Clever Deceit (Sleeping With the Enemy Series #2) Lexy Timms Visit to download the full and correct content document: https://ebookmass.com/product/clever-deceit-sleeping-with-the-enemy-series-2-lexy-ti mms/
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CleverDeceit SleepingWiththeEnemy,Volume2 LexyTimms PublishedbyDarkShadowPublishing,2024
Thisisaworkoffiction.Similaritiestorealpeople,places,oreventsareentirelycoincidental.
Firstedition.February15,2024.
Copyright©2024LexyTimms
ISBN:979-8224668021
WrittenbyLexyTimms
@Copyright2024ByLexyTimms
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CleverDeceit
SleepingWiththeEnemySeriesBook#2
Copyright2023
ByLexyTimms
Coverby:BookCoverbyDesign
SleepingWiththeEnemy Book1–SharpLies
Book2–CleverDeceit
Book3–HonestNeglect
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CleverDeceitBlurb DECEPTIONISONEOFthequickestwaytogainlittlethingsandlosebigthings... WithTonyMcCarthyonhertail,everyoneinLily’slifeisatarget. Hermom,herdog,and,itseems,me Withmyhousenownothingbutashes,IhavetofacethefactthatI’mverymuchpart ofthisstorynow.AndI’mdeterminedtomakesureithasahappyending.
I’mfallingforLily,harderthanIwanttoadmit,andIknowit’sdangeroustogetinvolvedwithsomeonewithherpast ButI haveahistoryofmyown,andourconnectionisimpossibletodeny.Idon’tcarewhatittakestobringdowntheMcCarthy family.IfitmeansthewomanIloveissafe,that’sallIcareabout.
But...ImightbeclosertolosingherthanIthought.
SleepingWiththeEnemy FindLexyTimms: CleverDeceitBlurb
CHAPTER1
CHAPTER2
CHAPTER3
CHAPTER4
CHAPTER5
CHAPTER6
CHAPTER7
CHAPTER8
CHAPTER9
CHAPTER10
CHAPTER11
CHAPTER12
CHAPTER13
CHAPTER14
CHAPTER15
CHAPTER16
CHAPTER17
CHAPTER18
CHAPTER19 CHAPTER20 CHAPTER21 CHAPTER22
CHAPTER23 CHAPTER24 CHAPTER25
SleepingWiththeEnemy DeadAheadFREECOPY FindLexyTimms: FREEREADS? MorebyLexyTimms:
CHAPTER1 LILY “COMEON,MOM,”ITOLDmymother,slippinganarmaroundhershoulders.“Youneedtogetbackinside.There’snothing elsewecandohere.”
“Ijust...Ican’t....”shebegan.Shewastremblingasshestoodnexttome,watchingthelastoftheflamesdousedbeneaththe fireengine’shose.
Icouldn’tbelievethis IwasstandinginfrontofWarren’shouse,lookingatthewreckedremainsofhishome Howhadthis happened?WasItoblameforthis?IfeltlikeIwasgoingtothrowup.Itwassosurreal,likesomethingoutofanightmare, exceptthiswasn’toneIcouldwakeupfrom No,thiswasanightmareIwaswellandtrulytrappedin,andIdidn’tknowhowI wasgoingtoescapefromit.
Iguidedmymombackinsidethehouse,eventhoughitwasclearshewasn’treadytowalkawayfromthenightmareinfront ofusquiteyet.Iwishedshedidn’thavetoseethis,butIwassureTonyhadwantedtosendusamessage amessagewe couldn’tignore,onethatdrovehomehowmuchpowerhehadoverusandprovedhowfarhewaswillingtogotogetwhathe wanted
IsatMomdownonthecouchandheadedtothekitchen,whereWarrenwascomfortingSilver.Thedogwascurledupon thefloor,herwholebodyshaking,andIdroppeddownbesidehimtodomybesttomakeherfeelbetter
“Howisshe?”Iasked,thoughtheanswerwasobvious.
“Idon’tknow,”Warrenreplied,hisvoicetaut.Iwasn’tsurehowtospeaktohimaboutthis.Iwantedtoaskhimhowhe wasdoing,howhewasnavigatingthisnightmare,butitseemedliketooobviousananswertobotherhimwiththat Hewas wreckedbythis,ofcoursehewas.Howcouldithavebeenanythingelse?Ididn’tknowhowIwassupposedtomakeitright forhim,withhishomeinsmolderingashesnextdoor,butIwoulddowhateverittooktomakethathappen
“I’llmakeussometea,”Ioffered.Itwasn’tmuch,butitwastheonlythingIcouldthinkofrightnow.Ifilledthekettlewith water,andasIdidso,myeyesdriftedbacktothehousenextdoor Wheretherehadoncestoodabuilding,therewasnothing leftbuttheashesanddustandblackenedfurniturethatmadeupthelastofWarren’spossessions.Icouldn’tevenimaginehow hewasfeelingrightnow,havingtowatchhiswholelifetornawayfromhimlikethis,especiallyaftereverythinghehad alreadybeenthrough
“Let’sgocheckonDiane,girl,”hemurmuredtoSilver,andthetwoofthemheadedthroughtothelivingroom.Ifeltalump inmythroat Evenatatimelikethis,hewasstillfocusedonthepeoplearoundhim hewasstillwillingtodowhateverit tooktomakesuretheywereokay.Hehadbeenthroughhell,andIhadjustbroughtanotherdoseofittohisdoorstep,buthe wasactinglikehewasmoreworriedaboutmymotherthanhimself
Oncethekettlehadboiled,Imadeusallacupoftea withplentyofsugartotryandhelpwiththeshock thencarriedit outtothelivingroom,wheremymotherwasstaringoffintospace,herfaceaspaleasaghost.Shehadn’tlookedthisbadsince theaccident,andIwassurethiswouldputherbackinherrecoveryafewsteps Howcoulditnot?Shehadjustwitnesseda horrorthatmostpeoplewouldn’thavetofaceintheirentirelives.
Andithadallhappenedbecauseofme
Ipressedthewarmcupofteaintoherhand,andthefeelofitseemedtobringherbackdowntoEarthforamoment.She lookedupatme,hereyesdistantandhazy.
“Areyouokay?”sheaskedme.Inodded.
“We’reallokay,Mom,”Iassuredher.“Silver,Warren,me we'reallokay.”
“Thankgoodness,”shesighed,andsheliftedtheteatoherlips IhandedanothercuptoWarren,andthentookaseat oppositemymomsoIcouldkeepaneyeonher.Whentheadrenalineandshockworeoff,Iknewshewasgoingtocollapse withexhaustion,andIwantedtogethertobedasquicklyaspossible
“Youshouldreallygetsomerest,Diane,”Warrentoldher,hismindthesameplaceminewas.Sheshookherhead.
“Idon’tknowhowI’mgoingtobeabletosleepaftertonight,”shereplied,loweringhergazetotheground.“I...Ididn’t knowpeoplewerecapableofthingslikethis.Itjustdoesn’tfeelreal...”
Iknewexactlywhatshewastryingtosay,anditkilledmetohearherinsomuchpain.Shemusthaveknownwhohadbeen responsibleforthis,evenifshewasn’tsayingitoutloud Tony Tonyhadbeentheonetostartthatfire,whetherdirectlyor not,andhewasmakingsurewereceivedamessageloudandclearaboutwhatwasgoingonhere.Hewastheonecallingthe shots,andhewantedustoknowit
Wesatthereinsilence,onlyabletoheartheconversationofthefirefightersoutsideandthentheroaroftheengineasit tookoff.Betweenus,thequiethungheavily,noneofusknowingwhattosayorhowtoreact. Momfinishedhertea,andIgottomyfeet “Comeon,Mom,”Itoldheragain.“Let’sgetyoutobed.” Sheshookherhead “Idon’twanttosleep” “Youneedit,”Warrentoldhergently.“Silver,too.Shewon’tbeabletorestuntilheknowsyou’reokay.”
