Awonderful thank you to my amazing readers for continuing to support my dream of bringing sexy, naughty, delicious little morsels of fun in the form of romance novels
Aspecial thank you to my amazing editor Michele Davine who I would be COMPLETELYlost without!
Thank you to my fantastic cover designer Sarah Kil who always brings my visions to life in the most outstanding ways
And lastly, to my ARC team and beta readers, you are wonderful and I couldn’t do this without you
XoXo, Alexis Winter
Tothe man with the filthy mouth
You know who you are
If Peter stands at the Pearly Gates,then billionaire Atlas Knight stands at the gates of Hell…and I just married him.
Hard to say no to five million dollars, even if it means selling your soul to the devil.
“You’re no good for me” The words roll frommytongue just as theyhave a hundred times before The sultrytone comesnaturaltome;havingabitofalowerregisterasawomancomesinhandyasaloungesingeratFreddy’sJazzBar. Iletthe music consume me,the slow thumpofTerrance’s uprightbass keepingtime withJulio’s mutedtrumpetas Clyde ticklestheivories Ismileoverathimasthesongpicksup,hisheadboppingalongwithhisfingersashesmilesbackatme
“Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Miss Stella Porter,” Clyde’s smooth voice says into his microphone, a few claps echoingthroughthe room Ismile, givinga small bow before launchinginto mysecond song Myeyes scanthe roombut I alreadyknowwhatI’llfind thesamefourmenthatarealwaysheresittingintheirregularspots.Myfingertipsgentlyslideup themicrophonestand,mybodyswayingwiththemusic.
Oh, Mr. Ozanski brought a date tonight. Must be the woman he was telling me about last week.
My hand settles over his and I give it a squeeze, unsure what to say because I’ve never allowed myself to have that daydream,andeventhoughI’veneversaiditoutloud,Clydeknows I’vesharedbitsandpiecesofmylifewithhim,buthe’s neverpressuredmetoevenifhewascurious.
“The past is the past, Stella You don’t live there anymore and it doesn’t define you and neither does how you were raised. What matters is who you are now. ”
SurvivalwastheonlythingonmymindwhenIwaspassedfromhometohome,withsomedistantrelatives,somecomplete strangers Ifeltlike a brokenheirloomthatwas relegatedtothe fringes ofthese people’s lives,passeddownover the years until finally someone realized that I was no longer just an inanimate object they could ignore; I was now a burden. So at sixteen,Ihadenough IpackedthefewitemsIhadintoagarbagebagandranawayfrommysmalltowninIndianatoChicago neverlookingback.
“No, I’ve never evenseenhis face.” I playfullypushagainst Clyde but mysmile falters the second Freddyrounds the cornerintothebreakroom,hissignaturesmarmygrininplacealready
“Evening.Youtwoseemawfullychummytonight.”
“Evening, Mr. Freddy,” Clyde nods toward himbefore placinghis hands onhis knees and slowlystandingup fromthe couch.“We’rejusthavingagoodtimeisall.”HepatsFreddyontheshouldertwicebeforeexitingtheroom,tossingmeawink overhisshoulderbeforedisappearing.
“Yeah, the entire band. Lookit’s notpersonal, it’s business. They’re old and tired. Nobodywants to lookata bunchof decrepitoldmenallnight Weneedsomefreshyoungmeatinhere”
Thewayhekeepsreferringtoitas blood and meat makesmystomachchurnevenmore.“We’renotcommodities,Freddy. ThisplaceisClyde’slife.He’splayedherefortwodecadesandyou’rejustgoingtotakethatawayfromhim?”
“Idon’tknowwhyyou’vegotyourpantiesallupinabunch;you’renotfired”Hehoistshimselfupfromthecouch,tugging his pants back up under his belly. He points his fat finger in my face. “And you, of all people, should be fucking grateful becauseI’mabouttomakeyouaveryrichgirl”
His eyes drop downmybodyslowly. “Yes, youare.” He leers. “And youshould start dressingmore like it.” He turns towardthedoor.“Iwantyouherefournightsaweekandstartdressingsluttier.Showyourtitsmore.It’stimewebringinthe
Tears prickmyeyes as mychestburns. Ipicture Clyde’s weathered face, his brightsmile and the wayhis eyes lightup whenheplays Ican’tletthishappen,butIdon’tknowwhattodotostopit
“ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE OKAY?” MATILDA, MY COWORKER WHO QUICKLY BECAME A BEST FRIEND AFTER ONLY A FEW WEEKS OF workinghere,looksoveratmeasshesteamssomemilk.
“Yeah” I smile at her reassuringly “I’m fine” I’ve said the same phrase five times this morning, not only trying to convinceherbutmyselfaswell.“JustalongnightatFreddy’s.”
“Thatsounds great.” Itryto be enthusiastic butthe gravityoflastnightweighs onme. “How is Chloe doing? Aboutto graduate,Iassume?”
“Yup, she has one more semester left, thenshe plans to move up to Chicago withme Since I’ll be startingmyclinical rotationssoonandnolongerabletoworkpart-time,it’llbesonicetohavesomeoneelsehelpwiththebills.”
“Goodmorning.”Idon’thavetolookathimtoknowhe’sspeakingtome;Icanfeelhisgazeonme.EveryFriday,it’sthe same thing Ipretend to be busywhile he watches me until eventuallyhe catches myeyesightand myface flushes and my stomachflip-flops.
“No, I’mnot saying that.” I try to hide my exasperation but it’s too late, the weight of what Freddy told me last night weighingonme ThissillyconversationwithMatildajustfeelssounimportanttomeinthismomentIfeellikeI’mgoingtocry I’msooverwhelmedatthethoughtofhowI’mgoingtomakeworkingtherefournightsaweekworkwhenIdon’tgethometill afteroneinthemorningandhavetoopenthecoffeeshopatsix
“What?Why?”Sheglancesoverhershouldertodouble-checktherearenocustomersinlinebeforegrabbingmyarmand pullingme toward the back. “Whathappened?” Her arms cross over her chest, her chinjuttingoutlike she’s readyto fight someoneforme.
