PROLOGUE
HOPE
Threeyearsearlier
Song:IronicbyAlanisMorissette
In a competition between pussy and beaver, it appeared the less hairy of the two would be triumphant
“CAN I PAT YOUR BEAVER?”
Ilumberedtoturnaround,mindfulofthefactthetailofmycostumecouldtakeouthalfthebarifIspuntooquickly.
How did Faye to talk me into this?
“Um,”Imumbled,glancingaroundformyfellowbeaver.“Idon’tthinkso.”
IspottedFayebythebar,stuckinthethree-deeplinewaitingtoorder Herbackwastome,andIcouldseehergestating wildlytoanothercustomerherblackcurlsbouncingthiswayandthatasshemoved.
Faye!If we have a psychic connection, look at me!Now!
Alas,mybestfriendcontinuedtochatwiththecustomerdressedasasquirrel “Comeon,”thedrunkguybadgered.“It’sHalloween.Letmepatyourfur.”
I ducked myhead and turned away, hopingthat if I ignored him, he’d leave me alone Sweat poured downmyback, a combinationofthedancing,thecostumeandthemanmakingmenervous.
“Come on Justone little stroke” He laughed ina waythatsetthe hairs onthe backofmyneckonedge Anickfeeling slithereddownmybacktocurlinmygut.MypulsepoundedinmyearsasItriedtoshiftawayonlyforhimmatchmestepfor step.
“Couldyoupleasebackaway?”Iasked,frustratedthatIsoundednervousandbreathy “You’remakingmyuncomfortable” “Me?”thedrunkseemedtobeoffendedbymyassertion.“I’mharmless.”
And I’m sure that’s what Hannibal Lecter said to all him victims too Whydidmenhavetoruineverything?
Thedrunkcrowdedin,makingalungeforthefrontofmycostume.
Idodgedback,.nearlyfallingoverthegiantclawfeetshoesFayehadinsistedwewear. It’ll be funny, she said. Areal laugh, she said. Whydidmenhavetoruineverything?
“Letmepatyou!”thedrunklungedatme,andIfellover,tumblingontomybuttinmyrushtoavoidhim. Hereachedforme,butasternvoicesnappedthroughthecrowd,haltinghismovement “Oi!”thefartoofamiliarvoiceshouted.“Getyourhandsoffher.”
I wanted the earthto swallow me up as the lead singer fromthe band that had just finished pushed throughthe crowd towardme.
Likesomekindofmoviehero,heslippedbetweenmeandthedrunk,crossinghisarmsoverhischestandplantinghisfeet. “Backup”
“ButI ”
“Isaid,”hegrowled “Backthe fuck up”
Thedrunkglancedaround,waveringasheeyedmyrescuer nodoubtwonderingifhecouldtakehim.
“Fuckit.”Theaggressortossedhishandsup,flickingmeafuriouslook.“Youcanhaveher.”Heshovedthroughthecrowd,
disappearingintothecrush Myherohuffed.“Alright,folks.Nothingtoseehere.”
Thepeoplewiththeirphonesturnedaway,returningtotheirconversations
Mortified,Itriedtopushupfromtheflooronlytofindmyselfstuck.Thetailmadethecostumebutt-heavy,draggingmeoffcentreasItriedandfailedtostand “Here.”Handsslippedundermyarms,haulingmeup.
AndjustlikethatIfoundmyselfinthearmsoftheverylastpersonIever thoughtI’dsee Faye,her brother,Trent who wasourdesignateddriverfortheevening andI,hadarrivedlatetothebar,andhadspentmostoftheeveningdancingatthe back of the crowded roomto avoid hitting people with our tails. I’d thought the singer had sounded familiar, but without hearinghisname,orseeinghisfaceI’dbeenleftwithanimpressionoffamiliarityratherthanthisslapintheface
WhatwerethechancesthatJusticeWild,myhighschoolcrushandmaincharacterinallofmyhottestfantasieswouldbe performingtonight,ahalfaworldawayfromPeachSprings,thesmalltownwherewe’dbothgrownup?
Mygazetravelledhungrilyoverhim,absorbingallthechangesthatthelasttenyearshadimprintedonhim.
Justicehadalwaysbeenagood-lookingkid,andunsurprisinglyhe’dmaturedintoagorgeousman Hisdarkbrown,nearly black, hair complementhis tanned skinand greeneyes. He’d growntaller since Ilastsaw him, and based onmyownshort stature,I’dhavepeggedhimasstandingataninchorsoundersixfeet.
While his height might have changed, his enigmatic presence hadn’t His bright green eyes and his muscular body practicallyvibratedwithbarelyleashedenergy.Tattoos ranupanddownhis arms,images thathadbeencraftedintheyears sincewe’dlastmetandwhichmeantsomethingtohimbutwouldremainamysterytome
Hestilllookedgoodenoughtolick.
Double damn
One wouldhave assumedmybrothers,whowere still friends withhim,wouldhave mentionedit.Butthennoone knew aboutmysilentobsession–andIplannedtokeepitthatway.
“Hope?”Justiceblinked,aslowsmilecurvinghislips “Shit Ididn’tknowyouwerecomingtonight” Mymouthopenedandclosedbutwordsfailedtoappear.Heglancedovermyshoulder. “Areyourbrother’shere?Isentthematextbutdidn’thearanything” Ishookmyhead.“It’spickingseason.They’retryingtogetthelastfruitinbeforeitgetstoocold.” Hislipstwistedintoawrysmile.“Ishouldhaveknown.Whataretheygrowingthesedays?” Myowncurvedintoanansweringsmile.“Apples,ofcourse.Buttheydohaveapeachorchard justasmallone.” PeachSprings,thesmalltownwherewe’dbothgrownup,wasworldrenownedforitspeaches….Andyetmyfamilyhad decidedtogrowapples
ThesedaysmysiblingsandIlivedinCapricornCove,asmalltownintheIsleofAstipia,knownforitsbeautifulcoastline anddeliciousfreshproduce Mymother’sfamilylivedhereandshe’dreturnedtowinguskidswithherafter after Ipushedawaythethought,focussingonJustice.“It’sgoodtoseeyou.” Hegrinned.“Andyou.Comebackstage,wecancatchup.Youcanfillmeinonwhat’shappeninginyourworld.” Ihesitated “MyfriendFayeisgettingusdrinks Iwouldn’twanthertoworry” “Whichoneisshe?”
IpointedatmyfellowbeaverandJusticebarkedoutalaugh “Ishouldhaveknown Hey,Sam!” Sam,theleadguitarist,glancedupfromwherehestoodonthestage,packinguptheircordsandinstruments.“Canyoukeep aneyeonFaye DidIgethernameright?” Inodded.
“CanyouletFaye theotherbeaver knowI’mtakingHopebackstage?We’rebothfromPeachSprings.” Samglancedmyway,oneeyebrowcocking “You’reFayeXX’shousemate,right?” Inodded.“Andyou’reSamDogg.Youlivedowntheroad.” Hechuckled “Yeah Sorryaboutthenoise Wetrytokeepittoadullroar” Ishruggedthenrealizedhe’dneverbeabletoseeitundertheheavybeaversuit.“It’snotaproblem.Ilikeyourstuff.” HeglancedovermyheadatFaye,narrowinghisgaze “That’sherbrother,right?” Iglanced backto see she’d made it backto the table that Trenthad secured and was currentlygesturingwildlyat him. “Yeah,that’shim.”
“Cool I’llletherknowwhereyou’vegone Noproblem”
“Appreciate it,” Justice said, catching my hand and giving me a small tug. I gave him, stumbling behind him in my oversizedshoes
Seriously,whycouldn’thehaveseenmelastyear?LastHalloweenIdressedasMarilynMonroeandthreeguysgaveme theirnumbers.
He led me down a dark corridor behind the stage and into a small roomcrowded with people all of whomstopped talkingwhentheirsexyleadsingerwalkedinwithabeaver.
God, kill me now. Please.
Justicehandedmeabeerandintroducedmetohisbandandcrew,whosenamesIpromptlyforgot.
“Shots?”oneoftheroadiesasked,holdingupabottleofsomeclearliquid Justiceshookhisheadbutnoddedatme.“Hopemight.”
Itooktheofferedglassanddowneditquickly,prayingitwouldoffersomecourage oratleastdullmyembarrassment
Asecondshotglassreplacedthefirst,andthenathirdappeared.Whenafourthslippedintomyhand,Justiceintervened.
“Howaboutwesitandchatforawhilefirst?”heaskedgently Inodded, allowinghimto place a hand onmybackand gentlyguide me toward a padded stool thataccommodated my costume.
Hetooktheseatnexttomine,afadedarmchair
“Tellmehowyourfamilyis,”heencouraged.
Iflapped a beaver paw, feelinga little offcentre as the alcohol hitmysystem “They’re surviving CapricornCove has beengoodtous.Harley,HoldenandHudsonarebusywiththefarm.”
“AndLace?”heasked,referringtomysister-in-law
“SheandBoonearegreat.”Ichuckledjustthinkingaboutmynephew.“He’sgrowingintoatemperamentalteenager.”My smiledipped.“ButIdon’tknowifLaceandHarleyaregoingtolast.They’vehadissuesforawhile.”
“I’msorrytohearthat”
Ishookmyhead,forcingasmile.“Howaboutyou?Tellmeallaboutyourfamily.”
Justiceblewoutabreath “I Itextthemoccasionally Fletch,BeauandAsherareallstillinPeachSprings Coltgotout andbecameastuntmanlikehewanted.IseehimoccasionallywheninLA.AsforOwen….”Hetrailedoff.“Let’sjustsaythat overall,I’mnotexactlyclosetothemanymore.”
