Redemption: dark romance jordyn ellery 2024 scribd download
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Favorite Mistake: a Small Town Romance (Redemption Book 8) Jessica Prince https://ebookmass.com/product/favorite-mistake-a-small-townromance-redemption-book-8-jessica-prince/ The Club Ellery Lloyd
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Trigger Warnings for this book are as follows: graphic violence, profanity, sexual violence, kidnapping, torture, suicide, graphic sexual scenes, choking, breath play, mental health issues, eating disorders, fertility issues, death, gun violence, war, physical health issues, trauma, bound, gas lighting, family trauma, drugs, alcohol, addiction, cheating, mental abuse, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, PD, self harm, grief.
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For those who dream of a knight in shining armor rescuing them from the confines of a castle. Except our knight is muscular, masked and fucks like a God.
Tothefam–asalways,thankyousomuchforyourcontinuoussupportandhavingfaithinmeeventhoughmybooks are notsafe toleave lying around children.I appreciate every one ofyou whohave purchased a copy ofmy books and I hopeIcontinuetoimpressyou!
Tomytwinflame–wherewouldIevenbewithmynumberonehypewoman?Courtney,you’velistenedandworked with me tofigure outthe star signs for every single character in the Billy Boys universe,looked atevery pinterestboard I’ve sent you and listened to numerous readings of my WIP I think you deserve at least a few bottles of wine on me–minimum Thankyouforalwaysbeingthere x
TomyamazingJellySquad,yougirlsareamazing!Yousupportmeineverywayandhonestlyyouguyshavebeenmy rock, thank you Each ofyou have been incredible and keepme motivated in the bestways possible You allwillalways holdaspecialplaceinmyheart.x
To my magnificent street team, it’s been an absolute pleasure having your continuous support with all things social media!Literally,somanyreaderswouldn’tknowaboutlittleoldmeandmybooksifitwasn’tforyouguys!Thankyou!x
TomyphenomenalARCreaders,yourrolehasbeensosignificantinmyjourneyandpushmetocontinuedoingwhatI do.Being able tosee your reactions,tosee your reviews and ratings is one ofmy mostfavorite parts ofbeing an author. Thankyousomuchtoeverysingleoneofyou!
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Thereissevenafterall
I place the towel around Gemini to give her some warmth whilstplacing each of the kittens closer to her, she looks exhausted Imean,Icouldn’timaginegivingbirthtoone,letaloneseven Igentlystrokeherheadandpullherwaterbowlcloserassherubsherearsintothepalmofmyhand,closinghereyes “OhGemini,you’reamommanow”IpursemylipsandstareatthekittensinadorationasGeminibeginstolickthem cleanoftheirbirthingcoat
It’s her firstlitter, which happened completely accidentally, she seems to have a better luck with love than I do.The apartmentdooropensandIglanceuptoseeFelicitywaltzingin,shoppingbagsintow.
“You’re a little late, Fizzy.” I gesture to the kittens that are now suckling on Gemini. She crouches down and gives Geminialittlepatontheheadandthenlooksbackupatme.
“Itwentas wellas itcould have I suppose,I mean I don’tthink either ofus expected seven ofthem,butshe powered throughlikethetoughkittysheis.”Ismiledownather.
“Iseenthead,and you know how IfeelaboutIndieThorne,she’s likemy idol,soIkind ofjustswung by,offered my servicesandsheliterallyofferedmethejobonthespot!”Sheclapsherhandstogetherwithdelight “You’rejoking?”Myjawisdroppedopen “Nope.”shesays,poppingtheP.
“You are the luckiest girl ever Fizz, I’ve never known anyone strike it as lucky as you have it.” I shake my head, laughingandjoiningheronthecouch.
“Maybe so,butyou’ve stilllanded an internshipwith thatagency,I’ve heard some ofthe bestpilots work there.Hm, maybethey’recutetoo?”Irollmyeyesandpickupthepurpledaisypillowfrombehindmeandthrowitatherface. Becauseofourcloseproximity,shehasnotimetododgesoithitsherexactlywhereIwanteditto.
