TheSinDeepSeries JodiPayneandBATortuga
DomsandSubs Cowboysandcityboys Oppositesattract,hurt-comfort,andotherromancetropes
TheSinDeepSeriesisacollectionofstandalonenovelssetinTheCowboyandtheDomUniversewhereDomsfindtheirsubs andsubsdiscoverthemselvesandanewkindoffreedom.
ForthoseofyouwhohavereadTheCowboyandtheDomseries,you’llfindcameosoffamiliarcharactersThomasandSam andotherswhohaveamembershipattheclubthecallhome.
As always, to our wives.
omeon,man Answeryourfuckingphone”
KaceyLowe tried hard to know certainshit one, where his boots were, two, where his phone was, and three, wherehewasgoingtobeabletosleepinaworldthathadlittletonouseforabroke-dickbullrider Hehadtwooutof three.
NowKaceyneededacouchtosurf.
SamO’Reillywouldlethimstay,havealittlefun,andnotasktoomanyquestionsaboutthebruises,whyhewasinNew York,andwhatthehellhewasgoingtodonext.
“’lo?”O’Reillysoundeddrunk “Who’sthis?”
“Kacey.Howyoubeen?”Hecouldhandledrunk.
“Fineasfroghair Wherethehellareyou?”
“Um…TimesSquare,Ithink.I’mprettysure.”Theplacewassolitupitfeltlikedaytime. “Likeinthecity?”
“Well,Iamtotallyina city The New Yorkone” The lastride was a flower deliverydude He’dbeencool,andthey’d sharedaspliff.
“What?When?Why?How?”
Thatwasalotofquestionsinarow.Samhadn’tchangedabit.“InNewYork.Now.Becauseoflifeandthings,andreally fuckingslow?”
“Wait.Hangon.”Themusicinthebackgroundfadedaway,andSamgotbackonthelinewithmorequestions.“Okay.Did yougethurt?Howdidyougethere?Whereareyoustaying?”
Hecouldn’tanswerthefirsttwoquestionswithoutopeningacanofworms “Iwassortahopingyou’dhaveacouchIcould useforadayortwowhileI’mvisiting.”
Oruntilhegothisbellunrung
SamO’Reillyhadbeenhismentoronthearenafloorwhenhewasajunior,andthemanhadbeenfuntohangwiththefew timesthey’dbeentogetheronthecircuit
“Yeah, ofcourse. Not manyofus withcouches up here, huh?” He heard street noises as Samput himonspeaker. “I’m textingyoutheaddress.We’renothome…uh…I’lljustseeifIcanconvinceMister Thomas tomakeitanearlynight.”
“Isitabadtime?Icanwait’tiltomorrow,dude”Hecouldwalkaroundforhours,noproblem Hehadenoughcashtoeat fordamnnearayear,ifhewascareful,andhewoulddonearanythingtowinabet,so…
“Right Just stayonthe street tonight, and I’ll see youafter breakfast” Samsnorted “Get your ass over there Tell the doormanyou’reafriendofmine,andhe’llletyouwaitinthelobby.We’llbethereinalittlebit.”
“Yousure,man?Iknowthisisasurprise.”
“Shutup.Seeyouinanhour,giveortake.”
Oh,thankGod.Kaceysuckedinadeepbreath.“Thanks,man.Justadayortwo.”
“Yeah,whileyou’reintown”
Okay.Hehadhimselfaplacetostay.Ifherememberedright,Samlikedabarsohemightgettohavesomefuntoo,while
hefiguredoutwhattodonext.Helookedatthetext hecouldwalkfortyblocksinanhour,right? Ifnot,he’dtextandsayhewasrunninglate.Hewasgoodatthat.
HesethisGPSandstartedbeatingfeet
Lordhavemercythisplacewaswild.Maybeaguycouldhavesomefunhere…
He found the address and slowed downas he moved up the block The buildingwas big And tall Reallyfuckingtall Therewasabigwhiteawningheldupbygoldpostsandadudeinajacketandhathangingoutnearthefrontdoorandwatching himashegotcloser
“Moveon,”theguysaidinadeepvoiceashesloweddownevenmore. “Igotmeaninvitationfromafriend.”Hewasn’tgoingnowhere.“SamO’Reilly.Youknowhim?”
“Mhm”Theguynodded “You’refriends?”
Hearchedoneeyebrow,tryinghardnottobeabitch.“Yessir.WerodetogetherinTexas,coupletimesinVegas.” “Understood What’syourname?”
“KaceyLowe.”
“Thankyou,Mr Lowe Mr O’Reillyisn’tathome Youcanwaitinsideifit’scoldouthereforyou”
“Thatwouldrock.Thankyou.It’sdamnchilly.”Heheldoutonehandtoshake,butthedudestoppedbeforegrabbinghis fingers.
Oh Right
Theywerealittletoreupfromthelastfight,andthatonefingerwas…wonky.
“You’redefinitelyafriendofSam’s”Theyclaspedhandsgently,thedoorguyshakinghishead “Yessir.SinceIwasateenager,youknow?He’swildasanything.”Andagreatdrinkingbuddy.“I’mlookingforwardto hangingwithhim.”
“Mm.Wild.”Theguywavedanarmandthedoorsslidopen.“There’sapotofcoffeebehindthedesk.”
“Thankyou,sir.Idoappreciateit.”Heheadedinandgrabbedacupofcoffee,heavyonthesugarandcreamer.
Caloriesweregood Theykeptamanwarm
Hehadn’tgottenonesipdownbeforeSamcamethroughthedoor,followedbyatall,handsome,very…hot…uh.Hadhe mentionedtall?
“Kacey.”Samcamerighttohimwithasmile.“Ican’tbelieveyou’rehere.”
“Sam.”Damn,Samlookedsogood.Healthy.Strong.Almostlikeagrown-up.Weird.“Imissedyourskankyass,man.” “Heynow, I’ve cleaned itup a little since yousaw me last.” Samgave hima hug, and he was proud ofhimselffor not wincing.“Youlookgood.”
“Youappeartohavebeeninafight,”Mr Handsomesaid Wasthatagrowl? Samchuckledandrolledhiseyes.“Kacey,thisisThomas.” “Pleasedtomeetyou”Heheldouthishand Again “AndIswear,Ihaven’tbeeninafight” He’dbeeninafewdozen.
Thomas tookhis hand, butnotto shake it. He looked atitcritically, turned itpalm-side up and backagain, thensighed. “Youneedtogetsomeiceonthat IthinkImighthaveasplintforthefinger Comeonupstairs”
“Dude,seriously?Whatthehellhappened?”Samgrinnedathim.“Tellmeitwasfun,atleast?” “IwishIcould,cowboy”
Thomasledthemtotheelevator,andwhenthebig,shinydoorsopened,theyall goton.Thomaswas…notreallystaring butlookinghimover Itwasweird,butitwasn’tcreepy
Samnoddedtohimandrestedahandonhisarm.“I’llmakeuscoffee.”
Oh god, don’t leave me with him “I’llhelp.”
“It’snopr ”
“I’llsohelp.”Helping,helping,lalala.
“Lethimhelp”WhydiditfeellikeThomascouldseerightintohissoul?God,thatwasunnerving “So…thisisyour…roommate?”Hedidn’treadlikearoommate.Morelikeagrumpyfuckbuddy.Possiblyasugardaddy. Dude Dude.
DidSamhaveasugardaddy?Hehadadecentbelly,buthewasalittleun-twinklyandsparkly.InVegas,boyslikethathad glitter
Thomaslaughedastheysteppedofftheelevatorbutdidn’tanswerthequestion.“Ithoughtyousaidhewasagoodfriend, Sam?”
“Heis.He’sarodeobuddy.HewasajuniorriderthatImentored.”Samsighedandshookhishead.“Thomashere,he’smy lover.Myguy.My…person,huh?Ifyou’renotcoolwiththat…”
“Dude. I know you’re into dick. I just didn’t know you were into…” Big growly dudes with biker boots and a fancy apartment.“Permanentguys.”
“Yes,he’spermanentlyintomydick.”Thomaswasstillchucklingasheopenedtheapartmentdoor. “Kinky,”hewhispered.
Samstartedchuckling,thesoundstartedsoftandbuilt Andbuilt.
Andbuilt
ThomasleanedclosetoSamandkissedhisforehead.“I’mnottouchingthat.”
Samledhimtowardanopenkitchen,andThomaswenttheotherwaydownalonghall “Lord,he’sabiggun.Pretty,though.”Thatseemedthemostpolite.
“He’s amazing. I’ve never been happier.” Samstarted making coffee. “What the fuck happened to you? And don’t say nothing,becauseI’mneitherblindnorstupid”
“Didyoujustsay‘nor’?”
“Neither nor ”Samshothimalook “Iaskedyouaquestion”
“It’salongstory,buttheshortversionis,gotdumped,gotouted,lostmysponsors,gotremindedthatIain’tsupposedtobe inTexas”Hellofashortversion
Sampuffedoutabreathandwentbacktomakingcoffee.“I’veheardthatstorybefore.I’msorry.Areyouokay?”
“Yeah.Justbeentraveling.Seeingstuff.Wandering.Ilookedyouup sorryaboutyourbrother,bytheway.”
Samnodded,tookadeepbreath “Thanks Itwastough,butwecaughtthesonofabitch” “That’sgood.Ihopehegotwhathedeserved.”
“Neosporin,band-aids,icepack,Tylenol,andonefingersplint”Thomasappearedandseteverythingdownonthecounter onebyone,thenheldoutahandpalm-up.“Willyouletmesee?”
Oh,howdecentwasthat?Prettydamned,ifyouaskedhim.Hehelduponeofhishands.Theyhurtprettygood,andthatone fingerneededsomethingtoencourageitnottofalloff.
Hewasn’tadamnroper,afterall.
“Hm I’ll becareful”Forthenextfew minutes,Thomasgentlycleanedhishandsupwithdampcottonballsandcovered theonebadcutwiththecreamandaband-aid.Thomas’shandswerewarm,andthosefingersmovedoverhisskinlike…like hecared
Andthemannevergrowledonce.
Okay,weird.Again.“Thanks.Seriously.I’llslamthefingerinthesplint,ifitgrossesyouout.”
Itgrossedhimoutsome,butitwaseasiertojustdoit,right?
“Pfft.”Thomasshookhishead.“Ihaveabrotherwhohasbrokenthisfingerthreetimes,andseveralothersmorethanonce. Fistsandwallsdon’tmixwell”Therewasablindinglight,andhewasdizzyforafewseconds,andwhenhecouldseeagain, Thomaswaswrappingtapearoundthesplinttokeepitinplace.
“Whiskey?”Samasked,andhegroaned “Fuckmeyes.”Allthewhiskey. “Rockon.”
