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Offside: A Vancouver Vikings Hockey Romance Sierra

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OFFSIDE

AVANCOUVERVIKINGSHOCKEYROMANCE

SIERRAHILL

BeforeYouBegin

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

Chapter21

Chapter22

Chapter23

Chapter24

Chapter25

Chapter26

Chapter27

Chapter28

Chapter29

Chapter30

Chapter31

Epilogue

MoreVikingsComingSoon

Acknowledgments

AbouttheAuthor

MoreSportsRomancefromSierraHill

CONTENTS

BEFOREYOUBEGIN

Helloreader!

While Offside isacompletestandalonenovel,Idohaveaveryspecialbonusforyou!

Beforeyoubeginreadingthis ebook,youcandownloadBallas andKaris’s steamyone-nightinVegas prequel usingthis QR codenow

BookFunneldownload:

https://BookHipcom/LBWFHAP

CoverDesign:QDesigns

CoverPhotography:ReginaWamba Editing:AndthenPie

Allrightsreserved

Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distributed,ortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,includingphotocopying,recording,orotherelectronicormechanical methods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher,exceptaspermittedbyUS copyrightlaw Forpermissionrequests,contactTen28Publishingat sierrahillbooks@gmailcom

Thisisaworkoffiction,createdwithoutuseofAItechnology Anynames,characters,placesorincidentsareproductsoftheauthor’simaginationandusedinafictitious manner Anyresemblancetoactualpeople,places,oreventsispurelycoincidentalorfictional

Withoutinanywaylimitingtheauthor’sexclusiverightsundercopyright,anyuseofthispublicationto“train”generativeartificialintelligence(AI)technologiestogenerate textisexpresslyprohibited TheauthorreservesallrightstolicenseusesofthisworkforgenerativeAItraininganddevelopmentofmachinelearninglanguagemodels

Ah, shit There goes my contract extension

Allbecausemydickgotintheway Ifiguredonedaymydickwouldfinallygetmeintrouble Istareatthebeautifulwomanacrossthetablefromme,flankedbytheGMandtheattorneyfortheVikings,whoareallherefor thesamereason.Torenegotiatethetermsofmycontract.

Whatisitthattheysayaboutyourpastcatchinguptoyou?Ornevermixingbusinesswithpleasure?

Well,unfortunatelyforme,mypastjustcaughtupwithmeandmypleasuremayhavejustfuckedupmyfutureplans.

Iguessit’stimetodealwiththeconsequencesoftheactionsofmydick.

“Thankyouformeetingwithustoday,gentlemen,”Karissaysinaquietyetfirmtone,noddingbrisklyatbothmeandmyagent, QuincyPeck,whositsinthechairtomyright “I’msureyoubothknowNateandourteamattorney,TarjinderSingh”

SittingtoherleftisNateMcGowan,theVikingsGM,anassholeofepicproportionswhoIcan’tstand Ontheothersideisour team’sattorney,Tarjinder,amaninhislatefiftieswhosehairisgrayingatthetemples.Hismustacheanddarkeyebrowsare distractingfromtheseriousnessofthismeetingbecausetheyremindmealmosttoomuchofGrouchoMarx Ihavetostiflea chuckle.

IstarebackatthegorgeouswomanwhoIfuckedintooblivionsixmonthsagoinahotelroominVegas.Thatwasthenightof mybestfriendMarek’sweddingandthenightKarisSpurlockapproachedmeinthehotelbarwithapropositionIcouldn’tpass up.

Backthen,Kariswasn’tmyboss’sbossorthefranchiseowneroftheVikings.Shewassimplyanotherweddingguestandthe nieceofMarvinSpurlock,theVikings’teamowner,andtheowner ofthePugetSoundPilots’basketball team. Marek’s boss. Not mine

WhenKarisboldlyaskedforahot,no-strings-attachedhookupthatnight,Ihappilyobliged WhowasItoturndownabeautiful woman?

HadIknownthenwhatIknownow,wouldIhavedoneit?

Fuck, that’s yet to be determined.

Wemayhavescrewedeachother’sbrainsoutinVegas,butrightnow,KarisSpurlockcouldscrewmeinanentirelydifferent way Sheholdsthekeytomyfutureontheteam,orpossiblytheendofmyNHLcareer

Quincyinterrupts mythoughts,draggingmyattentionoffKaris andbacktothe seriousness ofthe situation “Goodafternoon, Ms.Spurlock,gentlemen.BallasandIareeagertodiscussthetermsofthecontractextension.”

Karisgivesatightsmile,herhandlandingonthepaperworkthatdecideswhetherIstaywiththeVikings,gettraded,or God forbid endupontheaffiliate Asmallflickerofuneasesettlesinmybones Thatthirdoneisalwaysanoptionforaveteran playerlikeme,andlastyearwasespeciallytough.Consideringmyeighteenyearsintheleague,theteammaywanttobringin younger,fasterbloodtoaddtotheirD-line,turningmeintoanobsoletedinosaur

Kariscutshergazetowardme “We’vehadachancetoreviewBallas’scontractandthereareafewmodificationswe’dlike

todiscussregardinghispositionwiththeteam…”

IbristleatthelevelofjudgmentIhearinhertoneandthecensoriousglareinhergreeneyes.Maybethisishowshepresents herselfduringeverymeetingbutit’sdefinitelynotthewayshelookedorsoundedwhenshecriedoutinsheerpleasurewhileI wasbetweenherlegs.ButwhatwouldIexpect?

ConsideringhowIleftthings andthewayIlefther IsupposeIdeserveherunfilteredanimosity. NobodyeversaidIwasagoodguy.

ButI’madamngoodplayer.Sure,lastyearwasfullofafewupsanddowns.Maybeafewmorechallengesthanusual which somepeopletooktomeanthebeginningoftheend butIfinishedstrong.WhichiswhereI’matrightnow.Idon’trestonmy laurelsandhopefullythatwillkeepmeinthegamefortheforeseeablefuture

AndifanyoneinthisroombesidesmeknowsIdon’trestonmylaurels,it’sKaris Sheshouldrememberverywellhowmuch staminaIhave,consideringIwentallnightlongwithher.It’sthatwoman thesexyvixen Ispentthenightwith. Butit’snotthewomanheretoday.

Today’s Karis is the buttoned-up, poker-faced franchise owner ina modestgraypantsuit. The silkenblonde hair I’d runmy fingersthroughthatnightispulledbackintoasleekponytail thataccentuatesherstraightnoseandhighcheekbones Andthat prim-as-fuckwhiteblousegivesonlytheslighthintofthoseperkytitsI’mintimatelyfamiliarwith.

Iremember justhow plumptheywerewhenIcuppedtheminmyhands.How sweetthosepertnipples tastedwhenIsucked thembetweenmyteeth Andexactlyhowsexyhermoanswerewhenmycockslidinsidehertightpussy

Thatnight,webothgotagoodfucking

Todayitmightjustbemewhogetsfucked

As a pendingfree agent,I’mina precarious situation Withmyprevious three-year contractexpiring,we begannegotiations late lastseasonbutsince the Vikings currentlyholdthe rights tomycontract,theyhave the optiontoeither matchthe offer I receivedfromSanFranciscoSoaringEaglesortrademeinfavorofahigherdraftpickfornextseason

Or theycould just hangonto me and drop me backto the third D-pair Fuck, that would kill myspirit and make me even grumpierthanIamnormally.

There’sareasonIwasnamedTheBeastandit’snotformycharmingcharismaandpersonality.It’smymonstrousdrivetowin andbeatourcompetitors.Unfortunately,thatdoesn’terasethefactthatmyicetimewasdownlastyearduetosomehardhits againsttheboardsandaheadinjuryearlierintheseason.

If I were in the team’s position specifically Karis’s I might consider letting me go, too. Something in the way Karis insinuatesmyplaywasn’tgoodenoughdrawsarashofangerthroughmybloodstreamthough. Ileanforward,thunkingbothelbowsonthetable.

“Whatpreciselydoyouneedtodiscussaboutmyposition?”Isnap,myvoicetightwithaclearedgetoit.I’msuddenlyfighting to control a whirl of volatility that’s been simmering since she walked into the room Maybe it’s the way Karis sits there seeminglyunfazedwhileholdingmycareerinthepalmofherhand.“Incaseyouweren’taware,MissSpurlock,Iplayedover sixty-fivegameslastseason,rackingup950tomycareertotal Withnineteenminutesagame,Ialsoputupfifty-fiveassists I maynotbetheyoungestontheteamanymore,butI’mstillbringingiteverysinglegame.I’mafuckingsolidplayerandifyou don’twantme,I’msureSanFranwillbeinterestedinme”

Karis lifts a dark-blonde eyebrow, tiltingher head to the side, and silentlyassesses me before she finallyspeaks “Yes, I’m very aware of your stats, Ballas. I may be new to this team, but I am a professional and certainly not ignorant of my responsibilities as the franchise owner. Contrary to your assumption, I did my homework. I’m very familiar with all your data points ButifyoufeeltheVikingsisn’ttherightplaceforyou,wecan ”

I’maboutto leanover to Quincyto tell himI’mdone withthis ridiculous excuse ofa meetingwhenhe chokes outa cough, holdingupahandtohalttheshotsbeingfiredbetweenKarisandme.

“Whoa,whoa,whoa.There’snoreasontojumpthererightoutofthegate.Ballas” hegraspsmyshoulderanddigshisthumb in deep enough to inflict pain “simply wants to reiterate his loyalty and commitment to this team That’s all He’s very interestedinremainingherethisseason.”

Iscoffundermybreathandwhenmyeyesflickbacktoherface,that’swhenIseeit.There’safaintblushthatcreepsupher neckandintohercheeks.

Hmm…maybe she doesn’thate me after all, maybe she isn’toutfor revenge, plottingto ruinmycareer for how Ileftthings withher.Maybethere’sanotherreasonforherappearanceatthismeetingtoday.