As I’ve just found out, Fizzy has a new job working for a prestige ballet company and I, well I’m about to begin my officialpilottrainingwithTitanAgency,butatthemomentI’mnotdoinganything.
Most of our furniture was already here when we moved in, except our accessories and the TV. We replaced the mattresses as the old ones looked like someone had died in them (they probably had).The kitchen is definitely the same kitchenthathasbeenheresincetheeighties,butwetriedtorunwithit.We’veaddedalotofbohostyledecor,tomakeitall blendinandlookentirelyintentional,somethingoutofaninteriordesignmagazine Or,that’swhatItellmyselfanyways
The real selling point for me was the tiny terrace outside of my bedroom, connected with large glass double doors, single-glazed ofcourse This meantthatIwas abletokeepmy plants alive,giving themtheperfectspottoflourish under thesunlight Ihavealotofindoorplantstoo,butitwouldn’tbethesameifIcouldn’tkeepmyheliotropesorhibiscus’ My goalfortheendoftheyearistohavetheentireterracefilledtothebrimwithallkindsofflowersandplantsthatpassers-by willbeabletolookupandseethebeautificationofmytinygarden
Igritmyteeth and punch thesteering wheeloverand overtoletoutthepentupemotionsinsideofme,turning them fromhurttoangerasIrememberthatnight.
The bass floods throughout my entire body, the drinks are flowing, people are dancing and sweating.
I drink the last of my red cup and part through the crowd to get to the kitchen for a refill. People are crowded around a table playing beer pong, some are chatting away, some are tongue-deep into each other. Either way, everyone is busy meaning I have free reign of the selection.
Whiskey? Nah.
Vodka? Nah.
Absinthe? Bingo.
Anything to drown out the misery of my life, the memories, the warfare and death. I fill the cup halfway and top the rest of it up with lemonade, but turn my nose up at the unbranded version.
“Devon! Are you on drinks duty?” Kai raises his cup at me, shouting to be heard over the thumping of the music.
“Like hell I am. ” I raise my cup back at him and take a drink, walking off with satisfaction. I’ve came to this deadbeat party to enjoy myself, not to work a shift in the kitchen If I’m honest, no idea whose birthday it is All I heard was it was free alcohol and some big-name DJ was playing, so I came straight here after landing from New York
I rejoin the crowd, taking another sip and wincing at the disgusting taste of it, but I can’t tell if it’s the absinthe or the lemonade Probably the lemonade
The crowd in the huge living room bounces along to the beat and my head buzzes with delight, the music filling all of the empty holes inside of me, eradicating the missing pieces. I bob to the beat, drinking the last of the cup. Whoa. I’m pretty drunk now.
Downside of drinking a lot? It takes you a lot more alcohol to get drunk, maybe from now on I just have to drink this stuff, it seems to be the only thing that works. I feel a light hand brush mine and I turn, my eyes taking a few seconds to focus on the short blonde in front of me.
“Hey baby,” she purrs. I smile down at her, not sure if I’m even making eye contact to be honest.
“Have we met before?” she asks in her high pitch whiny voice.
“Nah, I think I’d remember that pretty face anywhere,” I slur, internally rolling my eyes. It works every time.
“Oh stop.” She bats my chest and giggles. Bore.
“You are like, drop dead gorgeous baby.” She rubs her hand up and down my arm. If that’s her way of trying to impress me, I am not impressed. I say better things to myself staring in the mirror.
“Thank you sweet.” I lean down and peck her cheek, but she grips my face and pulls me onto her lips. Eager.
I kiss her for a while as she fists my shirt, moaning into my mouth. I pull away, the alcohol causing my head to spin a little.
“Let’s take this upstairs.” She grabs my hand and I find myself following after her, her heels strutting in front. It’s only now that I even notice she’s wearing barely anything, a tiny mini skirt and something that resembles a bra.
