Every perfect moment. Every great story. Every memory we hold on to forever. It starts with health. That’s why Benefis provides care for each new chapter of childhood. But we know sometimes those chapters come with bumps and tears, so we offer comprehensive urgent care services including lab and X-ray seven days a week. All to make your best life possible.
Schedule online at Benefis.org/HelenaNortheast
Charlie Snellman is a senior at Capital High School. He has been in the school orchestra since 6th grade, the principal cellist of the CHS Advanced Orchestra for 3 years, and the principal cellist at the All-State Honors Orchestra for the last two years. He has performed at nationally recognized music festivals. He owns a music business where he teaches cello and violin to 11 students aged 7-50. He is the President of CHS National Honor Society and CHS HOSA, involved in Student Council, and is working on an independent study in cell and molecular biology. He is the CHS Student Representative on the Helena Public Schools Board of Trustees and is the Montana HOSA Vice President of Growth & Development. He’s also a Senior Ambassador for 4-H. He enjoys reading, running, hiking with his dogs Tucker and Lucy, swimming, and especially skiing during winter months. After high school, he intends to pursue a double degree in cello performance and molecular biology at Johns Hopkins University with the goal of becoming a doctor by day and a cellist by night.
ON THE COVER ABOUT YOUTH CONNECTIONS
Youth Connections is a coalition of over 1100 community members representing parents, educators, churches, youthserving organizations, businesses, and more who want to make Helena a healthy and supportive place for kids and families. Youth Connections recognizes the need to reduce negative behaviors including substance use and violence while also working to increase positive opportunities and mental wellness for all our local kids.
So how do we do that? We know there is no silver bullet to making communities great, and so we do LOTS of things that we know make communities better. We support agencies and businesses who offer youth activities because we know kids who are involved in positive activities aren’t involved in negative ones. We support student mentoring relationships because research shows it helps kids stay in school and be successful. We also know that when kids know better, they do better, so we support classroom education in the areas of bullying prevention and substance use prevention. Youth Connections also understands we must support the adults in kids’ lives and therefore we provide training, education, networks, and collaborative opportunities for parents and professionals to connect with others who care about kids.
Youth Connections is well known for its quarterly publication, YC Magazine, a resource for parents and the entire community. These are just some of the projects we’re working on to serve our mission of engaging our community to create environments where youth thrive and succeed. For a comprehensive list of activities, services, and ways you can get involved, please visit our website at www.youthconnectionscoalition.org.
t’s that time again…back to school, and families are working to create routines after the freedom of summer. It can be exciting and stressful at the same time.
The magazine committee has developed a slate of articles to hopefully make the transition smoother by giving suggestions on effective parenting tips by Dr. Lantz that will be beneficial to both parent and child.
We’re also excited to have a couple of new authors. One is presenting a new curriculum for dads, so he is using some of that content as well as lessons learned from the group of dads who are committed to being a better parent.
Our other article is written by a therapist on the importance of co-parenting to help kids through the struggles of a divorce. We are grateful to both of them for sharing their expertise.
With the increase in fentanyl overdoses, we felt it was important to address people getting drugs off the internet – or not from a pharmacist. Authorities say that illegal pills change hands an average of 10 times, which means more and more opportunity for them to be laced with drugs that could be potentially lethal. We know youth often take Adderall because of the belief they feel it will help them with studying, etc. This is especially true at the college level, but it happens in high schools as well. It’s important that we educate our young people on the dangers of taking ANY drug that is not prescribed to them and received from a pharmacy.
As kids head back to school, the committee felt it was important to address social media and cell phone concerns. There is more and more research that shows how detrimental social media is to their mental health. We also know what a distraction cell phones can be. Many schools are starting to limit access to kids during the school day.
Lastly, our resident author is sharing what she learned about ADHD and how it can be awesome. This is important as it relates to Adderall.
Here’s to a safe and successful school year!
CAN’T GET ENOUGH GREAT RESOURCES? FOLLOW US:
Facebook (for parents): Youth Connections
Facebook (for kids): Find Your Spot
Instagram: @Youthconx
X: @Youthconx
COLEEN SMITH
ENROLL WITH US!
Our Community-Based matches meet several times per month for a couple hours.
Our School-Based matches meet at the child’s elementary school once per week during lunch or recess.
Our School-Based + matches meet once per week at the child’s school and have the opportunity to meet in the community occasionally.
Holter Fall Programming
More details on our website: https://holtermuseum.org/education/
Imagine That!
Mondays 2:30-4:30pm
Ages 7-11
Art Smart
Tuesdays 3:30-5:30pm Ages 8-12
Open Studio
Thursdays 3:30-5:30pm
Ages 10-16
DnD in the Realm of AiC
Tuesdays 3:30-5:30pm
Sept. 10-Oct. 29
Ages 8-16
Open Armory & Game Day
Check website for dates
Ages 8-16
Explore & Play with your creativity through guided hands-on-art making lessons.
