GSM Orientation Edition 2012 "No Words"

GSM

reviews politics culture stories

FREE 2012 Vol. 3

This edition of GSM is a composite of content from 2010 & 2011. To get involved with our awesome community of writers, photographers and reviewers contact editor.gsm@gmail.com

3 Vice Chancellor’s Welcome 3 NUS West Introduction 4 President’s Welcome 4 Education Vice President 6 Chair of Equity 6 Social Council Chairwoman 7 International Representative 7 Faculty of Business & Law 8 Bunbury Representative 8 Joondalup Representative 9 Mount Lawley Representative 9 Post-Graduate Representative 10 How to join the Guild 11 Clubs & Societies Directory 14 Education & Welfare Office 16 Social Events Calendar

17 Roadtripping India 19 My Life on Meth 20 A Review of Taps 21 ECU Vs The Other Unis 22 Return To Oz 23 DIY Drug Dealer 25 Nerd Quiz 26 Magic of Reality 27 Photo Submissions 31 Interview: Tom Ballard 34 Suburb Review: Mount Lawley 35 Interview: Ben Law 37 Short Fiction

Editor: Tom Reynolds editor.gsm@gmail.com GSM - ECU 2 Bradford Street Mount Lawley WA 6050 Cover: Tom Reynolds Design: Tom Reynolds Printed by: Advertising: Tom Reynolds (08) 9370 6609 communications@ecuguild.org.au Section Editors Arts: arts.editor.gsm@gmail.com Books: books.editor.gsm@gmail.com Film: film.editor.gsm@gmail.com Games: games.editor.gsm@gmail.com Music: music.editor.gsm@gmail.com Photos: pg 3 supplied Jackie Lipiec, pg 4 supplied Tim Sandhu, pg 4 supplied Tom Marcinkowski, pg 5 supplied Jesse Fleay & Hajira Allie, pg 7 supplied Shaibu Mannanal & Simon Blades, pg 8 Nong Guyu, pg 9 with permission Delshard Mozhdehinia, supplied Hunter Murphy, pg 10 & pg 32 Tom Reynolds, pg 17 & 18 Luke Pegrum, pg 27 Giselle Natassia, pg 28 Julian Talijancich, pg 29 Khatniss Dior, pg 30 Chanelle Percival, pg 31 supplied with permission, pg 37 Daniel Norman, pg 36 supplied Ben Law

The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the Editor, ECU Student Guild or the Advertisers. The Editor reserves the right to make changes to material as required. GSM reserves the right to republish material. Contributors retain all other rights for resale and republication.

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Vice Chancellor

N.U.S. West President

It is my pleasure to welcome new students to the Edith Cowan University (ECU) community and to welcome back our continuing students. I look forward to seeing you oncampus.

I’m Rebecca Leighton, and I’m the WA State President of the National Union of Students for 2012.

One of the best kept secrets in Western Australia is that ECU is in the top five or six of all public universities across Australia with respect to teaching quality, generic skills and overall satisfaction of students. These strong ratings, as evaluated by students in surveys Australiawide, emerge from our world-class teaching and learning environment, which combines industry-experienced lecturers, friendly and approachable staff and real-world learning opportunities. This very pleasing recognition by students is, in essence, recognition of our dedicated staff, who strive to do the right thing by you, our students, to help you reach your potential.

Notwithstanding our success to-date, in 2012, after two years of extensive consultation with students, staff and employers, learning experiences and student support will be enhanced through the introduction of significant improvements to the curriculum framework for all undergraduate courses.

Naturally, I encourage you to work hard in your studies to achieve your academic goals. However, just as important to your overall student experience, is to have fun and to build life-long friendships. The best way to make a friend is to be a friend. Another excellent way to develop friendships and networks is to engage in community volunteering initiatives at ECU. You may by now have noticed the new signage on campus “Welcome to our smoke-free campus”. From 1 January this year, in line with our commitment to the promotion of a healthier lifestyle for everyone, our University became “smoke-free”. For more information on this initiative, please refer to the online resource at www.ecu. edu.au/schools/exercise-and-health-sciences/ecu-smokefree-2012/overview.

I wish you every success with your studies and personal goals during 2012 and encourage you to embrace a full student experience.

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The National Union of Students is the main representative body for university students all across Australia. The union provides a strong national voice for students on a whole range of issues; from higher education funding, to student income support, to student fees, and dealing with the concerns of groups that don’t always get heard (like international students). The union has a strong record of making sure student needs get heard by the federal government, and don’t get drowned out by other interest groups.

The national union also has a WA state branch, NUS West, which exists to respond to student issues within Western Australia; both in advocating with the state government and supporting the ECU Student Guild in responding to issues that crop up on your campus throughout the year. We can be found on Facebook under “NUS West” - feel free to add us and keep up with what we’re up to!

This year, we’ll be seeing a renewed focus nationally on – among other things – opposing increases in HECS fees in a number of degree areas, improving student services that have been allowed to decline really badly over the years due to underfunding, and continuing ongoing campaigns for livable income support for students while at university. At a state level, some of our aims for this year include working on improving the union’s communication with students and campus guilds in Western Australia, creating and improving volunteering opportunities for students, and improving the state government’s engagement with issues affecting international students.

We’ll be out at both Joondalup and Mt Lawley campuses throughout the year talking to students and working on campaigns, so if you see us around, feel free to come and say hi! If you’ve got a concern and you’d like to get in touch with me directly, feel free to send me an email at rebecca.leighton@gmail.com.

Guild President Hi there.

Welcome back, or if you are new, welcome to ECU. My name is Tim Sandhu, Student Guild President of 2011 and 2012. I’ve been involved with the Guild since 2010 fulfilling various roles from Senate positions and school representatives.

The Guild is the peak student representative body of ECU and is exclusively governed by fellow students to provide beneficial education and welfare programmes such as emergency loans and appeals including representation on the Equity and Diversity Board of the Guild. Hajira Allie, the Chair of Social Council, is responsible for holding campus events. Some great events last year were Friday Games @ the Guild, end of semester sundowners and end of year parties.

The Social Council has a great line up of events for 2012 and if you would like to contribute please do not hesitate to contact Hajira. Students returning to ECU may be aware of the changes to Guild Fees. These are now part of the Amenities and Services Fee, which is part of your uni fees; so now you can get all the great info, freebies and discounts and it won’t cost you any extra! Just select to be a Guild member in SIMO and If you haven’t been to the Guild before please come on down to your campus Guild office to collect come down and see us, we are located at Joondalup your Guild Sticker (used to activate discounts). building 10, Mt Lawley building 12 and Bunbury building 5. We have all sorts of facilities including a While everyone has been relaxing and chillaxing kitchen with appliances such as microwaves, fridges, in the holidays, the Guild Senate have been very toasters, kettles and cold filtered water on tap. These busy organising for 2012. This includes a clubs are free for all students to use. We also have computer and societies policy review allowing you to create facilities including gaming computers at Joondalup clubs and societies in the fastest and easiest process setup for LAN which don’t require a VPN to do work possible, including extra avenues for funding. We or access the internet. Joondalup also has some games currently have a few clubs and societies such as SIFE, consoles such as Wii, PS3, Xbox and a 60” TV. (Note: Nerdrage, ECU Islamic Society, to name a few. If you President holds current record for Mario kart wii). have an idea for a club and would like to register please email me for more information at president@ I look forward to seeing you this year and enjoy your ecuguild.org.au time at ECU! Another innovation for 2012 is the active collectives/ committees of the Guild. One of these are the Equity and Diversity Board collectives, such as ECUI (ECU indigenous), ECUQ (ECU Queer), MHD (Mental Health and Disability), RRS (Regional and Rural Students). These are the active collectives of the Guild which are responsible for support and social activities. If you would like to be involved in any one of these or would like to show your support please contact the Chair of Equity and Diversity Jesse Fleay at equity@ecuguild.org.au

Tim Sandhu Guild President president@ecuguild.org.au 0430 502 703

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Education Vice President The Guild exists as an independent body that can defend the rights of students. As Education VicePresident, my responsibility to you involves addressing any grievances you may have over your education or welfare. If students are being made to pay too much for their education, or if student welfare isn’t adequate, I will organise campaigns that will address the issue and make the voice of students heard.

In addition to being in the Guild I am also a committed political activist. I know that student campaigning doesn’t stop at education and welfare issues. Many young people come to university seeking an environment where they are met with challenging new ideas and a culture with a radically progressive outlook.

As a journalism student in my final year, I also know the value of being informed about the world. I will take every opportunity to update the student body about political issues – both global and local - as they unfold.

I will publish articles here in the GSM as part of that One thing I would like to do is make studying easier for students who are also single parents. I will also initiative. contribute to the university’s campaign against student I will inform students of any upcoming campaigns for poverty. These are just a couple of things the Guild can social justice, and actively encourage involvement in do in advocating for student’s rights. If any one of you them. Such campaigns include, but are not limited to, has any of your own ideas about how students’ lives the fight for same-sex marriage rights and the campaign can be improved, I’d love to hear them, too! to free the refugees. And with the previous year of upheavals fresh in everybody’s minds, I believe there isn’t a better time to be an activist! I want to rebuild those sections of the Guild that can take action on student issues. The Guild doesn’t just throw parties. It is the representative body that insists students should have a say in their education.

I am particularly passionate about students being treated fairly in their university environment. Being a student is not the only priority we have in our lives.

Many of us also need to work to make ends meet or devote ourselves to other important aspects of life. The needs of students should be properly catered for by the university. This should take the form of adequate welfare and any other social support that is required. If a student is struggling in everyday life, this will have an effect on their studies. And if any student feels their personal circumstances aren’t being taken into account they should feel confident about speaking up!

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My most important task this year is involving students in the Guild. If there is one thing I can promise, it is that student queries will be received, listened to and properly addressed. Some Guilds of the past have sadly failed at this by becoming inward-looking and pursuing some dubious ‘independence’ from student politics. I will not make these mistakes. I would like students to get a sense of their own social power and have their own say over who represents them. For this reason I will do my utmost to involve students themselves in the Guild’s campaigns, and not just act on their behalf.

With all this in mind I’d like to say welcome once again. I hope each of you has a great year, and I’m sure I’ll see many of you again in future campaigns.

Tom Marcinkowski evp@ecuguild.org.au

Chair of Equity & Diversity

Social Council Chairwoman

Being the first GSM of 2012, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome all students to Edith Cowan University (ECU). To new students, make sure you check out your student guild on campus - I can be found at Mt. Lawley and Joondalup - as well as your other essential student services. The GSM is your official insight into guild news and student activity throughout 2012.

Hi Everyone!

On the 13th of January I was elected as your Chair of Equity and Diversity (CED). Coming from a diverse background, as well as a diverse community, I believe in the essential principle of equality, and it is my responsibility to ensure that all people are given an equal opportunity at our university - in class, and in the community - and to identify the diverse population of ECU, finding a way to acknowledge and represent that population, improving the quality of academic life.

