The Eyeopener: Vol 57, Issue 5

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NEWS + CONTRIBS

Mayor Olivia Chow returns to TMU for a democracy forum

By Gabriela Silva Ponte Disclaimer: Questions and answers have been edited for length and clarity Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) held another democracy forum on Oct. 25—this time with Toronto mayor Olivia Chow.

The forum was hosted by The Dais—“an action-oriented public policy and leadership think tank at TMU”—at the George Vari Engineering and Computing Centre’s Sears Atrium.

Martin Regg Cohn, a Toronto Star columnist, moderated the discussion, asking both his own questions and questions from the audience.

TMU president Mohamed Lachemi gave his opening remarks about the event prior to its start.

“As the mayor knows, TMU is a city-builder, central to our vision is advancing dialogue and action around safe, inclusive, resilient and sustainable cities,” Lachemi said.

“We are committed to sharing our expertise in areas such as migration, housing, smart infrastructure and land use. We are willing and ready to do more and I think we have the right partner at city hall.” Below is a Q&A style of some of the questions asked and answered.

— Regg Cohn: What I really hope to learn from today and I think many of the students do as well is how do you do democracy? Before we go to the hard stuff, give us the top lesson that you learned from winning this election.

Chow: When I lost in 2014, there was a big conference there in Halifax. There was a keynote speaker called Marshall Ganz and he said, “Olivia, the best way to learn is through failure.” I said “Pardon me?

I just lost the election.” He said, “There’s lots to learn, come down, we’ll teach you a few things.” I went and learned about how winning the argument, which is what we often want to do, is not the be all and end all. Winning the hearts and minds of people is. Winning the minds is not enough, you need to win the hearts. How do you win the hearts?

By connecting, by telling your own story. What is the story that brings

SAMMY KOGAN/THE EYEOPENER

us together, what is the core value that connects us and how do I fit into that? I learned that public narrative lesson and applied it to the election and low and behold, I was able to win.

Regg Cohn: Let’s talk about Doug Ford and how he talked about you, then and even more recently. A few quotes: “If Olivia Chow gets in, it will be an unmitigated disaster” and “Toronto will be toast if Olivia Chow becomes the lefty mayor.” Strong language in public, very personal, what’s he like in private with you?

Chow: There is something that connects us, no matter who we are as human beings. This is what humanity is about. The hard part is finding out what is that core value that connects us and it’s the power of empathy. Can I understand your pain, your joy, where you’re coming from? And when you have that empathy, you then have the power to connect. Doug Ford lost a loved one—his brother—I lost a loved one—my late husband. We were both city councillors. How is it that we can connect based on that experience of being city councillor and how do we connect as someone that has grieved a loss? If I just go and debate from the logical point of view, Doug Ford and I are very different, it’s not going to get very far.

But if we can turn the opinions into an experience, then we can work together. We both experience traffic jams, we need to do something.

His solutions might be slightly different than mine, but if I say “Then we both agree that we need better Toronto Transit Commission service, right Premier?” And he’s going to say “Well yeah we need better public transit.”

Regg Cohn: You’ve had to walk a fine line regarding the Middle East, whether it be online or in your statements as Torontonians on both sides of the divide have been protesting the Hamas massacre, the Israeli retaliation, both of which have killed thousands of civilians. Two weeks ago, you posted a tweet, then you had to take it down. You posted another tweet, took it down. Posted a third tweet to clarify and you were getting it from all sides as a consequence. How do you keep Toronto

and Torontonians together when emotions are so high when the Middle East is coming apart?

Chow: The power of empathy. If we can grieve together all the civillians that have died, if we can understand the history on both sides and if we could say that anger will always just lead to hate. Anger needs to be transformed into hope. Then we have a choice to make: What is that choice and what action do we take? I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and I’ve realized that using social media to express something with this much depth and complexity is really hard. The second tweet was connected to the first tweet, but some people posted them without each other and then it was all muddled. So, I deleted both and put one.

And then it was still a bit muddled because it was too short. I put a motion together on hate—on how we could, in this city where we all come together as a beacon of hope globally, where could we deescalate and find hope and stop the hate? So, we now have a motion that passed last week at city council, supported by every member of council, Jewish and Muslim. There’s now a portal under toronto.ca called Stop Hate.

It’s a one stop shop on what resources you have if you’ve experienced hate, what resources you may have in order to prevent hate and how can we have more dialogue. What other city do we have in the world that has all these diverse people living in harmony?

Regg Cohn: Some people say we don’t need to spend as much money on the police, do you think the police budget should be increased significantly or not?

Chow: With the deficit, I have to find some savings somewhere. I don’t know where yet. I need you to join us, starting Nov. 1 we are going to launch the budget. In the past, the budget was done inside city hall, you never saw it until it showed up in January and you were given five minutes to speak to some executive committee and that’s it, you’re gone. But we are turning it around, I am opening it up to say, I need you to tell me what services are most important to increase or decrease.There will be online forms,

we will have meetings in the third or fourth week of November. Then, in December, the budget committee will work on the budget and then in January 2024 the budget committee will present something. Then you will get the chance to come to city hall. On Feb. 1, 2024, I will have to put a budget out. When I’m presenting it, it’s already gone through you looking at it, it’s gone through the budget committee. I will be listening and I will be able to tell you what I can sacrifice on Feb. 1 of next year when I present the budget.

— Regg Cohn told The Eyeopener he was happy with the discussion.

“She really opened up. Not on the detailed answers, she didn’t tell us anything about her secret negotiations with Doug Ford, but for me the takeaway is that she told us how to do democracy,” he said.

“When Olivia Chow got up afterwards and gave her talk, the passion was there and the students were listening, so I think that is how we measure success,” he added. “I hope that we can literally energize people about what democracy is. Voting, yes, but not just voting. Between elections as well. Getting involved, getting engaged and not just tuning out and not just getting frustrated if you don’t get your way.”

Fourth year policy studies PhD student Christian Hui—whose pronouns are he/they;undetectable— said they were disappointed when Regg Cohn cut someone off.

“My feedback has been that [a few racialized individuals] felt like when one [attendee asked] about one tweet, specifically to [Chow] regarding the Free Palestine protest happening on Sunday where some Zionist groups had used the images to frame it as anti-semitism.

[Regg Cohn] having a very privileged position and position of power had cut off this person.” Hui said.

“I think [Chow’s] response was probably calculated.”

“I think it was very insightful and Olivia is skilled as a former teacher and professor and how to sensitize people on these topics. Basically leaving the job to us, because she can only do so much as an elected official. So after all, they listened, they’re here to serve us, so I thank the organizer for this,” Hui added.

“These are conversations that have to go on, and that’s the heart of politics. Politics is the art of the possible and finding common ground without selling out,” Regg Cohn said.

According to Regg Cohn, this was the 29th democracy forum held at TMU. Chow was elected to office this June, taking office in mid-July. She is the first racialized person to run city hall in the history of Toronto.

To read more of mayor Olivia Chow’s answers and the democracy forum, visit theeyeopener.com.

Editor-in-Chief Negin “Howdy” Khodayari News Gabriela “Miss Minnie” Silva Ponte Dexter “No Costume?!” LeRuez Anastasia “Creepy Crossword” Blosser Photo Brithi “Sammy” Sehra Jerry “Sammy x2” Zhang Sammy “Sims” Kogan Online Madeline “Jennifer’s Body” Liao Shaki “Bella Swan” Sutharsan Features Kinza “DJ In Disguise” Zafar Arts and Culture Danielle “Phantom Of The Print Issue” Reid Business and Technology Jake “Party Boy” MacAndrew Communities Bana “Baddie Bunny” Yirgalem Sports Ilyas “Sneaky Peaky” Hussein Daniella “Eye Eye Captain” Lopez Fun and Satire Joshua “Frightening Folders” Chang Media Konnor “Freaky Frosty” Killoran Vanessa “Doofenshmirtz” Kauk Web Nishil “Microsite Magician” Kapadia Sam “Wizard of Web” Chowdhury General Manager Liane “Happy” McLarty Design Director J.D. “Halloween” Mowat The Interns Ayan “Super”Abdulle Marissa “Spooky” Nguyen Maia “Scary” Roobaert Alex “Skeletons” Sutherland Contributors Daniel “Alfredo Linguini “ Carrero Celina “MASH“ Chugani Dev “Director“ Desai Keiran “Dead Laptop” Gorsky Mitchell “Missed Bus“ Fox Evan “Julia Fox“ Davis Emerson “Stonks” Williams Atiya “On The Ball’ Malik Jack “EuroVision” MacCool Amanda “lights” Noor Ryan “camera” Bettencourt Jakub “action” Wysocki Casper “The Friendly” Ghost Michael “Therapy” Myers Chucky “E” Cheese

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Editorial: Acknowledge your thoughts while you still have them ‘For every spoken word, there are a dozen left unsaid’

SAMMY KOGAN/THE EYEOPENER

By Joshua Chang As the managing editor of this year’s debut special issue, I knew I had to come up with an idea that would really set the bar for a great volume.