Art history meets creative thinking! Explore the different styles and mediums of each artist.
Experiment with new mediums and receive feedback and guidance from a teaching artist!
Craft a character to form an adventuring party and take off into a fantasy world!
Build, craft, play, and fight with cardboard swords in hand! Focus on crafting during open armory and be ready to fight the following week at a 5 hour game day!
Art Feeds-Middle School
Mondays 2:30-4:30pm Middle School Ages
Art for Survival Tuesdays 3:30-5:30pm High chool Ages
ATAC-After School Teen Arts Council
Wednesdays 3:30-5:30pm Middle School and High chool Ages
YAW-Youth Art Workshop Saturdays 9:0Oam-12:00pm Sept. 14-Nov. 9
High chool Ages
CAPP-College Art Portfolio Prep 1-2 Hour Blocks
See something you like? Sign up here:
Explore ways to use visual arts and writing to help navigate life with your peers.
A visual arts and writing workshop designed to help participants navigate life.
An opportunity for creatively-minded teens to come together as advocates for the arts among their peers and community.
Learn to figure draw from live models, work with clay and glazes, practice oil painting, etc.
Do you need or want help preparing an art portfolio, writing your artist statement, essays, etc? Let us help!
CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE
Attention Deficit and…Hey, Doughnuts!
Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, is a neurological difference experienced by millions of people. Because ADHD can manifest differently for everyone, it can often be challenging to diagnose, manage, or understand. ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly)Thriving with ADHD by Kim and Penn Holderness is the new must-read for anyone with ADHD or who wants to learn more about ADHD.
Kim and Penn Holderness are a true twenty-first-century power couple. Their fast track to fame started with a 2013 viral video in which their family of four sang and danced in their matching Christmas jammies. After that overnight success, Kim and Penn made their living as successful content creators with the help of their kids, Lola and Penn Charles. Their comedic online videos have over one billion views. This is Kim and Penn’s second nonfiction book. Their first book, Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It? , is also worth the read. Their content models values such as family time, movement, and creativity. Not only do these ideals keep children and families happy and healthy, but they are also traits that improve academic success and decrease substance use and misuse.
The Holderness family has shared about ADHD in the past. Penn has been very open about his diagnosis. He candidly shares about the gifts and challenges ADHD brings to his life. He attributes his creativity and drive to his ADHD but also laments how easy it is to forget his keys or lose his ear pods. Kim also weighs in and offers insight about the frustrations of living with someone with ADHD, as well as all the things her husband and his ADHD way of thinking bring to the table (spoiler alert…it’s a lot).
The authors are quick to name the problems they see regarding ADHD. For example, they make the case that even the official name, ‘Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder’ is inaccurate and
unhelpful. In their usual way, they offer several fitting (and sometimes humorous) alternatives. Kim and Penn also provide a multitude of helpful solutions for those of us living with ADHD or in a community with ADHD folks. For me, the highlight of this book was the section devoted to supporting ADHD students in school.
Many nonfiction books on learning differences and mental health feel long, dry, and dull. Fear not! ADHD is Awesome is the exception. Kim and Penn make the subject funny, light, and entertaining, all while packing in tons of essential and valuable information. They quickly recognize that finding the time and the focus to sit down and read is a challenge in and of itself. They also readily admit that many of us never get to the end of a nonfiction book. To combat this trend, the authors pack in helpful data while using their signature sense of humor to make the book both highly informative and hugely entertaining. Together, with the support of doctors, researchers, and experts in the field, Kim and Penn strike a perfect balance of personal stories, amusing antidotes, compelling research, and expert advice. Between extras like ‘ADHD Bingo’ and ‘Ode to Cargo Pants,’ this book had me rolling on the floor.
If these elements still aren’t enough to hold your attention, then opt for the audiobook. As anyone with ADHD knows, sitting down and concentrating long enough to read more than a page or two can sometimes be a significant challenge. The authors themselves read the audiobook. Their read-a-loud adds personal flair to their comedy and offers abundant bonus content as Penn’s ADHD follows many tangents and runs its course in the recording studio. Squirrel!
In ADHD Is Awesome, Kim and Penn tackle the hard truth that the world was not made for those with ADHD. They encourage all of us to think of ADHD differently. As the title bluntly states, and as the authors reiterate throughout this book, ADHD is awesome and is something to be celebrated! ■
YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY AT: coleen@youthconnectionscoalition.org
For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.
EMPATHY providing in parenting
EMPATHY parenting
Len Lantz, M.D.
SHOULDN’T LOVE BE ENOUGH?