“You’reestranged?”
Heliftedoneshoulderinahalfshrug.“Idon’tknowwhatweare.”
Iplacedafurryhandonhisknee “Youshouldfixthat Familyisimportant andIwhileI’msupportiveofseparatingfrom familyifthey’renottherightpeopleforyou,Ihaveafeelingthat’snotwhat’shappeninghere.”
Hechuckleddryly “Youalwaysknowhowtogettotheheartofanissue” Iremovedmyhandreluctantly.“Youshouldtrytorepairwhat’sthere.Lifeistooshorttoletwoundsfester.”
“Iwouldn’tevenknowwheretostart.”
“Atexttocheckinmightbegood.”
Henoddedthoughtfully.“I’ll thinkonit.”Heshifted,changingthesubject.“Alright,ontomoreimportantthings.Tell me aboutyou Whatareyouuptothesedays?”
“Studying,work,that’smywholelife.”
Hechuckled “What?Noboyfriend?”
Isnorted. “No. The datingpool inthis townis abysmallysmall. And anyofthe guys who might be a good matchfrom collegeareeitherwantingtomovebacktothecities,orrunintheotherdirectionwhencommitmentisonthetable.”
Iwas vaguelyaware thatthe alcohol had begunto hitme, thatmyhand gestures were becominglarger, and mywords a littleslurred.
Butthen,maybe itwasn’tthe alcohol somuchas beinginJustice’s presence he hadsuchanenigmatic personality,that whenheturnedhisfullattentiononyou,itfeltalittlelikefloating.
Awomantrippedandfellagainstthearmofhischair,laughingasshesliddownittolandinhislap “Sorry!”shechuckled,hervoicelowandsexy.“Ididn’tmeantointerrupt.”
Justice’sarmsautomaticallyslidaroundhertosteadyher,keepingthewomanfromfalling.
“Notaproblem Jacie,meetHope”
“Hey,”shesaidbrightly.Nicetomeetyou.”
Iwasn’texactlysure whichanimal she was meanttobe dressedas,butImade aneducatedguess basedonthe ears and whiskersthatitwasacat.
Apussycat,ifyouwill
Andinacompetitionbetweenpussyandbeaver,itappearedthelesshairyofthetwowouldbetriumphant.
Myheartfloppedsadly,anachetakingupresidenceinthemiddleofmychestasJusticeallowedher tosettleinhislap, leaningbackagainsthimaswechatted
Justice wasn’tfor me. He never had been, and he never would be. Ijustneeded to reconcile thatmychildishdreams of marryingtheboynextdoorwouldnevereventuate
Thankgodhe’dneverguessedmyfeelings.And,ifIhaditmyway,heneverwould.
Theroadiecamebackaroundandofferedmeanothershot.ItookitbeforeJusticecouldstopme,needingthehitoffireto seerawaythetearsburninginmythroat.
“Hope.”
IglancedtowardthedoortotheroomandfoundTrent,andsomeotherguystandinginthedoorway.“You’reokay,”hesaid, hisreliefpalatable.
Not even close Itiltedmyheadtotheside,offeringhimablanksmile.“OfcourseIam.Whywouldn’tIbe?”Ilied.
“Because you’re drunk, honey” Justice tugged gently on one of my pigtails “Sounds like these nice guys are your ride home.”
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry IwantedtoshowhimIcouldpartywithhiscrew.ThatIwasbetterthanthebeavercostumeandpigtails. But you ’ re not, are you? You’re a small-town girl and he’s destined for stardom The two aren’t compatible “ButIwantto ”Ibegan
“Timetogo,”Justiceordered,notbrookinganyprotests.HeshiftedJacieoffhislapandstood,haulingmeuponceagain. “Itwasgreatseeingyou,Hope,”hemurmured,pressingasmallkisstoherforehead “AndI’llthinkonwhatyousaid” Anembarrassedflushcreptupmyneck.Onceagain,Iwasn’tanythingtohim. “Offyougo,”JusticegavemealittleshoveinTrent’sdirection “We’llcatchupanothertime” Dismissed,Iduckedmyheadandwaddledoutoftheroom,bitingtheinsideofmycheekhardenoughtodraw blood,but goddamnitIrefusedtocryinfrontofanyone.
Itwasonlylater,inthesilenceofmybedroomthatIallowedthetearstocome Next time, Ipromisedmyself. Next time he’ll see me as a woman.
Give me three reasons as to why I shouldn’t kill the idiots I work with.
I STARED atthe picture ofJustice Wild hangingabove mydesk, mentallycataloguingthe ways inwhichhe embodied the perfectbad-boyrockervibe.
Cockygrin check
Tattoos check.
Wildhair check
Womenscreaminghisname check. Excellentmusic triplecheck. Onceuponatimehe’dlivednextdoor Themoodybutcharismatickidwho’dchannelledhisloveofmusicintoabilliondollarcareer.
Meanwhile, here Iwas livinginmygrandmother’s house, dealingwithdifficult employees and workingfor a boss that didn’tseemtounderstandwhyIwasstressed.
“We’veneverhadthisconversation” Iblinked,asIcamebacktorealitywitharoughthud. Takingadeepbreath,Iunmutedmyself.
“Kiara,Idon’tthinkthisisaproductivemeeting You’resayingwe’veneverhadthisconversationbefore,I’msayingI’ve providedyouwithfeedbackbothdirectlyandthroughothersintheteam.Ithink ” “Theonlyfeedbackyou’veeverprovidedtomewaswhenyoucalledmyworkshabby ThenIsatatmydeskandcriedfor anhour.”
Istaredatthewomanontheothersideofthescreen,desperatelyfightingforcalm Kiarahadthepotentialtobeanamazingemployee.Theissuewasthatsheassumedshedidn’tneedtochangeanything. “Idon’tbelieveI’vecalledyourworkshabby.”
“Youdid!”Hervoicecaughtandhereyeswelledwithtears
“You’reahorribleboss!Howcanyousayyoudidn’t?”
Imutedmyselfandstaredatthescreen,bitingtheinsideofmycheektokeepfromcrying.Kiara’srantbeganonceagain, herfaceflushingastearsranuncheckeddownhercheeks
Ihatedthisconversation.IhatedhowaftereverycatchupIfeltdrainedanduseless.Ihatedhowthishadbeengoingonfor monthsanddespitemybesteffortsweseemedtobestuckinthesamecycle.
I’dprovideherwithfeedback.She’ddenyIeverprovidedherwiththefeedback.I’dshowheremailsandnotesfromour meetings,andshewoulddenyweeverhadthatconversation.
IthadgottentothepointwhereI’dbeguntodoubtmyownsanity I’dbeguntolookovermynotesandwonderiftheywere lies–figmentsofmyimagination.
Theyweren’tbutthatwashowIwasbeginningtofeel
Anhourlatertheconversationendedwithagreementforyetanotherdiscussion. Iendedthecallandtossedoffmyheadset,pinchingthebridgeofmynosetokeepfromcrying.
“Damnit,”Imuttered,rollingmyshouldersasiftryingtoshrugofftheenergyofthediscussionwe’djusthad.“Idon’twant todothisanymore.”
Once upon a time I’d loved my job. We worked with businesses of all kinds creating custom solutions for their organizations.Beitsocial mediaposts,meetingminutes,developingprojectplans,or supportingstaffrecruitment.Thework wasvariedandinteresting,thehoursweregreat,thepaywasexcellent,andIhadmanagedagreatteamoftwelvestaffwhoall lovedtheirjobs.
OratleastIhad,untilsixmonthsago Kiarahadbeenhiredandwithinamonthmyjobsatisfactionhaddeteriorated She’d struggledtojuggleclients,hadrefusedtocommunicatewithmewhatsheneeded,andhadbeguntoassignher worktoother teammembersinsteadofactioningherself Iwantedtohelpher.Iwantedhertosucceed.Buteveryeffortwasmetwithhostilityandwildaccusations.Andmyboss, George,whileagoodguy,didn’tseemtoappreciatehowstressfulandtoxicthesituationhadbecome. Ifinishedupafewemailsthenloggedoffforthedayasmyphonebeepedwithanincomingtext
FAYE
GivemethreereasonsastowhyIshouldn’tkilltheidiotsIworkwith Igrinned,leaningbackinmychairasmyfingersflewacrossthescreen.
HOPE
1.Youneedthemoney.2.You’dlookhorrendousinaprisonoutfit.3.You’remarriedtooneofthose‘idiots’.
FAYE
You’reright I’lladditchingpowdertotheirunderwearbeforeagig That’llteach‘em
HOPE
What’shappenednow?
FAYE
Theusual I’mwranglingPRnightmares,JusticehasgoneAWOL,Felixisbroodingoversomecouplehe metonamountaintreat,Radleyisbeing Radley,anddoNOTgetmestartedonthesexanimalImarried Themanisinsatiable!
HOPE
Andthat’sabadthing?
FAYE
ItiswhenI’minthemiddleofacallwithRollingStoneaboutgettingthemonthecoverandSamdecidesto crawlundermydeskandeatmeout
Isquealedalittle,delightedmybestfriendintheworldhadlandedsuchagoodman. We’dmetincollege,Fayewithherboldpersonalityandsharpwithadtakenmeunderherwing We’dbecomefastfriends, andquicklymovedintogether.We’dlivedoffcampusinaquietbungalowwhereI’dmanagedtokilleveryplantandbladeof grass,andshe’dmanagedtosetfiretothecooktopthreetimes.
