*ADULT CONTENT*
Thisnovelisconsideredromanticfiction.Thisisformatureaudiencesonly.Thisbookcontainsadultprofanelanguage, extremeviolence,strongsexualcontentanddarkadultthemes.
Thewarmlightofdawnfilteringthroughmybedroomcurtainswokemeup.Itwasnicetowakeupnaturallyandnotfrom the loud buzz of my cell phone’s alarmclock The cozy warmth of my blankets enveloped me in a comforting hug I weighedmydecisiontospendChristmasaloneatourfamilycabinorbackatmyapartment.
StayingatthefamilycabininEagleCreekjustseemedliketherightthingtodo.Ididn’tstartmynewjobuntilnextyear.I neededthepeaceandquietandIwouldhaveitassoonasmyparentsleft
Throwingoffthecovers,Iswungmylegsoverthesideofthebedandstretchedmyarmsuptotheheavens.Itwasnicenot toevencarewhattimeitwas Ireachedmyhandoverandgrabbedmycellphoneoffthebedsidetable Ihadatextmessage frommyfriendTiara.Iopenedthetextjusttogettheshockofmylife.
Tiara:Girlyouseethisshit!
Underneathhercaptionwasapictureofmyex-husbandhuggedupwithhisgirlfriend.Thesametrampthathewascheating onmewithwhenweweremarried.Thatassholedidn’tevenlettheinkdryonourdivorcepapersbeforehestartedpublicly paradingaroundwithhishoe
Icouldn’tevenrespond. Thatwas nothow Iwanted to startmydayoff. The lasttime Iwas atthe cabinIwas withmy husband It was still so hard to believe that I was a twenty-five-year-old divorced woman Mymarriage onlylasted three years, two ifyoudidn’tcountthe year ittookto getthe divorce. Shakingoffthe bad memories, Itried to focus onthe day ahead IhatedhowIcouldn’tcompletelyclearthatbackstabbingbastardoutofmyheadforgood
Puttingonmyplushrobe,Imademywaytothekitchen,eagertostartmymorningroutine.Ibeganbybrewingafreshpotof coffee;thericharomafilledtheairandinvigoratedmysenses.Asthecoffeepercolated,Igatheredingredientsforbreakfast.I plannedtoprepareaheartymealformyparentsbeforetheyleftfortheirtrip
“Alright, Winter, let’s do this,” Iwhispered to myself, rollingup mysleeves and gettingto work. Icracked eggs into a mixingbowl,whiskingthemtogetherwithcreamandseasoning Myculinaryskillshadimprovedgreatlysincemydivorce,and Itookprideinmynewfoundindependence.ItfeltgooddoingthingsbecauseIwantedto.Asawife,Ihadtodosomanythings, cook,clean,lookgoodjusttokeepmyexpleased.NowIdidthingsforme.Ilovedlivingthisnewsinglelife.
Feelingtheheatemanatingfromthestove,Ipouredtheeggmixtureintoabutteredpan,addingdicedvegetablesandcheese tocreate a mouthwateringomelet.The sizzlingsoundfilledthe kitchen,accompaniedbythe scentofbaconwaftingfromthe oven Icarefullyflippedtheomelet,ensuringitcookedevenlyandmaintaineditsfluffytexture
“Mom,Dad,breakfastisalmostready!”Icalledout,hopingtheywouldhearmeasIshoutedoutthestaircase.Iheardthem movingaroundalittleearliersoIknewtheywereupstairsinthemasterbedroom
TheprospectofthemleavingforParisfilledmewithamixofsadnessandanticipation.WhileIwouldmisstheirpresence atthecabin,Icouldn’thelpbutlookforwardtothebeingalonewithmythoughts.Ihadalwayshadaboyfriendorhusband.I movedfrommyparent’shousetocollegeandthenintoanapartmentwithmyex-husband.Ihadneverreallybeenalone.Itwas betterthanIthoughtitwouldbe.Ihadmypeace,andIdidn’thavetoworryaboutanyoneimposingonmytime.Icouldthink andbreatheagain
Asthebaconfinishedcrispingandtheomeletreachedperfection,Isetthetableandpouredcoffeeintomugs.Thescentof themealIhadpreparedfilledthekitchen,beckoningmyparentstojoinme Istoodbackandadmiredmyhandiwork Iwasn’t ChefRamseybutIcouldthroughdowninthekitchennowthatIwascookingforme.
“Babygirl,thankyou.”Myfathersaidasheenteredthekitchen,hisvoicethickwithappreciation.“Thislooksincredible. I’mstarvinglikeMarvin”
“Yournewculinaryskillsneverceasetoamazeme,”mymotherchimedinassheteetereddownthestairsbehindmyfather. “Eatup,”Iencouraged
As we settled around the table, myparents eagerlyduginto the breakfastIhad prepared. Betweenbites, theychattered
excitedlyabouttheir upcomingtriptoParis.“We’ll makesuretosendyoupicturesfromall thefamouslandmarks,theEiffel Tower,theLouvre,Notre-Dame!”Mymothergushed.ShealwayswantedtogotoParis.
“Ofcourse,”myfatherchimedin “AndWinterdon’tworryaboutcleaningthecabin IcantakeadrivebackupherewhenI getbacktotakecareofeverything.”
“Dad,Iknowhowtocleanupaftermyself”
“OhCurtis,she is grown.Stoptreatingher like a child.” Mymother addedwitha winkinmydirection.“Winter,Ithink some time alone here will do yougood Achance to heal and find your footingagainafter everythingthat bastard put you through.”
Inodded,Ilovedmymomhatedmyex-husbandChrisjustasmuchasme.Astheycontinuedtodiscusstheirtravelplans,I foundmyselfdriftingintomyownthoughts,reflectingontheindependencethatawaitedme Thenotionofbeingaloneduring theholidayseasonfeltexhilarating.
“Promisemeyou’llcallifyouneedanything,”myfathersaid,breakingmeoutofmyreverie “Anythingatall,Winter Your motherandIareonlyaphonecallaway.”
“Promise,”Ireplied,smilingatthemboth Evenifsomethinghappenedoutheretheywereinanothercountryandcouldn’t beanythingaboutit.TheyworriedtoomuchbutEagleCreekwasaverysafeplace.MaybetheyweretalkingaboutifIneeded anythingemotionally.
As we finished our meal, I felt good about mydecisionto come out here for the holidays I was so happymyparent’s supportedmethroughmydivorce.IwassoscaredtotellthembecauseIfearedtheywouldtellmetogivethatcheatingmofo another chance They didn’t do that, and I was so relived and grateful And as the Christmas holiday approached, I was determinedtoembracethisnewchapterinmylife.
Iclearedthetableafter breakfastandwashedall thedishes.Icouldhear myparents rustlingaroundupstairs whileIgot dressedforthebed.Mydadbroughtalltheirluggagedownstairsandmymomwasaddedlast-minutethingstothesuitcases.
Mymomchattedanimatedlyabouttheplacestheywouldvisit,whilemydadmeticulouslydouble-checkedtheiritinerary.
“Remember,Winter,”mydadsaid,pausingtolookatme,“lockallthedoorsandwindowsbeforeyougotobed Anddon’t hesitatetocallSheriffMcGillisifanythingseemsoff.”
Nothinghappensinthistown “Ofcourse,Dad,”Ireassuredhim,tuckingapair ofglovesintohissuitcase “I’ll beextra careful.”
Mymother added,“Anddon’tforgettoenjoyyourself,sweetheart.It’s noteverydayyougettohave some much-needed solitude.Restupbeforeyoustartyournewjob.”
“Thankyou,Mom.I’llmakethemostofmyalonetime.”Ipromised.
Thesuitcasesweremovedtothedoorbymydad I’msuretheircontentswerecarefullycuratedtoensuremyparentshad everythingtheyneededfortheirEuropeanadventure.Ihelpedmydadloadtheluggageintomycar.Icouldn’thelpbutfeel a twingeofenvy
Theywereembarkingonajourneyofdiscoveryandromance.Myparentshadbeenmarriedforthirtyyearsandtheywere stillinlovewitheachother.Iprobablywouldneverhavethat.
“Alright,let’shittheroad!”myfatherannounced,clappinghishandstogether “Wecannotbelateforourflight” “Oui, oui!Paris,herewecome!”Mymothercheered.
Islidintothedriver’sseat,grippingthewheeltightlyaswepulledawayfromourcabinandbeganthedrivetotheairport Snowflakesgentlyfellonthewindshieldofmycar.ThosesameflakescastathickwhiteglowoverthesmalltownofEagle Creek ThestreetswerelinedwithtwinklingChristmaslights,whiletheirsofthuesreflectingoffthefreshblanketofsnowthat coveredtheground.
Asenseofpeacesettledovermeasweglidedthroughthefamiliarstreets.Theheatwaskickingupinmycarandproviding acozycontrasttothewinterchilloutside
“Isn’t it beautiful?” mymother sighed, gazingout the window of the backseat. “We should tryto get to the cabinmore often”
“Weshould.”Myfatheragreed.
“Icouldplantsomeflowersoutfront”
“We’llmakesomewonderfulmemoriesinParis,andwe’llbebackhomebeforeyouknowit.”
MyparentswereatestamenttothekindofunwaveringdevotionIhopedtoonedayfindformyself.Andthoughmyheart achedfromthefreshwoundsofbetrayal,Iknew thatsomewhereoutthere,someonewaswaitingtoheal it OnedayIwould findsomeonewhowouldcherishme,lovemeandbefaithfultome.
Aheavysilencefilledthecaraswecontinuedourjourneytotheairport Ironically,thesongMyCherieAmourbyStevie Wondercameontheradioandithadtobeasignthattheirtripwasgoingtogogreat.
The snow outside swirled into intricate patterns onthe windows, nature’s artistryatits finest. For a moment, Iallowed myselftobesweptawaybymemoriesofmychildhood,whenallIhadtoworryaboutwaskeepingmyroomclean.Adulting was notthe amazingthingteenagers thoughtitwas.Iwas still pissed atall the rom-coms thatmade marriage seemmagical.
Marriagewashardandpeoplelikemyparentsmadeitlookeasy.
“Areyousureyou’llbeokay,herebyyourself,Winter?”Myfatheraskedgently,breakingmefrommymemories. Iglancedoverathimandofferedareassuringsmile “I’llbefine It’stimeIlearnedhowtostandonmyowntwofeet” Mymother chimed in, her voice brimmingwithencouragement. “You’re stronger thanyouthink, sweetheart. We have no doubtthatyoucanhandleanythinglifethrowsyourway”
Theirwordsbolsteredmyresolve,addingfueltothesimmeringfirewithinme.Thiswasmychancetoprovetomyselfthat Icouldovercomemypastandstartanew AsmuchasIwouldmissmyparents,IknewIneededthistimealonetorediscover whoIwasandwhatIwantedoutoflife.
“Don’tworry.Iwillbefine.”Imurmured.“Yoursupportmeanstheworldtome.”
“YouknowyoucanalwaysgoonovertoyouruncleJames’house Hewouldlovetoseeyouandhe’sonlyaboutanhour andahalfaway.”Myfatherreplied,hiseyesshiningwithloveandpride.ButIwasn’tdrivinganywherebutbacktothecabin inthissnow
As wenearedtheairporttheonce-quietsurroundings transformedintoahiveofactivity.Thedepartureareawas packed with cars and taxis Holiday travelers bustled about, picking suitcases out of car trunks and rolling thembeside themlike robots.Thecacophonyoflaughter,chatter,andfarewellscreatedanenergeticcloudofadventure.
“Hereweare,”Iannounced,pullingmycar intotheTerminal 3drop-off.“Timefor your grandParisiangetaway.Please stayonhighalert Theyhavethievesandscammersinallcountries” Ihitthebuttontopopthetrunk.Ihoppedoutthehelpmyfatherremovealltheluggage.Oncewehadalltheirbagsonthe curb Ifeltawavearelief Igotthemtheairportsafely,andIhopedtheydidn’thaveanydelaysintheirflight “Thankyoufordrivingus,Winter.”mymomsaid,leaningforwardtogivemeatighthug.“We’llbebackbeforeyouknow it.”
“Take care ofyourself.” Mydad added,squeezingmyshoulder affectionatelybefore pullingme infor his signature bear hug.
“Iwill HaveanamazingtimeinParis”Isaid “Winter,weloveyou.”
“Ilovey’alltoo Besafe”IwavedasIwalkedaroundtothedriver’sdoorandenteredmycar
AsIwatchedthementerthebuildinganddisappearintothebustlingcrowd,amixtureofsadnesswashedoverme.Anew chapterawaitedme,onefilledwithindependence,growth,anewjobandperhapsanewbeausomewhereinthedistantfuture. IthadbeenaminutesinceIhadanyinteractionswithaman.
Istartedthetwo-hourdrivebacktowardthecabin.Thesnowylandscapeseemedtostretchoutendlesslybeforeme.The highwaywasfullofsemi-trailertrucks Ineverreallyknewwhymyfatherboughtthiscabinoutinthemiddleofnowhere He wasboldbecausetherewasn’tablackfaceanywhereinsightbackinEagleCreek.
