ThebookcontainsoccasionalNorwegian(knownasNorsktonativespeakers) theheroisNorsk butyoushouldnever beindoubtduetocontext.Likewise,itiswritteninBritishEnglish,thestandardwayourheroandheroinewouldwrite. Finally,therearesomethemesthatreadersshouldbeawareof.First,thebookbeginswithaninjuredanimalbutthereare noanimaldeaths Youcouldskiptothesecondchapterandstillgetthegistifthatisadealbreaker Thehorserecoversaftera fall,butthingsseemhairyforabit.Thereisasituationinwhichourheroineisinvolvedinsomeinfidelitywithherlyingboss (butnoon-page action) Finally,there is a darkmomentinvolvinga stalker whoputs the heroine’s life indanger There is a discussionofhisbadintentionsforherwhichmentionssexualandphysicalviolence neverinanydetail.
Isitup,provingI’mfine,andlookover.Iimmediatelyregretdoingso.Myhorseisthecauseofthenoise.Mannyisstuck tryingto stand Somethingis wrongwithhim He is inexcruciatingpain Itryto stand, and Eddie tells me to staydown I refuse.I’msoreandrattledbutnotabouttoleavemyhorselikethis.Inshock,Irushoverandtrytosettlehim.IshushManny andbrushhisnecklovingly.EverythingIloveinthismomentislyingtherewrithinginpain,andIamunpreparedtoadmithow baditis
IcanonlythinkabouthowIhavefailedthededicatedpackerwhotaughtmemoreaboutridingthananyotheranimalbefore him.Icanonlythinkabouthow manytimes he savedme whenIunderestimateda distance or the times he addeda stride to keep me safe Icanonlythinkaboutthe sound ofhis whinnyinthe morningor how quicklyhe could destroya blanketleft hangingonastalldoorunattended.IcouldonlythinkabouthowhetrustedmeandhowmuchIhadfailedhim.
WereachthebarnandItell ChrisIneedaminute.Itell himIwill waituntil Mannyreturnsevenifittakesall night.He will be broughtina trailer.Idepositmyselfinthe lounge above the indoor arena.Twoyounger riders are outworkingona coursewithanothercoach.Icannotcryanymore.Mybodyisshuttingdown.Ifeelasthoughtheworldhasended. Pippapopsin.
“No,yougetoutofhere!”Pippasays,voiceprotective.“Youhavedonemorethanenoughtoday,Eddie.” “Pippa,IneedtospeakwithKiersten ” “Ithinkshe’s hadenoughofwhatever itis youneed tosaytoday. She justlosther chance to ride. Her bestpartner. You needtoleave.”
“Pippa,I’myourcoach ” “Youwere,”Pippasays.
She’sonherwayout farfromEddie’stutelage She’sgettingmarriedandmovingon Ineverunderstoodwhyshedecided to leave the best coacharound but now I wishI had the same option. Movingoff to BFE didn’t seemappealinguntil this morning Now,IwanttobegPippatotakemewithher MaybesheandJohanhaveaspareroom?It’sajoke,ofcourse Ican’t justupandmove.
“She has the best seat of any rider on this team. She is technically qualified. At her age, I could barely get through a dressagetestataninternationalcompetition!You’resayingthistobecruel Donotlistentohim,Kiersten You’retalented So talented!EvenJohansaysso!”
Yousee, myfather is a quiet, calmman He generallydelegates the anger and spite portions oflife to mymother She’s muchbetteratfrighteningpeople,despitehersmallstature.Myfatheriswounduptoday.Somethingaboutthepapers.Irealise thisisbad It’sprobablyverybad Oh, now he’s asking where the fuck I am! Icringeandsitup,forgettingthatthereisabrunetteinbed.Thismorninghasjustgottenevenworse.Stillmoredismalis thatIcannotfor the life ofme remember her name Whatwas it? Sanne No, that’s myfriend’s fiancée And she’s noteven brunette!WhyamIhavingabrainfart?Katrine?Mathilde?Britta?Ah,Britta.Thatringsabell.