Momlookedatthedogforamoment,andhereyessoftened,asthoughshewastakingherintoaccount Shesmiled “Isupposeyou’reright,”sheagreed,andsherosefromthewheelchairtoherfeet,stretchingherarmsaboveherhead.I wentovertoherandcaughtherbythewaist,notwantinghertocollapsesosoonafterallofthis.Ididn’twanttohavetoget theemergencyservicesouthereagain,notafterwhathadjusthappened IcalledforSilverandledthetwoofthemupthestairstothebedroom.Shewasstillshaky,butIcouldfeelthewayher bodywasstartingtogiveout,thesheerstressandhorrormorethanshecouldhandlerightnow
Inherroom,IhelpedherintobedandpattedtheendofitsoSilvercouldjumpuptojoinher.IwasprettysureMom neededhertonightmorethansheneededMom,butsheprobablydidn’tseeitthatway “Areyougoingtobeokay?”sheaskedme,eyeswideasshelookedupatmeinthedark.
“OfcourseIwill,Mom,”Iassuredher.“Thefire’sout,and ” “Notjustthefire,”shecorrectedme “Imean everythingelse WithTony” Shedidherbestnottospeakhisnameifshecouldavoidit,butthewayithungintheairbetweenusnowmadethehairson thebackofmyneckstandonend Ididn’tknowwhattosaytoher IwishedIcouldtellherthat,yes,itwasallgoingtobeall right,shehadnothingatalltoworryabout,buthowcouldIsaythatandreallymeanit?Ihadnoideahowfarhewasgoingto takethings,andthethoughtofthatscaredtheshitoutofme.Iwouldneverhaveimaginedhewouldgothisfar,burningdown Warren’shouse,butIwassurethishadsomethingtodowithhim.
Ijusthadtofindawaytoproveit.
“Yes,Mom,”Ipromisedher,andshepulledmeintoasudden,tighthug grippingontomewithallhermight,likeshe neverwantedtoletmego.
“Youstaysafe,sweetheart,”shemurmuredtome,andIquicklyblinkedbacktearsbeforeshecouldspotthem
“Iwill,”Ibreathed,hopingshebelievedme.Icouldn’timaginehowhorrifyingthiswastoher.Ihadprotectedherfromas muchasIcould,butseeingherfacewithsomethinglikethis itwasbeyondwhatIcouldhaveimagined,andIhatedthatithad hadtohappenlikethis.
“Yougetsomesleep,”Itoldher,pullingbackandheadingforthedoor.ShereacheddowntopetSilver,andIpulledthe doorshutbehindme,leaningagainstittocatchmybreath
Icouldn’tstopthetearsfallingthen.Iknewtheywouldn’tdomeanygood,butIcouldn’tstopmyself.Iwantedtogoand findTonyrightnow,Iwantedtowringhisneckandtellhimthathewouldnevergetawaywithwhathehaddonetous,but whatgoodwouldithavedone?Hewasgettingawaywithit.Ateveryturn,hewaswinning,andIwasn’tsureiftherewas anythingIcoulddotochangethat.
Ipulledmyselftogether Warrenneededmenow,andthelastthingthatwouldhavebeenanygoodtohimwasifIcameout therebawlingmyeyesoutandneedinghissupport.Hewastheonewhohadlosthishome,afterall hewastheonewho neededallthehelphecouldget
Iinhaledadeep,shakybreath,wipedmyeyes,andheadeddownthestairs.Thiswasnotimeforcrying.
No,thiswastimeforaction
CHAPTER2 WARREN “AREYOUOKAY?”LILYaskedme,andImanagedtonod.Ofcourse,itwasatotallie.IfeltlikeIwasnevergoingtobe okayagainafterwhathadhappenedtonight.Itwastheearlyhoursofthemorningnow,andIcouldstillsmellthesmokeinthe air,thewayitclusteredaroundthehouseasthoughitwassqueezinginonus.
“Iwillbe,”Ireplied.ItwasthebestIcouldgiveherrightnow,andeventhatwasn’talot.Iwishedtherewassomething moreIcouldsay,somethingIcoulddotoassureherthatIwasgoingtobeallright,buttherewasnowayIcouldpullthatoff withmyhouseburneddownnextdoor.
“Youshouldgetsomerest,”Lilytoldmegently Ididn’tknowhowIcouldrest,whenIwassuretheonlythingIwouldbe thinkingofwasthewaymyhousehadbeenswallowedupinflames.
Butworsethanthat,Lilyhadalmostbeenhurt.IhadbeensodistractedbythefirethatIhadletitdrawmyattention,and Tonyhadgottenhishandsonher.Ishouldhavebeenthereforher,butIhadfailed,andIwasfuriouswithmyselfforlettinghim getthatclose.IfIhadn’tgottentothemintime,whoknewwhatmighthavehappened howitmighthaveended.Ishiveredat thethought
Sheslippedontomylapandrestedherheadagainstmyshoulder.Herbodywassoft,exhausted,allthetensiongoneafter thestressoftonight Howcoulditgetanyworse?Ihadnoidea ButIhadafeelingthatTonywasn’tgoingtoletusoffthat easily.
“You’regoingtostayhereforawhile,right?”sheaskedquietly.Iliftedmyheadtolookather.
“Youdon’tmind?”
“Warren,I’mtheonewhogotyouintoallofthis,”sheremindedme,raisinghereyebrowspointedly.“I’mnotgoingtokick yououtonthestreetafterwhathedidtoyou”
“Thatwouldbegreat,”Isighedwithrelief.Thatwasonelessthingformetothinkof,atleast.Istilldidn’tknowwhatI wasgoingtodo Iwouldhavetorebuildthehouseprettymuchfromscratch,andthethoughtofthatseemedtostretchout endlesslyinfrontofme.IfeltlikeIhadjustbeguntobuildmylifeupintosomethingIactuallywantedittobeagain,onlyfor thistocomealongandripmeapartoncemore.
Inuzzledintoherneck,inhalingthescentofherandtryingtoforgetaboutwhatwaswaitingformebeyondthefourwallsof thishouse.Evenafterwhathadhappened,Ifeltlikeshewasworthit shewaswortheverylittlebitofstrugglethatcamewith her,becauseshehadmademefeelaliveinawaynobodyhadinalongtime Itwasn’therfaultshehadthispastandthisex followingheraround.Itdidn’tmatter.Icouldhandlethat.
Ijustcouldn’thandlelosingher
“You’regoingtoneedhelpdoingthatplaceupagain,huh?”sheremarked. Inodded.“Ireallywill.”
“Well,I’mrighthere,”sheoffered “AndI’mprettygoodwithahammer” “Areyou?”Ichuckled.“Ican’treallypictureit.”
“Hey,Ilivedoutontheroadforalongtime,”sheprotested,smiling “Ihadtodealwithmyfairshareofbreakdownsover theyears.”
“Itakeitback,”Ireplied,holdingmyhandsup.
“AndI’mprettysureSilverwillworkfortreats,”shecontinued.Shewastryingtocheermeup,thinkingofmeevennow. “Yeah,IreckonIcouldbribeherintodoingsomeworkforme,”Iagreed,tryingtojokealongwithher.Ineededtogetout ofmyheadforawhile,evenifthatfeltimpossiblerightnow
“Comeon,”shetoldme,gettingtoherfeetandtakingmyhand.“Youneedtogetsomerest.”
“I’mfine,”Iprotested,butsheshookherhead
“Iinsist,”shereplied.“Idon’twantyousittinghereandbrooding.There’snotawholelotofroominmybed,butwe’ll justhavetomakedo.”