Afterthethirdvisitbyherbrother,whowasafirefighter,we’dagreedthatI’dtakeoverthecookingandshecoulddothe gardens.
I’dlovedthoselong,busydaysspentlaughingoversomenewstoryorcalamity We’dbeenpoorbuthappy
ThenFayehadgraduatedandbeenofferedajobbyTheWildOnes.DidIfinditstrangethatJusticehademployedmybest friend as his PR rep? Alittle But Faye had knownher husband, Sam, for years before the band had formed, and Samhad suggestedherwhenthebandhadneededsomeonepassionatebutcheap.
ThethingI’dtakenawayfromthewholesituationisthattheworldisasmallplace.
IreturnedFaye’stext
HOPE
Andwhatistheproblem?
FAYE
No,you’reright Mutingyourphonesoyoucanclimaxistotallyprofessional Thankyoufortherealitycheck
HOPE
Thisisgoinginabook
FAYE
Ishouldhopeso Speakingoff haveyouseenJusticeyet?
HOPE No ShouldIbeexpectingto?
FAYE
Maybe?HeaskedSimontoorganizeasuitforoneofhisbrothers Somethingaboutaneventcomingup Doyouknowanythingaboutthat?
FAYE
Ihave Andthefactyou’rebeingcryptictellsmeIshouldpushharderbeforethemediafindoutwhat’sup Thanksfornothingyougoose Ichuckled.
HOPE
Loveyoutoo Seeyouinafewweeks?
FAYE
Youknowit!
Iclicked onthe after-workmode onmyphone, breathinga little sigh. Imissed Faye and couldn’twaitto see her atmy birthday,buttherewasagriefattachedtoseeinghermovingforwardwithherlife AyearningI’dneverexpectedhadbegunto takerootinmychest awishforthekindofthingsshehad.
Iwantedher tobehappyandfulfilledmorethanIwantedmynextbreath.Myheartheldsuchjoyfor her shedeserved everygoodthing.Butwatchingherfindherdreamjob,traveltheworld,embraceherself,andfindarelationshipwithaperson whoadoredandcomplementedherineveryway,mademewantthesame.
I’m lonely
Ididn’thaveanyproblemwithbeingsingle infactmostofmylifeI’dpreferredit.Butlatelymyworldhadnarrowedto becomeonevideocall,textoremailafteranother MyfriendsweremovingonwiththeirliveswhileIfelt stuck
IlovedmyGran,butshehadbecometheonlypersonIphysicallyinteractedwith.Ilongedforconnection,meaning,touch.I knewIneededtocracktheshellI’dbuiltaroundmylife,butI’dbecometrapped,likeawallflowerorbluestockingthathada badgeplaceduponherbeforeshe’devenfullymatured
“Getoveryourself.”Iforcedawaymymorosethoughtsandopenedmypersonallaptop.“Yourlifeisfine.”
Flexingmyfingersasmymanuscriptloaded,IglancedupatthepictureofJusticehangingabovemydesk “Let’sseewhatmischiefyou’regettinguptotonight.”
BydayIwasHopeHiggins,theshyvirtual assistantwholivedwithher grandmother andmadepiesfor thetowncharity events.
But by night I was H. Stone, author of the bestselling series, ‘Savage’. The series followed the sexual exploits of the SavageBoys,abandthathadtakentheworldbystorm Thebooksfeaturedeachofthebandmembersastheyfellinloveand foundtheirsoulmate.
ItwastheworstkeptsecretthatJustinSavage,myleadcharacter,wasinspiredinnosmallpartbyJusticeWild DidIhaveacrush?
Ohyeah
ButI’dbeennursingthatsuckersinceIwas4yearsold,andJusticehadagreedtopushmeonaswing.
Wouldmydreamofbeingthewomanhecamehometoeachnightevercometrue?
Absolutelynot
Wouldmydreamofsomeepiclovefilledwithsteamysexanddeliciouslydelightfulpublicdeclarationsofloveevercome true?
Again,no.
Once could sayIwasn’texactlythe kind ofwomanwho inspired feelings oflove and devotioninothers. I’d once been referredtoasawallflowerbyawell-meaningbuthorrendouslyinsensitiveaunt.
Mybookshadbecomeanoutletformyunfulfilleddesires.EverynightIwroteaboutallthethingsIwishedwouldhappen inmylifeknowingnoneofitwas evenremotelyclosetoreality For briefperiods Icouldbesomeoneelse someonebold andconfident.Someonewhoinspiredloveandlustanddevotion.
Someonewhowasn’tlonely “Hope,dinner’sready.”
Ihitsaveandsatbackinmychair,stretchingmyarmsandcrackingmyback. MyfamilyhadnoideaIwrotesmuttyromance,andIintendedtokeepitthatway. Iheadeddownstairs,pausingwhenIsawmygrandmothersittingoutsideonthebackdeck. “Gran?”
Shewavedatmethroughtheporchdoor.“Comesitwithme,dear.Ihavenews.” ‘News’alwaystranslatedtogossip andastheoldestmemberofoursmalltownofPeachSprings,Granalwaysseemedto knoweverythingabouteveryone.
Iservedmyselfupaplateofchickenandsaladandsettledbesideherontheporchswing.
“Mr AllenfromPeachFuzzcalledtoday,”Gransaid,referringtotheownerofthelocalbarbershop
“Mm?”ImurmuredasIchewed.Myattentionhadbeguntodriftbacktothestorythatawaitedmeupstairs.
Maybe I could have Justin meet his potential match at a “JusticeWildisbackintown”
MyattentiondivertedsoquicklyIwassurprisedIdidn’tendupwithwhiplash. “What?”
Grannodded,spearingacherrytomatowithherfork.“Theboyisbackintown.WenttotheFuzzforahaircut.TippedMr. Allengood,too Mustbehereforthededication”
Iswallowedthenswallowedagain,fightingagainsttherollingemotionsthathadspontaneouslyeruptedinmygut. “Dedication?”
“Thecourtcasewasfinallysettled Thedeveloperlost Theparkissafe It’llbehandedoverthetownofficiallyinafew weeks.Didn’tyoureadthepaper?”
Ishookmyheadslowly,tryingtopiecetogethermythoughts
Twentyyearsago,Justice’sparentshadbeenworkingtodonatealargetractoftheirlandtothetown.They’dbeenpeach farmers–andwhiletherestoftheirlandhadbeenperfectforagriculturaluse,thatareawasfartoorockyandhillyforthemto utilize.
They’ddecidedtodonateitasanaturereservetothetownforeveryonetouse.Onlythey’dpassedawaybeforefinalizing thedonation,andadeveloperhadlodgedanappealwiththetowntotryandgetthearearezonedforhousing “Imusthavemissedthenews.”
“Well,you’vebeenonthatcomputerforweeks Barelyleavingthehouse,workingaroundtheclock”Grantskedunderher breath.“You’relettingyourliferollbywithoutparticipatinginit.”
Ibrushedawayherconcerns.“WhyisJusticeintown?Ithoughthewasonhistour.”
Granwavedherhanddismissively.“Thetourisonbreakfortwomonthsbeforethenextleg.Wordhasithecaughtsome kindofcold.”Shesniffed.“Gladysissureit’smono.”
“Andhe’sspendingithere?Intown?”
Grannodded.
Iswallowed,glancingawayasIstaredoutattheappletreesthatsurroundedoursmallcottage
Unlike the rest of the town, which was peach obsessed, my great-great-great-great grandparents had decided to plant apples.
Apples had been my family’s obsession until my father had passed away when I was thirteen. My mother had tried to continuethetraditionandruntheorchard,butherhearthadn’tbeeninit.Afewyearslatershe’dmovedushalf-wayacrossthe worldbacktoherhomecountryofAstipia
Myfather’ssideofthefamilystillrantheorchard,whichwaswellknownforitsfresh,crispvarietiesofheirloom,organic fruit
Thatwas whyIwas here. MyGran myfather’s mother needed help around the house while she waited for a spotto openatthelocalassistedlivinghome.Butwithpeakfruitpickingseasonnearlyuponus,therewasn’tanyoneinthefamilywho couldassisther
AndsoI’dupendedmylife,movedhalfwayaroundtheworldandreturnedtoPeachSpringstohelp.
Theadjustmenthadn’tbeeneasy Beinganappleinatownfullofpeacheshaditsdownsides Nottomentionpossessingthe onlyblackthumb inthe family. Icouldn’tevenkeep a succulentalive, letalone anapple tree. Thankfullyno one seemed to expectmetopitchinonthefarmingside
“IwantyoutotakethatpieyoubakedthismorningovertotheWildhouse.”
Myheadtwistedtostareatmytiny,wrinkledgrandmother.Herdarkblackhairhadfadedtoastrikingwhite.Wesharedthe sameblueeyes,thoughherswereamuchdeeperbluethanmyown Unlikeshymewithmyaverageheight,abundanthipsand overlygenerousbreasts,hersmallframeandpetitebodybeliedherlarger-than-lifepersonality.Shehadruledherhomewith anironfist andallherchildrenstillbowedtoherwhims
IaspiredtobemyGranwhenIgrewup.
“Butthatwasforourdessert”
Granpeggedmewithaglarethatsaidsouthernhospitalitywasaliveanddamnnearconsideredsacredbyher.
“YoumakesureyoutakethecreamIjustmadetoo,”shesaid,ignoringmyprotest.