This year we will find a space for all students to belong and participate, and to voice their opinions, contributing to their space, their community, their people. We will achieve all of this in 2012, through solidarity, through teamwork and through commitment. As your new CED I am 100% committed to my duty of serving and representing you throughout the year. It is my privilege to invite you to participate in guild activities and events this year, including Equity and Diversity events and forums.

If you have any questions or issues about equity and diversity at ECU, feel free to contact me and we can have a chat. New ideas are always welcome, and your time is always appreciated with the Guild. May 2012, the Year of the Water Dragon, be a successful and rewarding year for you all. Dragons in Chinese mysticism represent might and ambition as well as the dominance over ones own tasks and character, passion and enthusiasm. Water is the element of peace and clarity, yet it is also the symbol of fierce energy, carving ones own path - through the opposing earth, rock and stone - and of course vitality.

Mr. Jesse John L. Fleay equity@ecuguild.org.au

Welcome to ECU for 2012. My name is Hajira Allie and I am the Chairwoman of Societies and Activities here at the ECU Student Guild. My role is to look after your university life beyond the books. I am the head of a Social Committee who is involved in organising and managing events, parties and activities around ECU. So if you have a great event idea regarding any activity, fun games, themed parties, sport and recreation, educational and networking experiences, or if you have any questions don’t hesitate to contact me by email.

If you would like to be a part of this great Committee just send me an email and I will respond to you as soon as possible. Being a part of the Committee will enable you to meet other students who you have not met before as well as share ideas with people from different backgrounds and areas of study. The Committee has some fantastic events planned for all you wonderful students this year so stay tuned. Attending these events would hopefully make your university life more fun and it will enable you to interact with other students from all three ECU campuses.

One of the many things I would like to achieve for 2012 is to hold an International Food Festival which would appeal to many students as everyone originates from different cultures, backgrounds and traditions. We have also planned to hold paintball, bowling, laser shooting, gaming competitions as well as a Halloween party and several other themed parties.

If you have any questions, suggestions or comments, come visit us at the Joondalup Campus Building 10, behind Slice of Italy and the Tav, or email social@ecuguild.org.au.

Good luck with your studies at ECU and all the best for 2012. Thank you Hajira Allie social@ecuguild.org.au

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International student Rep. My name is Shaibu Mathew Mannanal. I was born in Nigeria, but brought up in India. I came to Australia in the mid 2010 to pursue my Masters degree. I speak four languages.

I am a very friendly and outgoing person in nature. I have got so many friends back home. Even after that it was a bit difficult for me in the beginning. I consider for any student, the relocation is a big turning point in life. I couldn’t even find a single person from the state where I am coming from and who shared my mother tongue language.

When I am put into a totally different country I have to talk to people and make friends and was unsuccessful in the beginning. But it was a necessity for me to stay here. So I joined the mentor-mentee program offered by the business faculty of ECU. I made four friends there, who are still my good friends. The difficulty and hardship which I faced initially was always there in my mind. That is the reason why I joined the International Student Council. I really didn’t want anyone else to go through similar situations which I came across. I was a normal member of it for a period of six months or so, conducted a few events in ECU Mount Lawley campus. Then I was made the Vice President and then to the President position. Now I got elected into the Guild as the International Representative.

I consider culture of a person as an important factor. We can learn from it and utilize it to enrich and empower our fellow students. I consider that as one of the best advantage in studying here in ECU. It’s always good to be put among a multinational and multilingual group. As being the representative I will help my fellow students, provide the best peer to peer support possible and make sure International students feel at home during their studies at ECU. I am planning to conduct events on and off campus for International Identifying Students as well as students born in Australia with different backgrounds. You can contact me at international@ecuguild.org.au . Do send me an email if you would like to know more about ECU Guild International, need advice/help, have got idea for an event or just want someone to talk to. Thank you.

Shaibu Mannanal international@ecuguild.org.au

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Faculty of Business & Law Rep. Whilst many of my peers toiled away at various universities with under graduate degrees I was out on the building site or the fire ground. I didn’t think my path would eventually take me to post graduate business studies. When I graduated year twelve in 2005 the first two things I did were get my probationary drivers licence and my probationary membership at the local fire and rescue station, EatonAustralind Fire and Rescue Service.

Soon after that I began my apprenticeship in floor finishing, installing carpets and vinyls. For the next four years I built up my technical skill and had some interesting experiences, the ultimate dream was self employment. As soon as I graduated my apprenticeship I struck out on my own, long hours and tough work, soon enough though my fledgling business grew into a small team or workers and we set up in Perth where we still work. Even so early last year I felt there was something missing in my life.

A good friend of mine suggested university to compliment my practical experience in the business world. He was an eccentric but on this occasion I thought he made a good point so I enrolled in the Graduate Certificate of Business Management. Turns out I love it, the ECU experience works out great with me. When Guild elections came up last year and the position of Business and Law Representative came up I saw a way to enrich my ECU experience just that little bit more.

I’m interested in understanding how this busy world we live in works. Whilst this interest fuels my passion for business study it also fuels my passion for discussion. If you see me around please come up and argue with me, I love it, especially you students under the faculty of business and law, let’s be honest, the other students aren’t quite as interesting.

Simon Blades fbl@ecuguild.org.au

Bunbury Campus rep.

Joondalup Campus Rep.

I am Nong Guyu a second year Nursing student at the Bunbury campus. I was born in Cocos Islands and spent most of my life there and came to Australia to complete my secondary schooling before starting my university studies. Cocos is a beautiful place and should you ever get the chance to travel you must check it out.

Hi, I’m Shufaa Said.

This is my second year representing students with the Guild. Some of the things I did in my first year as representing students included successfully lobbying on behalf of students in regards to proposed Austudy changes; organised and hosted several student activities and events to help build community on the campus. I am very keen to continue representing students on Bunbury campus and encourage fellow students to contact me to help or suggest with activities and events.

As my home is in the Cocos Islands I believe I identify with the difficulties facing some students from rural areas who have moved to Bunbury to take on their university studies.

However my aim is to represent all students to the best of my ability.

Some of the events already planned for 2012 are; juice and soup days, barbecues, sundowners, welfare, Pride, poverty awareness and stress less days. Should you have any great ideas or suggestions you would like to add to this I would be more than happy to hear them. In addition if you have any other concerns feel free to approach me with these.

I am an international student from Kenya. I believe I am a very friendly and outgoing person but am also hardworking and passionate. I am the Joondalup Students Representative for ECU this year. I would also like to raise awareness about multiculturalism within the university and reassure both local and international students that they have a place to go to feel at home and also someone who will lend an ear and a hand when they need it. I want to help represent ECU in delivering “The absolute university experience” to its students.

I welcome everyone having any issues and interested in enjoying themselves. I want to bring engagement with global issues, aide and create charitable events and establish networks between local and international students. My aim is to identify and serve the needs of Joondalup campus Students at ECU and make their university life much more enjoyable. To cut a long story short, I wish to raise awareness and develop the interests and contributions of Joondalup campus students within ECU. I hope that we can work together to achieve them. I am available at my office 1st floor in the Guild building.contact me on shuola_ poise@hotmail.com.

Thank you Shufaa Athman email: Joondalup@ecuguild.org.au

The Guild is the student’s voice, an insurance to make your journey of university studies a memorable and happy one.

I hope to see you in the New Year when you join me at one of the Guilds activities or events.

Nong Guyu bunbury@ecuguild.org.au

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Mount Lawley Campus Rep.

Post-Graduate Rep.

Hey all, my name is Anton Mozhdehinia and I’m the ECU Mount Lawley Rep for 2012. This year, I want to work together with the student writers of the GSM, to push it to greater heights than the impressive way we finished 2011 the amount and quality of student contribution to the magazine has reached soaring heights, so let’s see if we can raise the bar even further in 2012. I’m currently in my third year of studying a Bachelor of Education (in Primary Teaching) and live close to the ML campus, so I’m usually around the Guild offices.

My name is Hunter Murphy and I am the new post-graduate representative at the ECU Student Guild. I enrolled at ECU in 2011 studying a Graduate Certificate of Business, and hope to complete a Masters of Human Resource Management this year. I have been working full time alongside my studies, and am aware of the challenges faced by postgraduate students that generally need to support themselves financially at university.

When i’m not studying, I can be found geocaching around, or doing something at Rovers, or amusing myself with a game or a good book. If you have any ideas that you want to see done at the Mount Lawley campus in 2012 or just want to drop a line, email me at mtlawley@ecuguild.org.au . I’m looking forward to seeing you around the Guild and at Guild events in 2012!

Delshard Mozhdehinia mtlawley@ecuguild.org.au

I decided to run for a position at the Guild to ensure that post-graduate students would have some representation.

We often have different motivations to other students, and our issues can be unique. As full-fee paying students, and generally mature age, we are here to get the job done, and go back to our families, employment, and other interests outside of university. It is important that our time here is as simple and as free from distraction as possible, and I would love to hear ideas on how the guild can help to achieve this.

My role is to keep the Guild informed of issues that relate to post-graduate students, and to represent our interests in discussions with the guild senate and the university. I am available at postgrad@ecuguild.org.au to receive any feedback or ideas you might have. Additionally, my role gives me the opportunity to form a committee of post-graduate students across all faculties to meet monthly in order to discuss issues relevant to post-graduate students. If you are interested in being a part of this, please let me know.

Hunter Murphy postgrad@ecuguild.org.au

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We know that attending classes is only half the university experience. It’s also about having fun, making new friends and getting involved in the community.

The Guild helps make these things possible.

How to Join

We also look after the welfare of students through political advocacy, and providing support services through our Education-Welfare Office, secondhand books service and providing financial benefits to members.

2. Drop by the Guild - Building 10 at Joondalup, Building 12 at Mount Lawley, or Building 5 at Bunbury.

1. You will be asked if you wish to join the Guild as part of your online enrollment using SIMO. Make sure you select “yes”.

Guild members receive a membershipsticker on their student card and a free Membership Activation Pack which inWhether you’re looking to get more for cludes a copy of GSM, a free student your dollar, need assistance in dealing diary, discounts booklet, and other with the University or just want to meet merchandise - all in an awesome calico new friends, we can assist you. tote bag.

Only at the movies April 5 americanreunionmovie.com.au

In the comedy American Reunion, all the American Pie characters we met a little more than a decade ago are returning to East Great Falls for their high-school reunion. In one long-overdue weekend, they will discover what has changed, who hasn’t and that time and distance can’t break the bonds of friendship. It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler’s mom. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about—and get inspired by—the hormonal teens who launched a comedy legend.

Be in the running to win one of 25 double passes to an exclusive preview showing for Guild members.

Like the Guild’s Facebook page to be eligable. The competition will be run live on the page at midday Friday March 2nd.

© 2012 Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved.

