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AssoonasIgotupinthemorning,Ihadabadfeelingabouttheday.Thatwasn'tunusualforme,achronicworrywart,so Itriednottofocusonittoomuch Todaywasabigday Ihadahugeworkeventasanup-and-comingweddingplanner WhilethetownIlivedinwasn'tsobig,itwasn'tsosmalleither Thiswastheweddingeventoftheyear,andIwashopingto getalotofworkcomingmywayafterCiara’sweddingwentoffwithoutahitch.Ineededthingstogowellsothatotherswould hireme.Itwasn’tlikemywholecareerwasridingonthisonewedding,butifitwentwell,itcouldelevatemequickly. Sincealotwasridingoneverythinggoingperfectly,Igottothechurchearlyandspentallmysparetimeensuringeverything was all right The different vendors from miles around came on time, and the most prominent vendor, the caterer, had everythingreadytogobeforethedeadline.Itwasgoingtobesmoothsailing,Itoldmyselfrepeatedly.Iwantedtobelieveit andwilledtheillfeelingsfromthismorningaway.
Foralittlewhile.
Thebride,CiaraMontgomery,wasatypicalbridezilla,butIdidnotmind Awoman’sweddingwasoneofthemostimportant daysinherlife,andIwantedtoensurethatitwaseverythingshewantedandmore.Ciarahadbeenachallenge,wantingexotic food,andshewantedexoticbirdsreleasedwhentheministerpronouncedthemhusbandandwife.Ciarahadevenpickedtable arrangementsthatwereliterallyonfire,andshehadtohavethem.Me,apeoplepleaser,madeithappen.
ThatwouldbeoneoftheworstmistakesImadetoday,butlikelynottheonlyone “Fire!”
Halfway through the ceremony, I heard someone yelling about a fire. It was a repeated word that no one could ignore, so everyone in the wedding room, overflowing to the outside, started looking around for the smoke and flames. I did too, nervouslytryingto spotthe problem WhenIsaw smoke comingfromwhere the dinner was setup, Ithoughtaboutthe pan warmers that kept the food hot. That was the only flame I could think of, but then I quickly remembered those table arrangementsbeingsetup.
WhenI got inthere to see what was happening, one caught the tableclothonfire and quicklyspread up a curtainand then anothertable Halfoftheroomwasengulfedinflamesinseconds,andpanicstartedtosetin Ifeltslightlypanicked,butthis wasmyweddingplan,andIwouldn’tletitendindisaster.
“Call thefiredepartment,”IholleredtoKelly,myassistant,andIwatchedhertakeherphoneoutasshelefttheroom.Itold everyonetostopwhattheyweredoing.Mostalreadyhadandwerestaringatthefirelight.“Wehavetogetoutofhere.Now!”I hadtohollerthelastpartbecausesomewerestillfascinated
As people started to move, I swear the fire grew quicker I ensured everyone was out of the kitchenand diningarea, then movedontowhere the ceremonywas still happening.Icouldhear the organplaying.WhenIgotintothe nextroom,people werestartingtogetup,hurriedwordswerewhispered,andpanicwassecondsaway.
“It’sokay,everyone Wearejustgoingtotaketherestofthisoutside Thereisabitoftroubleinthekitchen,andfirefighters areontheirway,solet’sgivethemsomeroomtowork.”
Peoplesaw mysmileandreassuringface,sotheyweren’tasfreakedoutastheyshouldhavebeen.Iknew thatifIpanicked, others would as well. Ciara was cuttingher eyes atme, and Idreaded hearingfromher. Itwas understandable thatshe was upset Alotwasridingontoday,anditwasnowruined Theywereabouttosaytheirvows,soitwastheworsttimeforafire tostart.Ifeltforherbuttriedtogetmyheadbackintothegame.Isawanolderwomancallingforsomeone,andIwentupto seewhoshewasmissing.
“Whoareyoulookingfor?”
Hertannedfacewaswrinkled,andshehadworryinherdarkbrowneyes “Mygranddaughter Shewenttoseeiftherewere snacksafewminutesago,andIhaven’tseenhersince.She’sinthekitchen,Ithink!”
IimmediatelytookonthesameworryandturnedbacktowardsthewayI’dcome.Everyonewassupposedtobeoutofthere, butthewoman’ssix-year-oldgranddaughtermaystillbehidingintheroom.ItoldhertolookinthepewsandthatIwouldgo backandseeifshewasinthediningroom IfeltastaboffearwhenItalkedtoanothermotherwhohadlostherdaughterabout thesameage.Iimaginedthetwogirlstogetherandnowhadtwicethepanicseepingintome.Icouldn’thelpthescenariosthat playedoutinmyhead.
KellyaskedmewhatIwasdoinggoingbacktowardtheflames,andItoldherIhadtofindtwolittlekids.“Goseeifthereisa MirandaandTracyoutside,bothsixyearsold!”
She nodded inagreement, butKellywas youngand nothandlingthis well. This was her firsttime attendinga weddingshe helpedplan,andIhatedthatitwasthissortofcalamity.Kellywasn’texpectingit,andherbigeyestoldmeitwasbesttoget heroutofthebuilding.
The diningarea was all inflames now, and I could feel the heat and smell the smoke longbefore I could see what I was walkinginto. Icalled outto the two missinggirls and thoughtIheard something. The whole roomwas inflames, and there wasn’tmuchleftthatwassurvivable.Icalledthemagain,hearingafaintsoundfromoneofthetablesnearwhereIstoodatthe entrance.
Iwasgratefulforthatandwenttothetableimmediately,pullingtheclothoffandseeingthetwokidsunderneathit Whythey didn’trunout,Ididn’tknow Iwishedtheywouldhaveleftsooner,butIwassogladtofindthem Theyweresoscaredthat theyhadtobecoaxedout.Whentheyweren’tmovingfastenough,Igrabbedoneofthegirls’hands,toldhertoholdherfriend, andphysicallypulledthemoutoftheroom.Theydidn’tseemtounderstandthedangerorwerefrozenwithfear.
OnceIstartedtopull themout,thetwogirlsseemedtorealizethatitwastimetoleave,andtheywereabletogetmoving I couldseethefearintheireyes,andIhatedtoseeit,butIknewthatwewerealmostoutofthere Ididn’twanttothinkabout what would happenif I didn’t get themout soon. The thicksmoke burned myeyes, and I could barelybreathe. Theywere younger,lowertotheground,andthathelped.Itdidn’thelpmemuch,though.Thekidssloweddownwhenwegotclosetothe door Howdidwegetsofarawayfromit?Iwasstartingtogetconfused Thathadtobewhatitwas Evennow,Ifeltmyself gettingturnedaround ThatscaredmebecauseIstillhadthesetwokidstosave Icouldhearsighsofreliefastheywerepulledoutofmyhands.Iwasbehindthem,oratleastthatiswhatIthought.Ididn't realizethatIhadtakenintoomuchsmokeandwasnowgoingnowherefast.Everystepwasmorechallengingthanthelast,and Iwastheonewhoneededsomeonetograbmyhandandhelpmefromtheflames
“Areyoualright,Evelyn?Breathe Iknewyouhadaweddingheretoday,butIdidn'tknowyouweregoingalloutlikethis” IlookedatwhoitwasandgroanedoutloudwhileIclungtohisjacket.“Ofcourse,ithadtobeyou.” Scott’sfacewasmasked,andIcouldbarelyseeit,butIsawhissmileandeyes.Thereliefwasimmediate.“You’rewelcome.”
Scottwasmybrother'sbestfriend,andhecarriedmeoutofthereandfarenoughawayfromthechurchsothatIcouldstartto breatheagain.Iwasgratefulthathewashere.WhenItoldKellytocallthefirefighters,IthoughtofScottandknewhewould betheonetohelp.Ican'tsaythatwegotalongverywell,butatthemoment,Icertainlydidn'thaveanythingbadtosayabout him.
“Ithinkyousavedmylife”Ipulledhiminforahugandfelthimimmediatelypullaway Idon'tthinkIhadeverhuggedhim before,andhelookedlikehewasn'tsurewhattosay.“Thismightbethefirsttimethatyoudon'thavesomesmartcommentto sayback,”IobservedwithagrinbeforeIstartedcoughing.
“Likeyousaid,Isavedyourlife.Thatshouldgetmesomepointswithyourbrother,right?” Healsoearnedsomepointswithme,butIdon'tthinkhewasthatworriedaboutit Afteraminute,Itoldhimtocheckonthe girlsbecausetheyhadbeeninthatroomlongerthanIhad.Scottpointedovertowardsthem,andIrelaxedfurther.Therewere alreadypeoplesurroundingthemandmakingsuretheywerealright.
I should have trusted Scott to do the right thing. He was myhero today, and eventhoughwe usuallydidn't get alongand I practicallyfoughtwithhimasmuchasIdidmybrother,Iwasgratefultohavesomeonesoclosetomeforsomethingsoscary asthis.
Scottreturnedandsaidsomethingtomealittlelater,likeIneededtogetupandwalkaroundbecauseIdidn'tlooksogood,but Iwasn'tpayingattention.Iwasn'tfeelingwell,butIfigureditwasbecauseoftheevents.IreallydidthinkIwasokay.Ijust neededsomemoreairandtime
Ihadn'tseenthe bride inawhile,andshewouldn’tbegrateful thateverybodywas okay.She was onlygoingtosee thather weddingwasruined,andjustthinkingabouthavingtofacehermademyqueasystomachdoflips.Ididn'twanttofaceher.
