relationship as husband and wife contributed to the ‘healthy growth’ of Jesus and influenced his attitude towards women? Summing up, the infancy narratives present Mary and Joseph working together in a relationship of respect and reciprocity, without rigidly following the prevailing gender role stereotypes. We suppose, it is this that contributed to their holiness, rather than the rigid following of patriarchal norms of husband-wife relationship prevailing in their culture. If God so ordained that his own Son should be entrusted to the custody of such a couple, wouldn’t the Church and the world, grow in grace and wisdom if men and women worked in reciprocity in its service? -Sr. Philomena D’Souza, FMA
Which city is unmarried? Which colour do we eat? What has head and tail but no body? What goes to bed with it’s shoes? Answers: 1. Kanyakumari 2. Orange 3. Coin 4. Horse - Shanthi Pinto, St. Antony ward
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WOMEN’S LEADERSHIP! - Sr. Philomena D’Souza FMA
Reading the Bible thru’ Women’s Lens… Many people around the world expected that with the victory of Hillary Clinton as the First Woman President of the United States of America, the whole world would witness women’s leadership. For whatever reasons, that was not to be, but it would be good to reflect if women could bring any difference to leadership roles. Indeed it would have been very interesting to see what difference Hillary would have brought in to American President’s role. In general when women come to occupy leadership positions up until then occupied by men, they are in a peculiar situation. Not only men had occupied those positions for centuries, but in doing so they had created a masculine culture in discharging that particular role. Women who come to occupy such positions have to deal with this. And if they are insecure persons who perceive their womanhood as a liability then chances are that they either succumb to the surrounding masculine culture allowing themselves to be used as doormats, or if they are ambitious, they will do the same things which men before them have done with even
greater vengeance. In fact, we have seen, both in India and around the world, many successful women leaders who have been worse than men in their authoritarian ruthlessness and levels of corruption. How can we forget powerful women like Margaret Thatcher known as the Iron Lady or our own Indira Gandhi who was famously known as the only man in her Cabinet?
In fact India has seen quite a number of women political leaders who are unmarried, and are extremely authoritarian in their functioning. And there is also the familiar stereotype that in the corporate world women bosses in general are the worst, being bossy, harsh and over-exacting. So is there a positive difference that women’s leadership can make to the world?
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Reading the Gospels through women’s lens, we see Mary, the woman par-excellence and like in many other areas, Mary can teach us some very insightful lessons on leadership as well. Even without an official leadership position, we see her as a very good crisis manager. We see her take charge of the situation both at Cana and in the Cenacle. In both these cases, we see her in a communitycentred leadership that empowers the people around her. The Cana episode in fact is insightful in understanding the leadership lessons that we could learn from Mary (Jn.2:111). First of all, when all are oblivious of the problem, we see her identify a community concern, “they have no wine”, and she takes the initiative to do something about it. She is actually a guest with no official leadership position, but that doesn’t prevent her from taking charge of the situation and doing something about it. Next she goes about tapping resources – both human and material – that can help solve the problem. The first resource is her own son whom she knows to be full of potential, but as yet he had not demonstrated it publicly. He appears like many a reluctant youngster hesitant to take the centre-stage. But her gentle yet confident push does the trick as s’he turns to the willing workers and puts them in touch with the reluctant Jesus. In doing so Mary taps the community resources, both skilled and unskilled, and builds a team willing to commit themselves to the cause. Then she motivates the team: “Do whatever he tells you”. The members
of the team use the readily available local resources to solve the problem – water and the water jars. The servants do not have much expertise, but they are the willing collaborators ready to work with a trusted leadership. In the end when the goal is achieved and water is turned into wine, perhaps hardly anyone knows that it is Mary who took the initiative and set the ball rolling. Instead, it is Jesus and the servants perhaps who got the limelight with everyone applauding them. It is a “we did it” experience for the group where the actual leader is in the background. The experience is so empowering for those involved that a new rung of leadership emerges as Jesus is recognised by those around him: “Jesus revealed his glory and his disciples believed in him”. Thus Mary offers some very valuable lessons in community leadership: Identify a community concern and take the initiative. Tap the potential community resources, both human and material. Build the team and motivate it towards achieving the goal. Encourage them to take charge of the situation so that ultimately the team owns the project and its goal. The entire process is so empowering for the group that they experience: “we did it”. In the process a new rung of shared leadership emerges from within the community making the community selfreliant and self-governing. Women, as they are constantly engaged in interacting with people rather than things, have a greater facility in nurturing this type of community leadership provided they value their own womanhood and its gifts.
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UBUNTU is a very nice story from Africa… The motivation behind the Ubuntu culture in Africa… An Anthropologist proposed a game to the African tribal children… He placed a basket of sweets near a tree and made the children stand 100 metres away. Then announced that whoever reaches first would get all the sweets in the basket. When he said ‘ready steady go!’…
Do you know what these children did? They all held each other’s hands, ran together towards the tree, divided the sweets equally among themselves, ate the sweets and enjoyed it. When Anthropologist asked them why they did so, they answered … “Ubuntu” which meant – ‘How can one be happy when the others are sad?’ Ubuntu in their language means – “I am because we are” A strong message for all generations. Let all of us always have this attitude and spread happiness wherever we go. LET’S HAVE A “UBUNTU” LIFE…
I AM BECAUSE WE ARE Alfred J. Pinto – St. Anthony Ward
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