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Mature Age Student Network At ECU mature aged students comprise a significant proportion of the student population. Learners who return to study as mature aged students are called upon to simultaneously manage both a work/ life environment and a study environment along with factors that conflict on a return to study, encompassing physical, cognitive and emotional challenges.

MASN has been put together to assist mature aged students in both their transition and throughout their university experience. ecu.matureage@gmail.com

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Stand Uni’s

ECU Christian Union

Stand Uni’s are an outreach focused young-adults crew who want to see lives changed and transformed through the power of God and prayer in our universities. Stand is about arising to be a voice to the lonely, the hurting and the lost, fueled by a passion for Righteousness and Truth. Events to come include BBQ’s, music competitions, treasure hunts and prayer once a week in all campuses across the city.

We are a gathering of Christian students for the sole purpose of proving and cherishing the treasures that lie within Jesus Christ’s Word, the Bible. We want to provide an enjoyable knowledge of Jesus Christ and would like every student at ECU to hear about Him, be amazed by His love and become newly transformed believers for Him. Join us for Bible talks, small groups, fun and fellowship.

FB: STAND@Uni. linzicarter@yahoo.com.au

Wednesdays @ 11:30 am - 12:30 pm at room 13.103 Fridays @ 7:30 am - 8:30 am at Aroma Café near WAAPA.

FB: ECUMLChristianUnion

ECU ACTS Network Engineers Without Borders EWB ECU is a not-for-profit volunteer organisation. We organise a multitude of social, educational, fundraising and other fun events. EWB, as a national organisation, aims to work with developing communities both within Australia and overseas in order to assist in quality of living through methods such as education and improved livelihood. EWB ECU is not exclusively for engineers however. We encourage students from every faculty to join us as we would really appreciate a varied and diverse group of students to help assist in our efforts.

Student Life

ACTS

We at Student Life are committed to giving everyone the opportunity to investigate Christianity and hear about how Jesus is relevant in their lives. We are a group for Christians and non-Christians alike, with students involved from various or no church backgrounds. We meet casually every week on campus, and we often catch up with other Student Lifers around Perth. There are opportunities for camps and conferences, even a mission trip in November!

ACTS is a network of Adventist students across ECU campuses.

Adventist students choose to journey with Jesus Christ, looking at how He might answer these questions. We do this by examining His claims in the Bible, and weighing up His promises for the future... Maybe you could journey with us too? We run various activities on campus such as conversational English groups for students to practice English, campus stalls, a spiritual media library for students to borrow materials, and discussion groups dealing with our lives and the relevance of the bible today.

FB: Student Life - Edith Cowan University contactwa@studentlife.org.au www.studentlife.org.au

mjcenable@our.ecu.edu.au

FB: Engineers Without Borders ECU ewb.ecu@gmail.com

Chinese Society

ECU Islamic Society

CS is a not-for-profit student society which caters to the needs of students with Chinese ethnicity or an interest in Chinese Culture. We endeavour to make the university experience as fun as possible, providing parties, sporting events, networking opportunities and educational workshops throughout the year.

You don’t have to be Chinese to join, everyone is welcome.

ECUIS is the representative of the Muslim student body on campus and the caretakers of the Musallas (prayer rooms). We hold regular social events and open days and try to promote a wider understanding of Islam.

FB: Chinese Society

FB: ecu.islamic ecu.islamicsociety@gmail.com

International Student Council Are you an International Student? ISC is run by international students with the purpose of meeting new friends, helping, and guiding each other. Friends that you meet here are not those who you only say “hi and bye” to but people that you will always look forward to being with. ktan23@our.ecu.edu.au

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Education & Welfare Office From Dianne Webster (Bunbury): I would like to welcome all new and returning students to semester one 2012. My job here at ECU Bunbury is to make your study as painless and trouble free as possible so please drop in and see me at anytime. I can assist you with a range of academic and welfare issues that may arise during your study and if requested provide representation and independent advocacy.

My office is located in building 5.122. If I am not available you can make an arrangement to see me at another time by either phoning or sending me an email.

Services offered to Guild members are; • free use of the photocopier in building 5.122a next door to the Guild office (you need to supply your own paper and see me for the access password).

• Free bread donated by Bakers Delight Park Centre every Thursday morning (collection outside 5.122 office).

• tea/coffee and hot chocolate from the café-bar located in the student common room building (you need to provide your own cup).

• student common room is also equipped with a fridge, microwave, lounges and TV with Foxtel.

• an interest free loan maximum of $500 to be repaid over a six months period through Centrepay deductions (see me for further information).

• discounts to events or activities • representation and advocacy in relation to education and welfare issues.

Please utilise these services and make your university experience a pleasant one.

Studying in a rural environment can be a very pleasant and enjoyable experience. I also understand the difficulties that can go hand in hand with living in the country. Hardships such as travel, time management and access to library and other facilities, can increase costs and therefore increase stress levels. Please visit me to discuss any problems you may be experiencing and I will endeavour to address your concerns and help make your university life a happy and memorable one.

Be involved in your Guild’s activities and have input into discussions that ultimately affect the quality of YOUR education. This year, with your help I hope to promote a vibrant and exciting experience for all students at ECU’s –South West Bunbury Campus. I value your input and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Please visit our website on www.ecuguild.org.au.

Good luck with your studies.

The Student Guild’s Education & Welfare Officers are here to help students with any issues regarding their academic or personal welfare. Our main roles are to provide information, advocacy, support and referral. Being independent from the university, we are your voice and represent your interests during your time at ECU. The Student Guild has an inclusive policy welcoming all students to access our services. So please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need help! Often a problem is not as bad as you think, there are usually ways to resolve it. So come and say hello, we enjoy meeting students and finding out what issues are important to you.

• Appeals – for any academic result appeal (unit/ exam/assignment) or progression status appeal (eg suspension/exclusion) • Grievances • Complaints – about any product/service of ECU; equity issues such as discrimination or harassment; student or staff misconduct • Academic Misconduct (if you’re accused of plagiarism/cheating/colluding etc) • Tenancy/housing • Legal • Centrelink • Crisis care • Emergency Financial Assistance (eligibility criteria apply) Or any other issue that may arise at uni or at home, even if you just need someone objective to talk to who will listen and point you in the right direction. Please be assured that everything you tell us is kept strictly confidential.

Georgia Thompson Blg 10, Joondalup Ph: 6304 5628 e: edwelfarejo @ecuguild.org.au

Katie Egan Blg 12, Mt Lawley Ph: 9370 6821 e: edwelfare2 @ecuguild.org.au

Dianne Webster Blg 5 Bunbury Ph: 9780 7786 guild.edwelfare.bu @ecu.edu.au

Rosemarie Dale Blg 12, Mt Lawley Ph: 9370 6821 e: edwelfare @ecuguild.org.au

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GSM is the monthly student magazine at ECU. We’re looking for enthusiastic, fun and creative students to join our community as writers, reviewers and proof-readers.

To get involved e-mail the Editor or come to our first Writers’ Night 5pm - 7pm Mount Lawley Library Seminar Room (2nd Floor) - Free pizza provided.

To get involved join our mailing list & like us on Facebook Tom Reynolds editor.gsm@gmail.com Building 12 (Guild)

Notes:

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7

Wednesday

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"G'Day" ML Check Facebook for more information

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1

Thursday

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Paintball Check Facebook for more information

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9

Be on the Guild's facebook at midday to win tickets

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Friday

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Saturday

Want to include your club or society’s activities? Contact editor.gsm@gmail.com.

To start your own club or society contact Hajira Allie (Social Council Chairwoman) social@ecuguild.org.au

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Juice Day - Bunbury outside building 5

GSM Deadline

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"G'Day" - Joondalup Check Facebook for more information

GSM Writers' Night 5pm ECU ML Library Seminar Room

Tuesday

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Monday

5

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4

Sunday

March Social Events Calendar

As soon as the plane touched down at Mumbai International Airport the cabin deteriorated into chaos. The people around me were up out of their seats and opening the overhead lockers and the plane was still slowing down. ‘Everyone just chill the fuck out,’ I thought as the airhostesses raced around trying to get people to return to their seats until the seatbelt light was turned off.

In India, it takes more then a silly little light to stop people from doing whatever they want, and this is one of the cool things that I took a while to get during the month I spent cruising around India.

A couple of friends and I had planned this grand Indian adventure early in 2010 and had booked our tickets months in advance.

I use the term ‘planned’ very loosely as we did not put the following months to good use and left home soil with a horribly arrogant sense of satisfaction about the fact that we had no idea what we would do once we arrived. The realisation of how poor a decision this deliberate refusal to plan the trip was became terrifically apparent as soon as we walked out of Mumbai Airport.

Our first mistake was that we went in the hottest time of the year.

It was literally over 45 degrees the entire time we were there. I have never sweat so much in my entire life. The second mistake, was that I hadn’t organised a way to access any of my money.

The pathetic sum of $700 that I had managed to save over the last 4 months was sitting in a bank account that, as it turned out, I had no way of extracting funds from. Good thing my friends were there.

So we made our way out of the terminal, and after pulling funny faces at the soldier manning the giant machine gun that overlooks the taxi rank (another great idea) we were quickly ushered to a taxi. There our luggage was strapped to the roof by a man whose friendliness quickly evaporated when he realised we had no money. Our first argument aside, we set off into the sprawling mess that is India’s largest city.

Mumbai doesn’t look real. I’m pretty sure that Slumdog Millionaire must have had to pick its locations super carefully so that us western folk would find it realistic, because I seriously struggled to comprehend the sites that engulfed me during the taxi ride to our hotel. Every building looked halfway between being built and demolished, rubbish was everywhere, the traffic was complete madness and all of this just went on, and on, and on.

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Eventually we made it to our hotel, and after several more arguments with both the taxi driver and the hotel manager, we decided to go for a short walk and take in some of the sites. Our short walk went awry, and after spending literally half of my money on a combination of ear wax cleaning services and a tour of Rajasthan organised by some extremely dodgy men apparently from a government tourism agency (but actually just some extremely talented salesmen with some government tourism agency posters), we returned home and decided it was better we stayed in our room for the rest of the day. Then I spewed on the floor. All in all, a solid start to the trip.

We didn’t stay in Mumbai long, and after a short but insightful tour through the slums (the slum folk seemed to be among the most genuinely friendly people that we met), we boarded a train headed north through to the Princely State of Rajasthan with high hopes of a change in our fortunes.

The train ride turned out to be a great way to relax after the overwhelming start to the trip. We cruised across some amazing mountains, with our legs hanging out of the doorways to catch some fresh air, while we chatted to high school students on their two-hour daily journey to school and took in the beautiful site of the women working the fields in brightly coloured saris.

Feeling invigorated by the day on the train, we were super relieved to see that the driver we had arranged at great expense and minimal paperwork in Mumbai was actually waiting for us at the Udaipur Train Station. It turned out that our driver, whose name we never quite managed to learn in the short fortnight we spent with him, spoke little English. We decided to nickname him Boss after he informed us in his typically cheery way that he had just started this job and had never been to Rajasthan before. Naturally we hit it off immediately.