“Comeon,Evelyn.Getupandwalkforme.”IheardScotttellingme,thoughitwaslikehewaswayoff,andItoldhimthatI wouldbejustfine Apparently,Iwaswrongonallaccountstoday
WhenIheardthedispatcherssaywherethefirewas,IthoughtofEvelyn.Ciara'sweddingwasabigdeal,andEvelyn hadbeentalkingaboutitfor thelastmonthor so Her brother Michael wantedtoseeher whenhelearnedaboutthe fire I’dalreadydecidedIwouldhavetotakeherovertothehospital,ifnot,hewouldflipoutonmelater Iwasn’texpecting Evelyntobefineoneminuteandpassoutthenext.IhadtocarryhertothebackofanambulanceandthenarguewiththeEMT foramomenttowaitformetoridewithher.IhadtogetmysuitoffbecauseIwouldn’tfitinthebackoftheambulanceuntilI did
Whilewewereonthewaytothehospital,theEMTsshookherawake Tommytoldmetositbackacoupleoftimes Iwanted tohelpbutknewonlylimitedinformationonmedicalhelp.Iwantedtoknowmoreatthatmoment.Ididn’twanttohavetotell mybestfriendthathissisterwashurt,andIcouldn’tdoanythingtohelpher.
Evelynwasbackup,andwhileheroxygenwaslow,theyhadsomeonboardthatperkedherupimmediately.Istartedtorelax andinstantlyrememberedhowdifferentshe’dfeltinmyarmsthanIexpected Iwasn’tsupposedtothinkaboutEvelyninthat way.Shewasmybestfriend’slittlesisterbutholdingherhadmadeherstatusasagrownwomanprominent. “Whathappened?”
Evelynshrugged,“Idon’tknow.Iwasokayoneminuteandthennotthenext.”Evelyn’sfacewasangelic,andtheblondhair aroundherwaslikeahalo WhyhadInotnoticedhowbeautifulshewasbefore?Hercrystalblueeyesdrewmein “Wearetakingyoutothehospitaltoensureyou’reokay.”
Shescoffed,“Mybrotherisgoingtomakeabigdealaboutit,”Evelyncomplained. “Heshould.Youshouldn’thavehadtabletoppyrotechnicsatawedding.Thatplaceisnevergoingtobethesame.”
Evelynlookedhurt,andsheinsistedthatshedidwhatwasaskedofher “Thebridesaidthatshecouldn’thavetheweddingif shecouldn’thavethetabletops.”
Shewastoonice,andIsaidasmuch.Iwasn’ttryingtogiveher ahardtime;Iwasspeakingfromgenuineworry,butitwas takenthe wrongway. Tommylooked atme, silentlyaskingwhatIwas doingberatingthe patient. She was hurtand had just passedout Ineededtoshutupandletherbrotherfusswhenhesawher Theridetothehospital wasn’tverylongbecausethetownwelivedinwasn’tall thatbig.Aftertenminutes,wewerethere, andIhelpedgetherout.ItoldTommyIhaditfromhere,steeringEvelyn’sstretchertotheERintake.IwaslookingforMichael inparticular.Iknew hewasworkingtodaybecausehehadn’tbeenabletogofishingwithmelastnightbecauseoftheearly shift IsawoneofthenursesIwasfamiliarwithandaskedherwhereMichaelwas “He’sinwithapatient Who’sthat?”ShewantedtoknowwhoIwaspushingintoanemptyroom Peoplewerewaitingtobe seen,butthiswashissister,andhewouldwanttoensureshewasokay.
“It’s his little sister” She nodded thatshe understood He onlyhad one muchyounger sister, and he adored her I’d always foundherannoyingbefore.I’dlookedathermuchinthesamewaythatIimaginedhedid.Notanymore,though.“Willyoutell himweareherewhenhehastime?”
Thenursenodded,andIaskedEvelynifshefeltbetterorworse.
“Iamfine Really Idon’tknow whyIamhere Youknow how Michael isgoingtoreact Imusttakecareofthatmessback there.”
“Youmeanthechurchyounearlyburnttotheground?”
Shegroanedandshuthereyes.“Nevermind,you’rejustasbadasmybrother.”
IfiguredIhadsaidenoughandknewMichaelwouldpickupwhereIleftoff Iwasabouttoleavewhenawomanstormedin andstartedtoyellatEvelyn.Shewasinasmoked-outweddingdress,soitwasclearwhoitwasbeforeIrecognizedher.
“Ma’am,youarenotsupposedtobebackhere.”
“DoyouknowwhoIam?Iamherbossanddemandtospeaktomyplanner.”
AquicklookbehindmesaidEvelynwasn’tinanyconditiontofightwithanyone
“Well,fromwhatIhear,theweddingisover,andyou’renotherbossanymore.Thiswasanaccident,sogetoutbeforeIcall security.”Ididn’tmeantosoundthreatening,butshegotthehintthatIwas.Shehuffedandstartedtosaymore,butonelookand sheleft.Itwasn’tquiet;shehuffedandslammedthedoor,butatleastEvelynwouldgetamomenttobreathebeforeMichael cameinandtoldheroff,too
“Thanks,”Evelynsaidquietly.“Ireallycan’tdealwithherrightnow.” Ishruggedandtoldheritwasnobigdeal.“Youwillgetberatedenoughfromyourbrother,andIdoubtshewillgoaway.”
Shescoffed,“Here,Ithoughtyouwerehelpingmeout.”
Shelookedsoinnocentandtinyinthebigbed Iwantedtogotoher andtell her everythingwouldbeokay Itwasastrange reaction,butIwantedtoprotecther.Thefeelingofitwasoverwhelming,likeIhadbeenputonthisplanettokeephersafe. Brushingoffthatlastthought,ItoldherIwasleavingthistimeandthatIwasgladshewasokay.Ireturnedtotheambulance, grabbed my things, and walked to the firehouse. It wasn’t too far, and I needed time to pull myself together. I was full of conflictingemotions,andthelastthingIneededwastobeallworkeduplikethisinfrontofMichael Hewouldn’tunderstand, andIdidn’twanttotellhim
WhenIreturned to the firehouse, everyone was happyithad all gone well. We’d saved those kids, and Iwas pulled aside becausetheyweretalkingaboutsomethingofficialwiththemayor.
“Iappreciatethethought,butEvelynCostinsavedthosekids,notme” “Michael’ssister?’ Iagreed.“Sheistheherotoday.Ijustmadesureshewasokay.”
Henodded,“Youdidgood.Ilikeitwhenthereisahappyendingallaround.” “Metoo,chief Thatcouldhavegottenugly”Ilefttheofficeafewminuteslaterafterturninginmyreport EvelynCostin WhydidIsuddenlyseeasideofher thatI’dnever seenbefore?Thenew trainofthoughtwas legitimatelya worry.WhatwouldhappenifmybestfriendlearnedhowIlookedathissister? Hewouldn’tunderstand.
Aftergettingchewedoutbymybrother,hisbestfriend,andthebride,Ithoughtmytimeasaweddingplannerwasover.
Not onlyhad I completelyruined the weddingof the season, anold church, and lost anassistant, but everyone also watchedmeleaveinanambulance ItwassoembarrassingthatIdidn'tleavemyhouseforacoupleofdays Worsethanthat,I wouldn'tevenanswerthephonebecauseIknewthatitwouldeitherbethecancellationofthefewweddingsandeventsIhad lefttoplanorCiaratellingmehowIhadruinedherbigday.Idon'tknowwhatIcouldhavedonedifferently.EvenScottsaidI waswrong
AlmostaweekpassedbeforeIleftmyneighborhood,andthatwasonlytogodowntotheofficeandpickupmymail Thepost office called me and said theywould start returningmymail ifIdidn’t start collectingit. Ihad to believe it was time; the universe was pushing me back into public, though I can’t say I was happy about it. I was in hibernation mode, and the humiliationofitallwasbrutaltogetover.
Itwasnicetobeout Theairwascrispandcleandespitethesunbeatingdownonmyface Itwasgettinglateintheyear,the middleofNovember,andIrealizedassoonasIsteppedoutthattherewouldn’tbetoomanymoredayslikethis.Iwasbound anddeterminedtoenjoyit.
MybestfriendAshleycalledmewhileIwasoutandabout,soIhadheragreetomeetmeattheoffice.Itwasasmallspace thatIrentedonMainStreet Itwasonlyablockortwofromwheresheworked,soshewastherewhenIgotthere Ashleyhad heard rumors. I was sure of it. Everybodyhad heard about the fire at Ciara's wedding. Like everyone else, she was likely tryingtogetallthedetails.Ashleywoulddosowithempathyasmyfriend,butshewasjustasnosyastherest.
“Goon.Iknowyou’llstartatsomepoint.”
Ashleytriedtolookinnocent,“Idon’tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout” “Iknowyouwanttoknowaboutthefire,soaskme.”
“Well,Ihavetriedtocallyouseveraltimes,andyourphonehasbeenoff.Ievencamebyyourhouse,andyoudidn'tanswerthe door.Iknowyouwerethere,soareyouokay?”
