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The One I Love

TheRolling Hills Series Book 3

Chelle Sloan

Copyright©2024byChelleSloan Allrightsreserved.

Thisisaworkoffiction Names,places,characters,andeventsarefictitiouseventsineveryregard Anysimilaritiestoactualeventsandpersons,livingordead,are coincidental Anytrademarks,servicemarks,productnames,ornamedfeaturesareassumedtobethepropertyoftheirrespectiveownersandareusedonlyfor reference.Thereisnoimpliedendorsementifanyofthesetermsareused.

Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutwritten permissionfromtheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview

CoverDesign:KariMarchDesigns

Covermodel:CharlieGaddis

Coverphotographer:GoldenCzermak,FuriousFotog

Editing:KiezhaSmithFerrell,LibrumArtisEditorialServices

Proofreading:MicheleFicht

Chelle Sloan Reading List

All titles availablewith KindleUnlimited

NASHVILLEFURYSERIES

OfftheRecord

OffTrack

OffSeason

OffLimits

NASHVILLEFURYWORLD

OfftheMarketatChristmas

TheSwipingGame(Free)

OffGuard(Free)

TheOneICrave(Free)

LOVEONLINESERIES

ThirstTrap

MatchMaker

RunRunRudolph

ROLLINGHILLSSERIES

TheOneIWant

TheOneINeed

TheOneILove

TheOneIHate(ComingApril2024)

THESALVATIONSOCIETY

Reformation:ASalvationSocietyNovel

To every woman who has ever been with a guy who made you feel like less…

F*** him. You’re the tits.

The One I Love Playlist

TheOneILoveplaylistisfilledwithsongsthatremindmeofShaneandAmelia AndafewthatIthinkspeaktospecific scenes.

Andyes,asanewerSwiftie,TaylorSwiftsongsarewellrepresented Checkitouthere!

Prologue

There’satleastahundredpeopleinsideSimon’shouserightnow.Andyes,Iknowthey’reallheretonightformeandtosend meofftotheArmywithonelastbash,butIwishthey’dallleave.

Don’tgetmewrong;I’mgrateful IknowOliverplannedthispartyforweeks Andthoughhecomplainedaboutsomething everyday,themanwasinhiselementwiththis.Butinreality,Iwouldhavebeenjustashappywithabonfire,acaseofbeer, andmyfourbestfriendshangingoutuntilthesuncameup That’showIreallywantedtospendmylastnightbeforeI’mgone forwhoknowshowlong.Anightwithjustme,Oliver,Simon,Wes,andAmeliawould’vebeenperfect.

“Oh!Shane!Ididn’tknowyouwereouthere.”

Iflinchatthe sound ofEmilyBabcock’s voice. Iknow she can’thelp it, buther voice mightbe the worstsound onthe planet.IturnaroundandseeEmilystumblingoutofthehouse.Andstumblingisthenicewordtosay.Thegirlcanbarelywalk.

“Emily Howaboutwesitdown?”

Shenods,butshe’ssodrunkshelookslikeabobblehead.“Thanks,Shane.You’resonice.You’vealwaysbeensoniceto me”

Idon’trespondasIguideher whichmeanscarryher totheporchswing.Sittingheronamovingobjectmightnotbethe bestideaintheworld,butit’smyonlyoptionatthispoint.“Howmuchhaveyouhadtodrinktonight?”

Sheswingsherheadtolookatme,whichiswhenInoticethatherhairandmakeupareamess.Icanonlyguesshowthat happened orwithwho.

“Justalittle,”shesaysasshepinchesherfingerstogether “You’rehot Youknowthat?” Ionlyknowthat,orthatshethinksthat,becauseshetellsmeeverytimeshe’sdrunk.Whichisalotnowthatoursenioryear hascomeandgone Ithinkthere’sbeenapartyeverynightsincewegraduatedamonthago “Thanks,Emily.”

She flings her arms over myshoulders, nearlypunchingme inthe process. “Whydon’twe kiss? We should kiss. You’re leaving I’vealwayswantedtokissyou” Igentlyliftherarmsoffme.“Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea,Emily.”

“Why?AmInothotenough?DoyouthinkI’mhot?”

Oh, how do I answer this…

“It’snotbecauseofthat,”Isay “Itjustwouldn’tbeagoodidea” Sheletsoutahuff.“Whynot?”

Icameoutheretogetsomeair.Ididn’tcomeoutheretobegrilledbyadrunkgirlwhohitsonmeeverychanceshegets sincefreshmanyear I’msureashellnotgoingtotellherthetruthofwhyitwouldn’tbeagoodidea Nooneknowsthat Butjustas Igo to give her some sortofhalf-assed answer, Ifeel her head onmylap. Ipanic for justa second before I realizethatshe’snottryingtosuckmydick She’slegitimatelypassedout “Fuck,”Igroan.IthrowmyheadbackinfrustrationwhenIhearafamiliarlaugh. “Iseewe’vecometothe‘Emilyfindsyouandhitsonyouuntilshepassesout’partofthenight” IlookuptoseeAmelialeaningagainstthedoorofthehouse.

“Somethinglikethat.”

IgentlyliftEmily’sheadoffmylapasIstand,doingmybestnottomovetheswinganymorethanIhaveto Iquicklytake offmyflannelshirtandmakeitintoaballsoshehassomethingforherhead.Luckily,it’sstillintheeighties,eventhoughit’s wellpastelevenatnight

“You’rereallytoonice,”Ameliasaysasshegoestositonthefrontsteps. Idropdownnexttoher.“Don’tsaythattooloudly.Peoplemightcatchon.”

Shegivesmeasmilethat,likealways,hitsmerightinthechest.“Youknowyouwon’tloseyourreputationifpeoplefind

outyou’renotthegrumpandtheassholeeveryonethinksyouare.”

“Let’s nottestthattheory. EspeciallyifI’maboutto jointhe Army. Ifeel like I’ll lose myedge ifpeople find outI’ma softie”

That’spartiallytrue.Iamasoftie,butonlyforthepeopleIcareabout.AndtodrunkgirlsIdon’twanttakenadvantageof. Anddogs Youcan’tnotcareaboutdogs

“Yoursecret,likesomanyothers,issafewithme.”

IsmileasIlookover toAmelia Sheknowssomanyofmysecrets We’vebeenbestfriendsour entirelives Our moms werebestfriends,sowegrew uptogether.Wewenttojuniorpromtogetherbecauseneitherofushaddates.Igotinmyfirst fightatschoolprotectingherinfourthgrade.She’stheonlyoneintheworldwhoknowsthatI’mscaredofsquirrelsandwhyI won’teatanywhite-coloredcondiments

Yetthere’sonesecretshedoesn’tknow.Andit’sasecretIdon’tthinkI’llevertellher.

“Thanks,”Isay,needingtolookawaysoIdon’tgivemyselfup Idothisoften ShethinksI’mbeingaloof,butI’mnot It’s justmeprotectingmyselfsoIdon’tdosomethingstupidlikekissher.Becauseshe’snotminetokiss.“Areyouhavingfun?”

“Surprisingly,Iam”

“Whysurprisingly?”

Sheleansback,holdingherselfupwithonehandwhiletheother rubsher stomach.“Whenyou’rethreemonthspregnant, stillthrowingupatrandomtimes,andwanttogotobedateighteverynight,funisn’texactlyinthevocabulary Oratleast,I haveadifferentdefinitionoffunthesedaysthatdoesn’tincludebeerpongoragameofquarters.”

Istillcan’tbelieveAmelia’spregnant Whenshetoldme,Iwasinshock Soweretheguyswhenshetoldthemrightbefore graduation.Still,noneofussaidaword.NotevenSimon,whousuallycanbreakanytensemomentwithawell-placedjokeor inappropriate statement. But we were all stunned and silent. That is until Amelia broke down and started crying. I still rememberthesecondshefellintomyarmsandstartedsobbing,wonderingwhatshewasgoingtodo.How wasshegoingto raiseachildwhenshestillfeltlikeone?Shedidn’thaveajob.Shewassupposedtogotocollegenextyear,buthadtodefer. Shefeltlikeherlifewasfallingapart

But,likewealwaysdo,weassuredherwe’dbethereforher.Wesstartedresearchingeverythingtherewastoknowabout babiesandpregnancy,andlookedupeverydoctor,hospital,andmidwifeinMiddleTennessee Simonsetupbankaccountsand called around to everybusiness inRollingHills to see who was hiring. Itookituponmyselfto build her a rockingchair. I figuredshe coulduse one whenthe babycame.AndOliver didwhathe does best he plannedanevent.Solastweek,four eighteen-year-oldguysthrewababyshowerfortheirbestfriend.Thegirlwhocompletedourgroup.Thegirlwhohasalways beenourvoiceofreasonwhenwewereabouttodosomethingstupid.

ThegirlI’minlovewith “Well,thankyouforcoming.”

SheshootsmealooklikeI’mcrazy “IwouldhavecomeifIwasinthemiddleofbirthingthischild” “Iknow,”Isay,asadnessfallingoverme.“AndI’msorry.” “Forwhat?”

“ThatI’mnotgoingtobehere”Ilookdowntoher stomachthenbackuptoher “IhatethatI’mnotgoingtobeherefor you.”

AndIdo I’veknownforalongtimethatIwasgoingtoenlistafterhighschool Thatwasmypathfromthebeginning But whenAmeliatoldmethenews,Ialmostwithdrewmypapers.

“Iknow,”shesays,sittingupandtakingmyhandandholdingitbetweenbothofhers “ButI’mgoingtosendyoupictures Andvideos.AndI’msureSimonorOliverwillatsomepointstartmakingadocumentaryfromit.” Ilaugh,becausethatsoundsexactlylikethem.

“And,youknow,Paulwillbehere He’snotgoingtoleavemehanging”

Justthe mere mentionofAmelia’s boyfriend-slash-father ofher child sets myblood boiling. Outofeveryguyshe could havebeenwith,shechosethatfuckingdickhead

“Will he,though?” Ilookbacktowardthe house throughthe window andsee thatasshole chestbumpingwithone ofhis minionsaftermakingashotinbeerpong

“Shane…”

Iholdupmyhandsindefense.“Iknow.I’msorry.”

ExceptI’mnot It’s justeasier to saythatinstead ofgettinginto another fightaboutPaul It’s the onlythingwe’ve ever foughtabout.He’sanasshole.Acockyprickwhothinksjustbecausehecanthrowafootballandhisdadownsthetown’scar dealershipthathe’sGod’sgifttomankind Idon’tknowwhatAmeliaseesinhim Andwhy,outofalltheguysatRollingHills HighSchool,shehadtogoforhim.

Anditwasn’tjustalittleflirtation.Thewomantriedtojointhefootballteamjunioryeartogethisattention.Granted,she wasalwaysatomboy,buttryingtoplayhighschoolfootballtogetaguyisawholeotherlevel.

And it worked. Eventually. Theystarted up right after junior prom. Now, just over a year later, she’s pregnant withhis

baby.

“TheywantmeandPaultogetmarried.”

Herstatementtakesmebysurprise “Who?” “Mymom.Hismom.He’smentioneditafewtimes.”

Married?Shecan’tmarrythatfuckingjackass “Whatdoyouwant?” Sheshrugs.“Idon’tknowifitmatterswhatIwant.”