Over the following couple of weeks we travelled far and wide, visiting every town, city and temple in all of Rajasthan. If the Lonely Planet Guidebook said it was interesting, Boss’s tiny, ancient car would take us there. We would lay sprawled across the backseat, feet out the windows and wind in our faces, as Boss drove us all around the barren countryside. We crossed mountain ranges on incredible, narrow windy roads, swerved around falling boulders as we drove along perilously constructed cliffside highways, and wasted away hours in tiny villages while the car was seen to by local mechanics (this actually happened quite regularly). But Boss and his car never failed us (or stopped honking) and together we visited some amazing places.

While in Rajasthan we decided to have a major argument with a camel tour operator in 48-degree heat in the middle of the Thar Desert near the Pakistan border. We had joined a French couple for an overnight camel-riding extravaganza in the sand dunes, but when it turned out that we had been the victims of somewhat false advertising, the French people took exception and began an argument with the burly camel safari owner. The argument quickly got out of hand and it appeared that we were not going to be driven back to the town we were staying in. Strangely, the man had a sudden change of heart, telling us to ‘get in his jeep,’ and it seemed as though we could be about to inspire our very own Bollywood version of Wolf Creek. But instead he simply drove us back to our hotel and apologised for his ‘short temper’.

Even so, I’m glad that my friend Oscar had his knife open and concealed in his pocket throughout the ride back into town.

After spending the day terrorising the local population aboard our Hogs we had a quick dip in a fancy hotel swimming pool and went out to get some dinner. Inspired by the days events, and encouraged by a little of India’s finest whiskey, I decided make some enquiries with the waiter about procuring some fireworks.

“Fireworks?” the waiter asked with a strange look, “Yes we can bring them to your table.” 45 minutes later we were diving for cover as the very drunk and equally awesome Police Chief of Pushkar (seriously) fired the first of many fireworks into the sky from our restaurant table. At one stage he actually tried to shoot a firework like a bazooka at my friend Braedan. He was only saved by a waiter who wrestled the firework off him and directed it away before the fuse burnt down. This day pretty much sums up everything that is awesome about India.

The rest of the trip was spent flying kites on the banks of the famous ‘Ganga’ River in Varanasi (where it finally rained!), before we all decided to contract food poisoning and go on a 48-hour train ride at the same time. I pity the poor people who shared the cabin with me on the train, because I literally either spewed or crapped for the entire two days, and not always in the toilet. It was easily the sickest that I have ever been.

The best day of the whole trip happened during our tour of ‘Radasthan’ in the small town of Pushkar. Thoroughly sick of looking at temples, we decided to hire motorbikes. Now in Australia the fact that two thirds of us had never ridden a motorbike before probably would have stood in the way of this plan. But not in India, and after a short and hilariously pitiful demonstration of our bike-handling competency we were given the keys and told to have fun. Even Oscar, whose demonstration included a 15-minute attempt at kick-starting the bike and several near death incidents was allowed to ride out astride a roaring Chopper (read 30-year-old 125cc Hero-Honda), despite my best efforts and bribes to convince the manager that he should have to take the bright pink scooter instead.

While this was definitely the low point of the trip, it is also one of those times that I will never forget. It is experiences such as this that make India such an incredibly ridiculous place to go for a holiday. Every aspect of the trip was a shock to my system. Every day I had a new feeling or idea that I struggled to understand.

I still think about this trip regularly, and I’m still trying to come to terms with what I experienced. Visiting India will really make you take another fresh look at your life. You really should give it a visit, and if you do, I know of a little travel agency in Mumbai that will really help you out.

Words by Luke Pegrum

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I got so thin from using crystal meth that the

bones behind my ears stuck out.

Now, this is no way an attempt to glorify that usage. My goal isn’t to talk about how amazing the experience was. Nor is it my goal to condemn drug usage, because quite frankly it’s a matter of fact, or a fact of life. Besides, crystal meth abusage is widespread at current, so to discuss it might twig you to the traits or tell-tale signs of someone else’s usage.

I used it to mend a broken heart. Or rather, obliterate it. I wanted to disappear. To destroy myself. I wanted to become invisible, like a ghost.

And yes, I injected it. Apparently it can atrophy parts of your brain, as opposed to smoking it, which supposedly atrophies the lunges and throat first. But regardless of the science or fact, one thing is certain: irrespective of how much you use or how much control you presume you have, crystal meth will endeavour to destroy your life.

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watched a girl do. I didn’t set booby traps against imaginary predators like another mate did. I knew any extreme paranoid thoughts were purely in my head.

I did, however, feel incredibly suicidal all the time. I constantly fantasised about it. I also withdrew, the thinner I got.

It reached the point that the rent hadn’t been paid in weeks. Eviction was inevitable.

My aunt took me, knowing full well of my usage.

I never stole from her, ever, but rather would spend five days at my dealer’s house, selling gear for them where I could and roaming the streets at other times. I loathed catching public transport, knowing full well the sight I was, how thin and gray I had become, that I literally stank of chemicals.

What made me stop? An old mentor of mine from my uni days heard what was happening and they got in contact, telling me that if I wanted help, all I needed was ask for it.

Somehow I managed to hold down a high paying job at the beginning. That’s how the usage escalated so quickly. That and my dealer would test out new batches on me.

I scoffed. In my mind, the drug abuse was a perpetual scream for help. I didn’t need to articulate it any further. It was apparent in my actions.

I hid it as best as I could at first, but that didn’t last long. The weight loss was the first sign. That and the endless nights spent awake. I lived with my cousin at the time, and it was their partner who alerted them to my usage: the whiff of alcohol swabs one night caught their attention.

I explained this to them.

Rather than freak out, my cousin wanted in.

They retained a level head throughout while I gradually was doing about $750 a week. I’d spend the nights either travelling the world wide web or roaming the suburbs.

That day I rang up for drug counselling. I crawled home, in physical pain from crying and coming down. I weighed a little over 40kgs. I was using $1.5K of crystal meth a week. I reached home and slept, solid, for 10 days.

Fortunately I wasn’t overtly sexual on the drug: I’ve heard horror stories of people using meth and then barebacking with multiple partners in a night without a care in the world. For those people, prostitution to fund their habit was easy.

For me? Sex was the furthest thing from my mind. Thankfully.

In order to get clean, I recommend drug counselling. Talk to a therapist. Go twice a week to begin with if you can, once a week at the least thereafter. Stick at it. Yes, it’s tough, but the reward is incredible. Not just to have your face fill out with fat, but have it beam with pride as you look your family in the eye once again.

Instead I was all about being crazy and having fun. I was the clown, the light entertainment.

And trust me, when people start tweaking out and getting paranoid, you want them laughing rather than reaching for a carving knife.

To destroy yourself on drugs is surprisingly easy.

But to heal yourself from that damage takes just the same will and determination.

That was another thing I got lucky with: there were no shadow people. I didn’t pick at my skin trying to catch imaginary bugs like I once

If you or somebody you know is using drugs, Michael recommends contacting Cyrenian House www.cyrenianhouse.com

They tore strips off me, over the phone. Every insight they spat at me stung. I crumpled. I sobbed. I heaved. The pain I had been holding on to tore me apart as it escaped from me.

Words by Michael X

Having written my last two articles on politics I was advised that I should broaden my target audience. As a result, this month we are leaving behind what is apparently a boring topic (politics) and moving on to a more exciting one (taps). Everyone knows what taps are, have them, and uses them.

Bam! Massive target audience!

Users: people who have no choice Rating: 2 stars Timer-button taps are those which you just press down (generally a circular knob) to release a flow of water, and when that little knob pops back up your time is up. These taps are quite functional and business orientated.

handle tap represents the movement away from our ability to use two hands, and our movement towards anally-retentive perfection. And to think some people are worried about the human race...

They save water which is good for the environment, and they cut down on water bills for businesses. The WA State Library is a prime example; individuals are forced to quickly wash their hands or they are simply cut off from hygiene.

Standard Screws Tap Where: my backyard, probably your bathroom Users: laborers, the poor, gardeners Rating: 5 stars In the tap world the ‘standard screw tap’ is equivalent to duct tape; we will all need it throughout our lives, and it’s one of the most reliable things we’ll ever use. In a world where iPhones can’t make calls and USB internet is closer to ‘USB internetif-your-lucky’, it’s nice to have something that just works. As McDonald’s adverts keep telling us, more and more people are wanting something “a little bit fancy”. And you know what? With the ‘standard screw tap’, if you want it, you’ve got it. Washers are available (I’d google what they’re called, but right now I’m not lucky) that actually make it so that when you turn the tap off, there is virtually no resistance. Personally if you have issues with turning off ‘standard screw taps’ then I will think less of you, but it’s there if you want it.

Things are a bit different in Capitol’s men’s toilets, though. It is not the water loving hands of book readers that taps must tackle, but rather the drunken people who have taken one too many of something.

Here, I concede, timer-button taps are king.

If you’re too drunk to turn off a tap, no worries! For a glassie like myself, they are essentially a god-send. When it comes down to it, though, when I come across a tap that thinks it knows better than me when I’ve had enough water, I’m going to get a little shitty. Dear businesses that use timer-button taps (excluding Capitol of course) I will press that knob three times, once to clean my hands, two more times to spite you.

Single-Handle tap Where: Peppermint Grove, doggy training school Users: the rich, Labrador owners, homosexuals Rating: 1 star

Timer-button tap Where: Capitol’s men’s toilets, WA State Library

No-Hands Tap Where: ‘The Brook’ in Ellenbrooke, Mansions?

Users: the lucky, people in the future Rating: 4 stars It’s only recently that I learnt about the ‘nohands tap’. It turns out that in Ellenbrooke there is a place where streams of water are controlled by magic (hand movement).

Initially I thought ‘how lazy is that!?’, but then I thought about the whole bathroom tap process. We turn on a tap with dirty hands, clean our hands, then touch the tap which had just been dirtied, thus dirtying our clean hands. With this in mind, the ‘no-hands tap’ outclasses the rest of the taps purely in respect to it’s achievement of leaving our hands the cleanest.

I’d love to thus give these taps 5 stars, but it’s not perfect. With every piece of technology, while it’s still new, chances are bugs will be present (users of wireless hand-driers will know what I mean). In addition to this, a ‘no-hands tap’ couldn’t be used to water the garden. So not perfect, but the most sound in theory.

Words by Larry Fife

Who was it who first thought “I really can’t be bothered using two hands to create warm water”? Whoever they were they are just like those people who walk around with those Labrador dogs; they are simply too lazy to do even the simple things in life. The single-handed tap is the tap where you move from left to right, and therefore controlling temperature from cold to hot. So the single-

20

It’s a bitter fight to the death between two great competitors. Okay that’s not completely accurate, it’s more an uneven match. Its ECU Vs. the other universities; Curtin, Murdoch, Notre Dame and UWA. Universities where you spend countless hours in classes, digesting unidentifiable food, being subjected to the pressure of exams and trying to pick up attractive class mates.