“He’sfiringClydeandtheentireband.”Ishakemyhead,chokingbacktears,butit’snouse.Agiantonerollsrightdown mycheekto the floor. To most people, this would just be a simple inconvenience or maybe a small bump inthe road, but Matildaknowswhatthissingingjobmeanstome,whatClydeandTerranceandJuliomeantome “They’remyfa family”
“And your life,”shesays,grabbingmyshoulders.“Listentome.YoutellthatassholethatunlesshebringsbackClydeand therestoftheband,you’renotsinging.Orgotoabetterclub.”Shegivesmethatlook,thesameoneshe’sbeengivingmefor over a year whenever ItalkaboutFreddy’s “Iknow youdon’twanttoentertainthe thought,butyoucanstill see Clyde and singatanotherclub,abetter,saferonethatisn’trunbyafuckinggoon.”
Her bright-blue eyes stare back at me, her black hair piled on her head as a few loose tendrils tickle her neck. My fingers itch to reach out and brush them away from her delicate throat. They twitch, resting on my thigh, an image of them wrapped around her throat as I slide my tongue between her plump lips
Oliverhasworkedformyfamilyforfourgenerations,startingoutasmyfather’sdriverwhenhewasbarelyeighteenyears old to now runningthe entire house whichmeans managingthe chefand cooks and the gardencrew, as well as drivingme aroundathisinsistenceeventhoughwehaveadriver,Mac,whoworksfull-timeforthehouse.He’salwaysbeenlikeasecond father to me, butwhenhe oversteps, Iwill remind himthatIdon’tneed himmeddlinginmyaffairs The same wayIletmy fatherknowwhenhewasstillalive.
The door shuts with an almost silent click. I reach into my middle desk drawer and produce the trust that Oliver was referringto AlmostassoonasIbegintoreadoveritforthehundredthtime,Itossitbackontomydeskinfrustration “Bastard,”Imutter,standingtowalkover tothebar cartinthefar corner oftheroom.Ipour agenerous threefingers of scotch,takinghalfofitdowninonegulpbeforerefillingtheglass
I have spent every fucking second of my adult life, most of my teenage life, and even some of my true adolescence dedicatedtothiscompany I’vemademoremoneythanI’lleverspend IownhousesandcarsI’llneverdriveorsleepasingle nightin.ButwhatIdon’town…amajoritystakeinthecompanythathasmygoddamnnameonit.BeingCEOofmyfather’s companyisn’tenough IdeservethosemajoritysharesandI’vedonemorethanenoughtodeservethefuckingpower Andthatiswhereshecomesintoplay StellaPorter.
ThenightIfirstsawher,IhaddrunkenlystumbledintoajazzbarontheoppositesideoftownfromwhereEleanorTate,my live-ingirlfriendwascurrentlycleaningouthersideofourcloset ThesameclosetIhadcustommadeforherayearearlier The same closetIhadstoodinjusta few hours agowhenshe lookedme inthe eye andtoldme she wasn’tinlove withme anymore Stellacaptivatedme.Herlong,blackhairwaspulledawayfromherface,herfullhipsencasedinaburgundyvelvetdress. Her pouty lips were painted bright red, begging to be bitten. Everything about her was mesmerizing. I sat wondering how someoneasbeautifulandtalentedasshewas,wasn’theadliningaclubintheheartofdowntownorashowinVegas.
Iswirltheremainingounceofscotchinmyglassbeforebringingittomylipsandfinishingit.Isavortheburn,thesweet afternoteshittingthebackofmythroat.For thelastninemonths,I’vespenteverysparesecondresearchingaloopholeinmy father’s trustbutit’s pointless Ihave until myfortiethbirthdayto marryor all ofhis shares will be released backonto the market.
“I’m tired of asking you, son, so I’m going to start demanding an answer When are you going to settle down with Eleanor?”
“We are settled down, Dad She moved in a month ago I’d say that’s pretty damn settled ” I finish the remainder of the brandy in my glass and place it back onto my father’s marble bartop.
“You know what I mean, Atlas I’m tired of having this argument with you You know damn well that I worked my ass off to make this company what it is and I’ll be damned if you don’t keep it in the family As an only child, you owe it to your mother and me. ”
“Then be dammed,” I reply, adjusting my cuff link absentmindedly His face grows redder than I thought possible, a hint of purple staining his cheeks. If he were a cartoon character, steam would be blowing out of his ears.
“This is exactly what I told your mother would happen to you if she coddled you like she did ” He sneers at me, his bottom lip curling as he points a crooked finger at me. “I told her she’d ruin you. ”
“Are we done here?” I stand, buttoning my coat. My father stares at me, his eyes glassy as he sits hunched over in his chair He doesn’t look like the same powerful man I saw eviscerate people time and time again growing up The same man who could silence a room of thousands just by standing. The same man who could financially ruin his opponents before nine a m on a Monday But life hasn’t been kind to him these last few years and if you ask anyone who knows the name Byron Knight, they’ll tell you the same thing: it’s karma.
“Dad, I’m in love with Eleanor I’m happy with her I’m not going to promise you I’ll marry her because I’m not there yet. It could come to that, it could not, but if you plan to take this to your grave, that’s on you. ” And with that, I turn and walk out of his house.