She pulls me up the stairs and pushes open a door, leading us inside. She closes the door and the room is virtually black, the sound from downstairs sucked away and the only evidence of it is the bass beneath our feet.
I stumble back as she practically jumps me, my head hits off what I assume to be the wall, as she tries to part my lips with her tongue. I haven’t even had chance to catch my breath and she’s pulling at the belt on my jeans.
“Oh baby, you feel so big, you ’ re so hard for me, ” she moans. I’m pretty sure I’m flaccid. The only thing I feel right now is absolutely mortal If I could see, the room would be spinning
The room lights up and I realize my phone has fallen out of my pocket from the actions of this horny bitch that’s currently on her knees in front of me
I squint my eyes and can make out what I think, is Bella’s name I sigh, not tonight Bells, I’m trying to enjoy myself I don’t know how much longer I can deal with her antics if I’m honest
I’m sucked away from my thoughts by the wet, warmth of her mouth.
“Ohh.” I breathe. Do I even know what’s going on? Whatever she’s doing, feels okay. I think I’m slightly paralyzed from the waist down, this poor girl is giving it all she’s got and the least I could do is get hard for her.
The phone lights up again, igniting the room. Bella, kindly fuck off. I shut my eyes and concentrate on some kind of porn I’d watched recently. I think as hard as I can, come on Devon. Let yourself feel something. For fucks sake, why is it not working?
I let out a breath and grab onto her hair, forcing myself deeper into her mouth. The hair in my hands makes me think of her, of Bella. I visualize Bella on her knees in front of me, her pretty blue eyes looking up at me, filled with tears as she takes me further than she thought possible.
There he is.
I thrust in and out of her mouth, the lack of female touch I’ve had begins to explode around my body, lifting me to the clouds above as I keep picturing her sweet face in front of me. My balls tighten and I pick up my pace, chasing the release.
“Fuck, Bella,” I moan as I spurt into her mouth, and she quickly pulls away.
“Bella? Who the fuck is Bella? My name is Chloe” She spits, rising up onto her feet
I’m still dazed from my orgasm as she throws something at me and I think she says something along the lines of ‘ you ’ re an asshole’ and she disappears Where did she go?
I tuck myself back into my boxers and feel my head swim, overwhelming me Fuck, I need to sleep or I’m going to throw up I shakily walk over to the bed on the other side of the room and dive into it, not caring where I am or whose bed this is. I tuck the pillow underneath me and fall asleep, her face still plaguing my mind. Fucking Bella.
The sun beams onto my face and I try to cover it up with my hand, but it doesn’t work The sound of my phone vibrating in the distance draws me back to reality, too much alcohol, some random chick and passing out An event I’m all too familiar with I peel myself out of the bed and sway slightly, the after-effects of absinthe still very much with me I spot my phone near to the closed door and pick it up The phone stops vibrating the second I pick it up, typical I swipe down the notifications and see that I have numerous missed calls from Bella and a voicemail, then multiple calls from Tommy and my mom I dial my mom back.
“Hey mom, sorry I had a bit of a wild–” “Devon,” she sniffles.
“Mom? What’s wrong?” I begin to panic, my mother never sheds a tear, let alone cries.
“I’m so sorry, I am so so sorry, ” she cries, my heart beginning to clench.
“Sorry for what, Mom? You’re not making any sense. ” I grip my phone tighter as my mind begins to race.
“It’s Bella.” My heart sinks.
“Which hospital is she at mom? I’ll be right there.” My mind instantly clears up and I think of the missed calls last night. If I’d have known she was in such a bad place again, of course I would have picked up, I’m such an idiot. Bella has struggled for years now with depression, she’s taken numerous overdoses and luckily, each time she’s failed because we managed to get her medical attention, fast.
“Mom?” I ask again, her silence beginning to grate me.
“She hung herself Devon.”
Her screams drown out as I drop the phone to my feet and sink to my knees as my heart completely breaks, shatters and explodes into thousands of pieces.