“Yes,Ma’am”Ibowedmyhead,pushingabsentlyatthesaladonmyplate
“You’reagoodgirl,Hope.”Granpatmyleg.“Nowgoputonanicedress.Youneverknow,maybeoneofthoseWildboys willtakealikingtoyou”
Isnorted.
Shetskedgentlyonceagain.“Strangerthingshavehappened.”
Yeah, right.
:HometownGlorybyAdele
The return of the prodigal son was less than enthusiastic
I LEANED againstmyrented truckand stared up atthe old farmhouse, fightingto catalogue the complexityofemotions that rolledthroughme.
Damn,notmuchhaschanged Andyeteverythinghad. Ormaybenoteverythingsomuchasme.
“Fuck,”Imuttered,runningahandthroughmyfreshlycuthair “That’sfartoodeepforthistimeoftheevening”
I’ddelayedtheinevitablefamilyreunionforaslongaspossiblebyworkingmywayfromonesideoftowntotheother.I didn’tmindspendingmoneyinthesmallbusinessesthatlinedMainStreet,butatsomepoint,thebusinesseshadendedandI’d beenforcedtofacereality.
Fuck
Imovedtopushoffthetruckbutmovementfromacrosstheyardcaughtmyattention.Isquintedintothesettinglight,struck bytheflame-coloredlocks,highlightedbythefadingsun,andarounddishinonehand.Whoevershewas,thewomanhadthe bodyofVenus andthoselegs?
Ineededthemwrappedaroundme. “Justice?”
Myfilthythoughtsscreechedtoahalt. Iraisedmyarmtosquintintothelight “Hope?”
Shenodded,steppingintotheshadowofthehouse.“Ithoughtthatwasyou.”
MybrainstruggledtoreconcilethewomanbeforemewiththefeelingsofalmostsisterlyloveIhadforher “HopeHiggins.Ihaven’tseenyousince….”Itrailedoffasagrintuggedatmylips. Shewavedonehanddismissively “Wedon’thavetotalkaboutthat”
ThelasttimeI’dseenherhadbeeninsomedivebarinalittlecoastaltownwheremyleadguitarist,Sam,hailedfrom.It’d beenHalloween,andwhilemostwomenhadbeendressedtokill,Hopehadchosenabeavercostume abigbrownthingwith giantfeet,fake claws,anda thicktail.She’dmade melaughthatnight anddamnhadIneededthe distraction.Butthenshe alwayshadbeenabletomakemesmile.
Isobered,rememberingthefuckerthathadattemptedtoaccostherthatnight Thefuckerhaddeservedmorethanawarning butI’dpromisedtobeonmybestbehaviorandhadfoughtofftheurgetolayhimout.
I crossed myarms and tucked one legover the other as I leaned against mytruck “I don’t know about that, darlin’,” I drawledslowly,enjoyingwatchinghersquirm.“It’snoteverydayawomanshowsmeherbeaver.”
Eveninthe dimeveninglightIcould see the red flushcreepingfromunder her primlybuttoned top, and Ifound myself strangelyintriguedbytheideaofunbuttoninghertopjusttoseehowfarthatblushslippeddownherskin. Ishookoffthethought.HopeHigginshadalwaysbeenthegoodgirlnextdoor.Quiet,dutiful,andshy.Allthroughschool she’d volunteered for all the shit that people should care about but rarely do like raising money to save the whales or encouragingpeopletorecycle.
Ieyedher,quietlypleasedtoseeshestillworebutton-upcardigans,thoughherauburnhairremainedinabraidthatlooked fartootightforawomanwhosefacedeservedtobeonthecoverofmagazines.BecauseHopeHiggins,despiteherbestefforts todownplayhercharms,wasabombshell
Ifshe’dbeenanyoneelse,Imighthavebeentemptedtodomorethanteaseher.ButthiswasHope thegoodgirlnextdoor.
AsI’dbeentoldmoretimesthanIcouldcount,goodgirlsdeservedgreatguysandIwasn’tanywhereclosetobeingagood guy.
Mentally,Ichastisedmydickforwantingher
We’re not even close to being in her league.
“Itwasacostume.”Hope’schinjuttedoutstubbornly.“AlotofpeopledressasbeaversforHalloween.” “Nameone”
“Faye.”
Ishookmyhead “Doesn’tcount Fayeisamaniac” “Hey!She’smybestfriend.”
Igrinned “Iwon’tholdthatagainstyou”
Hergazenarrowed,amusementdancingintheirgloriousdepths.“You’reonetotalk.Didn’tsomewomanburnyourclothes theotherweek?”
Iwinced “Iwillneitherconfirmnordeny” “Hmm,hedgingyourbets.”
“WhatcanIsay,I’magambler”Ieyedthepieinherhands “Speakingoff,ifIwasabettingman,I’dassumethatmightbe forme.”
“Don’tcountonit.”Sheheldthepieaway.“ThisisforAsher.”
“Bullshit.Why’dyoubringthatgrumpatreat?”
“Yourbrotherisagoodguy.LastweekheheldGrantoourcaraftershegottiredinthegrocerystore.”
“He’sasaint I’llbesuretonominatehimforamedal”
Shesnorted,jugglingthepiepanfromonehandtotheother.“You’reasmartass,youknowthat,right?” Ichuckled,appreciatinghersass TheHopeI’dknownfromyearspasthadbeenshyandreserved,sweetwithacracking senseofhumor.ThisHopehadallthesametraits butwithaconfidenceandmaturitythatIfoundsexyashell.
Not in her league, remember?
“Justice?Thatyou?”
Istiffened,dreadsettlinglikeastoneinmystomach.“Hello,Asher.”
Thelightfromtheporchbathedmybrotherinasoftglow He’dagedsinceI’dlastbeenhome,hisbrownhairnowholding somesaltnearhistemples.Hisskinwouldalwaysbetanned itwasthekindofbonedeepcolorthatcamefromdecadesof farmingunderthewarmGeorgiasun
Helookedsomuchlikeourdadithurttoseehim.
“Theprodigalsonreturns,”Ashersaid,histonedry.
Itappearedthatunliketherestofthetown,myreceptionathomewouldbelessthanenthusiastic ButthenwhatdidIexpect?Ihadn’texactlyleftunderthemostauspiciousofcircumstances.
Infact, ifmemoryserved me right, Imighthave told everyone inmyfamilyto make enthusiastic love to themselves as I tossedmygearinmytruckanddrivenoffinafitofegotisticalrage.
It had worked out Being alone had forced me to grow up I’d worked my ass off to prove my brother’s wrong about pursuingacareerinmusic.
NowhereIstood,aninternationalrockstarwithmoremoneythanamancouldspendinalifetime,owningfiveproperties andnumerousawards,andadoredbyfanstheworldover
Andsomehow drivingthroughthe gates ofthe farmhadtransportedme backtothe exactmaturitylevel ofthatangry20year-old
Myjawtightened,myhandscurlingintofistsaswestaredeachotherdown.
Hopethrustthepiedishintomyhandsassheshiftedbetweenus,grinningwidelyatAsher “Gransentme,” she said, walkingawayfromme and up to the porch. “Said Ishould bringover a pie since you’ll soon haveafullhouseonyourhands.”
Mygazedroppedtoherassbeforesnappingbackup
She’s like a little sister. Jesus, man, get your shit together. Ashersoftened,greetingHopewiththesamewarmththatsheseemedtobringoutineveryoneshemet Ididn’tknowhowbutwithinafewsentencesshe’dbrokentheicebetweenmeandmybrother,smoothingoverourrough edges.
Shebustledinsidetheoldfarmhouse,actingforalltheworldlikesheownedit.
“IsMadilynin?”sheaskedasshewalkeddownthehall,AsherandItrailingherlikelostducklings.
“No,she’sdownatthePinkPeach,”Asheranswered,referringtothelocalhairsalon. Hopenodded,makingherwaytothekitchen.“Coffeeortea?”
Itappearedthatshewasstaying atleastforthemoment
Thank god.
I popped the pie on the old kitchen table and took in the changes in the old house Much remained the same, like the batteredwoodchoppingblockandheightmarkersthatmomanddadhadetchedintothedoorwayaswegrew.Butotherthings weredifferent–thecabinetshadbeenbrightenedwithanewcoatofpaint,andtheapplianceshadbeenupdated
“Nothingforme,”Imuttered,takingmyplaceattheancientwoodentable.Myfingersautomaticallywanderedacrossthe surface,findingtheworncreasesandcracksinthewood.
“Coffee,thanks,”Ashermutteredtakinghisownseatacrossfromme
Oldhabitsdiedharditseemed,aswesatinthesameplaceswe’doccupiedthroughoutourgrowingyears.
Hope chattered inthe background as she bustled around the kitchen, her voice a pleasant distractionfromthe emotions rollingthroughme.
HereaseinthekitchenindicatedafamiliaritythatIwasn’tsureIliked Ieyedmybrother,wonderingwhattherelationship betweenthemcouldbe.Weretheyfriends?Formerlovers?
Myjaw clenched at the thought of Asher withHope. She deserved a guywho’d show her the world, not some grumpy bastardwhoneededtobeputinhisplaceregularly
It’swhyheandMadilynworked sheunderstoodhim.
“Youstayinghere?”Asheraskedwhenthereasabrieflull Ishrugged.“Maybejustforanightortwo,ifyoucanfindaspaceforme.”
Henodded,acceptingamugfromHope.“Youcanhaveyouroldroom.Thebed’sstillintherebutMadilyn’sconvertedit intoaguestroom.”
Hopeslidacupinfrontofme.