Iagreed thatIwas and justsmiled ather There was the much-needed sympathyIknew Iwould getfrommybestfriend It certainlywasnotthesameasIgotfrommyfamilyorclients. “Yeah,it’salright.Iwillprobablyneverworkagain,butIhearthatthemovietheaterishiring.”
Ashley scoffed, “Don't be so dramatic. Fromwhat I hear, there was nothing that you did to make it happen. Everyone is blamingCiaraandhercrazydemands Weallknowthatyouweretryingtomakeherhappy” Idon'tknowifIfeltbetterwithherwords Whatdidshemeanbythat?
Igot the door unlocked at the office, and there was quite a bit ofmail inthe front that was pushed throughthe mail slot. I disagreed withthe postal worker;more could have fit, butIscooched itawaywithmyfootand invited Ashleyin. “Do you
havetimeforcoffee?”
Sheagreed,“Yeah,Iamonbreak.” IstartedapotofcoffeeandtoldhereverythingIcouldrememberaboutwhathappened.Itwasgoodtogetitout,thoughIdidn’t muchcare for the needtorelive it.Ithadbeena bitmore tryingthanIthoughtithadbeen.Itoldher aboutScottcomingin, swoopingmeupandsavingme Herbrowwentup,andsheaskedmeagainwhyIdidn’tlikehim “It’s notthatIdon’tlike him,thoughhe is cockyandtalks tome like I’mhis little sister.It’s justthis weirdrelationshipwe have.I’veknownhimalongtime.”Istopped,notevensurewhatIwassaying.Understandingwhatwasbetweenuswashard, butourswasn’tanormalrelationship.Wewereclose,butnotreally.“It’scomplicated.” “Uh-huh”
Ashleyalways madecomments abouttherebeingmorebetweenthetwoofus,evenifIdidn’tseeit.Iwasn’tindenial.She was makingsomethingoutofnothing.Ididn’twantScottinthatway.Weweren’tevenfriends,justforcedcompanions from time to time. When I was younger, Scott went on many family vacations and get-togethers. He was like one of the family, practicallylivingwithusmostsummers “Anyways,everyoneisfine,butIthinkIwillhavetofindsomethingelsetodoforaliving.Nooneisgoingtohiremenow.” Ashleydidasshewasrequiredasmyfriend.Sheencouragedmeandsaidthatitwasall goingtoworkout.Ididn’tbelieve her, butIsmiled and agreed thatIhoped the same. Ididn’tmentionhow itwas never goingto happen. Whatwould be the point?
Wechattedaboutafewotherthings,andIhadtostopwhenthedooropened.Theofficewasclosed,butitwasn’tlikeIwould chase anyone away. WhenI turned around, part of me figured that it would be Ciara backto tell me off. She had done so multipletimes,yetshewasn’tentirelydone.
Itwasn’tCiara,though Itwasawomaninherlatefiftieswhoworeapantsuitwithano-nonsenseexpression Herdarkhair and makeup were immaculate, and Iwas impressed withher style. She was a womanwho knew whatshe wanted, and that excitedme.Ididn’tknowwhatshewasdoinghere,butIhadhope.“CanIhelpyou?”
ShesmiledandaskedmeifIwasEvelyn.WhenIagreedthatIwas,shelaunchedintohowshelovedCiara’sweddingandhow itwassuchabeautifulaffair
“Oh,doyouknowthebride?”
Shescoffed,“Nothardly,butIhearditwasabigdeal,andIwantedtogetsomeideas.Itwaslovely,andIbetthatifshehadn’t pushedthosegaudytabletopdisplays,itwouldhaveendedaswellasitbegan.”
Ismiled buttried notto lookas guiltyas Idid The endingofthe weddingwas as important, butshe was right;ithad gone downthetubesatsomepoint “Hopefully,youwerenotthereforallofthechaos” Shegrinned,“No,butIhadmysontellmeallaboutitwhenhegothomelaterthatnight.” “Yourson?”
“Yes,hewasyourhero,fromwhatIhear”
IgotthissinkingfeelingwhenIstartedtofocusonthewomanandherexpressionandhowshesmiledandlookedatme The resemblancewasuncanny,eventhoughitwasthefeminineoppositeofScott’smasculinity.“Scott?He'syourson?”Itriednot tohidethefeelingsIhadaboutthat.Iwasstillfeelingoffbecauseofmyreactiontohimhelpingmeout.Ididn’tknowhowto actaroundhimanymore Now,hismomwasinmyoffice
Sheagreed,“Ofcourse”
“Heisgoodfriendswithmybrotherandhasbeenforyears.Iamsurprisedwehaven’tmet.”
KatrinaintroducedherselfandaskedmeifIhadanyopeningsinthenextfewweeks.
“Nextfewweeks?”
Sheagreed,“Iwanttogetmarriedandfast.Thisismythirdwedding,soIdon’tneedmonthstoprepareforit.IknowwhatI want,andlifeisshort,soIthinkacoupleofweekstoplanwill dothetrick.Youareprobablyfreerightnow,soIwill take advantageofyourmisfortuneandhireyouatthelastminute.”
Shesmiledinafamiliarway Scottwoulddothesamething,explainingtheimpossiblescenarioandhowhiswaywasthebest baddecision.
“Thatsoundslikeaplantome.”
Katrinagrinnedwithoutanyguilt.“Mysonwasrightaboutyou.You’reperfectforthejob.” Inoddedinagreement,wonderinginternallywhatScotthadtodowithit Hadhesaidsomethingtoher?DidIowehimnow morethanIdidbefore?Hewouldhavetostophelpingme,orImightthinkhecares.OrthatIdo,too.
Katrinatalkedmethroughwhatshewaslookingfor,andItooknotesfuriously.ThiswasjustthechallengeIneededtokeepmy mindfromspiraling.
“I hiredEvelynforthewedding.”
InoddedandtoldMomthatshe hadmade a gooddecision “Iknow she is juststartinganda bitflaky,butshe has put everythingintothisbusiness Sheistryingtobuilditup,andthatfirewaslikelytoruinher” MomwavedmeoffandsaiditwouldalwaysworkouthowGodwanteditto.“Sheistalented,anditwouldhavetakentime, butpeoplewouldhaveforgottenthefireandrememberedherGod-giventalent.”
“Well,Iamgladthatyouaregivingherachance Ithoughtyouwouldbeworkingsomuchthatyouwouldn’thavetimetoplan much?”
“Idohavethatmergercomingup;that’swhyIcalledyouhere.Ineedtoaskyouafavor.” Iwouldn’tsayIlikedthesoundofthat,especiallyaconversationaboutherwedding.Ididn’tmindJake,hernewbeau,butthat didn’tmeanIwantedtohavemuchtodowiththewedding.Hewaspracticallymyage,soIwasconfusedabouthowtoact.My involvementwasn’tideal
“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”
“Youknow,IwashopingthatsinceyouknowEvelynandwhatIlike,youcouldtakecareofsomeofthetastingsandplanning forme.Iwilltrytodoasmuchofitaspossible;itismywedding,butIneedyourhelp.You’reupforhelping,right?”
Isighed, and eventhoughIknew Iwanted to tell her no, Iknew Iwouldn’tbe able to She had those sad eyes thatalways workedonme,andIagreed.Ididn’tjumpattheideaofworkingcloselywithEvelyn,butIcouldimaginethatshewouldmake itallthemorecomplicated.
“Areyoustayingfordinner?”
Ilooked atthe salmonleftoutthawingand said Iwould pass She was ona new healthkick, likelybecause ofher younger boyfriend.Iwasn’tdownforsteamedbroccoliandsalmon.Iplannedongrabbingaburgeratthefirehouseonmywayhome.“I amgood,Mom,thanks.DidyouneedanythingelsebeforeItakeoff?”
“Canyoucheckthatlightinthelaundryroom?Itkeepsflickeringandisdrivingmecrazy.”
“Sure, Mom” I went into her laundryroomand screwed the bulb inall the way It was flickeringfrombeingso close to breakingtheconnection.Itdidn’ttakelongbeforeitwas fixed,andIleftbeforemorehealthyfoodwas pushedonme.Ileft thinkingaboutherrequestandwhatthatwouldmeanformeandmypeace.Ididn’twanttohavesimilarfeelingsrunthroughme likebefore.CouldIlookatEvelynthesameagain,knowingwhatIknownow? ***
Michaelmetmeatthebarforacoupleofbeers We’dbothbeenworkingcrazyhoursandsinceitwasmyturntopay,Iordered usapitcherandsomeburgersfromtheback.Thefoodwasn’tthegreatestatT’sTap,butitwasbetterthananythingIwould comeupwithathome.MichaelwasaboutasgoodasIwasatcooking,sowebothlivedoffofwhatothersmade.
“Howwasyourday?”
HescoffedandjostledthesameblondehairthatEvelynhad,pullingitbackoutofhiseyes.“Itwasanotherroughday.Iswear thereisafullmooncomingorsomething.Ithasbeennonstoppatients.Wedidn’tevengetlunchtoday.Inoticedyouwerealso atthehospitalafewtimestoday.”
Iagreedwiththefullmooncomment Itdidseemlikepeoplewerebeingextraridiculous,andIdidn’tknowwhatthedealwas I’dhadthreecaraccidentsintownandacouplemorethatwereassistsinthenexttownover.Thiswasunheardof,andIwas beat. He looked like Ifelt, so Icould onlyimagine whatitwas like for himtoday. Itdidn’tseemto be somethingwe were preparedfor.