“Oh,IthinkIcanfindawaytomakethatwork,”Ireplied,andIgottomyfeetandfollowedherquietlyupthestairs,past Diane’sroom.Iglancedatthedoorandofferedasilentapologytotheolderwomanfordraggingherintothismess.Shewas alreadygoingthroughenoughwithherinjury,andthelastthingsheneededwassomeonelikemerollingupoutofnowhereand makingitallawholehellofalotmorecomplicated.
“Ifeellikeateenager,”shewhispered.“Sneakingboysintomyroomlateatnight...” “Youdidalotofthis?”Iasked,andshegrinnedandwrappedherarmsaroundme.
“Notuntilyou,”shemurmured,andsheshiftedintokissme Iputmyhandstoherwaist,drawingherinalittlecloser,and shepulledbackforamomentandleanedherheadagainstmine.
“I’msogladyou’reokay,”shetoldme,hervoicesuddenlyfullofsincerity Ismoothedmyhandoverherhead,soothing her,tryingtocalmher.
“I’mfine,”Ipromisedher “I’mjustsorryIcouldn’tkeepTonyawayfromyou”
“That’sokay,”shereplied,shakingherhead.“SometimesIdon’tthinkanythingwouldbeenoughtokeephimaway.” “Iwillbe,”Itoldher.“Hewon’tevergetthatclosetoyouagain,Ipromise.”
Sheclosedhereyesandpressedherforeheadtomine Ipulledhercloser,holdinghernear,silentlytellingherinanyway thatIcouldthatitwasgoingtobeallright.
“Weshouldgotobed,”shemurmured,andshesteppedawayfrommetoarrangethepillows Iwatchedher,noticingthat herhandsweretremblingassheworked,asshetriedtokeepherselffromgivingawaythefullextentofherfear. Islippedintobednexttoherwhenitwasdone,andsheimmediatelycurledintome “Sorryit’ssosmall,”sheapologized.
“Guesswe’rejustgoingtohavetocuddleupreallyclose,huh?”Isaid.Shesmiled. “Guessso,”sheagreed,andshereacheduptokissmeagain Ikissedherbacksoftly,andthenshelaidherheaddownon myshoulderandclosedhereyes.
Itdidn’ttakelongforherbreathingtostarttosmoothout,herbodybeginningtosettleintotherestIknewsheneededso badly.AndIknewIneededit,too,thoughitwouldn’tcomequiteaseasilytome. Icouldn’tgettheimageofhimoutofmymind thewayhehadgrabbedher,thesheerhatredinhiseyeswhenhehad lookedather.Ihadthoughtthiswasaboutpossession,butitwassomethingmore,too.Shewasawomanwhohadmanagedto escapehisadvances,andhewas angry. Reallyfuckingangry.Hewasn’tusedtowomengettingawayfromhim,andhewanted tosetanexampleinanywayhecould,usingLilyashisunfortunatesubject
Iclosedmyeyesandlistenedtoherbreathing,lettingitbegintosoothemetosleep.Therewassomuchtodealwithinthe morning,butfornow,itwasjustthetwoofus AndIdidn’twantitanyotherway.
CHAPTER3 LILY IWASHOT.LIKEROASTINGhot. Burning hot.AndIcouldn'tbreathe.Theairaroundmewasscorchinganddirty,like someonehadputahotpillowovermymouth.Apillowthatsmelledbad.
Onlyitwasn'tapillow;itwastheair.
Itwas smoke.
Ishotoutofbed,turnedmyfacetowardthedoorway,andsawthecause Smokewasbillowingintotheroom,denseand blackandpoisonous,andbeyondthat,Icouldhearthecracklingoftheflameseatingatthefloorsandwallsofthehouse. Flamesweredevouringthestaircasedowntothemainfloor andhadustrappeduphere
Flamesthatweregoingtokillus.
Panicked,IturnedbacktothebedandthemanIknewwassupposedtobeinthere,butwhenIthrewbackthecovers,intent ongettinghimupandmovingtowardthewindow,hewasn'tthere.Iwhirledaround,searchingtherestoftheroom,butallwas darkness.AndwhenIlookedtowardthebathroom,wonderingifmaybehewasinthere,Isawthatthelightswereoutandthe doorwasstandingopen
Thepanicincreasedtenfoldinmyheart,andIspunaround,lookingforWarren.Wherewashe?Hadhegonedownstairs afterIfellasleep,maybeforadrinkofwaterorsomething?Washetrappeddownthere,oralreadyoutofthehouse,waiting formetogetoutonmyown?
Irushedtowardthewindow,hearthammeringandlungsscreaming,andjerkeditopen.WhenIleanedout,thecoldairhit myfaceandcleanedmylungsofthefeelofheatandsmokeand
AndIjerkedandopenedmyeyesonacompletelydifferentscene.
Iwasn'tinWarren'sroom Iwasn'teveninhishouse Iwasinmyroominmymother'shouse,whereI'dgonetosleep earliertonight ormaybelastnight withthewindowopen.Abreezerolledinwiththemorningsunlight.Thatmusthavebeen whatI’dfeltonmyface
Ithadwokenmefromthenightmare.
Isighedandsaggedintothebed,glancingovertothebearspotwhereWarrenhadbeen.Besideme,onthebedstand,he’d leftascribblednotetosayheandmymomhadtakenSilveroutforawalk Ilaybackonthepillow,thenrealizedthatIdidn't wanttobeinbedanymoreandsatup.Ineededwater.Ineededtogetoutofthisroom.
Ithadbeenonehellofalongday,andI'dhavetocomebacktogotobed,nomatterwhatIdid,butforrightnow
Itwasn'tthefirsttimeI'dhadthisnightmare,unfortunately.I'dbeendreamingthesamethingeverynightsincethefire happened AndIalwayswokeupwiththesamethought:Itwasridiculoustodreamsuchathing We'dgottenoutofthathouse safely,withoutinjury,andIwasn'tsleepinginWarren'sbedroomagainanytimesoon.Thehousewasstillsomewhatintact,but thefiredamagewassoextensivethathe'dhadtomoveintoatraileronhispropertysoacontractorcouldcomerenovatethe house
Butweweresafe.
Thereweren'tanymorefireshappening
UnlessTonyMcCarthycameandsetanotherone andthatwasthepart,Ithought,thatscaredme.Thatwaswhatmy subconsciouswaswarningmeabout.
BecauseIhadnoideawhenTonywasgoingtoshowupinmylifeagain.Orwhathemightdotome orWarren whenhe did.Ishiveredinthemorninglight.
Allatonce,aknockonthefrontdoordrewmyattention,andIglancedaroundinapanic Whothehellwasthat?Wedidn’t haveanyoneduetocomearoundanytimesoon,andIdidn’twanttohavetodealwithanyunexpectedvisitors,notafterwhat hadjusthappened
Iheadeddownthestairstothedoorandpeeredthroughthepeephole.Ontheotherside,anoldermaninuniformstood, waitingformetoanswer.Ipulleditopencautiously,myhacklesstillverymuchup.
“Hello,”Igreetedtheman,narrowingmyeyes.Iwasjustdaringhimtomakeawrongmoverightnow,daringhimtoshow methathecouldn’tbetrusted.IwouldhavetakenanyexcuseIcouldtokickhimofftheproperty,makeitknownthathewasn’t welcomethere ButIsawakindnessinhiseyes,andItriedtopushthatthoughttothebackofmymind Ihadtorememberthat noteveryonewasheretotryandcatchmeout.NoteveryonewasonTony’spayroll. AsfarasIknew,anyway
“Sorrytodisturbyou,”themantoldme,nodding.“I’mRocco,thefirechief.”
“Oh,”Imurmured.Iextendedmyhandtohis.Thenightofthefirehadbeensuchacrazyblur,Ihadn’thadtimetotakein thefacesofanyofthepeoplewhohadhelpedus
“CanIcomein?”heasked.“I’dliketotalktoyouaboutwhatyousawthatnight.”