Imagine for a moment that you are really good at showing love to your child and speaking to their heart using their love languages. Is love alone enough? Can you just stop there when it comes to parenting? Some parents believe that parenting starts and stops with love. It’s common for parents to say either to themselves or others, “I love my child, and I provide for them. That’s enough.” And I think it’s great when parents provide for kids and are sensitive to speaking their child’s love languages. But it’s also important for kids to feel understood. Showing love to kids is the beginning of parenting, not the only necessary ingredient. It turns out that kids also need empathy. And a lot of it. I’m not talking about babying children. I’m talking about helping them through their most difficult times. Kids experience empathy when they are:
Being heard
Being understood
Being respected
Being valued
Being accepted
When kids receive empathy, they rebound from hard times and return to being at their best. Every parenting expert worth their salt drives home the importance of empathy in everything they say. Having studied parenting interactions in a laboratory setting, here is what the top parenting researcher, Dr. John Gottman, said in his book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child:
“In my research, I discovered that love by itself wasn’t enough. Very concerned, warm, and involved parents often have attitudes toward their own and their children’s emotions that got in the way of them being able to talk to their children when they were sad or afraid or angry. But while love by itself was not enough, channeling that caring into some basic skills that parents practiced as if they were coaching their children in the area of emotion was enough. The secret lay in how parents interacted with their children when emotions ran hot.”
Empathy is not helpful at all times and in all activities. The goal of using empathy is not to weaken your child as they deal with a harsh world. Rather, empathy is there to rebalance them when they are really struggling. It helps them get back to their best selves as quickly as possible. Providing empathy doesn’t let your children off the hook for misbehavior, rudeness, or poor effort. In the same breath that the best parenting experts recommend empathy, they also recommend rules and boundaries for kids. In a way, showing empathy helps your kids get back to following rules and expectations as quickly as possible.
ADAPT AND USE THE STRATEGIES THAT WORK BEST FOR YOU
How I help kids and families in my clinical practice is to get to know kids and parents well. Then, we can begin to see what strengths each person brings to the table, what skills need to be learned, and what strategies are likely to be the most effective. That’s a big reason why I like creative parenting ideas, not systems. If you know yourself and your child well, you can try new ideas that you think will work the best—it will help you to be more creative and flexible as a parent. While parenting experts can point to tools that might help, you are the expert on your child.
Parenting systems won’t work for all kids, especially those who routinely struggle. Empathy, not a rigid parenting protocol, will yield the greatest benefit when kids are upset. Raising children is not like assembling a piece of furniture you bought online. You are dealing with another conscious and emotional living being. And our kids need our help learning how to manage their emotions, so they can make sense of their experiences.
GIVING EMPATHY IS NOT ABOUT CAVING IN TO YOUR KID’S DEMANDS
When you empathize, you are not required to do whatever your child demands. In fact, it’s best not to cave in to their demands. Empathy is not buying a screaming or demanding child a toy at the store. Empathy is helping kids, in a gentle and understanding way, to cope with their emotions, especially when they are not getting their way.
The core elements of empathy usually involve understanding and helping to say out loud what your child is feeling and what they are thinking. You are using your communication skills to help them work through their emotions. It involves reflective language and tends to be the most effective if you are a bit careful at the beginning to help get them talking. Here is an example of a parent’s attempt at empathy that backfires:
Son (crying)
Father Why are you sad?
Son (cries louder and shouts) I’m not sad!
Father Okay. Why are you crying?
Son (shouts) Leave me alone!
You can see from the example above that a father who wanted to help his son was trying to show some empathy. He might have guessed right or wrong about how his son felt, but the main difficulty is that he jumped on the emotion a little too quickly. Sometimes, guessing a child’s emotions works out fine, and then that opens up a conversation. At other times, kids escalate. Here is the same example where the father takes a slower approach with his son and gets more information before offering empathy. This time, the dad uses reflective language until he feels he is on safe ground to validate his son’s emotions.
Son (crying)
Father Hey, buddy, what happened?
Son (shouts) Nothing!
Father (reasonable tone of voice) Oh…okay…
Son (continues to cry)
Father I was just wondering…because I noticed that you might be feeling upset. That’s all.
Son (shouts) Joe’s not inviting me to his birthday party!
Father Joe’s not inviting you to his birthday party. I’m sorry. I remember you mentioning that you wanted to go.
Son He’s just mad at me because I wouldn’t share my markers with him in class today. He said, “Fine! Keep your stupid markers! You can’t come to my birthday party!”
Father So, Joe’s mad at you over the markers and then said you couldn’t come to his birthday party.
Son I hate him!
Father And now you hate him. It sounds to me like you are angry. You were looking forward to the party. That sounds frustrating and disappointing. I’m not sure, but I’m wondering if you might also feel a little sad over the whole thing.
Son Yeah…
Father (gives his son a hug) I’m sorry, buddy. I can see that this is hard. And the whole thing has left you feeling angry and sad. So, when’s the party?
Son Saturday.
Father Do you still want to go?
Son Yeah.
Father Well, I could call Joe’s parents or something and see if you guys can work it out.
Son Nah. I’ll see him tomorrow in class.