Whichbegsthequestion,why?ThewordsfalloutofmymouthbeforeIcanstopthem.

“Whyexactlyareyouhere,Karis?”

Quincyinhalessharplyandwhacksmeintheshinwiththeheelofhisshoe.Iturntoseea what the fuck lookinhisexpression.

WhenIreturnmygazetoKaris,hersmileispolite,almostpatronizing,asshefoldsherhandsonthetableinfrontofher. Shesniffs,hereyesdrillingholesinmyhead.“Imaybenewtothisorganization,Ballas,butI’mnotunfamiliarwithrunninga billion-dollar sports franchise. Everyone plays their part in making this operation run smoothly. My job is to ensure I’m spendingmymoneyintherightplacesforthe right assets.”

Hershrewdlookcouldknockamanonhisassandtakesmybreathaway.Shejustscoredonthepenaltykill,drawingalinein thesandthatclearlysays, Don’t underestimate my acumen just because I’m young and beautiful.

NotthatIeverwould.WhileI’msurprisedbyherpresenceinthismeeting,Idon’tmindit;onthecontrary,itshowsalotof balls It’sjustnottypicalforateamownertojoininthecontractnegotiationsofplayers Unlessthere’saconcernoversalary caporbudgetorahigh-profileplayer,theGMnormallyhandlesthesemattersdirectlyandwithoutinterference. IfIhadtoguess,I’dsayshedoesn’ttrustNatetodohisjob.

Karis taps the screenofthe iPad illuminatingher face, makingher greeneyes gleaminthe electronic glow. The same green eyesthatstareddownatmewithunbridledlustwhileIwasbetweenherlegsandmakingherorgasmwithmytongue Thememoryofhowshetastedhasmeinstinctivelylickingmylips

Karisraisesherheadandthere’sanaudiblehitchinherbreathwhenshenoticesmymouth IknowIshouldn’t,butIraisemy browsasshefumbleswiththedevice,pokingthescreenwithfranticmotions.

Sheclearsherthroat.“I’veaskedouranalyststoprovidemewithasummaryoftheteam’sstrengthsandweaknessesbasedon statsandwhichpositionchangestheybelievewillofferusthebestlineupnextseason”

Inod “Okay Let’shearit”

Karisoffersatight-lippedsmileinreturn SheturnsthedevicearoundsoQuincyandIcanseethecolorful andcomplicated chartsandgraphsthatmakenosensetome.Ihopetheydotoher.

“This data, Ballas, indicates that your defensive skills are a strongasset for our organization. You’re the defensemenpoint leaderfortheVikings,andasidefromthatearlyseasonconcussionlastyear,youputupsomeexcellentnumbers”

Quincy interrupts boastfully on my behalf “Ballas is ranked in the top five for a defenseman in the entire league, Ms Spurlock.”

Karis glances at Quincy and inclines her head with a polite nod, her ponytail swishing gently from side-to-side. “Yes, precisely.Ballas’sphysicalhealthaside,itisforthisreasonwehavedecidedtomatchtheofferyoureceivedfromtheEagles andextendyourcontractforanotheryear.”

TheattorneyslidesthecontractdownthetabletowardQuincy,whobeginstoreviewit.Iwanttoslumpinreliefbutinstead, straightenagainstthebackofmychair.IneverwantedtoleaveVancouver.Icouldn’tseemyselfplayingonanyotherteamthan theVikings

Manyolderguysgettradedintheirfinalyearsinordertobringinnewbloodtotheteam Theveteransenduphavingtostart overonanewteamrosterinadifferentcity,withlinestheyaren’tfamiliarwith.I’mtoooldforthatshit,sothisisrelieftomy ears

Quincyturnsthepageandgivesalowhumofapproval,thenpushesitinfrontofme,pointingoutthetermswiththetipofhis finger.Idoaquickreviewandnod.

KarisisabouttosaysomethingmorewhenNateinterjectshisowncommentary.

“You’llfindthetermsandthesalaryoffermorethanfairforaplayeratthispointinyourcareer.”Histoneiscondescending anddownrightrude.EversinceNatetookthepositionofGMtwoyearsago,he’smademylifemiserable.There’sneverbeen anylovelostbetweenus,probablyatleastinpartbecauseIsleptwithhisex-wife,Alexis,whiletheyweregoingthroughtheir divorce.

ThesexwasgoodbutmaybenotworththetroubleitbroughtmewithNateinthelongrun.Ormaybewe’rejusttwoassholes whodon’tgetalong

IconsiderthetermsofwhatpotentiallycouldbemylastNHLcontract It’sactuallyabetterofferintheshort-term,sincemy previouscontractwasforthreeyearstotaling$8million.

Mychestunravelslikeskatelaces,looseningthetensionthat’sbeenthereformonths.

Beggarscan’tbechoosers.Aone-yearextensionisaboutasgoodasitgetsforaguyinmypositionatthispointinmycareer.

I’m just happy to have another year on the ice locked down with no move required. I can remain with the team here in Vancouver,hopefullygetustoanotherCuprun,andseewhereIgofromhere MaybesqueakoutanotheryearortwobeforeI hangupmyskateswithpride.

Afterthat,it’supintheair.IhavenoplansafterretirementandnoideawhatIwanttodo.ItpainsmetothinkImayhaveto walkawayfromthesportthatI’velovedsinceIwasfiveyearsold

Untilthatdaycomes,Ijustneedtokeepmyfocusontheice

Andnotontheicequeenwhonowownstheorganization

Iletoutapent-upbreaththeminutethemeetingconcludesandexittheroom,feelingthesweatthatdottedmyskinthelastthirty minutesdripdownmyspineandpoolattheedgeofmywaistband.

MyGod,itwashotinthatroom,andsothickwithtensionthatyoucouldsliceitwithaknife.

Or maybe it was just me tryingto keep emotions reined inwhile speakingto the manI want to despise. Instead, I made a businessdecisiontokeephimonmyteam,whichmeantwearingmypoker faceandkeepingcool under theweightofseeing himagain,ascenarioIneverthoughtwouldhappen.

It’snotlikeI’muncomfortablefacingdifficultconversations,averynecessaryskillinmycareer.I’vedoneadamngoodjobof itconsideringhowoftenIdealwithmenwhothinkI’mnotcapableofbeingatthesametableasthem Ineverletthemseeme flusteredandcankeepmycomposureevenduringthemostchallengingsituations.

It’s likely why I’ve been labeled an ice queen. I get it. Woman who are tough in business are always labeled and given ridiculouslyharshnicknameswiththeintentionofknockingusdownapeg.

DoIenjoybeingcalledanamethatreferstoanicypersonality?Absolutelynot.It’snotwhoIam.Icaredeeplyfor people, especiallythose close tome But,because ofmyprofession,Iuse the label andthe persona tomyadvantage toavoidbeing steppedon.

I’moutofbreathfromthesprintdowntomyoffice,havingspedbymyadministrativeassistant,Christine,sofastthatIalmost miss the funnylookshe gives me Inormallystop and chitchat, askingher abouthow her sonis doingand how his hockey practiceisgoing.Butrightnow,Ineedamomenttocollectmythoughtsandcalmdownthechaoticwhirlinmyheadthatwas causedbytheonlyone-nightstandI’veeverhad

Ballas fucking Keeney

Icouldbarelybreatheinthere,suffocatedfromhispresenceandtheimagesitconjuredupofthetwoofustogethermonthsago Had it only been about sex, I could’ve played it cool with Ballas. We had a night of consensual pleasure with no strings attached.Wehookedupandwentonourmerryway.Iwasneversupposedtorunintohimagain.

Butthat’snothowthingsendedwithBallas Itinvolvedahellofalotmorethanthat,makingtoday’smeetingandthedecision tokeephimontheteamahundredpercentmoredifficult.It’sthereasonIregardedhimwithsuchjudgeycontempt.

It all came flooding back the moment I saw him again. My intense hatred grew to inferno proportions and threatened to overwhelmmeasIwentupagainstagiantassholewhohadonceofferedmecomfortandsupportduringmydarkesthour,and justasquicklyleftmedanglingalonefromtheprecipice

Iclosethedoor behindme,slumpingagainstitwithathumpandberatemyselffor becomingsoagitatedinhis presenceand losingmycontrol.

Don’t let him get to you.

WhyisitthattheoneguyIhadaone-nightflingwithhappenstobeaplayeronmyteam?

Aknockonmydoorstartlesmefrommythoughts.Ijumpupright,gatheringthefoldersandiPadinmyhandinatightgrip,and swingaroundtoopenit

Christinestandsatthethresholdwithacheerysmile.SheholdsoutmyrefillablecoffeecupandanewbagofSkittlesthesize ofherheadthatshemusthavepurchasedatCostco,andIpracticallysalivate.Thetwoaddictionsinmylifethatbringmejoy.

“Yourushedpastmesoquick,Ididn’tgetachancetogivethesetoyou.”Christinebreezesintotheofficeandheadsstraight towardmydesk.Sheplacesthecoffeeonacoaster,thentearsopenthebagcontainingmysweetaddictionandpourshalfofit intothecrystalcandydishnexttomylaptop.

Christinetiltsher headandeyesmecuriously.Her signaturesilver hoopearringsdangleather neckandgrazethetopofher shoulderwhenshelooksbackatme

“Shit,woman Youlook frazzled”Shegesturestowardmyfacewithaflourish “Andyourcheeksareflushed Areyouokay? Doesyourbackhurt?ShouldIgetyouanappointmentwiththeteamdoc?”

Althoughwehaven’tworkedtogetherall thatlong,Christineisbothintuitiveandtrustworthy,whichiswhyI’vesharedwith herthedetailsofmycaraccidentandtheinjuriesitleftmewith

Iwaveheroffanddipintothedishtoretrieveacolorfulhandfulofcandy Ipoponeinmymouthandsinkdownintomychair Sighing,Idropthefilesontopofagrowingpileonmydesk.