“Thefuckitdoesn’t,”Isay,turningherslightlysowe’refacingeachother “Amelia,thisisyourbaby Yourbody Yourlife IsmarryingPaulwhatyouwanttodowithit?”

“Don’tsayitlikethat.”

“Likewhat?I’maskingalegitimatequestion Doyouwanttomarryhim?”

Shelooksupatmewithsadeyes.“Idon’tknowwhatIwant.”

Itakeadeepbreath,doingmybesttocalmmyselfforher “Iknowthebabytookyoubysurprise” “That’sanunderstatement.”

“Butthatdoesn’tmeanyouhavetogetmarried Hell,lookatOliver’smom Sheraisedhimalone” “Sheadoptedhimwhenshewasinherthirties.Verydifferent.”

“I’mjustsaying,don’tmarryhimbecauseyoufeellikeyouhaveto.Ifyouwanttomarryhim,doitbecauseyoulovehim. Notbecauseofpressure”

IhatethatIsuggestedanavenueforhertomarryhim,butasafriend,that’swhatsheneededtohear.OhGod,whatifthey dogetmarried?Maybethatwillbeoneofthepositivesofmebeingaway Iwon’thavetobehereforit Orhavetodecide whetherI’mgoingtostandupintheserviceandobject.ButIwouldn’t.I’dneverstandinherwaylikethat.AndI’dneverrock theboat.She’smybestfriend.Asistertotheguysinourgroup.Ourmothersarebasicallyconnectedatthehip.Itwouldrock somanyboats.

“Let’schangethesubject,”shesays.“Areyouready?”

“Yeah,”Isaywithashrug “I’mpacked Wecan’ttakemuch”

“I’mnottalkingaboutthat.Areyouready?”

Iknewwhatshemeant,butIwastryingtodeflect “CanIadmitsomething?” “Ofcourse.”

“I’mscared,”Iwhisper.IcanbarelyadmitittoAmelia,letalonesomeeavesdroppingasshole.“I’mfuckingscared.” It’sweirdIneverthoughtaboutfightingincombatwhenIdecidedtoenlist.Butthecountry’satwar.Idon’tknow where I’mgoingtoendup,butit’spossibleI’llbeshippedoverseas.

“That’snormal,”Ameliasays “IthinkI’dbemoreworriedaboutyouifyouweren’tscared” “WhatifIdon’tcomeback?”

Thewordsfalloutofmymouth,thoughInevermeanttosaythem It’sbeentheonethingonmymindasthedayhascome closerandcloser.

“Whatdoyoumeanifyoudon’tcomeback?You’recomingback.”

“Youdon’tknowthat,Amelia”Istandupandbegintopace “Idon’tknowwhereI’mgoingtoendup Thosevideosand callsyousayyou’regoingtomake Idon’tknowifI’mgoingtobeabletogetthem.Whatifsomethinghappens?Whatifthis isthelasttimeIseeyou?WhatifthisisthelasttimeItellSimontofuckoff?WhatifIneverseeWesplayadownoffootball again?WhatifI’mnotheretotalkOliverofftheledgeonhisweddingday?I’mscared,Amelia.I’msofuckingscared.”

Itakeadeepbreathtopushthetears backwhenIseeAmeliarunningover andjumpingintomyarms Idon’thesitateto catchheraswewrapeachotherinahugsotightIdon’tknowifeitherofuscanbreathe.

“You’regoingtocomeback.Youhearme?BecausethisbabyneedsitsUncleShane. I needyou,Shane.You’renotallowed toleaveme Irefusetobelievethisisthelasttimeweseeeachother Soyougooffandbeahero,thencomebackandlivea veryquietlifeinRollingHills,wherethebiggestfightyou’llhavetobeapartofiswhenSimonandOlivercan’tdecidewhat toorderforbreakfast Yougotit?”

Ihuffoutachuckle.“Gotit.”

Weslowlyloosenourgrip,whichallowsAmeliatoslidedownmybody Iseetearsrunningdownhercheeks,soItakemy thumbsandpushthemaway.God,I’mgoingtomissher.I’mgoingtomisshersmile.Herbrowneyesthathavealwaysbrought mepeace.Thewayshebustsmyballstokeepmehonest.Herlaugh.Thewayshealwaysknowswhattosay.I’mgoingtomiss hersodamnmuch

IknowI’mnotsupposedtothinklikethis,butwhatifthis is thelasttimeIseeher?Whatifsomethingdoeshappen,andI nevertellherhowIfeel?WhatifIdieandnotdotheonethingI’vewantedtodosinceIcanremember?

Fuckit.WhatdoIhavetolose?Iknowshe’swithPaul.Iknowshe’sgoingtohavehisbaby.Iknowthatifanyonefound outwhatI’mabouttodo,myfriendswouldflytowhereverI’mstationedandgrillmeaboutit.

Idon’tcare.BecauseIneedtodosomethingstupid.

AndIdo.Ikissher.IpullherfaceclosertomeandkissherwitheverythingIhave.

Forasecond,shedoesn’tmove.Shestillsasourlipsmeet.Butthatdoesn’tlastlong.BeforeIknow it,she’skissingme back.

Holy shit, Amelia is kissing me back

Her hands are grippingmybiceps as our mouths fumble and we tryto find a rhythm. Despite popular belief, I haven’t kissedthatmanygirls HowcouldIwhenonlyonegirlevertrulyinterestedme?Itriedtogetheroutofmysystem,butitnever worked.Ameliahasalwaysbeenit.

AndnowthatI’mkissingher?Imightbedoomedforlife

Our tongues connect, and we’re finallyfindingour groove whena loud thump breaks our moment. We jump apart, both gaspingforair.WhenIlookbacktotheporchIseeEmilysprawledontotheporch.Thedrunkfoolfelloutoftheporchswing. “WhereamI?Shane?Whereareyou?”

AmeliaandIlookatEmilybeforeturningbacktoeachother.Thelookofshockandconfusioninherfaceisapparent.And IknowthechivalrousthingistogocheckonEmily,butIhonestlycouldn’tcarelessrightnow “Amelia…”

Sheshakesherhead “Don’tsayanythingelse”

“But…”

“No. Nothing else. That’s how we’re going to leave this. No talking. No apologies. This is our see you for now. No goodbye Gotit?”

Inod.“Gotit.”

“Good”Sheleansupandgivesmeonemorekissonmycheek “Bebrave,soldier Andmakesureyoucomebacktous” IstandbackandwatchAmeliawalkbacktowardthehouse,stoppingtohelpEmilyupbeforeshegoesbackinside.Idon’t move. I just watch. When she turns back to look at me one more time, my heart about breaks. But at least I know that if somethingdoeshappen,Ikissedthegirlofmydreams.

EvenifI’mnottheguyofhers.

Chapter 1 Amelia

“W

OW WHITLEY YOU LOOK AMAZING ”

I’minaweasIwatchmyfuturesister-in-lawcomeintothebridalsuiteinherweddingdress.It’safitted,lace,floor-length gownwithspaghettistrapsandasweetheartneckline.There’sjustasmallamountofsparkleinthedress,whichgivesherthe lookofaprincess Thediamondnecklaceanddiamondteardropearringsshe’swearingdoen’thurteither Iexpectnothinglessfromtheformerbeautyqueen.

“Isittoomuch?”

“Whyareyouaskingquestionsyouknowtheanswerto?”ThatcomesfromBetsy,herbestfriendandmaidofhonor.“You lookgorgeous Jakeisgoingtocry It’sgoingtobeawesome”

“Ihopeitis,”shesays,takinganotherlookatherselfinthefloor-lengthmirror.“Ijustwanttodaytobeperfect.”

BetsygoesupandhugsWhitleyfrombehind.“Itwillbe.Y’allhavewaitedsolongforthisday.Allthat’sleftistogoout anddothedamnthing”

Ismileasthetwosharealaugh.I’vegottentoknowBetsyprettywelloverthepastfewmonths.Notonlydidshemoveto RollingHills because ofWhitley, butshe’s datingWes, one ofmyclosestfriends She’s also his nanny Thoughrightnow I don’tknowiftheyaredating.Orifshe’snannying.Idon’tknowwhathappenedexactly,butIdoknowtheyhadahugefightlast week Wes hasn’t said anythingto me or the guys Betsyhas beengoingnonstop withmaid ofhonor and weddingduties I didn’tstandinherwayoraskquestions.Shewasawomanonamission.

“Speakingof,didthecupcakesarrive?”

Betsynods “Deliveredandcurrentlychilling”

“Whataboutthecaterer?Ididn’thaveachancetotalktoCharlietodaytomakesurethateverythingwasset.”

“It’sfine,”Betsyassures “Isawhervanpullingupabitago Now,canyousitback,takeoffyoureventplannerhatforthe restoftheday,andrelax?Imean,thatiswhyyouhiredaplannerinsteadofdoingthisallyourself.”

“I’msorry,”Whitleysays.“BeingontheothersideoftheweddingismorestressfulthanIthought.” “Here,”Isay,handingheraglassofchampagne.“Sipthis.Relax.Everythingisundercontrol.” Whitleytakestheflutefrommeandtakesatinysip.“RememberwhenIwantedasmallwedding?”

Thismakesbothofuslaugh “Youreallythoughtyoucouldgetawaywiththat?” “She did,” Betsysays. “The daughter ofa famous Alabama quarterback, the sister ofa professional football coach, and basicallySouthernroyalty,thoughtshecouldgetawaywithafifty-personwedding” “Really?”

Shenodsasshetakesanothersip.“Thatdidn’tevenincludeJake’sfriendsandfamily.Beforeweknewittheguestlistwas atthreehundredandIjustgaveup.”

“Wow,” I say, unable to fathomthe amount of people that are going to be here. “You should have done it like me and eloped”

“Youeloped?”Betsyasks.

I nod myhead “Yup Acourthouse weddingona Wednesdayafternoon ThoughI don’t recommend beingeighteenand pregnantwhiledoingit.”

“Didyoueverhaveareceptionoranything?”

“Never Our families wentoutto dinner, butthat’s it Bythe time we did have the moneyto throw a party, itfeltlike a waste.”

Well,that’swhatmyex-husbandalwayssaid Iaskedonceifwecouldrenewourvowsandhavethepartyweneverhad Paul vetoed that idea immediately. Hell, once Ijust brought up inconversationthat a nurse Iworked withgot anupgraded engagementringfromherhusbandfortheiranniversary Ineveraskedforone,butforthenextweekhemadedigsaboutmenot

likingmyringandhowIwasungrateful.

Yet,thoseweren’teventwoofthebiggestissuesorfightsPaulandIhadwhenweweremarried.ButIdoliketothinkof themfromtimetotimetoremindmyselfwhyI’mgladwe’redivorced “Idon’tknowyourex-husband,buthesoundsliketheworst,”Betsysays. IholdupmychampagneflutetoBetsy “IknewIlikedyou”

Weshareasmileandeachtakeasipofbubbly.“Thisisnice.I’veneverbeeninaweddingbefore.”

