GSM ed. 5 vol. 5 "What if..."

GSM

What if...

E. 5 V. 4

Edition Six “Fluid” Submissions are now open.

All submissions are welcome. Contributors are encouraged to send or create work that relates to the theme. Work can include - but is not limited to - photos, paintings, cartoons, vector art and graphic design.

Please email images (minimum 300 DPI), including your name and the title of your work, to editor.gsm@gmail.com Deadline October 6.

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Content

Editor Tom Reynolds editor.gsm@gmail.com GSM - ECU 2 Bradford Street Mount Lawley WA 6050 Design Tom Reynolds Advertising Tom Reynolds communications @ecuguild.org.au (08) 9370 6609 Cover Martin E. Wills (Thanks!)

Disclaimer GSM is editorially independent of the ECU Student Guild. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the Editor, the ECU Student Guild or the Advertisers. The Editor reserves the right to republish material in GSM and its affiliated formats, as well as to make changes to submitted material. Contributors retain all other rights of resale and republication. Thanks for reading.

Presitorial

I am inviting each student to consider what could contribute to student life at ECU in 2014.

There are countless of opportunities to contribute your time, your energy, your ideas, and your passion. If you choose to contribute, you are likely to learn something new about yourself, about others and about what it takes to make a make difference. You could also learn some handy new skills, make some new friends and find out what kind of job you would like once you graduate.

One way you could contribute to ECU and life on campus is running in the Guild elections as a student representative. There are many positions on offer (some that you can even get paid for) including being a President (or a vice president), being a faculty rep, being a campus rep and many more.

Being on the Guild is a yearly gig. You start December 1st and finish November 30th.

It’s an opportunity to create events, discover how the university works, campaign around issues that matter to students and develop skills that will be useful throughout your life.

The Guild currently receives fifty percent of the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) from negotiating with the University. Although some of that money is already tied to future projects and staff at the Guild, there are still funds there to be creatively invested into students, events and life on campus in 2014.

When I got elected as the President, with a team of dedicated student representatives, I was unbelievably excited and enthralled to take on this position. Over the months it has been incredibly rewarding and challenging. It has given me such a broad range of skills that I could utilize in any job I undertake in the future and I’ve met some of the most fantastic people that are moving and shaking in the community, in Australia and in the world.

What will likely happen in the upcoming elections is there will be a niche of students who run for the Guild, they will do their best to have events and provide services to the students. Some students will really benefit and some students won’t. The majority of the student population won’t engage and then many students will then wonder why they don’t have the amount of events and services happening at ECU that they see happening at other universities. Possibly thinking that some other student or the university should be making university more active or fun.

That’s where you come in. You are the life on campus. You are the parties (if they happen) and you can make a difference to the other students in your class and on campus. You are also someone who can advocate on behalf of ECU students to ensure the University is providing the best education and services possible.

So I’m inviting you to get involved. Join or start a club. Run in the Guild Elections on October 22, 23 and 24. If you can’t run in the election – make sure you vote. Offer to Volunteer. Organise an event.

Talk to the Guild about what you want us to do.

Be that person that says it matters and that I can make it happen.

And you can start by emailing me at president@ecuguild.org.au if you need any more information.

Words by Sheridan Young

4

Hello & welcome to edition five.

Editorial

“What if…” is our penultimate edition for the year and the last to include feature articles. Originally we were thinking we’d do a science-fiction / fantasy themed edition called “robots and dragons” - if only for the insanely cool covers we could image. Instead we took what both those genres share, their speculative investigation, and tried to create an edition around that.

On the whole I really enjoyed reading the submissions for this edition. The theme inspired a mix of irreverent and serious articles that aim to amuse, provoke or inform. Which basically defines the aim of student publishing.

Student publishing is also about experimenting, refining and pushing boundaries. So in this context the editors of Honi Soit, the student rag at Sydney Uni, recently found themselves getting international coverage for publishing a cover image of 18 vulvas.

The image was linked to an article about the double standards applied to the depiction of women’s genitals (and by extension their sexual equality). This was pretty brave, risking up to a year in jail if found guilty of publishing an obsenity. Mad kudos to the editors for pursuing a valid principle.

To quote Catherine Deveny (talking on a different controversy of the week): Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right. Offence is just a mode of social control. It is taken not given, and more harm is created by taking offence than giving it. This whole kerfuffle reminds us all that the democratisation of information has a few drawbacks.

Personally, I’m in favour of people needing licenses to own keyboards, and certification of intelligence to get licenses.

Quite right.

The Editor Tom Reynolds

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5

humans were predated

What if...

BRRRRT. BRRRRT. BRRRRT. BRRRRT. You roll over and whack your alarm clock. It’s 6am and you’re wide-awake, the sound of them stomping down your street all night kept you awake. You live in a world where humans are prey, mere meals for a predator more than triple your size. You wake up every morning with the fear that today could be your last day. But like the ants we step on and the cows we kill for food, you have to carry on.

As you prepare your first cup of coffee for the day you flick on the morning news. The run of peaceful nights has come to an end. The exhausted-looking newsreader informs you that they attacked a suburb not far away from you. Houses were destroyed; people were ripped from their beds. So far it’s unconfirmed how many people have been taken and eaten, but it’s well over 50.

This type of news doesn’t even affect you anymore. They have a mass meal every month and you’re used to seeing people come and go. That’s just the world you live in. In school they told you to never get too attached to anyone because you never know if they’d be next. But it’s hard to socialise when they patrol the streets at night.

They are nocturnal creatures, but that’s ok, it allows you and your community to work during the day knowing that the predators are most likely sound asleep in the wild.

As you walk to work and pass nearby territories you can see the debris from last night. Bits of roof litter the streets and trees have been ripped up out of the ground. What’s even more horrifying is the body parts that have been flung around the street. It’s never an easy thing to stomach, the sight of legs and arms stuck in trees or lying in the middle of the road. It makes you wonder what happened to the rest of the person, if they died quickly and painlessly or if they could still be alive. It also makes you realise how lucky you are, yet again. But your luck could run out at any moment, just like the poor, unfortunate people who lived in this territory.

You work where most people in town work, at the Research and Prevention Centre. Your job is to think of new ways to help keep people safe from them. Your main tasks include housing (making houses stronger to prevent more break ins), education (setting up more classes and workshops on how to reduce the risk of being taken) and new inventions (sprays, clothes, pills etc that make you briefly unrecognisable by them). Of course you are working on these tasks with a team from around the world, you are just the representative from your territory. You’ve met amazing people from around the world through your job, however you’ll never get the chance to meet them in person or see what’s outside your country as travelling such long distances is way too dangerous.

Travel is a major issue currently being discussed by country leaders.

Walking is the safest means of transportation as it is quiet and fairly inconspicuous, however it is not the quickest way to travel around and cuts out valuable research time. Some people choose to travel by car or by bus, however there have been many fatalities as a result of noisy engines attracting them. One department at the centre is dedicated to coming up with new ways to travel quickly and quietly.

You’ve heard rumours that they’re currently working on plans to build giant tunnels underground, and you believe work may have started on a tunnel joining the United Kingdom to other parts of Europe.

Your day goes by without any major hiccups. The centre conducted a danger drill to check that all the sirens were working correctly. As they enter an alarmed territory the vibrations they create triggers the sirens and warns all nearby residents to seek cover. It turns out the sirens in the area that was attacked last night may have been malfunctioning. On your walk home from work you wonder how something so crucial could have failed to work. You hope the ones in your territory are up to scratch.

It’s now 6pm and you’re home, tucking into dinner while watching the news. The newsreader informs you to be extra careful the next few nights as some alarms may not be working correctly. You hear the distant roar of them finally awakening, ready for another night of prowling. You decide it might be a good idea to sleep in the bunker under your house tonight.

Words by Francesca Mann Image by Rehana Badat

6

7

What if...

there was a Google Maps for the soul?

The thing about being lost is that it’s difficult to imagine a time when you’ll feel like you know where you are again. Lost is blind.

Lost is endless. Lost feels, all too often, synonymous with failure.

But maybe it’s not that after all - maybe it’s a result of working an unsatisfying job off the back of a degree that I wasn’t totally sold on anyway. Either way, I propose a solution to the problem: Google Maps for the Soul.

