7 minute read
Five Technology Rules Every Parent Must Follow
5 TECHNOLOGY RULES
every parent must follow
By DR. TIM ELMORE
Sonia Bokhari was an 8th grader when she joined the world of social media for the first time. She was excited, to say the least, to jump on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and other platforms her friends were already on.
What she discovered made her feel betrayed.
Upon setting up her profile, she quickly found out her mom and sister had been posting about her for her entire life. Right before her young teenage eyes, were pictures of her that made her feel awkward and even a little violated:
+ Pictures of her as a young child in her underwear, her mom had posted. + Stories of silly things she had done, her older sister had shared. + Accounts of funny statements she’d made as a sister or daughter.
In a recent article in Fast Company magazine Sonia said when she was younger, she could hardly wait to participate in social media. Upon reflection, she later wrote: “Then, several months ago, when I turned 13, my mom gave me the green light and I joined Twitter and Facebook. The first place I went, of course, was my mom’s profiles. That’s when I realized that while this might have been the first time I was allowed on social media, it was far from the first time my photos and stories had appeared online. When I saw the pictures that she had been posting on Facebook for years, I felt utterly embarrassed, and deeply betrayed.”
What her mother and sister thought was “cute” and “innocent” felt much different to the other person in the photo, which was Sonia.
THE LESSON FOR ADULTS AS WE APPROACH SOCIAL MEDIA
I only bring this up because adult leaders—parents, teachers, coaches, youth workers—must practice what we preach. If we want our kids to handle social media well, and be careful about what they post, we should think twice about posting THEIR photos on line for all to see. Sonia said it would have been different if her mom had merely shared some of those personal pictures to family members or close friends. Instead—her mom and sister felt the need to broadcast them on-line. Sonia wrote:
“Teens get a lot of warnings that we aren’t mature enough to understand that everything we post online is permanent, but parents should also reflect about their use of social media and how it could potentially impact their children’s lives as we become young adults.”
Well said, Sonia.
The fact is—our portable devices have both connected us and divided us.
Both teens and adults have felt compelled to post comments or content on-line. Some, I’m concerned, are more consumed with posting their life, than living their life. Several middle school and high school students openly acknowledged (in our focus groups) that they are “addicted to their portable devices.” This addiction that both adults and teens have, has hindered rational thinking. Technology has become our master rather than our servant. Recently, I heard a Florida businessman say:
“When our phones had leashes, we were free. Now our phones are free, and we have leashes.”
That statement says it all.
FIVE RULES OF THUMB FOR ADULTS USING SOCIAL MEDIA
So let me offer some simple ideas to consider when it comes to smart devices:
1. Keep your time on social media under two hours a day.
Research tells us that more than two hours is unhealthy. People are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression when on social media for longer.
2. Get permission before you post.
If you include others in a picture, ask for their permission. This gives them dignity and enables them to retain agency on what’s posted about them.
3. Check your motives.
As an adult, ask yourself why you want to post pics of your kids or students? If the pics don’t communicate respect for them, it’s best to not post them.
4. Think reputation, not entertainment.
Try trading places with the people you’re about to post online. If you were them, would you like this photo or post? How will it affect their reputation?
5. Only post what adds value to others.
Many posts on Instagram, for instance, are for the selfish pleasure of the one posting; often they’re narcissistic. Think of how the post benefits others first. ■
About The Author: Tim Elmore is an international speaker and best-selling author of more than 30 books, including Generation iY: The Secrets to Connecting with Teens & Young Adults in the Digital Age, Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenges of Becoming Authentic Adults, the Habitudes® series, and 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid. He is founder and president of Growing Leaders, an organization equipping today’s young people to become the leaders of tomorrow. Sign up to receive Tim’s blog at www.growingleaders.com/blog and get more information on Growing Leaders at www.GrowingLeaders.com and @GrowingLeaders @TimElmore.
Used with permission. All content contained within this article is the property of Growing Leaders, Inc. and is protected by international copyright laws, and may not be reproduced, republished, distributed, transmitted, displayed, broadcast or otherwise exploited in any manner without the express prior written permission of Growing Leaders. Growing Leaders, Inc. names and logos and all related trademarks, tradenames, and other intellectual property are the property of Growing Leaders and cannot be used without its express prior written permission.
- Harvard University ' s Center on the Developing Child
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summer
AND SUBSTANCES
By KIM YORK, Counselor
Summer is here! Our kids having been dreaming about summer break from school, and experiencing warm weather free time. We know that although this is the dream of most teenagers, it can be a worrisome time for parents. Because there is a lot of unstructured, unmonitored time, parents have the right to be concerned.
During the summer, the rate of accidents involving teens is higher. Alcohol drinking and substance abuse rises by over 70%, not to mention a higher number of car crashes.
How can parents keep their children safe during the summer and yet allow their teenagers some freedoms?
The answer involves parents knowing they have the right to manage the unsupervised time of their children. Enforcing the rules of the 4 Ws is one successful strategy. Who are you going to be with? Where are you going? What are you going to be doing? When are you going to be home? Along with the 4 Ws, comes the parental responsibility of following through. It is not unreasonable to show up at the “Where,” call the parent of the “Who,” follow up on the “What” and set the limit of “When” to be home.
Additionally, parents need to be aware of other risks out there to which their teen may be exposed. Unsupervised bon fires, lake parties, overnight stays, camping, and other get-togethers where alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs are present are not uncommon in the summer. “Rave” events advertised through social media are held frequently throughout the summer. These events have music and a party atmosphere where access to illegal substances is prevalent. There are numerous concerts and summer events where unsupervised youth have opportunity to access drugs as well.
Expecting teenagers to contribute to the household chores, find a job, volunteer, participate in summer camps/activities are also part of the mix. We know that a teenager who is busy, has less of a chance to socialize in an unhealthy way.
Parents who are pro-active in their teenager’s activities during the summer months, have better outcomes when it comes to keeping their adolescent safe. Discussing the 4 Ws, providing accountability, and keeping teens busy are strategies that are proven effective. ■