Ihesitated Ididn’twantanyoneinsidethehouse,buttheinformationIgavehimcouldhavehelpedcrackthiscase Ihad tosharewhatIknew,didn’tI?
“Sure,”Ireplied “I’llgetyouacoffee Justwaitinthelivingroom,it’srightoffthehall ” Iheadedbackthroughtothekitchen,mymindracing.Iwantedtotrustthisguy,andIwasprettysureIdid,butwhatifthere wassomethingmoretohimturningupherethanIknew?IwassuretheMcCarthyshadtheirfingersinplentyofpiesallover thecity,andthiscouldhavebeenanattempttogetmetospillwhatIknewsotheycoulduseitagainstme Yes,Imighthave beenparanoid,butdidn’tIhavereasonenoughtobe,aftereverythingthathadhappened?Ihadbeenthroughdamnhelland backindealingwithTony,andnowhehadmadeanattemptonthemanIwasfallingfor Iwouldn’thaveputanythingpasthim Iwouldhavebeenstupidto.
Imadethecoffeesandcarriedthembackthroughtothelivingroom,doingmybesttokeepmyfaceasneutralaspossible I didn’twanthimreadingmoreintomyexpressionthanIwaswillingtogiveaway,andIknewIhadtokeepmyselfasneutralas possible.Hell,ifIwasactingtooshady,hemightthinkIwastheonewhohadstartedthefire evenifIwouldneverina millionyearshavedoneanythingtohurtWarren
IhandedRoccohiscoffeeandsatoppositehim,eyeinghimforamoment.Iwasn’tsurewhatreadIwasgettingoffhim.My gutreactionhadbeenthatheseemedlikeaniceguy,butcouldItrustthat?Ididn’tknow Ididn’tknowiftherewasanyoneI couldtrust,outsideofWarrenandmymotherandSilver,whowerecurrentlyoutonawalktogether.
Idecidednottotellthemaboutthis.Theydidn’tneedthestressofsomeoneelsepokingaroundaftereverythingelsethat hadhappened.Bettertokeepthisprivateandmakeitsotheydidn’thavetoworryaboutwhatwasgoingonhere.Yeah,itmight nothavebeenthesmartestideatokeepthingsfromthem,butIdoubtedthiswasgoingtocometoanythinganyway.
“SocanIaskwhatyousawonthenightofthefire?”heasked MymindflashedbacktoTonygrabbingme,hishandson me,hisfacepressedupclosetomine hiseyesscrewedupwithanger,sheerhatredinhisvoiceashegloweredatme.I wasn’tsureIhadeverfeltsohatedbysomeoneinmyentirelife Itwasterrifying,butIstillshookmyhead
“Notmuch,”Ilied.“Itwasallsucharush,witheverythingthathappened.Ididn’treallytakeanyofitin.”
Henodded,butIcouldtellhewasannoyed hewashopingforalittlemoretoworkwiththanthat,andI’dgivenhimnext tonothing.Ishiftedinmyseat,hopinghewasn’tgoingtostartpressingformore.
“Andyoudidn’tseeanyoneatthescene?”heaskedme.Hewasn’tcallingitacrime maybebecausehedidn’twantto giveanythingawayandaffecttheinvestigation,maybebecausetheyweren’teveninvestigatingitasone Ishookmyhead again.
“Nobodywhostoodout,”Ireplied Icouldfeelmycheeksgettinghot Ihadneverbeenanygoodatlying,andIfeltas thoughhemusthavebeenabletoseerightthroughme.HowobviouswasImakingitthatIwaslyingthroughmydamnteeth, justhopinghedidn’tfigureitout?
“Okay,well,”Roccoremarked,pullingoutanotebookandjottingacoupleofthingsdown Istrainedtotryandgetalook atwhathewaswriting,butIcouldn’tseeit.
“Whatwe’reinterestedinisifthereisanyoneyoucanthinkofwhomighthavewantedtodothistoyou,”heexplained, loweringhisvoiceandleaningforwardslightly.“Isthereanyonewhofitsthatbillforyou?Anyoneatall?”
Thesincerityinhistonecaughtmeoff-guardforamoment Forthatsplitsecond,Ireallythoughtabouttellinghim everything.Ithoughtaboutlookinghimintheeyeandtellinghimwhathadreallyhappened.HowTonyhadbeentrackingme eversinceIcamebackintotownandhowIwassurehewoulddoworse.HowIdidn’tevenwanttothinkaboutwhatworse wouldlooklike,afterthewayhehadgoneafterWarren’shouse,buthewasn’tgivingmemuchofachoicebuttofaceuptoit
ButIbitmylip,holdingitback.No.Icouldn’tjustgotellingthattoanyone.ForallIknew,thisRoccoguywason Warren’spayroll,andhewassqueezinganyinformationhecouldoutofmeundertheveneerofactuallycaring Ishrugged
“IfIthinkofanyone,I’llletyouknow,”Ioffered.MyvoicesoundedartificialasIspoke,asthoughitwascomingoutof someoneelse
Hegrimaced.Itwaslikehecouldsensethathehadbeenonthebrinkofactuallygettingsomethingusefuloutofme,only formetopullbackatthelastinstantandhideitfromhim.Hetookalongdrinkofthecoffeeandgottohisfeet,reachinginto hispockettopulloutacardashedidso
“Ifanythingcomestomind,contactmeatthisnumber,”hetoldme,raisinghiseyebrowsatmepointedly.“Youthinkyou canhandlethat?”
Itookitfromhim,staringdownatthelettersinfrontofme Icouldn’ttakethemin,myeyestooblurrywithpanicand tears.
“Yes,”Iwhispered.Andwiththat,heheadedforthedoor,leavingmesittingthereandwonderingwhatthehellIshoulddo now.
Ijuststaredatthecardforawhile,fightingtheurgetopulloutmyphoneandcallhimrightthenandthere.Icouldhavetold himeverything.NoteveryonecouldbeworkingforTonyandhisfather,right?Therehadtobegoodpeopleleftinthistown, peoplewhoweren’tdoingeverythingtheycouldtocoverfortheircrimes HemighthavealreadyguessedthatTonywasthe causeofthefire,andthiswashiswayofgivingmeachancetoopenupaboutit.
IwassnappedoutofthereverieIwasinwhenIheardthefrontdooropenoncemore Istuffedthecarddownthesideof thearmchair,promisingmyselfIwouldcomebacktoitlaterwhenIfeltreadyto.Igrabbedthecoffeecuphehadbeendrinking outofandtosseditinthekitchensinksotherewouldbenoevidenceanyoneelsehadbeenhereatall Plasteringasmileonmy face,IsteppedouttogreetmymomandWarren.
Silvercamerunningovertome,nestlingherheadintomyhand,andIsmiledandpattedher.
“Youguyshaveagoodwalk?”Iasked Myvoicestillhadthatstrangetonetoit,andWarrenclockeditatonce “Yeah,itwasgreat,”hereplied.“Youokay?”
“I’mfine,”Iliedtohim,slidingmygazetothefloor MaybeIwouldtalktohimaboutthiswhenIwasfeelingalittlemore sureofwhereIstoodonit,butrightnow,Ijustwantedtoforgetithadeverhappened.Thememoryofthefirewasstilltoo freshinmymind,andIjustwantedtoleaveitbehindfortheevening Momwasstillalittleshaky,tryingtogetherfeetunder heragain,andIknewitwouldbeawhilebeforeshecouldreallybecomfortableinherownhomeoncemore.
“It’sgettingcoldoutthere,”Momremarked,rubbingherhandstogether.“Doyouwantmetomakeapotoftea?”
“Icandoit,”Irepliedonautopilot,noteventhinkingaboutitasIheadedthroughtothekitchentoputtogetherapot Warrenwasrightbehindme,acreaseinhisbrowandclearworryonhisface.
“Lily,iseverythingallright?”