I am writing this piece from the Tattered Cover bookshop in Denver, Colorado. It took me 45 minutes to walk here from the apartment I’m occupying, squinting through bright sunlight at my phone screen the whole way, needing constant reassurance I was going in the right direction.

Let’s face it, if you have a Gmail account they already know more about you than your high school best friend does (including your porn preferences, because you accidentally accessed redtube using Chrome that time instead of Explorer, whose history you never bother to clear because who the hell would ever open an IE8 window when using your laptop?)

Actually, much of the trip has been like this - following that little blue dot up the west coast as it inches down long and unfamiliar streets, closing the gap between us and that triumphant red flag.

But for all the geographical help Google has so generously provided me, I feel as lost as ever.

Maybe it’s a product of being twenty-two, a time when the pressure to get your shit together starts mounting furiously. Though I get the impression that no one ever actually feels like a grown up, outside those fleeting moments - like when you realise you kept your tomato plant alive for an entire summer, or you just bought your first fridge.

Twenty-two feels like you’ve just taken the training wheels off your bike for the first time, and you really suck at balance in this vehicle that some fool saw fit to trust you with, but you can’t get off without crashing, and crashing wasn’t one of the options you were presented with when they told you what they were expecting you to do with your life.

8

How hard would it be for Google, really to draw up an aesthetically pleasing diagram in which we are depicted as vital blue dots with tunnel vision, and our hopes and dreams as shining crimson beacons that stay where we damn well put them until we get there?

Imagine if you could access an app to find out if you were taking the right steps to reach your goals (with an estimate on how long it’ll take you to get there), or what your goals even are?

Imagine if you could type “life purpose” into the search bar at the top and it came back with a dozen relevant results in your vicinity?

Now that’s a service I would use.

Okay, okay, so I’m joking about the Google thing (sort of.) But now for a real what if: what if it wasn’t this overwhelmingly difficult to get around in life? What if we put real systems in place so that the next generation of young adults don’t have to suffer the same confusion that we do? What if we redesigned our socio-normative structures in such a way that not having (or wanting) a spouse, child and slab of land by the age of thirty didn’t feel so inadequate?

I’m just hypothesising here, but maybe we’d be less anxious, sad, stressed out and highly strung. Maybe we wouldn’t feel like we have to flee the fucking country in order to figure our lives out without a dozen strong opinions in our ear.

Maybe that overarching goal - happiness would be easier to attain if we had an extra ten years to try the things that brought us joy until we decide if they can be turned into a career path that, at the very least, makes ends meet - if one couldn’t exactly call it “lucrative.”

Life is long enough, what’s the rush to quit that barista job so that your parents will finally start taking you seriously?

I’m just suggesting that it would be nice to have a little help on hand when we’re struggling to find our way - and who better to step in and organise our lives than the grand master Google?

Words by Jess Gibbs Image Kate Predergast

9

What if...

I killed Myself I was lying in bed thinking about the year long trip I am soon to take around the world and what my life might be like in the future. When suddenly a thought appeared, very simple and very clear: what if I killed myself instead? It was not solemn, angry or shocking; more like a pleasant suggestion and such a novel approach to my future career plan that I had to smile. Although I wasn’t joking either.

I’m not a religious person, neither do I believe in an afterlife, so killing myself would be the end of it well not all of it, every piece of my body would still be floating around somewhere in some way, but death would be the end of me.

I’ve been fascinated by this “Me” my whole life; what is he gonna be like in the future? What do others think of him? What do I think of him? What is he doing and why? Some times I like thinking about it, some times I hate it. If I am thinking about myself though, it is often about the future or the past. I’ve never been good at thinking about the present; I always seem get ahead of myself or snagged somewhere and slip off the knife edge that is the right now.

In the past exists all the embarrassment, regrets and sadness of your life and the future is where you keep all your anxiety and fear. What if you never had to carry that around anymore? What a liberation!

No more rent, tax returns, careers, lies, expectations or disappointments. I’m sick of doubt and I’d be free of it all. I mean it, hasn’t been all bad, I’ve had a good run, I reckon.

Well good enough. Maybe not enough to base a movie on; I mean sure, I would’ve liked more people to have laughed at my jokes or to ride a motorbike from Argentina to Alaska or to get a really nice six pack, (just once!) Or maybe fall in love in the tropics, make surfboards by the beach, have loads of babies and spread peace and love.

But will that happen? I mean, by middle age isn’t everyone either boring or depressed or both? Why not leave after youth? What point is there exposing yourself to the rest? What about being trapped in a job or a relationship you hate? What about being crushed into an office cubicle with a number instead of a name, performing data entry day after day after day after day for nothing? What about hurting people, by accident, or because you were forced to… or for your own gain?

10

Worse still what if nothing happened, you never got into a single adventure ever again? What if you lived your whole life and never did those things you dreamt of? What if you never met anyone who you connected with, no one who said anything funny or original?

What if nobody knew who you were and nobody cared. What if you ended up desperately poor, miserable and alone?

What if you just stepped into traffic and it was all over.

Why struggle anymore?

Well, you would miss the sunrise. You’d miss seeing the seasons change, you’d miss seeing storms roll over the ocean and you would miss seeing your friends laughing ever again. The universe would continue without you, and time would collapse without reference point or observation. It’s true when you imagine a future, dark and uncertain; why continue?

But what of a life with moments of happiness, achievement, love, and excitement, or maybe just of quiet stillness. Moments you can return to in your memories and moments you can lose yourself within the present. I think it’s easy to justify never existing at all, but it’s at least a little bit harder to decide to end it once it’s begun, to sever the connections and attachments to the world and become just a collection of inanimate atoms occupying a minute part of the universe.

Still, these aren’t really reasons not to kill yourself. These are just things that might make you appreciate the now or what could be.

Maybe we’re just staying because we’re scared our passing would devastate some of those we’d leave behind, or maybe we don’t always have a good reason and life is simply something we’re doing for now. Camus once said “Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”

Put like that life seems so absurd and meaningless, but joy can just as easily be a product of random chance as misery, and when faced with inevitable death, why not appreciate, if not enjoy, what happens till it arrives? It might not even be a case of preservation, but if you do decide to go base jumping, why not bring a parachute?

Words by D’Arcy Ellis Image by Tom Reynolds

Hey there. So suicide is a pretty contentious topic to discuss. Chances are in your lifetime you will either know, or be, someone affected by suicidal thoughts or actions.

If this is you right now please call 13 11 44 (Lifeline). If you need support with an mental illness or depression call 1300 224636 (Beyondblue). We love you.

11

we fought war with water balloons?

What if...

Never mind men, it’s raining rainbows in this imagination as I ponder the pleasant possibilities of ‘what if we used water balloons instead of weapons?’ It seems that as the days of our childhood wander wide- eyed into the twisted and mysterious territory of adolescence and then into adulthood, our need for sparkles, balloons, and puppies remains largely unscathed.

Beneath an adult exterior of full time work and car insurance, the need for the simple and the wonderful still extends to the furthest extent of the soul. And it is with this inner child that I delight in the thought of water balloons, the playground’s ammunition of choice, being used in place of weapons.

Now I understand that conflicts are at best complex (the desire to wallop someone usually is), but if childhood lays the foundation for our future moral reasoning then it stands to reason that childhood conflict-resolution strategies may be the most effective. As a child, if someone took your favourite pencil and shoved it up their nose, your initial response of crying or hitting them would be well warranted. And our response now on a global scale to declare war is perhaps this enduring reaction, only in adult-size. With the desire to cause maximum damage to the offending party, the use of weapons is an understandable first choice.

Taking a lesson from the playground, however, we know that diplomatic responses are far wiser than primitive first reactions.

Our teachers taught us to ‘use our words’ for a good reason, assaulted people tend to return the favour and an escalated battle of weapons can just leave both parties with chipped teeth and angry parents. I propose that the strategic use of water balloons in war would provide both parties with an outlet for physical “attack” instincts, while keeping all participating individuals from the numerous messy effects of weapons. A stellar combination of battle and diplomacy is sure to save the UN from 90% of its current agenda items.