Forthefirsttimetoday,Irelaxandletmyguarddown.

“I’mfine,Christine.Noappointmentnecessary.”Itakeasipofthestrongcoffeeandclutchthemuginbothhandsasifit’sa lifeline “I’mjustgladthatmeetingisoveranddonewith”

“Oh?Diditnotgoasyouexpected?”

You could say that

NothingaboutBallasKeeneyiswhatIexpected Iexpectedhimtobehavelikeagrumpy,untamedbeastthatnightinVegas,whichhedid Rightuptothepointwhenheturned intoaverydifferentversionofhimselfthatwasmoreteddybearthanbeast. Heshockedandruinedmeallinonenight.

So,no.NoteverythingaboutBallasiseverwhatIexpecthimtobe.

Iswivelinmychairandstretchoutmylegs,floppingmyheadbackagainstthechairheadrestwithanexasperatedsigh. “Yesandno.IthoughtIwaspreparedforhim.IthoughtIwasreadytohandleit.”

My statement has so much more meaning behind it than Christine is aware of. I grappled with my decision to extend his contractthroughmanysleepless nights Icarefullyleftmypersonal views outofmyverdict Ievaluatedhis stats throughhis timeintheNHL,especiallythenumbersheputupwiththeVikingsover thelastsevenyears.Theevidencewascompelling. ButnowIwonderifImadeadealwiththedevil

Idon’tnecessarilyhavetoseeBallasall thetime,buttheideathathe’shere,rightinthisbuilding,maybeenoughtosetme overtheedge.

ItwouldgiveNatepleasuretoknow justhow deeplyBallasgetsundermyskin.MyGMwasdeadsetontradinghimandin completeoppositionofmydecision.HewantedBallasgoneandwasalreadytalkingwithCoachThomasonhowtoreworkthe lineups.

AndNate’swereallpersonal.Hedidn’tlikeBallasbecauseofhischaractertraits.

“Keeneyiscockyandarrogant.Hegetshimselfsenttothebinmoretimesthannot.Andhe’sfuckingpasthisprime.”Nate’s vitriol was clear. He hates Ballas nearlyas muchIdo, butthis is business and we can’trisklosinga good player over our personalfeelingsforhim

Likehimornot,Ballasisabeastlikenootheroutontheice HecanmovethepuckuptheiceandisagreatoffensiveD-man, gettingtheassistsandrackingupthepointstohelptheteamwin.

Sure,Ballasisnotayouthful,energeticplayer.He’sgrumpyandgetsinmorescrapesthanmostandissenttothepenaltybox onaveragemorethanmanyotherplayersontheteam Thatpartistrue WillBallasbeanunpredictableliabilitythisseason? DidIcometotherightconclusion?

There’salsotheteensy-weensyconflictofinterestthathasnow comeintoplay.Ithangsover myheadliketheshoereadyto dropwitheverychoiceI’mforcedtomake.

Basedsimplyonhiscareer,IfeelconfidentthatImadetherightdecisionaboutkeepingBallasontheteam.“Alwaysusethe numbers,”UncleMarvhadsaid.“Theyneverlie.Butgutinstinctisalsoastrongindicatorwhetheradecisionisagoodoneor badone.That’showthebestonesaremade.”

Relying on Ballas’s stats was a no-brainer. But was it my gut talking when I gave the green light to finalize the deal? Or somethingelse?

Christine reaches outand is aboutto remove mycoffee cup whenIsnatchitback, cradlingitinto mychestas ifit’s a toyI refusetoshare.“Don’t.You.Dare.Ineedthiswithadesperationyoucan’tevenfathom.”

Thismakesherlaughasshestandsinfrontofmeexpectantly,handsnowonherhips.

“I’mnotsureanyonecaneverreallyhandle TheBeast,”Christinesayswithasassywink.“IfyouknowwhatImean.I’msure that’swhyyoufeltoffyourgame IknowIwould”

“Christine ”Iadmonishinnocently “WhatonEarthareyouimplying?”

She shrugs, twirlingher longtapered fingernail around the bighoop inher ear “Ballas is a manmost people love to hate Personally,Ifindthosealphaholebadboysirresistible.Caseinpoint,AJ’sfather,Antoine.”

MyjawdropsopenandIshakemyheadonalaugh.“AtleastyouendedupwithsomethinggoodoutofitwithAJ.AllIhaveis amountainofcontractstoreviewanddocstosign I’mcertainIwon’tbefallingforanyone badboyorotherwise withall theworkonmyplate.”

Iunconsciouslyrubatmylowerbackwhichhassuddenlyawokenandisthrobbingwithavengeance.Stresswilldothattome. “Sometimesitjustfeelslikethisistoomuch,youknow?IwishMarvwereheretohelp.”

Christinegivesmeasoulful,sympatheticlook.“Iknow,hun.Weallmisshimandhopeforhisrecoveryandreturntothehelm soon Butyou’redoingafantasticjob,Karis Seriously,Idon’tknowhowyoudoit”

ChristinehadbeenmyuncleMarv’spersonalassistantforthepastfouryears,eversincehepurchasedtheVancouverVikings She is smartand capable and comes withanundyingsense ofloyaltyand anorneriness thatmust’ve beenforged while she workedwithmyunclebefore well,beforeItookoverasowner.

We’vehadmanyheart-to-heartdiscussionsoverthecourseofthepastsixmonths,usuallyontheeveningswhenherexhadher son, whenwe’d take a momentafter the dayto share and commiserate over a glass ofwine. She knows aboutmyaccident. Losingmyparents.LivingwithUncleMarv.MyhorriblebreakupwithBradley,andhisassholishbehavior.

Herinsight sheseemstohavehereyesandearsoneverything hasgivenmeagreatdealofunderstandingintothenuances oftheorganization Itrustherimplicitlywithnearlyeverything

ExceptforoneveryintimatedetailaboutBallasandme

ChristinewastheonewhocalledmethatnightlastDecembertogivemethenewsaboutmyuncle’sheartattack Idon’tknow whatIwould’vedonehaditnotbeenforhersupportatthetime.ShehandledallthearrangementstogetMarvtransportedto theERandwasbyhissidewhileIwasenroutebacktoSeattlefromVegasthatnight

ShetookcareofMarvthesamewayshenowtakescareofme Withanunwaveringcommitmentandloyalty “Doyouwantoneofthosecoconutwatersyoulike?”sheasks,noddingher chintowardthemini fridgeagainstthefar wall “Thosethingstastelikelukewarmbathwaterifyouaskme.Butyoulooklikeyoucouldusesomeelectrolytesorsomething.” Ichuckleandwaveheroff.“No,I’mokay,really.Whydon’tyoufillmeinonmyscheduleupdatesfortherestoftheweek?”

Glancingoverhertablet,shespitsoutalitanyofurgentoperationalrequeststhathaveallcomethroughoverthelasthour.

Maybeshe’srightandIdoneedsomeelectrolytes.Orstronger. “There’sbeenachangeinplanstoo.Natecalledafewminutesagoandaskedtomoveupthethreeo’clockbudgetmeetingto noon”Shepeersatmethroughherlashes,browsraised “Thatjustmeanshewantsafreelunch”

Isnort.Shedoesn’tcaremuchforNate,either.

“The NHLchairmanwants to meetwithyouwhenhe’s intownnextweek. And Petra called. MarekTalbertis askingabout somefacilitiesissueswiththearenainSeattle.”

Mytemple throbs withthe makings ofa horrendous headache, whichis preciselythe reasonIneed mycaffeine and sugar. I dropmyheadforwardintomypalms,slowlymassagingawaytheaggravatingannoyancethathitsmehardoutofnowhere.

“Okay.”Iliftmyhead,turningbacktomyopenlaptopandcalendarasthreeSlackmessagesappearintheappbox.Christine extractsaboxedwaterfromthefridge,placingitinfrontofme,andIgrudginglyreviewmyschedulechanges.

Temporarilyrunninga$1.5billionNHLfranchise,alongwithmypermanentresponsibilityfora$750millionbasketballteam, requires careful planning, strategic management, and financial acumen There’s a constantchess game ofmovingparts, with careersonthelineandfansandsponsorstoappease.

Whichistosay,it’safuckinglot.AndifI’mbeinghonestwithmyself,it’sfarmorethanIwasreadytotakeonthisearlyinmy career

Attwenty-eight,I’mtheyoungestownerofanNHLteam Nottomention,onlythesecondfemaleprincipalownerintheleague It’salottomanage.

BeforemyuncleMarvendedupinthehospital,thingsweresubstantiallyeasierandundercontrol.Atthattime,Isimplyhad co-ownershipdutiesforthePugetSoundPilotsbasketballorganizationinSeattle IalsohadMarekTalbert,whomanagesthe teamwithsuperbleadershipskillsandtaughtmeaboutthegameofbasketball.Hehasbecomeagreatfriendtome.

ThenmytrainingwheelsfelloffthenightMarvlandedinacoma.

Myentireworldwentoff-kilter.MarvistheonlylivingfamilyIhaveleftafterlosingbothmyparentswhenIwasfifteen,and losinghiminthismanner,alongwithtakingonallthisaddedresponsibility,issometimestoomuchformetobearalone IwouldneveradmitfeelingoverwhelmedtoanyoneelsebutChristine Shehasmyfulltrustandfaith Ifitgotouttoanyonein theNHLaboutmylackofconfidence,itwouldonlygivethemanotherreason,besidesthatI’mayoungwoman,tocriticizeor sayI’munqualifiedtorunthisorganization.