“Gladyougotintoemergencyservices?”
Inodded,“Aboutashappyasyouareaboutit.”
Michaelsighed,“Well,Iamgladforit.Idon’tknowwhatIwouldhavedoneifsomethinghadhappenedtoEvelyn.Youbeing thereissomethingIwillnotbeabletorepay.”
“Itwasnothing YouknowthatI’veknownEvelynforalongtimenow Icouldn’tletanythinghappentoher” “Iknow,butyoudidsaveher.Everyonesaysso.”
Itold himthatitwas no bigdeal. Iwasn’tused to all the praise, and itmade me uncomfortable. Iwas justdoingmyjob. I wouldn’thavedoneanythingdifferentforsomeoneelse.Atleast,thatwaswhatIwastryingtoconvincemyselfof.
“Well,whatever,Scott Iaminyourdebt” “Likeenoughthatyougotdinner?”
Heshookhisheadandlaughed.“Notachance.It’syourturn.”
IknewIdidn’thaveachanceofhimpaying,nomatterwhoIsaved.
“IhearthatyouhelpedgetEvelynajob Yourmom’swedding?” “Howdidyouhearaboutthat?”
Heshrugged,“Newstravelsfast.”Thewaitressbroughttheburgers,andhethankedher.Hetriedtoflirt,buteveryoneknew Michaelwasn’tinterestedinmuchmorethanaquickromp.Hewasmarriedtohisworkatthehospital,andthoughhediddate, itneverlastedverylong Carlahadservedusmanytimesandknewbetter “Whydoyoualwayshitonher?”Iaskedwhenshewasoutofearshot Michaelshrugged,“Idon’tknow.Itmakesherfeelgood,andIlikehersmile.” Itwasapureanswer,andIwishedIcouldbeashonestasMichael.HeandEvelynwerealikeinthatway,speakingtheirmind andtruthfarmorethanwastypical Itwasadmirable,andIwishIhadthatsamefreedomofspeech Wetalkedaboutwhatthenextweekwas goingtobe Webothhadalotofwork,buttherewas aconcertcomingupthatwe werelookingforwardto.
“I’mgoingtobebusythenextfewweeks,”IinformedMichael. “Whateveryoumustdo,Scott,makeithappen,butdon’tforgetourconcert” Michael wasserious,andIpromisedthatIwouldmakeit Wehadn’ttalkedmuchaboutwhatwashappeningwithmelately, andIwasgratefulforit.I’dbeenthinkingaboutpeopleandthingsthatIshouldn’t.Iwasspiralingandneededtogetmymind onsomethingelse.Michaelandallthegossipatthehospitalwasagreatplacetostart.WhenIleftthebar,Iwasfeelingbetter. Ididn’twanttodrivehome Itwastoofarinmycondition,soIwalkedtothefirehouseandsleptinoneofthebunksinstead It wascloseenoughandwaslikemysecondhomeanyway
WhenIwokeup,myphonehadseveralmissedcalls,andIpushedplayonone,unsurewhatitwouldbeabout Iwasshocked to find outthatitwas Evelyn. Ididn’tevenknow she had mynumber, butitwas likelymymomhad givenitto her. Icould alwayscountonMomtomakemylifemorecomplicated.
“HeyScott,Ijusttalkedtoyourmomandlearnedwewillbeworkingtogether.Iwaswonderingwhenyouareavailablethis week Iamopenwheneveryouhavesometime Okay,well,justletmeknow Thanks” Ilistenedtothemessageacouplemoretimes.Itwasn’tbecauseIdidn’tknowwhatwasgoingon;Iheardherandgotit,butI lovedthesoundofhervoice.Theothermessagesweren’tasinteresting.IreturnedtoEvelyn’s,andthenherbrothercalledto seeifIwantedtocheckoutamovie.Ofcourse,Idid,butIfeltlikeheknewsomethingwasup.DidheknowthatIwasthinking abouthislittlesister?Ifhedid,Isupposehewouldhavedonesomethingmore Wesetupameetingtime,andIspenttherestofmydayavoidinganythingaboutEvelyn.Idon’tknow whatwaswrongwith me,butIhadtogetittogether.Michaelwouldn’tforgiveme,andIwouldn’tblamehim.Hissisterwassacred,andIneededto getheroffmymind.Itwasjustthatsimple.Orrather,itwassupposedtobe.
Istillwasn’tsureifIwassupposedtobegratefulforthenew jobornot.IwasecstaticwhenScott’smomhiredmetodo herwedding ItwasthesecondchanceIdidn’tthinkIwouldget Notonlythat,buthismomalsohadgreatideas,andshe had a whole book full of themthat she dumped on my lap While I thought we would have some time to go over details together, she was merginga business and was quite busy. WhenIwondered how we would getthrougheverythingwithher goneonbusinesstripsforthenextweekandahalf,shedirectedmetowardhersonScott. “Heknowseverythingaboutme,soItrusthistaste I'msurethatthetwoofyoucancomeupwithsomethinggreat” Tosaythatitwasoddthatshedidn'twanttodoitherselfwasanunderstatement Itwassurprisingbecauseofhowshecame across.Tolookather,thewomanwantedperfection.Howwasshegoingtogetitifshewasn'toverseeing?Ihadn'tdonethat manyweddings,butIhaddoneenoughofthemtorealizethatitwasn'tnormal.
EitherthatorIwasfightingtheideasomuchbecausethatmeantScottandIwouldhavetospendsometimetogether.Alotof timetogether Idon'tknowifIwaspreparedforthat Istillhadmixedfeelingsabouthimpullingmeoutofthefireandsaving my life. It was natural to get my feelings confused about a hero, right? That's what I hoped for anyway. I hoped this was temporary and my feelings for my brother’s much older friend would disappear. I knew it would be much easier for that scenariotohappenifIdidn'thavetobearoundhim.
So,hecalledmebacktosetadate,andIdidn'tknowhowtoact Iwassoself-consciousthatittookmealmostfifteenminutes toleavebecauseIdidn'tknowwhattowear.Iwasn'tthatkindofgirl.Ineverhadbeen.Whywaseverythingdifferentnow?
WemetupatthecoffeeshopbecauseitfeltlikeaplacewhereIcouldnotonlygetmymuch-neededcaffeineforthemorningto dealwithScottbutalsofullofpeople,andIdidn’twantanyalonetimewithhim.Itwasgoingtobechallengingbecauseofall theplanningthathadtobedone,andapparently,hewasmypointguy,butIwasgoingtodothebestIcouldtoavoidit Ifwe justkeptitprofessionalandstraightforward,nothinghadtogetmorecomplicatedthanitalreadywas.
Whenwesatdown,Scottofferedtogotothefrontandgetussomethingtodrink.Sure,Isaid.Hedidn’taskmewhatIwanted butgotwhatIusuallydrank.Howdidhefigurethatout?Heignoredmeallthetimeandneverindicatedthathenoticedme,so whywasItickledpinkthathedid?
“So,whatdoyouneedmefor?”Scottasked.
It was a loaded question, and I wasn't sure what to say. I just looked at himfor a moment, not blinking, and he chuckled uncomfortably.“Mymomsaidyouhadsomequestionsyouneededanswered.IsthatwhatI'mherefor?”
Inoddedbecauseitwasclearhewaslookingforassurances IfIdidn'tknow anybetter,IwouldthinkthatScottwasjustas nervous as I was, which didn't make sense What did he have to be nervous about? Scott walked through life with the confidenceandswaggermostpeopledreamedof.
Ipulled outthe large bookthatwas givento me byKatrina and started to thumb throughthe pages “Iwonder where this is supposedtobeheldwithsuchshortnotice.Hasshetalkedtoyouaboutanyofit?”Ihopedhewouldknoweverythingshewas notheretoofferinputfor,butIdoubtedit.Scottnevermademethinkthathewasintopayingattentionlikethat.Hecouldhave been informed, but I worried he wasn’t. He was sitting beside me, looking down because of his height, and it was all so intimidating Ididn’tknowhowtoactunderhisscrutiny “Shesaidshewanteditoutside.”
Inodded,waitingformoreandtryingnottoshowmydisappointmentwhennonecameout.Iworkedonnotlettingitgettome. ThiswasmychanceafterCiara’sweddingdebacle.ItapparentlymeantthatIwouldhavetoworkforitabitharderthanusual. Iacceptedthat,butScottmightbethelaststrawifIcouldn’tgettheinformationthatIneededfromhim “Whydon’twegolookaroundforagoodplace?”Scottsuggested.Youseemalittleworried.
Isighed,“Aren’tyou?”
Scottshruggedhisbroadshouldersandtousledhisdarkhair.“Nah,notatall.Thisisalovematchthatmymommadeonher own Idon’tevenknowtheguy He’smyage It’sweird”
Iwasn’texpectinghimtotellmeallthatorforhimtogetupandstartgettingreadytoleave.“Mycaroryours?’
