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Copyright Dedication
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNineteen
ChapterTwenty
ChapterTwenty-One
ChapterTwenty-Two
ChapterTwenty-Three
ChapterTwenty-Four
ChapterTwenty-Five
ChapterTwenty-Six
ChapterTwenty-Seven
ChapterTwenty-Eight
ChapterTwenty-Nine
ChapterThirty
ChapterThirty-One
ChapterThirty-Two
ChapterThirty-Three
ChapterThirty-Four
ChapterThirty-Five
ChapterThirty-Six
CHAPTERONE DEAR READER, LET’S go back a month from the end of book five to start our story:
FromthemomentIsteppedontothebar,Icouldfeelhiseyesburningintome,agazesointenseitfeltlikeitwasunraveling theveryfabricofmysoul As“ColdSweat”byThinLizzythunderedthroughthespeakers,Ilostmyselfintherhythm,each movementawild,untamedresponsetothemusic’srawpower.Everysultryglanceovermyshoulderwasasilent communicationmeantforhimalone:Hillbilly.
Hillbillystoodintheshadows,afireIplayedwith,andIwasdangerouslyclosetogettingscorched Iwasfullyawareof thedanger,yetstilldrawntoitlikeamothbewitchedbytheflame.Dangerous,undeniablyso,butirresistiblytempting.
Asthesongclimaxed,Iendedmydancewithaprovocativeflickofmyhair;theroomsnappingbackintosharpfocus Valley,alwaysthecharmer,steadiedmewithanappreciativegrin.“Daphne,thatwashot!Howaboutgivingmeachance?”
Ishothimateasinglook,myeyesflickingtowardsHillbilly,whowasnowstridingtowardhisofficewithapurpose “Valley,honey,you’reacatch,butIplayinthemajorleagues.”
Hislaughterrangout,infectiousandfilledwithlightheartedamusement.“Trustme,Daphne,Ihititoutoftheparkevery damntime”
Ishookmyhead,humorlacingmysmile,asIscoopedupmytrayandbeganweavingthroughthetables.
InavigatedthroughthepulsatingcrowdofTheDevil’sDen,thebaralivewithstoriesandsecrets Theplacewasmore thanabar ithadbecomepartofmyfamily.Greatco-workers,excellenttips,andthentherewasHillbilly,themanwhoturned myworldupsidedown.Heleftmyheadspinningwiththegamesheplayed.
But I was hooked.
Later,asHillbillyreappeared,myheartskippedabeat.Hisblondhairwastiedupinamanbun,astylethatonlyhecould makelookeffortlesslycool Hispiercingblueeyesalwaysseemedtofindmine,ignitingatumultuousstormofemotioninside me.
Valleysnappedhisfingersinfrontofmyface,jerkingmeoutofmyreverie “Youlostinthere?You’vegotatrayofdrinks waiting.”
BeforeIcouldformawittyretort,mygazeinadvertentlycaughtsightofafamiliarfacesidlingupnexttoHillbillyatthe bar. Julie Theblonde,tallbeautywhoseemedtobeincreasinglygluedtohissidemoreoftenthannotlately.Apangof jealousysurgedthroughme,especiallywhenIsawhersmileathiminawaythatmadeitpainfullyobviousthattheyshareda connectionbeyondfriendship
That’sthethingwithHillbilly,themixedsignalsheconstantlysentmyway.Thoseheated,lingeringglances,theundeniable sexualtensionthatcrackledbetweenus,everysimpletouchchargedwithelectricintensity Yet,heflittedeffortlesslyfromone womantoanother,leavingmefeelinglikejustanotherfaceinhisever-growingcrowdofwomen.Hecontinuallyaskedmeout, hisfrustrationpalpableeachtimeIturnedhimdown.Thefactwas,Hillbilly’s‘date’wasnothingmorethananightinhisbed.
ButImadeavowtomyselfthreeyearsago,attwenty,thatIwouldneverletanothermantreatmelikeadisposabletoy,to bethrownawayliketrash.
Never again
Casimir,mybestfriendandbrotherfromanothermother,hadoncetoldme,“Knowyourworth,Daphne.Don’tletanyone
dimtheshinethatmakesyouamazing.”Clingingtothatthought,IlockedeyeswithHillbillyforafleeting,chargedmoment.A challengeseemedtosimmerinhisgaze,anunspokenbattleofwills.
Turningonmyheel,dismissinghimwithanewfoundresolve,Idovebackintothebuzzing,livelyatmosphereofThe Devil’sDen.Irefusedtolethim,oranyone,tarnishmyshine.
Ifhewantedthoseotherwomen,sobeit I’llneverfightfortheattentionofaman,notwhenmyworthdemandsmore No matterhowmuchIwantedhim,Ideservedbetter,andsodidmyson.Iwasmorethanjustafleetingfling,morethana challenge;IwasDaphne,andIrefusedtosettleforanythinglessthanforever
THEMOMENTDAPHNEstartedtomove,swaying tothatbeatingrhythmontopofthebar,theworldjustshutoff.Itwas likeshedancedthroughthenoisejustforme,everyswivelandswingofthatcurvybodydrivingmewild.Andeverydamn time,itleftmycockhard Aretreattotheofficewasmyonlyoption Dealingwiththearousal,shestirreddeepinmyblood
Butitwasn’tlongbeforeIwasbackoutthere,leaningagainstthecoolwoodofthebar,mygazeinevitablysearchingfor her Daphne withthosewildcurlsIitchedtorunmyfingersthrough,herlaughterthatsoundedabovetherockmusic,lighting upthedarkestcornersofTheDevil’sDen.Shewaslikealivewire,sparkinglifewherevershestood.
Damn unique
AllIwantedwasonenighttodousethisfire,toresetwhateverswitchsheflippedinsideme Butnodice Shejustthrew methatsmirkthatsaid,“Nicetry,butI’mnotoneofyourgroupies.”Itdrovemeupthewall.
“Hillbilly,sweetie,youhearme?”Julie’svoiceslicedthroughmythoughts,anannoyingreminderofreality Shit.Julie.She’slikearecordthatwon’tstopskipping.Iturnedtoher,forcingmyattentionawayfromDaphne.“Sorry, Julie Whatwasthatagain?”
ShewentonaboutthepaperworkfortheoldfamilyfarmIrentedout.IhadJulie,arealestateagent,handleitbecause, hell,steppingfootinthatplacewaslikedivingheadfirstintoathornbush.“I’llcheckitouttonight,”Imuttered,myeyes betrayingme,dartingbacktoDaphneasshethrewherheadback,laughingwithsomeguy,makingmyfistsitch
Julie’shand,coldandintrusive,randownmyneck.“You’vebeenofflately.Youthinkingovermyoffer?”Hervoice dippedintothatsultrytoneIusedtogiveadamnabout beforeDaphne
Ifixedherwithalookthatcouldfreezebourbon.“Wehadadeal onenight.I’mnotthedatingkind.Youknewthat,”I remindedher
Onabusinesslevel,IvaluedJulie.Sheknewherwayaroundrealestate.Shewassmartandgoodatherjob.Ihatedto loseher,butshewaspushingme,showingupherenightafternight.Shedidn’tseemtohearmewhenItoldherIwasn’t interestedinanyrelationshipotherthanbusiness Itwaspartlymyfaultforlettinghertalkmeintobedwithpromisesofitonly beingagoodtime.
Herlipspressedtogether,disappointmentwrittenalloverher,butsheknewbetterthantopush “Wewerejustsogood together,”shesaid,sighing,wantingtosaymorebutstoppingherself,insteadshedroppedaquickkissonmycheekandleft, thankfully.