“Youdidn’tfaint,andyoudidn’tloseyourbalance You’relikemySam”Hewasn’tsurehowtoreadThomas’ssmile,but themanrestedhishandonthecounterandgaveitagentlepat.Itwasweirdly…what?Parental?Something.“Allgood.” “Thanks,man Iappreciatethis I’llbeonmywayinadayortwo Ijustwantedtogetaface-to-facewithSam-I-Am” Samrolledhiseyes,shookhishead.“IsweartoGod,Kacey.Youcarrytroublelikealandedbass.”
“Isuredotry,yessir”
ThomastookSambythechinandkissedhim.“I’llleaveyoutwototalk,sweetheart.Goodnight.”
“Seeyouinabit,Mister.”Sampouredtwocoffees,calmasallgetout.“Arethehandstheworstofit?”
“Nah”No,theworstofitwasinhissoul,andwhatcouldhedoaboutthatnow?He’dthoughtMitchandhim,they’dhad somethingworkable.Somethingnice,even,butwhenthey’dbeencaught,Mitchhadsaidhewasn’twilling.He’dneverforced noonetodoanything Notever
Butthatdidn’tmatter,andthatwasn’tsomethinghewasevergonnatalkabout.Thatsecretbelongedtohim.
Samgavehimaknowingsmile,whichdidn’thurtsobad,comingfromhim “Ididn’treckon Thecoreshotsaretheones thataretheworst.Comeon.Let’ssitandbullshitaminute.”
Coreshots.HehatedthatSamseemedtoknowsomethinghedidn’twanttotell.
“ThatIcando I’mfullofbullshit”Hislaughdidn’tmakethatfunnylikeitshouldhave “Weallare.Sometimes,wefindthethingthatweneedtoemptyusout.”
Thatwasdamnneardeep,andhedidn’tbelieveitforasecond “Whatchadoingwithyourselfthesedays,buddy?” Samshrugged,cheekspinking.“Believeitornot,IgotmydamnPhD.Iteach.Iwritebooks…” “Cool,man.That’s…wild.”Kaceyfelthimselfshrinkinside.SamO’Reillyhadretired,becomeaprofessor,wrotebooks. Hewasn’tbrokedick,buthehadacouplethousandbucks,hisboots,hisphone,andasinglesilverbuckle.Fuck,heneededto findanotherplacetogo.
“Totallyis.How’dyouenduphere?”
KaceycuratedwhathewantedtotellSam,andhefinallysettledon,“IwasinColumbus,andtheguyswereheadingwest, soIcameover Iwasonabus,googling,andhappenedonyourname ThoughtifIcamehere,I’dlookyourhappyassup” Samtookaslow sipofhiscoffee,thenlookedathim.“Whynotgohome?”Whenhedidn’tanswer,Samadded,“Rough weather?”
“Yeah.Myfolks ”Hewavedonehand,becausehedidn’tknow whatsay.Hewatchedthecoffeewaveinhiscup,back andforth,andfinallywordsjustfelloutofhislips “Ifuckedup,Sam Bad Thereain’tnocominghomefromthat” Samsethiscupdown.“Shit,Kace.Areyouintrouble?Weknowpeople…” Heshookhishead,evenashedesperatelywantedtonod.“No.No,Iain’theretofuckyourlife.Ijustneedadayortwoto rest,yeah?ThenI’llgotravelingagain”
“I’mtellingyouwecanhelp.Yourest,getyourheadright,butyouthinkaboutit.”
“Thanksforansweringyourphone”Heneededafriend,aminutetobreathe “Thanksfortrustingme,man.Drinkyourcoffeeandbreathe.You’resafehere.”Samwinkedathim.“Thomasiswaymore badassthanhelooks”
“Isheateachertoo?”Kaceywasbettingonlibrarianmorethanteacher. “No,no.He’stheheadcuratorfortheMetropolitanMuseum.”Samsoundedproud. “Damn”Samhadjustlefthiswholeworldbehindlikedust “Goodony’all” Hedidn’tevenknowwhatthehellhewasgoingtodotomakemoney.Heneededtogooglecannedrodeos. Mechanicalbullcompetitions
Daredevilshows.
“You’llfigureitout.IwaslostwhenIgothere,andIcouldn’tgobackhome.Thisishomenow.” “I’mtickledshitlessforyou.Yougotworktomorrow?” You want to go find some trouble with an old friend? “I’mnotteaching.Icanskipadayofwritingtohang,sure.”Samtiltedhishead,lipstwitching.“Afterall,itisFriday…” “Yeah?Noshit?Surelywecanfindourselvessomethingtodo”
KYLE
I’msosorry,Sir
Well,Rivercouldn’treallybemad;Kylehadtextedhimassoonasthesubhadstoppedpuking.Hetextedbackquicklyso theboywouldn’tworry RIVER
Getsomerest,boy Therewillbeothernights
KYLE
Yes,Sir Thankyou,Sir Hesathimselfdownonabarstool.“Whiskey,please,Deacon.”
“Notplayingtonight,MasterMcIntyre?”
“Nottonight.I’mjustgoingtosniffthisandwatch.”Hethoughtaboutactuallydrinkingitthistime;healwaysthoughtabout itwhenhe gotstoodup,buthe knew himselftoowell He was notpouting This was just a simple course correction He didn’tmindwhenplanschanged.
Hewasthekingof“rollwithit” Right.
Hisfriendswouldlaughifhesaidthatoutloud.
“Watchingisalsogood”Awhiskeylandedonthebar “Thereyougo” “Goodboy.”
“I try!” Deacongrinned at him Deaconwas a sweetheart, absolutelythe most easygoingbartender inhistory, happyto serveandlisten,helpoutandkeepthingsworking. Andcompletelyunavailable,whichmadehimeasytotalkto “Hello,River.”
“Hey,Thomas.”Hestartedtoslideoffhisstool,butThomasstoppedhim. “No,sit I’lljoinyou”
“What?Why?Areyouonyourown?Where’sSam?”Thomaswasrarelyherewithouthisboy.
OneofThomas’seyebrowslifted,andman,someonewasgoingtobeintroubletonight,thatwasclearascrystal “Hehad afriendcomeintotownunexpectedly.”
“Afriend”Hetookasniffofhiswhiskeyandthoughtaboutthat AfriendThomaswouldn’tcareabout Acowboyfriend “Anothercan-I-crash-on-your-couchtype?”
“Thatwouldbethetype.Allhatandnojob.”
“Deacon,ThomasneedshisFireball” “Onit,Sir!”
“You’reverythoughtful,nottomentionveryright Thisyoungmanisonaveryvolatileroad” “Volatile.So…whatdoesthatmean?Isheadrinker?Isheintosomethingdangerous?”
Deaconsettheshotdown,andThomasswalloweditback,thentappedtheglassforanother.Thomasputhisfingersonthe secondshotbutdidn’tpickitup.
“He’d beenina fight, or several fights, whenhe showed up He tookSamoutdrinkingagainlastnight That’s two ina row.”
“Samknowshislimits”Hewasagoodboy
“SamisaTexan.”Thomassaidthatlikeitwasacurseandafascination.
“Hm I get your point” He shrugged “This kid is a Texantoo?” He assumed it was a kid, or a kid compared to them anyway;Samseemedtoknowalotofthem.
“Ithinkso.He’snotterriblyforthcomingwithinformation.I’vemanagedtoascertainthatheisabullrider.Orwas.” Samhadriddensomethingtoo Bulls?Horses?Hecouldn’tremember Eitherway,itwasanotherhigh-adrenalinesituation “Boys.”
“Yes,andthisonekeepsdaringmyboyintoactivitieswithgreaterandgreaterlevelsofrisk”Thomasrolledhiseyes,the sarcasmthick.“Ifhedoesn’tstop,eventuallymybrother-in-lawwillgetinvolved,andItrynever toinvolveBowie.” “Bowie he’stheonedownontheGulf?Thebigguy?”He’dnevermetBowie;he’donlyheardstoriesfromSam Bowie didn’tseemthetypetoappreciatetheclub.
“Heis.He’sSam’sbigbrother.He’sAngel’sman.Theyrunanumberofrentalhomesonthebeach.”
“Sam’s smart Or, if he’s not, that’s what he has you for” He wasn’t sure what was worse, having that level of responsibilityforsomeone,orhavingtheoccasionalnightaloneonabarstool.“Maybeit’stimetothrowthecowboykidout.”
“Yes,althoughmyboyisgoingtomakemepayforthatforamonth” Rivercouldseethat.Samwasabrilliantacademicandcouldplantroublewhilemanagingtostaywithintherules.
“I’mgladIdon’thavethattocontendwith.Althoughmyplansfellthroughtonight.I’mnotsurewhichisbetter.” “I’mfairlysu ”Thomas’sphonerang,andhefrowned.“Excuseme.”
“Ofcourse.” Thatwas a heckofa frown. He picked up his whiskeyand breathed itin, thenstared atitstudiouslyso it didn’tappearhewaseavesdropping “Hey,Mike.What’s youhavewhoinyouroffice?Wait.Hangon.”Thomaslookedathim.“Thatfuckingkid.” Whoa Thomas looked like he was ready to tear that little cowboy’s head off, and he was only one minute into the conversation.“WhatcanIdo?”
Thomassighed,wavedathim,andputthephoneonspeakerastheyheadedouttothestreet. “ kneeling,andIheardSammytryingtostophim,butthingswerealreadyspiralingout-of-control.Thiskidhasadeath wish.”
Whoa
Mikeownedabikerbarthatregularlyhostedfightnights.Out-of-controlwasaregularoccurrenceoverthere.Ithadtobe prettybadforMiketosaythekidhadadeathwish Thomasclearlyneededsomebackup Hedidn’thaveplans.
“IsSamokay?I’llgetacab.”Heheadedforthecurbandstuckanarmout.
“Sammy’sfine Alittlebruisedandalotshaken,buthe’sfine”Mike’schucklesoundedwry “Ihaven’tseenthattemperin alongtime.Whenhegetswoundup,he’sexplosive.”
Thomas’sfacewasathundercloud “Imayhavetospendthenextweekremindinghimwhohebelongsto” “Comeon,Thomas.Hangup.Let’sgetinthecab.”Thomasneededaminutetobreathebeforehesawthoseboys.
“I’vegotthem,Thomas They’renotgoinganywhere”Mike’stonewassomewherebetweenamusedanddeadly “Theymostcertainlyarenot.”Thomaspushedhisphoneinhispocket.“Apparentlythereweresomewordsthrownabout whowastougher,bikersorcowboys,andtherewasamelee.”
Theyclimbedintothecab,andRivershutthedoor Thomasgavethedrivertheaddress “Isyourboyusuallyspoilingfora fight?”