“Really?”Whitleyasks

“Nope.Ididn’thavealotofgirlfriendsgrowingup.ThenIwaspregnantwithLuke,somakingfriendswasn’tonthetopof myto-dolist.Theonlyoneoftheguyswho’sbeenmarriedisWesand…”

Itrailoff,hatingthatIbroughtupWesinfrontofBetsy “I’msorry Ididn’tmeanto” Sheshakesherhead.AndifI’mreadingherright,shemightpushbackatear.“Don’tworry.” “Haveyoutalkedtohimatall?”

Sheshakesherhead.“No.”

“I’msorry”

“Notyourfaulthe’sbeingajackass.”

Ilaugh.“It’sdefinitelynot.I’vetriedmybestforyearswithallofthem,buttonoavail.”

“You’reasaint,AmeliaEvans Thosemendon’tdeserveyou”Betsytakesadeepbreath “Soonhe’sgoingtorealizehe was ridiculous and inthe wrong. Until thenI’mgoingto drownmysorrows inchampagne, maybe dance witha Furyplayer tonight,andpretendtobehappy”

“Please,justmakesurehedoesn’tstartanything,”Whitleysays.“ThelastthingIneedisafight.” Shewavesheraway.“Don’tyouworry.He’sallbarkandnobite.Plus,I’llhavemywingwomannexttomeonthedance floor,soitwillbenoproblem.”

Betsylooksovertome.Wait.AmIthewingwoman?“Excuseme,what?”

“You’regoingtobeonthedancefloornexttome” “Iam?”

“Youare,”Betsysaysassheslidesnexttome “ThewayIseeit,you’resingle I’mnotsingle,butifmymandoesn’tgethis headoutofhisasssoon,I’mgoingtobe.Ican’thavethefuntonightIwantedto,soI’mgoingtoplaymatchmakerandfindyou a hottie onthe Fury. And thenifIfind one to dance withto drive Wes a little crazy, you’ll be there incase somethinggoes down.It’sawin-win.”

Ishakemyhead.“Ican’tdothat.” “Whynot?”

“Because.”Istammer for asecond,becausetherearemany,manyreasons Ican’tdothat,butnoneseemtobecomingto mindrightnow “Mykidsaregoingtobethere”

Yes.Thekids.Perfect.Ilovemykidsfor manyreasons,butusingthemtogetoutofshitIdon’twanttodohastobemy favorite.

Betsynarrowshereyes “Soyou’retellingmeyoucan’tdancewithaguybecauseyourgrownchildrenwillbethere?” “Yes.That’sexactlyit.”

“IthoughtthekidswereleavingearlytowatchWes’skids?”

IshootaglanceatWhitley,whoshouldbeonmysideforthis.“Yeah,butIdon’tknowwhattimethat’sgoingtobe.”

“Amelia,eveniftheyaretherewhenithappens,Idon’tthinkseeingyouhavingaharmlessdancewithamanisgoingto sendthemtotherapy.”

She’sright.Mykidswouldn’tcare andthey’llbeattherapyonedayformanydifferentreasons.Tobehonest,I’mpretty surethey’ddancearoundme,cheeringmeon,iftheysawmelivingalittle

“It’sjustthatIdon’t…Idon’tdatemuch.Itriedit.It’snotmything.AndI’veneverdoneitinfrontofmykids.” “Oh,”Betsysays “Well,that’snormal Notwantingyourkidstomeetsomeoneuntilit’sserious”

Ishakemyhead.“Iknow.Itriedafewyearsago.Butweeitherdidn’tclick,ortheguysgotwindofitandtheywentinto bigbrothermodeandscaredthemoff Attheendoftheday,itwasmoreofahasslethananything SoI’vejust,Idon’tknow, givenup.”

“Nope.Irefusethatstatement,”Betsysays.“Nowwe’redefinitelydoingit.I’monamissiontogetyoulaid.” “Whoa,”Isay “Ihaven’tevenagreedtoyoufindingmesomeonetodancewith” “Fine.We’llstartwithdancing.Butweallknowwherethatcanlead.” BetsywagshereyebrowsasIshakemyhead “Absolutelynot Ican’tdothat” “Whatcan’tyoudo?”

I turntoward the door to see mydaughter, Mariah, inthe doorwayof the bridal suite. She looks stunninginher junior bridesmaid’sdress,whichisthesameshadeasourpalepinkdresses.Ihavetoremindmyselfshe’sonlythirteen.Shelooksso grownup.

“Nothing,”Isay.

“That’salie,”Whitleysays.“Mariah,whatwouldyouthinkifyourmomdancedwithaguytonight?”

“I’dsay‘getit,Mom!’Aslongashe’sfine Andknowsnottowearbrownshoeswithblackpants” “See?”Whitleysays.“Mariah’ssealofapprovalwithstandardsthatshouldbecommended.”

Ishootmydaughteralook “You’renohelpandgroundedforaweek” “No,I’mnot.Butit’scutethatyouthoughtyoucould.”

IswearIcandisciplinemychild “Youwouldn’tthinkitwouldbeweird?Ifyousawmedancing,ormaybeflirting,witha guytonight?”

“Nope,” she says, walkingover to the mirror to checkher makeup. “Youand Dad have beendivorced for a while. He dates Whycan’tyou?”

Well, your dad was “dating” before we even split up.

“Don’tcomparemetohim”

“I’mjustsaying.It’sawedding.Havefun.LukeandIareleavingearlytowatchthelittlekidssoyoudon’thavetoworry aboutitbeingweirdinfrontofus Havefun,Mom Youdeserveit”

Betsyclapsherhandsasshestandsup.“There.Settled.I’msettingAmeliauptonight.”

Ishakemyheadandtrytoargue,buttheweddingplannerentersthesuite,tellingusit’stimetogo.Weallgrabourflowers andmakeourwaytowardtheceremony

I’mnoteventwostepsoutthedoorwhenIhearthedistinctsoundofmymother’svoice. “Oh,Amelia,youlookbeautiful”

Iturnaroundtoseemymom,wholooksequallybeautifulinhermother-of-the-groomdress.“Thanks,Mom.”

Wegiveeachotherakissonthecheek.“Isn’ttodayjustbeautiful?” “Itis.Aperfectday.”

“Well,almostperfect.”

Thesadtoneshe’susingusedcanmeanahandfulofthings Thequestionis,doIfeellikeguessing,orjustwanthertocutto thechase.Duetotimerestrictions,I’mgoingtogowiththelatter.

“What’sthat,Mom?Whyistodaynotquiteperfect?”

Shegivesmesadeyes.“Becauseyou’reherealone.”

Icouldhaveguessedthat.Ifiguredthatwastheanswer,eventhoughI’dhopedshewasn’tgoingtopointthatouttoday. “Mom.HowmanytimesdoIhavetotellyouI’mfine?”

“Iknow,”shesayswithasigh.“It’sjustthatweddingsaresoromantic.Youshouldbeherewithsomeone.”

“Didyoubringadate?”

“Oh,Amelia,”shesaysasshewavesmeoff.“WhywouldIbringadate?”

Ilovemymother Ireallydo Buther rationalewhenitcomes tomydatinglifeis sohypocritical itisn’tfunny Andthis isn’tnew.It’sbeenlikethissincethedayItoldherIwaspregnantwithLuke.

“BecauseifIhaveto,thenyoudoaswell.Or hearmeout wecouldbothnothavedatesandbejustfine.”

Likeme,mymomhasbeensingleforyears Idon’tthinkshe’sbeeninaseriousrelationshipsinceourdadtookoffwhenI wasinmiddleschool.Yetthat’sokay.She’sfine.Shehasherbookclub,hercardclub,andofcourse,bingowithShane’smom. Butmebeingsingle?That’sacrimeagainsthumanity

“That’snothowitworks,Amelia.”

Ijustnod,knowingI’mnotgoingtowinthisfight “Okay,Mom I’llkeepthatinmindforthenextwedding”

Igive her a kiss onthe cheekandquicklywalktowhere the ceremonyis beingheld.The settingis gorgeous.White and pink flowers are perfectly placed around the old Southern mansion turned elegant venue. People are starting to gather, all dressedtheir bestfor the RollingHills weddingofthe year Whitleyandmybrother Jake have beentogether for nearlyfive yearsnow.Needlesstosay,thetown,andourfamilies,arereadyforthistofinallyhappen.

Whitleymakessuretostayback,herdadmeetingus,beforewegotoourspotattheentrance Ican’thelpbuttakealookat the guests in their seats. I know not everyone comes to the ceremony, but it’s hard to imagine many more people coming. Somehow,intheseaofpeople,IseeWes,Oliver,Shane,andSimon

“I’llberightback,”IwhispertoBetsyasIhurryovertomycrew.IpickupmydresssoIdon’ttrip,nottrustingmyselfin theheelsIhavetowearfortoday.Ireallycan’twaituntilIcantakethemoff.

“Lookatthat,AmeliaEvansinheels IneverthoughtI’dseetheday”

“Nicetoseeyoutoo,Simon.”Iletgoofmydressandtakeasecondandsmoothitdown.WhenIlookbackup,Ican’thelp butfeelShane’sstare “Heythere”

Iseehimswallowalumpinhisthroat.“Youlookbeautiful.”

Mybodybecomesheatedwithhiscompliment.“Thankyou.Youcleanupwellyourself.Youalldo.”

It’s notthatI’mlyingwhenIsaythat, butIneeded to throw the restoftheminthere. Because Shane Cunninghamis hot everydayofthe week. Whether it’s inhis police uniformor casual clothes, the manturns heads. Butina suit? The manis

downrightdelectable.

He’s goingto have everysingle womanatthis weddingtonightdroolingover him. And he’s probablynotgoingto even notice

“Thank you for noticing, Amelia,” Simon says as he gives a pull to his jacket. “I was hoping for a better bridesmaid selection”

IlookbacktowhereBetsyandMariaharestanding.“Sorrytodisappoint.It’sjustus.” “Imean,IcouldseewhatBetsy ” “Don’tyoufuckingdare,”Wesgrowls.

Simonsmiles.“Oneofthesedays,fuckingwithyouisgoingtogetold.Todayisn’tthatday.” WeselbowsSimonalittleastheysitdown It’sthenIlookovertoOliver,wholookslikealostpuppy Itakehimasideso Icanwhispertohimwithouttheguyshearing.“Youokay?”

Heshakeshishead “Shannonbrokeupwithme” “Ohno,”IsayasIrubhisarm.“Whathappened?” “Whatdoyouthink?”

“Sweetie,didyouproposeagain?” Helooksaway.“Ididn’tmeanto.Iswear.”

“Youneverdo”

Oliverturnsawayandgoestositdown,leavingShanealone. Ilovealloftheguys Ihaveaspecialbondwitheachofthem ButShaneandIareonadifferentlevel Maybeit’sbecause we’veknowneachothersincebirth.Maybeit’sbecausethemanbecamemyprotectorinfourthgradeandneverstopped. And yes, there was that whole kiss thing. But that was many moons and lifetimes ago. An emotional response to an emotionalnight.Itmeantsolittlethatneitheroneofushavespokenofitsincethatnight.

No.It’snotthat.ThebondShaneandIshareisbuiltonyearsoffriendship,respect,andfamilythat’snotblood.He’smy safespace Mygo-to Myperson WhichmeansmostofthetimeIcanignorethatthemanlookslikeaGreekgod Todayisnot oneofthosedays.