First you have to decide what you want to be when you grow up.

Gone are the carefree days of your childhood, when you could say “Fireman” and parents would go “awwww”. Now it’s usually “what the hell are you planning on doing with yourself”. For some reason, sleeping is still not an acceptable answer.

Each university has their own areas of speciality. If you pick somewhere that specialises in your area of study, chances are the faculty will receive more funding, which means better educational resources for you. Curtin specialises in business, Murdoch has veterinary science, ECU has nursing and education as well as WAAPA. UWA has medicine and law and Notre Dame, well actually I have no idea about Notre Dame other than it’s a Catholic institution and it’s in Fremantle.

So you pick a course, you pick a university and now you have to receive an offer. We’ve all heard the jokes; ECU is where you go when you can’t get into anywhere else. Entry benchmarks may support this outlandish claim but I call bullshit. Hang on, can I say bullshit... yep I can... right, where was I? Ah yes, bullshit. UWA’s entry benchmarks are notoriously high and why is that? Well it’s UWA, think “prestige factor”! But seriously is the education you receive there going to be any better than, say, what you would get at ECU or Curtin? My opinion is no, and I can say that with conviction.

“How?” I hear you ask. Well I am a former UWA student and I have the benefit of knowing what it’s like on the other side. At UWA you will pay more for your units, have more contact hours, ridiculously expensive booklists and insane parking costs. Because unless you have completed eight units of your degree, you don’t even qualify for a parking permit. When you do there isn’t adequate student parking anyway.

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Having driven past both Curtin and Murdoch on more than one occasion I feel I’m sufficiently qualified to discuss them in detail *cough*. Firstly Curtin. If I wasn’t at ECU and my major was offered at Curtin, I would have given it some serious consideration, even overlooking it’s somewhat unfortunate suburb location. Curtin is well known for their research into sustainable development and emerging technologies, as well as having campuses located overseas in Malaysia and Singapore.

Knowing a few people that attend Curtin I can’t say I’ve heard anything negative about the campus or courses, and I know for a fact that online access to lectures and unit resources is superior in comparison to ECU. In regards to Murdoch, well if you don’t mind the 45+ minute journey in the mornings, go for it. Personally it’s not for me, I’ve never been enticed to look into it. I don’t know anyone who’s been or is a student there, and their website is slow. Enough said really.

So after saying all that, who wins? The answer is no one; each university has its strengths and weaknesses. For the sake of the article though, let’s look at the good and the bad of ECU. The negatives first; our online lectures are a joke, we need recordings! Not just slides. The library needs to be open later as do the food outlets; classes run till 9pm, we are starving! ECU should keep the future in mind, especially when deciding to discontinue units, minors, and majors. We live in WA, let’s just say Geography is an important discipline for this region of the globe.

After all that negativity are there any positives? Well we have two great campuses, Joondalup being home to some pretty impressive architecture and Mt Lawley being situated in a great area. Both benefit from well established transport links. We are named after the first female member of an Australian Parliament, we’re home to WAAPA - which has and will continue to produce some extremely talented members of the creative industry, and lastly we have staff that support our studies, goals and personal situations. All in all ECU isn’t a bad place to while away three-to-six years of your life.

Words by Ms. Paige Wittingham

The steel pipe hit the back of my skull with enough force to throw my glasses from my face onto the restaurant table in front of me. As my head bowed forward I vaguely registered the sound of metal hitting the pavement below. Staring back at my own glasses in disorientated shock, time froze for a moment before I registered tingling numbness spreading between my ears.

As the pulsing pain of the impact began to overcome my physical shock I reviewed what had just happened: In the middle of a busy alfresco courtyard, and in full view of staff and patrons a stranger had just attacked me from behind. His only words were angrily shouted at us in a slur as he left: “fucking faggots!” We had again become victims of yet another hate crime.

This didn’t occur in regional WA or in one of the seedy dives of the far northern suburbs. It happened only two weeks ago in South Perth, walking distance from my own home. Less than an hour before the man who attacked us had verbally insulted my friends at the bar. I later learnt that although the bar staff at the time had considered him too drunk to serve, his intoxication and derogatory insults were not sufficient motivation to have him removed from the premises or at least monitored by security.

Immediately after the attack the entire alfresco courtyard sat silently staring at us. Despite the apparent attention we eventually had to hunt down a waitress who sauntered over to our table and inspected the patio umbrella before casually asking what had happened to it.

Statistically ours was a run-of-the-mill assault. Three out of every five assaults target men. 70% of these occur outside the home, are more likely to be perpetuated by strangers and predominately effect 15-24 year olds. Even the fact that this occurred in January coincides with the seasonal peaking of assaults nationally. According to data provided by the Australian Institute of Criminology assaults in the period 1995 - 2007 have increased 5% each year, or about four times the rate of population growth in the same period.

Comparable data about the prevalence and severity of assaults targeting gays and lesbians is not collected by the WA Police despite recent evidence and official reports indicating that sexual prejudice is a widespread problem in Australian society, and is linked with incidents of serious harassment, discrimination, assault, and homicide.

Furthermore the WA Police no longer maintain a gay and lesbian community liaison to assist victims, many of whom, according to what data is available, have been victims of previous assaults.

Generally they are often reluctant to report such incidents to the police because of perceptions that the police are either indifferent or hostile towards gays and lesbians and that the process of reporting the crime outweighs the probability of a satisfactory outcome.

Having spoken to other gay men in Perth I can vouch that this remains the popular perception. The reality is that despite the lack of data being collected on these crimes there is strong anecdotal evidence that gay-bashing and other forms of public harassment and abuse continues to be experienced at some stage by most gay and lesbian people in Perth.

These kinds of experiences include friends who have had bottles thrown at them for being ‘poofs’. Who have been severely beaten while being called a “dirty faggot” after they were spotted leaving gay nightclubs like Connections. Friends who have been threatened and chased through shopping centres, followed down darkened streets and shouted at with emasculating cat-calls and insults.

When targeted abuse occurs unchallenged it generates and sustains a perception of legitimacy amongst perpetrators and victims alike. The she-was-asking-for-it mentality is rife on both sides of these incidents. If you behave or appear “too gay” you are effectively asking to be harassed, assaulted or humiliated because that’s just the way it is. Abuse becomes acceptable when it’s treated as the norm rather than the exception.

Personally I appreciated the attitude of the officers I dealt with, they treated my report with seriousness and sympathy, but institutionally more needs to be done. In the absence of a dedicated liaison officer I and my friends were left to find relevant support services on our own. Additionally, considering gays and lesbians habitually under-report incidents a liaison officer would help promote members of the community to come forward.

Given that gays and lesbians in WA continue to be regularly victimised in public places it is especially difficult to understand why this information isn’t being collected. Without it the police, policy-makers and community groups are hindered in prioritising and developing strategies that can minimise the incidence and impact of these crimes. Given the situation faced by Western Australia’s gay and lesbian citizens we deserve policing policy reflective of our reality.

Words by Tom Reynolds

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D.I.Y. DRUG DEALER Hello, guys! Need some money? If you do, you can sell drugs to some idiots out there and you’ll soon have enough money to buy a Ferrari. It’s easy, fast and foolproof – as long as you don’t get caught. But even if you do get caught, don’t worry, I’ll pretend I don’t know you.

Your parents might have said drug-dealing is illegal – and it is!

But being a salesperson isn’t illegal, right? Salespersons sell a good product to customers, and don’t you sell a ‘good product’ to customers? Just the words are different: ‘vacuum cleaner’ becomes ‘drugs’, ‘salesperson’ becomes ‘drug-dealer’. It’s a business with a great prospect of money – which is probably why our jealous society discriminates this dream job by claiming it is illegal. That or it’s just me talking shit here. And still you want to read on.

What you will need: 1. Gun, knife and/or baseball bat 2. Supplier 3. Jacket with a lot of pockets 4. Shovel 5. Lawyer (essential) 6. Life insurance (just in case) Step-by-step Instructions: 1. First and foremost, do not tell your intention to the cops.

I’m serious. I’m very, fucking serious. Many talented drug dealers out there fail in this first step simply because they’re too honest. Telling your friends is okay, as long as you know they’re arseholes enough to be trustworthy. It’s not recommended to tell your parents.

2. Build a network among drug-addicts. This is essential even before you get into business. Get to know people.

Introduce yourself to jerks and bitches out there and know the right person from whom you can get your drugs. Don’t avoid someone just because they’re losers – they might be your best clients in the future.

3. After you’ve built a good reputation among drug-addicts, it’s time to find the real supplier. Meet the person you usually get your drugs from, chat about the weather for one or two minutes, and then kill them. Then take your dead dealer’s phone and check for a number that’s being called the most often, yet isn’t saved in the phone address – that must be the supplier’s number.

Usually this number isn’t saved to avoid trouble when the phone falls to the wrong hands (or the right hands, I wonder?). Next, call the supplier and express your interest in being their lapdog. No resume needed! All you will need is immorality, and if you follow this instruction stepby-step (including killing your dealer) you have proved that you’re a threat to the society.

4. Remember the shovel? It’s high time to hide your dealer’s dead body before the neighbours notice.

5. Purchase as many drugs as you can. You can also ask for a discount after you become a good friend with the supplier.

Don’t kill your supplier until you’ve built a relationship with another drug lord.

6. Fill up your jacket; it’s time for the real business! Return to your network and begin selling your drugs. It’s not recommended to sell all your supply at once. Drugdealing is an illegal business, but a business nonetheless.

Sell cheap when you still have a lot of supply, make your clients addicted to your ‘good product’ and then raise the price when they ask for more. Here is when life insurance comes in handy: you don’t know when your clients will kill you as you did in step (3). You shouldn’t leave debt collectors to disturb your family after you died doing this oh-my-god so noble job.

7. Always do your business face-to-face. You don’t know when the person you’re chatting with in Facebook is actually a cop. Also, change your phone number regularly and practise a ‘Hey, I’m honest!’ face in front of a mirror.

Always bring a gun in case: (a) the cops get suspicious or (b) you’re experiencing an unbearable desire to commit suicide.

8. Floss often. I mean... oh, c’mon! A public enemy number one is nothing without minty breath. Did Hitler’s mouth stink? History doesn’t say so, right?

9. For more information, type ‘how to be a drug dealer’ in Google. Seriously, where do you think I got all this information from?

Okay, guys! That’s it! With this, you’ll soon get that Ferrari you’re always dreaming of. Just take notice: If you read this article and follow it step-by-step as I’ve recommended... congratulation, you really are a mentally unstable dummy I mentioned in the title.

Man, ain’t I a jerk?