WhichleavesmewithonlyoneoptionasfarasI’mconcerned Askacompletestrangertomarryme withcompensation, of course. A simple contract outlining that they will be required to stay married to me for one year, live together, zero requirementsordesiresforanysortofsexualrelationship.ThecoldandcallouslookinEleanor’seyeswhenshewalkedout ofmylife was exactlythe reminder Ineeded to stayfocused onthe onlythingthat matters, takingover Knight Enterprises. Neveragainwillawomanholdthatkindofpoweroverme.
Ican’tkeep the smirkoffmyface atthe thoughtthatmyfather died thinkinghe’d won Ifthere’s one thingmyfather did teachme,it’sthatcontrolistheultimateformofpowerandtobecompletelyheartlessinthepursuitofit.
Between another glass of scotch and staring at my computer screen, my attempts at distraction are fruitless The only thoughtonmymindsinceshewrotehernumberonthatcoffeesleeveisStella.
Who the fuck are you kidding? The only thought that’s been on your brain since you first saw her… is her or some variation of fucking her
Thoughtslikethataretheonesthatgetyouintrouble.Thoughtslikethatwillhaveyoufallinginloveandgettingyourheart rippedoutwhile losingsightofwhat’s important.Ihave tostayfocused.She is myonlyoptionrightnow for a contractand basedonwhatI’vewitnessedofherlife,sheisn’texactlyinapositiontoturndownamilliondollarsandtakinglifeoffforthe nextyear.
So,thefactthatI’veimaginedfuckingonlyherineverywaypossiblewhileIstrokemycocktheselastmonthswon’teven beanissuewhenshesaysyes.Iwon’tletitbeanissuebecauseasfarasshewillbeconcerned,I’llwantnothingtodowith her
AfewmomentsafterMacstopsoutsideFreddy’s,IopenmymouthtotellhimtoheadbackhomewhenIseeacabstopa few feetawayand a womanemerges. It’s Stella, her longblackhair flowinginthe wind behind her as she runs across the streetandducksintothebar
Ireachforthecarhandle. What am I doing? Am I approaching her tonight with the offer or am I thinking with my cock? This isn’ta situationwhere Iwanttofeel unprepared Ineedtohave the upper hand Islowlyrelease the handle,sitting backinmyseat.“Headbackhome,Mac.Idon’tfeellikebeingsocialtonight,afterall.”
Chapter 3 Stella
The door swings open; the ever-present stenchof stale smoke and nicotine permeatingthe thirty-year-old carpet inthe entrywaywaftsupward.
There’salotmoretothisplacethanmeetstheeye,remnantsofitsdaysofglorystillpresentwiththestunningcrystal chandeliersthathaveturneddingyandgray,andthecopperdetailingonthebarhavingoxidizedmorethanadecadeago.Even a deep cleaningwould give ita facelift, butaccordingto Julio, Freddyhas snorted more moneythanhe’s ever putinto this place
Idon’trespond.Ijustgiveanodofunderstandingbeforeexitinghisofficeandrunningbackoutofthebar.Myshoulders saginreliefandIletoutalongsigh AsmilebreaksacrossmyfaceasIwalkthetwoshortblockstothetrainstation Throughthe entire ride backto myapartment and myroutine of makingmyself a cup of lavender chamomile tea while drawingabath,mymindraceswithhowIcanbringinmoremoneytosaveup.
Maybe the extra three nights a week will mean more tips IvisiblyfrowninthemirrorasIbrushmyhair
Ishakemyheadhalfinexasperation,halfinhumoratthefactthatI’mseriouslyhavingthisconversationwithher.“Mati,I saythisasnoslighttomyself,”Iclarify,knowingfullwellhowmuchshehatesmyself-deprecatingjokes.“Buthe’sliterally thekindofguywholookslikehewalkedoffamegayachtthatheownsandwasfilmingacolognecommercialonsurrounded by half-naked models. He’s not going to call the coffee shop girl who can’t even make eye contact with him. This isn’t a Hallmarkmovie”
She scowls. “For all you know, he’s knitting with his grandma right now and he saves kittens on the weekends. He’s lookingforlovebutinallthewrongplacesbecausehejusthasn’tmettherightwomanyet”Sheclutchesatherheart,hereyes brimmingwithfaketearslikeshe’spracticingforanaudition.
“You’reright.”Ichuckle.“ButI’mnotgoingtobankonit.Thatbeingsaid,ifamanwholookedlikehimeverdidaskme out,I’mbreakingmynot on the first date rule”
“Rude,don’tquestionmyabi ”Herhanddartsoutandstopsmeinmytracksasweexitthecoffeeshop “What?”Ilookupather,myeyesthenfollowinghergazetoacrossthestreetwhereanexpensive-lookingblacksedanis parked It’snotthecarthathashermouthhangingopen;it’sthefactthatMr TGIFisleaningagainstit,staringatme “Oh my God,”shesaysoverandoverinahushedtone.Hepushesoffthecar,closingthedistancebetweenusashecrosses thestreet.
“Goodafternoon”Hisdeepvoicesoundsevensexierwhenit’sdirectedsolelyatme Hiseyesarehiddenbehindtortoise Wayfarer Classics; a single lock of his dirty-blond hair that’s usually perfectly styled has fallen over one corner of his sunglasses Hisnavysuitfitslikeaglove,likeitwasmadeforhim IrecallmyconversationwithClydeabouthisfatherwho wasatailor. Now I realize why they cost so much. Themanisdefinitelywearingthesuitinthissituation,nottheother way around Hisbroadchestlooksaccentuated,histhighsfillingoutthepantsperfectly “Saysomething,”Matildawhispers,nudgingme.“Youlookinsane.”
This is crazy, he’s a complete stranger An extremely hot and very built-looking stranger but still Ifeelanothershove againstmylowerbackfromMatilda.