To be honest, I almost declined the offer to even make one. Thankfully, a midnight train ride home from school changed all of that.

The Eyeopener’s editor-inchief had asked me to think about if I wanted to manage a special issue. Immediately, I began to get in over my head. “If only she knew how irresponsible I can be,” I thought to myself. “What makes me qualified enough to take on a project this big?” It certainly wasn’t my dashing good looks. I foresaw a likelihood of at least 69 per cent that I would crash and burn somewhere throughout this mission, should I choose to accept it. But of course, I had to keep that to myself.

That folks, is what sparked the fire that created The Unspoken Issue.

Without dishing out my entire life story, I can say that I was never really one to keep my thoughts to myself as a kid. I was loud, sociable and had a reputation for mischief.

However, as I grew up, I found myself entering a whole new world where I couldn’t even speak to someone without feeling anxious.

I began to internalize everything to the point where even the briefest interaction led me down a rabbit hole of unspoken misery.

Many years later, I’m glad to say I’ve found myself not wanting to leave campus at the end of the day because I love being around people so much. But that doesn’t mean the internal thoughts vanished forever.

They still exist, and at that moment when I was spiraling into worry about a special issue I hadn’t even agreed to manage yet, The Unspoken

Issue was born.

I started to wonder how we could open up the discussion about our innermost thoughts. We become increasingly complex, unique people day-by-day. No one’s thoughts are exactly the same as someone else’s.

Wouldn’t that be nice to talk about?

You and I walk by thousands of others here at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), all with different life experiences and worlds of history that have developed them into the people they are today.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned recently, it’s that you cannot judge a book by its cover. In simpler terms, you can’t tell who someone is just by looking at them.

If you were to look at a person

walking by you on Gould Street or standing in front of you in the Balzac’s line, would you be able to deduce their personality with just a glance? Some of you might actually say yes. As an empath, I— However, is it as easy as it seems to see someone’s facial features, clothes and expressions and learn their story? Can you see through their eyes the goals they’ve accomplished and failed, the interests that fill their spare time and the morals they hold true to their heart? Sure, if someone’s wearing a shirt that says 1989 (Taylor’s Version), it might be safe to say you can infer at least a bit about some folks’ “lore.”

But I’ve learned it takes a lot

more than a single conversation or a brief encounter on the sidewalk to scratch the surface of discovering who someone is.

If you’ve walked any street downtown, Yonge-Dundas Square or anywhere else on campus, you’ve probably heard the chatter of the many voices that give TMU life. Communication is key when it comes to being a student.

However, for every spoken word, there are a dozen that remain unsaid.

After all, there isn’t enough time in the day to verbalize every last thing someone is thinking.

The Unspoken Issue explores the thoughts that reside in the depths of our minds. Your daily monologue and inner compass are what guide you throughout your days here as students or faculty at TMU. They’re what make you who you are and what will continue to build you as a person forevermore. These stories aren’t meant to expose your secrets and turn your cheeks bright red with embarrassment. This volume is here to hand the mic to your dormant thoughts and take us on a fearless adventure through the unspoken voices in our minds that we all recognize, but so easily forget.

Take a moment now before you continue reading to ask yourself this: What’s something you’ve

thought about that you wouldn’t typically say out loud? Not because you’re hiding a secret, but because it’s so subtle that it rarely rises far enough to the surface to be noticed. For example, how often do you really articulate every strangers-to-lovers fantasy you have while commuting to school?

My hope for this issue is that you empathize with these stories and learn to love the unspoken thoughts that stir deep within. I hope that while you silently read these chaotic stories, personal experiences and silly little thoughts, you’ll laugh out loud—or at least let out a solid nose exhale.

These wide varieties of stories will all consist of the thoughts in our minds that traditionally remain unspoken and unheard. It’s time to shine a light into our minds and take a moment to speak now rather than later. Take a closer look and you might just find the joy, anxiety, rage and desire that you’ve been looking for all along.

Don’t be afraid to focus on these things because there’s no telling when you’ll lose your train of thought and never find out where it was going. Of course, there just isn’t enough time in the day to tackle all of these subjects at once, especially in one volume. So we’ve decided to ask this: If we opened the doors into the minds of TMU students, what would we find?

Well, that, my friend, is for you to discover.

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Quiz: He’s probably NOT thinking about other girls, right?

By Parker Theis As the weather turns colder, cuffing season arrives. We all want to warm up by the fireplace with our special someone this fall, but why do they seem so distracted? Have you seen their eyes wandering when you’re in public? We know they’re not thinking of anyone else, so what’s actually on their mind? Here’s an opportunity to find out what your partner is really thinking about.

Whether you’ve been together since high school or just went out for coffee after a lab, take this quiz to peek inside their brain. You’re sure to find out what obscure fascination your special friend thinks about multiple times a day—because they cannot all some unnecessarily tiny farm anibe thinking about the Roman Empire. mal eating vegetables B. They’re looking at walkYou and your sweetheart are through tours of one-bedroom on the couch watching a movie apartments on Rentals.ca together one evening. You look C. They are changing their Instaover and see that they are look- gram profile picture to obscure aling at something on their phone. bum art for their favourite band WTF? What are they looking at? D. They are Googling pictures of A. They are watching TikToks of the Grand Canyon and zooming in

ANDREW QUACH/THE EYEOPENER

on the rock formations If your partner had to eat one thing for breakfast every morning for the rest of their life, what would they choose?

A. A bagel with cream cheese— never gets old B. A full stack of pancakes, but they always make more than they

can eat by themselves C. Black coffee—they don’t eat breakfast much anyway D. Oatmeal—it has a long shelf life and requires little preparation You and your partner are going on a date to Kensington Market for the day and it’s their treat!

Where’s the first place they’re going to take you?

The Mexican food hall on Augusta Avenue—they will get one thing from every stall to share with you before retiring to the park to watch people yell at each other A. Jewelry shopping at Courage My Love or a silver merchant table—they might try to haggle with shop owners to get you a better deal on a necklace B. Every vintage clothing store— you’ll gawk as they purchase a $300 t-shirt and some ‘70s corduroy pants C. They will want to take photos of the graffiti and then take you to Cheese Magic for a sample What did your partner dress up

A day in the life of a people pleaser an old man approaches me. I take off my headphones—I’m listening to an…interesting song my friend Max just put out—so I can try to help him. The old man, who tells me in Spanish he’s Argentinian, barely speaks English. He tells me he wants to go to 5200 Yonge St., so I look up how to get there and try my best to give him directions in broken Spanish. After helping him cross the street, I’m ready to be on my way! Oh shit, there goes my bus.

SAMMY KOGAN/THE EYEOPENER

By Mariana Schuetze

In this tumultuous time, she must be feeling empty, alone and unloved. I bet bringing her food and giving her all my attention will fix her mood— good thing I’m here to provide that.

Today’s menu is two tuna sandwiches, an entire pumpkin pie, homemade cookies my mom gave me this week and a $50 Starbucks gift card.

It’s hard going through a day without getting someone’s approval. I have to leave every interaction with a gold star. As soon as I see that sweet smile on someone’s face…my day is made. Sure, there are the occasional moments where I put myself first— during therapy, for example. However, my day-to-day is about mak- 8:13 a.m. ing other people’s days a little better, After getting ready to leave for which in turn, makes mine better! class, I go downstairs to prepare breakfast and lunch. I make sure 7:34 a.m. to cook a little extra breakfast and The first thing I do when I wake up leave some coffee ready in the is immediately check my texts and Keurig for when my roommates social media, just in case any of my wake up. They all usually wake up friends had a rough day yesterday after me and I always want to give and need a good pick-me-up. This them an extra reason to keep lovmorning, I noticed my friend Stefa- ing me. There are a bunch of dirty nia posted a very risqué mirror selfie dishes in the sink, though. I wash at 3 a.m., captioned “It’s me, myself them all before leaving the house. and I for the night.” This obviously indicated to me that she finally 8:47 a.m. broke up with her toxic boyfriend. I’m waiting at the bus stop when

10:20 a.m.

