For my hubby who kept asking, “Are you ever going to write about one man and one woman?” Here it is. And football to boot so he should be happy If not, well, I still have lots of other stories containing lots of men
WhenIwas young, Ibelieved myPop Pop’s stories aboutlove atfirstsight Now I’molder and know better Until she walkedin.She’severythingIdidn’tknowIwanted.Iwonherpanties,nowIwantherheart.
Yetwithouther,I’llneverbethesame Hard Pass is part of the steamy F*** On The Field series and the first book in the More Family Dynasty series where the men and women know who they want and aren’t afraid to go after it
Blurb
MASON
“YOU CAN’T TELL me that youbelieve Pop Pop’s stories about how our familyfinds true love byfeelinglike you’ve been kickedinthe chestbya mule whenyoumeetthe one?” Coltonpushes offmybedroomwall andmarches across myroomto stopinfrontofmyface,pushingmeintothedresseratmyback He’slookingforafightlikehe’sbeendoingforthepastmonth withincreasingfrequency, butI’mnotaboutto give himone. I’mtired ofthis discussion. Nothingever changes. Besides, I can’tevenmakeupmymindaboutPopPop’sstories
WhenIwas alittlekid,Ibelievedthestories.After all,PopPopandGreatPopPophadall beenextremelyhappywith theirmarriages;theoneswheretheyfeltthatmulekicktotheirchest.AndI’dthoughtI’dfoundmyowntruelovewhenmybest friend, Katy, stood up for me onthe kindergartenplayground For years, I’d thought she’d beenthe one Anytime someone mentionedher,orIthoughtabouther,Ihadthosebutterfliesinmychestandmyheartwenthaywire.Butsheneverfeltthesame. Iwasn’tthe one she wanted, leavingme witha brokenheartand somewhatdisillusioned bythe whole idea oftrue love or findingtheone.
“Ido.”Asherpopsupfromwherehe’dsprawledacrossmybed.Wepurchasedanentirehouseforthefourofus mythree cousins and I to live inthis year frompartofthe trustfund givento us whenPop Pop died a few years ago Buttheystill seemedtocongregateinmybedroom.Adefactohangoutplaceeventhoughweoutfittedthelivingroomandgamesroomwith allthetoysaguycouldwant
With Colton and I on the same side, the tension in the room dissipates, most likely Asher’s plan Sometimes the guy unnervedmewithhisunderstandingofthehumanpsyche.Andjustlikethat,Colton’smoodswitchesfromlookingforafightto one where youwant to lookover your shoulder or sleep withone eye opento spot his planned prank The twinkle inhis golden-browneyesisadeadgiveaway.
Notwantingtohearabouthislatestconquest,Iripmyt-shirtovermyhead,needingtochangebeforeheadingtotheclub. As Ibend to grab mynew shirtfrommydrawer, Ihear a high-pitched giggle comingfromthe doorway “Ifyouoffered me thosemuscles,Liam,maybeIwouldbewillingtoletyousharemenexttime.Youknow,asawaytoenticemeintoblowing yourbuddies.”
“Readyfor tonight?” Will slides behind the wheel of his jacked up pickup whichdropped a little to accommodate his weight.As one ofthe startingdefensive ends ofour Div1football team goMorecambe Falconers he was a bigguy.But thenhe’dbeenbigwhenIplayedwithhimduringtheoneyearIspentbackinVoyageurBay,Canada
“Fuckno.ButIneedoutofthehouse.BetweenColtondrivingmenutswithallhistalkaboutourPopPop’sstoriesabout mule kicks, Liambringingover fuckbuddies, and Asher tryingto analyse us all ” I let myvoice trail off as Will laughs, knowing all about my Pop Pop’s stories, having heard them from me when he consoled me over Katy’s lack of returned feelings
Will pressesabuttononthesteeringwheel,turningupthevolumetooneoftheNorwegian-Icelandicgrungemetal bands thathelistensto,knowingthatIdon’tneedhimtorespond.Themusicshouldgivemeaheadache,butinsteadIrelaxintothe familiarityofit Itmightnotbemytypeofmusic,butafterfiveyearsoflisteningtoitwhenI’mkeyeduporfrustrated,itdoes thetrick,lettingmymindwanderandclear.
Wordmusthavespreadonsocialmediathatourfratwouldbeinattendancetonightbecausethelineupoutsidetheclubis filledwithfemaleswearingaslittleaslegallypossible.Thankfullywe’reabletobypasstheline.Aperkofourfratowningthe off-campusclub, The Spot “Fuckme.I’mgladI’mDDtonight.”
Ahandwrapsaroundmybiceps,yankingmeintoWill’schest afeatconsideringI’mthirtypoundslighterthanWill’s280 lbs, butmatchhimfor his six-footfour height pressingus so close together thatwe could rub dicks ifwe swungthatway. Tyler,our giantcentre,shoveshisfacebetweenours,yellingsowecanhear him,“Mase.Will.Gladyoutwocouldmakeit. We’reholdingcourtoutback”
As we weave throughthe crowd, a teal, skin-tight dress catches myeye, and mychest does this crazylittle thump. But beforeIcanseeanythingmore,Greyson,theMCofourfratandoneofoursafeties,wavesusintotheVIProom,smackingme ontheback.“It’smyfavouriteTD.Gladyou’rehere.”Herubshishandstogether.“Let’sgetthispartyrolling.”
“Welcometothefirstbondingeventoftheyear Youknowthescoregentlemen andIusethattermloosely themanwith the most points at the end of the year wins the coveted Stud Master Trophy.” Cheers fill the room. Nothing like a good competitiontogetthe juices flowing “The firstcompetitionis the pantysnatchwitha twist We’re notraidingsome chick’s room;insteadyouneedtogetachickinthisbartowillinglyhandovertheirpanties,leavingthemcommandofortherestofthe night.Andtrustus,we’llknowiftheseoneshaven’tbeenused.You’vegotonehour.Letthegamesbegin.”