“Isaid ”
“Drink,”sheordered,givingmeameaningfullook.“Please.” Iswallowedmyprotestandraisedthemugtomylips Thefruityflavorofthehotliquidexplodedonmytongueandsent mespiraling.IglancedatHopewhoshotmeasmallsmilethenduckedherhead,hidingherexpressionbehindawallofhair.
PeachteahadbeenmyMom’sfavorite.She’dalwayslovedtomakeitforusoncooleveningsasareminderthatsummer wouldsooncome.
The last time I’d tasted it had beenafter the funeral. Hope had handed me a thermos full of the sweet tea tellingme I deservedtorememberthegoodbeforethebad
MychesttightenedasItookanothersip,savoringthesweetbrew.
Hoperetrievedaknifetoslicethickwedgesofpie,slidingthemontoplatesthatIdidn’trecognize Yet another thing that’s changed.
“So,”Ashersaid,breakingthesilence.“Youstickingaroundforawhile?”
Ishrugged “DependsifIcanfindahouse” Hope’seyebrowsrose.“Ahouse?”
Inodded,acceptingherpieoffering “IneedabasewhileI’mhere Thebandwillbeflyinginandouttocollaborateonour nextalbum,andweneedtopracticeaheadofthenextlegofthetour.”
Asherfrownedintohiscoffeenotsayingaword Well, this is awkward.
Sure,Ihadn’tseenmybrothersinpersonforseveral years,butI’dkeptintouchwiththeoccasional textorphonecall.I wasn’tacompleteass
Hopemadeeyesatmeoverhermug,jerkingherheadtowardAsherinanot-so-subtlegesture. Swallowingagrinatherantics,Iclearedmythroat “IthoughtBeauandFletchmightbehere.”
Ashershookhishead “FletchhasashiftandBeauis godonlyknowswhereBeauis” Irelaxedslightly.“Stillgivingyoutrouble,huh?” Mybrotherblewoutabreath,runninghishandthroughhishair.“I’mreadytogiveup.” Like you did with me?Iwantedtoaskbutbitmytongue “How’swork?”AsheraskedHope.“Thatwomanstillgivingyoutrouble?” Shehuffedoutasmallchuckle “Letmeguess,Grantoldyou?” “ShetoldMadilynwhotoldme.”
IfrownedasIspearedapieceofpie.“Someone’sgivingyoutrouble?” Hopeshookherhead.“It’snothing.Oratleastit’snotthatbigadeal.” “No?”Asherasked.“WayyourGranrelayedit,seemslikeitis.”
Hopedippedherhead.“It’llbefine.Everythingwillworkout.” “Youdon’tsoundsure,”Isaid,watchingherclosely.
“It’s ”hersmileseemedforced “Itiswhatitis Ican’tchangeitatthemoment,butitwillallfixitselfsoon” “Youneedsomeonetointervene?”Iasked,alreadyfeelingmybloodpressurerisingatthethoughtofsomeonefuckingwith Hope Herbodylanguageshifted,hunchingoverandturningaway.“No.It’sfine.”
She’dsaid‘fine’fartoomanytimesinarowforittobeso,butIacceptedherhinttochangethesubject,makingamental notetoaskAsheraboutitlater.
Ipointedattheuntouchedpieonherplate.“EatyourGran’sgift.Everythingwilltastebetter.” Agenuinesmilegracedherlips “Actually,that’smyrecipe” “Marryme.”
Hersmilefroze,hereyeswideningbeforeredsurgedintohercheeks “No,thankyou,”shesaidprimly “Idon’tthinkwe’d becompatible.”
“That’strue,”Ashersaid,nursinghiscoffee “Justicewouldruinasweetgirllikeyou”
Ileanedbackinmychair,tryingtokeepthebitternessoutofmytone.“Youthink?MaybeHopewouldn’tmindawalkon thewildside.”
Asher’sjawclenched theexpressionfartoofamiliar “Lookhere,Justice You’vebeengonealongtimeandIwon’thave you "
AbruptlyHopepushedupfromthetable,coughingandsplutteringasshedidso “Ihaveto thatis Imean Ineedto Granwillbeexpecting ”
Before Icould apologize for the siblingminefield, I’d lobbed her into, she’d grabbed her bagand had runfor the door, disappearingintotheeveninglight.
“Fuck,”Imutteredpushingupfrommyseat,alreadyregrettingmyactions. Ashersighed “Wewerebothasses Yougonnachaseafterher?”
“I’mnotadick,Asher.Someonehastomakesureshegetshomeokay.”
Hisgazepiercedmine,someunidentifiableemotioncrossedhisfacebeforeIcouldcategorizeit “It’safive-minutewalk onawell-usedpath.”
Ishothimaglareovermyshoulder.“IfHopewereMadilyn,wouldyou ” Hewavedmeoff.“Fine.Butatleastapologizetoherwhileyou’reatit.Fromthebothofus.Shedidn’tneedtobebrought intoourshit.”
Our shit? You’re the one who started it
You’dhavethroughnearlyadecadeawaywouldhavebrokenmeofthenear-compulsiveneedIhadtoprovemybrother wrong
Amaddeningitchstartedonthebackofmyneck.“Iknow.I’llmakeitright.” “Good.” Asher turned backto his pie. “I’ll tryto hide your slice fromBeaubutno promises. The boyhas a sixthsense whenitcomestofreefood”
SONG: FREE FALLIN’byTomPetty(coverbyJohnMayer)
Turns out you can’t die from humiliation
“GOD, PLEASE, STRIKE ME DOWN,” IbeggedasIhurriedbacktoGran’s.
I’dknownthatJusticewasjokingbutdamnifhisjokehadn’thitstraighttotheheartofmydesires. Marry me.
IswearmyhearthadseizedinmychestwhenJusticehadutteredthosewords “Stupid,stupid,stupid!”
Mycheeks were onfire, and myhands trembled as Istumbled downthe pathbetweenour houses The trees around me stoodsilent,nodoubtjudgingme.
Don’t worry, I judge myself Ileanedover,huffingoutabreath.
“Stupid!”
MystomachchurnedasmybrainreplayedmyreactiontoJustice’steasingagainandagain I need to move to Peru or Papua New Guinea. Somewhere remote with little access to the internet. I can’t believe I acted that way who am I?
Istumbledinthedark,nearlytrippingontheloosegravel. “Ohno.”Igroaned,catchingmyself.“Thepiedish.”
I’dreallylikedthatdishtoo,butsuchwasthesacrificeIwaswillingtomaketoavoidseeingeitherbrothereveragain I let out a small groan, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Why is it that any time I’min Justice’s presence I act like a teenagerratherthanawoman?WhatamI,fourteen?Ugh!”
MycrushonJusticehadbeenformedyearsbeforehe’dbecomefamous.It’dbeenduringthehardyearswhenmydadhad beensick,thecancerslowlyerodinghisstrengthuntiltherehadbeennothingleftbutthetwinkleofthemanI’dknown Iswipedangrilyatthetearsthatfilledmyeyes,determinednottocryoverthememories.
Myfather’s deathhad come two years after his diagnosis. Ithad beenhard onmyentire family mythree brothers had changed, becoming moody or overly protective of our family My mother had lost weight, her usually cheerful disposition slowlyvanishinguntilallthatremainedwasafakesmileandemptywords.
We’dcelebratedlifeandthesmall moments throughouthis illness,buteverythinghadbeentaintedbytheknowledgethat thisfirstwouldbehislast.
Myeldestbrother,Harley,hadgottenhisteenagegirlfriendpregnant,giftingdadhisfirstgrandchild andtheonlyonehe’d livedtomeet.
Mymiddlebrother,Holden,hadlearnedtheartofthewisecrack,turningintoasullenandmoodybeastofaboy,sneaking outanighttogetintoallsortsofmischief
Andmyyoungestbrother,Hudson,hadlivedtoplease.He’dbecomemineandmymother’s keeper,makingus smileand takingcareofthebothofus
And I, as the youngest of all mysiblings, had retreated into the pages of mybooks, encouraged bymydad to read his favoritesbeforevisitingthehospicecarewherewe’ddiscusstheintricaciesofeachstoryline.
He’dbeentheonetoencouragemetowrite tofindanescape.He’dalsobeentheonetohandmemyfirstnotebookanda
fancy,engravedfountainpen
“Write,”he’dsaidtome.“Givevoicetoyourdreams,Hope.That’sallanyofuscando.”
Andso,I’dwrittenabouttheboynextdoor
The boy who snuck a drunk Holden through my bedroom window more nights than I could count while Mom slept downstairs
Theboywho’dwinkatmeduringchurchprayerswhenallI’dwantedtodowasscreamattheinjusticeoflosingaparentI loved
Theboywhohandedmedaisy’swhenIwassad,andforcedmetolaughwhenIwantedtocry.
The boywho looked outfor me inthe school yard whenthe other girls were horrid because Iwas the one wearingmy brother’shand-me-downsbecausemyfamilycouldn’taffordbothnewclothesandmedicalbills
Theboywho’dboughtmeribbonsformyhairformybirthday,andpinkinkformypenatChristmas.
JusticehadbeenthelightI’dneededwhenmylifehadbeenshroudedindarkness
Whenhisparent’shaddied,I’dtriedtoreturnthefavor,offeringhimashouldertocryonandleavingchildishthingsfor himtofindthatIknewwouldmakehimlaugh
There’d been a brief moment when I’d thought we might have been shaping our relationship into something more somethinglessbestfriend’slittlesisterandmore,womanIwanttospendmylifewith.Butthathadbeenwishfulthinkingon mypartandbeforeIcouldreconcilemyrealitywithmydreams,Momhaddecidedtoreturntoherhomecountrytolivenear herfamily,andthathadbeenit–theendofwhatevermighthavebeen.