I’m late to my 10 a.m. class, but the professor hasn’t even started talking—I try to convince myself he doesn’t hate me all that much.

He starts the class by asking us to give peer feedback on the assignments we’ve been working on. The room falls silent for about 30 seconds and I immediately feel the urge to speak up. Otherwise, I’m certain the professor will feel bad. I give an update on my story and he says, “Great job, Mariana!” OMG, he knows my name?! I’ll thrive on that for the rest of the day.

1:28 p.m.

Class is done and it’s time to meet Stefania for lunch. I’m walking into the Sheldon & Tracy Levy Student Learning Centre (SLC) with my hands full of food. I slightly nod to the person coming out of the building to ask them to hold the door open for me. They don’t and I’m forcefully met with a door in my face. “Sorry!” I say. I put my stuff on the floor, open the

as for Halloween?

A. Something they grabbed from their closet, like an athlete’s jersey or a cowboy hat B. A couple’s costume that they had been planning since July C. They hand-stitched a Mia Goth costume, it’s basically two pieces of fabric even though it’s 10 degrees out D. A ghillie suit—you won’t know what that means until you see it It’s 1:58 a.m. and you get a text from your partner. What does it say?

A. “u up?”

B. “Thinking about you, sweet dreams.”

C. “Is my fit giving ‘90s grungecore?” (seven attached images) D. “I would do so much better than all of them.” (link to a YouTube video called TOP 20 WORST SHARK TANK PITCHES OF ALL TIME) Find out your results at theunspokenissue.theyeopener.com

‘Yes, of course I can help! Oh, you need five hours of my time? No problem, my day is yours’

door on my own and make my way 8:59 p.m. to the fifth floor.

After the kitchen and living room are squeaky clean, I finally walk into 4:02 p.m. my own room. I call Max for feedOH MY GOD. I forgot about my back on that song—it wasn’t their friend’s mom’s birthday. Stefania best, but I won’t be the one crushand I had spent all afternoon at the ing their spirits. Besides, a little SLC studying. As we’re getting up, motivation is great for improveshe says out of nowhere, “Yeah, ment! I leave Stefania an uplifting tonight I’m celebrating my mom’s voice memo for the morning and birthday with her.” Immediately go down to the kitchen. I make tea I freeze: I totally forgot about it. for everyone and individually deWhat a terrible friend I am. liver it to each of my roommates.

After a couple of minutes of si- I then walk back to my room with lently freaking out, I write her mom a lukewarm cup of tea and a huge a little letter telling her how amaz- sense of accomplishment. As I prep ing and gorgeous she is for her age. my outfit and bag for the next day, I I’ll probably buy her something go over my mental notes for the day later, even though I can’t afford to and write them down. A lot of shopkeep buying people things. We keep ping to be done this week. I hope talking and I give her all the food I my friends still love me tomorrow. had brought for her, plus half my lunch and then the other half after 10:13 p.m. she tells me she didn’t eat breakfast. The day is done! But of course, as I lie in bed, I start inevitably recap7:31 p.m. ping the day in my mind. Was I rude I finally get home, exhausted after to my roommates about the dishes a long day of “good morning’s” and this morning by washing them smiles. After days like these, usu- without saying anything? I don’t ally every day, my cheeks hurt from want them to think I’m being pasconstantly hiding my true emotions sive-aggressive. I also hope I didn’t and concealing the usual resting offend the Argentinian man with bitch face. I do love this feeling, I’m my broken Spanish. Oh, and I’m not gonna lie. But I can finally walk certain that my professor hates me home and rest my face now. Oops, for coming in late again this semesmy roommates are having dinner. ter. Was I listening properly when “Hey, lovelies! How’s dinner?” I Stefania was spilling the tea? Speaksay, putting on my best customer ing of which, was the tea I made for service smile. my roommates hot enough? Did I Despite having already eaten, I talk too much today? Am I actually join them and, of course, offer to do the worst person on earth? Oh well, all the cleanup. I love cleaning up af- either way, I’m ready to face another ter others, it makes me feel so useful. day tomorrow!

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Movies and TV shows to help you disconnect from reality

By Lynette George

fordable, this movie truly feels like the next best thing.

DENISE XIAO/THE EYEOPENER

Do you ever just want to press the mute button on your brain? Does it feel like a million things are going on around you and your list of tasks just keeps piling up—like finally starting that one overdue assignment? The stress you’re feeling might all be unspoken, but your brain just can’t seem to stop speaking. The desire to disconnect from reality looms as you yearn for a break to give your mind a rest.

Sure you have work to do, but what harm could an hour—or 10— of Netflix really do? Here are five movie and TV show recommendations from Toronto Metropolitan University students to help distract you from your internal storm!

Gilmore Girls—Recommended by Anna Carter, second-year professional communications student Gilmore Girls revolves around a mother, Lorelai, and her teenage daughter, Rory. The iconic duo, being so close in age, spend the show navigating through life and just trying their best to exist—which, honestly, same! This show is the perfect way to decompress and relive your youth while also processing the uphill battles of adulting. It’s a comfort show no matter what’s going on around you. Instead of leaving your house as the weather gets colder, just lose yourself in this show instead.

Live vicariously through this moth-

The Amazing Spider-Man—Recommended by Aaniqa Hemnani, second-year professional communications student In a world where feelings are often left unsaid, The Amazing SpiderMan motivates viewers to have hard conversations—maybe about why you own a full spandex suit— and enjoy the little moments in life out loud. In particular, this movie is the perfect vessel of inspiration to remind you that life is sudden and nothing is guaranteed. It also doesn’t hurt that along with these lessons, Andrew Garfield looks like...Andrew Garfield.

er-daughter duo’s love for winter visually represented through this because that could not be me. action-packed adaptation. The post-apocalyptic series strikes a The Hunger Games Trilogy—Rec- perfect balance between your conommended by Marion Pollard, fusing love life and your self-dethird-year graphic communica- pendent ways. The movies will entions management student sure you can safely disconnect from Are you the oldest child who’s tired your regularly scheduled barrage of of paving the way for your siblings thoughts. Oh, there’s also a love triand always being right? Is it ex- angle. What more could you need? hausting carrying the burden of the entire family on your back? Do you Spirited Away—Recommended by have a bread problem? If your an- Ruth-Ebony Lyttle, fourth-year swer is yes, then The Hunger Games nutrition and food student movies will heal your soul. All your Spirited Away is arguably one of the unspoken familial frustrations are many iconic films created by the

world-famous animation studio, Studio Ghibli. It’s a gentle comingof-age story riddled with the highs and lows of growing up and taking on responsibilities. If you’re overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks you have going on, this movie will help you detach yourself from reality entirely. The film transports you to a beautifully crafted universe where hardships seem weightless and allows you to come face-toface with the daunting expectations of adulthood. In a nutshell, it reminds you that everything will be all right. When therapy is unaf-

Grey’s Anatomy—Recommended

by Sofia Villar Saucedo, thirdyear media production student Grey’s Anatomy is an extremely popular medical drama that has been on the air for 19 seasons. If you’re looking for the ultimate distraction and actively avoiding one of your assignments, this is it!

Grey’s Anatomy has something for everybody—absurd medical scenes, love triangles that better represent a tangled ball of yarn and a light dusting of plot holes to finish it all off. When the goal is to ignore real life, the show’s never-ending torrent of twists and turns will always do right by you.

Transit of Tormented Cupid has now arrived at Love at first sight on the TTC The Delulu Station, you have reached the end of the line

By Ishitaa Chopra What could be better than a watereddown coffee on a Monday morning?

Each week, I hastily board a cramped and dimly-lit train on the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC), where the scent can only be described as a concoction of “commuter musk” and sleep deprivation.

Amidst this very authentic Toronto setting, I suddenly sense a change in the air. I look up and see him as my headphones blast “You Belong with Me” by Taylor Swift, the anthem of unspoken yearnings.

As I catch a glimpse of myself on a metal pole as he looks to find a seat, I realize the burden in my eyes. My under-eye bags have been representing the weight of my struggling love life. The subway rocks back and forth, synchronizing with my ups and downs. He, however, moves with the grace of a ballet dancer and his undereyes scream couture. You know what they say, opposites attract.

While I drink my lukewarm coffee, I watch as he drinks from a steaming cup—a coffee connoisseur navigating a sea of instant coffee peasants.

He looks like the guy who would go to Balzac’s for a coffee instead of Tim

Hortons, or the guy who would buy a subscription to The New Yorker, not just because of the aesthetic and the free tote bag but the actual stories inside it.