AndsomethingtellsmethatNateMcGowanwouldjustlovetouseanyvulnerabilityhecanfindtopokeholesinmygoodname andmakehimselflookbetter Idon’ttrustthisassholetohavemybacklikeIdowithMarek

Infact,ImayneedtoreplaceNateMcGowanifthingsdon’tturnaroundwithhimsoon.Hiscontractisalsoupthisyear,too, whichmeansI’mina“shitor getoffthepot”position.IbelieveNatemustbringsomethingtothetable,otherwisemyuncle wouldn’thavekepthimon Theteamdidn’tgototheplayoffslastyears,soIjusthaven’tfiguredoutyetwhatitis

Maybewe’llhaveamiracleandmyunclewillbebacktosteertheshipbeforethen Unfortunately,that’sanearlyimpossiblerequestbecausehe’slyingathomehookeduptomachinestokeephimalive It’sbeen months,andI’matalossastowhattodo.

MyheartsqueezesatthethoughtasIfinishupwithChristine.

“I’mgoingtorundowntothe cafeteria toarrange lunchfor your budgetmeeting,” she says witha wink,headingtowardthe door Thenshecallsoverhershoulder,“AndwhenIreturn,I’mschedulingyouamassagewithKipforlatertoday”

Igrumbleabouttoarguewithher “Idon’tneed ”

Shecutsmeoff “Youdoandyouwill I’llbeback”

Whenthe door closes witha click, Iopenmyinboxand wince EventhoughChristine has gone throughand prioritized and deleted,Istillhaveoverahundredemailstoreviewandrespondto.I’mgoingtoneedmorecoffeeforthis.

Speakingofwhich,IthinkChristineisbackwhenthere’sanotherknockonmydoor.

Idon’tbothertolookup. “Backsosoon?”

“No?” The sound ofa deep, masculine voice rumbles throughthe office. Tearingmygaze frommyemail, Iliftmyhead and

stareupatthesix-foot-fivehockeyplayerstandingatthethreshold.

One lookatBallas makes mycheeks flame hotand mybodyflicker alive. Damnhimfor beingso insanelyattractive inhis tailorednavysuitthattugsaroundhissculptedshouldersandthighs.

Don’t let him in Both figuratively and literally “Karis,weneedtotalk”

Hedoesn’tevenbothertoaskmeifIhavetime,hejustshutsthedoorbehindhimandstridesforwardlikeheownstheplace Likeheownsme.

Well,joke’sonhim.Iownhis ass.

Idomybesttoreengagemyicequeenmasktoappearcalm,whenontheinside,I’manythingbutthat.Mybodylightsuplike theredlampwhenagoalhitsthebackofthenet,butit’snotfromdesire.Thistime,it’swithannoyanceovertheinterruption andresentmentoverhimjustbarginginlikethis.

Pull yourself together, Karis He’s not worth your tears or time. He’s just another player in all definitions of the word Aplayerwhousedme,heldmeinhisarmswhileIcried,thenwalkedawayandforgotaboutme.

IwishIcouldscrubmymemoryandfocusonlyonBallas’sdickishbehavior.ButIcan’tbecauseIalsoknowthere’sadecent man underneath the grouchy exterior. He blew away my preconceived notions last Christmas Eve, the night my uncle was admittedtothehospital

BallasshowedupunexpectedlyinSeattleandwastherebymysidetheentirenight Hewasthemanwhoheldmyhandandlet mecryonhisshoulder,knowingIhadnooneelseintheworldIcouldleanon. It’s that BallasIwanttoforget.

Ineedtorememberhimasthemanwhoshatteredmyfaithwhenheleftwithoutawordofgoodbye nomessageornote,no follow-uptextor call Ballas Keeneyghostedme,disappearingwithouta trace,until the momenthe satacross the table this morning.

IfIallowed mypride to rule mydecisions, Iwould have. Butthis teammeans everythingto myuncle, and business always comesfirst Irefusetomakechoicesthatwillimpacttheteambasedonmyheart,feelings,oremotionalstate Ican,however,boothimoutofmyofficebecauseI’mhismotherfuckingboss “Ballas,thereisnothingmoreweneedtodiscuss Youhaveyourcontractandanotheryearontheteam Now,pleaseleave”

ButIcan’thelpthewordsthatescapemymouthwhenImutter,“You’re good at that ”

Irealizeanyconversationthatbeginswith,“Weneedtotalk”isgoingtoborderonbeingunpleasantandpotentiallyunwanted ononeoftheparticipants’behalf.

Inthiscase,I’dsayitwentoverlikeapucktothechin.

The cold-shoulder treatmentis rightinline withhow Isaw this going.Idon’tbegrudge Karis for beingpissedoffatme for barginginuninvited, either I’d be considered delusional if I had ever expected her to welcome me withopenarms and a cheerysmileaftermydouchebagdisappearingactlastDecember.

I’dhopedshecouldatleasthearmeoutandallowmetoapologize.IcameuptocleartheairaboutmyactionslastChristmas. Mybehaviorwasreprehensiblebymoststandards,eventhoughprettytypicalofme

AnapologyislongoverdueandalsotheonlywayIcanseetostartfreshandavoidanyawkwardfutureinteractionsbetween usnowthatmypositionissolidontheteam.Karisjustneedstohearmeout.

Istridefurtherintoheroffice.Witheachstep,IpracticethewordsI’verehearsedinmyhead.

“I’m sorry, I was an asshole. I shouldn’t have left you without an explanation. I should have been a friend when you needed one. ”

Karis glowers atme so stronglyIfeel the need to lookawayto avoid the scrutinyinher glare. ButIstaythe course as she growsnoticeablylesscomposedandmorefidgetythecloserIgettoherdesk.Hercreamyskin,paleanduntouchedbythesun, brightens to a deep pinkhue. She flicks a lockofhair outofher face and she straightens her spine like she’s preparingfor battle

Iraisemyarmsintheairinthesignofsurrender

“Karis,please Fiveminutes,that’sallIask”

Karis peers up and pastmyshoulder toward the window ofher office Ifollow her gaze, turningmyhead until Christine’s emptydeskcomesintoview.

“Christine’sgone.Iranintoherattheelevator.Ifyou’reworriedaboutprivacy…”

Sheshakesherheadvehemently,wispsofblondehairescapingfromherponytailandfallingintoherface.Karistuckssomeof theloosestrandsbehindherearsandpushestoherfeet

“I’mnotworriedbecausewedon’tneedprivacy”Hervoiceistenseandhereyesmeetmineassheroundsthesideofthedesk beforecomingtoanabruptstopatthecorner.Shecastsadownwardglanceatherfitnesswatchandthenbristles.“I’mbusy, Ballas,anddon’thavefiveminutes Thereisnothingwehavetodiscuss,andI’mlateformynextmeeting”

ShepicksupthephoneandiPadfromher desk,bendingsoher whiteblousestretchesandclingstothecurveofher waist I takeanotherstepforwardandcatchawhiffofhersoft,femininescent.Thesamefragrancethathaslingeredinmymemories sincethenightweweretogether

Coveringherhandgentlywithmypalm,Ipressitdowntothedesk

“No,you’renot”

Karisstammersinabewilderedandguardedtone,snatchingherwristaway.

“Areyoualsomynewadminandknoweverythingaboutmyschedule,Ballas?”

Ichuckleanddropmyhandtomysidewhilethecornersofmymouthtipintoanamusedgrin.“IaskedChristineifyouwere available.”

She pffts,andswivelsquickly,leavingherdevicesonthedeskinfavorofcrossingherarmswithacutegrowlofirritability “Remindmetofireher.”

Ilaughatherfakeoutrageasshesitsbackdownwithasneer,hermouthtwistinginagrimaceofindignation.

ThisfierywomanisthesameonewhoboldlystatedshewantedmetofuckherthatnightinVegasandthenquicklyshowedme hervulnerabilitiesandinexperience.ThetwosidesofKarisSpurlockarethereasonsIhaven’tbeenabletogetheroutofmy headsincethen

Sheslipsamanicuredfingerintoabrightlycoloredcandydish,fishingaroundtopluckoutafewredSkittlesbeforepartingher lipsandpoppingtheminhermouth.Istarewithfascinationatthoseperfectlipsastheyopenandclosearoundthecandy.The tipofherpinktonguepeeksout,sendingafloodofmemorybacktomybrain

Andmycock

Whichis preciselywhyIneed to steer clear ofthose memories, make amends, and find a wayto co-existinthis new team environment.Forgeaheadpastmymistakeandstartoveronaprofessionallevel.

Andwhatafuckingmistakeitwas.ItservesmerightfortryingtobethekindofmansheneededwhenIobviouslycouldn’tpull itoff

ThatnightIdidsomethingcompletelyoutofcharacterforme IsteppedoutonalimbandIofferedmysupportandshoulderfor Karistocryonwhenherunclelandedinthehospital.

Astheysay,nogooddeedgoesunpunished.

IttookmefourhourstorealizesheneededsomethingfarmorethanIwasabletooffer.I’mjustnotamanequippedwiththe levelofemotionalresonancerequiredinthatsituation

Sex?Icangivethat

Ahugofencouragement?That’seasyenough

Buttostickitoutandstaybyawoman’ssideduringhertimeofneed?

Notinmywheelhouse

So,IdidtheonlythingIcoulddo Iran

NowI’mstuckwiththerepercussionsofthatdecisionandI’mnowonthereceivingendofKaris’sicyglare “Karis,willyouletmeexplain?”

Hergreeneyesgrowcoldanddarkwithcontempt Shepushesoutofherchairagain,sendingitcareeningwildlybackintothe bookshelfbehindher.Severaltrophiesandplaquesdisplayedontheshelveswobbleprecariously.Shemovesovertothebank ofwindowslookingoutoverthecityscape,standingstifflyassheshiftsindignantlyfromfoottofoot “Theclockstartedtickingtwominutesago You’vegotthreeminutesleft Hurryupandgetonwithitsoyoucanleave”She hooksathumbtowardthedoorbuthervoicequiversslightly,enoughformetotellthefireisweakeninginherresolve.