A PINK DRINK toppedwithwhitefrothisshovedinmyface.Mynosescrunches.I’mnotoneforfrou-froudrinks,butwhenin Morecambe,Alabama...“Aren’tyougladwecameearly?”
“You’re right This place is wow” IgrinatAlexis, mybestfriend since toddlerhood since our nannies usedto getus together for playdates.Over the years,we remainedclose, attendingthe same boardingschools. Onlycollege separated us, sendingusondifferentpathsbasedonourfamilyhistories
Sheholds upher glass,clinkingitwithmine before addinginthe restofher small groupofsororitysisters.“Totonight. Let’spartyandexperiencelife;startingnextweek,ourfuturesaretakenfromus.”
Withoutstoppingtotakeabreath,Ichugthedisgustinglysweetdrink,placingtheemptyglassonthetable.IyankonAlexis’ hand,towingherbackontothedancefloor Tonight,Iplanonlettinglooseandhavingsomefun AfterthePresentationBall,I will startmyfinal year ofmyhonors ofscience degree and myfirstyear ofmed school news Istill hadn’tbrokento my parents Butunderthebeatofthemusic,allthatstressispushedaside Eventheloomingnoose,danglingovermyheadthatthe PresentationBallrepresented.Marriagewouldbeundermyterms love,notmoneyandstatus andatmyowntime.TheBall wouldn’tchangethat.
Once his gaze rises to meetmine, he grins and nods. Ashotofthe top-shelftequila is needed ifI’mto relaxenoughto undergoallthestupid“societywifeclasses”thisweekwithouthavingtodealwithmymom.Shemaylovemeandindulgeme in some ways like spending some family vacations in places I wanted to see there are other things that she didn’t compromiseon,andthisisoneofthem.
Theshotslidesacrossthebar,comingtoastopbesidemyhand Withanodofthanks,Ilifttheglasstomymouth,tiltmy head back, and let it flow down my throat. The soft burn is muted by the light hint of vanilla, warming my insides. A psychosomaticresponse,butIswearIcanfeelmymusclesrelaxingasifIsatinfrontofawarmfire Iholdoutmycardtopay asIpickupthebottleofwater,crackingthelid.“Thanks.”
Thelevelofnoiseinthebathroomechoeslouderthanthedanceflooranditisjustascrowded Needingtofindsomeplace a little quieter to calmmybrewingheadache, Iturnawayfromthe bar area and find a partiallyopendoor. Ipushit open, findingasmallerroomwherethemusicisquieter volume Icrosstheroomtoclosetheseconddoor,leadingtothemainbar, whenagiantofamanstepsthroughit,blockingtheflashingstrobelights.
“I’minthis pantychallenge and Ineed to geta pair ofpanties froma woman” His smile reveals a dimple inhis right cheek.Betweenit,hiswarmbreathonmyface,andtheintoxicatingscentwaftingoffhisskin,Istandtheredazed,watchinghis lipsmove “ your?”
The roughcallus ona finger,scrapes over the skinofmyarm,sendingtrickles ofelectricitythroughme,makingthe fine hairsonmyarmstand.Itpullsmefrommyfog,groundingme,allowingmetomakesenseofwhathesaid.“Did-didyouaskfor mypanties?”
“Yes, fuck, yes” The rhythmic squeezing of his hands has me riding his face, harder, faster I can feel my orgasm approachinglikeasharkswimmingtowardsprey.TheurgetoscreambuildsinsidemeashedrivesmehigherthanI’veever feltbefore Whenmylegsbegintoshake,andtheurgebecomesoverwhelming,Ireleaseonehand,shovingitintomymouth As theorgasmhits,Ibitedownonthefleshingpartbetweenmythumbandindexfinger,tokeepfromcryingout.
Inod Aschildren,ourparentsallnoddedalongwithPopPop’smulekicktothechestlovestorieswhenhetoldthemtous, butovertheyears,allourparents exceptforUncleAlexander,whowaitedforthatmulekick,andAuntJillian,Asher’sdad andstep-mom haveeitherdivorcedorseparated WhenIaskedmydadaboutthemulekicktheory,hescoffed,tellingmehe neverbelievedit,choosingtomarrymombecausehethoughthelovedher.UncleLucas Liam’sdad sayshemarriedAunt Isobel because it was expected and not for love, which is why she’s lived in England for almost twenty years And Aunt KimberlywasinthemiddleofleavingUncleCalebwhenshewaskilledinacaraccident somethingthatColtonrefusesto believeabouthismother,whichiswhyhe’sfirmlyagainstthemulekickstories.Hepreferstobelievethathisparentswould havestayedtogethereventhoughUncleCalebtellseveryoneheneverfeltthemulekickandhe’swaitingforitbeforemarrying asecondtime.“Youknowthere’snotalkinghimoutofit.He’sdesperateforlove.”
“Yeah,whichiswhyhe’soutgettinghissuittailored again Andlookingatjewelry”Liamrollshiseyesashecarries hisemptyplatetothedishwasher.
Ichose a longer route that follows one ofthe local rivers, knowingfew people would be one it despite the refreshing, privateswimmingholeabouthalfwaythroughit.Myrewardforrunninginthishumidityandheat.