“Mom!UncleShane!”

I’veneverbeenmorethankfultohearmydaughter’svoice.“Hey,sweetie.”

“Theweddingplannersaysit’stimetoheadback.”

“Oh,”Isay.“Thanks.”

“Wait!Weneedpictures!”Outofnowhere,mydaughterproduceshercamera.“Hurry.Smile!”

Thethreeofus leaninfor aselfie Idon’tknow how Mariahtakes themsoeffortlessly Itryanditlooks likeIhavesix chinsandmyeyesarecrossed.

“Good Nowyoutwo”

IlookatMariah,thenShane,thenbacktoMariah.“Us?”

“Yeah.DocumentedproofofUncleShanewearingasuitandMomwearingadress.” Istep nextto Shane, who hesitantlyputs his armaround myback “Whyis this remindingme ofwhenwe wentto prom together?”

Hechuckles “BecauseourmomsmadeusposeformorepicturesthanIthinkI’veevertakeninmylife” “One,two,three,smile!”

Ileaninalittlecloser toShaneandcan’thelpbutbetakenabackbyhis cologne Whydoes hesmell sogood?Does he alwayssmellgood?Also,whydoeshishandrestingonmybackhaveheatrayscomingfromit? “Gotit.”

InodandstepawayfromShane,instantlymissingthetouchofhishand “Seeyoulater?” Henods.“Yeah.Seeyoulater.”

IturntowalkawaybuthearShane’svoicebeforeIgettoofar “Youreallydolookbeautiful.”

This stops me inmytracks Iturnslightlytohim Ifeel a blushcome over me as Isee himstandingwithhis handinhis pockets,ashysmileonhisface.“Thankyou.”

Feelingsuddenlyself-conscious,IquicklywalkbacktowhereBetsyandtheweddingplannerarewaiting.ButnotbeforeI takeonemorelookbacktoShane,whoisstillstaring “Amelia!”

IturnbackaroundtoseeBetsystandingnexttoaveryattractiveman “Um hi” Hesmiles.“YoumustbeAmelia.” “Iam.”

“Amelia,letmeintroduceyoutoAnthonyMartinez.He’sacoachontheFury.”

“Hi,”Isay,holdingoutmyhand.Wait,amIshakingthisguy’shand?WhatthehellamIdoing?Luckily,hedoesn’tleaveme

hanging.Becausethatwouldhavebeenawkward.

“Nicetomeetyou,Amelia.”

“Likewise”

Ican’tsayanythingelse because the weddingplanner is whisper-yellingto getus all into places and shooingawaythe peoplenotintheweddingparty

“Iguess that’s mycuetoleave,”Anthonysays as hetakes myhandandpresses akiss tothetopofit.“Savemeadance later?”

Inod,becausethat’sallIcando.I’mnotblinking.I’mnotbreathing.IthinkI’mblackingout.

“Holyshit,girl,”Betsysaysasshemovesmeintoplace,whichpartiallybringsmebacktoreality.“AmIamatchmakeror what?”

“Oh,Amelia!It’slikemyprayerwasanswered!”Thatcomesfrommymomjustasshebeginstowalkdowntheaisle.

“He’scute,Mom Iapprove”

“Thanks,” Isayas Mariahfollows the mothers ofthe bride and groom. Igo whenI’mtold, butIhave no idea whatI’m doing AllIcanthinkaboutaretheeventsofthelasttenminutes

Didanattractivemanaskmetodancewithhim?Didhekissmyhand?IsShanestaringatmerightnow?

ThatlastonereallyknocksmebacktoEarth.IknowIshouldbelookingaroundtotheguests,smilingprettyandwhatnot, butIcan’tstoplookingatShane BecauseIdon’tthinkhe’sstoppedlookingatme Whyishelooking?Iknownotalotelseisgoingon,andmanypeoplearelookingatme,butShane’sstarefeelsdifferent.I don’tknowwhatitis,butit’sfreakingmeout

WhenIgettotheendoftheaisle,IletoutabreathandsayathankyoutoourLordandSaviorDollyPartonfornotletting metripintheseheels.IwatchasBetsycomesdowntheaisle,andbecauseIcan’thelpmyself,IlookovertoseehowWesis holdingup.ExceptInevermakeittoWes.IstoponShane,who’sstilllookingatme.

Whatthehellishedoing?

Andwhyisitmakingmefeelsomesortofway?

Chapter 2 Shane

“SHANE?”

“Yeah?”

“Ineedtofixthis.”

ItakeasipofmydrinkbeforetellingWesthatyes,infact,heisadumbass “Noshit,Sherlock” Heslamshishandsonthetableattheweddingreceptionbeforewalkingoff,thankfullynottowardthedancefloorwhere BetsyisdancingwithoneoftheNashvilleFuryplayers It’snothingsuggestiveorsexual Justtwopeoplehavingagoodtime Theyaren’ttheonlyones.Tons ofpeopleareonthedancefloor as thesongchanges fromafast,upbeatonetoaslower ballad I’mnotoneofthosepeople Idon’tdance Ineverhave I’maproponentofnotdoingthingsyoudon’twanttodo Like now,Idon’twanttodancewiththefewwomenwhohavemadeeyesatmetonight.Idon’twanttofollowWesashetriesnotto punchaholeinthewall.Idon’tevenwanttogoandstandatthebaranddrinkwithOliver.No,I’drathersitatthistable,sip mywhiskey,andstewasIwatchhusbandsandwives,couples,andevenstrangers,maketheirwaytothedancefloor Especiallyonecouple.

Like she knows I’mthinkingabouther,Isee Amelia walkontothe dance floor, hand-in-handwiththe guywho has been hittingonherallday.He’saboutmyheight,atsix-foot-two,andwellbuilt,likelyoneofthemanyprofessionalfootballplayers orcoachesinattendancetonight IwantedtoputmyfistthroughhisfaceattheceremonywhenIsawhimkissherhand Ialmost flippedatablewatchingthemdanceearlier.

Andnow,asIwatchhimpullhersoclosethere’sbarelyenoughroomforairbetweenthem,Imightkillaman. WhatisAmeliadoing?Shedoesn’tdothis Shedoesn’tdanceordateorhangoutwithmen Andwhyisshelaughinglike hejusttoldhertheworld’sbestjoke?

Wait ishepullinghercloser?Howcanthathappen?Wait isheabouttokissher?

Fuck this shit…

IfeelmyhandtightenaroundmyrocksglassasIwatchthisplayout.Hedoesn’tkissher,buttheirforeheadsaretouching, andthat’sjustasbad.

I’mshockedIdon'tbreaktheglass.Butholdingontothisistheonlythingkeepingmefromracingtothedancefloor and pullingher awayfromhim Iknow Ineedtolookaway,butIcan’tstopstaringather It’sbeenlikethisall day It’slikemy eyesaresearchingforhereverysecond.

I’ve always thoughtAmelia was beautiful inher understated way Her curves are subtle, and she rarelyshows them, but today,inher fittedpinkdress,everysingleoneis highlighted.Mymouthhas beenwateringsincethesecondIsaw her walk into the ceremony. She’s wearingmakeup, whichis another rarity, butit’s notwhatmakes her beautiful. It’s highlightingher alreadyperfectfeatures. Like her eyes. Her browneyes seemto be sparkling. Her longbrownhair is styled ina wayI’ve neverseenbefore,withsoftcurlshittingathershoulder.

AllthosethingsaredifferentaboutAmelia,butthat’snotwhatI’mbeingdrawntotonight No,it’sthatforthefirsttimeina longtime,shelookshappy.Free.Likeshedoesn’thavetheweightoftheworldonhershouldersasasinglemomtotwokids. Orademandingcareer Shejustlookslikeawomanwho’senjoyinghernight AndI’mthebastardwho’sabouttoruinit.

Ilookaround,hopingthatoneofmyfriends is heretostopmefromdoingthestupidthingI’mabouttodo.Notthatthey wouldknowwhatthey’restoppingmefrom NoneofthemknowI’vebeeninlovewithAmeliafordecades ThatIoncekissed her.ThatsinceIcanremember,I’vepusheddownfeelingsforherbecauseIcouldn’triskruiningourfriendship.Orriskruining thedynamicofourfriendgroup

Allofthosereasonsarefeelingflimsyashellrightnow.

IrememberyearsagowhenIdecidedIwasgoingtokissher Itwasasplit-seconddecision Likethewirehadsnapped,

anditwouldbethebiggestregretofmylifeifIdidn’tkissher.

That’swhatI’mfeelingrightnow.IknowIneedtobestopped.ButIalsodon’twanttobe.

Ilookaroundtoseeifanyarenearme Wesisgone,hopefullytryingtofigureouthowtogetBetsyback Oliver’satthebar hitting on a leggy redhead. My guess is he’s three drinks away from proposing. I have no idea where Simon is after he randomlygotupfromthetableandstompedaway

Ineedtoletthisgo.OrifI’mgoingtostay,IneedtoignoreAmeliaandtheFuryasshole.It’snotmyplace.I’mherfriend. That’sit I’mUncleShanetoherkids Theguywhomowsherlawnandshovelsherdrivewaybecausethat’sthekindoffriend Iam.

Ikissedheronceanditcould’veruinedeverything.Theonlyreasonitdidn’tisbecauseIleftfortheArmythenextdayand wasgoneforthebetterpartofthefollowingeightyears IfIdosomethingstupidagain,I’llhavetofacetheconsequences And Idon’tknowifI’mreadyforthat.

Sit still Shane Breathe Take another drink of whiskey Don’t look at her Ignore that her lips are now dangerously close to that fucker’s mouth.

Fuck!HowcanIignorethat?Ican’t Iwon’t.

I’m about to do something stupid again, aren’t I?

Fuck Iam

I can’t hold backanylonger. Maybe it’s the whiskeytalking. Maybe it’s knowingthat Amelia has onlydated or been marriedto losersandassholes Maybeit’sstillthinkingaboutthatkissfromseventeenyearsagowaytoooften ButIcan’tsit byandwatchthishappen.

Especiallynowthathishandsarestartingtodriftdownlowerandloweronherback. Fuck. That. Shit.

InearlyknockmychairoverasIstandupandmarchtothedancefloor.ThesongendsassoonasIgettoAmelia,givingme theperfectopportunitytograbher handandpull her offthedancefloor Ihear her sayaquick“Sorry!”asIall butdragher outside.

“Shane?”Ameliaasks,clearlyconfusedaboutwhat’sgoingon “Whatareyoudoing?” MyhandtightensonhersasItakeustotheterrace.Thereseemstobeadarkcorneroutofsightfromtheballroom.Idon’t know ifit’s trulyprivate,butitmustbe better thanbeinginfrontofeveryweddingguestwhojustwatchedme dragAmelia awaylikeacaveman.

“Whatthehell,Shane?”shesays,pullingherhandawayandshakingherarm. “Whatwereyoudoinginthere?”

AmelialooksatmelikeI’mcrazy,whichImightbe.“You’regoingtohavetobemorespecific.” “Inthere”Ipointbacktowardthereception “Whowereyouwith?” “Anthony?”

WhyissheaskingmelikeIshouldknow?

“Idon’tknow Thatfuckerwhowasalloveryou?”