There’saflashofsomethinginherbrighteyesastheynarrowatmebeforesheturnsawayagain.Ialmostforgothowstunningly beautiful she is, and strong The kind ofbeautythatknocks menofftheir feetand the type ofstrengththatputs evenhockey playerslikemetoshame.

I’mnotcalledBallastheBeastbecauseI’msweetandcuddly.I’masix-foot-fiveOscartheGrouchonapairofmotherfucking skates.

ButonenightwithKaristurnedmeintoagooeysap,anditscaredmeshitless

Whenshehadlookedupatmewhilewesatvigilforheruncle,tearsglisteninginhereyes,withsuchneedforstability,likeI wassomekindofsaviororknightinshiningarmor,Ipanicked.Iamnoone’sgoddamnsavior.Idon’thaveanempatheticbone inmybodyandshewaspinningherhopesonmetobetherewhensheneededsomeonethemost?

NotachanceinhellwasIthatguyandIdidn’twanttogiveherthatimpression,whichwould’vehappenedhadIstayed.The momentshe’dfallenasleep,slumpedintheuncomfortablehospitalchairnexttoMarv’sbed,Itookoffandhightaileditbackto Vancouver Ididn’tlookback Nogoodbye,nothoughtful floral arrangementandsweetcondolencecard,nonumber leftona pieceofpaperonthenighttablebyheruncle’sbed. IwasachickenshitandranasfastasIcouldintheotherdirection.

Jesus, now that Ithinkabout it, maybe myrehearsed apologyspeechwon’t evencome close to mendingthe hole Idugfor myself

Ineverexpectedwe’dbeinthesameroomtogetheragain ShelivesinSeattleandoverseestheownershipresponsibilitiesfor abasketballteam.I’minVancouverandplayhockey.

Then everything changed in a strange and tragic twist of fate when Marv Spurlock slipped into a coma and she was the beneficiaryofallhisbusinesses

Whichleaves me here to cleanup the mess I made withthe womanwho stubbornlyrefuses to lookat me or allow me to apologize.

Itakeatentativesteptowardher,soclosenowthatIcansmellthesweetcandyonherbreath.

“Youhaveeveryrighttobefuriouswithme.Ideserveit.”

She whips backaround and her shoulder brushes againstmychest. Apatronizingsmile lifts atthe corners ofher mouth, her tonebone-dry “WhywouldIbemad?You ”shegesturesbetweenus “meannothingmoretomethananameonmyteam roster.You,BallasKeeney,arejustahockeyplayer.”

Damn.Thatonewasasolidpuckshottothegut.

Asteelyexpressioncurtainsoverherface,betrayingnothingbutpoliteprofessionalismnow.Shetakesastepbackandshoves adelicatehandoutatmetoshake.

Ishouldjustshakeher handandbeonmyway.Letthisserveasalessontomefor anyfutureinteractionsIhavewithKaris Spurlock.Shedespisesmeandthere’snoapologyIcangivethatwillchangethat.

There’s a hundredandone reasons whyIshouldjustturnaroundandwalkoutthatdoor andleave this conversationbehind. AndwhyIshouldn’tdosomethingasstupidaskissingher.

Firstandforemostbeingourworkingrelationship.

Karisisnotsimplysomerandomhookupanymore.She’stheteamownerandmyboss’snewboss.

Second,kissinghernowwouldbeimprudent,nottomentionhighlyinappropriate. Andthird,sheobviouslyhatesme.

KarishatesmewiththesamelevelofintensityastheBostonBruinshatetheMontrealCanadiens. Orattheveryleast,shestronglydislikesthissituationwe’vegottenourselvesinto Therefore,thereisnodoubtshewouldn’t wantmetotouchher,muchlesskissher.

YetnoneofthatstopsmefromwhatIdonext.

Takingasolidstepintoherspace,Isnagherwrist,tugherintomychest,andthrowcautiontothewindwhenIcrushmymouth tohers.

Hernextwordsdieonhertongue,herbreathhitches,andIswallowdownhergaspofangrysurprise.Karispushesatmychest withherpalm.Ipausetopeerdownather,hopingtoreadherexpression.Hermouthopensandsheletsoutashutteringbreath. Ipullback,readytowalkawayandinaninstant,Karisgrabsontothebackofmyheadandcrusheshermouthagainstmine.

SomethinginsideofmesnapsandIwastenotime,mytongueraidinginaclaimingstroke.Idoamentalfistpumpandvictory

lap.

Iwrapanarmaroundherlowerbackandsplaymyfingerswide,holdinghersolidlyagainstme.Herfingersspearthroughmy hairwithasavageferocity.

Thekissisurgentandfiery.Punishingandhostile.

I’msearchingforforgiveness She’slookingforrevenge

Karispushesonhertiptoesandtugsthestrandsclaspedinhertightgrasp Thecruelravishmentandexplorationbetweenusis aheadycocktail,quicktoignitemybodywithneedylust.

Iwanttoserveoutmypenancebetweenherlegs.Thiswomancouldmakemebegifshewantedto.BegforforgivenessthatI wouldgiveherinspades.

Butthat’snotwhat’sgoingtohappen.

Theknockonthedoorfollowedbythesoundofhernamebeingcalledasitopensdousestheflamesofpassionbeforewecan evenregistertheburn.Karisjerksoutofmyholdandseversourkiss.

Withamuffledcurse,sheflingsherselfawayfrommybody,onlystoppingwhenshegrabsontothebackofthevisitor’schair.

Irunahandovermystubbledjawline,thenreachforherelbow.Shetakesanotherstepaway,puttingmorespacebetweenus. Hereyesboreintomine,asifdeploringmetokeepmydistanceandkeepquiet,beforeshebreaksthatconnectionandshakes herhead

Clearingherthroat,shesmoothsahandoverherstomach,gatheringhercomposureandonceagainrevertingbacktobosslady

“Thankyou,Ballas.Iappreciateyoustoppingbytocheckonmyuncle.I’llbesuretotellhimyousaidhello.”

Iquirkaneyebrow ather ease inrecovery. She’s quickonher feet, I’ll give her that. I’mstill lostinthe moment, myscalp throbbingwhereherfingersyankedatmyhair.

Andthat’snottheonlythingleftthrobbing.

Idropmyhandsinfrontofmytentedpantsandignorethepainfulacheinmyballsasthedooropenswiderandayoungwoman popsherheadintotheoffice

“Comeonin,”shecallsoutwhileIstartcountingtoahundredinordertocalmmybodydown

“I’msorrytointerrupt,Ms.Spurlock,”theyoungwomanstammersassheglancesbetweenKarisandmewithnervousregret. Her cheeks blushtomatchthe oversizedpinkglasses perchedonher nose.“Oh!Hello,Ballas.Ididn’tmeanto…Ijustsaw ChristineandshesaidIcouldstopbywiththenewsampleswereceivedforthisupcomingseason’steamgear”

Karisnodsandreturnstoherdesk,wavingtheyoungwomaninasshetakesaseat

“Ofcourse,Amie Comeonoverandshowmewhatyou’vegot Ballaswasjustonhiswayout”Withoneraisedeyebrow,she givesmeadismissiveglance.“We’llseeyouwhentheseasonresumes,Ballas.Haveanicesummer.”

Idipmychin,noddingtobothwomenasIexittheoffice,pullingthedoorclosedbehindme.

I’mnotsureifmyabortedapologymadeanysortofprogressonsmoothingthingsoutbetweenKarisandmeorifthatkissonly addedtoagrowinglistofreasonsforhertodespiseme Whateverthecase,allIknowisthatkisswillbeinconstantrotation inmydreamseverynightthissummer.

Whoneedsrestintheoffseasonanyway?

The summer passed byina blur of meetings, travel, and the constant checkinginafter Uncle Marv’s care I was downin severaltimesamonthforsaidmeetingswiththePilots’teammanagementandwouldstopbyforupdatesfromhisprivatecare team

Tosayit’sbeenadifficulttaskisanunderstatement

Addtothatall thebusiness andworkIhadonmyplate,Ibarelyhadtimetoeatsensiblyandmanagesomeself-care There wasnopersonaltimeoutsideofthat,whichmeantnotimefordating,either.AndnotimetocontemplatethatkissBallasleftme inmyofficethedayofhiscontractextensionmeeting.

Yetsomehow,regardlessofmybestintentions,hemanagedtoinfiltratemydreamseverynightthissummer I’dfallasleep,then wakefromafitfulsleep,sweatyandhorny,wrappedupinahazeofsexyfantasieswiththeneedforthatother‘self’caretime. Arguably,dreamingofBallasbetweenmylegswasneverquiteassatisfyingastherealthing.

Justto make matters worse, myex-boyfriend, Bradley, the manIdumped backinDecember because he cheated onme, has decided,aftermonthsofplayingthefield,thathewantstogetbacktogether He’sbeencallingnearlyeveryday eventhough I’veyettoanswerthephone andsendsmetexts,emails,floralarrangements,andbasketsofmyfavoritegoodies.

Todayfeaturesyetanotheroverpriced,unwanteddelivery.Iscowlatthearrangementthatjustarrivedandhaveaburningurge tothrowthemagainstthewall

Thatwouldbesatisfying,exceptthenI’djusthavetocleanupthemessleftbehind

Normally, I’d askChristine to dispose ofthem, butshe’s ona well-deserved vacationthis weekbefore all the players and adminsreturnforthestartofpreseasonpracticeandtrainingcamp.

AstrangethreadofawarenesspricklesdownmyspinewhenIthinkofseeingBallasagain.Ipickuptheglassvase,indulging inthesucculentscentofthebeautifulbutunwantedflowers,andcarryitwithmetotheelevator

I shouldn’t have read the note attached but I caved His words were not onlycringe-worthybut so revealingof Bradley’s narcissism.