There are a few things to note in the example above. The first is that the father did a great job using the words “I noticed” rather than “why,” which can feel critical or confrontational to kids. The father also used reflective language until his son started sharing what was going on. Reflective language involves repeating back what the person just said while using a reasonable tone of voice.
The father took his time to make sure that he understood and could help his son name his emotions out loud and state the disappointment that he felt. He also wisely did not point out that his son’s behavior of not sharing led to being disinvited from the party—there was no lecturing or “I told you so.” Interestingly, the dad also took a risk. He offered to solve the problem, which is not required when offering empathy. In fact, attempting to solve problems too quickly tends to escalate kids or leave them feeling like their concerns are being dismissed. I think it’s great that after he felt validated, the son was able to figure out what he was going to do next.
GENERAL STRATEGIES FOR PROVIDING EMPATHY
When kids are upset, they often behave completely irrationally or inappropriately. Unfortunately, pointing that out to them is usually the least helpful thing you could do while they are still struggling to calm down. Showing empathy is not saying that everything your kids think, feel, or do is always appropriate. When kids are upset, their situation is valid from their perspective. Providing empathy mainly helps them to feel that their emotions are valid so that they can calm down enough to think. It’s hard to think when we’re not calm. Naming our feelings helps us to tame our emotions. Once our emotions are calm, we are much better able to think. If you struggle with empathy statements, I’ve included a little chart below that has some examples. I’ve also included statements that people sometimes make that are not helpful (please avoid using those statements with your kids or anyone else).
“I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard day.”
“I hear you.”
“It’s hard. I can see that it’s very hard.”
“That sounds/looks like it really hurt.”
“I’m here for you.”
“Thank you for sharing this with me.”
“Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” EMPATHY STATEMENTS DISMISSIVE STATEMENTS
“Life’s hard, and then you die.”
“You need to get over it.”
“Everybody has problems.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“If it were easy, everybody would do it.”
Providing empathy to kids doesn’t come naturally to all parents, and that’s okay! We all come from different places and have had different experiences growing up. A lot of parents are used to dispensing advice. Showing empathy might take more practice to develop that skill into a reflex, especially when kids are in the middle of expressing intense emotions. If providing empathy feels too hard or foreign, I would encourage you to work with a family therapist to build your empathy skills. If you do, it will help you in all your relationships, not just your relationship with your child. ■
Check out who’s standing out in our community.
IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE?
Please email coleen@youthconnectionscoalition.org and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.
Carter Flugge HELENA MIDDLE SCHOOL, 8TH GRADE
Carter has loved music since he was very little. He enjoys singing the national anthem at sporting events and solos in school concerts. He tried out for America’s Got Talent when he was 11. Carter taught himself how to beatbox on YouTube. He recently made the top five in a national anthem contest for Montana Big Sky State Games. Carter is a fan favorite at Helena Bighorns Hockey and has sung the national anthem for them and Carroll College. He is currently trying out for Montana State Athletic Events for singing the national anthem and is entering a talent competition in August for Montana’s Got Talent with the opportunity to win $5,000 and a studio session. Carter has always said he will be on stage someday.
Brayden Kohler CAPITAL HIGH SCHOOL, 12TH GRADE
Brayden is a member of the varsity football team, track team, ardent snowboarder, hiker, mountain biker, fisherman and daily golfer at Green Meadow Golf Club. He’s been a volunteer for Civil Air Patrol, helps with Toys for Tots, Symphony Under the Stars, and has coached young youth football for the past two years. Brayden would like to thank his personal conditioning/weight trainer for helping him learn the importance of teamwork and never giving up as these skills will carry over into his future on and off the field. Brayden plans to attend a university in the ROTC scholarship program. He will major in civil engineering and minor in business management, with the goal of being a helicopter pilot in the U.S. Army.
Emily Turner Hankins AUTHOR
Raised by artists in the Redwood Forests of California, Emily Turner Hankins developed a love of learning at a young age. She earned her teaching degree at Carroll College and holds a master’s in art education from the University of Montana. Emily worked as an elementary teacher for the Hawaii Public School District in Maui and the Helena Public Schools for seventeen years. She co-wrote and self-published a research-based book on Kindergarten Readiness titled Summer Before Kindergarten. She now works as an author, artist, and designer and offers art retreats around Montana. Emily enjoys spending time with her family, friends, and loyal dog, Scout. Emily uses her expertise to write articles for the YC Magazine. Thanks, Emily!
Daniel Champer FLORENCE CRITTENTON
Daniel is the director of clinical and residential services. A farm kid from Ohio, he believes in hard work partnered with care and nurturing. He has worked for over 15 years in the mental health field and has served as a direct care staff, therapist, and clinical director. Daniel has spent the past decade traveling around Montana training audiences in the areas of secondary trauma and attachment. He enjoys teaching through storytelling gained from his experience in a variety of professional roles as well as lessons learned as a farm kid and a mistake-prone human. Daniel is one of a small number of certified Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health Consultants in Montana, a program developed by Georgetown University Center for Child and Human Development.