He just isn’t like other guys.

Not to me at least.

Gosh—he —he has a hint of the dark side like Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars, he’s built like Superman from Man of Steel and there’s something mysterious about him like Neo from The Matrix, all at once. Is this the universe’s way of telling me that he is The Chosen One? Maybe he is the one for whom I will settle for paper rings. He has the most beautiful brown eyes and voluminous, curly hair. Did I mention that he’s built like Superman?

As the subway stops, like my breathing did when I first saw him, we make eye contact. My eyes light up like stars as the commotion of people entering and exiting leaves the seat next to him open. Suddenly, I find myself walking toward him as if my feet have a mind of their own.

My world starts spinning and I’m

finding it harder to breathe—he is already rocking my world. The lack of oxygen is clouding my judgment, but who needs oxygen when love is in the air?

The subway has left “Are you the one?” station and is reaching “Butterflies in my stomach” station—the doors to my heart will open on the left. I push past people to get to him— like in any love story, people stand in our way. It’s almost like a fever dream as the imaginary narrator in my mind describes my future.

“The same hand that caresses his coffee is the same hand that will one day place a diamond ring on your finger,” the narrator whispers soft hopes in my ear. I wonder what our first conversation would be like so we can share them with our kids and our grandchildren.

Wait, I’m jumping ahead. Let’s revisit this on our fifth anniversary.

I can just imagine our future kids running around the porch while chasing our family’s German shepherd. His hand rests on my shoulder as we watch our kids make our

house into a home.

Some may say I am going too fast.

But who cares about the speed of the love train? Hold on—did the subway pick up pace? Maybe my life is out of balance like this train, snapping me back to reality. Suddenly I’m tripping, falling forward and my barelyiced coffee has spilled all over his suit.

His handsome and well-fitted suit.

He jumps out of his seat frantically, stomping his feet and cursing sweet melancholy. Of course, he could never raise his voice at his future wife. He pushes me aside with such gentleness and care.

The chatter of people is just background noise as he says his first BRITHI SEHRA/THE EYEOPENER

words to me, “What the hell is wrong with you?” He is so close to me that I can smell the hazelnut coffee on his breath. Coffee breath has never smelled so good. Rage burns in his eyes as he finally shoves past me and disappears.

I can’t believe it. How could I have been so blind? This is absolutely not a romantic comedy.

Life is not a movie and I blame all the rom-coms I have been watching for making me believe that love exists. Unless…this is his way of initiating our enemies-to-lovers trope. Why else would he have made eye contact with me in the first place?

Sometimes, it’s ok to be a little delulu Live your fantasies even if they’re detached from reality Words by Zarmminaa Rehman

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t’s a beautiful, sunny morning that resembles a day straight out of a fairytale. You wake up with books littered around your bed, still dressed in last night’s clothes—shorts and the battered old Nirvana t-shirt your absent father left you before he left you. Reaching up, you adjust your dirty blonde ponytail into a messy bun. As you slip into your distressed black high-tops, you grab the latest steamy romance novel you’ve been hooked on and head downstairs to find your mother chatting with 12 strikingly handsome boys.

“Mom, what is this?” you exclaim, clearly confused.

“Well daughter, I had to sell you to these fine gentlemen who are actually all part of two boy bands. I lost my job and needed the money. Good luck!” She informs you as she shoves a duffle bag into your arms. She leaves the room—but not before issuing a warning.

“Be careful boys, she’s not your average 16-year-old.”

12 pairs of eyes take in your appearance as realization sets in.

Your mom didn’t just sell you to a group of random guys, she sold you to ONE DIRECTION AND BTS! Only she didn’t, and this is all inside your head. CUT! Daydreams like this have been a way for third-year professional communications student Yasmeen Shawish to shut out the world and let her imagination run wild. Creating intricate stories to spice up a

Visuals by Rowan O’Hagan, Berry Shi & Jerry Zhang

boring dinner with her parents or make a quick grocery store run more entertaining allows Shawish to escape from reality.

In the event that there just aren’t enough creative juices to conjure her own stories, the doors of fanfiction sites like Wattpad and never-ending searches on Google Images are open 24/7. For Shawish, these bad boys were always ready to sustain the perfect settings in order to indulge in a little one-on-one session with popular band members or a shirtless novel heartthrob.

“Oh my god, he [would say] exactly what I wanted him to say,” says Shawish, reminiscing on stories she’d read with countless points-of-view (POVs) and ‘imagines,”—short scenarios written by others as a means to express their delusions, commonly referred to as ‘delulu.’

Fanfictions and online POVs have long fueled the burning flame some of us may have for celebrities, our favourite characters or those we admire and dream to be. Being told to be realistic, aim lower or “they would never date you” is such a bummer. Why should you be realistic if you can delude yourself to do the exact opposite?

Shawish explains that these “imagines” can feed “delulu” by capturing someone’s dreams in words.

“Someone as delusional as you already wrote it,” she says.

Claire Champigny, a pediatric neuropsychologist and post-doctoral fellow at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto, describes

daydreaming as a way to let your imagination relieve some of the burden of reality and allow you to relax by relying on a healthy coping mechanism.

“Daydreaming is supposed to be either a fun or relaxing way to think about things that make you happy,” says Champigny. “It’s something that’s supposed to be enjoyable [but] it can [also] just be a coping mechanism if you’re going through something that’s a bit emotionally difficult or if you’re just bored.”

For the younger generation—including students like Shawish—daydreams about reality tend to manifest as a type of “escape” or coping mechanism. The delusions in question could certainly worry parents if ever mentioned in passing. Dear parents, we can’t all be raw-dogging through life without wearing a pair of rose-coloured glasses.

Shawish says that she uses daydreaming like an escape to distract from all of her responsibilities whenever she has spare time or when she wants her brain to be focused on something. “[It’s] almost like watching TV.”

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the unspoken issue

something. “[It’s] almost like watching TV.” or fifth-year RTA media production student Alex Mousavi, middle school was a time to daydream about what life could be like beyond just going home for the day after class.

“I’d be daydreaming about the lifestyles that I want to have when I grow up,” he says, recounting how he’d dreamed about living in Los Angeles (L.A.) as an actor. “There is no certainty in life. You have to be almost delusional to envision a life that you actually want.”

Mousavi says having delusions and daydreaming can stem from a variety of different purposes. Early in his life, he developed a focus that was more towards who he wanted to be and what he wanted to accomplish.

“One of my biggest goals in life is to [give] back to my parents,” shares Mousavi. “I always have these daydreams where I’ve made it as an actor, I’m down in L.A. [and] I’ve bought my parents this beautiful, gorgeous house and they have no debt.”

Though his desire to make it as an actor and give back to his parents is still a part of his daydreams, they don’t make up everything he dreams about. Mousavi, for one, is not immune to having delusional thoughts about potential love interests, including celebrity crushes.

“In the back of my mind, [I] imagine going on a date with Emma Watson,” says Mousavi. “I imagine [that] I’ve made it as a big shot actor, I’m working on a movie with Emma and I’m just like, ‘Hey girl, you wanna go grab some dinner?’”

As exciting and fun as it can be to fantasize about meeting your favourite celebrities, Mousavi also knows how unrealistic some of his delusions are. “[To date Emma Watson] would be phenomenal, but I’m also not that delusional,” elaborates Mousavi. “I know that’s never gonna happen, but a man can dream.”

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Sometimes, however, we can get lost and sidetracked by our own delusions. That’s when it’s important to recognize ways we can reel ourselves in when necessary. For example, when personal coping mechanisms—methods that people use to self-regulate stress—fail, surrounding yourself with people who are supportive of you is important.

Mousavi recalls a time when his friends noticed how a personal situation was impacting him and how the way he was coping wasn’t healthy. This caused him to recognize the importance of having a support system. He learned that there is value in surrounding yourself with people who may fully judge you—within reason—and those who don’t sugarcoat the truth when you’re simply being dumb.

“Friends reached out to me and [said], ‘Hey man, we see you hurting yourself, you are indeed delusional about this situation and you need to get out of it,’” explains Mousavi.

“I think having [a] support system be your soundboard [helps] in a way where they’re reflecting on the things that you’re saying and giving you some feedback.”

The support you have around you can also make you feel comfortable enough to be as delusional as you’d like and

manifest to your heart’s content. usic offers another road to pure delulu bliss. Existing in the 21st century has quite a few perks, such as having access to thousands of songs at the tips of our fingers. The various possibilities of daydreams, enhanced by the composition, lyrical genius and assisted by heavenly vocals are quite literally endless. Whether you choose to insert yourself into a music video or pick apart a past argument while listening to a heavy metal soundtrack, music is a way to manifest your fantasies.