“No NotmySam Notanymore”Thomaswasverysure Butheusedto.Oncescrappy,alwaysscrappy.Hekepthismouthshutonthatpoint.“He’sokay.That’swhatmatters.And youhaven’theardhissideofthestoryyet Orhisfriend’sforthatmatter Somethinghappened,solet’swaitandseewhatthey tellyou.”
“Hissideofthestorywillgo,‘Mister,Ihadtohelphim.He’smyfriend.’”Thomasdidn’tsoundasifhedoubtedthatatall. “Allright Thenyouhaveakidwithaproblemonyourhands”
“Notmyhands.”Thomasshookhishead.“NotwhenSamneedsme.Andmyboyisgoingtoneedme.”
“Well let’sseewhatwesee”Hecouldn’tseeThomasthrowingtheguyoutonthestreet,notreally,andnotifhewas hurt.AsDoms,theyhadmoreresponsibilitythanmost.Butheunderstoodpriorities.God,whatamess.
Thecabpulledup,andThomaswashalfwaytothebarbeforehe’dfinishedpaying.Hehurriedtocatchup.
Thebarwasatruedive,andthepeoplethatwanderedinandoutwereloudandrowdy,smackingoneanother.Honestly,he couldnotimagineThomasinthismilieu.
Atall.
ButThomasmarchedinlikeheknewwherehewasgoingandhadobviouslybeenheremanytimesbefore.Hewastoughto followashecutthroughthecrowdonamission,butRiverkeptupthebesthecould
“Hey,Thomas,I’lltellhimyou’rehere.”AwomanbehindthebarpickedupaphoneandThomasgaveherawave. “Thanks,Darla”
Wow.Thomasmustcomeherealot.
Hewasmullingthatoverastheyroundedtheendofthebarandheadeddownanarrowhall “Whatisthis?”
“There’samoreprivateplacedownstairs.That’swherethey’llhavetheboys.”
Sureenough,atthebottomofashortflightofstairsThomasbrandishedacardandwaveditinfrontofasecurityblockand a heavydoor opened. This roomwas quiet, withsoftlighting, and big, upholstered chairs bya low table. Across the room beside a wall ofheavycurtains were two boys kneelingwiththeir heads down Sam’s hands were inhis lap, and the other kid’swerebehindhisback.
AnenormousmanheassumedwasMikestoodastheywalkedin “Thomas.”MikeshookThomas’shandandlookedathim. “River.”
“Pleased Sorrytomeetyouunderthesecircumstances,butI’mgladThomasisn’talone” Henodded,andtheyshookhands.“Ithoughthecouldusesomebackup.”
“Wouldyouliketocomesitinmyof ”
“Okay,Ihave hadenough!Sam,whatthe hell is goingonhere?” There was a mixofpanic andfuryanddisbeliefinthe man’sdrawl,andthosehazeleyesflashedwithlightning.
Atleastwhathecouldseeofthem.
Thiskidwasamassofbruises,andhewasallleanmuscle,armswiryandcoveredwithink.
“Youwillnotspeakagainunlessoneofusspeakstoyou,Kacey Youthoughtthosebikersweretrouble?I’mmoretrouble thanall ofthemwhenI’mangry.” Thomas wenttoSamandstoodsoclose his knees nearlytouchedSam’s bowedforehead. “WhatdoIneedtoknow,boy?”
“Isaidno,Mister.”SamleanedtowardThomas,aroughchucklesounding.“Ievensaid revolver,butnooneunderstood,so Ihadtohavehisback.Thingsgotoutofhand.I’msorry.”
Remarkably,Samstartedtorelax,likeThomas’spresencemadethingsbetterevenifhewasintrouble.Suchasweetboy; thattrustwasenviable.
ButKaceytensed up, and the muscle inthe kid’s jaw tightened “This is bullshit” The kid started to stand, and Thomas movedlikelightning,grabbingthebackofKacey’sneck,pushingittothefloorandsmackingKacey’supturnedasslikeabad puppy
“Isaid quiet,boy.”
Kacey’sentirebodybegantotense,tighteninglikeaspringthatwasbeingwoundimpossiblyfar,buthedidn’tsayanother word Interesting.
Samshivered,andthatconfusionwashardtosee,butthewaythatSamkeptstill,trustedinhisDom?Thatwasfine,and hisrespectforThomasrosehigher.
“River ”
He knew instantlywhatThomas needed. “Sure. Igothim.” He moved to Kaceyand stood beside the boywhile Thomas bentandspokesoftlytoSam.
“Nooneunderstood,butIdo,”Thomaswhispered “Howbadlyareyouhurt?”
Hetriednottolisten,evenMikeslippedoutoftheroom,sohefocusedonthekid onKacey wholookedprettybadoff. Somewhereunderthebloodandthebruisesandtheinkwasaboyintrouble Somebigkindoftrouble TroubleThomaswasn’t goingtowanttodealwith.Whowould?Everyoneheknewhadhadenoughtroubleintheirlives.
Thoseeyescutuptowardhim,awildmixtureofgoldandbrightgreen,begginghimforhelp Him?Whatcouldhepossiblydo?ButhowcouldhejustdonothingwhenKaceywaslookingathimlikethat?
Heheldhisfingertohislipsandfoundhimselfnodding,notevensurehimselfwhathemeant.Butstillandquietwasthe bestmoveforthemomentinanycase
Theprettyeyesclosed,butthetensioninKacey’sfaceeasedsome,andhesettleddeeperintohisposition,stabilizing. ThomashelpedSamtohisfeet,andtheywerebothnoticeablycalmeraswell “WhatamIsupposedtodowiththisfriend ofyoursnow?”
Samclosedhiseyes.“He’snotbad,Mister.IsweartoGod.Ijust Ican’tkeepup.”
“I’ll getmyshit.Justleaveitoutsidewiththedudesdownstairs.”Kacey’slipcurled,Sam’stightened,andsomeonewas abouttoexplodeagain.
HismoneywasonThomas.
“Nooneisfuckingthrowingyouout!Juststopit!”Thomas’sboycouldsnarl.“JesusfuckingChrist!Justbecauseyou ” “Shutup,O’Reilly Youdon’tknowdick-allaboutme” “Ihavehadenough!”Thomasbarked.
“I’lltakehim”Theroomwentsilentsuddenly,soRiversaiditagain
“I’lltakehim”Everyonestaredathim,andfrankly, hedidn’tknowwhathewasdoingeither.Buttheenergyintheroomwaschargedwithemotion,anditwasmakinghimuneasy. “Comeon,Kacey”Hewasn’tgivinganyoneachancetotalkhimoutofit
Kaceyblinked,obviouslyutterlyconfused,buthestumbledtohisfeet,swaying.“Comewhere?”
“Withme.YouandSamcan’tbefriendsrightnow,butafriendisn’tgoingtotossyououteither,sothisisbestfortonight. Doyouneedhelp?”HereachedforKacey,offeringhimanarm
“Igotit.Thanks.Shit,Idon’tevenknowwherethefuckIam…”
HeheardSammurmur,“IhavetosaysorrytoDaddyMike” “Alcoholandafewhitstotheheadwilldothat.”
Thomastookasteptowardhim “River,youdon’thavetodothis” Riversnorted.“Yes,Ido.Callmewhenyou’reupandmovingtomorrow.” “Thankyou.”
He winked atThomas “Youowe me one” He headed for the door and held itfor Kaceywho was movingslowly “It’s crowdedupthere,andIdon’tknowwhatyourreceptionwillbebut ” “Hey”Mikeseemedtocomeoutofnowhere “Igotthis Followme”
“Thankyou.”Jesus,thatmanwashuge.Absolutelygargantuan.Hewasn’tusedtolookinguptoanyone.Theseaofbikers anddrunkspartedlikeMikewastheMessiah,andtheypassedthebarwithoutasinglecommentoranyoneharassingKacey. “Thereyougo.”
“Thanks,Mike.I’msorryaboutallofthis.”
“Thanksforhelpingmyfriendsout Safehome”Theyshookhands,andheledKaceyouttothestreet Kaceystoodthere,quietanddrawnintohimself,eyesonthesidewalk.
“Sohowbadlyareyouhurt?Youmightaswellbehonestwithme;youdon’thavemuchtolose”
“Idon’thavedicktolose.”Kaceyturnedawayandspitbloodontheground.“Ibeentenderized.Likeridingsevenanda halfandgettingcaughtinyourbullropeforthenextten.”
HeturnedhisheadandlookedatKacey.Hehadnoideawhatthatmeant,buthethoughthegotthepicture.“Doyouthink anythingisbroken?”
“Couple fingers Maybe a rib or three Gon’piss blood for a few days Nothing serious” That didn’t even sound like sarcasm.
The cab arrived, and he watched Kaceyclimb inlike anold man, wincingand groaning He slid inthe other side and lookedatthecabbie.“Emergencyroom,please.”
Kaceywasn’tsurewhythedudewasstillhere
There had beenX-rays and wrappingand anIVand stitches none ofwhichhe could afford and the guywas still there
Hewasn’tabsolutelysurewhatthehellwaswrongwithSam.Itmadenosense,andwhenthathugebastardhadtoldthem tokneelandwaitforthatdickthatSamwasmarriedto?Samhadjustdoneit.
Asshole.
Itwasn’tright.
Notevenalittlebit
Andthenthedudehadshowedupandjuststayed. Andstayed
Nowtheywerebackinanothertaxi,andtheyweregoingsomewhereelse,andhedidn’tunderstandwhattodonow. He’dnevernothadanyideawhattodo.
Thecabridewaslong,quietanduncomfortable,andthecareventuallystoppedonanarrowstreetwithmoretreesthanin Sam’sneighborhood.“Thisisme.”Theguygotoutandwalkedaroundtoopenhisdoorandofferhimahand.
Kaceytookitandstood,tryingtoorienthimself Hecouldgetacheaphotelroomforacoupleofdays,andifhelived,then gethisshitandstarthitchhikingoutoftown.
Thecabpulledaway,buttheguydidn’tmove “Okay.Let’sstartthistherightway.I’mRiver.”Weirdly,theguyofferedhishand.
Hestaredattheman’shandforasecond.Itwasafine-lookinghand.Solid.Tan.Square.Pretty.Thenheshookhisheadand heldouthisownhand “Lowe KaceyLowe Pleasedtomeetyou”
Rivernoddedlikethatwastherightanswer.Heshouldhopetohellso,itwastheonlyanswerhehad.“Kacey,wouldyou liketocomeinside?Ihaveaguestroom,coffee ”
Okay.Okay.Breathe.Riverwasbeingsweetashell.“I-Iwouldreallyappreciateacupofcoffee,man,soIcangatherone ortwoofmyloosechickens”
Riversmiledandhewassurprisedhowhandsomeitwas,andhowgooditlookedontheguy.“Yeah,Ibet.Coffeeitis.” Theyheadedinside.Riverdidn’thaveadoorman,butthebuildingwasniceandhadasmallerbutfancylobbyandshiny elevators Riverputakeyinthepanelandturneditbeforehittingthecallbutton Thedoorsopenedrightup,andtheyrodeto theseventhfloor,whichwasthetopfloorofthebuilding,andthedooropenedrightintoRiver’sapartment.