As Idrovethroughthesleepytown,Icouldn’thelpbutfeel thatmylifewas abouttochangeinways Inever couldhave imagined.Ihadanewjobonthehorizon.Ididn’tgetanythingfromthedivorce.Ididn’twantanything.Ijustwantedtogethis lastnameunattachedfrommine.Ididn’twantanyremindersItookhislastnameinthefirstplace.Icouldn’twaittobeWinter RobinsonagainbecauseWinterDoziersoundedgross
Asthemilesrolledby,thoughtsofmyrecentdivorcecreptintomymind,anunwelcomereminderoftheheartachethatstill lingered
Thememoryofhisbetrayalstung,butIrefusedtoletitdefinemeanylonger.ThisChristmaswouldbeafreshstart.Before Iwentbacktothecabin,Ihadtodoalittleshopping TherewasahugesnowstormhittingtheMidwestoverthenextfewdays andIsawonthenewsEagleCreekwasgoingtogethithard.Beingsnowedindidn’tscareme.Itwouldprobablybeagood thingtobetrappedinthecabinwithalotofsnacks,wineandmyE-readerthatwasfilledwithbooksIneverhadachanceto read
wassohappywhenIarrivedbackinEagleCreek.Thosehugetruckswerescarywhizzingbymesplashingslushallover mywindshieldandshakingmylittlesedanastheyspedpassme
I pulled into a free parkingspace at the grocerystore. The gust of icywind slapped me hard across mycheekas I hurriedacrossthelotandintotheautomaticdoors.Thebitter coldwasaharshreminder oftheimpendingstorm.Ishivered, pullingmypuffercoattighteraroundmyselfasIgrabbedashoppingcartandbegantonavigatethroughtheaisles
Mybreathfoggedupinfrontofme,evidenceofjusthowcolditwasoutside.WitheachsugaryfilleditemIplacedintothe cart,the weightofmyrecentpastseemedtolighten Afreshstartwas whatIneeded,andbeingpreparedfor the snowstorm wasthefirststep.
“Lookslikeyou’regettingreadytohunker down!”Thecashier saidasIapproachedtheregister Shewasamiddle-aged womanwithshort,curlyblondehairandawarmsmile.Hernametagread“Sandy”incheerfulredletters.
“Seemslikethesmartthingtodo,”Ireplied,returninghersmile.“Iheardthisstormisgoingtobeprettybad.”
“Ah,yes The holidayseasondoes strange things toEagle Creek,” Sandyremarked,scanningmyitems withexperienced ease.“Sometimesitfeelslikeaghosttownaroundherewheneveryoneleavestovisitfamilyorescapethecold.” “Really?”Iasked
“Alotoffolksspendsummershere.PeoplelovegoingouttoEagleLakewhenit’swarm.”
“Doesn’tthatmakethingsdifficultforbusinesses?”
“Suredoes,butwemanage.Wemakeupthedifferenceinthespringandsummer.”Sandyshrugged,givingmeaknowing look.“Besides,the townhas always beentight-knit,evenduringthe toughesttimes.We’ve facedmore thanour fair share of challengesovertheyears”
“Soundslikeastrongcommunity,”Imused,fumblingwithmywalletasSandybaggedmygroceries.
“Indeed,itis,”sheagreed,hersmileneverwavering
“Isthissnowstormgoingtobeasbadasthey’resaying?”IaskedSandy,whileplacingmoreitemsontheconveyorbelt.
“Seemslikeit,”sheanswered,hervoicetingedwithworry.“Folksaresayingitmightbetheworstwe’veseeninyears.” “Wow.”Ishiveredinvoluntarily.Myeyesscannedthestore,notingtheothercustomersstockinguponsupplies.“What’sit likearoundhereduringthestorms?Mustbehardforeveryone.”
“Definitely not easy,” she replied, scanning my canned goods and bottled water “But we’ve always managed to pull throughtogether.Neighborshelpeachotherout,youknowlikeclearingdriveways,checkinginontheelderly,thingslikethat.” “Sounds like a true Christmas miracle,” Ijoked, tryingto lightenthe mood Sandychuckled as she continued to scanmy items.
“Somethinglikethat,”sheagreedwithasmile.“Inanycase,it’simportanttostayprepared.Anditlookslikeyou’vegota goodstarthere”
“Thanks.”Isaid,handingovermydebitcard.AsSandyprocessedthepayment,Ifoundmyselflostinthought,considering howdrasticallymylifehadchangedsincemydivorce
The prospectofspendingChristmas alone inthis small townwas less thanideal,butperhaps the stormwouldserve me well
“Hereyougo,Winter,”Sandysaid.Shelookedatmynameonthecard.Shehandedmethereceiptandmydebitcard.
“Thankyou,Sandy,”Ireplied,gatheringmybagsandplacingtheminmyshoppingcart.
“Staywarm!”
“Thanks.Youtoo.”
AsIpushedthecarttowardstheexit,IglancedbackatSandy Ihadn’tcomeincontactwithmanypeopleinthetenyears thatmydadboughtthisplace.SofarIhadn’thadoneracistencounterdespitenotrunningintoanyblackorbrownpeople.It wasalmosthardtobelieve,butIwasgoingtotakeitasawin
Withthat,Iheadedouttomycar,eachstepcrunchinginthefreshsnowbeneathmyfeet.Iloadedmygroceriesintothetrunk asquicklyasIcould.
Iclimbedintomycar,the coldleather ofthe driver’s seatsendinga chill downmyspine.Crankingupthe heat,the seat warmerandthereardefrost;Ipulledoutofthegrocerystoreparkinglotandheadedtowardsthenearestgasstation.
The sky had darkened since I’d gone inside the grocery store, thick clouds rolling in from the east like an ominous indicationoftheimpendingstorm.Ionlyhadonemorestop.
AsIpulledintothegasstationandparkedatavacantpump Thebitingwindwhippedthroughtheair,tuggingatmyquilted coatandthreateningtostealawaywhatlittlewarmthIhadretained.
Ishivered,pullingmyscarftighteraroundmyneckasIsteppedoutofthecarandbeganfillingthetank Itwascrucialto haveafull tank.Ialwaysheardtherehadtobegasinyour car whenitwascoldoutside.Beingstranded,aloneinthistown duringablizzardwasnotonmyto-dolist.
Iglancedaroundthegas station Therewas oneminivanparkedbesidemeandapolicecruiser parkedupinfrontofthe van.
“Canyoubelieve how quicklythe weather’s turning?” Anolder voice called out, drawingmyattentionawayfromthe frigidgusts.Glancingover,Isawthetownsheriff,ahelpfulandkind-heartedmaninhis60s,chattingwithanothercustomerby the adjacent pump He wore a well-worn uniform and a wide-brimmed hat that shielded his eyes from the falling heavy snowflakes.
“Iknow.”Theothercustomerreplied,shakinghishead.“Feelslikewe’reinforadoozyofastorm.”
“Staysafeoutthere”Thesheriffsaid,clappingthemanontheshoulderbeforeturninghisattentiontome “Youtoo,miss lady.Lookslikewe’reallinforalongnight.”
“Thankyou,Sheriff,”Ireplied,forcingasmiledespitemyfrozenface
“Make sure you’re stockeduponeverythingyouneed,the essentials.” The sheriffcontinued,his voice carryingover the howlingwind.“Oncethisstormhits,it’llbenearimpossibletogetaroundtown.”
“Ijustpickedupsomegroceries.”Itoldhim,mygazefixedonthenumbersclimbinghigheronthepump’sdisplay. “Goodthinking,”hesaid,givingmeanodofapproval.
Asthepumpclickedoff,signalingthatmytankwasfull,Ireplacedthenozzleandclosedthefuel door Myfingerswere numbfromthecold,andIrubbedmyhandstogetherinafutileattempttorestoresomewarmth.
“Hey,areyouCurtisRobinson’sdaughter?”Heaskedashewalkedovertome Inodded,takenabackathisrecognition.“Yes,I’mWinter,WinterDo-Robinson.”Ireplied.IhadtoerasethatDozierfrom mybrain.
“YesWinter.Ialmostdidn’trecognizeyou.Ihaven’tseenyouaroundthesepartssinceyouwereagirl.” Thatwastrue.“Yeah,Ihaven’tbeenbackhereinalongtime.”
“Well,welcomeback Where’syourfather?Ihaven’tseenhimsincelastspring” “He’soutoftownwithmymotherfortheholidays.”
“Quitethesnowstormwehavecomingourway,”hecontinued,glancingupatthedarkeningsky “We’vebeenpreparingfor itallweek.Ipredicttheroadswouldbeclosed.Makesureyou’vegotenoughsuppliestolastyouthroughit,alright?” “Iwill.”Ipushedthebuttonformyreceipttocomeoutthemachine.
“It’scomingdownheavy”Thesherifflookedupintothesky “TellyourfatherIsaidhello Callthestationifyouneedany emergencyhelp.”
“Iwill Thanks,Sheriff,”Isaid,eagertoreturntothesanctuaryofmyheatedcar “Staysafe.”hereplied,touchingthebrimofhishat.Withthat,hetippedhishatandturnedtoleave,thecrunchingsoundof hisfootstepsgraduallyfadingashewalkedtowardhiscruiser
Withthat,Iclimbedbackintothewarmthofmycarandpulledawayfromthegasstation,mythoughtsnowconsumedbythe impendingstormandtheunpredictabilityitbroughtwithit.WasIreallygoingtobeshutinforafewdays?Oraweek?
The snow was beginningtofall more heavilynow,coveringthe groundina delicate blanketofwhite Despite the biting cold,therewassomethingmagicalaboutthesmallruraltown.
AsIsettledintothedriver’sseat,Icouldn’thelpbutthinkaboutthesheriff’swords Mydadhadalreadygivenmeaspeech about staying indoors and being prepared for power outages and whatnot. I was still trying to figure out how the sheriff recognizedme Ihadn’tbeenuptothecabininaboutfiveyearsandIdon’trememberrunningintohimbackthen Mycellphonerang,startlingmefrommythoughts.Thenumberwasunknown,butIansweredanyway.“Hello?”
“Guess who,” a familiar voice drawled, sendingchills downmyspine. It was myex-husband Chris, the manwho had betrayedmeandleftmeshattered
“Whatdoyouwant?”Iasked,grippingthesteeringwheeltighter.Icouldn’taffordtoshowhimanyemotion.
“Aw,don’tbelikethat,Winter,”hetaunted “I’mjustcuriousaboutwhereyou’respendingyourChristmasthisyear” “Noneofyourdamnbusiness.”Ireplied.Hehadsomenerve.
“Isthatanywaytotreatsomeoneyoulove?”Hesneered,hiswordsdrippingwithmalice.“Areyouhidingawayfromthe world,likethescaredlittlegirlyouare?”
“Stopit!”Isnapped,myvoicecracking.“I’mnotscared.”
“I’mjustfuckingwithyou.”helaughedcruelly.“Naw,butforreal.MymothergotyousomethingforChristmas.Shewants youtocomebythehouseandpickitup.”
“Youcanjusttakeittothepostofficeandshipittomyparents’house”
“I’mnotgoingtodoallofthat.MymotherwantsyoutobethereforChristmaswiththerestofthefamily.Shetoldmeto extendtheinvite,andthat’swhatI’mdoing”
“WearenolongermarriedsowhywouldIspendChristmaswithyourfamily?”
“Becausethat’swhatyoualwaysdo”
“Notanymore.Wearenottogether.”
“Iknowthatbutmymotherwantsyouthere.”
I wanted to say fuck your mother, but I had manners and it wasn’t her fault her son was a lying, cheating, big head bastard.“I’mnotsittingupinyourparent’shousewithyouandyourgirlfriend.”
“Whatgirlfriend?”
Theoneinthepicture,ninja.“Youknow.”
“MymothertoldmeIcan’tbringanybodytoherhouse,butyou”
“I’mnotcoming.”
“Soyou’dratherbealone.”
WhydidhethinkIwasalone?“I’mnotalone”Ilied “Idrovebyyourparent’shouseandyourcarwasn’toutside.”
“Sonowyou’reacheaterandastalker Don’tworryaboutwhereIam” “DidyougotoWisconsin?”
Whywouldhe eventhinkthat? He’donlybeentothe cabinonce or twice.Thatwas the onlythinginWisconsinandwe nevertalkedaboutthat.
“Goodbye,Chris.Leavemealone.”Iendedthecall.Theweightofhiswordshungheavyintheair.Ireallydidlovehis mother Mrs Dozierhadalwaysbeensonicetome ButIwasn’tstupid Ihadtodistancemyselffrommyin-laws Seeingthem wouldjustbeawayforChristoweasel hiswaybackintomylife.Hell wouldhavetofreezeoverrighthereinEagleCreek beforeIgavethatmanthetimeofday
The snowflakes danced inthe wind as Idrove downthe darkand deserted road. It seemed Iwas the onlydummystill drivinginthearea IwasonlyminutesawayfromthecabinandIcouldn’twaittogetbackthere Myhandsgrippedthe wheel tightly.Theroadwascoveredinsnow.Iwasdoingalittleslidingaroundbutnotenoughtohavemepull over.I hadallwheeldrive.IhopedIdidn’tneedanytires.