“Yeah,it’sfine,”Ireplied,forcingabrightnesstomytone.“Ijustgotalittledistractedfromthewashingup,that’sall.” Hiseyesscannedthekitchenandlandedonthecoffeecupinthesink.
“Wassomeoneelsehere?”heasked.Itookadeepbreathandthenshookmyhead.Itwasn’tthatIwantedtolietohim,butI didn’tneedtohavehimaskingtoomanyquestions.Nothinghadhappened,anyway;Ihadn’tsharedanythingthatmighthave landedusintrouble,sotherewasnothingforhimtobeconcernedabout
“Nope,”Ireplied.“Youwantacupoftea?”
Iturnedmyattentiontothekettleandletoutalongbreath Andthoughtaboutthecardstuffeddownthesideofthearmchair andifitwasreallyfromanally,asithadseemed,orjustanothertrickourenemieswereplaying.
CHAPTER4 LILY “YOUDOINGOKAYINHERE?”
Warren'sarmsslippedaroundmywaist,andheleanedin,hislipsbrushingmyearandhisbreathhotonmyskin.
Ileanedbackagainsthimandbreathedout,lettingtheplateIwasholdingslipintothesinkofsoapywater.Damn,Iloved thefeelofhim.Ilovedthefactthathewashereinmyhouse mymother'shouse fordinnerandthatwe'dincludedherinour meal butthathe'dcomeinherewithouther,justtocheckandmakesurethatIwasokay Therewassomethingsowarm,so comfortingabouthissolidpresence,likehewasarockIcouldclingtoevenwhentherestofmylifefeltlikeitwasan uncontrolledstorm Ihadn'tsleptwellsincethenightofthefire,andthefatiguewasbuildingundermyskin,makingmefeel itchyandinsecure,butthemomentWarrenwaswithme... Well,itjustfeltright.Ifeltsafe.
Thatwasall.
“Betternow,”Itoldhimhonestly.“Betterwhenyou'rehere.” Heturnedmeandtookmysoapyhandsinhis,afrowncreasinghisbrowashelookeddeeplyintomyeyes “Stillhaving nightmares?”
“Everynight,”Iwhispered “Andit'snotthatbigadeal Imean,Iknowthey'rejustnightmares Iknowit'snotactually happening,butthatdoesn'tstopmefromfeelinglike...”
Ididn'tknowhowtofinishthatsentence.ItmademefeelasifIcouldn'tbreathe,asifnothingwasevergoingtobesafe again,andI'dspentmorethanonenightawakeinthedarknessandtryingtofindawaytodistractmyselfratherthangoingback tosleepandriskingthedreamagain.Which,ofcourse,justaddedtohowtiredIwas.
Whichmadeitallevenworse
Ihadn'ttoldhimanyofthat,though,andIwasn'tplanningto.Hewasalreadybeingsosweetandtakingcareofme wheneverhecould,butIdidn'twanthimdoingmorethanhehadtheenergyfor Afterall,hewasdealingwithalotofhisown shit.Hisfreakinghousehadbeensetonfirebythemanwhowasstalkingme,andthenwhenwe'dgottenoutofthehouse, miraculouslywholeandunburned,themanresponsiblefortheflameshadtriedtokidnapme.Warrenhadnoticedandcome runningafterusintimetosaveme,butithadcosthimyetanotherfightwithaMcCarthy
He'dbeeninvolvedinafewofthoseatthispoint,andIcouldn'tstopthinkingabouthowitwasmyfault.I'dpulledhiminto this Hishousehadbeenburnedbecauseofme He'dbeenflaggedbythecopsasatroublemakerbecauseofsomethinghe'd donefor me.AndforallIknew,theMcCarthymen Tonyandhisfather werenowhuntinghimaswell. Becausehe'ddefendedme
Iwasn'tgoingtoputanythingelseonhisshoulders.Hell,Iwantedtotakesomeofthethings off hisplateifhe'dletme.SoI hadn'ttoldhimthefullextentofthenightmaresorwhattheydidtomeinthemiddleofthenight.I'dsaidthatIwashavingbad dreamsandthatwasit,andImeanttokeepitthatway
Thethingwas,though,itwasgettingharderandhardertodealwithitonmyown.Iwassousedtobeingabletoleanon Warrenatthispointthathavingtodealwithsomeoneonmyown orkeepsecretsfromhim feltwrong
Whatthehellhadhappenedtothesassy,independentgirlwho'dspentyearsontheroadwithnoonebutherdogandher VWbustokeephercompany?
She'dgrownupanddecidedshewantedtostoplivingbyherself,Iknew.Andshe'dfoundamanshethoughtshewantedto settledownwith.
Aslongasthemenfromherpastwouldleavethemalonetodoit
IleanedagainstWarren,myforeheadonhis,andstaredintohiseyes.“Takemeawayfromhere,Warren.Toawarmbeach intheCaribbean Somewherethatwecanlieinthesunforhoursandhoursandnotthinkaboutanythingbutwhatwe'regoingto havetodrinkwithdinner.”
Hechuckledatthat.“Thatsoundsawfullygood.ArewegoingtobringSilverandyourmom,though?BecauseIdon'tthink wecanleaveeitherofthembehind.”
Igrinned,fallingintothefantasy.“Ofcourse.Andwhilewe'rethere,we'llfindmymomaboyfriendsoshe'snotalways pretendingnottobewatchinguswhenweholdhands Sheneedsamaninherlifeasidefromyou”
Thechuckleturnedintoalaugh,andWarren'sfacecreasedwithhappiness.“I'llsignthatbargain,ifitmeansmoretime alonewithyou”
Heleanedforwardandbrushedhislipsacrossmine,sendingheatfloodingthroughmyveins,andIpressedagainsthim, needingmoreofhiswarmth.Moreofthesolidsenseof
Aknockatthefrontdoorboomedthroughthehouse,andIjerkedback,heartsuddenlyracingforanentirelydifferent reason.WhenIlookedup,myeyeswideandmycheeksalreadyheatingwithanxiety,IfoundWarren'seyesonthedoortothe kitchen Andbeyondthat,thehallwaythatledtothefoyerandthefrontdoorthatsomeonewasnowbangingon “Stayhere,”hemuttered.
Partofmewantedtosayyes Tolethimgooutanddealwithwhoeverwasthere Tellthemwedidn'twantwhattheywere sellingandsendthemontheirway.Becausethelasttimesomeonehadbangedonthefrontdoorlikethat,ithadbeenTony McCarthy,herewiththreatsandangrywordsandfistsraisedinviolence.
TheotherpartofmewassickandtiredoflettingWarrenstandupformewhenIcouldstandupformyself “LikehellIwill,”Isaid.Isteppedforward,grabbedhishand,andhustledafterhimdownthehall.
Hecastoneglanceoverhisshoulderwhenwereachedthefoyer,hisfaceamixtureofaffectionandconcern,andIgave himoneswiftnod. Yes,Iansweredhimwordlessly.Iwasready.Ididn'tcarewhowasontheothersideofthedoor.Wewere goingtofacethemtogether Andtherewasstrengthinthat Strengthenoughtoblockanyonewhomeantusharm Warrengavemeanansweringnod,thensteppedforwardandjerkedthedooropen.
OnlythendidIrealizethattheknockinghadstoppedbeforewegotthere. Andwhoeverhadbeenknockinghadleftmeapresent Iglanceddownandcringedback,halfshockedandhalfdisgusted.Adeadsquirrelandabouquetofdeadroseslaytogether infrontofthedoor,aropebindingthemtogether Andattachedtotheropewasanotewithonesinglewordonit Myname.
“YOU'RESURETHISISthefirsttimethishashappened?”Warrenasked,kneelinginfrontofmeasIsatonthecouch.He slippedhisfingersovermyclenchedfistsandstartedworkingtogetmetorelax,onefingerandthenanotherworkingtheirway betweenmineandforcingmetoopenup.