Butithadn’tbeenthe end I’dcontinued to write aboutJustice until mywords hadbecome stories andthose stories had becomebooks.
AndnowIwaslivinginanightmareofmyowncreationbecauseultimatelyJusticewasn’ttheproblem Iwas.He’dnever doneanythingtodeservethereactionI’dthrownathimtonight.
“Blast,”ImutteredasIno-so-quietlystompedmywayupthefrontstepsofGran’shouse.“I’mgoingtohavetoapologize.” Ishoved openthe door onlyto see thatGranwas onthe telephone no doubtspeakingto one ofher manyfriends from acrosstown.
Thelocal rumor mill thrivedthanks tomygrandmother Ididn’twanttobrag,butifgossipwereanOlympicsport,Gran wouldbetheGOAT.
SheraisedherhandinwelcomeandIwavedbackbutdidn’tstop.IneededtogetbacktoaworldwhereIwasincontrol. Itookthe stairs twoata time,rushingupthe familiar hall andintothe ancientbedroomonlytoskidtoa halt myheart slammingintomychest.
“Justice?”
Heturnedslowlyawayfromtheposteronmywallthathe’dbeenstaringattocockaneyebrowatme.“Thisroomneedsan update”
Heatburstacrossmycheeksanddownmyneck.“Ihaven’texactlyhadtime.And,howexactlydidyougethere?” “Itooktheshortcut.”
Ifrowned “there’sashortcut?”
“Yeah,throughthebullpaddock.Youjusthavetorunreallyfast.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or terrified that a manworthmore thanmyentire family’s income combined was riskinghisneck.
Hegesturedatthegiantkingbedthattookupthemajorityofthespace Thebeditselfhadbeenmadebymygreat-greatgrandfather,andmostofthebeddinglookedtocomefromaroundthesametimeperiod.
“Pleasetellmethatmattressisfromthiscentury.”
Igrimaced “Iwish”
Heshookhishead.“Andthefringeontheblankets?Thatcan’tbecomfortable.” Ifeltmyselfrelaxingalittleathisteasing “It’snot”
“Whynotchangeit?You’vebeenhereforhowlongexactly?”
“Fivemonths”Iwalkedovertotouchoneofthehand-stitchedthrowpillowsthatsatunusedonthebeddingboxatthefoot ofthebed.“Iwanttobut….”Ipaused,tryingtofindthewordstomakehimunderstand. “But?”hepromptedwhenIdidn’tsayanything.
Iswallowedagainstthedisloyallumpthathadformedinmythroat “Don’ttellGran,butIfeellikeifImakethisbedroom mine ifIchangeanythingnomatterhowsmall thenitmeansI’mstaying.AndI’mnotsureIwanttostay.”
Henodded,seeminglyabsorbingmywordswithoutjudgement
“Itfeels…awfultoadmitthat.”Isighed,floppingdowntositonthebed.“Butit’sthetruth.Idon’tknowifthisistheplace forme.”
“Igetit.” Justice grabbed mydeskchair and straddled it, crossinghis arms across the backofthe seat. “Beingbackis rough.Everythingisatoncefamiliarandyet…”
Igrinnedruefully.“‘Andyet’iscorrect.”
Wefellintoacomfortablesilencebothofusavoidingeyecontact.
Time to woman up and get over this awkwardness
“Justice,I ”
“Hope,I’m ”
Webothlaughed,thetensionbreaking.
“Youfirst,”Isaid,gesturingathim “I’msorryfortonight.YouweretryingtomakethingseasierformeandAsherandIfuckedup.” Ishookmyheademphatically.“No.Youwerekiddingaround.Myreactionwasn’t thatistosay Imean…”Iclearedmy throat “Myreactionwasinappropriate”Icastoutdesperateforsomereasontojustifymyreaction “It’sjustthatGranwason mycaseearliertonightaboutdatingand,well,Iwasalreadyfeelingalittlerawovermysinglestatus.”
Justicefrowned Ourgazesmetandhelookedtobesearchingforsomething “Beingsingleisn’tabadthing” “It is wheneveryone treats youlike their little sister rather thana fuckable woman.” I slapped a hand over mymouth. “Damn!Whatisitaboutyouthatmakesmesayinappropriatethings?”
Hegrinned,seeminglypleasedbymyadmission.“Don’tholdbackonmyaccount.” Ithrewapillowathiminresponse.
Heeasilycaughtitandtosseditback,managingtolanditinmylap
“Youreallytryingtotellmethatthemenaroundherearen’tknockingdownyourdoor?”heasked. Ididn’twantto be havingthis conversationwitha manwho had dated some ofthe mostbeautiful people inthe world
Admittingyouhadno
Ihalf-shrugged.“Nooneis.Nothere,notbackhome,notinanyplaceI’veeverbeen.” “Comeon,”heteased.“You’regorgeous.”
Igrimaced.“Thanks,butIcanassureyouthere’snoone.”
Hefrowned “Whatareyoutryingtosay?”
Ihesitated,embarrassedtoadmitmyinexperiencetothisrockgod.SurelyI’dexperienceenoughembarrassmentandshame foronenight
“There’sneverbeenanyone…ifyoucatchmydrift.”
“Soyou’re….”Hehesitated.“Ihatethewordvirginbecause,let’sbehonest,virginityisasocialconstruct.” Irolledmyeyes.
“Butlet’sgowithabstinent.Areyouabstinent?”
Icringed “Notbychoice”
Justiceremainedsilent,waitingformetocontinue.
“It’s pitiful, right? Inthis dayand age of apps and online datingand realityTV; I reallyshould have beenable to find someone who wanted to be with me for longer than five minutes. But that’s not what happened. And as I got older it just seemedlikeallthegoodguyswereinrelationshipsandtheleftoverswere…well,leftbehindforareason.”
Icouldn’tquitebelievethewords thatwerecomingoutofmymouth,butoncethetaphadbeenturnedon,itappearedit wasn’tlikelytostopanytimesoon.
“Imean,”Icontinued,wavingahandaroundloftily “It’salmostlikemencansmelltheinexperienceonme AssoonasI’m inaroomwithadate,theyswitchfrominterestedto‘canIintroduceyoutomymother?She’dlovetohaveyouatchurchon Sunday’ It’snever,‘letmebendyouoverthetableandfuckyouuntilyou’rescreamingmyname’”Ibegantopace,myhands gesturingwildly.“AndIdon’tunderstandwhy.It’snotasifI’mrudeorhavesomekindofcommunicablediseaselikecovidor something.I’mjustawomaninherprimewhowantsgreatsex.Isthattoomuchtoask?Thatsomeonebringsmetoclimaxat leastthreetimesbeforethey ”
Justicemadeasoundinthebackofthisthroat,interruptingmymonologueofsingledomwoes. “Toomuch?”Iasked,wincing “Um,no?”
Iblewoutabreath “WhatI’mtryingtosayisthatmenandIdon’tmix” Hefrowned.“Idon’tbelievethat.” Igesturedtomybody.“Imeanlookatme.” “Iam”
Thegravityinhisvoicebrokethroughtheself-pitythathaddescended. Heclearedhisthroat “I’mgoingtosaythisasamanwholoveswomenandasyourfriend” “Arewefriends?”Iaskedquietly.
He ignored me. “Youare sexy, Hope. You’ve got this quiet beautywhichyousubdue behind cute outfits and buttonup cardigans.But andIsaythis nottoembarrass youbuttoreassureyou thoseoutfits driveaguycrazy.Itmakes us wantto peeloffthelayersandseewhatyou’rewearingunderneath.Itmakesuswanttoworkoutifyou’realibrarianonthestreetsand
afreakinthesheets.”
Myheartflippedfloppedwildlyasawarm,pleasantachebegantothrobdeepinmybelly.
He thinks I’m sexy
Ibrushedoffthecompliment.“Theevidencesaysotherwise.”
Hisgrinwasslowandsweetlikehoney “Youdon’tbelieveme” “Noonehaseversaidanythinglikethistome.Orindicatedevenawordofthatmightbetrue.”Icrossedmyarmsovermy chest,determinedtoprotectmyheart
“Sweetheart,you’rehangingoutwiththewrongkindofmen.”
Irolledmyeyes.“YouknowwhereIcanfindtherightkindofguy?”
“Nope,”heansweredcheerfully “Butyou’llknowitwhenyoufindhim” “AndhowexactlywillIknow?”
“He’ll be the guywho makes yourealize thatthere’s nothingwrongwithbeinginexperienced You’re a vibrantwoman, Hope. Your sexuality and sexual experience are only one part of the richness of your life. If you wanted to go out and experiencesex,allyou’dneedtodoiswearatightreddressandsomecowboybootsdowntothebar Believeme,everypunk farmer and cowboyblow inwould be droolingto take what youoffered.” He stood up fromhis seat, steppingtoward the window.“Butthat’snotwhoyouare.Youwantthecandlesandrosepetalsandthesilksheets.”
Ifrowned,frustratedbyhisassumption
“Howdoyouknowthat?”Iasked.“I’mnotsixteen,andthisisn’taChristmasmovie.” Hepluckedabookoffmyshelfandmyheartdropped “Becauseyoureadthese.”
Itwasthefirstinmyrockstarromanceseries.Thecoverlookedinnocentwiththeimageofdrumstickslayingacrossabed, buttheinteriorwasfilledwithallthefilthylongingsofmyheart.