Myfather bangs mydoor and the woman whatever her name is stirs. Irealise she’s notas attractive as Ithoughtthe nightbefore Inotethatthetitsarestillace,astheywerebefore,butherfacewasn’tabjectperfection She’salsoabitthinner thanI prefer. Ohwell, what’s done is done. Poor choices were made. At least I managed to get laid, right? And she’s not complaining “Hi,”shesmiles.
“She’sleft,Pappa Calmdown Imadesuretosendherhome Idon’treallyknowwhosheis” “Olav!Youshouldbeashamed!”Mymother’svoiceringsout.“Really,Iamsolivid!” She’s angryand everyone is speakingEnglish. I’ve fucked up. There are pictures ofme snoggingmultiple girls over the courseofanevening It’sbad
Myfather is hungup onthis Elisabethis a former supermodel that myfather and literallyeverymanhis age probably wanked to backinthe day. He likes to thinkofher as one ofours. She married anAmericanbusinesswoman, has a holiday home inOslo she visits sparingly, and while her daughters were born here, theyaren’t Norwegiananymore thanmyown mother.Still,he’sholdingontothissliverofhope.
“Iwasfarmorematurethanyouare.Insixyears,Iwillhandthisplaceovertoyou.Itwillbeyours.Whatwillyouhaveto show for it? No wife, no children Youwill be nearlyfortywithnothingto show for it And you’d be luckyif anydecent woman would even bother with you. Maybe another woman in a similar position to you would be understanding for the pressuresyouwereunder,butshe’snotlikelytobetemptedifyouarecontinuingtopullthisshit!”
“Goon,askKingRoberthowwellthingsworkwithaninfantandanewjob,”myfathersays.“Goon,askhim.IcansayI rememberhowdifficultthatwasforhim ItwashardestforVanora Thatwomanissaintly,butsoisRobert Youarenotsaintly not even respectable at present. You’ll be lucky to land any woman after this stunt. I will remind you that if you find someone,theyareapersonwhowillhavetoshoulderthisburden.Don’tsetherupforthat.”
He is speakingaboutthe Britishhead ofstate. Robert’s mother died whenhe was the father offour youngchildren the youngest,Kiersten,basicallyaninfant.
Igroanand sigh. Ihate the burdenIinherited. Bybeingborn, this was whatIwas gifted. Iamjealous ofmyold friend George.KingRobert’ssonwasbraveenoughtoleaveroyaltyaltogether.And,anyway,everyoneseemedtoagreeNatalie,his younger twin,was the better choice for heir A choice There was nochoice Moreover,Peder was afraidofeverythingand hadaterriblestutterwhenspeakingpublicly.IfIleft,hewouldcollapseintoashellofhimself.Iknowallofthis,soIletitgo. Itakeadeepbreath Imaystruggletobehave,butIamnomonster “Whatdoyouproposethen?BecauseIamtrying,Pappa.Or,atleastIwanttotry…” Myfatheranswers,“Bytheendofsummer,I’dliketoseeyoutrytodateagirl Actuallydate Try” “Definethat?Arewetalkingaprivileged,stuck-upprincesswhosefatherwouldliketoridemyarseand ” “No.Justanynice,respectable,kindgirl.Idonotcareifsheiswealthy.”