IlethimdrivebecauseIdidn’tthinkIwouldbeabletopayattentiontotheroadandtalktoScottatthesametime.Ifeltweird aroundhim,consciousofeverythingbutalsooutofit.ToomuchofmyemotionswerewrappedupinScott.Thiswasneverthe casebefore Whathappened?Hesavedmeonceandheldmeinhisarms,andnowIcouldn’tstopthinkingabouthim Ashewasdriving,Scottsaid,“So,Iwasthinkingaboutthebluff.Youknow,attheendofRoger’sproperty?ThoseBradford Pear treesareliningthebackandarebrightredrightnow.Theywill belikethatfor another coupleofweeksandthendead lookinglikealltherest.”
Itwasathoughtfulidea,andIwasimpressed,especiallywhenIsawitonmyown Ihadn’tbeenouttothebluffsinawhile;it waswhereHighSchoolerswenttoapartyandmadeout.I’dbeenhereonceortwice;Michaelfoundmeonceanddraggedme away.Thisplacehadalotofmemories,andIstudiedScottwhilehelookedoff.Didhehavemanyofthesamememoriestogo through?Hislipscurvedinasmile.
“What?”
He caughtme looking, and Ishrugged, “This is a good idea Iwill putitinto the running Itcould be a logistics nightmare, however.Thisisprivateproperty,sowewouldhavetogetpermission.”
Scotttoldmethathewouldhandlethatifwepickedit.Iaskedhimifthiswastheonlyplacehecouldthinkof,andhesaidhe hadotherideas Iwantedtohearthembecausewecouldtrulygetsomethinggoingiftheywereanythinglikehislastone Iwasn'texpectinghimtohaveanymoreideas,buthedid Scottkeptsurprisingmeandseemedtoknowallthebestplaces I askedhimhowheknewwheretogo;itwassobeautiful,andhejustshruggedandsaidhelikedtotakewalks.
“Youliketotakewalks?Whatdoesthatevenmean?”
“Justwhatitsoundslike Ifindlongwalksrelaxing MyparentswerereallyintohikingwhenIwasyoung,soIguessIpicked thatupanddidn'tletitgowhentheybrokeupandstopped Therearealotofbeautifulplacesaroundhere Surprisingplaces whereyoucoulddoanything.”
Hesaiditinawaythatmademethinkhewasn'tjusttalkingaboutplacesbutmaybesurprisingpeople.Maybeme.Ifigurethat mythoughtswenttothatjustbecauseofhowbadlyIwantedittobeso IwasdevelopingahardcrushonScott,whichskewed howIlookedatthings
Fortherestofthetrip,Itriednottosaymuch.Mymindwasworkingovertimetoconfuseme,anditwasbetterifIdidn'tgive itachance.Somethingwasintheair,butIpredicteditwasmyfault.IwashearingandseeingwhatIwanted.Itwasn'treal.It
AsmuchasIdreaded beingaround Evelynfor Mom’s weddingplans, itwasn'tlike Ithoughtitwould be. Usually, we would pickoneachother backand forth, butnottoday Evelynwas actingcompletelydifferent She was quiet, more reservedthanusual,andwhileIlikedthisnewtemperament,itfeltstrangeaswellbecauseIknewitwasn'ther Whywasshe actedthisway?
Itwas almostlunchtime before Ihad shownher all the outdoor venues intownand the surroundingarea Icould thinkof. It seemedonlynaturaltoaskhertohavelunchwithme Bythelookonherfaceandreaction,itwasclearthatshehadnevereven consideredit Weobviouslyhadsomeweirdtension,butIdidn'tknowwhat Therewasalittlepressureonmyend,butIwas curiousifitwasforEvelyn,too.Ifso,itwasn'tforthesamereason.Howcoulditbe?
Sheagreedtogoalongwithme,buttherewascertainlysomehesitation.SheevenaskedmeifIwantedtopickupMichael,but Itoldherhewouldn’tbeabletogetoutatthistimeofday.MichaelwasusuallytheonlydoctoroncallfortheER.Helikedit thatway,butitmeantthathewasn'tgoinganywhereduringhisshift Itfeltoffthatthefirstthingshebroughtupwasherbrother WhathadherthinkingaboutMichaelsomuch?
Onceagain,Iknewitwasn'tforthesamereasonasme,butitstillmademewonder.Mymindwasnotabletothinkofanything elseafterthat.
Sheagreedtocometolunch,andwewenttooneofthelocalsandwichshops Ithoughtwewouldhaveanicemealtogether, maybetalkabit,buttheconversationcertainlywasn'tanythingIwasinterestedin.Shedraggedalongtheweddingbook,andI couldn'thelpbutfeelwecouldhavedonesomethingmoreproductivewithourtime.
“Iamgladyourmomhiredme.Didyouhavesomethingtodowithit?”Evelynfinallyasked.ShesaiditsoplainlythatIhadto betruthful
“I reminded her that if she wanted to get her wedding going, she needed to start soon. Her idea was you all along. I just remindedherthatitwasagoodtimetostartup.Yourbrothersaidthatyouwerehavingaroughtimeafterthefire,andIfigured Ciarawouldn’tsingyourpraiseandhelpyoufindwork.”
“Thankyou, Scott Thatmeans a lot I’mtouched” She also looked unsure Ididn’twanther to thinkthatI’d done muchof anything.Itwashertalentandeyeforaestheticsthatmymomliked.Shehadgoodtaste,andEvelynwouldbegreatatwhatshe didoneday.IwantedtohelpheralongasmuchasIcould.Ididn’twanthertoknowIhadahandinit.
“It’snothing,Evelyn.”Shenoddedlikeshedidn’tbelievemebutwouldn’tsayanythingelse.Itleftusinthisawkwardsilence. Ifinallyhadtofillit “DidCiaraevergetoverhowtheweddingturnedout?”
Evelyngavemealook,andIhadtolaugh “No,huh?”
“CiaraissinglehandedlytellingeveryonethatsheencountersthatIamtheworstweddingplanner.Thisbusinessisall about wordofmouth.”
“Well,soon,peoplewill hearthatyouhavedoneawonderful jobonMom’sthirdwedding,andtheywill beknockingdown yourdoor.”
Shesmiledsheepishly.“IwishIhadasmuchfaithasyoudo.”
Itoldherthatsheshould.Shewasamazingatwhatshedid.Imeantthatpartofit.Evelynwasalwayssocreativeandtalented.
IrememberedyearsagowhenIneededhelpfindingsomethingtoweartomyhighschoolten-yearreunion Evelynhelpedme picksomethingout,andI’dgottenadatewithanoldcrushthatI’dneverbeenabletobefore.Ibetitwasbecauseofhereyefor things and choosingwhat I wore that night that made all the difference inthe world. It was just one of the manyways I’d benefittedfromhertalentovertheyears.
Evelynhada huge smile,andthenshe droppedit Idon’tknow whatwas goingthroughher head,butIwouldn’tsayIliked howhersmilewasgone.
Wehadlunch,butEvelynwasmorereserved.IwishIknewwhathadchanged,butshewasreadytoleavequicklyafterthat.I tookherbacktohercar,andwepartedways.Iwastornwhenwalkingawayfromher,unsurehow Iwassupposedtofeel.I wantedtostaywithherforawhile Talk Beinherpresence ButIknewitwasbetterthisway
WhenIgothome,MichaelcalledtoaskifIwouldgoonadoubledate.He’dmetawomanatthehospital,thefamilyofoneof thepatients,andshehadasister.Theywereintownforonlyonenightandwouldbegonetomorrow.Hewantedmetowine anddinethesistersothathehadachancewiththeotherone.Iwouldusuallyjumpatthechance;itsoundedlikeagoodtime, butsomethingwasholdingmebackthistime “Iamtired.Idon’tthinkIwillbeinthemoodtogooutlater.” “Whatareyoutiredfrom?”Hewantedtoknow.
Ishrugged.IthoughtofthedayI’dspentwithhissisterandhowshehadmefeelingalloutofsorts.Icertainlycouldn’ttellhim anythingthatwasgoingonwithherorwhyIfeltsooffnow Iknewbetterthantosayanything “Justbeenalongweek,Iguess You’reright;Icangooutforafewhours.Whatisshelike?”
HerattledoffwhatheknewofTonya,herlooksmainly,andfromhowhetalked,shewasprettyenough.Iwasn’tinthemood butagreedtomeetthembeforedark.Itwasanearlydinnerforus,andIhopedIcouldgetoutoftherebeforetoolong.Ididn’t wanttobeoutwithanyone SinceIwasfeelingsooffandconfusedbywomen,Iwouldhavebeenbetteroffathome MichaelwasreallyintoTonya’ssisterMora Shewastall,model-thin,andhadamysterioussmile Igotthecurviersisterwith thebetterpersonality,soatleastwehadsomethingtotalkaboutwhilemyfriendshamelesslytriedtogetingoodwithMora.I guess Iwas likelyjustas badbutseeinghimdoingitmademeconscious ofhow Imusthavecomeacross inthepast.DidI lookthatdesperate,too?
Atsomepoint,thegirlswenttofreshenuportalkaboutusorwhateveritwasthatgirlsdidinthebathroomtogether Assoon as theywereoutofsight,Icouldtakeabreath,andMichael wantedtoknow whatwas goingonwithme.ItoldhimIdidn't knowwhathewastalkingabout.
“Youdon'tlikeher?”