Honing in from the world stage, the average Joe Blogs is in no way exempt from the benefits of water balloons taking the place of weapons in our communities. As terrific as the thug life may be, how much lovelier would it be for everyone if a drive-by was a simple squeal and dash behind the car, as a rival threw water across the street? Many of our battles in everyday life aren’t fought with weapons, but an undercurrent of passive-aggressive post-it notes and intentional eye contact.

12

A crack in an individual’s politically correct social facade could at any point lead to an explosion of epic proportions. Years of pent-up rage spewing out and making use of any solid object in the vicinity. This can quickly see a bobby-pin turned into a weapon of mass destruction.

The use of water balloons as a means of responding to daily frustrations could provide a much needed emotional outlet.

When the boff-head P-plater cuts you off on the freeway WATER BALLOON to his windshield! When the clerks need a price check on tampons WATER BALLOON to their face! When you run out of milk for your breakfast cereal WATER BALLOON anything!

Adding to the therapeutic value of throwing water balloons is the vast array of colours that they come in. Highly organised and strategic individuals can colour code their water balloon usage.

Blue balloons may be saved for Tuesdays, red can be used for work, and purple for people with perfect hair. Portable balloon carriers and water pumps could quickly become the most sought after accessories and the sole source of the next financial boom.

As Dr Seuss explained, “teeth are always in style”. And indeed, the smiles of children and adults alike as they bejewel their favourite water balloon carriers will always be in style, in my book. As appealing as camouflage may be for weapons, it hardly compares to the endless decorating options of water balloons and their accessories.

As my imagination moves into other the worlds of ‘what if…’ scenarios, I look again on the many wonderful possibilities of what the world could look like if water balloons were used instead of weapons. No longer will fatalities reign in gang war and street crimes. Only people who are allergic to water and whatever balloons are made out of will be in any real danger.

Families frolicking with the joy of un-pent up frustrations is the picture of the future that I paint for you.

The many benefits to society and humanity as a whole for replacing weapons with water balloons are incalculable! There’s no need to call me Mother Theresa, but a simple Mamma-T will do just fine. Now go and enjoy the freedom of throwing a water balloon, knowing that you are making the world a better place.

Words by Nadia Louw Image by Grace Mckie

13

What if...

I lay in bed thinking, what if I could never sleep again? Niccolo was beside me, holding me, his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.

Before I could stop myself I asked him, “So it’s true you can’t sleep?”

“That is true,” he said and I felt a deep sigh escape him. Did he miss being able to close his eyes and leave the world behind while being captured in an endless dream? Did it now feel as though he was stuck in a never-ending nightmare?

“Do you know why?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me again. He sighed and ran a long pale hand over his face before resting it in his long dark hair; his head tilted towards me, a thoughtful expression on his face. He was beautiful.

“I truly do not know, ”he said,“ William Shakespeare once wrote‘ to die, to sleep; to sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub; for in that sleep of death what dreams May come’ Sleep evades me.”

The steely look he gave surprised me, “It is lovely how jealous you are, my Fatina,” He leant down slowly, resting his lips against my forehead before moving back and continuing his story. “No, there was no woman,” he said, resting his hand on my head, “I was in my childhood residence surrounded by my famiglia. I had lost my famiglia in my youth to an illness that had swept through the city and taken them from me.”

His voice trailed off, full of a deep sadness. I too had lost my family at a young age and could recognise his pain. I took his hand and kissed it, allowing him to see the understanding in my eyes. He wrapped me tighter in his embrace.

“We both know of losses,” he said before returning to his previous train of thought.

“That seems so sad.”

“Did you ever have nightmares?” I asked.

“Do not think on it,” he said as he pulled me closer against his chest. “Every night I watch as your eyes slowly close, your breath becomes even and relaxed, then you snuggle in close beside me, gripping my shirt in your small delicate hands. I could never wake you and so I am left to my thoughts. True sleep has evaded me for so long now, it seems like seven centuries and I do miss being able to crawl into a nest of warm blankets and dream.”

He pulled me closer again. “My Fatina, all the nightmares I have seen have been while I am awake, but during my childhood I do recall nightmares. They would give me the cold shivers but my mother’s warm embrace would soon chase them away.”

“What do you think you would dream of?”

“I hope my dreams would be full of you, Titania, my fairy queen, but I am a coward, for I do wonder if it’s better to be excluded from sleep. After all the things I have seen and done, it would be impossible to succumb to a sweet slumber. Surely all the pleasant dreams I would desire to have of you would be traded for the horrible memories which float within my mind, leaving nothing but horrible nightmares in their wake.”

14

“Was there a woman?” I asked.

We continued to lay resting in the comfortable silence. As sleep began to pull at my body and mind, I was thinking about what he had told me tonight. I felt like I had seen another side of him. To never be able to dream or sleep again- how would that feel, I wondered?

“Do you miss being able to sleep?” I asked again on impulse.

“Hmm…” he uttered as I pulled him out of his own thoughts.

By now he was staring at the ceiling, lost in his own thoughts. This was the most he had shared with me and I refused to pull him from his memories.

“Miss it? I suppose at times I would love a break from my thoughts, to be able to close my eyes and leave my worries behind. I miss not being able to dream of you, but if I were not a vampire I would never have met you. I do not think I could bear that. To lose the ability to sleep seems rather small in comparison.” Again, he kissed my forehead and held me close as I drifted off to sleep. Niccolo, my handsome vampire remained wide awake beside me.

Eventually he offered, “I will always remember my last dream, it was beautiful.”

Words by Emilie Wood Image by Kate Prendergast

15

What if...

Santa

was real?

Every year, many people – gather around a Christmas tree. Often on the tree, or the wrapping paper, cups, shirts, hats, etc, is Santa Clause, children sit on the imitators Santa Clause laps and are told all about how he gifts children of the world with presents. Be nice and you’ll get a present! But what if this were real? What if Santa wasn’t a figment of the imagination, but if he lived at the North Pole? At his feet by the fireplace lay the reindeer, while the androgynous and homogeneous Elf workforce toils away in the ground deep below. What if... Santa Clause was real, and he suddenly appeared in the world?

Mass Unemployment

The obvious result of Santa’s emergence would be his giving of presents. With over seven billion people on earth, that’s nearly one billion presents (one-two billion children, minus the naughty children).

Sounds great, right!? Mike King explains that “[t]he busiest trading period of the year is vitally important to retailers, with many relying on the Christmas period to generate a substantial portion of their annual earnings”. Many jobs would be lost due to the decreased revenues. Chinese manufacturers would likely be affected, perhaps exacerbating its reduced growth rate, further worsening Australia’s resources industries, and thus worsening our debt.

Other industries likely to be affected would be transport and toy material supply companies, and shareholders in all of these businesses. Elves from the North Pole are not integrated into the global economy, so their sudden emergence and ability to magically create toys insularly would have devastating global economic consequences. South Park’s eloquent “they tirrrk err jerrbbss” would be applicable.

Likely cooperation with the NSA He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.

He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!

This song genuinely terrified me as a child. Read it over, it’s horrific.

And I imagine that US citizens felt similar following revelations from Edward Snowden that the NSA was collecting their ‘meta-data’.

Originally written about Santa, replace ‘he’ with NSA and the song seems just as plausible. Santa would have highly advanced and intrusive surveillance technology capabilities. This and other capital outlay requires much money; setting up production at home is one thing, creating global networks are another. The NSA would likely be willing to give Santa a buck or two to get into bed with him and his technology. To “give us presents” and “protect our citizens”? Sure thing Santa and NSA, sure thing... I suspect that Edward Snowden will not receive a present from Santa this Christmas.

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Environmental impact In relation to Santa’s list, given (a conservative) one billion children on the Earth, that every child is given a single line on an A4 piece of paper, that 25 children are listed on a page, and that it takes one tree to make 80,500 sheets of paper, that’s 497 trees. Doing a similar calculation with a 1 kg wooden Thomas the Tank Engine train set and a pine tree weighing 3 tonnes brings the total to 333,830 trees – if everyone is nice. Add in carbon emissions from extensive transport and toy manufacturing, a likely lack of any incentive to reduce emissions because the North Pole would be a developing region, and things look bleak environmentally.