Third-year nutrition and food student Noor Saleem says, “I do [daydream] all the time with music. That’s why I love music, it gives you an avenue to daydream.”

While this can inspire people to imagine the most absurd settings and ideas, not all music-inspired daydreams are about being in an angsty music video after a woeful experience—after all, we can’t all be the main characters in a soap opera. Sometimes the music takes you to a blissful, fantasy dandyland where it’s just you and your romantic interest—imaginary or real.

“I think a lot of indie [genres] talk about your partner or the love you have for someone else,” says Saleem. “[It’s] kind of [like] seeing your partner in a different light through a song and [the] avenues of the lyrics.”

Saleem, while being a full-time student, is also a mother. After getting married and having a baby, Saleem knows that while she was once the main character of her life, her baby and the various other responsibilities that come with being a parent are at the forefront of her mind, leaving less time to daydream. “[The daydreams] definitely have become less frequent…

I depend on [them] less,” explains Saleem. “I have a baby and a husband, like a whole different life now.”

Though catering to her baby—a whole other human being—and responsibilities to her family have put a gap in those ‘main character’ moments, Saleem recalls a time during her wedding and bachelorette party when she felt like she was giving that main character energy.

“Reflecting back, I was very comfortable with myself and the way that I looked,” explains Saleem.

“I guess convincing yourself that everybody else around you thinks the same [way] feeds into the feeling that everyone’s always watching you through [a lens] in a positive way rather than a negative way.”

What were once fantasies about how she could’ve confronted someone she had had an argument with or imagining that Justin Bieber had finally replied to her messages on Instagram, are now some of the coping mechanisms she uses when she’s feeling stressed.

“If I don’t want to study, I try and think about what my future would look like if I didn’t [study] versus what it would look like if I [did],” says Saleem. “I daydream a bit more about the future rather than fixating on the day behind me.”

First-year child and youth care student Mariah Bauly has a similar tactic to Saleem. For Bauly, daydreaming manifests as a motivating force and at times, an incentive to do those darn assignments. It’s almost like dangling a piece of bologna in front of a puppy with a little pill hidden inside.

You need to get it over with even if it’s not fun.

“I [daydream about] anything that I need to get done, any of my goals that I want to achieve or if I [need to] do anything in my house,” says Bauly. “I guess in a way, [I] manifest that I’m gonna get it done.”

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D

aydreaming and delusions—despite serving similar interests—may seem to be synonymous with one another, but Shawish explains that the two aren’t always the same.

Daydreaming can be a space of various possibilities, stories or plotlines, allowing the beauty of our minds to craft the fantasy according to its vibes. Delusions, however, refer more so to the idea of possible success. In your mind, this outcome will be achieved only if everything works out in the exact methodical way you’ve conceived it—which basically never happens.

“Daydreaming is more than a space in your head for your imagination and ideas to migrate,” explains Shawish. “It’s like having a blank movie screen [where] anything can be brought on it.” She says delusions are essentially ideas that are unlikely to happen, if ever.

Mousavi mirrors some of these sentiments, expressing the positive sides of both.

“You also have to have some understanding of when you’re being delusional,” says Mousavi. “Daydreaming, I feel, is a way of envisioning life and what it could be, giving you motivation and hope.”

Especially as university students, there are many things on our minds—assignments, internships, course credits, work and more. It can feel overwhelming just thinking about them, never mind having to do them. Instead, it can be useful to let yourself take a mental break and collect your thoughts.

“It’s totally okay to be overwhelmed and to just want to take a step back to be delusional about [some] things. We as people are creative. We need to daydream [and] we need to have different things to be hopeful for,” adds Mousavi.

Champigny mentions that it’s healthy to daydream but if you find that you might be losing your grip on reality or blurring the lines between what’s a daydream versus what’s real life, it may be time to seek help.

“If you’re finding that you’re at work or school and you’re daydreaming to the extent that you’re missing out on important information or getting lost, that’s when it might be kind of impacting your attention,” explains Champigny.

“Daydreaming is more likely to be associated with some attentional difficulties. I think it’s more likely that you end up seeking help because you’re finding that your daydreaming is taking over at times.”

With the current state of our world that’s still reeling from the aftermath of a global pandemic and witnessing never-ending violence, our fast-paced lives can become so exhausting.

Given the stress, know that it’s okay to daydream sometimes as a coping mechanism to alleviate the endless bombardment of expected productivity. So be delusional, give yourself some time and space to escape to your daydreams, but also make sure that you can set boundaries of how far you want to delude yourself. If you find yourself negatively being impacted and slowly starting to cross said limits of daydreaming, it may be time to seek help and support—both offered by school services and outside.

“I think if you have more of a relationship with your delusions, then in reality that’s a problem. I feel like you should be delusional [sometimes], we only have one life and we’re not supposed to just limit ourselves,” expresses Shawish. “I think it’s good to be delulu if you are self-aware.”

8

Diary Entry: Am I quirky or do I need a therapist?

To everyone who’s been asking this question, I see and I hear you

By Bana Yirgalem Dear Diary, Today was Tuesday, which meant more time spent commuting to Toronto Metropolitan University for production at The Eyeopener. I walked into the office with my overbuttered bagel and a ridiculously expensive drink from Tim Hortons— which I’m pretty sure was only half-full. “Damn, Timmies is really playing with my emotions, just like my past situationships,” I thought as I stared at my breakfast.

As I sat down at my desk, I couldn’t help but compare it to the sports editors’ desk—which had a Raptors championship replica ring on it—I thought to myself, “I’m going to steal that ring when they aren’t looking.”

I had to mentally prepare myself for the next few hours. Why, you may ask? Because I knew I was going to cry at some point in the day.

I mean, I’ve cried at least once every production day. I could feel the fast clicking of my nails against my keyboard as I put the final touches on my stories for that week’s issue—I needed to kill some time until the day ended.

The first option I considered was blasting some Playboi Carti in my headphones and screaming “ROCKSTAR MADE” in my brain to distract me from crying. The second option was going on YouTube to rewatch some of the Raptors’ championship highlights from 2019 because they probably won’t have a good enough run again for as long as I’m breathing oxygen.

I decided to watch some YouTube videos. However, I didn’t end up watching the highlights. Instead, I was watching some white dude

with a weird haircut recap the “kill counts” of different horror movies.

It might seem morbid and a little wild, but hey! He makes great jokes to lighten the mood throughout the video and it’s kind of funny, I can’t lie. His channel is almost as hilarious as the idea that I could survive a horror movie myself. God forbid a zombie apocalypse were to happen because I would be dead ASAP, no Rocky. Pun fully intended.

As I watched a recap of It: Chapter 2, I asked one of The Eye’s sports editors—as well as one of my best friends—Daniella Lopez, if she wanted to watch it with me. “What are you watching exactly?” she asked as she tried to crane her neck to see.

“I’m watching some dude break down murders in horror movies!

I laugh whenever someone gets a screwdriver to the eye because the killer really nailed it,” I said as I turned from the screen to face her, laughing a little too loudly.

All I saw was a scared and concerned expression on her face.

“Bana, what the hell? Are you okay?” she asked. I felt like she was looking at me as if I had inexplicably turned into a frog before her very eyes.

“It’s funny when they die, I mean, why did they decide to go to an abandoned cabin? I would never! They’re so dumb,” I said, trying to defend myself as if I were defending Drake on Twitter from the haters—like the amazing future wife I am.

Daniella then said three words that made me rethink all my life choices leading up to that day. “You need therapy.”

Cue the Michael Myers Hallow-

JERRY ZHANG/THE EYEOPENER een theme song as I sat there dumbfounded, just like when I found out I failed my JRN 344 midterm last year. “THERAPY? IS SHE OUT OF HER MIND?” I thought to myself.

Hmm. Or is she?

The word therapy itself cuts deeper than that time I stayed up watching an anime to make a boy like me, just for him to dump me afterward.

When I got home from The Eye office, I was in a trance, as if my sleep paralysis demon wanted to have tea and gossip about my problems. I thought about it again: “Am I just being silly or should I seek therapy?” I’ve gone to therapy plenty of times before because, well, a girl like me has had some issues.

I remember the first therapist I had when I was 12—a middle-aged white woman. I knew it would be a trainwreck when she put colour-

ing sheets out for me to scribble on while I talked. What made her think colouring would help me if I couldn’t even draw within the lines?