“Comeonin”
Wow.Thiswasabigoldplacewithlighteverywhere.Itwasalittledizzying.
“Thankyou.”Hedidn’tknowwherethiswasincomparisontowherehe’dbeenorwherehe’dcomefrom,butitwasnice. “I’msureyou’reexhausted.I’mprettytiredmyself.ERsarestressful,butyouseemedpatientwiththewholething.”River wentstraightfortheopenkitchenandstartedmakingcoffee.Thischatting-like-they-were-friendlythingwasstrange.“Areyou hungryatall?”
“No, thankyou.” He wasn’tgoingto take this guy’s food fromhim. Acup ofcoffee. Achance to piss inquiet. Possibly
directions.
“Suityourself.”Rivertookoutaloafofbreadandajarofpeanutbutterwhiletheywaitedforthecoffeetobrew.“Soare youfromTexaslikeSam?”
“Yessir.I’mfromaboutfour hours southofGreenville.” He grew up inHuntsville inthe shadow ofthe prison. Ithadn’t suckeduntilitdid
“I’mnotgoingtopretendtoknowTexasgeography.IknowAustinandDallasandHouston.IthinkIknowwhereElPaso is ”Riverlaughed “It’sabigstate Sureyoudon’twantsomepeanutbutter?”
“CanIhavehalf?”Hewasn’tgoingtohaveroomforawholeone,ifhewashonest.
“Ofcourse.Themedswill sitbetterwithsomethinginyourstomach,right?”Riverstartedtohandhimtheknifeandthen chuckled “Igotit”
Healmostsmiled,butthathurt,sohejustnodded,keepinghimselfonthestoolwithpurewillalone.“Thankyou.”
Ina couple ofminutes, he had halfa peanutbutter sandwichand a cup ofcoffee infrontofhim River ate his sandwich whilehepokedathisown.“Hey.Ifyou’dratherjusttakeallofthattoyourroom,Iunderstand.”
He didn’t evenknow what to say Thankyou? Food doesn’t go inbedrooms because everyone knew that caused bugs? Whatroom?Justthethoughtofpickingupthatcoffeecupmadehimwanttodiealittle?“Thecoffeesmellsgood.” “Oh, God. Can you pick it up? Want a straw?” River looked horrified for a second. “That wasn’t I’m not being an asshole,sorry”
Kaceyglancedup,andtheideaofasippycupfullofblackcoffeetickledhim,allthewaydowndeepwheretherewasstill partofhimthatwaswhole Gigglesstarteddeepinsidehim,thenjustkeptonandon,uncontrollable Rivergrinnedandchuckledwithhim.“Yeah,that’sapicture,huh?” “Yessir.That’s…God…”Ithurt. Thishurt.
Suddenly,hecouldn’tbreathe,theworldbecomingaseriesofblocksthatweretumblingdown,becauseGodwasahuge toddlerthatwantedhisway,orhewasgoingtohaveafriggin’tempertantrum “Whoa. Hey.” River hurried around to his side ofthe counter and suddenlystrongarms were around him. “I’ve gotyou. Let’suh let’sjustgetyoutobed”Thearmsgottighter,andherealizeddistantlythatRiverwascarryinghim Hewouldapologize,buthecouldn’t notbecausehewasn’tsorry,butbecausehedidn’thaveanythingleft.Nothing. Please Please, I need to go home
HesighedasRiversethimdownonasoft,comfybedinaroomwithdimlighting.Rivertuggedhisbootsoffandputtered aroundtheroomforaminute,thenthelightswentoffandtheroomwasdarkapartfromthestreetlightsoutthewindow.“Get somesleep,Kacey Asmuchasyouneed Yourphoneisbythebed I’llbeherewhenyouwakeup” Heheardthedoorclose,andthenitwasquiet. Heshouldrun Heshould,but Kaceyhadtoadmitit. He’ddonebeenthrown.
THOMAS
TSamissleeping homas’stextwasn’tunexpected,justsoonerthanhe’danticipated.
RIVER
Kaceytoo Casey?KC?
THOMAS
Ihavenoidea
RIVER IsSamokay?
Samhadbeenprettybeatup,butRiverwasmoreconcernedabouthismentalstate.Theboyhadbeenfried.
THOMAS
Alittlejumpy We’llworkitout
RivergaveThomasasecondtocomebackandaskaboutKacey,buthedidn’t Itwasn’toftenhe’dseenThomasthisangry Probablybetterhenotsayanythinguntilhe’dcooledoff.
RIVER Goodtohear
THOMAS
Thanksfortakingthekid Hm.Well,thatwassomethinganyway.
RIVER You’rewelcome
Hewasn’tusedtothis dynamic.Things were rarelyso…upinthe air inhis universe.He hada strange boyinhis guest room,withnothingbutaT-shirtandapairofbluejeansandcowboybootswithholesinthesoles.Thomaswasfurious,Sam seemedconfused,andKaceywas…lost.
Ifthesub,Kyle,hadshown,hewouldhavemisseditall
Tomorrow,he’dprobablywishhehad.Hewasn’tconvincedhewasgoingtobeabletosendKaceybacktoThomasand Sameveniftheboysworkeditout Hewasn’tababysitter,though,soeither Kaceywentback,or thekidwasgoingtohave to… He’djusthaveto…
Fuck a duck
Riverconsideredtakinghiscoffeetothebarandaddingsomewhiskeytoit.
Heknewhecouldn’tdoit.Hecouldn’ttossthisbeat-to-hellclearlybrokenkidwithnowheretogooutintothestreet.He’d beenraisedbetterthanthat.
No, he was justgoingto have to convince the kid to lethimsend himhome Somewhere thathe’d getinto less trouble, fewerfights,andhaveachance.Hedidn’tunderstandwhatacowboywasdoinguphereanyway.WhyofallplacesonEarth wouldacowboychooseNewYorkCity?Somuchnoise,somuchtraffic,somanypeople wouldn’thejustgetlostuphere? ThatwasaquestionforThomas.
RIVER
DoyouknowwhyKaceyisinNYC?
THOMAS
Samsayshewasoutedandbeattohell Losteverythingandrantheoppositewayofthecowboys
RIVER Jesus,really? Well,fuckawholefuckingraftofducks Hecouldn’tsendKaceyhomenow
THOMAS
It’srarelyavacationwhenarodeocowboyshowsuphere
RIVER damn
Hecouldn’timagineputtingupwiththisoverandoveragain.
THOMAS
Yes Buthe’snotsomeoneSamcanhandle Thestoriesare Thenhewaitedonthosethreedotsagain Riverhatedwaiting
THOMAS
intense Theysetfires,fights,nothinggood
He’s not someone Sam can handle. SonowaywasKaceygoingbackthere.Nowayinhell. HefoundThomas’snumberandcalledhim “I’msosorry,River.”
“No.No,Igetit.WespenthalfthenightintheER.I’llkeephimforafewdays,ifhe’llstay.”MaybehecouldhelpKacey findsomeworkwhenhewasfeelingbetter “I’dappreciatethat.Samneedsafew daystogethisheadonstraight.”Thomasstartedgrumblingagain.“It’sinsanehow thosetworamponeanotherup”
“Well,that’llhappenwhenyou’recutfromthesamecloth.”Hewasonlyhalfjoking.KaceyhadSam’snumber,andthere hadtobeareasonwhy He’dseenitbefore Hell,herememberedhangingonthefirstDomthatmentoredhim,desperatefor approval,forbelonging.
“Maybethat’sit.SamandIwillgettothebottomofit.”
PoorSam Hereallyseemedatwarwithhimself “Ithinkhehonestlybelievedhewasdoingtherightthing” “Oh,noquestion.Samhasastrongcode,andIcan’tholdthatagainsthim.”
Rivernoddedtohimself,wonderingwhatKaceybelievedin
“NotthatI’mnotgoingtounderlinethepointwithaballpointpenthatheneedstocometomebeforehegetsinover his head”
“Reasonable. Imean, he did tryto use his safe word,” he teased. He couldn’thelp it. Thatwas the mostadorable thing ever.HewaspicturingSam,thislittlevoicegoing“revolver?”halfasecondbeforesomeonethrewthefirstpunch.
“Yes,andthenhewadedinandstartedlosinghismind”Thomasmadealow soundthatreadaspartfrustrationandpart fondness.“Iamproudthatwashisreaction,though.Thatitisthatdeepinsidehim.”
“Itis He’sbrave He’dhavetobetokeepupwithyou” Thomassnorted.“Trust,River.That’strust.” Heknewthat.“I’mteasing.Youneedadrinkandanap.”
“Ido.IintendtobeoutofpocketuntilMonday.IdohaveaduffelforKacey.Wouldyoulikemetosenditover?” “Thatwouldbegood.Whateverhedecides,he’llwanthisthings.”
“I’llsendthemoverinthemorning”
“Let’scatchuponMonday.”HehadnointentionofinterruptingThomasandSam.
“Thankyouagain,River”Thomashungup,andRiversethisphonedown
Hewantedashowerandthensomesleep He decidedheshouldlookinonthekidfirst,soheslowlypushedtheguestroomdooropen. Kaceywasrockinghimselfinhissleep,handsheldtohischest,tearsstreakinghischeeks.
“Shit. Kacey.” He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed. “Kacey, you’re okay.” He shookhis head at himself. “Fuck.Fine.”HemovedupcloseandputanarmoverKacey’swaist.“Shh.Hey.You’reokay.”
Kaceywhimpered,fightingtowakeup,evenashepushedincloser “I’msofucked,man”
“You’re not.You’re safe here.Atthe veryleast,you’ve boughtsome time.Breathe,boy.” He heldontight,afraidKacey wasgoingtohurthimself Hurthimselfmore.
Hebreathedindeep,helditamoment,thenexhaledfully,makingsurethebreathswereaudibleandphysical,somethingto keepandcatchKacey’sattention.
IttookaboutthreebreathsbeforeKacey’sbodyfoundhisrhythm,tensioneasingwitheachexhale.
“That’sit Goodboy”Hespokesoftlytosoothenervesandkeptbreathing,listeningtoseeifKaceywasawakeorasleep Eitherway,itseemedliketheboywasinanightmare.