Sherollshereyesatme,whichiswarranted.“Oh,myGod.Yes,hisnameisAnthony.Andhewasn’talloverme.” “Whoishe?”

“Whydoyoucare?”

“Humorme”

Amelia lets out a frustrated groan. “Anthonyis a Furycoach. We met before the ceremony. He’s nice. And polite. And funny.AndIthought,youknow,becauseI’magrownwoman,Icoulddancewithamanwithoutbeingtarredandfeatheredfor it”

“Thatwasdancing?”Isaywithabite.“Ididn’trealizeyouneededtobethatclosetodance.Whoknew?”

Amelia’seyesarebeginningtobulgeoutofherhead And,becauseIknowhersowell,Irealizeshe’sfivesecondsaway fromrippingmeanewasshole.Fine.I’lltakeit.Aslongasitmeansshe’sawayfromCoachGrabAss.

“You’re fuckingunbelievable!” She starts pacingbackand forth, throwingher hands inthe air “Whydo youcare? Why can’tyouletmelivemylife?Areyoumykeepertonight?Isthatwhyyou’vebeenstaringatmeall day?Ifso,Iapologize;I didn’tknowIneededtoaskpermissiontodancewithamanwhoIfindniceandattractive.Oh,andhaveImentionedthatwhat Idoinmyprivatelifeisnoneofyourbusiness?”

“Nice?Attractive?Really,Amelia?Don’tactlikeyou’reinterestedinthisguy.Youbarelyknowhim.”

“Areyoukiddingme?”shescreams “Ican’twithyou Thisisalwayshowitis” “Howwhatis?”

“This!You.Me.Therestoftheidiotswecallfriends.Eversincemydivorce whichwas seven years ago,bytheway wheneverIshowinterestinsomeone,oneofyouidiotsgetsinvolvedandruinsit.EitherIgetthethirddegree,orworse,they do.Oryourunthemoff.Theothershavecooledoffovertheyears,butyou?Youseemtohavemadeityourpersonalmissionto

makesureIdiealone.”

ItakeafewslowbreathsasIdomybesttopushdownthewordsthatarethreateningtocomeout.“I’mjusttryingtoprotect you”

“Protectme?Fromwhat?Dating?Theoutsideworld?Whatisit,Shane?Tell me.”Shetakesafew deepbreathstocalm down,butitdoesn’tlowerthesoundofhervoice “Iknow you’vesavedmebefore AndI’llalwaysbegratefulforthat But whatareyousavingmefromnow?I’dlovetoknow.BecauseallIseehereisaman,whoclaimstobemybestfriend,treating melikeI’madumbwomanwhocan’tmakeherownchoices”

Idon’tsayanything.Ican’t.She’sright.Idoallthosethings.I’mdoingthemrightnow.ButIcan’ttellherwhyIdothem, soIdon’tsayanything.

“Ofcourse,thetrademarkShaneCunninghamsilence,”shesays,hervoicegrowinglouder “Well,sinceyouhavenothing tosay,letmetellyouthis:I’madivorced,singlemomoftwoexhaustingteenagers.Irarelygetnightstotrulyletmyhairdown andforgetaboutmyresponsibilities Andyouknowwhat?Idid Iwashavingfun Ididn’tfeelguiltyforlivingalittle Iwas havinga lovelyeveningwitha lovelymanuntil youpounded your chestand dragged me awaybecause apparently, funisn’t allowedwhereyou’reconcerned”

“Youcanhavefun.”

Thismakesherlaugh,thoughIdoubtshe’sfindingitveryfunny.“Youreallydon’tgetit,doyou?You’resupposedtobemy best friend Same with Wes and Oliver and Simon, but you more than anyone You know everything I’ve been through Everythingwe ’ ve beenthrough.Sowhy?Whycan’tyouletmehavethis?Whydoyouinsistonbeingmyunofficialbodyguard? Whyforonenightcan’tyouletmebeasinglewomanwhowantstohaveagoodtimeataweddingandnotworryaboutwork, ormykids,or ”

Shedoesn’tseeitcoming.Shedidn’tseeitcomingseventeenyearsago,either. Ijustgrabherandkissher.Ikiss the hell outofher.IkissherthewayI’vewantedtokissherforyears.

Andinthatmoment,Iknowthatnoweverythingisabouttochange…

Chapter 3 Amelia

HOLY SHIT, IS SHANE KISSING ME?

What in the world is happening right now?

IthinkthatwasthesamereactionIhadwhenhekissedmeallthoseyearsago.Iwasconfused.Ifroze.Ididn’tknowwhat todowithmyhands Butthenmylipsdecidedtheywantedtokisshimback,soIdid

Thesamethingishappeningnow.Mybodyisstill.Mymindisracing.Myhandsareintheair,becausetheywereflailing aroundjustsecondsagowhenIwasgivingmyOscar-worthymonologue Butmylips?Thosearemovingwithhis.Becauseapparentlythat’swhattheydowhenShanekissesme. Whyishedoingthis?Imean,Iwonderedthatwhenwewereeighteen,too,butIeventuallychalkedthatuptoanemotional nightandanuncertainfuture.Wewereyoung,dumb,andletthenightgetthebestofus.

That’s notthe case tonight.We’re notyoung.We’re notas dumbas we usedtobe.Andbackthenthere was hesitancyin Shane’s kiss ThatIdoremember Tonight?Rightnow?There’s nota dropofindecision This manis kissingme becausehe wantsto.

AndI’mkissinghimback

Myarmssoonstartmoving,loopingthemaroundhisnecksomyfingerscanrunthroughhisjet-blackhair.Hebringsmein closer,pressingmybodyuptohisrock-hardchest Andhislips?Holyhell Thisisn’tthesamekissasthateighteen-year-old boy.No,thisisthekissofaman.Amanwhoistryingtokissmewitheverythinghehasinhim.

It’s…amazing.Real.Raw.Passionate.Mybodyiscomingalivewitheveryswipeofhistongue.Witheverynibbleofmy lip Ipullhimcloser,needingmore,becausenowthatIknowShaneCunninghamcankisslikethis,Idon’tknowifIwanthim tostop.

WhenShanekissedmeallthoseyearsago,I’lladmit,itsentsparksthroughme ButIdidn’tthinkanythingofit Sincethen, IhonestlycansayI’veneverthoughtaboutwhatkindofkisserShanewas.Imean,themandoesn’tdate.I’veneverseenhim withawoman.Andbecauseofthat,itwaseasytojustnotthinkaboutit.

ButconsideringthismanistakingmymouthinawaythatIcouldn’tfightagainstevenifItried,I’mgoingtogooutona limbwiththeassumptionthismanhasn’tbeenspendingeveryFridaynightalone.Becausethereisnowaytheselipshavebeen sittingdormantforyears

Ipushthatthoughtaside,becauseIdon’twanttothinkaboutShanekissinganother womanrightnow.All Iwanttodois baskinthewayhishandsarecradlingmyface,holdingmetohimlikehe’sscaredtoletmego Iwanttorevelinthefeelofhis softlipskissingmeharderthanIeverhavebeeninmylife.Iwanttomemorizethesensationofhisbeardagainstmycheek.

JustasI’mabouttogivemyselfpermissiontotrulysinkintowhateverthisis,thereisasoundlikeaglassbreakingagainst theconcreteandwebothjumpbacklikewe’vebeenshocked.

“Whatwasthat?”Iaskthroughmyshortbreaths. Shanelooksaroundbutdoesn’tmoveawayfrommetoinvestigatethescene Somecopheis “Probablysomedrunk.”

Inod,notknowingwhattosay Becausethespellisbroken Themomentisgone ShaneandIstareateachotherforwhatfeelslikehours.Neitherofussaysanything.Theonlysoundintheairisourheavy breathingandtherustleofthetreesblowinginthesoftAprilbreezeofNashville.

“I’m ”

“Thatwas ”

Webothawkwardlylaughatoursimultaneousattemptsatfillingthesilence ButI’mgladthathappened,becauseIhonestly don’tknowwhatIwantedtosay.Andnotjustinthismoment,butlikelytherestofmylife.

Itwasonethingwhenthishappenedwhenwewereyounger Butthistimeisdifferent Thekissfeltdifferent

wasdifferent.HowIfeelafterfeelsdifferent.Thewayhe’slookingatmerightnowisdifferent.Andthebiggestthing Inow havetolivewiththeknowledgethatmybestfriendjustgavemethesinglebestkissofmylife.

AndIdon’tknowhowIfeelaboutthat

“Youstart,”Isay,needingtoputthisonhim.Imean,he’stheonewhokissedme.It’sonlyfair.

Shanenervouslyputshishandsinhispocketsashelooksdownattheground Iknow himwell enoughtoknow thathe’s takinghistimeandtryingtofigureoutwhattosay.Shaneisn’tamanofmanywords.Butthewordshedoessayarealways pointedandhonest That’soneofthethingsI’vealwayslovedabouthim

Now you can add kissing to that list…

“I’msorry.Thatwasastupidthingtodo.”Hisvoiceisquietasheslowlylooksbackupatme.Myheartbreaksthesecond hiseyesmeetmine Withouthimsayinganotherword,Icanfeelthetortureandsadnessrunningthroughhisveins “Ishouldn’t havedonethat.”

Webothtakeaseatonanearbybench Shaneleansforward,hiselbowsrestingonhislegsashestaresattheground “Whichpart?”Ineedtoknowthis.Mystateofmindisdependentonthisanswer. “Everything”

My stomach immediately drops, which shocks me. I didn’t expect to have that kind of reaction. Yes, I wanted himto apologizefor literallydraggingme outofthe reception.AndIthoughtIwantedhimtoapologize for the kiss.Judgingbythe suddenacheinmygut,maybeIdidn’t?

I’msofuckingconfused.Hiskisshasconfusedme.Becausehowcansomethingthatfeltsogoodalsomakeyoufeelso… confused?

“Okay...”

“Idon’tknowwhatIwasthinkingbydraggingyououthere,”Shanesays,stillnotmakingeyecontactwithme.“ButIknow thatIwasanass,andIapologize.”

“Thankyouforthat.”

AndImeanit Hedidneedtoapologizeforactinglikeajackass ButIneedhimtoaddressthekiss Seventeenyearsago webothwalkedaway,nevertospeakofitagain.Idon’tthinkIcandothatagain. Ileanforwardandtiltmyheadinhisdirection,forcinghimtolookatme IneedtoseehiseyeswhenIaskhimthisnext question.“Anythingelse?”

Shanestartstosaysomethingbutisinterruptedbysomeonecallingmynameinthedistance.Webothlookthatwaytosee Anthonywalkingtowardus.

“Thereyouare,”Anthonysays.“Ididn’tknowwhereyouwent.”

“I ”IstarttorespondwithsomebullshitexcusebutShanecutsmeoff

“Ineededherforasecond,”hesays.“Oneofherkidscalledher,butshedidn’thaveherphone,sotheycalledme.” IlooktoShane,whoclearlyisaskilledliaralongwithbeingaskilledkisser WhatelsecanthismandothatIdon’tknow about?

“Everythingokay?”Anthonyasks.

Inod,stilltryingtogetmybearings “Yup Everything’sfine” Anthonyextendshishandforme.“Great.Readytogobackinside?” IlookovertoShane,thenbacktoAnthony “Go,”Shanesayswithanod.“We’regoodouthere.”