The snow-covered landscape covered every surface, each tree and rock shrouded under a thick blanket of white The beauty of it all was comforting. I turned the radio up when I realized I could barely hear it. Drake was crying out of my speakers Hewasrap-singingaboutsomewomanthathadbrokenhisheart I’dheardthesongbeforebutIdidn’tknowthetitle orlyrics.
“Whatthefuck!”Icriedout,myheartleapingintomythroatasafigureappearedinthemiddleoftheroad Itwasaman, wavinghis arms franticallyto catchmyattention. He looked desperate for me to stop. Itapped the brakes. Mycar slightly skiddedontheslickasphaltbeforeIgrippedthewheelandgotitbackundercontrol.
“Help!Please!”Themanshoutedoverthehowlingwind Theman’sfacewaspartiallyobscuredbysnowandshadows,but Icouldstillseehisintenseblueeyeslockedontomine.
AsIstaredatthestrangerthroughthewindshield,myheartpoundedinmychest Wasitfearorsomethingelse?Myrecent experiences had taughtme to be cautious, slow to trustothers. Icouldn’tjustleta stranger into mycar. Inever stopped or sloweddown.MaybeIwasbeingabitchbuttherewasnowayIwasgoingtostopforsomerandomstrangeroutinthemiddle oftheroadoutinthemiddleofnowherewhileIwasalone.No,no.Nottoday.Notever.
AsIdroveaway,Istruggledtofocusontheroadahead,butmythoughtskeptdriftingbacktothemanI’dleftbehind.What washedoinginthemiddleoftheroad,onfoot?Ididn’tnoticeanyvehicleonthesideoftheroadwhenIwasdriving IknewI hadtoprioritizemysafety,evenifitmeantturningmybackonsomeoneinneed.
Thesnowcontinuedtofallaroundme Itwasprettybutitwastoomuch Ineededtogetbacktothecabinandoffloadthese groceries.Thesnow wasswirlingaroundmycar.Thewindshieldwiperswereonfullblastbuttheconditionswereblinding me.Istruggledtoseejustafewinchesinfrontofmycar.
Justthen, a flashofbrownfur appeared inmyperipheral vision. Adeer!Panic surged throughme as Islammed onthe brakes,swervingtoavoidtheanimal.Butitwastoolate.Thesickeningcrunchofmetalagainstfleshreverberatedthroughthe car,followedbythedullthudofthedeer’sbodyhittingtheground
“Oh, myGod!” Icried outas mycar careened offthe side ofthe road, plowingthroughthe thicklayer ofsnow before comingto anabrupthaltina snow-filled ditch The suddenimpactrattled me to mycore Myheartpounded inmyears as adrenalinesurgedthroughmyveins.
MyheartpoundedinmychestasIstaredatthesnow-coveredditchthatnowtrappedmycar.Iwassurroundedbywhite.
“Damnit!”Imutteredundermybreath,myvoicebarelyaudibleabovethehowlingwind Icouldhearthewindwhipping loudlyaroundthecarandthatmeantmycarenginehadstopped.Iquicklyplacedmycarinparkandtriedtostartmycar,forall the good itwould do To mysurprise, the engine cranked up Atleastmycar started, thatwas good news Iso desperately neededgoodnews.
MaybeIcouldridedownthelengthoftheditchandmakemywayoutfurtherdowniftheditchevensoutanduptotheroad Itseemedlikeanidea.Maybenotthebestonebutitwasworthatry.
IeasedmyfootdownonthegaspedalandIsoonrealizedmyplanwasabust.Mycarwouldn’tmove.Mywheelsjustspun aroundandaround IfeltlikeIwasjustdiggingallfourofmytiresdeeperintotheditch Icouldn’tbelievethiswashappening tome.
Iclenched mygloved hands into fists Itried to regainsome semblance ofcontrol over myracingthoughts Mysurvival instinctssaidstaycalm.Ihadalreadysurvivedsomuch,abitter divorce,thehumiliationofmyex-husband’sinfidelityandI refusedtoletthisbethethingthatbrokemedown
Itookadeepbreath.Ihadtothinkwithmybrain.Iwasn’teventryingtousemybrainwhileIwasatthecabin.Whatwere myoptions?Ipickedupmycellphoneandstaredattheblackscreen.Mycellphonewasdead.Itdiedithadtwopercentwhen
Ihungup onmyex. Iforgotto charge mycell lastnight. ThenIgotup and made breakfastfor myparents and was so busy thinkingaboutgettingthemtotheairportontimeIdidn’tremembertoplugmycellintothecharger.
ItseemedifIdidn’thavebadluck,Iwouldn’thaveanyluckatall Ididn’tevenhaveacellphonechargerinsidemycar Mychargerwassittingrightonthenightstandbymybed.Itwasrightwhereitcoulddomenogoodinmypresentsituation.
I hoped Sheriff McGillis would just show up out of the blue but I couldn’t rely on anyone else coming by not on this desolatestretchofroadinthedeadofwinter.Ihadtofindawayoutofthismessonmyown.
AsIweighedmyoptions,mygazefellonthedamageddeerlyingmotionlessonthesideoftheroad Itslifelesseyesstared backat me, a hauntingreminder of the collisionthat had led me here. I shuddered, feelinga pangof guilt inthe pit of my stomach.Thisallseemedlikeanomen.Ididn’tstopforthatrandommaninthemiddleoftheroadandthenthismesshappens tome Iguessgettingcheatedonanddivorcewasn’tenough Ineededtosuffersomemore
Ineededaplan,andIneededonefast.SittinginsidethecarIcouldn’tseehowmuchdamagemyfront-endhadsustained.I couldsithereandhopeatow-truckmagicallyappearedorIcouldgetoutandwalktherestoftheway Icouldn’tleavethecar runningbecausethesnowwouldcoverthecareventuallyandthecarbonmonoxidewouldseepintothecar.
Thiswasamajor shit-show IfIdecidedtowalkbacktothecabin,therewasnowayIcouldcarryall thegroceries On secondthought,Icouldn’tcarryanyofthegroceries.Allthewildlifewouldprobablycomerobmeiftheycouldsmellthefood throughmyshoppingbags.
Iwasabouttoreachfortheglovecompartmentwhenasuddenknockonmypassengercarwindowmademejoltinmyseat Myheartleaptintomythroat,andasurgeofpaniccoursedthroughmyveinsasIwhippedmyheadaroundtoseewhoorwhat wasoutsideofmycar
Ahumanhandwipedthewindowclearfromtheoutside.Tomysurprise,itwasthesamemanI’dleftstandinginthemiddle oftheroadjustminutesearlier.Hewashunchedoverslightly,hisbreathvisibleinthecoldairashepeeredatmethroughthe glasswithanunreadableexpression.
“Hey,unlockthedoor,”hemouthed,hiseyesneverleavingmine.
Myfingerstrembledastheyhoveredoverthelockbutton,uncertaintygnawingatmefromtheinsideout CouldItrusthim? Washereallyjustastrandedmotorist?Ididn’treallyhavemanyoptions.
There was somethingaboutthe vulnerabilityinthe man’s gaze Itwas a starkcontrasttothe handsome ruggedness ofhis appearance.Ipressedthebutton,torollthepassengerwindowdown.Iwasn’tcomfortableunlockingthedoor.
“Hey.”Hesaid.“Itlookslikeyou’restuck.”
“Yeah,Ihitadeer.”Itriedtokeepmyvoicesteady.
Heturnedtolookatthedeadorwoundedanimal.Thenheturnedbacktomeplacinghisglovedhandsontheedgeofthe door “Areyouokay?Areyouinjured?”
“I’mfine.I’mjuststuck.”
“Lookslikeyou’reinhereprettygood Didyoualreadycallforatowtruck?” “Mycellphoneisdead.”
“Iwashopingyouhadaphone.Ileftminebackathome.Mycarbrokedownamileback.I’vebeenwalkingforhours,and you’rethefirstpersonI’veseen Iwasn’ttryingtoscareyou Ineededhelp”
“Sorry,”Imuttered,thewordsbarelyaudibleabovethesoundofthewind.“Itwasdark,andIwasinahurrytryingtoget backtomycabinbeforethesnowstorm”
“Iwas tryingto do the same thingbefore mycar broke down. Ileftmycell phone athome, and yours is dead. This has becomeabaddayforthebothofus”
Ifeltlikeapileofshit.Ishould’vestoppedforthisman.IfhekilledmeouthereinthisditchIreallydeservedit.Ipopped thelocks.“Heygetinsideandgetwarm.”
Heyankedthedooropenandclimbedinside,hislargeframefillingthesmallspacealmostinstantly “Thanksforlettingme in,”hesaid,hisvoiceroughanddeepbutsincere.“I’mJason.”
“I’mWinter”Irepliedwhilerollinghiswindowuptokeepthewarmthinside “Noway.YournameisreallyWinter?”
“Yeah,Iwasborninthewintertime”February,buthedidn’thavetoknowallofthat “Nicetomeetyou,Winter.”Heofferedasmile.“Iwouldn’thavebotheredyouearlier.Iwasjusthopingtogetarideto townsoIcouldcallforhelp.”
“NowI’mtheonethatneedshelp”Iadded “Webothneedhelp.We’llneedtofindanotherwaytogetit.Itlookslikeyourcarisn’tgoinganywhere.”
“Right”Isighed
“IwishIcouldcomeupwithsomethingbutIwasjustgoingtokeepwalkinguntilsomeonestoppedforme.Ihaven’trun intoanyhousesouthere.Doyouhaveaplan?”
“I’mcomingupwithsomething?”Isaidasaquestion.“Wecan’tstayouthereinthecoldandwecan’tstayouthereinmy car.Wewillrunoutofgaseventuallybutnotbeforehesnowburiesusandtrapsusinsidewiththecarbonmonoxide.Mycabin
isnotfarfromhere,maybeamileortwoaway.Wecanwalkthereandcallfortowtrucks.” “Ilikethatplan.”
RelieffloodedJason’schiseledfeatures,butitdidlittletoeasethetensionthathungthickintheairbetweenus Andasour gazeslockedoncemore,Icouldn’thelpbutwonderifthegreatestthreatofwasoutsidemycar.Jasonwashandsomethatwasa fact Hehadfulldarkhairandceruleaneyes Butmyex-husbandChriswashandsome,andheprovedtobeasnake “I’mreadytowalk,whenyou’reready.”Jasonsaid.
“It’ssocoldoutthere”
“Believeme,Iknow.Ifyouhavemorelayers,youshouldputthemonbeforewegooutintothecold.” “Idon’t.IjusthavewhatIhaveon.”
“We’ll generate some heat while we’re walking” His positivity in this situation was sort of refreshing because I had thoughtsofbeingeatenbyawolfbeforeheenteredmyvehicle.
“It’salreadydarkout It’sonlygoingtogetdarker Let’sgetoutandgonowifyou’vewarmedupenough” “I’mgood.Justsaytheword.You’reincharge.”Hegrinned.
Chrisneverletmebeincharge Sohearingthisstrangersayitfeltweird “Okay”Iturnedofftheignitionandinstantlyfelt achill.JasonputhisglovesbackonwhileIwastryingtoopenmydriver’ssidedoor.“Mydoorisstuck.”
“Noproblem.Justclimbover.”Jasonopenedthepassengerdoorandclimbedout.Heduckedhisheadbackinandreached outhisrighthandtohelpmeoutofmycar “Heretakemyhand”
Ididn’thavemuchofachoice.IsecuredmypurseonmyshoulderandIreachedforhishandandtookit.Hegentlypulled meacrosstheleatherseatandhelpedhaulmeoutofthecar Iinstantlysunkdownintothefluffysnowbuthehelpedmestayon myfeet.Heclosedmycardoorbehindme.Heguidedmeoutoftheditchandtotheroad.JustthenIcouldexhale.
AgustoficywindwhistledpastusasJasonandIstoodfacingeachother,thesnowswirlinglikeawilddancearoundmy shiveringform.Itookadeepbreath,feelingthefrostyairstingmylungs,andtriedtoignorethenaggingvoiceinmyheadthat warnedmeagainsttrustinghim.Trustingamanthatwasn’tmyfatherwasgoingtobeahardpillformetoswallow.
“Okay,Winter Youreadytorockandroll?”Ifthatwasn’tthemostCaucasianthingtosayinthissituation,Ididn’tknow whatwas.IguessIwasgoingtohavetostartrockingandrolling.
As we trudged throughthe snow together, the silence betweenus grew heavy Icouldn’tshake the feelingthatthere was moretoJasonthanmettheeye.Iwassurethatattheageoftwenty-fivemywomen’sintuitionhadn’tkickedcompletelyinyet.
“Jason,”Ibegan,myvoicewaveringslightlyasIbrokethesilence.“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Sure,”heresponded,hisgazeneverleavingthesnowypathahead.