Musicblaresthroughmyearphones Mypacematchesthepoundingbeat,allowingmymindtoremembereverythingIcould aboutthepreviousnight,includingTinaandhertealdress.WillandIlefttheroomearlytoscopeoutourquarry.Isearchedfor thetealdressfromearlier,buttheclubwasalreadytoocrowdedandnooneelsecapturedourattention,resultinginusheading tothebar.Aftersomeshotsofour1800Silver,wedecidedtoheadbacktotheVIProomforalittlepeaceandquiet.Iblamed the tequila for mynext actions. Yes, I’d hooked up at parties and bars before, but never withsomeone I didn’t know. That
wasn’tmystyle,buttherewassomethingaboutTina…
Aflashofbrightpinkand teal throughthe trees hidingthe upcomingcurve inthe pathcaptures myattention, makingme wonder who else could be a glutton for punishment and out running today The figure rounds the curve I stumble, nearly faceplantinginthecrushedstoneasherfacecomesintoview.Air.Whatair?Mylungsrefusetoworkasasearingpainslams intomychest,expellingwhatairIhaveleft Am I dying? MyheartjumpserraticallylikeI’vejusttakenahelmettothechest withoutmypadson.OrmaybelikeI’dbeenkicked…
Fuuuuck! Imanage to catchmyselfbefore Ifall to the ground ather feet again Yetevenas Istare ather, Ican’tstop myselffromlickingmylips,rememberinghowshetastes.
“Mase?Areyouokay?”Shegraspsmyarm,stabilizingme.
Is it hot out here? Iwanttofanmycheeks,coolingthemdownasIcontinuetogazeather Lastnightshelookedamazing withher strawberryblondhair hanginginbeachywaves downher back,buttoday,withher hair pulledbackintoaponytail with little curly tendrils escaping and plastered to the side of her head gorgeous Even better than Katy did in her cheerleadinguniformwhenI’dbeenheadoverheelsforher.
Thequiveringofher chestdrawsmygaze Thetopsofher perkybreastswhichInever evenmanagedagoodlookatthe night before bounce in her sports bra. And below it, but above her tight, running shorts, I see the hints of her abdominal muscles Themixofstrengthandsoftnessmakesmeanythingbut
“Doesthatmeanyou’renewhere?”NotthatIwouldworryaboutwhatyearshewasin,butbeingafreshmanwouldadda few complicationstoalong-termrelationship Holy fuck What am I thinking? Long-term relationship? CouldIactuallybe thinking like I believe Pop Pop’s stories? That she’s the one? Yet when she shakes her head and my heart clenches at the implication,Iknowit’strue.Andifshe’sonlyvisitingthenIneedtomakesomefastmoves.Anythingtokeepherfromleaving withoutknowingme.
Sheshiesawayfrommealittleinembarrassment,butIpullonherhand,releasingherpinkietoentwineourfingers.“It’s rare, butIwas accepted to med school after completelythree years ofmydegree.” She shrugs. “Iwanted to do the honors projectsoIaskedthemifIcoulddobothandthey’relettingme”
Her words strike a chord,makingme realize how Icouldhave mistakenmyfeelings for Katyfor solong.Icouldeasily hearsimilarwordscomingfromKaty’smouth.Katy’sgivinghearthadalwaysbeenoneofthethingsthatIlovedabouther.To findthosesamequalitiesinTina perfect Itwasliketheirsoulswerenearlyidentical Onlymyattractiontoandeasewith TinaoutstrippedthefamiliarityI’dhadwithKaty.
As we continued to walk, the passionshe has for the subject shows as she continues to explainher plans The idea of setting up a free clinic, doing prenatal care, self defense classes, nutrition classes, food shares, the ideas and plans were endless.Sowhensheaskswhatmyfutureplansare,fearandworryfillsme.WillshethinkI’msayingthesethingstoimpress her? That I’mtakingbusiness and marketingalongwitha few social workclasses to aid inmydreamofworkingwiththe homeless.Tofindthemappropriatesheltercontainsthesupporttheyneedtobecomeasproductiveastheycan.Orwillshesee
WITH EACH WORD hespeaksaswewalk,itfeelslikewehaven’tjustmet.Ifeelsocomfortablewithhim,likehe’salwaysbeen apartofmylife.Sowhenhestartsaskinggetting-to-know-youquestionslikefavoritecolor,food,etc,it’sjarring,reminding me thateventime seems strange Itreminds me ofa phrase inmyfavorite bookseries whenIwas growingup Inthe Anne seriesbyL.M.Montgomery,shetalksaboutpeoplewhofeel this,whoseemtohaveaconnectionthatdefiestimeandspace. She calls them“the race thatknows Joseph” And that’s exactlyhow Ifeel As ifwe’ve beenlovers and friends throughout time, reincarnated into this presentlife. Aheadythoughtfor me since Ithinkpredestinationand reincarnationis completely illogical.
Cool down I know exactly what that’s like Theheatandhumiditymakemehot,butit’s nothingcomparedtohow Ifeel right this second. With his arms around me, my body is heating for a completely different reason. One that made me step completelyoutofmycomfortzonethenightbefore Andashelowersmetotheground,ensuringIfeeleachoneofhismuscles andthelargebulgebetweenhismuscularthighsonthewaydown,IfeellikeI’monfire.“It’ssafe?”
Butwhentheblond,all-American,boynextdoorbeforemereachesforthewaistbandofhisshortsandstartstopushthem down, I lose all control of my muscles. My mouth pops open and I spin around, falling to the ground. “Wh-what are you doing?”
“Coolingdownwithadip.Coming?”Ihearthemirthandthechallengeinhisvoiceasmymindspinsoutofcontrol,filling inpossibledetailsofwhathewashidingunder thoseshorts YetevenasIwonder ifIcouldpossiblygather upthenerveto skinny dip, I find myself unhooking the clasp and then unzipping my sports bra to remove it. I rationalize my actions by remindingmyselfthathe’salreadyseenmymoreintimateparts,alreadytastedthemevenasanotherpartofmybrainscreams howithadbeendark,we’dbeendrinkingalcohol.