“Well,I’llseeyoutomorrowmorning.”ShewavesatmeandIturntofacehersothathecan’tseemyface.Iflashhermy what the hell is going on look,hopingshesticksaround,butit’snotworking.“Haveagreatnight,youtwo.”Sheemphasizes theword night eventhoughit’sjustafteronepm “Shallwe?”Ismile,restingmyhandinthecrookofhiselbowasheleadsmetowardhiscar.Heopensthebackdoorand motions for me to slide in After closingthe door and walkingaround to the other side, he gets inand the driver pulls into traffic.
“Oh”Ilookintheoppositedirection “Iactuallylivebackthatway”Ithumbovermyshoulder “We’renotgoingtoyourplace,Stella.”Heslowlypullshiseyesfromlookingstraightaheadtolookingrightatme.Itfeels likethebreathhasbeensuckedfrommylungsbeingthisclosetohim.Hetakesupspace,hislegsspreadwideandstretched outinthe backseatofthe car His woodsycologne permeates the small space thatI’mnow veryacutelyaware of “We’re goingtomine.”
Insteadofcomingtomysenses likeanormal personandaskinghimtodropmeoffsoIcangrabacabhome,Ireassure myselfthatamanwholookslikehim,drivesacarlikethis,andwearssuitsthatexpensivewouldn’triskitallforsomesilly littlenobody Then again, these are exactly the kind of rich people that get away with stuff like that “How’dyouknowmyname?”
Wesittherestoftherideinsilence Heremainsfocusedonhisphonewhilemyhandsnearlytearthroughmypursestrapas Inervouslyknotitoverandoveragaininmylap.Iwatchoutthewindowaswedrivefarthernorth,justoutsidethecity,until the car slows infrontofa large gate thatopens up automatically. The drivewaycurves throughtrees, roundinga corner and comingtoaclearingwhereamassive,almostgothic-lookingVictorianmansionsitsfarbackonalushgreenlawnthatisvery clearlyprofessionallymanicured.
“Itis”He’salreadyopeninghisdoorandgettingoutthesecondthecarpullsintoamassivegarage Hewalksaroundtomy door, openingitand holdingouthis hand to me. Ireachforward, myfingers delicatelygracinghis before yankingmyhand back.
“This way.” Atlas gestures as we walk through a long hallway with vaulted ceilings. Wooden beams stretch the entire lengthoftheceiling Wepassakitchenthatlookslikeitcouldbefeaturedin Architecture Digest,completewithamassiveLa Cornueoven.Weroundanothercornerandwalkdownanotherhallwayuntilwereachamassivewoodendoorthathepushes open “Myhomeoffice”
Office? Weird place to discuss a date. Itakeintheroom,tryingnottogawkorseemoverlyimpressedwhenitfeelslikeI couldspendhoursexploringinthisplace
DoIsoundflirty? I want to sound flirty Hell, I want to toss everything off his desk and crawl across it like I’ve seen in movies. Grab him by the tie and tug it until his lips are “Straighttobusiness,Ilikethat.Howoldareyou,MissPorter?”
Her lips part, a smile takingover her face as she lifts her hand to stifle her laugh She thinks I’mjoking, somethingI expectedtohappen.“AndhereIwasworriedyouweregoingtomurdermeorsomething.”
“Ifeel like anidiot;Ihadnoidea.Iguess Ithoughtyoulookeda littlefamiliar,butIjustthoughtthatyouweremaybea modeloroneofthosesexythirsttrapinfluencerswhodooutfitvideos,butno,you’rethemanwhorecentlyboughttheChicago Blackhawks.”
“Sexyinfluencers?”
“Youknow, the guys who show differentoutfits and do transitions where theyjump” she proceeds to hop inplace, her breastsswayingwithhermovement “andthenthey’reinanotheroutfit”
“I’msorry” She shakes her head and walks backtoward me, her delicious hips swayingwiththe movement “I’mstill havingtroublewrappingmyheadaroundyour ”
“Proposal?”Iinterject
“Yes.”Shesaysthewordslowly,realizingthatIdid,infact,justproposetoher.“Ifeelalittleembarrassed.Ithoughtyou wereaskingme ”Shelooksdownatherfeet,hercheeksredderthanever “On a date?” I finish. Her head whips upward and her eyes light up, and my stomach drops at the rapid change to disappointment when I answer her. “No, I amnot asking you on a date. I guess jumping straight to proposing might seem romantic,butIassureyouthismarriagearrangement,ifyouwill,wouldbepurelytransactional,abusinessagreement,”Isay, internallyremindingmyselfthatisexactlywhatthisis,nothingmore.
“Business agreement?” Her expressiontransforms as she struggles to understand what I’msaying “Idon’t ” Her face scrunches.“Canwestartwithwhyyouneed togetmarried?”
“Payment,ofcourse.”Ireachintomydeskdrawerandpulloutapentoplacenexttothecontractforher.Ileanbackinmy chairasshepicksupthedocumentandbeginstolookitover “Obviously,I’dexpectyoutotakethatandhavealawyerreadit over before signingit, butthe terms would be thatwe would need to be legallymarried withintendays ofyousigningthat document,afterwhichyouwouldmoveintomyresidencewhereyou’lllive,withyourownroom,ofcourse Allyourexpenses wouldbepaidforduringthattimeandyouwillbeallowedtoliveasyouplease,justnopartnersduringthattimeasthisneeds tobeseenaslegitimate.Afteroneyear,youwill begivenano-contestdivorceandyou’ll beabletokeepanyandall assets acquiredduringthemarriage”
Irunmyhandovermyjaw,thinkingthroughhowtoexplainthingsinthemostconciseway.“Basically,myfatherdidn’tfeel IdeservedthecompanyunlessIhadanheirtopassitalongto.Hethoughtthatbytrickingmeintomarriage,I’dendupfalling inloveandhavingkids Whathedidn’texpectwasformetobeathimathisowngameandjustfindsomeonewhowouldagree toacontractualmarriagewithalltermsoutlined,thusmitigatinganychancesoflove,children,orstayingtogether.”Shestares at me, unblinking, most likely shocked at my bluntness about how fucked up my family is “My father had a sick sense of humor.”Ismile,attemptingtosoftenthefuckery.