Goodtogether?Ididn’twanttohurtherfeelingsbycorrectingher.Forme,itwasjustanotherfuck.Itwasn’tanything specialthatIcouldn’tgetfromanyotherwomanfloatingaroundhere.Thetemptationtowarmherbedagainwasnonexistent.
Backtotheonlypastimethatmattered watchingDaphne.Ileanedback,everymuscletensed,everysensehomedinon her.Yeah,womenlinedupforanightwithme,nostringsattached.ButDaphne?She’snotliningup.She’sdancingcircles aroundme,andit’sdrivingmeinsane Iwanther,morethananywomanI’veevermet,buthowtocatchher?
CHAPTERTWO ISWUNGINTOthefamiliarspaceinfrontofthehouse thatIhadcometocallmysanctuary,nestledintheheartofthe suburbsIsharedwithCasimir.Withasighthatfeltlikeitcarriedtheweightofthenight’swork,Imusteredtheenergytoexit mycar,theslightchilloftheeveningcausingashiverasitcontrastedwiththewarmthleftbehindinthedriver’sseat
IlookedupatthestarsastheyblinkedsleepilyandthoughttomyselfhowluckyIwastofallasleeponCasimir’ssalon stoop.Theverynighttheworldbecametooheavyformetoshoulderalone.He’smymiracleinhumanform,thoughifyou askedhim,he’djustquipthathe’s‘nobody’sangel,justadevilwithexpiredwings.’
Stealthily,Ientered,theclickofthedoorsofterthanawhisper.MypursefounditsrestingplaceonthesidetableasI tiptoedintothelivingroom,notwantingtowakemytwo-year-oldToby
Thelivingroomglowedwiththesofthuesoflate-nighttelevision,castingarelaxinglightoverCasimir,wholaysprawled onthesofa,aglassofwinecradledinhishandasrealityTVflickeredbeforehishalf-liddedeyes
“Youknow,youdon’thavetoplaythenightwatchmanforme,Cas,”Iteased,sinkingtothecarpetathisfeet.
Heturned,asmirkplayingonhislipsashepausedthemelodramaunfoldingonthescreen.“OhDaphne,canyouimagine thescandal?Theheadlineswouldread:‘Roommatesleepswhilebeautygoesmissing.’I’msimplypreservingmyreputationas adecenthumanbeing oratleast,amarginallyresponsibleone.”
Laughterbubbledfrommythroat,thesoundminglingwiththelate-nightsilence “WasTobyalittlemonstertonight,ordid hespareyouthedrama?”
Casimir’seyestwinkled,aplayfuldismissalinhisgesture “Theboy’sacherub Surrenderedtodreamlandwithoutafuss hoursago.”Hestood;thewineglassplacedwithmeticulouscareonthecoasterandleanedovertoplantagentlekissonmy cheek.“Nowifyou’llexcuseme,Imusttendtomybeautyrest.Onecannotmaintainsuchanetherealglowifexhausted.”
“GoodnightCasimir,”Imurmured,thefondnessinmyvoicetrailingafterhimdownthehallway Ourlivesarewoventogetherwithunconventionalfamilybonds,Casimirworkingathissalonduringtheday,whileIwork atthebaratnight ThissharedresponsibilitykeptTobyoutofdaycare,somethingIdidn’twantformyson Casimir,the blessingthathewas,treatedTobylikehisownchild.
Treadinglightly,IpeeredintoToby’sroom,thesightofhischestrisingandfalling,apictureofpeace Hiscurls,agenetic giftfromme,caughtthemoonlightasIplantedasoftkissatophisblondhead.Therestofhimwashisfather’smirrorimage JakeAlberton,anamenowreducedtoabitterafterthought.
NomatterthecircumstancesaroundhowTobywasconceived,Ilovemylittlemanmorethanlifeitself Jakeistheonly loserinthissituation,becausehethrewawaysuchagift.ButknowingwhatIknownow,mysonisbetteroffnothavingJake around Achilddeservesunconditionallove Myparentsrammedthatlessondownmythroatwhentheykickedmeoutwith onlytheclothesonmyback.
TheyclaimedtolovemeuntilImadeamistakeandthentheythrewmeawaywithoutasecondthought,moreworriedabout theirimageinthechurch.Iwillneverforgivethemforwhattheydidtome.Blooddoesn’tmakeyoufamilyandCasimirdrilled thatintomyheadandtaughtmetonotfeelguilt.
Iretreatedtomybedroom,myspiritrestless,thesprayoftheshowerpromisingatemporaryoasis Mybodycravedthe intimacyonlyamancouldgive.Imissedhavingsex,havingamaninmybed,andtheimageofHillbillyformedinmyhead. God,whatitwouldbeliketolethimdoeverysingledirtythinghewantedtomeandreturn,lettingmedothesametohim?The
thoughtalonehadmybodytinglingwithneed.
Butthatdesireclashedwiththeyearningforsomethingdeeper,somethingtrue.
Therighttouch,therightlove,couldn’tberushed untilthen,I’dbemyrock,justasI’dlearnedtobeToby’s,justas Casimirwasforusboth.Butcrap,itwasn’tgoingtobeeasysincethemanwassexyasallhell.
Idroppedontothebed,pullingtheblanketsoverme,therestlessnessinmybodystillachinglypresentasIstaredupatthe ceiling.“Gotosleep,Daph,puthimoutofyourthoughts,”Imutteredtomyself,punchingmypillowandturningonmyside.But nomatterhowhardItried,itwasHillbilly’sfaceIsawwhenmyeyesfinallyclosed
CHAPTERTHREE THENEONSIGNofTwistedHeatbuzzedand crackledinthenight,abeaconforthelostandlonely.Ishovedthedoor open,thecreakofitshingeslostinthesoundofgrittyguitarriffsthatswirledaroundmelikesmoke.Thiswasatempleofskin andvice,andonce,Iwasadevoteddisciple.Buttonight,myeyesweren’tsearchingforaquickthrill;theywerehuntingfor oneman:Jonesy
Theplacethrummedwiththepulseofheavybass,thekindthatyoufeelinyourchestbeforeyouhearitwithyourears. Jonesywasintheback,inourbooth theonewiththeviewofeverythingbutstainedwithshadows Hiseyeswerefixedon thepaperworkinfrontofhim,hispenmovingoverthepaper.Hewasafortressofaman,ablockofice,untouchedbyallthe bareskinsurroundinghim.AndthereIstood,feelinglikeaghostofmyformerself,mysexualvicessnuffedout,allbutforone Daphne.
IslidintotheseatacrossfromJonesy,theleathersqueakinginprotest.Hisgazeflickedup,aflickerofsurpriseinhis steel-blueeyes
BeforeJonesycouldribmeformysuddenappearance,Tanyaslinkedover,alllegsandsmokeyeyes,herhipsswaying dangerously Shebentdownlow,herassetsspillingoutofthebikinitop Atemptingdisplaywastedonme “WhatcanIgetyou todrink,baby?”shepurred,apracticedhungerinhereyes.
“Abeer.Thanks,Tanya,”Ireplied,myvoiceflat,mysmileabarecurlofmylips.
Shehuffedsoftly,clearlymiffedatthelackofattention,andsaunteredoff Jonesy’sgazecutbacktome,sharpandprobing “Beenawhilesinceyoustoppedby.Figuredyouturnedmonkorlosttheuseofyourdick,”hequipped.Buthiseyes...they knew Knewwhymyseatatthisboothhadbeencold,whythegirls’whispersweren’taboutmeanymore
“Istoppedbytotalktoyou,asshole,”Ishotback,ahalf-heartedattemptatlevity.“Don’tseemuchofyouthesedays,with theclubandthebusinesseatingeveryminute”
“Shestillwon’tgooutwithyou?”heprodded,hisvoicealowgrowlofbrotherlyinsight.