Heatfromhis bodywarms mybackas his breathbrushes over myshoulders. “No one butme. It’s too hotfor people to comeallthiswaywhentherearecloserplacestocooldown”
Ashudderrushesdownmyspinewhenhishandsbrushthebareskinofmywaist.Unlikehim,mymusclesaresoft,making me wanttosuckinmynon-existentguteventhoughIknow his gaze is onmyboobs Witheachstutteringbreath,mynipples tighten,beggingtobetouched.Ihearhimswallow,feelhimshiver,andthenreleaseme,brushingpastmeashejogstotheside ofthe swimminghole. His butt muscles clench, and his hamstrings bulge as he jumps. Iscramble to remove the rest ofmy
Somethinggrabs myankle, pullingme down Isqueakouta squeal before water chokes itoff, coveringmyhead again Throughthewater,IseeMase’sgrinningfaceashisarmswraparoundme,haulingmebacktothesurface.
“Youass”IswathischestasItrytodealwithmyflusteredhormones Betweenthewarmthofhisskinpressingdelectably against my bare chest and my wet backside cooling from the slightest breeze, my body vibrates from the mixed signals. Goosebumpsraiseonmyskinasmyneedle-likenipplesdriveintohim “Ithoughtsomethingwasinthewaterwithus”
Myinitialresponseistoscoffatthecheesyline,butwhenIstareintohisdarkenedeyes,Iseehow seriousheis.It’sthe onlyreasonIcanthinkofforwhyIleanin,pressingmylipstohis,feelingtheirfirmnessandwarmth Iknewmyparentsloved meandinmorethanatheoretical senseunlikeother friends intheir social circles.Wespenttimetogether.Wewentontrips together Yetitnever looked like whatIwatched onTVor inthe movies Nor did itresemble how some ofmyclassmates talkedabouthowtheirfamiliesinteractedwitheachother.TheproofwasinmyreasonforbeinginMorecambe.Whiletheylet metakethecoursesIwantedatuniversity,IhadnochoicewhenitcametoattendingthePresentationBall.Onlyanengagement would have kept me fromtakingpart inthe added festivities, but attendance at the Ball was mandatoryto receive mytrust funds.
For a splitsecondhe doesn’tmove as ifI’ve shockedhim Istarttopull away,thinkingI’ve misreadeverything,buthis griponmywaisttightensasonehandslidesupmybacktocradlemyheadashedeepensthekiss,slippinghistongueintomy mouth,fillingitwiththetasteofbittercoffee NotatasteIusuallyenjoyed,needingmycaffeinetobesweetenedwithtonsof sugarifitcameincoffeeform,butonhim,Iwanttodrinkitallup.
“Fuck. I’ve wanted to do that and so muchmore since last night.” He licks his lips, sendingthose achingflutters deep withinme “Yourtastehashauntedmeallnight Ialmostdidn’tevenbrushmyteeththismorning,worriedI’dloseit” “Thenmaybeyoushouldhaveanothertaste.”Myeyeswidenasthewordscomeoutofmymouth. What type of magic has Mase weaved over me? Making me say and do things I normally wouldn’t Yetsomehow,Idon’tseemtocareaboutfinding ananswer.
Ishouldbefullysated.Twogiantorgasmsnowafteroneamazingonelastnight,butI’mnot.I’meagerformore,tofeelhim fill me up Iyankonhis hair, tryingto pull himhigher up mybody, wantinghimwhere Icankiss him, feel his entire body againstmine.“Please.”
Draggingeachinchofhisgloriousbodyovermine,hecomplieswithmybreathlessbegging,triggeringallsortsoffeelings withinmyoverstimulated nervous system. “Is this whatyouwant?” He rubs his hardness over myclit, makingme gasp as a newwaveofpleasurerollsoverme.Hedoesitagainandagain,watchingmeasIwritheunderhim,wantingmore.“Fuck.”He
Thatis all ittakes to breakthroughanyhesitationhe mighthave felt. Witha simple shiftofhis hips, he drives into me, stretchingme, fillingme as Icollapse backonthe ground Witheachdrive into me, the small rocks, the clumps ofdirt, the sharpnessofthebladesofgrassonlyheightenmypleasure,groundingmewhenIbegintosoaraway. This isn’t a dream. It’s real, Iremindmyself,notevencaringifIwerelying It’sthatgood
MY LIPS LIFT into a smile as I stare at the message onthe phone. Mylatest fromTina. Asnarky, insightful comment about womenprimpingandprostitutingthemselves like dolls toattracta manwhentheycouldputthattime andeffortintoearning their ownmoney, standingontheir ownfeet Ibite backa laughas Iremember havingsimilar thoughts whenfaced withthe womenthrowingthemselvesatmebasedoneithermylastnameormyNFLprospects.
Chuckles escape mymouth. Coltonhad beenmoodier thana womanPMSing. The closer we came to tonight, the more irritablehebecame,bouncingbetweenextremehappinessandtrepidation IknowthoseemotionswellbecauseIfeelthemtoo, butnotallbasedontonightlikehis.MyhappinesscomesfromTina.Everymemoryofourtwotimestogetherinpersonandall themessagingbackandforthfillmewithmorejoythanI’veeverhad YetthemomentIhavetimetothink,worryaboutwhen she’sleavingandwhatIwilldothenifshestopstalkingtome,fillsme.