“No,notatall Infact,Ithinkifyoudidhaveacrushonme,youwouldhavegivenmeyour number,butyour frienddid becauseshewantsyoutolikeme.”Shefocusesherscowlonme.“IthoughtthatwecouldbothbenefitfromaproblemthatI have Obviously, I would get the majorityshares of the companyand youwould receive a payment of at least one million dollars,alongwiththeotherbenefitsImentionedearlier.”
somewhatnaïve, and yes, you’re right, prettymuchbroke, Ihave more dignitythansellingmyselffor a milliondollars, Mr. Knight.Sono,thankyou.”Sheturnsonherfootandheadstowardthedoorbutstops.“Actually,IhavenoideawhereI’mgoing andIneedaridehome”
“It’snotthat,”sheinterruptsme.“Hell” sheshrugs “Iprobablywouldhavegonetobedwithyoutodayhadyouoffered. And yes, Irealize youhave no interestinme like that;youmade thatabundantlyclear earlier.” She flinches like she didn’t meantoadmitthatoutloud “Imean,it’s Iwouldhavebeenmoreopentoaone-nightstandor aflingwithyouthanthis I mightnothavefairy-taledreamsaboutloveandmarriage,butIknowthatifIeverdodecidetogetmarried,itwillbeforlove. I’mnotthatjadedyet”
“I’ll give youa ride home” I want to hangmyhead and apologize to her, but the realityis, myselfishneed for her to eventuallyagreeoutweighsmysympathy.Instead,Iturnaroundandheadtowardthegarage.
Would she push me away or would she grab my shirt and pull me toward her like she can’t get enough? The way I imagine I would be if I were to let myself touch her Frenzied My hands tangled in her dark curls, the sound of her moans against my tongue as my hands slide over her hips to grab her perky ass.
Mycockstrainsagainstmyslacks,myhandreachingdowntoadjustmyselfbeforeshenotices Heradmissionaboutaonenight stand pops back into my head when the idea hits me that maybe I should seduce her; maybe this will be the way to convinceher.Ireachmyhandforward,softlypressingmyfingersagainstherwaistasIguideherdowntheotherhalltoward thegarage.
She tenses, turningher head slightlyto glance atme inher peripheral. “Allow me.” Istep evencloser to her, mychest bumpingagainstherarmasIreacharoundhertoopenthedoortothegarage
She glances myway, a slightsmile forming. “No, it’s… okay. Imean, it’s certainlya verystrange requestand honestly probablyoneofthosethingsI’llrememberfortherestofmylife,butit’sokay Iknowyoudidn’tmeanforittobedemeaning”
“AmI still allowed to come into the coffee shop or will that be awkward for you?” I flash my most charming smile, reachingoutto runmyfinger over the backofher hand Ihear a sharp intake ofbreathand once again, I’mfightingto hold myselfbackfromkissingher. Butthis, this isn’treal and this can’thappen. Ican’tgetdistracted bylustifshe does end up agreeingtothisdeal.ThelastthingIneedistofuckthingsupbybringingsexintothisdeal.
“Friends,” I repeat the word back to her, dragging my thumb slowly over the back of her hand one more time before releasingmyseatbeltandsteppingoutofthecartoopenherdoor
“Don’tsayitagain.”Iplacemyfinger againsther pillowylips,her littlesmirkslowlyfadingintoaheavy-liddedlustful gaze.Ishouldpullmyhandaway,butIdon’t.Herlipsslowlypartuntilthetipofmyfingerrestsbetweenthem.Ifeelthewet tipofhertonguegrazemyfingerassheslowlybitesdownonmyflesh Istareatherforafewseconds,questioningwhatthe hell I’mdoingand where this is going. Maybe it’s just a fucked-up, selfishdesire to know that she wants me too. I blink, breakingthespellandpullingmyfingerfromherlips
“Have a good afternoon, Miss Porter. Thanks againfor your time.” Istep around her and head backtoward the driver’s side.“Anddomeafavor,keepthisbetweenus.”Idon’tlookatherbeforeslidingbackbehindthewheelofmyBentley,also notbotheringtolookinthemirrorathereitherasIdriveaway
Something about her pulls at me like an invisible string; something inside me wants her in ways I’ve never wanted someone AnalmostbloodthirstycravingforherthatI’mscaredtodeny Ifeeloutofcontroljustbeingnearher but not enough that I’ll throw it all away just to fuck her, Iremind myself. Because atthe end ofthe day, that’s all itwould be for me fucking
“Freddyin?”Iaskthemanbehindthebar Henodstowardadingyhallway “Thanks”Inodback,makingmywaydown the long, darkhallwaytill I reachanoffice witha bent, half smudged off signthat once said Management. I don’t bother knocking;instead,Iswingthedooropenandwalkinside,startlingtheassholehalf-asleepinhischair.
Iknow this is a dangerous game I’mplaying, a lionkeepinga sheep as a pet, butIcan’tundo whatI’ve alreadysetin motion Somyonlyoptionisnottoallowmyselfevenasingletaste Becausethat’sallitwilltaketobringmedown
“Oh,I’mnotgettinganyyounger Gottastartslowin’downsometime”Hewinksatme,reachingovertosqueezemyknee “Butdon’tworry, mysonDexter is movingbackto Chicago ina few months. He’s beenlivingdowninMemphis for a few yearsdoingmusic”
“Iwanttobuytheclub.”Iblurtthewordsout,verbalizingthemforthefirsttime.“Likeseriouslybuyit,restoreittowhatit was back when you started playing there. We could see it turned back into a local neighborhood hot spot with quality, affordabledrinksandsomeamazingliveentertainment”Clyde’seyessparklebutIcantellhe’sholdingback “Itwouldbea greatwaytoshowcaselocalChicago-areatalenttoo.”