Ishrugged,“Idon'tfeelonewayoranotherabouther”Itwasthetruth,too Ihadnofeelingsforher Michaelscoffed,“Sheispretty,andIknowsheisyourtype.Whatisgoingonwithyoutonight?” Iknewthathewastellingthetruthabouther.Tonyawasmytype;shewasadorable,andIusuallywouldatleastflirtwithher, butforsomereason,Iwasn'tinthemood Iwasn'tinthemoodtobeout,butwhatotherchoicedidIhave?Hehadhalf-dragged meout,buthedidn'tlikehowIwasresponding IfeltslightlyannoyedbutknewIdidn’thaveareasontofeelthatway Ihad agreedtocomeout.WhydidIfeellikebeingtherewassuchawaste?Iwassingle,andTonyawasmytypeusually.
Whenthegirlsreturned,ItriedtoactmorelikeIwassupposedto ItwaseasytoseethatMichaelwasright Iwasnotacting thewayIusuallydo.Itriedtoflirtandactthesameasusual,butitwashard.Bytheendofit,Iwasgladtobegoing,even thoughitwassuggestedthatwestayanddosomethingelse.Ididn'twanttodoanythingelse. IwenthomeandthoughtabouttheonepersonIcouldn'thave.Itwaslikelyjustaploybytheuniversetomakemegoalittle crazy Itwasworking,too Istayedupmostofthenight,thinkingaboutwhatIcouldn'thaveandwhatIcoulddotochangethat
With everything going on and being busier than ever, I almost forgot my best friend’s birthday. She called me late evening,wonderingwhatIwasdoingthenextday Iknewshewasfishingforinformation,butIjustdidn’tputtogether whatinformationshe was fishingfor Iwas offthe phone withher and had to call her backbecause ithitme like a tonof bricks.
Ashleywasturning25,arespectableagebutonethatmadeher feel oldfor somereason.Shehadthingsshewantedtohave donebythatage;unhappily,shehadnotcompletedallofityet Shewantedtobemarriedwithkids,ownahouse,andhavea decentcareer We all had a checklistofwhatwe should be doingatwhatage For Ashley, she found a few areas lacking I wasn'ttoofarbehindherage-wise,butIwasn’tnecessarilyworriedaboutwhereIwascurrently.
Afterbrainstormingwhatwewantedtodoforthenight,Ashleydecidedtogooutandhavealittlefun.WhileIsuggestedthat wegotoafewtownsovertosomethinglessfamiliar,Ashleywantedtostaylocal.Itwasherbirthday,soIwasn'tgoingtogo againstherwishes,butIcertainlywasn'tinthemoodtodoalocalbarcrawl
Wegotreadyandmetup.Ididn’tknowthatAshleyhadaguyfriendcoming.Shehadn'tsaidso,butIwasgenuinelyhappyfor herbecauseIhadheardaboutTristan.Hewasaguyshehaddatedbefore,andithadsupposedlygonewell.Theyhadbroken up for a silly reason I couldn’t remember. Ashley had never shown it, but she had been devastated. His popping up coincidentallyaroundherbirthdayfeltlikeasign Callmeasucker,butIwantedittobeasign
IfiguredIwouldbeanuncomfortablethirdwheel,butthatwasn'ttoobad.Iwasn'tinthemoodtoflirtandfocusonmylove life.WhatlittlebitofalovelifeIhadwassoconfusingthatIwouldbecrazytoaddtoitinanyway.AndIwasn'tcrazy,at leastnotinthatway.
WhatIdidn'texpectwasScottcomingoutofthebathroomafewminuteslaterandjoiningthetablerightnexttous Therewere several hugeguys atthetable,oneinparticular thatAshleywas tryingtopushmetowards,buthow couldIseeanyofthem withScottstandingrightthere?HewasallIsaw.Iknewthatwasaproblem,butitchangednothing.
“Hey,whatareyoudoinghere?”Scottaskedwhenhespottedme.
Iknew clearlythatIlookedlikeIwasherealone,butIpointedtowardsAshleyonthedancefloorwithhernewestbeauand commentedthatitwasherbirthday.
“Iwillhavetowishherahappybirthday,”Scottsaidwithagrin.Helookedtobefeelingprettygood.Iagreedandtoldhim shewouldlikelyreturnina moment.Ineededtobelievethat,especiallywhenIwas sobotheredwithScottaround.He had friendsnexttohim,butIonlyhadeyesforhim
Feelingthatwayabouthimwasproblematic Mybrother'sfriendwouldnever seemehowIsawhim,whichbotheredmeevenmore Therewasnothingtobedone
Itwasgoingtobeaveryinterestingnightforme.Iwasn'tworriedaboutanythingshortofdisaster.Bythelooksofit,thatwas preciselywherethisnightwasheaded.
I thought having Scott and his friends there would be difficult I had not anticipated seeing my ex there as well Jeff was someone I’ddateda couple ofyears back,andthenhe hadmovedaway,andwe broke uprightbefore he left.Jeffhadsaid therewasnowaywecouldkeepthingstogetherlongdistance,andhe,ofcourse,hadbeenright.Ithadhurtmyfeelingswhen hehadsaiditandwhenwebrokeup,butwithabitoftimeandspace,Icouldseehowhehadhelpedusbothinthatsituation. WhenIsaw himcominginthroughthedoor,IquicklydidadoubletakebecauseIwasprettyshockedtoseehim,andthenI couldn'thelpcomparingScottandhimtoeachother.Theywereworldsapart,ScottbeingsomucholderthanJeff,andwhile Jeffwassensitive,creative,andsweet,Scottsavedpeople'slives.Theywereverydifferent,butbothhadqualitiesthatwere easy to admire. I may have leaned towards liking Scott more than Jeff, but the fact that he was Michael’s best friend and completelyoff-limitswasnotlostonme
Itdidn'ttakelongforJefftonoticeme.Iwascuriousifhewouldrecognizeme,andhisreactionmadememisshiseasy-going style.He hada bigsmile,walkedrightuptome,gave me a bear hug,andplanteda kiss onmylips.“Itis goodtosee you, Evelyn.”
Iwas blushingfromthekiss,andIcouldfeel burningattention WhenIturnedtolook,Isaw Scottstaringatme Hedidnot seemhappy,andItriedtostraightenmyselfoutfromtheunexpectedkiss,butIknewIsawsomethingIwasn'tsupposedto.Why wasScottsoworriedaboutthatlittlekiss?AndwhydidIcaresomuch?Whatwasthereason?
“Tell me thatyou'll dance withme,” Jeffasked withone ofthe biggest, mostinfectious grins I'd seenina while. Inaturally agreedrightoffthebatbecausewhywouldn'tI?Ihadnoreasontosaynoanddidn'twantto I couldn't be with Scott. I shouldn't even be thinking about him in that way. Jeff was an ex, and he was one that I felt comfortablewith.Itwasgoodtoseehim,andIwasalreadyquestioningwhatcouldhappenbetweenus.MaybeJeffcouldtake mymindoffScott,whichwaspreciselywhatneededtohappen.Otherwise,Iwasgoingtodrivemyselfcrazywiththewhole thing
AssoonasJefftookmetothedancefloor,IcouldseethedifferenceinScott.Hewouldn’ttakehiseyesoffofme.Ilookedhis wayafewtimes,andeverytime,hewasstaring.Idon’tknowwhyhewasstaringlikethat.Helookedjealous,andevenJeff noticedbecauseheaskedmewhothebuffoldguywasglaringathim.
Ilaughedathowhesaidit IthinkJeffwasjealous,too Whatwasupwiththeseguys?“Thatismyolderbrother’sbestfriend Idon’tthinktheylikemewithanyone”
ThatrelievedJeff’s nerves,sayinghe couldunderstandsome brotherlyprotection.Ialmostlaughedatthatcommentbecause Scottdidn’tfeellikeabrother,butIdidn’t.Iwastryingtoeasehisego,notmakeitworse.
Jeffwasgettingabittoohandsy,andwhileIreroutedhishandoffmybuttacoupleoftimes,hedidn’tseemtobegettingthe hint Maybehe’dhadtoomuchtodrink,butitquicklybecameannoying Afterafew moremomentsofmetryingtogetaway fromhishands,Scottwastheretosavemeagain.
Icouldhavekissedhim.Iwassohappywhenhecutin.Jeffwasn’t.Helookedlikehehadalottosayaboutit,butonelookat ScottandJeffdecidednottosayaword Hestalkedoff,mumblingsomething
“Thanks Ithinkyoumadeanenemy,buthewasn’tgettingthehint”
“Itwasn’tforyou.IfIhadtoseehimpawonyouforanothersecond,Iwasgoingtoloseit.”
He pulled me tightinto his arms, makingme sighoutloud. Whenhe held me close and moved me around the dance floor, I forgotwhohewas,whoIwas,andwhyIcouldn’thavewhatItrulydesiredatthatmoment Thatcouldbedangerous
AssoonasEvelynwasinmyarms,Iknewitwasamistake.Shefelttoogoodthere,andbeforeIknewit,thedancewas turningintosomethingmore Ididn’tcarewhowaswatching,knowingsomeonewouldseeusdancingandreportitto Michael Iwas goingto have to tell himaboutit, butIwouldn’tmentionhow tightlyIheld her to mybodyor how badlyI wantedtokissher.Orhow badlyIwantedtobeatthemanwhohadhishandsalloverherbody.Istillfeltragefromanother mantouchingher. Itwasn’tthe reactionI’d expected, and itwasn’tthe proper wayto be aboutit. She was Michael’s little sister Ishouldn’thaveanyofthesefeelingsforher
Itdidn’tchangethefactthatherbodymeltedagainstmine,andshefeltlikeheaveninmyarms Herpetiteframefitperfectly againstme,andforonce,IknewthatIwouldhavetofocusonsomethingelseifthiswastocontinue. “Ithinkhehasgottenthepoint,Scott.”