“Yourcarbreakingdown.Doyouknowwhy?”Iasked,myheartpoundinginmychestasIawaitedhisanswer. “Isuspectit’sthealternator”Hereplied Hiswordsdidlittletoquelltheuneasethatgnawedatmyinsides “Doyouknowalotaboutcars?”
“Notalot ButIdoknowalittle”
Well,thatwasnoansweratall.“Didyoubringyourcellphone?Icanchargeitatmycabin.”Ihithimwithatrickquestion. “Ididn’thavemycell.Ileftitathome,remember?”
Dammit Icouldn’tcatchhimina lie “Yeah,right? Iforgot We’ll gobacktomycabin We cancall for helpfromthere whenIchargemecell.”
“Thankyou,”hereplied,hisgazeneverleavingmine
Aswebeganourtrekthroughthesnow-drenchedlandscape,Icouldn’thelpbutnoticethewayhissix-footplusmuscular framemovedwithapracticedgrace,eachstepdeliberateandmeasured Washeformermilitary?Iwastooafraidtoaskhim Thestrengthheexudedwasbothcomfortingandterrifying.Itwasadangerouscombinationthatsentshiversdownmyspine.I couldn’tshakethenaggingfeelingthattherewasmoretohimthanmettheeye.
“Tellmesomething,Jason,”Iventured,mycuriositygettingthebetterofme “Whatbroughtyoutothisdesolateplace?”
Hisbrowfurrowed,andforamomentitseemedasifhewouldn’tanswer.Butthenhisexpressionsoftened,andhesighed. “Ineededtogetawayfromeverything,justforalittlewhile Thereweretoomanycomplicationsbackhome” “Complications?”Iechoed,raisingafrozeneyebrow.
“Let’sjustsayI’vehadmyfairofheartbreaks Thislastonewasalotforme” “Isthatwhyyou’reoutherealone?”Iasked.
“Partly,”headmitted,hisgazedriftingtothehorizon.“Ineededtimealonetoheal.” Icouldhear the paininJason’s voice Despite mybetter judgment,Ifelta tinge ofsympathyfor him We were bothlost souls,adriftinaseaofsnowandice,seekingsolacefromthestorm.
Thebitingcoldstungmycheeks Jasontookthelead,hisbroadshoulderscuttingapaththroughthewhiteexpanse,whileI followedcloselybehind,mybreathfogginginthefrigidair.
“Keepmoving,”heurged,turningbacktocastaconcernedglancemyway.“Weneedtomakeittoyourcabinbeforeitgets toodark.”
Inodded,focusingonthecrunchingsoundofourfootstepsandthewaymylungsburnedwitheachinhaleoftheicyair.In
thebackofmymind,Icouldn’thelpbutreplaythepotential dangersoftrustingthisstranger.Yet,therewassomethingabout himthatdrewmein.
“Can’tbelieveI’mdoingthis,”Imutteredundermybreath “Doingwhat?”heasked,curiositylacinghisquestion.
How did he evenhear me? “Trustinga stranger inthe middle ofnowhere,” Ireplied, myvoice barelyaudible over the wind’showl.
“Ah”Therewasapause,andthenhechuckled,“You’renottheonlyonetakingarisk,youknow Ihavenoideawhoyou areeither.”
“True.”Iconceded,catchingupandstealingaquickglanceathissideprofile.
“Listen,” he started hesitantly, breaking the silence between us again “I know we don’t know each other well, but I promiseI’mnotgoingtohurtyou.Ijustneedhelp,sameasyou.”
“Alright,”Iwhispered,myheartpoundingagainstmyribcage “I’mgoingtotakeyourwordforit” “Thankyou,”hesaidsoftly,thereliefevidentinhisvoice.
Aswecontinuedon,theisolationanddangerofoursituationseemedtogrowwitheachpassingmoment,thethreatofwhat couldbelurkingjustbeyondour lineofsightwasever-present.Ididn’twanttobeeatenbyawolf,or coyoteanddefinitely didn’twanttobemulledbyabear.
“Ithinkwe’realmostthere,”Ichokedthesentenceoutintothefrigidair “Good,”hesaid.“Mytoesarecold.”
Thefrostyairnippedatmycheeks.ThechillbitthroughmythinjacketasJasonandItrudgedthroughthesnow.Ourboots crunchedinunison,theonlysoundinthevastwhitenessstretchingasfarastheeyecouldsee Whenherecognizedhewas walkingtoofastformehesloweddownandwalkedalongsideofme.
“Canyoubelievethisweather?”Iasked,breakingthesilencebetweenus.“Ihaven’tseensnowlikethisinyears.” Jasonglancedatme,hisintenseblueeyessoftenedbythewinterwonderlandsurroundingus “It’sbeautiful,isn’tit?Like beinginsideasnowglobe.”
Icouldn’thelpbutagree “Itis” “So,you’renotfromaroundhere?”
“Yeah,I’mfrom,IliveinIllinois Soyeah,I’musedtosnow butnotallthesnow outinthemiddleofnowhere Soyeah, I’veseensnow.I’veneverseensomuchsnow.”
“Waituntilnightfall,”hesaid,glancingatmewithagrin.“Thestarswillshinesobright,it’lltakeyourbreathaway.” Myheart skipped a beat Was he flirtingwithme? No, I told myself He was just beingfriendly We were allies now, forcedtogetherbycircumstance,butthatwasall.
“Growingup,myparentswouldtakemesleddingonweekendslikethis,”Ishared,smilingatthememory “We’ddrinkhot cocoaafterwardtowarmup.Itwasoneofmyfavoritepartsofwinter.”
“Soundslikealotoffun,”hesaid,hisvoicefilledwithgenuinewarmth.“Myfamilyusedtodothesame,actually.Mydad wouldbuildtheseelaboratesnowforts,andwe’dhaveepicsnowballfightsthatlastedhours.”
“Hours,”Ilaughed,imaginingayoungJasonhurlingsnowballsathissiblings.“Ibetthoseweresomeintensebattles.”
“Definitely,”hegrinned “Wetookoursnowballfightsveryseriously” “Ibetyoudid.”
“Areyoucold?”Jasonasked,concernetchingalinebetweenhisbrows “Wecanstopforafewminutesifyou’dlike”
“I’mfine,”Isaid.“Let’skeepgoing.I’msuremycabinisn’ttoomuchfurther.”
The chill was becoming unbearable. I could feel the warmth emanating from Jason as we walked side by side. His presence was a comfortingcontrast to the cold and desolate landscape around us. The sound ofour synchronized footsteps crunchinginthesnowhadbecomeasoothingrhythm,lullingmeintoasenseofsecurityIhadn’tfeltinalongtime.
“Youknow,”Ibegan,feelingtheweightliftingoffmyshoulders,“IneverthoughtI’dfindmyselfinasituationlikethis But somehow,walkingwithyouthroughthissnowyparadise,itdoesn’tseemsobad.”
Jason turned his gaze toward me, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled “Winter, I’m glad I can make this experiencealittlemorebearableforyou.”
Thewayhesaidmynamesentashiverdownmyspinethathadnothingtodowiththefrigidtemperature.Thetensionthat hadbeencoiledtightwithinmesinceourencounterbegantoslowlyunravel Myshoulderseased,andthesmallsmilethathad startedtoplayonmylipsgrewintoagenuinegrin.
“Thankyou, Jason Idon’tknow whatIwould have done withoutyou,” Iconfessed, myvoice betrayingthe depthofmy gratitude.“Iprobablywould’vestayedinmycarandfrozetodeath.”
“Hey,we’reinthistogether”Hereplied,histonereassuring “We’llfigurethingsout,onestepatatime”
Agust ofwind whipped around us, sendinga shiver downmyspine. Jasonseemed to sense myunease, his gaze never leavingmineashespoke.“Youknow,whenIwasakid,Iusedtobelieveinthemagicofwinter.Mygrandmotherwouldtell mestoriesaboutthesnowqueenandherenchantedkingdomhiddendeepwithintheforest”
“Really?”Iasked.Mycuriositypiqued.
“Shesaidthatonnightslikethese,whenthesnowfallsjustright,youcancatchaglimpseofhericypalacegleaminginthe moonlight.”Hiseyessparkledwithmischiefasheglancedupatthesky.Icouldn’thelpbutsmileatthethought,thewarmthof oursharedmomenttemporarilypushingawaythefearsthatthreatenedtoengulfme “Doyoustill believeinthesnow queen, Jason?”
Hechuckled,alow rumblethatsentapleasanttingletomybelly.“MaybenotquitelikeIusedto,butIstill thinkthere’s
somethingmagicalaboutafreshsnowfall.It’sliketheworldisgettingacleanslate,youknow?Achancetostartover.”
“Exactly,”Iagreed.
Hiswordsresonateddeepwithinme Ididn’tknowwhy,butIfeltverycomfortablewiththisstranger “Jason.”
“Yeah”
Ipointedtothesnow-coveredpathontheright.“Thisiswhereweturn.Youcan’tseethegroundbutthisistheroadthat leadstomycabin Well,myparents’cabinisrightupthepath Oncewepastthetreesyoucanseetheplace It’spushedback andrightinfrontofsomemoretreesthatleadintothewoods.”
“Leadtheway.”
JasonfollowedmeasIturneduptheprivateroadthatledtothecabin Mylegswereburningfromthecoldthatpenetrated mybluejeans.Icouldn’twaittogetwarm.ThefirstthingIwantedtodowasturntheheatuponfullblast.Mytoeswerefrozen andmyfingerswerechilledtothebone
Mystomachwas empty, and Iwas cravingall the food thatI’d leftbehind inthe trunkofmycar. There was food atthe cabinbutIwantedtosweetsthatIbought TherewasnochanceIcouldevergettothem Thewaythesnowwasfallingnonstop thechancethatatowtruckwouldgettomewasrare.Iftheyclosedtheroadsdown,itwasnearlyimpossible.
The time it took us to have the cabin in our sights seemed like forever. We were so close and if I had the strength, I would’verun Iwasrunningoutofsteam IjusthopedIdidn’tcollapseassoonasIgotinsidethehouse
MydadhaddecoratedthehousefortheChristmasseason.HehungcolorfulChristmaslights.Hedressedthestair’srailing withgreentreegarland Heevendecoratedtherailsthatsurroundedtheporch Atnighttheplacelookedbrightandfestive
OncethingsweretakencareofwithmycarandJasonwasgone,Iwasgoingtositoutontheporchwithapaperbackbook anddrinkanicehotcupofhotchocolate.
Therewasexactlyninestepsbehindwereachedtheporch.WhenIleftthehouse,therewasnosnowonthesteps,andnow theywerecoveredwithsnowaboutteninchesdeep.
Asweapproached,IcouldseethateverythingwasjustthewayIleftit Thingswerenowjustcoveredwithafluffyblanket of snow. I tookcareful steps as I held the railingonthe wayup the steps. I turned backinthe third step as I felt Jason’s presencenearme
“I’mrightbehindyouifyouslipbackwards.Iwon’tletyoufall.”
Ismiledundermyfrozenface.ItwassogentlemanlyofhimtoactasaguardrailifIwasgoingtobustmyass.
“I’mtryingtomoveslow.”Iclutchedmypursebetweenmyarmandside.
WhenImadeittothelanding,Ishuffledthroughthethickinchesthesatontheporch.Iwalkedpassthewindowsandmade thequickrightturntothefrontdoor Therewasbarelyevensnowatthedoor Ihopedthelockwasn’tfrozen Itwasmuchtoo earlyforsomethinglikethattobeanissuesoIdismissedmythoughts.WrenchingmypurseoffmyshoulderandinfrontofmeI unzippedmybagandduginsidesearchingformykeytothecabin
Itwasasinglekeywithasilverdiscoballkeyring.Ihadn’tbotheredtoaddtomyregularsetofkeysandkeyring.Aftera few seconds, Iremoved myrightglove and wentbackinto mypurse. Ifound the keyand placed itinto the keyhole. WhenI pushedthe door open,Ifeltthe cozywarmthspill outintothe porch Imade itwithoutbeingeatenbya bear Later Iwould celebratewithabottleofwine.
As weenteredthecabin,Ifelttheheatoftheelectricfireplaceenvelopingmelikeaprotectivecocoon Theatmosphere wasstrangelyintimate,andIcouldn’thelpbutfeelmyheartrace.Jasonclosedthedoorbehindus,shuttingthewindandcold outofthecabin
“Oh,mygod.”Irushedovertothefireplaceremovingmyleftglove.“Heat,heat,heat.” Jasonfollowedme over andstoodbeside me.Iwonderedwhathis lastname was.WhydidIforgettoaskhim? WhenI lookedupathim,therewassomethingdifferent Hewasreallyglaringintothefireplace Hehadn’teventurnedtolookatme sinceweenteredthecabin.
“Jason,iseverythingokay?”Iasked,myvoicewaveringslightly “Everything’sfine,”hereplied,butIcouldseethetightnessaroundhiseyesthatbeliedhiswords. Idecided to letitgo for now and focused ongettingsettled in Myphone was dead Ineeded to charge itup Ihave a chargerinmybedroomonthefirstfloor.ThenIremembertherewasaspareinoneofthekitchendrawers. “Ihavetochargemycell.”Itoldhim.