“Ibelieve inyou.” Ismile atClyde, reachingover to take his hand again. “Youlightup whenyousingand you’ve been givenatalentthateveryonedeservestohear.”Hetugsmyhand,pullingmeforwarduntilourforeheadstouch.
“Well done.” She laughs.“Youare goingtohave thatmaneatingoutofyour handbythe time yousayyes!” she squeals. “Youaregoingtosayyes,aren’tyou?”
Everything would be so much easier if I said yes. I could afford the down payment for the club, have money for renovations, and maybe evengive the band a raise WhenIhad said no the firsttime, he upped the offer to five million, a numberIcan’tevenwrapmyheadaroundatthemoment.
I shut my apartment door behind me, glancing around at the almost cavelike studio they’re allowed to rent out for an astronomicalamountwhileconsideringitaone-bedroomsincetechnicallythere’saroomthesizeofaclosetwithasliverofa window.
“Iwould also no longer have to share mylivingquarters witha mouse family.” Isigh, hangingmypurse onone ofmy entrywayhooks Myfridgegroans,thehissingsoundit’sbeenmakinglatelygrowingevenlouder Imakeamentalnotetocall thesuperforthefourthtime.
“Adress.”Iwalktomycloset,turningonthelightandlettingmyeyesperusethecloset,poppingafruitsnackinmymouth. They’re probablypasttheir expirationbutconsideringthey’re justa mixofchemicals, Ifigure theycan’tbe too far gone. I finishthesnacks,groaningwhenIrealizeIhavenothingevenclosetobeingremotelyslutty.
Itossthewrappersinmytrashcanbeforewalkingbackovertothecloset.IreachbackasfarasIcan,tuggingtheclothes forward till Ireveal the satinedge ofa dress IcompletelyforgotIowned. Myfingertips reachthe edge ofthe material just enoughItugitoffthehangerandpull itoutsoIcanseeit Thesilkofthematerial shimmers,andlargeredroseswindtheir wayupthedress totheswoopednecklineandblackvelvetstraps.It’s stunningandI’vebeentooafraidtowear itsincethe secondIboughtitfromaresaleshopnearlyfiveyearsago
“It’s vintage.”
“Oh yeah?” I smile at the associate, the fifty dollars I have in my pocket reminding me that I cannot afford the seventyfive-dollar dress I’ve been staring at for two minutes.
“The lady who brought it in said it was her great grandma’s Apparently, she was a jazz singer at The Green Mill back when Al Capone used to hang out there and it was a real speakeasy” The girl shrugs “You never know if people are telling the truth about their secondhand items, but it still makes for a fun story a lot of the time.”
“Sure does ” I stare down at the dress, an image coming to mind of myself wearing it, clutching the mic in my hands as I close my eyes and sing at The Green Mill.
“You should try it on ” She nods toward the curtain hanging limply on a wire in one corner of the shop I debate it for a second but shake my head. “Nah, I don’t even have enough for it anyway. ” Besides, I tell myself, I don’t have curves in the right places for a dress like that, one that was clearly designed to accentuate an hourglass figure.
“How much do you have?”
“Hmm?” I look back up at the associate, my hand still resting on the dress hanger. “Oh, fifty.” I smile and look back down at the dress one last time “Maybe in the ”
“Take it,” she says.
“What?”
“It’s yours for fifty. You’ve been staring at the dress for fifteen minutes and you can’t take your hands off it. Clearly, you ’ re meant to have that dress.”
“I couldn’t,” I say, my hand holding it even tighter But I did I took the dress home, imagining the perfect situation in which I’d wear this dress, saving it only for that occasion… one that never came.
I place the dress onmybed, grabbingthe hemof myt-shirt and pullingit overhead, tossingit aside I undo myshorts, kickingthemtothesideandreachingforthedress.Infiveyearsofowningit,I’veyettotryiton.AtleastI’vefilledoutalittle moresinceIboughtit.NowthatI’mnotanawkwardlythintwenty-year-old,maybeitwillfitbetter.Iholdmybreath,sliding thecoolmaterialupmythighsandovermyhips,thenIpullthestrapsovermyshoulders,reachingaroundtopullthezipperup gently.
THE SECOND I OPEN MY MOUTH TO SING, ALL INSECURITIES ABOUT MY BODY BEING ON DISPLAY IN THIS DRESS, EVERYONE’S EYES onme,completelydissipate.Icanfeeltheenergyofthecrowdtonight.Itcertainlyhelpsthatthereareafewmorepeoplehere, butitalsofeelsdifferent IsmileoveratClyde,hiseyesbrightashisfingersbounceacrossthepianokeys Maybethetimeoff iswhattheguysneededtocomebackrefreshed.Itfeelslikemagic.
Iglance towardthe spotlight,the familiar silhouette comingintofocus a few seconds later This time,insteadoflooking away,Iletmyeyesstayfocusedonthemysteriousstranger.HehastoknowthatIcan’tseehimandI’mstartingtothinkthat’s exactlywhathewants.Ijustcan’timaginewhy.Iclosemyeyes,lettingmyhandsslideovermybodyasIsingthewordsright tohim.Iimaginemyselfashisscornedlover,thewomanwhosehearthebroke.
I sit up straighter, half convinced that she can see me, that she knows exactly who I am and she’s caught on to everything Ireachformyglass,takingalongsipofwhiskeyandremindingmyselfthatit’snotpossibleandI’mmerely overthinkingthings.