Iwearmy‘Co-Pilot’badgewithpride,asareminderofthehardworkit’stakenformetogettothispoint,tohavethe privilege to work for a company as prestigious as Titan. My hair is pulled back into a low, tight bun and I readjust my aviationcap,theembroidery ofthegold Titan logocontrasts with thenavy blueoftherestoftheuniform.I sportawhite shirt,navybluetieandmytwo-stripeepaulets.
That’s when I see him, the Captain He strides towards me, his cap held under his left arm and his double-breasted blazerpristine,thegoldbuttonsglowingunderthelighting Mybodybeginstoshake
Pulling my hand back, I rub it on my trousers, looking around to see if anyone else witnessed my embarrassment. Great,somyfirstdayisalreadyofftoabadstart.TheCaptainclearlyhasarocketstuckuphisass,butnothingisgoingto determefromclaiming whatis rightfully mine.Ideservetobeherejustas much as him,justbecausehehas moreflying hoursdoesnotmakehimtoohighofaranktoshakehisco-pilotshand.Whatever.
“GoodMorningMa’am,”themaleflightattendantnodstomeandreachesouttotakemybag. “Good Morning James,alovely morning itis.”I chirp,earning alargesmile fromhim,taking prideinthe factI don’t treat anyone as if they are lesser than, unlike some (grumpy Captain). It doesn’t cost anything to be polite, nice even. Clearly,somepeopleneedtotakealessoninthe‘commonmanners’department Enteringthecockpit,hesitswithhisheaddown,oneofthepre-flightnotebooksclaiminghisinterest “You’relate,”hegrits
Is he serious right now? I was waiting for him I got here before he did, wanting to make our introductions before flying Infact,hewastheonethatwaslate Idon’twanttogetoffonthewrongfooting,soIletitslide “Apologies,Captain.”Itakeaseatintheco-pilotseatandpickupmyownchecklist. “I’mRheabytheway,RheaJensen,”Itryagain,offeringoutmyhandtowardshim. “CaptainStark.”Hesaysfirmly,notlookingupfromhischecklist.
His head shiftbeside me,turning toface me I keepmy head down,intomy notebook Don’ttellme he’s one ofthose captainsthatdemandshebetheonlyonetospeakwithairtrafficcontrol,Iamjustasvitalacomponentinthisequationas heis Iwon’tallowhisegotogetinthewayofmyusualrole,IwillcarryoutmydutyasInormallywould,evenifitmeans earningafewdirtylooksfromtheguywithhisheadintheclouds
I roll my eyes “The Captain has ordered for the cabin to be closed off, commencing all cabin pressure checks” I reiteratetoHannahandshechuckles,I’msureshemustbeawareofCaptainStark’simpatience “NoproblemRhea,sealingallcabindoorsimmediately”
I lock my seatbelts in place and watch as the plane begins tomove backwards,away from the terminal The ground crewscurryaround,directingtheplanetowardsthecorrectrunway
CaptainStark stares straightahead and takes controloftheplane,theenginevolumeincreasing I assumed hewould takecontrolofthetake-off,butI’mgoingtoinsistonhimlettingmeland,it’sonlyfair WeremaininsilenceaswewaitforflightR349totakeoff,theirplanealreadyalignedandwaitingtogo “Starkhere,waitinginqueueofR349.”
“Speedattwo-eightykm/hrCaptain”Hebeginstopullup,thethunderingnoiseofthewheelsonthetarmacsuddenly ceases as the aircraft begins to power through the air I keep my eyes fixated on the panels in front of me, ensuring everythingisasitshouldbe
Heremainssatthere,staringstraightahead and Idon’tknowwhetherornottotryand breaktheiceagain.Itakethe moment to take in his appearance, his mysterious and dark features, his sharp jaw, his virtually black stubble that is trimmed toperfection.His hair is slightly wispy under his cap,itlooks like the kind ofhair thatonce it’s wet,itpulls up intolittlecurls.