“Isthisreal?FeellikeI’mdrowning”
Heunderstoodthat.Evenhewasfeelingoff-balancerightnow,andhewasn’tinpainandonmeds.“Thisisreal.Drownif youneedto I’mhere I’vegotyou Nobodyknowswhereyouare,Kacey Letitgo”
Kaceysobbedonce,thenleanedhard,trustingRivertosupporthim.
Heacceptedthattrust,knowingitmeanthewascommittednow,foraslongasKaceyneededhim.HeheldKaceycarefully andwhisperedsoftly,tellinghimhewassafe,thathewasagoodboy
Itdidn’tmatterifKaceywasawake.Kaceyheardhim.Theboybelievedinhim.
HeranhisfingersthroughKacey’sunrulycurlsandwatchedastheboy’sfacerelaxed Theboylookedtenyearsyounger likethis,withoutthetightlinesofworryandeagle-eyedmistrustofeverythinginhisway.Riverfeltalittlerush,alittlehigh thatmadehisskintingleandhisheartbeatharder.Kaceyhadgivenhimagifthewasn’taskingfor,hadn’tplannedonseekingat all.
Fuck,hewasindeep,deeptrouble.
HemighthavetokickThomas’sass
ThefirstthingKaceynoticedwhenhewokeupwasthathewasthirsty,andthesecondonewasthathehadtopee
Thethirdnote,whichcamethunderinginlikeaherdofelephants,wasthathehurtlikeamotherfucker.
Whoa
Hegroanedandtriedtositup,buttheroomdidalittleswimmything. “Goddamn.”
“Easy,boy.”
The rough, dryvoice came frombehind him, and he started to panic. Where the fuckwas he? Who the fuckwas that? Movingwashardsohesqueezedhiseyesclosedandrubbedhisforehead,tryingtoputallthepiecestogether Come on. Come on. You were… you were… Sam. Sam and a bar and the fight and pretty hands and hospital and peanut butter and “Breathing”
“Mhm.Breathe,”thatvoicesaidsoftly.“That’stheonlythingyou’regoingtodotodaythatisn’tgoingtohurt.Much.” A weight lifted off him and he realized that…Thomas’s friend…Sky? Mountain? River! River, who was built like a mountain,hadbeenthereallnight Orallday Whattimewasit?
Riversatupbehindhim.“Whatdoyouneed?Bathroom?”
“Please Fixin’toexplode”Hemanagedtositup,sortof,andhedidn’tpuke,soitwasawin “Allright.Let’stakeitslow.We’reheadedoutthedooranddownthehallalittlebit.”River’sclotheswerewrinkled,and hishairwasallpushedupononeside,buthisclotheswereniceandKaceybethe’dlookedsharpbeforehe’dsleptinitall Hisfeetweresurprisinglyokay,andonekneedidn’tfeeltotallyfucked,buthisbackwasamassof ow,andhishands he wasn’tlookingatthoseatall.
SomehowRivermadehimfeellight,though,andtheykindoffloateddownthehall “Listen,yourhandsareinbadshape Letmehelpifyouneedit.Iwon’ttellasoul,Ipromise.”
Oh,forfuck’ssake “Canyouhelpmeunbuckleandall?Ihavehadtositandpissmorethanonce”
Andhedidn’twanttheprettysonofabitchinhereifhescreamedwhenhewent.Thatwasn’tclassy. “Ican” River gothimall undone, removinghis beltentirely “Call whenyouneed me Youhave sweats inyour duffel? Thomashaditdroppedoffearly.” “Ido.”
Fuck
He sat as soonas River left, tryingto relaxenoughto piss. He had his stuff. That was something. He could charge his phone,changeclothes,andfigurehisnextmove Likewherehewas.
Thatwasstepnumber
White-hotagonyslammedthroughhimashestartedtopee,andawildsharpcrylefthimbeforehecouldhideit. Therewasaknockatthedooralmostinstantly,butRiverdidn’tcomein.“Breathe,boy.Theywarnedus,remember?Just breatheandlistentomyvoice”
“S-sorry.Fuck.Fuck!”Hewaspissingrazorblades.
“Don’tapologizetome.I’mnottheonethatgotinthefight.Breathe.”
Hecouldseetheshadow ofRiver’sfeetpacingbackandforthinfrontofthedoorlikehewasworried.Thatwassweet, buthecouldn’tfocusonthatrightnow “Breathe?YouexpectmetobreathewhileI’mshootingbatteryacidoutthetipofmydick?”Insane.Thedudewasinsane. “Atleasttheplumbingisworking”Riversoundedwaytoocool “Youneedsomewater Whiskeyburns” “Notfunny!”Okay,maybealittlefunny,butnotrightthissecond.
“Iwasn’ttryingtobefunny,boy Unfortunately,you’regoingtopayforthatbenderforawhile,andthisiswhereitstarts You’regoingtoneedabathtoo.That’llbeinteresting.”
Hewasprettysurethatinterestingwasn’ttherightword,buthewasn’tinaplacetoargue,notreally.Heflushedandstood, waveringthereforasecondwhilehetriedtofigureoutwhattodonext
“Sweats?”Riversaidpatientlyasifhecouldseerightthroughthedoor.“Kickoffyourjeans.I’llgetthem.”
“Please”Kickoffhisjeans Okay Hesatbackdownonthepotandstartedthefascinatingprocessofwigglingoffhisjeans withouthands.
The door opened a crack and a clean pair of tighty-whities, which he had no hope of getting on, came through first, followedbyhisgraysweats.
Hestaredatthem,layingthereonthefloor.
Huh
Fuck,histoeswereprettytalented,heguessed…
Hewasn’tsurehebentthatway,though “Ifyouneedhelp…”Riverofferedagain,probablynoticinghowquiethe’dgotten.
“Well,IreckonIgotthreeoptions.Icouldstandherestaringatthesethingsuntil theendoftime.Icouldjustwanderout intotheworldbruisedandnekkid.Or Icouldgetyoutohelpmesomynutsdon’tsunburn.”Hewasplumboutofshame,he figured.
“I’mcomingin”Riverwalkedintothebathroomandpickeduphisundies,thenmovedaroundbehindhim “Leftfoot” Riverhadhisjeansoffandsoftcomfortablesweatsoninnotimewithnofussandnofunnybusiness.ThenRiverreached underthecounterandcameupwithanewtoothbrush,whichheunwrapped,loadedupwithtoothpaste,andsatonthecounter “Seeifyoucanmanagethat,please?Yourbreathistoxic.”
“Shit,I’mtoxic.”Therewasn’tabitofhimthatwasn’tnow,andhewasburningbridgeslikeafirebugwithadeathwish.
Ithurt,buthemanagedthetoothbrush.Hewasgoingtohavetowipehisass,eventually,sohecouldtoughitout.Thenhe skinnedoutofhisT-shirt,wetabitofitandstartedscrubbingoffblood.
River had takenhis jeans awaybutcame backto checkonhim “Need help? I’ve gottowels, soap Iguess you’re not readyforashower.”
Hewasalreadysweatingfromtheexertion Theideaofsteppingintoatubwasfairlyintimidating “I’mjusttryingtoget thebulkofthenastyoff.”
Riverpulledawashclothoffatowel rackandranitunderthetap.“Youdon’thavetodoeverythingyourself.Especially rightnow Letme”
“I Okay?Imean,thanks,man.”Hesworebyallheheldholythatthegroundwasshiftinglikemadbeneathhisfeet. River tookover,usingwarmwater andgentlepressure,silentlycleaninghimupbitbybit Hecouldn’tfathomtheman’s patience,orwhyRivergavetwoshitsonewayortheotherabouthim.
“Youeverfeltliketheworldisjustfixin’todissolveunderyourboots?”Becausehedid Hedidn’tknowwhatthefuckto do.
“Dearboy.”Riverreachedupandpushedsomehairfromhisforehead.Suchastrangelytendertouch.“I’msorrythingsare sohardforyou Whydon’twetalkoverbreakfast?MaybeIcanhelp”Riversaidthatsoeasily,likeeverythingwasfixable
“That’s sweet. I’mhappyto chatwithyou.” Thatdidn’tcosta thing, and River’d beenkind as all getout. “Idon’teven knowwhereIam,inthegrandschemeofthings ThankGodforGooglemaps,huh?”
“Thisisawonderfulcitytoexplorewhenyou’refeelinguptoit.”Riversteppedbackandnodded,seemingsatisfiedwith hiswork “There That’smuchbetter Maybetomorrow,we’llfigureouthowtogetyouinabathorashower Areyoufeeling moresteady?”
“I am, thanks.” That was relative, he supposed, but he’d just keep onkeepingonuntil he had a plan. He still couldn’t believeithadonlytakenafewdaysbeforeSamwasdonewithhim
“Icould use some coffee and eggs. Interested?” River picked up his gross T-shirtand tossed itinto a washingmachine alongwiththewashcloth,thencamebackforhim “Leanifyouneedto”
“Thanks.I’doffertohelp,butIcain’tcookathing.”HelivedoffPop-Tartsandbeanburritos,withtheperiodictamaleor burger.Hewasallninety-ninecentbagdinners,alltheway.Madeforbettersavings.
“You’d be more helpful withhands.” River chuckled. “Sit. I’ll getyousome ice and your meds.” River started bustling, settinganicepackbeneathhishands-bandwrappingtheminatowel,thengivinghimhismedsandsomewaterwithastraw.
“Scrambled?Fried?Howdoyoulikeyourbacon?”
Therewasawaytolikebacon?“Howeveryou’rehavingyourswillbegreat.”
Really,heneededcoffee Caffeine Clarity
Rivernoddedandstartedcoffee,crackedeggsandputbaconintheovenwithoutsayingmuch,justlettinghimbe.Acupof coffeeinatravelmuglandedonthecounter
“Thankyou,sir.”Heleaneddownandbreathedinthebitter,darkscent,lettingitfillhimuptothebrim.“Goodcoffee.”
“Thankyou I’ma bit ofa coffee snob Ithinkyoucanmanage that mugwithout spilling” River unwrapped his hands “Giveitashot.”
Hell,theshockbetweentheiceandtheheatwasenoughtohavehimspringingwood,forfuck’ssake.Hebroughtthemugto hislipsanddrankdeep,lovingtheburnasitcrawleddownintohisbelly
“Thereyougo.Excellent.”Riverservedupeggsandcrispybaconandjoinedhimonastool.“Mm.Breakfast.Or,Iguess thisismorelikelatelunch Weslepthalftheday”
“Ireallyappreciateallthehelp.Itsuckstobesuchagiantpainintheass.”
“I’ll admitthis wasn’thow Iexpectedmyweekendto end, butIcanappreciate thatlife is interesting” River grinned at him.“You’reactuallyatinypainintheass.”