“IthinkI'drememberifanyonehadleftdeadanimalsonmydoorstep,”Isaid,tryingtomakeitajoke.“It'snotexactly somethingyouforget”
Warren'snarrowedeyesandtightenedlipstoldmeIwasfailingatthewholejokingpart.“Thisisn'tajoke,Lily.” “Nokidding,”Isaid,stillstrivingforlightness
Hisglowerturnedevendarker,though,andIrealizedthatnowmightnotbethetimetopushhim. “Right,fine,I'mdonejoking.No,it'sneverhappenedbefore.”
Thefrownlightenedupabit.“Haveyouhadanyothersignthathe'saround?”
Ithoughtaboutthatforamoment,castingmymindbackovertheweekI'djusthad.Tonyhaddefinitelybeentherethenight ofthefire,butWarrenalreadyknewthat Whathedidn'tknowwasthatthere had beenoddthingshappeningeversincethen Thingsmovedaroundontheporch.Stacksoffirewoodknockedoverbehindthehouse.
ShoesthatI'dswornIleftbythebackdoorthatwerenowmissing Ihadn'tpaidthemmuchmind,though,becausethosesortsofthingshappened.IforgotthatI'dmovedsomething,andthe windwasoftenheavyenoughtoknockoverstacksoffirewood.
ButnowthatWarrenwasaskingme,Iwasstartingtoseetheminawholedifferentway.Imighthavemisplacedthose shoes,butsurelyIwouldhavefoundthembynow.Andhowwouldthingsmovetoanentirelydifferentlocationwithouthuman help?
Andwithoutmerememberinghavingmovedthem?
Mystomachfilledwithicewateratthethought HadTonyMcCarthybeenaroundmyhouseallweek,messingwiththings justtomesswithme,withoutmerealizingit?HadhebeenlookingthroughmywindowwhenIwasinmybedroom?Watching mymotherandmeeatdinner?
StandingbehindthebarnwhenIwentoutsidetoplaywithSilver,justbidinghistime?
WhenmyeyescamebackuptoWarren's,Icouldn'tkeepthethoughtshiddenfromhim,andhisfaceturnedseriousagain. “Howmanytimes?”heasked “Atleastfour,”Imurmured.“FourthatIknowof.” Warren'seyesshutforamoment,andwhentheyopenedupagain,theywerehotwithanger “Fourthatyouknowof And I'mguessingmorethatyouneverevensuspected.That'sit.I'mmovinginforgood.”
“What?”Igasped.HowhadwegonefromTonybeingaroundtoWarrenmovinginpermanently?Ithoughthewouldjustbe stayinguntilhegoteverythingtogetherwiththehouse Webarelyevenkneweachother!Andwehadn'tyettalkedaboutwhat wewere,orifwewereanything.Movinginseemedlike...
Anescalation,yes
Butitalsomademefeelimmediatelysafer.LikeIcouldhandleanythingifWarrenwasstandingbehindme,hishandonthe smallofmybackandhisstrengthbackingmeup.
“Movingin,long-term,”herepeated “Idon'twanttobeoverthereasleep,thinkingeverythingisokay,andthenwakeup andfindthatsomething'shappenedtoyou.Idon'twanttowakeuptoafireatyourhousebecauseTonythoughtnoonewasover heretowakeyoutwoup”Heputahandonmycheek,hiscaressbothhotandgentle “Ijustfoundyou,Lily I'mnotgoingtolet thatmantakeyouawayfromme.I'mnotgoingtolethimhurtyou.”
Somethinginsidememeltedatthewords,andIrecognizeditasthetensionI'dbeencarryingwithmeforthepastweek,the fearandfatigueandtheknowledgethateverythingcouldgosidewaysatanymoment,andthatImightnotbeabletohandleiton myown.Hewasright;evenifMomandIwokeupintimetocatchTonybeforehedidanything,thechancesofusbeingableto getintouchwithWarren,ifhewasanywhereotherthanhere,wereminimal
AndifTonydecidedtogetviolent,mymomandIwouldn'tbeenoughtostophim.
“You'ddothat?”Ibreathed
Hepressedakisstomyforeheadandslammedthedoorbehindhim,closingoutthedeadsquirrelandthehorribleroses, andtheexpanseoutsidethatwashidingTonyMcCarthy
“Inafuckingheartbeat,”hemurmured.“I'mnotlettinghimhaveyouback,Lily.I'mnotgivingyouup.”
Ileanedmycheekagainsthischestandwrappedmyarmsaroundhim,breathinginhisscentandlettingitsettleme. Warrenlivinghere WarrenstandingwithmewhenIfacedTonyMcCarthy Keepingmesafe.AndmekeepingWarrenfromhisloneliness.
Yeah,Ithought Icouldlivewiththat “Yes,”Iwhispered.
BecauseaslongasWarrenwashere,Ithought,wecouldfigureeverythingelseout.
CHAPTER5 LILY “HOWLONGDOYOUTHINKyou'llstay?”Iasked,as
Hestoopeddown,pickedupthenewclotheshehadgottenintown,andliftedaneyebrowinmydirection.“I'mnoteven movedinyetandyou'realreadytryingtogetridofme?”
“No!”Ispluttered.“Ijust...Imean...Thisisalljust...”
Hewalkedtomysideandplantedasweet,softkissonmycheek,thenmovedhislipstomyear “There'snopressure This doesn'tmeananythingaboutanything.It'smeputtingmyselfinapositiontotakecareofyou,andthat'sall.Don'toverthinkit, Lily”
Don'toverthinkit.
Easiersaidthandone.
Acoupleweeksago,I'dbeeninCalifornia,livingthelifeofanomadandgoingwhereverIpleased.JustmeandSilverand theemptyroadinfrontofus.Notiesexcepttothelovewebothhadofcarneasadafriesandagoodmilkshake.Noonetotake careof,noonetogohometo
Noonetothreatenus.
I'dmovedhomewhenmyauntcalledmetotellmemymotherhadbeeninacaraccidentandneededsomeonetowatch overher,andthemomentIsteppedfootbackinmyhometown,everythinghadchanged.I'dhadimmediatesuspicionsthatmy mother'scrashhadn'tbeenrandombuthadbeentheworkofthemenwho'ddrivenmeoutoftowninthefirstplace,andthat suspicionwasstrengthenedwhenthosemen myex,TonyMcCarthyandhisfather,Mark hadimmediatelystartedhaunting myfootsteps.I'dhadarun-inwithTonyalmostimmediately,andthenanother,andthenanother,andhadfoundoutthatheand hisfatheressentiallyownedthetown'spolicedepartment I'dweatheredarockthroughthewindshieldofmyvananda nighttimevisitfromTonyhimself,whenhethreatenedmeandmymotherifIdidn'tgivehimanotherchance.
AndIwouldhavelefttownagainjusttogetawayfromhim,ifithadn'tbeenforthefactthatI'dgonefromhavingnooneto careabouttohavingmultiplepeopletotakecareof.
Becausesomewhereinthemidstofallthedrama,I'dfoundWarren,andhe'dbecome... Really,reallyimportant
Whichwasacomplication,becauseIknewthatifIcaredabouthim,itmadehimatargetforTonyandhisfather,too. Sonowtherewerefourofus me,mymom,Silver,andWarren andwewereallintheMcCarthycrosshairs Allin danger,inonewayoranother,untilwefiguredouthowtomakeitstop.
Soyeah,IwaswonderinghowlongWarrenwasgoingtobestayingatthehouseIsharedwithmymom Iwasworried aboutmymotherandme,andoursafety...andIwasworriedaboutWarrenhimself.
“I'mnotoverthinkingit,”Itoldhimseriously.“I'mwonderinghowlongyou'regoingtoletmeprotectyou.”