Early Childhood Collaborative
The Early Childhood Collaborative of the Greater Helena Area (ECC) is a collaborative effort of several organizations and individuals to promote systemic change for children age prenatal to eight and their families. The ECC does not provide direct services to children or families but helps coordinate communications and community efforts to promote positive early childhood outcomes. With the focus on the whole child, they promote community collaboration to network resources, streamline services in support of the health, safety, care and education for children ages prenatal through eight years and their families in the greater Helena area. They believe safe, stable, nurturing relationships lead to resilient children, strong families, and stable communities.
DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior.
Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity. In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start.
Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts, we will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.
assets in action 40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
SUPPORT
1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support.
2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s).
3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults.
4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors.
5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment.
6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.
EMPOWERMENT
7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth.
8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community.
9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week.
10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.
BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS
11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts.
12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences.
13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior.
14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior.
15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior.
16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.
CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME
17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts.
18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community.
19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution.
20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
Boy Scouts helping with the flag at 4th of July celebration
Family enjoying a friendly game of Uno
YMCA campers learning about bear safety
EHHS Volleyball team at MSU camp
If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email coleen@youthconnectionscoalition.org with a picture and the number of the asset the picture represents.
COMMITMENT TO LEARNING
21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school.
22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning.
23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day.
24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school.
25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
POSITIVE VALUES
26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people.
27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty.
28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs.
29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.”
30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility.
31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
SOCIAL COMPETENCIES
32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.
33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.
34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds.
35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.
36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
POSITIVE IDENTITY
37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.”
38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem.
39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.”
40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.
HHS students helping Helena Food Share build kid packs
Camper learning at Montana Learning Center at Canyon Ferry Lake
Stella received the 4-H State Youth Award in Teen Leadership
In the modern digital landscape, social media has become an integral part of youth culture, shaping how young people interact, communicate, and perceive themselves and others. While social media offers numerous benefits, including connectivity and information sharing, it also poses significant dangers that can impact the well-being and development of adolescents. Understanding these risks is crucial for parents, educators, and policymakers in safeguarding the younger generation.
CYBERBULLYING AND HARASSMENT
One of the most alarming dangers associated with social media is cyberbullying. Unlike traditional forms of bullying, cyberbullying occurs online through various platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and messaging apps. It involves sending hurtful messages, sharing embarrassing photos or videos, spreading rumors, and intentionally excluding others from online groups. The anonymity and ease of spreading content on social media can escalate cyberbullying incidents quickly and make it challenging for victims to escape the harassment. Cyberbullying can have devastating effects on youth mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and in severe cases, suicidal thoughts or actions. The constant exposure to negative interactions and the feeling of being unable to escape the harassment can severely impact a young person’s emotional wellbeing and academic performance.
IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH
Beyond cyberbullying, the overall impact of social media on mental health is a growing concern. Studies have shown a correlation between excessive social media use and increased rates of anxiety and depression among adolescents. The curated nature of social media profiles, where individuals often present idealized versions of their lives, can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and poor self-image. Constant comparison with others’ seemingly perfect lives can create unrealistic expectations and amplify insecurities.
Moreover, the constant engagement with screens and the pressure to maintain a certain online image can disrupt sleep patterns, reduce physical activity, and hinder face-to-face social interactions—all of which are crucial for healthy development during adolescence. Studies have linked excessive use of media by preschoolers to a higher risk of obesity, shorter amounts of sleep, and cognitive, language and emotional delays. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screens during meals and to shut them off at least one hour before bedtime.
PRIVACY AND ONLINE PREDATORS
Another significant danger of social media is the risk of privacy breaches and exposure to online predators. Young people often share personal information, photos, and locations without fully understanding the consequences. This information can be exploited by malicious individuals seeking to harm or exploit vulnerable youth. Online predators may disguise themselves as peers or individuals with shared interests to gain the trust of young users, leading to dangerous offline encounters or exploitation.
Parents and guardians play a critical role in educating their children about online privacy, the importance of setting boundaries, and recognizing signs of predatory behavior. Monitoring online activities and maintaining open communication can help mitigate these risks and ensure a safer online experience for youth.
ADDICTION AND DISTRACTION
The addictive nature of social media is another concern that impacts youth productivity and well-being. The constant notifications, likes, and comments trigger dopamine responses in the brain, reinforcing the behavior of checking social media frequently. This addiction can lead to decreased attention spans, reduced academic performance, and difficulties in maintaining healthy offline relationships. Moreover, the pervasive nature of social media can create a constant distraction for students, interfering with their ability to focus on homework, study effectively, or engage in meaningful face-to-face interactions. Finding a balance between online and offline activities is essential for
promoting overall well-being and academic success among young people.