He doesn’t leave right away. He stands there for several seconds, I’mguessingcontemplatingif it’s worthit to lose a hundredgrandbyrunninghismouthrightnoworworse,slammingthatwhiskeyglassintomyhead Instead,heturns,waddling away and leaving me to enjoy the final few songs. I close my eyes, sinking back into the worn leather chair, imagining removingthatdressfromStella’sbodywithmyteeth.
Iknow I’mfucked. I’ve convinced myselfthatI’mallowed these little leeways. Thatshe hasn’ttechnicallyaccepted my offersofantasizingaboutherisn’tsomethingIcan’tcomebackfrom.I’veallowedmyselftobelievethatonlyfantasizingabout pleasuringherisfine,thatit’snotalineIcan’tuncross
Iorderanotherwhiskey,thenanother,downingtheminrecordtimeasIchecktheclock.Hersetisendingintwentyminutes andI’malmostseeingdouble Istareather,wantingtheimageofherinthatdressburnedintomymind Asuddenurgetomarch downthestairsandpullherfromthestageovertakesme.Igripthearmrestsuntilmyknucklesturnwhite,thewoodcreaking beneathmyhands as Iclenchmyjaw atthethoughtofother menseeingher likethis.How canawomanI’venever touched, never held, never kissed have this kind ofcontrol over me? The thoughtofother menwantingher, touchingher, fantasizing aboutherchurnsmystomachsoIstand.Isway,steadyingmyselfonthechairbeforehalfstumblingdownthebackstairwayto mywaitingcar
Idon’tknowwhattimeitiswhenIhearapoundingatmyfrontdoor Myeyesflyopen,thesoundofmyrecordplayerstill turningeventhoughit’shittheendofthesongs.Iblinkafewtimes,tryingtorecallthejourneyfrommycartomyoffice.Irun myhands throughmyhair, reachingfor mywater and takinga drinkbefore standingup to checkif I actuallyheard what I thoughtIheard
I’m halfway down the main stairs when I hear it again. “Fuck,” I groan, the pounding reverberating through my still whiskey-ladenbrain Iglanceatmywatch,it’shalfpastmidnight Oliverwouldalreadybeinbed Ireachforthedoor,pulling it open to see Stella, her high heels in one hand, her purse in the other. I stare in confusion, then surprise when my brain registersthatsheis,infact,standingonmydoorstep
Ifreeze, studyingher expression Does she know it was me? Watching her from behind the spotlight all these months Getting her fired. Istepclosertoher,nowhavingtolookdowntomeethergaze.“What’sthatmean,MissPorter?” “Itsoundsliketheansweryourehearsed,theansweryouthoughtI’dbelieveorthatwouldconvincemetosayyestoyour proposition.”Sheemphasizesthelastword.
“Whatdoyouwantmetosay?ItoldyouwhyImadeyoutheoffer;youletmeknowitwasrudeandinsensitivewhichIsee now,andIthoughtyoucouldusealittleextramoney.Simpleas that.”Ishrug,maybetomakeitseemmorebelievableor to castanauraofinnocenceonmypart.
“And let’s notforgetthatother little reason,” she says ina lower, more sultryvoice, her hand comingoutto restgently againstmychest,“becauseI’mawomanyoudon’twanttofu ”
“That’senough,Miss Porter”Icover her handwithmine,wrappingmyfingers aroundhers “Isthatwhyyoucame?For your poundoffleshnow thatyou’verejectedmyoffer?”Istepcloser,mychestpressingsoftlyagainsthers.Ilookdownher body, letting my eyes settle on her cleavage that’s spillingout of her dress Clearly the whiskey is still raging through me becauseIdecidetocallherbluff.Ilookbackintohereyes.She’snotrelenting,butthenIseeit,atinycrackinherfaçade,and Idecidetopushher.“Tellme,Stella.”Ileanintoher,mylipshoveringoverhers.“Wouldyouletme?”
Her throat constricts as she swallows downher nervousness, her arms slowlycomingto rest at her sides againbefore answering.“Letyouwhat?”
Ichuckle, liftingmyhand to restagainsther hip Idon’thave to sayfor her to know Iresistthe urge to reachmyhand around her, grabbinga handful of her ass. Instead, I slowlyslide it up her body, over her stomach. Just before I reachher breast,Iremovemyhand,settlingitsoftlyatthebaseofherthroatsothatIcantiltherchinupwardtolookatme.
Whenshefinallyreleasesme,webothtakeaseatonthemainstairs.“Whatmadeyouchangeyourmind?”Iask,fishingfor ananswerwhenIalreadyknowit Buttomysurprise,shedoesn’tsayanythingaboutthecluborlosingherjob “Idunno,commonsensemaybe?”Shelaughs.“IguessIrealizedhowstupiditwastowalkawayfromanopportunitylike this It’s notlike people like me are offeredmillions ofdollars veryoftenandit’s probablymyonlychance atever actually achievingthatkindofwealth.”
“Thatisaprettyvalidreason Although ”Ihesitate,questioningifIshouldexpressaquestionofdoubt “Yes?”
She shrugs. “Who canafford to have morals these days?” She jokes, laughing. “The realityis, Ijusthave to putmyself asideforayearsothatIcanfulfillsomefuturedreams Icandothat”
“Good.”Ismileandlookoverather.She’sstillbarefoot,hershoesonthefloornexttoheralongwithherpurse.Sherests her elbow onher knee, her chinpropped onthe heel ofher hand “Whathas youall dressed up tonight?” Inod toward her dress.
“Oh.” She looks downat herself. “Yeah, I guess it’s a far cryfrommyusual coffee-stained blue polo and jeans.” She smilesagainandI’mwaitingonhertotellmeabouttheclub,butagain,sheavoidsit “Adate Adatethatwasn’tsuccessful obviously.”