“Someoneeducatedandcapable,”mymotheradds “ButperhapsyourAuntRebeccaandIcouldcomeupwithalistof ” “Acceptable girls? Fuck no! That isn’t what I want at all. No. Please don’t help me, mother. Nothing could be more embarrassingthanyourmotherwing-manningforyou Iwilltry Itisnoteasy ” “Youdon’thave to tell me that. However, there is no reasonto be rude to your mother or dismiss her suggestion,” Dad says “HadyourUncleDuncannotintroducedus,I’dneverhavefallenforyourmother”
“Yes, Iamsure the two ofthemcancome up withthe perfect woman. Princess such-and-suchwill be a stuck-up bore. Mummy, you may have been born a normie, but neither of you is now. You don’t know normal people. Dad, you wanted someonenormal Mumwasnormal Istruggletofindnormalpeople ButIwilltry” “Ifyoudon’ttry.IfIdon’tsee youwise upand grow up,Olav,there will be consequences. Iwill putyouona leashso short ”
Fuck.Irealisehe’sserious.Ifeellikeakickedpuppyabouttobedisinherited.Imerelynod.It’sthebestIcandotogetout ofthere.Ileavethediningroom,retreatingtomyroom.ItextmyrecentlymarriedoldercousinNira,asupermodel,whohas somewhat-normal friends. Yes, supermodels are more normal than royals. I amnot sure a supermodel who was raised by royaltycountsas just asupermodel,butItellmyselfthisisbetter.
Youthinkyou’rereformed? Evenmycousindoesn’tbelieveI’mcapable.Iamsofucked.Unlessthemostmagicalgirlonearthwalksintomylifeover thenextfewweeks,myfathermayneverforgiveme,andtheentirecountrywillneverforgethowmuchIamafuckup There couldbearedemptionarcherewithoutthisperfect,respectableproto-crown-princess.
HIDING OUT
Kiersten
IhideawayforaweekinmychildhoodbedroombeforeIfinallyagreetovisitthestableswithmymother.Andeventhen,I struggletoride choosingtogroomafewpregnantmaresandtoplaywithsomenewbabiesratherthanmountupandride out.Ithas beenmore thana weeksince Iwas atopa horse. Icancountonmyhand the number oftimes Ihave said that sinceIcouldremember.Horseshavebeencentraltomylifesincebirth.Mymotherisahorsewoman.Everyoneinourfamily rides Thistimeofyear,thedeliveryofbabieswasthebestdistraction Ijustcan’tdoit.Mannyisstill intheStatesfor however longheneedsbeforeweclear himfor safetravel.Sadly,there wasnoconsensusonwhenthatmightbe Thevetwarnedthatatransatlanticflightwasalongwayoff Hemayendupstuckon mum’sfamilyfarminKentucky.Eitherway,ithurtstothinkaboutafuturewherehisheaddoesn’tgreetmeeverymorninginthe barnaisle
I pull my boots on and arrive at the barn. I check my horses but dodge the British coach, not ready to discuss what happenedwhileIwasabroad.Icannothandlethepityandsympathy,orexplainthatIfeelresponsibleformyhorse’scareerendinginjury.Icannotbringmyselftodiscussanythingelsethatleduptothatmoment.IstillfeellikeIamrunningfromitall.I retreatfrommyowndemons.
It befuddles me why anyone would just hand me a known Grand Prix horse, but here I am. Johan is an international dressagestar Pippamakesfunofhim,butheisadorablysweettoher Theyhaveansweetback-and-forth She’ssunshine,he’s grumpy. Ishould be terrified to getup onthe mountain-sized horse thattakes up more thanmyentire leg, butI’mused to it. Somehow,itiseasiertobeuponanunknownhorseratherthantofeelguiltyonmyown.Icannotexplainit.
“Thiswasn’tright I’llgrantyou Youtakecareofyourhorses,aswedoours You’reagoodhorsewoman Ineverpegged youthe type to ace a horse into abandonand ride off into the sunset. But horses… theyare athletes. Athletes have varied careers”
“They are riding for national teams. He has the results. He’s the best, but also put you in an impossible situation that endangeredyour horse.He was screamingatyoutotake the bank,Kiersten.Ifhe hadjustacceptedyouwere shell-shocked, youwouldn’thavegottenonthathorse”
“Nah.Ahorsebelongsinapaddockrunningfreemostofall.Retirementwillbegoodtohim.Hewasanhonourablesoul. You willmissyourbuddy.Butthatdoesn’tmeanallislost!Knowinghowyourfamilyspoilstheirmounts,he’llbefine.Stop
makingthisabouthim. You arefrightened. You areworriedaboutyournextchapter.”