“You’re the fill in for Locke, I don’t need to waste my time with getting to know temporary staff” His voice is completelyuninterestedinthisconversation
Wellhe’spersistent,I’llgivehimthat.Heknowsmynamebynow,Imeanitevensaysitonmybadge,heispurposely trying nottoacknowledge me for whatever reason.Unfortunately for him,and probably me,I’ve been assigned tobe his co-pilotforthefirstsixmonthsofmytraining,untilIgetmyofficialfifteen-hundredhoursofflyingundermybelt.Titan praisedhimasifhespewedgoldfromhismouth,butinsteaditturnsouttobeabuse.Apparently,heisoneofthebestpilots they’vegotsotheythoughtIcouldbetheirprodigy,learnfromthebestandhopefullybecomethebestalongsidehim.How thisisgoingtowork?That,I’mnotsureof.
I’mtryinghardnottotakeanyofthispersonally,Iknowsomepeoplecanjustbegrumpierthanothers.Maybehehada bad nightsleep,orabad day,somebad news orsomething?Eitherway,I’mheretostay,tolearnand thrive.I won’tleta littlebitofsourattitudedeterme,ifanyonecandothis,it’sme
“He’s fine,nothing Ican’thandle.Would you mind making meagreenteawhilstIpoptothebathroom,I’mseriously abouttoburst.”Ijigalittle,theneedbecomingunbearable.
“Oh, absolutely, you gotit!” She winks and turns away whilstI slip offinto the bathroom.I relieve myselfand flush, washingmyhandsafter.Igriptheedgesofthesinkandleanovertolookatmyselfinthemirror.
“Notjustany seeds,silly.They’re orchids,dendrobium tobe precise.They symbolize strength.I broughtthem as my good luck charm today,butnow you have them So,itcan be your good luck charm for the flight?” The lastofwhatmy words grow higher in pitch as my nerves begin totake over I don’tknow why I keeprambling somuch,it’s notlike he caresanyway
I almostwanttocounteractwith,“are you normally such a dick?”,but,I decide againstit.I need tomake this work for bothofoursake,evenifhewon’tadmitittohimself.
For the rest of the flight, we mostly sit in silence. The flight is only fairly short as it’s my first in a while. Titan also thoughtitwouldbebettertoputmeonafewshorterjourneystogettoknowtheprotocols,thecrewand him.
He throws his coffee in the trash and glances upatme,the sunlightbehind me beams down on his face,igniting his eyes.Undertheraysofthesun,hiseyeshaveturnedfromadeepbrowntoalighthazel,highlightingtheslightgreenflecks thatcan’tnormally be seen His eyes are framed with thick long lashes,his face slightly rough and crows feetaround his eyes Helooksaroundthirty,maybethirty-onebutIcan’tbesure
He offers his hand tothe steering controls.I nod my head and place the headsetback on my head,connecting
Dullesairtrafficcontrol.
“This is flight A4820 from ATL, we are beginning to descend, preparing for landing. We are forecast for landing at exactlyten-forty-three,canwereceiveconfirmationthattherunwaywillbeclear”Ispeak.
“This is Dulles air traffic controlcenter,flightA4820 is cleared for landing on runway three atten-forty-three.” The malevoiceresponds.
We decrease altitude gradually, the cruise control doing most of the work for us. We reduce the throttle and fully extendtheflaps,releasingthelandinggear.
TheplanefliesovertreesandhousesandIpreparetoinitiatethebrakesthesecondwetouchthetarmac Itouchdown andpullbackonthethrustreversers,therumbleoftheplaneisdeafeningasIkeepafirmgripofthesteeringcontrols We race down the runway,the speed decreasing rapidly As we pass the halfway pointI nearly have the plane down tofifty km/hr,mymostperfectlandingyet
“Heymom,yesI’mhome Nomom,I’msorryforworryingyou I’vehadbacktobackflightsalldaybutyes,I’msafe”I speakdownthephone,hertextshaveblownupmyphonesinceIgotbackfromNewYork It’s been a long day, Atlanta toWashington toNew York, and then back toAtlanta.Allaccompanied by some golden retrieverdressedinaco-pilotoutfit. Myheadhurts.
