When love strikes and stays: the joy of long-term relationships

For some long-term couples, it’s the little things that keeps love alive

By Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng

When Cupid’s arrow strikes the heart of new lovers, the hope is that the excitement of the early days will last well into the future. For some Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) students, finding love that is lasting and healthy involves consistently checking in and communicating.

First-year journalism student Calan Pitts’ relationship has only gotten better with time. Pitts said finding a balance and settling into a life together with healthy communication has helped them and their partner, 20-year-old Casper Soares, thrive together.

Over the past four years, Pitts and Soares have navigated challenges such as a global pandemic. When the two were apart for weeks on end, they would play video games like Minecraft and stream TV shows and movies online in order to stay connected.

When they first got together, the two had to navigate how to openly communicate, especially when someone was upset. Pitts said a lack of open dialogue created a rift in the first few months of the relationship but it has gotten better over time.

The two have developed ways to stay connected and effectively communicate their needs with each other throughout their relationship—especially when it’s difficult. For them, working through tough conversations sometimes takes the form of writing with pen and paper to sort out their emotions. emotional intimacy, said Ahmad. This foundation will support the couple in continuing to grow together as their lives change alongside each other.

“Sometimes saying what’s wrong, like literally saying [it], is really difficult,” said Pitts.

Soares said being together longterm means more than being enamoured and the best part is learning to grow with them.

“In order for your partner to feel safe, to be emotionally vulnerable, you’ve also gotta double up on that vulnerability yourself… it has to be a mutual conversation about emotion,” she said.

The effort they have both put into overcoming mental health challenges has also improved their relationship and processes of understanding their own emotions and minds, said Soares.

“I’m much happier in the relationship now than I was at the beginning because [now] it’s consistent contentedness instead of excitement,” said Soares.

“It’s a very consistent, good feeling rather than these massive highs and massive lows.”

Toronto-based psychologist Dr. Saunia Ahmad helps couples better support each other through emotional and physical intimacy. She said becoming comfortable being yourself around your partner is a vital part of being able to experience life happily together.

When couples feel comfortable communicating difficult feelings like anger or disappointment, it builds a healthy foundation of

Third-year media production student Justyn Cao has been with his girlfriend for over four-and-a-half years. Being together since high school means they’ve spent time enjoying and experiencing major life events together, he said. The couple has gotten to enter adulthood together and celebrate milestones like getting their driver’s licenses and starting university together.

“Going into university… I was really nervous about interacting with all these new people. But just talking with her, she subdued those fears that I had and just told me to be myself,” said Cao. “Her confidence in me transferred over.”

The “honeymoon phase,” which is usually a period of intense bonding in the first few months to two years of a relationship according to Healthline, has never really ended for Cao and his girlfriend. He said valuing honesty and not holding anything back makes it easy to talk through anything. For him, being together long-term means comfort is mixed into the initial bliss of the relationship.

“It’s not like one day I just stop feeling all the butterflies,” said Cao. “It’s just different when you’re really comfortable with the person and you don’t have to hide all the little insecurities.” in a healthy relationship is active listening, where both partners intentionally listen and respond to the other’s needs.

Another green flag is showing interest in one another’s passion, Sharma said. This can create a space where both partners feel comfortable sharing about themselves, which is critical to maintaining any relationship according to Sharma.

Relationship expert and founder of Toronto based therapy clinic, NKS Therapy, Natasha Sharma, said the honeymoon phase is a natural and valuable time for new couples. Being open and vulnerable early on also helps to maintain or regain any spark that might get lost over time.

“Always be interested in your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. Find a way to learn something new about them,” said Sharma. “Ask them about their lives… spend quality time that’s focused on one another.”

Sharma said a major “green flag”