Hescoffedandrolledhiseyes,tellingmeexactlywhathethoughtaboutthat Butasheturned,Isawthequirkofhismouth andtheslightflushacrosshischeeksthattoldmethathedidn'tminditasmuchashewantedmetothinkhedid. Infact,Iwaswillingtobetthatheactuallyliked theideaofsomeonelookingoutforhim Fromthelittlehe'dtoldme,he hadn'thadmuchinthewayofaffectionorprotectionwhenhewasakid,andIwasbettingthatmeimplyingIcaredenoughto wanttoprotecthimtowasdoingmoreforhisegothananythingelseeverhad.
Igrinnedatthethought,pickedupmyownstackofboxes,andtrailedafterhim,makingalistinmyheadofthethingswe stillneededtomove.
“ITHINKTHAT'SIT,”Isaid,lookingaroundthenewlycrowdedlivingroominmymother'shouse. Ithadn'tlookedlikethatmuchinthehouse Butnowthatitwashere,stackedupagainstallthethingsmymotheralready had...
Itwasgoingtobeacrowdedcoupleofweeks AndIwasgoingtoloveeverysecondofit. IslidmyhandintoWarren'sandlookedupathim.“Wanttounpacknowordoitlater?” “Later,”hesaidimmediately.“Rightnow,Iwantashower.Andthenanap.Thatwasalotofworkforthisoldman.” Isnortedwithlaughteratthat.“Oldisright.You'rewhat,forty-five?Fifty?”
HeturnedbeforeIcouldgetoutofthewayandsprangatme,hishandsalreadygoingtomyribsandticklingme mercilessly.“I'llshowyouold,younglady.”
Ishriekedandmadetorun,surprisedatthissuddenlyplayfulsideofhim,buthewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandheldme tight,hisfaceagainstmyneck,andIgrewsuddenlystill.Whatwasthis?Firsthe'dbeenlikealittlekid,allthreatsandtickle fights,andnowhewasholdingmelikeheneverplannedtoletmego
Asuddencoughfromtheotherendoftheroominterruptedthemoment,andwebothstraightenedandlookedtowardthe doorintothekitchen,wheremymotherwaswatchinguswithhereyebrowsraised
“Ifyoutwocouldtakeabreakfromyour lovefesttohelpmeoutside,thatwouldbegreat.”
“Outside?Whereareyougoing?Youknowyoucan'tdriveonyourown.”Mymother'sbodyhadbeenbrokeninseveral placeswhenshegotintothecrash,andshewasstillwheelchairbound Ifshethoughtshewasgoingtohopintohercarandgo foradrive,shehadanotherthingcoming.
NotthatIwouldhavecomplainedabouttimealonewithWarren
Shegavemeadeeplyjadedlook.“IknowIcan'tdrive,daughter.That'swhyyourauntiscomingtopickmeup.Ithought youtwomightlikesometimealonetounpack”
Herwordsheldaworldofunsaidcommentary,andIfeltmyselfblushingatthethoughtofwhatshethoughtweweregoing tobedoing.
Inherhouse
Withherknowledge.
“Mom,”Igroaned Canwenot ”
“Talkaboutit?”sheaskedbreezily.“I'drathernot.WhichiswhyI'mgoingout.Youtwoarewelcometotakemyroom, though.Warrenwouldneverfitintothattinybedinyourroom,andit'snotasthoughI'musingtheoneinmyroom.”
Istartedtoprotestbecausenowweweregoingtobesleepinginmymother'sbed,butbeforeIcouldsayanything,she'd motionedforWarrentowheelheroutofthehouse,andhewassteppingforwardandgettingbehindher.
AndthenIwaswatchinghimpushheroutofthehouse,myfingersalreadyitchingtograbhishandandtakehimupstairsto thebedroom.
Becauseaslongasmymotherwasn'tgoingtobehere
ASITTURNEDOUT,WEdidmoresleepingthananythingelse Westumbledupstairs,graspingateachotherandgigglingat theideathatweweregoingtobesleepinginmymother'sbedroom,andwhenwesawthebed,wefellintoitgratefully.Warren stretchedoutandsighedwithdeepappreciation.
“Yourmom'sbedissomuchnicerthanmine.”
Isnuggleddownnexttohimandlethimwraphisarmsaroundme.“Evennicerwithyouinit.”
“Mmm,”hesaid “TherearesomanythingsIwanttodowithyourightnow ButIthinkIwanttoclosemyeyesforalittle bitfirst.”
Iclosedmineaswell,lovingthefeelingofhischestunderneathmycheekandhisarmsaroundme “Tired?”Iasked “Exhausted.Ihaven'tbeensleepingwelleither.” “Whynot?”
Hisarmstightened.“BecauseIdidn'thaveyouwithme,andIliketohavemythingswhereIcanreachthem.Youdon't thinkImovedinjustforyoursake,didyou?”
Igrinned “Idid,actually Areyousayingyou'reactuallyhereforselfishreasons?” “Themostselfishreasonsintheworld.”
Andwedidn'tsayanythingelse Becausealthoughmyskinwasburningwithexcitementathowclosehewas,andmybody wasachingwiththeneedtofeelhiminsideme,rightnow,inthismoment,Iwascontenttosettleforthewarmthandsafetyof havinghimwithme.
Besides,ithadbeenanawfullylongtimesinceI'dsleptwell AndasIfeltmyselfdriftingoff,theworldaroundusgetting hazyanddistant.
Andtherewassomethingimportantinthatfact ButIwasn'tgoingtothinkaboutitrightnow.Iwasbusylettingsleepcomeforme,tuckedupagainstthemanIlovedand knowingthatnomatterwhathappened,we'dkeepeachothersafe
CHAPTER6 WARREN IWOKETOTHEGOLDENhour,andIdon'tonlymeanbecausethesunshinewasshiningthroughthewindow,deeplygolden andbeautifulinthelateafternoon.
Imeanitwas.Goldenandbeautifulandlateintheafternoon.Sotechnically,yes.
ButitwasalsothefactthatIwaswakingupwithLilyinmyarms,herfaceturnedintomychestandherbreathingslowand relaxed Shemovedabit,tryingtogetevenclosertome,andIwonderedifshe'dsomehowsensedthatIwasawakeand startingtothinkaboutgettingup.Shenuzzledintomyskinasifshecouldkeepmethereforever,andIclosedmyeyesand drankitin Lilyinmyarms,safeandsoundandhappy Thetwoofustogetherandstrongerthanwehadbeenbefore Bothofusstandingshouldertoshoulderagainstwhatever orwhoever mightcomeourway.
ItwassomethingI'dneverreallyexperiencedbefore.Sure,I'dbeeninthemilitarywiththemeninmycompany,andwe'd beenasloyaltoeachotherasanyhumanbeingscouldbe.We'dfoughttoothandnailtokeepeachothersafeandoutoftrouble, andI'dneverquestionedtheircommitmenttomegettingtokeepmylife.
Butthedeep,abidingaffectionIgotfromLilyandthedrivingneed almostanobsession thatIfelttokeephersafeand warm?
Yeah,thoseweretotallynewtome
Becauseakidwhogrewupwithoutafamily orwithafamilywhoflat-outcouldn'tbebotheredwithhimandtookevery opportunitytotellhimso didn'tgettohavethatconnectionwiththepeoplewhoshouldhavebeentakingcareofhim.He didn'tgettoknowthathismotherwouldalwaysbearoundifheneededherorthathehadsiblingswhowouldhavehisback whenthebulliesatschooltookexceptiontohim.Hedidn'thaveadadwhowouldsitdownwithhisfamilyattheendoftheday andteachthemhowtogooutthereintotheworldandsucceed
Hedidn'thavegrandparentswhohuggedhimandsnuckhimcandybehindhisparents'backs.