Icouldonlynod,myfrustrationaheavyweight.“Hell,no,shewon’t.Actslikeshedoesn’tevencarewhoI’mwith.”At Jonesy’ssnortandraisedeyebrow,IdefendedmytacticwithabravadoIdidn’tfeel “Womenthriveoncompetition,don’t they?”
Jonesyshookhishead,hislipstwitchinginamixofamusementandpity “You’vebeenplayingitallwrong,Hillbilly Daphneisn’tlikeyourregularcrowdofbitches.Sheseesyoujugglingwomen;you’rejustanotherclowninthecircustoher.”
Thebeerarrived,breakingintothemoment Tanya’seyeswereonme,tryingtofigureoutthereasonbehindmystony façadewhenI’musuallytalkativeandflirty.Itookalongswigofmybeer,wonderingthesamedamnthing.
“Maybeanotherwomanwillscratchthatitch,”Imumbled,moretomyselfthantoJonesy.
“Wakeup,”hesaid,hisvoiceharshwithconcernandhisowndemons “Somewomen,theygetinyourblood,andno amountoffuckingotherwomenwillbleedthemoutofyou.”
“TherehasneverbeenawomanIhaven’tbeenabletoforget”
Jonesyjustraisedaneyebrowandgesturedatthespectaclearoundus.“Proveit.”
Myeyesrovedoverthecrowd.Thewomenweresplashesofcolorandmotion,butnoneofthemheldtheuniquebeauty thatDaphnedid.HadthenaturalcurvesIachedtotouch,andthosesexycurlsIwantedtofistwhileIfuckedher.Noquickened
pulse,nocatchinmybreath.Theywerecardboardcutoutstome,theirallureasflatasthebeerinmyhand.
Jonesycaughtmyeye,aknowinglookthatsaidmorethanwords.“See,itisn’tthateasy.”
Icouldn’targue;thewomenwerejustshadows WithoutthesparkleofDaphne,thequicksilverofherlaughter,theywere dullandunappealing.Hewasright.Inaseaoffacesandeagereyes,Iwasadrift,thinkingonlyoftheonewhowouldn’thave me
“Ijustneedonenightwithher,”Iargued,pointingmyfingerathim.“That’sitandI’llmoveon,guaranteed.”
Jonesylaughedashegatheredhispapersintoafolder “You’reonedelusionalfuck,butI’lltrynottogloatwhenI’m provenright.”Hepulledoneofthosejigsawpuzzleshelovedtoputtogetheroutanddumpedthepiecesontothetable.“Since you’renotherefortheentertainment,youcanhelpmeputthistogetherwhilewetalk.”
ThesadthingisIdidn’ttellhimnoandpickeduptheboxlookingatthepicture ThisiswhatI’vebecome,puttingtogether afuckingpuzzlewhilesurroundedbystrippers!IneededtogetDaphneintobed,andfast.
WHAT’SHILLBILLY’SGAME?Thepastweek, hehasn’thadonewomanhangingoffhim.Theytry,ofcourse,likefliesto honey,butheswatsthemaway,turningdowntheirattention Hesitsatthebar,hiseyestrailingme,fingerslostinhislong beard,contemplative,brooding.
“Orderup,Daph,”Charlie’svoiceboomed,ringingthatstupidbellheknewannoyedmesinceIwasstandingrightthere Iflashedagrin,myvoicelacedwithamockthreat.“Oneofthesenights,I’mgoingtosendthatbellonaone-waytrip whereyoucan’tringiteveragain,”Ishotbackwithaknowinglook Charlieonlylaughed,goingbacktofillingorders Iloved theoldbear,andhemadethebestburgersintown.
Iwovethroughthecrowdedroomtothetableofmenwhohadbeencominginforthepastweek.Theyhadfatwalletsand tippedwell Iputtheirfoodinfrontofthemandstoodback “Anythingelse?”Iaskedwithapracticedsmile.
Thedark-hairedmangavemeawinkandasmile “Howaboutyougooutwithmethisweekend?”LikeIcouldn’tseethe weddingringgleamingonhisfinger.Thesecontractorscametotownallthetime,samething,butagainthetipsweregood,soI wouldusemywordscarefully.
“I’dlovetobut...”
“Shehastowork,andyouneedtocallyourwife.”Hillbilly’svoicewasdeepanddangerous,comingfrombehindme, whereheloomedlikeathundercloud
Hishandwasfirmonmyarmashesteeredmeintothequiethallway,hiseyesburningwithfireIhadn’tseenbefore. “You’dentertainthatoffer,butyoushootmedown?”Hisgrowlwasalivewire,rawandsparking Ibristled,myangerflaring.“YoureallythinkIwasgoingtosayyes?IwasgoingtoturnhimdownnicelybecauseIwork fortips!”Ihissed,pushingbackagainstthewallhehadmepinnedto.“Asforyou ”
“Hillbilly,sweetie,hereyouare,”Julieinterruptedwithaperfectlytimedentrance,curiositystitchingherbrow. Ishouldhaveknown.Ipushedathischest,movingaroundhim.MywhisperwasforHillbillyalone.“Lookslikeyour date’shere,sweetie”
“Whatwasthatabout?”Aislynnasked,havingseentheexchange “I’veneverseenHillbillyactlikethat,”shemused,her browfurrowed.
IlookedatthesweetgirlIhadquicklybecomebestieswithandreplied,“Beatsme,butheandthatwomancangopound sandtogether.”
“Idon’tthinkhelikesherlikethat,”Aislynnsaid,lookingonasthepairtookaseatatatable,Julieputtingpapersonthe
tableinfrontofthem.“ShewasourrealtorandBradenmentionedshehandlesapropertyforhim.” Really?Butshestillsleptwithhim.Awomanknowsthesethings,butIdidn’ttellAislynnthat,insteadIchangedthe subject,donewiththetopic “WestillonfortomorrowwithAva?”WeweretryingtopullAvaintoourcircle,tohelpherget backtoanormallife.Ihadyettomeether,butwhenAislynntoldmeabouther,Iwasallin.
“Yep,we’llpickherupattheclubhousetomorrow,”Aislynnconfirmed,sealingthedeal Turningtoleave,Icollidedwith arock-solidchest Hillbilly,upcloseandallapologies.
“Look,CurlyTop,Isteppedoutofline,”hemurmured,hiseyesastormofregret “Iacceptyourapology,andgiveforgivenesstothecrankybarmaster,”Ilaughed,defusingthetension.“NowIhavetipsto earn,andyourladyawaits.”