War Deciding who gets presents is a moral judgement. Checking the list is one thing, but making decisions about morals and very complex politically and historically loaded situations is bound to get Santa in trouble. Take young North Korean and South Korean border patrol guards, or young Israelis and Palestinians in conflict. Who gets the present and who gets the coal?

What exactly is the criterion for what naughty or nice is? Who determined it? Is the criteria definitive, or is it fluid and does it adhere to moral relativism? The North Pole could quickly find itself the target of long-range missiles, nuclear weapons, and other weapons of mass destruction if it were seen to be biased and politically charged.

What exactly are presents? What if there were young soldiers in the world who would appreciate weaponry? Perhaps ‘giving presents’ could effectively, whether intentional or not, become a front for arming political and militia groups that the North Pole politically and ideologically aligns with.

Dear Santa, For Christmas can you please stay away? I know that you may have your heart in the right place, but the world is a politically, economically, and environmentally complex and sensitive place.

You’re perhaps best suited to the simple minds of innocent kids.

Many thanks, Larry

Words by Larry Fife Image by Claine Ca’o

17

I am Not dumb, I just have an Arts Degree

I may be achieving High Distinctions in my Bachelor of Creative Industries: Film and Video after receiving a good ATAR in high school; however, my friends and those around me fail to acknowledge that I may actually be ‘smart’.

There is a perception associated with not only my degree but also many of the Humanities degrees, that it requires less academic ability ‘only’ requiring a ‘natural gift’ and creativity.

Creativity can’t be measured it’s purely subjective. Is this why Humanities are regarded as being ‘the easy option’, the less intelligent route? Why aren’t those involved in Humanities given as much ‘smart’ credit as those who go down the Maths and Science routes?

The answer is easy. Maths and Science can be measured.

There is a measurable ‘smartness’ and there is generally only one way to go about getting the answer. They work towards an objective.

After running a quick survey through friends and family, I discovered that it is the sciences that are given a higher ‘intelligence quotient’. J* stated, “Traditionally, intelligent people stereotypically do science”. In the words of S* “Arts are the easy smart subjects, and the sciences are hard smart.”

Why is a person who studies history and media, for example, not considered as smart as another who is studying maths and physics? Case in point, my high school best friend did all the Science and Maths subjects, whereas I did all the Humanities.

She was always told she was the ‘smarter’ one, when I was top of the class in the Humanities. I received quiet praise from my teachers, whereas she received praise from the school cohort.

I never felt like I was ‘smart’ enough. Is this fair?

Another friend of mine, L*, scored an ATAR of 98.0 and was encouraged to do Physio as it provided respectable job prospects and income. She wasn’t happy though. Now, she is studying for her Bachelor of Humanities: Art and Design, even against the wishes of those closest to her, with them telling her she’s “wasting her potential”. She says although both of the degrees required intelligence, it differed in the way it came across. In Physio the aim was to study and pass the next test, whereas in Design she has to constantly think up new and better ideas.

Has ‘smart’ now become defined by economics – what gives us job certainty and steady financial future? Perhaps it’s all about being ‘book smart’, reciting formula and reaching answers, rather than stimulating the brain in a creative and philosophical level.

We shouldn’t be idolising the Science degrees. Yes they do require intelligence; so do the Humanities. These degrees should get recognition – they are after all still a ‘smart’ degree.

We cannot judge ‘smart’ by what a person studies – after all self-help author Matthew Kelly falsely attributed Albert Einstein as saying “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Words by Shannon Dique Image by Clairine C’ao

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19

Culture

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WALL

What if there was a wall in front of you, right here and now? You can touch it, you can see it, it is solid, it is real. What if you were the only one who could see that wall? If it was only blocking you?

Most people see a challenge, a vertical wall to be scathed. A wall that’s going to be a struggle to get over - requiring courage, determination and persistence from your part. Well, that wall’s gonna be pretty hard to climb if you’re short. Especially if you’re as agile as a rock.

Let’s say there’s one wall in front of you, double your size. You really don’t want to climb a wall, but let’s say you’re trapped and there’s a fire behind you. Done this exercise before? I have.

It’s a thing called motivation. Set a stopwatch and the scene is remarkable, as the ‘fire’ draws near. First initial panic, then a leader rises, sets out a plan of action, delegates the strongest to help the weakest. The strong boost the weak over, up and out, with another strong person ready to help their descent. Person after person, people arrange set-ups and then it’s like an assembly-line process, efficient and practical. Everyone is out in less than five minutes and a record is broken.

Regular people that usually wouldn’t attempt exertion get over. But you know what the amazing thing is? People help each other. Yet if those ten or so people were left to scathe a wall by themselves, let’s just say you’d need to give them more than your word that they could do it.

Why is it that only impending fear to change causes most to change?

If you want out and over, go for it. But it’s hard to scathe a wall alone, when you’re the least agile, the softest voice; the invisible.

Let’s write words on a wall, let’s put there pictures and colour; decorative words and decorative images. Let’s add detail, bounce ideas off a wall, but it’s still a wall. Still a barrier. Instead of scathing walls, we’re writing on them, walking back to them, writing on them. We need more people to get over these walls, but why, they say, where is the point?

Well, there is none. None if you do not wish to go anywhere.

It’s a game of hurdles that we’re used to – hurdles with hip-high barriers, jeez, what do those people do when there’s a sheer wall in front of them? Their challenge: run, jump, run, jump, for 200 metres now, before that final sprint to the finish. But why a competition of hurdles, little jumps set in time, absolute height and fast-paced? The end being the end, why is this race a sprint event? We know we’re running to the end, where we can puke our guts out later, but right now, we’ve gotta beat everyone else over those hurdles. Why? I really don’t know.

Hurdles take a certain kind of person, one that can jump and go, go, go, then jump more or less again. But they’ve practised for this, trained – but not all are able to do hurdles. Nor are most hurdlers able to scathe a wall. The little hurdles are puny in comparison, the step-by-step layout someone honed into the hurdlers; I bet they freak out when they hit a wall.

A wall is impending. It’s there, supposedly, to be sturdy and be a barrier. But time diminishes walls, and so do wrecking balls. Hey, what do you know? Most people when they build such a room have a DOOR there. Not all walls have an easy way, and there are many, but odds are you’re not facing the same wall alone someone else hasn’t. Many people scathe many barriers, and keep on going.

Where’s your wall? And where’s the fire from your soul gone, is it now where it should be, flashing in your eyes?

Are you sure you’re the only one who can see the wall? What if someone else could see the wall, because you described it through your eyes? Or would you help someone over their wall, even if it was invisible to you? Would you take their ‘what if’ and follow it through?

WALL 20

Words by Veronica Lowe Image by Rehana Badat

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Culture

21

Culture

Tell me a little bit about yourself! Who is Martin E. Wills?

Martin E Wills loves pizza, fun haircuts, gin and tonic and Star Trek - especially The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine. I’ve been exhibiting work since 2008 but I’ve always been that kid in school who draws all over the margins and inside covers of his books. I studied graphic design and majored in advertising but was too focused on being in a band to give it a real go. And when that all fell to bits I decided it was time to pick up a paintbrush. And I’m serious about the Star Trek thing.

You’ve previously mentioned that your work in painting and illustration followed from studying design and advertising. Was being an artist something you always aspired to, or was it a desire that was inspired by external factors?

It isn’t so much that I aspired to be an artist, but I’ve always tried to make use of my creativity. So studying design and majoring in creative advertising was really about me trying to crush that side of me in to a career path. But I wasn’t passionate about graphic design or advertising - rather I just really enjoyed trying to solve problems creatively. It’s just I get to do it for myself now, instead of a client who wants to sell an extra hundred thousand things to a particular demographic.

The theme for this edition is “what if..” so I’d like to know – if you weren’t an artist, what do you think you’d be doing right now?

Laying on a bed at a mine site checking my bank balance every couple of minutes, being completely astonished every time.

Your work is quite surreal and many pieces touch on science fiction. What sources do you draw your visual and thematic inspiration from?