“Right”Jasonwatchedmewithoutanyeyecontact “Ihaveachargerinthekitchen.”
“Great,Icoulduseacupofwater”Hementioned “Sorry,Ishould’veofferedyousomething.”
“Ourbrainsarefrozen.Oncetheythawout,we’llbethinkingbacktonormal.”Hejoked. Itookoffmycoatanddugmycellphoneoutofthepocket.Iplacedmypurseofthechairmyfatherlovedtositin. “Thekitchenisthisway.”IledJasondownashorthallandtothekitchen.
Ipointedtothecabinet.“Glassesarerightupthere.”Isaidtohimthenwentintothejunkdrawerandpulledoutthecharger andwenttoplugitin.JustasIwasabouttoconnectittothewallsocketnexttothesink,Jason’shandshotoutandsnatchedthe phonefromme Myinstinctwastograbbackitbuthisgripfirmandunyielding “Hey!Whatareyoudoing?”Idemanded,panicandangerrisinginmychest.
“Trustme, Winter Youdon’tneed this rightnow” He muttered, his intense blue eyes meetingmine withanunreadable expression. Now he decides to look at me.
Mymindraced,tryingtomakesenseofhissuddenchangeinhisbehavior Washenotwhoheclaimedtobe?Hadhebeen lyingto me all along? Fear surged throughme, and Iknew Ihad to getawaybuthe was inmyspace. We were onlyinches apart.Hewasagoodsixfoot-two.
“Giveitback,Jason,”Isaid,myvoicestrainedwiththeefforttokeepitsteady “Ineedmyphone” “No.Notnow,”hereplied,hisvoicehardening.
“Notnow” Iglaredathimandquicklytriedtograbthe cell phone fromhis handwhenhe leastexpectedit Myattempt didn’twork.HejerkedhishandawayasifheknewwhatIwasgoingtodobeforehand. “Whatisgoingonhere?”Ineededanswers
“Justshutup.Letmethink.”Hisvoicewasnotraised,butstillscary.
Hiswordscutmelikedaggers.Thismanmeantmenogood.Iwashereall-alonewithnocommunicationwiththeoutside world Hehadmycellphoneinhispossessionandtherewasnolandlinehereatthecabin
Unabletocontainmyfearanylonger,Iboltedoutofthekitchen,downthehallandtowardthedoor,desperatetoescapethe danger Isensedwas comingmyway ButJasonwas tooquick;he caughtme bymywaistandliftedme offmyfeetbefore I couldevenreachthehandleofthefrontdoor.Hisstrongarmswereencirclingmelikeavise.
“Letmego!”Iscreamed,strugglingagainsthisirongrip.“You’rehurtingme!Letmego!”
“Please,Winter,”hepleaded,hisvoicestrainedwithemotion.“Idon’twanttohurtyou.But ”Hisdeclarationstopped mid-sentence.
“Butwhat?”
“ButIwillifIhavetoo.”
Hiswordsstruckfearinme,andforabriefmoment,mystruggleceasedasItwistedtofacehim Isearchedhiseyesfor anysignofdeceptionandtheyconfirmedhewouldhurtmeifhehadtoo.
Terror flooded myveins. Myguard had beendown. Ihadn’t eventhought ofwhat would happenifthis encounter went south.ItriedtocalmmyselfandwhenIdidheloosenedhisgriponme.
Somethinginmesaidflightinsteadoffightandtriedtomakearunforthebackdoor.IonlygotonestepawaywhenJason caughtmearoundthewaistandslammedmehardagainstthewall Hepinnedmyhandsabovemyheadandheleanedinwith hisfaceinchesfrommine.
“I’mafraidtheprincessdoesn’tgettoescapesoeasily,”hegrowled Hisbodypressedintomine MyheartpoundedasI struggledagainsthisgrip,tonoavail.
“Letmego!”Ishouted.“Getoffme!”
“Idon’tthinkso”Hiseyesdarkened “You’reminenow,princess Andthere’snowayoutofthistower”
Asobcaughtinmythroat.Ihadbeenafooltotrusthim,toletmyguarddownforevenamoment.NowIwastrapped,at themercyofthisstrangerthathadluredmebacktomycabinwithhim Jasonstrokedmycheek.Histouchwascruellygentle.“There,there.Noneedtocry.”
“I’mnotcrying!”Iyelled One tear didn’t equal crying, asshole!
“Sit down,” he orders, his grip tightening on my wrist. His eyes bore into mine, filled with a mix of desperation and determinationthatsentashudderdownmyspine.Itwascleartherewasnoescapinghim,notwithoutaplanoramiracle.
“LetgoofmeandIwill”Isnap,tryingtosoundmoredefiantthanterrified,butmyvoicewavereddespitemybestefforts “Walkslowlybackintothelivingroom.”Hedemanded.
Iglareathimandrolledmyeyes Thiswasenoughforhimtoreleasemywristsandtakeastepback Itriedtocontrolmy breathing,butitwashard.Itookasteptotherightandthentooktinystepstowardthelivingroom.Iknewhewaslurkingright behindme
“Listen,”Jasonsaidthroughgrittedteeth,“Idon’twanttohurtyou,butIwill ifIhaveto.So,justdoasIsay,andwe’ll bothgetthroughthis.”
Iswallowhard,feelingthelumpinmythroatgrowlargerasIlowermyselfontotheoldwoodenchairbythefireplace I kept mygaze locked onhimas he towered above me. I was searchingfor anysignof weakness or vulnerabilitythat I can exploit
“Please,”Iwhispered,withahintofpleadinginmytone.“Tellmewhatyouwantfromme.” “Rightnow?”Jasonasked.“AllIneedisyourcompletecooperation.”
Ashestoodthere,tallandimposing,IrealizedthatIwasinmoredangerthaneverbefore.ButifIwantedtogetoutofthis alive,IneededtokeepmywitsaboutmeandbidemytimeuntilIcouldfigureoutawaytoescape.
“Fine,”Ireplied,tryingtoconveyasenseofacquiescencewhilemymindracedwithpossiblestrategies.“I’llcooperate.” “Good,”Hesaid,hisgazeneverleavingmineashetookadeepbreath.Theairinthecabinwasthickwithtension,andI can’t help but wonder what brought me to this point How could a simple trip to get away from my old life turn into a nightmare?
“Talktome,”Isaid,forcingmyvoicetosoundcalmdespitethepoundinginmychest “Tellmewhat’sreallygoingonhere Whatdoyouwantfromme?Money?What?”
“RightnowIwantyoutoshutthefuckup Ineedtothink” Hiswordsjarredme.Wastheprofanityevennecessary?Icouldn’tbelievethiswashappeningtome. Isatverystillandwatchedashepacedtheopenspaceinfrontofmeandthefireplace.HewasmovingsofastIdidn’thave thetimeorthespeedtodartpasthim
Washegoingtomurderme?Washegoingtorapeme?Whatdidhewant?Hopefully,itwasonlyshelterfromtheimpeding blizzard IfhewantedtocarjackmeImessedthatupwhenIhitthedeer Iwasonlytwenty-five Ihadn’tlivedenoughlifeforit tobeoverlikethis.
Hispacingstoppedabruptly,andhereacheddownandgrabbedthebackpackhehadwhenIencounteredhim Shit, what was in there? Iwatched as he removed some plastic strips, and a roll ofducttape. He placed bothitems onthe end table besidemychair.Hedugbackintothebackpackandproducedahandgun.Myheartjumpedoutofmybody.Thiswasn’tacrime ofconvenience Hewasveryprepared ButforwhatIdidn’tknow “Whydoyouhaveagun?”Iblurted.
“Whyareyoustilltalking?Yousaidyouwouldcooperate”
“Oh,I’msorry.Iforgot.”
Heglancedatmeandtuckedthehandgunintothesmallofhisback.Mydreamsofescapinghadcrumbledbeforemyeyes.I couldn’toutrunagun.
“I’mgoingtotieyouup.”
“Why?I’mcooperating” “Areyou?”
“Yes”
“Don’tmakethisdifficult.Standupandturnaround.Putyourhandsbehindyourback.” “No.”
“Whatdoyoumean,no?”
“I’mnotgoingtodoit.I’llsitrightherewhileyoustealwhateveryouneedandthenyoucangoonyourway.Mypurseit rightover there” Ipointed “Take whatever youwantand we don’tkeep moneyinthis house Ihave a laptop and we have T.V.’s.”
“Idon’twantyourpurseoryourelectronics”
“Whatdoyouwant?”IaskedbecausetherewasnothingmoreIhadtogivehim.Thenmymindwentrighttotheworsething ever mybody.Dreadfilledmefrominsideout.Icouldn’tcontrolmyface.
“Don’tflatteryourself,princess IammanythingsbutI’mnotarapist”He’dseenandunderstoodwhatmyfaceconveyed “Idon’tknowyou.SoIdon’tknowwhatyouare.”
“I’mnotthat”Hesnapped “Ihaveneverforcedmyselfonanywoman IneverhadtoandIneverwill” “Ohyeah,Icanbelievethatbecauseyou’vebeenabeaconoftruthandhonestysinceImetyou.”Ismarted.
“Youtalktoofuckingmuch”
Hewrenchedmeupfrommychairandslammedmeupagainstthewallfacefirst.Everythingwashappeningsofast.Before Iknewit,myhandswerebehindmybackandzip-tiedtogether.Hetwirledmearoundtofacehim.
Heleanedhisforeheadintomind,andhislipswerealmosttouchingmyface “You’regoingtolearntoobeyme” Iturnedmyheadtothesidesohislipswouldn’tbenearmine.Withoutwarning,hegrabbedmeoffthewallanddrugme acrosstheroom IonlyprotestedasmuchasIcould Iwaslosingsteam
HepulledmeintothebedroomIwasusingandtossedmeonthebed.Mytwistedbodyfelluntothemattressonawaythat waspainfultomyarmsandmyface Thiswashappening Iwasonabedandhewasinmybedroom Iturnedtoseewhathe wasdoing,butitseemedhewasjustlookingaroundtheroom.Hisfocuswasn’tonme. Iquietlywatchedhimleavetheroom.Hereturnedwithinsecondsandhelookeddirectlyatme. “Youneedsomerest”
“What?”
HekneltonthebedwithonekneeandItriedtoscootasfarawayfromhimasIcouldwithoutfallingoffthebed “Youneedtocalmdown.I’mnotgoingtorapeyou.You’remakingthisweird.” “I’mmakingthisweird?”
“Yes.IfyoucooperateIwillbeoutofyourhairsoonerthanyouthink.”
Hiswordsseemedtoringtrue,butIwasaterriblejudgeofcharacter.Iwatchedhimkneehiswayclosertome.Heglared
intomyeyes.
“Winter,youneedsomerest.”
“Youneedtoleave”Icountered Ihadn’tnoticedwhathehadinhishanduntilnow Hehadasyringe “Whatthefuckis that?”Icoweredintoaball.
He used all his weightto hold me downwhile Istruggled underneathhim He held myhead to the side withone ofhis handsandheusedtheothertostabmewiththesyringe.Icouldn’tseewhathedid,butIfelttheneedleinvademyskin.What wasthis?Ididn’tdodrugs Wasthisdrugs?WasIgoingtoeverwakeup?IwasoutbeforeIcouldconcoctanotherquestion
woketothesoundofheavyfootstepsoutsidemybedroomdoor.Myeyesflutteredopenslowly.Thecabinwasdimlylitand strangelyquiet,exceptforthecracklingsoundoftheelectricfireplace PanicsurgedthroughmeasIrememberedeverything thathadhappened,thesnowstorm,thecarcrash,thedeaddeer,andJasonholdingmeagainstmywill. Was his name really Jason?
Itried to situp inthe bed, butmyarms were somehow tied above myhead Myclothes were intact There was no pain betweenmylegsandIcouldfeelIhadn’tbeenviolated.Iprayeditstayedthatway.
MybreathcaughtwhenIsawhimstandinginmybedroomdoor,hisbroadstaturebarelyfitinthedoorway EvenifIwas mobile,Icouldn’tevenpushpasthim.
Hejuststoodtheregawkingatme His presencewasn’tterrifying,butitwas somethingelseIcouldn’tputmyfinger on His darkhair was slickedback.Was itwet? His muscles were bulgingunder his flannel shirt.Mypulse racedas Iwatched him,wonderingwhathisnextmovewouldbe.
The howlingwind outside picked up, sendingshivers downmybackas I tried to control myrapid breathing Seconds tickedbylikehoursbeforehefinallyspoke.Hisdeepvoicerattledmefromtheinsideout.
“Winter,I’lluntieyou,butyoucan’tmakeasoundandyoucan’tdoanythingstupid Understand?” Inodded.Hemovedintotheroomandstoodnearthebed.
“Winter.Don’tmakethisdifficult.”Myheartthuddedagainstmyribcageattheproximityofhisvoice. “Iwon’t.”
Jasonremovedaswitchbladefromhis backpocket.Heflippedmeover onmychestandgrabbedmyhands frombehind me Hishandswereroughastheycutattheplasticthatheldme HewasoffthebedbeforeIcouldbringmyarmsaroundto holdmyself.