“Daphne ”hesaid,frustrationinhistone,asIturnedandlefthimstandingthere HidinghowmuchIwantedhimwas hard.Itcouldbementallyexhausting.Whenhehadmepinnedagainstthatwall,damn,itmademehot,butluckilymyangerhid it Yes,wewantedeachother,butIwasplayingforkeepsandhewasjustplaying
ILINGEREDOUTSIDE,eyesfixedonthebluecar vanishingintothecurve,thesoundofitsenginefadingawayleavingme tomyrestlessthoughts.Scotch’swordsaboutAvajoiningAislynnandDaphneforamallrunhadmeitchingtocatchaglimpse ofher Yeah,lurkingoutsidewasskirtingtheedgesofobsession,butfuck,Icouldn’tshakeitoff Itwaslikeafever ScotchwouldblowagasketwhenhefoundoutI’dofferedAvaajob.Buthell,howcouldIturnmybackonher?Lifehad kickedherdownhard,andsheneededahandup Avawassmart,gutsy shewasperfectforTheDevil’sDen Thethoughtof Scotchplayingguardianangeleverynight,itchingtoflattenanyonewhosomuchasglancedwrongatAva,ateatme.ButIwas gettingdamngoodatdousingfiresaroundthebar,thankstoPatchandLeather
Crackingopenabeer,Islumpedintoachair,half-watchingtheguysshootpool.I’dbidemytimeuntiltheygotback,setting upanother‘accidental’run-inwithDaphne.Leatherslidintotheseatnexttome,breakingmyreverie.“Ponderingthemysteries oftheuniverse?”hequipped
Ifby‘universe’hemeantDaphne,thenhellyeah.ButIplayeditcool.“What’sup?”
“Killingtime‘tilAislynngetsback,”hedrawled,theboredominhisvoiceasthickassmoke Ihesitated,thendovein.“Youevermissthebachelorlifehereintheclubhouse?”
Heshookhishead,convictionsteelinghisvoice.“Nah.Sure,theclubhouseisinmyblood,buthavingawomanwho’s yourrock,wholovesyou,theshotatarealfamily?Thatbeatsanyeasyfuckandfleetingthrill.”
Myvoicebarelyawhisper,weighteddownbydoubts.“Youthinkshemightgetfedupwiththislife...withyou?”
Leather’sgazepiercedthroughme,readingmyconflictedthoughts “Ipraythefucknot ButIdon’twastetimefretting aboutit.It’lldriveyoucrazy.Instead,everydamnday,ImakesureAislynnknowsshe’sgotnoreasontoleave.”Hiswords lingeredasIexhaledaheavysigh
BeforeIcouldrespond,PatchstrolledinwithKatherine,herbellyatestamenttotheirgrowingfuture.Watchingthem,a thoughtstruckme ifPatch,theeternallonewolf,couldfindhisoneandonly,maybethere’shopeforanyofus.Yet,myreal fearwasn’taboutstayingtrue.Itwastheterroroflovingtoofiercely,onlytobeleftflounderinginitsdepth,drivenmadbythe weightofit.
Leather’sphonepinged,andhesaid,“Good,Aislynnisonherwayback”Hestood,headingforthedoorandIfollowed, becauseevenwiththeseheavythoughtsanddoubts,Icouldn’tstayawayfromDaphne.
MYHEARTDIDasomersaultasIcaughtsight ofHillbilly,casuallyproppedagainstthewall,chattingwithLeather There hewas,justasIhadsecretlyhoped.Atinyflameofhopeflickeredinsideme,whisperingthatmaybe,justmaybe,oneday,he’d seemeasmorethanafleetingdiversion Iparkedwithaflourish,gavemyselfaquickonce-overinthemirror,fluffedmyhair, andsteppedout,accompaniedbyAvaandAislynn.
Toby,everthebundleofenergy,wasalreadyfidgetingforsomeaction Aislynn,theproblem-solver,suggestedlettinghim looseinthemini-paradisePatchhadcraftedbehindtheclubhouse.
Ava,lostinherthoughts,disappearedintotheclubhouse,andLeatherwhiskedAislynnawaywithaplayfultug.Thatleft me,Toby,andHillbillyinacomfortable,yetchargedtriangle
“Hey,CurlyTop,longtimenosee,”Hillbillycalledout,hissmirkafamiliarteaseashepeeledawayfromthewall.
“Andwhoareyouagain?”Iquippedback,keepingthebanterlightasIsetTobydownandgrabbedhishand
“Themanwhohauntsyourdreams,”heshotback,adevilishtwinkleinhiseyesashestoopedtotousleToby’shair.
Iletoutalaughthatwashalf-snort,half-sigh,carefultomaskthetruthinhisjest “Ithinkyou’reconfused Youmeantto say,‘Themanwhocan’tstopdreamingabouttheirresistibleDaphne’.”Iteasedback,steeringTobytowardstheplayground, withHillbillymatchingourpace.
“Thattoo,”hequipped,playfullytuggingalockofmyhair,sendinganunexpectedtremblethroughmybody “Lookslike it’splaytime,huh?”
“Definitely Toby’sgotenergytoburnafterourmalladventure Aislynnthoughtit’dbeagoodideatolethimplayhere,”I said,myeyeswideningatthesightoftheplayground.Itwasachild’swonderland.“Patchdidallthis?”
“Yep,he’sgotabadcaseofdadfever,”Hillbillychuckled.“Onlythebestforhiskidandtheever-growingbroodofthe club.”HescoopedupTobyandploppedhimontoaswing.“Holdontight,littleman,”headvised,givingTobyagentlepush thateruptedintodelightfulgiggles.
Myheartswelled,watchingthem HillbillyhadthismagictouchwithToby,nevermakinghimfeelunseenorlikeaburden Afleetingvisionofusasafamilycrossedmymind,butIquicklyshoveditaside.Thatwasaroadpavedwithheartbreak.
“Yourturn,”Hillbillysaid,noddingtowardstheswing “I’llpushyouboth”
Withachildlikegiggle,Iperchedontheswing.MypulsequickenedasHillbillypulledmeback,wayback,andthenletgo. “Mommy,swing!”Toby’slaughterrangout,minglingwithmine.AndasHillbillypushedus,agenuinesmileonhisface,my hearttumbledheadlongevenmoreinlovewithhim.ItwasafallIhadnopowertostop,andatthismomentwasn’tsureI wantedto.
THESUNWASslowlydippingbelowthehorizon;treescastinglongshadowsoverthelotwherewehadsetupourstakeout. TheairwasthickwiththetensionofanticipationaswewaitedfortheFireDragonstomakeamove.
It was boring as fuck.
Ileanedbackagainstmybike,thecoolmetalasharpcontrasttotheheatoftheevening.Mymindshouldhavebeenrazorfocusedonthetaskathand,butthoughtsofDaphneandTobyinfiltratedmymind,theirlaughterloudinmymemory Iwas curiousaboutToby’sdadandwhyhewasn’tinthepicture.AfewtimesIhadalmostaskedheraboutit,butfearedcrossinga linesinceIdidn’tknowherbackstory Icouldn’timagineanysanemanwalkingawayfromthem Suddenly,thequietwasshattered.“Whatthehell!”Iexclaimedasawaterbottlestruckmesharplyonthehead.
“Payattention,”Patch’svoicewasalowgrowl,asmuchawarningasanorder.Hisgaze,hardandunyielding,boreinto mine,remindingmeofthestakes.“TheFireDragonsaremoving.”
Joltedintoaction,Istraightened,myheartpoundinginmychest.Inthedistance,sixshadowyfiguresemergedfromthe dimlylitstreet FireDragons,unmistakableintheirclubcolors Thiswasit,themomentwehadbeenwaitingfor
Wesetoffinhotpursuitasthemenspedawayontheirbikes,weavingdangerouslythroughthebackalleys.Ourbikes thunderedthroughthestreets,thesoundreverberatingoffthebuildings I’msurewewereafearsomesight,abandofbrothers unitedinpurposeandstrength.
TheFireDragons,realizingtheywerebeingfollowed,pushedtheirbikestothelimit,enginesscreamingastheydarted throughtraffic,tryingtoshakeusoff Thatwasnothappening Theyweretrespassingintoourterritoryandneededto understandtheerrorofsuchamove.