Themessagesgivemeagreaterinsightintowhosheis,souldeep,andeachcommonalitywefindorexcitementabouteach other’s lives, draws us closer together, weaving our soul strands into a tapestry of love Yeah, love Turns out Pop Pop’s storiesaretrue,nomatterhowmuchItrytodenyit.AndIkeepdrivingmyselfcrazy,worriedabouthowshe’dreactifItold herhowIfeelafterknowingherforlessthanaweek
AsIpulloutthecufflinksfrommytopdrawerinthedresserandfastenthemtomyshirt,Igrinevenastheybickerbehind me LeaveittoAshertocompletelyignorethecommentabouthisdadandstepmomandthemulekickfeeling Butthenagain,I wasignoringitaswell.IwanttotellthemaboutTina,abouthowIfeelabouther,butIwanttokeepitasecretalittlelonger. Yet the longer I wait, I’mlettingColtonwalk no, run into future heartache because he doesn’t feel the same wayabout Chrissythat I do Tina. And I hate that. I never want mycousins to feel the emotional hurt that I did over Katyif I cando somethingtopreventit.
“Thengrab mygarbage canbecause it’s worse thanthat.” Liamrolls his eyes as he flops backonmybed. Ipull up my oversizedjockstrapandjumpindespiteLiam’sattitude.“PopPop’sstoriesaretrue.Imetsomeonetheothernightandthought
Ileanagainstmydresser and shrug. “I’ll give youthat. IthoughtKatywas the one for a longtime, butIwas confusing gratitudeandasibling-likebondwithromanticlove Withher itwaslikeIfeel withyou,butall thatpalesincomparisonto whatIfeelnow.”
WithMimi onmyarm, we walkinto the giant ballroom. Large crystal chandeliers hangfromthe ceiling, addingto the overabundance of glitz surroundingus If the Palace of Versailles and BuckinghamPalace could have a spoiled child, this wouldbeit.Buteventheridiculousdisplayofwealthisn’tmyissuewiththeBall,insteadit’sthereasonbehindit.Tonightis allaboutmakingthosefirststepstofindasuitablemarriagepartner.Onewhocouldhelpwiththefamilybusinesses.It’swhy PopPophatedtheseevents,butitwaspartofwhowewere,partofourhistory NotthatPopPoporMimiwouldeverforceus tomarrysomeonewemetheresincePopPopandMimiheldfasttothemulekicktheory,butpressurefromoutside,fromthe peopleinthisroom,wouldweighheavilyonus It’swhyUncleCalebandUncleLucasmarriedwomentheymetattheseBalls, the gatherings ofpeople runninginsimilar societies. It’s also where Uncle ZansleptwithAsher’s birthmother. OnlyUncle Benjaminandmydadnevermarriedwomenfromhere Dadjumpedatthechancetomarrymombeforehisbachelorattendance wasmandatoryandUncleBenjamintoldMimithathecouldn’tpossiblyleavetheranchhewasrunningforthefamilytoattend theBalls.Ithadbeenmyplantopullthesamestuntinacoupleofyears,havingAlabamahostitputacrimpinmyplans.
Mimipatsmyhand,grabbingmyattention Ileandowntohearherovertheorchestraonlytohaveherkissmycheekbefore she walks away,over toa groupofsilver hairedladies wearingenoughsparklingjewels tocompete withthe chandeliers.I knowwhatshewantsmetodo,towanderaroundandtalktotheeligiblewomen,butIneedadrink orfour beforeIcando thatwithasmile.Isnagaglassofchampagneoffatrayfromacirculatingwaiter.It’snotmyfavoritebyalongshot,butit’s probablymybestbet.Ican’tdrinkitfastorenoughofittogetdrunk,butitwillrelaxme.
As Istartto moseyaround the room, Ipatmypocket, feelingmycell phone. It’s beenhours since mylastmessage from Tina and I’m missing the interaction. Yet even without anything new from her, just carrying my phone and her previous messagesfillsmewithhopeandeageranticipation Anothervicetogetmethroughalltheinaneconversationsfromthewomen wantingtomarryme.Atleastmostofthemhavefathersorbrotherswhofollowfootball,givingussomethingmoresubstantial tospeakabout
Aflashofteal lacecatchesmyeye,immediatelyremindingmeofTinaandthedresssheworetotheclub.Thestylesare completelydifferent,butthisdress,despiteitsfloor-lengthwithatrain,bythetimeitreachesthewoman’sass,it’sformfitting. AndtheasstriggersmorememoriesofTina.Butit’sthestrawberryblondhairpulledupintoaneleganthairdothatpunchesmy chest. It can’t be… can it?
She turns, gaze landingonme, makingher eyes wideninsurprise before a real smile one she always wears whenshe looksatme gracesherface.Withoutthinkingorevenmakingmyapologies,Istrideawaymidconversation,needingtobeby herside Itakeherhandinmine,liftingittomylipswheremytonguedartsoutduringthekiss,tastingherskin Instantcarnal memoriesfloodmysystemandIthankmydadfortellingmetohavemytuxpantstailoredinawaytohidepossibleerections. Ifnot,everyonewouldknowwhatisgoingoninmymindasIlookather.“Tina?Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Under her perfectlyapplied makeup, her cheeks flushand her eyes darkenwithdesire as her gaze roams over mybody Outsideofourtwoin-personmeetings,themessagestendtobestrictlyPG,butsomehaveventuredinXratedterritory,fueling thevisionsinmyhead AndifI’mreadingherbodylanguagecorrectly,she’sthinkingaboutthemtoo “M-Mase?What?Ho ”
Her eyes widenandher face turns white as she looks oftomyside.Ispina little,partiallyblockingher fromwhatever causedherfear.Mystomachtightensanddrops,makingmefeelsick.
“Mason I’msogladyou’vemetCrissy”Coltonstepsupbesideme,sportingthelargestsmileonhisface Shit! Fuck! Nooo. This can’tbe happening.Tina or shouldIsayChrissy looks how Ifeel,greenaroundthe gills and readytothrowupashisgazebouncesbetweenColtonandme Shelicksherlipsandswallows Eachactionremindsmeofour timetogetherwhichiscrazyconsideringtheawkwardsituation.