My early work was heavily influenced by b-movie science fiction - stuff like Frtiz Lang’s Metropolis, War Of The Worlds, Blade Runner, all of that stuff. The character based work I’m focusing on at the moment is really just an amalgam of all of the favourite parts of all the kinds of art I love, pressed through a fine screen to get rid of all the grit. And what comes out is my work, so it’s a weird blend of comic books, science fiction, street art, illustration and pornography.

I’m curious to know the significance of the characters in your work.

Okay, so, I paint otherworldly and vaguely judgemental dudes with gigantic gravity defying haircuts, often emerging from portals leading to other dimensions. Much of it is a simple joy in their aesthetic they’re a fun exaggeration of the human form, bold and graphic and angular. They have a science-fiction vibe - they sometimes appear floating in alien landscapes, or on the ocean floor. But what I’m trying to capture always is a feeling of distance and disconnection.

They usually regard the viewer with a sort of cool contempt, sometimes they’re physically dissected without appearing to notice, sometimes they’re halfway between one world and another and so not really vested in either. If two characters are interacting they’re usually never touching one another. And sometimes, particularly recently for me, it feels like life is like that and I suppose that’s what I’m reacting to with my work.

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Your work has appeared on everything from magnets and in galleries to murals and even public furniture. Do you think there is still a divide between street art and non-street art? Are those labels even relevant any more?

It’s up to the artist how they want to play it with their work. The divide between the gallery artist and street artist is arbitrary and it fundamentally boils down to the quality of the work being created.

Not everything created in the street is great but neither is everything that’s hung in a gallery. But if a good artist creates work in both venues, it will be valuable work regardless of where it’s located. And I think most people are on board with that idea these days.

Looking ahead, what are your plans? Is making a living in Perth especially challenging?

I haven’t lived anywhere but Perth for any significant amount of time, but making a living as an artist anywhere will always be challenging. Not just because there’s usually little money in it, but because the biggest fights are always with yourself. It’s not just about creating art, but creating better art, all the time.

With that in mind I’m looking to stretch out and paint more large public pieces and start on a series of new works that have been bubbling away in my head. I’m hoping to put together a new solo show next year unlike anything I’ve exhibited in the past. Opportunities for artists in Perth have greatly expanded over the last few years, and I think they’re only going to get better.

What’s been your most frustrating or disappointing experience working as an artist?

Your early days, when your ambitions outstrip your talents, when no matter how many times you try you just can’t nail that idea. It’s deeply frustrating when what your mind sees your hands can’t replicate.

Which is better and why? X-Files versus Battlestar Galactica.

It’s unfair to pit the children against each other like that. But since you have… The X-Files starred Gillian Anderson, ruler of the universe as far as I’m concerned. However, Battlestar Galactica featured nuclear apocalypse, robots, clones, faster than light travel, and Edward James Olmos. So Battlestar Galactica totally wins.

(Until the last episode, which was complete balls.)

Where abouts can people see your work?

The best place would probably be my website, www.martinewills. com or my instagram feed @martinewills. I’ll also be in an exhibition at Outré Gallery in Northbridge called Loco Locals in midOctober!

Interview by Tom Reynolds Images kindly supplied by Martin E. Wills

Books

Eugenia Mark Tedeschi QC They say ‘truth is stranger than fiction’ and this biographical work by an Australian lawyer into a bizarre legal case of 1920 is one of the strangest episodes in our legal history.

It details the life and the loves of Eugenia Falleni. A woman of Italian heritage who settled in Australia. From a very early age she adopted the identity of a man and worked as a merchant sailor and labourer.

Not only did she effectively conceal her gender for many years, she actually contracted two marriages to women, who apparently did not suspect her true gender. The death of her/his first wife ultimately led to her trial and conviction for murder.

The author skilfully fills in the gaps of her life by reasoned speculation and, as a solicitor, highlights the flaws of her legal defence. This defence was carried out in an era (1920) when there was barely any understanding or empiric research on the phenomenon of transgender individuals which she/he clearly was.

Tedeschi illustrates how her defence was bungled as a result this. Understandably, it caused a scandal in the press and one of the most unusual cases in our legal history.

Much of this story is difficult to digest: how could a woman effectively deceive their spouse about their gender for a period of many years? How could s/he be legally married twice to another woman?

The author, at least partially, provides some explanations.

Definitely one for ‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not’.

4/5 Review by Andrew Douglas

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Two with Nature EditedL John Charles Ryan Illustrator: Ellen Hickman I wouldn’t classify the book Two with Nature in the poetry category. It introduces a new variety of written work. The creators Ellen Hickman and John Ryan have collaborated art and science, inventing a fresh form of book writing called fusion literature.

The book cover’s illustration evokes emotions like peace, joy and contentment with nature. It captivates the book readers in its charms and makes them fall in love with various living organisms. There is a list of species that has been artistically acknowledged in this book. The botanical drawings by Ellen have well-articulated the poems written by Ryan. Hickman has captured the picturesque landscape of Western Australia in this book and she considers this place the most divine location to live and inspire future generations.

Ryan feels the South West part of WA is the space where plants, poets and poetry blend and create magic. The poetries in this book reveal the scenic beauty that nature lovers will never get enough of.

The water colour pencil pictures of parts of plants bring a person closer to the surroundings one lives in. After reading this book, a reader cannot judge which poems are good, better or the best because each piece of poetry is a distinct and purely beautiful artwork.

All I can say about this book is worth reading. It is made for the readers who are environmentalists in nature. ‘Two with Nature’ is colourful, informative, realistic, graphical and descriptive. The key message of this book is “go and have fun with nature”.

2.5/5 Reviewed by Sonia Anirudhan

Wedding Night Sophie Kinsella I wasn’t expecting this to be a literary phenomenon considering that it is blatantly marketed as “chick lit” and the bestselling author has written books with girly titles like Shopaholic, Twenties Girl and The Undomestic Goddess. There was nothing life-changing about this book, but it is a nice easy read for the daily commute to and from work.

The novel is written from the point of view of two sisters, Fliss and Lottie. I generally like having the option of two protagonists to pick from and in this case I easily related to one more than the other.

The story switches between the two chicks as the story progresses, and this is done quite well as each character has a distinct voice.

I liked the idea of the story: a woman in her 30s trying to force destiny so that she can end up with a cookie-cutter life and a white picket fence. It started off believable but then the circumstances started getting a bit… silly. I wish that there had been more genuine moments. I know the conventions of chick-lit, but I wish that this story had a little more substance. It is kinda superficial.

Like I said though, it is easy on the old brain, and sometimes it is nice to just zone out and flick the pages without a second thought.

6.5/10 Review by Asten Nunn

Books

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Haunting America Dr Karen Stollznow Think American history and your mind will turn to politics, civil war or the memoirs (or “memoirs”) of celebrities.

It’s a refreshing change to delve into the paranormal history of the USA in such a way that doesn’t require an open mind to the extent that your brain falls out.

Dr Stollznow has personally investigated a number of so-called haunted locations over the decades and this collection is a sprightly and engaging dig into the facts over the fictions. Her travels are extensive, including the famous Alcatraz prison and the oddity that is Coral Castle. Perhaps it’s Stollznow’s Australian tendency towards skepticism or her linguistics background, but I found the research that was required to do the subject justice was well balanced with her personal experiences while “in the field”.

The inclusion of photographs of the locations are particularly fascinating, with a mixture of the author’s own shots and archival reference materials.

The ‘mythbusting’ of the conditions of Alcatraz, for example, greatly benefit from a illustration of the Christmas menu that was standard for inmates, and hardly reflective of the reputation it had for inhumane treatment.

While the only criticism I have is that there are so many locations that could have been included (such as Eastern State Penitentiary), it leaves it open to a future volume, which I would highly recommend.

Stollznow has recently announced another future release, “God Bless America”, which, on the basis of this first book, should be as interesting as this one.

4/5 Review by Kylie Sturgess

Unmasked #2 Written by Christian Brad Illustrated by Emily K. Smith

To Be or Not To Be: A Choosable-path Adventure Ryan North

Simon used to be somebody. Somebody in a mask. Somebody with superpowers.

But nhe wasn’t a superhero. Nah, he was something much better then that.

A Supervillain. There is something extremely human about the way Simon, his wife Nancy, and the rest of the colourful villains that make up their bandit crew interact with a suspiciously real world, a world that becomes increasingly fleshed with the newer issue.