Wekeptclose,ourbikesmerefeetfromtheirs,thechaseescalatingwitheachturn,takingusdownasecludedmountain road.Suddenly,oneoftheFireDragonridersthrewachain,aimingformyfrontwheel.Iswervedjustintime,thechain chatteringharmlesslyontheasphalt Adrenalinesurgedthroughmyveins,sharpeningmysenses Theylikedtoplaydirty,andI hadtopaycloseattention.
TheFireDragonssplitattheforkintheroadahead.Patch,leadingourpack,signaledsharply,andwesplitup.Theworld aroundmebecameablurofmotion,ourbikeslikesteelpredatorsclosinginontheirprey ButbeingthecowardsthattheFire Dragonswere,theyheadedbacktowardtown,makingittoodangerousforustocontinuetopursuethem.Patchpulledtothe sideoftheroad,mealongwithJonesyandLeatherfollowing
“It’stoodamnriskytochasethemthroughtown,”Patchgrowled,hissteelgazeonthebacksofthefleeingmen.“Let’sfind theothersandregroup”
Itwasn’tlongbeforewefoundtheothers,Teach’sprizedHarley,burningontheroadashewatched.Man,thathadtohurt. Ourbikeswerepartofus,andrightnowTeachfeltlikeoneofhislimbshadbeensevered.
Ontheridebacktotheclubhouse,mythoughtsswirledwithamixtureofDaphne’ssweetlaughterthatseemedtobeinthe verywindthatblewaroundmeandrevengeagainstarivalclubthathadsealedtheirfate.
CHAPTERSIX “ICAN’TBELIEVEIletyoutalkmeintothis!”IgripedatAislynn.ItwasrarewebothhadFridaynightoffandwhenshe foundoutCasimirhadtakenTobywithhimtovisithismother,shetalkedmeintocomingtotheclubhouseforaparty.Buttobe fair,I’vealwayswantedtocomeandseewhatitwaslikebutchickenedouteverytime TheothergirlsIworkedwithsaidit couldgetwild.
“Aren’tyoualwaystheonetellingmeyouneedtoliveandnotsitaroundwaitingforlifetofindyou?”Aislynnquipped, throwingmywordsbackatme.
“Pointtaken,”Ichuckled “Whereistall,dark,andsuffocating?Ifindithardtobelievehe’slettingyougoalone”Her ‘betterhalf’hadatendencytohoverlikeahawk.
“Notachance,”shegrinned.“Hehadsomeclubbusinessandismeetingmethere.”
Iassessedmyreflectioninthemirror,mydressclinginglikeascandaltoeverycurve Asuddenflareofvanitywhispered thatmaybe,justmaybe,Iwashopingtosnagacertainbiker’sgaze.Hillbillyhadawayofrevvingmyheartandbodytohigh levels
“Doyouthinkthisdressisabit...much?”Iventured,suddenlyself-conscious.Iwasn’tlikethosestickthinwomenthat hungoffHillbilly.Mybodyhadmajorcurves.
Aislynnsnorted,“Hardly.Somewomenthatcometotheirpartiesmightaswellnotwearanything.”Shelookedmeover. “Butyou’lloutshineallofthem.”
Irolledmyeyes,playingalong “Flatterywillgetyoueverywhere Shallwe?”Isaid,takingonelastlookinthemirror,my heartariotofnervesandexcitement.“Let’sgetmovingbeforeBradenloseshismindwonderingwhereyou’reat.”
Sheheldupherphoneandsmiled “Toolate”
IfIdidn’tknowhowmuchthatmanlovedher,Iwouldbeworried.“Let’sroll,chick,”Ichuckled,grabbingmykeysand purseoffthesidetable.
Bythetimewerolledupintotheclubhouse,mystomachwasatangleofknots.Theplacewasahiveofpartiers,with bodiesmovinginrhythmtothethrumofrockmusic.Thedoortothe‘other’roomAislynntoldmeaboutopenedandclosed,but Iwasn’treadyforatumbledownthatrabbithole
Avawasslingingdrinkslikeapriestessofspiritsbehindthebar,underScotch’swatchfulandutterlysmittengaze.We foundBradenandtheenigmaticJonesyatatable Jonesygavemewhatlookedtobeasurprisedlookbeforehiseyes disappearedintohisphone.
LeatherpulledAislynnontohislap,immediatelydominatingherattention,likehehadn’tseenheronlyhoursago.Myeyes scannedtheroom,seeingseveralfamiliarfaces,butnottheoneIdreamedabout “I’mgoingtograbadrink,”Isaid,getting readytomingle.
“What’llyouhave?Icangrabit,”Jonesysaid,stoppingme
Islowlysatbackdown,surprisedsinceJonesyhadneverspokentomebefore.Hewasaprettystandoffishman.Itoldhim whatIwantedandwatchedashewenttograbthedrinksfromthebar
Thefirstvodkalimesodawasforcourage,thesecondforwarmth,andthethird,well,thatwasjustforthehellofit,add thefourthtothatthought.Mytonguehadjusttastednumberfive.
And then he entered
Hillbilly,lookingeveryinchtheruggedoutlawprince,hiseyeshominginonmewithpredatoryprecision.Myheartbeata drumagainstmyribsasheambledover,aknowingsmirkplayingonhislips.
“Outhuntingforhearts,CurlyTop?”heteased,thatdeepvoicestirringsomethingrecklessinsideme “Inthisnumber?I’marmedanddangerous,”Ishotback,thealcoholmakingmeplaywithfire.
Hiseyesdancedwithapproval,andheofferedhishand “Showme,”hedared Theworldnarroweddowntothespacebetweenhisoutstretchedhandandthepromiseofhistouch.Withabreathless laugh,Iplacedmyhandinhis,andlethimleadmeintothethrongofdancers
Hishandsettledonmewithatouchthatwasbothfireandanchor,andIknew, oh how I knew, Iwasabouttodancewith thedevilhimself.
THEMOMENTJONESY’Stextbuzzedinmypocket, sayingDaphnewasattheclubhouse,dressedtokill,Icouldfeelthe bloodinmyveinsshiftgears.Thepartiesalwaysdrewitsfairshareofhotwomen,butDaphne,shewassomethingelse, somethingspecial.ItwassurprisingshewastherebecauseDaphnewasnotapartier,heroffdaysdedicatedtoherson,whichI admired Jonesyknewthescore.Nomanwouldgetawhiffofher,notwithmynamewhisperedlikeaprotectivespellaroundher.I swungintothelot,mybootshittingthegroundwithpurpose
ThesecondIwalkedin,thereshewas,avisioninred,andeveryprimalpartofmeroaredtolife.Shewaspuretemptation my temptation andthedesiretohideherfromeveryotherlustfuleyewasavisceralpunch.
Isaunteredup,myheartdoingadamndrumsoloinmychestlikeIwasafuckingvirginorsomeshit.Daphnewasthrowing herusualsassaround,andIcouldseetheliquidcouragedancinginhereyes.Shewasn’tdrunk,justtipsyenoughtomaybe, just maybe,takethatwalkonthewildsidewithme Mycockjumpedatthethought
Thedancefloorwasourprovingground.Ipulledhertome,myhandsstakingaclaimaswemovedtotherhythm.Itwas liketheworldfellaway itwasjustDaphneandme,thebeatofthemusicinsynchwiththebeatofourracingpulses Nowordsneededtopassbetweenus;ourbodiestalkingloudandclear.ButIwantedmorethanthispublicdisplay. Leaningin,mylipsgrazedherear,myvoicealowpromise.“Let’sfindsomeprivacy.”