“I’ve had the news on allday! I was waiting toreceive the worstphone callofmy life,Devon,you normally keepme updated.”Hervoiceisfilledwithworryandconcern.
I suppose this is the lonely aspectofbeing a single guy,nothaving your partner being the one tokeepyour house,a home.Instead,it’smyshell,myshelter,withoutthemeaning.Ienterthishouse,sleepinthishouse,butnothingaboutitisa home.
I mean,Christ,the pictures on the wallare stillthe stock pictures offamilies I don’tknow.But,itoffers some sortof familiarity,despitethefactthey’restrangers.Icomehomeand seethesamefacesonthewalleachtime,offeringmetheir handtoguidemeandinvitemeinsideofthesewalls.AllIwantisregularity,ifthisismynormal,I’mhappy.
My magnificent Isabelle, my love, my reason for my existence, is no longer here. She’s six-feet under and no longer sharesthesamebreathwithme.Theoxygendoesnotkeepherbodyalive,sheis gone. NothingIcandonowchangesthat,nomatterhowhardItry.IwanttobeeverythingforherthatIwasn’t.Iwanttobe thecompassionate,lovingandsweet,themanshealwayssawinme.ThemanIcan’tseemtofind.
IloveyouIsabelle,I’velovedyousincewefirstplayedtogetheronourfrontlawnsandIstoleyourFrisbee,claimingit as my own.And our mothers, they were inseparable.Until, your mom faced the mostdifficultencounter of her life, her breastcancer.Ittruly,trulybrokeyou.Youwereneverthesame,youtriedsohardtocarryonwithouther,youwantedto provetoheryouhadmoretogive.
Thevisualofherfive-year-oldselffillsmymind,herinnocence,hersweetness,hercandor Untilitevaporatedbefore me
Shebecamesour,insufferable,indescribable.
“Isabelle.”Iwhisper,thetearsbeginningtopour.
It’s moments like this,I need my pathetic addiction.My only escape from reality,butthen allI need todois think of her,thinkofhowIputhersecondforthatonetimeonly.Anditcostmeher. Never,neveragain.
“Please Bella, Bella I need you. I can’t do this without you. ” My legs grow weak as my voice comes out as barely a whisper.
“Argh!”IcryoutasIsweepthedrainingboardfullofcleancrockery,Ican’tholditin,itneedstocomeout. I sink tothe floor,my head in my hands as I curlupintoa tightball.The crinkle ofsomething in my pocketjolts me awayfromthispit,fromtheself-destructivetendencies.Ireachintomypocketandpulloutthepacketoforchids. “Strength,you say?”Ihiss,tossing theseeds tothefloor Ishakemy head and cupmy arms around my legs as Iallow thepitytearstofall
I don’t even know how long I’ve laid here on this cold tile The pain in my chest, my veins and my brain, seem to subsidize any other kind of unpleasantry My brain is the only thing that keeps her alive, everyone else has moved on, forgottenperhaps ButIhaven’t,andIneverwill “ISABELLE!”Ishout,myvoicenowpracticallyinaudible “Bella,”Iwhisper,clutching ontomy shirtaround my heartas Icurluptighter,theimages ofherdivinesmileinvade mythoughts,lullingmetosleep.
We were neighbors growing up, our mom ’ s were best friends and eventually, we fell into the same We were inseparable, everything we did had to be together, we had each other’s backs completely Bella is – was only two weeks younger than me We celebrated every birthday in the week after my birthday and the week before hers, we had joint parties, matching presents and God, even matching clothes at one point The memory almost makes me smile, until I rememberwheneverythingchanged
Theirfamily was similartoours,nofatherinvolved and adoting motherthatwanted thebestlives fortheirchildren ButIhaveayoungerbrother,Tommywhereasshewasanonlychild.Ienteredthemilitaryandgainedmostofmyflying experiencethroughthem,IbecameanOfficer.ThatwasuntilIgotmedicallydischargedafterIhadbeenshotdownwhilst I was in Afghanistan,itseemed I was suffering with tell-tale signs ofPTSD.I feltlike a failure,feltlike I’d given upand wantedtocarryon.ItwasonlywhenIreturnedtonormallife,Irealizedhowwarpedmysenseofrealitywas.HowIwas crippled with anxiety and completely distraught over the fact people walked around defenseless. When you ’ ve seen the thingsIhad,itmademerealizejusthowbitterandeviltheworldcanbe,thehiddenpoisonamongus.