We’regood?Whatintheworldishisdefinitionofgood?Themanjusttoremeawayfromthewedding,kissedthehellout ofme,apparentlyregretsit,andisnowtellingmetogoaboutwithmynightlikenothinghappened?Thatisinnowaygood. Iwanttosaymore,butIdon’t.BecauseShaneissayingeverythingwithhiseyes.

“I shouldn’t have done that ” “I just changed everything.” “Please don’t hate me ” “Okay.”

ItakeAnthony’shandashehelpsmetostand Hedoesn’tletgoaswebegintowalkbackintothereception “Hey,”IsayasIstopwalking.“Canyougivemeaminute?” Henods.“Sure.Wantadrink?”

“Please Whitewine” Heleansinandgivesmeakissonthecheek.“Yougotit.”

Nothing Thatkissfeltlikenothing Granted,itwasjustapeckonthecheek Butalittlesomethingwouldhavebeennice Butno.

Fuck my life…

IwatchAnthonywalkbackinto the reception. Until twentyminutes ago, Anthonywas perfect. Nice. Handsome. Agood dancer.Aprofessional football coach.AleanbuildthatIdidn’tminddancingagainst.Hemademelaughandsmile.Itotally

couldhaveseenmyselfgoingonadatewithhim.Maybeevenhavingalittlefuntonight.NotfunlikeBetsywantedmetohave, but,butmaybealittle.

Butnow?AllI’mgoingtothinkabouttherestofthenightisShane’slipsagainstmineandforthefirsttimeinyears since thelasttimehekissedme mybodyhasfeltalive.

IturnaroundtoseeShanestaringatme,hisgazenearlyknockingmeonmyass It’sthesamestarehe’sgivenmeallday Theonethatfeelslikehecanseerightthroughme.

Istartbackinhisdirection,needingtotalktohimmore,butheshakeshishead,mouthingtheword“Go” Thatstops me inmytracks. He’s right. Ineed to go backinside. This is mybrother’s wedding, and I’ve beengone long enoughthatpeoplemightstartwonderingwhereIam.AndIhavesomeonewho’swaitingforanotherdance.

ToobadI’mnowwishingforadifferentdancepartner

Chapter 4 Amelia

THE ONE NIGHT I WANT A BUSY EMERGENCY ROOM AND WE’RE DEAD THAT MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST PHRASE TO USE ABOUT A placewherepeoplecouldliterallydie,butifyoudon’thaveaslightlytwistedhumor thenyoudon’tbelonginanemergency room.

Now,RollingHillsisn’tabigcitybyanymeans,butwegetourfairshareofemergenciesonanygivennight Buttonight, onanightwhereIwanttokeepmyhandsandmindbusytokeepitawayfromthethingthat’sbeenlivinginmyheadrentfree?

Nope Notevenabrokenbone WhichiswhyI’minthesupplyclosetforthetenthtimeinfourhours “Girl,whatareyoudoing?”

IturnovermyshouldertoseeKendra,myfellownurseandworkwife “I’mrestockingthegloves”

She crosses her arms andtilts her head,clearlygivingme the lookthatshe knows exactlywhatI’mdoing.“Because we wereoutfromthetimeyoustockedthemthirtyminutesago?”

“Wecanneverbetooprepared!Wegothroughhundredsashift!”

“Idon’tknowwhoyou’refoolin’butitisn’tme,”Kendrasays,openingthedoorwider.“Sowhatwe’regoingtodonowis gobacktothe station You’re goingtograba slice ofthatweddingcake youbroughtme,andwe’re goingtotalkaboutwhy you’rebeingmoreTypeAthannormal.”

Iputdownthe boxofgloves and exitoutthe door Kendra’s holdingfor me Ido as asked and grab the slices ofcake I rememberedtotakeafterthereception.Idon’tknow how Iremembered.It’ssafetosaymymindwasall overtheplacelast night.Andthismorning.Basically,thepasttwenty-fourhourshavebeenablur.

Exceptthekiss Thatkissisclearasday

“Girldidyougetlaidorsomething?”

ThisstartlesmesomuchIalmostdropthecake “What?No Ofcoursenot Whywouldyousaythat?”

Real cool, Amelia…real cool…

“Sityourassdownwoman.Weneedtochat.”

IletoutasighanddoasKendrasays.Nopointinhidingit.

“Ididn’tgetlaid,”Isay.“But,somethinghappened.”

“Girl!” Kendra starts bouncinginher seat “Did yougetsome weddingaction? Itold youto keep aneye onthose Fury players.Thosemenarefineasfuck.AndIdon’tevenlikemen.”

Ilaughatherenthusiasm,andforasecond,theimageofAnthonypopsinmybrain ButjustassoonasIpicturehim,Isee Shanecomingovertous,tearingmeawayfromhim.

“Whydoesyourfacelooklikethat?”Kendraasks. “What?Myfacedoesn’tlookaway.”

“Yes,itdoes.”

“Thenpleasetellme,whatdoesitlooklike?”

“Like a woman who got fucked but is now overthinking the fuck instead of just leaning into the feeling that is usually accompaniedbyafeworgasms”

“ItoldyouIdidn’tgetlaid.”

“Well,then,pleasetell,becausesomething’sgoingonandyou’redoingashitjobofhidingit.”

IletoutasighasItrytofigureoutwheretostart “Hassomethingeverhappenedtoyouthat,untilthatmoment,youdidn’t knowyouwantedit?Butthenyouhaditandnowyouwantitagain,butyou’reninety-ninepercentsureit’sprobablytheworst decisionofyourlife?”

“Yes,”Kendrasays.“That’showIfiguredoutIwasalesbian.Now.Spill.” “It it’sShane Hekissedme”

Kendra’seyesnearlypopoutofherhead.ShelookslikeacartooncharacterIhadtowatchonrepeatwhenthekidswere younger.

“Shane?Asinyourhot-as-fuckcopfriendwhoIswearifIwasintomen,I’dlethimbreakmybackandthensaythankyou fortheexperience?ThatShane?”

“Yup That’stheone”

“Girl!”Kendrayells,slappingmeontheshoulder.“Details.Now.Everysingleone.IfIfindoutyouleftoneout,Iswearto GodIwillmakeyoudoeveryenemaforayear”

Istartatthebeginning,becauseIdon’tknowwhereelsetobeginwhenIrecountthetaleofhowmybestfriendbecamemy bestfriendwhokissedthehelloutofme.Itellhereverything.Fromhowhelookedatmeattheceremonytohowhedragged meoffthedancefloor,thentothekiss Ididn’tthinkitwasthatexcitingofastory,butKendraissittingontheedgeofherseat, salivatingovereveryword.

“Wow,”shesays “Haveyoutalkedtohimatall?”

Ishakemyhead.“Isawhimthismorning.Wehadtohelpourfriendgethisgirlback,andhepulledoutallthestops.But webarelylookedateachother”

Well,IknowIbarelylookedathim.Icouldn’t.AllIcouldthinkaboutwasthekisseverytimeIdid.Soitwassafertolook away.Ithinkhewasdoingthesamething,becauseIdidn’toncegetthefeelinghewaslookingmyway.

Ugh This is so bad

Iletmyheadfallontothedesk,narrowlymissingmypieceofcake.“WhatdoIdonow,Kendra?Thischangeseverything.” Shedoesn’tsayanythingforasecond,whichonlymakesmymindracefasterthanitalreadyis Icanfeelmyselfspiraling, andthat’snotsomethingIenjoy.

“Idoubtit’severything,”Kendrasays.

“Itis!Whatifwedon’tevertalkagain?Itwillbelikegettingdivorcedalloveragain.Or!Theothersideofthecoinishe asksmetodate.Andthatcan’thappen.Sonomatterwhichwayweturn,Idon’tseehowthingsgobacktonormal.”

“Slowdown,”Kendrasays,tryingtouseherhandstoslowmybreath “Thosearesomebigleaps”

“ButthosearetheonlypossibleoutcomesasfarasI’mconcerned.”

“Okay,let’sroleplay Butnotthefunkindwithmaiduniforms,”Kendrasays “Let’spretend,forjustthesakeofargument, Shaneasksyououtonadate.Yougo.Youhaveagoodtime.Youkissagain.Maybeyoubreakthatdryspellyou’vebeeninfor waytoolong.Thoseallseemprettygoodtome.So,please,tellmeallthethingsthatcouldgowrong.” Ilaugh.“WheredoIbegin?Firstoff,he’smyfriend.Mybest friend.”

“Itakeoffensetothatbestfriendclaim.”

“You’remyworkwife It’sdifferent Thisisthemanwhoknowseverysecretofmine We’vebeenthrougheveryphaseof lifetogether.HewasthefirstpersonItoldwhenIwaspregnantwithLuke.ItoldhimbeforePaul.Hesaw meatmylowest duringthedivorce Hell,he’sthereasonIwasabletoleavehim He’smyperson Howdoyoudateyourperson?” “Easy.Yourememberhe’shotandfuckhimeverychanceyouget.”

“You’renothelping.”

“Sorry Continue”

“Andit’snotjustourfriendshipIhavetoworryabout,it’sthewholegroup.Ifwedate,orworse,ifwebreakup,Shane andItogetherwouldshakeupeverything Itwouldthrowoffthewholedynamic”

“I’mguessingthatthisfriendgroupismadeupofadultsthatwould,afterexplainingtothemwhatishappening,adjust.”

Iletoutasigh “You’dthinkthat ButOliverwillwantustogetmarriedimmediately Wesdoesn’tdowellwithchange,so thatwillscrewwithhim.AndSimonwillbeSimon,andIdon’tneedanymoreofthatthanIalreadyget.”

“Okay,”Kendrasays.“Butmypointisthattheywilladjust.Theyaregrown-assmen.” “Onewouldthink”

“Fairenough.Theyaremen.Butagain,what’sthebigdeal?Sotheyfreakoutalittle?Itwon’tbelikethatforever.” “It’snotjustthem,”Icontinue “It’saboutourfamilies Ourmothersarebestfriends Theytookpicturesofustogetheras MickeyandMinnieMouseonHalloweenwhenweweretwo.They’vebeentryingtopushustogetherforyears.Theywillbe insufferableifthishappens Andspeakingoffamilies,there’sobviouslymykidstoconsider Youknow,thekidswhocallhim UncleShane…that’sawholeotherthing.”

Kendragivesmeaquestioninglook.“Aretheystillhopingyouandtheirdadwillgetbacktogether?”

Ishakemyhead “Hellno IthinktheyweremoreexcitedthanIwasthedayweleft TheyknewhowunhappyIwas And he’snotexactlyfatheroftheyear.”

“Theniftheyvalueyourhappiness,andI’mguessinglikeShane,thenwhywouldyoutwodatingbeabadthing?” “Because ”Ipause,now realizingI’venevertoldKendrathis.“Ihaven’tbeeninaseriousrelationship,or with aman, sincethedivorce.”

Kendrarapidlyblinksaboutahundredtimes.“Excuseme,what?”

Inod,suddenlyfeelingembarrassed.“Youheardme.”

“Amelia,yougotdivorcedsevenyearsago.”

“Iknow.”