Finallyfreed,Istoodupslowly,mybodyshakyfromfearandadrenaline Thecabinfloorcreakedbeneathmyfeet Assoon asmyfeettouchedthewoodenfloor,Iboltedforthedoor,onlytobemetwithhisstrongarmsaroundmywaist,liftingmeoff thegroundandpinningmeagainsttheroughpinewall.
“Don’t,”hewhisperedharshly,hisbreathhotonmyneck.“TrustmewhenIsayyoudon’twanttogooutthere.Thesafest placeforyouisherewithme.”
Hiswordshauntedme Iknewhewastalkingaboutthestormragingoutside,butsomethingaboutthepossessivenessinhis voicesentanotherwaveofgoosebumpsdownmyarms.Mystomachdidflip-flopsatthedangerthatseemedtosurroundhim likeasecondskin Thismanheldmelikenooneeverhadbefore “Letmego,”Idemandedweakly,strugglinginhisembrace Jason’sgriptightened,his chestheavingas hefoughtagainstanunseenforce.Heloweredhisheaduntil his lips brushed againstmyearlobe,hiswarmbreathsendingshockwavesthroughmybody.“Ican’tdothat.Ineedyou.”
Hiseyesburnedintomineasheheldmeclose,ourbodiesflushagainsteachother Somethingabouthistouchignitedafire withinmeIcouldn’texplain,butitbothscaredandexcitedmeatthesametime.
“Whydidyoudrugme?”Ineededtoknow
“Ineededtimetothink.”
“Thinkaboutwhat?”
“Ineededaplan.”
“Aplanforwhat?”
“CanIputyoudownonyourfeetnow?”
“Yes,please.”WhydidIforgethehadmesuspendedintheairlikeIweighednothing?
“Okay,Winter”
Aquiverranthroughmeashecalledmebymyname.Itfeltintimate,dangerous,andreal all atonce.Andyet,therewas somethingabouthimthatmademetrusthimenoughtostaycalmandkeepmycool
Myfeetwerebackontheground,butIwastooclosetohim.Itookastepbackandwasrelievedheletme.
“Sit on the bed. Let’s talk.” I did as I was told. “I didn’t know someone would be here at this time of year. There is
somethingburiedonthispropertythatIneed.OnceIlocateitIwillbeoutofyourhair.”
“Whatisit?”
“It’smoney Alotofmoney”
“Whosemoney?”
“Itbelongedtomyfather”
“Whydidn’thecomeandgetit?”
“He’sdead”
Shock.“Oh.”Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Iwasconfused.
“Listen.You’rehereandmymoneyishere.Iwantyoutomakeitoutofherealive,buttherearepeoplelookingformethat woulddoanythingtogettome Theywouldn’tthinktwiceaboutkillingyoutogettome I’mnotsayingthistoscareyoubutno, yes, Iamtryingto scare you. Once Igetmymoney, I’mgone. Itwill be like Iwas never here. Youcango backto your exhusbandandthelifeyouhadbeforeyoumetme”
He had said a mouthful but the only thing I could remember was himmentioning my ex-husband. “Go back to my exhusband?”
“He’s beentextingandcallingyou.Nota lotbutmore thannecessary.Ihave your cell.Didyoudivorce him? Or didhe divorceyou?”
Whatdiditmatter?“Yes,Idivorcedhim”
“Icanseewhy?He’saselfishprickandreallyannoying.”
“Yes,heis”Iagreed
“IreadthetextmessageswhenIwascooking.Areyouhungry?”
“Idon’tknow.Maybe.Ihavetopee.”
“Pee?”Hetiltedhishead.“Okay.Let’sgo.”
Islowlystood.Icouldn’tfigureoutwhyIthoughtthiswassomekindoftrick.Iwalkedovertothedoorwayandwaitedfor something to happen But it didn’t, he let me walk through the doorway The downstairs bathroom was right next to my bedroom.IslippedinsideandwhenItriedtoclosethedoor,hishugefootstoppedthedoorfromshutting.
“Jason,ifthat’syourrealname,I’mcan’tuseitwiththedooropen”
Mycaptorsteppedinsidethebathroomwithmeandclosedusbothinsidethesmallbathroom.
“Doyouneedmetolockthedoor?” Was he joking? Thesmirkonhisfaceseemedtoleaninthatdirection. “No.”
“Ican’tpeewithyouinherewithme.”
“Yes,youcan IwenttoyourInstagram YouziplinedinBali Youswamwithdolphins Youcandoanything” Fucker.“Turnaround.”
“No”
“Whynot?”Iasked.Ireallyhadtopee,andthethoughtofpeeingonmyselfinfrontofJasonmademefeelhumiliated. “Winter,I’veseenalotofpussyinmyday.”
“That’sgreatbutyouhaven’tseenmine Pleaseturnaround”Ipleaded “Princess,Iknowthatsomeonethatlookslikeyoualwaysgetswhatshewantsfrommen,butthistime,it’sdifferent.I’min charge”
Whatdidhemeanbythat?“Youcan’tbeagentlemanforonceinyourlife?”
“No,Icannot IcanunzipyourpantsandpullyourpantsdownandthenIcanripyourpantiesrightoffyourpussytoletyou knowIdon’thavetimeforthesesillygames.”
Somethinginhis words was like anarrow inmychest. Icould feel tears formingbehind myeyelids. Ipressed mylips togetherinordertostopthewaterworks
“Winter!”Heyelledout.“JesusChrist!Goalready!”
Iunbuttonedandunzippedmyjeans WhenIlookedoverathimhewaslookingintomyeyes Hiseyesneverleftmine,even whenItugged myjeans and panties downmythighs atthe same time. Icrouched until mybutthitthe toilet. Ijustsatthere lookingathimwatchme
Iwastooenthralledtolookawayandtomotionlesstoletmyurineleavemybody.Irestedmyhandsonmylapandjust watchedhim.IsatsoverystillthatwhenhetookthesteptokneelbymeIdidn’trealizeatearhadrundownmycheek.Jason quicklywipeditwhenhisthumb
“Winter,breathe.”Hewhisperedintomyear.Iwasholdingmybreathanddidn’tevenknowit.
Justlikethatitstarted Myurinetrickledoutofmeinasteadystream Allthemusclesthatwereholdingmetogetherhad fallenapart.Thisstreamofurineseemedlikeitwentonforever.Irefusetoturnmyheadtothesidetoseehisfacenearmine. Myrefusal didn’tlastlongbecauseassoonasmyflow stoppedIlookedover athim.Hisblueeyeswerelockedonme.I’d neverbeenkidnappedbeforebutthisfeltodd.
“Canyougetup,soIcangetup?Please?”Ievenlyaskedwithmymouthplantedrightbyhisear.
“Areyousureyoudon’twantmetowipeitforyou?”
BeforeIcouldthinkmyhandflowoffmylaptoslaphisface.Hecaughtmyhandinhislikesomekindofninja.Thisman’s reflexeswerestellar
“I’mstartingto thinkyoujust want to touchme. How manyattacks will there be? I’mnot goingto do anythingto you withoutyourpermission”
“Permission?”WhywouldIgivehimpermissiontotouchme?He’sdelusional.
“Yes”
“Jason,Iwanttowipemyselfandgetup.Pleasegoaway.”Ipleaded.
“Ugh,Ihatewhenyousayplease.”Hegroaned,butIknewhereallydidn’thateit.Itwassomethingaboutthewayitrolled offhistongue
MyheartpoundedinmychestasIwatchedhimstandandbackawayfromme.Heeventurnedhisbacktomeandfacedthe door IhurriedwiththetoiletpaperandwipedasfastasIcould Ijumpedbackintomypantiesandjeans
JasonturnedbackwhenIflushedthetoiletandstartedwashingmyhands.Thetowelwaswet.JustasIsuspectedhetooka showerwhileIwasoutcold Istilldidn’tknowwhatwasinthesyringe MaybeIcoulduseitonhim
“Comeon.Iknowyou’rehungry.Let’seat.”
Jasonopenedthebathroomdoor,andIfollowedhimintothekitchen.Truthbetold,Ididn’thaveanyfightleftinme.He’d beenroughwithmebutnorougherthenmyex-husbandonthatdayIfoundouthecheatedonme Ihadbruisesfromhimtrying tokeepmefromleavingourapartment.Iwasjustasscaredthen,asIwasnow.ButChriswasmyhusbandwhowassupposed toloveme Jasonwassomerandomstranger
Ilookedatthetableandsawthefood.Therewaseventwobottlesofwine.Wait thatwasmywine.OneofthebottlesI’d boughtintothistown,oneofthebottlesI’dleftbehindinmycarthatwasstuckinaditch. “Sit.”Heordered.Iwastoopuzzledtoprotest.
Iplacedmyselfinthechair.Jasonplacedanemptyplateandwineglassinfrontofme.
“Idon’tunderstand”
Jasonstartedpouringthewineintomyglassandthenintohisemptyglass.
“Jason”Icalledouttohimtostophimfrommovingsofast “Wheredidthiscomefrom?”
“Iwentbacktoyourcarwhenyouweresleepandgotthegroceries.”
“Why?How?”
“Wehavetoeat.It’sstillsnowing.Ihadtohurry.Idon’tknowhowmanydaystheroadswillbeclosed.Irushedbackout.I couldn’tletyoustarve.Therewasn’tmuchfoodinthecabinets.”
“That’sbecausewedon’tlivehereallyearround Wejustvacationhere”
“Yes,Iknow.YouliveinIllinois.”
“Howdidyougetthegroceriesbackherewithallthatsnow?”
“Don’tworryaboutit.Imadespaghetti.Iateearlier.I’msorryIdidn’twaitforyoutowakeupbutIwasstarving.”Jason satdownatthetableacrossfromme.
“Idon’tknowaboutthis HowdoIknow,yougavemesomethingbefore?”
Jasonleanedintothetable.“Winter,there’snothinginyourfoodoryourwine.Ionlydruggedyousoyoucouldrest.Ihave a gunbutIdon’tneed it Icould’ve putyouto sleep ina chokehold Iknow martial arts Ademonstrationwould probably terrifyyou.I’mnottryingtodothat.Theneedlewasjustabetterwayofgettingyoutocomply.I’mgoingtobeoutofyourhair inmaybethreetofivedays’tops Iwillfindmymoney TheblizzardwillstopandI’llbeonmyway”
“ButI’veseenyourface.”IblurtedandwishedIcouldtakeitback.
“Doesn’tmatter. Iwill be outofthe country. Evenifyoucall the police after I’mgone theywill never find me. I’mnot runningfromthelaw”
“Whoareyourunningfrom?”Iasked. Hetookahugegulpfromhiswineglass Hiseyeslockedonmine “Themafia”
Thosewordswereenoughtomakemetakeasipfrommyuntouchedglass. Hetookanothersipfromhisbeforespeaking,“Winter,I’msorryforscaringyouearlier ButIhadnochoice”Hisvoice trailedoff,andhelookedawayuncomfortably.
Iknewtherewasmoretohisstory.AndeventhoughIwantedanswers,Ialsodidn’twanttopushhimtoohard.Notwhen thesnowwascomingdowninsheetsoutsideandIwastrappedinherewithhim Iwantedtobelievethathewouldn’thurtme.Jason’swordsseemedsincerebutmyex-husband’swordsseemedsincereon ourweddingdayandalltheotherdaysheliedtome
Wesatinsilenceforawhile,sippingourwine.Iletthewarmthofthealcoholseepintomytiredbody.Itookafewforkfuls ofspaghetti.Thecracklingfirefromthelivingroomprovidedsomemuch-neededcomfort,butthefearstilllingeredinsideme.
Sittingthroughthewineandthemeal wasn’tdifficult.Eatinggavemygrowlingstomachabreak.Thefoodappeasedme, butitwasprobablythewinethatdidthemostcalming Icouldn’trememberthelasttimemyex-husbandcookedforme I didn’tknowwhythatthoughthadevenpoppedintomymind.WhywasIeventhinkingofChris?
Afterafew forkfuls,Ihadn’tfallenfacefirstintothepastasoIassumedhehadn’tpoisonedordruggedme.Jasondidn’t lookatmeasIate WhenIlookedathimheseemedtobeoffsomewhere,thinking Iatemyplateoffoodandguzzledtwofullglassesofwine.
“Winter,look,Idon’twanttohurtyou It’sliterallythelastthingIwanttodo ButIneedyourcooperation Andinreturn,I promisetoletyougounharmed.”
Hehadsaidallofthisbefore Whywasheregurgitatingitalloveragain? “Iwanttoyoutoletmegounharmed.”
“Well,dowehaveadeal?”Hereachedacrossthetableandofferedmehishand. Ahandshake? What?
Ireluctantlytookhishandinmind.LookinghimsquareintheeyeIwantedhimtotrustme.“ItoldyouIwouldcooperate. AndIwill Iwantyougone”
“Why?”Heaskedlikeitwasavalidquestion.