“Sunshine,

Please call me back. I know I made a mistake when I let you go. I still love you. You’re the one for me.

Love, Bradley. ”

ThefactthathebelievesheletmegohasmesnortingoutloudasIpressthebuttonontheelevatordoortoheaddowntothe parkinggarageandthrowoutthereminderofhim Bradley’sindiscretionsandhisinabilitytokeephisdickinhispantsduring ourtimetogetherbecamethedecidingfactorformydecisiontobreakitoffwithhim.

Awomandeservesamanwhobuildsherupandworshipsher,notadouchewhoputsherdown.

ItwasonmywaytoVegaswhenIfinallycametothatrealizationandbecameanewwoman.Itallledmetomyone-nightfling withBallas

TheflowersarejustanotherreminderofhowhappyIamtobesingleagainandnotwiththatdog

hecanwinmebackbysendingafewoverpricedandextravagantgifts.

Idon’thavetimeforhisbullshit whichbordersnowonstalkerishbehavior.ButatleastInowrealizemyworthandknowI amdeservingofmorethanhecouldevergiveme.

Igivemyheadashakeandshovemynoseintothelilies,takinginonelastsniffofthefragranceofmyfavoriteflowers.OnceI ditchtheseinthegarbagedumpster,I’llgograbsomelunchfromthevendingmachine.

Whenthebuzzerdingsandthedoorsopen,Itakeastepforwardofftheelevator,mynosestillburiedinthearrangement,andI runsmackdabintoawallofhuman.

“Oomph.” The air is knocked outofmylungs and I’mthrownoff-kilter. Ibackup to regainmybalance, embarrassed thatI hadn’tbeenpayingattentiontowhereI’mgoing “I’msosorry Excuseme ”

Alargepairofhandsgrabstheheavyglassvasefrommygrasp,shiftingittothesideandawayfrommyface

Ballas

Speakofthedevil.

Heoh-so-casuallytipshischininanod,hiseyesbouncingfromtheflowerstomyeyes,aslowsmileinchingupatthecorners ofhismouth.Hedropshiswarmhandsfromthevase.Itakeastepbackfromtheopenelevatordoor.

Regainingmycomposure,Isteel myresolve andstifle the partofme thatis thrilledtosee himagain,workingtomaintaina professionalaloofness

“Goodtosee you,Ms Spurlock” His deep-timbredvoice shakes me tomyverycore,alreadyunravelinganyhope Ihadto remaincoolandunaffected.Dammit,Iwanttostaymadathim.

Standingwithhisbackagainstthedoor tokeepitfromclosing,hecrossesoneankleover theother andcasuallyleansback. “Celebratingsomething,orissomeoneinthedoghouse?”

It’s annoyinghow gorgeous he looks His handsome face sports a goldentanthat’s probablythe outcome ofmonths outona fishingboatorgolfcourse.Christine,whoisalwaysgoodforallthejuicycomings-and-goingsoftheorganization,mentioned something about his whereabouts this summer and had numerous stories to share about what she heard of his well-known conquestsandrevolvingdooroflovers.

Fightingthepangofjealousythatpokedatmyheart’sedges,Iresistedtheurgetoinquiremoreaboutitandclampedmymouth shutlike the proud womanIam, gentlyremindingmyselfthatIdidn’tgive a rat’s ass aboutBallas, his trips, or his current relationshipstatus.

Lies. All lies.

Honestly,itprovedmoredifficultthanIhadhopedthispastsummertorememberwhyBallasshouldmeannothingtome.It’sas ifthekisswesharedinmyofficethatdayworkedsomemagicspell,charmingmeoutofalltheanimosityI’dhadtowardhim.

Hisvoiceisfullofamusementbutisthatinterestinhiseyes?IsheaskingifI’mseeingsomeone?

Icarefullyhide myownflicker ofinterestwithforced composure, tryinghard notto breathe inhis spicy, woodsyscentthat makesmybraingoalittlefuzzy.What’dheaskmeagain?

“It’snoneofyour business,Ballas.”Iscoffwitharoll ofmyeyes.“Butifyoumustknow,I’mthrowingtheseawaybecause thatdoghousewasburnedtothegroundandthedogwassentoffwhenhehumpedanotherbitch.”

Hechokesoutaloudrumblinglaughandsomehowthemovementofhisbodycausestheelevatortoshakesothatthetoo-heavy vasewobblesinmyotherarms

Ballasswiftlyswingsanarmoutandsettlesalargehandonthebottomofthevasetopreventitfromfalling

“Whoa,there,sweetheart,”hesaysinasmoothtonethat’srichwithanintimacyreservedforlovers

Thereminderthatwewereloversmakesmewanttothroatpunchhim orkissthatsexymouthofhis.

ThenextthingIknow,he’sstandingrightinfrontofme,tall andbroad-shoulderedandtakingover myentirefieldofvision. HisbreathsmellslikeamintygumandremindsmeofhowhetastedthelasttimeIsawhim.Hiscologneisrichandwoodsy.

It’sawarmscent,notoverpoweringandartificiallikethatofsomanymenIcomeacrossinthisbusiness,thatscentlovedby power-hungrymenwhotrytoimpresswomenwithmoneyandprestige.

Like Bradley

The doors suddenlyclose behindhimwitha whoosh and myheartleaps into mythroatfrombeingso close inthis isolated, crampedspace.

“Here,letmehelpyou.It’sawfullyheavy.”

Itwistawayinhaughtyobstinance.“I’mfine.Icanhandleit.”

“Fine.”Hebacksawaywithhishandsup.Asheturns,hemurmursunderhisbreath,“Irememberyoucanhandlebigthingsin yourgrip.”

Imakeasoundofindignationattheclearlysuggestivecomment.Itwassexual,wasn’tit?OramIjustreadingintoit?

“Watchyourself,Ballas,”Iwarn,heatflamingacrossmycheeksevenasmypantiesdampen.Idon’tknowifIshouldbeturned onbyhisdirtytalkorannoyedthathe’susingourpastintimacyagainstme.“Watchyourmouth.YouforgetwhoIamandwhere we’reat.”

“Oh,Iknow exactlywhoyouare,Karis,”hesayssmugly,hiseyesbrimmingwithchallengeastheyrakeover me.Iholdmy ground,willingmyselfnottocaveundertheintensityofhisgaze Hepointsafingertowardmeandtwirlsit “Underneathall this,Iknowwhatyouwant,too.”

There’sachallengeandademandinthemthathasmetornbetweenwantinghimtotakemelikeheownsmeandpushinghim awayforfearI’lllosemyselfinhim

Hisgazemovestomylipsandlingers “Asformymouth,youdidn’tminditsomuchwhenItoldyoutospreadyourlegsand madeyoucomewithmymouthonyourpussy.”

Iletoutanearlyhystericalhuffandtrytoskirtaroundhim,togetofftheelevatorsoIcangetsomeair.Myheadisstartingto fog There’sarestlessenergythatvibratesthroughhismovement,apowerthatcoilswithinhimthat’sdevastatinglyappealing andisleavingmeinasexualhaze.Histantalizingscentandthepowerfulsetofhisshouldersgivehimanairofcommandthat exudesfromeverypore.

Hemakesmeweak.Andthatmakesmemad.

“Out.Of.My.Way.”

Ifinallyshovepasthimbutyearsofshuttingdownthebestgoal-scorersintheworldmakeshimagile,andhequicklymovesin front of me just inside the parkinggarage and spins me around. He cages me against the cement blockwall and thenleans down.

Foramoment,Ithinkhe’sgoingtotakethevaseandbenddowntokissme.Myheartbeatswildlyagainstmyribs,takingmy breathasIwaitforhismouthtofirmlypressagainstmine

Instead,hegrabsthecardhiddenbetweenthestemsandextractsitfromtheenvelope “Hey!That’s personal.”Myobvious irritationover notgettingkissedcomes outinabrattywhine.Anyattempttorescuethe cardfromhis fingers is utterlyfutilesince he’s a goodfiveor sixinches taller thanme andI’mstill holdingthe vase tightly againstmybody

Igrowllikeababytigeragainstanuntamedlion

Henarrowshiseyesonthecard

“Sunshine, Please call me back I know I made a mistake when I let you go I still love you You’re the one for me Love, Bradley. ”

AlthoughIknowwhatitsayssinceI’vealreadyreadit,itsoundsevenmoreridiculousreadoutloudinthehighfalsettovoice heuses Istiflemylaughbybitingdownonmylowerlip

Ballasglancesdownandraisesoneeyebrowindisbelief,thenfansthecardintheair “Whoowee,”hewhistlesandexpelsin anexaggerateddrawl.“Whatafuckingdipshit.That’stheworstapologyI’veeverread.”

Mycheeks burnwithembarrassment, althoughI don’t know why. I didn’t askBradleyto send me flowers or his lame-ass apology.

“Youmean,besidestheoneyoutriedtogiveme?”Iputonmybestsaccharine-sweetsmile.

Helaughswryly.“Tobefair,whenIrehearseditinmyhead,itsoundedgreat.Itjusthadtroublemakingitoutofhere.”Hetaps onthecardonhislipsbeforeshovingitbackintothebouquet.“AtleastnowIunderstandwhyyou’reditchingthese.”

Iraiseaskepticaleyebrow.“Andwhatdoyouknowabouthim?”

Ballaslookslikehe’sabouttosaysomethingbutshakeshisheadinstead.“Nothing,Iguess.”

“Whenwasthelasttimeyoueversentanapologybouquettoawoman?”

Hemerelyshrugsashoulderandmumbles,“Neversentabouquettoanyonebefore,period.You’rethefirstwomanIeverhad toapol...”Hiswordslingerintheairbetweenus,muchliketheoverwhelmingfragranceofthefloralarrangement.“Forgetit.”