Hedidn'thaveanyonehugginghimatall
Hehadfistsandbloodandpainuntilhegotoldenoughtoknowhowtohidefromit,andthenuntilhegotbigenoughto fightback.Andthenhehadthatcountdownuntilhewaseighteen,whenheknewhewasgoingtobeabletogetawayfromitall andnever,everlookback
IhuggedLilyevenclosertome,tryingtomemorizethefeelofherinmyarms.Thewarmthofherskin,thefaintsmellof flowerscomingoffofher Thesensationofbeingallowedtoholdsomeonesocloseandtrytotakecareofthem andthe realizationthatshe'dtakecareofmetoo,ifIlether.
IfIlether
Thatwasthestickingpoint.I'dgrownupwithafamilywhodidn'tunderstandaffectionorcommitment,andthoughI'd knownenoughtorealizethatwasthewrongwaytobe,IalsoknewenoughtoknowthatithadaffectedthewayIlearnedto interactwithotherpeople I'dneverlearnedtrueaffectionorlove,andnomatterhowmuchIwantedtobeabletoexperience thosethings,IwassmartenoughtorealizethatImightnothavetherightpiecesinplacetodoit.
Imightliterallynothavethetrainingforlove
Foreithergivingorreceivingit.
SowhensomeonelikeLilywaslyinghere,allvulnerablesoftnessandopenaffection,Iwantedtotakeitallin.Wantedto drinkheruplikethebestcupofcocoaI'deverhad,takeherinmyhandsandputherinmypockettokeepherwithmeforthe restofmylife.
Ineverwantedtostopfeelingthesecurityandwarmthshegaveme
AndIdidn'tknowifI'dbeabletodoit.BecauseIwasn'tsureIwasgoodenoughatlovingtogiveherwhatshedeserved. AndjustasIhadthatthought whichwasn't,Ihoped,theconclusion IrealizedthattheproblemwithhavingLilysoclose tomewasthatherhairjustwouldn'tbehaveitself.Rightnow,forinstance,itwaslyingacrossmyfaceandmakingitsway rightupmynose.
ThemomentIhadthethought,mybodyreactedlikeithadjustbeenattacked.Itwitchedawayfromtheticklingsensation, dislodgingLilyintheprocess,andscootedsidewaysbeforeIcouldstopmyself.Lilycameawakeinamoment,allbigeyes andmessyhair,andjumpedupaswell,likeshethoughtsomethingwaswrong “Whathappened?”shegasped,lookingaround.“Whatisit?”
WhenIsawhertherelookingsopanicked,herhairstickingupandherfacecreasedfromsleeping,Istartedlaughing.I couldn'thelpit.Shelookedsoupset,andI'djumpedjustbecauseherhairhadtickledmyfacewhenIwasn'texpectingit. Itwasridiculous
Sheglaredatme.“Whyareyoulaughing?Isitme?WasIdroolingorsomething?”
Thismademelaughevenharder
Lily'sscowldeepened,andshepickeduponeofthepillows,holdingitthreateninglyinmydirection.“Areyoulaughingat me?BecauseIhaveapillowhereandI'mnotafraidtouseit”
“Notyou,”Iwheezed,droppingtothebed.“Laughingatmyself.”
“Why?”
“Itwas Itwasyourhair,”Igasped “IwaslyingherethinkingandsuddenlyyourhairtriedtocrawlupmynoseandI jerkedand and ”
Icouldn'tfinish ThecombinationoftheaffectionandloveIfeltforher,alongwiththereliefofhavingsleptandthesafety ofhavingherwithme,wasreactingliketoomuchchampagneinmybelly.IfeltlighterthanIhadinyears,anditwasbubbling outofmeinlaughterthatwasdefinitelyunlikeanythingI'deverexperiencedbefore Lilywatchedmesuspiciouslyforamoment,thinking,nodoubt,thatI'dlostmymind.Andthenshecrackedasmile.And beforelong,shewaslaughingwithme,droppingontothebedandsnortingatmebeingfrightenedofherhairandhowitwasn't thatbadafteranap whichsentusbothoffagain,ourlaughterechoingthroughhermother'sroominthehousewhereInow lived.
LILYSHUTTHEREFRIGERATORdoorfirmly.“Well,there'snotmuchleftinthere.It'sbeenagessincewe'vegonetothe grocerystore”
Iglancedfromthepotsandpansonthestovebacktowardher,thinking.We'dbeenplanningtocookdinnerandhavea romanticeveningathome,butthatwasgoingtobehardwithoutgroceries
“Don'tworry,”shesaid,catchingmyglance.“I'llruntothemarketandgetsomething.I'llbebackinhalfanhour.”
Shewalkedtowardme,lookinglikehermindhadalreadyleftthehouse,butIstoppedher.“No,I'llgo.Idon'twantyou goingouttherealoneinthedark”
“Warren,thisismyhometown,”shescoffed.“IthinkIcanhandleit.Eveninthedark.”
“AndwhatareyougoingtodoifyourunintoTonyMcCarthy?”Iasked “DoIneedtoremindyouthatsomeoneleftadead squirrelonyourdoorsteptwodaysago?”
Shecaughtherlipinherteeth,andIwatchedassherememberednotonlythesquirrelbutalsothemanwethoughthadputit there.No,wedidn'thaveanyproofthatithadbeenTonyMcCarthy,butIalsodidn'tthinkeitherofusdoubtedit.Shedidn't haveanyotherenemiesintown,andnoonebutanenemy orapsychoticex-boyfriend-turned-stalker woulddosomething likethat Peopledidn'texactlykeepdeadsquirrelsintheirpocketssotheycouldleavethemasfriendlygiftsfortheneighbors “YouknowI'mright,”Isaidquietly,reachingouttotakethekeysfromher.
Sheheldthemback,though “IalsoknowthatI'mnotgoingtolethimscaremeintochangingmylife IknowI'mnotgoing tostoplivingjustbecausesomeassholehasasicksenseofhumor.I'mnotgoingtolethimwin,Warren.” Okay,therewasthat.
“It'seasytostayhomeandhide,butI'mnotgoingtoshowhimanyweakness,andI'mnotgivingintohisbullying,”she continued.“Idon'twanthimthinkinghescaredme.IwanthimthinkingthatIdon'tgiveasingledamnabouthim.”
Therewasalsothat
“Fine,”Isaid,givingin.“Butyou'retakingSilverwithyou.”
Thedogboundedintotheroomasifshe'dbeenwaitingtohearhername,andLilyleaneddownandscratchedherears “Whataboutit,girl?Youwanttogoforacarride?Evidentlyyou'rethepriceIhavetopaytoleavethehousealone.” Shelookedupandgavemeaquickgrin,lettingmeknowshewasn'tserious,butIdidn'treturnit.Shecouldjokeallshe wantedto hell,maybeshehadto,justtomakeherselffeelmoreconfidentaboutgoingoutthere butIdidn'tthinkthiswasa laughingmatter.I'dheardaboutwhatTonydidtoherwhentheyweretogether,andI'dseenthelonglooksthatpassedbetween LilyandhermomwhentheytalkedaboutthecaraccidentDianehadbeenin IknewthatMarkMcCarthyhadpaidLilytoget outoftownandtoldhernottocomeback.
Iknewthathe'dthreatenedherthatifshedid,she'dbesorry Itdidn'ttakemuchtoputitalltogethertoformacompletepicture:Tonywasanabusivemanwhohitthegirlshewas supposedtotakecareof,andhisfathernotonlycondonedit,butalsocoveredforhimwhenhegotcaught.They'dpaidofflaw enforcementandprobablyhadanarmyoflawyersattheirbeckandcalltogetthemoutoftrouble Theydidn'tbelievein obeyingthelaws,andtheysureashelldidn'tbelieveinlettingotherpeopleliveiftheydecidedtheydidn'tlikethem.
Bycominghometotakecareofhermother,Lilyhadplantedherselfrightintheircrosshairs,andasfarasIwasconcerned, thatwasaproblem.