Let’sjustsaymyvibratorandIhadgottenintimatelyacquaintedwhilewritingthatbookandwaitingforMr.Right. Aboldnesspromptedbyyearsofpeople men assumingtheyknewbest,possessedme Istormedacrossmyroomtohim andpickedupthreeofmybooksshovingthemintohischest.
“BeforeyoujudgemeforlovingromancehowaboutyoureadwhatImightenjoy?” Iforcedmyselftomeethissurprisedgaze,pleasedaspunchtoseeanewglintofinterestinhisexpression.
“Youneverknow,”Isaidsnottily.“Youmightlearnathingortwoaboutwhatawomanactually wants.” Hisgrinsentbutterfliesflutteringinmybelly.
“Nowgo,”Isaid,turninghimaroundandpushinghimtowardthewindow.“BeforeGranwondersifI’vereallylostallmy senses”
“Can’tIusethefrontdoor?”
“Didyouuseitcomingin?”
“No.”
“Thenno.Notifyoudon’twanttohavethestorysoldtothepaperswithinanhour.”
JusticefrozeandIcrashedintohisback “Actually,”hesaidwithaslowdrawl.“That’snotahalf-badidea.” “What?”
Henoddedasiftohimself.“Whatareyoudoingtomorrow?”
“Working LikeIalwaysdo Why?” “Youfreeforbrunch?”
Ihesitated,unsureofwherehewasgoingwiththis.“Maybe.”
“Meetmeatthediner Ihaveapropositionforyou”
Andonthatominousnote,theboynextdoorclimbedoutmybedroomwindowanddisappearedintothecoolnight. “Whatinthebuttholeoftheworldjusthappened?”Imuttered ImovedtomycomputerandfrozewhenIregisteredthathispicturewasmissing. Turnsoutyoucan’tdiefromhumiliation,evenifyouwishotherwise
I never joke about women’s empowerment
IN THIS TOWN, peachesruledall decisions Therewasn’tanywhereyoucouldgowithouthavingpeachesthrowninyour face.
Candles?Peachscents
Hairsalon?Peachshampoo. Thelocaldiner?Peachpancakes.
Livinghere,I’dnevernoticedthezealwithwhichpeoplepushedtheirpeach-ywares Therewerepeach-themedceramics, andpeach-punshirts,peachdesertsatthebakeryandpeachpreservesatthelocalstore.
WhichmadeHope’sfamilyananomalyinthistown
Damn,justthinkingaboutapplesmademethinkaboutHopeandthestartlingconversationwe’dhadlastnight.Whowould havethroughtheshygirlnextdoorhadanaughtyside?
Imean,Idid.ButthenI’madegenerateasshole.Iassumethateveryoneisasfuckedupasme.
Iglancedaround,catchingsightofmysecuritydetailinboothsaroundthediner.Theguyswerediscreet,attemptingtogrant methefaçadeofprivacyifnotthereality
Sighing, Iglanced backdownatmyphone, absentlyclickinginto the notes app to jotsome lyrics thathad beenplaying throughmymindallnight
I’dbeenintriguedbyHope’sboldnessandsassasshe’dorderedmetoreadthebooksthathadlinedhershelves. I’dmade assumptions aboutthem andabouther Turnedoutmygirl didn’twantsoftandslow She wantedfilthy,dirty, needysex.
Andthefuckifthatdidn’tturnmeon.
My girl?
Istiffened.
Shit WhenhadIbeguntothinkofherasmine?Ididn’t Icouldn’t Shehadtoremainthegirlnextdoor Shehadtoremain myfriend’ssister.
Besides,nowaywouldsheletmetouchher.Shehadtoomuchself-respecttorollinthehaywithaguylikeme. Thebellabovethedoorjingledandlikeclockwork,Hopesteppedintothediner.
Sheworeaprettybluedresswithawhitecardigan.Herauburnhairhadbeenpulledbackfromherfacebyahairribbon thatappearedtobefailing,allowingwispsofhairtocurlaroundherface
Sweetandsexy,justlookingatherfeltatoncefamiliarandnew.AdichotomyIdidn’tknowhowtointerpret. Takingaseatacrossthebooth,Hopeflickedopenhermenuandlifteditinfrontofherface,examiningthefadedwritingas ifitheldtheanswerstotheuniverse.
Igrinned,alreadyknowingherorder.It’dbeenthesameeveryweekendwhenHarley,HoldenandHudsontookherherefor a meal. We’d all pile into the booth, sharinglaughs and teasing, bumpingelbows as we’d picked fromeachother’s plates. There’dalwaysbeenariotofkidsandteenswhenwe’dcome,andmybrother’sandIhadbeenleadersofourrambunctious pack
Astrangehollowfeelingtookupresidenceinmychest.IrubbeditabsentlyasIwatchedHopemakeherdecision.
Ruby,oneofthewaitresses,madeherwayover.
“Wellifitisn’tthewildestoftheWildboys,”shesaid,slappingahandonherhipsaucily.Thewomancouldn’tbeaday under seventy, but she worked her age like she worked her sass for tips She still dyed her hair a fire-engine red and still painted her lips and nails to match. She’d developed more wrinkles since the lasttime I’d seenher, buther piercingbrown eyeshadn’tdulledonebit
“MsRuby,”Igreetedwithaslow,easysmile.“Howyoubeen?”
Shewavedmeoff “Nothingchangesaroundhere”Shetiltedherheadtowardthedoorwhereafloodofpaparazzihovered outside.“Exceptthat,apparently.”
They’d arrived in the night like assassins, camping out at the end of our drive to try and snap pictures of the rockstar returningtohisroots
Theycame withthe territory, and while I’d become used to them, Icouldn’tsayIenjoyed anyaspectofthe vulture-like mob
“Ignorethem,”Isaid,forcingmysmiletostayonmyface.“Orbetteryet,take‘emallapieceofpieandchargeittome.” “Theydon’tdeserveourpie,”Rubysaidwithasniff “Now,amIgettingyouboththeusual?”
Inodded,waitinguntilHopefinallydroppedhermenuonthetable.
“Yesplease,”shesaid,stillavoidingeyecontactwithme.“Andamilkshake,thankyou.”
“Oneday,HopeHiggins,you’llsurpriseme,”Rubysaid,wagglingherpencilather Hopegrinnedforthefirsttimesincesittingdown.“Idoubtthatverymuch.” “Youneverknow”
RubyleftusaloneandIspreadout,stretchinganarmacrossthebackoftheboothasIwatchedherdoeverythingwithinher powertoignoreme.
“Istartedreadingyourbooks.”
Herheadflewup,hereyeswideasshestaredatme.“You my ” “Yeah”Ishiftedtoleancloser,droppingmyvoicesoshehadtodothesametohear me “They’rehot Didn’tthinkyou wereintothatkindofthing.”
Idelightedintheblushthatflamedacrossherface “Ilikeit”
Hermouthopenedandshutafewtimesbeforeshefinallysummonedwords.“Itoldyou.”
Ichuckled,leaningbackinmyseat.“Soyoudid.”
“Whichbookareyoureading?”
“The firstone aboutthe drummer. ThoughIhave to say, Imightneed to trackdownthis H. Stone woman. Notto come acrossasadivaoranything ”
“Never,”Hopesaidwithastraightface.
“ButJustin,theleadsinger?Thewayhe’sdescribed,andsomeofthethingshedoes ”Iranahandovermyface “Well, itcutsalittleclosetohome.”
Hopefrowned.“Youthinkso?”
IrolledbackthesleeveofmyHenleytobaremyforearm,turningitsoshecouldseemydaggertattoo Itreadhalfagony, halfhope oneachside ofthe blade a nod to mymother’s favorite book. The dagger itselfpierced a peach a nod to my father
“I’dthinkthisisabitofauniquetattooforsingertohave.”
Shenoddedandswallowedrapidly;hergazegluedtomyforearm “Yes,Isupposeitis”
“And this?” Ipulled myshirtup to reveal mychesttattoo a giantdragonwater scene, withthe dragonwrappingitself aroundmybiceps,tricepsandacrossmychest.
IwatchedasHope’sgazeheated,growingdistantasshestaredatmychest
“I…Ineverreallyconsidereditbefore,”shemurmured.“Buttattoosdon’tnecessarilyequatetoastolenlikeness.” Imovedtodropmyshirt,buthernextquestionstoppedme “Whydoyouhaveablankspotonyourchest?”sheasked,fiddlingwithhernapkin. Ilaidmyhandoverthenakedskin,watchingherforsignsofjudgement “It’sforthewomanI’llspendmylifewith Iwant hertobeinkedabovemyheart.”
Hopeblinkedinrapidsuccessionbeforesighingheavily.“Thatissoromantic.”
“Don’ttellanyone”Idroppedmyshirt,“ButI’maclosetromantic” “Yoursecretissafewithme,”shepromised,asRubyplacedourmealsinfrontofus. Webegantoeat meafullyloadedburgerwithasidestackoffriessohighitthreatenedtocauseanavalancheofpotatoif disrupted andHopewithherstackofwaffles,berriesandpeachicecream. Ireachedacrossthetabletoswipeabite.
“Hey!”sheblockedmyforkwithherown.“That’smine.” “Wealwaysshare.”
“Sure,beforeyoubecameabigrockstarandstartedcollectingallsortsofdiseasesfromyourfans.” Ifrowned.“Areyouslutshaming?”
“What?No!I’mtalkingaboutcoldsandflus Isn’tthatwhyyou’rehere?Causeyouhadtocancelalegofyourtourbecause ofasorethroat?”