“Neitherofmyprospectsis the horse,”Iadmit.
“Youwill find the horse Youjustneed a reset Keep your options open Go backto basics Overcome this fear,” Pippa says.
Mannyhadahighpaintolerance.Henever showedwhathefelt.We’doftennotknow ifsomethingbotheredhimuntil he was getting a massage and he leaned into the sore area. He was such a good, reliable old man. I felt helpless, but now I realiseditcouldhavehappenedevenifIhadn’tbeenonhisbackthatday.
Iwantto curse Eddie into oblivion. Ifeel like a stupid baby. Deep down, Iknow Pippa is right. Iknew she had seenit before Itrustedshewasn’tblowingsmoke HowhadInotseenwhathewasupto?WhyhadIeversleptwithhim?WhydidI believe thathis marriage was over? Does everyone else know? And whatdo they thinkofme? Ifeel like some sortofdaft home-wrecker
IfIgetbackonahorse,Iwilldoitunder my termsfromhereon NomoresolidfencesuntilIamready Iamnotgoingto letanyonefrightenmeintoit.Nooneisevergoingtotearmedownagain.Nooneknowsmyself-worthbutme.Iamnotgoing to let Manny’s injurypass without a lessonlearned. Yes, horses sometimes have accidents. Yes, theyare unfortunate, but I knowmyhorsebest Andthehorsewill always comefirst
THE BABYSITTER
IsitacrosstherestauranttablefromagirlnamedSofie.She’swhatyoumightdescribeasstatuesque longblondehair,legs formiles,andagreatsmile Intheory,she’sperfect Itellmyselftokeepanopenmind,drinkoneglassofwine,andpackit inearly.Imustcatcha flightearlytomorrow togotothe future Prince ofWales’s stagparty.It’s one ofthose dreadfully annoyingstag-henpartiesthatarealltherage.Itisbasicallyjustahenpartywithmen.WhileIloathethesethings,it’sprobably goodforme IhopemycousinNirahashotfriends Iwon’tbeabletodomuchwithoutgettingmyhandslapped,butImight enjoytheeveninganyway.
Yes,myminddriftsoncemore Iagaintrytokeepanopenmind Mybrothersaysthisgirlisasweetheart It’safriend-ofa-friendpitydate.Thepityisforme.She’snotsayingthateveryoneherethinksIamaroyalfuckup,butshe’snot-notsayingit, either She’deitherbeterriblydaftorlivingunderarockifshedidn’trealiseI’marakenottobetrusted,right?Thatmeans, given she even agreed to go on this date, she is either terribly daft or cannot read. Alternatively, she’s just a gold digger lookingtomarryacrownprince.Thatistheworst-casescenario.
Oh,God.Yes,everyonehasheardofHallieRichards.She’sacelebrityself-help,starvationguru.Iwanttoflee!Thisisa red card Not onlydoes this prove she canread, but also that her judgement is poor There is no other explanationfor her interestinmethanherdesireforwealthandfame.Joke’sonher.I’mgoingtopaythischeckandskiptown.