I would just sit there giving her one-word responses every time she asked me anything because, frankly, I’d had enough and was upset that being there meant I was missing new episodes of Big Time Rush and iCarly.

I remember her asking me this question during a session: “Why do you think you’re always sad?” I couldn’t believe she asked me why I was sad all the time. “Um, I don’t know, lady, maybe that’s what you need to figure out,” I said while contemplating buzz-cutting all my hair and going bald like Steve Harvey.

Each session she would assign me homework like “do one good deed at school” or “build closer relationships with your friends,” which I thought was a bunch of bullshit. After all,

that kind of advice is something I already got from my family. I needed some professional advice on how to cope with emotions.

Jokes on her though, I got bullied and had no friends. Anyway, enough about my sob story and how I was a victim of bullying in elementary school. It didn’t change in high school either, so that’s a major laugh-out-loud moment.

All I’m saying is that to this day, I’m not really sure if I need to see a therapist or if I’m just silly and quirky. I’m not sure what I want to eat for breakfast or what music I want to listen to.

Do I say my impulsive thoughts out loud? Yes, all the time! Does that mean I need some therapy? It might.

Let me email my therapist about an appointment, I’ll keep you updated if anything changes.

Xoxo, Bana the Banana

Photo Gallery Visuals by Jerry Zhang, Sammy Kogan and Brithi Sehra The Eyeopener worked tirelessly to create The Unspoken Issue. Through it all, the photo team documented the journey. Are you interested in how it all came together? Here’s a look at some behind-the-scenes photos.

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I’m not shy, I just don’t like you Why my silence doesn’t always equal shyness

By Lily Han I don’t think I’m a shy person. I can talk, I can be the life of the party and I can engage in conversations. I can do all these things. However, I can also choose to refrain from conversing with people altogether. Basically, I’m capable of various actions but it is my choice to do what I want...

There’s nothing more annoying than minding your own business and then having your peace disturbed by someone who clearly thinks they’re God’s gift to the world. I would rather be lost in Kerr Hall for 10 hours than have to interact with someone who has obviously only ever interacted with people like them: loud, obnoxious and lame. People can be so infuriating and I promise I don’t mean that in a malicious way. I mean it in more of a “matter-of-fact” way.

OK, if you’re confused, let me explain.

It was a beautiful day on campus last week— the sun was out and birds were chirping. A friend and I were just sitting outside, enjoying the weather and doing some school work on campus right in front of the Sheldon and Tracy Levy Student Learning Centre (SLC).

Then, the worst thing happened… a man approached us. He was one of those common “Chads” that I’m sure many of us recognize. He was wearing a backward-facing cap and

a puffer jacket, essentially fitting the stereotype of a classic “basic boy.” Apparently, he decided we were the two women he felt like bothering that day.

There’s a feeling of dread that washes over you when you’re unlucky enough to encounter someone you know is bound to give you trouble and you desperately hope they won’t notice you. You attempt to avoid eye contact but they continue to approach you. Eventually, you realize that it’s too late to make a quick escape.

Yeah. That’s how it felt. Why me?

“Ugh, please let me escape this situation,” I thought to myself. “Maybe if we get up now and make a run for it he won’t even notice.” Unfortunately, before I could tug on my friend’s arm to make our escape, he was already standing before us in all his douchey glory.

Of course, he came up and started the whole, “Hey ladies, how you doing?” bit.

“What are you girls working on?

Wow, smart women, I love my women smart.”

Immediate eye roll.

Has anyone ever told this man to just hush in his life? Clearly not, otherwise he wouldn’t be disturbing our peace.

Like sir, go away. The audacity of him to think that his presence is worth my time threatens to make me ill.

JAY ASHDOWN & JERRY ZHANG/THE EYEOPENER Just looking at him made me want to throw a book at him. Specifically Abigail Holiday’s book, Learning to Respect Women: We Are Pleased You Want to Know This Today. For some, that’s the only way they can learn. If worse comes to worst, at least I have a textbook that I can use at a moment’s notice.

Unfortunately, our obvious lack of interest didn’t deter him at all.

He talked and talked and—oh my god—talked about who knows what, for what felt like forever. Like no, it’s fine. I don’t have work to get done today or anything. As he continued to try to get my friend and I to acknowledge him, I sighed and gazed into the road in front of us.

Maybe if we shifted two feet forward, he would inch onto the pavement and get run over by a scooter.

My friend and I glanced at each other, an entire silent conversation being told with our eyes. Ladies, you

know what I’m talking about. The “Why is this man still talking?” and “Can he just leave us alone?” looks.

Eventually, after what seemed like years, he finally noticed how quiet we were, so he decided that the smart thing to say was “Damn, you girls are so shy.”

Oh my god. Who else hates that?

Just because I am choosing to not speak to you does not mean I am shy. I am just not speaking to you.

When did that become a thing?

Not speaking to strange men means I’m a shy little girl now? My silence is my own choice and it’s stupid of you to assume otherwise.

Listen buddy, no one likes you right now. Not only did you kill my vibe on this beautiful Tuesday morning, but your absurd audacity is annoying.

The sun has gone away, the singing birds have died and the grass is now brown all because

of your presence. Ugh, men.

Consider this: perhaps my silence isn’t about you. I might not always be this quiet, but I’m opting for it because giving you a piece of my mind would be a waste of time and energy. Have you ever entertained that possibility? Probably not. Of course not. Why would that even be a big boy thought in your head?

In a world where social interaction is as vital as the air we breathe, I encourage you to take it as an insult that I don’t want to be social with you in particular right now. It’s not because of some aversion to social interaction or a nuanced psychological phenomenon rooted in selfperception, environmental stimuli and cognitive processes. To put it in simpler terms: It’s not shyness— I really just don’t like you. Duh. Read more at theunspokenissue. theeyeopener.com

Everything I told my shampoo bottle last night Wait, you don’t talk to your toiletries?!

By manicpixiedreamgirl420 Beads of steaming water trickle down my skin. The air quickly thickens with heat, laced with sweet jasmine incense and last night’s dank cannabis pickup.

Each droplet hits the tub’s floor like a mini stampede in the shower. The mellow buzz from my 3 a.m. bowl continues to lull my racing mind and soothe my aching limbs.

The night grows darker as Mitski’s melancholic ballads echo—yes, my heart is a washing machine and your dirty shoes are banging it up inside, Andrew. But wait, what if this is my internalized misogyny and decades of parentification acting up, causing me to feel the innate responsibility to fix, heal and nurture? Am I just a household appliance? When’s my next therapy session again?

The beads harden into bullets and damn, I’m in my feels. How do I recover from this? I reach out of the curtain for my phone, similar to a

zombie emerging from the earth as I have eaten my ‘pasta special’ and drank scramble to find my “bad bitch” Spo- my dirty iced chai latte right then and tify playlist. Ah, Megan Thee Stal- there, surrounded by Adidas Sambas lion—exactly what I needed to remind and Nike Air Force 1’s, on the sticky me that “dick don’t run tiled floor. Now that’s me, I run dick.” Can grit, Toronto Metbad bitches be clumsy? ropolitan University.

Like spend-yourWith my skin ex18th-birthday-in-thefoliated and my face emergency-room-getcleansed, it’s now time. ting-stitches-clumsy?

I scan my hanging Earlier today, I caddy of bottles—short tripped on air in front and tall, nearly empty of my café crush—I hate and fully empty—for to say that it wasn’t the the container of perfirst time. A bout of the fect, purple-dispensing ‘cringe shivers’ courses magic. There! Tucked through my body as I away in the darkgrab my face cleansest corner, I see it, er. Maybe my crush with trails of water thought that I was just softly glistening in the so enamoured by their moody, amber light. beauty or severely itching for some You’ve never looked so radiant, caffeine in my bloodstream, caus- Schwarzkopf Bold Colour Wash ing me to gracefully stumble to the in purple. You’ve been there for ground in their presence. I may as well me this whole time, through all

the highs, lows, trials and tribulations of life. And here I’ve been falling for—and in front of—guys with ‘male manipulator’ music tastes and leather-donning girls who just want to trauma dump and touch grass.

Fuck, the city’s greenspace is rapidly declining—what if I do want to share what traumatic childhood events led me to develop such unique attachment patterns, all while laying on a fluffy patch of green grass as Radiohead’s greatest hits softly play? Ah right, that therapy session…

My prune-like fingertips grasp my shampoo bottle. I turn it upside down and squeeze the adequate palm-sized amount to not only wash my hair but refresh its violet hue. I firmly shake the bottle to the beat of some swanky French jazz. Then, as an act from Satan herself, my hand misses the purple glob and it swiftly plops onto my foot, enveloping each toe and not missing a single crevice.