Evelynwasmakingitlikeshewantedmetolethergo,butIwasn’treadyyet.Idippedher,andwhenIbroughtherbackup,we almostkissed Iknewitwouldworsenmatters,butitwashardnottogivein Herlipsweresopinkandpert,readyformine I couldseetheattractionthatwasshowingthroughherpaleblueeyes.Iwasn’ttheonlyonethatwantedakiss.Woulditbeso bad?Akisscouldbeforgiven.
AboutthetimeI’ddecidedthatIwasgoingtogoforit,themusicstopped,andthespellthatIwasunderwasgone.Herswas aswell,andhereyesnarrowed “Thankyouagainforsavingme,Scott”
Itoldheritwasn’tanythingandlethergo,butitwaspainful.Ididn’twanttowatchherwalkbacktothetablewithherfriend andboyfriend.Ididn’twanttoseeJeffgoovertoherandstarttalkingtoheragain,buthedid.Theragewasreal,andIwould have started drinkingheavilyto ignore it all, but Inoticed how muchJeffwas feedingdrinks to Evelyn. Iknew she was a lightweight,sowhywassheacceptingdrinkafterdrinkfromthisguy?Ididn’tlikehowmanysheslammedbackinsuchashort time,andIwouldn’tsayIlikedthewayJeffsmiledather whenshewasn’tlooking.Justlikebefore,Iwasgoingtohaveto stepin.
Jeffmighthavegivenmeadirtylookortwo,buthecertainlydidn'tcomebackoverandtryanything.Imusthavebeengiving offtherightvibebecauseIswearifhetouchedheragain,Iwasgoingtobreakhishand Everyminute thatIspentwithEvelynmade me feel closer toher.Havingher inmyarms hadprettymuchsealedthe deal. I wouldneverbeabletolookatherthesamewayagain.
“Whydon’twegetoutofhere?ItlookslikeAshleyisgoinghomewithherguyfriend,”JeffsaidtoEvelyn.Iwascloseenough tohearhiscomment,andIimmediatelysteppedclosertothetwoofthem Evelynwasn’tgoinganywherewithJeff Hethought aboutsayingsomething,butIdon’tbelievethemanhaditinhimtotryandfightmeforher Iwasdownforabitofviolenceif thatwaswhatwasontheagenda.Jeffquicklydecidedthathewasnot.Hedidn’tdeserveherifabitofintimidationmadehim run.
“Rightnow?” Evelynwanted to know She bobbed to the music and asked ifIwanted to dance again Since she had drank significantlymore thanshe shouldhave,Itoldher thatIdidn’tthinkitwas a goodidea.“Well,Icanalways askJeff.He is alwaysdowntodancewithme.”Thesuggestioninhertonemademesay‘no’waytooloudlyandquickly.Thatgotagiggleout ofher.
“Whydon’tItakeyouhome?”
Evelyncrossedherarmsandpouted.“I’mnotreadytogoyet.”
Itoldherthatshelookedcutewhenshepouted,buttherewasnowaythatIwasleavingherherewithJeff.He’dbeengiving herdrinksallnight,andIknewwhy.Iwasn’tgoingtolethimtakeadvantageofher.Notonmywatch.I’dalreadyabandoned myfriendsawhileagotobewithEvelynandbabysither Iwasn’tgoingtolethergotothewolvesnow “YourbrotherwouldneverforgivemeifIleftyouherewithhim.”
Evelyntriedtoprotestbutstoppedmidwayandagreedtogoalong.Shehadthisnervouslookagain,andIwonderedwhatwas wrongwithher,butIwasn’tstupidenoughtoask.Sheagreed,andthatwasgoodenoughforme.
Weleftthebar after shesaidgoodbyetoher friendAshley Theytalkedbriefly,andIcaughtthemglancingmyway,butthen Evelynwalkedbacktome.ShewavedtoJeffbutdidn’tevenattempttogobackoverthere,whichwasfinebyme.Wewentto thecar,andIletherin.Iwasn’tinterestedinhowsheacted,whichindicatedhowmuchshe’dhadtodrink.Shewasnotacting likeherinnocentself.
Whenwegottotheplaceshesharedwithherroommate,Ihelpedherupthestairsandwaitedforhertofishthekeysoutofher pocket.Afterdiggingwithnoluckforafewmoments,Icouldseebyherexpressionthatshedidn’thaveawayin. “ArethereanyopenwindowsthatIcouldslidein?Idon’tmind.”
Evelynsaid that there wasn’t. She tried to call her roommate but didn’t get ananswer. She didn’t know what to do, and I offeredher a bedatthe firehouse Istayedthere all the time,andsince myplace was sucha drive because itwas offinthe woodsabit,Ifigureditwouldbebetterthananyotheralternative.Ididn’twanttodrivehome,either.Iwastired,sogetting intoabedsoundedlikeaplan.Puttingalittledistancebetweenherandmedidn’tsoundlikeabadideaeither.
Evelynwasn’tallthathappyaboutmysuggestion,butIthinksherealizeditwasthebestoption.ShebalkedattheideawhenI saidsomethingaboutdrivingtomyplace Stayinginthefirehousewasthelesserevil,sosheagreed
Itwasn’ttoofarofadrive,andthoughEvelynwassoberingup,herspeechwasstillslurred,andherbalancewasoff Ihadto helpher intooneofthebeds,ignoringthelooks Igotfromthefew onduty.Iwouldhavetoexplainmyselflater,butIknew Evelynwassafefornow,whichmatteredmorethantherest.
Ididn’tfeellikedrivinghomeandwouldn’tleaveheralone,soIstayedinanotherbunk Therewereenoughplacestosleepfor many,andthoughwewereclose,Iputafewbedsbetweenussothatthetemptationthatwaseatingmealivewouldcalmdown Thatwasthehope,anyway.
AssoonasIlaiddown,IknewtherewasnowayIwouldbeabletosleep.Instead,Ilistenedtoherbreatheandreplayedthe day WhenIknew how Ifeltaboutthe day’s events, Ifeltterrible whenIthoughtofMichael He used to be the thoughtthat deterredmefromlookingatEvelynacertainway,butnowitwasn’tenough NowthatIknewwhatIwanted,Istartedthinking abouthow togetwhatIwantedandhow IwouldapologizetoMichaelafteritwasover.NotgivingitashotwithEvelynno longerfeltlikeanoption.
WhenIwenttothebathroom,Ihadafewquestionstofieldaboutourguest Theyweren’tinterestedinwhyshewashere,butif shewassingle ThemenIworkedwithwerealwaysontheprowl,andIwouldn’tsayIlikedtheideaofthemlookingather likethat.IknewIcouldn’tstopit,though.TheysawwhatIsaw:abeautifulyoungwomanthatanymanwouldbeluckytohave.
“She’smyfriend’slittlesister Iamjusthelpingout Shehadtoomuchtodrinkandnokeystogetintoherplace”Whileitwas thetruth,evenIcouldhearalltheproblemsconnectedtothat.Icouldhavedonemanyotherthingsthanbringherhere.Buthere shewas,allmine,andeveryoneknewitwithoutmesayinganythingbecauseIwastheonewhobroughtherhere. “Justleaveheralone.IfanyoneisgoingtodateEvelyn,it’sme.”
IgotlooksforclaimingherafterwhoIsaidshewas,butsomethinginsideofmecouldn’thelpit OnceIsawhowtheylooked whentheyeventalked about her, there was no wayI could do anyless. Evelynwas mine. Not yet, but soon. Proprietybe damned.
Iwokeupwitha startand immediatelyrealized thatIwas notinthe typical environmentIshould be in. Icould hear the soundsofmanypeopleeating,anditsoundedlikeitwasinthenextroom Thepeopleeatingweremen;theymademore noise,andtherewasalightamountoftalking Thatwasn'twhattoldmethatIwassomewhereIwasn'tsupposedtobe What toldmewasthebeddirectlyabovemewhenIopenedmyeyes.Ihadn'tsleptinabunkbedinaverylongtime.
Sittingup was a bitofa gamble. As soonas Igotto a semi-uprightposition, Iknew itwould be a longday. Myhead was banging,andmemoriesaboutthenightbeforestartedtotricklein IwenttothebarwithAshley;shestayedtherewithanew boyfriend That left me going home with Scott, and since I’d locked myself out of my apartment, he had taken me to the firehouse.
Ipressedmylips together,notsure whattodonext.Iwantedtoscreamaboutthe ridiculous situationthatIfoundmyselfin. Whatwasworseisthatitwasmyfaultentirely.I'mnotmuchofadrinker,andIcan'tforthelifeofmerememberwhyIstarted drinking Likely,itwasbecauseofScott Beingaroundhimwasdangerous Igotuponmywobblyfeetandstoodup,lookingaround.Anotherguywassleepinginoneofthebunksattheendoftheroom, and Scottwas nowhere insight. Had he leftme? Iworried thatIwas abandoned atthe firehouse surrounded byguys. What were they going to think? Did they know that Scott brought me here? I looked down, considered my rumpled outfit, and smoothedmyhair Iwasgoingtohavetowalkthroughthemandneededtoprepare Itwaslikeawalkofshamewithoutthefun Iplannedtorunthroughthenexttworoomsandgetoutofthere.Iwasalreadyembarrassedtonoend,andIdidn'tthinkthere wasmuchIcoulddotomakeitworse.IcouldpullmyselftogetherandgethomeifIgotoutofhere.Iwouldhavesomethingto saytoScottlaterwhenwemettodiscusshismom'swedding.Rightnow,Iwantedtoringhisneckforleavingmehere.