He snorted, because he usually caught rather than pitched, but that wasn’t public knowledge. “Yeah, I ain’t the biggest motheroutthere,that’sforsure”
EvenSamwasmoresolidthanhewas,eventhoughhehadacouplemoreinchesinheight.
Riverhelpedhimgetholdofafork “Eat Ihavequestionsyoudon’twanttoansweronanemptystomach”
“Yessir.”Hescoopedupabiteofeggs,andtheyweregood.Eggscouldendupnasty nothingsalsacouldn’tfix,butthese didn’tevenneedsalt.
“Goodboy.”Riverdugintohisbreakfastandatewell,finishingoffafewslicesofbaconandsippingcoffeebetweenbites. Hedidn’tseemasbigthismorning tallandbroad-shouldered,solidbutnotthebruiserhe’dseemedlastnight.
Ormaybehejustdidn’tfeelastiny Whothefuckknew?
HedidknowRiverwaskindertohimthanhedeserved.
“Okay,firsthardquestion Iknowalittleaboutyou,Kacey Iknowyou’reinNewYorkbecauseyouran,andIknowyou can’tgohome.Iunderstandonabasiclevel why.ButIneedalittlemoredetail.Ineedtoknow ifthosepeoplearegoingto stayinTexasorifyouthinkthey’recomingafteryou.”
“Noone’scomingafter me.”Noonecarednow.He’dbeendrivenoff,strippedofeverything,andbasicallymarkedasa traitor.Hedidn’texistanymoretotherodeolife.Hehadbeenerased.
“Okay”River coveredoneofhisbruisedandstitched-uphands withhis own,thetouchwarmandlighter thanhewould haveexpected.“Good.Soyou’resafe,andit’saboutmovingforwardthen.”
Hedidn’tevenknowwhattosayaboutthat,tobehonest Hedidn’tknowwhereforward was “Don’tworry.This is a one-day-at-a-time thing,Kacey.Let’s justgetthroughtoday,okay? You’ve gota lotofhealingto do.”Riverrefilledhiscoffeeandtoppedoffhisown.
“I’msorry IfeellikeI’mdisruptingshit,andIdon’tknowwhattodo”
“Youare,boy.ButI’mnotsureImind.”Riverputmoreeggsonhisplate.“Eat.That’sallyouneedtodorightnow.” He didn’tknow whyRiver calledhim,“boy” Itdidn’tsoundmeanor dismissive like whena copcalledhimthat,butit wasn’tnormal,either.
Sam’sguyhadcalledhimthat,though MaybeitwasaNewYorkthing? “Notknowingwhattodoisaterriblefeeling,Iknow.Sohow aboutthis?You’rewelcometostayhere.Forthenextfew days,you’regoingtosleepalot,eatwell,andtrytoletyourselfrelax.That’syourjob.Getyourselfwhole.”
“Whyareyoubeingnicetome?Imean,Iappreciateit,but isitbecauseyouknowSam?”
“Actually,no.I’mdoingafavorforThomas,whoneedssometimewithhisboy.Kacey,youhavenowhereelsetogo,and I’mnotthekindofmantothrowsomeonedownontheirluckoutonthestreet”
“I’ll payyouback, Iswear.” Itmightnotbe withmoney, butatsome point, River would need somethinghe could give. Someday
“Thatwon’tbenecessary.Idon’twantyoutofeellikeyouowemeanything.Doingsomethingforsomeoneelseisitsown reward…orsoIhear.”Rivergrinned.“Youateallyoureggs.”
“Theyweregood Very Didn’tneedsalteven”Hewasn’tsurehowthathappened,butitwastrue
“Allright.Iwantyoutotakethaticeandthattowelforyourhandsandgosinkintomyamazingcouch,putyourfeetupand watchsomeTVforawhile I’msureyoucanfigureouttheremote;it’sonthecoffeetable”
“Whataboutyou?”Hedidn’twanttorunRiveroutofhisfrontroom.Thatwasbitchy…
“Whataboutme?It’sabigcouch;I’lljoinyouinabit.Ineedtocleanupherefirst.”Riverwassorelaxeditwashardnot towanttobelievethiswasallokay.
“Okay.Ifyouneedsomething,holler.”HisheadthrobbedenoughthathewasgoingtojusttakeRiveruponhisoffer.
Doinga favor for Thomas? This had gone well beyond a simple favor and notbecause Thomas had asked for more This situationwasentirelyRiver’sdoing.
He had anadorable, deeplybrokenboydozingonhis couchwho’d done everysingle thinghe’d asked since lastnight, neverquestionedhim,andtrustedhimagainandagainmoreorlessunconditionally.
Whathehadwasasub.NotthatKaceyknewthat.Notthathe’dwantthatifheunderstood,whichheclearlydidn’t.Kacey hadnounderstandingofSam’srelationshipwithThomas.
Itdidn’tchangethetruthofitthough.Kaceycalledtohim,andhefeltthesameway.
Hefeltachemistry,apull
Hepouredhimselfanothercupofcoffee,wonderingwhatthehellhethoughthecoulddoforthisboy.Really.He’dnever hadalive-insub,andhecertainlynevertriedtoconvinceanyonethattheyshouldbeone,letalonebehis Hewasn’tevensure yetifhewasreadyforthateither.
Hehadsomethingincommonwiththeboythatway.Hehadnoideawhathewasdoing.None.
Hegrabbedhisphoneandheadedforhisoffice
Noel He’dcall Noel Godknew hisbestfriendandmentorknew about live-insubs.TysonhadlivedwithNoelforaslongashe’dknownhim,andtogetherthosetwowere…stunning.
Theywerepassionateandexplosiveandhilarious,alittleflamboyant,andtotallyinlove
That said, there was no question whatsoever what their relationship was, or what the power dynamic was. It was a beautifulthingtosee,ifatouchoverwhelming
Likebeinginthemiddleofatornado.
Heclosedhisofficedoorandmadethecallonspeaker.
“’lo?”
“Tyson.Youshouldn’tbeansweringyourMaster’sphone.”
“Oh,isithis?Ijustgrabbed Howareyou,myfavoriteRiver?”Someonewasinfineform
How was he doing? He wasn’tsure,butdidhe wanttotell Tysonthe truthanyway? “Iamwell.I’mlookingforwardto seeingyoubothnextmonth AreyoureadyforyourtriptotheBigApple?”
“OhmyGod!”Theshriekhadhimpullingthephonefromhisear.“Isoam.Webothmissyoulikedeath,andwewantto seeeverythingandhugyourfaceandmeetallyournewfriends!”
Hisfriendsweren’tnew,butusuallyhewenttoNew MexicotoseeNoel andTyson,rather thanaskingthemtomakethe trip.Tysondidlovetotravelthough.“It’llbeagoodtime.MasterNoelisgoingtobecrosswithmeforgettingyouallwound up Wouldyouputhimon?It’sgoodtohearyourvoice,boy” “Imissyoutoo.Somuch.Holdon,Sir.”Therewasapauseandthen,“Master!River’sonthephone!”
“Whydidyouhavemyphone,boy?You’renotallowedonTikTokforanothertwodays!”
Helaughedoutloud.ThatwasTysontiptotoe,andNoelwasgoingtohaveentirelytoomuchfunpunishinghim.Again. “Hey,River.Howgoes?How’sthebigcitytreatingyou?”Noel’svoicealwaysremindedhimoftwohugestonesgrinding together
“Hello,Noel.Ihavebeenperfectlycomfortable,andahundredpercentsatisfieduntillastnight.”Somehowhewasneither
thismorning.
“Uh-oh.What’sup?Boy,makemeacoffee.Now.”
“Do youwant it like normal or one of your fancyespressos withthe frothand stuff?” Tysondidn’t sound the least bit contrite.
“Thefancyone Takeyourtime”HecouldhearTysonheadoutside “Talktome”
“God, I don’t know where to start.” He thought for a second. “Thomas, a veryaccomplished friend of mine, has a sub whose friend appeared on their doorstep the other day Suffice to say that he caused enough chaos that I took this kid off Thomas’shandsjusttoseparatethesubsandgiveThomasandhisboyalittleprivacy.”
“Oh,man.IsheonhisownbecauseheandhisDomlosteachother?”Thatwasadelicatewayofaskingifsomeonehad died Noelcouldbesooddthatway
“No.Thankfullyno.ButhewasoutedatarodeosomewhereinTexas,Ithink,andthisiswhereheran.He’sinbadshape, notmadebetterbythebenderhetookThomas’sboyonlastnight WespenthalfthenightintheER”
“Oh,man.Acowboy,huh?Orjustaspectator?Eitherway,you’reawaysfromTexas.”HecouldseeNoeltakehisglasses offinhismind’seye,rubthebridgeofhisnose “So,that’snottheendofit,Iknow”
“No.That’sjustthebeginning.Now Ihaveabroken,lonely,beat-to-hell boysleepingonmycouchwhotrustsmefor no reason,andwhoisreallyquite…lovely.”
“Ah”Noelchuckledsoftly “It’sheady,isn’tit?Whenyoudiscoverthat,andit’sasurprise?”
“It’sdizzying.I’veknownthisboylessthantwenty-fourhours.Iknownothingabouthimotherthanhe…everythingabout him ” Even his hair, his eyes, the way he looks at me like I’m from another world Jesus, what was wrongwithhim? “Everythingjustdrawsmein.”
“Listen,I’msupposedtowarnyou,tellyoutobecareful,butI’mnotthatman.Ibelieveinshitlikefateandforeverandthat magicfuckingmomentwhenyou’rehandedsomethingyouweren’tlookingfor.”Noelchuckledsoftly,thesoundsettlinginhis bellylikeanoldsongthatalwaysmadehimsmile.Noel’senergywasalightningstorm,adustdevilthatpoppedup,sweeping everythingaway,andthenleftitscouredalittle “Sometimesyoujump Sometimesit’sahugemistake,butthetimesit’snot? Fuck,River.That’swhywe’rehere.”
“Shutup”Hechuckled “Idon’tthinkheevenknowswhatasubis Hesuredoesn’tknowhisfriendisone WhatdoIdo withhim,Noel?WhatifhethinksI’m…twisted?”Hesighed.Thatword, twisted,thatwasthereasonhe’dleftforNewYork attwenty-three.Hewasdonescaringpeoplehewastryingtotakecareof.
“Whatifhedoes?Lethimshowyouwhatheneeds.Youknowhewill.Ifit’sreal,it’salittletwistedup.”Noelmurmured histhankstoTysonalongwithanordertogosweepthefrontporch.“Imean,I’malittlejealous.Beginningsareexciting.Well, myboyisexcitingandchallenging,andourbeginningwasanuclearexplosion,butyougetmydrift”
“That’s not a drift, Noel. That’s more like a riptide.” Sure, beginnings were exciting. And excruciating. And often incrediblydisappointingbecausetheyimpliedendings “Lethimshowmewhatheneeds?He’sfragile Idon’twanttofuckthis up.He’sjustnowhererightnow.Hehasnothing.”