Itookmyhandbackfeelinglikethehandshakewentontoolong.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“It’snotlikeyou’rebusy.You’retheoneouthereinthemiddleofnowhereinthiscabinallaloneduringtheholidays.”
“Okayandwhat’syourpoint?”
“All the clothes youhave here, it means youwere goingto stayhere for several days Up until Christmas, out here all alone.WhothehellspendsChristmasalone?”
“Anewlydivorced womanthat likes to have time to herself” Isnapped He had some nerve judgingme and he was a criminalkidnapper.
“Werethoseyourparentswiththesuitcasesgettingintoyourcar?”
Alarmbellssoundedinmybrain.“Soyouwerespyingonmebeforeyoudecidedtokidnapme?”
“Yes.Canyouanswerthequestion?Whowerethosepeople?”
“Yes,theyaremyparents”
“Didyoutakethemtotheairport?”
“WhywouldItellyouanythingmore?”Iasked Ididn’twanttotellhimanythingaboutme “Youdon’thaveto.Butwhymakethisdifficult?”
“I’mhereandI’mcooperatingwithyou.Idon’thavetotellyoumylifestory.”
HegrinnedlikeI’dsaidsomethingfunny “You’reright I’mhereforthemoney Idon’twanttohurtyouandIdon’tgivea shitaboutyourcrappylife.I’mmakingsmalltalk.I’mtryingtomakeyoucomfortableinthisfuckedupsituation.You’regonna havetolookatmeforafewdays Wecanbepleasanttoeachother Shit Didn’tyourparentsteachyouanymanners?”
“Didn’tyourparentsteachyounottokidnapwomen?”
“Myparentsaredead,andnotheydidn’t”
Icouldn’tbelieveit.Thisman,thiskidnapper,hadtheaudacitytolecturemeonmanners,andsmalltalk,whileholdingme againstmywill.Icouldn’thelpbutfeelasurgeofangercomeoverme.
“Whatkindofsickpersonareyou?”Ispatthewordathim
“The kind thatneeds moneyto getoutofthe country,” he replied nonchalantly, as ifitwas the mostnormal thinginthe worldtokidnapsomeoneandtellthemtheyhavemoneyhiddensomewhereontheirproperty Idecidedtoconfess.MaybeifhethoughtIwasarealpersonwithareallife,Icouldsurvivethis.Ithinkyouaresupposed totalktoyourkidnapper Icould’veswornIreadthatsomewhere MaybeIsawitonsomecrimeshow “Yes,Itookthemtotheairport.TheyaregoingtoParisforChristmas.”Thetruthdidn’thurtthewayIthoughtitwould. “Whydidtheyleaveyouallbyyourself?”
“I’manadult.Christmasisforkids.It’sjustanotherdaytome.Mydadputupthetreeanddecoratedthisplace,butIjust cameheretorelaxandhavesomealonetime.Butyouknowthatkindofdidn’thappen.I’mnotalone.”Iwasbeingrude,butI didn’tcare
Heseemedtoconsideritforamomentbeforenoddinghisheadreluctantly.
“They,yourparentshaven’tcontactedyouyet Icheckedyourphone” “Theyhavealongflightwithalayover.”
“Iwillletyouknowiftheydo Iwouldn’twantthemtoworryaboutyou” “Iwouldn’twantthateither.”Isaidhalfseriousandhalfsarcastically. Silencetickedlikeaslow-movingclockuntilfinallyhesaid.“Howwasthespaghetti?” Iconsideredlyingbutwashonest “Dinnerwasgood”
“I’mgladyouenjoyedit.Thewineyoupickedwasgood.”
“I’mgladyouenjoyedit”Imockedhimandthrewinaneyerollforgoodmeasure “Youaresassy.NowI’mwonderingwhowasatfaultinyourmarriage?You’retoomuch.”
Ifeltmyeyebrowsrise “Youkidnapmeandinsultme”
“I’msorry.Thatwasalowblow.Badnews.I’mgoingtohavetotieyouupagain.”
“Why?Ihaven’tdoneanything.”Jesusmymouthwasgoingtogetmeintroubleeverysingletime. “Ineedtimetosecurethehouse”
“What’sthemean?Securethehouse.”
“ItmeansIhavetosecurethehouse There’sanentireblizzardoutside It’sdark Ican’tgoouttothebarntolookforthe moneyuntildaybreak.Ineedtoshovelsomeofthesnowofftheporchbeforeitturnstoice.”
“Icanhelpyou,shovelsnow.”
“Idon’tneedyourhelp.IneedyoutiedtothebedandoutofthewaysoIcandowhatIhavetodo.ThesoonerIdigupthe moneythesoonerIgetoutofyourhair.”
Whenheputitlikethat,Icouldn’tcomplain “Fine Ijustwantthistobeoverwith” “Doyouwanttoshowerandchangeforbed?”
“No”Thethoughtoftakingmyclothesoffwhilehewashererepulsedme “IcanwearwhatIhaveonuntilyouleave” “Youcanbutthatmightbecomeveryuncomfortableforyou.Areyougoingtowearthesamepantiesfordays?”
“That’snotyourconcern.”
“No,it’snot.I’mjusttryingtomakeyoufeelcomfortable.”
“Idon’tthinkthereisanywaytomakebeingkidnappedandheldhostagecomfortable.”
“Thatmaybetrue,butifwe’regoingtobestucktogetherforawhile,wemightaswelltrytocoexistpeacefully” Isighed,realizinghehadapoint.AsmuchasIhatedthesituationIwasin,Ididn’twantittoescalateintosomethingeven worse “Fine.Butyoucan’tcomein.I’llshowerwiththedoorlocked.”
“Ibrokethelock.Youcanclosethedoorbutitdoesn’tlockanymore.Whileyoushower,I’mgoingtoloadthedishwasher. I’mnotgoingtocomeinonyou Youhavemyword”
“Right,becauseyourwordmeanssomuch.”
“Actually,itmeansmorethanyouknow” Icouldn’tthinkofanythingelsetosay.
Jasonstoodandlookeddownatme “Goshower Thereisatowelandarobehangingonthebackofthedoor Iwillhave someclothesonthebedwaitingforyouwhenyoucomeout.”Hetiltedhisheadlikehemeantbusiness.“Winter.” Istooduppushingmychairbackwiththebackofmylegs.HewatchedmeasIslowlywalkedaroundthetableandintothe bathroom AssoonasIclosedthedoor,Icouldseehehadbrokenthelock Isighedheavilybecausethiswasjustnotagood sign.
Ihadaninternal debate WasIgoingtoactuallytakeashower?Or wasIgoingtopretendtoshower Ipreferredaclean deadbodyoveradirtydeadone.SomehowIdidn’tthinkhewouldkillme.ButIhadbeenwrongbefore. TurningtheshoweronIbrushedmyteethandpeedoutsomeofthewine IfIactedlikethiswasanormalday,thenmaybeit wouldn’teventuallyturnintoone.Howlongwouldittakeforhimtodigupthismoney?
Iquicklygotundressed.Ballingmyjeansandsweaterup,Itossedtheminthehamper.Mybraandpantieswereplacedon the top ofthe closed toiletlid Ihurried throughmyshower, tryingnotto dwell onhow bizarre this whole situationwas I debatedonwhether or notIshouldputmydirtyunderwear backonmycleanbody.Iendeduptossingthemintothe hamper also Ifhewantedtorapeme,hecould’vedoneitalready Whywouldhedoitnow,weremythoughtsonthematter?
WhenIcameoutofthebathroom,hewassittinginmybedroom.Hehadlaidoutsomeclothesonthebed,sweatpants,an oversizedT-shirtandapairoffreshwhitecottonpanties.
“Ihopethesework,”hesaidapologetically.
“It’sfine,”Imuttered,slippingintothemwithoutmakingeyecontact.
Weawkwardlysettleddownonoppositesidesoftheroom.Meonthebedandhiminachairbythewindow.Wewereboth quietforawhilebeforehespokeupagain.
“Doyouwantsomethingelsetoeat?There’sstillplentyofspaghettileft” “No,thankyou.Andpleasestoptryingtoactlikethisisanormalsituation.”
Helookedatmewithremorseinhiseyes “I’msorry Iknowthisisdifficultforyou” “I’vebeenthroughtoomuchalready.”Iimplored.
“I’msorry,”hesaidagain
“Sorrydoesn’tchangeanything.”Imuttered.
“Tellmeaboutyourex-husband.”Hesaidsuddenly,stoppingbythebed. Ipressmylipstogether,surprisedbythechangeofsubject “Whydoyouwanttoknow?” “Justtellme.”Heorders,histonefirmyetgentle.
Itakeadeepbreath,relivingthememoriesI’vetriedsohardtoforget “Hewasselfish,cheatedonmesomeonefreshout ofhighschool.”
Jasonnodsthoughtfullybeforeaskinganotherquestion,“Anddidyoulovehim?”
Ishookmyheadvehemently,“Yes,inthebeginning.Butnow,notatall.” “Hispersonalitysuckseventhroughtextmessage.”
“Yeah,well,sometimeswemakemistakes,don’twe?”Ireplywithabitterchuckle Hesmirksatthat,butitdoesn’treachhiseyes.“True.Iknowallaboutmakingmistakes.” Wesatinsilenceforawhilelongerbeforehegotupandwalkedovertomehesitantly “It’stimetotieyouup.Howdoyouwantmetodothis?” “Canyoutiemyhandsinfront?”
“Ican.”
“CanIhaveanotherglassofwine?”
“Yes,ofcourse”
“CanIkeepthelighton?”
“Yes Layinbed”Heinstructed IdidasIwastold “Youshouldgetunderthecovers It’sgoingtobeverycoldtonight” IsatupandwatchedasheturnedtheblanketbacksoIcouldstuffmybodyunderit.OnceIwascoveredup,hewentinto hisbackpocketandproducedazip-tie.
“Givemeyourhands.”
Iplacedmyhandsonmylap.Iclosedmyeyesandwaitedforhimtobindmywrists. “I’llbebackwithyourwine Yourbookisrightonthenightstand”
Isatthereconfused.How thehell couldIsleepthroughthisordeal?Iwastiredbuttherewasastrangemaninmyhouse andIdidn’tknowifIwouldliveordieorwhatwouldcomenext
Iwatched himwalkoutofthe bedroom. Ididn’tdare make a move. Ibelieved he could kill me. Iwasn’tas sure thatI believedhewouldkillme.Ididn’twanttotestmytheoryjustyet.
Jasonreturnedwithafullglassofwine I’dhadtwoandthisthirdwouldnormallyputmetosleep Heplacedtheglasson thenighttable.WithmyhandstiedinfrontIcoulddrinkitandturnthepagesofmybook.Iprayedthedrinkandthebookwould beenoughtolullmetosleep IfIsleptmostofthistraumaaway,itmightendfaster Atleastthatwasmyhope “Winter, youcansleep comfortably. I’mnot goingto come inhere. Just chill, and tomorrow Iwill start digging. Ifyou cooperate,I’mgoingtodorightbyyou Ipromise Youhavemyword”
Whatdidhemeanbythat?Ihatedheseemedsosincere.Itwasunnerving.Washetryingtowinmeover?Imean,Ididn’t knowwhatImeant.
“I’mnotgoinganywhere”
“I’mgoingtoclosethedoor.Goodnight.” Ifoughttheurgetosayitback “Areyougoingtoletmeknowwhenmyparentscallortext?” “Yes.Iwill.”
Withthathewalkedattheroomandclosedthedoor IheardnoisesfromtheothersideofmydoorandIcouldtellhehad donesomethingtolockmeinsidetheroom.TheonlywayIcouldescapewasthewindowbutIwouldbeafooltotryitnow.I hadtowaituntilallwasquietandIbelievedhewassoundasleep.IneededtoplanmyescapebecauseImightnotgetanother chance
Jasonhad rummaged throughmysuitcases and overnightbag. Ididn’thave anyweapons inmyroom, butIwas sure he removedanythingsharp Hewasn’tsomedummy Hehadall his bases covered Iwas goingtohavetoreallythinklongand hardtooutsmarthim.He’dbeenwatchingthishouseandIdon’tknowwhyhedidn’tjustbreakinwhileIwasgoneearlier. Ididn’thaveanyanswers,butIbelievedhehadmoneyonthispropertyandwanteditbadly.Ifhewasreallyrunningfrom the mafia, why did he come here? He didn’t have any other way to leave the country? He didn’t have money stashed somewhereelse?
Mybrainhurttryingtofigureoutthisman’smotives.Ididn’twanttothinktheworsebutoncehegothismoney;hedidn’t needmeanymore.
AfewminutesintochapterthreeofmybookIheardknocking Idroppedthebookbesidemeandsatupstraight Thesound wasn’tknocking.Itwashammeringcomingfromthewindowinthebedroom.Ittookaminuteformetofigureitoutbuthewas nailingthe window shut Iwas devastated Myplanto escape outofthe window inthe middle ofthe nightwasn’tgoingto happen.Sureitwasashittyplan,butitgavemeasenseofhopeandnow hopeisdead.