“It’s actuallyChristina” The freezingtone inher voice should be myfirstclue, butwhenshe pulls her hand frommine, breakingthe one piece of contact that’s holdingmyworld together, I crumble inside. She stiffens her spine. “A-and you’re Mason,MasonMore.Ishouldhaveknown.”HervoicecracksandIswearIseetheglimmerofunshedtearsinhereyesasshe spinsonherheels,liftingthefrontofherdressandracesfromtheroom,takingmyheartwithher
I CLUTCH mychestas Idartinto a small emptyroombefore collapsingagainstthe wall. Mybreaths come inragged pants. I wrapmyarmstighteraroundme,tryingtoholdmybrokenhearttogether.ThishadbeenthelastplaceIwantedtobetonight. Instead,Iwantedtobecurledupinmycomfyclothes,phoneinhand,talkingtohim Mase themanIthinkIamfallingin lovewith.
“Oh, God” The crytears frommylips Ithink, no, Iknow Ilove him and now it’s over as surelyas Iknow myown name.IcouldseeitinhisgazewhenhelookedatmewithhorrortheminuteColtonshowed.
Fuck. Ofall the guys Icould have methere, Ihad to meetColton’s cousin. Ibangmyhead againstthe wall. Colton, my friend and confidant throughout school We didn’t attend the same boardingschool, but we attended brother/sister ones and overtheyears,westruckupaclosefriendship.Hebecamemyconfidentwhenbadthingshappened,whenthegirlsbulliedme because Iwas a late bloomer or whenthe firstguyIsleptwithtold everyone how horrible Iwas He was mycomfortand strength.I’ddoanythingforhim,andhimme.It’swhyhewasmyback-upplan.
PartoftherulesformyvarioustrustfundswerethatIneededtoattendthePresentationBallstartingatagetwenty-one And ifIwasn’tengagedbytwenty-five,I’dlose halfthe money.NotthatIcare aboutthe money,butIhave plans for it.Mytrust fundsaregoingtostartmyhealthclinics,hirestaff,purchasemedications,andanythingelseIneedtospenditontohelpthose inneed ButIdon’twanttogetmarried Notnow whenIstill have somanyyears ofschoolingandtrainingleft Andnotto somepretentiousassholeliketheonesIknowruninthesecircles.
ColtonandIspokeaboutthisalotwhilegrowingup Iknew allabouthisfamilylifeandthestorieshisPopPopusedto tell him. And like him, I’d scoffed at them, promisinghimthat we would help eachother out whenthe time came. And if needed,we’dgetengagedtofulfillourfamilyobligations
“Chrissy.Thereyouare.”Coltonstormsintotheroom.Angerflowsoffhiminwaves. Fuck. He knows about me and Mase and he’s mad I broke my promise to him… with his cousin. Yetwhenhewrapshisarmsgentlyaroundme,Irealizeit’snotme he’sangryat,confusingme “Idon’tknow whatMasonsaidtoyou,butIcanimagine,andI’ll kill himforyou”Herubshis thumbundermyeye,dryingupacoupleoftearsIhadn’trealizedIshed.“Don’tlethimruinthisnightforus.”
Iwrap myarms around one ofmybestchildhood friends and relaxinto his comfortable embrace, needingthe safetyhe represents.It’safamiliarspotformeasIspentmanyeveningsthiswayasIcriedoverthingspeoplesaidtomeorthingsother guysdidtome.Throughitall,ColtonwastherejustlikeIwasforhim.
Hiswordssurpriseme DoeshereallythinkI’mabouttowalkintheretowatchwomenfawnall overMason?All week longduringthestupidclasses,Ihadtolistentotheothernew girlsdiscussingtheeligiblebachelors.Somanyofthemtalked aboutMason,aboutall therumorstheyheard,aboutthethingstheyknew inthehopestoattracthiseye Andall thattimeI’d beenchucklingtomyself,sendingMasemythoughtsontheirdiscussions,neverrealisingherhewastheonetheyspokeof. Fuck. How could Ihave beenso stupid? YetIcouldn’tblame myselffor notseeingitearlier. Mase seemed so different fromMason.Masewaswarmandcomforting,safe;whiletheMasontheyspokeofwascool,aloof,anddangerouswhenriled up.Notina physical sense atleastfor females since I’dheardstories abouthow he was a beastonthe field buttoyour emotionsandself-esteem Hewasn’taboveevisceratingawomanwhopushedhisboundariestoofar “Chrissy?”
“Um, no.” There’s no way I’mgoing back in. I’mnot putting myself in the position of being in the line of fire of the
legendaryMason.No,Iwanttogohomeandhibernate,locktheworldawayasIdealwithmygrief.Coltonmaynotbelievein his Pop Pop’s stories, but I do. I felt that mule kick. And even if Mason refuses to believe the stories after his earlier heartbreak IrememberColtonmentioningitinpassingbutnothingabouttheactualrelationship Iknow heistheone That noonewillevercompare.That’swhatIneedtomourn,howImayendupinasatisfactoryrelationshipinthefuture,butitwill benothingcomparedtowhatIcouldhavehad
“What? No. Youdon’tunderstand.” Ipull myhand fromhis. The comfortofhis touchhas disappeared under his singlemindedfocusofreturningustotheBall.“I’mnotgoingbackinthere.I’mgoingbacktomyhotel.”
Theseverityofhisanger andhiswordsbreakthroughthebrokenheartfogI’min For all thatI’maccusinghimofinmy head,aboutnotpayingattentiontomeandmyfeelings,IrealiseI’mdoingthesametohim.“Whatdoyoumean‘tous’?”
