FATHER P. CLIP

Bringing hope, peace and unity to the good brethren of business supplies

We’ve all comfort-eaten our way through the last year, and the good Father is no exception! So, how is he shifting the pounds?

During lockdown

Deveryone who is normally in the office has been on at least one diet after piling on the pounds whilst working from home. I’ve been over-indulging in the communion wine and wafers and, as a result, the rope around my cassock has reached breaking point. Even my sandals were coming apart at the seams! So I’ve been listening to everyone, and taking advice; it’s been a real learning experience to discover what people in the office do to keep themselves healthy and lose some weight.

During our weekly Zoom calls the subject always turns to diets, and how many biscuits it’s okay to eat daily, and how many calories are in a crate of wine. Arguments ensue, and people never seem to come to the same conclusions, but everyone’s eyes have been opened in some way to the importance of diet and nutrition.

My current diet involves doing away with all carbohydrates and eating only meat and nuts and prunes - I’ve added the prunes myself for fear of getting constipated like last time, and having to field questions from everyone about whether or not I’ve been to the toilet. So far, it is going well, and I have lost a few pounds and have begun to feel a bit more like my old, prelockdown self.

The ideas have been coming thick and fast! Some of the staff have been trying an intermittent eating regime where they only eat at certain times, and then have a break for a few hours. Some have taken this even further and have started to eat only when they get a complaint from a customer - which has resulted in them putting on weight. Others have only been eating when a customer gets a perfect delivery - and those people have been losing loads of weight.

Mrs O’ Reilly, who looks after our logistics, warehousing, IT, HR, security and catering has been trying to convince everyone that they should lose the pounds by following her cabbage soup diet. She’s been on it since the start of lockdown and, although she no longer has any friends, she doesn’t mind because the pubs haven’t been open anyway.

Hopefully, things are getting back to normal now, and we won’t be able to focus so much on diets and things, but at least - I hope - we’ve all been able to learn something.