You can probably tell what Ryan North’s attempt at a Shakespearian Choose Your Own Adventure style book called ‘To Be or Not to Be: a choosable-path adventure’ is about. It’s a sizable book at 740 pages, but well worth the read. There are colour illustrations from a number of artists who all contributed to the book as well as a miniature ‘Book within a book’ that you may encounter along one of Hamlet’s story paths.

The art by Emily K. Smith strikes just the right balance between gritty and cartoonish – perfect for a universe that contains both outrageous super and villain costumes right alongside meth-labs and problems with erectile dysfunction.

The characters themselves have been expressively designed with (I’m happy to mention) a wide range of female characters that never fail to delineate themselves from the ‘femme fatale’ archetype that happen to occur so often in comics.

You are given three ‘characters’ to choose at the start; namely, Ophelia, Hamlet and Hamlet Sr. The paths themselves are creative, inventive and take many liberties with the original Hamlet in mind; and I found myself never disappointed even if I ‘died’.

One of the most refreshing aspects of a storyline that focuses on superheroes is the lack of hero angst. So while we have come to expect several pages of Batman brooding on public architecture, Unmasked gives us the opportunity to enjoy all the explosions and anarchy we want, without the nagging guilt associated with double-digit death tolls.

However, while the paths are interesting and keep you reading, the writing can be boring and, despite North’s usual humour, can struggle to actually be funny.

Sometimes it seems as if North is writing from his perspective, rather than writing from the perspective of characters. Not to say of course the whole thing is badly written, but I will admit I expected a little better. The parts that were from the character’s perspectives were good though, and lend a rather humorous insight to otherwise historically tragic people.

Perhaps the only negative to this great series is that you will need to collect the entire series in order to appreciate the entire story. As a standalone comic, this issue certainly lacks the richness that the knowledge in the previous issue provides.

However, I reckon it’s well worth the wait for the collected edition, just to enjoy this unrepentedly villainous series.

Overall, while it was fun to read; I did find myself skipping bits of the dialogue that seemed like filler.

4/5 Rehana Badat

3/5 Audrey Miller

If you were, or still are a fan of choose your own adventure books, or a fan of Shakespearean spinoffs, I would recommend it. But don’t go in expecting something serious.

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Film

Blue Jasmine Director: Woody Allen

Pacific Rim Director: Guillermo Del Toro

The Mortal Instruments Director: Harald Zwart

Hal (Alec Baldwin) and Jasmine (Cate Blanchett) Francis are a well-off married couple living the high life in the Big Apple. To put an Aussie slant on it… they are the kind of people that you might roll your eyes at as you see them walking down the streets of Peppermint Grove because they act like arseholes and they look like they think that their shit don’t stink.

Before this movie came out, I saw a weird teaser trailer that didn’t show much. Just some ambiguous production photos and the trailer that made me think “this looks like the most cliche-ridden piece of crap since Battleship”. I excluded it from my movie must-see list because of this and I resisted anything new about it.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is a fast-paced story about a teenage girl, Clary (Lily Collins), who has the veil of normality ripped away from her after her mother disappears and she learns that her ancestors were warriors who protect the world from demons. She is an unwitting participant in a world of witches, demons and the half-angel warriors that fight them.

Turns out that Hal’s shit does stink and he is a crook. He gets busted and sent to jail, leaving Jasmine with nothing but her bad habits and her designer Hermes bag.

Jasmine, homeless and alone, is forced to turn to her estranged adopted sister who lives in the scummy part of San Fran, living (what Jasmine considers to be) a less than ideal life.

The typical Woody Allen conventions are present in this film: kooky characters, fast paced dialogue, modest set design, simple music, and an intense storyline that has you thinking well after you have left the cinema. Allen has a knack for creating multifaceted and complex characters that actors are lining up to play.

Cate Blanchett is brilliant. I mean, she will blow you away brilliant. She makes you hate her character and love her at the same time. She conveys snobbery and snootiness one second, and the next she is sucking you into her naivety and vulnerability. She is Australia’s top export and she is making us all proud. I hope that she gets nominated for something.

Anything!

Tough call, but I think that this may be Woody Allen’s most significant film to date.

8.5/10 Review by Asten Nunn

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Now that I have seen it I regret my resistance.

It is a testosterone-pumped, pure fun adventure that combines the stylish mythologies of Godzilla and so many other anime influences that it feels like you know what a Kaiju is already. The screenplay and editing could have used a little work and the film takes its time to get to the opening title, but the characters are usually funny and some seem like they don’t need a romantic connection. Casein-point, the ‘sort-of’ romance between the protagonist Raleigh Becket (Charlie Hunnam) and co-pilot Mako Mori (Rinko Kikuchi) works well because of their mind-melding drift, which is needed to pilot their Jaeger robot. This drift melds their memories and emotions, which gets rid of any cliche seen with romance subplots.

Anyway, Pacific Rim is kick arse in every aspect: the fights between the Kaijus and Jaegers are all so non-stop fun that you are so satisfied with its result to astound you. Pacific Rim has the visuals to spare and Guillermo Del Toro’s stylish direction of the weird and wonderful is a treat for very nearly all audiences. Please see and let it beat out Grown Ups 2.

Seriously though Grown Ups 2?!

8/10 Review by Christopher Spencer

Sounds like an alright idea for a book, and the series has been selling well so obviously the teenagers and young adults are interested. The question is, how does it translate to film?

While filled with superb sets, visually stunning effects and some inspiring cinematography, one is left feeling disappointed with the fragmented storyline and lack of character development. There are unexplained gaps in the plot and some moments that had great potential for comic relief or suspense but were squandered due to bad timing or poor delivery.

Reading the novel seems to be a prerequisite in order to fully engage with this story and fill the cracks left by translation from page to screen and overzealous editing.

This is one for the fans.

5/10 Review by Tim Beaty

Film

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Stoker Director: Chan-wook Park

Kick-Ass 2 Director: Jeff Wadlow

Kick-Ass 2 Director: Jeff Wadlow

This film revolves around three main characters: India Stoker (Mia Wasikowska), Charlie (Matthew Goode) and Evie (Nicole Kidman). It is a psychological thriller directed by renowned Korean filmmaker ChanWook Park. His other Korean mystery thriller films are Oldboy, Lady Vengeance and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. The film is written by Wentworth Miller and produced by Ridley Scott, Tony Scott and Michael Costigan.

The movie is about a mystical and lonely American family. The sudden tragic death of India’s father and best friend Richard Stoker (Dermot Mulroney) brings out emotionless behaviour in India. Her mother Evie shows unsettled mood swings who thinks only India’s long-lost uncle Charlie can bring about a change in India’s manner. India becomes fascinated with her father’s brother. India with her uncle by her side embarks on a journey.

There has always been something intelligently ruthless about Mark Miller, the writer behind comic titles such as Superman: Red Son (What if the Son of Krypton had landed in a post-war Soviet Russia), a few issues of the darkly satirical Judge Dredd and his more recently famous brain-child: Kick-Ass. Which is why it’s no surprise to find that Kick-Ass 2 – sequel to the surprise hit back in 2010 - is stuffed to the brim with his trademark violence, latent teenage sociopathy and even a darkly hilarious attempted rape (did I really just type that?).

Kick-Ass 2 is a follow up to 2010’s smart, funny and punchy Kick-Ass: the story of a boy who wonders why there aren’t any superheroes in real life and sets about becoming one. He has help from another (more competent) real-life superhero named Hit Girl, who features in this film quite heavily. Unfortunately Kick-Ass 2 is not smart or funny or punchy, except in the most literal sense of the word. There are lots of punches, but none are very memorable, and I’d be hard pressed to decide between this film and Man of Steel for Most Boring Action Movie of the Year.

The director has done a fantastic job of integrating the plots together. So the film watchers can understand. The movie certainly builds suspense with the audience thinking “what next?” The cinematography is fabulous as each scene is shot with an aesthetic touch. The colours and lighting are very dark, murky like going into a tunnel with only a lamp in the hand and that feeling raises the chill in the spines. The sound of the film is very eerie and matches the mood of the characters in the film.