Words by Mr Insult

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Nerd Quiz

Q1. The Internet is... a. A large network made up of collections of sub-networks b. For porn c. A government conspiracy hell-bent on stealing our image macros d. The consequence of Steven Hawking attempting to have sex with a modem Q2. The Big Bang Theory is about... a. Four nerds by Chuck Greene and starring Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons, Simon Helberg and Kunal Nayyar b. A group of four teenage boys plan to get laid before prom c. A modern theory concerning the origin of the universe d. The theory that if one were to create an orgy larger than 26 people, a second Sweden appears off the coast of Brazil Q3. The symbiote that infected Spiderman later spawned and its offspring infected the psychopath Cletus Kassady who became who? a. Venom b. Carnage c. Toxin d. A 6’4’ hunk of pure man meat *growl* Q4. What consists of the majority of all Dragon Ball Z episodes? a. Waiting for action, or really, anything to happen b. Subtle, symbolic furry porn c. Screaming, screaming and more screaming d. Subliminal messaging instructing watchers to go buy “Uncle Jalapeno’s Peruvian Deathpepper Sauce” Q5. What are the three Deathly Hallows? a. Nagini, Tom Riddle’s journal and Slytherin’s locket b. The Elder Wand, Resurrection Stone and Death’s Invisibility Cloak c. Harry, Hermione and Ron d. The Hogwarts bobsled team

Q9. What could this chemical symbol denote?

C21H30O3 a. Pot, man, weeeeed b. Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! c. My bank balance. Oh yeeeah d. The 12th Century Slovenian Royal family, the Balkalvachitz, most famous for their annual tradition of ‘The Running of the Gypsies’. Very popular with the locals Q10. Deadpool is often considered a copy of which DC character? a. Deathstrike b. Deathstroke c. Critical condition bath tub d. Deadpool? Wasn’t he, like, that guy who had, like, no mouth and was, like, a robot or something?

Q11. Sexual symbolism, tight and small clothing and revealing positions are often referred to as what? a. Standard procedure b. Time to lock the door and break out the tissues c. Fan service d. The perfect way to get a girl ‘in the mood’ Q12. In the extended Lord of the Rings films, Treebeard has the line “Away with you! You should not be waking.

Eat earth, dig deep, drink water, go to sleep. Away with you”. In the books who originally has this line? a. Treebeard b. Gandalf – when questioned on why he didn’t appear sooner after he came back to life c. Tom Bombadil d. It’s actually a quote from the book “The Ten Steps to Success: How I Became a Confident Millionaire and Now You Can Too!” by Fernando Merikguildstein

Q6. Which of these Milla Jovovich films does she not get naked in? a. Resident Evil: Apocalypse b. The Fifth Element c. Ultraviolet d. Curious George goes to the Beach

Answers Q1: Correct Answer: A Although B is quite acceptable

Q7: Correct Answer: D Though extra points if you’ve picked up on C. Seriously guys.

Q2: Correct Answer: C Dude this is a science question. PAY ATTENTION!

Q7. You ran all this way, fought some weird-arse mushrooms and turtles, battled a huge dinosaur-dragon thing and this little punk-arse toad-fairy says: a. “Dude, I swear the princess was just here, no joke” b. “I’ve seen her naked man... Not worth it” c. Nothing, he’s a fungus, idiot d. “The princess is in another castle” FUUUUUU-

Q3: Correct Answer: B D was a trick question. No way is Carnage 6’4’

Q8: Correct Answer: None!

Did you seriously think one of those was correct?

Q9: Correct Answer: A Seriously, thats a possible symbol for THC, the main chemical in marijuana.

Go look it up on Wikipedia!

Q4: Correct Answer: A and C Although B is possible if you’ve recently had any of ‘Uncle Jalapeno’s Peruvian Deathpepper Sauce”

Q10: Correct Answer: A Tis true, but they both still have their differences. The main one being sanity.

Q8. What is the most successful method to deal with an alleged rapist? a. Tell them they’ve done goofed and backtrace them b. Threaten that you’ll find him with his t-shirts and fingerprints and telling him he’s really dumb. For real. c. Entice them over with Rum and Sunny D d. Informing them they’ve lost the game

Q5: Correct Answer: B Also if this is a spoiler. DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A CRAP.

Q11: Correct Answer: C But B is still correct, really, we all know you do it too.

Q6: Correct Answer: All of them!

Although you only see blurred boobs and a bandage outfit in the Fifth Element >:(

Q12: Correct Answer: C Fernando still insisted it was copyright infringement though and sued.

Till he discovered Tolkien published his work 40 years before him.

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I

would like to begin by asking you a question.

Kindly stop reading for a second and take a good look at your hands. We tend to forget this, but our hands (and the rest of our body) consist of literally trillions upon trillions of miniscule atoms – carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, calcium etc. Now ask yourself: where do you suppose all those atoms came from?

How and when were they formed? The answer is perhaps not what you might have expected. You, dear reader, are walking, talking stardust!

Every atom in your body was forged in a supernova, an exploding star – an ancient explosion, billions of years old and so colossal it would’ve outshone the entire galaxy. What’s more, the atoms in your right hand were more than likely formed in a different supernova to the atoms in your left hand. Stars had to die so that you could live! This is one of the most poetic things I know about physics and it is this sort of deep insight into our relationship with the cosmos that makes me so passionate and excited about science.

I’ve often heard it said that science is for nerds, that it’s boring, complicated and too difficult for most of us to comprehend. This is a tragic misconception and one that I hope to change, for gaining a thorough appreciation of the scientific mindset can be an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience.

Before I continue, however, I would like to explain what is actually meant by this mysterious term “science”.

Science is a process. It is the best process we have at determining what is true about the universe.

Science is motivated by curiosity – a desire to gain a greater understanding of the natural world and our place within it. All scientific inquiry begins with a question, for example: what causes the tides to go in and out? The next step is to propose a possible answer to the question – this is called a hypothesis: tides are caused by the gravitational interaction between the Earth and the Moon. Once a hypothesis has been proposed, it must be tested; this is done by performing experiments and gathering evidence.

When determining the validity of a hypothesis, evidence and reality always takes precedence. No matter how old, or cherished, or how elegant a hypothesis is, if it is found to disagree with physical reality then it must be modified or discarded and a new hypothesis proposed – herein lies the key to the scientific method.

I realise that not all of us can become scientists; in fact, a world filled with scientists would probably be rather dull. However, learning to think like a scientist is an incredibly valuable tool. We must learn to treat all ideas –everything from the latest diet craze to UFOs– as scientific hypotheses; if an idea is not supported by any evidence and if it does not stand up to rigorous questioning, then it should be dismissed. That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. Faith is definitely not a virtue, and we should come to value skepticism and rational argument as well as rejecting any form of supernaturalism, for a supernatural explanation to a phenomenon is not really an explanation at all.

Finally, I would like to point out that the thrill of scientific discovery and an appreciation of the true workings of nature is not just available to scientists – but to us all. You do not have to be an astrophysicist to marvel at the majesty of the cosmos, nor is being a geologist a necessary requirement for understanding the immensity of the geological time scale. You live on a sumptuous planet, sparkling with colour and bountiful with life. I think it is important to occasionally shake off the feeling of normality that pervades our everyday existence and view the world through new eyes. This can be achieved through an understanding of science – an extremely powerful, yet noble and enlightening endeavour that enables us to truly appreciate the magic of reality.

Words by Alistair Milne

Our insatiable appetite for knowledge drives us to delve ever deeper into the workings of the universe and slowly we are beginning to unravel its mysteries.

Without the scientific method, this journey of discovery would be impossible. However, despite its immense capability, science can never be said to reveal absolute truth; for there is always the possibility that our current understanding of nature will be contradicted by new evidence uncovered in the future. When a scientist states that something it ‘true’, they are really saying that all the current evidences supports it – the theory has yet to be proven wrong.

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Tom Ballard Country boy turned stand-up comedy superstar and now host of Triple J’s weekday breafast program, Tom Ballard has had a meteoric rise. Tom recently came to Perth for his show Since 1989. He caught up with GSM’s own country kid Tom Reynolds and talked about his career, coming out and the dangers of Political Correctness gone mad.

GSM: It’s said that there’s a grain of truth in every joke. Your performances are marked by being explicitly self-revealing and dealing with subjects like heartbreak and coming out. Do you think there’s a type of therapy involved with doing stand up?

TB: Definitely, I think so. The show I’m doing, ‘Since 1989’ is all about It can only get a break up and I think that for me it better and yeah, was very cathartic and it was really love yourself important to me to make something and, uh, just get creative, make something positive a lot of dick. come out of that experience you know?

And also because comedy involves so much looking at your own motivations and your own actions and at different things from different angles that is really kind of therapeutic to look at it that kind of way and deconstruct and try and find the humour in it. Definitely with this last show it was really cathartic to produce something positive out was a bit of a shitty part of my life really.

GSM: Do you ever worry then that there might be a danger in doing therapy on stage for the benefit of other people’s entertainment?

TB: Yeah, you need to have processed to the point of being able to do it on the stage. Some people, almost legendary comics who would go out on stage and just talk about the things that were annoying them a lot of stage and to the point of it getting really raw and just not funny. And when you still need to keep in mind that you’re doing it for an audience, and you communicate ideas to that audience.

GSM: When things bomb, what’s your survival strategy?

TB: Swear! I tend to swear a lot. Try and belittle somebody in the audience. Fuck them for being there and me not being funny. I regularly do, if I do talk to the audience, I do that thing of crossing the line and some people will take shit for a little bit and then you’ll say something and the whole audience will turn and I never know how to get the audience back.

I’m sure at some point I’ll figure out how to do that. Someone like Greg Fleet is just consistently amazing at that so I think it just come from time and experience and just figuring it out. Generally if things don’t go the way I plan them to go on stage I freak out a little bit, I find it very unsettling.

GSM:You wrote for your column in the Warrnambool Standard a criticism about the Kings of Leon for not singing their hit ‘Your sex Is On Fire’ out of deference to the bushfire affected victims they were fundraising for. Do you think it’s right to say that nobody has the right to not be offended and if so what’s the difference between an offensive and a crass joke?

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TB: In that circumstance it just seemed to me to be insulting to the intelligence of everyone. You have instances were clearly certain songs are inappropriate around news stories of certain events. There was a radio story the other day about a news reporter talking about a guy jumping off the top of a building and then the radio station went to Van Halen’s Jump.

For someone like Kings of Leon when Sex On Fire was such a massive hit before any concept of the bushfires was created, it just seemed to me to be people being overly sensitive. Obviously people affected by the bushfires would have been especially sensitive but it just seemed political correctness gone a bit crazy or whatever.

I totally don’t think people have a right not to be offended. That’s what a lot of people seem to think, they seem to think that because something offended them it should never have existed and they should never have come in contact with it when, you know, you can’t just live your life like that. You never know what people are going to be offended by. Some people’s sensitivities are so finely tuned and affected by their own personal experience essentially you can’t allow for that or you’re never going to say anything that’s going to affect anyone in any way.