It’s in these moments when life feels

like a movie. Quentin Tarantino would definitely be directing this scene—foot pans, toe zooms and all.

As the shamp-goo drips down, a small gap forms on its surface, resembling the mouth of a blobfish. I squint to get a better look—it’s Eminem and he’s popping off with “Rap God.” Bars upon bars are spat as the jazz from my phone speaker continues to play.

Although this wildly unhinged mashup isn’t what I had expected, it’s perhaps what I needed. I respectfully wait for the rap-glob’s performance to conclude and luckily, there’s no encore.

My hair still isn’t washed but I feel oddly rejuvenated. I thank my bottle of Schwarz for her service and wash the rest of little Marshall down the drain. After processing the sheer chaos that had just ensued at the tip of my toes, my gaze once again locks on the shampoo bottle—it’s been you all along. ‘Poo and me against the world.’

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TMU student appears to have ‘no thoughts, head empty’

By Caelan Monkman Disclaimer: All characters, quotes and scenarios are ictional and were created for satire.

Word has been spreading around Toronto Metropolitan University’s (TMU) campus following the spotting of a student who, according to multiple of the pupil’s classmates, seems to simply have no thoughts.

This mysterious student—who shall remain nameless to protect their identity—was first spotted on campus last Tuesday afternoon.

Multiple students reported seeing someone snacking on a box of twenty old-fashioned plain Timbits in the Kerr Hall Quad.

“I didn’t even know you could just order plain Timbits,” one bystander told The Eyeopener. “I’d always assumed they were just there to act as fillers for when you order an assorted box.”

Dr. Crane E. Yum, a neuroscience professor at TMU and a self-proclaimed “medical school graduate,” says that eating bland food is a common symptom of “head emptiness.”

“Craving the consumption of bland and uninteresting things is a common sign of those with head-

empty conditions (HECs),” says Dr. Yum. “Eating plain foods, listening to terrible music by artists like Drake or Taylor Swift and watching trashy Netflix reality shows can also be common coping strategies for individuals with HECs,” said Dr. Yum. They went on to express that there is a critical difference between “head empty, no thoughts” and “head empty, just vibes,” individuals who are more commonly referred to as stoners.

“It’s not that there is a lack of brainwave activity,” says Dr. Yum. “It’s actually quite the opposite. The lack of activity is the activity.”

The causes of HECs are still largely unknown, although some preliminary research is pointing towards potential links with overpriced Balzac’s coffee. The repetitive mental strain of using a transit system that is about as unreliable as MyServiceHub on open enrollment days has also been found to be common in HECs patients.

In their classes, the no-thoughts student has been reported to exhibit other common thoughtless symptoms like interrupting lectures to ask questions that are already thoroughly explained in the class syllabus. Furthermore, according to TMU engineering professor Ed Emtea, the student an-

BRITHI SEHRA/THE EYEOPENER

swered ‘all of the above’ to multiple true or false questions during their midterm last week.

“When I watch them in my lectures, it’s like they’re in a haze,” explained Emtea, who has dealt with multiple no-thoughts students in the past. “I mean, if this student’s mind was any hazier, it could be part of a fraternity.”

Despite the negative connotations often associated with having no thoughts, for some, the prospect is actually a welcome one.

“I mean, look around you,” says second-year philosophy student Noah Thauts. “Having no thoughts is living the dream. If we could all

just turn off our brains for even half a second, I think the world would be a much better place.”

A TMU admissions spokesperson said that although thoughtless students are more common than people think, they aren’t commonly found on TMU’s campus because “they more typically attend the University of Toronto.”

Exact population figures for how many thoughtless students attend TMU are hard to calculate because it can be challenging to differentiate between students who truly have no thoughts and ones who simply have pointless ones (such as any student

who has ever played devil’s advocate in a classroom debate).

Despite the lack of some population data, studies indicate that roughly 95 per cent of thoughtless students tend to grow out of their head-empty phases by the age of 25 and go on to live relatively normal lives. As for the remaining five per cent that never develop the ability to think critically, most become politicians or TikTok influencers.

Note: The Eyeopener reached out to the student for their thoughts on this story and received the following statement: “ .”

Popping the question: ‘Are you mad at me?’

By Danielle Reid I may have failed math in Grade 11, but leave me on delivered and it won’t take long for me to morph into a younger, much hotter version of Pythagoras.

My last message was sent at approximately 7:40 p.m. and it is now 8:08 p.m. In exactly two minutes, I will have been left on delivered for half an hour.

The numbers are in and according to my calculations, if I don’t get an answer soon, I won’t make it through the night.

He’s been my boyfriend for about two weeks and now that the honeymoon stage is over, we’re obviously on very rocky terrain. My last mes-

sage was a compilation video of those adorable goats that faint when they get excited. How could you not have something to say about that? I fear we will never come back from this. Some things simply cannot be forgiven.

I don’t understand. I gave him the best texts of my life! Responses were coming in at record speed, averaging at least four replies a minute. The LOLs were flowing, emojis were flying. We were on fire. We JERRY ZHANG/THE EYEOPENER

were everything.

At 8:30—I have no choice but to start planning how many cats I’ll be able to financially support on my salary from The Eyeopener. I figure I should at least give them a good life if I can’t give them a father.

At 8:45—I can feel my body starting to physically reject his silence.

Medically speaking, is it possible for a girl to die from attention deprivation? I’m losing feeling in my fingertips, my breath is shallow and I’m seeing double. Call an ambulance—no, call my mother! Somebody sedate me.

At 8:50—My stomach drops and I think I’m going to be sick. It dawns on me that there is quite literally only one thing that could explain this. I do something I swore I’d never do, but what’s a double text if not double the love? My fingers dance across my keyboard. I’m feral but I still manage to formulate what I believe to be the most genius message I’ve ever crafted. As I wipe the sweat from my brow, I sit back and examine my handiwork that reads “R u mad at me?”

Surely I’d also be mad if someone did…whatever it is that I did. Honestly, I should be ashamed of myself.

I guess I’m only confused about one thing: what exactly did I do?

At 9:32—I’m just about to hit send when I hear a voice from above say “Girl, stop it.” The voice

sounds oddly familiar. Kind of like me, only wiser and with a little more self-respect.

Maybe she’s right. She probably has a great therapist. Should I call my therapist? It has been a while… is my therapist mad at me?

After making a mental note to apologize to my therapist for something, I try to remember what it is she told me to do when I find myself in situations like this.

Assess the situation She’d probably ask something insightful like, “Are you rooted in reality?” Well, let me see. Is my message really being hung to dry?

Yes. Should that be considered a crime? Yes. Am I about to slash a tire or smash a headlight or whatever it is Carrie Underwood said to do? Absolutely not.

Don’t jump to conclusions She’s right. He’s not mad at me.

Maybe he accidentally left the tap on while drawing his nightly bubble bath and flooded the apartment. Maybe his bath towel caught on fire while trying to light his favourite Cookie Butter Blossomscented candle–I know how much

he loves that. Or it could be something even worse—he could just think I’m annoying.

List possible offences Generally, I’m a good person, but even saints were sinners once. It’s time to think about what it could’ve been that may have sent him over the edge. Maybe it’s because I forgot his birthday last week, but that was a week ago. Personally, I’d be over it by now but we all heal at different spe–DING! Before I can even complete the final step, I hear my phone go off with the sweet song of a new notification.

It’s him.

My anxieties are put to rest by one simple message that reads, “Hey, I’m sorry. I was making my mom an Instagram so I can send her the video of the goats.”

Of course that’s what it was. You know, I never doubted his undying love for me. Not even for a second.

What can I say? It was really never that serious.

Let the record show that I have never claimed to be sane or rational and as a girl, I reserve the right to be a little bit silly. Honestly, if an hour apart sends you into an anxiety-fueled internal spiral, he might just be the one. I guess the part-time DJs/relationship coaches on TikTok were right: Ladies, they always come back.

11

Campus Quest: A student’s journey The Eye Asks: What’s your most out-of-pocket from the subway to the RCC impulsive thought?

By Opie Nyun

By Daniella Lopez The adventure of a lifetime begins for some Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) students, myself included, as the subway rolls into Dundas Station. We’re all hoping to reach the catacombs spread across campus.