The movie is worth watching, but not recommended for sensitive souls.

7.5/10 Review by Sonia Anirudhan

Which is a bit unfortunate because it was exactly the toning down of some of Miller’s more extreme writing habits that made the first movie such an endearing, genuine experience. The second movie, on the other hand, only succeeds in presenting us with a string of (admittedly entertaining) one-liners wrapped around a few hamfisted Hollywood morals.

Not that this movie wasn’t FREAKING AWESOME. From Dave’s cynically hilarious (though occasionally annoying) voiceover to the cheesy costumes of unbelievable heroes like “Night Bitch” and “Battle Guy”, there’s something unapologetically gleeful about the whole affair. Yes, the characters have devolved into burnt out caricatures of their former selves, but goddamn if it isn’t satisfying to watch an ex-KGB wrestler named “Mother Russia” utterly destroyed three police cars. So, while Kick-Ass 2 has all but thrown off all semblances of the emotional weight and intelligence that made the first movie so, well, kick ass, this sequel scrapes together whatever was left and, kicking and screaming, ramps it up to the motherfucking sky.

6/10 Review by Rehana Badat

I do not believe in “the curse of the sequels.” Toy Story 2, The Godfather 2 and Terminator 2 were all examples of great second films. While this film is not in any way like the Sex and the City films (although there is a scene with a very uncomfortably-glam looking Hit Girl wearing a stupid amount of hairspray) it does remind me of the Sex and the City franchise because it displays a similar downward trajectory.

Both were clever iterations of the zeitgeist, both descend into poop jokes and cringe worthy “remember who you are” soul searching. Maybe the existentialism and Hit Girl’s run-ins with a stock queen bee character are appealing to the high school audience. Maybe it even works. I don’t know; I’m 27.

I love shitty movies, but they need to be shitty movies done right. The premise of an everyman superhero is wasted, Jim Carrey’s cameo is wasted, and the character of Chris D’Amico/Red Mist/The Motherfucker is a villain who is villainously wasted. My verdict: wait for the DVD. 4/10 Review by Yvonne Buresch

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Games

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Tales of Xillia Platform/s: PS3 and Xbox 360

Sleeping Dogs Platform/s: PS3 and Xbox 360

The ‘Tales of…’ franchise has a history almost as long and fan-adored as Final Fantasy but never received quite the same main stream treatment in the west. Whereas Final Fantasy was localised relatively quickly and became a smash hit overnight during the 8-bit era, the Tales games were quietly localised for the English speaking audience one, two or even eight years after their original releases in Japan – which is a shame because RPG lovers from around the world are missing out on something unique.

The open-world crime-simulator was popularised by the Grand Theft Auto franchise and later mimicked by countless others; Mafia, Saints Row and True Crime all put their own spin on the sub-genre but never quite eclipsed the fame of GTA – Sleeping Dogs takes another shot at the thrown, with moderate success.

You begin with a choice between the mysterious but powerful young woman, Milla, or the shy but intelligent medical student, Jude, and are treated to their own unique intro sequences. This theme of showing a single perspective on certain events in the story continues throughout the game and is a new edition to the Tales franchise.

What has not changed since the very first Tales game is the combat: The action, unlike many JRPG’s, is real-time with a group of heroes all going-to-town on hordes of enemies simultaneously, it creates a wonderfully chaotic experience.

You begin with a relatively small move-set, usually a single special ability called an Arte, and a bunch of basic attacks.

Slowly you expand your roster of available party members as they all gain additional abilities that can usually be applied in combination for spectacular effects.

In more recent additions, such as Tales of Xillia, we are treated to voice acting across the entire breadth of the game. Normally this wouldn’t be anything worth noting but the 50+ hour playtime of these titles makes it worth a mention. The occasional hiccup with the female lead’s voice acting does, however, splash a minor annoyance across a very wide space of time.

Artistically speaking there have been updates to resolution and texture quality throughout the series but they have always kept the same anime style cell shading since the beginning. If you are a fan of anime or cartoon-like character design then this will not be a problem but I can certainly see why some may be turned off by this.

The story and characters are heavily influenced by anime and do occasionally falter where I would on sometimes find myself asking the characters what the hell they were thinking.

Overall I’d say a solid title despite its flaws.

7.5 Anime Teenagers out of 10 Review by Aron Shick

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You play as Wei Shen, a Chinese-American police officer, brought back to his birth city of Hong Kong as an undercover cop to help contain the escalating violence of the Triad crime syndicate. The problem is that Wei has a lot of history with the criminals in the fictional Son On Yee arm of the Triad, most being childhood friends and acquaintances, which causes a slow but steady escalation of events that test both his loyalties and his skills to the limit.

The best thing about Sleeping Dogs is that after the completion of the first tutorial mission you are dropped in the middle of the city and can simply roam wherever you wish. I spent quite a bit of time simply exploring the local colour and they definitely spent time making sure the aesthetics were on point.

Combat is also a real treat, borrowing elements from several other open-world experiences to great effect, with the most notable influence being the recent Batman games. The first thing I did was run headlong towards a civilian and fly-kick him into a lamp-post which I have to say was surprisingly gratifying. You spend a lot of your time performing dramatic Kung-Foo combinations on hordes of thugs and waiting for just the right moment to snap a leg, land an uppercut or smash someone into a ventilation fan.

Another unique element of the experience comes in the form of 2 separate experience meters: one for the triads and one for the police department. The triad experience meter fills up by showing off your tough guy persona. The undercover police meter fills when you perform missions for the local PD like chasing down local drug dealers. Each of these experience meters leads to skill upgrades and perks related to the job, lending a nice sense of progress.

This game is definitely worth your time if you’re a fan of open-world titles and a lot more fun if you’re into Hong Kong cinema.

8.5 Chinese Stereotypes out of 10 Review by Aron Shick

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Games

State of Play PAX Australia We do not always get nice things in Australia. At least this is how it seems to some of us involved in the gaming scene. We struggled for years with a sub-par rating system for video games and even with the advent of the R 18+ we are still held to a higher standard of scrutiny and are not beyond having content cut from the games we love.

Conventional wisdom dictates that we are ‘the lucky country’, but we are often overlooked by international developers and convention promoters based of our relative remoteness and small install base; we’re not in America or Europe and there aren’t that many of us, so why bother?

However, from the 19th to the 21st of July this year, we all became members of a very select group a group that has held, and will continue to be part of, the Penny Arcade Expo: Seattle, Boston and now Melbourne, Australia.

The Penny Arcade Expo, or PAX for short, began in 2004 as the brainchild of Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik, the authors of the Penny Arcade web-comic, who wished to create a convention that catered to gamers from all walks of life. This included the growing console gaming market, the avid modding communities of the PC market and video-gaming’s long lost, and sometimes forgotten, cousin: the table-top gamer.

What first began as a knee-jerk reaction to the increasingly corporate E3 convention in America became so much more. Many may have argued that the original importance of the E3 event was not to give gamers another convention, but to provide the press of the world with a chance to gather in one place and see the latest announcements for the following year in video games. Still no one could deny the sheer enthusiasm to which PAX was received by the public.

With E3 slowly but surely making it impossible for ‘regular’ gamers to attend with increasing ticket prices, special ‘press only’ events and strict guidelines for attendees, Mike and Jerry saw a hole in the collective souls of gamers that needed to be filled, and they did so with honest intent and true love for the art form. My attendance at this year’s first inaugural Australia Penny Arcade Expo - or ‘PAX Aus’ as it was affectionately known to the founders- allows me to report that we have a bright future ahead of us.

The three parts of the PAX Aus experience were broken into the ‘Big Top’, the Developers Section and the Panels: The Big Top hall housed all the various gaming periphery and outlying gaming events, such as a lounge section and food stalls to chill out after a hard day absorbing all the awesome, the ‘Magic the Gathering’ demos and testers, the paint-your-own model trials and the retro arcade/gaming challenge arenas.

The Developers Section brought forth some of the more talented Australian indie developers and put them shoulder to shoulder with international developers, along with a whole lot of merchandise and new technology being shown off, such as the Oculus Rift and content reveals for Rome: Total War 2 and World of Tanks.