IdownplayedthesexparttoWhitleyandBetsyyesterdayandjustfocusedonmylackofdating Whichistrue Ihavetried Nothinghasstuck.Andmaybeit’smyage,orbecauseIhaven’thaditinforever,butthemoreyoudon’thavesex,thelessyou missit Ontheothersideofthecoin,it’sterrifyingifyouwanttoeverhaveitagainandrealizethatyouhaven’tdoneitinso longyoumightforgethow.

“Soyou’retellingme,inthespanofthreepresidentsyou’vehadzerosex?”

“Thanksforputtingitinthatcontext,Kendra.Ireallyappreciatethat.”

“Girl…”Kendrashakesherheadandwheelsaroundthenurse’sstation.“Ican’timagine.”

Ishrug “Youstopmissingitafterawhile”

Kendrasuddenlywheelsherselfnexttome,completelyinvadingmypersonalspace.“But…” “Butwhat?”

“You’rethinkingaboutitnow,aren’tyou?” “No”

Shetiltsherhead.“Thoudothprotesttoomuch.”

“I’mnotprotesting.I’m…I’mjust…”

Kendraleans inalittlecloser “Sayit Sayyoumiss it Sayyouwantit Sayall thereasons youjustgavemewereyour braintryingtotalkyououtofthis.Saythatyourfriendissexyasfuck,andhekissedyou,andyoucan’tgetitoutofyourhead. Sayyouwanthimtousethatmouthinotherways SayyouwantShanetoendthedrought Youknowyouwantto” “I…”Itrailoff,becauseIthinkshe’sright.“Imight.”

Shethrowsherheadbackindefeat.“Soclose!”

“DidyouthinkIwasgoingtosayyesimmediately?WithoutoverthinkingitsixwaysfromSunday?” “Agirlcandream.”

I’mnotgoingtoadmitoutloudthatyes,nowthatIknowwhatit’sliketokissShane,I’mcuriouswhatmorewouldbelike ButIhavetobepractical.IhavetothinkaboutthingsandhowtheywillaffectthoseIlove.Andmyself.ShaneandIneedto talkandfigurethingsoutandbeadults BecauseallofthosereasonsIlistedweren’texcuses Theyarerealities “Amelia?”Kendraasks.“CanIaskyoutoalsokeeponethinginmindwhenyou’refiguringthisout?” “Sure.”

“Don’tletyourbraintalkyououtofsomethingyourheartwants.BecauseIknowyou,AmeliaEvans.Youwilllookoutfor everyone else’s wellbeingbefore your own. And this time, I’mgoingto need youto sayfucktheir feelings so youcanfuck Shane”

Ican’thelpbutlaughatmyridiculousfriend.“JustwhenIthoughtyouweregoingtobeseriousandsentimental…” “Youshouldknowbetter,wifey”

Chapter 5 Shane

THE ONE THING ABOUT NEVER WANTING A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, OR HAVING MORE THAN ONE NIGHT WITH A WOMAN, IS I NEVER hadtoworryaboutwhentocall.OrifIshouldmessagethem.Youdon’tcallsomeoneyoumeetatabaroronlyseeonceevery fewmonths.Atthemost,it’saquicktext.A“whatareyoudoing?”Ora“freetonight?”

Yes,Iknowthat’sfuckboylanguage WhichIdidn’tknowwasathinguntilIheardtworookiestalkingaboutitatthestation afew monthsago,butitworksfor me.I’venever seriouslydated.NoonebesidesAmeliainterestedmeinhighschool,soI didn’tseethepointindating Inmytwenties,IwasintheArmy,sowomenconsistedofthetagchasershangingoutatthebars aroundbaseforaquicknightoffun.WhenImovedbacktoRollingHillsaftermytours,therewasonlyonewomanIwanted andshewasmarried Afterherdivorce,Icouldhavesaidsomething,butIdidn’twanttorocktheboat Ineverfeltlikeitwas therighttimetotellherhowIfelt.Solowkeyflingsareit.Or, were it.

Idon’tknowwhattodo,orhowtoact,nowthatAmeliaandIareinthisweirdplace.Weusuallytalkeveryday.Aquick text,ormepoppingovertoherhouse,isanormalthingforus Sothefactit’sbeenfivedayssinceI’velastseenorspoketo herisfuckingkillingme.

Icould texther Justsee how she’s doing ButIdon’twanther to thinkthatI’musingthe textas a ployto bringup the elephantintheroom.Ialsodon’twanttospookher.Iknowsheneedstimetoprocess.That’sjusthowsheis.

Ontheother hand,Ifeel likethelonger Iwait,themoretheconversationwon’thappen Andifitdoes,she’ll listall the reasonswhykissingwastheworstideapossible.Orworse:pretendthatitneverhappened.

“Fuck!” Itoss myphone across the roomafter checkingitfor the thirtiethtime since Igothome fromworkanhour ago. Luckily,itlandssoftlyonmycouch NotsoluckyisthatassoonasIstanduptogooverandgetit justincaseIgetamessage Ihearaknockonthedoor.

“Shane!Openup!Myhandsarefull,andIcanseeyouinthelivingroom”

IletoutagroanasItrudgetothedoortoletmymominthehouse.Ifherhandsarefull,thatmeansshebroughtoverfood.I mightnotbeinthemoodforcompany,butIdon’tfeellikecookingeither.Amancanonlyordertakeoutsomanynightsaweek. This is Rolling Hills, after all; we have four options for takeout, and none of themmake Barb Cunningham’s chicken and dumplings.

WhenIopenthedoor,Ihavetoholdbackalaugh Mymomiswearingagoldsequinedjacket,herbingovisor,andholding twocasseroledishes.

“Ihopeyoudidn’tdressupjusttocomeseeme”

“YouthinkI’dwastemyluckyjacketonyou?NowmovesoIcanputtheseinyourkitchen.”

Idoasshesays,steppingoutofthewayasmymombargespastme.“Whatbringsyouover,Ma?Onbingonight,noless.”

“Doyouknowhowmanydaysit’sbeensinceItalkedtoyou?”

IlaughundermybreathasIheadintomykitchen,whereMomiscurrentlyputtingoneofthecasserolesinmyrefrigerator. I’mguessingtheotherisalreadyintheoven “Iknowit’sbeenawhile”

“Sixdays,Shane.Six.Days.WhydoIhavetogoaweekwithouttalkingtomyfirstborn?”

“It’snotaweek,Ma It’ssixdays”

“MomMath,Shane.Weroundupwhenit’sregardinghowlongit’sbeensincewe’vetalkedtoourchildren.Justwaituntil Ifinallygetaholdofyourbrother.He’sinthedoghouseworsethanyou.”

Ilaughand make a mental note to text Noaha warning, thoughIdoubt he’ll see it Last Iknew he was livinginSouth Carolina,runningachairrentalbusinessandlearningtosurf.Butthatwaseightmonthsagosowhoknowswhereheis,orwhat he’sdoing,now

“I’msorry, it’s just beena crazyweek,” I say, givingher a kiss onthe cheekas I go to get a bottle of water fromthe refrigerator

“Musthavebeen.Ididn’tevengetarecapofthewedding.”

“Becauseyouwerethere.Ididn’tthinkitwarrantedarecap.”

“It’slikeyoudon’tknowmeatall,”shesaysdramatically “Andit’slikeyoudon’tknowme.”

Mymomand Icouldn’tbe anymore different She’s the life ofthe party Always has to know what’s goingonand has nevermetastranger.Thatsheandmydadgotmarriedisatotalmystery.Itakeafterhim.Stoic.Notatalker.IbelieveIheard himgruntmorethananythingwhileIwasgrowingup Butwhenitcametomymom?Themanwasinlove She’stheonlyone towhomheshowedhissofterside.

Icanrelate.

“Well,you’regoingtohumormeandtellmeeverythingthathappenedwhileIwasthereandafterIleft” “Why?”

“Becauseyou’remyson,Icanstillwhoopyourbehind,andImadeyouacasserolethat’scurrentlywarmingintheoven” “Fine,”Igroan.“Whatdoyouwanttoknow?”

Iseethenot-so-subtlemischievoussmileformingonherface That’sher‘Iwanttosetyouupwithagirl’face “Didyou meetanyone?DancewithanyoneafterIleft?”

Yup.Thesmirkgaveitaway.“No,Mom.Ididn’tmeetanyone.AndyouknowIdon’tdance.”

And just like that, her smile disappears “Really, Shane? You were at a wedding with three hundred people, and you couldn’tfind one persontodancewith?”

“Wellthat’snotexactlytrue,”Isay “IdancedwithOliver Hemademedosomedumblinedance”

“Oliverdoesn’tcountandyouknowit.”Theangriershegets,themoreIhavetoholdinmylaugh.“Ijust…Isawsomany womenwithoutdates.Notone interestedyou?”

Ameliajumpsintomymind,andImakeaconsciousefforttokeepmyfaceneutral.Therearetwopeopleintheworldwho canreadme oneissittingacrossthetablefromme,andtheotheristhereasonI’minthismindfuck.

“NoMom Nooneinterestedme”

The lie tastes like shit as Isayit, but Ican’t tell her the truth. I’mprettysure ifshe found out what happened between AmeliaandI,she’dhaveaheartattack Ordoacartwheel Maybeboth It would beallovertownbythetimebingoconcluded tonight.

MymomlovesAmelialikethedaughtersheneverhad.SheandAmelia’smom,Tammy,havebeenbestfriendssincehigh school,andIknowthey’veplottedwaystopossiblysetusup.Itstartedwhenwewerekidsandhasneverletup.Noneoftheir schemeshaveevercometofruition,thoughonetimeIdidhearthemsaysomethingaboutlockingusinaroomandjustseeing whatwouldhappen

“OhShane,”Momsayssadly,puttingherhandontopofmine.“Ijustwantyoutobehappy.”

Icoverherhandwithmyfreeone “Iknow,Mom Iknowyoudo”

Mypoor mother. All she wants inlife is to be a grandma. Unfortunately, she gave birthto a sonwho has never had a permanentaddressformorethanayearandanotherwhohasneverhadaseriousrelationship.Atthispoint,I’mprettysureifI toldherIgotawomanpregnantshewouldn’tevenbemad,aslongasherfuturegrandchildrencallherGigi

“Oneday,”shebegins.“OnedayI’mgoingtocomeoverandyou’regoingtohaveasmilesobigonyourfacethatyoucan’t hideit,andI’mgoingtoknow I’mgoingtoknowimmediatelythatyou’vefoundyoursoulmate”

“Don’tholdyourbreath.”

“Iwon’t,butIhaveafeelingI’llknowthesecondithappens” NormallyIwouldn’taskhertoelaborate thewomanhasahabitofturningafive-minutestoryintoathree-actplay but she’spiquingmycuriosity.“I’llbite.Howwillyouknow?”

“Because youare, and always will be, your father’s son” Momdoesn’ttalkaboutDad a lotsince he passed awayfour years ago. Iknow she misses him. Theywere the loves ofeachother’s lives. She made himlaughand broke himoutofhis shell Hekepthergroundedandmadesureshethoughtbeforesheacted Theybalancedeachotherout “Theman,likeyou,was oneoffewwords.Heneversmiled.Hell,Idon’tthinkIeversawhismouthmove.”