“Hey,whereareyougoinginsuchahurry?Iknowyoucansmellbreakfast It’spancakes Yourfavorite,”Scottsaidashecame aroundthecornerandwalkeduptome.
IgaveScottadirtylook,andwhiletheydidsmellgood,andheknewthatitwasmyweakness,Icouldn’tgiveintoit.Iwas gladhehadn’tleftme,butIwantedtoescape.
“Thankyou,butIthinkI'mgood”Icouldseealltheeyesonme,andIjustwantedtomeltintothecarpet Theywerelookingat mewithinterest,butnotinthesamewaythatmostguysdid.WhathadScotttoldthem?
“Comeon,Evelyn,stayawhile.”
“No,Idon'twanttooverstaymywelcome.ThanksformakingsureIgotsomewheresafe,Scott.Iappreciateit,butI'mgoingto go Youguys have a good day” Ibarelylooked up, notmakingeye contactwithanyone Iwas mortified Couldn'tScottsee that,orwashetryingtoelongatemysuffering?
ScottstoppedmeatthedoorandaskedifIneededarideanywhere.Itwaswithinwalkingdistanceofmyplace;Ionlywanted tohidemyfaceandgetasfarawayfromhimaspossible.IcouldhearthemtalkingandlaughingasIwasleaving.I'msurethey
were talkingaboutme, butIcouldn'tstayand defend myself Ishouldn'tevenbe here Idon'tknow whatIwas thinkinglast night.Obviously,Idranktoomuch,andIwasluckythatitturnedoutthewayitdid.Atthispoint,Ijustwantedtogethomeand hide.
***
SinceIhadtomeetwithScottlaterthatafternoon,anappointmentwe’dmadebeforerunningintoeachotheratthebar,Itried tokeepmyfocus.Ihadabigweddingthatneededalotofplanning,andIhadonlyScotttohelpmefigureoutwhatKatrina wanted.IwishKatrinawereheretoanswermyquestions,butIacceptedthatIwouldhavetodoitthiswayifIwantedtoget anythingdone.
NottomentiontheconflictingemotionsIfelthavingScottaround Icouldn'tgetitoutofmyheadthatIlikedhimmorethanI should.Iswearthateversincehesavedme,heldmeinhisstrongarms,andtookmetosafety,Ihavenotbeenabletolookat himthesame.Hewasupgradedtoaknightinshiningarmor.Now,Icouldseehowhandsomeandstronghe'dalwaysbeen. So,wemetup,andItriedtobreezethroughthedecisionsasquicklyaspossible.Thereweremanyofthem,andhesaidIcould makejudgmentsonsomeofthem,whichIappreciated,butIworriedthatmydecisionswouldbewrong Sure,Iwasusedto givingsuggestions,buttherewouldalwaysbesomeonetosayyesorno.Ididn'twanttopicksomethingthatshehated.Scott assuredmethatKatrinalikedmytaste.
Itookthattoheartandmovedon,crossingoutafew thingsIdidn'tthinkwereworthdiscussing.Ifshetrustedmealittlebit, thatwouldleavelessthatIhadtorunthroughScott,whichwasokay Iwasalreadyfeelingonedgebeingsonearhim “Okay,sowhat'snext?”Iaskedmyselfoutloud.
“Areyousureyouarenotoutofquestionsyet?”
Itilted myhead to the side and smiled athim. “You're so cute ifyouthinkwe're done. The nextstop is the pictures. For a photographer,therearenotmanyoptionsintown Afew peoplelivenearby,butIdon'tthinktheyhavethequalityyourmom wants.Thereisanotheroptionthatcametolightlastnight.Ididn'tknowthattheywerestilldoingphotographywork.Jeff,my ex,doesgreatwork.Hedidwhenwewereyounger,soI’msurehehasonlyimprovedwithtime.Themanistalented.” “No,absolutelynot.”
ScottsaiditsoquicklyandwithsuchcontemptthatIwasn'tsureifheheardmeright HerefusedtoeventhinkaboutJeffasthe photographerforthewedding Surely,itwasn'tbecauseofhisskills IhadknownJeffforalongtime,andhewasverygoodat whathedid.
“Whynot?”
Hescoffed,“Areyoutellingmethatyouhonestlydon'tknow?”
If I didn't know better, I would thinkScott was jealous, but I knew better Scott wasn't like that, not about me He walked aroundonacloudofmasculinitythatassuredhimthathewasthegreatestthingalive.
“No,Scott,Ihonestlydon'tknow.Iwasuptheothernighttryingtofindone,andwhenItellyouthattheyareinshortsupplyin thisarea,Imeanit Ihavehadtroublefindingagoodphotographer,andnowthatwehaveonethathappenstobeintownand willbeintownforthewedding,Ithinkweshouldjumponthechance” “No.”
“Youare goingto have to give me more words thanthat. There has to be a reason. Do youknow himor something? Is it personal?”
Ididn'texpectanyreactionfromhimwhenIasked the question, thoughIcould see itwas personal He had this lookinhis eyes,andwhenItriedtocallhimovertomyside,Scottwasn'tbudging.Sinceitwaspersonal,somevendettahehadagainst himorsomething,Iwasgoingtoignorehisrefusaltousehimandhisservices.Jeffwasprobablythebestmanforthejob,and
whenItalkedtoKatrina,Iensuredsheknewthataswell Iwassureshewouldnothavethesamequalmsashersonandwould bemorethanhappytouseJeff.AsmallpartofmewonderedifseeingJeffagainwouldleadtoanything.Ifeltitwouldhave lastnightifScotthadn’tgotteninthemiddleofit.
IwrotedownJeff’snameandcircledit.Hewasmypickforthephotographyforthewedding.Nooneelsecoulddothejobon suchshortnotice Katrinawouldunderstand,evenifhersonwasmoredifficultaboutit
Itwasanotherdayclosertothewedding,whichmeantanotherdaywithEvelyn.Wewenttoseveralbakeriesintheareato tastesamplingsofdifferentcakes Mymomwasstilloutoftownandunavailableforthesedecisions,soIwasbackwith theweddingplanner Thingsweregettingcomplicatedbetweenus,especiallyonmyside Icouldn’tchangehowIsawEvelyn, whichmadeittensebetweenus.
Earlyinthemorning,acoupleofhoursbeforeIwastomeetwithEvelyn,MichaelcalledmetoseeifIwantedtogetacoffee.I didn’t know how to act around him, and myguiltyconscience almost had me tell himI wasn’t interested I didn’t saythat thoughbecausehewasmybestfriendandImissedhim Hewasbusyatthehospital,andstaffingproblemscompoundedthe situation.IknewitmightbeawhileuntilIsawhimagain,dependingonhowgoodHRcouldbringinnewpeople. So,IwentacrosstowntotalktoMichael,grabacoffeeandcatchup.TherewasalotthatIhadtokeepmymouthshutabout, andthatwasthehardestpart.
WhenIgotto the coffee shop, he had pastries and coffee waitingfor us Ithanked him, and he asked me how Iwas doing “You’vebeenbusylately.Isthestaffingoveratthefirehouseaproblem?”
“No,it’sokay.Ithasn’tbeenaproblemlately.Why?”
He told me thathe hadn’tseenme around ina while, and Ireminded himthathe was the one who was workingclose to a hundredhoursaweek
Michaelsighedandpushedhisfingersthroughhishairinfrustration.“Iknow.IhadtodothiswhenIwasaresident.Ididn’t thinkIwouldstillhavetodothisatmyage.Iamgettingtoooldforthis.”
“Speakforyourself.We’rethesameage,andIfeelfine.”
Michaelgavemealook “Seriously,whathaveyoubeenupto?”
“Helpinggetmom’s weddingsquaredaway.Shetookofftomergesomebusiness,andIamstuckansweringquestions about colorsandphotographers.”
Helaughedatmyhardship.“Yousoundlikeyouwouldgetalongwithmysister.Thatisallshetalksabout.”
Thementionofhissistermademerealizethathedidn’tevenknow EvelynandIwerespendingsomuchtimetogether Itfelt likeaninsignificantbitofinformation,butIdidn’twanttohideanythingor,rather,nomorethanIhadto.
“Yeah,ithasbeenbusy.Youknowthatyoursisterisdoingthewedding,andshehasquestionsabouteverything.Ihavespent dayspickingoutcolorsandfabrics;it’sbeenawful.”
Hisfaceshowedhisshock IwassurehewasjustassurprisedasIwasaboutthetwoofusworkingtogether “Youguyshave nevergottenalong Ican’tseethatendingwell Isshegivingyouahardtime?”
“No,notatall.Sheisdoingagreatjob,andmomwantsnooneelsebuther.Yoursisterisveryprofessionalandgoodatwhat shedoes.”