“I’msure we will, work-related and whatnot Ijustmeantlegitimate dates Ones thatmightend more successfully” I lookoveratherasaheavysilencesettlesbetweenusthat’sslowlyturningintotensionagain.
I tell myself I don’t know why I do it, but I do it to try and scare her To make her see that I don’t want a physical relationship.WhatIfantasizeaboutwithherisfarmorerawandprimal.
Ishakemyhead,standingandreachingahandouttowardher tohelpher offthestair.“Let’s havedinner heretomorrow night We’lldiscusseverythinginmoredetail I’llhaveMac,myotherdriver,pickyouupatyourapartmentatsix” “Sounds good.” She smiles up atme as our fingers staytangled together once she stands. It’s like we’re waitingfor the otherpersontosaysomething “WoulditbeweirdifIstayedinyourguestroomtonight?” Iopenmymouthtoanswerherwhenathoughtoccurstome.“Howdidyougetpastthegateearlier?”
“No,” Isaycurtly, notwantinghimor her to getthe wrongidea. “It’s a business deal, Oliver, nota date. Iguess daddy dearestneverplannedformetojustofferawomanamarriagecontracttobypasshisstupidclause Bytheway,didyouleave thegateopenlastnight?”
Ilaughtomyself,imaginingmydad’sfacescrunchedinangeratthethoughtthatIwasabletogamethesystem Butjustas quickly,thesweettasteofvictoryturnsbitter.Asmallpitformsinmystomach,ascowlfurrowingmybrow.IhadthoughtI’d be marryingEleanor until she made the decisionfor me whenshe left me I glance at myphone at the thought of her, half expectingtoseeamissedcall fromheroratextbutthere’snothing.Whenshestormedoutofmyhousethatnightforthelast time,Imadeapromisetoherandmyself.
“I won’t chase you, El. If you don’t love me, then there’s no point.”
“I know that, Atlas. That’s one of the reasons I’m leaving. Nothing, not even me, will ever be as important to you as your job ”
I stare at her, my brain telling me to say ‘ you know that isn’t true,’but it is. Even if I wanted to argue with my own damn heart about it, I’ve shown more attention to Knight Enterprises than I ever have to Eleanor Her icy-blue eyes narrow and she purses her lips.
“And that’s all the confirmation I needed Goodbye, Atlas ” She slings her purse over her arm, turning on her heel as I reach for her
“El, wait,” I say, but it’s no use. She brushes past me like I don’t even exist and marches downstairs to her waiting car.
RefusingtoadmittomyselfthatIcounteddowntheminutestillIleftwork,Islideintothebackseatofmycar,anervous energy vibrating through me Elvis flows gently through the speakers “Turn up the music, Oliver, if you don’t mind?” He obliges,“SuspiciousMinds”fillingthecarashepullsintotraffic.
ImakesureIgivemyselfenoughtimetofreshenupfordinner Istraightenmytie,buttoningmysuitjacket,andrunninga combthroughmymildlyuntamedhair.IdebateonifIshouldshaveagain,runningmyhandoverthelayerofstubbleonmyjaw, butIdecide againstit Ipause, givingmyselfyetanother once-over inthe mirror There’s somethinginthe air around me tension,perhaps?Ormaybeit’sjustmynerves.Eitherway,Ishrugitoffandmakemywaydownstairs.
“Noputtingyourfingerswheretheydon’tbelong”Shescolds,pickingupautensilandstirringthesauceinthepan Regina hasbeenmyprivatechefforthelastfouryears.Eleanoractuallyhiredher.
“Iguess I’mjustnervous is all Idon’twantto ruinthings Tonightis kind ofa bigdeal for Stella and me” She pauses stirringandlooksoveratmewhenIsayhername.“Iknow,it’sprettyquickafterEleanormovedout.” “Prettyquick?It’sgoingonayearnow.”
Istandbackandwatchherforamoment,thewayshenaturallyconverseswithOliver,asmileonhisfaceasshemakeshim laugh She’s genuine and carefree Her reactions aren’t calculated or designed to manipulate anyone; they’re just Stella A smilestartstopullatmylips,awarmthsettlingintomychestatthethoughtandimageofherinmyhome.
“Atlas.” She smiles,walkingtowardme withpurpose.Iexpecther tostopbutshe doesn’t.She lifts her arms,wrapping themaroundmyneckassheenvelopsmeinahug Mybodytensesbeneathhertouchandshemustnoticeitbecauseshequickly releases me, steppingbackand puttingspace betweenus.“Sorry.” She blushes, scrunchingup her face inembarrassment. “I don’tknowwhyIdidthat”
things regardingthis business deal between us”Shestaresoveratmeasshechewsherfilet “YouknewmycompanythesecondIsaiditwhichmeanstherestoftheworld isalsoverywellawareofwhoIam.I’mnotsurewhatyourexperienceorcomfortleveliswithyourphotobeingtakenoryour nameinthegossipcolumnsbutit’saveryrealpossibility”
“Notatall”Itossmynapkinonthetable,leaningbackinmychairasshesavorsthelastofherwine “Ijustwanttobe clear with you about everything. I’m in the news. It’s not often my love life is. However, seeing as how this will be a whirlwindromance,I’msureit’llmakeafewheadlines”
“Stoplookingatmyass,Atlas.I’mnotyourwifeyet.”Sheturnsherheadslightly,herperipheralcatchingme.Theurgeto pullherbackagainstmeandrunmytongueupherneckburnsinmychest Instead,Iletherfeelthatshe’sstillincontrol for themoment.
Once we enter myoffice,Ireachintoa drawer,producingthe contractanda pen.Iplace itonmydesk,lettingmyhand lingeronitbriefly “Stella,”Isaysoftly,hereyesdriftingaroundtheroombeforelockingonmine “ThelastthingIwill say aboutthisis,youwillberequiredtosignanNDAalongwiththiscontract.”