God, this keeps getting worse!Itrytokeepitdiplomaticwhileresistingtheurgetoburstintonervouslaughter “Uh, I do think people can… disagree. I think if people want to use holistic therapies in conjunction with medicine, whatever makes themhappy. Where I draw the line is when people advocate for people to abstain fromvaccinating their children ”
Idisagreedwiththat,too Ithoughtshepanderedandtoldwomentostickthingsintheir vaginasthatdidn’tbelongthere Or, atleast, thatis whatmycousins would say. Theyloathed the charlatan. However, I’mnotaboutto discuss vaginas ina clinical senseoverdinnerwithawomanIdon’tknow EvenIwouldnotgothere Ishrugandcontrolmyurgetorun Then, Iexcuse myselfto the men’s roomand did the cowardlything. Istop to talkto myprotectionofficer guardingthe door
Ifinditannoying,notadorable.Sometimes,Ifinditcutewhenwomendothis.However,shejustlookslikeanangrychild. Ileaveastackofbillsonthetable “Thisshouldcoverit Leavetherestasgratuity” Ileave,unable tostomachfurther conversation.DatingandI? We’re a disaster.Ipleadwithmydriver togotoa burger placeandproceedtogorgemyselfondeliciousfastfood Partofitisoutofnecessity I’mhungry I’mnotgoingtoaskmystaff tofeedme.Theotherpartisthatit’sagiantmiddlefingertoanti-scienceBarbie.Iwonderifthatisfair?Barbiehasscientist dolls,doesn’tshe? Either way, thatwouldnever work Iarrive backhome and go tosleep, readytogreetthe dayona new shore.
Thenextmorning,wearriveinLondon,andImeetwiththeNorwegianambassadortotheUK.She’snew.Iamcharming butIcantell she’sdisappointedinme Everyoneis Iamcertainofit After abriefmorningmeetingwithher,Iamwhisked awayto KensingtonPalace to staywithmyauntand uncle. Iambeingbabysat butalso stayingnext to mycousin’s cousin, Natalie,andherfiancé,Ed Theyliveintheadjacentapartment “Areyoucomingorwhat?”IhearasItrytosortoutwhatIamgoingtowearintheevening.
My cousins, Nira, Victoria, Christie, and Nora stand there all in dresses far too short to be socially acceptable at a respectableoccasion.Theyaren’tfuckingaround.NorshouldIbe,obviously.
IexpectedthisforNira.Niraisn’tofroyalblood.She’sthedaughtermyaunthadbeforemeetingPrinceDuncan,myuncle. She’s thirty-sevenand a hell-raiser She’s goingwithouther husband, Auggie, because he’s ona booktour The next-eldest, Victoria,isgenerallyquitegood.She’smyage.IfullybelievethatIwastheresultofmymothertryingtokeepuporone-upher ownsister Theyhave a complicated, competitive relationship Christie is the next oldest She’s thirtyand named after my mother. She is oftenquite directand short, like her namesake. And thenthere is Nora, who is twenty-five. She’s the sweet, spoiledone.AllthreeofDuncan’sbiologicalchildrenlooklikehim.TheLyonsgenesrundeep.
Isnicker.Theideathatagrownwoman asallofthemare shouldhaveheroutfitchoicesdictatedbyamaninhislate fiftiesor earlysixtieswasridiculous Letthembe,Ithought Britsweresoprudish Myfather never wouldhavecommented for fear ofaverbal lashinginthepressfor tryingtocontrol hisdaughters.Meanwhile,itwasfinetopolicewomenfor their outfitshere
ThefiveofusheadnextdoorwhereIrealiseI’mgoingtobabysitsomeone.Nataliehasafewofherfriends,andherfiancé Edinvitehismates.Natalie’syoungerbrotherPaul,hishalf-NorwegianfiancéeSanne,andNatalie’stwinbrotherGeorge,and hishusbandPatrickarethere However,despiteallthegrown-ups,Irealisewehavetwoliabilities Mycousinshavecousins evenyounger thanthem. This includes Princess Kiersten, Natalie’s younger sister who is barelyold enoughto drinkactual alcoholinmyhomecountry,andherbestie,PrincessMargaux ShegoesbyGretaatpresent shecan’tdrinkanythingbutweak beer backhome.She’s a tender twentyandIamregrettingcomingalong.There is nothingworse thanbabysittinga bunchof girlsnotevenoutofuni