I’m certainly adverse to a lot of censorship of comedy and people watching their words I don’t think it allows for, you know, the best discourse. If people want to walk out of a comedy show because they’re offended that’s totally fine, even if you want to ask for your money back, but people who disrupt the show or imply that comedians shouldn’t even be able to say certain things on stage I think that’s not helpful to anything really.

GSM: I grew up in a town very similar to Warranbool, right down to being “particularly notable for its roundabouts” and like you I moved to the nearest city straight after high school; so I was surprised you maintained links with your home town because my own experiences of living in that same kind of environment has a lot of negative associations to me. How did you find the experience of growing up gay and regional?

That doesn’t end just because you’re gay. Times are fundamentally changing; so much has changed for gay and lesbian people just over the last twenty years. It can only get better and yeah, love yourself and, uh, just get a lot of dick.

I totally don’t

GSM: Great advice! Especially for the think people lesbians, I feel we’re going to get some good have a right feedback on that. not to be

TB: It wasn’t great. I think generally I’ve been really fortunate you know, I’ve met so many people since I’ve come out and met people in TB: Well you know, dick, vagina, it’s all the the gay community who have these really horrible stories about their same really. We’re all going to die in the end. background and, you know, how effectively the first 18 years of their GSM: Is there such a thing as “too gay”? life were hell until they got out but I certainly didn’t have that.

My family are just awesome and really lovely and understanding and also I guess I had the benefit of not being an obviously camp guy so people were quite surprised when I came out, I think. It wasn’t like I walked down the street and would be regularly be pointed out as a faggot. And also, all my friends from Warranbool have been really lovely and supportive.

It’s like the sixth biggest city in Victoria, like 30,000 people itis not like a crazy backwater but it was more just frustrating and it made coming out scary because I maybe knew one or two other gay people my [entire] life, so was a really big deal in that sense. I really love Warranbool there’s lots of stuff going on there in terms of the gay and lesbian communities

offended

TB: No, I don’t think so. I mean there is for me, there’s a personal limit of being to gay to me, I’m weary of being labelled or pigeon-holed as a ‘gay comedian’. I think most comedians, most gay comedians, want to be considered as comedians first, who are gay. Actually there are some people who really utilise or cash in on the fact, that target a market.

They talk about certain things to appal to that market – Julian Clarey is probably an obvious example of that – and that’s really important to me that I don’t go that way just because that’s not the comedy I’m really interested in. I just prefer to be really honest and if that involves me talking about being gay or having a boyfriend that’s cool but I don’t want that to be my whole thing.

I think Simon Amstell, he’s a UK comic, he used to host Never Mind The Buzzcocks, the UK version of Spicks and Specks; he’s just awesome. I love him. He’s really smart and funny and talks about being TB: It was just sort of an inevitability. I was just kind of sick of lying. gay because it’s just a part of his life, it’s not his whole thing. He’s kind I’d started seeing this guy, the other gay in the village in Warranbool, it of my hero in that sense. was just annoying and I just wanted that relief to say [it] to someone. It GSM: I think it’s so great that in almost any field young Queer people just kind of made sense. can find others who have been there before them, who they can look up I didn’t come out until I turned 18 so I’d finished high school and all to and learn from their experiences and take advice from. that had happened. I guess I didn’t feel comfortable coming out in school because I think it would have been kind of intense. Once I’d TB: I’m just saying as a gay person in the media who isn’t the most finished that I just felt like I was pretty happy with myself then I felt flamboyant or camp guy around I’ve had a lot of people both straight and gay approach me and say it’s been quite refreshing for them in that like I had the power to do that. the idea of being gay isn’t such a distant thing for some people in that GSM: What advice would you give to other young Queers living in the they can kind of identify with me just as a person and are prepared to accept the fact that I’m gay. It’s a little bit of a point of difference I Warranbools of Australia? guess.

TB: Fundamentally times are going to get much better, like that campaign says; it does get better. It gets so much better once you come GSM: You’ve started your twenties with a bang, what do you want to out. You know once you grow up into yourself it’s totally possible for be doing by your thirties? you to have the happiest most awesome life ever.

TB: Gosh! It’s this weird thing where I don’t want to sound arrogant but it’s just like, you know, I’m twenty-one and I have a lot of crazy stuff going on. I feel like dealing with this for the next five years is going to be important and then yeah man… I want to go to uni at some point. I think going to university and getting a degree is really important and I’d like to read more books and travel a lot more.

GSM: What motivated you to come out?

I really love doing breakfast on Triple J but that does effectively tie me to Australia for at least the next few years. I think whenever we do wrap up this position I’d be looking to go overseas for a bit and have a bit of fun over there. That’d be good but, um, I don’t know, I’ll be a fireman or something. I’ll get really buff!

GSM: and of course if you go to uni you will join your student organisation won’t you Tom? TB: Definitely, that’s definitely what I’ll do!

Words by Tom Reynolds

Tom & Tom

Parts of this transcript have been edited for clarity and spacing.

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Suburb Review

Mount Lawley! Perth’s spiritual home of large hair and unusual shoes purchased on the Internet; where philosophers and pretty young things flock to make snide remarks about popular musicians.

All of these places are within a five minute walk of the BeaufortWalcott intersection.

The Flying Scotsman: The beating heart of Mount Lawley has a pretty swing’n ‘happy hour', and on Sundays they do $10 Pizza and Pint specials.

Planet: All of Planet is worth an explore, but Planet Books is best because if you don’t have any money you can sit on the couch and read books of Achewood strips for at least half an hour without getting dirty looks. If you plan to entertain yourself thus, make sure you have clean fingers and don’t dog-ear any pages. That’s just bad manners.

IGA Mt Lawley: Apparently this is the cheapest supermarket in Perth. Can anyone confirm this? It seems pretty cheap. They inevitably insist on checking my bag, which I find a little distasteful since I have shopped there approximately once a day, every day, in the last year; our freedoms come with a price.

Martha: Why not “chill out” with sweet blessed Martha, patron saint of the IGA? This ice queen dispenses magnificently frosted cans of soft drink (including the heavily underrated Kirk’s Kole Beer) for one dollar each, inflation be damned.

Fresh Provisions: Or Semi-Fresh Provisions, as local wags would have it. Many are quick to criticise their prepared foods, but all too often my aura of worldly sophistication has been betrayed by a danged hankering for a vegetable bonda or spinach pie served in a greasy cardboard box. The kids that work there are very sweet and helpful, but strangely incompetent at heating up a darned pie, so you’d better be prepared to work them to the bone if you’re there on lunch break. Otherwise it’s thirty minutes in Oven Towne for you, or just lukewarm stringy potato.

Scents of Taste: Tucked in behind the Astor theatre, Scents of Taste is quite simply the hot place to be if you enjoy being served by two surly French men who dress identically. They do some of the better coffee and croissants in the area and will aggressively correct your pronunciation of “croissant”. “CWAH-son,” they bark at me. “I’m TRYING,” I bark back.

Antonio’s: Just a skip and a hop down Beaufort in an alleyway is Antonio’s, a European deli kind of thing (although to be honest I wouldn’t know a European deli if I woke up and found myself the owner of an international chain of them, perhaps as a major plot point of a new reality television show). If you can’t bring yourself to order another sandwich from a fast food franchise, Antonio’s will custom-make rolls for you which range from the pretty good to the rather good. Last time I was there I accidentally did a somewhat loud and clichéd impersonation of an Italian man, for reasons that now escape me, and did not think to stop until my boyfriend grabbed my arm and muttered at me. I haven’t really felt the impetus to return since then, but I am sure the rolls are still good.

Tan Po Po: Tan Po Po is sandwiched into the alley across from Antonio’s and is full of shabby little plastic tables and chairs, so you think, “A-ha! What is this fabulous kitschy little Japanese diner I’ve discovered? Maybe I could bring fashionable people here to cultivate friendships.” The prices are cheap on first glance and you will want, so badly for it to be good. But I’m sorry. It’s not that good. It’s the cheapest Japanese in the area, though. There’s a more schmick place next to Fresh Provisions, but they don’t do lunch and you will have to listen to Kenny G improvise over ‘My Heart Will Go On,’while you wait for your bento. Tough call.

Adultshop: I have never seen anyone go into this Adultshop, nor have I ever seen anyone leave. Actually I just realised that they probably have a discreet back entrance, so it’s not that creepy.

The people who sell flowers: Once you walk towards the city, past all the cafés, you will find a curious number of stores selling flowers. No one I know buys flowers on a regular basis, but it is always worth a wander because man it smells great down there! If you aren’t involved in a specific drug scene, this is a good cheap kick.

Words by Caroline Dale

GSM interviews

Benjamin Law pt2.

Benjamin Law is as regular contributor to Frankie magazine and has also writen for The Drum, The Monthly and Crikey. Still in his twenties last year he released his memoirs The Family Law detailing his experiences growing up as the son of Chinese migrants on the Gold Coast. He spoke to Tom Reynolds and Jess Gibbs about his experiences.

GSM Within that representation and largely anglicised viewpoint

that’s put out through the media and pop culture in Australia, do you think perceptions about what it means to be Asian-Australian has changed, or even that there’s a curiosity about what that experience entails?

BL I think you might be onto something, at least in the world of

books. You see writers like Nam Lee doing extraordinary well and I know he’s primarily a fiction writer but a lot of his work speaks to the Asian Australian experience. Alice Pung is in high school curriculums all around the country. Tom Cho is very, very sharp. His work is out there a lot. These are writers of a certain generation. Someone said this recently, you get the first wave of migrants come over here and their whole task is to make a new life in a new country. And it’s usually the generation they bring up in this country who have the skills and the will to tell those stories.

Like a few years ago, Alice Pung edited a book called Growing Up Asian in Australia that got quite a lot of interest and I was included in that anthology as well. Because the editors at Black Ink, the publishers who put out that book and my book now too, recognised ‘yeah there is that Asian Australian voice that hasn’t been tapped into as much,’ that it’s starting to come up more and more. And it’s always been there, even before a lot of other European migrants. You’ve got people like William Yang doing it in another medium like filmmaking, so it’s always been going on but I think you are probably starting to see more of it these days.

On one level I think we’ve all got our types, like, if you’ve got facial hair that probably really helps you in my book. Like we all have some sort of preference. My boyfriend’s favourite party icebreaker is “hey everyone, what race are you least attracted to?” And everyone is so appalled at that question. And every time he brings that up or every time I bring it up because I think it’s hilarious, thirty seconds and everyone calms down and then they start weighing in... Everyone has a preference.

Also, you don’t really see that Gay Asian Guy in gay culture. If you do, it’s sort of fetishised. It’s not in mainstream magazines. That’s why I’m not really a fan of a lot of the slick, gay, glossy publications out there. That slicked back aesthetic is fine, but to have it as your only one is so, so boring. If you want a really good, diverse gay media hub, go to Butt Magazine online. Every culture, every body shape.