HisstatementfloorsmeandIwantbadlytofollow itupwithadditional questionsabouthispastdatinghistoryandpersonal life.Instead,IrememberwhatIcamedownherefor,anditwasn’ttobegrilledbyBallasortointerrogatehim.

“That’swhatIthought,”Ianswershortly.“Forsomeonewhobyhisownadmissiondoesn’tdorelationshipsorfeeltheneedto sendawomanflowers,yousurehavealottosayaboutthewholeprocess.”

Withasmackofhispalm,heplaceshishandabovemyhead,andwithadeliberatelycasual move,whisksthevasefrommy gripintheotherhand Thenheleansforward,hismouthhoveringwithininchesofmine Iswallowhard

Inacontrolledvoice,hesays,“MaybeI’mjustcuriousaboutyourlovelife,MissSpurlock”

Hewinksandpullsaway,gesturingwithawidesweepofhisarmoutintotheparkinglottowardthedumpstersintheback.I brushpasthim,empty-handed,ashefollowsmetowardthebins.

“Idon’tneedyourinputonmylovelife,Ballas,”Igrouseovermyshoulderathim.Iwanttoadd, you gave up that privilege months ago, butIbitemytongueandtakethehighroad somethingheclearlycan’tdo

WhenIgetto the large commercial dumpster, Iswingaround infrontofhimand grab for the vase, jockeyingfor the stupid flowersthatarejustgoingtobethrownawayinthetrash.Ballashasgottenmyemotionsallstirredup.Whydoesheflusterme somuch?Whycan’tIjustactnormalaroundhiminsteadoffeelingthismixofsexualheatandfrustration?

WhenIclaspmyfingersaroundthevase,theygrazeoverhisknuckles,andtheheatofhisskinradiatesthroughmyhandandup myarm.Mybreathcatches andItampdownthatzapofchemical reaction,staringhimdownwitha steelygaze.“All Ineed fromyou,Ballas,isforyoutohelptheteamwingamesthisseason That’sit”

Ballasshrugsandthenliftsthecontainerlid,motioningwithhischintowardit

“Let‘errip,Karis,”heencourageswithawink,“andremindmenevertobuyyouflowers”

Ithrow the vase andits entire contents intothe binandfightdowna grinwhenIhear itshatter intopieces witha satisfying crash.

Wipingmyhands,Ispinonmyheelsandheadtowardthebuildingentrance.

“Contrarytopopularbelief,”Isayovermyshoulderashewatchesmewalkawayfromhim,“Awomandoesn’tneedamanto buyherflowers Shejustneedshimtotreatherright”

And stick around when we need you

“That’sit,man Tenmore Yougotthis,B”

Roland,theteam’sheadtrainer,countsoutrepsforme,encouragingmealongashe’sdonecountlesstimesbeforeandpushing mewhenIfallbehind.

Whichseems tobe happeningmore andmore these days,especiallythis morningbecause mymindisn’tinthis weightroom withme

It’s stuck on that conversation with Karis earlier in the parking garage and the way I behaved toward her I acted like a completeandutterasshole.

Ihavetwotheoriesonwhythatis,whichIhappenedtoruminateonovertheentiresummer.

The firstis thatIcan’tcome to terms withmyage and where I’matinmycareer. Itseems like justyesterdaythatIwas a twenty-four-year-oldeliteD-man,beingtoutedasthebestintheleague,struttingaroundlikeacockyplayer

Andlookatmenow?Sweatdrippingintomyeyesandmouth,heavingforbreathwiththesaltytastestickingonmytonguelike abadomen.

I stop after eight reps, wheezinglike a longtime smoker, as I conjure up the image of Karis as she walked awayfromme earlier.

Thatwasaspainfulformeasthislastsetofdeadlifts Truthbetold,sheconsumedmythoughtsallgoddamnsummer,nomatter whereIwas,whatIwasdoing,orwhoIwasdoingthemwith.ItpissedmeoffthatIcouldn’tgetheroutofmyhead.Whichis probablywhyIwassuchadicktoherthismorning.

I’mjustrackingupthetallyforapologiesowed,aren’tI?

Rolandscoffsloudly,givingmeanudgeofmyhip.“Comeon,bro.Youwantmetostartcallingyouoldman?”

Igivehimasneeringglareandfliphimoffaroundtheironbarbellthat’sstillinmygrip. “Notonemorefuckingword,”Irasp,usingthemostintimidatingvoiceIcan.Heonlylaughs.

RolandTerryhasbeentheteam’sstrengthandconditioningcoachsincebeforeIjoinedtheteam He’sagreatguywhohasseen methroughmanyofmyminorinjuries,includingthehitIsustainedlastseasonandtheresultingconcussion.

Rococksabrowandthenmimeszippinghismouthshutwithaquirkofhislips.

WefinishouttherepsandItakeabreak,grabbingmywaterbottleandthetowelhangingonthebarnexttomeandswipingat the sweatpouringdownmyneck. Ibend atthe waist, throwingthe towel over myhead, and prop myelbows onmythighs, pantingloudlywithexhaustion

“Whendidyourworkoutsgetsohard?”Igrumble,takinganotherswigofmywaterandgivingRoasidewaysglance.“Fucking hell.MaybeIdidn’tkeepuponmyconditioningthissummerthewayIthoughtIdid.”

“You’reonlyasoldasyoufeel.”Ropatsmeonthebackandchuckleskindly.“We’llgetyoubacktoTheBeastinnotime.”

trainingisn’tscheduledtobeginuntilnextweek.

EventhoughIstilldidsometrainingforthelasttwomonths,Itookamuch-neededbreakfrommyusualroutinestoallowmy bodytorest.IthadtakenabeatingwhenIdovebackintoplayinghockeyafterChristmas.

WithmyheadamessoverwhathadhappenedbetweenKarisandme,Ireturnedtotheiceandgavemorethanahundredand tenpercentineverygame for the remainder ofthe season. Itookoutall myfrustrationand confusionagainstour opponents, especiallywhenwewereupagainsttheteamofmylongtimeadversary,SergeiRusso.

I’dspentmysummerbeingactive,butrelaxing,outontheopenwaterandonthelinks.Thedistanceandtimehelpedmeforget aboutthestrange,unwantedfeelingsIhadforKaris

Iwasafuckingidiotforgettingcarriedawayandkissingher

Neverinallmyhistoryofhookupsandone-nightershaveIgonebackforsecondsorpursuedanythingmoremeaningfulwitha woman.SowhydidIkissheragain?

IdecidedtochalkituptogettingolderandmoresentimentalasIinchtowardmyhockeyretirement.Withmycareernearingits end,thefearoftheunknowncontinuestomountwithuncertaintyforwhatmyfutureholds IguessyoucouldsayI’mburyingmy headinthesandtryingtoavoidmakingplans.Mysolefocusisonthiscomingseason.

Ifthisisgoingtobemyfinalseason,Iwanttogooutwithabang.SoIdecidedtocomebackfrommyvacationearlyandcheck inonhow therookietrainingcampisgoing Iplantoswingbytomorrow toseeallthenew recruitsinaction,especiallythe youngkid,ShawBenning.

Speakingofyoungkid,avoicefromthedoorwayhasmeglancingovermyshouldertoseemyteammate,CaleCosta,strutting inwiththatcockyswaggerofhis.

“Iheardalotofwhiningandbitchingcomingfrominhere ThoughtI’dcheckthingsoutincaseOldManKeenersfell down andcouldn’tgetbackup.Whereisyourwalker,bytheway?”

Calethrowshisbagonabenchwithanuproariouslyloudlaughandstopsinfrontofme.Heknockshisknucklesagainstmy shoulderandthenthrowsahandoutforaone-handedfistbump.Iglareupatlastyear’steamcaptainandfrown.

“Fuckyou,Costa.”Ishovehimgood-naturedlyinhisribsandhesidestepswithalaugh.“Maybeyoushouldputyourmoney whereyourmouthis Let’sseeifyoustillgotit,eh,Costa?”

Hesitsontheworkoutbenchacrossfromusandgivesa“Hey,Ro,”beforeturningbacktome.

“Jesus,Keeners.Youmustbereallyworriedaboutthatoldbodyofyoursifyou’reherethisearly,”heteases,shakinghishead indispleasure.“ThatmightnotbodewellforuswinningtheCupthisseason.”

Isnort.“Dude,you’reinprettyearlyyourself.What’supwiththat?Youstillworkingonthatknee?”

Caleisoneofthebesttwo-waywingersintheleague.He’sprovenhisworthduringhisfirstthreeyearswiththeVikings,only togetina nastycollisiononthe ice lastseason He absorbeda low hitalongthe boards,whichresultedina season-ending injurytohisknee.

Icalledtocheckinonhimafewtimesthroughoutthesummer.Hewasdisappointed,asanyoneofuswouldbe,tospendhis summerrehabbing Butwhenwetalkedaftermycontractrenewal,hepromisedhewasbackinbusinessandwascommittedto gettingbacksohecouldplayall82gamesthiscomingyear.

Calesmackshislegwithhishandandcupsapalmaroundhisleftkneetoliftitup.

“Nah,brah.It’sall good.Spentthelastfew monthsgettinghealthyandreadytogowiththehelpofsomegreatprofessionals backinOntario”

Iraisemybrow “Andmaybesomehelpofthefemalepersuasion,too?”

Hesnickersandshrugsitoff “That’sagiven Puckbunniesarealwaysinseason Howaboutyou,Keeners?Isyourgrumpyass stillchasing‘em?”

“AslongasIcan,bro.Notlookingtosettledownanytimesoon,”Iquipback.“Stayingsinglesuremakeslifeahell ofalot easierwhenit’sjustyourownbagtopackifyou’retraded”

“Iguess.”Calenods inagreement.“Gettingkindoftiredofthesinglelifethough.Onlysomuchclubbingyoucandountil it becomesboringasfuck.”