We couldn’t find anything at all and on our way out of the house, the phone rang. We didn’t answer but the voicemail playedaloud,itwasanursefromthelocalhospiceandwereaskingforacallback.Itwasthenwedecidedtoconfrontthem andeverythingfellapart,wefellapartandBellawascompletelyruined.
Noteventhreeweeks later,Sarah had passed away.Insomeways,welostBellathatday too.Shewas neverthesame, shewithdrewherselffromourfamily,shelostanysenseofhertrueselfand shewascompletelyclosed off.Wealltried to helpher,shestruggledwithaddictiontococaineandalcohol,mixingthetwoandhavingtoxicdosages.Wegotherclean,I paid for her rehab stays (multiple of) and she began therapy sessions to deal with her grief, to learn how to live again withouthercrutchonsubstances.
Shewas doing well,wehad hopeagain.Shewanted tobeinarelationshipwith me,towhich I told herI wasn’tgood enough for her, I couldn’t give her what she needed. I was freshly employed with Titan and had just earned my four stripes,Ijustsimply didn’thavethetimetothrustmyselfintoafully-fledged relationshipwith herwhenIknew shewas alreadyafragilegirl
One night,we had one ofour usualmovie nights atmy place,butsomething abouther was different I couldn’tputa fingeronituntilshesnuggledintome,andthenIcouldsmellit She’dbeendrinkingagain
Wegotintoahugefight,shewasthrowingthingsatmeandIcouldn’tunderstandwhyshewasself-sabotagingagain I begged and begged her to not give in, to not give up, she’d come so far I didn’t want her to fall back into her deep depression Itoldherhowmuchshemeanttome,howmuchithurtmetoseeherstrugglingandIwantedtobetherefor her.
“Smells amazing,as always mom.”I smile ather as she rushes around in her red plaid apron,her hair tucked upinto loosebun.Herhairisalmostfullywhitenow,herskinisleatheryandherownbodyisfrail.
She had me and my brother when she was in her thirties, with a man she presumed was the love of her life She’d waitedallthattimethinkingthatshewasdoingthesmartthing,shedidn’tgetknockedupasateenager Shestudiedhard atschool,graduatedandbecameajournalist,shetraveledandhadthebestmemories,untilshemetmyfather WilliamReynolds
He was a sorry excuse for a man, despite him being successful in some sort of business trade, I don’t really care to remember HeleftwhenIwasthreeandTommywasanewborn
“Areyou notgoing togoand say hello?”My momstops shoveling thegreenbeans and looks atmethrough heraging eyes.Inside,IwanttoscreamthatIwantnothingtodowithhim,butontheoutsideI’mnodding.
I walk around thesofaand takeaseatinthewornarmchair,it’s toocomfy toletgoof.OnceI’mseated I look overat himandnoticehe’sthinnerthanthelasttimeIseenhim,hisattentionstillfocusedelsewhere.
The tension between us swarms around the room and the air grows thin, my breath becoming slightly harsher to compensate.
I takeaseatand Tommy comes intothe dining room,taking aseatacross fromme He’s always been asmallerframe thanme,buthewastaller I’macomfortablesix-threeandheisatleastthreeinchestallerthanme
“Bless us our Lord,we are thankfulfor the food you have given us and the roofover our head We thank you for the family between us and all things good. Thank you my Lord, let’s eat.” She finishes and I give her hand a little squeeze, beforereleasingit.