Withoutafight,sheletmetakeherhand,andweslippedawayfromtheheatofthecrowd,awayfrompryingeyes.Iledher downthedimhallwayandintomyroomandnotwastingabreath;Iliftedherintomyarms,herbackagainstthedoor,mymouth hungrilytakinghersasherlegswrappedaroundmywaist
Myhandsmovedunderherdress,squeezingherbareasscheeksasourmouthslickedandsuckedoneachother,herhands holdingmyheadtight IhaveneverinmywholelifewantedawomanlikeIwantDaphneandI’msoimpatienttobeinsideher it’smakingmeactlikeafuckinganimal.Andjudgingbyherresponseandthewayherpussyisrubbingagainstmyhardjean coveredcock,shefeelsthesameway.
Herhandmovedtomyjeans,releasingmycock,takingitinherhand IgroanedandthoughtIwoulddieatthefeelingof hertouchingme.Herhandsmovedbackupintomyhair,herlipsgoingtomyneck,suckingonmyskinasshecontinuedtogrind herhotpussyagainstmycock Ishouldslowthisdown,butIcouldn’t,itjustwasn’tpossible Ihadwaitedsolongforthis momentand,dammit,mycockwasgoingtoexplodeifIdidn’tgetinsideofher.
Withasinglethrust,IwasburiedinsideDaphne;hersurprisedgaspofpleasure,andmyloudfuckminglingtogether As ourmouthsfoundeachotheragain,mimickingtherhythmofmyhardthrustingthathadthewallthumping,mywholebodywas onfire,thepleasureripplingandvibratingfromheadtotoe.Fuck,itfeltsodamngood,likenothingI’deverexperienced.
Daphnewasmoaninglouderandlouder,mumblingincoherently,lostinherownpleasure,herfingersdiggingintothecut thatstillcoveredmybackassheheldontightfortheroughride.Finally,shescreamed,andIcouldfeelherpussysodamnhot, tightenandpulsatearoundmycock IheldherasstightinmyhandsuncaringofthebruisesitwouldleavebehindandIfucked
herhardandfast,buryingmyfaceinherneck,untilfinallyIyelled,“FuckDaphne!”Andcamesohardmyworldspun,my releaseshootinghotinsideher.
Fuck no condom
Ihaveneverfuckeduncoveredinmylife.DaphneliterallymademelosemymindwiththeneedtohaveherandIwasn’t prepared,mymindburiedinmycockandimpatience
“Areyouonbirthcontrol?”Irasped,mybodystillshakingfrommyrelease.Atherwhisperedyesandwithoutevenputting herdown,Icarriedherintothebathroom “Good,I’mnotdonewithyou”
Daphnegiggled,herarmspullingthereddressoverherhead.“AndI’mnotdonewithyou,”shebreathed,lickingmyneck. JesusfuckingChrist,shewassexy.Iwasintrouble,butI’mnotworryingaboutthattonight.Iwasgoingtofuckhereveryway possible,lickherfromheadtotoe,caresseverysingleoneofhersexycurves,gettingmyfillofher,ifthatwasevenpossible
CHAPTERSEVEN BENEATHTHEQUILTofearlymorningshadows, Ilaythere,drapedoverhisbarechest acanvasofskinstillwarm fromthesexualfrenzyofournight.Hisbreathsweresteadyanddeep,therhythmicriseandfallbeneathmycheekcomforting me,holdingmeinthemoment Myfingers,withamindoftheirown,playedwithhisbeard,whileIrememberedthewild abandonwe’dsurrenderedtojusthoursbefore.Hewasasculptureofserenestrengthinsleep,andournight God,itwas good sodamngood
Aknotofemotionstangledinsideme.Shame’sdelicatefingersmightlatertouchme,butfornow,itwasbanishedbythe floodofsatisfactioncoursingthroughmyveins.Words,potentandtender,thathehadsaidinthedarkashelingeredovermy body Theyswirledaroundme,wrappingmythoughtsinashroudofwonder Heeventoldmehisrealname‘ChaseWagner’, andwantedmetousehisfirstnamefromnowon.
Mygazewanderedwithatouchofaweoverthecontoursofhishardbody,alivingtapestryetchedwithCelticloreand enigmaticknots.EverywhisperedfantasyIhadharboredabouthimwasnotonlymetbutexceeded;hewastheembodimentof mywildestdreams.
Therewasanarttothewayhetouched,anexpertisethathadleftmebreathless,givingmesomuchpleasureattimesI thoughtIwouldfaint.Hedamnsureknewwhathewasdoing.Therewasn’tapartofmybodythathishandsandmouthdidn’t touch
Theclockblinked itwasnine,andIneededtogetmoving.Myshiftthisafternooncouldn’tbeforgotten,nomatterhow muchItried Ieasedoutofhisembrace,carefulnottowakehim,donningthewrinkledremainsofmyreddress nowa uniformofoursharednight.Retrievingmyshoesandpurse,aflushofheatwashedovermeasIrememberedthedooropening, mypurseflyingintotheroom,slungbyanunknownperson.
Hisvoice,huskywithsleep,snaggedthesilence.“CurlyTop?”Itwasatether,pullingatmetostay.
Mylipsbrushedhisinasoftpromise.“I’llseeyoutonight.”Andwiththat,heslippedbackintosleep,leavingmetoslip outoftheroom
Iescapedthemorning,notencounteringasoulintheclubhouse,clutchingthefragileprideofhavingleftamanexhausted aprivatetriumph
Athome,Ihittheshowerandsnuggledonthesofatogetafewhoursofsleepbeforework.Buttimetoheadincametoo soon,mybodytiredanddeliciouslysore.Yet,inthequietofthehouse,athreadofdisquietstartedtounravel.Myphonelay dormant anominoussilencewherehiswordsshouldhavebeen Itriedtostaveoffthedoubt,torememberhisbreathless confessionsinthedark:
“IthinkIloveyou”“Ican’tgetyououtofmymind”“There’snooneelselikeyou”“Iwillnevergetenoughofyou” Atwork,thosewordsbecamemyanchorasIwatchedthedoorwiththetenacityofabulldoglookingatasteak,buthe nevercame Theghostingwasaloudscreaminsidemyhead
Andwhenthenightbledaway,andIwasonmywayhome,thereitwas hisbike,thevibrantredsteelmockingme outsideTwistedHeat,anemblemofbetrayal.Myheart,thatfoolishgirl,tookadiveasIparked,thepitinmystomacharockat thethoughtofthetruthIwasabouttoface
Inside,Iwasashadowamongtheshadows,andtherehewas Hillbilly,frontandcenter flankedbytwostrippersas theyrubbedtheirtoplessbodiesalloverhim TheirhandsandmouthstouchingwhatIhadonlyhoursearlier Theground beneathmemightaswellhavecrumbled;nauseasurgedlikeawave,andIfledtowardtheexit,runningintoJonesy.Ipushed pasthimandintothenight
MylegsmanagedtocarrymetothebusheswhereIpuked,myhearttryingtopurgehim,tearscarvedriversofmascara
downmycheeks.There,inthequietaftermath,therealizationssettledinlikeash used,discarded,thehauntingconfirmation ofmydeepestfears.Therewasnoonetoblamebutmyself,yetknowingthisdidnothingtodulltheserratededgeofpain. Istumbledtomycar,awraithhollowedbyhurt,navigatingtheroutehomeonautopilot ajourneybacktoanemptiness thatawaitedwithopenarms.