“Dude,thenyou’redoingitwrong,”saysavoicefromtheothersideoftheweightroom.Webothlookovertoseeoneofour forwards,DaneAxelrod,gearedupinsweatsandaT-shirtandpushingthroughthelockerroomdoors.

Hewalksoverandclapsusbothonourbacks,smilingbroadlytoshowoffwhereatoothusedtobemissing.Lookslikehehad somedentalworkthissummerbecausehenowhasacompletesetofpearlywhites.

“Hey,Ax.Goodtoseeyou,brah,”Calesays,claspinghishandingreeting.Theydotheirusualconvolutedhandshakethatends withbothofthembentover atthe waistand clappingeachother’s hands like a climbingladder until their hands are onthe other guy’s headandtheyruffle their hair.Ishake myownheadandgrumble attheir ridiculousness.Maybe somedaythey’ll growup

“Howwasyoursummer,boys?”Axasks,steppingupontooneofthetreadmillstobeginaneasyjog

“Mine was okay It’d have been better without this” Cale pats his knee and Ax nods in sympathy “I’d have rather had Keener’ssummerplansthough.Didn’tyougofishingsomewhereinBali?”Caleasksme. “Baja,thenFiji.Didsomegolfing,too.”

“Whoa,epic,dude,”exclaimsAx,hisexpressionremindingmejusthowyounghestillis.Hewasdraftedatnineteenandhe’s onlytwenty-oneortwonow “Betyoucaughtalotmorethanfishdownthere,eh?” “Justhopeitwasn’taSTI,”Caleteaseswithawinkasheleansoverandsmacksmybareleg

Axelrod laughs “Yeah, man Good thing we get tested before the season starts so they can put you on some antibiotics, Keeners.”

IignoretheirstupidcommentaryaboutmysexualhealthbecauseIknowIhavenothingtoproveandnothingtoworryabout.

Yes,Ihadallsummertosleeparoundwithbikini-cladsinglewomen,butdidI? No,becausenoneofthemwereKaris.

SomethingaboutKarisSpurlockhasfuckedmeupintheheadandmessedwithmymojo.

AndIdon’tknowwhattodoaboutit.

“I think you’ll be happy with the trade we just acquired,” I say in an over-bright voice while running a brush through my uncle’sstarkwhitehair.

Ithadbeenasalt-and-peppergrayuntilhefellintothiscoma,broughtonbytheanoxicbraininjurywhenhewasinsurgeryand deprivedofoxygen Itmaybesnowywhitenow,butit’sstillthesamethickheadofhairhewasalwayssoproudof

IsetthebrushdownonthebedsidetableandadjustMarv’scovers WemovedhimfromarehabfacilityinSeattlebacktohis home in late April, right after the Vikings lost in the first round of the finals. Moving himafter the teamlost gave me the opportunitytospendthetimeneededtofindsuitableround-the-clockin-homecare.Althoughnoteasytofind,thetaskismade alotlessdifficultwhenmoneyisnoobject.

Infact,I’dbeenreferredtothecompanybytheViking’s headtrainer,soIknew itwas areputablebusiness.Theowner and ARNP, Daria Rupp, is a godsend and has made the considerable number ofdecisions I’ve had to make less drainingonme emotionallywiththecaringguidancesheprovides

IbendoverandplaceakissonMarv’sforehead Havingbeenconfinedtoabedformonths hookeduponadialysismachine, ventilation,andfeedingtubes hehasagedsomuchandlooksmucholderthanhissixty-twoyears.Igentlystrokehishairand talktohimasifnothingwereamissandwe’rejusthavinganormal,everydayconversation

Whileit’srareforsomeonetoremaininthistypeofcomaforsolong,ImadethedecisionthatIthoughtwasbestandamgiving MarvthecareIknowhedeserves.Iconsultedwithnumerousdoctorsandspecialistsalongthewayandcametotheconclusion thattheyalldifferedonwhetherMarvcanhearmeorevencomprehendwhatI’msaying

ButIstill continue to hold myone-sided conversations because ithelps me to talkthroughthe teamchanges Bysharingthe detailsandkeepinghiminformed,IfeellessaloneandnotlikeI’mshoulderingtheburdenoftwoteamsonmyown. IholdouthopethatMarvwillpullthroughsoon.He’llwakeup,breezethroughrehabasifnothingeverhappened,andresume hisownershipresponsibilities,relievingmeofmytemporaryduties.

It’swhatIhavetobelieveinordertogetthroughthistragedywithoutcurlingupinaballanddrowningmyselfintearsofgrief. Marv’s the onlyone I have left inthis world and I can’t bear the thought of himgone, leavingme a complete orphan. No parents.Nofamily.Justme.

IcontinuetoelaborateontherecentteamchangesfortheVikingsthatNateandournewheadcoach,ConnerThomas,worked outwithme “We were able to lockdownNils Lundrenfromthe Nighthawks witha one-year contract Ifyouremember, he becameafreeagentattheendoflastseason.Natementionedyouwereeagertogethimsignedwhenhebecameeligible.”

Nate, Conner, and Imetearlylastweek, rightbefore trainingcamp began, and ranthroughour roster, all subjectto change when we cut the list in half after training camp Conner a thirty-year veteran of hockey and the father of current NHL superstarCallanThomas hadsomegreatinsightrightoutoftheshootonhowtheteamcouldcapitalizeoffthealreadystrong defensivelineandwhohethoughtwouldworkbestwithcurrentplayers

ConnerthoughtwecouldexperimentwithNils,Ballas,andlastyear’scaptain,CaleCosta Natehatedtheidea However,withanewcoachonboardandNate’scantankerousattitude,IthoughtitbestthatIbearoundtoatleastoffersome thoughtsandprovideathirdopinioniftherewereanyhead-to-headdisputes.

Gettingtoknow Conner haseasedmymindabouttheteamandour chancesofwinningtheCupduringour upcomingseason. CoachThomasisanaffableman.Nate,however,continuestogiveoffastrangevibe,likehe’savillaininaShakespeareplay, andeverytimeIseehimstaringatme,it’sasifI’monhislisttokilloff

Nate aside, I’m grateful to have other strong staff members on both the Vikings and my Pilots teams to rely on because otherwiseImightjustcollapseundertheheavyweightofstress.

IneverthoughtI’dbeatthisjunctureinmylife.Havingbeenorphanedatfifteenwhenmyparentsdiedinthecaraccidentthat alsogavemealife-threateninginjury,Ithoughtmyresiliencewasprettysound,thatIwasmorethanstrongenoughtohandleall myuncle’sbusinessexpectedofmeduringhisincapacity.

ButthishasbeenaleveloftraumaandpressureI’veneverknownbefore.

AsMarv’ssoleheir,beneficiary,successortrustee,andtheexecutorofhiswill,I’vebeentaskedwithtemporarilyrunningthe entirety of his empire, including his two professional sports clubs located in different cities and several other, smaller businesses,whichthankfullyhavepeoplerunningthedailyoperations.

Itwould be a dauntingand overwhelmingtaskfor anyone, butespeciallysomeone who barelyhas two years ofreal-world experienceunderherbelt Somehow,Imanagetogetthroughthelongdaysofendlessmeetingsandexecutivedecisions,onlytocrawlintobedexhausted witha bone-deep loneliness, sobbing until I have no more tears to cry. The weight of missing my uncle, even though he’s physicallystill here,is soul crushing.ApartfromDaria,whohas become as muchofafriendtomeas she is a caregiver to Marv,there’snobodyformetoleanonforsupport,either

Atthatthought,mychesttightenstothepointwhereIcanbarelybreathe.

“Iwashopingtoseeyouthisweek.”

IliftmyheadfromwhereI’dlaiditdownnexttoMarvtoseeDariaassheentersmyuncle’sroom.Astethoscopeislooped around her elegant neck, and her dark pixie curls are pinned back fromher forehead with an ornate barrette. She strides gracefullytowardmeasIstandandenclosemyarmsaroundher

“It’ssogoodtoseeyou,”Imurmuroverhershoulder,tearspricklingbehindmyeyes Myfive-foot-sixframecastsashadow over her tinyfive-foot-nothingbody.Butfor whatshelacksinheight,shebringswithheart.Idon’tknow whatIwouldhave donewithouthergentlespiritandangelicfierceness

Shepullsbackandpeersupatmewithherintuitivegaze

“What’sgoingonwithyou?Youdon’tlooklikeyou’regettingmuchsleep”

Asifgivenpermission,Isinkbackdownintothehigh-backedreclinerandletoutabreathIdidn’trealizeIwasholdinginand thenIlaugh.

“DoIlookasoldasIfeel?I’mturningtwenty-ninenextweekandyetIfeellikeI’meighty-nine.I’mbarelyholdingon.”

Turningherattentiontomyuncle,shebeginscheckinghisvitalsbutcontinuesspeakingtomeoverhershoulder,hervoicesoft andsympathetic

“Youhavemoreonyourplatethananytwenty-eight-year-oldshould Youneedtogiveyourselfsomeslackandmakeplansto enjoyyourbigday.MaybeJosieandIcouldhavelunchwithyou.”

IwatchasDariaslipsapressurecuffonmyuncle’sarmandpumpsupthebulb,thenslowlyeasesoffasshecheckshisblood pleasure

Josieisherseven-year-olddaughterandthelightofherlife WhenIremembertodoit,Ibringsignedteammerchtogivetothe adorablelittlegirl,whooncetoldmeshewantstoplayhockeysomeday.

“Ahh,howisJosiedoing?Didsheendupdoinghershow-and-tellwiththesignedstickIsenther?”

Dariaturns tomeandsmiles.“Youmademygirl’s wholeyear.Shecouldn’tstoptalkingaboutit.Shenamedall theplayers fromlastyearandsaidshewasgoingtogrowuptobeadefensemanlikeherfavoriteplayer,BallastheBeast”

Atthesoundofhisnamemyheartleaps

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