IwokethenextmorningcompletelystunnedthatIcouldfallasleepthepreviousnight.IblamedthealcoholbecausethewayI waspanickingontheinside,IknewIwould’vebeenupfordays OneminuteIwasreadingmybookandthenextminuteI wasoutforthecount.
Thehousewassilent.Ididn’tknowwhattodo.Jasonhadn’tbeeninmyroom.Ijustcouldtellhedidn’tentertheroomlast night Iwasn’tsurewhathemeantbysecuringthehouse Questions,Ihadalaundrylistofthem Ijusthopedhewaswillingto answerthem.
Iwasn’tviolated,andIwasstillalive Itwasawin Ididn’tknow whattodo Icouldn’tgetdressedwithmyhandstied together.Myhandswerenumb.Iwiggledmyfingerstoridmyselfofthepinsandneedles.Callingouttohimwasanoptionbut histemperamentwasabithardtoread Hiscalmdemeanorwasthelatestversionofhim Jasonhadthrownmeagainstawallanddruggedme.Icouldn’tletmyselfforgetwhatthismanwascapableof.
Itwasn’turgent,butIneededtogotothebathroom.IsatquietandwasstillwonderingifJasonwashereonthepremises. Hewouldn’tleavewithoutthemoney CouldhehavefoundthemoneywhileIwasasleep?
Ididn’thavemuchtimetothinkall mytheoriesthroughwhenIwasstartledbythesoundofrattlingoutsidemybedroom door
Whenthe door opened, he was standingthere. “Good, you’re awake.” Was that good? “Youprobablyhave to go to the bathroom.”
“Yes.”Myvoicefaltered.Iclearedmythroat.“Yes,Ineedtogo.”
Jasonrushedover tomeandcutthezip-tiearoundmywrists.Thrustingtheblanketbackhehelpedliftmeoutofthebed andontomyfeet
Rushingaroundhistallmassiveframe,Iscurriedoutofthebedroomandintothebathroom.Iknewhewasrightbehindme, butIdidn’tcare Iclosedthedoorandrushedovertothetoilet SittinginbedIfeltfine AssoonasIenteredthebathroomI feltlike Iwas goingto pee onmyself. Imade itjustintime and exhaled as Iexpelled all the wine. Ineeded to drinksome water.
AfterflushingIhurriedandbrushedmyteethandwashedmyface.Leavingthebathroomwashardbutattheendoftheday, Ididn’thavemuchofachoice.
JasonwaswaitingrightoutsidethedoorwhenIopenedit “Areyouokay?” “Yeah.”DidhereallycarehowIwas?
“I’mgoingtomakebreakfast” “Okay.”IsaidasIstoodoutsidethebedroomdoor.
“You can grab some clothes and get dressed.” Jason turned his back to me and headed for the kitchen. There was no warning Hewasjustgone Icouldhearhimmovingaroundthecabinets HewasoutofsightandIcouldruntothebasement andtrytoescapethroughthatexit.ButcouldIgetoutthedoor?Ididn’tknow.
Iwalkedintomybedroomandstartedrummagingthroughthedrawersforawarmoutfittowear Igrabbedapairofjeans andagreenturtlenecksweater.TherewasnothingsexyaboutaturtleneckhoweverIwasstartingtobelieveJasonwasn’tgoing totrytoforcehimselfonme
Ishowered quicklyand gotdressed. Isquashed downall feelings ofrunningaway. Mywindow was nailed shut. Iwent overtoseeitformyself.IwenttopullthecurtainbacktolookoutsideandIcouldn’tseeanythingbutsnow.Eitherthesnow had fallenso highthat it covered the window Or mycaptor intentionallypacked snow infront of mybedroomwindow I believedthelatter,ifthatwerethecasethatwouldbeaverycleverthingtodo.
Thestrongaromaofbreakfastfoodsfilteredthroughtheairpunctuatingtherumbleinmystomach Islippedmyfeetintomy slidesandmademywayoutofthebedroom.Myeyesglidedtothekitchen.Jasonwasstandingatthesinkrinsingorwashinga bowl
HeturnedtomewhenIentered.“Pleasetakeaseat.”Heextendedhishandtowardthetable.
Ididjustthatandsatatthetable.Isatquietlyashefinishedupandplacedaplateofhotfoodinfrontofme.Iwaiteduntil
hesatdowntoglanceoverathim.Hewaswearingmydad’sshirt.Idecidednottomentionit.
“Winter,youcaneat.”Hesmirked.“Ipromiseyouthefoodisfine.”
Ipickedupmyforkandstabbedintomygoldenscrambledeggs Thefoodlookeddelicious Theeggswerelightandfluffy Itfeltlikeheaveninmymouth.Jasoncouldcook. Who the hell taught him? And who the hell taught him how to season his food?
“CanIaskyousomething?”Iwastryingtobreakthroughthesilence.
“Yes,youcan”Jasongazedacrossthetableatme
“Are youreallytryingto hide or runfromsomeone?” Iasked softly, tryingto piece together the puzzle ofthis enigmatic man.
“Yes,Iam,Itoldyou,themafia Let’sjustsaytherearepowerfulpeoplewho’dratherseemedeadthanfree,”hereplied, the lines ofhis face hardeninginto a grimexpression. “IfIdon’tfind thatmoneyand getoutofthe country, they’ll huntme down Iwillbestuckhereinthestatesandtheyhavepeoplealloverthecountry”
IshudderatthethoughtofbeingcaughtinthecrossfirebetweenJasonandwhoeverwasafterhim.Butpartofmecan’thelp butbe drawninbyhis openness There was desperationetched into everyline ofhis ruggedlyhandsome face Despite the danger,asmallflameofsympathyigniteddeepwithinme.
“Alright,”Isaid,swallowingbackmyfear.“I’llhelpyoulookforthemoney.Yousaidit’sinthebarn.”
“MyfatherburiedittherewhenIwasakid Thispropertybelongedtomymaternalgrandparentsaverylongtimeago He thoughtitwasagoodidea.Iwastooyoungtoquestionhim.”
“Myparentsownthishouse,thisland Whydidn’tyoukeepthepropertyinthefamily?”
“Myfatherdidn’twantittotracebacktohiminanyway.Mymotherhadamaidenname.Myfather’slastnamewasmafia related.Mymother’sparentswereregularlaw-abidingcitizens.”
“Before,yousaidyourparentsweredeceased.You’reyoung.Youlookyoung.”Iguessedheasinhislatetwentiesorearly thirties,tooyoungtohavetodeadparents.“Whathappenedtothem?”
“I’mthirty Myparents,youwanttoknowhowtheydied?”
“Yes,I’mjustcurious.Ifyoudon’twanttotalkaboutitIunderstand.” Jasonrubbedthefacialhaironhischin “Theybothweremurdered acarbombwhenIwasten Meandmysisterwent tostaywithmyuncle.”
Iwasabletocontrolmygaspsbutmymouthwashangingopen.“Murdered?” “Yes,Iwasbornintoamafiafamily.”
“You’remafia?Liketherealmafia?”Ididn’tevenknowwhatthatmeant.
“Iam Iwas I’vebeenousted”
“Whatdidyoudo?”
“IwasaccusedofdoingsomethingIdidn’tdo”
“Somethinglikewhat?”
“Iwasaccusedofsleepingwithmyuncle’swifeandkillingher.”
Itookasecondtoabsorbthescandalousinformation “Didyousleepwithher?”
“No,Iwouldneverdosomethinglikethat.”Hisforeheadcreased.
“Didyoukillher?”
“No,shewaslikeamothertomeandmysisterwhenwe’dlostbothofourparents. Isuspectmyunclekilledherandthentriedtoframeme Heactuallydidframeme Hesetmeuptotakethefall That’swhy I’mhere,ontherun.”
“Whywouldhedothat?”
“Jealousy,Isuppose”Jasonshrugged “MaybehejustwantedtogetridofhiswifeandusedmebecauseIwasavailable Aftereverythingthat’shappenI’mstartingtothinkhekilledmyparents.MyfatherwasacapoinPhiladelphiaforadecadeand whenhedied,myunclemovedintohisposition Idon’thaveanyproofbutIfeelitinmygut” “Soyouruncleislookingforyou.”
“Yes,someofhismen Orhecould’vehiredanoutsidecontractor ahitman” IsquintedasItookitallin.“Youknowthissoundslikeatalltale.” “Oh,howIwisheditwere.”
“Where’syoursister?Yousaidyouruncletookyoubothin”
“He did.” His gaze narrowed, but he doesn’t respond immediately. After a tense pause, he finally speaks. “My sister Annabellaisdead”
Ididn’tseethatcoming.“I’msorry.”
“Icouldn’tgettoherintime.”
“Didyourunc ”
“Yes.”Jasoncutmeoffmidsentence.“Heprobablydidn’tdoit.Hesentsomeonetokillher.”
“Isyourentirefamilygone?”IaskedtryingtobelievewhatIwashearing.
“Ihaveonepersonleft.She’sinhiding,myseven-year-oldniece.Thingswerehappeningsofast.Ihadtomakeadecision. Go getmysister or go gether daughter Iknew Anna would never forgive me ifIcame for her first She never trusted our uncle.Sheneverlikedhim.Iwasthestupidonethatthoughthewasagoodguybecausehewasfamily.Shewarnedmeabout himandIdidn’tlisten”
“Whenpeopleyoulovebetrayyouithurtsmorethananything.”
“Itdoes”Icouldhearthesincerityinhisvoice “ButIneedyoutounderstand–mylifeisontheline Mynieceneedsme I’mallthatshehasleft.”
Isilentlydigestthisinformation,filingitawayforfuturereference.IknowI’mplayingadangerousgame,butifIwantto survive,Ihadnochoice
“Iwanttohelpyoudigupthemoney.”
“Why?”
“Honestly?”Iasked,anditwastoolatetotakeitback.
“Yes,Ineedyoutobehonest”
“Iwantyououtofhere.You’reputtingmeindanger.Ifallyouneedisthemoney,thenIwanttofinditsoyoucango.” Jasonchuckled.NotreallytheresponseIexpected.
“Soyoudon’tenjoyhavingamaidandacooktakingcareofyou?”Heleanedtowardme What?“Icantakecareofmyself.”
“I’msurethat’strue Eatupanddresswarm It’scoldout”
Iquicklyfinishedmybreakfast.Iwould’vepreferredtotakeanap.Ithoughtmytimeherewouldbefullofnaps,reading booksandbubblebaths.
Jasondidn’tstopmefrommovingaboutthecabinonthefirstfloor.Icouldentermyroom.Iputonanotherpairofsocks andstuffedmyfeetintomyboots.IhadalongpuffercoatintheclosetsoIputiton.Igrabbedmyhairandputitallintoalow ponytail Igrabbed myknithatand slide itoncarefully Isearched for mygloves and found theminthe drawer ofthe night table.Iwasreadytogooutintheelements.Iwantedtogetthisoverwith.
ThewindhowledaroundmeasIhesitantlyfollowedJasonoutofthecabinandintotheblizzard.Thestarkwhitelandscape wasastrikingcontrasttothewarmthwehadjustleftbehind ItfeltlikeIwastrappedinaniceboxwithawindmachine
“Stay close,” Jason commanded, his deep voice barely audible over the howling wind. His eyes were focused straightahead,neverwaveringfromourdestination
Iclutchedmycoattightlyaroundme,mybreathvisibleasIexhaled.Snowcrunchedunderourbootsaswetrudgedthrough thedriftswiththecoldbitingatmyexposedskinliketinydaggers.
Frozencheeks
Frozennose.
Frozeneyeballs
Frozenlips.
We approached the barn, a loomingwoodenstructure thatseemed to have materialized outofnowhere. Ihoped the barn doorsweren’tlocked.Ididn’thaveakeyonme.
Aswesteppedinside,IcouldseeaglimmerofuncertaintyinJason’seyes.
“Something’snotright”Hemuttered,scanningtheinteriorofthebarn “This,it’sbeenrebuiltsinceIwaslasthere” “Rebuilt?”Iechoed,shiveringdespitebeingshieldedfromthewind.“Whatdoyoumean?” “Itlooksdifferentontheinside bigger” “Huh?”Ididn’tknowwhathewastalkingabout. “ThisisnothowIfuckingrememberedit.”
“Yousaidthemoneywasinsidethebarn.Thisisthebarn.”Iwould’verolledmyeyesifmyeyeballsweren’tfrozen. “Yes,butit’sdifferent.It’sbigger.”
Ithoughtaboutitforasecond “Yeah,mydadremodeledit Headdedsomespacetoitafewyearsago” “Fuck!”
“Whatistheproblem?”
“Theproblemis,I’velostmybearings,”headmittedwithafrustratedsigh.“Andtheexactlocationofthemoney.Now I can’tfuckingfigureoutwhereIshouldstartdigging.Iwasakidwhenmyfathershowedmewhere.”
“Can’tyoujust,Idon’tknow,lookforit?”Ioffered,tryingtosuppresstherisingpanicinmychest “Theremustbesome waytofinditagain.”
Myheartpoundedviolentlyunderthelayersofclothing Icouldn’thelpbutimaginethemafiahenchmenlurkingjustbeyond