THEHAMMERINGPAINinmyskulldraggedmefromthedepthsofunconsciousness.Myeyes,heavyandreluctant,slit opentothedimlylitconfinesofJonesy’soffice mymakeshiftroomforthenight.“Whatthehell?”Thewordscrawledfrom mylipsasIproppedmyselfup,anauseouswavehittingmewiththesubtletyofasledgehammer.
Withalurch,Iboltedforthebathroom,theacidicburninmythroataheraldoftheimminentupheaval Secondsbeforemy stomachrevolted,Iwashunchedoverthetoilet,theechoofmyretchingbouncingoffthecoldtiles.Theaftermathhadme rinsingoffmyface,thewaterinthesinkfailingtowipeawaythenight’ssins
Themirrorcastbackareflectionofamaninshambles.TryingtopiecetogetherthefragmentsofhowIendedupsprawled inthisoffice,mymindunhelpfullyreplayedmynightwithDaphne,anightthatchangedmylife.Anightthatwassupposedto curemyneedforher,butonlyheightenedittohigherlevels
It scared the shit out of me.
Thememoryofthatteenageboycominghometothelifelessbodiesofhisparents,theweightofhisfather’sfinalnote heavyinhishands,surgedthroughme.Thefear,rawandvisceral,hadmeseekingoblivion,adesperateattempttodousethe firethatDaphneignited
Myreturntotheofficewasastudyindejection,thecouchsoftasIsankintoitsembrace.Thestalescentofperfumewasa ghostonmyclothes,alingeringaccusationofmyattemptstoexorciseherfrommythoughts.
Jonesy’sarrivalwasassubtleashisdisapprovinggaze “Iseeyoufinallywokeup,”hegrumbled,takinghisseatatthe deskthatseemedmoreathroneofjudgment.
Ibracedmyself “WhatthehelldidIdolastnight?”
“Youcameintotheclubalreadyhalflit,drinkingallnight,spillingyourgutstomeandlettingafewofthegirlsentertain you,”herecounted Theclub’shazymemories,thestrippers,thedrinking,allcomingbackinflashes “TellmeIdidn’t?”
“No,youletthemplayabit,butafterawhileyougotupstumblingtowardthedoormumblingaboutDaphneandwantingto gotoher,”heprovided,hisvoiceconcerned “Istoppedyouandmadeyousleepitoffhere”
Jonesy’sconformationwasalifeline.Nolinescrossed.Becausethetruthwas,IwasinlovewithDaphne,andeventhough mypastwasmessingwithmyhead,fuckingoneofthosestripperswouldhavefeltlikecheating Istood “Ineedtogoget cleanedupandtalktoDaphne.”
Jonesygaveaheavysigh.“Idon’tthinkshewantstotalktoyou.”
Idroppedbackontothecouch.“Whatdoyoumean?IknowIfuckedupbyignoringher,butshe’llunderstandonceI explainmyself.”
“Listen,brother,Ihatetotellyouthis butshesawyouwiththosestrippers” “Whatdoyoumean, saw me?”Myearlierreliefwasshort-lived.
“Shesawyou,man,withAshleyandRosie,andyoulookedallin,”hesaid Hiswordswereagutpunch “Howinthehelldidthathappen?”Isnarled,knowingIwastrulyfucked.Daphnehadseenme,andthattwistedtheknifeof guiltalreadyburieddeep,evendeeper.
“Idon’tknow,sheranintomeasshewashurryingtowardtheexit,shepushedpastme,Ifollowedher,anditwasn’tgood,
thatgirlwasbroken,”hesupplied,confirmingmyworstfears.“Ifeltsobadforher,italmostmademegocomforther,butI didn’tthinkshewantedthat,”hetoldme.God,ifJonesyfeltbadforher,thenitmusthavebeenhorrible. Istood,feelingtheweightoftheworldonmyshoulders Theimageofherbrokenspirithauntedme “Ineedtogocleanup andthenfigureouthowtofixthis,”Imurmured,theresolvehardeninginmyvoice.Ilefttheclubandstraddledmybike, roaringittolife,tireskickingupdirtasIspedaway
CHAPTERNINE WHENIARRIVEDhome,Ididthegrand-posttragedyritual: swappedmydayclothesforthesolaceofpajamas,wrapped myselfinablanketfortressonthecouch,andbawleduntilmyeyesrandry.There,bathedinthecruelhonestyofdawn’slight,I beratedmyselfforbeingsodumb
And not for the first time.
Ms.DaphneKingsley,thepatronsaintofloveblunders,atyourservice.Theghostofmyex,Jake,hauntedme a Casanovawithmoreliesinhispocketthanapolitician.IwasblissfullyunawareofhisfiancéeuntilIdroppedthebabybomb, andheghostedmefasterthanabaddate.AndthereIwas,déjàvuwithafreshheartache.
AndwhatdidIlearnfromthat?Apparently,nothing,insteadfallingforthesametrapagain Fallinginlovewithsomeone whodoesn’tfeelthesame.Andthathurt,dammit.WhereIhadfeelingsforJake,itwasdifferentwithHillbilly.Itwasmore,so muchmore
Iwasstillsittinginthesamespot,wallowinginmymiserywhenCasimirstrolledthroughthedoor,asleepingTobyinhis arms.HeshotmealookthatcouldreadaroombetterthanalibrarianandvanishedtotuckTobyin.Hereturned,zeroinginon mewiththeprecisionofahomingpigeon
“Yousleptwithhim,didn’tyou?”hescolded,hisvoicecarryingtheweightofadisappointedbutcaringbrother.
“Yes!AndI’msoangryatmyself,”Iconfessed “AndeverythingIfearedcametrue”Ispilledmygutsaboutthedisastrous coupleofnights.
Casimir,withahugthatfeltlikehome,deliveredhisverdict “Hewasn’tworthyofyouanywayandthisprovesit,”he consoled.“Theman’sasuselessascondomsinanunnery,Daph,shakeitoff!”
TearspooledinmyeyesoncemoreasIwhispered,“It’snotthateasy,Cas.Iletmyselffallinlovewithhim.”
Casimirtookmyfaceinhishands “WhathaveItaughtyou?”heremindedmewithsterntenderness “Knowyourworth Nomanshouldmakeyouweepandnevergivehimthesatisfactionofknowinghecan.Andforyourpride’ssake,neverlethim knowhecancontinuetohurtyou”
Itookadeepbreath,knowinghewasright.“MaybeIshouldfindanotherjob,”Isaid,hatingthethought. “Hellno,youwon’t!”Casimirsnapped “Youwillmarchintothatbarlikeit’syourkingdom,headheldhigh Running awayisnotwhatwedo.Thinkofhimasagoodtimeandnothingmore,anightyouneeded,butforgotten,”heinsisted,withthe fiercenessofageneral.
Igavemyfriendanappreciativesmile Hisloyaltywaspriceless “WhatwouldIdowithoutyou?”Imused “Lordonlyknows,probablystarvesinceyoucan’tcook,”hequipped,handoverhisheart.“Nowmoveyourasstothe shower,”heordered “ThescentofpityisnotafragranceIfancy”
Ichuckled,“Meeither,Cas,meeither.”
Withaheavyheart,butlighterspirit,Iretreatedtothebathroom.Thereflectioninthemirrorstillshowingawoman hurting,butwithCasimirbymyside,I’dstitchmyselfbacktogether.
ICUTTHErumbleofmybike,lettingthesilencefloodthedrivewayofDaphne’splace Itwould’vebeeneasiertohash thingsoutoveratthebar,butluckwasn’tthatkind itwasSunday.Thebarwasclosedtoday,andthethoughtofDaphne quittingoverthismessclawedatme.Waitingwasn’tinthecards.