“No,hehasyou.”
Thewordsdroppedlikeweightsontohispsyche Rivertookabreathandletitoutslowly.Noelwasright.Thisiswhathewasherefor. “Ihateyou”
“Iknow.Iloveyoutoo.Ican’twaittomeethim.”
“Ifhe’sstillhere,youwill Thankyou Seeyouinamonth”Heneededtogocheckonhisboy He hungup the phone, breathing, inand out, fillinghis lungs and emptyingthemtotally. Noel had always had a wayof cuttingthroughtheconfusionforhimandshiningalightsohecouldsee.Onewayoranother,Kaceyneededhim.Kaceywas his Itdidn’tmatterwhatthefuturelookedlike;rightnow,itwasallaboutmakingituntiltomorrow
aceysleptandslept,buteventuallyhisownstenchwokehimup,andhemadehiswaydowntothebathroom,intendingto takehimselfashower.Heneededtogetthebloodoff,thesweatandthesmellofhospital.
Thewalkdownthehallinthepre-dawnwaslong,alittleunnerving,buthemanageditandtookaminutetositonthetoilet ashewaitedtocatchhisbreathbeforeheturnedonthelights,figuredoutwherethebathtowelswere. Now,thefancyshower.
God,hehopedhedidn’tfuckitup.Hejustwantedtosoak.
Hegotthewaterrunning,anditevengotwarm,buthehadn’tmanagedtogethisshirtoffwhentherewasaknockonthe door
“Everythingokay?”River’svoicecamethroughthedoor.
“I’mtryingtogetclean Istinklikespoiledcabbage”Andheneededtofigureouthowtomanageit “Doyouneedhelp?Or…maybeyou’dratherhaveabath?Ihaveatubinthemasterbedroom.” “Idon’tknowhowI’dgetout…”Buthelovedtheideaofsoakinginhotwater.
“I’llgetyouout Shutthewateroffandgrabatowel I’veseenplentyofbareasses,yoursisn’tgoingtoscareme I’llgo startthewater.Youshuffleonover.”Itdidn’tsoundlikeRiverwastakingnoforananswer,andhewasn’tsurehewantedto saynoanyway
“Okay.”Hechuckledunderhisbreath.“Maybemyassismagical.Youdon’tknow.”
TherewasalongsilenceontheothersideofthedoorandthenRiversaid,“I’mgoingtostartthewater” Oh.Oops.Hehadn’tthoughtRiverwouldactuallyhearhim.
Himandhismagicalass.
Lordhavemercy
Kaceyturnedoffthewaterandfoundatowel,thenheadedout,followingthewaytothelit-updoor,still chucklingunder hisbreath
“Howareyoufeelingtoday?You’rewalkingmuchbetter.”Riverwassittingontheedgeofabig,deeptub,onehandunder therunningwaterandhisbacktothedoor
“Islepthard.Ihavetotellyou,Imightlive.Maybe.”Hewasn’tsurewhattodo,buthedidlovethebroadlineofRiver’s shoulders.Pretty,pretty.
“Good Ilikeyoualive Andifyoucan’tsleephere,you’ll neversleepanywhere Everyonewhostaysintheguestroom tellsmeit’samazing.”Rivergotupandmovedawayfromthetub.“Youshouldgetin.I’mnotsurehow deepyoulikeit,but it’sabigtub”
“It’scool.”Hesteppedtotheedgeandwiggledhissweatsoff.“CanyouhelpwithmyT-shirt?”
“Ofcourse.”Rivertookholdofthehemofhisshirtandworkeditupslowly,slippingitcarefullyoffonearmandthenthe next.“Jesus,youareonebigbruise.Youthinkthistapeonyourribswillsurvivethebath,orshouldItakeitoff?”
“Just take it off, I guess. It’s there to help the pain. It’s not doing anything else.” He was used to busted ribs, thank goodness
“Allright.IthinkIhaveafirstaidkitwiththoseweirdscissors.”Riverreachedunderthevanityandcameupwiththekit,
foundthescissors,andstartedtocutthetapeloose.“I’msurethishurts.Justbreathe.”
“Uh-huh.”Riverwasveryintobreathing.Maybeitwasayogathing.Samdidyoga.Atleasthecouldstandonhisheadfor alongtime
Hehissedwhenthewraploosened.Dammit.
“Sorry” River gotitoffand dropped itinthe trash, thenwhistled softly “Idon’tthinkI’ve ever seenbruisinglike that Damn.You’reanexpertatgettingyourasskicked.”
“It’saskill”Hedidn’twink,becausehiseyeswereprettydamnswollenrightnow,buthediditmentally Riversnorted.“Sweatsoff;let’sgetyourmagicalassintothetub.”
“That’sme.MagicalAssKacey.”Hewantedtowigglehisbutt,buttherewasnoway.Notrightnow.
HestrippedwithRiver’shelpandpretendedthatwasn’tweird Hepretendeditwasn’tweirdtogethelpintothebathtub too,andthatwasworthit.Thewaterwaswarm,andthetubwasroomy.Hecouldtakeanothernaprighthere.
“Yousoak”Rivertookafewstepsback “I’llstartsomecoffee Icanhelpwithyourhairwhenyou’reready”
“Thanks.Iain’tavirgin.Ibeennakedinfrontoffolksbefore.”Cowboysweregoodatnaked,actually.“Imean,I’mjust saying,I’mnotwigged” Justtired.
River snorted. “Good. I’mnotwigged either;I’mrather experienced withnaked bodies. Ijustkeep tryingto judge how muchprivacyyouneed”
“IjusthopeIdon’tfartandmakebubblesinthetub.”Thatwouldbeembarrassing.
“Ha!”Riverlaughed,thisbig,happysoundthatechoedagainstthetileinthebathroom “Thebroodycowboymakesjokes” “Don’ttellnoone.You’llruinmynew,shinyreputation.”
“Okay.”Riverleanedagainstthedoorframe,crossinghisarmsoverthatbroadchest.“Butisthatthereputationyouwant?” “Huh?”He’djustbeenmakingajoke.Hedidn’thaveanyreputationthathewantedtokeep.
“Iknowthatwasaflippantjoke,butIwasjustcurious.You’restartingover.Yourbrand-newshinyreputationiswhatever youwantittobe”
He shookhis head. He didn’thave anyone to be. He didn’tknow who to be, notnow, buthe couldn’tadmitthatto this prettyman
“Don’tworry,youdon’tneedtoknowanythinganytimesoon.It’sjustsomethingtothinkabout.”
“Yeah.”God,heneededto…dosomething.Somehow.Buthewassofuckingunderwateritwasn’tfunny.
“You’regoingtofeellikeanewmanafteryourbath.Ilovethattub.It’smysanctuary.”Riverflippedaswitch,andhewas surroundedbysoftlighting.
“Oh ”Itwassofine,somuchfun Hecaughthimselfwithtearsinhiseyes,andheduckedunderthewaterabittohideit “Nice,right?Itcanchangecolorsifyouwantitto,butIalwaysfeellikethat’sabitmuch.There’smusictooifyouwant it”
“Wow.Ibetyouspendhoursinhere.”Hewould.He’djustfloatandreadandjackoffandsleep. River chuckled. “Betweenyouand me, it’s more thanIprobablyshould. I’mtellingyou, it’s a spiritual experience, that tub”
ThenRiverpushedabuttonandthejetsstarted,andKaceymelted.“Oh,fuckme…” “Ifthat’stoostrong,Icaneaseupalittle”HefeltRiver’seyesonhim,watchinghim “Butyoulooklikeyou’reenjoying it.”
“Uhn”Thatwasayes Hopefully,itwasclear “Good.I’llleaveyoutomeltforabit.”Riverturnedonsomemusic ninetiesalternativehethought,butitwasn’ttotally clearoverthesoundofthejets.”I’llcomebackbeforeyougetpruney.”
“Thanks,man”Thiswaslikeheaven Heclosedhiseyesandlethimselffloat God,whatwashegoingtodo?Heneededtomakeaplan,buthejustwasn’tsurewheretogo.Cowboycountrywasout. Therumorwasoutthathewasnasty,thatheforcedhimselfonotherguys Hedidn’thavealotofskillsthatweren’tinvolved inridingabull.Maybehecouldgetajobsweepingfloors. Orskydiving
Possiblyhecouldbecomeaninfluencer. Hestartedchucklingandshakinghishead.Yeah,thatwasit at-loser-cowboy. HewasfloatingmentallywhenRivercamebackforhim,thejetsshuttingoffwakinghimslightly “I’mjustgoingtowash thiswildhair,Kacey,okay?”
Hedidn’tgetachancetosayyesorno River’sfingersdoveintohishair,massaginghisscalpandthescentofshampoo filledhisnostrils.
Hislipspartedashetriedtorememberhowtobreathe,triedhisbestnottocry. “Mm.Goodboy.Doesthatfeelgood?”River’svoicewaseverywhere,enhancedbythetub. Hetriedtoanswer,buthecouldn’ttalkpastthelumpinhisthroat,sohejustnodded.
WarmwaterwashedoverhisheadasRiverrinsedtheshampooaway.“You’rebrand-newnow,Kacey.Juststartingover. I’mhereforyou.”
Please don’t be nice to me Please Cowboys don’t cry Please just go away, because I don’t know how to feel this ButRiverdidn’tstop,andhedidn’tgoaway.Hestayed,andstronghandshelpedKaceyoutofthetubandwrappedhimin abig,softtowel “You’rewelcomehere Thiscanbeyourhomeforaslongasyouneed Aslongasyouwant” “Whyareyoubeingthisway?Iain’tdonenothingtodeserveit!”
Riverbenttolookhimintheeye “Youdidn’tdoanythingtodeservebeingrunoutofyourhomeeither”
Hehadn’t.Hehadn’tdonewhatMitchhadsaidhe’ddone.“Ididn’tdowhattheysaid.IsweartoGod.Iain’tasaint,butI ain’tmean.”
Kaceysworehewasgoingtoshakeapart Riverpulledhiminclose,armsthatfeltliketreetrunkswrappingaroundhim,supportinghisweight.“Ibelieveyou.You’re agoodboy”
“Iwouldn’tnevermakeamanbewithmeunwilling.Iswear,Ithought ”He’dthoughtitwaslove. Well,ifitwas,hedidn’twantnoneofit Ithurt
“Oh,Kacey.Ididn’tknowthatwas I’msosorry.Ofcourseyouwouldn’t.Iknow.”Riverliftedhimrightoffhisfeetand sethimdownonabed ahugebed.“Peopleherewillunderstandyou,boy.Ipromise.Iunderstandyou.”