The worst one was when she stole her clothes from her locker after she had been in the shower post gym-class. It wasn’twhatyouthought,it’snotlikeanythingaboutBella’sbodywasembarrassing,herbodywasfuckingincredibleandI swearAnniewasjustjealous.
I jumpupfrom the table and reach over,grabbing him by the scuffofhis collarand slamming his face down intothe middleofthetable.Momscreamsbesidemeandshoutsatustostop.
My plants are thriving, blossoming in the summer heat, they look beautiful My favorite at the minute is my peach coloredChrysanthemums Theycontrastwithmostoftheboldercolorsasthey’repastelandlighterincomparison
Oh shit That reminds me, I have my therapy session soon I finish watering the plants and throw on an over-sized jumperandsomeleggings,notbotheringtohaveashowerforthis
“You’ve got to be kidding me ” I wince and sigh, pressing the button for the elevator again and pressing my nose in differentplacestomakesureIhaven’tjustbrokenit
He displays an array ofbasketballmemorabilia in a cabinetbehind his desk,the windows are large giving the office immense amounts of lightand the carpetbetween us is fluffy. Fluffy enough thatI wantto lay in it, snuggle itand melt awayfromtheworld.
“Rhea?”Hehasstoppedwriting.
“Oh, um. Well, I’m just going to stay positive, you know? I don’t want to change myself to suit someone else. I am confidentinmyself,Idon’tneedtorelyonhisopinionofme.”Iemphasizemywordsandfeelthemslowlysinkingintome deeper.
“Exactly Rhea, be confident You know your own capabilities, don’t let anybody’s energy influence yours You are strongRhea Notweak Lookhowfaryou’vecome”HeoffersmeagrinandInod,blushingslightly Ezraisonlyslightlyolderthanme,andhe’salsoeasyontheeyes I’msuremostwomenwouldsaythattheirreasonfor choosing him would be for that reason alone, but I wanted someone younger Not for those reasons, but for the fact I thoughtthey were more understandable,easiertoconnectwith and aren’toblivious tomodern day struggles Sofar,I’ve beenprovenright.Ezrahasbeengreatandhe’stheonlytherapistI’vestayedwithforlongerthansixmonths,we’recoming uptwoyearssoon.
“That’s amazing Rhea,truly.You’ve managed toturn itaround and deflect,notletting itwin.You are winning Rhea, you ’ re flourishing rightbefore my eyes. ” He smirks knowing he’s justdescribed me like a flower,the calmness washing overme
We continue the rest of the session like this, opening up and talking through it all, figuring out how to balance everything
“Thank you Ezra,I’llbeback nextweek”Ismileathimand exithis office,feeling alotlighterthanwhenIwalked in there
Life is subjective,each person thatexists has theirown perception on it,differentexperiences and opposite lifestyles The most important thing I’ve learned is that life is subjective, which means I can make it entirely my own, it’s in my controlandIcandirectitexactlywhereIwantittogo.
I climb out and throw a fresh change of uniform on, struggling to find my balance as I hop into the skirt that is definitelytoosmallformenow.Imuchprefertowearmynavytrousersbutthistightmini-skirtisgoingtohavetodofor todaywithapairofnudetights.Isliponapairofsimpleblackheelsandgrabmycarkeysfromthecounter.
I have noovernightcase with me,I’m in a skirtthatis far tooshortfor me and as far as I’m aware,England is cold I practically shiver from the thoughtofme having tostepoffthis flight,knowing I have noother means ofclothing apart fromwhatIhaveonrightnow
I’m going to have to go straight into London and purchase something more suitable to wear, it’s going to look obnoxioustowalkaroundinmyuniforminthemiddleoftheday
Oh god,he didn’tsee them,did he?I bite my lipand reach for my blazer toputiton.I swing itover me and popmy armsinside,thecrinkleofsomethingdrawsmyattention.Perfecticebreaker.
I can’tbelieve this.I’m justgoing tohave togostraighttothe hotelroom and sleep,and hope thatwhen I wake I will haveenoughtimetofigureouttheclothingsituation.