Idon’tgiveColtonanytimetoquestionmeormystatementasIpickupmydressandracefromtheroom.ThelastthingI wantto do rightnow is to tell Coltonaboutmytime withhis cousin And after stickingup for him, ifIstayaround, Colton won’tletmeleavewithouttellinghimeverything.
Usingthe knowledge I gained this week, findinglittle hiddenhideaways fromwhere I canmessage Mase Mason in peace,Iescapethebuilding,findingawaitingdriverandlimofromtheMorecambeResortandSpa.“Backtoresort,please.”
“Yes,MissSwanson.”Thedriverclosesthedoorafterme.IfeelmycellphonebuzzwiththespecifictoneIsettoMase’s messages Withanachingheartand a shakinghand, Ipull itoutofmycleverlyhiddenpocket WhenIsee his name onthe screen,Ibitemylip.DoIwanttohearfromhim?AmIreadytohearhimsayhowhecan’tstandme,howthiswasallajoke liketheguywhoIgavemyvirginitytodid?YetevenasIthinkthosethoughts,somethinginsidemearguesback,tellingmethat Maseisn’tlikethat.AndbeforethiseveningIwouldn’thavethoughtso.Now,I’mnotsosure.
This week has been the best week of my life I never wanted to go to the club that night, but now I’m forever grateful because I met the love of my life Spending time with you has changed me in ways that you can’t even imagine Because of you, I think that I’ll be a better man. Aman worthy of someone who has as much passion and compassion for others as you do
In case, I didn’t make it clear. I love you. Am in love with you.
But so is Colton You’re all he talks about And I can never stand in his way My only consolation is that I know that he’ll take care of you and everything to make you happy. So this is goodbye… for now. After all, I’ll still attend your wedding if you’ll have me. And I promise to be on my best behaviour there, knowing that you ’ re happy
Henods,callstheplay,andwesmackeachotheraswelineup.KyshoveshishandsbetweenTyler’slegs,restingtheback ofhishandagainstTyler’sass,readytocatchtheball “Forty-eight Sixty-four Hut Hut Hut”
Itake off,racingthroughthe openingbetweenthe Defensive EndandRob.He moves tocutme off,butItwistmybody, avoidinghistackleasIchuckle Somuchforcomingatme IrefrainfromrollingmyeyesasIheadtowardtheSafety Ifeintto theright,buthestayswithme.Itrytheleftandhehesitatesforafractionofasecond,butit’senough.Iopenthegapandreach upasIturnmybodyalittle Ky’sperfectspiralflies,headingdirectlytome Ijumpalittle,catchingtheball,pullingitintomy bodyto protectitas Isee the other linebacker and safetyrushtoward me. Butthey’re too late. Iland withinfeetofthe end zone.Threerunningstepslater,Icross.Touchdown.Ispiketheball,starttodomyasswigglewhenmyteammatesjumponme. ThisTD,mythirdofthegame,putsusthirtypointsaheadhalfwaythroughthefourth There’snohopeforFloridaA&Mnow NotthattherehadbeenbeforethisTD,butnowit’scemented.We’re4-0.
“Good Make sure the trainers work on your left knee before heading to the hotel We want to make sure we don’t overstressthemusclesthere.”
“Willdo”IhandthephonebacktoChris,thephonekeeper
Thegameendsandtheteamcelebrates,bouncingaround,highfiving,slappingeachotherontheassorback,andshouting injoyas we headtothedressingroom.I’mthe onlyone notparticipatinginall the revelrywhichis probablywhyWill hip checksmeaswestarttotearoffthemuddy,sweat-soakedjerseys.“You’vebeenabeastonthefieldlately.What’sup?”
“Yeah, not good enough.” He follows me into the shower room where the sound of the water and the echoes of the continuouscelebrationsgivesmeareprievefromWill’sexaminationandprodding,butIknow itwill beshort-lived,forcing metospeedupmypostgamerituals.
Bythetimewereachourroominthehotel,Will’svibratingfromhisneedtodigintomypsyche,tofindoutwhyI’vebeen avoidinghimlike mycousins.Aneasyfeatsince we didn’tshare anyclasses andmanyofour practices were special teams only,keepingusondifferentpracticeandgymschedules.NorwasheabletocornermeafterourlasttwohomegamessinceI managedtoslipaway,rentingaroomintheMorecambeResortandSpaonthoseweekends “Whatthefuckisgoingon?”Hecrosseshismassivearms,nearlypoppingtheseams. Theideaoftalkingaboutwhathappenedmakesmesicktomystomach It’swhyIhaven’tbeenhome Idon’twanttosee thepityinglooksonLiamandAsher’sface.NordoIwanttoseeadeliriouslyhappyColton.AndhewillbehappybecauseI know how happy I was after spending only a little time with her. If she was to be my wife, I’d never stop smiling. Plus
“I know.” I hang my head, pulling on the ends of my hair with my hands. It’s tearing me up inside. The idea that her relationshipwithColtonwillcrashandburnlikemyparents’did,orLiam’s,orevenColton’s.It’sthatthoughtthatfreaksme out Colton’s mom, Kimberly, died, tryingto leave Caleb Yes, itwas anaccident Uncle Caleb had nothingto do withher deathoreventhecauseofit,buttothinkthesamethingcouldhappentoTina,thatherlifecouldendinaninstant,thattheworld wouldbedeprivedofherpassion,herjoy,hercompassion,leftmecold
“Fuck.Idon’tknow.Colton’sbeensoeagertofindlove.He’stalkedabouthisbestfriendChrissyonandoffforyears,but untilthiswholeBallthingcameup,Ineverguessedtherewasanythingmorethanacrush possiblyonlyonhisside between them”
MY ASS DRAGS asIpickupmylaptopfrommydesktableinthelecturehallattheendofmyPrinciplesofClinicalMedicine1 class.It’sbeenaroughalmosttwomonthssincethenightwheremylifeimploded.NotonlyamIstilldealingwith ormore like denying the consequences of that night, but I’ve been playing catch-up with the week’s worth of classes I missed, continuingto stayontrackwithreadings and assignments for mycurrentclasses, and spendinghours doingresearchfor my thesisproject
Atleasttodayis Fridayand theoreticallyIshould be able to resta little this weekend, catchingup onall the sleep I’ve missed.Aniceidea,sincesleepandIaren’tonspeakingterms.EverytimeIclosemyeyes,Iseehim.SeeMason he’sno longerMaseinmyheadbecausethathurtswaytoomuchtothinkofhimthatway Iseethewayhiseyeslookedatmewhilewe splashedaroundintheswimminghole.Iseethewaytheysoftenedwhenhelistenedtomespeakaboutmyhopesanddreams.I seethewaytheyflashedwithsurpriseandawewhenhesaw mestandingthereattheBall ButIalsoseethedisgustinthem whenherealizedwhoIwas.