“Iain’tbad!Isweartoyou,I Iwouldn’tdoit”Nowthatthedamwascrackingopen,hecouldn’tseemtostopit,toshut up.
“Iknow Ibelieveyou,boy”RiverpoppedaT-shirtoverhishead Thesuddenshockofthejoltofpainfrommoving,the snugholdoftheshirt,andthewarmthlethimstop.
“That’sagoodboy.I’mlisteningifyouwanttotalk.HowaboutIpoursomecoffee?”Riverhandedhimsomesweats. Why do you call me boy? Hewantedtoask,buthewasafraidtohearanyofthewordsthatmightfalloutofhimafter. “Iknowyou’rereadytorelaxafterthatbath.Areyouhungry?”Riverfussedoverhim,madesurehewasdressed,andthen pickeduphislaundry
“Thankyou.Yessir,please.Imean,Icanbuyusapizza?”Thatwasgood,right?
“Youwantpizza?What’syourfavorite?NewYorkpizzaisthebestanywhere”Rivertookhishandsandlookedthemover “Theswellingiswaydown.That’sgreat.”
“Ilikepizza.”Hejustlikedallofit pepperoni,veggie,sausage,cheese,deluxe.“What’syourfavorite?” “Hm. Pepperoni, mushroom, maybe blackolives. Sometimes anchovies. Sausage.” River laughed. “Ijustlike pizza too. Comeon,let’sorderdeliveryandfloponmycomfycouch.”
“Thankyou”Hedidn’tunderstand,buthedidn’tknowwhatelsetodo “You’re welcome.” River finger-combed his damp hair, then took his hand as they left the bedroom. “And save your pennies;thepizzaisonme”
Kaceylooked evenyounger all cleaned up As it turned out, his hair was blond, not muddybrown, and a lot ofwhat he thoughtwerebruiseswasactuallysmearedblood.Notthattheboywasn’tbeatup,hejustlooked…morehuman.
Somegoodrest,abath,andcomfortfoodhadbeengoodforKacey,andgoodforRivertooinaway He’dhadalittletime tothink,andtotakethingsslow.
Kaceywasinandout.He’dbeawakeforawhile,thendozeoff.He’dreallylikedthepizza,butassoonasRiverturnedon theTV,theboywasout.
EverytimeKaceyfloatedoff,theboycuddledin,drawntohimlikeamagnet.Thenhewouldwakehimselfup,blink,and easeaway
Thatwas all right. Eventually, the boywould stop fightingwhathe alreadyunderstood onsome level thatRiver was goodforhim ThatRiverwouldkeephimsafe ThatRivercouldgivehimwhatheneeded. AndRivercouldbepatient.
Hisshoulderwasstiff,andhisarmwasasleep,buthe’dbedamnedifhewasmovingrightnow Kaceysighedsoftlyand stretched,pushingagainsthimcloseenoughthathecouldfeelthebrushofthoselongeyelashes.
HepressedakisstoKacey’sforehead Itwasreflexive,andhedidn’tlethimselfoverthinkit Riverwashappytoholdthe boy, soothe him, keep him calm so he could heal. He still wasn’t convinced that Kacey would stay once he was healed physically,sothestrongerthistrusthewasbuildingcouldbethebetter Kaceywokeup,pullingawaywithamoan.“God,I’msorry.Ikeepbeingadork.TellmeI’mnotdroolingonyou.” Riverputahandonhisshoulder.“Kacey.Don’tapologize.Youneedtherest,andIpromisedyouthetimetodoit.” “Yeah,butit’sa Imean it’salittlesuper-friendly”Kaceysmiledathim,vulnerabilitypouringoffhiminwaves “Iamyourfriend,Kacey,”hesaidseriously.“AndIwanttotakecareofyou.”
“But ” Kacey searched his eyes, brows drawing down as if River was doing something dangerous “I haven’t done anythingtodeserveit.EvenSam’smadatme…”
“Ifwe onlyever helped people thatdeserved it, none ofus would ever gethelp fromanyone” River slid closer onthe couch.“Samis upsetbecauseyoudraggedhimintoafighthedidn’twant.Butheunderstands why.Beingmaddoesn’tmake younotfriends,andyou’llgetyourchancetoapologize.”
“Ihopeso I’mrealsorryhegothurt”
NotthatKaceywassorryforfightingorinsultingthebikers.Orputtinghimselfindanger,beingunsafe,drinkingtoomuch, beingreckless
JustthatSamgothurt.
Kacey’stotallackofself-respectwasaproblemtheyweregoingtohavetoworkon. Notthathehadthefirstfuckingideahow.
“Hegothurtbecauseofyour impaireddecision-making,Kacey.Becauseofarecklessdisregardfor your ownhealthand safety You’regoingtohavetogivethatsomethought”
Kaceynoddedandsighedsoftly.“Yeah,Ihearyou.Noreasontodraganyoneintohellwithme.Iwasmadashell.Stillam,
Iguess.”
“Thereisnoreasonforyoutodiveheadfirstintohelleither.None.Youdon’tdeservepunishment,you’renotafuckup,and you’renotoutofoptions”
Nowtheexpressionwassheershock.“Howdid Howdidyou DidItalkinmysleep?”
EvenifKaceyhadn’tsaidaword,itdidn’ttakemuchtoextrapolatethereasonsbehindtheboy’sactions Self-destructive behaviorwaswhatitwas,andhe’dseenitmanytimesbefore.Hell,he’dbeentherehimselfforawhile.
“Ipayattention”Andhisbathtubreallywasawondrousplace
“Igottogetbetteratthatcowboying-upthing,huh?”Hegotawinkwithpinkcheeks.
“No.No,Kacey.Justtheopposite.Youneedtogetbetteratbeinghonestwithyourfeelings.Attrusting.Youneedtoforget theculturethatmakesyoucloseitallupandletitoutinstead Therearetimeswhencontrollingyouremotionsisappropriate, ofcourse,butthisisn’toneofthem.”HewantedalltherawhonestyKaceywouldgivehim.
“That’snothowIwastaught Notabit”
Hehummedhisdisapproval.“Howfarhasthatinstructiongottenyou?Howwellhasitservedyou,boy?Allthistime.Isit helpingyou?”
Kaceywouldn’tmeethis eyes. “Idon’tknow. Hell, Iamso fuckingfull ofnotknowingthatit’s stupid. Idon’tknow a goddamnthingthatIusedtoknow.IthoughtIwasokay,rightupuntilIwasn’t,andwhythehellareyoucallingmeboy?”
“Doesitbotheryou?”He’dratheravoidadirectanswerforthemoment “No.Youaren’tbeingmean.Icantell.It’sjustweird.”
“Notinmyworld,it’snot Fornow,justknowthatit’smeantaffectionately,andit’sareminderthatIwanttohelpyouon yourjourney.ThomascallsSam‘boy’aswell.Ipromiseit’smeantrespectfully.”
Whatacanofworms.Maybeheshouldbemorecareful,becausehewasn’treadytodivetoodeepwithKaceyyet. “Yeah.They’re…intense,butSamsuredoeslovehim.”
“Yes,indeed.ThomaswouldmoveheavenandearthforSam,too.”He’dneverknownacouplemoredevotedtoeachother lovers,Domandsub,bestfriends Itwassomethingtoaspireto “Yeah.Sam’sgothisshittogether.”Kaceytookadeepbreathandletitout.“SometimesIthink ” Kaceystoppedhimselfwithawrylittlechuckle,thenshookhishead “Finishyourthought,boy.Honesty,remember?Theseconversationsstaybetweenus,Ipromise.”
Kaceyshookhishead,bodyrockingtheslightestbit,asiftherewasmusicplayingsomewhereandKaceysimplycouldn’t staystill.“IjustwonderifIshouldn’thavebeensomeoneelse.Someonenotborntomakeonestupiddecisionafteranother.”
“Youknow.”HetookKacey’shandinbothofhis.Kaceyalreadywassomeoneelse.Hewasout,hewasinNewYork,he wastryingtofigureitout “Haveyoueverconsideredthatnoneofthisisyourfault?You’vebeentryingtobewhoyouwere taughttobe,andyouweredroppedintocircumstancesbeyondyourcontrol.Maybeyouneedtotakesometimetofigurewho youreallyarenowthatyoucanmakethosedecisionsforyourself”
“Idon’t…I’msorry,man.Idon’tunderstand.I’venever beenanythingelsebutwhoIam…Itrytobebetter,butIdon’t knowhowtobeanythingbutamarginalbullrider.”
“Okay That’sall right You’ll understandbetter withtime,andasweworktogether Icanteachyoutobemorethanyou canimagine.”ThatwascrypticenoughthatitshouldpromptKaceytowonder,maybeeventuallyasksomequestions.
“Rightnow,myimaginatorisbroke-dick”ThatmadeKaceychucklesoftlyandstraighten “Butifyougivemeabit,it’ll startbackup.”Thenhegotaheadtilt.“Areyoulikealifecoach?Ican’tseeSambeingfriendswithacultleader,andIain’t gotenoughmoneytobea-a-a-member”
He laughed. Someone who didn’tknow better mightcall SinDeep a cult, butitwas a club membership was voluntary andincrediblycheapforsubs.“I’mreallyjustanobodywithmoneyandtoomuchtimeonmyhands.ButIhaveaninterestin somethinglikelifecoaching,yes” Just a lot sexier and with orgasms HeinstantlyregrettedeventhinkingthatbecauseKacey wasalreadymakinghisballsheavy.HecouldjackofftotheimageofKaceyinhisbathtubfordays.
Heprobablywould
“Gooddeal.You’rehandsomeandeasytotalkto.”Kaceysqueezedhishands.“Ibetyoudofine,coaching.Igotfaith.”
Faith Hewas luckyheevenheardthat He’dalmoststoppedlisteningafter Kaceycalledhimhandsome “Ihavefaithin youtoo,Kacey.”
“Somebody’sgotto,right?”Kaceysmiledathim,andtherewasaheaviness,thisageinhisgaze.“Iappreciatethis,andI sweartoyou,I’mtryingtomakethingsright”
“Whatdoesthatmean?Makethingsright?Makewhatright?”
“Everything Ican’tthinkofasolitarythingItouchedthatIain’tbroke,’ceptforyou,andI’veonlyknownyoutwodays” Everythingwastoobig;Kaceywasgoingtomakehimselfcrazy.“Myguessisthatthereareveryfewthingsyoureallyneed tospendyourtimeonfixing,andtherestyoujusthavetoletgoof.SamandThomas,maybeMikeatthebar…doyoureally careaboutfixingtherestofit?”
Kacey’slipsparted,thentherewasthetiniestshakeofhishead,likehecouldn’tbelievehe’ddoneit.