ADDRESSING THE CHALLENGES
Addressing the dangers of social media requires a collaborative effort from parents, educators, policymakers, and social media platforms themselves. Implementing effective strategies and initiatives can help mitigate the risks and promote responsible digital citizenship:
1. Education and Awareness: Provide comprehensive education about online safety, cyberbullying prevention, and the impact of social media on mental health in school curricula and community programs.
2. Parental Involvement: Actively monitor children’s online activities, establish clear guidelines for social media use, and maintain open communication about potential risks and concerns.
3. Digital Literacy: Teach young people critical thinking skills to evaluate online content critically, recognize misinformation, and make informed decisions about sharing personal information.
4. Support and Counseling: Offer resources and support services within schools and communities for students experiencing cyberbullying, mental health issues, or addiction related to social media use. Reach out to school counselors for local resources.
5. Regulation and Policies: Advocate for policies and regulations that prioritize online safety, protect user privacy, and hold social media platforms accountable for addressing harmful content and practices.
While social media offers unprecedented opportunities for connection, creativity, and learning, its dangers cannot be ignored. By raising awareness, promoting digital literacy, fostering open communication, and implementing protective measures, parents can empower youth to navigate the digital landscape safely and responsibly. Ensuring that young people have the knowledge, support, and tools to use social media in a positive and constructive manner is essential for their well-being and future success in an increasingly interconnected world ■
THE IMPACT OF POSITIVE CO-PARENTING ON CHILDREN: nurturing stability and support
By JEN BURCKHARD, Director of Community Programs, Florence Crittenton Family Services
Experiencing separation or divorce can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster. The initial shock of realizing that one’s envisioned future is no longer possible can be overwhelming. Disappointment sets in as the unexpected new reality is confronted, filled with a whirlwind of feelings— loss, confusion, and sometimes relief. Co-parenting with someone when there’s likely still have unresolved issues adds another layer of complexity to the situation. It’s daunting, as old wounds can linger and resurface. Healing and starting anew involves rediscovering oneself, finding resilience in vulnerability, and laying the groundwork for a hopeful future, both for the parents and the children.
Co-parenting classes can be a valuable support for families navigating divorce, offering benefits for both parents and children. This collaborative approach emphasizes mutual respect, effective communication, and shared responsibility, promoting a stable and supportive environment amidst family changes. Enrolling in parenting classes, such as a ‘Positive Co-Parenting’ course provides parents with essential skills to manage these challenges effectively.
BEHAVIORS TO AVOID WHEN CO-PARENTING
When co-parenting, it can be challenging to ensure feelings don’t cloud perceptions of what’s best for the child(ren). It’s crucial to avoid certain behaviors that can negatively impact them. Separating feelings about the other parent from actions can be difficult, but maintaining a positive and supportive environment for the children is essential. Here are behaviors to avoid:
Putting children in the middle of disagreements: This creates unnecessary stress and anxiety, making them feel responsible for conflicts that are not their fault.
Forcing children to be the mediator and communicator between parents: This places an unfair burden on children, making them feel caught between loyalties and increasing their emotional stress.
Talking negatively about the other parent: This can damage the child’s relationship with the other parent and create confusion and insecurity.
Withholding time and experiences with the other parent: This deprives the child of valuable time and experiences, fostering feelings of resentment and loss.
THE ROLE OF CO-PARENTING CLASSES
Positive co-parenting prioritizes children’s well-being and fosters cooperation between parents. Co-parenting classes are structured programs designed to educate parents on effective strategies for navigating the complexities that occur post-separation or divorce. These classes provide a structured framework for learning essential skills such as communication, stress management, conflict resolution, and creating stability for children during transitions. Many organizations offer tailored courses that enhance parents’ ability to mitigate the negative impact of separation on their children, and can even help identify if additional supports are needed for either parents or children.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES
Central to positive co-parenting is effective communication. Parenting classes emphasize techniques such as active listening, using “I” statements to express feelings without blame, and maintaining open lines of communication about important decisions regarding their children’s upbringing. When parents communicate openly and respectfully, they can collaborate more effectively on parenting decisions and maintain consistency for their children.
MANAGING STRESS AND EMOTIONS
Separation or divorce often triggers heightened emotions and stress for both parents and children. These unique courses provide strategies for managing emotions constructively, such as mindfulness and selfcare practices. Understanding boundaries between parents can also help mitigate stress levels. When parents effectively manage their emotions, they create a stable and reassuring environment for their children, promoting emotional resilience and security.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION TECHNIQUES
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, particularly when coparenting after divorce. Parenting classes teach practical conflict resolution techniques tailored to each family’s unique situation. These techniques include identifying triggers, practicing empathy and compromise, and utilizing mediation or professional support when necessary. When parents resolve conflicts peacefully, they model positive behavior for their children and minimize the negative impact of parental discord on their well-being.