Imarchedtothedoor,hitthebell,andpreppedforashowdown.Thedoorswungopen,andtherestoodCasimir,Daphne’s oddballfriend,drapedindramatics.“Lost,areyou?Thestripclub’sbackthatway,”hequipped,doorslammingbeforeIcould blink
Whatthe ?Clearly,Daphnehadspilledhergutstohim.Ibuzzedagain,andCasimirflouncedthedooropen,hispatience hangingbyathread “You’reclimbingupthewrongtree,Tomcat”
“IneedtoseeDaphne.Cutthedramaact,”Ibarkedback.Casimirwasgrindingmygears.
“Nothome,”helied,hissmirkbetrayinghimashenudgedthedoorclosed. Buthercarwasadeadgiveaway.“Bull.She’shere.”
Hefollowedmygazetohercar.“That?It’sjustadecoy,youknow,likeascarecrowforbikers.Prettyconvincing,isn’t it?”Helaidahandonhischest,sighinginmockresignation “Truthis,she’sinNarniaforteawithMr Tumnus You’re welcometowait,”hedeadpanned.Iwaslosingmycool.
“I’mnotasking,Casimir MoveorI’llmakeyou”
“Listen,youwanderingdiddler.Daphne’soutofyourleague.Nothappening.”Hisdefiancewould’vebeencommendable, butnottoday.
Itriedtoshoulderpast,buthewasawall “She’soutcold,sleepingpill Plus,Toby’sindreamlandtoo Ifyouinsiston talking,doitatthebar,”heclipped,thistimedeadserious,hisexpressionhard.
Itwasastalemate Icouldn’tstormtheplace,notwithTobyinthere “Willshebetheretomorrow?”Igrunted “Shewon’t quit?”
“You’renotthecenterofheruniverse Shewon’tquitoveranobody,”hesnapped,thedoorslammingshut Abeatlater,it crackedopen,andawadofbillsflewout,hittingmeintheback.“Adonation.Figuredyouneedsomedollarbillstoslipinto theG-stringslater,”hesneered,slammingthedoorshutforthelasttime.
Iinhaleddeeply,wrestlingwiththeurgetokickthedoordown Theguywasonthevergeofanasskicking Instead,Ifired upmybike,tearingawayfromthecul-de-sac,headingtotheDevil’sDen,lettingthebar’spaperworkdrownoutthethoughtsof Daphne
CHAPTERTEN LINGERINGINMYcar,Ilettheclocktickperilously closetomyshiftstart.Inside,amentalrallyroaredtolife peptalks thatweremoreroaringthanwhispering.Withadeepbreath,Idartedintothebarlikeitwasabattlefield.Inthebreakroom,I lockedawaymypurseanddoubts,checkingmyreflectionwithscrutiny.Themirrorhadtoreflectconfidence,notthetearsshed foraloveunworthy
Ituggedmyapronstringstight;asuddenclickspunmyheart.Hillbillyleanedagainstthecloseddoor;hiseyeslockedon minethroughthemirror asilentchallenge “Staystrong,”Imurmuredtomyselfbeforeturningtohim,donningafaçadeof calmindifference.“Doyouneedsomething?”Iinquired,eachwordmeasured,aperformancedeservingofCasimir’ssilent ovation.
Hisvoice,heavywithanunspokenweightandregret,said,“Weneedtotalk,Daphne” “Isthisaboutwork?”Myattempttosteerawayfromtheimpendingemotionalwreckage.
Asighescapedhim,heavywithfrustration “Youknowdamnwellit’snot!” Imethiseyes,steadfast.“Thenwehavenothingtodiscuss.I’mheretowork,sopleasemove.”
“Don’tbestubborn Jonesysaidyousawmethatnightatthe itwasn’twhatitseemed”Hispleawasablendof desperationandcondescension.
Myhurtandanger,acagedbeast,yearnedforrelease,yetmyreplywasamutedcalm.“It’sfine.We’renotina relationship,noneedforjustifications”
“Daphne...don’tdothis.Iwasdrunkoffmyassandthosestrippers...theydidn’tmeananything,andIdidn’tcrossanylines withthem Myheadwasfucked ”Hisexcusesspilledforth,afeebleattempttorationalizewhathedid,butmyhandflew, cuttinghimoff,theslapresonatingthroughthesmallroom.
“Youthinkyouractionswerenothing?Ghostingme?Goingtoastripclubandlettingthosewomentouchyou,kissyou,and ruballoveryoubeforeyourbedevengotcold. That didn’t cross any lines? Imayhavebeenafoolforsleepingwithyou,but I’mnotthatbigofafool,”Ispatoutthewordsvenomouswithunspenthurt.“I’mnotoneofyourgroupies,sosaveitandlet’s moveon”
Hillbilly,stillstunnedbytheslapandwordsthatfollowed,couldonlywatchasIdeclared,“I’mpastit.”Andshouldered pasthim,fumblingwiththelock aclumsyescape Thelockgaveway,andtherestoodJulie irony’sperfecttiming Foolishheart,whenwillyoulearn?
TOSAYIwasreelingwouldbeputtingitmildly.ThatslapfromDaphnewasn’tjustaphysicalsting;itwasaseismicjoltto mysoul.Otherwomenhadslappedmebefore,butnoneshookmelikethis.I’dbeenafool,thinkingafewsmoothwordswould mendtheriftbetweenus,thatshe’dfallbackintomyarms ButDaphneshatteredthatillusionasswiftlyasshelefttheroom
Herexitleftavoid,andJulie’svoicebarelypiercedit.“Hillbilly?Youokay?”Herhandonmyarmfeltalien.“Notnow,” Isnarled,sidesteppinghertofindsolaceinmyoffice,slammingthedoorwithacursethatechoedmyanger.
Sinkingintotheleatherchair,Ipoundedmyfistonthedesk.Ishouldjustletthisgo thisgnawinghelplessness,thisneed forDaphnethatleftmefeelinglikeapartofmewasmissing.Itwasthesametrapmyfatherfellinto,thesamepaththatledmy parentstoearlygraves
Ijumpedup,pacinglikeatrappedbeastinmyoffice.Leather’sknockbarelyregisteredbeforehewalkedin,eyeingme withconcern “What’seatingyou,brother?”
“Nothing,”Ilied,collapsingbackintothechair,strugglingtomaskthechaosinsideme.
“Bullshit,”Leatherretorted,loungingonthecouch.“Word’soutaboutyourlittledistractionattemptwiththosestrippers, allbecauseofacertaincurlyhairedwaitress.”
“Idon’twanttotalkaboutit,”Ibarked,sickoftheclubhousegossip.
Leatherleanedforward “Look,it’sclearasdayyou’vegotitbadforDaphne Weallsawit, heard it thatnightatthe clubhouse.”Ishothimawarningglare.“What?”heshrugged.“Iwastheguywhotossedherpurseintotheroom.”
Daphne’sangryandhurtimagecloudedmythoughts “It’soverwithher,”Imuttered,awhisperofdefeat “Youjustneedtogiveherspace,”Leatheradvised,hisownrockypastlendingweighttohiswords.“RememberwhatI wentthroughwithAislynn?AndIevenhadtodealwithMidnightalloverher,butweworkeditout.”
Ishookmyhead,lost “Idon’tknowwhattodo”
“Givehertime,”Leathersaid,standing.“Thentryagain.”
Heleft,andIleanedback,drained Maybehe’sright Spacemightclearmyheadtoo MaybeI’mjusthunguponournight together.Maybeoncethehighfades,sowillthisobsessionwithDaphne.