For me, the destination is my class at the Rogers Communication Centre (RCC). I mentally prepare myself for the treacherous expedition that is sure to come. Though, I do wish I got more sleep…

With my heat-resistant jacket prepared to shield me from the volcanic lava that is Yonge-Dundas Square, I’m ready to begin. Something is always about to erupt here—whether it’s a live concert or someone walking into oncoming traffic. Maybe one of the preachers will summon Jesus himself.

My fellow subway travelers eagerly gather at the front of the doors, waiting for them to slide open and reveal the unknown challenges of the day. “You’re not going to get there any faster,” I say to myself as I hang back, bid farewell to my safety and let the crowd barge out of the sliding doors ahead of me.

I hold in a giggle as I see a student walk in the wrong direction to the station’s exit. At least they’re trying to take the steps toward becoming the hero of their own story.

I quietly huff and puff—and might blow your house down—as everyone crowds toward the closest Presto exit. If I don’t make it

We’ve all had these thoughts.

You see a pigeon waddling down Gould Street. What if you were to put that pigeon in your backpack, bring it home, feed it three times a day and made it watch Jeopardy?

I would teach it the basics of Victorian poetry. He shalt eventually become the legendary story of the PIGEON that can play JEOPARDY!—am I using that language correctly? Anyways, some Toronto Metropolitan University Students—some of whom will SAMMY KOGAN/THE EYEOPENER remain unnamed to protect identities—told The Eyeopener to class, there will be catastrophic Dorado—a.k.a. Starbucks. stopped by a pair of double agents— some of their most impulsive consequences—like losing two per Just like I expected I would, I be- the Little Canada employees. After thoughts. Here they are! cent of my attendance mark.

I’m kind of like Indiana Jones on these streets. Some might even refer to me as a commuter expert or a wilderness explorer. Thus, I know to head left as soon as I exit the station.

I enter The Tenor—the official name for that place where the Cineplex is.

For a moment, I consider stopping at the Tim Hortons for breakfast. How could I possibly be ready to fight a saboteur—a.k.a. the professor who failed me—on an empty stomach? The thought of waiting in line to order and then waiting even longer for my cinnamon raisin bagel makes me shudder. So instead, I let the jam-packed escalators full of students whisk me away.

My stomach growls louder than a tiger ready to attack, causing the person in front of me to turn around. Thankfully, my ninja reflexes allow me to dodge this natural disaster—their backpack—which is oh-so-close to knocking me out.

How hard is it to be more aware of your surroundings? A domino effect of commuters falling into the swamps of garbage beneath us would be the real natural disaster.

Now overly aware of my grumbling stomach, I decide that I will have breakfast…only this one time though. Unsurprisingly, the downstairs escalators are broken. So, rather than looking like a failure, really just a fool, I go to every TMU student’s favourite spot to refuel: El

gin to wait in the longest line of my life. I ponder whether or not my sausage, egg and bacon sandwich is even worth my hunger in this economy. For now, more important matters remain: how will I reach the catacombs?

I realize that I have two options. I can endure the daunting trek through Victoria Street, crossing hazardous rivers—urine puddles—and dodging mercenaries—clueless drivers. Or, I can push through the crowds on Yonge Street.

Yonge Street it is.

I’ll be sure to take a moment to stop and remember the fallen soldiers—those who skipped class— and their trusty sidekicks—the dead mouse and seagull on the curb—for their sacrifices. They would make good Halloween props, but I digress…unless.

Finally, it’s my turn to order.

Minutes later, I’m handed my precious sustenance along with several napkins. Before the cashier can even wish me well on my journey, I’m out the door.

I take a right—even though I’m left-handed—and reach Yonge and Dundas Square. Immediately, I almost get swallowed up by the gaping void—an open sewer grate. I stop for a moment to gather my bearings.

That would have been embarrassing.

As I walk along the dreaded “rope bridge,” which is really just my path behind a swarm of students also trying to make it to class on time, I’m

narrowly avoiding them, I’m careful not to get harassed by Five Guys— the smell I mean—and momentarily think about stopping inside Tokyo Smoke. Since it’s Thursday, I can score a discount on my edibles. According to girl math, I’m saving money by buying at a discount as opposed to buying nothing at all.

I do a little dancey-dance as I finally enter the Temple of Doom: TMU campus. Mere minutes after starting the trek down Gould Street, I’m nearly obliterated by a falling crane. Granted, I usually choose to walk near dangerous objects on campus. How else would I achieve generational wealth?

As I walk down the street, I have to be as stealthy as possible to go undetected by the secret societies— i.e. the anti-abortion protestors, socialist groups and aspiring TikTokers with their suspiciously tiny microphones. I stop in my tracks to consider whether or not it’s worth it to get interviewed—I do want to become famous—but end up choosing to put on my stone-cold face and staying true to my path.

I make sure to hold my breath as I pass by the poisonous gas—the garbage bins—as my final destination is in sight.

Alas, I’ve reached the catacombs— the RCC. As I finally reach into my pocket to grab my sword—OneCard— and declare my journey victorious, my heart drops. I left it at home.

“Maybe if I get caught stealing from Metro I won’t have to write my midterm. They can’t make me write an exam after being tackled by a security guard, right?”

- Mariyah Salhia, fourth-year journalism

“What would happen if I tripped while walking up the steps of the SLC in front of my crush? Cause at that point I’d probably have to seek out witness protection services.”

- Divine Amayo, third-year graphic communications management

“Sometimes I wish I was Bigfoot and could just stomp on people who walk slow next to all the food spots in front of SLC.” - coolcatgirliepop420, fourth-year creative industries

“Maybe the only reason why I applied for this program is to find and marry my future NBA husband.”

- scottiewifey23, irst-year sport media

12

The Unspoken Crossword Puzzle

By Anastasia Blosser Now that you’ve made it to the end of the The Unspoken Issue it’s time to put your memory to the test and solve our special issue-themed crossword. Every clue is connected to an article from this issue so the puzzle can only be solved if you’ve read every story. There may or may not be a prize incentive...

ACROSS 2. Mariana leaves coffee for her roommates here (pg. 4) 4. Last name of student who thinks turning off our brains could lead to a better world (pg. 10) 9. Eponymous mother navigating life on a hit TV show (pg. 5) 12. The campus building with packed escalators (pg. 11) 13. Dr. Crane E. Yum spoke to The

shade (pg. 9) 3. When therapy is unaffordable, our writers turn to films from this animation studio (pg. 5) 5. The mystery man on the Toronto Transit Commission reads The New Yorker for the stories, not this free item (pg. 5) 6. Educational institution with highest rates of Head Empty Condition (pg. 10) 7. The editor tasked with managing The Unspoken Issue (pg. 3) 8. Symbols flying before being left on delivered (pg. 10) 10. ______ Magic, located in Kensington Market (pg. 4) 11. Recommended incense scent for contemplative showers (pg. 9) 14. These physical traits symbolizes DOWN the weight of Ishitaa’s love life (pg. 5) 15. Potential career for those afflicted 1. The Eye writers use Schwarz- with HEC (pg. 10) kopf Bold Colour Wash in this 16. Rapper commonly confused Eyeopener about this condition (pg. 10) 18. The plain version of these Canadian treats can surprisingly be ordered on their own (pg. 10) 19. A student’s El Dorado (pg. 11) 22. A type of suit that you won’t understand until you’ve seen it (pg. 4) 23. Great spot for people-pleasers to meet their friends for lunch (pg. 4) 25. Mysterious, like this cinematic cyber-protagonist (pg. 5) 26. Animals featured in Reid’s video messages (pg. 10) 28. Breakfast option with a long shelf life (pg. 4) 29. Cookie Butter Blossom item known for engulfing towels in flames (pg. 10) 30. Popular fanfiction site (pg. 6-7)

with a shamp-goo blobfish (pg. 9) 17. The Eye recommends watching this Spiderman’s movies if you’re looking for comfort (pg. 5) 20. HEC could be linked to drinks from this campus cafe (pg. 10) 21. Mothers sell teenage daughters to One Direction and ___ (pg. 6-7) 24. These body parts may hurt after a long day of hiding your emotions (pg. 9) 27. manicpixiedreamgirl420 says she told her shampoo bottle about this love interest (pg. 9) 28. Lopez’s sword (pg. 11)

Once you’re finished, unscramble the highlighted letters to reveal a code phrase. This code phrase can be submitted to a Google Form to enter for a chance to win a $15 Tim Hortons gift card!

Scan the QR code above to submit your answers.

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CODE PHRASE: 30

___ / ___ / ______ / ________ / _______ / _____