FOSTERING A STABLE, SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT
Positive parenting aims to provide children with a stable and supportive environment despite family changes. Consistency in parenting styles, maintaining routines, and prioritizing the child’s best interests in decision-making are critical components of stability. When children experience predictability and emotional security from both parents, they are better equipped to adapt to transitions and thrive academically, socially, and emotionally.
THE IMPACT ON CHILDREN
The benefits of positive parenting practices are significant for children experiencing parental separation or divorce:
Emotional Well-being: Children feel more secure and less anxious when they witness their parents communicating respectfully and working together.
Academic Success: Stable home environments fostered by positive parenting contribute to improved academic performance and higher educational aspirations.
Healthy Relationships: Children learn valuable interpersonal skills and conflict resolution strategies from observing their parents’ cooperative behavior.
Enhanced Self-Esteem: Feeling supported and loved by both parents boosts children’s self-confidence and overall well-being.
THE IMPORTANCE OF CO-PARENTING CLASS: WHY PARENTS SHOULD ENROLL
In conclusion, positive co-parenting plays a crucial role in shaping children’s lives during and after separation or divorce. Parenting classes offer essential tools, strategies, and supports to help parents navigate this journey effectively, promoting effective communication, stress management, conflict resolution, and stability for their children. By prioritizing their children’s well-being and maintaining a cooperative relationship, parents can minimize the negative effects of divorce and support their children’s healthy development. Through commitment, mutual respect, and ongoing education, parents can create an environment where their children can thrive despite the challenges of family change. ■
How can I appropriately address body image with my child?
“Body image” is one of those elusive terms that we as humans do not necessarily know how to define, but almost always categorize as “negative”. Our children are no exception. The search and journey toward the “thin ideal” is often a lifelong quest, and one that will most likely go unanswered because the answer does not reveal itself solely on changing our bodies. The answer will come with acceptance, respect, and liberation of our bodies and is never contingent upon a size or number.
From an early age, children are exposed to societal messages rooted in diet culture regarding food, body, and size. In order to best protect them, we must embody what we want them to internalize. The way we view ourselves and our bodies (internally and externally) will be the most powerful and impactful message we can impart on them. This involves leaning into our own discomfort about our bodies and the messages we have received about bodies, owning and acknowledging our own internalized weight stigma/ fatphobia, as well as keen awareness of our own struggles with food, weight, and the lens we see others in the world, as well as ourselves, due to it.
Many of us have had traumatic experiences with diet culture that have most likely led us to engage with it; there is so much to unlearn. The best chance our children have is to protect them from ever having to move through the unlearning process to begin with. Here’s how:
1. Reject Diet Culture: challenge diet myths, communicate how diet culture promotes unrealistic and unhealthy standards
2. Celebrate Body Diversity: all bodies are good bodies: emphasize that bodies come in different shapes and sizes and all hold value
3. Food Neutrality: view and speak of food through a neutral lens: there are no “good” or “bad” foods, all foods fit
4. Focus on Function: celebrate and honor what bodies can DO versus what they look like
6. Media Literacy: discuss how images in media are often edited and unrealistic: encourage children to question and analyze images and messages
7. Role-Model: lastly, and most importantly: embody the change By addressing body image in a thoughtful and supportive way, we can help our children develop a positive relationship with food and body, shielding them from the negative impacts of diet culture and societal pressures.
33
The percentage of dog owners who say they have talked to their pets on the phone
200,000
The number of glasses of milk a cow produces in her lifetime
200
The number of muscles you use to take a step
277,000
100
We
2
The weeks it takes a sloth to digest its food
THE POWER OF POSITIVE FATHERS: building stronger families and communities
By DAVID PIPINICH, Parent Educator
In the tapestry of family dynamics, the role of fathers has often been portrayed in varying and diverse lights, from the strict disciplinarian to the loving guide. Today, more fathers want to engage with their children and are more willing to participate in their development and daily lives. In my role as a parent educator and home visitor, I have personally witnessed a growing number of fathers who have expressed a genuine desire to play a concrete role in raising and fostering their children. The power of positive fathers extends far beyond traditional stereotypes, shaping the emotional, cognitive, and social development of their children, while garnering stronger family bonds and resilient communities.
While this article highlights the importance of fathers, it is essential to note that every family looks different, and there may not always be a father present, or father may not live in the home full time. Building connections with healthy role models such as grandfathers, uncles, friends, mentors, and coaches is essential to providing the necessary attachments needed for children to grow and thrive. These individuals can significantly influence youth, providing guidance, support, stability, and even healthy brain development. Positive role models help children develop a strong sense of self, build confidence, and learn important life skills. They offer diverse perspectives and experiences, enriching a child’s development and helping them navigate challenges. Establishing these relationships ensures children have access to the love, encouragement, and wisdom vital for their growth and well-being. Fathers can play a crucial role in the emotional and psychological well-being of their children. Engaged and supportive male figures provide a sense of security and stability, and kids are more likely
to exhibit higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and a stronger sense of self-worth. This is because fathers who actively participate in their children’s lives demonstrate love, encouragement, and validation, which are critical for building a child’s confidence and resilience. Also, a father figure’s positive presence can mitigate stress and anxiety effects in children. Fathers who create a nurturing and supportive environment help their children develop effective coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills. This emotional support is particularly important during adolescence, a period marked by significant physical, emotional, and social changes. Adolescents with positive father figures are less likely to engage in risky behaviors and more likely to pursue academic and personal goals with determination and confidence.
