whereabouts

Families, children, and other caregivers were already in situations likely to lead to stress reactions before the dams broke. That means that parents, teachers, and caregivers may feel that they have little left to offer in this situation. In addition, the stay-at-home orders and healthy-distancing recommendations remove one of the most powerful survival instruments from a caregiver’s toolkit—the use of touch and face-to-face networking. On top of this, Michigan has been struggling with…turmoil over approaches focusing on health and those focusing on the economy and returning to work. That tension…is felt both by adults and children.

When the dams broke, the homes of many were lost. Those homes may have begun to feel like prisons, but they were at least something that families had. They had probably established a new normal there. They had transformed those homes into classrooms and maybe into offices. They were lost. With the evacuation, they were thrust out into the outside world where they [had been] told for more than two months that they could be at risk [because of the pandemic]. How could they feel safe and relax?

• The first step is to make sure that families and children

feel safe. Be sensitive to their concerns and to their health and wellbeing. If they need to be in shelters, how can those shelters maintain safety from virus transmission? Listen to their concerns about safety. • Another early step is to recognize that the parents and other caregivers are going to need support. They cannot help the children without getting support themselves… If possible, there should be a way to connect with other parents or caregivers and share stories, suggestions, and support. Now that it is warm, perhaps [people] can meet in small groups outside while maintaining 6-ft distance. • Provide a calming atmosphere. Children and parents [can benefit from] breathing exercises and relaxation. Provide quiet spaces. • Help kids talk about their worries. Let kids know it is ok to talk about the virus and about the [dams collapsing and flooding]. Let them take the lead. Correct their misunderstandings. Answer their questions when you can. Find answers together when you don’t know. • Give children words for their feelings. It is ok to share your own feelings, but do not burden your children with your feelings. Parents should explain to the children what healthy things they do when they feel scared or angry or upset. • Establish a routine. Doing normal, everyday things is helpful in a time of crisis. It helps children and families feel in control. It is good to keep the same mealtimes and naptimes and bedtimes if possible. Maybe they can be the same from one day to the next, even if they are not the same that they were before the family was displaced. • Let children use creative means of expression, such as drawing, music, play, puppets, Play Doh, and other cultural forms.

Read books about health, disaster, moving, and friends. • Build connections between children and families. Use healthy distancing. Consider phones, computers, outside games without direct contact, and other ways that children and families can make contact. Allow children to have close contact with soft toys that provide cuddling and hugs. • Encourage children to dream. Be hopeful together. Talk about what they would like to do when they are in a new home [or their home is repaired] and when they return to school. Talk about how they would like to communicate with their friends. Talk about what they would do if they were big and could fix the world. Talk about what you are doing to make things better in the world.

As our communities recover, it is critical that you care for yourself and tend to the emotional needs of your children, regardless of their age. As you are able, look around for ways to help others. Use your time, talents, and treasures, and involve your kids whenever it is appropriate

Dr. Myers-Walls also shared a tip sheet on talking to children about disasters. Here are some highlights that seemed useful: • Ask your child or teen what they know about the crisis.

In the fast-paced world of social media, kids can be exposed to information before parents have a chance to talk about it. Make a point to find out what they know and what they think.

• Help your child know that you are doing your best to keep them safe and remind them that you love them. • Help them find a way to get involved can provide a sense

of control. You may observe a change in behaviors of children and teens, especially if they are feeling insecure or that they lack control over the situation.

• Children and teens will feel more hopeful and safe if they see you helping during and after the disaster, too.

Midland County residents experienced collective trauma when the flood occurred. As our communities recover, it is critical that you care for yourself and tend to the emotional needs of your children, regardless of their age. Hopefully, the tools above will help you. As you are able, look around for ways to help others. Use your time, talents, and treasures, and involve your kids whenever it is appropriate. Take a meal to a friend whose home was damaged. Donate items that someone else could use more than you. Draw a picture or send a card to someone who is struggling. Let your children choose ways they want to help, too. Help them see the support and hope that is all around them, as our communities come together for one another. To learn more about how community members offer or seek help, I reached out to United Way of Midland County:

As thousands of families work to rebuild from the flood, United Way of Midland County is collaborating with the community and the county’s Emergency Operations Center to coordinate volunteer efforts. Families can visit reliefmidland.org to learn how to donate, get access to supplies, fill out the Midland County Flood SelfAssessment Form and sign up for volunteer opportunities.

“We want families to know they are not alone,” said Holly Miller, executive director of United Way of Midland County. “It is amazing to see the community unite by raising their hands and stepping in to help in a multitude of ways. Whether it’s accessing reliefmidland.org or calling 211, there are resources available for families. We will rebuild from this flood devastation...together.”

Midland County is filled with passionate people who rise to the occasion. During this trying time, let us care for one another – being cautious to maintain social distance and protect one another’s health. We will get through this, together. ■