Toobadit’snotjustmysleepbeingaffected Iusedtoenjoyunwindingbyrelaxinginanicebubblebathwhilereadinga romancebookanddrinkingaglassofwine.Nowthecaressofthewatermakesmethinkofthewayhishandsskatedoverme. The calluses from catching footballs, reminding me with each touch that it was a man and not my imagination. Yet my imaginationisallIhaveleft
“Oh.” What is left of my battered and torn heart bottoms, making me ill. How could I have forgotten that it was this weekend I’dplannedonbeingfar,farawayfromhereandnowit’stoolatetoleave Westepoutsidethebuildingintoamobof footballsupporters,holdingupeffigysignscontainingphotosofvariousMorecambeplayers.Andofcourse,becausemyluck hasbeensoperfectlately,Icomeface-to-facewithagiantpictureofMason’ssmilingface Mybrainignoresthetrashwritten onthesignandIfilteroutthehornsdrawnonhishead.Instead,I’mpulledintohiseyes.TheonesthatlookedatmeasifIwas themostimportantthingintheworldtohim.Mybreathcatches.Ithrow outanarmtokeepmeuprightasmykneesbeginto shake,notwantingtoholdupmyweight.
“Are youokay?” Kylie grabs me, holdingme up. “Let’s getyousittingdown.” She begins to tow me to the side where bencheslinethepath “Didyoueattoday?Feelingfaint?Dizzy?”Shecontinuestorattleoffquestions,makingmesmileatthe obviousfactwe’remedstudents.
“I’mgood Iate,andI’mnotfaintordizzy,juststumbledonsomething”Itrybrushingheroff,butIcanseebythelookin her eyes that she’s not fullybuyingmyexcuse. Ihaven’t told her what happened inMorecambe, but I’msure she’s already figuredoutthatsomethingdid.I’vekeptitallquiet,bottledupinsideofme,thinkingifIdidn’tsaythewordsthenitcouldn’tbe true.NotevenColton’sbeenabletopryitoutofmefromthefewmessagesI’vesenthimdespiteallthetimeshe’sasked.But the one thingI did tell himwas that I was releasinghimfromour plan. After realizingfromMason’s note that Coltonhad plannedtomarryme,hadtoldothers,IknewIcouldn’tgothroughwithit Notevenfortheextramoneythatwouldbereleased intomytrustfunds.TheonlypersonIcouldseemyselfwithwasMasonandthatwasnolongerinthecards. “Tina?”
He doesn’t give me time to argue further, pickingme up and carryingme to the bathroomwhere he deposits me bythe shower.AsIstandthere,heturnsitonbeforeturningbacktome.“StripandgetinorI’lldoitforyou.”Hemeetsmyglarebut softenshisgaze.“Please.He’slostwithoutyou.”
Ipullonhisarm “I’msorryforrunningawaylikeIdid AndI’msorryforcuttingyouout Ijustcouldn’t ” He puts his fingers across mylips, shuttingme up. “Iknow. And for whatit’s worthI’ve alreadyapologized to himfor someofthethingsIsaidtohim.ButIneedtoknowonething…doyoulovehim?”
HeholdsouthisrighthandandIputmyshakinghandinhisasIbitemylip.Everywordfromhisletter runsthroughmy mind. Inever thought after receivingit, after seeingthe lookonhis face whenhe realized who Iwas, that I’d ever get the chancetotouchhimagain.AsmuchasIwanttosaysomething,Ican’tseemtogetmymouthtowork.
It’s crazy. It’s absurd. We’ve only known each other for a short time and fromthat week together, we spent most of it messagingeachother.ButIknowthatmylifechangedforeverthatnightintheclub.Whatwasoncedarknessspreadbeforeme wasfilledwithlight,laughter,andlove ThingsIknowbetterthantotossawaybecauseconventionsaiditwastoosoon After all,I’dlivedthesepasttwomonthswithoutit.
“Yes”
Thank you for reading Hard Pass Want to read more about the More Family? Preorder Gilded Rose, featuring Mason’s Great-Uncle Levi
Want to read more football stories? Preorder Will’s story in Foul Ball, part of the Morecambe Falconers Football series Wanttofindoutmore?ConsiderjoiningTBMann’snewsletterandnevermissoutonanupcomingreleaseorbonusscenes.
Asa self-proclaimeddescentofmermaidsandselkies,she lovestobreathe insaltair,watchthe wavesrollin,anddiphertoesintothe water Whenshe’snotdoing that hopefullyonsomeCaribbeanbeach she’swatchinghockey,someothersportingevent,attendingatheatricalormusicalperformance,orwatchingtelevisionwitha bookonherlap
Life hasn’talways beeneasy,butlike her books,she believes thatthe love andsupportof familyandfriends canallow youtodoanythingwhether the familyis by bloodorbychoice
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