Thismakesmelaugh “Icanrelate”

“Exactly.But,didyouknowthatyourdaddyhadathingformeforyears,andIdidn’tknow?” Nowmyattentionisreallygrabbed.“Ididn’t.”

“Hedid Ididn’thaveaclue Wewentthroughschooltogether,andIevensatbyhiminmathclass Themanneversaida word to me. Then, on my twenty-first birthday, I was walking around The Joint telling everyone I was going to try to get twenty-onekissesformybirthday Tammywashelpingmekeepscore” Islapahandtomyforehead.“Mom!”

“What? Iwas youngandhot.Don’tinterrupt.Anyway,your dadoverheardme sayingthis,andbefore Iknew it,the man tookmebythearm,pulledmein,andsaidhewastheonlymanthatwasgoingtobekissingmetonight.Thenhedid.Itwasmy lastfirstkissandthebestbirthdaypresentIcouldhaveaskedfor.”

“Wow.”That'sallIcansay.Idon’tknowifI’mmoreshockedbythestoryorfindingoutanotherwayI’macarboncopyof myfather.

“Wowexactly”Momstandsupandwalksovertotheoven,takingthecasseroleout “Whenyouknow,you’llknow” Momgivesmeakissonthecheekandheadsoutthedoor.ButIdon’tmove.Istayrightinmychairandreplaythestoryshe justtold

The similarities are astounding. The onlydifference is mymomknew there and thenshe had found her love. She didn’t waiverorsecondguess

NowIjustneedAmeliatorealizeitaswell.BecausethemoreIwait,themoreIknowIdon’twanthertoforget.Ineedto talktoher.IneedhertoknowIkissedherbecauseIcouldn’tnot kissher.IneedtotellherhowIfeel. Ineedtomakesurethatwasherlastfirstkiss

Chapter 6 Amelia

AS A SINGLE MOM,I PRIDE MYSELF ON BEING AT EVERY EVENT MY CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED IN I’VE NEVER MISSED A SPORTING event,bandconcert,orspellingbee.ImightskidinontwowheelsafterprayingthewholetimeIdon’tgetpulledoverfora speedingticket,butI’mthere.

Likerightnow Mariah’strackmeetstartsintwominutes Luckily,shedoesn’trunthefirstevent,soIhavetimetotakea breath,fixmyponytail,andentertheeventnotlookinglikeaburned-outmomrunningonfumesandfivecupsofcoffee.

Pointis,eventhoughsometimesImightlooklikeIpulleduponthehotmessexpress,I’mhere It’smorethanIcansayfor myex-husband.Lukeisathree-sportvarsityathlete,andIcancountononehandhowmanygameshe’sbeento.Idon’tthinkhe evenknowsMariahisrunningtrackthisseason Onereasonisbecausehenevercalls Theotherisbecausenooneeverwould thinkMariahwould do anythingathletic related. Hell, whenmygirlie-girl told me she was runningmiddle school track, I almostfellover.Itwasthemostshockingthingshe’severaskedtodo.

Thisgirllovesallthingsmakeup,hairproducts,andclothes whichistheoppositeofme Imighthavehitcopy-pastewith herintermsofourlooks,butwhenitcomestoourpersonalitiesandlikes,wearepolaropposites.Ididn’townmakeupuntilI wasinmytwenties ShehasDiamondRewardsstatusatUlta Hell,shedidmymakeupforWhitley’swedding Whenshewas little,shewantednothingtodowithsports.Wesignedherupforpee-weesoftball,andsherefusedtoplayoutfieldbecauseher shoesgotdirty Ididn’tthinkthistrackthingwasreal,evenwhenIcametoherfirstmeet Buttheremygirlwas,inauniform, bibnumberacrossherchest,liningupforthehurdles.

Andshe’sprettygood.Maybeshedidgetsomethingfromhertomboymom.

Ihearthestartinggunforthefirstrace,whichismycuetogetoutofmycarandwalkintothestadium,grabmysporting eventdinnerofpopcornandM&Msfromtheconcessionstand,wavetoMariah,andfindaplacetositawayfromtheparentsI don’tlike AsIwalkpastthebleachersanddoaninitialscan,IseeJessicaMozzaro,ChristinaLeaftree,andEmilyBabcock That’sahardpass.Theydecidedalongtimeagotheirmissioninlifewastomakeminealivinghell.Theyweretheoriginal meangirls. Made funofme because Iwas a tomboy. Sentme nastymessages because theycould. Theywere also insanely jealousofmyfriendshipwiththeguys.Thenthere’sthewholethingthattwoofthemsleptwithmyex-husbandatonepointin hislife.

MaybeIwon’tsit Standingishealthieranyway

Snacksinhand,IturntofindaplacetowatchwhenIrunintosomethingverylarge.Andverybroad. Andveryfamiliar “Amelia.”

I’drecognizeShane’sdeep,smoothvoiceanywhere. “Hi,Shane.”

Itrynotto audiblygulp whenIlookup athim, butit’s hard. His stare is paralyzing. His presence is consuming. Ittook everythinginmejusttosaythosetwowords HenodsdowntothesnacksIhaveinmyhand.“Whydidyougetthose?” Ilookdownatmypurchasesthenbackuptohim “Becauseit’satrackmeetandthisiswhatIeatatsportingevents?It’s thedinnerofchampions.”

“Iknow,”hesaysasheholdsupabagofpopcornandaboxofpeanutM&Ms. Heboughtmesnacks?Thatwas whydidhe ?

“Youdidn’thavetodothat.”ImumblethewordsolowIdon’tevenknowifShaneheardme.Iduckmyheadandwalkto thefence,butIfeel Shaneonmyheels Iknow whyhe’s followingme,butdoeshehaveto?Doesn’therealizeI’mnotsure howtonavigatethis?

“How’veyoubeen?”

Iturnandgivehimanincredulouslookbecausefuckthesmalltalk.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”

Myvoice has a pinchofanger init,whichIdofeel badabout.Butwhyis he here? Iknow RollingHills isn’texactlya hoppingplaceonaTuesdayevening,butIcanthinkofalotbetterthingstobedoingthanwatchingseventhandeighthgraders runinacircle.

“MariahtextedmetheotherdayaskingifIwouldcometooneofhermeets Iwasoffdutytoday Ifigureditwasjustas goodofatimeasany.”

“Oh”Ididn’trealizeshedidthat MariahtextsShaneallthetime Bothofmykidsdo “Good I’mglad Gladyoucould makeit.”

“Metoo.”

HiswarmsmilemakesmenervousalloveragainsoIquicklyturnbacktowatchthemeetandanxiouslyeatmypopcorn ThoughIcouldn’ttellyouwhowasrunning,evenifitweremykid.HowcanIwhenShane’scologneisassaultingmysensesin thebestandworstwaypossible?Iwanttolookathim,butIdon’t Ican’t Iwanttosaysomething,butwordsarehardright now.Anditdoesn’thelpthathe’swearingtheleatherjacketthatmakeshimlookamilliontimeshotterthanhealreadyis.Hell, IknewShanewashotinthejacketbeforethekiss NowI’mhavingsex-on-motorcyclefantasiesthatareverynew andvery confusing.

“SoMariah’srunningtrack?That’sstillweirdtosay.”

Ihearhiswords,butitstilltakesmeafewsecondstorespondasI’mstillthinkingaboutmotorcyclesex “Yeah Weird” IwatchMariahline up atthe start, and I’minawe ofher. She looks like a seasoned pro, notsomeone who juststarted runningafewmonthsago She’srotatingherneckassheapproachestheblockandshakesoutherlegsbeforegettingset When thestartergunpops,she’soffandrunning.Anddamn…mygirlisfast.

“GoMariah!Push!Push!”

That’s notcomingfromme. No, it’s fromShane. All Icando is smile as Iwatchthis mancheer for mydaughter. He’s pumpinghisarmandclappinglikehe’ssingle-handedlygoingtohelpherwinthisrace.Ithinkhe’stheloudestonerightnow. Andhe’snotevenherdad Exceptheisinallthewaysitcounts

He’sherenow.Heshowsup.She’scomfortabletextinghimandtalkingtohimbecausehe’sherconstant.Whensheneeds somethingIcan’thelpherwith,it’snotherdad,mybrotherJake,orherbrothershelooksto it’sShane I’llneverforgetwhen shewaseightandabouttohaveheroneandonlydancerecital.Shecamehomecryingonenightbecausethegirlsweregoingto beescortedontothestagebytheirdads.SheknewPaulwasn’tgoingtoshowup.SoIaskedherwhoshe’dlikeinstead.She didn’thesitate.AndneitherdidShane.Heshowedupthatdaywithabouquetofflowersandatiethatmatchedhercostume.

MyemotionsareabouttospilloverasIwatchhimcheerforher.This.Thisrighthereiswhythekisshastostaywhereit belongs inthepast Imightwanthim,orbecuriousabouttheideaofus,andmaybeinaperfectworldIcouldletmyselfbe recklessandgiveintothiswant,butIcan’t.Ican’triskthepossibilitythisgoessouth.Ifitdoesn’tworkout,or ifthingsget weirdandShaneandmyrelationshipchanges,itwoulddestroymykids Andno,Idon’tthinkShanewouldevercutmykids outofhislifeinanycircumstance,butIknowLukeandMariah.Theyarefierceprotectorswhenitcomestome.AndIdon’t wantthatforthem.IwantthemtohavetheirUncleShanethewaytheyalwayshave.

SoI’mgoingtodowhatI’vebeendoingfor thepastsevenyears puttingmywantsasidefor thesakeofmychildren It mightsuck,butit’sneversteeredmewrongasaparent.

EvenifitwasakissIcanstillfeelonmylips

“Lookathergo,”hesays.“GoMariah!Allthewaythrough!”

Hiswordssnapmebacktothepresent,whereIseeMariahcomingtothefinishline Holyshit,issheabouttowin? “GoMariah!Run!Go!”

I’mjumpingupanddowncheeringasmygirlcrossesthefinishlinefirst.Priderushesthroughme,thenamusement,asshe looksbackinbewildermentwhensherealizesshewon Ifumbletograbmyphone,hatingthatIdidn’trecordtheracewhileit wasgoingon.

“Mom!Shane!”Mariahcomesrunningovertous,herarmsopen “Canyoubelieveit!Iwon!” “Iknow,baby,”Isay,givingherahugoverthefence.“I’msoproudofyou.”

“Thanks, Mom” Mariah breaks our hug to move on to Shane “Did you see? I did what you told me to do I really concentratedonmystart.”

“Idid,Pipsqueak.Youdidawesome.”

Sheallbutjumpsoverthefenceintohisarms,andofcoursehecatchesher Andofcourse,IfightbackatearasIwatchthe twoofthem.

How couldIever thinkaboutruiningthis dynamic? For what? For the chance ofmaybe Shane beingthe one? For a few orgasms?

No.Ican’t.Iwon’t.Becauseforthehundredthtimeintheirlives,Shanewasthereformykids.Nottheirfather.Shane. Andyes,Ilovehimforit.Ilovehim.ButIlovemykidsmore.

“Okay,I’mgoingtogobackover there.”Mariahgesturestowardher team.“Mom,Isaw youtakingpicturesor videoor

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