Isatbackinmychair,thedeliciousburgerturningtoashinmymouth “Notquite” “No?”
Iglancedawayfromherinnocentcuriosity,battlingtheemotionsthatthreatenedtooverwhelmme “It’stwentyyearsthisyear,and….”Iswallowed.“Theparkisfinallygoingtobedonatedtothetown.”
Shereachedacrossthetabletosqueezemyhand.“Iunderstand.”
“Doyou?”Ihuffedoutabitterlaugh “CauseIdon’t”
“Griefisn’tlinear,Justice.Wedon’tgettoexperienceitandthenwe’redone.Itremainslikeashadowoverourshoulders. Wecan’tremoveit;wecanonlydelay”Sheheldmygaze,herdeepblueeyessearchingmyown “Don’tdenywhatyoufeel” “Whendidyougettobesowise?”
Shegrinned,lettinggoofmyhandtopickupher fork “I’vealways beenthis wise Youweretoobusytryingtokiss the Addlertwinstonotice.”
Igroaned,shakingmyhead.“Whatarethosegirlsdoingthesedays?”
“Women,”Hopecorrected “AndoneisthePastor’swifeandastay-at-homemomwitheightkidsandlovingit Theother becameastripper.LastIheardshewasdancingoutinVegasandownsthreepropertiesandafleetofcars.”
IstaredatHopeforabeat “Isthatajoke?”
Shecockedaneyebrow.“Ineverjokeaboutwomen’sempowerment.”
Weresumedour breakfast,andIcouldn’thelpbutconsider thedifferences inHope.She’dalways beenfunny,intelligent andtooridiculouslynicefor her owngood.Butnow therewas adepthtoher thancalledtome notthatshehadn’talways beenadeepperson.No,itwasmoreanunknownelementthatmademewanttodigdeepanduncover all her secrets.She’d developedlayersofmaturityandexperiencethatIhadnoknowledgeof ButgodknewIwantedto Iwantedtounderstandher, toworkthroughthecomplexitytogettotheheartofthewomanwhoatewaffleslikeherlifedependedonit.
“Nottorushyou,”Hopesaid,glancingatherwatch “ButIhaveacallthisafternoonwithastaffmember,andIneedsome timetoprepareforit.Whatdidyouwanttotalkabout?”
Ihesitated,knowingwhatIwasabouttoaskwouldbepushingtheboundaryofourrekindledfriendship.
“Faye’sfieldingcallsaboutwhyI’mbackintown,”Isaidfinally.“Themediawantstointerviewmyfamilyaboutthepark andMomandDad’saccident.I’dliketokeeptheattentionoffthem,ifpossible.”
Hopefrowned “Andwhatdoesthathavetodowithme?”
Iclearedmythroat.“Fayesuggestedthataneasywaytokeeptheattentionoffthemwouldbeformetobeseenwithalocal girl Someonewhounderstandsthisisn’treal,andwhowon’tgetangrywhenwebreakitoff Andsomeonewithoutanysecrets intheircloset.”
Hopenodded.“Youwantmetomakesomesuggestions?I’veonlybeenbackintownforalittlewhile,butyoucouldask NicoleMcCurdy She’sbeenhangingoutwithBobbyFisherforthelastfewmonths OryoucouldtryTalullah ThoughIheard sheandBeauhadabrief ”
“Imeantyou”
Hopeblinked.“I’msorry,what?”
Igesturedather “You Asin,canyoudoit?”
Hope staredatme for a beatandIcaughta glimpse atsomethingonher face thatleftme feelingoffbalance.Butjustas quicklyas itwas there, she shuttered itaway, dippingher head to forka giantbite ofwaffle. She chewed slowly, her gaze trainedonherplate
MylegjiggledasIallowedhertimetoprocessmyrequest.IttookeverythingIhadtobitemytongueratherthanpressher forananswer
“WhataboutRoxy ”
“No,”Iinterrupted “Ithastobeyou”
“Butwhy?”
“BecauseItrustyou.”
Shestaredatme “Oh”
Irana hand throughmyhair. “Yeah. It’s just….” Ishrugged. “This life ain’teasy. People will do whatever theycanfor theirpieceoffameandfortune I’vehadwomensellmyunderwearonline I’vehadmentrytoprovokemetofightthem I’ve seen the worst in people, Hope. And I don’t have time for that right now. I just need someone I can rely on. Someone understandstherulesofthisrelationshipandwon’texpectmorethanwhatitis.”
Shefrowned,stirringhermilkshakeabsentlywithhermetalstraw.“Peoplewilltalk.” “Iknow.”
Shetookasipofhershake.“I’mnotphotogenic.I’llprobablydosomethingstupidorclumsyorsaythewrongthingsor ” Ireachedacrossthetabletointwineourfingers.“Hey,lookatme.”
Hergazemetmine
“There’snopressurehere.Ifyoucan,great.Ifnot,noproblem.Butletmebeclear.Noone,andImean no one,Hope,is gonnafuckwithyou I’lltaketheblamewhenthisisover I’llorchestratesomekindofbullshitmaneuvererthatallowsyouto moveonwithoutanyissues.Butletmebeclear,yeah,yourfacewillbeonmagazinesandthey’lltrytofindsomedirttothrow atyou ButI’mnotgonnaletthathappen I’dneverletyoubehurt,babe You’retooimportanttome”
Sheswallowed,hergazesearchingmyface.“You’reabsolutelysure?”
“Positive,”Iconfirmed.
Wewerequietforabeatassheconsideredmyrequest Mythumbtracedgentlyoverthecurveofherpalm,memorizingher softskin.
Sheblew outasigh “Alright Iguess Icouldpretendfor awhile Butwhatdoes thatlooklike?Ihaveajobandabusy scheduleoutsideofwork,and ”
“Don’tworry,”Irushedtoreassureher “Icantakecareofeverythingandworkaroundyou Wejustneedtobeseenouton acoupleofdates.Maybeholdinghandsonceortwice.That’sall.” Herstrawstilled.“Areyousayingweneedtokiss?”
Thethoughthadn’tevenoccurredtome or,moreprecisely,ithadbutI’ddiscardeditoutofhand Iwantedtoknowifshetastedlikepeaches,appleorspice.Ineededtoknowhowshe’drespond,howherbodywouldfeel pressedagainstmine,howshe’dsoundwhenIbackedherintoawall,cuppedhercheekandmadelovetohermouth Idecidedtopressmyluck.
“Yeah,sweetheart,”Isaidgently.“Weshouldkiss atleastafewtimes.” Shenodded,glancingaway.
“Orwecouldjustlookcozy,ifthat’swhatyouprefer.Youknow,holdinghands,hugging,thatkindofthing.” “Right,”shemurmured “Thatkindofthing” Iwithdrewmyhand,waitingforhertoconsidermyproposal.
“IfIdothis,willyoudosomethingforme?”sheaskedhesitantly, “Absolutely,”Isaid,eagertopayherbackforthesacrificeshewasabouttomakeforme.“Whateveryouneed.” “Will youcome to the rodeo withme? They’re havinga swingclass and I’ve always wanted to learnbut never had a partnertotakeand ”shebrokeoff,shakingherhead.“I’msorry.That’saskingtoomuch,nevermind.I ” Surprisedanddelightedbyherinnocentrequest,Icouldn’thelpbutreachbackacrossthetabletosnagherhand,holding herinplace
“I’dloveto,”Isaid,sincerelyasallthoughtsofbeingdisappointedinhervanished.“It’dbemypleasure.” Hercheeksflushed,andIbegantowonderiftherewasanythingthatdidn’tmakeherblush “Thankyou.Thatmeansalot.”
Itippedherateasinggrin.“Though,nottobrag,butIamprettywealthy.Youreallycouldhaveaskedformore.” “Likewhat?”
Ishrugged.“Idon’tknow,whatdoyouwant?Ajetplane?AtriptoParis?Apony?”
Shechuckled,thetensioneasingbetweenus “I’mhappywithanightoutdancing ButI’llkeepitinmind” Ileanedback,rubbingatastrangewarmachethathadrootedinmychest.
“There’sjustonelastthingyoushouldprobablyknow,”Hopesaid,hesitantly “It’saboutnothavingsecrets There’sthis onething,it’snotabigdealoranythingbut ”
“Ohmygod!It’s Justice Wild!” the teenage screampierced the quietchatter ofthe diner’s patrons. Withina heartbeata smallgroupofteenssurroundedourbooth,thrustingnotepads,pensandnapkinsatmetosign
IshotawrygrinatHopewhoofferedmeasmilethatsaidshewasokaywiththeinterruption. Ichattedwiththeteens,signingeverythingandanythingandtakingamillionpictures Finally,Iglancedaroundandspotted mysecuritydetail,givingthemthenodtointerveneandusherthemalong.
Onprivateland,Ididn’tneedthemtobesoclose,butouthereinpublic,theywereindispensable Thguyswerestayingin the local motel andrunningshifts toensure thatnoone trespassedonmyfamily’s land.I’dfeel badifIdidn’tknow exactly howmuchtheychargedmefortheirservice.
Hopestoodastheteensmovedon,collectingheritems
“Ineedtogetgoing,”shesaidwithanapologeticsmile.“Ihavethatmeetingtopreparefor.” Straintouchedhersmile,turningitbrittle Ifrowned.“Isitabadmeeting?”
“It’s…it’sfine.I’mjusthavingsomeissueswithastaffmember.It’snotabigdeal.” Ididn’tforonesecondbelieveher.
“Letmewalkyouout.”