It’s great. And it’s not until you read magazines like that that you realise “oh my god, that guy’s actually hot the way you’ve presented him. I think it’s to do with how we’ve carved out that gay aesthetic which does exclude Asians, and it’s super boring.

GSM Ben, you wrote in your book about coming out to your mother,

sweating and crying on the couch, making her guess what was wrong.

What prompted you to come out if you were that anxious about it?

I knew I was leaving home really soon. I was seventeen, I’d finished high school and I’d had a really suffocating high school period in my home life. My parents had separated when I started high school. It was an incredibly tense household. I was like “Yes, I get to leave this place!” But I didn’t want to go to Brisbane having to hide anything. It represented this opportunity to meet new people and almost be someone different; I really had to come out or I felt I was going to go mentally insane. I thought it was really important so I had to hedge my bets like every young person does and decide that that was more important than whatever consequences might come out of my parents’ reaction. And as everyone knows, my parents were super excellent about it.

BL

Even I would GSM The next questions I wanted to ask you about are where race and the scene inhave that in- tersect. I don’t know if you used Manhunt ternalised “no but phrases along the lines of “I’m not asian” policy racist, but I’m not into Asians” just seem for a while. I ubiquitous on the site. I’ve had arguments with other young, white gay guys about as think what’s to whether or not this is an expression of changed for internalised racism or a deeply rooted forme is actually mative sexual preference. So I wondered GSM Your book touched on a theme of loss and difficulty you had you’d like to deconstruct that phrase and sustaining a relationship with your father, did you find your relationgoing to Asia. ifgive ship changed after you wrote it? us your own take?

“I’m not into Asian guys?” It’s funny, even my three sisters, all of whom were straight – my poor straight brother, he has no one to talk to about women – my sisters and I will get together and talk about the guys we’re interested in. And growing up, I think most of us didn’t find Asian dudes attractive either. Even I would have that internalised “no Asian” policy for a while. I think what’s changed for me is actually going to Asia. It’s something to do with visibility. Tony Ayres has a really good essay about this, how he grew up with not too many Asians around him and he didn’t see Asian dudes as attractive and he had to question himself about where that actually came from.

BL

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BL I’m not sure if our relationship changed but I think my under-

standing and perspective of it changed. I think Dads are really difficult in general sometimes. When people read that story a lot of them go “I find it really hard to buy gifts for my Dad as well” Or “My Dad works so hard, he doesn’t have any hobbies or interests either!” I think Dads of that generation, a lot of them just worked super, super hard no matter what ethnic background they are. It took me a while...

When you’re a kid and you feel like he’s not giving you much time, or like he’s constantly absent you do start to resent it but when you get to a stage where you’re more adult and you look at your own life, and you imagine throwing kids into the equation as well, you look at what those pressures might be like. Or coming from a completely different culture or personal situif you met my mother in real life ation where you don’t even have a dad, like my dad, you build a it will not take different perspective on those long for the con- things. Certainly I feel like I get versation to veer to my dad a little bit more, our rea little bit warmer her vagina, or your lationship’s and a lot more affectionate. On a vagina, or a vagina basic level after I wrote all that I she’s recently seen. respect him more.

What was it that made you decide to write your memoirs?

I don’t think all that many people just wake up and go “alright, I’m gonna write a book today.”

GSM

BL Yeah, especially when you’re in your twenties as well and it’s

like, what have you actually got to write about? My friend Mikayla Maguire was writing her book, “Apply Within,” which is about all the terrible jobs she’s done in her life. As a twenty-something, she’s packed surprisingly heaps of horrible jobs in. We were comparing notes, writing our books around the same time and she said “who ever had the stupid idea of making twenty-something year olds write their memoirs?” You start feeling like you’ve run out of material.

But, I eventually got a book out of it. You’re right as well – it’s not like I woke up one morning and thought, “I’d like to write my memoirs” but that anthology I was talking about with Tom before, “growing up Asian in Austalia,” had a callout for submissions.

I’d already written a lot about my family by this stage for Frankie magazine, and they were calling out for submissions for “Growing Up Asian In Australia” and I thought, well if I can’t get into that anthology, I must be brain damaged. I also grew up Asian in Australia and I am a writer, so hopefully I can submit something. So I submitted a few expanded stories and the publishers really liked it. They asked if I had a book idea based on those submissions and I was like, “you know what? I reckon I could write a book about that.” There was a very awkward moment because my family – the one thing we’re good at is rating each other’s wins. So I said “hey guys guess what, I’ve got a book deal!” and they went “that’s fantastic!” and that of course was followed up with “aaaaand it’s all about you guys.” So there was lots of dark laughter from that point onwards.

GSM

What was it like revisiting your childhood?

BL Look, I started writing this book in my mid-twenties. So it was

close to a decade after a lot of this stuff had happened; the book really is about my childhood and my teen years as well. I think I really needed that distance – if I wrote it any closer to the time it happened it would have been a much grimmer book, but I wanted to make sure it was funny, a bit wrong humour wise. All the stuff that happened with my family – a cockroach infestation in the kitchen, my pet mouse dying, having to “black up” for a school play, my parents arguing – all of that is horrific, but you give it some time and distance and suddenly it’s comedy gold.

There are some mixed reviews on content in the book, particularly all the pages dedicated to your mother’s vagina.

GSM

BL Look, if you met my mother in real life it will not take long for

the conversation to veer to her vagina, or your vagina, or a vagina she’s recently seen. She’s not unlike that person. I think that’s why a lot of people, especially women, love my mother when they meet her – she’s completely frank and especially after you’ve had five children, there’s nothing left that’s quite mysterious about your body.

You’ve pushed your body to the absolute limit and you’re gonna talk about it! Screw you if you have any reservations. So she’d have these conversations with friends or friends’ mothers when we were growing up and we’re just like “oh my god, she’s such a crazy chinese lady right now,” but then afterward you realise no, she’s actually quite funny. It’s the same thing – step away for a minute and it’s quite brilliant, what comes out of her mouth, and quite brave as well. I definitely wanted that in the book.

GSM you?

So you find writing something that comes very naturally to

BL No, it’s hard. There’s a quote by a writer called David Rakoff

and he said “Writing is like pulling teeth. From my dick.” It is hard and when people say “your stuff’s so easy to read” that’s probably one of the best compliments you can pay a writer because it’s really hard to write stuff that seems breezy. I’ll sweat over an article for Frankie quite a lot before it gets to the stage it gets. But then, in another way it comes easy to me because I’m always reading. So I process the world in that way and it makes sense to me.

Words by Jess Gibbs and Tom Reynolds Photo provided by Ben Law

36

Short Fiction

The kids run around. I sit on the veranda, silent. The adults smoke and drink, grabbing chips from the plastic bowl on the old, weathered table. My mum is sitting across from me with legs and arms crossed, as if this will protect her from their words. She’s nodding and her earrings jangle as her hair flicks across her shoulders.

My dad earns too much for their liking. He is all pretense and politeness when we see them, even though he knows that we are the outsiders. I smile easily at my favourite uncle. He’s not like the others. He used to live with us. In a kind of sad way, I think he’s more fatherly towards me than to his own kids. He doesn’t treat us like the rest of the family does.

I get up and wander into the small house. My sister, Jade, is inside, playing with our youngest cousin, Talisha. The little fairy princess, always dirty because her mother doesn’t seem to give a fuck. Her hair is cut short roughly with a hair band thrown on as an afterthought, whether by the mother or the child herself, I can’t tell.

I smile. Jade looks up and smiles, lifting Talisha. Passing them, I walk down the hall towards my grandma’s bedroom. I walk into the room, shut the door and sit down on the bed. Damn it. I could be elsewhere. This bullshit facade gets to me. I only come to these things because I can’t let mum face them alone. She needs backup to defend herself against her own family. Taking a deep breath, I get up and walk to the bathroom, splashing some water onto my face. It doesn’t make me feel any better.

I would do anything for my mum. I see the way they hurt her. It’s evident in her body language, despite the soothing lies that she tells me. She loves them, but they break her heart, which breaks mine.

But I can’t stop them without hurting mum further. She dislikes confrontation, just like dad. It’s like they deliberately find ways to make her feel worthless. It’s their way of getting back at my parents. My parents seem to have the perfect relationship, perfect children and perfect life, they are hated for it.

Is this what family is supposed to be like? On one hand, I have an enviable immediate family. Supportive parents and a brother and sister whom I get along with. On the other hand, I have a fucked up extended family that seem to work as a team against us. Like the well trained child I am, I offer to wash the dishes.

‘You don’t need to do that’. Grandma is saying simply what she has to say and not what she means so I start doing them anyway. She walks back outside, can’t miss out on anything good. My cousins - cheap, plastic - walk into the kitchen to grab one for the road. I glance at them, still getting surprised by how little they’re wearing.

37

‘How are you? It’s been so long,’ they ask, moving on before I can

answer. Jade’s more ‘blessed’ by their attention, but still too classy for them. They don’t want to hang out with somebody who won’t get high or talk about their sexual conquests.

The door slams shut behind them. I hear their heels on the driveway and from the kitchen sink, I see the two of them jump into a car. A Holden Commodore, driven by a guy who knows he will get laid by the trailer trash he’s picking up. Dishes done, I open the faded white fridge and grab a can of Coke. I walk back outside. They are stuck in their cycles: bad lifestyles and bad attitudes passed down from parent to child. I sit down and try to be somewhere else, anywhere else.

I am surprised when their drunken attention turns on me.

‘You’re studying at uni huh? What is that gonna get ya?’ my other uncle asks. ‘I hope to write someday.’ ‘Oh, write,’. Eyebrows rise ‘That’s very... intellectual.’

‘Yeah, she’s gonna write one of those stuffy books she reads,’ his wife adds. Sniggers spread around the table. Feral speak and talk.

They laugh too hard and smile too quickly. Nails dig into my skin.

They ‘dissed’ me and moved on, just one small form of entertainment amongst others for the night.

Back to drunken nothingness. Time passes too slowly. My mum looks at me for the hundredth time. She wants to go--so do I. I yawn.

She stands up. I follow. ‘We should go hun,’ she says to my dad, ‘The girls have school tomorrow, and they’re clearly tired.’ Dad nods and stands up. Thank God. It’s time to leave. Jade is chased down, still playing with the kids--the only one who doesn’t want to go.

They don’t even bother getting up, the people who call themselves my relations. They lie for fun and empty words of love flow; my favourite uncle, the only one who gives an honest hug. ‘I know you can do it,’ he whispers into my ear. As we drive away, I decide. I’m going to prove to them that I’m worthy. That I can be successful and famous. That ‘my stuffy reading’ will be put to good use. I realise that’s exactly what they are afraid of.

Words by Jasmine Reilly

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