The Panels, in my opinion, were the highlight of the whole experience.

The chance to meet and greet some of the lead designers and creative directors from international developers like Gearbox Software and Bioware was a once in the lifetime experience. Additional reveals in each of these panels made the event feel relevant on the international scene, and coming home that night to see gaming sites reporting on “Australian PAX reveal info” was something I never thought I would read in a headline.

There was, however, one small problem that didn’t cause too many issues but nonetheless put a dampening on the event for some: There simply wasn’t enough space to go around. Each of the panels required a minimum 1 ½ hour wait sometimes stretching upwards to 2 ½ hours for the more popular panellist.

The opening of any new convention or annual event can be nervewracking for promoters, as Mike and Jerry themselves pointed out in their Q&A sessions, but they simply did not expect such a fervent and overwhelmingly positive response like they got here in July.

The people of Australia spoke loud and clear in their excitement to finally be included and will be blessed with another such event in 2014.

Slowly but surely we, the gaming public, are claiming the title of ‘the lucky country’ as our own and will continue to do so as long as our brothers and sisters across the vast expanse call us friends and allies.

Next year’s expo in Melbourne promises to be even bigger than the last. I say, bring on PAX Aus 2014!

Words by Aron Shick

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Music

Winter Sun Robert Hinton The album starts off great with a wellsuited track ‘The Journey’. The melody is strange yet interesting, and I love the harmonies when they sing, “the journey’s just begun”. I also like the track ‘Lost in Mazes’, it has a nice acoustic feel with the maze being a symbolic term for the trouble he’s facing. “People shield their faces while I’m lost inside the mazes watching me from the outside of the walls.” The album takes a massive turn in ‘Music Man’ when it becomes a powerful rock song courtesy of the electric guitar solo halfway through the track, which creates contrast in comparison to the acoustic folk feel that the rest of the album has.

I wasn’t entirely confident with some of the songs. During the chorus of ‘Quench’, the instrumentation and the guitar solo departed from the set rhythm, and I felt like that ruined the chances of me enjoying other elements of the track, such as the creative, symbolic lyrics: “days and days trying to find the shade from the unforgiving sun” and “I dream of rain clouds and thunderstorms closing in on me”. Also, ‘Just Like a Wave’ has two different rhythms – one played by the guitar, and a triplet feel rhythm played by the drums; the overall sound of the final result perturbed me.

Winter Sun has some adequate tunes with creative lyrics and interesting melodies and even though sometimes there will be some off-beat style rhythms that will sound a little unsettling, I will recommend most of the tracks for any lovers of acoustic folk, pop, and (at one point) powerful rock.

7/10 Review by James Blackburn

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Goodbye to the Land Eduardo Cassio If you’re looking for something local, something new and something refreshing, then local WAAPA talent, Eduardo Cassio and his debut EP, “Goodbye to the Land” may just be what you have been searching for.

Focusing on fresh instrumental vibes, Cassio has been able to produce tracks with a funky aesthetic that strikes a perfect balance and offers musical refreshment whenever and wherever it is played. Each track slightly different, keeping it unique and somewhat invigorating.

ALBUMS TO WATCH Hotel Cabana Naughty Boy After collaborating with the music industry’s A-List, Shahid Khan, better known as Naughty Boy, has finally taken the plunge and released his debut album. Including collaborations with Emeli Sande, Wiz Khalifa, Ed Sheeran and Bastille this album is a guaranteed success. After the success of his first two singles ‘La La La’ and ‘Get Lucky’ who knows where Naughty Boy will soar to next. Keep an eye out for this album and do yourself a favour, give it a go!

This homegrown WAAPA talent has created an album that showcases his musical ability in a genre of music that is rapidly gaining widespread exposure by the day: being featured on Triple J Unearthed and local stations such as RTRfm, Radio Fremantle and Twin Cities.

His indie-infused album reflects his distinctive take on the genre without the use of a single word, drawing a little something from various styles and genres of music, creating an atmosphere one could quite easily jive to.

His musical talents are obvious from the first listen, with a range of instruments from trumpets to saxophones, and guitars to drums, each picked specifically as to gel and mix in perfect succession creating a very unique indie vibe and comfortable listening.

Cassio’s instrumental tracks will have you swaying softly to the beat. This artist has created an album that is not only current and relevant but also is comfortably cleansing to your musical palette.

8/10 very different, very cool.

Review by Gabriella Camera

Fuse Keith Urban After an impressive career Australia’s own Keith Urban is back at it, releasing his eighth studio album entitled ‘Fuse’.

Collaborating with the likes of Eric Church and Miranda Lambert, Urban’s latest album is undoubtedly going to appease his fans and create further success for our own home-grown musical hero.

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Music

Watch This Space Calm, Collected How would you best describe the bands overall sound/style?

We’d definitely call ourselves a pop-rock act, heavily influenced by pop-punk.

GSM was given the opportunity to sit down with Tim Tan, lead vocalist of Perth pop-rock band Calm, Collected and ask him a few questions.

Who are Calm, Collected?

Calm, Collected are a five-piece pop-rock band that was formed by members of various other Perth bands in January 2013.

Tim Tan - Vocals Chad Lambert - Guitar Chris Gardiner - Bass Mike Searle - Drums Tom Fullarton – Guitar How did you guys all meet?

Chad and Mike originated from the previous Perth Pop-Punk outfit “The Main Attraction” who got pretty far and played shows with bands such as Amy Meredith and Tonight Alive. They decided to form a new band after their demise last year, so then Zeke and Chris, friends of theirs, joined as the guitarist and bassist. They then found me [Tim] in March and asked me to sing for the band and yeah that’s how the original line-up came about. Then in June, we had Zeke depart to pursue his own endeavors in Canada so the search went on to find a new guitarist. Soon enough we found Tom, who is now a permanent fixture on our line-up.

Who would you say are your greatest influences and why?

Individually, we all are influenced by many different acts ranging from metal to pop to punk, but as a band we draw influences from All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, Boys Like Girls, We Are The In Crowd, The Summer Set and Artist Vs Poet.

How do you go about the song writing process? Do you each have individual roles or is it more of a group effort?

Well basically, Chad writes the music most of the time and then gives it to me to write the vocal melodies and harmonies, lyrics and the extra instrumentation; such as synthesizers, piano or any orchestration. Every now and then I’ll write the music too or add and change sections.

Mike then puts his own spin on drums and Chris has the freedoms to muck about with what he likes on bass.

How does it feel to have recorded your first EP together?

It was an overwhelming process. We had demos recorded as early as May of about three songs, and decided to write five new ones to add to the EP. We felt this was the first chance we have to show people what we have to offer, so we made sure the EP process was done properly.

We saved some dough with the recording, as I produced the EP and we spent that saved money on artwork/printing and other stuff.

What was your favourite part about the whole recording process?

We enjoyed hearing the final product. That was also the worst part as we had to listen relentlessly to make sure it was as perfect as possible, but once everything was right, listening to our very first original EP was very exciting.

What is next for the band?

More shows. Yeah definitely playing more music, to more people. We had the honour of supporting For Our Hero, a well-known act from Melbourne recently and we’re hoping for more chances like that!

Do you guys ever have any disagreements about the music?

All the time. I think it’s only natural. If there weren’t any clashes or arguments about the music we make, then it just shows we don’t really give a shit.

Do you guys have any long term goals for the band?

To tour. Touring relentlessly would be an unbelievable experience.

Obviously also we’d love to match up to some of our all time favourites and play alongside them one day.

How did you guys come up with the name?

Chad had the idea for the band being called Calm, Collected a while ago, before the full line-up was formed. We made the final decision roughly in March.

Where do you guys draw your inspiration for lyrics, etc.?

Just anything really, personal experience, experiences around us, love, sex, heartbreak, anger, just the normal stuff.

If you could sit down with any five musicians, alive or dead, who would it be and why?

I think if we could chill out with Hayley Williams, Patrick Stump, Travis Barker, Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat we’d be so stoked.

Calm, Collected’s debut EP will be released on Friday the 13th of September and is entitled “A New Set Of Troubled Friends”.

Go see them live or grab a copy of the EP in iTunes, Bandcamp or Spotify.

Interview by Madi Mckenzie

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