The influence of loving dads extends to the cognitive and academic realms as well, whose children are more likely to enjoy learning, exhibit better problem-solving skills, and achieve higher grades. Fathers who engage in educational activities, such as reading together, helping with homework, and encouraging curiosity, foster a love of learning and intellectual growth. Fathers often model the importance of education and perseverance. By demonstrating a commitment to their own personal and professional growth, fathers set an example for their children to follow. This modeling of dedication and hard work can inspire children to strive for excellence and develop a lifelong love of learning. Can positive parenting play a role in the social development of their children? Yes! Fathers who exhibit empathy, kindness, and effective communication skills provide a blueprint for healthy relationships. Children learn how to interact with others, resolve conflicts, and build meaningful connections by observing
their dads. Fathers who actively engage in their children’s lives foster a sense of belonging and social competence, and these children are more likely to develop strong peer relationships, exhibit prosocial behavior, and demonstrate empathy towards others. Positive fathering helps children understand the importance of cooperation, respect, and compassion, which are essential for building strong and harmonious communities. The benefits of positive fatherhood extend beyond individual children and families, creating a ripple effect that strengthens entire communities. Fathers who are actively involved in their children’s lives often engage more deeply in their communities, participating in local events, schools, and community organizations. This involvement fosters a sense of community cohesion and collective responsibility. Moreover, positive fatherhood can promote generational well-being. Children who grow up with supportive and loving fathers are more likely to become positive parents themselves, perpetuating a legacy of healthy relationships and strong family values.
Since the start of our local Fathers Group just this year, my co-facilitator and I have seen the profound impact of fathers coming together. Creating a supportive environment for fathers is essential and can provide a platform to share experiences, gain insights, and support one another. These groups offer a place for fathers to discuss the challenges and rewards of parenting, exchange practical advice, and build a network of camaraderie and encouragement. Additionally, by fostering a sense of community and shared purpose, these groups empower fathers to be more effective and engaged parents. The collective strength of a community fathers’ group can advocate for policies and initiatives that support family well-being and promote positive fatherhood. ■
David Pipinich is a home visitor and facilitator of Council of Dads Fathers Support Group with Florence Crittenton Family Services.
Van’s
RENOWNED
ADDERALL the dangers of
By STAFF
The pressure to excel can drive some students to seek shortcuts. One such shortcut is the misuse of prescription medications like Adderall. Adderall, a stimulant medication primarily prescribed for ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and narcolepsy, contains amphetamine and dextroamphetamine. While it can be highly effective when used as prescribed under medical supervision, its misuse poses significant dangers, especially among students.
One of the most concerning aspects of Adderall misuse are its potential health risks. When taken without a prescription or in doses higher than prescribed, Adderall can lead to a range of physical and psychological issues. Physically, it can cause increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and, in severe cases, cardiac complications. Psychologically, misuse can result in anxiety, agitation, insomnia, and even psychosis. Long-term misuse may also increase the risk of addiction, as the drug affects dopamine levels in the brain, reinforcing its pleasurable effects.
More concerning is the potential of the illegally-obtained drugs containing fentanyl. ANY drug purchased on the internet may have changed hands an average of 10 times, increasing the chance that there may be lethal doses of fentanyl in the pills.
Many students misuse Adderall, believing it will enhance their academic performance by improving focus and concentration.
While stimulants like Adderall can temporarily boost alertness and productivity in individuals with ADHD, their effects on cognitive performance in healthy individuals are less clear. Misuse can create a psychological dependence where students feel they cannot perform academically without the drug, potentially leading to a cycle of misuse and dependence.
Obtaining and using Adderall without a prescription is illegal. Without a valid prescription, possession or distribution of prescription medications can lead to serious legal consequences, including fines and criminal charges. Students caught misusing Adderall may also face disciplinary actions from educational institutions, affecting their academic and professional futures.
Educational and prevention efforts are crucial to reduce Adderall misuse among students. Academic institutions, healthcare providers, and parents should work together to raise awareness about the risks associated with Adderall misuse. Encouraging healthy study habits, stress management techniques, and seeking academic support services can provide effective alternatives to medication misuse. Adderall has legitimate medical uses, but its misuse among students poses significant risks to health, academic integrity, and legal standing. By promoting responsible medication use and fostering a supportive educational environment, we can help students achieve success without resorting to dangerous shortcuts. ■
